It Happened One Night
Script - Dialogue Transcript
Voila! Finally, the It Happened One Night
script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Frank Capra movie
starring Clark Gable and Claudette Colbert. This script is a transcript that was painstakingly
transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of It Happened One Night. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally
tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to
drop me a line. You won't
hurt my feelings. Honest.
How long has this been going on?
She hasn't had a thing yesterday or today.
- Sending meals up to her regularly?
- Yes, sir.
Why don't you jam it down her throat?
It's not that simple, Mr. Andrews.
I'll talk to her myself.
Have some food brought up to her.
I won't eat a thing
until you let me off this boat.
Come now, Ellie.
You know I'll have my way.
Not this time, you won't!
I'm already married to him.
You'll never live
under the same roof with him.
I'll see to it.
Get it through your head,
King Westley and I are married!
Definitely, legally, actually married!
It's over, it's finished.
There's not a thing you can do about it.
I'm over and so is he.
While you've been onboard...
...l've arranged to
have your marriage annulled.
Annulled. I'll have something to say
about that and so will King.
I expect him to.
The vittles. Come in.
I told you not to bring any food in here.
Now wait a minute. This isn't for you.
Put it down here.
Smart, aren't you? So subtle.
Strategy, my dear.
Was it strategy sending
those gorillas to drag me away...
...from the Justice of the Peace?
Your idea of strategy is to use a lead pipe.
I've won many arguments that way.
Besides not liking him,
you haven't got a thing against King.
- He's a fake.
- He's one of the best flyers in the country.
He's no good.
You married him because I said not to.
You're always telling me what not to do.
Because you've always been
a stubborn idiot.
I come from a long line of stubborn idiots.
Don't shout so.
You may work up an appetite.
I'll shout if I want to!
I'll scream if I want to!
All right, scream.
Let me off this boat or I'll break
every piece of furniture in here!
Have a nice piece of juicy steak.
You don't have to eat it.
Just smell it. It's a poem.
Lower the boats! Catch her!
Come on, men!
She got away, sir.
Of course, she's too smart for you.
Send a wireless
to the Lovington Detective Agency.
"Daughter escaped again.
airports and train stations in Miami."
Palm Beach, Savannah, Jacksonville...
...New York, Philadelphia.
We're wasting our time.
Imagine Ellie Andrews riding on a bus.
I told the old man it was bunk.
Ticket for New York, please.
- Here's your ticket.
- Thank you very much.
What's going on here?
I'd like to use that phone.
Go away. This is history in the making.
- There's a man biting a dog in there.
I can't stand this any longer.
In a pig's eye, you will.
Listen monkey face, when you fired me,
you fired the best news hound...
...your filthy scandal sheet ever had.
You wouldn't know a newspaper story
if it kicked you in the pants.
I got all your copy. Why didn't you tell me
you were gonna write it in Greek?
I'd start a new department.
That was free verse,
you gas house palooka.
What was free about it?
It cost this paper a gob of dough.
And it's not going to cost us any more!
Did you know he reversed the charge?
What? Why you...
When you get back to New York,
you keep far away from this office.
You're fired. You don't work here
anymore and you never will.
What'd he say?
So, you're changing your tune?
You're late with your apologies.
I wouldn't go back to work for you
if you begged me on your hands and knees!
I hope this'll be a lesson to you.
Did we tell that baby?
- We don't need anymore of his lip.
- You told him, Pete.
I guess he knows now,
how I feel about his job.
I bet he does, too.
Is my chariot ready?
Your chariot awaiteth withouteth,
- Lead on, sire.
- Make way for the king.
Make way for the king.
Long live the king.
Philadelphia, all aboard!
Step down Marty, King is back.
On the rack in the back.
It's your goodbye chariot.
Make hams of you and scram!
Two thousand miles is a long trip.
Make yourself comfortable
with a pleasant pillow.
Driver! If you'll be good enough
to move those newspapers, I'll have a seat.
Hey, wait a minute!
What do you think you're doing?
The papers. What's the idea of
throwing them out?
The papers? It's a long story, my friend.
I never did like the idea
of sitting on newspapers.
I did it once, and all the headlines
came off on my white pants.
It actually happened.
Nobody bought a paper that day.
They followed me all over town and read
the news off the seat of my pants.
A fresh guy. What you need is
a good sock on the nose.
you may not like my nose, but I do.
I always wear it out in the open so...
...if anybody wants to
take a sock at it, they can.
Now, that's a brilliant answer.
Why didn't I think of it?
Our conversation could have been over
If you keep that up,
we won't get anywhere.
You got me. Yeah!
Excuse me, lady.
But that upon which you sit is mine.
I beg your pardon?
I put up a stiff fight for that seat.
So, if it's just the same to you, scram.
Driver, are these seats reserved?
- No. First come, first serve.
- Thank you.
These seats accommodate two people,
Maybe they do, maybe they don't.
This is a "maybe they do."
If you'd ask me real nice,
I might put that bag up there for you.
Next time you drop in, bring your folks.
Get some! Come on, everybody!
Hot dogs, folks!
Rest station, minutes.
We'll only be here minutes.
Red hot coffee!
Right around there.
Get the red hot coffee! Hot dogs!
Can't enjoy the ride unless you eat!
He got away.
I found myself in the middle of brush
and no sign of the skunk.
I don't know what you're raving about,
- Furthermore, I'm not interested.
- Well of all the...
Maybe you'll be interested
to know your bag is gone.
My heavens! It's gone!
I knew you'd catch on eventually.
- What am I going to do now?
- Don't tell me your ticket was in it.
No, got that all right. But not my money.
All I have here is $ .
You can wire home
for money in Jacksonville.
No, I can't.
- Yes, I guess I will.
- I'll tell the driver about your bag.
Thank you, I'd rather you didn't.
Don't be a fool. You've lost your bag.
The company should pay for it.
- What's your name?
- I don't want it reported!
The company will take care of it.
Can you understand English?
Would you please keep out of my affairs?
I want to be left alone.
Why, you ungrateful brat.
Jacksonville, minutes for breakfast.
Only minutes for breakfast.
Just minutes. That's all. No more.
Read all about it!
I'm so sorry.
Silly, isn't it?
Why, everybody's gone!
Thank you for that, very much.
- We're in Jacksonville, aren't we?
That was foolish of me.
Why didn't you shove me away?
I hated to wake you up.
You look kind of pretty asleep.
How about some breakfast?
No thank you. No, I'm going
to the Windsor Hotel.
Windsor? You'll never make it in time.
We leave in a half an hour.
No, they'll wait for me.
Driver, I'm going to be a few minutes late.
Be sure to wait for me.
Where's the bus to New York?
It left about minutes ago.
But that's ridiculous. I was on that bus.
I told them to wait.
I'm sorry, miss, but it's gone.
Good morning. Remember me?
I'm the fellow you slept on last night.
Seems to me,
I've already thanked you for that.
What time's the next bus?
: ? That's hours.
Wouldn't the old meanies wait for you?
Why are you so excited?
You missed it, too.
Yeah, I missed it too.
Don't tell me you did it on my account.
I hope you haven't any idea
that what happened last night is...
you needn't concern yourself about me.
I can take care of myself.
You're doing a pretty sloppy job of it.
Here's your ticket.
I found it on the seat.
It must have fallen out of my purse.
You'll never get away with it,
- What are you talking about?
- You won't get away with it.
Your father will stop you before
you get halfway to New York.
You must have me confused
with someone else.
Quit kidding. It's all over the front page.
I've always been curious to know...
...what kind of a girl would marry
a front-page aviator like King Westley.
Take my advice. Grab the next bus back
to Miami. That guy's a phoney.
I didn't ask for your advice.
That's right. You didn't.
You're not going to notify my father,
You probably could get
some money out of him.
I never thought of that.
If you promise not to do it,
I'll pay you as much as he will.
You won't gain a thing by giving me up.
I'm willing to make it worth your while.
I've got to get to New York
without being stopped.
It's very important to me.
I'd pay you now, only...
...all I had when I jumped off
the yacht was a watch.
I had to pawn it to get these clothes.
I'll give you my address.
You can contact me in New York.
I had you pegged right from the jump.
Just the spoiled brat of a rich father.
The only way you get anything is to buy it.
You're in a jam and all you can think of is
your money. It never fails, does it?
Ever hear of the word "humility"?
No, you wouldn't.
It never occurred to you to say...
..."Please, Mister, I'm in trouble.
Will you help me?"
That'd bring you down off your high horse.
I'll tell you something to ease your mind.
You don't have to worry about me.
I'm not interested in your money
or your problem.
You, King Westley, your father.
You're all a lot of hooey to me.
You send telegrams here?
I'm just fine, thanks. And how are you?
"To Joe Gordon,
in care of New York Mail, New York.
"Am I laughing. The biggest scoop
of the year just dropped in my lap.
"I know where Ellen Andrews is."
No, do you really?
Go on. Send the telegram.
"How would you like to have the story?
You big tub of..."
"Tub of mush. Well, try and get it.
"What I said about never writing
another line for you still goes.
"Are you burning? Peter Warne."
That'll be $ . .
- Send it collect.
Bus leaving for Savannah, Charleston,
Columbia, Greensboro, Richmond...
Philadelphia, New York...
Hi, sister. All alone? My name's Shapeley.
May as well get acquainted, it's a long trip.
Especially for somebody like you.
You look like you've got class.
Yes, with a capital "K". I'm the guy
that knows class when he sees it.
Believe you me. Ask any of the boys.
They'll tell you.
Shapeley sure knows how to pick them.
Shapeley's the name
and that's the way I like them.
You made no mistake sitting next to me.
Most girls you meet on the bus...
...ain't nothing to write home
to the wife about.
You gotta be awful careful
who you hit it up with.
You can't be too particular, neither.
What's the matter, you ain't saying much?
Seems to me you're doing excellently
without any assistance.
That's pretty good. "Seems to me you're
doing excellently without any assistance."
Well shut my big, nasty mouth.
Looks like you're one up on me.
There's nothing I like better
than to meet a high-class mama...
...that can snap back at you.
The colder they are, the hotter they get.
That's what I always say.
When a cold mama gets hot,
boy how she sizzles.
Now you're just my type.
Believe me, sister,
I could go for you in a big way.
"Fun-on-the-side Shapeley," they call me.
With accent on the "fun". Believe you me.
Believe you me,
you bore me to distraction.
Looks like you're two up on me now.
- There's a seat over there for you.
- What's the idea?
I'd like to sit next to my wife,
if you don't mind.
- Your wife?
Yeah. Sure, excuse me.
You know, I was just...
Sure. Excuse me, miss.
I was just trying to make things pleasant.
Excuse me, I...
I didn't mean anything, Doc.
- No offence, Doc.
If you promise not to snap my head off,
I'd like to thank you.
Forget it. I didn't do it for you.
His voice gets on my nerves.
What'd you do all day?
Ran in and out of doorways.
Trying to keep out of the rain.
Your clothes are all wet.
You're as helpless as a baby.
Here you are, folks. Cigars, cigarettes,
chewing gum, candy, magazines.
- Yes, ma'am.
- A box of chocolates, please.
- Never mind. She doesn't want it.
- Of course, I do. What do you mean?
- Beat it.
Well, you've got your nerve. Here, boy!
$ . .
You had $ last night.
How will you get to New York at this rate?
That's none of your business.
You're on a budget from now on.
- Just a minute. You can't...
- Shut up.
- What's the matter, officer?
- Bridge washed out.
Looks like we can't get through
If any passengers want a place to sleep...
...you'll find an auto camp
up yonder a piece.
- Right over there. See those lights?
Dyke's Auto camp.
All right, thanks. Hey, brat.
Are you talking to me?
Yeah. Come on,
we're stopping here for the night.
Hey! Come on, we're all set.
Good evening. Hope you
and your husband rest comfortable.
Come on! What are you going to do,
stay out there all night?
Darn clever, these Armenians?
Yeah, it's a gift.
I just had the unpleasant sensation
of hearing you referred to as my husband.
Yeah. I forgot to tell you about that.
I registered as Mr. And Mrs.
What am I expected to do? Leap for joy?
I kind of half expected you to thank me.
Your ego is absolutely colossal.
Yeah, it's not bad. How's yours?
You know, compared to you,
my friend Shapeley's an amateur.
Just whatever gave you any idea
I'd stand for this?
Now wait a minute.
Let's get this straightened out right now.
If you're nursing any silly notion
that I'm interested in you, forget it.
You're just a headline to me.
You're not a newspaper man, are you?
Chalk up one for your side.
Now listen. You want to
get to King Westley, don't you?
All right, I'm here to help you.
What I want is your story.
Exclusive. A day-to-day account.
All about your mad fight to happiness.
I need that story.
Between you and me, I've got to have it.
Isn't that just too cute.
There's a brain behind that face of yours,
You've got everything nicely figured out
for yourself. Including this.
This? Well, that's a matter
of simple mathematics.
These cabins cost $ a night.
I'm very sorry to inform you, wifey dear...
...but the family purse won't stand
for our having separate establishment.
Thank you very much, sir.
You've been very kind.
It's all right with me.
Go on out in the storm.
But I'm going to follow you.
And if you get tough, I'll just have to turn
you over to your old man. Right now.
Savvy? That's my whole plot in a nutshell.
A simple story for simple people.
You behave yourself,
I'll see you get to King Westley.
I'll just have to spill the beans to Papa.
Now, which of these beds do you prefer?
This one? All right.
That, I suppose,
makes everything quite all right.
I like privacy when I retire.
Yes, I'm very delicate in that respect.
Prying eyes annoy me.
Behold the walls of Jericho.
Maybe not as thick as the ones
that Joshua blew down with his trumpet.
But a lot safer.
You see, I have no trumpet.
Now to show you
my heart's in the right place...
...l'll give you my best pair of pyjamas.
Do you mind joining the Israelites?
You don't want to join the Israelites?
All right. Perhaps you're interested
in how a man undresses.
There's a funny thing about that.
Quite a study in psychology.
No two men do it alike.
I once knew a man who kept his hat on
until he was completely undressed.
Now he made a picture.
Years later, his secret came out.
He wore a toupee.
I have a method all my own.
If you'll notice, the coat came first.
Then the tie. Then the shirt.
Now, according to Hoyle,
after that the pants should be next.
There's where I'm different.
I go for the shoes next.
First the right. Then the left.
After that, it's every man for himself.
Still with me, brat?
Don't be a sucker.
A good night's rest will do you
a lot of good.
Besides, you got nothing to worry about.
The walls of Jericho will protect you
from the big bad wolf.
"Who's afraid of the big bad wolf?
The big bad wolf
"The big bad wolf
"She's afraid of the big bad wolf
Tra, la, la, la, la"
Would you mind please,
putting out the light?
No, not at all.
I wish you'd take those things
off the walls of Jericho.
By the way, what's your name?
Who are you?
I'm the whippoorwill that cries in the night.
I'm the soft morning breeze
that caresses your lovely face.
You've got a name, haven't you?
Yeah, I got a name. Peter Warne.
I don't like it.
Don't let it bother you.
You're giving it back to me in the morning.
Pleased to meet you, Mr. Warne.
The pleasure is all mine, Mrs. Warne.
- Another message, sir.
- What is it? What is it?
It's from Charleston.
"Checking every northbound train.
"Also assigned operators
to watch main highways.
"No sign of her yet.
Will continue to do all possible.
"Signed, Lovington Detective Agency."
It's just the same as all the others.
- Yes, sir?
- I said I was in a hurry to get to New York.
- What are we crawling for?
- I got it wide open.
- All right, step on it.
- Yes, sir.
I hope she's all right.
All right? Of course, she's all right.
What could happen to her?
- Nothing, sir.
- Then shut up about it.
What's the matter, you not up yet?
- What time is it?
- : . Here.
It's a toothbrush, thanks.
My dress, you had it pressed.
Come on. Breakfast will be ready soon.
You sweet thing.
Where'd you get it pressed?
I'll count to .
If you're not out of bed by then...
...l'll drag you out myself.
- One, two, three, four, five...
- I really think you would!
I'm out! I'm out!
You'll find the showers
just behind the second cottage.
All the best homes have them outside.
I can't go out like this.
- Like what?
- Like this. I have no robe.
Here, use mine.
Make it snappy.
Wait, it's not my fault. You got the sleeve.
- Here are my puppets.
Where'd you say the showers were?
Here's a towel.
You're kind of little, aren't you?
Where's the shower?
Your hair's cute like that.
You should never comb it.
I'll find it myself.
Are the showers in there?
They ain't out here.
Can't a body have a little privacy
You want a shower around here,
you'll stand in line.
Hi, sister. You remember me, Shapeley?
Say, I'm sorry about last night.
Didn't know you was married to that guy.
You should've told me right off.
High time you got back.
I met some very interesting women
at the showers.
We got chatting about this and that.
You know how time flies.
Come on. Sit down.
My, my. Scrambled eggs.
Egg. One egg. One donut, black coffee.
That's your ration till lunch.
No. No complaints.
I'd have cream for your coffee,
but I'd be buying a whole pint.
You don't have to apologise to me.
You don't know how much
I appreciate all this.
What makes you so disgustingly
cheerful this morning?
Must be the spring.
I thought maybe "believe you me"
told you some more snappy stories.
No. He apologised for last night.
Said he didn't know we were married.
Just shows you how wrong a guy can be.
You think this whole business is silly?
Running away and all.
No. Makes too good a story.
Yes, you do.
You think I'm a fool and a spoiled brat.
Perhaps I am.
Although, I don't see how I can be.
Spoiled people are used to
having their way.
I never have. On the contrary.
I've always been told what to do and how
to do it and when and with whom.
Can you believe, this is the first time
I've ever been alone with a man?
It's a wonder I'm not panic-stricken.
You're doing all right.
Nurses, governesses, chaperones,
even bodyguards. It's been a lot of fun.
you can never get lonesome.
It has its moments. It's become a sort of
game, trying to outwit father's detectives.
I did once. Actually went shopping
without a bodyguard.
It was swell. I felt absolutely immoral.
It didn't last long,
they found me in a department store.
I was so mad, I ran out the back way
and jumped into the first car I saw.
Guess who was in it?
King Westley was in it.
- Is that how you met him?
We rode around all afternoon.
Father was frantic.
he was having all the rivers dragged.
Where'd you learn to dunk,
in finishing school?
Now don't you start telling me
I shouldn't dunk.
Of course you shouldn't.
You don't know how.
Dunking is an art. Don't let it soak so long.
A dip and sock, into your mouth.
You leave it in too long,
it gets soft and falls off.
It's all a matter of timing.
I'll write a book about it.
Just goes to show you. $ million,
and you don't know how to dunk.
I'd change places with
a plumber's daughter any day.
How do I know who you are?
I never saw you before.
You can't go around bothering my tenants.
There's no girl by that name here.
How do I know you're detectives?
Show him your credentials, Mac.
That's father at work. Peter, what'll I do?
Maybe I can jump out of the window.
They won't see me.
Get yourself all mussed up.
Get your hair down over your eyes
and undo your buttons.
I got a letter from Aunt Bella last week.
She said if we don't stop over
in Wilkes-Barre, she'll never forgive us.
What are you talking about?
The baby's due next month.
They want us to come.
She saw your sister on the street
the other day. Said she's looking swell.
I hope Aunt Bella has a boy, don't you?
Grandma says it's gonna be a girl.
She hasn't missed calling one in years.
Man here to see you, sweetheart.
Who, me? You wanna see me?
What's your name?
- Are you addressing me?
- Yeah. What's your name?
Wait a minute.
That's my wife you're talking to.
What do you mean coming here?
What do you want?
- We're looking for somebody.
- Fine, but don't come busting in here.
This isn't a public park.
I got news to take a sock at you.
- Take it easy.
- The men are detectives.
Even if they're the
whole police department...
...they can't bust in here,
questioning my wife.
Don't get so excited.
He asked you a simple question.
Is that so? How many times
have I told you not to butt in?
You don't have to lose your temper!
As usual. Every time I try to protect you.
At the elks dance,
when that big Swede hit on you.
He did not! I told you a million times.
He kept pawing you
all over the dance floor.
He didn't. You were drunk.
Nuts! Just like your old man.
Once a plumber's daughter,
always a plumber's daughter.
There ain't an ounce of
brains in your family.
Peter Warne, you've gone far enough!
- Shut up!
- You see what you've done?
Sorry, but you see,
we've gotta check up on everybody.
We're looking for a girl
named Ellen Andrews.
Daughter of that big Wall Street mogul.
Too bad you're not looking for
a plumber's daughter.
I told you they were a perfectly
nice married couple.
You weren't bad, jumping in like that.
- You've got a brain.
- You're not so bad, yourself.
We could start a two-people
Things get tough,
we'll play to small town auditoriums.
We'll call this one, "The Great Deception."
What about "Cinderella" or
a real hot love story?
No, too mushy.
I like mushy stuff.
Bus leaves in five minutes!
- Your bus leaves in five minutes.
Holy smoke, we're not even packed yet.
I'm starting to think
you couldn't find your way home.
This is the last session...
- Telegram for you.
- Bring it in.
- Another wire from Peter Warne.
Warne? Throw it in the wastebasket.
Wait a minute. What does it say?
"Have I got a story. Stop.
It's getting hotter and hotter. Stop.
"Hope you're the same."
- Lf you accept another one, you're fired.
- Yes, sir.
And that gives me an idea for all of you.
I want action, Lovington, action.
- We can't do the impossible.
- It isn't impossible.
She's somewhere between here and Miami.
I want her found.
- I put extra men on, the whole way.
- That's not enough.
Send in Clark and Brown.
- You sure she isn't with King Westley?
He's being trailed hours a day.
He can't even get a phone call
we don't know about.
I'm worried. After all,
something might have happened to her.
I don't think so.
Brown, arrange a radio broadcast.
Coast-to-coast hook up.
Offer a reward of...
...$ for information
on her whereabouts.
Clark, send the story
to all of the newspapers.
Some out-of-town papers
may not have a picture of her.
Wire this to them.
I want the story to break right away.
Now we'll get some action!
Fine, that's fine.
You know that one
about the man who flew on the trapeze?
"Once I was happy
but now I'm forlorn
"Like an old coat
that is tattered and torn
"Left in this wide world
to weep and to mourn
"Betrayed by a maid in her teens
"This maid that I loved
she was handsome
"And I tried all I knew how to please
"But I never could please her
one-quarter so well
"As the man on the flying trapeze
"He flies through the air
with the greatest of ease
"The daring young man
on the flying trapeze
"His actions are graceful,
all the girls he does please
"And my love he has stolen away"
I know the second verse there.
"Now he'd play with a miss
like a cat with a mouse
"His eyes would undress
every girl in the house
"Perhaps he is better described as a louse
And still people came just the same
"Now he smiles from the bar
on the people below
"And one night he smiled on my love
"She blew him a kiss
"And she hollered bravo
And he hung by his schnozzle from above
"He floats through the air
with the greatest of ease
"Daring young man on the flying trapeze
His actions are graceful
"All the girls he does please
And my love he has stolen away"
Do you mind if I take the third one?
"I wept and I whimpered
I simpered for weeks
"While she spent her time
with the circus' freaks
"The tears were like hailstones
that rolled down my cheeks
"Alas, Alack and Alaska
"I went to this fellow
the villain, and I said
"I'll see that you get your deserts
"His thumb to his nose
he put up with a sneer
"He sneered once again and said no
"He flies through the air
with the greatest of ease
"That daring young man
on the flying trapeze
"His actions are graceful
The girls he does please
"My love he has stolen away"
- Everybody keep your seats.
- Thank the man for me, Peter.
It's the first comfortable position
I've been in all night.
"She flies through the air
with the greatest of ease
"The daring young..."
What's the matter with you?
Something happened to her.
Look how pale she is.
Let's give her a chance to snap out of it.
Don't worry. She'll be all right.
We ain't ate nothing since yesterday.
What happened to your money?
Ma spent it all on the tickets.
We didn't know it was gonna be so much.
We shouldn't have come, I guess.
But Ma said there was a job
waiting for her in New York...
...and if we didn't go, she might lose it.
She'll be all right
when she's had something to eat.
The next time we come to,
you buy some food. Now come on.
I shouldn't ought to take this.
Ma'll get mad.
Don't tell her.
You don't want her to get sick again.
No, but you might need it.
I got millions.
- Come on, go back.
Better phone for some help.
Go phone if you want to.
The nearest town is miles away.
Like to take a look at my paper?
Travelling like this, you lose track
of what's going on in the world.
Take that story there, for instance.
If I was to see that dame,
you know what I'd do?
I'd go fifty-fifty with you.
Because I don't believe in hogging.
A bird that figures that way
always ends up behind the eight ball.
That's what I always say.
What's on your mind?
Five G's or I crab the works.
Let's get away from here
and talk this over privately.
I knew she wasn't your wife all the time.
Lucky thing, my running into you.
Just the man I need.
- You made no mistake, believe me.
- I can use a smart guy like you.
- When you're talking to old man Shapeley...
- Can you make a gat?
A gat. A rod.
- Got any fireworks on you?
I got a couple of machine guns
in my suitcase. I'll give you one of them.
May have trouble up north.
Have to shoot it out with the cops.
If you manage, those five G's
are as good as in the bag. Maybe more.
I'll talk to the Killer, he'll take care of you.
Yeah. The big boy. The boss of the outfit.
You're not kidnapping her, are you?
What else, stupid? You don't think
we're after that penny-ante reward?
$ ? Chicken feed.
Now listen, we're holding that dame
for a million smackers.
Say, I didn't know it was anything like this.
You see, I've got...
What's the matter? You getting yellow?
I'm a married man. I got a couple of kids.
I can't afford to get...
Pipe down your mug before I...
What are you trying to do,
tell the whole world about it?
Listen, you're into this thing
and you're staying in, get me?
You know too much.
I won't say anything, honest I won't.
How do I know that?
I got a notion to plug you.
- Why should I take a chance with you?
- Trust me, mister. I'll keep my mouth shut.
What's your name?
- Where do you live?
- Orange, New Jersey.
Got a couple of kids?
Yes, sir. Just babies.
A little golden-haired girl.
- You love them, don't you?
- Yes, I do.
You wouldn't. You're not thinking of...
- You keep your trap shut, all right?
- Lf you don't...
- I'll keep my trap shut. I will.
You ever hear of Bugs Dooley?
Bugs Dooley? No.
He was a nice guy, just like you.
And he made a big mistake one day.
Got a little too talkative.
- You know what happened to his kid?
I can't tell you. But when Bugs heard
about it he blew his brains out.
He had it coming to him.
He talked too much. I never talk.
I never say a word. Word of honour.
I wouldn't want anything
to happen to my kids.
Okay. Just remember that.
Now beat it.
Sure, mister. Thanks.
I always knew you guys were...
Come on, scram.
And stay away from that bus.
Sure. Anything you say.
- You wouldn't shoot me in the back?
- Lf you don't beat it...
Why do we have to leave the bus?
Come on. Don't ask so many questions.
Poor old Shapeley. You shouldn't have
frightened him like that.
At the rate he's going, he's probably
crossed two state lines by this time.
Why did we have to leave the bus?
When Shapeley stops running,
he's going to start thinking, isn't he?
I've been doing a little thinking myself.
The next town we come to,
you better wire your father.
What's the matter, are you weakening?
No. I was just thinking of you.
A starvation diet may not agree with you.
Did you give that child all your money?
I gave him nothing.
You were the big-hearted gal.
All the money I had was that ten spot.
So I've been thinking
you better wire your father.
No, sir. I started out for New York
and I'm going to get there...
...if I have to starve all the way.
What is this strange power
this man Westley has over you women?
Here, take these.
- Hold on to them. Get up on that log.
Get up on the log.
I wish you'd stop being playful.
So sorry. You know, this is the first time
in years I've ridden piggyback.
This isn't piggyback.
- Of course it is.
- You're crazy.
I remember distinctly my father
taking me for a piggyback ride.
- And he carried you like this?
Your father didn't know beans
about piggyback riding.
My uncle has four children.
I've seen them ride piggyback.
I'll bet there isn't a good
piggyback rider in your family.
I never knew a rich man
who could piggyback ride.
Show me a good piggy backer.
I'll show you a real human.
Take Abraham Lincoln for instance.
A natural born piggy backer.
Where do you get off with
that stuffed-shirt family of yours?
My father was a great piggy backer.
Here, hold this a minute.
How long does this keep up?
My feet are killing me.
This looks like the best spot.
We're not going to sleep out here, are we?
I don't know about you,
but I'm going to give a good imitation of it.
I'm awfully hungry.
It's just your imagination.
No it isn't.
I'm hungry and scared.
You can't be hungry
and scared both at the same time.
Well, I am.
If you're scared,
it scares the hunger out of you.
Not if you're more hungry than scared.
All right, you win. Let's forget about it.
I can't forget it. I'm still hungry.
Why did I ever get mixed up with you?
If I had any sense,
I'd be in New York by this time.
What about your story?
Taking a married woman
back to her husband.
I turned out to be the prize sucker.
All right, come on. Your bed's all ready.
I'll get my clothes all wrinkled.
- Then take them off.
All right, don't take them off.
Do what you please, but shut up about it.
You're becoming awfully
You just snap my head off
every time I open my mouth.
If being with me is so distasteful to you,
you can leave.
You can leave any time you see fit.
Nobody's holding you here.
I can get along.
- What's the matter?
- I was so scared!
What's got into you? I left for a minute
to find you something to eat.
I know but...
Here, eat your head off.
I don't want it now.
- I thought you said you were hungry.
- I was, but...
I was so scared, it scared the hunger...
Holy jumping catfish.
You drive a guy crazy.
It's liable to get chilly before morning.
Better use this.
What are you thinking about?
By a strange coincidence,
I was thinking of you.
I was just wondering what makes
dames like you so dizzy.
What did you say
we're supposed to be doing?
You've given me a very good example
of the hiking.
Where does the hitching come in?
It's a little early yet. No cars out.
If it's the same to you...
...l'm going to sit right here
and wait until they come.
You got a toothpick?
- What's the matter?
- I got hay in my teeth.
No, I haven't got a toothpick.
Here, I got a penknife, though.
Now hold still.
- Be careful.
- All right. Where is it?
All right, now hold still.
Here. Get it?
You should have swallowed that.
You won't have any breakfast, you know?
You needn't rub it in.
- What are you eating?
- Want one?
No. Why didn't you get me
something I could eat?
That's right, I forgot. The idea
of offering a raw carrot to an Andrews.
You don't think I'm going around
panhandling for you, do you?
Have one of these.
Best thing for you, carrots.
I hate the horrid things.
I wish you wouldn't talk so much.
Now we let a car get away.
And suppose nobody stops for us?
They'll stop all right. It's a matter
of knowing how to handle them.
And you're an expert I suppose.
Expert. And I'll write a book
about it. Call it "The Hitchhiker's Hail."
There's no end to your accomplishments,
- You think it's simple?
Well, it is simple.
It's all in that old thumb, see?
Some people do it like this. Or like this.
All wrong. Never get anywhere.
The poor things.
But that old thumb never fails.
It's all a matter of how you do it, though.
Now you take No. for instance.
That's a short jerky movement, like this.
That shows independence.
You don't care if they stop or not.
You got money.
- No. that's a little wider movement.
Smile goes with this one, like this.
That means you got a brand-new story
about the farmer's daughter.
You figured that out all by yourself?
That's nothing. No. that's a pip.
That's the pitiful one.
When you're broke and hungry,
everything looks black.
It's a long sweeping movement like this.
Gotta follow through, though.
But it's no good,
if you haven't got a long face to go with it.
Here comes a car.
Okay. Now watch me.
I'm gonna use No. .
Keep your eye on that thumb, baby,
and see what happens.
I still got my eye on the thumb.
Something must have gone wrong.
I'll try No. .
When you get to wake me up.
I don't think I'll write that book after all.
Think of all the fun you had, though.
You mind if I try?
Don't make me laugh.
You're such a smart aleck.
Nobody knows anything but you.
I'll stop a car and I won't use my thumb.
What are you gonna do?
It's a system all my own.
Aren't you going to give me a little credit?
I proved once and for all that
the limb is mightier than the thumb.
Why didn't you take off all your clothes?
You could have stopped cars.
I'll remember that when we need cars.
So, you're just married?
That's pretty good.
But if I was young, that's the way
I'd spend my honeymoon. Hitchhiking.
Yes, sir. "Hitchhiking down the highway
"Of love on a honeymoon
"Hitchhiking down the highway, down"
Aren't you afraid you'll burn out a tonsil?
Tonsil? Me? No.
Me burn a tonsil? "My tonsils won't burn"
All right, let it go.
How about a bite to eat?
- That would be lovely.
- No thanks, we're not hungry.
Young people in love are never hungry.
"Young people in love
"Are very seldom hungry
"People in love are very seldom hungry"
What were you going to do?
Gold dig that guy for a meal?
Sure, I was. No fooling, I'm hungry.
Eat a carrot.
I'm going in to ask him.
You do and I'll break your neck.
Come on, let's get out of here.
Stretch our legs.
That's all right.
Hey! Come here!
You've got my suitcase!
What happened to you? I was worried.
- Get in.
- Look at your face! You've got a cut!
Well, what happened?
A road thief. Picks people up,
runs off with their things. What a racket.
How'd you get the car?
I gave him a black eye for it
and had to tie him up to a tree.
Can't be much gas left in this thing.
Gotta start promoting some.
Better take the things out
of the pocket of that coat.
That'll be good for ten gallons.
I haven't changed my mind, Westley.
I want you to understand that.
I don't like you. Never have. Never will.
Now that's clear enough, isn't it?
You've made it evident
by your threats of annulment.
It hasn't worried me for a minute.
Ellie and I got married
because we love each other.
She's proving it. As far as I'm concerned,
there's going to be no annulment.
I see. You've got hold of a good thing
and you're going to hang on to it?
All right, you win.
I'll just have to get used to you.
I admit, I'm licked.
But it's only because I'm worried.
If I don't find her soon, I'll go crazy.
I could have helped if it hadn't been
for you. I've been watched so closely...
I know. Well, you can help now.
I've got a room full of reporters in there.
Now, I want you to make a statement.
Say that we've talked things over
and come to an understanding.
And that if she returns
I won't interfere with your marriage.
- All right?
- Yeah, that's quite all right.
I hope you and your wife
spend a pleasant week with us.
So do I. Thank you. Goodnight.
- All right, brat.
- Any luck?
Yeah. He finally agreed to let us
have a cabin.
What about the money?
I talked him out of that idea.
He thinks we're staying a week.
- I must think something up before morning.
- That's swell.
Yeah? I'm glad you think so.
If you ask me, I think it's foolish.
I told you there's no use in staying here.
We can make New York in three hours.
I thought you were in a hurry to get back.
Whoever heard of getting in
at : in the morning?
Everybody will be asleep.
Okay. Cottage no. .
There you go, trusting people again.
How many times did I tell you...
But he looked like a nice,
upright young fellow, Ma.
We're on the last lap.
you'll be in the arms of your husband.
You'll have a great story, won't you?
We certainly outsmarted your father.
I guess you ought to be happy.
Am I going to see you in New York?
I don't make it a policy
to run around with married women.
There's no harm in your coming to see us.
Won't I ever see you again?
What for? I've served my purpose!
I brought you back to King Westley.
That's what you wanted, wasn't it?
Have you ever been in love, Peter?
Haven't you ever thought about it at all?
It seems to me you could make
some girl wonderfully happy.
Sure, I've thought about it. Who hasn't?
If I could ever meet the right sort of girl.
Where are you gonna find her?
Somebody that's real.
Somebody that's alive.
They don't come that way anymore.
Have I ever thought about it?
I've even been sucker
enough to make plans.
I saw an island in the Pacific once.
Never been able to forget it.
That's where I'd like to take her.
She'd have to be the sort of a girl...
...who'd jump in the surf with me
and love it as much as I did.
Nights when you,
the moon and the water all become one.
You feel you're part
of something big and marvellous.
That's the only place to live.
The stars are so close overhead you feel
you could reach up and stir them around.
I've been thinking about it.
Boy, if I could ever find a girl
who was hungry for those things.
Take me with you, Peter.
Take me to your island.
I want to do all those things
you talked about.
You better go back to your bed.
I love you. Nothing else matters.
But we can run away.
Everything will take care of itself.
...I can't let you out of my life now.
I couldn't live without you.
You'd better go back to your bed.
Did you mean that? Would you really go?
All I'm asking is enough gas
to get me to New York.
That bag's worth $ .
I got a bag. I got one for Christmas...
Here's what I'll do.
I'll come back in the morning...
...and buy it back from you
with a $ profit.
- What do you say?
- I ain't got a hat.
- I ain't got a hat.
Well, you got one now.
Come on, fill her up.
Where you been all this time?
Everybody's been asking about you.
Get me one drink.
Nobody disturbs me for the next half hour.
- Don't. He'll shoot you on sight.
- Haven't been shot at in days.
- Get out of here! Get out!
- Now listen, Joe.
Don't "Joe" me.
All right, Joe. Listen.
You know I've always liked you.
Anytime I could help you,
ran across a good story...
...I came running to you with it.
I got one now.
The wires were on the level.
The biggest scoop ever.
- It's yours.
- About the Andrews kid?
I've got it all written up, ready to go.
All I want is a $ .
A $ ? Get out of here before...
Don't get sore. You gotta do this for me.
I need a $ and I need it quick.
I'm in a jam.
What's the $ for?
To tear down the walls of Jericho.
Never mind. If I told you that...
...Ellen Andrews will annul her marriage?
- She'll marry somebody else.
- You're drunk.
Would such a story
be worth $ to you?
- Lf it was on the level.
- I got it, Joe.
- Who's the guy she's gonna marry?
- I am.
Now I know you're drunk. I'm going home.
Don't annoy me anymore.
For heaven sakes!
Stop being an editor for a minute.
We know each other.
You ought to know when I'm serious.
This is on the level.
I met her on a bus from Miami.
I've been with her every minute.
I'm in love with her.
You gotta get me this money now, quick.
She's waiting for me outside Philadelphia.
I gotta get right back.
She doesn't even know I'm gone.
A guy can't propose to a gal
without a cent in the world, can he?
What a story. On her way
to join husband, Ellen Andrews...
Let me see that a minute.
I told you, you couldn't trust him.
The fella who was gonna stay a week.
He skipped and took the car with him, too.
We wouldn't have known till morning
if I hadn't took that magnesia.
Get up, don't lay there.
Let's do something about it.
There ain't nothing we can do if he's gone.
See that? They're gone.
Looks like it, don't it? What's this?
Ma! Here's the woman.
- What's the matter?
- Where's your husband?
- Yes, if he is your husband.
- Isn't he here?
- No, he ain't. The car's gone, too.
You got any money?
- Then you'll have to git!
Yeah. You'll have to git.
Please, may I use your phone?
I've got to call New York.
You ain't gonna stick me for no phone call.
Go to the sheriff's office, a quarter
mile down the road. They'll fix you up.
And listen, next time you better not come
back here. I run a respectable place.
- Thanks, you saved my life.
- Okay. So long kid and good luck.
Goodbye. You're beautiful.
All women are beautiful.
For my dough, he's still the best
newspaper man in the business.
Get Hank, quick. Boy, what a yarn.
Hold up the morning edition.
Break down the front page.
We'll have a new layout.
Send in a couple of rewrite men.
And Hank, listen. Don't do a thing.
I've got a story that'll make your hair curl.
Wait a minute. Don't annoy me, I'm busy.
Agnes, send Mike in here! Dig up
all the pictures on that Andrews kid.
And Hank, listen, get Haley out of bed.
I want a cartoon and I want it quick.
Westley's in it.
He's waiting at the church...
...with tears on his face.
The bride didn't show up.
Old Man Andrews is laughing his head off.
Snap into it. What is it?
Ellen Andrews? You're crazy.
I'm not. She phoned her father
from an auto camp asking him to come.
He's getting a police escort
and Westley's going along.
Yes, she's been travelling by bus.
When she found out her father
and Westley made up, she phoned.
Okay, grab a car and stay with them.
Get Hank again.
Agnes, get me a doctor,
I'm gonna have a nervous breakdown.
Hank, forget what I told you.
I'm having a nightmare.
Agnes, you call the police department.
Tell them to find Peter Warne.
Send out a general alarm.
I want that dirty crook pinched.
You want us?
Change the front page!
Ellen Andrews just phoned her father.
She's going home. She found
out Dad withdrew his objections.
She gave herself up.
Spread it all over the place!
Play it up big! Major league!
"Love Triumphant." Go on, hop to it.
Come on, baby.
We gotta get there before she wakes up.
Can't you drive any faster?
"Young people in love are never hungry"
Come on, baby. We've got a police escort.
Come on, baby.
They can't make a sucker out of us.
All right, come on.
Step back. Give them room.
Come on, step back.
How about a picture for the paper,
Wait till she gets home.
Later, boys. Later.
"He floats through the air
with the greatest of ease
"The daring young man
on the flying trapeze"
Get that thing out of the way!
Keep your britches on, we'll get it out.
Hey, you darn fool!
Ellen Andrews is going to marry
that Westley guy again.
Gordon's out back some place.
When he comes in, give him this.
Tell him I was just kidding.
- You can't get a thing done around here.
- Peter was just in.
- He left this money.
- He said he was just kidding.
- Where is he?
- There he goes.
- Hey, Pete!
Hello. I'm sorry, it was just a little gag.
I thought I'd have some fun with you.
Yeah, sure you had me going
for a little while, too.
- It wouldn't have made a bad story at that.
- No, great.
But that's the way things go.
You think you've got a great yarn...
...and then something comes along and
messes up the finish. And there you are.
Yeah. Where am I?
When you sober up,
come in and talk to me.
I knocked several times.
I'm sorry. I must have been daydreaming.
Creating quite a furore, too.
Great stunt King is going to pull.
Yeah, he's landing on the lawn
in an autogyro.
Yes, I heard.
Personally, I think it's silly, too.
You look lovely, child.
Are you pleased with the gown?
The gown. Yes, it's nice, isn't it?
What's the matter, child?
You haven't changed your mind
about King have you?
Because if you have, it isn't too late.
You know how I feel about him.
Well, you gave me such a scare
when I couldn't find you.
the old pump isn't what it used to be.
I'm sorry, Father. I wouldn't hurt you
for anything in the world. You know that.
What's the matter, child?
Aren't you happy?
I thought so.
I knew there was something on your mind.
What's the matter?
You haven't fallen in love
with someone else, have you?
I haven't seen you cry
since you were a baby.
This must be serious.
Where'd you meet him?
On the road.
Now don't tell me you've fallen in love
with a bus driver?
Who is he?
I don't know very much about him.
Except that I love him.
If it's as serious as all that,
we'll move heaven and earth to...
No, it's no use. He despises me.
Yes, he does.
He despises everything about me.
He says that I'm spoiled and selfish
and pampered and thoroughly insincere.
He doesn't think so much of you, either.
And he blames you for everything
that's wrong with me.
He says you raised me stupidly.
And now that's a fine man
to fall in love with.
What are we going to do about it?
Where is he?
- I don't know.
- I'd like to have a talk with him.
It wouldn't do any good.
I practically threw myself at him.
Under the circumstances, don't you think
we'd better call this thing off?
No, I'll go through with it.
But that's silly.
Seeing the way you feel about him.
No, it doesn't matter.
I don't want to stir up any more trouble.
I've done it all my life.
I've made your life miserable.
And mine, too.
I'm tired, father. I'm tired
of running around in circles.
He's right, that's what I've been doing
ever since I can remember.
I've got to settle down.
It doesn't matter how,
where, or with whom.
You've changed, Ellie.
I can't walk out on King now.
It would make us all look so ridiculous.
Anyway, what difference does it make?
I'll never see Peter again.
Is that his name?
Why, do you know him?
Father, you haven't heard from him,
- Don't be silly, of course.
- Please, what's that?
I guess that was his only interest in me,
- The reward.
- I'm sorry you read it.
- Are you going to see him?
- I suppose so.
Certainly. Pay him off. He's entitled to it.
He did an excellent job.
He kept me thoroughly entertained.
It's worth every penny he gets.
Thank you, Mary.
That's just what I needed.
Mr. Westley's on his way up.
Fine, have him come in.
I'll be going.
If it isn't the bridegroom himself.
You're just in time, King.
How are you, Ellie?
Happy? Why shouldn't I be happy?
Here we are, let's drink.
It's up to you now.
I want our life to be full of excitement.
We'll never let up, will we?
Never a dull moment.
We'll get on a merry-go-round
and never get off.
- Promise you'll never let me get off.
- Whatever you say, darling. It's a promise.
Why can't I see you at your office?
I'm leaving for Washington tonight.
I may be gone several weeks.
I thought, perhaps,
you'd like to get this thing settled.
Yeah. But I don't like the idea
of butting in on your jamboree.
Between you and me,
those things give me a stiff pain.
You don't have to see anybody.
You can come directly to my study.
No. Why do I wanna...
Hey, wait a minute.
Maybe I will come over. Yeah.
I'd like to get a load of
that three ring circus you're pulling.
I wanna see what love looks like
when it's triumphant.
I haven't had a good laugh in a week.
- Sit down.
I was surprised to get your note.
My daughter hadn't told me anything...
...about you. About your helping her.
That's typical of your daughter.
Takes those things for granted.
Why did she think
I lugged her from Miami?
She thinks you're entitled
to anything you can get.
She does? Isn't that sweet of her?
You don't, I suppose.
Well, I don't know. I'll have to see
on what you base your claim.
I presume you feel justified.
If I didn't, I wouldn't be here.
I got it all itemised.
"Cash outlay, $ . . Top coat, $ .
"Suitcase, $ . . Hat, $ .
"Three shirts, $ . . Total, $ . .
"All of the above items had
to be sold to buy gasoline."
And I sold some shorts and socks, too.
I'm throwing those in.
- Yes, I know.
- What's the matter? Isn't it cheap enough?
Trip like that'd cost you a $
Now, let me get this straight. You want
$ . in addition to the $ ?
Who said anything about a reward?
I'm afraid I'm a little bit confused.
All I want is $ . . If you give
me a check for it, I'll get out of this joint.
It gives me the jitters.
- You're a peculiar chap.
- We'll go into that some other time.
The average man would go
after the reward.
Did anybody ever make
a sucker out of you?
It's a matter of principle.
You probably wouldn't understand.
When anybody takes me for a buggy ride,
I don't like paying for the privilege.
Were you taken for a buggy ride?
Yes. With all the trimmings.
So how about the check, do I get it?
Here you are.
Do you mind if I ask you a question,
Do you love my daughter?
Any guy in love with your daughter
should be examined.
Now that's an evasion.
She picked herself a perfect running mate,
King Westley. The pill of the century.
She needs a guy that'd sock her once
a day whether it's coming to her or not.
If you were wiser,
you'd have done it yourself long ago.
Do you love her?
A normal man couldn't live
with her without going nutty.
She's my idea of nothing.
I asked you a simple question!
Do you love her?
Yes! Now don't hold that against me!
I'm a little screwy myself!
Here's to the merry-go-round.
Perfect. Now you look natural.
- I hope you got your money.
- You bet I did.
- Thanks. Same to you.
Stay around and watch the fun.
You'll enjoy it immensely.
I would, but I've got a weak stomach.
- I just had a long talk with him.
- I'm not interested.
Now just a minute, Ellie.
I don't want to hear
another word about him.
Come on, folks. King Westley has arrived.
Here they come, boys. Turn them over.
You're a sucker to go through with this.
That guy, Warne, is okay.
He didn't want the reward.
All he asked for was $ . .
It's what he spent on you.
Said it was a matter of principle.
You took him for a ride.
He loves you, Ellie. He told me so.
You don't want to be married
to a mug like Westley.
I can buy him off for a pot of gold.
And you can make an old man happy.
And you won't do so bad for yourself.
If you change your mind,
your car's waiting at the back gate.
Dearly beloved, we are gathered together
here in the sight of God...
...and in the face of this company,
to join together this man and this woman...
...in holy matrimony. If any man can show
just cause why they may not lawfully...
...be joined together, let him now speak
or else, hereafter forever, hold his peace.
King, will thou have this woman to thy
wedded wife so long as you both shall live?
Ellen, will thou have this man
to thy wedded husband...
...so long as you both shall live?
I haven't the slightest idea.
Don't want to talk to you.
Don't want to talk to anybody.
Don't want to see anybody.
But it's King Westley on the phone.
Hello, my would be ex-son-in-law.
I've sent you a check for $ .
That's the smartest thing you ever did,
Westley, not to contest that annulment.
That's satisfactory, isn't it? It ought to be.
I'm not complaining.
Not complaining. It was dirt-cheap.
Don't fall out of any windows!
There's another wire from Peter.
They're in Glen Falls, Michigan.
"What's holding up the annulment,
"The walls of Jericho are toppling."
Send him a telegram right away.
Just say, "Let them topple."
- Funny couple, ain't they?
If you ask me,
I don't believe they're married.
They're married, all right.
I just seen the license.
They made me get them a rope
and a blanket, on a night like this.
What do you reckon that's for?
Blamed if I know.
I just brought them a trumpet.
A toy. They sent me to the store to get it.
What in the world do they want
a trumpet for?