Italian Job Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Italian Job script is here for all you fans of the 1969 movie starring Michael Caine.  This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Italian Job. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

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Italian Job Script



(car engine)



(man) Questi giorni,

quando viene il bel sole



On days like these,

when skies are blue



And fields are green



I look around

and think about what might have been



And then I hear sweet music

float around my head



As I recall

the many things we left unsaid



It's on days like these

that I remember



Singing songs and drinking wine



While your eyes played games

with mine



On days like these

I wonder what became of you



Maybe today you're singing songs

with someone new



On days like these...

On days like these...



Questi giorni,

quando viene il bel sole



On days...



(tyres screech)



(door clangs)



- Cheerio, lads!

- Quiet, Croker! You're not out yet.



- Sorry, sir.

- Good luck, Charles.



Remember me to the old woman!



- I will, Harry, I will.

- Say hello to the big world.






Goodbye, Mr Bridger.



- He said, "Goodbye, Mr Bridger."

- Well, he's going.



As long as he doesn't come back.

That's all I care.



They say

he's going to do a job in Italy.



I hope he likes spaghetti.



They serve it four times a day

in Italian prisons.






Well, you're the last person

I expected to see, Lorna.



(American) Oh, Charlie,

I've been counting the days.



Yeah? Well, why didn't you come

and see me when I was inside?



Charlie, you know

that's not my scene.



Sitting holding your hands

across the table,



with those weeping wives around

with their howling kids,



the guards looking at me as if

something's hidden up my dress.



- I did miss you, Charlie.

- Yeah?



Erm... I, erm... made an appointment

for you to go to the tailor first.



Then on to the shirtmaker...



This car belongs

to the Pakistani ambassador.



- It does?

- Typical, isn't it?



Out of jail five minutes

and already I'm in a hot car.



I just wanted you

to come out in style, baby!



Take me to my tailor.



Very elegant, sir,

though you've put on a little weight.



Well, er... I've been in America.



- It's the bread in the hamburgers.

- Is that so?



Well, I'm glad you're out.

I mean, back.



I don't want to be rude, Charles,

but times have changed.



Adrian, when I went in

that was all the go.



What did you do? Life?



You know, you could put all these

in a museum.



I'll tell you what I'll do with you,




- I'll take this lot now.

- Revolting.



Eh? I'll take this lot now.

You wrap 'em up.



And will you shorten the sleeves,

love? I'm not a gorilla.






Yes! Well, there we are,

Captain Croker.



I think you'll find

we've kept it in perfect tone.



I'll run the engine for you,

shall I?



You'll be able to hear

what it sounds like.



- (revs)

- There, how's that?



- (posh accent) I say.

- Yes?



- I say.

- Hello?



There you are.

I thought I'd lost you!



No, I came round here.

Erm... I was just thinking,



maybe it needs a little more air

through the second carburettor.



- Oh, do you think so?

- Listen.



- Yes, maybe you're right. I'll...

- I'll do it. Just stay there.



Would you open the bonnet for me,

please? Thank you.



- I wonder if you'd hold this for me?

- The, er...?



- The bonnet.

- Of course.



Thank you.



- I didn't quite...

- Yes. There we are.



- You want me to...

- Hold. Thank you.



There we are.



- Now... Yes. I can, er...

- How are you doing?



I can see what's wrong.

It's very small.



No, I don't know. It's alright.

Leave it, leave it.



- Shall I...?

- Yes, you shut it and I'll lock it.



- Thank you.

- How are you doing?



- Long time since I was in here.

- I dare say! There we are.



I haven't been in this car

for so long.



Yes, I gather you've been in India

for two years, sir.



- Yes, shooting tigers.

- Really? Splendid.



(clears throat) The garage bill, sir.



- Yes?

- I'm afraid it's £   .



If you insist, we can charge it.



No. Please! There's a bounty

for shooting tigers.



- Well...

- Yes, it's £   a head.



- Really? There's no need to pay...

- These are bundles of    .



- There's no need to pay now.

- It's alright.



Yes, you must have

shot an awful lot of tigers, sir.



Yes, I used a machine gun.






(tannoy) Calling Mr R J Williams.

Mr Williams to Reception, please...



- Lord Croker. I am expected.

- Yes, Your Lordship. Suite    .



And there's a message.



Thank you.



Hello, Charlie! (chuckles)



Shut the door, Charlie.

You'll cause a terrible draught.






(all giggle)



- (French) Charlie!

- Hello, Charlie!



- Love you, Charlie.

- Ciao!



- Nice Charlie.

- Good to see you, Charlie.



Well, I thought,

a coming-out present!



- (Charlie) Very nice.

- Now, what would you like?






(gun clicks)



- Where's your old man?

- (foreign accent) Dead.



In the Alps, in a car crash.

It wasn't an accident.



Oh. Well, there goes the job, then.



- Wait, Mr Croker.

- Yes, Mrs Beckerman?



This is for you.



What's this?

Some sort of a consolation prize?



Plans that my husband

didn't have time to complete.



- He wants you to finish them.

- Oh, he does, does he?



Tell me, erm... where do you figure



in the plans your husband

didn't have time to complete?



I don't. I am going to New York

tomorrow at  :  am.



Ah. Pity.



But... that still gives us

four hours to kill.






And you

still in your widow's weeds...



Mmm. (chuckles)



(ltalian accent)

Charlie Croker, I am dead.



- Hello, Roger.

- I have arranged for my widow



- to get material to you in England.

- Yes, I got it.



There you must find the backing

to do the job.



You must, Charlie.

Because it is a work of genius.



Just think of it. A city in chaos,



a smash-and-grab raid



and four million dollars

through a traffic jam.



- Hmm?

- Four million dollars?



This is the city of Turin,

the industrial capital of Italy.



The most modern in Europe, famed for

its architecture, and soon, I trust,



for the greatest robbery

of the   th century.



This is the FIAT armoured convoy.

It leaves Turin airport every week.



It never carries

less than four million dollars.



I think we could take that over.



To reach its destination

the convoy has to travel



through one of the busiest

traffic systems in Europe,



a system

controlled by television cameras



and by the computer in this building,

the Turin Traffic Control Centre.



If you can get into this room,




you will cause the biggest traffic

jam in the history of the world.



Every street will be paralysed.



And then you will have a chance

to ambush that convoy.



Very nice.



Now, Charlie,

first you neutralise the TV cameras



which overlook the convoy's route.



You do this

with these little gadgets here. Look.



- Yeah.

- Second,



you break into the computer building

and substitute this new program.



- Got it.

- This causes the jam.






Third, you attack the convoy in your

own inimitable way, Charlie.



And fourth, you escape,



on the only route out of the city

which is not blocked up with traffic.



You'll find details of the route

in this portfolio.



Within just two hours, you will be

over the Alps and into Switzerland.



And within three you'll have

the money safe in a Geneva bank.



- Make it work, Charlie!

- I will, Roger.



Four million dollars,

through a traffic jam.



Money received from Brighton

is £     .



(phone rings)



- Hello. Camp Freddie?

- Croker! Aren't you in Italy?



- I want to see Bridger.

- Mr Bridger to you.



I've got a job.



If it's the GPO, City Road,

it's being done next week.



This job is bigger than anything

Bridger's done up until now.



If it's the Bank of England,

it's out.



Mr Bridger's very worried

about the economy.



Exactly, Freddie!

Tell Bridger this is a foreign job



to help with this country's

balance of payments.



Charlie, I don't think

you have the kind of scheme



that yields the size of profit

Mr Bridger is accustomed to.



But, Freddie, this job is big.



Charlie, you wouldn't even know

how to spell big.



B-l-G. Big.



Now, Butch Harry,

tell us about Fulham.



Well, now... Fulham.

A bit dodgy at the moment.



How are you? How do you feel

about a little outing?



Hello, Hazel.

Hazel, my lovely, out you come.



Come on, then. There you are.



It's a long time since

you've seen the nightlife, innit?



Where's my torch?

Where's my bloody torch?



- Good evening, Mr Bridger.

- Croker!



Mr Bridger, I've got a job lined up.



Get out of here.



It's all here. Maps, drawings,

plans, everything.



You've been put up to this,



bribed to upset my natural rhythm

and ruin my health.



No, Mr Bridger. This is important.

Four million dollars. Europe.



The Common Market.

Italy, the FIAT car factory.



- Croker, this is my toilet.

- Please. Just read it.



Get out.



(guard) Are you alright, Mr Bridger?



Are you alright?



He's alright!



I can always take it

to the Americans.



They're people who recognise young

talent, give it a chance, they are.



Last night, Mr Governor,

my toilet was broken into.



- Toilet?

- Toilet.



- Broken into?

- Broken into.



Well, I'm... terribly sorry.



There are some places

which, to an Englishman, are sacred.



- Well, I've apologised, Bridger.

- And so you should have.



You are not doing your job properly.

Her Majesty's prison is there



not only to keep people getting out,

but to prevent people getting in.



You are symptomatic

of the lazy, unimaginative management



which is driving this country

on the rocks!



- Well... is there anything else?

- No, thank you, Governor.



By the way, Mr Bridger, did you

happen to recognise the man



who so rudely interrupted you?



I've never seen him before

in my life.



I want Charlie Croker

given a good going-over.



- Yes, Mr Bridger.

- Tell Camp Freddie.



- Yes, Mr Bridger.

- I don't want him killed.



Just given a good going-over.



I understand exactly what you mean.



Do you, Keats?

That's very imaginative of you.



Sir, two volumes

of the Anglo-American Trade.



And UK Balance of Payments,

     and '  .



And... (chuckles) I've also brought

you The Illustrated London News, sir.



For why, Keats, for why?



- The Queen's in it, sir.

- Hmm. That's good of you.



Er... sir, I often wonder whether

you're going to top your career



by doing a job on their house.



Keats, there are more things to life

than breaking and entering.



- Yes, Mr Bridger.

- While we're on the subject,



I notice that some of that young mob

in E Block



don't stand for the National Anthem,

at the end of the nightly TV.



Tell them to do so,

or they will incur my displeasure.



- Yes, Mr Bridger.

- Alright, be off with you.



Get the word to Camp Freddie.






Britannia Rules the Waves






(brakes squeal)






- Right then, Fred, come on.

- Wait a minute.



(women scream)



Take your filthy clothes, too!

This is my man, my territory,



and don't come back!



Charlie's been caught on the job.



OK, Charlie. Alright, where are you?



I know you're in here.

There's no use hiding.



(stuffed toy bleats)



- You had three birds in here.

- You didn't mind at the hotel.



That was a coming-out present.



I didn't get a chance to enjoy it.



I didn't enjoy it today, neither.

Coming in causing a fracas.



- Ask me where I've been.

- You've been with the law.



Yes, for taking the ambassador's car



and for not paying the hotel bill.

You deserted me!



Don't come the moody.

You know how the game is.



No, you left me to my fate.



- Usual one, was it?

-    hours in prison.



- It was humiliating.

- How did you get out?



The ambassador for Pakistan

was very sweet.



- Very sweet, was he?

- And so was the hotel manager.



Lorna, I knew you'd be alright.



No thanks to you, Charlie Croker,

I can tell you.



- Lorna, I was busy, wasn't I?!

- Oh! So I see!



So I came in here and saw!

I want you out.



If you don't think I mean it,

then you're wrong!



(pounding on door)



- Charlie! It's the law, Charlie!

- What did you tell them?



- Would I tell them anything?

- Of course you would.






(stuffed toy bleats)






Hello, Croker. We've come

with Mr Bridger's compliments.



Sorry it's like this, Charlie.



Er... Now, er...



Listen, lads, er... you wouldn't hit

a fella... with no trousers on.



- Would you?

- OK, then, put 'em on.



Get away from me!



(dentist's drill)



- Have you seen Croker?

- Yes, Mr Bridger.



- Well, I want you to see him again.

- He won't take kindly to that.



- I'm interested in his scheme.

- But, Mr Bridger...



What you fail to realise

is that we have a new objective.



The Chinese are giving FIAT

four million dollars in gold,



as a down payment on a car plant

they're constructing near Peking.



But Croker...



Croker can handle it.

He's got everything going for him.



There's even a football match in

Turin the day before the delivery.



England versus Italy. The English

supporters can cover his movements,



even help him, if required.



There's only one snag.

We need an expert in computers



to look after the technical end.



The top man is Professor Peach.

I've seen him on television.



- Tell Croker to get him.

- But how?



- Maybe the Professor's not bent.

- Camp Freddie,



everybody in the world is bent.



Well, my brother's no longer with us,

I'm afraid.



- No. (laughs uncomfortably)

- You mean, he's...



Oh, no, no, nothing like that.



Well, actually, he's in a home.



Yes. We thought it best.

For his own good.



Er... was it, er... serious,

Miss Peach?



- Pam.

- Serious, was it?



- What?

- Your brother. In the home.



Oh, yes, I'm afraid

it was quite serious, dear.



- Isn't this greenfly awful?

- Yes.



Yes, well, not to put

a too fine point to it,



he was discovered... in the lounge.



- Er... doing what, Miss Peach?

- Where?



- In the, er... lounge.

- Oh, yes, he was doing it. Yes.






Oh. Well, something quite obscene.

With Annette.



- A net?

- Annette.



She was terrified, of course.



- Naturally.

- Yes, well, would you like some tea?



- Eh?

- Tea. Would you like some?



- You're very kind. Yes, please.

- Good.



Excuse me a minute.



Annette? Annette, would you serve tea

in the lounge, dear?



I shouldn't let her do that, dear.

That gives them ideas.



This is Annette.



Professor Peach,

do you see what I'm getting at?



Mmm. Your brawn, my brain.

I'm not stupid, you know.



Cooperation, isn't it?

Like that flagpole out there.



- Flagpole?

- The flagpole in the yard.



I know if there was a convex mirror

up there,



  º vertical,   º horizontal, I could

see straight into Matron's bedroom!



But somebody else

would have to be up the pole.



Couldn't do it myself. Cooperation,

you see? She's a big woman.



Here... Wait till you see

them Italian birds.



- Are they big? I like them big.

- They're enormous.



- Really?

- Very, very, very big.



Would we, er... wear stockings

over our heads?



- No need for you to.

- Oh. I'd like that.



I could steal one of Matron's,

couldn't I?



We'll have you out of here

in no time.



I wouldn't want to get Matron

into trouble. Not that way, anyway!



- She's big. Big!

- Look out the window, Professor.



- What?

- Look out at my car.



- Car? Wh-Wh-What car?

- Down there.






Gentlemen, gentlemen.

Please, gentlemen. Please.



We are about to do a job in Italy



and I would like to introduce you all

to each other.



First, Bill Bailey.

He'll be my number two.



You all know Bill. He's just done

three years in Parkhurst.



As honest as the day is long.

You can trust him.



Second, the getaway. This will

be done in three Mini Coopers.



And they will be driven

by Chris, Tony and Dominic.



(posh) Hello, chaps.



(derisive groans)



Alright! These chinless wonders

will get you out of Turin



faster than anyone else

on four wheels. Remember that.



When we get to the Alps,

we will transfer to a coach.



The coach will be driven

by William here,



better known as Big William,

for very obvious reasons.



Now, we come to the Professor here,



who is in charge of all matters

relating to the Turin computer.



I don't want anyone putting him

down because he's a man of reading.



I know he's got some...

very funny habits,



but make him feel at home.

He's very important to the operation.



Finally, and very quickly,

I would like to introduce



all the lads

who are going to do the job with me.



Arthur, Frank, Rozzer, Coco,



Yellow, Camp Freddie you all know.



Roger, Dave and Lorna will be

in reserve with three fast cars



in case anything goes wrong.



Right? Now, it's a very difficult job



and the only way to get through it

is, we all work together as a team.



And that means

you do everything I say.



Here's Charlie.






Putting the jib on.



Don't just stand there.

Get on with something.



- I'm seeing he does it right.

- Get on with it.



- (engine revs)

- Rozzer?



Trouble with his differential.



- Tell him to hurry up.

- Hurry up.



Dippers for the Continent.



Other way round.

Are they quartz-iodide?



- That's right, guvnor.

- Alright.



We couldn't afford gold,

so we're using lead.



- Will it take the weight?

- Eh?



(louder) Take the weight.

Will it take the weight?



Mind your face, Charles.



- Alright?

- OK, but I don't like the colour.



It's beautiful, beautiful, beautiful!

Carry on.






- He really needs all this equipment?

- He says he does.



No. You're meant to use your brakes,




Terribly sorry, Charles.



- How many cars have we got left?

- A couple.



OK, next one.

Let's hope he gets it right.






What do you mean they're written off?



A series of accidents, Mr Bridger.

I promise there'll be no more.



Five, four, three,



two, one.






You're only supposed

to blow the bloody doors off!



How's your new house, Fred?



Very nice, Mr Bridger, thank you.

Very nice.



My pleasure.



Beckerman's done his homework

very well.



The getaway is possible,

but not easy.



For a start, the attack

has to be made in this square.



And it must be completed

inside of three minutes.



Apart from knocking over

a few old dears, we'll manage it.



You all understand

what you've got to do?



OK? Now, Bill.



Er... Oh, yeah. The transporters

will move in here and here.



- They'll block off the main drag.

- Right. Roger.



Erm... Arthur and Lorna

park the three fast cars here



in case we have

to make a quick getaway.



Correct. It's   :  . The bullion van

will be entering the piazza



and will be forced slowly

towards the centre.



It's the old over-and-under routine.



First we go over the traffic,

through the museums.



And then under again.

And up into this church.



The difficulty is here.



If the police can get a car

onto that bridge



before we've got across it,

we're done for.



But it's a gamble we've got to take.



Now, the bullion wagon is here.

Right? Dominic.



We get into the Minis

behind the piazza.



Right. Arthur.



We drive the Land Rover

into the square.



Piazza, Arthur, piazza.



- Sorry, Charlie. Piazza.

- The Land Rover is in the piazza.



And we come in right behind target.



That's it. Wallop.



But since the bridge

will be blocked by traffic



the only possible way out

is across the weir,



which runs along

by the side of the bridge.



I've only one comment about that,

Mr Bridger.



Good luck.



Keats, I think we'd better arrange...

a funeral.



- All ready to go, Croker?

- Yes, Mr Bridger.



The plans have been worked out

to the last detail?



- Yes, Mr Bridger.

- Everything taken care of?



- Yes, Mr Bridger.

- You've overlooked one thing.



The Mafia.

They'll be waiting for you.



In every shot of Camp Freddie's film

there's a Mafia man.



If they were on to Beckerman

they're on to us.



You're not thinking

of calling it off?



As long as you know

what you're taking on.



- Yes. The Mafia.

- Yes. The Mafia.



You are about to take a half a ton

of gold, in broad daylight,



from under their noses.

They won't like that.



- That's why they killed Beckerman.

- A question of prestige, is it?



Yes, it's a question of prestige.



If you go through with this,

you've got to win.



If you muck it up,

don't ever think of coming back,



except in your coffin.



...patri et filii et spiritus sancti.



Who's that lot?



- The drivers.

- That lot smashed up my cars.



Practice makes perfect, Mr Bridger.



You pick 'em, don't you?



(priest clears throat)



Mr Bridger will now say a few words.



- What?

- Your speech, sir.



We have come here to pay our respects

to Great Aunt Nellie.



She brought us up properly

and taught us loyalty.



I want you to remember that

during these next few days.



I also want you to remember that if

you don't come back with the goods,



Nellie here will turn in her grave.



And, likely as not, jump right

out of it and kick your teeth in.



Dave, take the valley road to Turin,

OK? Go.



You three take the Minis along

the B road and keep the speed down.



Right, go on, away you go.

Freddie, stay with the bus.



Big William, take the bus

along the main road. Go! Go!



You lot, stay with me.

We'll go round the mountain route.



Where's Peach?



Hey! What do you think this is?

A Sunday school outing?



Pity people aren't as lovely

as flowers.



Take your flowers and get in the car.



Hurry up.



Mr Croker?



That's right.



Six weeks ago, a friend of yours met

with an accident on this very road.



- So?

- Do you mind if I show you how?






(engine starts up)



You just lost him

his insurance bonus.



It cost Beckerman his life.

Listen, the gold arrives tomorrow.



And you think you can pick it up



like a bunch of groceries

in the supermarket, hmm?



Just how are you going to do it?



Oh, excuse me.



Does Mr Bridger think he can

take over Europe from a prison cell?



Huh? (chuckles)



Your car?









Pretty car.



Paid for?



Very funny.









You'll be making a grave error

if you kill us.



There are a quarter of a million

Italians in Britain.



And they'll be made to suffer.



Every restaurant, café, ice-cream

parlour, gambling den and nightclub



in London, Liverpool and Glasgow,

will be smashed.



Mr Bridger will drive them

into the sea.



Well, gentlemen,

it's a long walk back to England.



And it's that way. Good morning.



May I salute our American cousin

Signor Francesco Cosca



and his lovely wife?



And may I raise my glass to Signor

Altabani and his most beautiful wife,



to thank him for his hospitality?



And to congratulate him on the way he

handled the English mob this morning.



I would not be too sure

about the English, cousin.



They wouldn't dare!



They are not so stupid as they look.



Che cos'è? Le luci...



- (screams of panic)

- (Altabani) Candles! Quickly!



Guarda nel cassetto a destra...






Gentlemen, we must assume

they are here.



(sighs of relief)



(woman over tannoy) All passengers,

proceed to gate five. Thank you.



Attention, s'il vous plaît, les

passagers pour Alitalia vol...



- Got your passport?

- I think so.



You need your passport

directly after the tickets.



As you walk to the plane

look neither right nor left.



Just look straight ahead. OK?

Keep going straight ahead.



Geneva, please. Got it?

Neither to the right.



- Nor to the left. Straight ahead.

- Left. Straight ahead.



And keep going.



Charlie, listen!

The plan was that we stay here.



The plan's changed.



- But why, Charlie? Why?

- Because you're a liability.



Lorna, you see that lot out there?



If we slip up, they'll tear us apart.



And... I don't want you involved

any more.



- Charlie?

- What?



You care?



Get on the, er... plane.

I'll see you... in Geneva.



Have a cup of tea ready.



Bye-bye, Charlie!



Get on the plane. Get on the plane.



I love you, Charlie!



- Hello, Charlie!

- Hello, lads.



- Hello, Charles.

- Hello, Chris.



- Before we leave... Bill?

- Yes, Charlie?



I want every tin burned.



No fingerprints

on anything in the house.



- We're wearing gloves.

- You can't be too careful.



- Is there a toilet here?

- Of sorts. Out the back.



Wash the handle and the seat.

No prints on that, either.



Right, here is the crunch.



- Do you all know how to get there?

- Actually, we can all read maps.



The map will be in your head.

I'm burning this one. Any questions?



Without the two Jags and the Aston,

what if anything does go wrong?



Put your gloves on. Anything else?



- Shall we synchronise our watches?

- Nuts to your watches.



You just be there by quarter to and

don't get stuck in the traffic jam.



Anything else?



Right. Away you go.



Oh! One more thing.



Just remember, in this country they

drive on the wrong side of the road.



(contemptuous muttering)



- Bill?

- Yes, Charlie?



- Bill!

- Yes, Charlie?



Burn this for me, will you?



Yes, Charlie.



- Oh, Bill?

- Yes, Charlie?



- Get rid of this lot.

- Yes, Charlie.



(woman grunts with the effort)



- Grazie, signore.

- Prego.



(tram's bell rings)



- They're in a trattoria in the city.

- They know where to put these?



Yes, you can see the cameras

on the rooftops.



Capisco. In cinque minuti

lasciano I'aeroporto.



Sgombrate la zona

e attenzione macchine



(radio) sul percorso FIAT.

Richiesta ambulanza



a piazza San Carlo.



Macchina numero   presti soccorso...






E lei per chi mi prende?

Non mi tocchi! Ha capito? Anche lei.



Mi porti al commissariato.

É un maniaco sessuale, ha capito?



Cosa fa lì impalato? Perbacco.



Il commissario lo deve mandare

in prigione.



Perché è un maniaco sessuale.

Subito, la prego perché adesso...



Mi aiuti, per favore. Non vede

che non ci passo? Spinga un pochino.






- I can't argue.

- Me in the front, you in the back.



He wants to sit up front

with the driver.



- I get sick in the back.

- I'll get my migraine.



- I'll be out like a light.

- You are not going to be sick.



You're not going to have migraine.



Everybody is sitting

in the back of the motor.



Me in the back of the motor,

with my asthma?



One more word out of you, Arthur...




Alright. Now, everybody,

all your gear in here.



Get your gear out.

Pens, wallets, passports,



photos of your girlfriend.

And those cards. Put 'em in 'ere.



- I'm going to need these cards.

- What? Put them in here!



I want mascots, money,

bottle openers.


            London I was up drainpipes

and the game was up.



All I had to do, all the time. What?



- (whistles) I'm getting a contact!

- Let's hear it. Turn it up.



I'll turn it up.



(radio) Aeroporto controllo riferisce

che I'operazione carico è completata.



(laughs) How about that?!



- Controllo traffico riferisce...

- How about what?



- Eh?

- (angrily) How about what?



- They've finished loading the gold.

- Incidente a piazza San Carlo...



Right, get dressed.



(radio) Unità C e D assistenza.



Convoglio FIAT riferisce condizioni

normali a meno quattro minuti.



Right, away you go.



Away you go.



(radio) Camion ribaltato.

Si richiede assistenza



per sgomberare la strada.

Assistenza medica non necessaria.



Macchine       e   ...



- Grazie.

- Molto bene, Dad.



OK, let's go.



Il convoglio ha lasciato

I'aeroporto, va bene?



Va bene.



Can you direct me

to Corso Garibaldi Street?



Semplicissimo, signore. Non sono

di Torino però Corso Garibaldi lo so.



Lei deve imboccare la via Po,

che è là. Guardi.



- Bloody foreigners.

- Prende la sinistra...



- Excuse me.

- Ma che c'entran gli spaghetti?!



(box starts to bleep)



Pronto, controllo?

Telecamera sei e otto.






Bloody Grand Prix!



Ingegnere, ingegnere? (sighs)



Numero tre, quattro.

Controlla, per favore, è urgente.



(radio) Emergenza carro attrezzi...



Numero      ...



(rapid beeping)



(angry woman)

Ma guardi dove va a finire lei!



(car horns)



- What the devil is happening?

- A traffic jam.



- It gets worse every time.

- We've lost the convoy. Indietro!



(car horns)



(honks horn)



Any minute now.



It's like the Black Hole

of Calcutta in here.



Shut it, Arthur.

What are they gabbling about, Franco?



- Complaining about the jam.

- It won't be the only complaint.



- Keep calm.

- Get off my feet!



(all bicker)



Alright, alright! Get yourselves

sorted out and shut up!



No one talks now except me.



Now, now, now! Now!

Get in front of it!



Put your helmets on.



Hold tight.



Now! Go round! Get in front of it.



Oi! Put that bloody water cannon out!



(Minis rev up)



OK, Bill.



In you come! In! In!



Back! Back!



Hey! Unload! Unload!






Capitano! Che è successo, capitano?



Tenersi indietro. Non spingere.



(commotion dies down)



Va bene. Quel camion lì,

me lo porti fin qui.









Where do you think you're going?!

Get on with it!



Get in the car. Get back up there.



If anybody comes through, hit 'em.



E poi venite subito

in macchina con me.



(whistles) OK, Charlie, that's it.



Right. You, you and you

in the Dormobile. Get in the car.



Oi! Get in the Dormobile.



Get your finger out.



Get a move on, then!



Well, look happy,

you stupid bastards!



We won, didn't we?



They went thattaway.






I could eat a horse!



Che te possino...



Grazie. Le Mini sono state viste

fuori delle gallerie.



Avanti adagio. Un sorriso. Grazie.



(from Mini) Good luck!



(car horn)



(cars rev)



Dove vai?



(engine fails to start)



(car horns)



Che è successo?



É tutto rovinato.



Questo scherzo costerà alla città



tre milioni di dollari.



Sono sicuro che tra poco tempo



sarà tutto in ordine.



Non ci credo.



Fermate tutto.



- Signor comandante.

- Fermate tutto.



Fermate le auto che entrano in città.



Sotto. Più sotto. Avvicinati.



Put your foot down, Tony.

They're getting rather close.



Dai, passagli dentro.

Su, tagliagli la strada.



Look out, look out, it's Charlie!



Look for that bloody exit.

We can't go round here all night.



- Manzo?

- Yes, sir.



Check the station. All trains.



Check all names of passengers who

boarded planes at Linate or Malpensa.



This was a big operation.

Those engaged in the earlier part



will probably have left by air.



- Check the autostradas.

- The police will do this.



We know them, the police don't.

Get my plane ready.



They can't get out in this mess.



If they planned this jam,

they planned a way out.



- I think you might try to keep up.

- Alright!



Here, make a wish.



They're behind us. Put

your foot down, we'll lose 'em easy.



- Va bene?

- Sì!



(siren dies away)



Hurry up, Dominic.



(siren gets louder)



Have you heard, sir?

They've done it!



All the men are yelling for you.

They've done it.



- Done what, Keats?

- The job, sir!



(all chant) Bridger! Bridger!



This is

the self-preservation society



This is

the self-preservation society



Go wash your German bands

your boat race, too



Comb your Barnet fair

we got a lot to do



Put on your dicky dirt

and your Peckham Rye



Cos time's soon hurrying by



Get your skates on, mate

Get your skates on, mate



No bib around

your Gregory Peck today, eh?



Prop your plates of meat

Right on the seat



This is

the self-preservation society



This is

the self-preservation society



Get the wheels in line with it!



Damn it! Brake,

or we'll be in the cabin.



More speed on the up,

accelerate and...






That's it! Go on!






Self-preservation society



This is the self-preservation




OK, hang on.



Be very careful.



Everybody out.

Start unloading the gold.



Self-preservation society



This is

the self-preservation society












Ready, Charlie?












OK, out you come, out you come.



Leave the beer! Leave the beer!

Get in.



Come on.



OK, William, go!



This is

the self-preservation society



The self-preservation society



Put on your almond rocks

and daisy roots



Flash your Hampstead Heath,

wear your whistle and flute



Lots of la-di-das

and cold pig's ear



Look alive and get into gear



Get your skates on, mate

Get your skates on, mate



No bib around your Gregory Peck

today, eh?



Drop your plates of meat

Right on the seat



This is

the self-preservation society



The self-preservation society



The self-preservation society



(brakes squeal)



Hold still, hold still.



Nobody move.



We're balancing right on the edge.

Very slowly, move this way.



Very slowly.

Don't make a sharp movement.



Come as far up this end

as you can get.



Watch it, watch it. Watch it, Bill!



The gold is pulling it over the edge.

We'll have to get it back.



Get back! Get back!



Now hold still.

Don't move. Don't move at all.



Don't no one get out the door,

neither. Otherwise we'll all go.



Edge back as far as you can go, to

cou... to counterbalance me. Now...



Hang on a minute, lads.

I've got a great idea.



Er... Er...



This is

the self-preservation society



The self-preservation society



Put on your almond rocks

and daisy roots



Flash your Hampstead Heath,

wear your whistle and flute



Lots of la-di-das

and cold pig's ear



Look alive and get out of here



Get your skates on, mate

Get your skates on, mate



No bib around your Gregory Peck

today, eh?



Drop your plates of meat

Right on the seat



This is

the self-preservation society



The self-preservation society

The self-preservation society

Special help by SergeiK