Voila! Finally, the Kelly's Heroes
script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Clint Eastwood movie. This script is a transcript that was painstakingly
transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Kelly's Heroes. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally
tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to
drop me a line. You won't
hurt my feelings. Honest.
Come on, Colonel.
-Get that jeep out of here.
We've been here for two hours.
No, that's Map Section 3 not 4.
I don't give a damn what Command says
Mulligan, I don't think
I'm getting through to you!
You're dropping your damn barrage
on our position!
Sit and see.
You can't hear me?
The reason you can't hear me...
...is because you're firing your mortar
at your end...
...and they're dropping here at our end!
No, the Krauts are not here!
Mulligan, your bombs are coming down
on our heads!
I don't know where the Krauts are!
Just lift your goddamned barrage! Over!
I told you to bring me a good looking kid,
not this fat, sausage-chewing wino!
Well, if you were looking for a young boy,
you should've sent somebody else.
Mulligan, you son of a bitch!
They're trying to push up the canal!
What do you want me to do
about it, Petuko?
The halftrack's been wiped out!
And he's been hit.
Go see what's happening. Grace! Jonesy!
Grab a litter and go with Corporal Job.
On the double!
-What the hell does he want?
He says he's sorry.
Sorry. Son of a bitch!
Big Joe's a little upset right now.
I think maybe you should leave town.
Get out of the neighborhood.
Does he speak English?
Yeah, he's a Colonel in lntelligence.
As a big shot with the German lntelligence
you should be able to tell us about Nancy.
-Under the Geneva Convention you only--
I'm not interested in defenses,
I'm interested in hotels. Okay?
Are there any still standing?
There are three.
Two are defended by units of--
Which is the most comfortable?
I don't know.
Think of us as tourists.
I don't want any military information.
I just want to know the best hotel.
I think it is called the Majestic.
Who's the owner?
I can't remember his name.
All right. Check the Michelin Guide.
What about women?
I must warn you. The German Army
is preparing a counter attack.
Look, we're not worried
about the German Army.
We've got enough troubles of our own.
To the right, General Patton.
To the left, the British Army.
To the rear, our own goddamned artillery.
Besides all that, it's raining.
And the good thing about the weather is...
...it keeps our Air Corps
from blowing us to hell...
...because it's too lousy to fly. Verstehen?
What about the broads in Nancy?
Yes, there is a house.
I cannot give you the directions.
I've never been there.
Here it is. "Nancy.
"The church of the Cordeliers tombs.
Woodwork and statues.
"City Hall, th century,
with stairway and square reception room.
"Place Stanislas. Impressive gates.
"Porterie, Museum of Lorrain.
Charge to see--"
Will you cut the culture crap
and get to the hotels?
Majestic Hotel, three stars,
a knife and a fork.
We'll keep this guy until we get to Nancy.
We can use him when we get to town.
What do you want, Barbara?
The Captain wants to see you.
I'll be right with you.
-What should I do?
-Stay on the radio.
I think we ought to send him back
Nobody's copping out on this.
Do you understand?
He serves a more strategic purpose
by staying with us.
If he needs interrogating,
then you do it right here.
Open the door.
-What do you want?
-Do me a favor, will you?
-Don't call me Barbara.
-That's your name, isn't it?
-But, my name's Babra.
-Come on, will you?
-But, I only wanted to....
What are these, Colonel?
Just my orders and letters of transport.
What are you transporting?
What kind of files?
Mind telling me what you were doing
in this area?
I needed petrol for my trucks.
Trucks won't move without petrol.
What do you want?
Interpret these for me, will you?
What are these?
Yes, the bag was supposed
to have been dropped in the water...
...in case of capture.
Unfortunately, you surprised me.
All these papers are about some kind
of convoy from France to Germany.
Code name is Tannenbaum.
Travel reports are a shipment of--
Come here, Colonel.
Oh, Little Joe,
give me that brandy, will you?
-Just give me the brandy!
Kelly, what do you want to give away
the good brandy to the Kraut for?
This way, Colonel.
Sit down on this bench.
I want you to have a drink.
-Under the Geneva Convention--
-This isn't Geneva, Colonel.
I just want to have a nice sociable talk
with you, that's all.
But I will not divulge
any further information.
You idiot! Hold it!
Come on, cover me.
All right, you stay here.
-Where is he?
Yeah, who is it?
It's me, Big Joe. Where are you?
I'm in here.
-What are you doing there, sir?
-I'm checking out the motor.
The motor? What for?
We're pulling out and I want to see if
this boat's worth taking back to the base.
What about Nancy?
Third Army's taking over.
We go into reserve.
When they take Nancy,
we go back in the line.
I don't think you have the welfare
of your men at heart.
This is a big town,
with a lot of passionate broads...
...great restaurants, feather beds
in rooms with hot water....
Look, Captain, we've been rained on,
pushed on, bombed on...
...mortared on by Mulligan all the way
from the Normandy Beachhead.
I'm aware of that problem, Sergeant.
You've been aware of that problem ever
since we got out of the water at Omaha!
Look, why is it that every time
we get to a town like Nancy...
...these guys with the clean uniforms
and the ties...
...get to ride in the trucks into town
and make their pitch?
The General says we pull out,
so we pull out.
Look, Captain! You can't let them do this!
I must get my men near some broads
before they start freaking-out.
I'm aware that,
that situation might be developing.
Think I could get this in the hold of a B- ?
We're point section
to the whole damn Army!
Nancy's our town, Captain!
Babra says there's a company
of Germans pushing up.
I'll be with you in a minute! Captain!
We got it all figured out.
We even got a guide!
-All we have to do is get in there!
-These German divisions say you can't.
So we need a little help!
All I need is to get this yacht out of here.
Get back to the barn.
I'll get the engineers and do it myself.
You're supposed to be
in charge of this outfit!
You're doing such a good job.
Why should I get in your way?
There are three tanks coming up the road.
I suggest you get activated.
Hold it down there a bit, Willard.
The Corporal's trying to tell us something.
Yes, sir. You're telling me what?
There are three tanks coming up the road.
I suggest you get activated!
Now, come on, pal!
Ain't you got any Shermans?
We've been polishing these things
for two days!
If we take them out there in that rain,
they'll rust up on us.
Don't give me a hard time.
Get off your ass, and get out there!
Yes, sir. I didn't mean nothing!
I was just trying to tell you
how we're feeling, ain't that right, Willy?
"Hold the ground at all costs"?
But we're a reconnaissance company!
It's not our job to hold the ground!
That's an infantry's job!
We're supposed to go out
and find someplace...
...look at it and tell you
what the situation is.
I can tell you what the situation is!
It's wet, it's cold,
and we're under heavy fire!
Are they sending anything to support us?
They say they haven't got anything.
We've been ordered to hold.
-Hold! With what?
-That's what I told them!
You think we ought to pull out?
I don't know. Better wait for Big Joe.
Those are not Mulligan's mortars anymore.
Those are German s!
As much as I like Big Joe, I don't want
to spend the rest of the war in a camp.
Besides which, I'm first-generation ltalian,
they'd shoot me as a traitor.
The indications are the Germans
are coming and we won't stop them.
With your permission, I'll pull the vehicle
to the other side of the canal.
Yeah, go on.
Penn, Fisher! Get that damn thing
out of here!
We're pulling out on the double!
Move that stretcher!
God damn it, Cowboy!
I don't know what you was talking about!
There ain't three tanks, there's about !
-Ain't that right, Willy?
Get that thing to the other side
of the canal, you maniac!
Well, that's what we was figuring on doing.
Kelly, come on, we're going.
You're coming, ain't you?
Go on ahead.
All right, good luck!
Okay, Penn, let's go!
How many more bars of gold like this
do you have in that convoy?
Come on, speak English, Colonel.
How many bars like this in your trucks?
Where is your convoy right now?
Where are your trucks?
In Clermont. Clermont?
Is the gold still in the trucks?
Whereabouts? Whereabouts is the gold?
In the bank.
Colonel? Wake up, wake up.
What about support units?
Come on, tanks. Stuff like that.
Three Tiger tanks.
What about infantry?
What about infantry, Colonel?
-Did you hear from Headquarters?
-We've been ordered to hold.
I'll tell them what to hold!
The Third took over one hour ago!
-We're pulling out of here!
-He's salvaging a yacht.
-I'll see you about miles down the road.
-Wait a minute!
-Is everybody across the bridge?
-Kelly's still in the barn with that Colonel.
-Did you tell him we're pulling out?
-We told him. He's crazy!
Tell Mulligan to give me three minutes
and lay all the mortar into that barn.
-Do you understand?
-If you say so.
You wait here.
Come on, Colonel. Come on.
Get up and sit right here.
Kelly! Halfthe German Army's
coming up the road.
In minutes, Mulligan will drop
tons of mortar on this joint!
-What the are you doing?
-I'm looking after the Colonel.
Shoot him and let's get the hell
out of here!
Shoot him, we don't get the gold.
The gold that's in a bank miles east
of Nancy, that's what.
Mulligan, I said three minutes!
Come on, let's get out of here!
Kelly? You okay, Kelly?
Yeah, I'm all right.
Come on, you nut!
Let's get the hell out of here!
Fisher! Petuko! Come on,
we're moving out! Move it out!
Move it out! Babra! Come on! Move it!
Get in, we're pulling out!
Kelly, you nut!
Wait a minute, will you?
Will you wait a minute?
Listen to me a second.
It's not me, I tell you. It's not me!
I can't tell one shell from another!
They all look alike.
They all look alike.
If it was me....
If I could tell, would I be here?
Would I be here? I wouldn't be here, Kelly!
I'd be in the States checking out the duds.
I'd be out with all those broads!
-I'd be working in a factory.
Wait a minute! We've got to have
a little understanding around here.
How the hell do we ever get
any understanding around here, Kelly?
Mulligan, I just want
to make you a proposition.
Well, is it dirty, or just illegal?
I want you to set up a barrage for me.
I want you to lay down a barrage for me.
right here at these crossroads.
I got to have a signed order from the C.O.
I need an authorization.
You see, that's just the problem, Mulligan.
We don't have an authorization.
You don't have a....
Kelly, without an authorization,
I can't help you.
I told you I had a proposition, Mulligan.
That's just what I meant.
You won't forget me now, will you?
Why, no. I won't forget, Kelly.
You're a good man, Mulligan.
-Screw you, Mac!
Come on, move it!
Up yours, baby!
Hey, come on, get it out of there!
Hey, come on, come on. Move it!
All right, come on, you guys!
Clear it out! Clear it out!
Come on, get the horse out of here!
Get on the side, will you?
Move it out, come on now!
Move it, move it!
Keep it going, boys. Move it through.
All right, keep it going. Let's go.
A message from Captain Maitland.
-Did you read it?
-What's it say?
-He wanted you to read it, Joe.
Take the underwear off your head.
Enough is enough.
We've been ordered to pull back.
We've been ordered to pull back.
Yeah, I heard.
We've been ordered back
to map reference so let's move it!
But my hair is still in curlers!
That's telling them, Willard!
Come on, let's move it out.
Joe, what about Nancy?
Pack it up, let's move.
Move them out, will you, Corporal?
Where have you been?
-Checking a few things out.
I'm going after that gold, Joe.
That's what I thought.
Do you want in?
Do I want in?
Let me tell you something,
I'll say it nice and clear.
I got a job to do and that is
to get you guys to Berlin alive.
We've been at the front end
of this war all the way.
If you whisper one word
about the gold to the guys...
...l'll bounce you from this outfit so fast
your feet won't even touch the ground.
Do you understand?
Yeah. Yeah, I understand.
You'd better fix up some transfer papers
for me, because I'm going.
With you or without you.
-Come on, give me a hand down there.
-What a bunch of shit this is!
Sergeant, everything's secure up here.
I'm coming down now.
Sergeant, do you think I can get this yacht
to Paris by Sunday?
You didn't bring me to this farmhouse
to talk about this boat again?
I made a deal with Headquarters.
I have three days rest for you and the men.
Make sure they have a good time.
I must get this yacht to Paris
and get some things for the General.
And where do we spend this vacation?
Right here, Sergeant.
Are you kidding?
I'm not kidding. With a little imagination,
you can fix this place up.
Lay out a baseball diamond.
Run the water into the house.
Special service is coming by
with some magazines and paperbacks.
We're miles from the nearest town!
There's no action!
That's the beautiful thing
about this location. It's quiet.
Get yourselves a suntan, a little rest.
In three days we're back in the line.
-We're all ready to move out!
-Yeah, I'm coming. Go ahead.
There's no booze, there's no broads,
there's no action!
That's another thing.
Don't fool around with the women,
their husbands carry guns.
Don't forget, the penalty
for looting is death!
Loot what? There's nothing here to loot!
I'll be back in three days.
"Get yourself a suntan and get some rest."
He's got to be out of his mind!
But how does he get away with it?
That's what I'd like to know.
Very simple. The General's his uncle,
What do you want?
I want to talk to you for a few minutes.
I have this deal I've been working on.
I thought you might be interested
in helping me out.
What kind of deal?
A private deal.
Harry, go get yourself a haircut.
I hear Maitland's got himself a yacht
and taking it to Paris.
There's no money in yachts.
What does he want a yacht for?
Who cares, as long as it keeps him
out of our hair for a few days?
What is it? What is it you want?
Well, I want Thompson's,
two . caliber machine guns...
...two bazookas, two field radios...
...and supplies and ammunition to last
a platoon of men in the field for three days.
Is that all?
I want the lntelligence report
for this whole sector in the next two hours.
That's nice. What's in it for me?
-A piece of the action.
-What kind of action?
This kind of action.
Hello, Izzy? Yeah, it's me, it's me.
Listen, get me a quotation for gold
on the Paris market.
Yeah, now, and hurry it up!
How much more where this came from?
Fourteen thousand bars.
Fourteen thousand bars?
Hey, sweetheart, have yourself a bottle
of booze, you're beautiful!
Fourteen thousand bars!
That's beautiful! Where is it?
In a bank.
In a bank?
You're getting pretty ambitious,
To think you can blow a bank
and get away with it?
It's behind enemy lines.
Behind enemy lines.
That could be the perfect crime.
Right. Right, I got you.
$ . million.
What else will you need?
-You could probably use some armor.
-What are you doing up there?
I crept in.
Who the hell's that?
His name's Oddball.
I got three Shermans outside.
Right now I don't have any outfit.
Who's your commanding officer?
He got decapitated by an
about six weeks ago.
But don't say you're sorry.
He's been trying to get us killed
ever since we landed at Omaha Beach.
He hasn't reported him dead yet.
You see, I've been collecting his whiskey.
We see our role
as essentially a defensive image.
While our armies are advancing so fast...
...and everyone's knocking themselves out
to be heroes...
...we are holding ourselves in reserve
in case the Krauts mount...
...a counteroffensive which threatens Paris
or maybe even New York.
Then we can move in and stop them.
But for $ . million...
...we could become heroes for three days.
A Sherman can give you a very nice edge.
Where are these Shermans?
Come on, I'll show them to you.
These are my boys.
And these are your tanks?
Don't let the dirt and the rust hang you up.
We like to give the impression
that we're out of action.
Badly in need of a period
of rest and reorganization.
That way nobody bugs us.
Come on, look at the engine.
This engine's been modified
by our mechanical genius here, Moriarty.
Whatever you say, babe.
These tanks are faster than any other tanks
in Europe. Forwards or backwards.
We like to feel that we can get out
of trouble quicker than we got into it.
Any other secret weapons?
All the tanks we come up against
are bigger and better than ours.
So that all we can hope to do
is like scare them away.
This gun is an ordinary millimeter...
...but we added a piece of pipe onto it
and the Krauts think...
...maybe it's a millimeter.
We got our own ammunition.
It's filled with paint.
When we fire it, it makes pretty pictures.
It scares the hell out of people.
We got a loudspeaker. When we go
into battle, we play music very loud.
It kind of...
...calms us down.
Come on inside for a minute.
If I hear any more threats
against Maitland's life...
...or wild talk about going to Headquarters
and killing the General...
...or raping the nurses at the field hospital,
I'll strangle the guy with my bare hands!
All good things come to those who wait!
We're gonna have a lot of fun here!
Aren't we, Cowboy?
-You can bet your boots on that, partner.
I think I've got the crabs.
We'll boil our laundry!
We'll set up a little shower area...
...so we can wash our cute little bodies.
A little wine, women and song.
A little chiquita for you, Petuko.
It'll take time to get organized, but I want
that farmhouse to look like a nightclub!
I want you to set up a bar!
We ain't got no booze.
"We ain't got no booze."
Well, we're gonna get some booze!
I'm gonna go down to the Battalion...
...see if I can lay my hands on
some dirty movies and when I come back...
...l want that farmhouse not only clean,
but completely decorated!
Do you understand that?
All right, Corporal, fall them out!
Let's get moving.
Kelly, I think I made a slight mistake.
It's not $ . million, it's $ million!
What a bundle!
We'll need plenty of gasoline on this trip.
Think you can get it through enemy lines?
Just name the place, baby.
Right here. Grid section B.
Tonight at : .
No good, man. The boys have got
something special on tonight.
Are you nuts?
What's more important than $ million?
You come around tonight, Crapgame,
and we'll show you.
Tomorrow night, then.
Along this road, same hour.
We'll be there.
-If you're late, we move out without you.
-If we're late, it's because we're dead.
What about Big Joe?
You handle the supplies,
I'll take care of him.
Not only that, but I'm going along
to protect my investment.
You don't trust me.
A firm financial mind should be behind
an enterprise such as this.
There could be a bonus. Besides,
Switzerland's only miles away.
I don't want anybody getting lost.
I don't want halfthe Army in on this deal.
No friends or friends of friends.
I want to keep it a tight little unit.
Oh, yeah, man.
No sweat, you know?
I'll pick you up in about an hour.
You can hang onto that bar of gold
as a deposit.
Who is that guy, Crapgame?
His name's Kelly. Used to be a lieutenant.
Pretty good one, too,
until was ordered to attack the wrong hill.
Wiped out half a company of G.I.'s.
Somebody had to get the blame,
and he got picked.
Oh, man, I don't like officers.
Neither does he, so relax.
Get me Hogan in lntelligence.
Do you mind if I take this bar of gold
and show it to the boys?
No, not at all, but just remember
where you found it. Bring it back here.
You're a good boy, Crapgame.
Something's wrong with him.
Hello, Hogan? It's Crapgame.
I got you the scotch
and the nylons you wanted.
Do I ever fail you?
You better believe it. Never miss.
...l got a little favor to ask of you.
Will you stop crying,
I haven't even asked you yet!
What's the matter with you?
You wait here, Padre.
I warned you, if you started anything,
I'd bust you out.
If you transfer me, Joe...
...you have to transfer every man
in this outfit.
I told you to lay offthese guys!
-Take it easy. He's got it all figured out.
-Who invited you, Hustler?
It's a snap.
$ million just waiting to be picked up.
Did he forget to tell you
it's behind enemy lines?
I told them.
Did you tell them how to get through
and cover miles to Clermont?
-I told them.
-Then tell me!
-Kelly's got it figured pretty good.
-Listen, crap! He'll get you all killed!
We're getting killed now, pal,
for $ a month.
What good is a bonus when you're dead?
The risk is the same one we've been taking
since we hit the beaches.
Only then you didn't have a choice,
now you do!
Three days from now
we're going back into the line.
But this time we're doing it for ourselves.
Kelly's even got us armor support.
Three Shermans from the st.
Who's in command?
It's a top-line outfit!
I personally recommend them!
You butt out! The only time you come out
of the ground is when you smell a profit.
I'm coming out now
'cause Kelly has the perfect caper!
For you it's a vacation. Six days
out of seven you're behind the lines.
We're at the broken end of a bottle
all the time, so you butt out!
Who's in command?
A guy named Oddball.
Oddball! He's a freak!
He's got three Shermans all ready to go.
What guarantee is that?
He's ready to go? He's a nut.
We're all nuts or we wouldn't be here.
Hey, look. Let me tell you guys something.
There's certain rules and regulations
governing the fighting of a war.
And the first one is that
you never stick your neck out for nobody!
Unless you're some kind of a hero type.
And I haven't seen any hero types
around here lately.
Talking's not gonna do any good, Joe.
These men are all going.
Who will lead them?
If you don't, I will.
Just listen to Kelly for a minute, Joe.
He's got it all sewed, man.
The route, the timing,
the supplies, everything.
What do you say, Corporal?
I don't know, Joe.
I figure if I got to go, it might just as well
be this trip as the next one.
I'm for it.
How about it, Cowboy?
I reckon I'm gonna have to go along
with it, Joe.
They're all for it.
What happens when Maitland finds out
we're not here?
He'll figure we've been sent back
to the front lines.
Man, he never knows
where we are anyway.
Okay, show me what you've got.
The road's yards beyond those trees.
Let me look at that map, will you?
What ifthey've put up road blocks?
Doesn't matter. All that matters is
Mulligan being on time.
Mulligan is on time!
On time and on target!
He ain't ever been that yet!
Well, there's always a first time.
I figure the town is about
a quarter of a mile straight ahead.
-What happens if it isn't there?
-It better be. I went through it last night.
We've only got a few minutes left,
so let's get moving.
Stick close to me.
I don't want to be waiting on anyone.
We'll be there, Kelly.
All right. Move out, Cowboy.
That nut has got to be nuts.
-Everything all right, Kelly?
-Everything's all right.
You sure you got the time straight
Yeah, I got the time straight with Mulligan.
Whether Mulligan can tell time or not
is another question.
That crazy Mulligan's dropping them
all over the place.
Shut up, you pain in the ass!
This man is the man I have
on my mind today!
I'll tell you who he is.
This is my opposite number!
General Bogel, commanding
the Second German Armored Division!
When I look at that face,
I can read that character.
This guy's a loser.
Here I am sitting in his headquarters.
I'm drinking his scotch.
I've even got one of his broads
hanging around here somewhere.
The guy's a born loser...
...but you, gentlemen,
have not buried him yet.
-You call yourselves leaders of men?
-They're putting up strong resistance.
Come on, Roach.
I flew over the battlefield this morning.
I could march a divisional dress parade
with band music right through their lines!
What about our flanks?
To hell with your flanks!
How many times I have to tell you?
Forget about your flanks, will you?
There's still a half a Panzer Division
between here and Nancy.
Without gas, gentlemen!
They're getting gas.
It's coming up at night.
The Air Force has got my orders
to blow up every bridge in this sector!
They're doing it and the Germans
are rebuilding the bridges every night.
We're supposed to be blowing them up
again in the daytime.
Get me those aerial photographs!
Last night someone gave orders
to redirect our mortar fire...
...against some damn crossroads.
Listen, Roach. I don't want any excuses
out of you, you hear me?
I want to know why this loser of a general
is keeping me the hell out of Nancy!
Sir, we haven't got the supplies.
It's a matter of logistics.
We've got logistics coming out of our ears!
What we need is fighting spirit!
The will to win!
Where are those aerial photographs?
I'm sorry. They don't seem to be here.
They don't what?
I can't locate them, sir.
Did you lose my aerial photographs?
It looks to me
like there ain't no bridges still up.
What's this here?
It's a bridge.
It looks like some kind of railroad bridge.
Even if we make that...
...we've still got a river to cross later on.
Right over there.
Let Kelly worry about that. Our problem is
getting through German lines, right?
It's a railroad bridge, ain't it?
We swing down onto the railroad tracks
and right over the mother bridge.
Suppose the bridge ain't there?
Don't hit me with negative waves
so early in the morning.
Think that bridge will be there
and it will be there.
It's a mother, beautiful bridge
and it's gonna be there.
How many, Grace?
How many, Kelly?
About six and I figure about eight loose.
How about you, Willard?
About the same.
How many clips did you use last night?
You're trigger-happy, Gutkowski.
Here's two more.
Take it easy, okay?
Take it easy.
Want some K rations, Crapgame?
No, thanks, kid.
I could use some water.
Do you got any water?
I'm gonna get some water, okay, kid?
Hey, who are you writing to?
Do you write often?
Where are you from?
Do you miss your mother?
Good talking to you, kid.
Big Joe wants to see you
over at the command jeep.
Yeah, just a few little things, Kelly.
According to this map...
...we got a river to cross before we get
into this town of yours.
Yeah, well, there's a bridge right here.
Six miles out.
There was a bridge.
The Air Corps knocked every bridge
out of that river months ago.
The Air Corps knocks them out by day
and the Germans rebuild them by night.
All we have to do is get there tomorrow
at dawn and we've got ourselves a bridge.
How about the German Army?
Do you think they'd mind us
crossing their bridge?
Do you know something, Kelly?
I think you're crazy.
Better yet, I think I'm crazy!
How did I ever let you
talk these guys into this?
Push miles behind enemy lines,
take a bridge held by Germans...
...then go into a town that we don't know
how many German soldiers are guarding!
I figure there's between and troops
in that town.
All right. How did you figure that?
Well, it's of no military importance.
It's not big enough for a garrison.
You still didn't answer the question!
How did you figure or men?
Because that's the normal amount
of support for three Tiger tanks.
Where did the Tigers come from?
That's why we have Oddball
and his Shermans.
Does he know about the Tigers?
You bet your sweet ass he doesn't!
Or he'd still be on that funny farm of his!
He may be nuts, but he's not crazy enough
to put Shermans up against Tigers!
Once these things get rolling, they'll blow
that whole town to pieces, including us!
You're too smart to let that happen, Joe.
You'll figure us a way in and out
of that town.
I know you have a good head for tactics.
And I intend to keep it right here
on my shoulders, Kelly.
With these Tigers, this operation goes
above and beyond the call of duty!
That's right, Joe.
$ million, above and beyond.
Hey, look, Kelly.
You're pressing their luck
and they've only got so much of it left.
It's a long, long way to Berlin.
And they'll need every inch of that luck
before this cockamamie war is over!
Come on, on the double!
Let's get the equipment out of the trucks!
On the double, move it out! Here.
That idiot's one of ours!
This is crazy, isn't it, Willard?
-Anybody get the plane's number?
-Why? Who will you complain to?
Move it out, move it out.
-Still think we can make it, wise guy?
-We can still try.
Well, Oddball better show up, Kelly.
That's all I got to say, he'd better show up.
Move it out!
-How is it?
-There's a hole right through the cylinder.
-How about the radio equipment?
The pack radio is okay,
but the rest has had it.
Pick it up and take it with you.
I got your equipment, Joe.
I told you! We should've never gone in
on this deal.
Well, you never told me!
Yes, I did.
Is this why we pay taxes?
To be bombed by our own Air Force?
What do we do now?
Pick up our equipment and get out of here
before a German patrol comes along.
Let's move the stuff up to the wall,
on the double!
-Everybody all right?
-I think so.
What happened, Joe?
-Where the hell have you been?
-I had to go.
We all have to go!
Come on! We've got miles to walk
and hours to walk it in, so move it out!
Must I carry all this equipment, the satchel
and the . caliber machine gun?
Give the . caliber to the Hustler.
He wants to be a hero.
Here you are, old buddy.
Thanks! Get yourself a bucket of grits!
All right, Corporal, let's go.
Move them out!
Move it out, Penn!
It's a long way.
Move it out!
Kelly, get on the point.
Why did you get me elected to carry this?
You wanted in on this?
Then learn to carry your own load.
Come on, move it out!
Yeah, up yours!
Take it easy, take it easy. Take it easy.
Okay, hold it. Hold it!
It looks like we've got
a military installation up ahead.
So, make it the same deal as before.
We'll go into a triangular formation.
I'll go down the slot.
Moe, you go down the right flank.
Whiskey, down the left. Keep it tight.
Don't break it up until I give you the word.
Okay, button up and let's go.
All right, lay four rounds in there heavy!
Come on, move it! Move it!
Bring it around, Howard!
-All right, let's go, Petuko.
Move them out, Corporal.
Let's go, Babra.
Wake up, Gutkowski. Let's go.
All right, Hustler, let's go.
This was your idea. How come
we don't go back to our own lines?
It's further back
than it is to where we're going.
I know what. Let's surrender, I'm hungry.
All right! I buy it.
I'll make you $
if you carry the machine gun.
You got it on you?
-Don't you trust me?
-No, I don't.
What do you think I am, a vault?
You think I carry money on me?
I ask you a favor
and you don't want to help me?
All I asked you to do is carry
the machine gun. I'll give you $ .
-Do you have it?
-I don't have it on me!
You guys keep quiet.
It's still up.
No, it ain't.
You see what sending out
them negative waves did, Moriarty?
That ain't my fault, Oddball.
I've had nothing but good thoughts
about that damn bridge ever since we left!
What happens now?
It looks like we're gonna find ourselves
Where are we gonna come up
with another bridge?
There you go, more negative waves!
Have a little faith, baby.
Have a little faith.
Now go on, get down into your hole.
nd Engineers. Bridging Unit.
Corporal Roamer speaking.
Don't try to be funny, Oddball!
What do you want?
I'm calling you from a café
about miles south of Mesurier.
I wondered if you could do me a favor?
I got a map here someplace that says
we haven't even captured that place yet!
Yeah, so I heard.
Everybody seems very friendly.
Look, baby, I'm kind of hung up.
I need about feet of bridge.
How am I supposed to get feet of bridge
miles behind the German lines?
I'm about to put you onto something good
and you are giving me your problems.
This sector's so screwed up, nobody knows
where the German lines or our lines are.
I got through with no problem.
I've got a bank back here with $ million
waiting to be picked up. Are you in?
They haven't got you back
in the nut ward again, have they?
Bellamy! For crying out loud!
That is the lousiest, stinking,
most awful, stupid joke!
You're always pulling
that stinking, awful, stupid joke!
You don't want in this thing, don't get in!
I cut you out of everything!
I don't need you. feet of bridge,
I can pick up almost anywhere! Shmuck!
All right, all right!
Look, with three tanks, it's easy.
With a -foot bridge it's something else!
I need support units, Oddball.
I need at least guys!
Where do I find men, just like that?
Eighteen miles to....
We've walked into a minefield.
All right, who bought it?
There's a road right up here
at the edge of the field.
Mark that spot and head for the road.
Take out your bayonets...
...and move towards Kelly!
Move the men down slowly!
You pick up Grace's B.A.R.
and head this way!
Jonesy, for Christ's sake stand still!
Go see if Grace is still alive.
Jonesy, will you get the hell down?
Looks all right up here.
All right, you guys, keep it moving!
Hey, I found one!
What kind is it?
The kind that blows up!
How the hell do I know what kind it is?
Mark the spot and keep moving, Hustler.
I'll mark it!
Gutkowski, get down there on that bend
and keep an eye out.
Okay, bring the B.A.R.
Penn, get that . caliber set up
the other side of the wall.
I could've been in the States
playing ping-pong, volleyball...
...plenty of broads.
Who the hell needs all this?
I'm gonna get my knife
and get the hell out of here.
Now I got to lift up this cannon.
Carry it all the way
to the front line someplace.
The damn thing is heavier
than Kelsey's burgers.
Sure, I'll get a rupture yet
with this damn thing.
Move it now!
On the double, across the road.
Stay on Kelly's path all the way!
On the double!
Come on, Hustler. Move it, move it.
It's all safe for you, now.
I hope you have to take the gas pipe!
-All the way, you jerk!
-Go to hell!
Let's go, Cowboy! Move it!
Come on, Willard. Let's mount up, boy.
Anything we can do for you, Corporal?
No, thanks. We're all right.
-Come on, Willard. Hit it, boy.
How did we get talked into this mess?
It took seconds to talk you into this.
But we were supposed to ride, not walk.
Nobody said anything about mines...
...or shlepping this machine gun
all over the country!
Quit your bitching and just remember
what's at the end of the line.
There's a patrol coming in.
All right! Spread them out
across the road!
Move it! Your crabs will leave you now!
Get that gun set up
on the other side of the wall.
Move it, Petuko, move it!
-Don't forget about the broads!
-You horny bastard!
Get the hell out of there!
You'll never make it!
We'll cover you from the road.
-Don't move unless they spot you.
-Right! Go on.
Set up the B.A.R. there.
All right, stay down and load up.
Stay down, load up!
Stay down, hold your fire.
-Let's get out of here. Let's go back.
-Take it easy.
It's too late, now.
We're better off here, anyway.
Get your head down.
Nice and easy.
Let's move it out.
All right, you heard me!
I said, move it out!
Maybe they're only wounded.
They're dead, so forget it. Let's move.
There's a whole column
of Shermans coming over the hill!
Take it easy. Go get your packs!
Pick up your equipment!
Go on down and load up.
I thought you said three Shermans.
Those nuts have brought halfthe Army
Okay, keep a move on.
Let's keep on coming.
Come on. Okay, move.
Are you ready for this?
Split how many ways, stupid?
Come on, Willard!
What is this? What is this, a ball game?
Who are these guys?
They're my friends, Crapgame.
Friends? Where'd you find them?
Here and there.
There's a bunch of refugees over there!
It's a band.
A band? What do we need a band for?
Have a little faith, Crapgame.
They're beautiful people.
Kid, pull yourselftogether.
We ain't in the middle of Central Park!
How do you figure on moving through
enemy terrain with a column a mile long?
Easy. We can fight. We got an army.
Those freaks! That ain't an army,
it's a circus!
Take it easy, Big Joe.
Some of these people
have got sensitive feelings.
Who's the guy in charge?
What's the deal with the gold?
Any man who gets to the town
and hits the bank, gets an equal share.
But don't try to cross us.
There's gonna be trouble.
Who's gonna make it, boy?
Get out and start it!
Take it easy, big mouth.
You get out of here.
Everybody else up on the tanks.
Let's move out!
Don't double-cross us!
-Any double-crossing will be your fat lip!
Everybody up on that tank. Let's go!
We're not going
with those cowboys, are we?
We've got $ million up for grabs
and we won't let those clods beat us to it.
Now, let's get moving.
I say, Booker?
The old man was just on the line!
He says I've broken through
a long and entire front!
Why wasn't I told?
I don't know, sir.
You're the Communications Officer!
You're supposed to be able
Who's broken through
and how far have they gone?
Well, no one has, sir.
It seems someone's found a hole
in the right flank.
They're trying to push elements
of the st and the th into it.
"Elements of the st and th"?
Who's pushing them in there,
and where the hell are they?
I don't know, sir.
I'm coming down there, Booker!
What's the use of a communications officer
who can't communicate?
He's more like a damn military censor!
I'm back from Paris. I got everything.
All I want is to know
whether we have broken through or not!
It's hard to say for certain, sir.
Nothing's been confirmed yet.
We've intercepted some signals
that suggest some action at a bridge...
Is that Clermont, Booker?
Then why in the hell didn't you say so?
That's miles beyond their lines!
You got them on the radio?
It's hard to pick them up clearly
at this time in the morning.
It has to do with the ionosphere.
Get the ionosphere the hell offthe air
and get them on!
Get out of there, Soldier.
Do something else.
-What's the frequency?
- kc, sir.
You won't find them easy to follow.
They're using some kind of code.
Words like "bank heist,
Crapgame, Big Joe...
"...Little Joe, Oddball--"
Can anybody get rid of
that machine gun for me.
-Yes, sir, there! That's it, that's them!
There! Right on sir. Right there.
There they are, sir. Those are the signals
we've been picking up.
Will you shut up and let me try and listen
to what they're saying?
Oddball, this Kelly.
Kelly, what the hell's going on
out there, man?
It's cleared ofinfantry. What doyou hear
from those other two tanks?
No chance, man. They've both had it.
One's in the river, the other's burning.
Yeah, I can see them from here. Over.
Where's Big Joe?
On the other side. Get offthe line,
I'll get in touch with him.
Okay. Over and out.
Kelly to Big Joe. Kelly to Big Joe. Over.
Kelly, it's Crapgame.
What's happening over there?
They're dropping artillery
all over the place! That's what.
Where's Big Joe?
He's not here. He's pinned down
under the bridge.
Well, get him for me! Over.
Damn! Are we losing them?
We just had them good a minute ago!
I'm doing it, Booker!
What should I do with this?
Get the hell out of here!
We've got the game on!
Kelly, this Big Joe.
It's pretty clear over here,
except for the artillery.
The bridge is too far gone for vehicles.
You can bring the men over by foot.
Get them moving.
Okay, I'll send them over
in twos and threes. Out.
Petuko, Willard! Drop your packs
and take the equipment across the bridge.
Kelly, what did Big Joe say?
Says he's sending them across.
Tell him to hurry up.
It's getting hotter than hell in here!
-What's going on?
-We're crossing over.
-You're not crossing over without us!
-Then grab your trucks and come on up.
The bridge is too badly damaged.
You want to come, fix it.
Half my equipment's jammed up
in the rear!
We've lost two tanks already!
I won't stick around to lose a third!
Listen, we made a deal!
Not with me, you didn't.
Here! You talk to Kelly.
Cowboy, stay with the truck.
This is Bellamy for Kelly!
We can't use the bridge.
We can't ford the river.
So what do we do?
Go team go. Go!
You've got bridging equipment. Over.
That's a five-hour operation.
Can you hold on for five hours? Over.
No, no! Move! On, on! Move!
We're not gonna hold on for five minutes.
You can catch up.
Kelly, we're all in this together.
You can't go it alone! Over!
We're not gonna wait five hours, either.
If you can't keep up, that's your problem.
We're pulling out
and we're pushing forward! Over!
Attack! Attack! Attack!
That's fighting spirit I was talking about!
Listen to that guy!
If he was a major, he's a colonel now!
This the Grave Diggers Registration Unit.
We got a stake in this advance, too.
Did you ever hear enthusiasm like that
in all your life?
They've even got the damn Grave Diggers!
What the hell am I doing here?
Bonsor! Get me my uniform!
-I wonder where Cowboy is?
Give me that gun!
Pick up that radio!
Hurry up you guys!
We haven't got much time!
Crapgame, do you like the Army?
Let's go! Let's get out of here!
All right, let's move them out!
-This is it, Penn. We're on our way, baby.
-Cowboy, come on! Hurry up!
Here we go!
-Come on, Cowboy! This train's leaving.
-Give me your hand.
Somebody grab that radio.
There you go! Come on, up, up!
That a boy, come on!
Booker, tell General Castle
that I want every man in this Army...
...on the road within the hour.
I'm pushing on to the Rhine.
But, sir, Clermont's miles
behind enemy lines.
That you, Maitland?
Just back from Paris, sir.
Get my vehicle and driver around here.
You get my box of medals.
I'll decorate every man in this penetration,
whoever they are.
They've saved the reputation
of this entire Army.
You're supposed to fight this battle
and you don't even know where it is!
I'll tell you where it is! It's miles
beyond where you thought it was!
Come on, let's get this Army of mine
back in the war!
Will you send that?
Shouldn't you wait for the Army
to get ahead of you?
History waits for no man.
I have an appointment with destiny
Take this weapon, Maitland.
All right, boy! Make this thing fly.
-General, your medals.
-Good luck, sir.
We're in the bell tower of the church.
You can see the whole town
from up here almost.
There's not much happening.
They're still asleep.
There's three Tigers in the square
right down below us.
Do you see anything
that looks like it might be a bank?
It's got to be this building right here
to the right ofus.
Canyou see it from where you are?
They've got two machine guns
and guards on the roof.
I don't think I can see much
of the center of town from up here.
No, just a lot of roof tops
and bombed out buildings.
Beside the tanks, can you see anything
that might house support units?
There's a big brown building
right behind the bank with a jeep...
...and two guards and about three trucks.
There's a German officer walking around
the bank towards the brown building.
What doyou think?
We shouldn't have trouble
unless it's with the Tigers.
We can take the machine gunners
on the rooffrom here...
...ifyou can keep them busy for a while.
Or maybe we can go down
and get a closer look.
No, stay there. Keep an eye out.
See if you can find out
where those troops are housed.
Well, what do you think, Oddball?
It's a wasted trip. Nobody said anything
about locking horns with Tigers.
Look. You just keep those Tigers busy,
and we'll take care of the rest.
The only way I got to keep the Tigers busy
is to let them shoot holes in me.
We just want you to keep them interested
for a while.
Oh, man! You guys are crazy!
When we was in the bocage country,
we was assaulted by them Tigers!
You know what I mean by "assaulted"?
Well, I mean assaulted!
Why don't you knock it off
with them negative waves?
Why don't you dig
how beautiful it is out here?
Why don't you say something righteous
and hopeful for a change?
All right, so it's a beautiful day.
Now, let's get down to cases.
The Tiger is an open-country tank.
We happen to have these and a small town
with narrow streets.
And we do have the element of surprise.
A Tiger has only one weak point.
That's its ass.
You've got to hit it point blank
and you've got to hit it from behind.
We don't have the element of surprise.
They will hear our Detroit motors
long before we even get inside that town.
What if I can show you a way to get
into that town so they don't hear you?
This is your hour of glory,
and you're chickening out.
To a New Yorker like you,
a hero is some type of weird sandwich.
Not some nut who takes on three Tigers!
Nobody's asking you to be a hero.
Then you sit up in that turret, baby.
No. 'Cause you'll be up there, baby.
And I'll be right outside
showing you which way to go.
Crazy. I mean, so many positive waves,
maybe we can't lose. You're on.
You got anything?
No, not much.
They just keep coming and going
from the brown building behind the bank.
In minutes, start ringing that bell.
Keep ringing it as long as you can. Got it?
Gutkowski, five minutes afterwards,
get the guards on top of the bank.
All right, let's move out.
Kelly, where in the heck are you, man?
We're just outside of town.
How's it look up there?
Well, it doesn't look too good from here.
They've got all those Tigers fired up
Looks like they're getting ready
for some heavy duty action.
I think we ought to pull out ofhere, pal.
No, stay right there.
That's just routine.
The Tigers turn their engines over
for minutes every three, four hours.
Just routine, Cowboy. Stay put.
Boy, I sure hope you're right, Kelly.
'Cause our asses will be hanging out
up here if you ain't. I'm not kidding.
Nothing's gonna be hanging out.
Now, just relax. Out.
Sure you're right about those Tigers?
Sure, I'm right.
Ifthose engines are turning over,
we can sneak right up the edge of town.
Nobody would hear us.
Shall I move out?
Stay here, until I signal you.
I'm mounting up, partner.
Don't you get lonely up here
without me now, you hear?
All right, let's go!
Switch it on and move it out!
Give me that hand radio.
The bell's making so much noise,
he can't hear us.
I thought that was what you wanted!
So the Germans can't hear us.
Now, move them out. Slow.
Move out! Slow!
Hold it! Hold it!
It's a mark six. And we got it by the ass.
All right, move out!
All right, get out of here.
Come on, you idiot.
Will you knock it off
with those cockamamie bells?
Kelly told me to ring them.
I know, but they know we're here already.
So, knock it off.
You guys smell like you fell
into a dung heap.
It kind of makes you homesick, don't it?
It does kind of, doesn't it, old buddy?
-All right, move out!
All right, ready to turn right.
We need explosives to get these open.
This place is built like Fort Knox!
Cowboy, check around and see
ifthere's a back door.
Can you see anything?
There's a big lump
in the middle of the floor.
There's a Tiger coming down the street!
Cowboy, come here!
Get a hold of his arm. Take it easy, boy.
Easy, easy does it.
Don't tell me to take it easy.
You take it easy.
What are you doing?
I'm drinking wine and eating cheese,
and catching some rays. You know?
The tank's broken
and they're trying to fix it.
Then why aren't you helping them?
I only ride them,
I don't know what makes them work.
Definitely an anti-social type.
That's my other dog imitation.
-Where did he get it?
-Right here in the leg.
What do you mean?
Ain't that enough for you?
How do you feel?
Great. Since when did you give a damn
how I felt?
Okay, wise guy, forget it.
What do you want?
How things are going with the bank?
The Sherman's broken down and nobody
can move that Tiger out of the square.
Then make a deal.
What kind of a deal?
A deal deal!
Maybe the guy's a Republican.
Business is business.
Okay, big mouth.
Come on, Jonesy! Get it going, Dave.
Let's go! Get it going!
Come on, let's go! Get in there! Come on!
Come on, let's go! Roll it in there!
Bellamy, come on! We're almost finished!
Right! Okay, let's go!
Let's move it out here!
Come on, bring them around!
Where are you from, Sergeant?
Stand up straight
when the General speaks to you.
Don't you feel bad about it.
You're a hell of a soldier,
I just want to shake your hand.
All America's real proud of you today.
All right, come on.
I got a medal here in the jeep for you.
It's shot, Kelly.
Maybe we can use the fuel pump
from that Tiger.
No, it won't work on this motor.
Oddball, I can't make it work without
the parts no matter how positive I think!
This guy in the Tiger, the least we could do
is get him on the radio and talk to him.
Are you crazy?
He must be a full fanatic freak! Otherwise,
he would've split minutes ago.
All this guy is doing,
is guarding the bank like he was told.
But I wonder if he knows what's in it.
The fuel system is rotten.
We have gasoline all over the place.
Hey, look, Max....
You and us, we're just soldiers, right?
We don't even know
what this war's all about.
All we do is we fight and we die.
And for what?
We don't get anything out of it.
In about half an hour, the American Army's
gonna be coming down that road.
Why don't you do yourself a big fat favor
and get the hell out of here?
I have orders.
This bank isn't to fall in the hands
of the American Army.
This bank's not gonna fall into the hands
of the American Army, but in our hands.
You see, we're just
a private enterprise operation.
You the American Army.
No, baby, we ain't.
You know what's inside that bank, man?
There's $ million worth of gold
in that bank, sweetheart.
That's about million marks.
...all you have to do to have an equal share
of this money...
...is crank this turret around
and blow a hole in that door.
I told you!
No more payments.
You got it! Hit it!
Come on, Little Joe!
What are you gonna do with yours?
Get me a new Hudson
with an electric shift.
I'm gonna get me a ranch in Texas,
...and let it go.
I told you it'd work, I told you!
No, you never told me.
You never told me.
Come on, Babra, keep it moving.
One Cadillac coming up, Willard!
No, I'm getting a pick-up truck.
Okay, Crapgame, we got our cut,
I'm moving out.
Right. Take it easy, kid.
See you, Big Joe!
Okay. Stay lucky, you nut!
See you, babe!
These are getting heavy.
-Buy you a lot of broads.
-I'll drink to that.
Come on, let's go. Move it out!
Come on, Babra, keep it moving!
We have small car full.
We go now.
You take care of yourself now.
See? What did I tell you?
Now look, Oddball. The trade
for the uniforms I can understand.
But to buy this tank, you got to be crazy!
It's a mother beautiful tank!
It's a piece of junk.
The fuel system leaks all over the place!
It's a piece of junk!
Always with the negative waves, Moriarty.
Always with the negative waves!
The General's on the edge of town.
Right this minute!
You go help with the gold.
What do you want?
After splitting with Oddball and
the Germans we should have boxes.
At $ a box...
...that's how much?
That's $ .
Very good, Fisher. You win a cookie.
Thank you very much.
I just wanted you to know
that we appreciate it very much. All of us.
The General's coming. Eisenhower!
You don't understand.
De Gaulle! De Gaulle!
The General de Gaulle is coming.
Right now! De Gaulle!
De Gaulle! De Gaulle!
De Gaulle! De Gaulle!
Vive de Gaulle!
All right, keep it moving!
Come on, move it!
The cavalry's coming down the road!
Give us a hand.
-What are they saying, Maitland?
-They seem to think you're de Gaulle.
De Gaulle? He ain't even in this war.
Vive les Américains!
We did it!
We got it! We did it!
We did it!