Kindergarten Cop Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Kindergarten Cop script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Arnold Schwarzenegger movie.  This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Kindergarten Cop. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

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Kindergarten Cop Script



Excuse me.






You shouldn't be here.



I know. Ask for

at least $     okay?



I'll get as much

as I can. You hide.



His wife took his kid

and a couple of million...



and we won't

get a thousand.



Shut up

and stay hidden.



I told him

I was coming alone.



Hey, Mr. Crisp.



How's it going?



You said you had information

about my family.



Yeah, yeah, I do.



Well, let's have it.



Well, it's going to cost you.



Like $    ?



Okay, that's obviously

not my final offer.



    would be fine.



I mean, more than fine.



Just tell me what

you have, Danny...



and I'll take

good care of you.






That sounds fair.



I was doing a delivery

for Corky last week



out of state...



and I ran into your ex.



How'd she look?



She looked great,

Mr. Crisp. Yeah.



She changed her hair

and stuff...



but she looked like

a million dollars.



In fact, she looked like

about $  million.



Did she see you?



No. I was

changing a tire...



and suddenly, there she was

across the street...



taking her kid

into this school.



My boy?



Looked great.



He looked very healthy.



It's a real nice, healthy place

where they're living.



It snows in winter there.






where are they?



At the school

where I saw them...



Astoria Elementary School.






It's in Astoria, Oregon.



All right.



Did you tell

anyone else this?






No way.



Hey, I'm not stupid,

Mr. Crisp.



You're not?






Danny! No!









Get up!



Don't you die on me!



I didn't kill him.

I didn't kill him.



Was it Crisp?



I don't know.

I didn't see anything.



What are you doing?



Hey, hey, hey!



Stop it! Don't do that!



Don't go anywhere.



Let me go!



No! Let me off of him!



I don't like

what you've done.



I really don't like it.



It feels terrible,

and it looks dreadful.



I'm trying my best.



Maybe your best

isn't good enough.



I'm back.



Oh, great.

Well, that was fast.



It was easy.



I have some great, exciting,

wonderful news, Mother.



Oh, you always

exaggerate, Cullen.



Everything is always

great, terrific.



So, what's so great?



I just found out

where they're hiding.



Are you serious?

You really know where he is?



Manicure, Mr. Crisp?



Oh, how could I

say no to you?



Tell me.



What's happened?



Just let me

handle this myself, Mother.



I know what I'm doing.



Everything is under control.



It's all right.

I'm a police officer.



Crisp, you're under arrest.



Put your hands on your head



and get up!



Kimble, not again!



Your hands!



They're up.



When will you

leave me alone?



Drop the gun!

Drop the gun!



Hey, I'm a police officer.



This is an arrest.



This man's crazy.

Look at him.



He'll kill me.

You're just going to stand there?






I'm a cop!



I'm Detective John Kimble.



This man is under arrest.



I'm checking.



You can't just walk in here



and put a gun in my face.



I'm trying to get a manicure.



I have witnesses.



I have a witness, too.



It's murder one this time.



Now you're mine.



The bastard handcuffed me

to a dead man!



A dead man!



Come on. Sit down.



Now, did Danny ever say



what Crisp's wife looked like?






Did he ever say what name

she was using in Oregon?



He didn't say anything.



Look, I just

want to go home.



After the lineup,

I'll drive you home.



I'll even buy you dinner.



I'll even cook you dinner.



I'm not doing any lineup...



and there ain't jack shit

you can do about it!



I've been after Crisp

for four years...



and she's letting

my key witness walk away?



Kimble, sit down!



Sit down.



- Sit.

- Sit.



Now listen to me.



He killed your boyfriend.



All you have to do

is point your finger...



and we can put him away

for    years.



He wasn't my boyfriend.

I hardly knew the guy.



I know you're in there.



I know what you want,

but you ain't getting it.



No lineup, no testimony.



So shove your handcuffs

up your ass!



Now let me out of here!



Slow down!



Open it and let me out!



O'Hara, meet Kimble.



Kimble's been on this

a long time.






Let me take care of Cindy.



She'll make Crisp.

I guarantee it.



What are you going to do...



handcuff her to your car



and take her for a ride?



I'm not going to offer

to cook her dinner.



Kimble, hold on a second. L...



Difficult man.

Got to get to know him.



Oh, I can't wait.



Hey, baby.



What you mean, "Hey, baby"?



¿Dónde vas?






Oh, excuse me.



I forgot to introduce myself.



My name is John Kimble...



and I love my car.



I'll keep an eye

on it for you.



You got a beautiful ride.



Shit. Who does

he think he is?



He's lucky I didn't

kick his ass.



Open up.



You can't come in.



Thank you.



What the fuck?



All right...



party's over.



Everyone go home.



Next time, my place.



So who are you, man?






I'm the party-pooper.



Hi, Cindy.



Do you mind if I sit down?






Sit down, man.



Oh, it's so nice

to see you again.



What are you doing here,

you asshole?



Cindy, I don't like you

using foul language...



not a classy girl

like you.



Don't you have

anything better to do?



You don't understand.



I have nothing else to do...



and I have nowhere else to go.



Why are you staring

at me like that?



I like you, Cindy.



I'm going to be

around you a lot...



days, nights,

weekends, holidays.






No, you can't.



Yes, I can.



I'm going to

hang out with you



until the end of time.



All right, move it in. Let's go.



Step onto the numbers.



Face front.



Everybody, hands to your side.



That's the creep.






Number five.



That's him.






Very good.



Mr. Crisp, you will be

remanded into custody



until your trial.



Bailiff, remove the prisoner.



Shh. Don't say anything.



Just take it easy.



I'll take care of it.

Trust me.



You know what to do?



I'm your mother, aren't I?



Mind if I talk

to my friend a little bit?



I'm not talking to anybody

without my lawyer.



He's right in here.



You give me the names



of your drug suppliers

and distributors...



and I'll tell the judge



what a nice, cooperative killer

you are.



You think the jury's

going to convict me



on the testimony

of that junkie?



You could be right.



But what about your wife?



You remember her?



All that hard-earned drug money



she stole from you?



How much was it...



$  million?



I bet she would make

a much better witness.



Kimble, you've wasted years

chasing after me...



and what has it

gotten you, hmm?






I'll be out in a week...



and you'll still be

eating take-out food



in that dump you live in.



Yeah, I know all

about you, Kimble.



Without me, you wouldn't

even have a life.



My old lady left

'cause of the money.



Yours left because she just

couldn't stand the sight of you.



I've never seen anyone

so little



eat so much.



Yeah, I know.

I'm hypoglycemic.



If I don't eat regularly...



I get a little nuts.



So... where you from?






How long you been a cop?



I been a cop for    years.



My father was a cop...



my brother was a cop...



my mother was a cop's wife.



And I have no hobbies.



You two are booked on the first

flight to Portland tomorrow.



Locate Crisp's wife

and offer her immunity



in exchange for

her testimony against him.



No offense to O'Hallahan...



but this is my case,

and I work alone.



He works alone.



Not anymore.



She's going in undercover



as a substitute

kindergarten teacher.



Not exactly a job for you.



I used to be a teacher.



We'll be fine.



What do I do?



She locates the kid...



you find the mother

and the cash...



and Crisp spends his life

making license plates.



Bon voyage.



Oh, and, Kimble,

the name's O'Hara.



OK. Here's the wife at   .



Real name's Rachel Myatt.



She's from Hannibal, Missouri,

class of '  .



Cheerleader, first violin



in the school orchestra...



captain of the girls'

softball team.



Her ambition was "To travel...



experience life...



and meet interesting people."



Like Crisp.









Don't let him get to you.



That's her    years later.



It's a great shot of an ear.



You get in touch

with her parents?



They're both dead.



The only relative

she's got left is the kid.






Okay. This is the only picture

we have of him.



Cullen Jr., aged   months.



That helps much.



It's the best I could do.



Breakfast, sir? Ma'am?






No. No, no.



That's a first.



Listen, I was

just thinking.



Maybe we should

take a wild stab



at getting to know each other



before we have to pretend

we're married.



What do you want to know?



How long have we been married?



A long time.



People won't expect us

to talk much to each other.



I want to read it, too.



Stop it.






Let me take a look.



Hey, come here.



If you don't stop

screwing around back there...



this is what

I'll do with you.






What's the matter?



I don't know.



I just don't feel so good.



You hungry?



I got to get out

of here right now.



Get those tree stumps

out of my way



before I vomit all over them.



Is your wife okay, sir?



Compared to what?



Maybe it was the burrito.



Or it could've been the sausages.



I don't think it was

the crab salad.



It couldn't

have been the doughnuts.



Excuse me.



Oh, I hate feeling like this.



I hate it, too.






Uh-oh what?






pull over.






Yeah. Please hurry.



The key!



Give me the key!



Do you need a hand?



You okay?



I'm fine.



I'll be fine.



Class starts

at  :   in the morning.



I'll be fine.



You look much better already.



Oh. Kindergarten,  -year-olds.



That's why I quit teaching,

you know.



I got so sick

of other people's kids.



I was afraid that

I'd never want to have any



of my own.



I have a son.



He's   .



I remember

when he was  .



He lives with his mother

and stepfather.






What's the matter?












Oh, excuse me.

I forgot to tell you.



This is my ferret.



He doesn't bite.

Don't worry.



Come on.

Come on out.



This is all I need...

an obstacle.



A goddamn obstacle.



He sends me an obstacle.






Oh, God.



Don't worry.



I'm going to make it.



I just need a minute.



I'll be ready

in just a minute.



I just got...



Oh, God.



How do I look?



Take off the gun.



That's a good idea.



The little bastards

are going to eat you alive.



Get some rest,

and don't worry.



I've been working undercover

for a long time.



They're  -year-olds.



How much trouble

can they be?



On second thought...



take the gun.






I sent you to

the principal's office



because you punched Jenny.



I know. She poisoned

your hamsters.



She told me all about it...



and she's very sorry.



And I'm sorry that

I didn't believe you.



- But you shouldn't punch people.

- But she...



Mr. Kimble, Miss Schlowski

will see you now.



Let's go back to class.



Can I help you?



I'm John Kimble,

your new kindergarten teacher.



We were expecting

a Miss O'Hara.



There's been

a change of plan.



Four weeks into

the new semester...



my superintendent told me

I had to replace Mrs. Hagley...



a kindergarten teacher

of    years' experience...



with an undercover

police officer...



and he wouldn't even tell me why.



I don't suppose you

would do me the courtesy



of filling me in.



I can't do that.






You can't do that.



I'm watching you.



All I have to do

is tell my parents



that you're

with the police...



and they'll yank their kids



out of this school so fast...



we'd have to close.



And don't you think I won't



if I feel my children

are in any danger.



They're not in danger.



I assume you have

some teaching experience.



They wouldn't have

sent me otherwise.



Just wait here a minute.



Everybody sit down

on the carpet!



Good morning, everyone.



Good morning, Miss Schlowski.



Your teacher, Mrs. Hagley



had to go on

an important trip.



Where'd she go?



That doesn't matter.



Did she die?



No, Lowell.

She went to see someone.



Did they die?



No, Lowell.



Everyone dies, you know.



I know, but not

for a long, long time.



Now, until Mrs. Hagley

comes back...



we have someone special to help.



This is Mr. Kimble...



your new kindergarten teacher.



Now, let's everybody say,

"Good morning, Mr. Kimble."



Good morning, Mr. Kimble.



Good morning.



They're all yours.



I'll be watching you.






How are you?



I'm very happy to be here.



First I would like

to just get to know you.






I'm going to ask you

a bunch of questions.



I want to have them

answered immediately.



How many of you

were born in Astoria?



Raise your hands.

Let's see them.



Okay, hmm.



Now, anyone that was not

born in Astoria...



somewhere outside

like California...



raise your hands.






I need to go

to the bathroom.



Okay. You can go.



Boys have a penis.



Girls have a vagina.



Thanks for the tip.






I need to go

to the bathroom...



and I can't get

these things off.



I'll get someone

to help you.



I'll be right back, okay?



You've learned that

the "e" is often silent



when it immediately

follows another vowel.



Now write and say

these words...



Oh, um...



class, uh, Catherine...



can you take over

for me, please?



Thank you.



"E" is the fifth letter

of the alphabet.



Yes, can I help you?



I have a problem.



Mr. Kimble...



I need to go real bad.



First day?






I'll take care of her.



Thank you.



You know, kindergarten

is like the ocean.



Don't turn your back on it.



They're okay.



Don't worry.



Everything is under control.









What are you doing with this?



Aren't you going

to break it up?



No. Two more days of this...



and he'll quit.



Shut up!



Shut up! Shut up!



Shut up.






Don't start this.









This is your new class mascot.



What happened to your dog?



This is not a dog.



This is a ferret.



What's a ferret?



That's a ferret.






If he bites you,

you get rabies and die.



No. That's not true.



He never bites.



Can I pet him?



Sure, but one at a time, okay?



Good. Okay, next one.

Come on.












Good. Now we're having fun.



What's that

supposed to mean?



Mrs. Hagley

is a lot better than you.



Is she?



Is she really?



My mom's a teacher

in this school...



and she's a lot better

than you, too.






On Monday nights,

my mom tutors



and Mrs. Quinn

takes care of me.



She's better than you, too.






And Frankie,

my swimming teacher...



and Gus, my T-ball coach,

are better than you, too.



I really appreciate

your honesty.



You happen to know someone

that's not better than me?



I don't know

that many people.






Are you there?



How did it go?



Go away.



It went that well, huh?



You take over tomorrow.



And blow our cover?



Can't do it.



They're horrible.



Tell me about it.



He's gay.



What kind of a man

teaches kindergarten?



He's obviously gay.



A male kindergarten teacher

isn't what I'm used to.



Samantha calls him

"The giant."



There he is.



Where, honey?



Holy cow, is that

your new teacher?






Oh, my God.



What are you doing?



- I'm not wearing makeup.

- None of us are.



You're married.

You're allowed to look like slobs.



Be good. I'll be back

to pick you up.



Good morning,

Mr. Kimble.



Good morning.



I told you he was big.



Play with the kids, honey.



Hi. I'm Jillian,

Sylvester's mom.



Do you have a minute?



I'd like to speak with you.









Thank you.



A male kindergarten teacher.



That's unusual.



You're not from

around here, are you?



No. I'm not.



Neither am I.












I have a small problem.






You see, Sylvester's father



doesn't live with us anymore...



and I've just been

worried about Sylvester.



He's been acting

a little strange lately...



You know, doing odd things.



Like what?



Well, it seems

that's he's becoming



a little obsessed

with playing with dolls.



You know, it's weird.



I think I can help you

with that.






He uses the dolls

to look up girls' skirts.



I caught him

doing it yesterday.



Oh. Oh, well,

that's a relief.



But I'll keep

an eye on him, okay?



Thank you.



Does Sylvester

ever see his father?



No. No, not since he was  .



His father lives in California.



That is far away.






Well, if you give me

his name and number...



I could talk to him



about taking

more interest in his son.



That's very kind,

but I don't think so.



But it's tough on Sylvester,

don't you think?






No, what's tough on Sylvester



is his father left us

for another man.



Are you married,

Mr. Kimble?



No, I'm not.



He's not married, Mom!



Welcome to Astoria...



the single-parent capital

of America.



Thank you for your time.



I pledge allegiance



to the flag



of the United States

of America...



and to the republic



for which it stands...



one nation, under God...






with liberty

and justice for all.



Are these all your lunches?



You mean you eat other

people's lunches?



Stop it!



Now we're going to do

something extremely fun.



We're going to play

a game called...



"Who is my daddy

and what does he do?"






Is your daddy a fireman?



He's probably big.

Is he a wrestler?



A basketball coach?



No, no.



What's the matter?



I have a headache.



It might be a tumor.



It's not a tumor!



It's not a tumor at all.



What I meant was...



you tell me who is your daddy



and what does he do?






Get it?



We start right here. You.



My dad repairs cars

driven by women who are pinheads.



My dad doesn't do

anything since the crash.



My dad gives money to people

that doesn't have money...



then people use that money...



then they give

other money back



and they give the same amount



of money back to my dad.



My dad doesn't live

with us anymore.



He lives in New York

and drives a taxi.



My mom hopes he's going to die

real soon.



My dad watches TV

all day long.



My dad works on computers...



and he's, um, the boss

of his company...



and, um, he has a mustache

and a beard.









He doesn't have that

much hair because...



and he...

his head is so big



that he can't wear any hats.



My dad's divorced.



My mom's divorced.



My dad, um,

is a psychologist...



and he helps people

that are hurt



or lost their feelings...



and, um, that's it.



Our mom says that our dad



is a real sex machine.






I don't know

what my dad does.



I haven't seen him

in a long time.



He lives in France.



My dad is a gynecologist...



and he looks at vaginas

all day long.



Mi papá trabaja

en la casa...



y él juega conmigo mucho.



Thank you.

Very good.



Okay. Next, uh...



What's his name

with his back to me?



His name's Zach Sullivan.



He doesn't like anyone

to talk to him.



He's a poo-poo head.



He's a poo-poo face.



He's a ca-ca poo-poo.



He's a poo-poo ca-ca.



- Poo-poo ca-ca!

- Poo-poo ca-ca!



- Poo-poo ca-ca!

- Poo-poo ca-ca!






That's enough.



Hey, Zach.



Did your daddy

teach you this game?



Come on, Zach.

Let's all play together.



It's so much more fun.



Leave me alone!



What's that?



It's a fire alarm!



Come on, come on.



Everyone together!

Come on.



I'm on fire!



Come on. All together!



I'm on fire!



Very straight.

Very straight.



Come on, come on.

Get all together.



Everything together.

Come on.



Come on. Quiet.



Quiet! Come on.



Shh! Quiet.



Well, we're all glad



the kindergarten class

could join us.



That's four minutes.



You should be ashamed

of yourselves.



All the other grades...



your times were an improvement...



but they're still

not good enough.



But they're still

not good enough.



I'm very disappointed.



All right, let's get

back into school.



Mrs. Sullivan!



Mrs. Sullivan!



So the doctor says

it's a stomach flu.



I'm fine. I can

eat anything I want.



Let's find a restaurant.



Can we talk business?



There are    boys

in the classroom.



So far I have three possible suspects,

one likely.



Here's a picture.

You listening?



I'm listening.



His name's Zach Sullivan.

What do you think?



He's cute.

Doesn't anybody eat around here?



Listen, he's a dead ringer

for Crisp. Look.



Maybe. Come on, John.

I'm hungry.



A table for two.

Thank you very much.



Two hot dogs.



Two hot dogs?



Mr. Kimble!

Mr. Kimble!






It's him, Mom.






Hello, Joyce.



Dominic has been a great help.



He's a good kid.



Who's that?









Oh, that?



Uh, that is, uh...



I am his sister.



Oh, really?



I wouldn't have guessed.



You have to excuse my brother.



He has no manners.



My name is Ursula.

Wonderful to meet you.



I'm visiting here

from Austria.



I'm Joyce Paulmarie.

I work at John's school.






And this is Dominic.



Nice to meet you.



Would you like

to join us for dinner?



- No.

- Ja.






Yes, of course.

That would be great.



Hi. There will

be four of us.



Table   .



Why did you tell her

you were my sister?



Relax, butch.

The love doctor is here.



Come to me.

I want to start.



Okay. I want

a rib eye steak



with mashed potatoes



and a large green salad.



Oh, no.

Wait a minute.



I want to start



with the spicy

chicken wings.



Are they the tiny ones

without meat?



Actually, it's quite

a large serving.



Ah, good.



Ooh, good arms.



And a large bowl

of the clam chowder.



Uh, and the blueberry pie



with ice cream for dessert.






I like how they talk.



I've been trying to get to

know the parents...



but some of them

are avoiding me.



Some of them

are like that.



It's a strange town that way...



especially with new arrivals.



What do you mean?



I think a lot of people



that come to small towns



are trying to get

away from something



or they're

hiding something.



Like what?



Well, for example,

what brought you here?



Me? Well,

there was an opening



for a kindergarten teacher.



Yeah, but what made you

become a kindergarten teacher?



I mean, it is a bit unusual.



John is a bit unusual.






You are.



I was born in Austria.



My father was a teacher.



My mother was a teacher.



So is Ursula.






We have a tradition in Austria



where we follow

the footsteps of our parents.



So when I moved

to this country...



I taught geography



and physical education

in Arizona...



and then I coached basketball



at an all-girls school

in Rhode Island, but...



none of it made me

really happy.



Why weren't you happy?



Ja. Why weren't you happy?



Well, I got tired of

teaching teenagers...



because by the time

they came to me...



I felt there wasn't

much I could do with them.



I realized that the real action

is in kindergarten.



How long have you been

teaching kindergarten?



It's my second day.






Ooh, excuse me,

but it's good.



It is good.



Thanks again.



Nice to meet you.



Thank you.






I had a great time.



Ja, me, too.



Well, Kimble,

I think you scored.



Whoa, whoa, whoa.



What are you talking about?



I'm only interested in her



because she works

at the school.



She knows the children

and the parents.



If you were any stiffer...



we could take you surfing.



Now, I know you

like that woman.



What is your problem?



The only problem I've got



is that I'm doing your job.



You should be

cleaning up the paint



and reading stories

about bears that go shopping.



I'm stuck with your job.



Yeah. You are.



That's right. I am.



Look, you're going

to be out of here



in a few days.



You told me yourself

you had a few good leads.



You'll be back dealing

with junkies and murderers



in no time.



They're pushing me around.






The kids.



They're walking all over me.



Listen, Kimble.



You got to handle this



like any other police situation.



You walk into it showing fear...



you're dead...



and those kids know you're scared.



No fear.



No fear.



Today we're going to play

a new fun game.



It's called "police school."



I'm going to be your sheriff.



You're going to be

my deputy trainees.



Come on.



Stop whining.



You kids are soft.



You lack discipline.



Well, I've got news for you.



You are mine now.

You belong to me!



You're not going to have

your mommies here



to wipe your tushies.



Oh, no.



It's time to turn

this mush into muscles.



No more complaining.



No more, "I have to go

to the bathroom."



There is no bathroom!



Now, the first thing the

deputy trainees have to learn



is to freeze

whenever you hear this.



Now, the next time you hear

this whistle...



each one of you get

one toy.



How many?






Good. Then bring it back

to the carpet...









Wait for it.



Wait for it.



Sit down.






Go quickly.



Get your toy.






Go for it.



Yes. Very fast.



Good. Quickly.



Bring the toy

back to the carpet.



Bring it back

to the carpet.



Quick, quick, quick.



Back to the carpet.












take your toy

to the carpet.



I'm not a policeman.

I'm a princess.



Take your toy

back to the carpet.



I'm not a policeman!



I'm a princess.



Take it back!



All right.



Very good.



You did very well.



Now we're going to

play another game.



When you hear

two whistle blows...



take your toy back

where you got it



and come right back.



How many whistle blows?



- Two!

- Two!



Good. Ready?






Come on.



Come right back

to the carpet.



Yes. It works.



This is great.



Faster, faster.



Come on.



Yes. Come back. Terrific.



This is working. Wait.



I mean, you're

very good deputies.



Your sheriff

is proud of you.















Wait! Take me.



Down. Up. Down.



Yes, yes, yes!



You've got it.



Yes, Wanda. Good.



Very good.



Big circles. Big circles.






Now do the same thing.

Way back.



And down in big circles.



Big circles.






This is a fire drill!



This is a fire drill.



Run to the door.



Dominic, don't forget Ferret.



Yes. It's a fire drill.



Come on.



Oh, this is terrible.



Come on. Come on.


















One more.



Come on.

Down and up.









Zach is the winner.



Come on, you guys.



March,      .



March,      .



Swing your arms.






Swing them high.
















Reading, writing, arithmetic.



Reading, writing, arithmetic!



Too much homework

makes me sick.



Too much homework

makes me sick!



When it's time

to pass the test...



When it's time

to pass the test...



kindergarten is the best.



Kindergarten is the best.









And on that farm

he had a duck






All right.

Take your milk.



It makes you big and strong.



It's story time, Mr. Kimble.



All right.



We all like this one...



and if you read us a story now...



everybody will go to sleep.



All right.



I used to read this to my son.



What's his name?






Your son.



Oh, Alex is his name.



Where is he?



He lives with his mother.



You see, his mother and I...



we are...



Divorced. I know.



What's a divorce?



It's when your daddy

lives someplace else



and comes over

to take you places...



and your mommy says

he's a deadbeat.



No. It's when the daddy



doesn't want to see

his little boy anymore.



That's not what it is.



Why don't you want to see

your little boy?



Was he bad?



No, he was not bad.



It wasn't his fault at all.



You see...



his mommy and I,

we just nev...



Just sit down, okay?



Let me just start reading.



Why don't you all lie down?






Good. And rest.



"If you were a bird

and lived on high



you'd lean on the wind

when the wind came by.



You'd say to the wind

when it took you away...



That's where

I wanted to go today.



Where am I going?

I don't quite know.



What does it matter

where people go?



Down to the wood

where the bluebells grow.









I don't know."












I didn't mean

to startle you.



I must have dozed off.



I can't believe you

got them all to sleep.



I worked them hard.



I was wondering if...



you'd like to come

to my place for dinner



tomorrow night.



I would like that.









Well, here are

the directions.



How about  :    :  ?



That would be fine.









You... You've got

a little mustache.



Oh, it must be

from the milk.



Well, I'd better

get back to class.



I'll see you tomorrow.



See you tomorrow.












This is Henry Shoop...



my fiancé.






Your fiancé?



Yeah, my fiancé.



Henry, this is

obviously my partner...



John Kimble.



Oh, jeez.









How you doing?



Let me get this...



and I'll be right out.






It's okay, honey.



I'll be right out.



It's my birthday.



Well, congratulations.



Thanks. He came up here

just to surprise me.



And he made me my favorite...

pasta a olio.



I love you, Henry.



I love you, too, Phoebes.



Uh... Well, I've got

to head back tonight.



I've got to work.



Henry's a chef.



I'm a chef.



You're marrying a chef?



I'm marrying

a great chef.



That figures.



You mean that,

a great chef?



Of course.

You're a genius, Henry.



Not just a good chef?



Well, nice to meet you.




Happy birthday.




You want some of this?



It wasn't overcooked?



You're the best.



It wasn't a little overcooked?



No. Al dente.






Excuse me. I'm John Kimble,

Zach's teacher.



I didn't know

he was following me.



Hi. I've been leaving messages

on your machine.



I'm sorry.

Things have been hectic.



What about now?






Go for a little walk.



Your teacher and I

have to talk.






I know what this is about.



I suppose you saw

the bruises on Zach's legs?



My husband has started

counseling about this.



He's been going

for three weeks now.



Please don't bring

the school system into it.



It will make matters worse.



He's beating you, too?



If he wasn't going

to counseling...



I could see the point

of saying something...



but I'm sure there won't be

any more occurrences.



You won't say anything,

will you?






If he does it again,

I press charges.






You got the stuff?



Thanks, man.



Here, lady.

I gave her your stuff.



Where's the rest of my money?



Who are you, old lady?



Your fairy godmother.



Come in.



Hi. It took all day...



but I found out Zach Sullivan

and his mother...



aren't related to Crisp.

I just found out.



Oh. I got a bottle of wine

for your big date...



It's not a date, I know.



But Joyce shouldn't think that.



Thanks. I don't think

it's a good idea.



Quickest way to slip up

doing undercover work



is doing things

you normally wouldn't do.



Wait a minute.



You mean you wouldn't take wine



to a woman

who's invited you for dinner?



Of course you would.



And flowers as well.

Here you go.



She'll love them.



Well, here we are.



Wow. This is

quite a place.



They must be paying you



a lot more than

they're paying me.



I wish it was my house.



It belongs to a friend of mine.



After the divorce,

he said we could stay here



in exchange

for keeping the place up.



You must have nice friends.



Yes, I do.



Dinner won't be ready

for a few minutes.



Can you start a fire?



It shouldn't be a problem.



I'll show you

where the wood is.



Come on. Come on!



Right here.



In here.



This is my secret hiding spot.






This is amazing.



I made it myself.



What's this?



Don't touch that!



It's a laser...



and it'll burn a hole

right through you.



Okay. I'll be careful.



Oh, don't shoot.



- Boom! Boom!

- Don't shoot.



I put up these lasers

to protect us.



To protect you from what?



The bad people.



Do you want to see

something else?



Come on.






See that?



You mean the tower?



I'm going to plant one

of my lasers on that antenna.



But I'll have to do it at night.



Otherwise the bad people

will know where it is.



Last one to the table

is a rotten banana!



Have you guys had fun?



Yeah. Be right out!



What you doing in there?



I'm lost.



Where is the dining room?



This house is huge.



- Follow me, silly.

- Whew.



These are beautiful pictures

of you and Dominic.



Thank you.



When I was putting

Dominic to bed...



he mentioned you had a son, too.



That's right.

But I'm divorced.



I'm lucky. My ex got remarried

to a very nice man.



He's really good to my son.



I see him a lot.



What about your ex-husband?



Does he see Dominic a lot?



Uh, no. After the divorce,

he moved back to France.



What about child support

and alimony?



Does he take care of you?



I'm sorry about

being so personal.



I was so glad to see him go



I didn't worry

about that part.



Dominic doesn't even remember him.



I prefer it that way.



Are you sure?









Well, Dominic was talking to me



about having to move around a lot



to keep the bad people away.



Bad people?



Something about having to leave



in the middle of the night



and leave his toys behind.



Oh, God.



I thought he'd

forgotten about that.



I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to upset you.



It's not your fault.



The truth is, my ex-husband

is a walking nightmare.



He didn't leave us, we left him.



He found out where we were



and tried to kidnap Dominic.



He doesn't know where we are now...



and I'd like to keep it that way.



Of course.



I'm glad he's in France

and doesn't live nearby.



He doesn't live in France.



I told Dominic

that he lived in France.



I didn't know who my ex-husband was

when I married him.



I was young and stupid,

and I made a mistake.



I don't want Dominic

to pay for it.



Look, nobody around here

knows anything about this.



I can't even believe

I told you.



You have to promise me

you won't tell anyone.



You can trust me.



That's very good. Perfect.



Okay. Let's try it again.



Mary, you first.



Fourscores and seven years ago.



Fourscores and seven years ago.



Our forefathers brought...



Four fathers?



Mr. Kimble, did Lincoln

have four fathers?






I had three fathers...



One named Walt,

two named Ralph.



Did Lincoln have

four mothers?



As a matter of fact,

he had two mothers.




the first one died.



I knew it.



Um... Okay.



Let's take a break.

Come on.



I want you to walk around

in a circle. Go.



Start. Come on.



Well, Joyce's story

about the house checked out.



It belongs to a guy

who only uses it



during the ski season.



She's got under $    

in the bank...



no stocks, no bonds, no other assets

under the name Joyce Paulmarie.



Her teacher's salary is less than mine,

which is pathetic.



Keep looking. Check for offshore

accounts under Dominic's name...



She doesn't live like someone

with millions of dollars.



She doesn't even

seem the type.



Kimble, this might not be her.



It's got to be her.



Why? Because she

doesn't want to have



anything to do

with her ex-husband?



I know it's her.



Know what I think?



You want it to be her.



You really like her,

and it's scaring you.



Excuse me!









Ladies, surprise.



Obviously, I'm not

into baking cakes...



so I brought

these little things



to donate

for the raffle prizes.



Who the hell is that?



She's the one

I was telling you about.



Her husband ran away

with another guy.



It's been terrible for her.



You're not getting

mellow on me, are you?












Come on.        .



Come on. Go, go.



I see they stuck you

with the Gettysburg Address this year.



They sure did.



Company, halt!






About last night...



I've been thinking

about it, and...



I'm glad I told you

all those things.



So am I.



Um... I-I better

get going.



Yeah. I have

to get going, too.



Is everything okay?






See you tomorrow at the fair.



I'm looking forward to it.



What are you looking at?



Ha ha ha!






March!        .



I was just talking

to the teacher, that's all.



Yeah. Don't laugh.



Okay. I'm proud of you.

Keep going.



I'm sorry Zach's late.

The car wouldn't start.



You be a good boy.



I love you.



Hi, champ.






What's the matter?



Oh, no.



I fell down again.



Hey, wait a minute.






I forgot to close the door

to the basement...



and Zach had a bad fall.



You all say the same thing,

"He fell down."



Don't you have

anything better to say?



I don't have to

justify myself to you!



You have no right

talking to me like that.



How are you doing?



You must be the Mr. Kimble

we hear so much about.



You must be the Mr. Kimble

we hear so much about.



You hit the kid, I hit you.



You bastard!



You're not worth it.



I'm pressing charges against you.



Excuse me, everybody.



I'm sorry.

I shouldn't have hit the man...



especially in front of the children.



It was a mistake.



I checked you out.



There is no record of you

ever having taught



at any public school...



in California

or anywhere else.



Mr. Kimble...



you have no teaching experience

whatsoever, do you?



Someone finally noticed.



I thought

the introduction of a ferret



was a horrible idea...



but the children

seemed to like it.



I thought the use of your police whistle

was outrageous...



That's all I could think of.



Please allow me to finish.



- Sorry.

- But it worked.



I have no idea what kind

of police officer you are...



but you're a very good teacher.



Thank you.



Now, will you tell me something?

Don't lie.



What did it feel like

to hit that son of a bitch?



It felt great.






Well, tomorrow morning.



Bright and early.



Thank you.






Yeah, that's her.



And there goes

our goddamn case.



Tell O'Hara and Kimble

their witness is dead...



so Crisp is going to walk.



We want them back here.



We've got lots

of other cases to clear.



O'Hara says they think

they've located the wife.



And the money?



They're looking into it.



Have them tell the wife



we're letting Crisp go,

and he knows where she is.



If she wants police protection,

she'll produce the money.



Sorry it took so long, Cullen.



Hey, you're looking great.



I love you, Mother.



We're going to be

a family again, son.






Fourscore and seven years ago



Fourscore and seven years ago



our forefathers brought forth

on this continent



our forefathers brought forth

on this continent



a new nation



a new nation



conceived in liberty



conceived in liberty



and dedicated

to the proposition



and dedicated

to the proposition



that all men

are created equal



that all men

are created equal



and that government



and that government



of the people



by the people



and for the people



shall not perish

from this earth.



Thank you very much.






I'd like to introduce you

to our kindergarten teacher.



He came to us

as a substitute teacher...



and he's proven to be

a wonderful asset.



Let's welcome him

into our community



and hope that he considers



staying on a permanent basis.



Ladies and gentlemen...



Mr. John Kimble.



Nice town.






Ahh! Smell that fresh air.



We should think about

buying something up here...



like some log cabin

in the woods near a lake.



Kids love

that outdoor kind of stuff.



I'll be in the pharmacy.



Try not to step in anything.



I'd like to help you.



But we're pretty much

out of the race cars...






This is the last one.



It's still in great shape.



If you don't mind waiting,

I'll wrap it up.



I'll knock   % off...



I have a better idea.



I'll pay you twice

what he's charging.



I promised my boy

I'd get him one.



I'd love to help you...



but my kid's been bugging me

since Christmas.



I'll pay you four times

what it's worth.



Get your kid

something even better.




Can you gift-wrap it?



Hanna, could you

wrap that, please?



No harm in trying.






Great, Dominic.

You're doing well.



I'll wait over here for you, okay?






Great day, huh?



We've run out of time.



We've got to press Joyce now.



What do you mean?



- Cindy O.D.'d last night.

- Shit.



They released Crisp this morning.



He's probably on his way here.



Salazar said if Joyce

is Crisp's wife...



she's got to cooperate

about the money...



or she gets no police protection.






Ursula, how are you?






I've got to tell you the truth.



Her name's not Ursula.



She's not my sister.



I beg your pardon?



We're not who you think we are.



What is this?



We're police officers.



We know who you are...






This is a joke, right?



No. This is no joke.



You took $  million.



I think...



Crisp knows where you are.



He could be here any minute.



Where's Dominic?



You'll get immunity

for your testimony...



but we need you to help us.



Where's Dominic?



On a pony.



We'll offer protection

if you tell us about the money.



There's no money,

you son of a bitch.



There never was!



No, it's not fair!



I'm not finished yet!



The bad people

have found us.



What do you mean, "no money"?



Why are you mad at Mr. Kimble?



Because he's a jerk.



Leave me alone!



Joyce, wait!






If you didn't take the money...



why is he after you?



He doesn't want me.

He wants Dominic.



She's going to run again.






Unless we do something about it.






Hey, snap out of it!



Daryl. Daryl.



I'm sorry. I wanted to give you

a second chance.






What is wrong with you?



I'm still not getting

through to you, am I, Daryl?



Mother, got this great surprise

for Junior.



That'll be   .  .



  .  .



Children's aspirin,

children's decongestant...






A thermometer?



A lot of flu

going around, right?



It is the season.



The boy's not sick.



Doesn't hurt to take precautions.



Mother, you are going

to make him sick.



You stuffed all this crap into me,

and nothing was wrong.



That's why there was

nothing wrong with you.



Now, how can you

argue with that?






Joyce! Dominic!



You bastard!

Where's Dominic?



I don't know.

What happened?



You led him here.

If he has Dominic, I'll kill you.



Let go of me!



We'll find him. Stop it.



We'll find him.



We'll find him.






Did he say anything

before he left?



He said something

about getting his lasers.



Lasers? I think

I know where he is.



Aah! Help!



Help! Help!









Hold on!



I'll get him down.






Hold on. I'm right here.



Good boy.



All right. Just hold on.



Okay. Just hold on.



Oh, good. Okay.



I was going to put the lasers

in the antenna.



I know. Don't worry

about anything now.



I got you.

Just hold on tight now.



Hold on tight, okay?






If I lost Dominic...



I don't think

I could go on living.



You're not going to lose him.



That's right. I'm not.



Cullen said I stole his money



so these creeps would

follow us for a reward.



You don't know what he's like.



Oh, yes, I do.



I know him well.



That's why I don't

want him to get you two.



Can't trust you or anybody.



You can trust me.



That's what you said before.



And you turned out to be a cop.






I didn't mean

to hurt you.



I wish I was

a kindergarten teacher...



but I'm not.



I'm a cop.



That's all I know how to be.



I have to get out of here.



You have a son.



If you were me,

you'd do the same thing.



I have a son I've hardly seen

in seven years.



I don't mean anything to him.



My ex-wife got remarried.



She doesn't want me

to be part of his life.



I lost my family.



I should never

have let it happen.



Why are you telling me

all of this?



I don't want to lose you.



I don't want to lose Dominic.



I swear you'll never have

to run from him again.



Don't worry about anything, okay?



We're going to be

right across the hall.



Everything's going to be fine.



We just want

to be extra careful.






Don't worry.






All right, all right.

Settle down.



Good morning.



Good morning, Mr. Kimble.



Sit down.



It's very nice

to see you all again.



Meet my very good friend,

Phoebe O'Hara.



Good morning, Phoebe.



Miss O'Hara

is going to talk to you



about something very important.



So pay attention to what

she has to say, okay?



Remember, no fear.









Boys have a penis.

Girls have a vagina.



Well, you taught them the basics.



That's important.



Okay, now...



today we're going to talk



about something else

that's really important.



Today we're going

to talk about strangers.



If a stranger knocks

on your door...



never answer the door.



Because we never talk

to strangers.



Let's say that together.



We never talk to strangers.






Can we talk to kids?



Yeah, it's okay.

You can talk to kids.



What about dogs?






Can we talk to dogs?



Yeah, you can talk to dogs.



But what you can't do...



what you must

never ever do is...



never talk to strangers.



On the kindergarten level...



we try to emphasize the three C's:



Caring, courtesy and courage.






That's my philosophy, too.



Are you a single parent,

Mr. Green?



No, my wife had to stay behind



to complete the sale of our home.



I'm checking the schools

before we buy a home here.



Most kindergarten children

can't read yet.



My son can.



He reads at  ?

That's good.



And writes.

I taught him myself.



He sounds like

a special child.



He is. He's a great athlete.



Here's what you've waited for.

The kindergarten.



Have a look.



Oh, Dominic, Dominic...



Dominic is king

of the mountain!



Way to go, Dominic.



Here's your crown.



Congratulations, Dominic.



The king of Mount Kimble!






He looks odd, but he's

a wonderful teacher.



Yes, I'm sure he is.



Did you see Cullen Jr.?



Yeah, yeah.



She calls him Dominic.



She'd always wanted

to name him Dominic.



What a dumb name.



Put that cigar out.

It's unhealthy for the kid.



Then you make your aeroplane

go up into the clouds.



Check it out.






Okay, stay calm.



Okay, it's probably

a fire drill.



Oh, man.



Kimble, the hallway's

full of smoke.



Okay, this is a fire drill.

Come on.



This is the real thing.



Just the way we practiced.



Go out there.



Fast. Just the way

we practiced it.



Come on.



Come on.



It's only water.

Don't be scared.



Stay close to the wall.

Let's go.



Come on. Come on.



Dominic, stay close to me, okay?



Stay close to me.



Stay behind me.



Don't get separated.






Are you all right?



Come on. Let's go.



Dominic, wait!









Help! Somebody help me!























Where's Dominic?









Okay, stay together.

Stay together.



Stay together.

Hold onto your partner.



Okay, don't lag behind.



Hold onto my hand.



Stay together.



Where's Dominic?



He's inside.

Kimble's looking for him.












It's okay. It's okay.



I'm not going to hurt you.



I'm not going to hurt you.



It's okay.



I'm a fireman.



I help people.



Well, where's your hat?



My hat?



I love this.



I can't fool my own boy.



He's just   years old.



You're right.



I'm no jerk fireman.



I'm going to tell you

something, Dominic.



It's going to be hard

for you to understand...



but you got to believe me.



I'm your father, Dominic.



Your father.



Don't you recognize me?






Sure you do.

It's me.



Don't you remember

Twinkle, twinkle, little star?



We have the same kind of hands.



Don't you remember?



You're not my father.

My father lives in France.



Your mother told you that...



but that's not true!



I'm your father!



I've been searching

for you for five years.



Help! Help!



Dominic, I'm your father.



You're going to have

to do what I say.



Do you understand?






Don't you know

there's a fire?



We thought it was another drill.



Well, get out!



Yes, sir.



Whoa, honey.

That's a fire in there.



I got a kid in there.

I'm a cop.



If I need a ticket fixed,

I'll call you.



In the meantime, stay out.



Go on.



All right.



Quiet, you hear me? Quiet.









Let go!



Just what I need.



Please, let him go.



Let him go!



How the hell

do you get out of here?



Please, please,

don't do this!



You're scaring him!



Scared? Of course he's scared.



You told him lies about me.



My son doesn't know me

because of you.






Just listen.



You stole him from me!



Please, give him back.



Don't touch him!






Dominic, I had to do it!



I didn't want to do it.

She made me.



Everything's going

to be okay, Dominic.






Come back.



We're getting out of here.






Going to start

a whole new family.












I love you.

Do you understand?



Tell me you understand that.



Say it. Say it!



I understand.









Hold it!



Right there.

Drop it! Hurry!



Don't. Don't.



He's not your hostage.

He's your son.



Drop it. On the floor.



You'll do this to your own son?



Drop it!

I'm losing it! Hurry!



Relax. I'm putting it down.






Here it is.



Here it is.



Just don't harm the boy, okay?



Good. Good. That's smart.



All right.



Why don't you let the boy go now?



The boy is mine!



He's my boy!



You get your own goddamn family!









Are you okay?



I'm okay. Get Dominic.












Where's my grandson?



I don't know.



Where's my grandson?



Go to hell.



That's where you're going,

you son of a bitch!



You're not so tough

without your car...



are you?



Mr. Kimble,

are you all right?



Oh, I hate this.



Nah, he doesn't

want to eat that.



He's a tough guy.



Tough guys don't eat Jell-O.



I'll come back later.






Hi. How you feeling?



Much better.



How about you?



I'll live.



Check out of here.

This stuff will kill you.



Just don't throw up on me.



I'm not going

to throw up on you...



but I am going to kiss you.









Thanks, partner.






How's everybody feeling today?



I brought goodies.

Did I do that?



Give me the flowers.



I got some goodies and...



I got it caught.



And something

I cooked myself.



I almost didn't recognize you

with all your clothes on.



You look good yourself.






Did l... I'm sorry.



The wedding.



Yeah. Uh...



You're coming

to the wedding, right?



Is it safe?



I wouldn't miss this for the world.






where do we send

the invitation?






They're all yours.



Hi, kids.



Mr. Kimble!



I'm back.






Didn't join the union until...



Class, excuse me.



Uh-oh. They're going to do it.







Special help by SergeiK