Latter Days Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Latter Days script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the movie that's a rare genre in Hollywood, a gay mormon comedy.  This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Latter Days. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

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Latter Days Script



When I first came to Los Angeles,

it looked like just this mass of dots.



All jumbled and disconnected.



It was pretty disorienting.



What the fuck are you doing? I'm straight.



That is so how all guys say that

No, I'm serious, dude.



Oh really? It's too bad. 'Cos I'm amazing.



I don't like to brag, but I can suck the engine block

to the tail pipe of the '58  Chevy.




Yeah, talking 'bout the big ones with the 380s.



Oh. So you know cars, yeah?

And beer.



See, unlike with women, you can crack one open right after..

Hell! You can have one during.



It'll just be a little fun between buddies, you know.

And you'll never have to call me.



Till you're up for another round, that is.



You're not worried about Elizabeth coming in?

Elizabeth? My roommate is Julie.



I'm here for a date with Elizabeth.

Elizabeth is    D, as in 'down the walk'.



This is    B. As in 'Blowjob'.

You're not StraightCurious from AOL?




Not again.



Oh, shut up! You're so lying to me.

A-a! Check the journal! Look.



September   th. Oh my God! That is so funny!

So maybe you should write a song about that.



I can't believe you've almost done with your demo

and you haven't written a song about your best friend.



Yeah, I can't believe that the tree falls in the forest

it wouldn't have something to do with you.



Hey, J. Martinis, vodka or gin?

Gin, and you, you can tell that friend of yours to go fuck himself.



You know, I only have one friend who can actually do that,

and I doubt you've met.



I mean the base player. We were just

supposed to lay down some tracks



but the second song it

was like my bra had grown hands.



Excuse me, wannabees, order up.



One callback, she's Margo Channing

Second callback, thank you. Second lead in the feature.



I'm so getting this. Soon, I can kiss you losers goodbye

and finally justify moving to this miserable fucking town.



You ever read for Barry Wolf?

Hey, why are we skipping on the fries? Come on, load me up.



Barry Wolf read me once for this commercial,

he was licking me with his eye the whole time.



They don't call him the 'Wolf who cried Boy' for nothing.

You know, he wouldn't even see me for that



crappy TV 'Wacky Gay Neighbour' thing?

What's that about? I'm gay, I'm wacky



Maybe you're not neighbourly.

Fuck you. I'm Donna Reed on a stick



Excuse me, darlings. I hate to interrupt this important

discussion between all you big stars...



I'll settle for medium star.

Point well taken.



In the meantime, I hear that Disney's opening a Fantasia

restaurant where the plates fly themselves to the tables.



Until then, what to do. Hot stuff, coming through.




Hi guys.



You take one of my tracks and give

the karaoke at Funny Boys.   Julie!



Also two-for-one margaritas?

I'll be there.



Enjoy your meal.



Quit gawking, we don't have all day.



Au, fuck. Yeah, fuck you too.

Mum?  Julie. Where the hell are you?



I'm here. Isn't this where you called

me, where did we end up last night?



I don't know, but I woke up without

my bra. That's never a good sign.



I wouldn't worry about it.



So, why are you calling me and not just tiptoeing

across the hall with sympathy and Excedrin?



I tried that, I thought you'd gone. Spin class is starting.

Oh fuck.



Hey, hold up a minute.



We've met. Um, no, I'm brand new here.



Hey, Green, let's get it moving along huh.

Gotta go.



All bell, Harmon is down.



Hey Gilford why don't you come

over here and give me a back rub?



Wrong tree. Barking.  Think I'm

rubbing your pimply back, you homo.



David?  Come on, Green, help a guy,

allright?  Have stuff to put away.



Come on, Gil, just like ten

minutes. You know I'd give you one.



You're on. No, I asked you first. Nope.



That hurts!

Prepare to die, dude.







You remember me, from across the way?

Yeah.  Harmon!



I brought you guys a 'Welcome

to the complex' sixer.



Uh, thanks, but we don't drink.



What kind of frat boys are you?



Who called up




Geez, Ryder a little louder and he'll probably hear you.

I don't care



You see those

flippin' shorts he was wearing?



Just check that.

OK, three of these



There was the most adorable man,

Daniel, here this evening.



I thought I might introduce you. Really?



Blue shirt, end of the bar?

Actually yes. Daniel. We've met.



August,  rd... yup.

Oh, not so good, not so good.



Andrew, can I have a glass of that Merlot there?

Sure thing. And Ben called for you, Miss M.



Well, I suppose if he calls this late in the week,

I can call him this late in the evening, right? -Absolutely. -Cheers.



Oh oh, you guys wanna hear something

freaky? Remember those four people



that moved into Elizabeth's old

apartment? Guess what they do.



Quadruplet porn stars. This town? Hardly

freaky. They're rodeo clowns.



No, listen, it's even weirder than that.

They are Mormon missionaries, swear to God.



Oh. Although rodeo clowns

would've been kinda cool.



They must've loved your aberrant

lifestyle. I dated a Mormon guy once.



His family put him through shock

therapy. We have sex, he was a wild man.



Then he wanna throw

himself out the window.



So, you live on the first floor.

Yes, but it's hell on my azaleas



Now, wouldn't it be funny if you converted

them instead of them converting you?



Could you imagine?  No, I've seen these boys,

they're wound way too tight for that.



I bet he can't do it.



Oh, wait. Are we betting here?

Same as always, five and a sixer?



Oh no, this is big.

   bucks says he can't.



We're going high

stakes?    says he can't.



I've seen the guys on the bikes. I'm

thinking, this time you have met your match.



Really? -Bullshit.    says he

can. And I bust tables for a week.



     weeks, can't.

OK, I'm in with Andrew, no way.



Oh, cool. We on?  So what are we

talking about here? I get him to what?



Do anything? Blowjob?

We need proof. OK, underwear.



I knew this other Mormon guy in the army.

They got these sacred boxers they shimmer.



Get one of those.  Sacred undies?

I gotta see this. All right, I'm in.



I will get one of those boys out of their underwear

Seal the deal.



Alright, we're going out tonight?



Oh please, not another episode of 'Christian hooks up'.

Hey, gotta keep my skills honed. To skills.



Hey, leaving? Yeah, yoga. You?

Mmm, arm day...



Hey, I don't think we've met. I'm Julie Taylor.

Hi. I'm Elder Davis. What you reading there?



I'm just studying. You know, I thought  I'd come outside.

'Cos, we're from Idaho, it gets cold in October.



Oh, wow, bummer. It's pretty much like this all the time here.

Isn't it, Chris?  Yeah.



So, what is it that you guys do?

We talk to people about our church.



Oh really? Chris likes

to talk to people.



Sometimes it helps people to find meaning in their lives.

Julie was complaining her life is void of meaning.



Void? I said 'void'?  Well, maybe we can come talk to you.

You know, we would like that. Sure. OK.






Subtle... Yeah, I got    right on you. See you at work.



Thank God she's leaving. Can you

believe 'Entertainment Weekly' called her



the new sweetheart of American cinema?



That cunt? She made Julie take

my table, because she thought



I hadn't bathed recently. Like she

should talk. Did you see her eat?



Yeah, did you check out her legs?

Now I know why they call them calves.



I bet after sex, she smokes a ham



Darling, give me a glass of Cuvet



I do hope we're not speaking disparagingly

about our clientele



Gossip is so ignoble.



Especially regarding those less

fortunate.   Less fortunate? That bitch?!



You know something... tell.



No, I would never tell tales, such as



with the frequency she does it



the poor child must think that binging

and purging are aerobic excercise.



She hardly looks bulimic. Yes, if

I were a different sort, I'd suggest



a little more of the purging,

a little less of the binging.



But I would never say such things.

For gossip is the lowest form of discourse.



You should avoid it

if at all possible.



Hear, hear. I shall be in the office,

cooking the books, if anybody needs me.



Oh, and Ben called. He

seemed kind of insistent.



Do you suppose Lila is

hiding a boyfriend from us?



Fucking skank... that's not a tip, that's an indictment.

Take it sound, J. Christ, who pissed in your Cheerios?



Some A and R guy. She has drinks with

this guy so he'll listen to her demo



and now she fears for her virtue. Hey!



He's totally cute.  I bust my ass making a great demo,

I can't get anyone to listen to it till this guy



who so obviously just wanted to fuck me.

Poor baby. I thought he was cute.



What, you would have sex to help your career?

Honey, I'd blown a guy just to get him out of my apartment.



Sex for my career would be noble.



Ben, I'm not ready to make that kind of decision yet.

I have to go. OK, I'll call.



Here's Andrew's wine order.

Thank you.



Is there something else? Everyone thinks Ben is your boyfriend,

but he's not, he's a doctor, isn't he?



Is everything OK?  Young man, I will not

be the subject of gossip in my own establishment.






And that's how, through Joseph Smith,

God restored the true church of Jesus Christ to the earth.



Have any questions?



How come if God talks to Joseph Smith, he's a prophet



but if God talks to me, I'm schizophrenic?

Ah, well, he was sort of special.



What's the Mormon church's stand on black people?

That's a good question. African American members



have been allowed to hold the priesthood since     .

Since disco. And women?



Women don't get to hold the priesthood, what they get

is to be wives and to be mothers and share in its blessings.



Oh, sharing. See, sharing is good.  Christian here was wondering

what is your church's stand on gay rights.



Um well...  There's no such thing.

'Gay' and 'right' don't belong in the same sentence.



Oh, but 'right' and 'rightwing' go hand-in-hand?

Yeah, God hates homos.



You're gonna come into my house and tell me

God hates homosexuals?



And the French!



God hates the French?

Everybody hates the French.



Just push the orange button. Oh, you are such a sweetheart

for doing that, thank you.  You're welcome.



Ma, you're flashing the whole terminal. I can't help it.

If I don't they are gonna end up around my knees.



Oh, I'm losing the only other sane one around here.



I think this belong to you now, son. Do us proud.

Yes sir, I will.



You know, you have yourself a real safe trip, OK?

Oh, for crying out loud, I wasn't gonna do this.



Ma, you promised. If you start, I will.

I know, but I can't help it, because you're my baby, you know.



And you always will be.



You okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.



Look, if there's a problem, I could come back.

Look, maybe I'm just homesick.



Homesick? For Idaho?

Okay, fine.. I'm sorry. That came out wrong.



It's just.. When I left home... I zoomed like a rocket here.

But if you've never been away from home before.. Have you?



What? I've been away from home. Just, not for two whole years.

Could be worse, could be raining.



That's 'Young Frankenstein'.  Yeah.

So two years, huh?  Yeah.



We're not allowed to call or go home in the holidays,

and they're not allowed to visit.



Wow, where do I sign up?

Hey, I happen to like my family.



After all, a boy's best

friend is his mother.



'Psycho'! That's 'Psycho', right?



She goes a bit mad sometimes..

We all go a bit mad sometimes.



At least you got your

friends here, right?



What, Ryder? No, we just got assigned

to each other a few weeks ago.



Oh. Well, better you than me.



Kind of a funny coincidence, all you guys

being named Elmer, huh? -Elmer?!



You think I'm an Elmer? -Well, you're not?

No, doofus! It's Elder. It's a title. Elder..



Oh, that's a good thing. Somebody naming you Elmer,

it's just mean. What's your first name, then?



We're not allowed to use them.  What? Why not?

We're not allowed to do a lot of things.



It's Aaron.

Aaron. I like that.



You're gonna sort through those, right?

Colours and whites don't mix, Aaron.  OK, thanks.



Oh wait, you've never done your laundry before either, have you?

Well, maybe I've just never done everybody's.



That's what I have to do, 'cos I'm

a greeny. The new guy, you know.



So I have to do everyone's laundry,

in accordance with prophecy.



Really?   Psyche'!

Dude, you're way too easy.  That's what I've heard.



Well, thanks for the laundry tips.



Geez, Elder.

You're a thousand miles away over here



How you doing, Green?  Good.

Yeah, you sure?  Yeah.



You know, when I was a Green, it was really tough.

I used to pray that I would die during the night



so I wouldn't have to wake up to another day of this.

You're joking me, right?



I couldn't take going back to the family, you know,

Salt Lake and all. I had two of the general authorities



at my missionary farewell. You know what's that like,

your dad is a state president, right?



They set this thing up to be difficult, OK?

We can't listen to music, we can't watch movies,



we're never supposed to be alone.



I mean, what, we're       years old,



and we're not even allowed to beat off.



Some nights I wake up and I find teeth marks

on my head board.



Look, I put my time in here so that I can go home,

so I could marry Jennifer, so that I can finally nail her.



See? It's amazing what we'll do for sex.



I know you did!   I did not, I promise you.

Yes you did!  I cross my heart.  Oh, that means something.



Hey, we'd like to play here.

Yeah, we're playing here.



You're just farting around.

How vivid. We're playing, see?



Bounce the ball, bounce the ball.

No, you're just jerking us around.



There's one afternoon a week

where I can just be normal



and play some hoop, and you have

to come and get all ignorant about it?



Oh, listen to that, Julie. I didn't think Mormons liked whine?



I didn't know fairies liked sports.

Fairies? Oh, how seventh grade.



Why don't we just play two on two?

But you're.. A girl, so I can't play?



But then I am black, so maybe I can.

Your only problem is deciding which one of your



narrow-minded stereotypes can kick your

lilly white ass.



Which one will it be? Black girl... and a fag?

We'll mop you like a dirty floor.



Fine. We're shirts, you're skins.



Uh... no...



Fine, we'll be skins.



That's unfair put your shirts back on

we can keep the teams straight



You can play. Yeah, we can learn a skill.

I played in highschool, when I learned all the jocks were doing it



but only with other jocks.



Maybe we should cut the chatter.



OK slackers, how's the studying coming? Ryder? Right.



All right, First Corinthians   . Ryder? Right. Anybody? Gil.



And therefore these promises, dearly beloved,

let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness



of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness

in the fear of God.



Well, all right Green! You know, if Gilford wouldn't be

completely heartbroken, you would be my new best friend.



Yeah, Harmon, I got your heartbreak right here.

Oh, man!



Elder, you got the devil in you!






Oh, shit. Jesus Christ! Sorry, I stabbed myself.

Looks like you're bleeding.



You okay?

No, I'm fine. Just go back to your reading.



What? I think you.. fainted.

I don't bleed very well.



I'm OK, really.

No, maybe we should get you inside.



Ryder! Wanna give me a hand?



Damn Ryder I'm gonna hit you and it's gonna hurt.

That hurt! I warned you.



All right.  No, Aaron, come on. Do me a favor

you've got to take a look at it...



tell me if I stiches or something.



I can't really tell.



All right, look! Come on I'm not going to lunge at you

just take a look at it.



Let's see here..



Is it bad?

No, it's fine, it's just a little cut.



Do you have any disinfectant?




It's funny, you know. I'm not squeamish.

In high school, we went to this hospital,



but I was the only one who wanted to watch surgery.

They brought me in and they..



scrubbed me down, and they put me in these

green things, you know?



You have Band-Aid?

I watched as they opened this guy's chest



and there it was, this heart, this human heart.

You think about it beating and all but it's



it's more of a dance.



And I couldn't get over it that's all



That tethers us to this planet you know that...



...fragile little muscle



and it's tiny you know,  in the scheme of things...



if you think about all the things that can stop it



there's got to be something else



some miraculous thing that keeps

that valiant little muscle dancing



you know what I mean?



I'm sorry... I'm gonna stop talking



I have to lay down now.



It's hot



I'm hot



Maybe I should get you a cool cloth



I haven't done anything...



...anything like this... happened...



It's OK...this doesn't have to mean anything



Yes it does



It can be just a little fun... between friends



My first time could just be a little fun for you?



Maybe you can equate sex with a handshake



That's what... like a badge?!



What do you want me to congratulate you?



Hey... don't preach to me, OK?



I know you are some kid from the sticks



You come in here an fucking judge me?



Yeah... I am some dudah pudnacker from Pocatello...



they ship us here from dork island



I'm saying I know how retarded you think I am OK



You found me out, alright?



My worst secret



Now I'm humiliated so your work is done here



Wait... I don't think you are a dork



but if you know how ridiculous you look,

why would you do it?



Don't you believe in anything?




Then tell me...



Tell me one thing in your life beyond a shadow of a doubt

that you really believe



I believe Ann Margret has never been given her due

as a night actress



Duh! For Tommy alone, I mean, did you see her when she was...



Is that something you can build a life on!



Look at yourself!



You're so pretty and colorful on the outside...



...but on the insde you're nothing but fluff



You're like a walking... talking... marshmallow peep



That's not fair



It doesn't matter when it's true



I can't believe what I was about to do



When there is nothing Christian, nothing about you

that's not skin deep



Do you believe in God?



What, who are you talking to?




No, everybody...alright, general question:

Do you believe in God?



You mean other than Madonna?



Fucking A yeah, I do... why not?



I believe in harmony as a law in the universe like gravity

you know we're meant to vibrate together



Well being positive since I was    gives meaning

to the word Miracle so yeah



I mean without getting all holy on your ass

I believe...what?



The mormones are mindfucking him



Oh honey you do not want to let them get

into your psyche



You start off listening to Amy Grant but then

before you know it...


           's   am and you got your Visa card and you're giving it

to the scary bitch on tv with the lavender hair



Hello Chris we have a bet going here.

It's you convert one of them, remember?



Did you forget who you are talking to here?

I will bust everyone's tables if I lose this



But let me just say...

No no, let me say...



I dated this guy once... actor, cute southern

came from this real religious family



well his parents found out he was gay

and can you say drama..



They sent him to one of those Christian change ministries



Wow, did he change?

Did he!



His thing used to be a tux

I'm serious he's still gayer than a box of birds



a box of birds... they love that!



How about twirlier than a party dress

but seriously, it fucked with him



Well I'm now being fucked with



It's just... I'm not shallow, am I?



Honey, you don't have to be deep

you just have to be pretty



OK, you're not helping



If you have something to prove

be at my house at  :   in the morning



 :   in the morning... why?



You have to sacrifice if you want to find yourself



or whatever it is you're doing



You don't think I'll be there



Quit bitching it's the early bird who gets the worm



There's an incentive... specially as we don't get

pizza till   am



OK, here's the deal



after your training I'm going to set you up on a route



A route! On my first day?



It's what you do already, it's delivering food

only this time you're driving



Think as yourself as a waiter on wheels



Great, I will give you some hot pants and roller skates

as a fullfilment of a dream



For all of us...



Hi! We're from the Church of Jesus Christ..

Just a moment



Honey? Stacey, you'll wanna hear this...



What have we here...!



Hello, Project Angelfood, hello?



I said come in three goddamn times



Sorry, I didn't hear you



Where do you want me to put this



I don't care, I'm not hungy



OK, well maybe I can just turn a light on in here




You're not going to last long if you look

that shocked with everybody



I'm going to put this down over here



So... you got a cigaret?



ahuh... isn't that an oxygen tank?



Couldn't that... explode?






That would be such a terrible way to go

wouldn't it?



So come on how about that cigaret



Sorry, I don't smoke



What are you doing here?



I'm delivering your food, I thought we'd been

through the routine



No no I mean you



Pretty boys don't usually do shit like this



Are you punishing yourself, or something?



Feel... guilty for being so good looking...



...and there are so many ugly fucks in the world?



you get tired of doing reps at the gym?



and bragging about your latest conquests

and all the rest of your stupid shallow little life?



Fuck you.

You don't know me



Of course I do

I used to be you



I had a career...friends... looks

the whole package...



but now I am just a skeletol reminder that

we might only be in the eye of the hurricane



OK, I'm gonna go now



I'm just fucking with you right?



You should have seen your face



I get bored, I'm sorry... I like to rattle the newbies



I must really look like shit

it didn't use to be this easy



Could you just help me with this pillow under me

I don't... I can't...



anyway sort of christ my butt has wasted away to nothing



it's too bad cause I used to have a killer ass, I did



I've got pictures of it around here somewhere



I take your word for it

That's good




It's all just snow!



What did you just say?



Maybe it's the meds but...



Sometimes I get this weird read on people

like a blank TV screen



all I see is snow



What do you suppose that means?






I'll see you



No you won't



We should go in.



Ah for the love of flippin Pete

we're not tracked in a hospital



That's sick, and not in a good way



Let's just see if they let us leave some

pamphlets in the lobby



And you're dancing solo, cowboy!



They only allow non-denominational literature in the lobby



What did I flippin tell ya!



You OK?



Is there anything I can do?



I.. I'm sorry



I don't do this



I refuse to break down in front of strangers



But someone dies



I'm so sorry



They shouldn't have made me do it



Turn it off... like...



watching a line on a little screen just... go...






He always said that television would be the death of him



Was he your husband?



No...never my official husband...



then again



probably my best friend



His doctor Ben called me and said that it was time



This is what he wanted



I should have been prepared for it



Who are you?



Cary Grant?



No Ma'am

I'm a mormon missionary



We just pass out pamphlets



and they give us these discussions that

we memorize



I really don't know what to say here



Did you read the Sunday Comics?



I beg your pardon?



The comic page



When I was a little kid I used to put my face

right up to them you know



and I was just amazed because it was just this

mass of dots



I think life is like that sometimes



but I like to think that from God's perspective



life... everything...even this..



makes sense



it's not just dots



in stead we're all... we're all connected



and it's beautiful



and it's funny



and it's good



from this close we can't expect it to make sense



right now



Thank you

Oh keep it



Would you come and see me?




Drinks are on the house



Oh I don't drink



That must make your church a bit of a hard sell



At times



Well just hold on to it anyway



Maybe you can come by for a meal...

on me



I will






I promise



So, did you have fun? Talking to crying lady?



Yeah, I did actually




So we missed lunch



I've seen you guys going out early in the morning



I bet you are wondering where I am off to huh?



You are always at the gym



No, I am volunteering now

Project Angelfood



That's great



What do you want from me..

some sort of merit badge?



No... I just... you know what you said about me

it's not true



Fine! It's not true and the world is a better place



You're not doing that cause of what I said, are you?



No, I just thought we could...

Yeah we could what?



Hang out? Be best friends? Ride off into the sunset?



I don't know



Everyone seems to think that... they treat me like I'm... you're perfect



Yeah... maybe so at times



And you are the first person I've met that's made me feel

like that's not enough like maybe I want to be something more



So I just thought...

Look...whatever you thought...






We're colours and whites...

...we don't mix



Oh fuck I got to piss



Hall in, first door on your right



I don't kiss



What's your name again?









Dirk? Your parents named you Dirk?



It's really Mort



My friends call me Watersports Sport



It's not that I don't appreciate what you're doing back there but...



Could we have a little talk?









I'm into that



Fuck yeah... I am your nasty little slut boy

I'm your pussy whore



You're gonna spank momma's ass cause

she's been a bad, bad girl



Oh, OK that's not exactly what I meant



I meant conversation









Don't you ever want to get to know someone?



Have it... mean something

sleep with someone and actually Sleep with them



You wanna what... Sleep together?



I don't know man..

Isn't that kind of intimate?



Excuse me, a moment ago you were licking my spleen

but sleeping with you would be too intimate?



Woa.. now you're freaking me out



I didn't know you were into weird shit



I'm just gonna go man



I'ts back...

Yeah! It must be your lucky fucking day



Or maybe I'm not suffering enough yet



I didn't expect to see you again



Oh come on now you don't think you going all

Miss Cleo on me is going to scare me off that easily now, do you?



Maybe it's just dementia setting in



Sometime I read people and I...

I pick up the Oracle at Delphi



And sometimes I growl at people

doesn't make me Eartha Kitt



I'm just going to put this right about here

Doesn't matter, I'm still not hungry



I don't remember asking if you were



I just deliver the stuff, remember



But my friend Andrew made this and he doesn't even cook for his

boyfriends so the least you can do is try an be polite...



... and eat it



I don't have to pretend to be polite I think I've earned that right



Oh yes, that's right... you're dying you're bitter... blah blah blah



Fortunately I'm shallow so I'm impervious to that



Now eat it






I bet you don't know how to spell that



Sure I do.. It's  spelled 'Bite me'



Now just to show that our little problems in this world

don't amount to a hill of beans...



...I'm going to read about some people who have some real trouble



Say it isn't so!






Well, apparently poor Pam Anderson

has had her breast implants taken out



and put back in so many times

her entire chest is collapsing



Oh they have bikini pictures



They're horrible!

Shut up



No they are seriously, they're down to her knees



Eat your chicken and I'll show you






Give me the fucking magazine



Aaron, what happened!



There was an accident

Come on let me help you inside



There was this car that was just going way too fast



Ryder... I should have warned him

now they've take him to the hospital and...



Accidents.. they happen



I was thinking.... I wasn't even paying attention

It's OK...



Look... you're in no position... I should..






Ah for flippin... Gross!



Pretty boy is not the only fag here



OK, look, nothing happened here guys



We walked in here and you two were mackin' like schoolgirls and

you're saying nothing happened?



Well maybe you can try and reach down in your little

bible geek soul and be cool for two seconds?



I don't think you get to be making requests here gayboy

Don't fucking touch me asshole



Dude you so got to be leaving

Don't blow this out of proportion, it's not that big of a deal, right?



Yeah, it kind'a is



Please just go



Um...hi.  Is Davis around?

You're too late loverboy..



you'd better betcha they're putting your boyfriends butt

on a plane home this afternoon



and now we have to move again cause we can't live across

from some big doodah flamer homo



thank you very much



You stay! Your friend and I are gonna have a little talk



OK asshole the way I see it you've got a big mouth

and only one arm to back it up



so how is it going to look when a big flamer kicks

the shit out of you



Ryder... tell me where he is

What do you think I wanted to see him get busted?



This may come as a surprise to you

but I actually liked the guy



He took this whole thing serious as a seizure



But we were getting through it OK



So why him? Huh?



did you go fuck him up



He doesn't deserve the kind of grief

he's got coming down the pipe



Nothing was supposed to happen to him



Oh pucky!  You were gunning

for something ever since we got here



and if you want to know where he is I want to know why



It was just stupid.. it was just a dumb bet

   bucks but it's not about that



It's not about that at all






You're too late anyway his flight left    minutes ago



Hey... if it's any help... there's a five hour lay-over in Salt Lake












God I hate the snow



What are you doing here



I came after you



How could you leave without saying anything



It's not my choice



I'm being sent home in shame



And I'm probably going to be excommunicated



For just a kiss?



Don't get me wrong it was a nice kiss but hey come on

we didn't even get to use our tongues



You wouldn't understand

I'm sorry I'm not... I'm not very good at this



See I've never made a fool out of myself in front

of anyone before



But I've never felt this way before about anyone

in my entire life



What for just some guy you can't have



And then next week you're get to be on to your next conquest



But what if you're not



Huh? What if everything in my entire pathetic life

which I happen to love has led me to this point, right now



What if you are the blinding light

in the middle of the road



that strikes me like the guy in...

...the in the Bible




Paul? Yeah!



And what if everything's changed like that...

And lions lay down with lambs and colours mix with whites...



What if you're the one I have been waiting for my whole life

and I let you go



You have no idea what I'd be giving up



Damnit... what's wrong with you



You want revelations engraved in gold and

angels trumpeting down from heaven



what if this is it in stead



Me telling you I love you, right here..

in the snow



I think that is pretty miraculous



But if you don't... I'll go

you can pretend this was just some coincidence



you can pretend there wasn't some reason we met



That you're sorry I ever walked into your life



God I hate the snow



Ho... door must have froze shut

you boys come in before you freeze too



My we're closing the whole airport because of this storm



How long did we go at it



Two and a half hours



It's OK right?






That's amazing



I don't know how long you're supposed to do it



You carry a pocket watch!

Just some months



It was actually my great grandfathers




... I don't think you came here for a geneology lesson



You know, I thought you'd be a little more reticent



Well... I'm already going to hell for kissing you so..



I may as well take the scenic route



What God do you believe in



It's not just God...


           's everything



this... you... tonight



I'm just... turning my back on it all



But you know I guess... a guy like you really doesn't

know what that's like you know..



to be completely cut off



When I was    years old my dad...



...he was this macho hot shot banker guy



and I was just this skinny little kid...



who'd been caught trying on his mother's

shoes one too many times



anyway, my dad said he would rather die

than raise a little nellyboy



and I thought I would rather die than be one



So my dad, who'd never been out of the city

in his entire life



decided we're going to go hunt deer



so my dad drags me to this lodge up in the Sierras right...



it's early November



the same as now



and there is this storm rolling in



my dad was so determined that

sissy boy was going to kill something



snow came at us from all sides



the air, the sky, the ground they all became the same



and horrible screaming...white



and I thought we're gonna be OK, right



and then I saw my father's eyes



and they were that same white...



and that's when he did it



And do what?






He didn't come back for you



Uh uh



But I got calm...

I knew I was going to die



and that's when I heard it



an angel






An angel?



Turned out not to be an angel at all



What was it



Just the wind... over some rocks



A cave



Inside at least I was out of the snow

and I guess I drifted off



when I woke up it was dark



it was still snowing hard and I heard

a noise at the mouth of the cave like a bear



and it grabbed me and it picked me up

and I fought but I was so weak and cold...



all I could do was knock the bear's hood off

Bear had a hood?



Turned out to be a bear only in the sense

of the search and rescue guy was pretty hairy



That's when it got weird



And not until then?



He ripped off all my clothes



and he tore all his clothes off



Sure you weren't delirious?



Then he stuffed us into a sleeping bag



Oh wait... hypothermia... I remember from the boyscout manual

Exactly but I didn't know what to think



I was so... tired



and cold



despite of it all..



I popped the biggest woody ever



And he wrapped those big arms around me



pulled me into that hairy chest



and told me I was OK



That was the first moment in that whole ordeal

I began to cry



I don't blame you I would have been freaked out too






it was joy



I thought I'd rather die than be gay



I got a pretty good idea what dying felt like



But lying there in the arms of that man



I thought if this is what being gay feels like



Bring it on



Come on... let's get you home






Oh that's very funny

Fuck you Andrew



Boy... where have you been



Salt Lake



OK if you haunt your guys all that way

you had better tell me you won the bet



I think I'm the loser on this one...



Hey hey hey..don't let it get to you...

even Tiger Woods slices now and then



Fucking Andrew!



Is he doing his crackhead telemarketer again?



No he is jerking me around by...



on the offchance just... you didn't happen to give my

demo out to anyone, did you?



Um.. yeah.. this Angel Food guy delivered to him



and he said he was once in the music business but..



you know I thought he might like it



I think he gave it away






Oh Julie oh no I mean he's on heavy medicine

he's loopy anyway



you can't take what he says seriously...

Julie you are hurting my arm



Who did he give it to?

He said he was gonna give it to Clive...






Clive Davis?



Oh fuck me I hung up on Clive Davis?



Oh my God answer it



No you answer it..

Answer it!



Au Julie that's the arm that I...

Fucking answer it!






Julie Taylor?



Um... so is that Clive with a D of Clive with a V



Oh well.. it's official... winter's here



Bundle up



Ah... much better



So... guess what...this A and R guy from the record company

has been totally coy about which team he plays on..



when I introduce you, you can totally nail him

and set the record straight



well... so to speak



I go pass on this one...

You know... why? he is totally cute, I'm serious



What's wrong with you...

you know, you haven't been yourself since...



wait... are you still not over missionary man?



I don't know






It's weird with him disappearing like that



OK... wel then stop moping like a schoolgirl and

do something about it, call him...



Just dial  -   -TORTURED MORMON?



Probably sounds they've got enough of them



But I think you should just get the hell over it

Maybe I don't want to



I mean LA is a city where everyone dances with

one eye on the door...



like we're all waiting for something better to walk in



Who would even recognize it if it did?



It would be nice to stop circling



It would be nice to stop equating sex with a handshake



And it would be nice to have it mean something



Listen to you, you are turning into a chick



Shut up!

You are! Wait Christian wait, seriously you dropped something




Your balls! Must have fallen over under somewhere



This is me not talking to you



OK wait but you're still coming to the show tonight, right?



As president of the Pocatello stake it is my unhappy duty

and obligation to convene this church court on behalf of the Elder



Aaron Davis for grave and grievous sin of homosexuality



In the light of your abnormal and abonimable state



and your refusal to see you have been duped



into a hogwash alternative lifestyle..



I wish my shame was enough for both of us

not to mention the shame you brought to this church..



a family... our ancestors...

Wait a minute our ancestors?



Dad...your grandfather had half a dozen wifes



Same goes for every single person in this room...

I'd say we were the original definition of alternative lifestyle



Are you calling us hypocrites?



No we've gone way beyond hypocracy Dad,

now we're just being mean



With the authority invested in me by

the Melchizedek priesthood



and in the name of Jesus Christ I have no choice



but to begin excommunication proceedings against you

at witch point you will be stripped of the priesthood...



the garments... and membership in this church



Still at it?



There are a lot of Davises up there



Hi, I'm trying to reach an Aaron Davis

No not Errol.. AARON...two A's...



Hi, I'm looking for Aaron Davis...

No, he didn't win anything...



No no no, he is younger than that...



Does he have a son named Aaron?



No! Yeah! Let me talk to your wife



Hi, hello I'm looking for an Aaron Davis



What? The Davis Boy, yeah that sounds like him



No, he's not in anymore trouble...

What kind of trouble?



I'm sorry... I'm not trying to pry



Ferron Davis can you spell that?



On Stone Creek... really...Thank you so much



Buck Owens... really... they still run that?

OK, well you get back to it now



OK, thank you




I'm sorry, brother Davis is down at the Stake Center



Oh, I'm sorry... Aaron?

May I ask why you are trying to reach Aaron?



Los Ang... are you one of the Elders in Los Angeles?


            know what, my son has no desire to speak to you

and I hope you could have the decency not to call here again



Is Dad missing dinner again?

Oh it's nothing but he sure is late over at the Stake Center...



there is no point in this getting cold



If you are just gonna play with it...



I don't know why I bother anymore



Julie! get out here... I found him



You talked to him?

No, his mother hung up on me



Um... bitch!



No, but if he really did not want to

talk to me then she really would not



have had a problem putting

him on the phone, right?



And next time he will probably pick up



Damn girl I didn't know getting hung up on

makes me feel so good



Good! Then we're going out because you

have been a contrary mary way too long



Did something fall again?



Yeah, just a little dropsy... you go on







What Aaron






It's nothing I just wanted to see if you

bring yourself to look at me



I'm looking at you... what am I suppose to be seeing






His name was Christian, wasn't it






Is Christian the one?



What did he do to you!



He loved me



Don't say that! Do you know how ridiculous that sounds?

How repulsive that is to God to everyone?



Two men? Men don't love Aary...

women bring love to a relationship.



But Ma he told me he loved me...

He would have told you anything



He flattered and beguiled you... tools of the devil

that's what they do



You don't know that

Yes I do



You don't know that

I do... you know why? Because when you didn't arrive home...



I called your mission president

You checked up on me huh?



I was worried sick about you.. and you know what he said?



Your missionary companion told him that that Christian

person... you were nothing more than a bet he made



That's not true...

Yes it is true.. he won your soul for a lousy    dollars



That's all you were worth to him and you know what?



He's probably forgotten all about you

and now he's moving on to his next fornication



Mum he wouldn't..

It meant nothing to him, he was using you and that is why...



you can never think about him again, ever... ever again



You got... you have got to put this thing behind you

this horrible mistake that everybody knows about...



You've seen how they look at us



You've seen how people just turn their carts around

when we walk down the isle in the market...



and how they look away at the bank



Why do you think your father doesn't come home anymore?



What if it is not something I've done...

what if it's who I am?



Don't say that. Don't you ever even think that!



You can be forgiven...maybe heavenly Father can forgive

you for what you've done but who you are...



He could never forgive something like that.



You know... I think I am going to heat up that casserole

with the cream and mushroom soup



Where are you going?



I left some stuff down the church...

Now? We just got back!



Our son... we've just come back from...

As good a time as any




Mrs Davis.. listen, I know you don't want me to speak with your son



My son? Let me tell you something you son of a bitch



Thanks to you my son took a razor to his wrists



Thanks to you I have lost my son



And I hope you burn, I hope you burn for ever!






Sit down



Drink that



Toss it



That way it's medicinal



Good it's vital for a man to have a couple of

slugs in him before discussing heart ache



I think Hemingway told me that...

You knew Ernest Hemingway?



Margot actually



But beauties don't always escape tragedy



Oh God, this is hell...



I've done something



I'm guilty...



and I'll burn for it



Funny thing about guilt... there is nothing so bad that you

can't add a little guilt to it and make it worse



and there is nothing so good you can't add a little guilt to it

and make it better



Guilt distracts us from a greater truth... we have

an inherent ability to heal



We seem intent on living through even the worst heartbreak









  am... you slut



I worked through in the studio... I can't seem

to come up with a song for the single




Couldn't sleep



So what... you sit here in the dark?



Hey. Let's just say fuck the no-carbs thing

let's go to Dupar's and eat pancakes till we choke huh?



Yeah... I think I'm just going to go back to bed



Tuesday,   am, once again I can't sleep



It's like I am waiting for time to fix some part of me

that keeps on breaking



I've already thrown out the newspaper and washed

the left over dishes



nothing to do but sit here and think



As a citizen and voter in the city of

Los Angeles it is up to you to decide



if you will allow...



Where are you going with my goddamn flowers



But they are...

We don't throw anything out that is not completely dead






And another thing... you've got to quit coming over here

and moping around, you're fucking depressing me



I am depressing you?



That's what I'm saying... If we've reached the

point where you're dragging my day well then...



we've got a problem... seriously



you got to do something... it's time to make a move



Find a way to get past this



Are you being the Oracle right now?



Nah... I'm just being a friend



Hello may I help you?

Are you Aaron Davis' mother?



I am sister Davis yes



I knew your son, in Los Angeles



Ah you must be one of the elders from there

you have that look



No, my name is Christian



He lost his watch



I wanted you to know how sorry I am



It kills me to think that I could

have caused him any pain






Could be worse... could be raining



Oh yeah... it is raining



Only in LA it does rain when

the news has operation storm on



Don't suppose there is bills

of mine in that mail?



Oh my's a copy of my video..






Get outta here... it's about damn time



Been waiting to see this



Come on girl it's been so top secret

plug it in, let's go



OK, I don't want you to

snap to some judgement...



Why... It's some kind of like nasty-ass-Christina

Aguilera's-can't-go-wrong-with kind of video?



No, it's just...



Tuesday,   am



once again I'm wide awake



waiting for time to mend this part of me



that keeps on breaking



newspapers I threw away



washed the dishes in the sink



What the fuck...



That's from my journal what the fuck

is that stuff from my journal doing in here



You were the one always telling me to write

songs about you... I was gonna tell you...



or ask you or whatever...

You knew I would tell you to go fuck yourself..



so you what? You'd steal my most private personal hell

I've been trying to get past and you turn around



and throw it back in my face

is that it?



I just thought that something good could come

out of this



Oh for you maybe...



Jesus Chris... I did want to tell you



Look... I don't want to tell you

like this... but the record label they...



want me to move to New York for a while



cause... all the hot producers work in the clubs there



Have a nice trip



Help you?



I was looking for Christian...

Yeah um... no Chris is um....



Want me to give him a message or anything?



I heard you didn't get the part



I hate to admit it but I'm gonna miss you

when you go back to New York



Who said anything about leaving



Come on, you hate LA



Look if you tell anybody that I said this

I will ripp your lips off



I was miserable in New York



At least in LA you can be miserable

while you get a tan



My dear boy



I was hoping this was still good



Of course it's still good



I didn't have any place else to go






Give my young friend whatever he wants



What will it be...

Just a coke, thank you



Nothing stronger?



You look like you could use it



If you don't mind me saying you look like um...







I didn't come to unload on you



Well, you gave me that privilege once

let me return the favour



After we met I was sent home and excommunicated



for being gay



Your church doesn't like alcohol or homosexuals



Well, I am definitely not joining



Can't imagine heaven without both



Sorry, go on



That led me to a brief but disastrous affair

with a sharp object



After the hospital stitched me up



my parents put me in this place



this facility where they were supposed to change me



and fix me



this one night I was on restriction



and I was cleaning this floor with a toothbrush



that's when I heard it



this voice



it was like an angel



It was just the TV



It was the strangest coincidence



I don't believe in coincidence



these days I believe in miracles






Because the girl who was singing



she is only almost famous you wouldn't know her



but I did



And I know people feel this way about certain songs



but I felt like she was singing right to me



This is my young friend



We've met



I went by your place...

I sublet it...



Is this, this isn't...



He's a great tipper



Darlings the food is not gonna get

warmer sitting on the counter



Hot stuff coming through!



A toast



An affirmation



A prayer of thanks



I want you to know that wherever

we find ourselves in this world



Whatever our successes

or failures



Come this time of year you will always

have a place at my table...



and a place in my heart



Sometimes it all still feels like a mass of dots






more and more these days



I feel like we're all connected



and it's beautiful



and funny



and good.

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