Little Shop Of Horrors Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Little Shop Of Horrors script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Rick Moranis and Steve Martin musical movie based on the play.  This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Little Shop Of Horrors. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

Swing on back to Drew's Script-O-Rama afterwards for more free movie scripts!

Little Shop Of Horrors Script





On the 23rd day

of the month of September...


            an early year of a decade

not too long before our own...



...the human race suddenly encountered

a deadly threat to its very existence.



And this terrifying enemy surfaced,

as such enemies often do...


            the seemingly most innocent

and unlikely of places.



''Little Shop

Little Shop of Horrors



''Little Shop of Terror



''Watch 'em drop

Little Shop of Horrors




What a creepy thing to be happening



''Look out!




Feel the Sturm und Drang in the air



''Stop right where you are

Don't move a thing



''You'd better, telling you, you'd better

Tell your mama



''Something's gonna get her

She'd better, everybody better, beware



''Here it comes, baby



''Tell those bums, baby



''Hit the dirt, baby



''Red alert, baby



''Alley Oop, haul it off the stoop

l'm warning you



''Look out!



''Run away Child,

You're gonna pay if you fail



''Look around, look who's coming down

Down the street for you



''You bet 'cha

You bet your butt, you bet 'cha



''Best believe it

Something's come to get 'cha



''Better watch your back and your tail



''Little Shop

Little Shop of Horrors




You'll never stop the terror



''Little Shop

Little Shop of Horrors''



Seymour, what's going on down there?



Very little, Mr. Mushnik!



...and at his press conference today,

President Kennedy fielded questions...



...concerning last Thursday's

total eclipse of the sun...


            astrological phenomenon

which has baffled the nation.



So, she finally decides to come to work!



Good morning, Mr. Mushnik.



What morning? lt's almost closing time.

Not that we had a customer.



Seymour, what in the name of God

is going on down there?



Audrey, would you go down

and see what he's--



Where did you get that shiner?






Audrey, that greasy boyfriend of yours

is beating up on you again?



l know it's none of my business...



...but l'm beginning to think

he's maybe not such a nice boy.



l got these pots unloaded for you, Mr.--



Seymour, look what you've done

to the inventory!



Don't yell at Seymour.



You look radiant today.



ls that new eye make-up?



l'll help him clean it up

before any of the customers get here.



That should give you plenty of time.



Oh, God, what an existence l got!

Misfit employees, bums on the sidewalk...


            is lousy. My life is a living hell!



Hey, you. Urchins!



Move! Move! Go away!



No loitering!



l wasn't loitering. Were you, Crystal?



Not me, Ronette. Were you, Chiffon?



You ought to be in school!



We're on a split shift.



We went to school until fifth grade,

then we split.



How do you intend to better yourselves?



Better ourselves? You hear what he said?

Better ourselves?



Mister, when you're from Skid Row,

ain't no such thing.



''Alarm goes off at  :  



''And you start uptown



''You put in your eight hours



''For the powers that have always been''



Sing it, child.



''Till it's  :   p.m.



''Then you go




Where the folks are broke



''You go downtown

Where your life's a joke



''You go downtown

Where you buy your token



''And you go



''Home to Skid Row



''Yes, you go






''Where the cabs don't stop






''Where the food is slop




Where the hopheads flop in the snow



''Down on Skid Row



''Uptown, you cater to a million jerks



''Uptown, you're messengers

And mailroom clerks



''Eating all your lunches

At the hotdog carts



''The bosses take your money

Then they break your hearts



''Uptown you cater to a million whores



''Disinfect terrazzo

On their bathroom floors



''Your jobs are really menial



''You make no bread

And then at  :   you head



''By subway






''Where the guys are drips






''Where they rip your slips






''Where relationships are no go



''Down on Skid Row



''Down on Skid Row''




All my life l've always been poor



''l keep asking God what l'm for



''And he tells me, 'Gee, l'm not sure.



'''Sweep that floor, kid.'



''l started life as an orphan

A child of the street



''Here on Skid Row



''He took me in, gave me shelter, a bed

Crust of bread and a job



''Treats me like dirt

Calls me a slob, which l am



''So l live






''That's your home address

You live






''When your life's a mess

You live






''Where depression's just...



''...status quo



''Down on Skid Row



''Someone show me a way

To get out of here



'''Cause l constantly pray

l'll get out of here



''Please, won't somebody say

l'll get out of here



''Someone give me my shot

Or l'll rot here



''Show me how and l will



''l'll get out of here

l'll start climbing uphill



''And get out of here



''Someone tell me

l still could get out of here



''Someone tell Lady Luck

That l'm stuck here



''Gee, it sure would be swell

To get out of here



''Bid the gutter farewell

And get out of here



''l'd move heaven and hell

To get out of Skid



''l'd do l don't know what

To get out of Skid



''But a hell of a lot

To get out of Skid



''People tell me there's not

A way out of Skid



''But believe me, l've got

To get out of Skid Row! ''



Six o'clock and we haven't sold

so much as a fern!



That's it! Forget it.

Don't bother coming in tomorrow.



You don't mean....



-l mean, l'm through. Kaput.

-You can't.



Kaput. Extinct. l'm closing this

God and customer forsaken place.



Mr. Mushnik, forgive me for saying so,

but has it ever occurred to you...



...that maybe what the firm needs is

to move in a new direction?



What Seymour's trying to say is....



Seymour, why don't you run downstairs

and bring up...



...that strange and interesting new plant

you've been working on?



Some of those exotic plants

Seymour's been tinkering around with...



...are really unusual.



We thought that maybe some of those

strange and interesting new plants...



...prominently displayed and advertised,

would attract business.



l'm afraid it isn't feeling very well today.



There. Now, isn't that bizarre?



At least.



What kind of a weirdo plant is that?



l don't know.

l think it's some kind of flytrap...



...but l haven't been able to identify it

in any of my books.



l gave it my own name though.

l call it an Audrey ll.



After me?



l hope you don't mind.



Sir, if you were to put

a strange and interesting plant like this...


            in the window, then maybe....



Maybe what? Maybe what?



Do you have any idea

how ridiculous you sound?



Just because you put a strange plant

in the window people don't suddenly--



Excuse me. l couldn't help noticing

that strange and interesting plant.



What is it?



lt's an Audrey ll.



l've never seen anything like it before.



No one has.



Where did you get it?



Remember that total eclipse of the sun

about a week ago?



I was walking

in the wholesale flower district that day.



And I passed by this place

where this old Chinese man....



He sometimes sells me

weird and exotic cuttings.



'Cause he knows strange plants

are my hobby.



He didn't have anything unusual

there that day.



So I wasjust about to,

you know, walk on by...



...when suddenly and without warning,

there was this...


            eclipse of the sun.



It got very dark.



And there was this strange humming

sound, like something from another world.



When the light came back,

this weird plant wasjust sitting there.



Just stuck in among the zinnias.



''Audrey ll.''



I could have sworn

it hadn't been there before...



...but the old Chinese man

sold it to me anyways...



...for $ .  .



Well, that's an unusual story,

and a fascinating plant.



Oh, while l'm here,

l might as well take $   worth of roses.



$  !



Can you break $   ?



$   ?






Then l'll just have to take twice as many.



Twice as many?



Twice as many!



Twice as many!



That plant in the window,

it's simply amazing!



That plant in the window,

wherever did you get it?



-There it is, Marge.

-Oh, my gosh, it's peculiar.



Thank you very much, sir!



Thank you!



Thank you! Come again!



Come and look at the weirdo plant

some more!



lt's just going to get bigger

and more interesting.



Just don't stand there! Quick, quick!



Put the plant back.... What did you call it?



Audrey ll.



Put that Audrey ll back in the window

where passersby can see it.



l never thought this could happen!



l'm taking us all out to dinner tonight!



l'd love to, Mr. Mushnik, but l have a date.



With that nogoodnik?



You don't need a date with him.

You need major medical.



He's a rebel, Mr. Mushnik,

but he makes good money.






...he's the only fella l got.



Enjoy dinner. Goodnight, Seymour.



Goodnight, Audrey.



Poor girl.



Are we still going out?



You're not going anywhere!



You're staying right here

and taking care of that sick plant!



l told you it's been giving me trouble.

Audrey ll is not a healthy girl.



Between us, neither is Audrey l.



lf l only knew what breed it was.



Who cares what breed it is?

Look what it's done for business.



Work. Nurse this plant back to health.

l'm counting on you.



-l know.

-You do?



-l do.

-So fix. Good night.



Twoey, l don't know what else

l can do for you.



Are you sickly, little plant,

or are you just plain stubborn?



What is it you want?



What is it you need?



''l've given you sunshine

l've given you dirt



''You've given me nothing

But heartache and hurt



''l'm begging you sweetly

l'm down on my knees



''Oh, please, grow for me



''l've given you plant food

And water to sip



''l've given you potash

You've given me zip



''Oh God, how l mist you

Oh pod, how you tease



''Now please, grow for me



''l've given you southern exposure

To get you to thrive



''l've pinched you back hard

Like l'm supposed to



''You're barely alive



''l've tried you at levels of moisture



''From desert to mud



''l've given you grow lights

And mineral supplements



''What do you want from me?




Damn roses! Damn thorns!



''l've given you sunlight

l've given you rain



''Looks like you're not happy



'''Less l open a vein



''l'll give you a few drops



''lf that'll appease



''Oh, please...



''...grow for me! ''






Skid Row radio.



You're listening to radio station WSKID,

home of the hits.



Injust a few minutes we'll bring you

Wink Wilkensen's Weird World...



...where wonderful people

bring in their weird things.



But first, the weather.



Thank you. The weather today will be

partly cloudy with a chance of rain. Sorry.



The high temperature will be

in the low   s tonight....



-Excuse me. l was told to come--

-You're next.



High tomorrow should be in the low   s

with the low in the high   s.



In the suburbs, the sun should be out

through most of the day...



...except for some cloudy patches

towards the evening.



The barometer reading should be   . .



The wind will be about...



...I'd say    miles per hour.



The sun will be rising tomorrow

at about  :   a.m...



...and it should be setting around  :   p.m.



The cold front is moving in

from the southwest.



It should brighten up by noon.



The weekend should be mild.



The average mean temperature

for the season....



You're listening to radio station WSKID.



And now, Wink Wilkensen's Weird World,

with your host, Wink Wilkensen.



Hi! lt's Weird Wink Wilkensen,

laughin' and scratchin' at ya.



How's everybody today?



l got a bit of a stiff neck.

Let me just fix this up.



That feels a lot better!



l got a great show for you today

with some wonderful weird stuff!



What are you doing here?



Please, put your clothes back on!

You can't do this to me!



What if your husband were to walk in?



l'm here, Wink. l love your show...



...but l've got to kill you both

with this machine gun.



You got me!



l feel so very weird!



Our first guest is a young man...


            probably read about

in the newspapers by the name of...



...Seymour Krelborn. ls that correct?



Who has discovered a new breed of plant

unknown on this planet.



Let me play you down

to your seat, Seymour.



Hello, Seymour!



Hello, Wink.



l wish you folks at home could see this.



Seymour, where did you get

such a weird plant?



Well, you remember that total eclipse

of the sun about a week ago?



And thus we conclude our interview

with the young botanical--



Mind if I call you a genius?



Gosh, no!



The genius who has discovered

this amazing, unidentified plant.



I'd like to remind our listeners

that the Audrey II is on display...



...exclusively at

Mushnik's Skid Row Florists.



-Did l miss it?




The address!



The address!



l said, mention the address!



Oh, well. lt's still good advertising.



Seymour's first radio broadcast.



l wanted to hear it so bad.

l tried to be on time, but--



Don't tell me. You got tied up.



No, just handcuffed, a little.



Girl. Hey, girl.



The mess you hang out with

is hazardous to your health.



That's for sure. But l can't leave him.



-Why not?

-He'd get angry.



lf he does this when he likes me,

imagine what he'd do if he ever got mad.



So, dump the chump.

Get a guy who'll protect you.



How about the little jerk with the glasses?






Oh, we're just friends.



l don't even deserve a sweet, considerate...



...suddenly successful guy like Seymour.



That poor child suffers

from low self-image.



-You got a point.

-She got a problem.



''l know Seymour's the greatest



''But l'm dating a semi-sadist



''So l got a black eye

And my arm's in a cast



''Still that Seymour's a cutie



''Well, if not, he's got inner beauty



''And l dream of a place



''Where we could be together at last



''A matchbox of our own



''A fence of real chain-link



''A grill out on the patio



''Disposal in the sink



''A washer and a dryer



''And an ironing machine



''ln a tract house that we share



''Somewhere that's green



''He rakes and trims the grass



''He loves to mow and weed



''l cook like Betty Crocker



''And l look like...



''...Donna Reed



''There's plastic on the furniture



''To keep it neat and clean



''ln the Pine-sol scented air



''Somewhere that's green



''Somewhere that's green



''Between our frozen dinner



''And our bedtime,  :  



''We snuggle watching Lucy



''On our big, enormous...



''...  -inch screen



''l'm his December bride



''He's father, he knows best



''The kids play Howdy Doody



''As the sun sets in the west



''A picture out of Better Homes...



''...and Gardens magazine



''Far from Skid Row



''l dream we'll go



''Somewhere that's...






''Poor Seymour pushed a broom

Nothing in his news but gloom and doom



''Then he lit a fuse and give him room

He started an explosion, holy cow



''That thing went bang kerboom

And he's having some fun now



''-Some fun now

-Hot damn!



''-Ain't he having some fun now?

-Yes, ma'am



''He's having some fun now



''Ain't he having some fun now?''



Yes, Mrs. Shiva.



No, Mrs. Shiva. Right away, Mrs. Shiva.



Did you send Mrs. Shiva's order?



Mrs. Shiva? l forgot!



You forgot?



You forgot!



Do you hear this, God? He forgot!



Are you listening, customers? He forgot!



Quick! We've got to do

an emergency arrangement.



Birthday? Wedding? Baby?






Get me the lilies.



Mr. Mushnik's real mad at me.

l keep forgetting things.



Scissors. You got a lot on your mind.



What mind? The Shivas are

our biggest funeral account.



A huge family, dropping off like flies!



Sometimes l think Mr. Mushnik's

too hard on you. Glue.



That's okay.



-l owe him everything.




He took me out

of the Skid Row Home for Boys...



...gave me a warm place to stay,

floors to sweep, toilets to clean...



...and every other Sunday off.



You know, l think you ought

to raise your expectations.



Now that you're getting successful, l mean.



lt's clear you suffer from a low self-image.



lt's high time you get it fixed.



Why don't you go out

and do something nice for yourself like...


            some new clothes?



l'm a very bad shopper, Audrey.



l don't have good taste, like you.



l could help you pick things out.



You could?






You'd go shopping with me?






You'd be seen with me in a public place

like a department store?









l can't tonight. l got a date.



Again, this date?



Some date.



A date gives you a corsage,

not a multiple fracture.



He's not a good, clean kind of boy.



He's a professional.



What professional rides a motorcycle

and wears a black leather jacket?



''When l was younger, just a bad little kid



''My mama noticed funny things l did



''Like shooting puppies with a BB gun



''l'd poison guppies and when l was done



''l'd find a pussycat and bash in its head



''That's when my mama said



''What did she say?



''She said,

'My boy, l think someday



'''You'll find a way

To make your natural tendencies pay



'''You'll be a dentist



'''You have a talent for causing things pain



'''Son, be a dentist



'''People will pay you to be inhumane



'''Your temperament's wrong

for the priesthood



'''And teaching would suit you still less



'''Son, be a dentist



'''You'll be a success'



''Here he is, folks

The leader of the plaque



''Watch him suck up that gas

Oh, my God!



''He's a dentist

and he'll never ever be any good



''Who wants their teeth done

by the Marquis de Sade?''



Oh, that hurts! Wait, l'm not numb.



Oh, shut up. Open wide, here l come!



''l am your dentist



''And l enjoy the career that l picked



''l am your dentist



''And l get off on the pain l inflict



''l thrill when l drill a bicuspid



''lt's swell, though they tell me

l'm maladjusted



''And though it may cause

my patients distress



''Somewhere, in heaven above me



''l know that my mama's proud of me''



Oh, Mama!



'''Cause l'm a dentist



''And a success



''Say, 'Aaah'



''Say, 'Aaah'



''Say, 'Aaah'



''Now spit! ''



Excuse me, sir,

you can't go in there right now.



Relax. You want some nitrous oxide?



Suit yourself.



We're closed.



lt's all right, Seymour.

This is my date, my boyfriend.



Seymour, Orin Scrivello.






l know you. l saw you on the news.



l even know your name.

Let's see. lt's...Cecil. No, no.







Give me a chance.












Somebody talking to you?



No. Excuse me.



Excuse me, what?



Excuse me, Doctor.



That's better.



l know! You're the plant guy, right?



That means it must be in there.



That is incredible!



-What do you call that thing?

-Audrey ll.



Cute name. lt's catchy.



Nice plant. Big.



Shouldn't we be leaving now?



You're quite the little chatterbox, ain't ya?



-l'm sorry.

-Sorry, what?



Sorry, Doctor. Doctor. Sorry, Doctor.



You've got to train them, stud.



Here's my card. You need a root canal

or anything like that, give me a buzz.



lt's on the house.



You got the handcuffs?



They're right in my bag.



You ought to see the way

he treats her, Twoey.



She deserves a prince,

not a sadistic creep like him.



The man's a total disgrace

to the dental profession.



l don't know what's going on, sometimes.



Seems like the whole world's going crazy.



At least we got each other, right?



l'm gonna turn in, Twoey.

l'll see you in the morning.



Oh, boy. Here we go again.



Come on, l haven't got much left.



Give me a few days to heal.

We'll start again on the left hand and--



l beg your pardon?



Feed me.



Twoey, you talked!

You opened your trap and you said--



Feed me, Krelborn! Feed me now!



l can't!



l'm starving!



Maybe l can squeeze a little more

out of this one.



More! More! More!



There isn't any more!



What do you want me to do?

Slit my wrists?



Oh, boy! Look, l've got an idea.



l'll pick you up some nice chopped sirloin.



Must be blood.



That's disgusting.



Must be fresh.



l don't want to hear this.



Feed me.



Does it have to be human?



Feed me!



Does it have to be mine?



Feed me!



Where am l supposed to get it?



''Feed me, Seymour



''Feed me all night long



''That's right, boy



''You can do it



''Feed me, Seymour



''Feed me all night long



'''Cause if you feed me, Seymour



''l can grow up big and strong''



You eat blood, Audrey ll. Let's face it.



How am l supposed to keep feeding you?

Kill people?



l'll make it worth your while.






You think this is all coincidence, baby?



The sudden success around here?

The press coverage?



Look, you're a plant. An inanimate object.



Does this look inanimate to you, punk?



lf l can talk and l can move,

who's to say l can't do anything l want?



Like what?



Like deliver, pal.



Like see you get everything

your sacred greasy heart desires.



''Would you like a Cadillac car?



''Or a guest shot on Jack Paar?



''How about a date with Hedy Lamarr?

You're gonna get it, if you want it, baby.



''How'd you like to be a big wheel?



''Dining out for every meal?



''l'm the plant that can make it all real



''You're gonna get it



''l'm your genie, l'm your friend

l'm your willing slave



''Take a chance

Feed me and



''You know the kind of eats

And red-hot treats



''The kind of sticky, licky sweets l crave



''Come on, Seymour, don't be a putz



''Trust me, and your life

Will surely rival King Tut's



''Show some initiative, work up some guts

And you'll get it''



''l don't know''



Come on, boy!



''l don't know''



Lighten up.



''l have so...



'' many strong...






Tell it to the Marines.



''Should l go...



''...and perform...






''You didn't have nothing

Till you met me



''Come on, kid

What will it be?



''Money? Girls?



''One particular girl?



''How about that Audrey?



''Think it over



''There must be someone you could   



''Real quiet like and get me some lunch!



''Think about a room at the Ritz



''Wrapped in velvet, covered in glitz



''A little nookie gonna clean up those zits,

and you'll get it



''Gee, l'd like a Harley machine

Tooling around like l was James Dean



''Making all the guys on the corner

turn green



''lf you want to be profound

lf you really got to justify



''Take a breath and look around



''A lot of folks deserve to die''



Wait a minute!

That's not a very nice thing to say.



But it's true, isn't it?



l don't know anyone who deserves to get

chopped up and fed to a hungry plant!



Sure you do.



Stupid woman!

Christ, what a frigging scatterbrain!



l'm sorry, Doctor!



l'm sorry, Doctor!



Falls off the motorcycle!



l'm clumsy, Doctor!



Messes my hair!



Get the door open, you little slut!



l'm trying, Doctor! l'm trying!



Get the Vitalis. Quick, the Vitalis!



l'm out of it!



''lf you want a rationale

lt isn't very hard to see



''Stop and think it over, pal



''The guy sure looks like plant food to me



''The guy sure looks like plant food to me



''The guy sure looks like plant food to me



''He's so nasty treating her rough



''Smacking her around

And always talking so tough



''You need blood

And he's got more than enough



''l need blood

And he's got more than enough



''You need blood

And he's got more than enough



''So go get it! ''



Are they finished? My turn?






What did he do? Tell me everything!



They have to do that to remove the jaw.



Consider yourself very, very lucky.




-lt's me, Arthur Denton! l'm next!






Does that have an appointment?



Ask it. l'm off duty.



l've been saving all month for this.

l think l need a root canal.



l'm sure l need a long, slow root canal.



Let's go.



-l have a history of dental problems.

-Shut up!



Yes, Doctor.



l went to a terrible dentist Wednesday,

who was recommended to me...


            somebody l saw Monday...



...who's the brother of a man

l usually see Sundays.



Their mother taught them

everything they know.



She's gifted, but elderly.

People think she shouldn't be working.



l go to her because l'm just

incredibly devoted to her strength.



She can't really see who you are,

but she knows the sound of your voice.



lf you tell her where it is, the problem,

she eventually finds it and she does it.



l wish l had that stamina.

l can only go so long.



That's how l want to be.

l don't ever want to have to be just--






Yes, Doctor.



l remember the first time

l went to a dentist.



l thought, ''What a neat job!

lf only l were a dentist.''



The dentist l went to had the greatest car.



He had a Corvette. Everybody calls him

''Doctor'' and he's not really a doctor.



Oh, my God!



l got out of there okay,

but after it was all finished...



...they gave me a candy bar.

l thought, ''l get a candy bar?''



You go through that and get chocolate.



You work with incredible professionals,

using incredibly wonderful equipment....



Let's look at that mouth.



Say, ''Aaah.''



Yeah, great!



You are something special.



You are something special!



Thank you!



lt's your professionalism that l respect.



Don't stop, Doc! Don't stop!

Come on! More!



What do you want? Say, ''Please! ''



l'm going to get a candy bar!



Get out!



What's wrong?



Get out of here!



What's the matter?



Go on! Get out of here!



This way.



l'm gonna tell each and every one

of my friends about you--



What's this?



Goddamn sicko!



Let me ask you something.

Does this scare you?






Would you like if l took this and made

straight for your goddamn incisors?



lt'd hurt, right?



You'd scream!



Get your ass in there!



-Don't l know you?

-Seymour Krelborn. We met yesterday.



Your mouth's a mess, kid.



That wisdom tooth.

We'll rip that bugger right out of there.



What do you say?

There's always time for dental hygiene.



You ever seen the results

of a neglected mouth?



Look, Seymour.



This could happen to you.



Unless l take immediate action!



What's that?



The drill.



lt's rusty!



lt's an antique.



They don't make them like this anymore.












l'm going to want some gas for this.



Thank God.

l thought you wouldn't use any.



The gas isn't for you, Seymour. lt's for me.



You see, l want to really enjoy this.



ln fact, l'm going to use

my special gas mask!



l find a little giggle gas before l begin

increases my pleasure enormously.



Here we go!



Oh, Seymour, l'm flying!



The things l'm going to do to that mouth!



What the hell is that?



A gun?



The kid's got a goddamn revolver!



l'm in trouble now, huh?



Wait till l turn this gas off.



Give me a hand, would you?



No, l guess you wouldn't, would you?



l could asphyx--



What'd l ever do to you?



Nothing. lt's what you did to her.



Her who?



Oh, her.



Chop it up.






Feed me!



Okay, okay.



Audrey, what'd they say to you?






The police.



Oh, nothing.



Talk to me. Tell me what they said.



lt's Orin. They say he's disappeared!



The police told you that?



They suspect foul play.



They do?



His receptionist, this morning,

found the place a shambles.



Gas masks everywhere.



Things all over the floor.



They think....



l can't even think about what they think.



Don't cry, Audrey.



Would it be so terrible

if something had happened to him?



Seymour, what a thing to say!



Well, would it?



lt wouldn't be terrible at all.



lt'd be a miracle.



Not to mention all the money l'd save

on Epsom salts and Ace bandages.



You see?



But l'd still feel guilty.



lf he met with foul play

or some terrible accident of some kind...


           'd be partly my fault just because...



...secretly l wished it.



Don't you waste another minute

thinking about that creep!



There's a lot of guys that'd give anything

to go out with you.



Nice guys.



l don't deserve a nice guy, Seymour.



-That's not true.

-You don't know the half of it!



l've led a terrible life.



l deserved a creep like Orin Scrivello, DDS.



You know where l met him?



ln The Gutter.



The Gutter?



The Gutter. lt's a nightspot.



l worked there on my nights off

when we weren't making much money.



l'd put on...


            and tasteless outfits,

not nice ones like this.



Low and nasty apparel.



That's all behind you now.



You got nothing to be ashamed of.



You're a very nice person.

l always knew you were.



Underneath the bruises and the handcuffs,

you know what l saw?



A girl l respected.



l still do.



''Lift up your head



''Wash off your mascara



''Here, take my Kleenex

Wipe that lipstick away



''Show me your face



''Clean as the morning



''l know things were bad



''But now they're okay



''Suddenly Seymour



''ls standing beside you



''You don't need no make-up



''Don't have to pretend



''Suddenly Seymour



''ls here to provide you



''Sweet understanding



''Seymour's your friend''



''Nobody ever treated me kindly



''Daddy left early



''Mama was poor



''l'd meet a man

And l'd follow him blindly



''He'd snap his fingers at me



''l'd say, 'Sure'



''Suddenly Seymour



''ls standing beside me



''He don't give me orders



''He don't condescend



''Suddenly Seymour



''ls here to provide me



''Sweet understanding



''-Seymour's my friend

-Tell me this feeling



''Will last 'til forever



''Tell me the bad times

Are clean washed away



''Please understand that

lt's still strange and frightening



''For losers like l've been

lt's so hard to save



''Suddenly Seymour



''He purified me



''He purified you



''Suddenly Seymour



''Showed me l can



''Yes, you can



''Learn how to be more



''The girl that's inside me



''With sweet understanding



''With sweet understanding



''Seymour's your man''



You love her madly, don't you, schmuck?



Mr. Mushnik, you scared me.



l scared him?

After what l've seen, l scared him?



Do you think l didn't know, huh?

Oh, l knew.



l knew you'd lay down here,

on your pathetic little cot...



...and dream about her.



But l didn't know the lengths

to which you'd go...



...the depths to which you'd sink!



What depths? What sink?

What are you talking about?



Little red dots all over the linoleum.



Little red spots on the concrete outside.



l'm talking blood, Krelborn.

l'm talking under my own roof.



An axe murderer!



''He's got your number now''



l saw everything.



''He knowsjust what you've done''



Everything you did to her boyfriend.



''You've got no place to hide''



l saw you chopping him.



''You've got nowhere to run''



lt's true. l chopped him up,

but l didn't kill him!



''He knows your life of crime''



Tell it to the police.



''l think it's suppertime!



''Come on, come on



''Think about all those offers



''Come on, come on



''Your future with Audrey



''Come on, come on



''Ain't no time to turn squeamish



''Come on



''l swear on all my spores



''When he's gone

The world will be yours



''lt's suppertime''



You know, Krelborn, it kills me doing this.



But considering you're almost

like a son to me, l'm thinking...



...maybe we don't have to go to the police.



We don't?



l'm thinking...



...what if l kept my mouth shut and

gave you a one-way ticket out of town?



You'd do that, sir?



You could lay low for a while,

say       years.



Meanwhile, l would keep the plant.



The plant?



Of course, you'd have to teach me

how to take care of it while you're away.



Give me your secret gardening tips.



But then, if you'd rather hang....



What do l have to do?



Just feed it.



Feed it what?






Thursdays, you should give it water.



But whatever you do....






Whatever you do....






What the hell is...?



''lt's suppertime''



Seymour Krelborn!



Finally, we meet you! What an occasion!

Let's toast it. Up yours. Relax.



Let's talk turkey. Sign here.



-We'll book you on lecturing tours.

-Yes, darling.



We're sending photographers Thursday.



So get the plant ready

and wear a clean shirt.



-Just sign this release.

-Need a pen?



Aren't you thrilled?

lt's the cover of Life magazine!






Son, it's a cinch to get ratings.



-The title is Marvin's.

-The concept is mine.



The first weekly gardening show

on the network!



-And you're gonna host it, you lucky kid.




''They say the meek shall inherit

You know the Book doesn't lie



''lt's not a question of merit

lt's not demand and supply



''They say the meek are gonna get it.



''You know the meek are gonna get

what's coming to them''



Oh, my God!



And here he is himself,

Mr. Seymour Krelborn!



Mr. Krelborn, there are many questions...



...the people in our television audience

have for you.



Come and tell our viewers

at home and elsewhere...



...about this particularly amazing

agricultural phenomenon...



...that's made you one of the most talked

about plant scientists in the country--






What happened

to the goddamned greenery?



-lt just needs to be fed.

-So feed it.



l can't feed it. Not now.



Then l'll feed it. Where's the plant food?



lt doesn't eat plant food.

And l can't feed it now.



Leave me alone.



All of you.



Just go away.



Leave me alone. Get out of here.



Go away. Leave me alone!



Everybody go away!



Leave me alone!



You're hysterical.



l know. l'm sorry.



What am l gonna do?



l never should've started, but l did.

Now, if l don't feed it, it'll die.



l'll lose her, l'll lose everything.



Who are you talking to?






You're acting funny.



lt wasn't nice throwing those people out.



Those men said

Seymour Krelborn's Gardening Tips...


            sure to be a very big TV show.



l know. l'm sorry. l feel terrible.



Well, you shouldn't.



They're coming back tomorrow

and they'll bring you a great big check.



l wish you were enjoying your success.



They said they're coming back

with money?






Then we could afford to get out of here.



What do you mean?



That's it. After tomorrow

we could leave here together.






lf you'll have me.



Audrey, will you have me?



What do you mean?



Marry me, Audrey.



Seymour, this is so sudden.



Will you?






Then that's it!

We'll go get married right now.



Tomorrow l'll be on TV, get the money

and then we'll live happily ever after.



Oh, Audrey, l'll give you a wonderful life

with no plants, l promise.



-No plants at all.

-You're talking peculiar again.



We'll start tonight.

We'll go to City Hall, get married...



...and spend the night somewhere safe.

Some nice hotel.



l've got to get ready!



Hurry. Hurry.



Feed me.



Under no circumstances.



Feed me.



l will not, so stop asking.



Feed me!



No! No more!



l can't take living with the guilt.



Tough titty.



Watch your language.



Cut the crap. Bring on the meat.



l'll run to the corner, pick you up

some nice ground round.



-How about that?

-Don't do me no favors!



lt's my last offer. Yes or no?



You sure do drive a hard bargain.



Done. Fine. Great.



Don't think you're getting dessert.




-''Hey, little lady, hello''



Who is this?



''You're looking cute as can be''



ls this someone l know?



''You're looking mighty sweet''






''No, it ain't Seymour. It's me!''



Oh, my God!



l don't believe it.



Believe it, baby. lt talks.



Am l dreaming this?



No, and you ain't in Kansas, neither.



Something is very wrong here.



l need me some water in the worst way.



Look at my branches.



l'm drying up. l'm a goner, honey!



''Come on and give me a drink''



l don't know if l should.



''Hey, little lady, be nice''



Do you talk to Seymour like this?



''Sure do. l'll drink it straight''



Your leaves are dry.



''Don't need no glass or no ice''



l'll get the can.



''Don't need no twist of lime''



Here we go.



''And now it's suppertime! ''



Oh, relax, doll. lt'll be easy.



Get off of her! Get off!



-Are you okay?




Yes. l'm okay.



l'm sorry. l never meant to hurt you.

l never meant to hurt anybody.



lt's just that somehow it makes

things happen. Terrible things.



l should've stopped

when l found out what it lived on.



But it was so cute and harmless...



...and we started doing business

and making money and you liked me--



Do you really think

l liked you because of that?



l liked you from the day

l came to work here.



You mean, you'd still like me

even if l wasn't famous?



l'd still love you, Seymour.






All l ever wanted was you...



...and a sweet little house.



You're the most wonderful person

that ever lived.



We're gonna get that little house

and everything will be okay.



''Suddenly Seymour



''ls standing beside you



''Suddenly Seymour



''Showed me l can



''Yes, you can--''



Excuse me, pardon me, beg your pardon.



lf you two kids would stop singing

for a moment...



...l've got something

l want to discuss with you.



Which one of you is Seymour Krelborn?



l am.



lt's a pleasure.



Has your phone been busy!

l've been trying to reach you for weeks.



Patrick Martin, Licensing and Marketing,

World Botanical Enterprises.



Son, kid, boy, are we gonna make

a fortune together!



-He's not interested.

-He will be.



Me and the guys at the home office

have been following this plant of yours.



We've come up with one incredible idea.



We're very proud of it.



Picture this.



We take leaf cuttings,

develop little Audrey lls...



...and sell them to florist shops

across the nation.



Pretty soon every household in America

could have one.



Every household in America!



For starters, kid. Why this thing could go...









Think of it, boy.



Audrey lls everywhere!



With the right advertising,

this thing could be bigger than Hula-Hoops.



Bigger than Hula-Hoops?



What do you say, Seymour?

Do we have a deal?



No! Keep your contract.

Nobody's touching that plant.



We're offering a lot of money.



Forget the money!

Keep it and get out of here!



-Are you nuts?

-Yeah, l'm nuts.



Get out of here! Go on! Get out of here!



l'll come back when you're

in a better mood.



Are you thinking what l'm thinking?



l think so.



He'll keep eating until there's nothing left.



We've got to stop it, Seymour!

We've got to.



l've got to.



l have to end this once and for all.



l'll bust that pod wide open.



Wait! l'm coming with you.



No, it's me that got us into this.

l'm the one to get us out.



Wait for me, Audrey.



This is between me and the vegetable.



''Every household in America! ''

Thousands of you, eating!



That's what you had in mind

all along, isn't it?



No shit, Sherlock!



We're not talking about one hungry plant.

We're talking about world conquest!



And l want to thank you!



You're not going to get away with this!

Your kind never does!



l don't care what it takes.

Only one of us gets out of here alive!



''Better wait a minute



''You better hold the phone



''Better mind your manners

Better change your tone



''Don't you threaten me, son

You got a lot of gall



''We're gonna do things my way



''Or we won't do things at all



''You're in trouble now



''You don't know what

You're messing with



''You got no idea



''You don't know what you're looking at

When you're looking here



''You don't know what you're up against

No, no way, no how



''You don't know what

You're messing with



''But l'm gonna tell you now



''l'm just a mean, green mother

From outer space



''And l'm bad''



Outer space?



''And it looks like you've been had



''l'm a just mean, green mother

From outer space



''So get off my back



''Get out of my face



'''Cause l'm mean and green



''And l am bad



''Want to save your skin, boy?



''You want to save your hide?



''You want to see tomorrow?



''You better step aside



''Better take a tip, boy



''Want some good advice?



''Better take it easy

'Cause you're walking on thin ice



''You don't know what you're dealing with

No, you never did



''You don't know what you're looking at

But that's tough titty, kid



''The lion don't sleep tonight

And if you pull his tail he roars



''You say that ain't fair

You say that ain't nice



''You know what l say,

'Up yours!'



''Watch me now!



''l'm just a mean, green mother

From outer space



''And l'm bad



''l'm just a mean, green mother

A real disgrace



''And you got me fighting mad



''l'm just a mean, green mother

From outer space



''l'm gonna trash your ass

Gonna rock this place



''l'm mean and green



''And l am bad!



''l don't come from no black lagoon

l'm from past the stars, beyond the moon



''You can keep the 'Thing'

Keep the 'lt'



''Keep the creature

They don't mean shit''



All right, that does it!



''l got killer buds

A power stem



''Nasty thorns and l'm using them

Better move it out



''Nature calls, you got the point

l'll bust your balls



''l'm mean and green''



Bye-bye, Seymour!



Oh, shit!


Special help by SergeiK