The Long Kiss Goodnight Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the The Long Kiss Goodnight script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Shane Black movie starring Geena Davis and Samuel L. Jackson.  This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of The Long Kiss Goodnight. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

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The Long Kiss Goodnight Script













Well, it's Christmastime,

pretty baby



And the snow

is falling on the ground









Got no sleigh with reindeer



No sack on my back



You're gonna see me coming



In a big, black Cadillac



Oh, it's Christmastime,

pretty baby



And the snow

is falling on the ground



Mrs Claus is hot!



Well, you've been

a real good lover...



My name is Samantha Caine.



At least, I think it is.



You might not believe it

to look at me,



but I was born only   years ago



on a beach in New Jersey.



I entered the world fully grown,



wearing clothes

I don't remember buying.



In the back pocket a single

key, filed blank and faceless.



A fitting metaphor,

but no help whatsoever. None.



Sometimes I stand naked

in the mirror,



try to guess my age.




I have lots of scars.



They call my condition

focal retrograde amnesia.



It's no picnic, but I've

learned to live with it.



I've got a job I love,

been seeing someone



nice guy,

good sense of humour.



Oh, mad dogs. Mad dogs.



Hal, I got to tell you.



Of all the Christmas pageants

I've ever seen,



this was by far the most recent.



For God's sakes, Sam,

I've got teenage girls



playing the Three Wise Men.



What did you expect?



Teenage boys?



I thought they did fine.



It was the first nativity

where Joseph stares



at the wise men's tits

all night.



Her name is Caitlin,



and when I woke up

on that long-ago day,



I was   months pregnant

with her.



I don't know who her father is.

I may never.



I just know she's mine.



His name is Mr Perkins.



My mom named him for me.




Come help in the kitchen!



That's her.



That's who?



Her mom. She's got amnesia.









Too weird.



Hello, girls.



Caitlin, come help me

in the kitchen.



Hurry up, because

I forget where it is.



More sugar!



Have a Christmas party night



A mistletoe song

for you to sing



With a couple trills

to start






If I catch you smoking again,



they'll never find the body.



Do you understand?



Have a cookie.



Attention, attention,

s'il vous plat.



As the year draws to a close,



I would like to share with you



just a few things

about myself,



things of which

I am especially proud.



First, I'm proud to say

that I don't smoke,



I don't drink,

and I don't swear.



Oh, shit, I do smoke and drink.






Block your ears.



Our dear friends,

may the best of your past



be the worst of your future.



I'll drink to that.



Take a bow, my dear.

Take a bow.



We got the mistletoe.



Oh, sweetie.



Eight years...



Except for my name,

all traces are lost.



I used to hire

expensive detectives.



Now I'm down to the cheap ones.

Doesn't seem to matter.



The woman I was, the one

I used to be, she's gone.



I've kissed her goodnight.






Don't move!



What the hell is this?



Don't give me attitude, sir.



See, you're assuming

I won't shoot your sorry ass,



and everyone knows,

when you make an assumption,



you make an ass

out of "u" and "mption".



Now, I'm Sergeant Madigan,




and if you do cop a 'tude,




I wilI see to it

you spend the next    years



in prison getting ass-fucked.



If the case is thrown out 'cause

my arrest was too violent,



I will personally hire men to

ass-fuck you for    years.



So if you're

an ass-fucking fan,



you go ahead and mouth off.



Meanwhile, you're under arrest

for the crime of prostitution.



Officer Donlevy,

read him his rights.






His rights.



You have the remight... you have

the right to remain silent.



And... anything

you say and do



will be held

against you...



Hey, you got to listen

to me, man. I got a wife.



I've never...

This is the first time



I've ever done this,

I swear to God.



Sir. Sir! Listen to me.



I can see from your choice here

you're not a wealthy man.



Now, in light of the damage

this arrest could do to you,



I think we might be able to make

some kind of arrangement.



Oh, God!



Got to stop using bums.



Forget that.

They looked like cops.



We pulled it off, didn't we?



It was embarrassing.



You want me to hire

actors, for chrissake?



These guys are cheap.

They work for food.



When they puke all over you,

is that like a refund?



Oh, oh, Trin,



I'm pissing myself here

you're so funny.



What's this?



I got movement

on Samantha Caine.



You're kidding.



Nope. I may have

a lead on someone



who rented the amnesia chick

an apartment back in '  .



They stilI have

some of her stuff.



Get out of here!

Where'd that come from?



Lucky break. Old lady just died,



and one of her asshole grandkids



found a credit card

in a shoe box



with the name

Samantha Caine on it.



Tried to use it at Nordstrom's.



OK, here's what we do.



You get on the phone

to amnesia chick.



Tell her we need more cash.



Oh, the weather outside

is frightful...



Hey, that was

a really swell party.



Thanks again for the ride.



You and Hal, you've been

together now, what?



A couple of years?



How often do you two, uh...



Stick our fingers inside our

hands and pull them out again?



Every chance we get.



Earl, do me a favour. Every few

words, have some bubbles



come out of your mouth

and say, "Hiccup".



God damn it, I am not drunk!



I'll prove it to you.



Hey, come on.



Hey! Stop that!



I'm sorry!



And the fire is slowly dying



And my dear,

we're still good-byeing



But as long

as you love me so



Let it snow,

let it snow, let it snow



And so much

for the skydiving Santa



of Hutchinson County.



Meanwhile, WICC News



journeyed to Honesdale today,

where Santa's own Mrs Kringle



turned out to celebrate

her hubby's worldwide tour.



And after one look at her,



I'm thinking Santa got what he

really wanted this Christmas.



The parade included floats and

participants from   counties.



Everyone enjoyed themselves,



especially the young

and the young at heart.



Up next...



Got to be fuckin' kidding!






No fuckin' way!



It's impossible!






So you rest up.



I'll see you in the morning.



Sweet dreams.



I want a cigarette.



I don't smoke.



You used to.



See how easy it comes back?



I'm coming back.



You know that, don't you?



Name's Charly, by the way.



You're going to love me.



Now, this is

the intergalactic slammer



the jail, all right?



Now, this guy here,

this is the borium dude.



He's kind of like a dinosaur.



This is his escape chute

right here.



He's mean, quick, and he don't

take no shit, either.



He can shoot at the guards

with his arrow.



Ching! Ching! Ching!

It's cool, huh?



Todd, time for dinner.






Guess you'd better go in.



Hey, hope you like the toy.



It's awesome.



Dad, mom... she gets weird.



Like on my birthday



when you gave me that Schwinn,



she called the bicycle store



to see if there's

been any robberies.



Look, tell her I don't

steal them locally, all right?






Sorry, but I can't take this.



You know how Mom will get.



Guess I'll see you.



Yeah. All right.



How do you like that?



Yo, Trin. Me. What's up?



Ready to be happy?






Remember the landlady

I told you about?



The Caine woman

was her favourite tenant.



Then one day,

the tenant never comes home.



Old lady so sad she can't throw

away amnesia chick's shit.



It's pay dirt, Mitch.



Got an old postcard,

never mailed.



Woman telling everyone

she just got engaged.



Samantha's handwriting.

Perfect match.



She was engaged

to some guy in Jersey.



No phone number,

just an address.



Holy shit! Score!



Trin, sweetheart,

that's worth time and a half.



Double, Mitch.

I made us look good.



Her other P.I.s

couldn't find dick.



Of course not. Took a true

dick-hound like yourself.



Tell Miss Caine I'm coming

to see her tonight.



Honey, you have

an E.T.A. on that carrot?



Stow it.



Maybe you should just take it

with you to school tomorrow.



You're killing me.

You're so funny.



Here. Here. Give me the knife.



No! I'm going to cut this

carrot, and you're going to



eat the blood-soaked pieces

and like it. Piss off.









Look at something, will you?



What the hell...



I used to do this!



I'm a chef! Yahoo!



Look what she's doing here.



Give me something else.



Quick. Anything. Anything.



Here. Here.



Go, man, go. I'm hot to trot.



Look at this.



Look at this woman go.






Pepper! Pepper!



Look at this!



More! More!



Scallions! Here.

Give her scallions.






One more tomato.



Look at this.

Look at this woman.



She's amazing!



Chefs do that.



Timothy, I know you're

going to kill me, man.



I know you're going to kill me.



Please use the gun,

not the knife.



As a favour to me,

I'm begging you.



God damn it,

how can I tell the feds



about the fuckin'

Honeymoon thing?



I don't know

a fuckin' thing about it.



No, you don't.



I don't know a fuckin' thing.



You know, I can tell

when someone's lying to me.



What's so fucking important?



Remember your old colleague,



one-eyed Jack?



Yeah. He's doing



  days after seeing something

on TV that "disturbed" him.



I saw it, too.

It's called Baywatch Nights.



You want to get

to the fucking point?



While under sedation, he said

Charly Baltimore's alive, sir.



Daedalus is

understandably concerned.



He was under the impression that

you disposed of her   years ago.



I know it's highly unlikely,

but if she were alive,



I'm thinking

she might be in contact



with the old man

in Massachusetts.



Tap his phone.



Tell Daedalus

I'm on my way. Timothy out.



I can't see Mr Perkins.



He's there.



He's on the sled. See him?



He's watching you.



He's very excited.



Oh, that's better.



Ready to try it alone?



I want you to hold my hand.



Oh, just pretend I am.



You can do it. Piece of cake.



Here we go. Ready?



Mom, it won't work, I swear.



Sure, it will!



You're one of the X-Men.

You're tough.



Ready? Let's go.       go!



Wait! I'm not ready!



Keep going! Keep going!

Keep going!



I can't do it.

I want to go home.



Look, I know you're afraid.



That's the whole point.

Can't you see that?



Stop being a little baby

and get up.



I can't skate any more.

My wrist hurts.



Life is pain. Get used to it!



See, you will skate all the way

to the shore, princess,



and you will not fall again.



Am I understood?



I'm just guessing,

but this is a tree house.



I think you wanted

a doghouse.



Little joke.



She said that her wrist hurt.



I didn't know it was fractured.



I don't remember...



what I said to her.



I can't remember.






For God's sake,

I'm not going to hurt you.



It's not me I'm worried about.



Their harps of gold...



Peace on the Earth,

goodwill to men



From heaven's

all-gracious king



The world in solemn

stillness lay



To hear the angels sing



It came upon

the midnight clear



Good evening, Charly.



Long time.






Mommy! Help!



I want my eye back, bitch!






Chefs do that.






We have to find Caitlin!






Caitlin! No!



Slow down. Your kid's OK.

She's in my car.



Jesus! What the hell's

going on here?






Don't hurt him!



Don't shoot!



Yeah, don't shoot,

like she said!



Call an ambulance!



This man, he's going to help me

find out some things



so we'll be safe.

You understand?



When will you be back home?



Before you know it, I swear.



I want you to keep a candle

burning in the window for me.



That's called

keeping a vigil. OK?



That's to light my way home.






This is to my portable phone.



I keep it with me.



You call me any time.






Why don't you keep this?



For luck.



Let's have Mr Perkins wear it.



There. See?



You do what you have to...



But, Sam...



The person you used to be...



Whatever you find...

I'm not scared.



I never will be, not ever.



Thank you.



Mr Perkins, you lost

one of your agents,



whose training included, among

other things, assassination.



Now she turns up as belle

of the Christmas parade.



Well, that information is two

weeks old, Mr President.



To my knowledge,

Charlene Baltimore died



in my employ,

relic of the Cold War,



the kind of violent operative



that has since been

eliminated from our ranks.



You recruited this woman?



For Chapter, sir.

In the late seventies,



her father was a friend

of mine...



Stop that. I don't want

to hear that stuff.



Intelligence community,

you people are unbelievable.



You dump a mess like this

in my lap,



and then come whining to me

and say, "Where is our funding?"



Well, I'll tell you where it is.



Can you say health care?



I'm not talking

about moving in



And I don't want

to change your life



But there's a warm wind

blowing the stars around



And I'd really love

to see you tonight



Really love

to see you tonight



I'm not talking about the linen



And I don't want

to change your life



Moving in.






It's, uh... It's, uh...



The song's not about linen.

It's not linen.



Yeah. Whatever. So, you cold?



Yeah. Freezing.



Turn on the heat.



It doesn't work, but it makes

a very annoying noise,



distracts from the cold.



I'll pass. Thanks.



Who knew I had an old fianc?



And now we're just going

to pay a surprise visit?



Well, there are no bells

or whistles going off



because I don't remember

any of this stuff.



Oh, jeez, that's too bad,



because that's the cream

of the crop, believe me.



I forgot to ask:



why is it

that you got so far?



Say what?



Well, I mean, you seem kind

of low-rent. No offence.



None taken. Really.



I was about to... hey!



Hey, now!



Whoa! Shit!



Are you OK?

Is your neck all right?



You don't have

any whiplash or anything?



I'm just, since you almost

just ran us off the road,



I'm wondering what it is



that you take away

from an experience like that.



I'm sure that it's very

enriching in some way,



and I know that she was

probably very moved



by having some asshole hang out

the window and go, "Woohoo!"



I didn't hang out the window

and go, "Woo woo woo!"



I checked out her form, OK?



If it's any consolation,

you got her beat hands down.






Yeah, from the neck up.



This is exciting.



You saw her tits. It's so neat.



Look, it's a guy thing,

all right?



Hey, you got

a nice body and all,



but those, you could see them

coming around the corner.



You got time to comb

your hair. Shit.



What's that?



Charly was my name

in the dream.



"To Charly. Love, Nathan".



Nathan J. Waldman, PhD.



All right. Let's find a phone.



Found one.



Find his number.



Take the stand.



I got it.

Now what'll I do with it?



Sit down!



Alice, please.



Your dog, Alice.



It and my appetite

are mutually exclusive.



What's wrong with the dog?



It's simple.



He's been licking his asshole



for the last   straight hours.



I submit to you that

there is nothing there



worth more than

an hour's attention,



and I should think that whatever

he is attempting to dislodge



is either gone for good

or there to stay.



Wouldn't you agree?



Yes. Hello.



Mr Waldman?

Um, I got your number



from a realtor in Massachusetts,



and I'd just like

to speak to you.



Who is this?



You tell me, Mr Waldman.






My full name, please.






It's really you.



Chapter... they think you're

dead. Everyone thinks you're...



My full name, please!



You don't know your name?



Your full name is

Charlene Elizabeth Baltimore.



Don't talk, Charly.

Just listen.



You could be in danger.




We must meet.

We must meet straightaway.



Where are you now?



Stroudsburg, Pennsylvania.



We'll meet halfway.



There's a town in New Jersey,




Tomorrow, Central Train Station,

at    a. m.



Meet me.

I'll tell you everything.



Signal Daedalus.



We got her.



Some what?



Curry brand cat food.



Hey, could you spell

that for me, please?



Yeah. Curry brand.



All this shit

is the same, anyway.



Oh, yeah? You don't have

a cat, by any chance?



What do I need a cat for?

I got a girl.



Yeah. Pussy's pussy.



You got a girl, I got a cat.



It's the long good-bye



And it happens every day



When some passerby...



Can I stay up for Rugrats?



What? I lost you.



Rugrats. I want to stay up.



Yes, you can

stay up for Rugrats.



Oh, good. I'm going to go now.



All right. Mommy loves you.



I love you, too.



Big kiss.



Bye, Mom.



Putting my glasses

in my pocket



Da da da da da



Put the jacket on the chair



Da da da da da



I, um... sing the things

I do, you know,



so I won't forget.



Like, uh...



Da da da da da



Turning off the downstairs light



Da da da da da



Before I go

to bed at night



Da da da da da






I can't take this

fucking waiting!



Excuse me. Do you normally

curse this much?



I didn't...



What, are you a Mormon?



Yes, I'm a Mormon.



That's why I just smoked

a pack of Newport



and drank three vodka tonics.



What I'm saying is,



back when we first met,



you were all like,

"Oh, phooey.



I burned the darn muffins".



Now, you go into a bar,



   minutes later,

sailors come running out.



What up with that?



Thanks for sharing.



Mind your own damn business.



While you're at it,

if you're going to smoke inside,



close the damn door.






Hey, I heard you screaming.






Henessey, I didn't

know about the gun.



I wasn't hiding things. I swear!



God damn it! Stop walking.



I'm going home.



And so are you!



I paid you!



Well, here. Here.

Take your money. Take it!



I can't go home



until I know why that man

tried to kill me.



I'm trapped!



It's like I'm

in god-damn prison.



Do you know how that feels?






Yeah, I know exactly

what that's like.



  years inside,

Marion, lllinois.



A real shit-hole.



And I'm not going back!



Many rivers to cross



But I can't seem to find



My way over



Seven years ago,

I was an Atlanta cop.



Me and my partner handled

a lot of impounded shit.



That motherfucker hated me.



I forget why, but he did.



One weekend, when

he was conveniently away,



some bonds disappeared

from his office.



Lo and behold,

when my brothers in blue



responded to an anonymous tip,



you'll never guess what they

found sitting in my closet.



The bonds.



Your partner put them there.



Oh, no, no, no. I did.



I stole the damn things.



I never did one thing

right in my life,



you know that?



Not one.



That takes skill.



Such a drag to be on your own



My woman left,

and she didn't say why



You just missed our exit.



Mm-hmm. Give me back my money.



Oh. So you...



I'm taking you to

the train station, yes,



to meet Mr Waldman.



Oh. There you go.

Merry Christmas.



Bah, humbug. Look out

the window and shut up.



There'll be times

I find myself...



You know we're about



Got a bad feeling about this.



Da da da da da



Putting the keys

in my left pocket



Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm



Gun in the right-hand side



It makes a bulge.

People can see.



You want me to stick it in

my pants and shoot my dick off?



Now you're a sharpshooter?



Da da da da da



Going to shake hands

with the man



How you doing?






That's for you.



Another in a long line



of bad personal investments.



Excuse me?



I just saw the ring

on your finger.



Do I know you from somewhere?



Ooh, back up.

Total pick-up line.



Forget I said it.

I take it back.



Thank you for the beer,

but I don't know you. No.



No... you don't.



Uh... I can tell

when someone's lying to me.



I am sorry to have

bothered you.









Who's your boyfriend?



Oh, some guy.



OK, people. I got what I need.



Move in. Do them both.



Hey. That man walking this way.



Is that him?



I think so.



Mr Waldman?






Jesus wept!



Let's go, Ms Caine!

We got to get to the car.



This way! This way!



Come on! Come on!



Go! Go!



No! No! Come on.



Shit! There's more.



No! No! This way!



Come on! Come on!



Come on, OK? Come on!

Damn it! Come on up!



Oh, shit!



Here. Here. Take this.

Take it. Take it.



All right. I got   shots

left in this revolver.



You got a full clip.

Just point and spray, OK?









Fuck it! Run for your life!



There's no way out!



That's a three-storey drop!



Are you crazy?



What happened?



I saved your ass. It was great.



Come on. We got

to get to the car!



Come on! This way! This way!



Come on. Come on.



Get down! Get down!



Get in, both of you. Now!



I said now!



We jumped out of a building!



Yes. It was very exciting.



Tomorrow, we go to the zoo.



You're Waldman.



No, I'm the Hills brothers'

bean buyer.



Who else would I be? Hang on.



Look, if you want me

to talk in front of him,



you may be asked

to kill him later.



It works for me. Your call.



Fire out the back

if you have to.



Jesus, old man. How many

of those things you got?



Three. One shoulder, one hip,



and one here next to Mr Wally



where most patdowns

never reveal it,



as an agent's often reluctant



to feel up another man's groin.



Any other questions?



Yeah. What's the weather like

on your planet?



Charlene, my darling.



My name is Samantha.

Samantha Caine.



No, no, no! Forget all that.



That schoolteacher business

was your cover.



Do you hear me, Charly?

Do you hear what I'm saying?



Your memory was gone.

You got confused.



You bought your own cover.



It was a fantasy,

for Christ's sake!



Samantha Caine never existed.



You wrote the bloody thing.



No. It's not a fantasy!

I'm in the god-damn PTA!



Then quit! You're an assassin



working for the

United States government.



I ought to know. I trained you.



Get the fuck out of here.






Your father was in

the Royal Irish Rangers



assigned to Belfast.



After he was murdered

there in     



his friend Perkins adopted you,



or perhaps I should

say recruited you,



to work for Chapter,

a black bag operation



working from the U.S.

State Department.



You getting this?



October     .



You're assigned to take out a

munitions dealer named Daedalus



and his hired enforcer Timothy.



You failed to complete

your mission,



electing instead to die,

of all things,



despite clear orders

to the contrary.



And dead you remained until,

without preamble,



you re-emerge eight years later



and a good deal frumpier.



Anyhow, I think

we can safely assume



that Daedalus is aware

of your resurrection



and attempting to reverse it.



He'll be watching the police,

watching the hospitals.



We must stay away. Understand?



Yes, Mr Henessey?

Can I help you?



Henessey, what is it?



It's a setup. It's got to be.



Put that down. This is not

an episode of television.



Those guys back there

at the train station,



how'd they know

we'd be there?



Impossible, unless

Waldman here told them.



I did nothing of the kind!



They tapped your phone.



I know it sounds preposterous...



They just happened

to know we'd be calling?



Get in the car.



All right.



See here, my friend...



Oh, shit!



Oh! Shit!



Get in the car, now!



So how about it?



Do you believe any of that crap



that guy said back there?



Oh, I don't... no!



The guy was a lunatic.



We got to talk to someone else.



You thinking

what I'm thinking?



I hope not,

because I'm thinking



how much my balls hurt.



But if you're talking

about that postcard,



I don't want to meet

any more of your old friends.



We need some answers,

or we're going to die.



I... saw you from the road.



I... I think your name is Luke,



and... I think I was

going to marry you.






Oh, baby.



Oh, man.









She's my only daughter,



and I don't quite trust you yet.



So, what about it?



You and Mr Outdoors here

bump pelvis?



It's possible.



How about your daughter?



What's her name? Cat head?






You think he might

be the father, huh?



I don't know. I don't know.



But all these little details

about him are coming back.



I'm remembering

things about him.



Like what?



Is this America's Funniest

Practical Videos



or something?



Keep your fucking hands

where I can see them.



I had an itch.



Charly, this is crazy.



You and me, we were like...



Don't you remember?

Hell, you pursued me.



I know that he has a pin

in his leg. Car accident.



I know he cuts his own hair.



He doesn't even own a TV.



He sits down when he pees...



That's enough. I'm getting

a boner here, all right?



Henessey, I know this man, OK?



I must have been seeing him.



Let me talk to him. Alone.



Now, when I was a young boy...



I'm sorry.

You want to take a walk?



My mother said I would be



The greatest man alive



Da da da da da



Got me a handgun



Da da da da da



Got a rifle, too



Da da da da da



Anybody fucks with Mitch



He knows just what to do



'Cause I'm a bad motherfucker



Stay quiet

and drop the rifle.



How'd you find us?



There may be many reasons

not to kill you,



but among them is not

that you'll be missed by NASA.



I found the address

in your coat.






Between the address

of a topless bar



and the picture of what looks

like a man's penis.



That's a duck, not a dick.



The man she's with. Who is he?



He's a former fianc.

His name's Luke.



Former fianc?



That's ridiculous!

She was never engaged.



For Christ's sake, I just went

through this with her.



She knows how the man pees.



Look at him. He's cool.



A former fianc.



Why on earth

would she think that?



We found a note that's

in her handwriting.



She saw a note?



Who are you, William Shatner?



Calm down. A note to her uncle.









Uncle Max,



that's the agency,

you blithering idiot!



And the word engage means

she's locked on to the target.






He's not her former lover,

he's a target?



Yes. That's why she knows

personal things about him.



She studied the bastard

to assassinate him!









Stop! He's Daedalus!



Get out of there! It's him!



Run, Charly!



Well, howdy there.



If it isn't the forgetful spy.



How you feeling?



You're the man from the bar.



Would you look at her?

She's not faking it.



She doesn't know me from Adam.



It's not that I don't trust my

compadre here, Major Baltimore.



In fact, I had every confidence



that your amnesia was genuine



until you showed up here.



You follow?



I'm trying to pull off

the biggest job of my career,



so you see, darling,



I have to know how much about me

you really remember



and who you told.



I haven't told a soul. I swear.



We'll soon know.



What is this?

Some kind of torture thing?



Torture, yes.



A woman's face never looks

quite so beautiful



as when it's distended in pain.



Witness the beauty

of childbirth.



Untie me, and I'll make

any face you want.



Let's not and say we did.



Take a deep breath. We're going

to do the torture thing.



Operation Honeymoon's

on schedule.



I've secured the tanker.



Now I just got to make the soup.



I'll follow as soon

as I'm done here.



   minutes in this cold water,



she'll be insane or dead.



Five minutes. She'll tell me

everything I need.



That's right.



Take all the air you can.



If you need to vomit, do it now.



So, you...



don't remember anything at all?



Best night of your fucking life.



I say drown the wench.



Talk to me, Major.



Is my identity safe?



My name is Samantha Caine.



Answer the question.



Who knows about me?



Nobody. Fuck you!



Fuck you!



I hate to see you

like this, Charly.



I heard you were

a hell of a spy once.



Watch your back.



I'm not done yet.



Good night.



OK. I'll signal Daedalus.



Your money will be waiting.



Jack? Jack.






Do yourself a favour, man.

Don't let her looks fool you.



She's the Energizer

fucking bunny.



Just do her and dump her.



Don't try to get cute



and play doctor first.



I made that mistake.

It nearly killed me.









I'll make you a deal.



Let me go now, and I'll leave

you the use of your legs.



Why have you resurfaced?



Is it Operation Honeymoon?

Is that it?



Who sent you?



Why are you here?



I let you touch me, cowboy.



I think I need a bath.



Samantha, please.



Who's Samantha?



Where's Henessey?



No one told me about her



The way she lied



Well, no one told me about her



How many people cried



But it's too late

to say you're sorry



How would I know?

Why should I care?



Please don't bother

trying to find her



She's not there



Well, let me tell you

about the way she looks



The way she acted,

the colour of her hair



Her voice was soft and cool,

her eyes were clear and bright



But she's not there



The lengthening of its neck,

it's easier for it to swim.



Its front feet

are a little bit larger,



and that's good,

to have these paddlelike feet.



Hey, sister, oh, sister,

soul sister, go, sister



Hey, sister, go, sister,

soul sister, go, sister



We met marmalade

down in old New Orleans...



Hey, Mitch!



You're awake.



Hey, Joe, you want

to give it a go?



Yitti yitti ya ya da da



Uh-oh. You're seeping.



Here. Look at this.



Ow! Shit! Ohh!



Ow. That hurt like shit.



I know. That's why

I distracted you first.



The same principle

as deflowering virgins.



What? V-virg... What?



I read it in this

Harold Robbins book.



A guy bites her on the ear,



distracts from the pain.



You ever try that?



No. I sock them in the jaw

and yell, "Pop goes the weasel".



Who the fuck are you?



The name's Charly. The spy.



Nice to meet you.









As you can see, things are

still very crazy here,



but the sheriff

has told me this:



There have been gunshots,

and yes...



OK. Let's say I buy it.



You are a trained killer.



I can't even say that

with a straight face.



So Samantha... she...



Never really existed.



Like Nathan said,

she was a total fabrication.



I made her up.



So now she's just,

uh, gone forever and ever?



Thank God.



Look at my inordinately

large ass.



Look what she did to me.



Pretty convincing act.



I guess.



You know, her personality

had to come from somewhere.



Change the subject.



Better yet,

bring me that bottle.



Here you go. Drink up.



So, what's next?

What do we do now?



I contact Chapter.



I come for debriefing, bury the

last   years, get back to work.






Would you believe it, Harry?



We got an appropriations

review in three weeks,



and the president wants to know



how I managed to lose an agent.



Yes, sir. You have

a call on line   sir.



You going to tell me who it is?



Charly Baltimore, sir.



Run a trace.



This is Mr Perkins.



Turn on the TV.

Farmon, New Jersey. Seven dead.



Charly! Good Lord, girl. We've

been looking all over for you.



I got a photo of you

in a Christmas parade.



What the hell is happening?



Don't be stupid.

I completed my assignment.



You mean Daedalus?



I shot him.

He's pretty much dead.



Actually, I would have done it

earlier, like back in '  



but I was baking. Don't ask.



I want to come in.



Sure. Of course.



Let me direct you

to a safe house.



Forget it. We play it my way.



You want me back, then you

stay away. I'll call you.



Those are the rules, understand?






Did you hear that?



If she got to Daedalus,



she could know about Honeymoon.



She might know that old targets



have become

your new best friends.



That could be trouble.



God damn you. There were

weapons at that farm.



She's armed now!



Stop having kittens.



You're the head

of a major spy network,



and you have

a tendency to whine.



Do you realise that?



She could compromise

this entire operation.



We have    hours.



We find her...



then we kill her.



You do whatever it takes,

but you be careful.



If it gets out

you're working for me,



I'm going to be grabbing my

ankles on the White House lawn.



The lady's whacked,

Trin. She's lost it.



I got to get out of here.



I need you to meet me.

I'll sneak out to this phone



and call you at midnight

with the details, all right?






All right, Sam.

What did that accomplish?



I'm testing our boy Perkins.



Got a light?



I don't really trust him.



Come again?



A little experiment.



If he was looking for me

in Pennsylvania,



he sure as hell

tapped your office.



You mean, he just

traced that call?



Come midnight,



you hang by the phone.



If he wants to erase me,

he'll send someone



to kidnap and torture you

for my whereabouts,



in which case,

I don't trust him.



No, no, no.



Time out.



Well, hello there



My, it's been a long,

long time



I haven't had a date

in eight years, Mitch.



Is this a fun date?



Oh, I guess I'm doing fine



What's going on?



True love. Shut the fuck up.



When beautiful...



white ladies seduce

someone, call in help.



Get real, sweetheart.



I ain't handsome, I ain't rich,



and the last time I got blown,



candy bars cost a nickel.



What's going on?






Chemistry, my ass.



You know what I think?



I think this is

why you'd fuck me.



To kill a schoolteacher.



To bury her once and for all.



I kind of liked

that schoolteacher.



When she comes back,

you give me a call, all right?



And call your fucking kid.



It's two days to Christmas.



She might be under the mistaken

impression Mommy gives a fuck.



I didn't ask for the kid.



Samantha had the kid, not me!



Nobody asked me!



Was born upon this day



To save us all

from Satan's power



Oh, tidings of comfort...



Good evening, pretty lady.



How about some company?



No, thanks. I'm saving

myself till I get raped.



Step in the alley.



I ain't asking you.

I'm telling you.






God damn it.



You're early. So Perkins

wants me dead, huh?



What's the rush?



Why don't you just go away

and come back at midnight?






Hey, honey, this is a real big

fucking gun.



This ain't no ham on rye, pal.



What the hell are you doing?



Saving your life.



I would have been here sooner,



but I was thinking up

that ham on rye line.



You think I can't take him?



Now you scared

the other ones away.



What other ones?



Head-hunters, nimrod.

They don't travel alone.



Were you always this stupid,



or did you take lessons?



I took lessons.



- What?!

- What?!



I still got this fucking gun.



Fuck this.



Put that away.



I'm out of here.



Say yeah, yeah, yeah



One look back now, baby



Say yeah, yeah, yeah



Perkins, you prick.



Now you want me dead. Why?



Easy, sport.



I got myself out of Beirut once.



I think I can get

out of New Jersey.



Yeah? Don't be so sure.



Others have tried and failed.



The entire population, in fact.






You keep saying "I" this,

"I" that, like, well...



It's like you don't

need me any more.



Good point.



Say yeah, yeah, yeah



Say yeah, yeah, yeah



Whoa oh oh whoa



I'm going to love you



Going to love you in every way



In every way



Gonna love you in every way



I'm gonna love you



Gonna love you in every way



Get in.



Gonna love you in every way



I guess I'm just

a stubborn kind of fellow



Got my mind made up

to love you



Found a use for me, huh?






I'm leaving the country, Mitch.



I need a fake passport,

and I need money, lots of it.



Well, why didn't you say so?



Hold on a minute

while I pull that out of my ass.



The key, Mitch. The one I keep

on that charm bracelet?



It opens box    

in a bank in Buffalo.



How the fuck would you know?

The numbers are filed off.



I filed them off.



There's a briefcase in box    .



It's got cash

and I.D.s in it, Mitch.



I need you to get them for me.



Shit. I should have known.



OK. So where's

this charm bracelet?



Yeah, well, that's the thing



about being

a secret agent, Mitch.



Nothing is ever simple.



Drive past. Don't slow down.



You can park under those trees.



Honk if there's any trouble.



Yes'm, Miss Daisy. I be honking.



Good morning, Raymond.



Good morning, Miss Caine.



What have we learned

about the dangers of smoking?



Give it here.






Tell anyone you saw me,



I'll blow your fucking head off.



Oh, hear the angel voices



O night divine



O night...



Oh, fuck.



Oh, shit.






You're about to have



Oh, please...



Merry Christmas.



So how far to the money?



Hour, tops.



I haven't seen

a cop in a while.



So, Mitch...



You stilI think

I'm warm and fuzzy?



Oh, yeah, sure.






Uh... phone bill,

Christmas card...



You know, you could have aimed

for those guys' shoulders.



Back off, man.



You know, I'm thinking maybe

Samantha Caine wasn't an act.



Yeah, you had amnesia and all,



but I think maybe you forgot

to hate yourself for a while.



How about it?



What the fuck is that?






It's me. I got your kid.



Give your location.

Don't waste time.



State road  



   minutes east

of Union Springs, New York.



I don't like cellular phones,



so here's how we do this.



Go to the Holiday Inn

nearest you.



There's one in Cayuga.



Be there when I call

in    minutes.






He's got the kid.






He's routing me to a land line.



He doesn't want

to talk over the airwaves.



Oh, shit!



Maybe we can trace him.



Trace him? How?

It's a random hotel.



How long did he give you?






Fuck. Why don't we try

the phone company?



Think you can get here

in under    minutes?



Nobody move!






You've got    seconds

to run a patch for me.



Everybody up against the wall!



Holiday Inn. Jet speaking.



I'd like to page

Charlene Baltimore, please.



Please hold.






Hi. It's me.



No shit.

Verify you have the kid.



How else would I get

your cellular number?



I got it off the cast

on her right wrist,



right below "Mommy loves you".



I offer up a simple trade:



you for the girl.



I'll tell you where and when.



And, Charly, you fuck with me...



I'll blind the kid

and shoot out her knees.



Give me an A.N.I. trace.



Do it!



How do you know so much

about this Timothy character?



What do you think?

I bumped pelvises with him.



He was a target, remember?






That call was placed

from Niagara Falls.



Niagara Falls?



Operation Honeymoon.









What's he doing here?



Timothy acting alone,

we had a chance.



Charly's hooked.



All we got to do is

set a time and a place.



My God. We're monsters.



You talk to me about honeymoon.



Tanker's ready.



One terrorist on ice

waiting to play patsy.



And no loose ends?



No. No. Not that I can tell.



The feds are going to

find them crashed in a ravine



five miles from the blast site.



I'm not a complete ogre.



The young one gets a doll

to play with for Christmas.



Oh, fuck you.



I think I should go in first.






You'd just screw it up.



Hey, I'm a much

better shot up close.



You couldn't hit a lake if you

were standing on the bottom.



Forget it.






The guards

are at    .  Megahertz.



You meet me...



at    .  if you need to talk.



As soon as you spot me

with the kid,



you start laying down

cover fire.



All right.



They're going to blow

my head off, you know.



This is the last time

I'll ever be pretty.



Northeast sector, all clear.



Roger, Northeast.






Round her up, gentlemen.



I want her alive and unmarked.



She's got the kid!



I smell gasoline.



Did you have a little accident?



I got plenty of matches up here.



It would be a bad way

for a kid to go.



   seconds. Think it over.



Pick him up.



I'm going to miss you, Major.



You ought really

to have stayed dead.



You don't know the rules

of the game any more.



Tell me about it.



Eight years ago,

this guy was on the hit list.



Budget cuts, dear.



Congress blinded us overseas.



I was forced to turn to any eyes

and ears I could find,



even if that meant recruiting

the "bad guys" here.



Budget cuts,



is that what this is about?



Operation Honeymoon... Fuck me!



You're running a fund-raiser.






    ... World Trade Center

bombing, remember?



During the trial,

one of the bombers



claimed the CIA had

advance knowledge.



The diplomat who issued

the terrorists' visa was CIA.



It's not unthinkable

they paved the way



for the bombing,



purely to justify

a budget increase.



You're telling me you're going

to fake some terrorist thing



just to scare some money

out of Congress?



Unfortunately, Mr Henessey,



I have no idea how to fake

killing      people,



so we're just going

to have to do it for real.



it on the Muslims,



Then I get my funding.



Good night, old girl.



Timothy, I'll be in chopper one.



No, no, no. Just her.






I'll be waiting for you

to come rescue me.



Be just a minute.



So you plant this poor Arab

to take the fall.



What's going out in the tanker?



Come on.



I'm going to die.

I want to know.



OK. Chemical bomb.



Chain reaction.



Once started,

it can't be stopped.



The catalyst injected

into the tanker heats up.



We pull the truck

into the centre of town.



It goes critical

around midnight.



Farewell. Adieu. Bang.









Please... let my kid go.



I'm about all out

of favours, there, Chuck.



I'm already letting

while you freeze.



Now, they'll, uh...



They'll find your bodies

somewhere in Pennsylvania.



You're just going to be

written off as some crazy mommy



who kidnapped her own kid,



died with her in a blizzard.



God damn you.



Look at her eyes.



Why would I want to do that?



Because they're yours.



That night with you,

I got pregnant.



The little girl

is your daughter.



That's priceless.



Would you bring

my little bitch in here?






Hi, princess.



You mind if I take a look

at your fuckin' eyes?



Hi, Caity. We're going

to take a nap together.



We'll be like

the bears in the winter.



Yeah. Bears. OK.

Thank you. Thank you.



It ain't over.



You're going to die screaming.



And I'm going to watch.



Am I telling the truth?



Mommy, it's cold in here.



Shh! Just for a minute.



Polar bears, remember?






Step over there, sweetie.



Give me a spark!



Hi, Mitch.

Sorry to keep you waiting.



For you, Tim,



always a pleasure to wait.



I want to tell you this story.



The Grinch,

like a mean fucker...



Come on! Do it! Do it!



It being Christmas Eve,

I'm going to give you a choice,



the knife...



or the gun.



Do it!



Mommy, don't cry.



I keep these here

for lighting your candle.



Oh, Caity.



I love you.



You know, Sam called Washington.



By morning, this place

will be crawling with feds.



We're going to be gone

by then, Mitch.



Yeah, that's what I'm saying.



A couple of those feds,

they said they couldn't sleep,



so they might come early.



That tanker goes bang

at     degrees Celsius,



right in the centre of town,



   minutes from now.



Mommy, am I going to die?



Oh, no, baby.

No, you're not going to die.



They are.



Cover your ears.



Hey, should we get a dog?



Bye, Mitch.



Thanks for coming.



Oh, shit.



You foxy bitch.






Run, Caity!









Yeah, Sam, they don't know

who they're fucking with.



Where the fuck

is that kid going?






Move it out!



And find that bitch!



All right, people, listen up.



Nothing changes.



Icy roads five miles

past the town limit.



Plant the car in the ravine



and get your asses out of there.



Where'd you go, baby?

Show Mommy.






Sam, are you out there?



Sam, where are you?



Mitch. I don't believe it.



I just saw Caitlin climb

in the back of the truck.



She's locked in the tool-box.



Jesus! The truck is a bomb!



Tell me something I don't know.



Timothy rigged it.



I'll go in and get her.



No chance.



I make it a dozen

with automatic weapons.



So kill them for me, bitch.

What are you good for?



OK, you can do this.



Mitch, no!



Just do one thing right.



Talk to me, Mitch.









God damn it.



Your   Mitch, on your  .



   degrees left, Mitch. Left.



Your other left.






De nada.



They got you flanked!



Mitch, get out now!






Move it out! Let's go!



OK, listen up.



She's going to make

a try for the payload,



so units   and  

watch your backs.



Sky one, get me

a chopper in the air.



I'm on my way. Out.



Let me through.






Clear out of the way!



This truck's going to blow up!






Sir, she's got the truck.



She's headed out of town.



I'm hurt real bad.

I think I'm dying.



Continue dying. Out.



Head her off, please.



Oh, fuck.



No! Oh, not fair!



Not fucking fair!



Get out of the way!



Hang on, Caity!



Suck my dick,

every one of you bastards.



Oh, shit!



Oh, honey, only four inches?



You'll feel me.












She must be in the truck.



Get away from her!



- Mom!

- No!












Mommy, I hit my head.



Come on.



OK, hold on.



Caity, run. Get out.



Don't go away again, please.



The truck is a bomb.



It's going to blow up.






I'm right behind you, baby.



Go, and don't look back.



Good girl.



Here! Over here!



Mommy, no!



It's OK. I'm sorry I left.



Please get up.



Team one, we're in position



and ready to advance.



Charlie one, that's a negative.



Orders are to stand down

until notified.



Would you stop it?



Stop being a little baby.



Get up now. You're not dead.



Don't you die! You get up now!



Life is pain!



You just get used to it!



So stand up

right this minute, Mommy!



You're grounded.



Get me to the bridge!



I'm not leaving till I know

that bitch is dead!






help me.



I got a kid here!



I got my  -year-old daughter,

do you hear me?



Somebody get

this motherfucker off me!



Help me!



Negative, ma'am.



We understand

your request, but...



That's right! You can't

kill me, motherfuckers!









Get in.



Sam. Sam.






Stay here. Here!



I'm here!






I'm here, you bastard!



Die screaming, motherfucker.



Don't let her get to the border!



Cut them off! They're heading

for the border! Go!



Don't hit the cars!






I can't drive any more.



I can't.



You OK?



Are you stupid?



Hey, gorgeous.



You got your mommy's eyes.



Don't let nobody

tell you different.



Hey, hang in there, partner.



Did you forget we're rich?






Miss Caine, I'm putting

your call through



to the president.



Hello, Miss Caine.



Yes, Mr President.



I owe you. The country owes you



a debt of tremendous gratitude.



I wonder, would I

be out of line



if I asked you to come back

into government,



work for the State Department?



Out of the question, sir.



I've got a stack

of papers to grade.



The money involved would be...






Oh, you'd be surprised how much

a good teacher can earn.



Oh, gosh, I know.



And I am working on it,



but it's for next term.



Before I go, sir,



there is a small favour

I'd like to ask.



Good evening.

Welcome to Larry King Live.



Tonight we seek closure



in the matter of Leland Perkins,



indicted on six counts

of high treason.



Joining us tonight is

CIA section chief Walter Hodge.



He's in Langley, Virginia.



At our studios in New York City,



intelligence analyst

Jack E. Wadsworth.



And in our studios here tonight



is Pittsburgh native

Mitchell Henessey,



who, at a surprise

press conference,



was singled out by the President

of the United States



for his role in this affair.



As the expression goes,

"That ain't hay".



Hello, Mitch,

and thanks for coming.



Thank you, Mr King,

for having me.



Mitch, you have had



one hell of a Christmas Eve,



and we have heard

from our reporter Carla Krebs,



on the scene in Niagara Falls,



that when she first heard this

story, she didn't believe it.



Well, what Carla failed

to realise, Mr King,



is that I'm always frank

and earnest with women.



In New York, I'm Frank.



In Chicago, I'm Earnest!



Good girl.



Yeah, I could just

sit out here forever.



Couldn't you?






Gotta be free



If you want to be like me



You gotta be free






Flyin' high,

I almost touched the sky



To look down on those below me



Flyin' high,

I almost lived a lie



'Cept to those

who really know me



Gettin' away with it



I'm gettin' away

without losin' my head



No one even noticed



It will be a mystery



Soon I'll be forgotten



And I'm back

to how I used to be






Gotta be free



You gotta be fortunate



You gotta be lucky, now



I was just sittin' here



Thinkin' good and bad



But I'm the kind of woman



That was built to last



They tried erasin' me



They couldn't wipe out

my past



To save my child,

I'd rather go hungry



I've got all of Ethiopia

inside of me



And my blood flows

through every man



In this godless land

that delivered me



I cried so many tears,

even the blind could see



This is a woman's world



This is my world



This is a woman's world



For this man's girl



There ain't

a woman in this world



Not a woman or little girl



That can't deliver love

to a man's world



And my blood flows



Through every man

and every child



In this godless land

that delivered me



I cried so many tears,

even the blind could see






This is a woman's world



This is my world






This is a woman's world



For this man's girl






There ain't a woman

in this world



Not a woman or little girl






That can't deliver love

in a man's world






Oh, this is a woman's world






Now, when I was a young boy



At the age of  



My mother said I would be



The greatest man alive



But now I'm a man



I made   



I want you

to believe me, honey



We're having lots of fun



I'm a man






I'm a full-grown man



Oh, yeah!



I'm a man






I'm a rolling stone



I spell "M"



"A," child






That represent "Man"



Yeah! Yeah, yeah!



No "B"



"O," child






That spell "mannish boy"



I'm a man






I'm a full-grown man



I'm a man






I'm a rolling stone



Oh, yeah



Oh, yeah


Special help by SergeiK