A Lot Like Love Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the A Lot Like Love script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Ashton Kutcher and Amanda Peet movie.  This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of A Lot Like Love. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

Swing on back to Drew's Script-O-Rama afterwards for more free movie scripts!

A Lot Like Love Script






Hey, does Mom know you drive like that?



Whatever, OK.

Can you get your stuff? I'm missing      .



You know, you're lucky you have

all that gear in your mouth,



'cause they're gonna need your teeth

to identify your charred remains.



- Shut up! You're such a dick!

- Bye, Nicole.



- ... time apart. That's all.

- Where is this coming from?



You can come, all right?

It's not...



Never mind. You don't want me

to come, I'm not coming.



- Fine. Then I want you out. Bye!

- Am I a partner or am I not?



You don't support me.

You don't support me and my band.



I support the band.

I love the band.



Just get in the car.



Don't hurry back.



Come on!



You missed a spot right here.



Can I clear these for you, sir?



Will you be wanting any more peanuts?



I think they have another crate

in the galley.






Oh, dear. All right, then.

I'll just be getting you a towel.



Oh, dear, I'm...

Oh, I'm so sorry.



I'm sorry.



I'm fine, thank you.



There's towels in here.

So I don't really need...



- Everything all right, sir?

- Every... Yeah.



Everything's good. Thanks.



Your attention. Please.



There has been a luggage carousel

change for flight    .



It will now be on carousel four.






I'm Oliver.



- I just thought we'd chat ab...

- Blah, blah, blah.



- See, it's ruined.

- What's ruined?



Our little secret.



Actually, I think the stewardess

was kind of onto us, so...



Well, she'll have to be killed.



- I'm Oliver.

- You keep saying that.




You don't make it easy for a guy.



I think I made it

pretty easy for ya, Oliver.



So, what's Bon Jovi do?



- Who?

- The boyfriend.






Yeah, I noticed that.



So, what happened there?



What, are we friends now?



I'd say we're a little bit

more than friends.



Bon Jovi get a big record contract

or somethin'?



His name's not Bon Jovi.






He plays guitar.



Everyone plays guitar.



You play guitar?






Strike two.



Strike two?



What was strike one?



Would you like to sit

next to your girlfriend?



Thank you very much.

I'd love to.



So, what's your deal, Oliver?

You in New York on business?



Me? Oh, uh...

Well, thank you for asking.



No, actually I'm here

visiting my brother.



He's a lawyer. Well, he's going to be.

He's in law school, so...



Is that what you wanna do, too?



I don't know.



I just finished school.



Don't people usually graduate in June?






It's almost a year ago.

You still don't have a job?



What are you, my mom?



I don't know, when you look at me,

do you see your mom?



- What sign are you?

- What sign am I?






Strike three.






It's Emily.



I'd have never guessed Emily.



Don't get mugged.



Nice to meet you too, Oliver.

I'm Carol. I've heard a lot about you.



I'm sorry, I thought you were...






Thank you very much.



- Where'd it go?

- What?



My jacket.

It was right there.



What jacket?



I ain't seen no jacket.






What can I get for   ?









You know, kissing a smoker

is like licking an ashtray.




What's screwing one like?



- You stalking me?

- Yes.



Oh, somebody stole my jacket.



What are you doing?

You wanna do something?



What, are we friends now?



Ah! Here she is.



- I thought you were using the ladies'.

- I was. But, um...



I just came out to get some air.



Hi, I'm Brent, Emily's father.



Hi, Oliver.



- Christine.

- My stepmother.



So, you ready for some Guggenheim?



You know what? Can I... Would you mind

if I skipped the museum?



- Oh, Em, Christine took off work.

- I know. I'm sorry, it's just...



Would you mind if I tell them?



No, not at all.

Go ahead.



Oliver is getting

some test results back today,



and he was just wondering

if I could go with him.



It's a scary time.

It's OK.



- So... It won't take long.

- Oh, don't you worry about that.



You take as long as you need.



I'm sure everything will turn out fine.



You'll see.



Good luck.



- I'll see ya later?

- OK.






You know,

stuff like that's not even funny.



You only get one chance

to make a first impression.



What do you care what my dad thinks?



What if we hit it off,

become a thing or something?



- What was that?

- You and I would never become a thing.



Oh! OK, you really think pretty

highly of yourself, don't you?



First of all, why would I get mixed up

with a guy who I know firsthand



will jump into an airplane bathroom

with the first girl that comes a-knockin'?



That was with you!



You don't wanna get mixed up with me

because I slept with you?



Second of all, you're not even

close to being my type.



Well, I'm not lookin' for

a girlfriend anyway, so...



And thirdly, it turns out

you might be gay.



I mean, I want a girlfriend.




Just first things first, you know?



- What things?

- I don't know.



Make a plan

and get all my ducks in line.



You mean ducks in a row?



- Yes, I mean ducks in a row.

- Well, what ducks are those?



Like the normal kinda ducks.

Like, job, career, house, future.



And what? Then the girl of your dreams

will just come and find you?






I'll find her.

We'll find each other.



Don't worry about me and girls, OK?

I do all right.






What's that?

Stop. Get outta here.



You're not unattractive.



You do realize it's the middle

of the afternoon, right?






Two more?



You know what?

I still got stuff to do today, so...



So do I.



You know what?

Make 'em doubles.



They are doubles.






You know what?

I got it.



- I know.

- You know.



You know what?

I don't mind paying,



but I hate the fact that

you assume that I'm paying.



That's just...

I mean, at least make a move.



Like, make the reach for it

or something.



What if you don't get

your ducks in a row?



I'll get my ducks in a row.

In a line.



What if it takes    years?



It's not gonna take    years.

It's gonna take five years.



Six, maybe. Max.



You don't even have a job.



- You don't even have an inkling of a job.

- See, that's not true.



I'm kinda interested in all the stuff

going on with the Internet.



Well, that's good.

I hear that's gonna be huge.



- It will be.

- I'm sure.



- Are you being sarcastic?

- No!



I think you're gonna be beating away

chicks with a stick.



Do you really think that

six years from now,



a guy like me, with a job, a house,

a car - a nice car - and a future,



you think I'm gonna have a problem

findin' somebody to fall in love with me?



Oh, I think you're gonna have

a big problem.






What are you doing?



All right. I am writing down

my parents' phone number.



- You live with your parents?

- No.




But not in six years, I won't.



What does six years have anything

to do with it?



Yeah, well, if you let me finish,

it's my whole... it's my whole point.



Six years from now,

you call this phone number,



my parents will answer the phone.

You ask 'em how to reach me.



They'll give you the number.



Then you call my house, and when

my beautiful wife answers the phone,



then you can ask her

where to send the    bucks you owe me.



   bucks? I thought you were gonna

be some hotshot business guy.



Fine.   .



-    big ones.

-    it is.






Any time before Christmas.



- I'm saving my film.

- For what?



For your trip? This is your trip.

It's happening right now.



Don't. Be careful. I got it

for Christmas, so don't...



Oh, no.

You're not shooting me.



Oh. All the places I've traveled.




Mom's gonna love that one.



Look alive. Look, act really

natural in your surrounding.



Look sexy.

Let's see Ollie being sexy.



Ooh, I like it.



There you go.

That's good.






Make love to the tree.




Now give it to me.



- Give me the camera.

- "Please."



Would you give me the camera?



- Are you done?

- You're out of film.






- How did you shoot a whole roll?

- You're very shootable.



Did I not just say I'm saving the film?






- Did you get the right film?

- I don't know.



-     speed?

- I don't know, I just got film.



- Was there change?

- Shut up. Give me that.



I gotta go.






- So...

- Don't.



You'll ruin it.



That was, uh...



That was pretty good.



Pretty good?



All right, awesome.



- Mm-hm.

- Mind-blowing.



Out of this world.

Is that working for ya?



- Yeah.

- Yeah? All right.



- Where are you going?

- I gotta work. I'm sorry.



Oh, my God, are you serious?

I thought I was terrible.



OK, wait, let me just get a pen.

Hold on.






OK, go ahead.




Is that the Valley?




No, am I gonna be late?



OK, OK. I will.



I will.

OK, thank you.



OK. Bye.



I got it.

I got it!



You... what?

You got the part?



No, I got a callback.

But still!



It's one of those low-budget

independent films, but who cares?



Sweetie, will you just run

my lines with me before I go?



OK, what do you think?



I don't wanna look too desperate,

even though I am.



What are you doing?



I'm going.



Honey, you don't have to go,

I'm going.



- You can have two whole hours here.

- No, Em.



I mean...



I'm going.



I'm sorry.



- Martin, please, listen to me.

- Let go, Alexa.



It can't end this way, Martin,

not like this.



You should've thought of that

before, Alexa.



Don't turn your back on me, Martin.

You owe me more than that.



I don't have anymore to give, Alexa.

You've taken it all.



- I'm sorry, just... Look at me, Martin...

- OK, thank you.



Sorry, I just lost my place.




Emily, Emily, it's...

It's very, very good.



Just try and keep in mind

how much you love him.



- Martin?

- Yeah.



- OK.

- He's the love of her life, OK?



So how would that make her feel

if he was leaving her?



- Desperately unhappy?

- Exactly.



Just one more thing.

Try and keep in mind she's a vampire.



OK, here we go.

And action.



You're better off.

That's what I think.



Of course she's better off.



Dumps you right before New Year's.

It's awful.



I didn't want to say anything to you

while you were still seeing him...



- Here, Dallas.

...but it's always gotta be about him.



Well, I didn't see Peter that way at all.

He could be too nice.



Yeah, I guess you're right.

But she's still better off.



- Oh, she is much better off.

- She's better off.



When it's over, it's over.



- You're coming tomorrow, aren't you, Em?

- She's coming.



Hey, how about a blind date?

I know someone.



- You can't take a blind date to New Year's.

- Why?



Why? Because it's a blind date.

You don't roll the dice on New Year's.



Well, you don't go to

New Year's alone either.



- Why not? I'm going alone.

- Well, that's you.



- And what's that supposed to mean?

- I'm just sayin'.



The point is, is that it's New Year's.

And you know, date or no date,



you just don't spend New Year's alone.




She quit.



Hi, is David there?



Hi, is Chris there?



Hi, I was looking for Frank.



Yeah. No, most people... most normal

people have plans, you know,



being that it's New Year's and all,

but thanks anyway.



Do you happen to know if he...

if he'll be back later or?






What's your name?



Hello, Martin residence.









Hey... He-hello?




Is Oliver there?



Yes, just a second.




- Yeah?!

- Telephone!






- Hello? Oliver?

- This is.



This is Emily.

I don't know if you remember me.



- Emily, New York Emily?

- Yeah.



- Hello?

- I got it, Ellen.



- Hello?

- I got it, Ellen.



OK. God. I didn't know.




What a goofball, huh?

You still there?



Yeah, yeah. I'm here.



So what's up?



No, I was just...

I was just wondering...



I just came across

your number all of a sudden



and I was just thinking to myself...



You know, "Wow, I wonder what

Oliver's doing."



You know, I know that you're

probably busy tonight,



but I was just wondering if you

wanted to grab a coffee this afternoon.



- Sure.

- So, really?



- Oliver.

- I'm on the phone, Ellen.



I know. When you gettin' off?

I'm expecting a call.



You got a pager, Ellen.



- I know. But I can't talk on a pager.

- Ellen, get off the phone!



You are such a dick!



Get off the phone, Ellen!

Mom, tell Ellen to get off the phone.



- Ellen!

- Hello?



Sorry about that.

You still there?






Uh, where are you?

I'll come over.



- Now?

- Yes.



Why don't I...

Why don't I come over?



- Hello?

- Hello. It's me.



Hey. The gate's broken,

so just give it a jiggle and then just push.



- Hi.

- Hi.



- I'm Emily.

- I'm Oliver.



You're not Oliver.






That's it? I thought you'd

at least invite him in.



You owe me ten dollars.



I knew he wasn't you.

You're not that good-looking.



- She didn't say that.

- Wait, what did he say?



What did he tell you I said?

I said you were good-looking.



- Told you.

- That's what I said.






- He's a little...

- He's saying you're crazy.



Yeah, I got that.



Did she honk?






My wife. I'm going.



- Bye.

- Bye. Bye.



- Hi.

- Hi.



- You look different.

- So do you.



- But, like, good different.

- You, too. I like your hair.



Thank you.



I'm still signing.



Why? I don't know.

I'm stopping. OK.



Your brother screen all your dates?



This is a date?



Can I get you anything to drink?

A tea or a soda?



- I'm good, thanks.

- Just gonna grab a beer.



I can't believe you just assumed

that this was what this was about.



You can't... You can't believe I assumed

that what was about the what?



Because I'm not the same girl

you met three years ago.



I mean, I'm the same girl,

but it's not at all the same situation.




I understand.



I'm not one of those girls

who needs to sleep with someone



after every stupid breakup

just to prove she's still got it. I...






What are you doing?



I am looking for your crazy pills.



You know, they have to be around here

somewhere for moments like these, right?



That's not funny.



What if I really was crazy?



Have you eaten today?



How can you live in LA

and not have a car?



I had a car, then I sold it.

I needed the capital for my business.



That's right.

The plan. The ducks.



It's all coming back to me now.



Only two and a half more years

until you're rich.



That's right.



Is your beautiful wife gonna live in your

parents' basement with you?



- I don't live with my parents.

- Just visiting?



No, I was just pickin'

some stuff up 'cause I'm moving.






That's what it says.

We sell diapers on the Internet.



I thought the whole

Internet thing was done already.



- Just need a good business plan.

- Diapers?



So, how's Bon Jovi?

Does he still rock?






Oh, him. He switched bands

and moved to Seattle.



Nice. Hope he knows how to steam milk

and make those little chocolate shavings.



Big talk coming from a diaper salesman.



Oh, OK.



And the latest breakup?

What's he do?



- Is he a baseball player or a cosmonaut?

- Who said I had a breakup?



You did. In your kitchen

during your hypoglycemic rant.




Spill it. Who's the guy?



I'm not telling you.



Did you dump him?

No. He dumped you.



- I'm not gonna talk about it.

- OK.




Then I'm not talkin' at all.



- You're not talking?

- You ain't gettin' boo outta me.



Fine, I'm not talking either.



Are you OK?



OK, fine.

I'll tell you.



Mmm. My brother's deaf, Em.



I can go days without talking.



Can we have the check, please?



- I met him in class.

- Yeah?



- You went back to school?

- Acting class.



Ah, he's an actor.



Wow, actors. That's like

one rung up from musicians.



He was a writer.

Is a writer.




Hi. Could I get a coffee?



- Mm-hm.

- Just very black.



- After you.

- Oh, sorry. Go ahead.



- Frappuccino, please.

- All right.



I believe the question

was who dumped whom?



He left me.



- I got it.

- No, I got it.



No. But I appreciate the reach.



The acting classes are really

paying off, but I got it.



Shut up, I got it.



So what are your plans?



- Plans for what?

- Tonight.



It is New Year's.




I'm not a really big New Year's guy.



- Bunch of amateurs getting drunk.

- Yeah. Yeah.



- Cringy people wearing those party hats.

- Ah! The hats.






- I know of a party.

- Really?



Let's go.



You got more clothes in your trunk

than I got in my whole closet.



Try this.




Is this Bon Jovi's?



Am I supposed to act like I'm some big

Hollywood-producer type or something?



Just be yourself.



Except maybe don't mention

the whole diaper thing.



Hey, Emily.

I gotta ask you somethin'.



- Hey, do you mind?

- Sorry.




What do you have to ask me?



- Well, what was strike one?

- What?



In New York.



Strike two was that

I didn't play guitar.



Strike three was that I was born

under the wrong star sign.



What was strike one?



Strike one was that

I had to make the first move.



I got strike one before we even met?



You can't get strike one

before you step up to the plate.



You drive.



- I introduced myself.

- What?



In New York. I introduced myself.

That's not a move?



- Who called who today?

- I didn't have your number.



You never asked.



You came!



And with a young man in tow.



This is Michelle

and Michelle's fiancÚ, Michael.



Hi. Oliver.



I sell diapers.



- Well, it's nice to meet you.

- Yeah.



- Hello, ladies.

- Oh, my God! Look at you.



- Get you a drink?

- I'm good, thanks.



I think I'll get one.



Uh-uh. You are not

getting off that easy.



He's an old friend.



I wish I had an old friend that looked

like that. He's gorgeous.



Come on, give it up.






Very carefully, I want you to move

backwards in the direction of the bar.






Ellen, it's me.



What do you want, Oliver?



Listen, I'm at this big Hollywood party



and I just ran into that...

the white rapper guy you like.




No way!



So listen. So I'm sitting at the bar,

right? And we're talking.



And outta nowhere he starts

running his hand up and down my leg.



Happy New Year, Ellen.



You're such a dick, Oliver!



- Thank you.

- Eminem's here?



Who's he talking to?




Some guy.



- Now he's talking to her.

- She just kissed him.



- Kissed who?

- Peter. She's kissing Peter.



Is he kissing her back?



I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you.

It sounded like you said you sell diapers.



There you are!



Come on.



Put your hands on my ass.

That'll really get him.



Do you want me to put my hands

on your ass?



- You all right?

- Yeah.



I'm gonna go...

I'm gonna go to the ladies' room.



I'll be right back.



Come on in here, y'all!



'Cause this is New Year's,

and y'all know how this goes.



Here we go.

It's time for the countdown.












Happy New Year!



- Clearly...

- Shh!



- Clearly, you're not a fan of...

- Shh!



- You're cl...

- I'm serious.



My neighbors are, like,

flip-out kind of people.



- Ooh!

- Ooh!



- OK, that's enough.

- Having a problem? Very serious.



- You OK?

- I'm fine.






You've been robbed.



- I'm moving.

- You are?




I told you.



You did?



It's official.

The power's off.



When did you tell me?






My business.

It's in San Francisco.



When are you leaving?






- Ollie.

- Yeah?



Ah, nice. Thank you.



Hey, I took this.



Yeah, I know.



You framed it.



- Yeah, I liked it.

- You framed my picture.



It's a good picture.






Just when I'm starting to like you,

you're moving away.



- Can I tell you something?

- Mm-hm.



I think that...

that it's time that...



I think it's time that I stop...



being somebody's...






Hold on one second.

Just one sec.



Don't move.









You OK?



You gonna throw up?



Hey, baby.



I'm home.



Sorry I'm late.

I got hung up at the office.



On the phone with some

bean-counters from Huggies.



- Did you remember the wine?

- The what?



The wine.



I forgot.

You know what?



- I'll get it right now.

- Uh-uh.



Don't bother, I already picked it up.



Why'd you ask me

if I got it in the first place?



Because I knew you wouldn't

remember that I asked you.



I knew you'd forget it.



Well, that's something of

a self-fulfilling prophecy then, huh?



You know what, Oliver?

You're never here.



And even when you are here,

you're still not here.



I'm here right now.



You seen my red shirt?



- I can't do it anymore, Ollie.

- Can't do what?






What are you trying to say?



I don't know, Ollie, I just...

I think we need to take a break.



- Hi. Do you mind if I just?

- Oh, I'm sorry. I was...



I was gonna get that.



- Well, there's a bunch more.

- Right.



- You wanna trade?

- No, thanks, I'm gonna take this one.



Aha. So I see you knew

it was the import.



- Very sneaky. Very sly.

- It's got the acoustic B-side.



Yes, and a bonus track.

So you see my dilemma.



I can't possibly allow you to walk out

of this store with the last copy.



I'm not just gonna walk out.

I'm gonna pay for it first.



Wait a minute.

Don't I know you?



Oh, jeez, spare me the pickup line.




No, it wasn't a pickup line.

I do know you.



Michelle's wedding.

Michelle Foster.



- I went to school with her husband.

- Oh. Yeah, wait. Ben something.



That's right.

Ben Miller. That's right.



And you are...






- Here.

- No, I couldn't.



- Come on, just take it.

- Really, it's yours.



No, just take it.

Seriously, I feel bad. Take it.



- It's yours.

- You know you want it.



- I do want it.

- Take it. Here.



- Really?

- Yeah.



Can't believe you just took it.



Airport. Yeah.




Dude, this is what I want.



Exactly like this.

All black like Batman.



- Very cool.

- Yep.



- What are you doin'?

- Test-driving. Hop in the back, dude.



Yo, you should get one, too,

like Batman and Robin.



Except without the tights.



It's like...

Where you gonna park it?



This thing?

Wherever I want.



We're not in the money yet.



You heard your brother, all right. I mean,

we wow 'em in New York, it's a lock.



Come on, hop in.



You know what? I'm gonna

stick around here and finish some stuff up.



Would you relax, please?



Dude, take a step back, man.

You're startin' to depress me.



Go take a weekend off.

Do somethin' for yourself, all right?






- Gorgeous.

- Come on, Hailey.



Wait. Hailey!



Hailey, hold on.




Oh, my God, are you guys kidding?

Get a room.



Oh, I can't help it,

he's so hot.



Hi. Emily.



Oh, thank God you can't get pregnant

when you're pregnant.






- So, you and Ben went on a little date?

- Yeah. We had lunch.



It was nice.



- That's all I'm gonna get outta you, isn't it?

- Yeah.



Well, then I should probably

get back to work.



- Bye, hon.

- Bye, sexy.



- See ya.

- Bye.



Lunch? What's the matter?

You don't like him?



Why do you say that? Just 'cause

we didn't jump right into the sack?



What's jumpin' in the sack?



It's a game people play

at picnics, honey.






I do weddings, head shots, baby showers -

you know, for the money.



But I met a girl at a party,

she owns a gallery,



and she said she might show

my work there, so...



That's really cool.

How'd you do that?



You leave the shutter open.

The hard part's staying still,



otherwise you're just a blur

like the cars in the background.



I'm gonna go splash

some water on my face.



So make yourself at home.



Wait, he just landed on your doorstep?

Honey, that's perfect.



Don't get excited,

he lives     miles away.



Emily. Let's not get picky.



And I couldn't look less sexy.



Oh. Stop it. You're gorgeous.



- Has he put the moves on you yet?

- He's not the type.



Someone's gonna have sex.



Shh! Will you stop it!

I gotta go. Wish me luck.



You don't need it.

Call me.



- Thank you.

- You're welcome.



I mean, she owned a business, right?



Like, selling antiques. And she used to

work for the mayor's office as an advisor.



- But she said she didn't like it. So...

- Wow, two careers already.



Yeah. So I thought that

she would understand,



you know, the kinda work that you gotta

put in when you're first startin' out.






She said that she couldn't be

number three or number four



on someone's list of priorities.



She said she could be number two,

but not if number one was selling diapers.



Hi. It's

me calling to see how things are going.



This is... Hi. Hello?



It's a work-related call.

I'll just be one second.



Yes, can you get the?

Please figure out if the negatives



are gonna be ready by tomorrow.



- What?!

- How's it going?



- It's not.

- It'll be fine.



As long as you're not wearing

that orange sweatshirt.



Don't call back here.



Sorry about that, I just...



- Where are you going?

- What's your stance on pancakes?



I'm pro pancakes.



Do you know

what you're gonna have yet?



I just can't...



I can't decide what to get.



Come on, Ollie,

you gotta just let it go.




You're here with me.



There it is.

That's the one.






Oh, my God, Gina, hi!

How are you?



- I'm good, how are you?

- I'm good. It's been such a long time.



Really long, yeah.



- I've been meaning to call you.

- Me too.



I was hoping that we could actually

get together and talk a bit.



- Yeah, that would be great.

- It'd be good.



Do you have a coupla bucks

for the waitress?



Emily. Hi.



- Hey.

- Uh, it's...



- How's everything? How are you?

- I'm good.



- Yeah? You're good?

- Yeah.



Oh. Great.



I was gonna sneak on by,

but then I thought,



"I saw you,

so you probably saw me and..."



Yeah, no, it's good that you

both said hi.



I knew that she'd be fine with it.

I mean, it's been a long time.



Yeah, no, I'm glad you sa...



- Hi.

- Hey.



- Oliver.

- Peter.



- Oh. Oliver.

- Hey. Good to see you again.



Um, you know, we should probably go

if we're gonna catch that...



Oh. You're right.



- Emily, take care.

- Yeah, take care. It was good to see you.



- Bye.

- Nice meeting you!



Oh, I'm starvin'.



- Let's get outta here.

- OK.



All right.

Come on. Let it go.




You're with me.



Shut up.



Get off the road, grandma!



Come on.



Let it go.

Smile, you're with me.






Where we goin'?



We're headin' north.



I've been killin' myself at work.

Nights, weekends.



Even at home.

Well, Bridget's home.



See, I moved in with her.



That was my big mistake right there.



I shoulda stuck with the plan.

I mean, the plan was working.



You know, the irony of it

is that Bridget actually loves plans.



We used to go on these trips.



She would plan everything

down to, like, the very last detail.



I mean, like, including the gas station

that we were gonna stop at.



I remember this one time...



...we were in Ashland, right?



We were at this B&B station, right?



And it starts raining, right?



And I'm not talkin' about regular rain.



It was like torrential-downpour rain.



So Bridget comes up

with this great idea, right?



Park the car in the car wash.



Because who's gonna wash

their car when it's raining?



Come on.



Do you want something?



Just... just pick something.



Did you buy the whole store?



Want some pie?



You want some Cheetos?



Oh, look at the moon.



Let's pull over.



- Did you love him?

- Peter?






Maybe a little.



Do you love Bridget?



- Yeah, I guess so.

- Well, do you or don't you?



I thought I did.



Well, if it wasn't love,

it was a lot like it.



OK, now I don't know.

Sounds stupid when I say it out loud.



Honestly, if you're not willing to sound

stupid, you don't deserve to be in love.



- Take this.

- What?



What was that?



- What?

- That.



I didn't hear anything.



Oh, my God!






Oh, my God.

Are you OK? Ollie, are you all right?



OK, I'm freezing...



- Whoa, you just looked.

- No, I didn't.



- You said you weren't gonna look.

- I didn't look. Go.



I looked.



- Ooh, looking good.

- Shut up.



Ooh, very nice.



You're just taking advantage

of me right now. Come on.



OK, the shutter's gonna stay open

for    seconds.



- You have to keep very still, OK?

- OK.



- Are you ready?

- Ready.



Ooh! Ow! Ow!

Ooh, it's cold.



- Hi.

- No moving.



- You're moving.

- I can't help it.



Folks, can I talk to you

out here for a second?






Folks, this is a national park.



Why don't you get back in your clothes,

back in your car



and back on the highway.



Have a nice day.



I gotta go.






So anyway,

we got this big VC meeting in New York.



Gotta put on this big

dog and pony show.



- You know what VC is, right?

- No.



It's venture capital.

It's like a big influx of cash,



to really help us grow our business.



It sounds exciting.



- I'll grab this.

- I got it, I got it.






You got my number.



And you've got mine.



Yes, I do.



So I'll let you know how things go...

in New York.



Oh, yeah, yeah.




I've still got some...



some, like, feelings to sort through.



- About...

- Bridget?






I didn't forget.

It's "Bridget."



- I... It's...

- It's OK.



- Is it?

- Yeah.



I met someone.



You met someone?



Yeah, I mean, it's not like we're

getting married or anything, but...



Wait, I'm... I'm confused.



This... this is someone different?

Not the writer guy?



Yeah, no, a different guy.

A new guy.



A different guy?






I don't...

You know, it's...



Thank you.









You'll ruin it.



Get outta here, I'm sick of you.



Pitch and go.

Pitch and go, keep up the pace.



It's not a big deal.

I'm sorry.



It actually is quite a big deal.

But don't go too fast.



Ollie, you get really jittery

when you go too fast.



And I need to make sure that you don't

speed through the whole thing



in such a way that nobody understands

exactly what you're saying.



Because we invested a lot of time,

and everything that we're that we're do...



Jeet-o, I need you to shut up.

All right?



- This is exactly what I'm talkin' about.

- You're driving me crazy.






...the baby...









The client inputs the child's data



and the baby actually tracks its growth.



So when it's time

to move up to a bigger size...



There it is.

Bam. Just on your doorstep.



No hassle, no fuss.



Does the baby have a name?



Does the baby have a name?




What were we saying

for the baby's name?









- Doesn't have to be Fred.

- Gabe...



was another choice that we came up with.



Gabe the babe.



My point is, is that there are

      babies born every hour.



That's        babies a day.



And somebody's gotta figure out

where to put all that shit.



I wanna be that guy.



      babies an hour.

Wouldn't that be        babies a day?






It was good, Ollie.

You were great.



I mean, there was that one little thing,

but I don't think it was a big deal.



How about you?

You think it was good?






It's mine.



- Hey, I'm Jeeter. How ya doin'?

- Hi.



- Hello?

- Ollie?



- Hi.

- Are you still in New York?



Yep. Can you hold on one second?

It's bad reception right here.



Found it.



How does it look?



Looks good.



- She was young, huh?

- Yeah.



What kind of flowers did you get?






That's perfect.



Today's her birthday.



Talk to me.



I don't know what to say.



Doesn't matter.



All right.






There's this kid, OK?



And he's in his backyard

and he's digging a hole.



And the neighbor lady

looks over the fence and says,



"What you doing over

there, little Johnny?"



And the kid looks really sad



and he says, "Well, my goldfish died.



"And so I'm having a funeral for it."



And the lady says,



"Well, that's an awfully big hole

for a goldfish."



And little Johnny says.



"Well, that's because he's

inside your stupid cat."



You know, that's terrible.



Thank you.



Final call for Flight    

to Los Angeles.



This flight is now closing.



Excuse me, are you traveling with us

to Los Angeles, sir?



She lives in Los Angeles

and my work is in San Francisco.



So, that's...



And look, if this VC money comes in,

we're gonna be swamped anyway, so...



But it's like, that's just...

How can I be there for her



if I don't even have

my thing figured out? You know?



I can't.



And I was clear with her

right from the top that...



Like, the first day that we met

I told her that I had to have my things,



my work and stuff that...



So you won't be traveling with us

to Los Angeles then?









- Hi.

- Hi.



- Hi.

- Hi.



- I'm Jeeter.

- I'm Natalie.



- Nice to meet you, Natalie.

- Good to meet you, too.



You know, in about    hours

I'm gonna be rich.



- Really?

- Yeah. You from New York?



- No, I'm from LA.

- OK. Did I mention I was gonna be rich?



- You did, actually.

- Yeah?



- Yeah.

- You like that?




It's interesting.



Natalie, what would you do with

 .  million dollars, hypothetically?



- Should we check it?

- Check it.



Does it work?



There's a dial tone.



Maybe we should call them.



No. They said Friday afternoon.

It's still Friday afternoon.



But it's not Friday afternoon

in New York.



- Seriously, we should just give 'em a call.

- They'll call.



We don't wanna look desperate.



Hello? Diaper...



It's not... Which?




There. Hello?



Diaperush. This is Oliver speaking.










OK, so...



We'll talk to you next week then.



Thank you.



- We got it.

- Oh! Oh! We got it, baby!



We got it!



Oh, yes!












That is one special lady.



I'm gonna miss her.



Well, no one can say

we didn't try, right?



- Just need the keys.

- Oh! Yeah.



Hey, can I hang on to the key chain?



- They're, like,    bucks.

- You serious?




Aw, keep it.



- Thanks.

- Yeah.



You need a ride?



Just gonna clear some stuff

outta my office.



This was fun.



Hey, you come to LA, give me a call.



Yeah, definitely.



Does the artist ever come in here?



Most days.

You just missed her, actually.




Back again?









Not so far.

Just come back. There you go.






Just don't say anything,

'cause I'll lose my nerve.



You suck!



I know ya like Bon Jovi, so...



I don't.






I'm flat broke.



I don't have a job.

I don't have a plan.



And I know I'm...



I know I'm probably six years too late...



but will you give me strike one back?



You're married.



I'm engaged.



Do you wanna come in?




I think I need the air.



I'm... I have to get the baby.



I'm sitting for Michelle.



You sound really good.






guess when I'm an old man,

I'll never have to wonder,



"What if?"



So how long have you

had this place, Ben?



Going on four years,

but I still have a lot of plans for it.



Oh, I'm sure Em would be happy

to help you with those plans.



I'm sure she will.



This is a phase that I am glad

you grew out of. I don't even recognize you.



Ugh! That skirt.



Oh, those are great boots.

Do you still have those?



Not the boots.



Well, what am I looking for here?

The guy?



- No, not the guy.

- Whatever happened to that guy?



The photos.

They're from before we met.



- Before you and who met?

- Me and Oliver.



- What are you talking about?

- He took them before I even saw him.



So he did make the first move.



Kind of.



- You ready?

- I gotta go.



I'm gonna stop by tomorrow, OK?

I'll help you move.



- Where you going?

- Michael needs a new suit.



I can't let him shop alone.



Talk. Tell me.

Do I look fat?




The pinstripes, they make me look fat?



Michael, this is the seventh suit

you've tried on today.



What do you want me to say?

It's a suit.



Oh, I just need some, you know,

give in the shoulders.



- I just need a little...

- Yeah, well, they do alterations.






- Yeah.

- Shirts, huh?



That's a nice shirt.

Look at this one.






Those legs,

they go all the way to the floor.



- Here.

- Socks. Yeah.



- About done here?

- Hold on now.



We don't want our pants falling down

in the middle of "I do."



Nobody wants to see that.



Thought you quit smoking.



I did.



What's goin' on, Em?



Oh, all right, what are you doing?



I don't care, you have to wait.



- Mom!

- What?



- Have you seen my tie?

- I don't... Did you look in your room?



Yes. I don't know where it is.



You better find it.



Is that my tie?



- Mom.

- What?



- Graham took my tie.

- Why did he take your tie?



I don't know.

Why? Give it to me.



Hi, I've been trying this number

all morning and I was just wondering



if you could find out

if there's something wrong with the line,



or if it's been disconnected,



or if I can make an emergency




- She's sleeping.

- OK. OK. Thanks anyway.



Is everything packed?

I brought the minivan.



- I'm not moving.

- What's going on?



Ben and I broke up.






Are you OK?

Why didn't you call me?



- What happened?

- I had to do this.



OK. We are gonna sit down

and we are going to take a deep breath.



It's gonna be fine.



It is so natural to be nervous

before you get married.



Do you remember me?



Don't worry, Ben is gonna understand.



You just need to talk to him.

Just set a time to meet.



Tell him you need a day or two

to think things over.



- I have to call Oliver.

- Oliver?



- Who doesn't have call waiting?

- Sweetie.



I have to talk to him.

I have to tell him I'm not getting married.




Give me the phone.



- I saw him.

- You saw who?









he's getting married.






Hi, I have a phone number

and I was wondering if



you could give me the address

that goes with that phone number.



What are you gonna say?



I'm gonna say I broke it off with Ben.

I'm just gonna tell the truth.



Oh, no, no.

I wasn't speaking to you. Sorry.



OK, you ready?

Here it is.



I forgot the number.

Find the number.



- Hold on, I'm looking, I'm looking.

- She's looking, she's looking.



Big day!



Are you ready, gentlemen?







- All right.

- Let's get started.






Honey, are you OK?

Shall I call a doctor?



I'll get somebody to help you.

Go get somebody to help her.



- Call  - - .

- Just get her some ice...



Are you OK?



- I got it. I got her.

- I'm sure there's a doctor...



- I got her. It's fine.

- OK.



- You OK?

- Yeah.



- What are you doing here?

- I'm so sorry. I have to go.



Excuse me, are you here with the ice?



How did you find me?



I had your number and I just...

I called Information and got your address.



Wow. Information sure gives out

a lot of information.



- I got this.

- All right.



It's good, thanks.

Is your head OK?




We're waiting on you, son.






You should go.

I'm gonna go.















It's too late.

I'm too...






What's going on?



You're not too late.



I'm not getting married,

my sister is.



You're such a dick!



Let's go. Let's start without him,

you guys. Come on.



Let's go.






You'll ruin it.

Special help by SergeiK