Love And Death On Long Island Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Love And Death On Long Island script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Jason Priestly and John Hurt movie.  This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Love And Death On Long Island. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

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Love And Death On Long Island Script



[ Man ]

It is so difficult

to know where I should begin.



Especially when, unlike you,

I already know the ending.



But let us say that this story

began with the end of another,



far, far from the surf

of Long Island.



For many years, I had

absolutely no public life.



I had said, "No,"

to interviews so often,



it was widely

regarded as my forte.



Then, just once--

on impulse-- I said,






Does the   th century

play any part in your life?



I'm sorry?

Do you, for instance,

use a word processor?



I'm a writer. I write.



I don't process words.



[ Interviewer ]

So, who do you write for?




May I ask why

you're here today?



Well, I was

wondering that myself.



But... your...

colleague was... a friend...



of my late wife, who translated

for the World Service.



And, of course, I do have

a faint interest as to how

these things are done, you know.



You've never been

tempted to write for radio?



Or television?

I'm afraid not.



Would you permit your work

to be adapted for the screen,



now that even

E.M. Forster's been done?



Oh, I'd prefer

not to be done.



[ Interviewer ]

But he's been done rather well,

don't you think?



I've-- I've no idea.



I haven't been to the pictures

for quite some time.



One or two?






[ Man ]

Hey, are you sure this

is the right window, man?



[ Man #  ]

I-I don't know about this,

Corey. What if we get caught?



We're not gonna

get caught, jerk-off!



And any minute now that

room is gonna be filled

with butt-naked babes.



[ Boys Laughing ] Hey, big guy,

give me the camera.

[ Beeping Sound ]




Oh, man!




Take it off,




She is so totally hot!



Someone's coming!




it's the Stomper!

Oh, I'm outta here!



What are you boys doing here?

You shouldn't be here!



This isn't E.M. Forster!



Hey, man, you got a rival.

Molly's in there with a guy!




I'll kill him!



Come on.

Let's go!




You been beaten to it

by your kid brother!



I think it's time

for a pizza delivery, boys.



[ Laughing ]

Oh, wee.

Go get 'em, man!




Hey, what

are you doin'?



[ Mikey ]

Hey, cut it out!

Go, dude, go!



Kick his ass!




What's up?



Hey, come on, man.

We can talk about this.






[ Audience Laughing ]

Hiya, Molly.

What's happenin', baby?



[ Molly ]

Hi, Corey.



[ Mikey ]

Come on, man. Put me

down! Put me down!



Corey, she made me do it.

Shut up,

you little jerk-off!



You're just trying

to make me jealous, huh?






What a relief.



My wife must have

known this would happen.



Tell me, Mrs. Reed, you live

here alone now, don't you?




Me alone.

But the... television.



The television?

It's mine. I like it.



You... watch

the pictures?



[ Man On TV] Your specialized

subject is Christopher Columbus.

You've two minutes starting now.



With subtitles.

By what name was

Columbus known in Spain?



Cristóbal Colón.

[ TVHost ]




Of what did Columbus reputedly

become the first European






How extraordinary.



Have you been

locked out all day?



No! No, no. I--

Just for a short while.



I went to the pictures.



The cinema.



The ci-ne-ma.



I'm ever so sorry

about yesterday.



And why is that?



About not being home

when you needed the keys.



Well, I can hardly dictate

what you do on your Sundays,

Mrs. Barker.



My sister in Whitstable's

been poorly.



Needs a bit

of helping out.



Is there anything else,

Mrs. Barker?



I was just going

to mention--



My sister and I heard you

on the wireless yesterday.



Tell me, you weren't

taught by Forster when

you were up at Cambridge?



Alas, no.

You know they're...



even adapting his work

for the pictures now?



Can't say that I approve.



It could have

been a lot worse.



- Er, the adaptation?

- The interview.



Oh. In what way?

It could have been

on television. That's a much...



greater intrusion,

I can tell you.



Do you know you can get

televisions that transcribe

what people say?



May I ask, would

that be another book?




I'm afraid it is.



I don't know

how you do it.



Takes me all

my time to read one.



Well, as Gwen

always used to say,



it's easier to write one

than it is to read one

properly, Mrs. Barker.



[ Mutters ]


I'm sure she did.



I can almost

hear her saying it.



I've never really approved

of the pre-Raphaelites.






Well, just look at him.



He's one of your sister's




What's meant

to be going on?



Love letters, suicide--

that sort of thing?



More likely

to be rejections

from publishers.



Chatterton was

a writer.




I must get around

to reading one

of your books, Giles.



There never seem to be

enough hours in the day.






[ Thinking ]

Winsome, young, neoclassical.






by beauty, death.



No smoking, guv.

Thanks very much.



- I beg your pardon?

- It says, "No smoking."



No. It says,

"Thank you for not smoking."



As I am smoking,

I don't expect to be thanked.



Can I help you?

Uh-- Yes--



- One for number three, please.

- Come again?



- Uh, one adult for number three.

- What do you want to see, sir?



- The film in number three.

- Which?



Uh, Hotpants College II.



Thank you.



[ People Murmuring ]



[ Students Chattering ]



The college girls are back!

Let's go!

Come on!



Hang on! All right?



Come on, Mom. I gotta go.

Today's a big day.



Oh, yeah? What's

so special about it?



College girls

are back in town,

that's what.



Oh, I wish you'd

keep your mind on school,

Corey, like your brother.



Yeah. Yeah.

He finds time to work at

Chicken Burger. Why can't you?



[ Mom Coughing ]

Mom, I thought you were going

to see a doctor about that.



What a

fucking prat.






[ Giles Thinking ]

Ronnie Bostock.



R. Bostock, Esquire.



Bostock, brackets, Ronald.



"Hotpants College II:

Puerile romp without

a single redeeming feature."



Uh, you wouldn't have

any milk left, I suppose?



Mum. Milk.



U.H. T.?

U... H... T...?



Only this left.



Is okay?

It is milk, isn't it?



Abigail, we close now.



We're closing now.



[ Cash Register Beeping ]



"Out soon on video:

Hotpants College II...



"has even more

yummy guys than H.C. I,



"including mega-dreamboat

Ronnie Bostock.



"Next month,

find out how 'Bostie'fares...



"in our feature on 'Hollywood's

Most Snoggable Fellas'--



"Exclamation mark,



exclamation mark,

exclamation mark."

[ Cash Register Clatters ]



I'm sorry to disturb you,

but I can't find them anywhere.



Uh, Mrs. Barker,

I've been thinking that, uh,



it will be best if I was left

undisturbed in the afternoon.



My work is very taxing

at the moment.

What about your tea?



Oh, I'll call you when

I'm ready for it. But, um--



I must admit it's been...

odd this last week.



It's that funny milk.



Uh-uh, what is it

you were looking for?



The kitchen scissors.



[ Dog Barking ]



Skid Marks      .



Tex Mex      .



Hotpants College II




Mrs. Barker,

I'll take tea now!



Is it on the left?



Or right?



[ Chuckles ]



[ Imagined Quiz Master ]

And what is your

chosen specialized subject?



[ Thinking ]

The life and work

of Ronnie Bostock.



You have two minutes on the life

and work of Ronnie Bostock,

starting... now.



Ronnie Bostock was born

in Southern California but

where does he live now?



Chesterton, Long Island.

Correct. What is the name

of the dog which features...




in his publicity stills?





What is Ronnie Bostock's...



favorite reading material?



Stephen King

and science fiction.




For what does Ronnie

have a self-confessed weakness?




Yes. I'll accept that.

It's actually pizza

with extra anchovies.



Under what circumstances

would Ronnie do a nude scene?



If it were tasteful...





essential to the plot.



Why was he not cast in the

original Hotpants College?



Uh, too young?

No. He was unable...



to break his contract

with the sitcom

Home Is Where The Heart Is.



What is Ronnie's favorite kind

of training shoe and why?



Reeboks, because

British stuff is cool.




With which of his rock idols

was he recently photographed?

Axl Rose.



Correct. Ronnie claims to like

nothing better than hanging out

with the guys.



What exactly do

these "guys" mean to him?



I wonder.



[ Giles ]

Is that Chesterton there?




You want?



Why not?



[ Clears Throat ]

For a change, yes?



[ Chuckles ]

Thank you.



I have, as usual, said

you're far too busy.



But it is a very

prestigious lecture,




Would you advise me

against it?

As your agent,



I would strongly urge you

to do it. But... as a friend...



I wouldn't want to disturb your

work, which seems to be so...



invigorating, Giles.



I'll think about it.




Yes. I'm getting rather tired

of hearing myself say no.



Now, you can help me, Henry.



What exactly is a "sitcom"?



No good,

this program.




Here, this is

better. Dog.



Do you like dogs,

Mr. De'Ath?



Need any

help, sir?



Yes. I'm interested

in acquiring a video player.



Uh, these are

microwaves, sir.




Video players

are over here.



[ Salesperson ] Let's start

with this little humdinger.

It's got it all, this one.



Nicam digital stereo,

long-play facility,



   -day, eight-event timer,

two-speed slow motion--



My needs are rather limited.



But it's top

of the range, this one.

Oh, is it?



Yeah, and it's in your interest

to keep up with the technology.



I'll get it, Mrs. Barker!




for Doctor Death.




Is that your

real name, then?



Pronounced "Day-aa-th."

Bet you get

a lot ofjokes.



[ Mutters ]

Not since school.



Nice place.



All these books, they're

not all different, are they?



- You read them all?

- Could we, uh--




Where's your telly?



- I'm sorry?

- Gogglebox. TV.



[ Chuckles ]

No. I don't have one.



Blimey! Well, what

the hell's this for then?



Well, it's to watch

films on, actually.



Yeah, but-- but what

you gonna watch them on?




On the video?



Two pieces of identification,

one proof of address--



I believe that qualifies me

for membership.



There's a ten-pound deposit

so you don't nick nothing,



but you get a two-pound voucher

for Bernie's Pizza delivery.



You can take out

two tapes now

if you want.






Could I forfeit

my Bernie's Pizza voucher

for a third one?



That's out.



I'm-- I'm sorry?

Tex Mex.



Went out

an hour ago.




We only keep one

of everything unless it's

a big fuck off blockbuster.



I see.

That's in.



Harry-- Skid Marks.



No. Tape's buggered.



- Do you want to have another bash?

- Well, uh, uh--



Perhaps you have, uh,

Hotpants College II?



Harry! Hotpants I, II--

It's not out yet, is it?




Got Hotpants I in.



Uh, may I place

a reservation

for Tex Mex?



No. There's

no reservations.



Uh, you mean I have

to wait two weeks, uh--



I hope not. You can only

keep them out overnight.



Isn't one allowed

two weeks at a library?



It takes two weeks

to read a book, doesn't it?



Those things are more

trouble than they're worth,

if you ask me.



Uh, Mrs. Barker.



I've been thinking

I should be...



starting to cope

a little better on my own.



So, I won't be needing you

after  :   in the afternoons.



But what about

your dinner?



Oh, I'm quite sure

that I can manage.



Oh, and I would...

prefer it if you--



if you didn't clean

in this room... at all.



What about the dust?



"The more one dusts,

the more dust one makes,"



is what Gwen always

used to say, Mrs. Barker.



This had better work.

Cool it, Pete. Have I ever

let you down before?



Make sure you land him

in the shit. 'Cause that's

what he's done to us.



Hey, hey, hey.

Here he comes. Here he comes.

Get down. Get down.






[ Rider Screaming ]



[ Horse Whinnies ]







Oh, shit!

Too darn right, Bozo.



You're in deep shit.

Yeah, man.

You know what you are?



You're nothing

but a-- but a skid mark

on the underpants of life.



[ Ronnie, Pete Laugh ]






He's coming.

He's coming.



[ Ronnie ]

So, if you take the entrance

and project study--



[ Boys Laughing ]



[ Giles ]

If one has

to have a theme, Henry,



it would be...



the discovery of beauty

where no one ever thought

of looking for it.



Ah, yes. Familiar

territory for you.



Hardly. I have begun

to engage in completely

new subject matter.



New to me,

at least.



Splendid. At our time

of life, it's good

to tackle something new.



I was considering

golf, actually.



I could almost say

that it has brought me

into contact with...



everything that

I myself have never been.



But that must be all

for the time being, Henry.






I'm very intrigued.



You may find it rather

difficult to get in touch

with me in the near future.



I'm finding it rather

difficult now, old chap.



Hey, Jake!



Hey, hey, what's

goin'on? Are you crazy?

Get out of the way, Johnny.



This ain't the way, Jake.

You heard what

Father Bryson said.



He said we all gotta

learn how to get along.



[Jake ] Yeah?

Well I'm tired of these Mexicans

taking jobs from my folks!



[Johnny ] They never took any

job you want and you know it!

Just get out of the way, Johnny.



I ain't going anywhere.

You want to get to these boys,

you have to go through me.



[Jake ]

Is that right?

[Johnny ] Yeah, that's right.



Oh, you did it now, Jake!

[ Groans ]



Save your breath,

my child.



Oh, I tried to tell him,

Father. I tried. I tried.



[ Father Bryson ]

Hush now. God knows what

you say is true, to be sure.



You were right, Father.

[ Panting, Groaning ]



We all got to try

to live together.



[Johnny ]

I'll never forget

what you said.



[ Groans, Expires ]









[ Father Bryson ]

I promise you won't

die in vain, my child.



May the Lord have

mercy on your soul.



[ Thinking ]

Forgive me, Ronnie.



[ Giles ] For is it not the

case that when we are in

the habit of viewing a film...



more than once,

assisted by that technological

aide-memoire the video player,



then a remarkable


presents itself.



We see...



that what, at first,

appeared to be merely

accidental or unrehearsed...



becomes on subsequent

viewings an indelible part

of the film's texture.



A distant landscape,



a blurred face

in the crowd,



even a banal message

on a T-shirt.



So, the largely unrecognized

art of film acting...



depends entirely

on the ability of the actor--



or, indeed, actress--



to make everything

about himself--



uh, or herself--



seem equally permanent.



When, thus,



an actor is called upon

to smile,



he must try to select

a smile from a collection--



a repertoire-- a whole

file of smiles, as it were.









sly, sarcastic...



and so on.



Anyway, to return to my theme

of "The Death of the Future--"



Don't you think you've

been overdoing it, old chap?



We're not as young

as we used to be, after all.



Maybe you should...

take a break.



Go on a trip.

Do you the world of good.



A trip?



Yes. I-I know you think that

traveling for its own sake

is frivolous, but...



I must insist that

you seriously consider it.



[ Phone Ringing ]



[ Beep ]

[ Answering Machine Message ]

This is Giles De'Ath speaking.



If your call is extremely urgent,

you may leave a brief message

after I finish speaking.



[ Beep ]



Good, Lord!

Giles? It's Henry.



You have an answer phone.

Whatever next?



[Jet Engine Roaring ]



[Jet Engine Roaring ]



But, um, isn't

there a guest house or

something of that nature?



Well, now,

there's a motel.




Yeah. On the expressway.

Oh, no. That would be

out of the question.



The room is quiet?



We take a pride

in the secluded nature

of our accommodation.



How long will

you be with us?



Uh, at least

a week or two.



Are you touring

Long Island?



[ Nervous Chuckle ]

No. No, not really.



[ Chuckles ]

Oh, a writer!



From London too.

Oh, my.






we're charmed to have you,

uh, Mister, uh--







Mister, anything you want

to know about Chesterton...



you just ask me.






[ Sighs ]




Good Lord!



[ Patrons Chattering,

Utensils Clattering ]



You're lookin'

very spiffy today.






You're looking very spiffy today.

Very attractive.



Oh, thank you.



Has Lou taken

your order yet?



I-I must admit I'm...

having a little difficulty

understanding the menu.



Get him a cup of coffee.



[ Giles ]

What would

you recommend?



Oh, we do

a great cheeseburger.

Oh, I think not.



The best hash browns

you ever tasted?



[ Chuckles ]

That rather goes

without saying.



There you are.

Thank you.



So... you're

from England, huh?






You ever bumped into a fellow

by the name of Stan Brighouse?



I believe not.



An attractive man,

average-sized hands.



But he had breasts...

like a woman.



Very odd.



He was a nice person, though.

You should look him up.



Anyway, I'm Irv,

by the way.



Hence, "Chez d'Irv."

You got it.



Irving Buckmuller

at your service.



This area here...

is very attractive.



This is where a person

like you should be staying.



It's secluded?

Oh, you'll love it.




Where the odd celebrity

might hide out, no doubt.



Exactly. Exactly.

And you know what?



They all know Irv's.



Everyone of'em

knows Irv's. Right, Lou?



How you doin'?

Good morning.



- Hey, that's a great tie.

- Thank you.



Hire detective.

[ Woman Moaning ]



Bribe postman.

[ Pleasurable

Moans, Groans ]



[ Moaning,

Groaning Continue ]

This is too much!



[ Louder Moaning

And Groaning ]



Yes. Mrs. Abbott, is there any

possibility of your more, uh,



short-term guests not having

rooms next to mine?



Well, yes, I do appreciate that,

but I also value my own privacy.

[ Rumbling, Whimpering ]



Yes, indeed.

It is interrupting my work.



Over here you ask for the

cheque and pay with a bill.



Over here you ask for the

cheque and pay with a bill.



In England, you ask for a bill

and pay with a cheque.



Hmm. Is that the truth?

[ Chuckles ]




No shit!

[ Laughs ]



A writer here,

from London, England.



Likes words.

[ Women Chattering ]






How you doin' today?

Oh, uh, very well,

thank you.



You live around here?

No, no. Well,

not yet, at least.



I'm-- I'm, uh... looking

at property for sale.



You're movin'

to Chesterton?

Well, it's a poss--



[ Car Passing ]



Great wheels, huh?

[ Mumbles ]




You know, you'd cover

a lot more ground in a car.



Yes. I suppose I would.

Uh-uh, may I go on my way?



Sure. We just like to know what

strangers are up to, that's all.

[ Chuckles ]



You take care, now.

[ Mutters ]




[ Electronic Chirp ]

[ Woman's Voice ]

You are standing...



too close

to this vehicle!



Please move away immediately!



Thank you.

Have a nice day!

[ Electronic Warble ]



[ Water Running ]



[ Phone Ringing ]



[ Ringing Continues ]




Ah, Mrs. Abbott.



Yes. A typewriter seems

to have appeared in my room.



Oh. How very

thoughtful of you.




No. I'm afraid not. I have

to be up at the crack of dawn.



Good morning!

Hey, how you doin'?

What happened to your foot?



Oh, less torture.

You take it easy now.



Hey, Strider.

You go home now.






[ Panting ]



[ Whimpering ]






[ Dog Barks,

Growls ]



I had one once

called "Tiffy."

"Tiffy"? What kind of a--



What is that? Wha--

What's that, a pansy name?

Come on! Tiffy lived to be    .



We're not talking about

how long the dog lived.




We're talking about names.

There are a lot

of Caesars around.



What about "Spot"?

Spot! That's the name that

everybody calls a dog-- Spot.



What if the dog

has no spots?



They all got spots.

No. Sometimes

they got patches.



And there's a difference

between a patch and a spot.



Then they call it

"Patch" or "Patchy."

Or "Patch"-- "Patches."



If he's got stripes,

they call it "Stripey."

That's stupid.



Or "Stripes."

Come on.




Do you want a dog, Giles?

I can get you puppies for free.



No, no, no, no, no.

I just heard some rather

strange names, that's all.



Uh, is Strider common?
















I never heard of it.


I never of it.



Oh, sure. Strider, Caesar.

[ Scoffs ] They're all

a damned nuisance.



You never knew Tiffy.



[ Clattering ]



[ Woman ]







[ Dog Growling ]

What is it, boy?



It's just a squirrel,

you idiot. Come on. In.



I can't take you

to the supermarket. Jesus.



[ Car Door Slams,

Engine Starts ]



It's an emergency!

You need a hospital?



Nearest supermarket. Move over,

please. It-It is an emergency!



[ Car Door Slams,

Tires Screech,

Car Departs ]







I am most dreadfully sorry.

I do hope nothing is broken.



I guess not.

We just don't have

things this size in England.



Rather tricky to control.

It's okay.

Take it easy.



Oh, haven't--

haven't we met?



[ Sighs ]

I don't think so.



Ah, no. I've seen

your photograph.



Are you a film star?

Would you mind

just leaving me alone?



Oh, no, of course! You're

engaged to Abigail's idol.



I could really

do without this.

Oh, no, no, no, no.



Uh, my godchild, Abigail, has a

huge crush on this very young...



and, uh, uh, promising

American actor and his name

is Ronnie--



Is it, no. Ronnie--

Ronnie Bostock, isn't it?



You made a very

handsome couple.



[ Woman ]

What kind of books

do you write?



Oh, I'm hardly

a household name

over here.



Are you working

on one now?



Well, if I'm inspired

by the soothing rustle

of the Long Island surf,



as your

Walt Whitman put it.



I hope you have

a great time.



Are you over

for long?

Excuse me?



From Hollywood.

Oh, we live here.



Oh, really?



Ron's in L.A. right now.

I just can't believe

he's so big in England.



- I never knew that.

- [ Chuckles ]



It's extremely kind of you.

This isn't




You can't

just hail a cab.




You've got a lot of groceries

for someone staying at a motel.



Yes. I've-- I've always

been rather vague about

domestic arrangements,



but I wanted to find out

how Americans shop,

what you eat and so on.



Actually, I can heartily

recommend the cheeseburgers

at Chez d'Irv.



[ Groans ]

God, you've been

to that dive?



Well, perhaps

you can recommend

somewhere superior.



There are some great

seafood places up the coast,

but you gotta drive there.



Well, allow me to take you

out for a spot of lunch.



Oh, I couldn't, really.

To thank you

for your kindness.



Uh, I don't

think so.



[ Seagulls Squawking ]



Very impressive. You're

both very talented, my dear.

[ Chuckles ] Thanks.



Well, you must give

Ronnie tips, no doubt.






Well, doesn't

he have to do photographs

for the fan magazines?



Oh, photo shoots. Tell me

about it. He hates them.



Oh, seems

rather good at it.

Oh, sure. It just--



He thinks you can't be

a teen idol if you're

gonna be a serious actor.



Oh, does he?



It's crazy. I mean, most of

the actors I know wait tables.



Why would they do that?



I can't wait to tell him I've

met a famous British writer...



who thinks he's got the look

of a young Olivier, was it?



Uh, a little.

[ Chuckles ]

I should be writing this down.



Hey, maybe you could do

a script for him or something.



[ Chuckles ]

Well, I don't exactly write

for the youth market, Audrey.



Oh, well, that's great. He's

so sick of playing dumb kids.




[ Phone Ringing ]



It's okay, the machine's on.

[ Audrey's Voice ] Hi, we're

not home. Leave a message.



[ Man's Voice ]

Hey, babe. Honey?



Uh, I guess you're out...

again. [ Chuckles ]

It's Ron.



[ Ronnie ]

You better not be having

a good time without me.



[ Ronnie ]

Things are pretty cool here.

I'll talk to you later. Love you.



[ Audrey ] I'll call him later.

Oh, Giles, I forgot.

[ Machine Beeps ]



You can smoke here

if you want. We don't, but--



Giles? Are you okay?



Dear God,

this is ridiculous!



[ Chuckles ]



[ Audrey ]

It's incredible.

He's seen all your work.



And he says that

you're really big in England!



You'd just love him.

He's so British,

you wouldn't believe it.



[ Laughs ]

Screw you! He's old

enough to be my father.



So, Ronnie will

be back soon?




Do give him

my regards.




Tell him that I will

be following his career

with great interest.



Maybe you should tell him.

I'd like him to meet you.



I guess you're busy,

though, with your writing?



Well, yes, I am, but--

Oh, I don't know.

We're really busy too.



And he can get kind

of shy. I don't know,

maybe he'll call you.



[ Man On Radio ]

Now get only a--



[ Radio Ceases ]



[ Sighs ]



[ Birds Chirping ]

[ Door Closes ]



[ Typewriter Keys Clacking ]



[ Beeping On TV]



[ Phone Ringing ]



[ Ringing Continues ]



[ Bird Squawking ]



So, Giles, he may

not show it, right,



but he really

wants to hear

what you told me...



about his potential.



Oh, really?




He's been kind of low

since he got back.



If you could find

some way of telling him

what you think of him,



well, I'd really

appreciate it.



[ Ronnie ]

Well, what do you know?



It was the cops.

They're keepin' an eye

on the place.



One of the neighbors

saw some weirdo hangin' around.



[ Audrey ]

Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you.



Are you guys

comin'in or what?

Come on, Strider.



[ Audrey ]

It's nothing

really, Giles.






Oh, yes, his plays

are full of it.



Well, wait a minute.



Are you saying that if

Shakespeare was alive today,



he'd be doin' things

like Hotpants College?



All I'm saying, Ronnie,



is that Shakespeare

used bawdy humor

to please the mob in the pit.



I never knew that.



Yes, and, of course,

he was able to elevate

his material...



beyond such limitations...

as have you.



I'm not talking about

good acting as if it were,

say, merely good cooking.



Oh, by the way, the teriyaki

was delicious, Audrey.






I'm talking

about a type of acting

that is purely instinctive.



You see, Ronnie, you have

something that gives even the

most casual look or gesture...



a real intensity.




Oh, yes.



It came as no surprise to me

when I heard that you'd been

rescued at an early age...



from the hell of advertising.



It was obvious to me that some

producer, some astute producer,



had seen what I saw

when Abigail persuaded me

to see Hotpants College II.



I got that role because

I looked like the guy who

played Mikey in the original.



Yes, but didn't you completely

reinvent the character

with a mere string of lines?



Didn't you make Mikey

the focus of the entire story?



Well, I wouldn't

exactly say that.



As for your fate

in the pizza parlor, the plastic

tomato and all that, well--



[ Laughs ]



Well, I don't know.

This may sound absurd, but--



No, my point of reference

would be Wallis' painting...



of the tragic young writer




that hangs

in the Tate Gallery.



[ Audrey Sighs ]

I'd really like to see that.



But, Giles, we've seen

Hotpants in theaters with kids.

They don't get any of that.



- Of course not.

- But it's made for them.



But they're the rabble

in the pit.



[ Audrey Laughs ]

We saw Hotpants at this drive-in

used to be here.



Ron kept his sunglasses on

the whole time.



Giles, did you

ever see Tex Mex?



Oh, I did indeed,

more than once.



Really killed me

when that one bombed.



Ah, yes, I'm afraid it suffered

the same fate in Europe.



I really believed

in that project.

It had--



had a real message.



Yes, it was

a great shame really.



In Europe, we have a much

stronger tradition of work...



with what

you call a message.



That is, after all,

why I've been persuaded

to write my first screenplay.



Yes, if Tex Mex

had been, say,



German about the plight

of the exploited Gastarbeiters,



it would have met

with a far greater success.



They have Mexicans

in Germany?



It probably would have made

less money than Hotpants,



but in Europe we're

not necessarily interested

in that kind of a success,



not when a film can change

the way people think.



And that, Ronnie,

is why I write.



It's also why you act,



although you

may not yet know it.



[ Whirring ]



[ Ronnie ]

You married or somethin'?



I was. My wife died

unexpectedly sometime ago.



Sorry to hear that.



Got any kids?



No, no, my wife was

rather older than myself.



Oh, like me and Aud.



Yes, indeed.



So what's this script about?






Yeah, you said you were

working on a screenplay.



Oh, yes, that.



Oh, I couldn't subject you

to work in progress.



Why not?



Then, of course,

there is the risk

of copyright infringement.



[ Laughs ]

Giles, we're old friends, huh?



[ Chuckles ]



[ Ronnie ]

Coffee always takes her forever.

[ Giles ] Indeed.



Hey, Strider.



So what's it about?






it concerns

a young man, Ronnie,



about your age,

I suppose.



He's a deaf-mute...



brought up in

complete isolation.



His only human contact

is through the television.



So he has been subjected

to rather excessive...



and unrealistic

types of behavior.



He never speaks?

Oh, he cannot speak.






Oh, yes, I'm determined

that the audience share

his subjective state...



rather than merely

pity him because, well,

that would be awful.



Yeah, yeah.



So what happens?



Understandably enough,

he yearns to enter

the real world.



So he surrenders himself

to the most irrational desire...



known to mankind.



Maybe you can

guess what that is?



[ Steam Hissing In Kitchen ]



It is the desire

to fall in love, Ronnie.



And since he's been exposed

to such a thing on

the television every day,



it becomes his quest,

so to speak.



And every tale, whether

it be Richard The Third...



or Hotpants College The Third,

centers upon a quest.



And as in my other work,

it will inevitably end

with a sacrifice.



The French, in particular,

seem to like such a thing.



However, I suspect it is

not one for the drive-ins.



Oh, thank you, my dear.



Decaf au lait,

no doubt?




Thanks, babe.



It's brilliant, man.



Oh, I don't think so,

not yet. Please.



No, it is.



I've never heard

a story line like that.

I'm totally blown away.



That's very kind of you.



- It's kind of artsy, I guess.

- Oh, dear. Is that bad?



No, no, that's good.



Have you seen Birdy?




Birdy, yeah, it's

an Alan Parker film.



I met him once.

He's from England too.




[ Phone Ringing ]



[ Beeps, Whirs ]



That's just a fax.

Probably more rewrites.



Oh, really?




You can smoke, Giles.



[ Laughs ]

You smoke?

[ Groans ]



Bad habit.

Oh, yes, I know.



We'd never have met

if he didn't.




Why is that?



Giles chose to stay

in Chesterton because

he smokes Chestertons.







You know what

you were saying

about being a writer...



and wanting new

experiences and all?



I don't know.

Maybe it's not

such a good idea.



Come on. Tell us, babe.



Well, I was just thinking.

I have a shoot in

the city tomorrow...



and I just

thought maybe

you'd like to come.



They're so boring.

Not necessarily.



Not if you

haven't been on one.

I'm not comin'.



I'm not inviting you.



They're totally boring.

Wouldn't I be in the way?



I'd love you to come.

I'm sure you'd get

some great ideas.



I got a better idea.

Why don't I show you

the Hamptons?



You don't like

the Hamptons.



I do off-season.

What do ya say?



It's such a choice.



One couldn't do both?



No way.



Okay, I'll tell you what.



If the weather's okay,

we'll go to the coast.



If it's rainy,

you go into the city

with the supermodel here.



[ Chuckles ]

Well, that does sound fair.



Okay, babe?



[ Man ]

LaRue digs it out

in the corner--



So things look good

for Washington

and Baltimore tomorrow.



It's a different story

in New York. Look at those

clouds gobbling up Manhattan.



They're sure to bring rain

tomorrow and plenty of it.



Over in Long Island, it's gonna

be even worse with both coasts

pulling in that low pressure.



[ Traffic Passing ]



[ Laughing ]



Can we have

your autograph?



Here. Try these on.

[ Indistinct ]



Oh, no, no, no.

Go ahead. Put 'em on.

It's bright out there.



Very nice.

Very nice indeed.



[ Giles ]

"Hey, dude, how's it hanging?"



[ Ronnie ]

"It's cool."



"Hey, man, I'm real

sorry about your mother.

Life's a bitch, huh?"



"Yeah, I guess.



You know somethin', Brad?

I wish I could have made

things easier for her."







"It seemed like she was

always workin' and stuff.



Never really got

a chance to know her."



"Hey, man, don't

grief out on me."



"Sorry, man.



Just feelin' a bit lonesome,

you know?"



"Hey, you're a college boy now.

All those babes don't want

to see you lonesome."



"Sure, like

I'm Mr. Popular."



"Well, I'm going to make you

Mr. Popular,



and that's a promise."






A poignant little scene.



It sets up

the whole story line.



I go to college.

All the college girls

try to mother me.



But I fall in love with a

teacher whose husband turns out

to be a grand wizard in the KKK.



Uh, something of

a message there?



It's the usual stuff.



Tell me, do you get a chance

to deliver a eulogy

to your mother?



No, no, no way.

It would hold up

the action.



- You're allowed to improvise?

- Thanks, babe.



They get pretty nervous

about that.






What's the point?



Where you been




I was talking to

our neighbor. Is that okay?



Is this one of those

telephones that doesn't

have to be plugged in?



Quite remarkable,

isn't it?



Hey, I have a great idea.



Giles, why don't you call

your godchild in England?



I'm sorry?

Abigail, wasn't it?



You could call her and tell

her you're sitting here

with Ronnie Bostock.



Ron could say hi to her.

I know she'd just die.



Well, I'm afraid--

I'm afraid it's the middle

of the night in England.



They're only

five hours ahead.



You know what, Aud?



That's about the stupidest idea

I ever heard. What am I

supposed to say to the kid?



Huh? I'm sorry,








[ Typewriter Keys

Clacking Slowly ]



[ Thinking ]

"Ronnie. Brackets.

At his mother's grave.



"End of brackets.



"I'd like to say a few words

by Walt Whitman,



if that's okay with everyone."



[ Ronnie ] I'd like to say

a few words by Walt Whitman,

if that's okay with everyone.



"The untold want...



"by life and land

never granted.



Now, voyager, sail thou forth

to seek and find."



[ Chuckling ]



[ Man ]

Let's go. Bring him home.

Bring him home.



I suspect you're going

to have to explain

the rules to me.



Okay, you gotta

hit the ball and run

around the bases to home.



Hence, baseball.



Hmm, rather like

circular cricket.



I guess.



[ Applause, Cheering ]



Is there something

wrong, Audrey?



We're going to see

my folks tomorrow

up in Vermont.




For a week.



For a week?

Before Ron has to go back.



That's a strike, Giles.



To, uh, Los Angeles?






Ronnie never

mentioned this.

He doesn't know yet.



You understand that

we still have a lot of work

to do on the script.



That's too bad.

I guess he'll get by.



[ Umpire ]


That's a strike, too, Giles.



Audrey, surely it is as clear

to you as it is to me...



that he deserves

a great deal more

than "getting by."



He'll do it this time.

He never gets struck out.



Watch this, Giles.

It's gonna be a good one.

The bases are loaded.



You realize this is...



a very crucial moment

in his life.



God, you're good.



-[ Man ] All right!

-[ Bat Hits Ball ]



[ Applause, Cheering ]



That's a home run, Giles.









this is your last day

in Long Island.



Or, should one say,

on Long Island?



Yeah, Aud's gettin'

kind of itchy, so--



I'm also leaving

Long Island soon.




We should hook up

in Europe sometime.



I'd like that.



Ronnie, I'd like that very much.



Of course, you must honor

your obligations to Audrey.



It strikes me that

you're very young to be

making such a commitment,



especially with your career

at this crucial stage.



Yeah, well, a guy's

got to know when he's on

to a good thing, right?



It was like that

for you, wasn't it?



Uh, well,

I suppose so, yes.



It's a birthmark.



They cover it up for

shooting, but I like it.



You know, I always thought

it was on the right.



How do you mean?



Ronnie, I have a confession

to make to you.



I've been waiting for you

for quite some time.



Oh, shit, Giles, I'm sorry.

I had to drop Aud--



Several years, in fact.






Ronnie, there is

nothing more solitary

than an artist's life.



No doubt you'll find

that out for yourself.



Painfully, perhaps.



One yearns for solace

without quite knowing

where to look for it.



But I found it in you.






That's great.



Ronnie, I have another

confession to make.



I brought you here

not to say good-bye,



but to make you an offer.



An offer?



I am prepared to devote myself

to your career.



Wow, Giles, I, uh--

[ Clears Throat ]



I'm honored.

I don't know what to say.



You got to come out west.

We can start to work

on something.



No, Ronnie, forget Los Angeles.

Put it behind you.



Your future lies in Europe.



Giles, I gotta take things

one step at a time.



Aud would love

to go back to Europe

and do more work.



It would be cool

to spend time there--




I'm talking about

a turning point in your life.



But I've got

no contacts there.

People know me here.



As what?



Ronnie, as what?



Look, um,



we'll keep in touch, huh?



Listen to me, Ronnie.



In Europe, it is

often the case that a--



a young man

benefits from the--



the wisdom and

the experience of an elder.



Why, there's

almost a tradition

of such friendships.



Cocteau and Radiguet.



Uh, Verlaine, Rimbaud.






Arthur Rimbaud,

French poet.






He was Paul Verlaine's lover.



Look, Giles, uh,

I really gotta go.

I gotta pick up Aud.



I don't want her to be--

Now, listen.



I understand your misgivings,



and I respect the fact

that your immediate plans...



are founded on these

temporary attachments.



"Temporary attachments"?



Well, Ronnie,

your relationship with Audrey...



is hardly likely

to last forever.



And why is that?



Well, it-- I'm afraid

it's obvious to me.



What exactly are you

tryin' to say, Giles?



[ Whispers ]

Ronnie, please.

Look, Giles.



I would like to believe

all the things you said

about my career,



but you got things

all wrong.




Ronnie, listen to me.

You don't understand.



Giles, I think

I do understand,

and I have to go now.



How can you act like this...



when you know--



You must know

how completely,



how desperately...



I love you.



[ Door Bell Dings ]



Dear God,



what have I done?



[ Man ]

Back where he should be

in the lineup tonight.



His batting average is .   

just what it should be.



Now the question is,

how many hits is

he gonna get tonight?



How ya doin'?



I wonder if you could

do me a great favor and

add this to your deliveries?



I don't know

if I can do that, sir.



It's a federal offense.




I'm sorry, sir.



[ Engine Starts ]



[ Phone Rings, Fax Beeps ]



[ Giles ]

My dear Ronnie, it is

so difficult to know...



where I should begin,

especially when,



unlike you,

I already know the ending.



But let us say that this story

began with the end of another,



far, far from the surf

of Long Island.



Tell me,

when one sends a fax,



uh, is it possible

for it to be reversed?



How do you mean, sir?



Well, can it be got back?



I don't know about that.



I imagine not.



You wanna turn back?



Oh, I think it's

rather late for that.



You sure?

Quite sure, thank you.






[ Giles ]

Well, Ronnie, there it is,



the end of our story.



And also the beginning

of a new story for me,



but perhaps you've worked

that out for yourself.



But what of you,

my darling?



For no one on Earth

knows you better than I do.



And if you've read

thus far,



I know you'll never

bring yourself to

destroy this letter...



nor will you ever show it

to anyone else.



And it will gradually dawn

on you that your life might have

taken a very different course...



had you simply been able

to open your heart to another.



And you'll often return

to this letter.



You'll read it again and again

in the years to come...



until you no longer have to read

what you'll know by heart.



And you'll cherish it

as a source of pride...



in the face of

an uncaring world.



I'd like to say

a few words by Walt Whitman,

if that's okay with everyone.



"Now finale to the shore.



"Now land and life,

finale and farewell.



"The untold want by life

and land never granted.



"Now, voyager,

sail thou forth...



to seek and find."



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