I
I love my house.
Everybody does.
It was built in
and still has most
of the original roof.
The wallpaper in the dining room
is original, too.
So is a lot of the woodwork.
You'd have to be a fool
to change it.
I hope you appreciate detail.
The marble fireplace
is hand-carved.
The main stairs have
a very gentle rise.
Everyone comments how easy
it is to climb them.
I like to fill it with my friends.
Over the years,
we've become more like a family.
It makes me happy to have us
all together in our home.
Mine and Bobby's.
They don't build houses
like this anymore.
The golden age
of American house building.
Not architecture, mind you,
but house building.
This house
was meant to stand.
Welcome.
Make yourself at home.
# In the summertime,
when the weather is high #
# You can stretch right up
and touch the sky #
# When the weather's fine #
# You got women,
you got women on your mind #
# Have a drink, have a drive #
# Go out and see
what you can find #
# If her daddy's rich,
take her out for a meal #
# If her daddy's poor,
just do what you feel #
# Speed along the lake,
do a ton or a ton and #
# When the sun goes down #
# You can make it,
make it good in a lay-by #
# We're not gray people,
we're not dirty, we're not mean #
# We love everybody,
but we do as we please #
# When the weather's fine #
# We go fishing or go sailing
in the sea #
# We're always happy #
# Life's for living,
yeah, that's our philosophy #
# Sing along with us #
# Dee-dee-dee dee-dee #
# Da-da da-da-da #
# Yeah, we're hap-happy #
# Da da da #
# Dee-da-doo
dee-da-doo da-doo da #
# Da-doo da-da-da #
# Da-da-da da-da #
# All right now... #
I
Cunt!
Goddamn cunt!
Cunt!
Goddamn cunt!
Fuck you and your
ultimate driving machine!
Perry.
Well, they are when they
drive like that.
Did you see the way
she just cut right in front of me?
Oh, are you talking to me?
Sorry, I was reading "The life
of Ray Charles." What happened?
Some asshole whore
cunt bitch dyke
with New Jersey
license plates
and Republican candidates
on her bumper
practically took my fender off
at miles an hour.
Sounds like an extremely
cunt-like maneuver, Batman.
I think you're both
disgusting.
If I had any convictions,
I'd ask you to let me out right here.
I was mad.
Words only mean something
if you say them
and you're not mad
and mean them.
I agree, "Nancy Reagan is a cunt"
is an offensive remark.
I wouldn't go
that far, Bruce.
But "cunt" when she grabs
a cab in front of you
after you've been waiting minutes
on a rainy night
and she just pops out
from Lutesse
is a justifiable
emotional response
to an enormous social injustice.
All I am saying is it's never right
to use words to hurt another person.
How did I hurt her?
She didn't hear me.
She's halfway
to Poughkeepsie by now,
the bitch!
Don't get me started.
I was just calming down.
We hurt ourselves
when we use them.
We're all diminished.
You're right.
I don't agree with you,
but you're right.
Of course I'm right...
you big fairy.
# Wilkommen, bienvenue #
# Welcome #
# Fremde, enchante #
# Stranger #
"Cabaret." Joel Grey.
The Broadhurst Theater.
performances,
and they don't write musicals
like that anymore.
Oh.
Sorry.
You looked like someone I could
have a little fun with
on my way to oblivion.
Oh, well.
Wake me when we get
to Glocamorra, will you, hmm?
# Au Cabaret, en Cabaret #
# To Cabaret! #
Do you ever wonder
what Gregory looks like?
Perry.
I know what
he looks like.
No, I mean what he
really looks like.
I know what he
really looks like.
He's handsome.
He has wonderful
green eyes that shine.
But you've never
seen green eyes.
You have
no concept of them.
In my mind's eye I do.
What do we look like?
Oh, Perry.
Like bookends.
Is that a compliment?
I think...
you love each other
very much.
I think you will stick it out,
whatever.
I think right now
you're holding hands.
I think that when Perry has
to take his hand from yours,
Arthur, to steer in traffic,
he puts it back in yours
as soon as he can.
I think this is how
you always drive.
I think...
this is how you
go through life.
Welcome to Shangri-La.
John.
Welcome back, stranger.
Remember, don't, um, mention, um,
his, um, stutter, um.
Now isn't this, um,
better than the, um, city?
What did I tell you?
Traffic was ghastly.
You need, um, a swim.
I need a-- ahem--
a drink.
This is Ramon,
Ramon Fornos.
I know. I saw, um, your company
performing at the, uh, Joyce.
You were terrific.
You saw us?
Yeah. Great, just great.
You, uh, swim
as well as you dance?
I don't do anything
as well as I dance.
Come on.
We'll, uh, both cool off.
John, we'll work this afternoon.
When I first bought this house,
people thought I was crazy.
It's in, um,
the middle of nowhere.
I like, uh,
the middle of nowhere.
How long have you
and John been...?
Uh, three weeks.
Our regular rehearsal
pianist was sick,
so John filled in.
Thanks for letting
him bring me.
Not at all.
I'm glad, uh, John's happy.
I don't, um, do this,
uh, on purpose, uh.
Oh, it's okay, Mr. Mitchell.
It's Gregory, please.
You'll make me feel like an old man
if you keep that up.
Sorry.
Whoo!
Bobby?
I
Oh, great, whoo!
That's disgusting.
What is?
What is? What is?
Reading someone's journal.
Did you just get here?
Yes. Where is Gregory?
They're swimming.
You alone?
No. I have Michael J. Fox
in here.
Are you?
No.
"Dancing gets
harder and harder.
I have pains in places
I didn't know I had..."
- Oh, I hate what you're doing.
- "The spirit is willing--"
If I thought for one second
that you read
anything I wrote when we were together,
I would kill you.
I'm puzzled.
What kind of statement about his work
do you think
a choreographer is making
by living with a blind person?
It's not a statement.
It's a relationship!
Remember them?
And at least
they have someone.
Speak for yourself.
All right, so you got lucky
this weekend. Don't rub it in.
What happened
to you and, uh--
Aah!
I got too intense for him.
That's my problem
with people.
I'm too intense
for them.
I need someone
like Dennis Hopper.
A cute, young,
gay Dennis Hopper.
In the meantime,
I am through with love
and all that it meant to me.
Right.
Perry's work for Gregory
is pro bono.
Arts advocacy is very in.
- He does my clinic, too.
- So is AlDS.
Sorry.
All right. That's $ . .
What?
Anyone that mentions
AlDS this summer,
It's gonna cost 'em.
Cough it up.
Hello, we're back!
Put this away
and come downstairs.
I want to see this new
boyfriend of yours.
Oh, did I mention
he's a dancer?
I hate you.
I really hate you.
You don't know, um,
what you're missing, John!
The lake is, uh, wonderful.
Don't believe him.
It's freezing.
Oh, my.
Hello, hello,
hello, Gregory.
Hey, Buzz, welcome.
Buzz, this is Ramon.
Aah!
Mmm.
I am so sorry.
It's been such a long day for me.
How are you?
Hi, I'm Ramon.
Nice to meet you.
Oh, oh, oh, my.
Ho ho, ooh.
You're home, Bobby.
Well, that isn't bad.
/ hours door-to-door.
Whose car is that?
Are we expecting company?
Okay, John had nowhere to go,
so Gregory invited him.
John?
John Jeckyll?
No, no, no, no.
Didn't Gregory tell you
that he'd be here?
No, he did not.
Shit. Why would Greg do that to me?
Shh. He, uh, he didn't.
He told me.
I elected not to tell you.
Why?
Oh, why?
Perry has a problem
with John, Bobby.
I don't have
a problem with him.
I can't stand him,
and I wish he was dead.
He said he was
bringing someone.
A new boyfriend?
One of the Menendez
brothers?
Oh, you're really
over the top this afternoon.
Wait till the weekend's over.
Hello.
Where is everybody?
They're here.
Buzz, John, they're here.
Need a hand, Bobby?
I was beginning
to, um, worry. Hi.
Oh, that bus was horrendous.
I should've called for you.
A handshake?
What is this shit? I want a hug.
Where's my, um, angel?
Hey, John.
You both look terrific.
Don't you two put on
weight ever anywhere?
Oh, look who's talking.
Love to see the portrait
in his closet.
No, you wouldn't.
Ramon, Arthur
and, uh, Perry.
He's Arthur.
I'm Perry.
He's nice, I'm not. Hi.
Oh, now,
we're both nice.
Don't you listen to him.
Anyway...
So what are you boys
driving these days?
A Ford Taurus.
What do you care,
you big fruit?
That's a Volvo
Turbo, Buzz.
Oh, he's so butch.
Well, that's why
you married me.
- Can you change a tire?
- No.
Neither can l.
Aah! That's from
"Annie Get Your Gun."
"Can you bake a pie?"
"No." "Neither can l."
Ethel Merman was gay,
you know.
So was lrving Berlin.
Irving Berlin.
I don't think English is Ramon's
first language.
I missed you.
Oh, it's so good
to be here.
The city's awful.
You can't breathe.
Have you been working?
I didn't leave, um,
the studio, um, all week.
How'd it go?
Don't ask.
Terrible.
Ohh.
Hi, I'm Ramon.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Uh, Bobby doesn't,
um, see, Ramon.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Don't be sorry.
Just come here.
Welcome.
Ramon.
Is that Latino?
Yes.
Mi casa es su casa, huh?
I bet you were wishing I wasn't
going to say that.
We all were, Bobby.
We all were.
What room are you in?
What room are you in?
The little horror
under the eaves.
I call it the Patty Hearst
Memorial Closet.
Perry, give me a hand
with this, will you?
I told you not to bring
so much stuff.
Well, it's my hair dryer.
You don't have enough hair
to justify an appliance that size.
Has it ever occurred to you
I stopped listening to you
at least years ago?
I hope you brought,
um, your swimsuits.
Hey, we don't need
swimsuits.
We're all going
skinny dipping after lunch.
What are we,
men or wimps?
You just want to see
everyone's dick.
Oh, I've seen
everyone's dick.
Answer the question.
Sometimes we're men,
and sometimes we're wimps.
And you haven't seen
Ramon's dick.
You are a troublemaker.
I am not a troublemaker.
I'm an imp.
A gay imp.
Gregory always
leaves Bobby alone like that?
That's their ritual.
Whenever he gets here,
he likes to be alone in the garden.
Greg, we need
some towels!
No, we don't. We brought
our own, remember?
Never mind!
Right. We hate his towels.
Try to be nice to John
for a change.
It's only three days.
Tell him not
to start with me.
It's usually
the other way around.
I don't know what
you're talking about.
Oh, yeah.
What did you think
of John's new friend?
He's all right, I guess.
Didn't really notice.
That'll be the day.
- Psst, Gregory.
- What?
John is on the phone
to his brother...
in London.
I didn't hear him use a credit card
or reverse the charges.
Um, I'm sure
he'll, um, tell me.
Don't you ever believe the worst
about anyone?
No.
Oh, fuck everything.
I
Who's that?
I'm sorry.
Ah.
You startled me.
It's Ramon. I'm sorry.
Uh, I was just, um,
thanking God for all this.
I didn't mean to interrupt
or anything.
I'm not crazy.
I'm happy.
I understand.
Yes.
I'll leave you alone.
Okay.
Hey, you want to go for a swim?
Want to go for a swim?
Oh-- oh, shit.
What's the matter?
My brother, he wants
to come over.
I didn't know
you had a brother.
Twin brother.
We're like that.
Ah, sounds like me and mine.
He's not well.
He needs me, and, uh...
I don't like him.
I, um...
work with quite a few
AlDS organizations.
Thank you.
They can help
him find a doctor.
Thank you.
It never ends.
No.
How does Buzz look to you?
I don't know.
How does he look to you?
I can't tell anymore.
He wouldn't tell me
if things were worse.
I can't look at him
sometimes.
Anyway...
You got that from me,
you know?
Got what?
The...
"anyway."
It's a word in the dictionary,
page .
You can't copyright
the English language, ducks.
Hey.
I'm trying.
Fuck you.
I can reach that, Arthur.
I'll get it.
I don't want
to get my shirt wet.
Please stop telling me
how to wash the car.
Arthur, you do the-- don't.
- I am serious.
- please.
Don't tell me how
to wash the car!
Oh, fuck. Jeez.
Buzz.
Dinner.
I was having a musical
comedy nightmare.
They were going to revive
"West Side Story"
with Robert Goulet and Cher.
We've got to stop them.
- Ooh.
- Come on.
Oh, thank you.
No, Gregory,
it's out of the question.
I'm not gonna do it,
and I'm not gonna let Arthur do it.
His master's voice.
It's for a good cause.
You are not going to find six serious,
respectable gay men,
non-dancers, all,
to put on tutus
and do "Swan Lake" for
another AlDS benefit at Carnegie Hall.
You're not gonna find
one decent gay man.
Speak for
yourself, Perry.
Well, you, the love child
of Judy Garland and Liberace.
When is it, Gregory?
Right after Labor Day.
I'm sorry, but men in drag
turn my stomach.
Honey, I wouldn't
put you in drag.
I'd have you in tulle.
Lots and lots of tulle.
You know what
I'm talking about.
Don't yell at him.
It was my idea.
I thought
it might be funny.
You've done enough for AlDS.
We all have.
Nobody's done enough,
um, for AlDS.
Never mind, Perry.
I'll ask someone else.
People are sick of benefits.
Especially the people
they're being given for.
Dinner was delicious.
Those mashed potatoes
are fabulous, Gregory.
Those mashed potatoes
are fabulous, Gregory.
- Oh yeah.
- The mashed potatoes were mine.
# Giving credit
where it's due #
# There is much
I like in you #
But it's also very true
that you're spoiled.
Well, I don't know why
I bother to perfect
a flawless imitation
of Gertrude Lawrence
when none of you cretins
have even heard of her.
We've heard, love.
We don't care.
Who's Gertrude Lawrence?
A British actress.
Julie Andrews made
a rotten film about her.
Isn't Julie Andrews gay?
I don't know.
She never fucked me. Don't interrupt.
Who's Julie Andrews?
I suppose I should have
seen that one coming.
I was born in the wrong decade.
That's my problem.
- Who's got the milk?
- Who's Ethel Merman?
Who's Mary Martin?
Who is anyone?
We're all gonna be dead
and forgotten soon anyway.
Gregory's not.
I know who
Barbra Streisand is.
She'll be very pleased
to hear that.
You admit people like
Gertrude Lawrence don't really matter.
I cannot believe that
a subject of the UK
would even make
a comment like that.
I have United States
citizenship.
When did you take out
US citizenship?
Nine years ago,
October .
Barbara Cook's birthday.
Who's Barbara Cook?
No one, nobody.
Forget it.
Die listening
to your Madonna albums.
I long for the day when somebody says,
"Who's Madonna?"
I apologize to the teenagers
at the table.
The state
of the American musical
has me very upset.
It's the state of America
that should have you upset.
It does.
It's a metaphor, you asshole.
Now, just a minute.
I have a picture
of a starving child in Somalia
over my desk at the clinic.
It doesn't justify
you calling me--
Five feet away,
a vulture sits and waits.
Just sits and waits.
He's not even looking at the kid.
He's that certain
where his next meal is coming from.
We've all seen the picture, Buzz.
Not like this kid
is going to get up
and launch into some number
from "Oliver!"
- Or "Porgy and Bess."
- We've all seen the picture.
I haven't.
So what is your point?
My point?
I don't have a point.
Why does everything
have to have a point?
I sit, and I look
at that picture every day,
And I get sick
to my stomach,
and sometimes
I cry a little bit, and so what?
So fucking what?
That kid is probably
dead meat by now anyway.
I think the point is
we're all sitting around here
talking about something,
pretending to care.
- No one's pretending.
- Pretending to care...
because the truth is there's nothing
we can do about it.
That kid is a picture
in a newspaper
who makes us feel bad
for having it so good.
But feed him,
brush him off,
and in years, he's just another
nigger to scare the shit out of us.
Apologies tendered,
but that's how I see it.
Apologies not accepted.
You'd rather I dissembled?
Yes, I would.
I'd rather the man
I shared my life with
and love
with all my heart--
I'd rather he dissembled
than let me see the hate
and bile there.
The hate and bile
aren't for you, love.
Well, that's not
good enough, Perry.
After a while, the hate and bile
are for everyone.
It all comes around.
Anyway...
I hate that word.
You use it to get yourself out
of every tight corner
you've ever found
yourself in.
Shall I load the washer?
Um, just rinse and stack.
Thank you, Arthur.
Need a hand?
No, thank you.
As a person of color,
I think you're full of shit.
As a person of color,
I think you're full of shit.
As a gay man, I think--
No one cares what you think
as a gay man, ducks.
I think the problem
begins right here.
The way we relate
to one another as gay men.
This is tired, Ramon.
- Very, very tired.
- I don't think it is.
We don't love one another
'cause we don't love ourselves.
Cliches.
Cliches.
Where's the love
at this table?
I wanna see the love
at this table.
I love Gregory.
I love Bobby.
I love Arthur.
I love Gregory.
I love Bobby.
I love Buzz.
Well, I certainly don't love
anyone at this table
right now.
All right.
Bobby and Gregory
a little bit.
But only because
they're our hosts.
None of you said yourself.
Maybe it goes without saying.
We were waiting for you,
Ramon.
How do you love yourself?
Let us count the ways.
I love myself.
I love myself
when I dance.
That's one.
I love myself when I'm making love
with a really hot man.
Mmm!
I love myself when I'm eating
really good food.
I love myself
when I'm swimming naked.
That's four.
The rest of the time
I just feel okay.
I'm jealous.
We don't reach
such an apotheosis
at the law firm of Caan, Mendelson,
& Cronenberg.
But most of all,
I love myself when I'm dancing well
and no one can touch me.
Yes, this is a gay dance,
huh, chiquita?
Fuck you, John!
That's right, sweetheart,
you tell him.
Fuck you, John!
Americans
use that expression
entirely too often.
Hmmph. Everyone?
Fuck you, John!
In England we think it
nearly as often as you do,
but we don't actually
say it to someone's face.
It would be too rude.
Fuck you!
What do you mean
when you tell
another person, "Fuck you"?
Fuck you,
and don't you ever call me
chiquita again!
This is good.
I think it means
several things--
mixed signals I believe they're called
in therapeutic circles.
I hate you,
get out of my life.
At least, I hate you,
get out of my life for the moment.
I love you,
but you don't love me.
I want to make you feel
small and insignificant,
The way you've made
me feel.
I want to make you feel
every terrible thing my entire life,
right up until this moment,
has made me feel.
I said fuck you!
Well, I say fuck you
right back,
with every last fiber
of my fading British being,
every last ounce
of my tobaccoed English breath.
Fuck you, Ramon.
Fuck all of you.
Well...
I think I've said my peace.
What brought that on?
His brother.
That's no excuse.
Play something, John!
Something gay!
We want gay music
by a gay composer.
There's no such thing
as gay music, Buzz.
Well, maybe there should be.
I am sick to death
of straight people.
Tell the truth.
Aren't you?
There's just too goddamned
many of them.
I was in a bank the other day.
They were everywhere--
writing checks,
making deposits.
Two of them were applying
for a mortgage.
It was disgusting.
They're taking over.
No one wants to talk about it,
but it's true.
I like this.
It's not Jerry Herman,
but it's got a beat.
I don't have a complaint.
Yeah, I know.
Ah.
What the hell is it?
Ow.
Hey, it's not--
it's not funny.
I
I brought you a sweater.
The stars are incredible.
Thick as...
whatever stars
are thick as.
Molasses doesn't sound right.
Thieves?
No. No.
I love you.
I know. Me too.
I'm sorry we don't always
understand each other.
I hate it when we're not
in synch.
I hate what I said at the table.
I hated it, too.
I just get so...
frightened sometimes.
So angry.
It's all right, Perry.
We all do.
Don't give up on me.
No.
It's incredible.
I can see Orion's belt
and both Dippers.
So many stars.
So many stars.
Say a prayer for Buzz.
Well, children,
this has been
a magical night,
but I must retire
to the second-floor
bedroom...
in the rear...
no lock on the door.
Welcome at all hours.
I take all comers.
Good night, Buzz.
I am going up, too.
Is everything okay?
We're fine.
I'll be up.
Welcome, Ramon.
Good night.
John.
You all right?
I'm sorry.
It's this business
with my brother.
It's okay.
I'm glad you're here.
Good night.
You still there?
Yes.
What are you doing?
Nothing.
No.
No. No. No.
Ohh.
Don't. Don't.
Stop. Please.
Go, go, go.
I'll clean it up.
Go ahead.
Hi.
Good night.
What happened?
Oh, be careful.
There might
be broken glass.
Oh, I'm okay.
I'm wearing slippers.
There,
I think I got it all.
Oh, you cut yourself.
Now sit.
- No, I'm fine.
- Sit.
I'm... I'm...
Okay.
Where were you?
I couldn't sleep.
I missed you.
I said...
I missed you.
I heard you.
Shh.
Go back to sleep.
What are you doing?
I, uh...
I guess you should know.
There's a rather obvious stain
on your pajamas.
I didn't know I could
still blush at my age.
Your secret's safe with me.
I, uh...
I had sort
of an accident.
I hope you both did.
You know what we used
to call them
back in Catholic boys'
school?
Nocturnal emissions.
It always--
always made me think
of Chopin.
Nocturnal Emission
in C-Sharp Minor.
Come on.
I don't want Greg to know.
I swear to God,
I only came down here
for a glass of milk.
I swear to God
I did, too.
Is he attractive?
I'm not supposed
to notice things like that.
I'm in a relationship.
So am l.
Is he?
I think the word
is hot, Bobby, okay?
Ah, I love these stairs.
They're so easy.
Everyone says that.
I
Have you ever...
on Perry?
Uh, yes...
and I don't recommend it.
Did he find out?
Well, no.
I told him.
And it's never been the same.
It's, uh-- it's terrific.
It's just not the same.
Don't fuck up.
Oh, you are so...
He's not that hot,
Bobby.
No one is.
I know.
Thanks.
Good night.
Are you all right?
Shhhh.
Go to sleep.
I missed you.
Shh.
Shh.
Te quiero,
Ramon Fornos.
Te quiero,
th of July weekend.
Promise of good weather.
After Memorial Day,
we deserve it.
I've been stuck for weeks
on the new piece.
It isn't coming as easily
as I thought it would.
Ready?
Bobby and I have spent most of June
working in the garden.
I'm always amazed
at how quickly things
get overgrown if you don't.
Hello.
# La... #
Buzz arrived alone again.
We were hoping
he'd bring someone.
He seems to be doing better
on his new medicine.
John Jeckyll is arriving with his
twin brother James...
who came over
from London
to participate in the trial
drug protocol.
A weekend in the country
will do him good.
Perry has
already dubbed them
James the Fair
and John the Foul.
Good morning, everybody.
Smile for the camera.
John asked to bring
Ramon Fornos again.
To say Ramon made an impression
on all of us the last time
would be putting it mildly.
Meet me on the raft.
Was I ever that young?
I don't remember.
Hello there.
Good morning, sunshine.
Perry and Arthur asked
if they could celebrate
their anniversary with us.
Say hi. Say hi, honey.
Come on, you look so pretty.
I warned them
John would be here.
Poor John.
People don't like him.
- Good try.
- Okay.
Whoa.
Good serve, Perry.
Come on, Buzz. Yeah!
It's all right, hon.
Way to go, Buzz.
Good try. Good effort.
Your serve.
You don't catch the ball.
All right.
- Good set.
- Oh, it's ESPN.
Get it off my--
you're supposed
to cover that spot.
It's all right.
Jesus.
Perry, get up.
Come on, now,
let's be good sports.
Perry.
Whoop.
# Go, Perry, go #
# Go, Perry... #
Come on, Buzz!
What? No.
It's all ri--
now, honey, come on.
You have to hit the ball!
- We're gonna take your toys away.
- What?
Why are you
running up like that?
- You-- I'm gonna...
- What?
Let's go. Come on.
That's two serving .
Let's go.
Whoo! Whoo!
Whoo-hoo!
You run like a girl, Perry.
Oh!
Ooh! Are you okay?
Uh-huh.
That's it!
Change partners!
You show him, Gregory.
Oh-ho, honey.
Oh ho!
Don't do this!
You're traumatizing me!
Oh, I'm back
in the sixth grade.
Coach Reardon's
gym class.
Nobody wants me
on their side.
It's the exact moment
I became
a raving homosexual.
Oh! Oh! Oh,
it's all so vivid still!
Oh! Oh ho ho!
Here, Buzz.
Make a V with your,
uh, forearms.
Like this.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
You see how I respond
to basic human kindness?
Oh, why can't you
have a twin brother?
Where are all
the eligible men?
There are no eligible men!
Will you keep
your voice down?
Why? We're in the middle
of nowhere.
Keep my voice down?!
You're a martyr, Arthur,
a genuine martyr.
I hear Ramon's eligible.
Oh, no, no.
I don't date dancers.
It's very simple.
I've made it a rule.
Dancers don't want to date me,
so fuck 'em.
All right, what's the score,
to one?
I'm really getting into this.
Are we playing or what?
Here, Perry. Your serve.
Now getting ready
to serve,
the ever lovely
Dr. Renee Richards.
Out.
Tea time.
Tea time.
Tea time.
Tea time.
- Oh, hiya.
- Tea time!
Hey, Buzz, which one
of them is it?
It must be James.
The grass isn't turning brown.
- Just in time, James.
- Mmm.
- Mmm.
- Ooh.
Arthur.
My brother gave me
the most extraordinary book.
"Queer America--
from A to Zed."
Am I in it?
It gives the names of all the gay men
and lesbians in this country.
Every one from...
Pocahontas...
right up to someone called...
Dan Rather?
# You say "Raw-ther,"
and I say "Ra-ther" #
# Let's call
the whole thing off. #
Oh God,
that ridiculous book.
I bet they've even got
Charlton Heston in there.
I must say,
for a young country,
you've turned out
almost as many poofters
in two and a half centuries
as we have in .
Oh, thank you.
We try.
I
Hello?
Anyone aboard?
Ramon.
I waited for you last night.
I thought you'd come down.
I can't do this.
Meet me
somewhere tonight.
Bobby, come in!
Telephone,
long distance.
They're calling me.
I'll be in the garden after : .
Not the garden.
Boathouse.
What,
John didn't tell you?
- No.
- Ah.
Well, it was when he first came
to this country, short and sweet,
six months, tops.
I'm sorry.
What happened?
Oh, we were both so young.
I was too needy
and he wasn't needy enough.
I don't think John
can love anyone.
Now you tell me.
Perhaps one of us had better
swim out there
and tell Ramon.
I think
you should break it to him.
I don't think I'm his type.
I don't think either of us is.
I enjoy looking though.
Is there a British equivalent
for machismo?
No, none at all.
Maybe Glenda Jackson.
Well, this tea
is not doing it for me.
Can I bring you
a real drink down?
An ice cold martini,
very dry with a twist.
Is that gonna be
good for you?
Absolutely terrible.
Here.
Here.
All right,
it's right here.
Thanks.
Thank you.
Hello?
What?
Yeah, I can't hear you.
You have to speak up.
What?
We don't have sun
like this in England.
If we did,
we'd be much nicer people.
Shh.
"Swan Lake."
My blood just ran cold.
You're serious about
that goddamn benefit.
Of course I'm--
I'm serious.
That's all we need--
a picture of you
Iooking like some flaming fairy
in the Arts and Leisure section.
Men in drag give the rest of us
a bad name.
I have terrible news.
"The Fantastics"
is closing!
Whoo!
-Oh, come on, buzz!
- What?
You know
goddamn well what!
No. What? This?
Put some clothes on.
No one wants to look at that.
That?
You are referring
to my body as that?
Tell him, Arthur.
It's not bothering me.
Thank you, Arthur.
It's nice to know that Sharon Stone
has not lived entirely in vain.
What brought this on?
Nothing brought this on.
Some people do things
spontaneously!
It's a beautiful day.
The sun feels good.
I may not be around
next summer, all right?
This is how I look, Perry.
Love me,
love my love handles!
None of us
may be around next summer.
What do you think
you're doing?
Oh, calm down, Perry.
I can't believe you actually
lived through the ' s.
We only read about 'em in Kansas.
I'm less uptight than you are.
Leo, I could walk around
like that too if I wanted to.
Who's stopping you?
I just don't want to.
She's got it.
By George, she's got it.
Whoo!
I give up.
I hope your dick
gets a sunburn.
Yadda, yadda, yadda.
Thank you very much.
Bobby?
Bobby? Bobby?
What is it?
Are you all right?
Bobby.
Come on, baby.
Hey...
Give me a hand.
All right,
I'll race you back in.
No, I just got here.
Give me a hand.
You think I should be
trusting my lover
skinny-dipping with a horny
Puerto Rican modern dancer?
It depends on what
makes you suspicious.
Horny, Puerto Rican,
modern or dancer?
All of them.
How long have you two
been together?
years...
-...today.
- Oh!
We're role models.
It's very stressful.
John, what--
what's the matter?
Bobby's sister.
There's been an accident.
Ow!
Ow.
You had a fly on you.
You know, you got a nice ass
for somebody your age.
Thank you.
So do you.
What?
Have a nice ass.
Oh, you mean
for someone my age?
No, for someone any age.
What?
No!
Hey, hey! Hey!
God!
Goddamn it.
I'm so sorry.
It's all right.
It's all right.
Shh.
It's okay, it's okay.
It's all right.
It's all right.
It's all right.
Some sort of a ride
at a fair in lndia.
Some sort of a ride
at a fair in lndia.
Some sort of swing thing
collapsed.
I couldn't get
the whole story.
Is she...?
Poor lamb.
Thank you.
It's hot.
How is he?
He's, uh, all right.
You know, we'll go.
Oh, no, no, no.
He wants you to stay.
I remember when Gregory
bought this place.
I was dead against it.
No one for miles
and miles.
We could be the last
eight people on earth.
That's a frightening thought.
Not if you're with
the right eight people.
At times I wish
you could see me.
See me looking at you.
The love there.
Uh, I'm not...
I know.
I know this is a terrible thing to say right
now, but...
I am so happy, Bobby.
Thank you, God, for him.
You know how we tell
each other everything,
even when it's hard?
Yes.
Memorial Day weekend.
Yes?
Ramon and l--
Don't, Bobby.
- We made love.
- Don't.
I didn't want it to happen,
but it did.
Have you, um, um...
did you, uh...
do you, uh,
want to again?
No, I'm with you.
You leave tonight.
I don't want you
in our house.
Where are you going?
Don't, um, come, um,
with me.
It's back.
That was brief.
- Arthur, discard.
- Okay.
Go. Will you go?
I'm going, I'm going.
The door is still closed.
You were right, honey.
We should have left.
Here he is.
That's him.
I'd swear on
my mother's life.
And I once had sex with the ghost
of Troy Donahue.
Wait a minute, first you said he was
the model for Calvin Klein's Obsession.
I can't keep
all those names straight,
but I'll not forget a face
and a body like that.
And you found this person
sleeping adrift on a fishing boat?
Yes. You ever been to Greece?
There are a lot of fishing boats.
- And you made love to him?
- Not in the fishing boat.
It started to rain.
Found sort of a cave.
Oh! Oh! Oh!
Oh, this is very
Dido and Aeneas.
Fuck you, all of you.
I don't care.
The next time
you see his picture,
you're tossing in bed
thinking about him,
just remember,
somebody had him,
and it wasn't you.
Ooh.
Ramon, Ramon, Ramon.
Do you think
he's telling the truth?
No.
Do you?
Probably got
a rotten personality.
I know how we can have
a lot of fun.
Sit down.
Did you lock the door?
It's locked. Sit.
Put your hands
behind your back,
feet apart,
head down,
ready for interrogation,
my beautiful bound prisoner.
Look at me.
You look so beautiful
like that,
I think I could come
without even touching you.
Let me go.
No.
Please, the rope,
it's too tight.
My wrists.
Go on.
Struggle.
Shh.
I can't get loose.
Look at me.
You don't take
your eyes from mine.
Who do you see?
Who do you wish I were?
- No, I won't tell you.
- Yes, you will.
Who?
Look at me.
Who?
Who do you wish I were?
Kiss me.
Gag me with your mouth.
Come on, baby.
Who do you see?
Who do you want in this chair?
I don't know.
Yes, you do.
Everybody does.
Who do you see?
Come on, tell me.
It's okay, John.
I can't.
Come on, baby, who?
Don't make me.
I can't make
you do anything.
I'm your fucking
prisoner, man.
You have me tied up
here, gagged.
Ohh.
Ohh.
His name was Padrick,
the lrish spelling.
Fuck the spelling.
Padrick Boyle.
He was years old.
I was .
I hear you.
and .
bottles of beer on the wall,
bottles of beer...
Shut up. Shut up.
He worked for us.
We owned a fleet of coaches.
Padrick and his father
washed them,
but that didn't matter.
We were friends.
He liked me.
I know he liked me.
Cut to the chase.
Cut to what chase?
There wasn't any chase.
Get to the good part.
It's all a good part.
Get to the sex.
One night and day.
We started...
wrestling.
Suddenly Padrick
put his hand...
down there,
and he could feel I was hard.
And he said...
"What is this?
What the bloody hell
is this, mate?"
He took off my belt,
wrapped it
around my wrists...
he raised my arms
over my head
and hung them to a hook
along the wall.
Then he unfastened
my trousers
and let them drop
to my ankles.
He undressed himself,
Took a chair like this one,
and sat in it.
Then he looked right at me.
Didn't move, not even
the slightest undulation of his hips.
And then he came,
and all he let out
was this one soft "uhh."
- What did he say?
- Uhh.
After a while
he opened his eyes,
stood up,
and kissed me lightly
on the lips.
No man had ever
kissed me before.
My heart stopped beating.
He was going to tell me
he loved me,
but instead he said,
"I've doused this place with petrol.
I'm lighting a match. You have
three minutes to get out alive.
Good luck, ."
Then he laughed
and walked out, whistling.
He never wanted to play again.
Last time I saw him,
he was overweight,
father of four, and still
washing our coaches.
But that's who
I still see there
every time.
And that's why we hate
the bloody lrish.
Sorry. Can l, um,
get in there a sec?
Sure.
Um, uh, sorry.
I need to, um,
get a suitcase for Bobby.
How is he?
He's going home.
Was it in there?
No. Wrong closet.
Do you mind if we don't...
Suit yourself.
I'm not Padrick.
And I'm not Bobby.
I don't know what
you're talking about.
You son of a bitch.
It was his idea.
I had nothing to do with it.
I'm sorry, John.
It was a joke.
You scum, you cunt,
you piece of shit!
I will get down
on my knees to you.
How dare you?
How fucking dare you?
I hope you get
what my brother has.
I hope you die from it.
When I read or hear that
you have, then, Perry,
then will I forgive you.
I
Well, so much for the unsafe
exchange of body fluids.
Boy, I would like
to flatten that limey motherfucker.
You know,
I'm tired of "limey."
Aren't there any other hateful words
for those ass-licking,
cock-sucking,
motherfucking, shit-eating
descendants of Shakespeare,
Shelley and Keats?
Okay, honey, let's drop it,
all right?
He is just lucky
I am a big queen.
One thing
you are not, Arthur,
and never will be,
is a big queen.
I know.
I'm butch.
I can-- I can
catch a ball.
I genuinely like
both my parents.
I hate opera.
I don't know why
I bother being gay.
Oh, God.
Where did that come from?
Happy anniversary.
Are we okay?
We're fine.
years.
Make you feel old?
No, lucky.
How did we manage?
We wanted to manage.
I haven't been perfect.
Well, I've been perfect.
Sure, you have.
I thought you were the most wonderful
looking man I'd ever seen.
Did you really think that?
Uh-huh.
Ow!
Sorry.
When was the last time
I did this?
Just don't make a face.
I am not making a face.
I can hear it
in your voice.
I wouldn't do this
for anyone but you.
You know,
if you really think about it,
this is what
it all comes down to.
What?
Trimming the hair
in your boyfriend's ears?
Oh, God, I hope not.
I'll snitch a frock out of
National Theater storage for you.
Something of
Dame Edith Evans. Oh.
What's the matter?
I'm waiting for you
to tell me she was gay.
She wasn't, actually.
One of two British
actresses who isn't.
I think the other one
is Deborah Kerr.
But all the rest,
galloping lezzies.
Do you have a boyfriend
over there?
Not anymore.
What about you?
Oh, darling,
when the going gets tough,
weak boyfriends get going,
or something like that.
I can't say
I'm honestly minding.
Last acts
are depressing,
and generally
one long solo.
Well, they don't have to be.
How sick are you?
I think I'm in
pretty good nick,
but my reports read like
something out of Nostradamus.
I should have died
six months ago.
Try .
Do you have any lesions?
Only one,
and I've had it
for nearly a year.
- Where is it?
- In a very inconvenient spot.
Oh, they are all
inconvenient.
May I see it?
It's, uh...
All right.
I, um...
I have a lesbian
friend in London,
who's the only other person
who's ever asked to see it.
I was quite astonished
when she did.
Touched, actually.
Somebody loves me,
even if it's not the somebody
I've dreamed of.
Are you through?
Gwenyth didn't go that far.
It doesn't disgust you?
It's going to be me.
You don't know that.
Yes, I do.
You're very nice, you know?
So are you.
No, l-- I mean it.
So do l.
# Happy anniversary to you #
# Happy anniversary to you #
# Happy anniversary #
# Arthur and Perry #
# Happy anniversary #
# To you #
Bravo.
Whoo, speech!
All right, blow out the candles
and make a wish.
Whoo!
Whoo!
All right, now,
speech now.
Speech, speech, speech.
Oh, no, no, no.
I'm married to the best man
in the world,
even if he does forget
to put the toothpaste cap back on
and squeezes the tube
in the middle.
I wish him long life...
much love...
and as much happiness
as he's brought me.
Ditto.
Oh, God.
"Ditto"?
That's it, "ditto"?
Oh, God.
# And wouldn't sleep #
# When love came
and told me... #
Oh, that's nice.
Don't go and get all
goody twoshoes on us.
Everybody dance.
All lovers dance.
What about us single girls?
You know you're
dying to ask me.
So what was your wish?
No fucking way, Jose.
He still thinks you're gonna get me
into one of those fucking tutus.
Gregory.
# Each spring to him #
# And long for the day #
# When I'll cling to him #
# Bewitched, bothered
and bewildered #
# Am I #
# He's a fool,
and don't I know it? #
# But a fool
can have his chance #
# But a fool
can have his chance #
# I'm in love,
and don't I show it? #
# Like the day before... #
You're still here.
I would have driven you,
uh, in, uh.
We've got guests.
We both need time to think.
I don't.
I'm sorry.
I love you.
Hurry back to me.
Got a few steps.
Okay.
Here, give me your bag.
# Though he's speaking #
# He's at his very best... #
Arthur, look.
# Vexed again... #
Answered prayers.
# Thank God #
# I can be oversexed again #
# Bewitched #
# Bothered #
# And bewildered #
# Am I #
# Wise at last #
# My eyes at last #
# Are cutting you down #
# To your size at last #
# Bewitched #
# Bothered #
# And bewildered #
# No more #
# No more #
Labor Day weekend,
but already it feels
like the end of summer.
Perhaps the autumnal chill
in the air
is telling us this will be
our last weekend.
The lawns are brown,
the gardens wilted.
Soon it will be
back to school.
James Jeckyll has decided
to stay in the States.
Buzz says he will get
much better care here.
He will also get Buzz.
Who could not love
James?
We have all taken him
to our hearts.
It will be a sad day
when that light goes out.
I keep telling everyone
the new piece
is nearly finished,
but the truth is
I haven't begun.
Maybe it isn't meant to be.
I wish
I could blame Bobby.
It hasn't been easy
since he got back
from his sister's funeral...
but we're working on it.
Bobby.
I really wish
I could blame Ramon.
I hadn't counted on him
coming with John this time.
Bobby.
I thought they were over.
Hey, did you hear that?
- Hmm?
- Did you?
Would you leave them alone?
You're as bad as John.
I'm not as bad as John.
No one is as bad as John.
Most of all,
I wish I could
let what happened go.
Ssshit!
Shit!
Shit!
How are we feeling?
Not sexy.
How are you feeling really?
We defy augury.
Hmmph.
What does that mean?
Shakespeare.
It means don't fuck with me.
Oh.
Shakespeare was gay,
you know?
You're going too far now.
Oh, you really think
a straight man
would write a line like
"We defy augury"? James, get real.
Good morning, Gregory.
Coffee's brewing.
Welcome to my diva mode.
How's work going?
Don't ask, huh?
I'll get famous like you, Greg.
A great dancer...
Iike you were.
What's the matter?
What are you looking at?
You're making me feel weird.
I'm sorry.
Great dancer you are,
I didn't mean it, okay?
Look, I'm sorry your work
isn't going well.
Ow! Ow!
What are you doing?
Put your, um, hand,
um, down the drain.
Fuck you. No.
- Do it!
- What for?
I said do it!
- What for?!
- You know what for!
- I don't.
- You know!
- Because of Bobby?
- Because of Bobby?
Did you say
because of Bobby?
What because of Bobby?
Nothing, nothing.
- Put your hand down the drain!
- Jesus, Gregory, what are you--
He wants me to put my fucking hand
down the drain.
- Tell them why.
- I don't--
Tell them why!
- He thinks me and Bobby...
- That's why.
Gregory, let him go.
I am gonna break it!
Is that coffee, um,
ready yet?
That was not funny,
Gregory.
Are you all right?
That wasn't about me
and Bobby.
That was about me
and you!
Coffee, Perry?
Thanks.
You're old
and you're scared,
and you don't know
what to do about it.
Buzz?
Yeah, I'll...
I am young,
I am not scared,
and I am coming
after you.
Ramon?
That's what
this was about.
Yes, please.
With milk.
One café con leche,
For Ramon.
Hmm.
Thank you.
Well, my stomach
is up in my throat.
I knew he wouldn't do it.
I knew you
wouldn't do it.
Oh, yeah.
Macho man herself here.
Yeah, he's just lucky
I didn't pop him one.
Sorry.
Coffee grounds.
You're not supposed
to put them down there.
Ramon, would you, um,
take this up to,
uh, Bobby?
Thank you.
I
I can't believe
the rain this summer.
It's simple.
God doesn't want us
to develop skin cancer
from overzealous
exposure to his sun
in our overzealous
pursuit
of looking drop-dead
good to one another.
Look out for that log.
That's big of him.
I see it.
After AlDS, he figures
we deserve a break.
That's $ .
Oh, I think we stopped
playing that game.
Who won?
Well, not Buzz and James.
Do you ever feel guilty?
No.
Grateful.
Why?
Do you?
Every time
I look at Buzz,
even when
he's driving me crazy,
or now James,
I have to think or say
to myself,
"Sooner or later,
that man--
that human being,
won't be standing there
washing the dishes
or tying his shoelace."
None of us is...
are.
Is?
Are?
I don't know.
Are?
Oh, but you're right.
It's no comfort,
but you're right.
Will be.
None of us will be.
Watch your step.
A little more.
Up.
Real good.
Watch out there.
Up.
Okay.
Move back.
That's it.
You're dying, aren't you?
There's so many things
I've never said to you,
things we've never
spoken about.
I don't want to wait
until it's too late to say them.
I resent you.
I resent everything about you.
You had Mom and Dad's
unconditional love.
Now you have the world's.
How can I not envy that?
I wish I could say
it was because
you're so much
better looking than me.
No.
The real pain
is that it's something
that's so much harder to bear.
You got the good soul.
I got the bad one.
Think about leaving me yours.
So...
what's your secret?
The secret of unconditional love.
I'm not going to let you die with it.
There's no secret.
It's all right.
- I understand.
- No.
I hated you.
John. John...
I wished...
you were dead.
Stop it!
Shh.
You just thought you did.
There's a difference.
I just wanted to be
the one they loved.
And now...
you will be.
How is he?
Don't ask.
Poor guy.
How are you?
Weary and wonderful.
Anyway, I was just
gonna go take a shower.
Oh, um...
I think we used up
all the hot water.
Oh.
I could fetch, uh...
No, I'll just do it later.
Really, Buzz.
It's fine.
Ah. If this were a musical,
that'd be such
a great cue for a song.
Really, Buzz.
It's fine. I got...
# Tok tok, sss,
steam heat. #
Life and Gregory's plumbing
should be more like a musical.
There is always
a happy ending.
And plenty of hot water.
Perry, just once I would love to see
a "West Side Story"
where everyone gets it.
The Jets and the Sharks
and Officer Krupke, too,
while we're at it.
What's he doing?
Sneaking away from the theater?
Get back here and die
like everyone else, you son of a bitch!
I wanna see a "Sound of Music"
where the entire Von Trapp family
dies in an authentic
alpine avalanche,
or a "Kiss me, Kate" where she's got
a huge cold sore on her mouth.
Oh, God.
"A Funny Thing Happened
on the Way to the Forum."
And the only thing
that happens is nothing!
And it's not funny!
And they all go down waiting!
Waiting for what?
Waiting for nothing,
Iike everyone I know
or care about is--
including myself.
That's the kind of musical
I'd like to see,
but they don't write musicals
like that anymore.
So in the meantime,
gangway, world.
Get off of my runway.
You are my oldest
friend in the world.
And next to Arthur,
my best.
It's not enough sometimes, Perry.
You're not sick.
You two are gonna wind up on Golden
Pond in matching wicker rockers.
That's not fair!
We can't help that.
I can't afford to be fair.
Fair is a luxury
I can't afford.
Fair is for healthy people
with healthy lovers
in nice apartments
with lots of health insurance,
which, of course,
they don't need!
Are you through?
I'm scared that I'm not gonna be there for
James when he needs me.
And I'm so angry
that he's not gonna be there for me
when I need him.
I know.
I know.
I said I wasn't
gonna do this anymore.
But it's wonderful what's happened,
you know?
It's wonderful.
Who?
Who is gonna be there for me
when it's my turn?
We all will.
Every one of us.
Can you promise me that?
Can you promise...
that you will be
holding my hand
when I let go?
That the last face I see...
will be yours?
Yes.
I believe you.
Mine and Arthur's.
Arthur's is negotiable.
I...
can't tell you
how important
this is to me.
I'm a very petty person.
No, you're not.
Buzz?
Thank you.
I adore him.
What am I gonna do?
I
- Hey.
- Hi.
Oh, thanks.
Tuck it in, Arthur.
I beg your pardon.
See, that's what I keep
telling him.
If your just gonna sit on the sidelines
and be a kibitz...
Kibitz?
What's a kibitz?
A place where very old, gay,
Jewish couples go.
All right, gentlemen,
line up.
From the top.
Here we go, guys.
John.
Here we go, everyone.
You started without me.
We thought you were resting.
Don't stop.
Just let me in.
It's all right.
It's all right.
All right, gentlemen,
this is a take.
and and and .
And and
and and
and and
and and .
Very good.
Very good.
Ow.
Buzz kicked me.
Tattletale.
Shut up and dance.
That's from "Gypsy."
That's amazing
for an accountant.
And .
How are we looking?
Actually, you look
like you're having fun.
Getting behind
the music, gentlemen, come on.
Whoop.
I always want to go left on that.
Up.
and .
And and and--
James!
James!
No, I'm fine.
I'm fine, I'm fine.
Everybody...
back off.
- I just want to go lie down a bit.
- Uh, I'll--
No, I'm fine, I'm fine.
Please.
Go on, please.
You need all the rehearsal
you can get.
I've got him.
Buzz, maybe
you should go.
Maybe you should
mind your own business.
Sorry.
Perry, put on the record. That's how we're
gonna perform it anyway.
The piano is for stop and start,
And we're way beyond
stop and start.
- We're one short again.
- We'll live.
All right, come on, girls.
Places. Tops.
I have years,
months, days,
hours,
minutes,
and seconds left.
I will be watching
"Gone With the Wind,"
of all things,
again on television.
Arthur will be
in the other room
fixing me hot cocoa
and arguing with his brother
on the phone.
He won't even hear me go.
He insisted on keeping
the TV on so loud.
Wouldn't buy
a hearing supplement.
Three years later,
it's my turn.
On the bus.
The M- .
Quietly.
Very quietly.
Just like my life.
Without him,
I won't much mind.
I don't want to think about it.
Soon.
Sooner
than I thought, even.
Let's just say
I died happy.
They reissued
"Happy Hunting" on CD,
and I'd met Gwen Verdon
at a benefit.
She was very nice,
and I don't think
it was because she knew I was sick.
I wasn't brave.
I took pills.
I went back home
to Battersea
and took pills.
I'm sorry, Buzz.
I don't die.
I'm fucking immortal.
I live forever...
till I take a small plane
to Pittsfield, Massachusetts.
I was late for a concert.
No one else from my company
was onboard.
Just me
and a pilot I never bothered
to look at twice.
I don't know.
I don't want to.
I won't be with Gregory.
His name will be Luke.
I'm sorry, Gregory.
I didn't change,
and I tried.
At least I think I tried.
I couldn't. I just couldn't.
No one mourned me.
Not one tear was shed.
I bury every one of you.
It got awfully lonely out here.
It will seem like...
forever.
Oh! Whoa.
How the hell
did that happen?
- What?
- The lights went out.
There will be no performance
of "The Red Shoes" tonight.
Oh, boy.
Come on, Bobby.
When do you expect
the power back on?
Are the lights still out?
Ohh. Could be forever.
All right, you. You don't have to sound
so cheerful about it.
Who's turn is it
to do the dishes?
- I'll start.
- No, it's Buzz. No.
It's Buzz, it's Buzz,
it's Buzz.
How is he?
He's sleeping,
but he's better.
He's a little better.
You've all been so...
I want you to like me.
Oh, look out there.
It's clearing up.
Ah, there's a full moon.
The lake is incredible.
This is why people
have places in the country.
Even gay people?
Drop it, you two.
You can practically read
by that moonlight.
All right.
Let's go swimming.
Huh? Come on, Bobby.
Come on, let's go.
No. Moonlight's
wasted on me.
Go down to the lake,
all of you.
I'll be down in a bit.
Ah, he's a saint.
He's gorgeous,
and he's a saint.
Let's go.
What's the weather
supposed to be tomorrow?
- More rain.
- Ah, no.
John...
we're all going
down to the lake!
No, and I have
never had the guts.
Watch out
for the alligators.
Oh, no.
Don't even joke.
And stay clear
of the water moccasins.
If I see one snake...
that isn't in a trouser...
That a girl. Come on.
If we had enough guts
to put on those tutus,
we'll have enough guts
to go in this pond.
- I am insane.
- Okay, I'm going.
- Whoo!
- Come on, baby!
Whoo-hoo!
- Whoo hoo hoo! Go, girl!
- Whoo!
Who's there?
Somebody's there.
It's me.
You look very handsome
in the moonlight.
You took my breath away.
I'm going
to remember you like that.
It's James.
I know.
Are you supposed
to be down here?
No, and neither are you.
There's a full moon.
Everyone's down by the lake.
I could see them
from my window.
Come on.
I'll go with you.
Come on. Come on.
Oh.
Look at Arthur.
I have a confession
to make.
I've never been
skinny-dipping in the moonlight
with a blind American.
But you only live once.
If you're lucky.
Some people don't live at all.
Yes.
I thought you were scared
of that snapping turtle.
I'm terrified of it.
I'm counting on you.
Well, let's go.
I have another
confession to make.
I'm English.
I've never been skinny-dipping
in the moonlight with anyone.
I knew that.
James!
Hey! Yeah.
- Look.
- Honey.
Wait a minute,
sweetheart--
- Whoo!
- Wait a minute.
Come on, Bobby!
Honey, I thought
you were sleeping.
Honey,
are you getting in?
Everybody in!
Come on!
Whoa!
Oh my God!
Oh my God!
I saw a shooting star!
Wait, wait,
I have to make a wish.
I
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