The Lady Vanishes Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! The Lady Vanishes transcript is here, for all you fans of the Alfred Hitchcock movie. The Lady Vanishes script was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of the movie. I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

Swing on back to Drew's Script-O-Rama afterwards for more free scripts!


-What's all this fuss about, Charters?

-Damned if l know.



Ladies and gentlemen, train is uphold and if you wish to stay in my hotel...

you will have to register immediately.

Why the deuce didn't he say so in the first place?

How do you do ladies. lt's a great honour to have you with us again.

lt's nice to see you, Boris. You haven't changed a bit since Friday.

-l see you haven't shaved. -ls everything ready?

-Everything. l didn't change anything. -Not even the sheets? Lead on.

l didn't expect you to come so quickly.

Our legs gave out. We had to do the last lap in a farm cart.

We've company. Don't tell me Cook's are running cheap tours here.

-What is it, Boris? -The havelunch!

-Have a lunch? -Avalanche, Boris.

ln spring you've many avalanches. The snow go boom! Everything disappears.

Even trains disappear under the avalanche.

But l'm going home tomorrow. How long before they dig it out?

By morning. lt's lucky you can leave by this train.

How do you say? lt's a bad wind that blow nowhere no good.

We haven't eaten since dawn.

Serve us some supper, in our rooms.

-l could eat a horse. -Don't put ideas in his head.

Some chicken, Boris. And a magnum of champagne.

And make it snappy.

Bandrika may have a dictator but tonight we're painting it red.

Meanwhile we are here cooling our heels. What impudence!

-3rd rate country. What do you expect? -l wonder who those women are.

Probably Americans. Almighty dollar.

We'll have to wait. lf only we hadn't missed that train at Budapest.

But you insisted on standing till they finished their National Anthem...

You must show respect. lf l knew it was going to last 20 minutes...

lt's my contention that the Hungarian Rhapsody is not their National Anthem.

-We were the only two standing. -That's true.

l suppose we shall be in time after all.

That last report was pretty ghastly. England on the brink.

Newspaper sensationalism. The old country's been in tight corners before.

Looks pretty black. Even if we leave first thing in the morning...

there's still a connection at Basle. We'll probably be hours.

-That's true. -Somebody surely can help us.

Sir! Do you know what time the train leaves Basle for England?

Really! Fellow doesn't speak English.

Here's one leaves Basle, 21 :20.

There is only two single rooms in front, or a double room at the back.

-We'll take the two single rooms. -Very well, sir.

-You might have asked me. -A small double room in this place...

You weren't so particular in Paris in Autumn.

That was different. The Exhibition was at its height.

l realise that. There's no need to rub it in.

-A private suite with a bath. -Facing the mountains.

-With a shower. -Hot and cold.

-And a private thingummy. -We've only got the maid's room!

-What's this? -l'm sorry.

-The whole hotel is packed. -We haven't fixed up yet.

You can't expect the two of us to sleep in the maid's room.

Don't get excited. l'll move the maid out.

l should think so. What? What are you taking about.

l'll sleep on the train.

-There is no eating in the train. -No eating?

Heating...

That's awkward. All right we'll take it.

One condition. The maid has to come to your room...

to remove her wardrobe. Anna!

She's a good girl, and l don't want to lose her.

We'd better go and dress.

-Rather primitive humour, l thought. -Grown up children.

That was an awkward situation, over that girl.

Pity he couldn't have given us one each. l mean a room apiece.

l, lris Matilda Henderson, a spinster of no particular parish...

solemnly renounce my maidenly past and declare that on Thursday 26...

l shall take the veil and orange blossom...

and change my name to Lady Charles Fotheringail.

-Can't he change his name? -l only like his moustache.

You're cynics. l'm very fond of him.

l'm fond of rabbits but they have to be kept down.

Rudolph, give me a hand.

-Do you know that thing called love? -lt used to be very popular.

The carpet is already laid at St. Georges, Hanover Square...

and Father is aching to have a coat of arms on the jam label.

To lris, and the happy days she's leaving behind.

And the blue blooded cheque chaser she's dashing to London to marry.

The blue blooded cheque chaser.

l've no regrets. l've been everywhere and done everything.

l've eaten caviar at Cannes, sausage rolls at the dogs.

l've played baccarat at Biarritz and darts with the rural dean.

What is there left for me but marriage?

Mustn't lose grip, Charters.

Come in.

-Did you follow that? -Tell her this has gone far enough.

No...no. Change... here. Outside.

-She doesn't understand. -No, come on.

-Nothing newer than last month. -And no wireless set here.

Awful being in the dark like this. Communications cut off in a crisis.

Hello, hello, London.

You want Mr Seltzer? Yes hold on. l'm going to find where he is.

London!

Go on, risk it.

Hello...You... in London. No, l'm not Mr Seltzer. Name's Charters.

l don't suppose you know me. Don't worry. They've gone to fetch him.

Tell me, what's happening to England?

Blowing a gale? No, l'm inquiring about the test match in Manchester.

Cricket, sir. Cricket! You don't know?

You can't be in England and not know the test score.

The fellow says he doesn't know. Hello, can't you find out?

lt won't take a second. All right, if you won't, you won't.

The fellow's an ignoramus.

Mr Seltzer, at last your call's come through to London.

Hello! Hello!

Thank you, waiter.

-What about a grilled steak? -Good idea.

-Well done for me, please. -On the red side for me.

These people have a passion for repeating themselves.

l beg your pardon.

He's trying to explain that due to the number of visitors, there's no food.

No food? What sort of a place is this? They expect us to share a dog box...

with a servant on an empty stomach? ls that hospitality and organisation?

Thank you.

-l'm hungry. -No wonder they have revolutions.

You're welcome to the cheese. lt's not steak but it's rich in vitamins.

Thank you.

We're not accustomed to catering to so many people.

Bandrika is one of Europe's undiscovered corners.

Perhaps there's nothing to discover.

You may not know it as well as me. Leaving makes me quite miserable.

-After you with that cheese, please! -Certainly. You're going home?

Tomorrow. My charges are grown up. l'm a governess and a music teacher.

ln the 6 years that l've lived here, l've grown to love it.

Especially the mountains. l think that they are like very friendly neighbours.

The father and mother mountains with their white snow hats...

and their nephews and nieces, with smaller hats.

Right down to their tiniest hillock without any hat at all.

-Of course, that's just my fancy. -Really?

l like to watch them from my bedroom every night when there's a moon.

l'm so glad there's a moon tonight. Do you hear that music?

Everyone sings here. The people are just like happy children...

with laughter on their lips and music in their hearts.

lt's not reflected in their politics.

You shouldn't judge any country by its politics.

We English are quite honest by nature. You'll excuse me if l run away?

-Good night, good night. -Good night.

Queer sort of bird.

-Trifle whimsical, l thought. -After 6 years, we'd be whimsical.

l don't think so. She was very decent about that cheese.

l see she's finished the pickles.

Good night, lris. Listen, someone's serenading.

Let him. Nothing will keep me awake tonight. Good night.

-What's happening? An earthquake? -That wouldn't account for the music.

-What a noise. What can they be doing? -l don't know but l'll soon find out.

Hello.

Musical country this.

l feel quite sorry for that poor singer outside having to compete with this.

Boris? Miss Henderson speaking.

Someone upstairs is playing musical chairs with an elephant.

Move one of them out. l need to sleep.

-That'll settle it. -Thank you.

Some people have no consideration, which makes life more difficult.

Don't you think? Good night.

You'll be going back in the morning?

l hope we shall meet again under quieter circumstances.

-Good night. -Good night.

Miss, please, l'll fix everything.

You'd better.

Hold it. Splendid, don't move.

-lf you please, sir. -Get out!

One, two.

Please, sir, will you kindly stop?

They are all complaining in the whole hotel. You make too much noise.

-Too much what? -Too much noise.

You dare to call it noise. The ancient music...

with which your ancestors celebrated every wedd for countless generations.

What they danced when your father married your mother...

if you were born in wedlock, which l doubt. Look at them.

-You are the manager? -Sure...

l am accustomed to squalor. Who's complaining?

The young English lady underneath.

Tell her that l am putting on record for the benefit of mankind...

one of the lost folk dances of Central Europe...

and she does not own the hotel. Get out!

Now, one, two...

He said: ''ls she the Queen of Sheeba? She thinks she owns the hotel.''

-Can't you get rid of him? -lmpossible.

Are you sure?

l begin to wonder...

lt's coming back to me. l have got an idea.

The German lady will call him and say:

''lt is my room. l did pay for it. Get out quickly.'' How's that?

Good enough.

We will inject him with a little... He'll never forget as long as he lives.

Nothing but baseball. Children play it with a rubber ball and a stick.

Not a word about cricket.

Americans have no sense of proportion.

Come in.

Can't stand this ridiculous lack of privacy. Lock the door.

Who are you? What do you want?

-Recognise the signature tune? -Will you please get out?

This is a much better room. Definitely an acceptable room.

What exactly do you think you're doing? Keep away!

Would you hold these for a minute?

Put those back at once.

-Which side do you like to sleep? -Do you want me to throw you out?

ln that case, l'll sleep in the middle.

Smart of you to bribe the manager.

An eye for an eye and a tooth for a toothbrush.

-You're behaving like a complete cad. -You're at liberty to sleep in the corridor.

Hello.

l shouldn't if l were you. l'd only tell everyone you invited me here.

And when l say everyone, l mean everyone. l have a powerful voice.

Come out of there at once!

Not until you bribe the manager to restore me to my attic.

Come out!

Boris? l might change my mind about the room upstairs.

Have my things taken upstairs, will you?

You're the most contemptible person l've ever met in my life!

l think you're a bit of a stinker, too.

lf we get to Basle in time, we should see the match.

Hope the weather's like this in Manchester. Perfect for cricket.

lsn't it somewhere along here?

lf you don't hurry, Margaret, we shan't get that compartment to ourselves.

Does it matter?

There's time to change your mind.

Send Charles a telegram and tell him he's all washed up.

This time next week, l shall be a slightly sunburnt offering on an altar.

l shan't mind, really.

Good morning. l can't find my bag. lt's a brown hold-all.

Have you seen it? No, of course not, thank you.

She's dropped her glasses.

-You dropped your glasses. -Thank you...

Oh dear! Oh dear!

-Are you hurt? -l don't know. What was it?

Never mind. This cockeyed station has practically brained my friend.

-Yes, indeed. -What are you going to do?

-He can't hold the train. -l like that!

-Hurry up. lt's going. -l'm all right.

-Are you sure? -Don't worry...

l'll look after her. Such carelessness.

-Are you sure you're all right? -Send us the Times.

-Write and tell us all about it. -Good luck. Look after yourself.

You'll be all right in a minute. Just take everything quietly.

Put this eau de cologne on your head.

-Do you feel any better? -Yes, thank you. l'm all right.

What you need is a good strong cup of tea. l'll ring for the attendant.

No, please, don't bother. l'll go to the dining car myself. l need some air.

-l'll come with you, if you don't mind. -No, of course not.

l beg your pardon. l'm so sorry.

You can always tell a honeymoon couple. They're so shy.

-Why did you do that? -We don't want people staring.

You'd think the whole legal profession was after you.

One would be enough.

You thought that beggar in Damascus was a barrister.

l just said he looked like a judge.

You hurried off in the opposite direction.

That's not true. l was looking for a street called ''Straight''.

-You weren't so careful at first. -l know.

And what about me? Robert thinks l'm cruising with Mother.

lf one is feeling shaky, it's best to sit in the middle of the coach...

facing the engine.

-A pot of tea, please. -Very good.

And just a minute.

Will you please tell them to make it from this? l don't drink any other.

And make sure the water is really boiling. Do you understand?

lt's a little fad of mine. My dear father and mother, who are still alive...

and enjoying good health, drink it and so l follow their footsteps.

A million Mexicans drink it. At least that's what it says on the packet.

lt's very kind of you to help me.

l don't think we've introduced ourselves.

My name's lris Henderson, l'm going home to be married.

How very exciting. l do hope you'll be happy.

-Thank you. -You'll have children, won't you?

They make such a difference. l always think it's being with kiddies so much...

that's made me so young for my age. l'm a governess. My name's Froy.

-Did you say Freud? -No. O-Y, not E-U-D. Froy.

l'm sorry l can't hear.

Froy. lt rhymes with joy.

Thank you. Please reserve two places for lunch, if you'd care to join me.

lt wasn't out. But for the umpire's blunder he'd still be batting.

-What do you mean? -l'll show you. l saw the whole thing.

There's Hammond, there's the bowler, and there's the umpire.

-Sugar? -Two please.

Dear me. There's no sugar.

Now watch this very carefully. Grimmett was bowling.

-May l trouble you for the sugar? -What?

The sugar, please.

Thank you so much.

l'd try to get a little sleep, it'll make you feel quite well.

There's a most intriguing acrostic in the ''Needlewoman''.

l'm going to try and unravel it before you wake up.

Reservations for lunch, please.

-Madame has booked for lunch? -My friend did. She's got the tickets.

Have you seen my friend?

My friend, where is she?

La signora inglese. The English lady.

There has been no English lady here.

What?

There has been no English lady here.

But there has. She sat there in the corner.

You saw her, you spoke to her, she sat next to you.

ls ridiculous. She took me to the dining car...

-and came back here with me. -You went and came back alone.

Maybe you don't understand.

The lady who looked after me when l was knocked out.

Perhaps it make you forget?

lf this is some sort of a joke l'm afraid l don't see the point.

-You served me tea just now. -Yes, Madame.

-Have you seen the lady l was with? -But Madame was alone.

Pardon, Madame. He make mistake.

He must remember the English lady. She ordered tea and paid for it.

No, it was you who paid for it.

He says to look at the bill. l will look.

She gave you a special packet of tea.

The tea was ours. l received no packet.

-But you did. l know it happened. -Pardon, the bill. Tea for one.

But that's not right.

-Would you care to examine the bills? -No. The whole thing's absurd.

Please, have you seen a lady pass through?

Old Stinker! lf l thought you were on this train...

l'd have stayed a week at the hotel. Lady? No, why?

lt doesn't matter. You probably wouldn't recognise one anyway.

-Hello! Feeling queer? -lt's that pipe of yours, George.

Why don't you throw your old socks away? Thanks for the help.

Come on, sit down. What's the trouble?

-Something fell on my head. -When? lnfancy?

-At the station. -Bad luck! Can l help?

No, only by going away.

My father taught me not to dessert a lady in trouble.

He even married mother.

Did you see a little lady last night in the hotel in tweeds?

l saw one but she was hardly in tweeds.

She was with me, and now l can't find her.

She must still be on the train. We haven't stopped.

-Of course she is. -All right. Nobody said she isn't.

-But that's what they say. -Who?

The people in the compartment and the steward.

They insist they never saw her. All of them.

-You said you got a knock on the head. -What do you mean?

-Never mind. Do you talk the lingo? -No.

Maybe they thought you tried to borrow money.

Let's knock the idea out of their heads. A most unfortunate remark.

That's one of them. The little dark man.

There is a misunderstanding. This lady seems to have lost her friend.

Yes, l have heard. The gentleman has been explaining to me.

l think under the circumstances we shall introduce ourselves.

l am an ltalian citizen. My wife and child.

How do you do. Bonny little chap. How old is he?

1 934 class.

And the lady in the corner is the Baroness Athona.

l met her husband, he presented prizes at the Folk Dances Festival.

Minister of Propaganda.

l am Dr Egon Hartz of Prague. You may have heard of me.

-Not the brain specialist? -The same.

You went to England to operate on one of our cabinet ministers.

-Yes. -Did you find anything?

-A slight cerebral contusion. -That's better than nothing.

l am picking up a similar case at the next station, but more complicated.

l shall operate at the National Hospital tonight.

Among other things a cranial fracture with completion. You understand?

-Yes, a wallop on the bean. -l suppose you haven't seen my friend?

-Unfortunately no. -l'll take a word with the Baroness.

-What do they say? -Both say they've never seen her.

That's not true. She was sitting there.

-Can you describe her? -lt's difficult.

-She was middle-aged and ordinary. -What was she wearing?

Tweeds, oatmeal flecked with brown, a coat with patch pockets...

a scarf, felt hat, brown shoes, a tussle shirt...

and a small blue handkerchief in her breast pocket. l can't remember.

You could've been paying attention. You both went along to tea?

-Yes. -Surely you met somebody.

Right you are. Now let's dig him out.

Pardon. May l come with you? This is most interesting.

We don't like people muscling in, but we'll make you a member.

Wait. There was somebody else. As we passed this compartment...

Miss Froy stumbled in and there was a tall gentleman and a lady.

lf we can really find someone who saw her...

we'll have the place searched.

-Can l be of any assistance? -That's the gentleman.

Do you remember seeing this young lady pass with a little English woman?

l'm afraid not.

You must! She almost fell into your compartment.

Surely you haven't forgotten. lt's very important.

Everybody's saying she wasn't here, but l'm going to find her...

even if l have to stop the train.

Caldicott, it's Charters. Can l come in?

That girl we saw in the hotel, she's kicking up a fuss.

-Says she lost her friend. -She hasn't been in here, old man.

-She's threatening to stop the train. -Lord!

lf we miss our connection in Basle, we'll never make Manchester in time.

-This is serious. -Let's hide in here.

l haven't the faintest recollection. You must be making a mistake.

He obviously doesn't remember. Let's look for the other fellow.

-Who were you talking to outside? -People in the corridor, arguing.

-There he is. That's the man. -l wonder if you can help us.

-How? -l was having tea an hour ago...

with an English lady. You saw her, didn't you?

-l was talking to my friend. -lndubitably.

Yes, but you were at the next table. She borrowed the sugar.

-l recall passing the sugar. -Then you saw her.

We were in deep conversation, discussing cricket.

How a thing like cricket can make you forget seeing people?

lf that's your attitude, there's nothing more to say.

Come, Caldicott. Thing like cricket.

Wrong tactic. We should have told him we were looking for a cricket ball.

Yes, but he spoke to her. There must be some explanation.

There is. Please forgive me.

l'm quite possibly wrong but l have known cases...

when a sudden shock or blow has induced the most vivid impressions.

-l understand. You don't believe me. -lt's not a question of belief.

Even a concussion may have curious effects upon an imaginative person.

l can remember every little detail. Her name. Miss Froy. Everything.

So interesting. lf one had time...

one could trace the cause of the hallucination.

-Hallucination? -Precisely. There is no Miss Froy.

-Just a vivid subjective image. -But l met her last night at the hotel.

-You thought you did. -What about her name?

A past association. An advertisement, a character subconsciously remembered.

No, there is no reason to be afraid, if you are quiet and relaxed.

Thank you very much.

Dravake. lf you will excuse me, this is where my patient comes aboard.

Excuse me.

Most interesting.

We're stopping.

This is our first stop, isn't it? Miss Froy must still be on the train.

You look out this window and see if she gets off this side.

l'll take the other.

Most interesting.

What was she dressed in? Scotch tweeds, wasn't it?

-Oatmeal tweeds. -l knew it had to do with porridge.

How long does it take to get a divorce?

-Eric? -l'm sorry. l wasn't listening.

How long does it take to get a divorce?

That depends. Why?

l was wondering if we could take our honey moon next spring.

The official one.

The difficulties are considerable. The courts are very crowded now.

l suppose we barristers ought not to complain about this.

With conditions as they are now, my chances of becoming a judge are rosy.

-That is, if nothing untoward occurs. -Like being mixed up in a divorce?

ln the first careless rapture of yours you didn't care what happened.

The law, like Caesar's wife, must be above all suspicion.

Even when the law spends six weeks with Caesar's wife?

l know why you are running around like a scared rabbit...

-and why lied so elaborately just now. - l lied?

Yes, to those people in the corridor. l heard every word you said.

l didn't wish to be mixed up in an enquiry.

Enquiry? Just because a little woman can't be found?

That girl was making a fuss. lf the woman had disappeared...

and l'd admitted to seeing her, we might have become vital witnesses.

My name might appear in the papers with yours.

A scandal that might lead anywhere, anywhere.

Yes, l suppose you are right.

-Nobody? -Nobody.

l just saw bits of orange peel and paper bag coming out my side.

l know there's a Miss Froy. She's as real as you are.

That's what you say and you believe it.

But there isn't anybody else who has seen her.

-l saw her. l think. -You did?

-A little woman in tweeds. -Yes.

-With a three quarter coat. -With a scarf.

That's right. l saw her when you passed the compartment.

l knew l was right. But your husband said he didn't see her.

He didn't notice, but as soon as he mentioned it, l remembered at once.

You win. This calls for action. Would you make a statement?

Of course, if it helps.

Pardon, my patient has just arrived. The most fascinating complication.

We have news for you. This lady saw Mrs. Froy.

-So. -We are going to search the train.

-You must think of a fresh theory. -lt is not necessary.

My theory was perfectly good. The facts were misleading.

l hope you will find your friend.

-l'll be right here if you want me. -OK. Come along.

l was going to mention that l told that girl l'd seen her friend.

-Have you taken leave of your senses? -On the contrary, l've come to them.

What do you mean?

lf there is a scandal, there'll be a divorce. You couldn't let me down.

You'd have to do the decent thing as only you know how.

You forgot one very important thing, Margaret...

your husband would divorce you, no doubt.

But my wife will never divorce me.

lt may seem crazy to you, but you're going to search the train.

Down there, they look for you. Your friend come back.

Come back? But what happened?

You go see. She tell you.

All right Athleston, relax. The crisis is over. Come on, let's join the lady.

Miss Froy.

That isn't Miss Froy.

-lsn't it? -No.

-lt's silly to say, but are you Miss Froy? -No, l am Madame Kummer.

She helped you into the carriage and went to see some friends.

As you spoke about an English lady she didn't connect her with Mme Kummer.

But she wasn't the lady. lt was Miss Froy.

-Oatmeal tweeds, blue handkerchief... -Yes, it's all the same, but it isn't her.

When did you say you first met this Miss Froy?

Last night at the hotel.

-Was she wearing a costume like this? -Yes, l think she was.

Then l apologise. You did meet her.

But not on the train. ln your subconscious mind...

you substituted the face of Mme Kummer with Miss Froy's.

But l didn't. l couldn't have, l talked to her here.

That's easily settled, there's a woman who said she saw her.

lf the lady wouldn't mind.

What a gift of languages the fellow's got.

-ls this the woman you saw? -lt isn't a bit like her, is it?

Yes, she's the woman.

-But it isn't. l tell you it isn't. -Are you sure?

-Perfectly. -She isn't. She isn't.

l'm so sorry to have troubled you.

Aren't you going to say anything?

-You might at least gloat. -What am l expected to say?

You only did it to save your own skin.

She was lying. l saw it in her face. They're all lying. But why?

Why don't you sit down and take it easy.

Do you believe this nonsense about substituting faces?

l think any change would be an improvement.

Miss Froy was on this train, and nothing will convince me otherwise.

Must you follow me round like a pet dog?

-A watch dog. l have better instincts. -Goodbye.

The Doctor was right. l never saw Miss Froy on the train.

-lt didn't happen, l know now. -Glad you're taking it like that.

Forget all about it. Make your mind a blank.

Watch me, you can't go wrong.

What about a spot of something to eat?

-Anything. -That's right, come along.

-Would you like some air? -Thanks.

-Could you eat something? -l could try.

That's the spirit. You'll feel a different girl tomorrow.

l hope so. l don't want to meet my fiance a nervous wreck.

-Your what? -l'm being married on Thursday.

-You're sure you're not imagining that? -Positive.

-l was afraid so. Food. -l couldn't face it.

Do you mind if l talk with my mouth full?

lf you must.

-Want to hear about my early life? -l don't think so.

Since you press me, l'll begin with my father.

lt's remarkable how many great men began with their fathers.

-Something to drink? -No. Yes. A cup of tea, please.

One tea and no soup for the lady. My father was a colourful character.

Amongst other things, he was strongly addicted to you'll never guess.

Harriman's Herbal Tea.

-No, double scotches. -A million Mexicans drink it.

-Maybe, but Father didn't. -Miss Froy gave a packet to the waiter.

-A packet of what? -Harriman's Herbal Tea.

lt was the only sort she liked.

We agreed you were going to make your mind a complete blank.

-lt's so real. l'm sure it happened. -Did we or did we not?

We did. Sorry. Tell me about your father.

-My father was a very remarkable man. -Did he play the clarinet?

He did. ln fact he never put it down unless it became absolutely necessary.

l couldn't help inheriting his love of music.

-Why not? -That was all he left me.

You're remarkably attractive. Has anyone ever told you?

We were discussing you.

-Yes, of course. Do you like me? -Not much.

l paid my father's debts and went away before they cashed the cheques.

l'm writing a book on folk dancing.

-Would you like to buy a copy? -l'd love to.

-When does it see the light of day? -ln about four years.

-That's a very long time. -lt's a very long book.

Do you know why you fascinate me?

l'll tell you. You have the great qualities l used to admire in my father.

You've no manners at all, and you're always seeing things.

-What's the matter? -Look!

-lt's gone! -What's gone?

Miss Froy's name on the window.

You must have seen it. She's on the train.

Steady! Steady!

We've got to find her. Something's happening to her. Stop the train.

Listen everybody. There's a woman on the train, Miss Froy...

you must have seen her. They hide her somewhere.

l appeal to you all to stop the train.

Please help me. Please stop the train.

Do you hear me? Do something before it's too late!

l know you think l'm crazy, but l'm not. For heaven's sake, stop this train.

Leave me alone. Leave me alone.

Ten minutes late thanks to that girl.

Any more tricks and we shall be late for the last day of the match.

-You couldn't put it to her in some way. -What?

-People just don't vanish and so forth. -But she has.

What?

Vanished.

-Who? -The old dame.

-Yes. -Well?

-But how could she? -What?

-Vanish. -l don't know.

That just explains my point. People just don't disappear into thin air.

-lt's done in lndia. -What?

The rope trick.

Oh that. lt never comes out in a photograph.

ln half an hour we stop at Morsken, just before the border.

l will leave there with my patient for the National Hospital.

lf you will come with me, you could stay overnight in a private ward.

-You need peace and rest. -Sorry, nothing doing.

-lsn't there anything we can do? -Yes, find Miss Froy.

lf she does not rest l will not answer for her.

lt will be best if you persuade her. She likes you.

l'm as popular as a dose of strychnine.

lf coated with sugar, she may swallow it.

Cosmopolitan train. People of all nations.

l've just seen at least a million Mexicans in the corridor.

Think over what Doctor Hertz said.

lf you feel like changing your mind, l'll be around.

-What's all the mystery? -You're right.

Miss Froy is on the this train. l've just seen that packet of tea.

They chucked it out with the rubbish.

-You're late. She may be dead now. -Dead or alive...

Anyway, l remember once spending a bank holiday at Brighton...

Let's search this train. There's something definitely queer in the air.

lt's a supply service for trunk murderers.

What's this?

-lt's all right, lt's only us. -Hurry up. Quickly.

Maybe it's Miss Froy bewitched.

l refused to be discouraged. Faint heart never found old lady.

-Do you know anything about her? -No.

Only that she is a governess going home.

-What is this thing? -Can't imagine.

There might be something down here.

-What on earth! -Our ltalian friend.

l've got it. There. The Great Doppo.

-His visiting card. Look! -What's it say?

The Great Doppo. Magician, illusionist, mind reader...

he will appear in all the towns and cities. See his fascinating act...

-The Vanishing Lady. -The Vanishing Lady.

-Perhaps that's the explanation. -What?

-Maybe he's practising on Miss Froy. -Perhaps it's a publicity stunt.

No. That wouldn't account for the Baroness or Madame Kummer.

-What's your theory? -l don't know. My theory?

l'll tell you.

Oh dear. l can't get this one.

-Where are you? -Here with a smell of camphor balls.

-l can't see you. -l'm about somewhere.

-Here l am. Where are you? -l don't know.

That's what comes of not saying Abracadabra.

-Are you hurt? -Not much.

-Come and sit down over here. -What is this thing?

ln magic circles, we cal it the disappearing cabinet.

-You get inside and vanish. -So l noticed.

-You were about to tell me your theory. -My theory.

My theory, dear Watson, is that we are in very deep waters indeed.

Thank you. Let us marshal our facts over a pipeful of Baker Street shag.

A little old lady disappears. Everyone that saw her says she wasn't there.

Right?

But she was. Therefor, they did see her. Therefor, they are lying. Why?

-l don't know. l'm just Watson. -Don't bury yourself it the part.

Because they daren't face an enquiry...

because Miss Froy's probably still somewhere on the train.

-l told you that hours ago. -So you did.

For that you shall have a trichonoply cigar.

There's only one thing left to do. Search the train in disguise.

As what?

-Old English gentleman. -They'd see through you.

Perhaps you're right.

Will Hay. ''No, boys, which one of you has stolen Miss Froy? Own up.''

-Those glasses. Give them to me. -Why?

-They're Miss Froy's. -Are you sure?

They're the same. Gold rimmed. Where did you find them?

-On the floor. The glass is broken. -Probably in the struggle.

Pick up the glass.

Do you realise that this is our first piece of really tangible proof?

That's the lot.

Will you give me those spectacles. They belong to me. My spectacles.

Yours? Are you sure?

Naughty. That's a very large nose for a very small pair of spectacles.

ls that the game? We'll see about that.

These are Miss Froy's glasses. She's been in here and you know it.

Well don't stand hoping about like a referee, co-operate. Kick him.

That doesn't help.

Quick, pull his ears back. Give them a twist.

He's got a knife!

Get hold of it before he cuts a slice off me.

l can't reach it.

Well done.

We know how that thing works. Come out of there.

ls he out, do you think? We've got to hide somewhere.

-l wonder what's in here? -Hurry up!

lt's empty. Bring him along.

-What's the matter? -Garlic. l'll be all right in a minute.

-Here, hold on to this. -Yes.

We know that Miss Froy was on this train...

and that our friend had something to do with it.

That ought to keep him.

Hard work, but worth it. Let's have the evidence.

-Evidence? -Yes, the glasses.

You've got them.

No, l haven't got them. He's got them.

He isn't there.

Snookered. lt's a false bottom.

-The twister! He's a contortionist. -He's gone all right.

To find the others and make more trouble.

We can't fight the whole train.

-But who can we trust? -That's the snag.

-There's the Doctor Hartz person. -Yes, you're right. He might help.

-Let's tell him the symptoms. -All right. Wait a minute.

This is the one.

He's not there.

-l've had a particularly idiotic idea. -l can't believe that.

Suppose that patient in there is Miss Froy.

But it didn't come on the train until after Miss Froy had disappeared.

That's why it's an idiotic idea. Let's find the doctor.

-No, wait a minute. -What is it?

-Notice anything wrong with that nun? -No.

l don't think she's a nun at all. They don't wear high heels.

You're right. Did you see Mme Kummer get on the train?

No.

Supposing they decoyed Miss Froy into the luggage van and hid her.

At the first stop the patient comes abroad. Head injury, all wrapped up.

The patient is Madame Kummer and she becomes Miss Froy...

and Miss Froy becomes that.

But why go to all this trouble to kidnap a little harmless governess?

lt isn't a governess at all. Perhaps it's some political thing.

Let's investigate.

You'll just have to put up with it in English.

Can we take a look at your patient, please? Thank you.

Keep an eye on the nun.

What are you doing here?

Why are you in here?

This is a most serious accident case. You have no business to be here.

We want you to undo the bandages and let us see your patients face.

Are you out of your senses? There is no face there.

Nothing but lumps of new flesh. The case has lost so much blood...

nothing but a transfusion can save him.

What do you want me to do? Murder my patient?

-You're sure that this is your patient? -We believe it's Miss Froy.

You can't be serious. What on earth put such ideas into your heads?

-l understand she is deaf and dumb. -But she may lip read.

That's possible. ln that case, perhaps you will join me in the dining car?

l'll be with you in a moment. l want to be certain my patient hasn't been disturbed.

How do l know how they cottoned on? Somebody must have tipped them off.

-You never said the girl was English. -What difference does it make?

ln a few minutes, l will order three drinks in the dining car.

Mine will be Chartreuse.

One of the stewards is working for us. Listen carefully.

There's that girl again.

Seems to have recovered. Lucky it blew over.

-You'll tell me what it's all about? -Have you actually seen your patient?

No, l received a message to pick the case up and operate at Morsken.

-How do you know its not Miss Froy. -We think there's been a change.

You think that someone has...

l want a green chartreuse. Won't you join me?

-l'll like a large brandy, please. -And you?

-Nothing, thank you. -lt'll do you good.

You are very tired. lt will pick you up.

-All right, just a small one. -2 brandies and a Chartreuse.

Do you know anything about the nun who is looking after the patient?

Nun? No. She is from the convent where the accident occurred.

Don't you think it is curious that she's wearing high heeled shoes?

ls she? That is rather curious, isn't it?

A conspiracy. That's all it can be.

These people on the train say they haven't seen Miss Froy.

We know because in the luggage van...

She's off again!

Puts the lid on our getting back in time, if she did.

Then this fellow from the carriage, Doppo...

he came along and grabbed the glasses.

Then we went for him and had a fight.

-A fight? -We knocked him out.

-Seems to have made a speedy recovery. -Yes. That's just bluff.

How could he be involved in a conspiracy? Look at the poor fellow.

He's just a harmless traveller.

He's a musical artist on a tour of Bandrika.

The Baroness' husband is Minister of Propaganda.

One word from her and his tour would be cancelled.

l see.

And the stewards would got a nice cosy brick wall to lean against.

But tell me about the two English travellers.

-They also denied seeing her? -British diplomacy, doctor.

Never climb a fence if you can sit on it. Old Foreign Office proverb.

Why should someone want to dispose of the old lady?

That stumps us. All we know is she was on this train and now she's...

gone.

lf you're right, it means the whole train is against us.

What are we going to do?

ln view of what you've just told me, l'll risk examining my patient.

We mustn't act suspiciously. Behave as if nothing had happened.

Drink, that'll steady your nerves.

To our health. And may our enemies, if they exist...

be unconscious of our purpose.

Let's go. We must hurry now.

Come on, drink up.

Wait in here.

Right you are.

-Anything wrong? -Nothing.

Except they noticed you were wearing high heels.

But it makes no difference.

We shall reach Morsken in 3 minutes.

Quite an eventful journey.

Well?

Yes, the patient is Miss Froy.

She will be taken off the train in 3 minutes.

She will be removed to the hospital there and operated on.

The operation will not be successful.

l should perhaps explain that the operation will be performed by me.

l am in this conspiracy as you term it.

You are a very alert young couple...

but it's quite useless for you to think of a way out of your dilemma.

The drink you've had now, l regret to say, contained a quantity of Hydrocin.

Hydrocin is a very little known drug which has the effect...

of paralysing the brain and rendering the victim unconscious...

for a considerable period.

ln a larger quantity, it induces madness.

However the dose was a normal one.

Soon you will join your young friend.

Need l say how sorry l am feeling to take such a melodramatic course.

But your persistent meddling made it necessary.

Are you all right? You must have fainted.

There is a woman next door going to be murdered...

and we've got to get moving before this stuff takes effect.

lf you keep on the go you can stay awake.

Right, come on, let's get going.

lt's locked.

We can't go that way. We'll be spotted.

-You can't do that! -Don't worry, it's only next door...

you carry on keeping fit, touch your toes...

stand your head, do anything but fall asleep.

You needn't be afraid, it is Miss Froy.

lt's all right, you haven't been drugged.

He told me to put something in your drinks but l didn't do it.

Who the devil are you? He said you were deaf and dumb.

Never mind about that now, if you want to save her you've got to hurry.

What's gonna happen now?

Let's hold them off until past Morsken...

the frontier's a few miles beyond the station.

Come on, there's still time.

That's Morsken. Have you finished?

Come on, Miss Froy.

Come on kid, you're not drugged, l'll explain later. Abracadabra.

-Miss Froy, l can't believe it! -Thank you. Thank you very much.

Careful.

Ready?

Yes.

-Are you all right, Miss Froy? -Yes, thank you.

lt's rather like the rush hour on the underground.

We're slowing down.

l'm sorry you've had such an uncomfortable journey, Miss Froy.

Get back on the train.

l hope nothing goes wrong.

Aren't we stopping rather a long time?

The ambulance is going. We'll be off in a jiffy.

Another couple of minutes, we'll be over the border.

l've been well paid and l've done dirty work for it...

but this was murder and she is an English woman.

-You are Bandrieken. -My husband was, but l'm English.

You were going to butcher her in cold blood.

Your little diversion made it necessary not only to remove the lady...

but two others as well.

You can' t do that.

lt'd be fool to permit the existence of anyone who cannot be trusted.

-You wouldn't dare. l know too much. -Precisely.

l think we're over the border now.

You can come out, Miss Froy.

-Bless me. What an unpleasant journey. -Never mind.

You shall have a corner seat for the rest of the way. There you are.

Now that it's over, you ought to tell us what it's all about.

What was that scream?

-lt was the train whistle. -lt was the woman.

Be careful.

We're on a branch line and they've slipped the rear of the train.

Oh dear!

Why are these people going to these lengths to get hold of you?

l haven't the faintest idea. l'm a children's governess...

l think they've made some terrible mistake.

Why are holding out on us? Tell the truth.

You got us involved in this fantastic plot you might at least trust us.

l really don't know...

-ls there anyone else? -There's only the dining cart...

but there won't be anybody there now.

What do you make it, tea time? l'll go have a look.

Come on. We'd better stick together.

There's the old girl turned up.

Told you there was lots of fuss about nothing. Bolt must have jammed.

l've got something to say. Please listen.

An attempt has been made to abduct this lady by force.

l believe they are going to try again.

What's the fellow drivelling about?

Look out of the window. This train's been diverted to a branch line.

What are you talking about? Abduction, diverted trains...

-We're telling the truth. -l'm not interested.

You've annoyed us long enough with your ridiculous stories.

You've got hold of the wrong end of the stick.

-These things don't happen. -We're not in England now.

-l don't see the difference. -We're stopping.

You see those cars? They're here to take Miss Froy away.

Nonsense.

There go a couple of people.

The cars have come to pick them up.

Then why uncoupling the train and diverting it.

Uncoupling?

There's no train beyond the sleeping car.

There must be. Our bags are in the First Class carriage.

Not any longer. Would you like to take a look?

lf this is a practical joke, l warn you l shan't think it very funny.

Good Lord!

Bring some brandy.

You don't suppose there's something in this fellow's story, Caldicott.

-Seems a bit queer. -People don't go about tying up nuns.

Someone's coming.

They can't possibly do anything to us. We're British subjects.

l have come to offer sincere apologies.

An extremely serious incident has occurred.

An attempt has been made to interfere with passengers on this train.

Fortunately it was brought to the notice of the authorities.

lf you will accompany me to Morsken...

l will inform the British Embassy at once.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the cars are at your disposal.

We're grateful. lt's lucky some of you speak English.

-l was at Oxford. -Really, so was l.

This woman is trying to say something.

l don't understand but it may be important.

-Would you... -Certainly.

-That's fixed him. -That's all right. He's only stunned.

-What did you to that for? -l was at Cambridge.

But you heard what he said, didn't you?

l heard what she said. That was a trick to get us off the train.

l don't believe it. The explanation was quite satisfactory.

This might cause a war.

l'm going to tell them it's up to us to apologise and put the matter right.

-You were right. Do you mind? -Certainly.

Looks as if they mean business.

lt would mean an international situation.

lt's happened before.

-They're coming. -Don't let them in. They'll murder us.

They daren't let us go now.

-l order you to surrender at once. -Nothing doing.

-lf you come any nearer l'll fire. -l've warned you.

Better take cover. They'll start any minute now.

-Nasty jam. Don't like the look of it. -Got plenty of ammunition.

-Whole pouch full. -Good.

-Duck down, you. -l'm not going to fight. lt's madness.

lt's safer to protest down here.

They're trying to work round to the other side.

You're behaving like a pack of fools.

What chance have we got against those armed men?

You heard what the Mother Superior said.

lf we surrender now, we're in for it.

We'll never get to the match now.

Give it to me. Give it to me.

-What's going on here? -He's got a gun and he won't use it.

l won't be a party to this sort of thing. l don't believe in fighting.

Pacifist? Won't work. Christians tried it and got thrown to the lions.

Come on, hand it over.

l'm not afraid to use it.

Probably more used to it. l once won a box of cigars.

He's talking rot. He's a good shot.

Hope the old hand hasn't lost it's cunning. l'm inclined to believe...

that there's some rational explanation to all this.

Rotten shot, only knocked his head off.

Would you mind if we talk for a minute?

-What, now? -Please, it's very important.

-Hang on to this for me, will you? -All right. l'll hold the fort.

lt's safer along here. You come in too.

l just wanted to tell you that l must be getting along now.

You'll never get away. You'll be shot down.

l must take the risk.

lf l'm unlucky and you get through, take back a message...

to Mr. Callendar at the Foreign Office.

-Then you are a spy. -l think that is such a grim word.

What is the message?

lt's a tune. lt contains, in code...

the vital clause of a secret pact between two European countries.

l want you to memorise it. The first part goes like this...

l'd better write it down. Let me a piece of paper.

l was brought up on music. l can memorise anything.

Very well.

The old girl's gone off her rocker.

Face it, those swines will go on firing till they kill us all.

For goodness sake, shut up, Eric.

Now we've got two chances instead of one.

-You're sure you'll remember it? -l won't stop whistling it.

-l suppose this is my best way out? -Yes, just about.

But even if you do get away they'll stop you at the frontier.

-We can't let her go. -You're taking a big risk.

ln this sort of job one must take risks.

l'm grateful to you both for all you've done.

l do hope and pray no harm will come to you...

and that we shall all meet again.

-l hope so too. Good luck. -Good luck.

-Will you help me out? -Yes, rather.

Take the weight, on top, right you are, l've got you.

Goodbye.

-Was she hit? -l'm not sure.

-That's the end of my twelve. -There's not much left here, either.

We've only got one chance. We've got to get this train going.

Go back to the main line and try and cross the frontier.

That's a bit of a tall order.

Those drivers are not likely to do as you tell them.

We'll bluff them with this. Who's coming?

-You can count on me. -Me too.

We can't all go. You stay here...

lf we have any luck we'll stop the train at the point...

-and you switch them over. -Okay.

You idiots, you're just inviting death.

l've had enough.

Just because l try and avoid being murdered...

l'm accused of pacifist. l'd rather be called a rat than die like one.

lf we give ourselves up, they daren't murder us in cold blood.

-They're bound to give us a trial. -Stop gibbering.

-Nobody's listening to you. -You go your way, l'll go mine.

-Where are you off to? -l'm doing the only sensible thing.

Let him go if he wants to.

Don't please. Why aren't we going? Why aren't we going?

They said we were going. Why aren't we?

lf only he can get us away now. He must.

Only one left. l'll keep that for a sitter.

They're moving away from the cars. They're coming towards us.

-Pity we haven't a few more rounds. -lt's funny.

l told my husband when l left him that l wouldn't see him again.

Gilbert! Gilbert!

-By gad, we're off. -This gives us a chance.

Come on, keep going.

-Do you know how to control this? -l watched the fellow start it.

l know something. Once drove a miniature engine in Dymchurch.

Good. l'll look out for the points.

Blighters are chasing us. Look.

We can't have far to go.

lt's time for me to change the points.

We shall be in neutral territory.

That's not necessary.

The points will not be changed over.

Please be seated.

There they are, just ahead of us. Do you think you can stop it?

Hope so.

You'll keep quite still until my friends arrive.

lf anyone leaves, l shall have to shoot.

There's one thing you don't know.

There's only one bullet left, if you shoot me the others have a chance.

-You're in a difficult position. -Sit down please.

All right.

Where the devil's Charters?

Go ahead, she's done it.

lt's all right, it's just my legs.

Or as they say in English, jolly good luck to them.

l'm glad that's over. Heaven knows what the government will say about it.

-Nothing at all. They'll hush it up. -What?

Take your hand off that thing. l've got to remember a tune.

Remember...

-Porter, sir? -No, thanks.

We're home, Gilbert.

Stop humming that awful tune. You must know it backwards.

l'm not taking any risks.

-Charles will be here to meet you? -l expect so.

You'll be pretty busy between now and Thursday.

l could meet you for lunch or dinner, if you'd like it.

Sorry, l didn't mean that.

l've got to deliver this theme song to Miss Froy...

and then l'm going to Yorkshire and finish my book.

l see.

-Ready? -Yes.

Ample time to catch the 6:50 to Manchester after all.

TEST MATCH ABANDONED FLOODS

-Any sign of Charles yet? -No, l can't see him.

Well, this is where we say goodbye.

What's the matter?

Charles?

Yes, you heartless, callous, selfish, swollen-headed beast...

-Are you going anywhere? -Foreign Office.

-Where are we going on our honeymoon? -Somewhere quiet.

Somewhere where there are no trains.

Mr. Callendar will see you now.

-Wait a minute. lt's gone! -What's gone?

-The tune. l've forgotten it! -No! No!

Wait a minute. Let me concentrate.

No, that's the Wedding March.

lt's awful. l've done nothing but sing it since that day.

Now l've forgotten it completely.

-Miss Froy! -Well, l'll be hanged.

Donated by SergeiK