Life Aquatic Transcript

Ta da! The Life Aquatic transcript is here for all you Wes Anderson fans. Every piece of dialogue, all the quotes, the whole shebang. I know, I know, I still need to get the character names in there...I'm workin' on it, trust me. If you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

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The Oubyamywe Peninsula.

A remote and fascinating region

teeming with extraordinary marine life.

We chose its mysterious waters

as the Belafonte's next destination.

In preparation

for our voyage...

the members of Team Zissou gathered at

my oceanographic observatory...

here on Pescespada Island.

This was to be our most

ambitious adventure to date...

and ultimately

a tragic one.

Our team included...

Esteban du Plantier,

chief diver...

our senior statesman,

my closest colleague for  years;

Klaus Daimler,  engineer-

calm, collected, German;

Vikram Ray,  cameraman -

born on the Ganges;

Bobby Ogata,  frogman;

Renzo Pietro, 

editor, soundman;

Vladimir Wolodarsky,  physicist,

original score composer;

Anne-Marie Sakowitz,

 script girl;

Pele dos Santos, 

safety expert;

Eleanor Zissou, my wife,

vice president of the Zissou Society.

We had also invited seven marine science

students from the University of North Alaska...

to accompany us as unpaid interns

in exchange for school credit.

October . Esteban and I explore

the blue reefs beyond the peninsula.

Fluorescent snapper

unexpectedly appear in the shallows -

extremely rare at this depth.

Where's your gun?

Steve! Steve!

- Where's Esteban?

- Is that thing rolling, Vikram?

Encounter with highly abnormal sharklike fish!

Ten meters in length,

unfamiliar dorsal features, spots all over it!

I shot it dorsally with a homing dart!

Esteban was eaten!

Check the scanning monitor!

Start tracking before it dives too deep!

- Esteban was bitten?

- Eaten!

- Is he dead?

- Esteban was eaten!

- He was swallowed whole?

- No! Chewed!

Check the scanning monitor!

He's got hydrogen psychosis.


Steve, we think

you got crazy-eye.

- Get him out of the fucking water.

- Esteban!

- Esteban! Esteban!

- Why'd you throw it over?

- Esteban! Esteban!

- It's gone.

- Steve!

- Esteban!

Esteban! Esteban!


Was it a deliberate choice

never to show the jaguar shark?

No. I dropped the camera.

Why are they laughing?

Yes, what's next

for Team Zissou?

Well, that was only part one.

It's a cliffhanger.

Now I'm gonna go hunt down that shark,

or whatever it is...

and hopefully kill it.

I don't know how yet.

Maybe dynamite.

- You don't know what it is?

- Thank you.

- No. I've never seen anything

like it before in my life.

- You say it is a jaguar shark.

That's the title of your film.

It was coming right at us. I just said

the first two words that came into my head.

That's an endangered species at most.

What would be the scientific purpose

of killing it?



What fun!

I'd like to introduce you to Antonia Cook.

She's the new head of the film society.

You must be so excited.

I hope so.

You think it went okay?

No, congratulations.

- Seriously.

- Thanks.

I wish it didn't require the "seriously,"

but thank you.

Well, I just don't

think they got it.

- Steve!

- Shit turnout tonight.

- You know Larry Amin, chairman of Saudifilm.

- Oh, yeah. Hi.

- Nice to see you.

- Larry and I were just discussing

our financial predicament.

I thought it would be nice if

the three of us rode out to the party together.

Why? Does Larry have that kind of

spending bread to invest?

- The king's backing him now.

- I just got $ million

capitalization from the king.

- Can I get a shot of you with Captain Hennessey?

- Where?

Make it quick.

Hey, Steven. How's everything going

with your, uh -

- What are you calling it? Leopard... fish?

- Jaguar shark.

Jaguar shark.

Exactly. I love it.

Tell me something -

Does it actually exist?

You know, Allie,

I don't wanna give away the ending.

Good man.

Oh, here comes our girl.

You're the most ravishing creature

that I've ever seen in my life.

- Hello, Skinny.

- Hello, Eleanor.

Is that a new merit badge?

As a matter of fact, it is.

I just became a knight in Portugal.

The presidente gave

a special ball and -

Don't be nice to Allie.

He's my nemesis.

How could you

lay that slick faggot?

Well, I was in love with him

at the time.

Yeah, he's charismatic.

How are you feeling?

I'm right on the edge.

I don't know what comes next.

Wait here.

I'll be right back.

I just wanted

to say hello.

- Hi.

- Hey, baby.

I said I wanted to say hello.

I didn't say I wanted you to touch me.

I'm here with my wife.

Eleanor, this is Mandeeza.

Mandeeza -

Do we really wanna put me through this?

People say Eleanor is the brains

behind Team Zissou.

What is Steve?

He's the Zissou.


This is my little nephew,


He wanted to meet you.

- How you doing, Werner?

- He brought you a present.

A crayon pony-fish.


Interesting specimen.

- Thanks, pal.

- You're welcome.


You don't look too good.

How's this?

Steve, there's a bloke over there

wants a word with you.

What do you need, old man?

How many of these

do you have?

All right, look,

just forge the rest of 'em yourself.

Get out of here.

Hey, Steve! How come you're not

sittin' shivah for your friend Esteban?

What'd you say?

Who you gonna kill

in part two?

Steve! Stop!


Larry Amin's flying back to Mecca tonight

to see if he can make the numbers work.

He should have

an answer for us in  days.

Tell him we need to know by Sunday.

Why would I do that,

my darling?

To call his bluff, damn it.

To light a fire under his ass.

My darling, we haven't

made a hit documentary in nine years.

Let's not fuck

with Larry Amin.

- Doubles.

- Explain it to him, will you, Eleanor.

- Screwdriver.

- He understands.

Amin needs to make a projection

of the world grosses...

to see if he can get a tax break

and run it through his output deal.

I don't understand,

but I can tell it's bullshit.

Oh, what the hell is-

Play the black jack on the red queen.

Well, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go on

an overnight drunk...

and in  days I'm gonna set out to find

the shark that ate my friend and destroy it.

Anyone that would care to join me

is more than welcome.

Captain Zissou,

I'm sorry to bother you.

- I'm Ned Plimpton.

- Okay, man.

My mother's

Katherine Plimpton.

- You're kidding.

- No.

- How is she?

- She died last month.

Sorry. Shit.

She was -


I've heard of you.

I don't know if it's true or not,

by the way.

- Do you?

- No, I don't.

I haven't heard from her

in  years.

I guess

it's too late now.

She never contacted me,

you know.

Yes, I see.

You're supposed to be

my son, right?

I don't know.

But I did want to meet you,

just in case.

I appreciate that.

I'll be right back.

Don't go away.


Fighting in the dance hall

Oh, man

Look at those cavemen go

It's the freakiest show

Take a look at the lawman

Beating up the wrong guy

Oh, man

Wonder if he'll ever know

He's in the best-selling show

Is there life on Mars

Sorry about that. You caught me with

one foot off the merry-go-round tonight.

Oh, that's all right. I don't wanna

take up too much of your time.

I wanna thank you

for talking to me.

- We'll find a way, mate.

- I know we will.

I just had a lovely chat

with Si Perlman.

He wants to make a big to-do

of the Oceanographic Explorer article.

Possibly give you

the front cover.

So do be nice to this girl,

Miss Winslett-Richardson, won't you?


she worships you...

and we dearly

need the press.

Oseary, this is, uh, probably my son, Ned.

We just met.

Ah. Uh, how delightful.

Anyway, his mother just died.

Plus, we're having some problems.

I just think it'd be a very special opportunity

for all of us, especially him.

- He needs this deal.

- Okay, bring him over.

Well, he's right here.

I'm sorry. How do you do?


- So, what do you do?

- I'm a pilot.

Air Kentucky.

Air Kentucky.

- Copilot, actually.

- Yeah. I don't know that one.

We hub out of Louisville.

Well, sure. There's some pretty country

in those parts. Landlocked.

I have to tell you, I've been a member

of the Zissou Society...

since I was .

Well, I'll be damned.

Look at that.

Wanna kill this?

Frankly, I'd better not.

I don't usually try grass.


Let me tell you about my boat.

The Belafonte was a long-range sub hunter

during the Second World War...

which we bought from the U.S. Navy

for $.

This is my mentor, Lord Mandrake.

He's dead now.

The sauna...

was designed by an engineer

from the Chinese space program...

and we keep a Swedish masseuse

on staff.

Here's where we do all our different

science projects and experiments and so on.

This is the kitchen...

which contains probably some of the most

technologically advanced equipment on the ship.

Eleanor put together a top-notch

research library for us...

with a complete first-edition

set of The Life Aquatic companion series.

We process our own rushes...

and keep a cutting room onboard

so we can do an assembly while shooting.

- I can't find them!

- Once again, please.

This is the observation bubble...

which I thought up

in a dream, actually.

Two albino scouts

swim with the ship.

They're supposedly

very intelligent...

although I've never

seen any evidence of it.

Here is the engine room.

The bearing casings aren't

supposed to look like that...

but we can't afford

to fix them this year.

Topside we've got the bridge,

the minisub, an old chopper...

and all kinds of radar and sonar

and underwater movie gadgets.

What happened to Jacqueline?

She didn't really love me.

Lord Mandrake.

It's wonderful.

- Very lifelike.

- I'm not crazy about it.

This guy's

a big-time asshole.

We were roommates

at the academy.

He used to be

married to Eleanor.

He hogs up

all the grant money.

You think you'll want to change your name?

- Ned?

- No, not the Ned part.

Unless you want to.

I meant your last name.

I thought you might like to let me give you mine.

- Ned Zissou.

- Ned Zissou. Exactly.

Or, if you want to,

you can change the first part too.

I would have named you Kingsley,

if I'd had a say in it.


I don't know.

Maybe I'll stick with Ned for now.


That's okay.

Anyway, I'll order you

some correspondence stock.

What are you doing? I ordered the wine.

Pour it over here, please.

He doesn't know

anything about wine.

Are those assholes

talking about me?


People say when someone

says something like that about you...

it's because

they're jealous.

But it still hurts.

It hurts bad.

That man was damn rude.

He can go straight to hell.

How did she die,

by the way, your mother?

She took her own life.

She took sleeping pills.

Why would she do that?

Well, she was in

a great deal of pain, you know.


I see. Yeah.

You know, my best friend

just got killed. Esteban.

Yeah, I know.

The old man.

Let's go to my island.

Well, I, uh - I have to be back

in Kentucky on Thursday.



That's okay.

Your cat's dead.


Which one?


I'm sorry.

What happened?

A rattlesnake bit it

in the throat.

Goddamn it, Eleanor,

why do you have to say it like that?

You couldn't try to break it

a little bit nicer?

She's a rich bitch,

you know.

She was raised by maids.

Her parents

paid for this island...

and two of

my worst movies.

People say she's the brains

behind Team Zissou.

People say a lot of things.

What kind of cat was it?

Who gives a shit?

I think it was a tabby.

Ned, wanna come inside,

we'll make up a room for you?

Steve, that reporter called.

Ned, wake up.

- Yes?

- I'm on the echo box.

Push the red button to answer. Throw on your slop

and meet me on the beach in  minutes.

The white button? Okay.


Only twice before have I had

the good fortune to observe a rubber tide...

that rare occurrence when hundreds

of electric jellyfish...

spontaneously wash

onto a beachhead at once.

Bobby Ogata brings exactly this

to our attention tonight.

Steve, what produces

this effect of illumination?

Is there a chemical

inside the organism?

No, Ned.

Actually, it's the reflection of the moonlight

on their outer membranes.

That's a very good,

uh, ad-lib.

Klaus, come over here

and get a two-shot of me and Ned.

Ned, come in here.

Would you

like to join my crew?

- Would I like to -

- I want you on Team Zissou.

- I don't think I can do that.

- Why not?

Well, it's not my field.

- I don't have the background for it.

- No one here does.

Klaus used to be

a bus driver.

Wolodarsky was a high school

substitute teacher.

We're a pack of strays.

Don't you get it?

Steve, I'm not even

that strong a swimmer.

The answer's yes.

Well, it's got to be.

I'll order you a red cap

and a Speedo. Cut.

Klaus, why aren't you rolling?

- Could I have a word with you, please?

- Why aren't you getting this?

That was

a goddamn tearjerker.

- Why did you cut it, man?

- Because the sound is going to be shit.

He doesn't even know how

to hold a boom.

He doesn't know diddly-jack

about what we're doing.

Don't cut

unless I say "cut."

I've never seen

so many electric jellyfish in all my life!

Those are

Vietcong man-of-wars.

Oh, shit.

She's right.

I guess we'll have to

loop that line.

- Where'd you come from? You look pregnant.

- I am pregnant.

I'm not even going to ask what you men

are doing out here in your matching pajamas.

We're producing a film,

as a matter of fact. Who are you?

I'm Jane Winslett-Richardson.

- I'm the reporter from

the Oceanographic Explorer.

- Oh, yeah, sure.

- How'd you get out here?

- I hired some drunk in a fishing boat.

That would take four hours.

Why would you do that?

Because no one picked me up

at the f-ing airport!

Jesus Christ, Klaus.

One of my guys

was supposed to do that.

How long have you been working

with Zissou?

Uh, approximately-

Only  minutes, actually.

I was hired during the scene on the beach.

He's Steve's son, supposedly.

You are? No, you're not.

He doesn't have one.

Well, we're not % sure about that yet.

We just met yesterday.

- Not this one, Klaus.

- Hmm?

You heard me.

Not this one.


- First thing in the morning, huh?

- Just print everything?

- Yeah. Tell 'em to push it a stop and a half.

- Okay.

What are you

gonna do with him?

Who? Ned?

What do you mean?

I don't understand

the question.

I offered him a spot

on the Belafonte.

He didn't take it, did he?

Of course he took it.

We're gonna put him

on the map, Eleanor.

We're gonna throw him

a life preserver.

I believe in this boy!



he looks up to me.

Yes, sir.

And McKinnon's willing to

take over my shuttle flights.

That's right.

Well, I just feel I need to

see this thing through, sir.

Thank you

for understanding.

I'll check in with the Louisville office

again next month.

"Any strong impression...

"since I had not, as they say...

"enough 'power of observation'...

"to isolate their sense of color.

"For a long time afterwards,

whenever I thought of her...

"the memory of those bright eyes

would at once present itself to me...

"as a vivid azure...

"since her complexion was fair.

"So much so that, perhaps if her eyes had

not been quite so black...

"which was what struck one most forcibly

on first meeting her...

"I should not have been, as I was...

so especially enamored

of their imagined blue -"

Hold it.

That's poetry?

No. It's a six-volume novel.

Oh, I see. You're gonna read

that whole thing to yourself out loud?

I'm not reading it to myself.

I'm reading it to him.

When did you learn

Zissou was your father?

- Does it freak you out for me to ask that?

- No, it doesn't.

But it's a difficult question.

I sorta pieced it together over the years.

Well, how did he

first contact you?

He didn't. I went looking for him

last month, after my mother died.

She had ovarian cancer

that spread to her stomach and liver.

She took her own life.


Well, good night, I guess.

Good night.

You mind if I stay

and listen for a little while?


Do you want me to catch you up

in the story?

No. I'll be able to figure it out.

I'll just catch as catch can.

They made these for about...

three and a half years

before they terminated my sponsorship.


These are great.

- May I turn this on?

- Fire one.

So, what happened,

in your opinion?

What are you

talking about?

Don't you think the public perception of

your work has altered in the last five years?

That's your first question?

I thought this was supposed to be a puff piece.

Should we come back to it?

- Yeah.

- Okay.

Is it true that this is

going to be your last voyage?


No comment.

Who told you that?

No, goddamn it.

I'm - I'm only .

How about we start out

with some stock dialogue?

You know, favorite color- blue.

Favorite food - sardines.

How do you feel about part one

of your new film?

Why? How do you feel

about part one of my new film?

- Well, I'm honest, so -

- Just say it.

I thought aspects of it

seemed slightly fake.

- Wolodarsky?

- I'll take five, Steve.

How 'bout taking five?

Did it seem fake...

when my best friend was bitten in half

right in front of me...

then eaten alive,


I think you're a fake.

And I think

you're a phony...

and a bad reporter.

How does that feel?

Now tell me something.

Does this seem fake?

How dare you?

This entire article

was my idea.

- No one else gives a shit.

- What about Si Perlman?

Are you joking?

He's not even covering my expenses.

You're taking something

out on me.

Oh, stop crying.

What's the deal here?

I was only trying

to defend myself.

Well, you did

a great job.

I'm sure you'll make a terrific father.

So, you really think

you're a Zissou.

I don't know.

Well, you traveled a long way

for "I don't know," sonny.

That's true.

But it's important to me.

Yeah? Well, there are a lot of things that

are important to some people around here, sonny.

- Klaus, don't call me "sonny."

- And one more thing.

It's the Steve Zissou show,

not the Ned show.

- You hear me?

- Yes, I do.

- Klaus!

- Ja?

If you ever touch me again,

I will kick your goddamn teeth out.

Is that understood?

Not if I don't

see you first, sonny.

We gotta watch ourselves

around this Jane character.

Don't tell her

anything personal.

If you're not sure about something,

change the subject...

and look for me.

This bull dyke's got

something against us.

I don't think she's a lesbian.

She's pregnant.

Bull dykes can get pregnant.

Anyway, I'd back out now,

but we need the press.

See you in the morning.

- Steve.

- Hmm?

When'd you first

hear about me?

About five years ago.

I... read it in an article

about myself.

Did you believe it?

It was in the paper.

I assumed they checked their facts.

Why didn't you

contact me?

Because I hate fathers

and I never wanted to be one.

I forgot.

Your correspondence stock came in.

Hi, Ross. Started today.

I'll forward some pages to you

through the copy department.

You're probably right, though.

What am I doing here?

I miss you, and -

Oh, God,

I don't know, Ross.

Where are you?

Listen, I'm not

leaving this message.

Don't even know why

I'm still pregnant.

Script girl uses these

for continuity.

- Here.

- Oh, no, no, no.

No exceptions.

Everyone gets one.

Anne-Marie! Do the interns get glocks?

No. They all share one.

Take it, Ned.

- Steve!

- What?

Whack on the echo box.

Zissou here.

Steve, Oseary Drakoulias on line two.

- Yeah?

- I spoke with Larry Amin.

And it's a pass.

In other words,

you fucked us!

Let's not cast stones

at one another, my boy.

- Do you hear me, damn it? Do you?

- No, I don't!

- I told you how to play it!

- Oh, bloody hell! Listen here, mate!

Can I interrupt

for a moment?

Who the blazes is that?

It's me, Ned.

Maybe this is nothing.

Maybe it's something.

I don't know your problems.

I don't know.

But I just inherited


Would that amount

make any difference?

What sort of expression

is the lad wearing on his face?

Can you fly a chopper?

I have. I'm certainly not licensed

in any way, shape or form.

Great. Let's go.

When was this whirlybird

last serviced?

I don't know. Klaus is supposed to

check it every six months.

You're back

on the water, boys.

The wire transfer came straight through

from Kentucky.

Jackman and Wordsley are going to

gap-finance the rest.

But we have a few hooks on it,

so take a pew for a spell.

Number one, the bank want a drug screen

for everyone on the crew...

before they'll forward

the money.

- A piss test?

- Yes, a piss test.

Two, a stooge

from the bond company...

will be riding everywhere during

the whole shoot to keep you on budget.

- Who's the stooge?

- A chap by the name of Bill Ubell.

And there's not a damn thing

you can do about that, Steve.

Three, you must swear-

legally swear-

that you'll not kill that shark, or whatever it is,

if it actually exists.

I'm going to fight it, but I'll let it live.

What about my dynamite?

Phillip, dynamite.

I'm off to Zurich. Follow me, chaps.

Mr. Ubell,

I'd like you to know...

Steve Zissou

and our equity partner Ned.

I hope you're not gonna

bust our chops, Bill.

Why would I do that?

Because you're a bond company stooge.

I'm also a human being.

All right. I take that back.


Let's have

some "teamsmanship."


- One, two, three.

- Come on.

One, two, three.

Attaboy. Attaboy. Here he is.

Here he is. Come on.

You okay, Ned? You okay?

All right. All right.

Give him some room. He's okay.

He just drank

a little too much water.

How you shooting this, Vikram?

Wide open?

Uh, light, ..

As always,

even in the most challenging circumstances...

the members of Team Zissou

find ways to keep morale high.

Wait. Hold it.

Is that a distress bark?

Is something wounded out there?

We quickly locate the source of the mysterious cry.

What is she, Steve?

A wild snow mongoose.

We thought they were extinct.

Her ankle's broken.

- Ogata.

- Yeah?

Run and get some hot milk

and put these guys in the incubator.

We radio for the emergency transport

of our rare, beautiful new friends.

That's what

it used to be like.

Had Ned's heart stopped beating

before you pulled him out of the water?

Had Ned's heart

stopped beating...

before we pulled him

out of the water?

Yes. But we got him

started again pretty quickly.

Don't go on this voyage

right now, Steve.

One of you's already dead,

after all.


Oh, you mean Esteban?

Thanks for

bringing that up.

Who's gonna tell us the Latin names

of all the fishes and everything?

You know I can't remember all that shit.

Please stop, Eleanor.

Eleanor, stop.

- Why are you leaving?

- Because I don't want to be

part of whatever's gonna happen.

Nobody knows

what's going to happen.

- And then we film it. That's the whole concept.

- That's how we've always done it.

I can't believe

you took that boy's money.

He's an investor.

He's my sidekick.

The sugar crabs are back.

They're early this year.

I've never seen them mating

before the solstice.

Is that mating?

Good-bye, Steve.

Don't say that,

even if it's true.

Don't say that.

It's too painful.

What do you

want me to say?

Say bon voyage.

Bon voyage.

Kingsley "Ned" Zissou, .

Junior-grade diving tech,

executive producer.

Energetic, spirited, youthful.

Normally we would

track the jaguar shark...

with a scanning monitor

we keep on board the Belafonte.

But its power tubes have seized up

and blown a gasket.

We now proceed...

to an advanced system

located on a colleague's offshore facility.

This will be Team Zissou's next stop.

See, Renzo?

This is what I'm talking about.

A relationship subplot.

There's chemistry

between us, you know.


- Here's a quote.

- Wait up. Who from?

"Zissou has an almost magical connection...

"to the life of the sea.

"He speaks its language fluently.

I've never met

a boy like that in all my life."

Lord Mandrake.

- You should have opened with that one.

- He was your mentor-

Hey, intern?

Get me a Campari, will ya?

On the rocks?

Wanna go up

in my balloon?

I like her hairdo.

Me too.

But Steve called her first.

I'm sorry I made you cry the other day.

Oh, that's okay.

It's not completely

your fault, anyway.

I'm going through

some personal problems.

Really? What do you got?

Well, I'm five months pregnant.

My editor's the father.

He's married.

But not to me.


That's a rough ticket.

You know, my first wife

left me when I was your age.

- What's "Deep Search"?

- My submarine.

I had this exact

image of you...

tacked up on the wall above my aquarium

all through primary school.

Oh, yeah? You mean the official photograph,

where I'm doing this?

- That's the one.

- Mm-hmm.

Well, maybe it's just me,

but I don't feel like that person.

I never did.

Here's to you

Nicola and Bart

Rest forever

here in our hearts

The last and final

moment is yours

Why did you abandon Ned?

I didn't.

I never even met him.

What kind of piece

are you writing, cubbie?

Are you gonna screw us

on this deal?

I hope not.

Here's to you

Nicola and Bart

You really think it's cool to hit the sauce

when you've got a bun in the oven?

Pele, bring us back down, please.

Is your triumph

I don't have a problem

with objective reporting.

What I have a problem with

is some wombat...

coming on my boat

trying to railroad me.

See if you can get one of these dolphins

to swim under the hull...

and give us a look.

Nah. Either they can't hear us,

or they don't understand.

Son of a bitch,

I'm sick of these dolphins.

Quiet out there tonight.

Can you hear

the jack-whales singing?

Beautiful. I wonder

what they're saying.

Well, that was the sludge tanker

over there, but -

There you go. That's them.

By the way, would you mind if I made a few

modifications to the Team Zissou insignia?

- I have some ideas -

- You mean the patch?

Yes. The insignia.

Yeah. It's probably

kinda dated, isn't it?

Sure. Take a crack at it.

Make it a little trendier.

All right.

Are you finding

what you were looking for...

out here with me?

I hope so.

I wrote you a letter

about  years ago.

You mean, like,

a fan letter?

Did I write you back?

I try to answer as many personally as I can.

"Dear Ned Plimpton...

"First, in answer

to your question, always.

"Second, thank you very much

for naming your bug after me.

"My wife tells me

it is actually a type of gnat.

"You strike me as a very special boy

and a key member of the Zissou Society.

"I wish I could come visit you in Kentucky

and assist you with your work.

"I remember your mother.

"Take care of yourself, Ned Plimpton.

You've served well.

Your friend, Capt. Steve Zissou.

Dictated, but not read. "

Yeah, more or less

standard boilerplate, I guess.

There's some real high-tech gear...

inside this deal,

believe me.

First we go downstairs

and turn on that tracking system.

Then, as long as the batteries

on that homing dart haven't gone down -

- Who locked us out?

- No one. We're trespassing.

Steve, are we allowed in here?

It's a scientific community, man.

Captain, I am required by law...

to notify the bank

of any illegal activities.

Just do what you've gotta do

to cover your ass, Bill.

I got it.

Fuck! They wired it!

Klaus, go down and get me

some cable snippers.

This is Captain Hennessey.

You have trespassed

on a private facility.

The coast guard

is being alerted via satellite.

Again, this is Captain Hennessey.

Immediately leave the prem-

Okay, action.

Well, look who's

back in town.

You've traveled over  miles

since we last heard from you.

This son of a bitch is heading for

the South Pacific.

Turn on your tape recorder, cubbie.

- Is it the jaguar shark?

- On the record, yes.

Cut. Print both takes, Vikram.

Was I...

just in the film?

Yeah. You're gonna

have to sign a release.

But you've actually

located the shark?

You'd better bet your fuckin' ass we did.

All right, everybody,

we got about  to  minutes...

before the coast guard

gets here to arrest us.

I want you all to get Hennessey's

best gear onto the Belafonte in .

- You're gonna steal his stuff?

- Nah, we'll get it back to him.

Interns, let's see some hustle.

Uh, what is this, Pele?

I don't know.

Uh, the map?

- Steve!

- Uh-huh?

Do you know that you just charted us

on a course through unprotected waters?


We're taking the shortcut.

But it's outside I.M.U.jurisdiction.

There isn't any protection.

I know, honey.

Look at the map.

We go your way,

that's about four inches.

We go my way, it's an inch and a half.

You wanna pay for the extra gas?

What kind of system is this?

It's the Bernstein Nines.

They just upgraded last summer.

The Nines are out already?

- Does this do cappuccino?

- Ja.

Wait a second.

Steve, this isn't the procedure.

One of the interns just fell down

the stairs with the main tracking processor.

Just make sure

we steal the backup.

Are you listening to me? Eleanor told me

that under no circumstances-

Shut up before

you jinx us, Anne-Marie.

- You catching anything?

- Mm-mmm.

Hook this up

and make me a latte.

You know, cubbie's

kind of a sucker-maker...

but she's got some moves.

I agree.

If she wasn't a bull dyke,

I think I might have a bit of a thing for her.

As you can see...

if the creature continues

its current migratory route...

our paths should converge

in less than four days.

I wanna get there in three.

Ogata, can we -

Vladimir, what's this blip right over here?

I don't know.

I've been trying to figure that out.

We might have them both mixed up,

or it could be the other way around.

But we're gonna be right on top of it

first thing in the morning.


- Good eye, Ned.

- Thank you.

Should we investigate it?

Yeah. Let's make a quick dive at : a.m.,

and we'll scope out the phantom signal.

- It's probably just one of

Hennessey's research turtles.

- Yes.

But I wanna be

back on the road by lunch.

Do me a favor.

Next time you get a hot idea

in front of the reporter...

whisper it

in my ear first.

Otherwise I look like

kind of a daydream johnny. You know?

Daydream johnny, yes.

You let him change your name?

Well, we changed it together.

- What was it before?

- Edward Plimpton.

That's a million times better.

Change it back, Ned.

I really don't see you

as a Kingsley Zissou.

Do you think Steve and I

have a family resemblance?


I guess it doesn't

really matter anyway.


I stole it back.

I strung it on some peppermint

dental floss...

in case you wanna

wear it like a necklace.

Happy with the piece, Jane?

What are you

doing in here?

Am I? No.

Put that down.

I assume I'm Mr. Z.

I'm sorry that you think

my red hat is, uh-

What's the word you use?


And that...

"The Zissou of my childhood represents

all the dreams I've come to regret."

What? Why?

I'm going to have to start

locking my f-ing door.

It was locked.

I kicked it in.

Why don't you just curse

like other people?

Because I'm trying to get out of the habit

before I have my fucking baby!


That makes sense.

Well, please

clean up your room anyway.

- It looks like a goddamn typhoon hit it.

- Get out!

Please don't make fun of me.

I just wanted to flirt with you.

I'll have an intern

come and fix the door.

This is a message

from the I.M.U. coast guard.

Apparently some crooked fuckers

broke into my sea lab yesterday.

How awful.

Did they nick anything?

It doesn't say.

They probably just trashed the place.

I'm so pissed

I wanna spit.

Hugo -

tell Carl to load my elephant gun...

with buckshot.

We're gonna hunt down

these sickos.

Supposedly Cousteau

and his cronies...

invented the idea of putting walkie-talkies

into the helmet.

But we made ours with

a special rabbit ear on the top...

so we could pipe in

some music.

Let's start with the reverse.

Okay, roll it, Vikram.

Would it be possible for me to

address you as Dad in this scene?

No. Why?

Oh, excuse me. I'm sorry.

I forgot. I - I'm sorry.

Where are you coming from,

jack off? Shit.

It's not a bad impulse though.

Some kind of nickname.

Not that one. It's too specific,

but try to think of something else.

Another name?

How about Stevesy?

That's good. Try it.

What were you gonna say before?

Good luck, Stevesy.


Let's go.

Okay, action.

Look, Ned.

There's a sunken airplane down there.

Let's check it out.

We examine the crash site, but are careful

not to disturb the forensic evidence.

- How was that?

- Not bad.

The first take was

a little faster.

- Is that yours?

- Klaus.

- Klaus.

- Ja?

May I have a word

with you, please?


- Why'd you do that?

- Because I owed you one.

But you gave me

a warning already.

- You stood up for yourself.

- I still owed you one.

- And now I owe you one.

- No. Now we're even.

Why are you doing this?

He's not my father, you know. I don't have that.

What are you talking about?

"We're even," damn it.

That's it!

No, it was like a beat-up

little jalopy.

I don't know what you'd call it.

You didn't see it?

I didn't see it, boss.

Well, keep your eyes peeled.

Klaus, check who's on watch.

I'll be in the sauna.

Pele and -

Who the shit is

Kingsley Zissou?

- Is that him?

- Mm-hmm. That's him.

I've never felt a baby

in someone's stomach before.

I think you'll make

a very good single mother.

- Thanks.

- Although it does put you both

at a tremendous disadvantage.

You know...

Steve's got a little bit

of a thing for you.

Why do you say that?

Because he told me.


I thought he hated my guts.

Well, I think you hurt his feelings,

but that doesn't mean -

He says I hurt

his feelings?

So... f'd up.

Five, four

Three, two

- Yeah?

- Steve, would you please open the door?


Jane, is, uh, Ned in there?


Stevesy, what's happenin'?

Are those hijackers?

Well, we call them pirates

out here, Ned.

You were supposed to be

on watch, by the way.

Oh, my God.

You're right. Stevesy, look.

Whoa. No.

So, tell me, you were reading

to each other in French?

No, it's in English.

It was translated.

Well, you know, you're not supposed to

go into each other's cabins on a boat.

- Why not?

- It's just kind of...

an unwritten maritime rule

when you're at sea.

Especially the goddamn lookout.

- I'm so sorry.

- So am I.

You hung us out to dry.

If we don't handle

this right...

we're gonna all

get murdered.

Including her unborn British child.

I'm gonna kill you

for that, asshole!

I'm gonna hit you so fuckin' hard

you'll be blind!

Please don't hurt him.

Watch me. I'll let you know

when I'm gonna make a move.

Steve, it's way safer for us

to just do what they say.

They probably just want

our money and jewels and shit.

Yeah. Then how am I gonna

finish my movie then?

Jesus holy f-

They're going to

kill us, Steve.

All right. I'm pattin' you on the back

right now, Klausie.

Don't be scared.

I'm gonna get us through this, everybody.

Ogata, como esta, pal?

Wake up, Ned-o.

I'm sorry I yelled at you.

I need to speak with

the man in charge, fellas.

Don't point that gun at him.

He's an unpaid intern.

Vikram, what kind of

coverage you gettin'?

I just kept it rolling till

they put this hood over my head.

Bill speaks their language.

What are they saying, Billy?

Hold on.

Okay. Apparently they're taking a hostage.

Obviously they've chosen Ned -

Uh, now that they've found out

that I speak Filipino...

they seem to be changing their minds.

- Do you have a vault? They want

to know if there's a vault.

- There's no vault.

Our vault contains

at least  different currencies...

from all over the world at any given moment...

and we are prepared for

every kind of financial necessity.

There goes Ned's inheritance.

Tell them if they don't

get off my boat right now...

there's gonna

be a major shit-storm.

Ned-o, can you hear me?

We'll get ya back, Billy. Is everybody else safe?

Anne-Marie, are you okay, honey?

No, I'm not. I told you these were

unprotected waters.

What a fuckin' nightmare.

Be cool on this shit,

okay, cubbie?

I mean, at least try

to show both sides.

I need to find a baby

for this father.

Yeah, I think I know

what you mean.


Here we go.

- Steve, what are you going -

- I said get your ass...

the hell off of my boat!

I'm a street-walking cheetah

with a heart full of napalm

I'm a runaway son of the nuclear A-bomb

I am a world's forgotten boy

The one who searches and destroys

Honey, gotta help me, please

Somebody gotta save my soul

Baby, detonate for me


Look out, honey

'cause I'm usin' technology

Ain't got time to make no apology

I've never seen a bond company stooge

stick his neck out like that.

What's that sound?

- Is that-

- The Arctic Night-lights. Yeah.

"As if the natural world's been

turned upside down." Lord Mandrake.

Vikram, get some cutaways

of this miracle.

Klaus, Ogata, put out

the deck fires before we sink.

Those fucking amateurs.

You left your dog, you idiots.

Wrap this stiff in a tablecloth.

We're gonna bury him at sea.

Shouldn't we give him

to the authorities or something?


I'll write up a few words

to read over him.

How ya holdin' up there, intern?

Doin' okay?

Ned, how many fingers

am I holdin' up?

I don't know.

That's not my job.

Too many to tell.

- How many fingers -

- He's gonna be just fine.

I believe it's criminal

that Steve allowed this to happen to us...

by which I mean illegal.

We're being led on an illegal suicide mission

by a selfish maniac.

I hear what you're saying,

but I think you misjudge the guy.

Saint Paul said

to the Corinthians...

"Without kin, no man may

regard himself kindly. Without s -"

Holy shit!

Son of a bitch. Cut.

This is Captain Hennessey.

We've come in response to your distress signal.

Remain calm until -

Good God.

Is that you, Steven?

Ogata, run downstairs and put a tarp over

anything that says "Operation Hennessey" on it.

What about this guy?

Just throw him over

the other side.

Your engine blew up,

and all your fuel's been stolen. Is that correct?

- Uh-huh.

- I certainly know how you feel.

Some crooked fuckers

just stripped my sea lab, you know.

Probably the same dudes.

I can tow you as far as


I'll need your signature on that invoice first.

It accounts for the expenses of the rescue

operation as well as my time and that of my crew.

This is more than the budget

of my whole project.

It's an estimate.

Uh, what's your dog's name?


Be still, Cody.

I have to run this by

my bond company stooge.

- He's been kidnapped.

- That's true.

- I have to rescue him first.

- Well, sign it now, or I'm leavin' you out here.

Oh. I dined with Eleanor

last weekend, by the way.

She's summering at my villa

in West Port-au-Patois, don't you know.

Say, how's Team Zissou

holdin' up without her?

The first thing that goes through

a captain's head...

when he hears there's low morale

goin' around is:

"What'd I do?

Is it all my fault?"

Well, he's probably right.

Most of us have been

together a long time.

There are others

that were here before that.

Do you all

not like me anymore?

I mean, what am I supposed to do?

I don't know.

Look, if you're not

against me...

don't cross this line.

If yes, do.

I love you all.

- Are you sure?

- Yes, I am.

- I don't understand. Why?

- What do you mean?

Wait a second. What are we doing?

You said cross the line if-

- Cross the line if you're going to quit.

- Oh.

Do it again.

I misunderstood.

Hi, Ross.

I got your corrections on the proofs.

They're fine, but...

I'm not coming back.

It's over.

Please don't try to contact me, okay?

You'll hear from us sometime.

We got attacked by pirates.

I feel as if life is -

Well, you get the idea.

Anyway, take care of yourself. Jane.

Will you write to me?

Of course.

Give me the address.

Well, actually, I went ahead and stamped

and self-addressed...

 or so envelopes

just to...

make it easier for you.


I'll use them.

Each one has three

blank pages in it, and...

here's a pen.

Maybe I'm going to write you

a letter right now.


Bet I'm gonna

really miss you, Ned.

I'm gonna miss you too.

In fact, I feel like -

I don't know. I feel like

my heart's almost getting broken.

I guess I'm overreacting.

Is that really true?

Yes, it is.

That was all

off the record, cubbie.

That whole deal.

Actually, I'm surprised

you didn't cross the line yourself.

- What line?

- The line I drew on the deck just now.

- You weren't up there?

- No.

You're kidding.

That was one of the most dramatic things

that's ever happened on this boat.

I just lost all my best interns.

I thought you were supposed to be

covering this story.

- You just said it was all off the record.

- Yeah, but you didn't know that.

Well, I was down here packing.

Flipped the wrong breaker.

So, you are leaving.

You're jumpin' ship on me.

I'm going to scrap

the article.

You mean you're not even gonna

write the cover story on me?

Man, I just don't have

any stature anymore.

Sorry, Steve.

Everything just got too weird. That's all.

But I gave you a goddamn

showstopper up there.

Are you sleeping with Ned?

That's none of

your business.


- Are ya?

- No, I'm not.

You're gonna miss

the jaguar shark.

Or whatever it is

if it actually exists.

Are you crying?

You cry easily, don't you?

Bloody hell. God save that poor little stooge.

- This never would have happened

if Eleanor was with us.

- Thanks, man.

Your luck had better

damn well change soon, mate.

Now, I must away.

I'll send you a postcard from my travels.

Wh -Wait.

Where are you goin'?

Abroad for a spell, my darling.

It's my passport status, you see.

I'm X- at the moment.

Legally, I'm a fugitive.

Wait a second.

They stole my budget...

my boat's broken,

you're ditchin' me up the creek.

What am I supposed

to do here?

Well, I must say,

nothing's jumping to mind.

Phillip, any suggestions?

No, he's shaking his head.

Land ho! Port-au-Patois dead ahead!

Port-au-Patois! Port-au-Patois!

Ho! Ho!


Land ho! Ho!

No. I can't give you full credit,

but I'm not gonna flunk you either.

You're all getting incompletes.

This is bullshit.

Oh, shit.

What do you want?

Do you mind if I butter you up a little bit

before I answer that question?

Yes, I do.

Tell me now.

I need some money

to get the boat out of hock...

and rescue my bond company stooge

who got kidnapped.

Could we ask your parents

to loan it to me?



Could I go ahead

and butter you up anyway?

It took me two and a half hours

to get out here.

- Who's that dude?

- That's my research assistant, Javier.

Javier, presento Steve.


Necesito cinco minutos,

por favor.

You know, I'd be jealous

about you staying at Allie's place...

except I always thought

he was kind of a closet queer.

So how's your father-son

relationship coming along?

Well, nobody has a real lock on any of this,

so I don't know how it all times out.

I mean, I know I want him

to think of me like a father.

But the fact that there's

an outside chance...

that he could really be

my actual...

biological son...

is very difficult for me.

You know I'm not big

on apologizing.

So I'll just skip it

if it's all the same to you.

- Okay.

- Anyway, I'm sorry.

I know I haven't been

at my best this past decade.

That's true.

What happened to me?

Did I lose my talent?

Am I ever gonna be

good again?

I don't know.

Doesn't matter anyway.

It's probably the last adventure

I've got in me.

I was hopin' to go out

in a flash of blazes...

but I'll probably just

end up goin' home.

Unless you're plannin'

to sell the island.

I wonder how much

I could get for it.

In this market?

You were probably right all along.

We should've had a kid together.

Of course...

you were kind of already...

on the edge of bein' too old.

Unless maybe that's a cop-out.

It's worse than a cop-out.

I was .

It's good to see ya, Eleanor.

I'm about to blow my stack.

I turn my back,

and the bullshit begins.

Ned, you're a scumbag.

And, Jane,

you're a goddamn liar.

What the fuck

are you doing in here?

What the "F"

are you doing in here?

I warned you about

being in other people's cabins.

You were supposed to go home.

Well, you convinced me to stay

and finish the story.

- Is it still the cover?

- I don't fucking know.

Don't you dare

put on that uniform.

It's all I have with me.

I told you I have

a bit of a thing for her.

"Not this one," I said.

You said,

"Not this one, Klaus."

So you heard me.

You're too old for me, Steve.

Well, you're pregnant.

Can I have a word

with you privately?


Follow me.

Are you two fighting?

I'll deal with you later.

Look, Steve.

I know we both like her...

and you're angry and embarrassed,

but leave her out of it.

You think that's what

this is about?

Shit, Ned.

What has that bull dyke been telling you?

All right. I'm gonna warn you now.

Be a gentleman.

What are you doin' here?

I thought all you interns ran out on me.

I want to help you

find that shark.

Goddamn it.

Thank ya, intern.

- You're gettin' an "A."

- His name's Nico.

- Who?

- Hello, Vikram.

Give me that camera.

I'm gonna smash it over your head.


I misread you, man.

I'm gonna have to

rethink some shit.

You don't know me.

You never wanted to know me.

I'm just a character

in your film.

It's a documentary.

It's all really happening.

Well, damn you for that.

Go to bed,

you sons of bitches.

That pregnant slut's been playin' us

like a cheap fiddle.

That's it.

I'm gonna fight you, Steve.

You never say,

"I'm gonna fight you, Steve."

You just smile

and act natural...

and then you

sucker punch him.

- You fight your way, and I'll fight mine.

- Oh, listen, Ned.

Don't you try to -

I think your Team Zissou ring

might've caught me on the lip.

You call yourself

my son, but...

I just don't see it.

It's nothin' personal.

What do you want?


That's so arrogant.

That's - Screw off.

I can't believe I asked

if I could call you Dad.

- Of course you said no.

- I let you call me Stevesy. It sounds better.

It doesn't mean

the same thing.

A week before

she killed herself...

my mother told me that you'd known about me

since the day I was born.

Is that a fact?

That's a fact.

I ought to have stayed

in Kentucky where I belong.


Somebody pay for

this water taxi.

You got any petty cash on you?

Remind me to send Eleanor's parents a thank-you

note on the good correspondence stock.


This is the message we received

earlier tonight...

on our answering machine

at Pescespada Island.

Bill Ubell here. I'm on a pay phone.

I am still blindfolded.

My arms are bound.

But a young boy

has been kind enough to assist me.

There's not much chance

I'll get another opportunity to call...

so I thought

I would ask if-

What? No.

Well, thanks for

checkin' in, Bill.

Next time maybe you could let us know

where you're at.

Based on the quality of

the connection...

the variety of wildlife

in the background...

and the elapsed time between Mr. Ubell's capture

and this message...

there's a good chance

he's on one of the Ping Islands.

There used to be a four-star hotel

on Little Ping.

But the entire island

was destroyed by a monsoon five years ago.

It's been uninhabited

ever since.

I know the place.

Hotel Citroen.

Cubbie, I'd like to speak

on the record for a moment.

Eleanor has always been

the brains behind Team Zissou.

By the way...

are you gonna put in a good description

of the command center I've set up down here?

Okay, gang. That's the plan.

Set a course for Ping Island, full speed ahead.

You'll need to hire a team of mechanics

to rebuild the engine first, of course.

I know.

I'm saying after that.

Just because I've decided to save your neck again

and help you do this rescue...

doesn't mean

you've won me back.

Yes, ma'am.


- Is the father out of the picture?

- Mm-hmm.

Actually, I was sort of terrified

about having this baby.

And right now I'm not

really scared of anything.

- Maybe it's my hormones.

- That makes sense.

I'm going to tell you

something confidentially...

which won't be

mentioned again.

I'm pretty sure I'm the only person

who can say this, including Steve.

Never mind how I found out.

I'm a scientist.

It's the thing that puzzles me

about Ned's situation.

- What is it?

- Zissou shoots blanks.


I think maybe it's because

he spent half his life underwater.

Let's try track three

against picture.

A treacherous reef surrounds the Ping Islands...

warning intruders

to keep their distance.

Today we discover

one of its victims off the coast of Ping Three.

Our colleague Alistair Hennessey

and his crew are nowhere to be found.

We will land at dawn.

Not bad. We'll temp it

with that, anyway.

All right. Let's go!

Oh, shit.

Swamp leeches.

Everybody, check for swamp leeches,

and pull them off.

Nobody else got hit?

I'm the only one? What's the deal?

What a shame.

They had a bartender here, Kino,

made the best rum cannonball I've ever tasted.

You ready, Vikram?

Five-six and a half.

All right.

Shall we do this?

The barometer's falling.

It's gonna rain in five minutes. We gotta be quick.

- Well, where are they?

- Unknown. Split into two groups.

I'll take Ned, Ogata

and Wolodarsky.

Thanks. Thanks a lot

for not picking me.


We're smack in the middle

of a lightning-strike rescue op, Klaus.

- What's the deal?

- I'm sick of being on "B" Squad.

Listen. You may be on "B" Squad,

but you're the "B" Squad leader.

Don't you know me and Esteban

always thought of you as our baby brother?

I've always thought of

you two as my dads.

Please don't let anyone

make fun of me for saying so.

I can't guarantee that,

Klausie, but I'll try.

Can we get on with

the maneuvers now?


you got something?

Not yet.

Anybody see anybody?


- Klaus, pirates?

- Zip.

I think this whole place

is deserted.

Shit! We played a bum hunch.

Fuck. Okay, let's not

get down on ourselves.

We still got two more

Ping Islands to check out...

except I don't know if we have

enough gas to do it.

Damn it, Steve.

This sucks.

I'm disappointed in myself.

My first wife, Jacqueline, and I

spent our honeymoon here.

Things are

pretty different now.

All right.

Let's check out.

Did you get that, Vikram?

- Uh, yeah.

- Good.

We'll give them

the reality this time.

A washed-up old man

with no friends...

no distribution deal,

wife on the rocks...

people laughin' at him,

feelin' sorry for himself.

Can I have a word alone

with my son, please?

- Are you all right?

- Not really.

By the way, I've been tryin'

to think of a nickname...

that might mean

the right thing.

I came up with Papa Steve.

I'm sorry I never acknowledged

your existence all those years.

It won't happen again.

I mean it.

You are my son to me.

Almost more so.

See, for me to meet a guy like you

at this time in my life -

I don't know.

Uh, it's just -

I want to communicate

my feelings to you...

but... I think I might

start to cry.

That's okay.


There's something

in the coat check.

Hey, Billy.

You okay?

- Did you get my message?

- Yeah. It was kind of garbled.



These pirates are monsters.

Well, yeah, but remember I shot one of their guys

in the neck last week and killed him...

so I think

we're okay too.

Where's Cody?



Are you rescuing me?



Bring the dynamite!

They're in there after all. Run! Go!

Move! Now!

Vikram got some great footage of your boat

out there. I guess it's totaled, huh?

Perhaps, but we're extremely

well insured.

I'll probably come out ahead

in the end.

Although we'll obviously have to crew up

from scratch next time.

They made soup out of my research turtles.

Ogata, give some

first aid to Pele.

Klausie, Ned-o...

dig in here,

and hold these rustlers off...

while I call in

the rendezvous.

We'll meet on the beach.

You're "A" Squad.

Renzo. Renzo. Renzo.

Anybody. Hello. Hello.

This gizmo's out of juice.


No. Captain.

That's Cedric.

He's a friend.

Merci, Cedric.

Remind me.

We'll send him a red cap and a Speedo.

Wolodarsky, go get the keys to that fishing boat,

and throw them in the water.

No, wait. They might have

another set. Just blow it up.

Hey, Ned. It looks like

we recovered your inheritance.


That's it.

I'm retired.

Oh, no. We forgot Cody. We gotta go back.

Good-bye, Cody.

See, this represents

the Belafonte.

And here's

Pescespada Island.

And that circle represents


And the "K" here

stands for Klaus.

Where's your symbol, Ned?

Oh, I didn't want to

impose myself.

Klaus is right.

The flag needs a Ned symbol.

Ah, I suppose we could put an "N"

on the side of that octopus.

What's that stand for

over there?

That's Esteban.

Well, it was workin' okay

until late last night...

but now the whole tracking system's gone

completely on the fritz.

Screw it. We'll sell it for scrap

along with the boat and the submarines.

I'm goin' home.

Let's take up the whirlybird

and see what we find out there anyway.

I got a feelin' we can spot this fish

from  feet up.

Ned, I don't know

if I ever even saw the bastard.

I have $ invested

in this damn production.

Somethin' ate Esteban,

didn't it?

Now lead!


Right? Ho!

See the dwarfs

and see the giants


Which one would you choose to be

And if you can't get that together

Here's the answer

Here's the key

You can freeze like a  century man

- Like a  century man

- What's that?

A letter from Jane.

What does she say?

Nothin' to speak of.

Thank you for putting me

on the flag, Ned.

Of course, Klaus.

It was my pleasure.

Yeah, but you stitched me

onto the dolphin...

and I want you to know

how much that means to me.

- Well, I'm very pleased you liked it.

- Y-You're not listening.

I didn't just like it.

- You understand?

- Yes, I do.

- Thank you, Klaus.

- Play it cool

Like a  century man

Be a  century man

I've still got yours, of course.

My what?

Dear Captain Zissou.

I am  years old

and live in Jawbone, Kentucky.

A creek runs behind our house

where I live with my mother.

She met you once some years ago...

and I collect and catalog amphibians,

reptiles and insects.

I don't know what this one is called,

so I named it myself.

You are probably my one of,

if not the, favorite person I've ever studied.

I plan to be either,

"A, "an oceanographer...

"B, "an architect, "C, "a pilot.

Thank you very much for your good work.

Sincerely, Ned Plimpton,

Blue Star Cadet, Zissou Society.

P.S. Do you ever wish

you could breathe underwater?

I still wish

I could breathe underwater.

Me too, Ned.

- Fluorescent snapper!

- What?

Really? What's that?

- A good sign. The last time

we saw that big shitkicker, he -

Somethin' popped up there,

didn't it?

I heard a pin snap loose

in the rotator mechanism.

This is gonna hurt.



- Ned!

- Hey, Stevesy.

Are you okay?

I think I'm okay.

What happened?

Did we hit something?

Most likely not.

I think maybe

the pushrod failed.

I'm sorry, Ned. I should've scrapped

this chopper  years ago.

You know, maybe

I should've autorotated...

and performed a high bank

through our descent.

We might've crashed

a little softer.

Probably wouldn't have made

any difference though.


Should I try to hide

The way I feel inside

My heart for you

Would you say that you

- Jedidiah said to the Israelites -

- Would try to love me too

In your mind could you ever be

Really close to me

I can tell the way you smile

If I feel that I could be certain then

I would say the things

I want to say tonight

- But till I can see

- All hands bury the dead.

That you'd really care for me

I will dream

That someday you'll be

really close to me

I can tell the way you smile

If I feel that I

could be certain then

I would say the things

I want to say tonight

But till I can see

That you'd really care for me

I'll keep tryin' to hide

the way I feel inside

When I live my dream

This is the first time Eleanor's ever cried

in front of me as long as I've known her.

Except for once when she got

her arm caught in the deck winch.

Is this my espresso machine?

Wh-What is - How did you get

my espresso machine?

Well, uh...

we fuckin' stole it, man.

Allie, why don't you go powder your nose.

I need to talk to your ex-wife.

We've never made

great husbands, have we?

Of course, I have a good excuse.

I'm part gay.

Supposedly everyone is.

I never told you this,

but I was hoping...

we might get the chance

to adopt Ned.

I think he would've

wanted it that way.

- Would you have gone along with me on that?

- He was  Steve.

- But I'd have considered it.

- Thanks, Eleanor.

We're a dying breed.


I guess we were all right

while we lasted though, weren't we?

Oh, we were like

glory's gate, my darling.

We were like

that bloody shark of yours.

We swam with the, um, uh -

Oh, goddamn it.

I had it on the plane.

What was I gonna say?

Ah, well.

- It's good to see you.

- How's your passport status?

Much better, thank you.

I'm back down to X-.

Tell me. Who knocked up

the reporter?

I don't know.

By the way, thanks for showing me

the first draft.

You read it.

What did you think?

Well, I was a little

embarrassed at first.

Obviously people are gonna think

I'm a showboat and a little bit of a prick.

But then I realized...

that's me.

I said those things.

I did those things.

I can live with that.

You're a good writer, Jane.

It's the f-ing cover.


Excuse me.

Excuse me.

I'm sorry to interrupt...

but we just got the scanning

monitor back up...

and it looks like the jaguar shark,

or whatever it is that we're tracking...

is in a trench

on the far side of the reef.

What the hell is going on in here?

Cheap wiring.

Anybody feel like

going for a ride?

"Ned's Theme." Take one.

I hooked a rhinestone bluefin on a rope

to give him something to eat.

Is that one of mine?

I think one of

my research turtles survived.

Looks good.

Is that him?

That's him, Klaus.

Are we -Are we safe in here?

I doubt it.

You still want to

blow him up?

No. We're out of

dynamite anyway.

It is beautiful, Steve.

Yeah, it's pretty good, isn't it?

I wonder if it remembers me.

In  years

he'll be  and a half.

That was my favorite age.

Like this?

Just like that.

You do it too.

We complete the adventure...

but another number

of our crew has been lost.

This one was my son.

Also our equity partner.

We start the voyage home

in our wounded vessel.

- Ho.

- Ho.

This is an adventure.

Ah, yeah

Oh, yeah

I'm up on the  th floor

and I'm watching the cruisers below

He's down on the street

and he's trying hard to pull sister Flo

Oh, my heart's in the basement

My weekend's at an all-time low

'Cause she's hoping to score

so I can't see her letting him go

Walk out of her heart

Walk out of her mind

I've lost her

She's so swishy

in her satin and tat

In her frock coat

and bippity-boppity hat

Oh, God

I could do better than that

Oh, yeah

She's an old-time ambassador

of sweet-talking night-walking games

And she's known in the darkest clubs

for pushing ahead of the dames

If she says she can do it

then she can do it

She don't make false claims

But she's a queen

and such are queens

That your laughter

is sucked in their brains

Now she's leading him on

and she'll lay him right down

Yeah, she's leading him on

and she'll lay him right down

But it could have been me

Yes, it could have been me

Why didn't I say

Why didn't I say

No, no, no

She's so swishy

in her satin and tat

In her frock coat

and bippity-boppity hat

Oh, God

I could do better than that

So I lay down a while

and I gaze at my hotel wall

Oh, the cot is so cold

it don't feel like no bed at all

Yeah, I lay down a while

and look at my hotel wall

And he's down on the street

So I throw both his bags down the hall

And I'm phoning a cab

'cause my stomach feels small

There's a taste in my mouth

and it's no taste at all

It could have been me

Oh, yeah, it could have been me

Why didn't I say

Why didn't I say

No, no, no

She's so swishy in her satin and tat

In her frock coat

and bippity-boppity hat

Oh, God

I could do better than that

You betcha

Oh, yeah



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