Max Keeble's Big Move Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Max Keeble's Big Move script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Alex D. Linz and Jamie Kennedy movie.  This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Max Keeble's Big Move. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

Swing on back to Drew's Script-O-Rama afterwards for more free movie scripts!

Max Keeble's Big Move Script



In a world where

the messengers of truth...



the couriers of justice,

bravely go forth...



to complete

their appointed routes...



Your mission...



complete paper route

in 30 minutes.



One lone hero stands out

among the rest.



One fearless rider

has the fortitude...



to deliver the goods.



To stand up to the forces

of darkness...



the legions of doom,

the armies of oppression...



and the evil Ice Cream Man.







to the ice age, paperboy!.



  I scream, you scream  



We all scream for ice cream!



Oh, nuts!

I forgot the sprinkles!



Ha ha ha ha ha!



Hey, Max.






A Tony Hawk sundae!



Ha ha ha ha ha ha!



Oh, that Ice Cream Man

sure is evil.



Ha ha ha ha ha ha!









I will defeat you...



with my complicated

fighting move.



We shall see whose kung fu

is superior. Hyah!









Yah! Paperboy power!









Didn't hurt!



You can run,

but you can't hide, paperboy!.






  Gonna do everything  



  Gonna do my best

to reach your sky  



  'Cause I don't care  















What took you so long?



I stopped for some ice cream.






Get out of bed, jabrodie.



Get out of bed-Ow!






OK, I dreamed it.



So maybe my life

really isn't like that.



And maybe I'm not

the coolest kid ever.



But today was the first day

of junior high...



and I was sure that things

were gonna be different.






I had a new look.



I was a baller,

a shot-caller.



I was a player

with phat attitude.



Or, as I like to call it...






Hi, Mom.



It's finished.

The house is perfect.



Just as

I'd always pictured it.



But let's keep that

between you and me.



Meet my mom.



She's been putting

the "finishing touches"...



on our house

for, like, six years.



You could say

she's a bit obsessed.



This is my house.

My kitchen! Mine!






This is my dad.

He works in advertising.



His boss, Mr. Foge, makes him

wear goofy costumes sometimes.




he's got us for support.



What is that?






I'm Lieutenant Lobster.



For the Lobster Shack

pitch today?



Do you really have to wear that?



Lily, come on.



Foge has got

a dozen junior ad execs...



lined up who'd be happy to be

Lieutenant Lobster.



Foged again.



But just for this pitch.



I better be off.



Off to junior high...



my little soldier

all grown up.



- Good luck, honey.

- Thanks, Mom.



- Don't break anything.

- OK, Mom.



Hey, Max?

You want a ride?



Um... that's OK.

I'll take the bus.



Yeah, the bus. Right.



You know that kid

everyone thinks is weird...



but he doesn't care

what everyone thinks?



This is him.

He's my best friend.



His name's Robert,

but we call him Robe.



Guess why?



Hey, you guys!



This is my other best friend.

Her name's Megan.



She never goes anywhere

without her clarinet...



Aah! Oh!



Even when she

takes a trip.



You OK?



Y eah, I'm tough like a tank.



Yeah, the septic tank.



Says the freak in the robe

that smells like diapers.



Max, where's your bassoon?



Um... My bassoon...



I thought we were

taking band together.



I've been thinking.



It's junior high.

Is band still cool?




What are you talking about?



Since when have we been cool?



All I'm saying is,

let's try to act cool.



Sweet! A can.






- Blech!

- Eww!






  I changed  



  But too late  



  'Cause every town

feels the same  



  I'm different  



  And you're distant  



  Add it up and it makes

no difference  



For the yearbook.



How's this?

"Sheep arrive for slaughter"?



No, no, no!

Please!. Please!.



Don't make me go!

I don't want to go!



Does he know

something we don't?



Here they come.



With their pimples

and their braces...



and their rickets

and their lice.



Their snot-nosed,





squealing voices.



And yet, each one a rung

on the ladder of my success.



A ladder that ends

in a vast neon sign...



that stretches across

the night sky.



Principal Jindraike?



These came from

your real-estate agent.



The sign, Mrs. Rangoon.

What does it say?



"Superintendent Jindraike. "



The sign on my office door.

That's what it should say.



Sounds so much better than

"Superintendent Knebworth. "



It's classier, too.



When Knebworth sees

what I've done in his honor...



the old dinosaur is sure

to make me his successor.



But, first things first,

Mrs. Rangoon.



Set up the video

broadcast machine device.



I want to address

the acne-strafed masses.









Curtis Junior High

has a long...



and fascinating history

of colorful bullies.



- You're lying.

- Am I?



In      Tomato-face Callahan.



He'd walk right up and shove

a tomato in your face.



     Wedgie Jackson.



He invented

the world wide wedge.



Which brings us to this year.



Troy McGinty.



Word is, he's gonna pound...



on a different kid every day.



And he's devised

his own special way...



of letting the world know

who he's coming after.



Max Keeble?






All right.

Julius Klinghoffer.



- Here.

- All right.



Lil' Romeo?



Yo, whuzzup?

I'm over here, wo dat.






Lil' Romeo's in the house.



I'm down with that.



Tina Michaels?



And now...



This is Principal Jindraike.



All students will report

to the assembly hall...



during third period

for a special presentation.



Attendance is mandatory.



All must attend.



Not attending is prohibited.



That is all. Thank you.



Yes! The reviews are in.



Ha! Jindraike, two thumbs up.



I laughed, I cried.



The man's a genius.



- Principal Jindraike!

- What now, Rangoon?



The red light's still on.



I'm well aware of that.



Didn't even notice!



Good morning.



I'm Ms. Dingman,

and welcome to Life Science.



You OK?



I can't feel my fingers.








Nature's dating service.



Odorless, colorless.



It's how many species

attract mates.



A chemical process

which causes...



an irresistible




in the opposite sex.



Allow me to demonstrate.



Would someone like to open

the window for me, please?



You in the robe.






Wow, that's cool!



You see? Irresistible.



  Oh, baby, baby  



  Eh, eh  



Are you OK?



Yeah! Yeah.



I'm fine.



You look kind of familiar.



I deliver your paper.



I'm Max, Jenna.



Oh, yeah.

You go to school here now?



You play the clarinet.



First chair.



I'm in band, too.

I play the bassoon.



Hmm. Well, I'll see you later.



I'll see you bassoon.



See you bassoon?

Ecch! Stupid!



Max Keeble.






Troy McGinty, how are you?



First victim

of the year there, buddy.



It's a big honor.



Know the guy you hung out with

when you were little...



but as you got older you went

in opposite directions?



Troy McGinty

wasn't always a bully.



I remember when he came

to my fourth birthday.



The theme was

MacGoogles the Frog.



  MacGoogles is me name  



  I like a swampy bog  



  It's time to play a game  



  With your favorite

Highland frog  



I don't like MacGoogles!



He's not real, Troy.



He's just a TV character.



Is there a wee laddie

having his birthday today?




He's trying to eat me!



Scaredy-cat, scaredy-cat.



Troy, it's me, Mr. Keeble.



MacGoogles ate Max's daddy!






Troy had

grown a lot since then.



Whoa! What are you doing?



Where's Max?



I don't know.



Wasn't it

your turn to watch him?




Welcome to cooking with Troy.



First, you want to dip

your little piece of chicken...



in a nice, thick batter.



No. Troy, no!



- Hold it! Stop!

- OK, we're set.






No! Troy!






Now you want to roll

your piece of dead meat...



in some bread crumbs.






And now that that's done...



our bird should be

ready to go in.






Oh, gross! Ecch!



Hope you like lasagna.



Settle down.






This Thursday,

Superintendent Knebworth...



will be here

to inspect the school.



And so I am upgrading

my policy ofzero tolerance...



to one of sub-zero tolerance.



Which is more than zero.






And now,

without any further ado...



what's that I hear?



The pitter-patter

of little feet?



Allow me to introduce to you

the newest addition...



to the Curtis Junior

High School Cottontails-



three foreign exchange students

from eastern Europe...



and their names are...




because they're here...



to lead us to gridiron glory.



Why, all they need

is a place to play.



Students, I give you

your new football stadium.












You, there! Little boy!






What is your name?



Uh, Max Keeble.



I've got my eye on you,

Max Keeble.



You're on my list.



- It wasn't my-

- Sit!



Heh heh heh.



This is a bad junior high.



I can't believe

what McGinty did to you.



Mr. Jindraike

says if someone tries...



to start a fight with you,

just ignore them.



Ew! Robe! Ew!



Max, you can't go through

the rest of the day like that.



I don't plan on it.



Where's he going?



How great.



  Hey baby, hey baby  



  Yeah baby, yeah baby  



  Hey baby  






Hey, man,

you got any spare air?



  Yeah, baby  



  Yeah baby  






He calls his victims




He's got

all the latest technology...



and he's looking

to make a killing...



in the stock market.



M- m-m-marching call!



  You know the fella's

good for the moola  



This guy, Dobbs, was

once a stock-market whiz kid.



By age   

he was a millionaire.



  . Meeting with Keeble.






By age   

he'd lost it all.



Now he's obsessed

with getting it back...



one kid at a time.




Caught your act in the assembly.



Looks like you can

use some help...



with managing your portfolio.



That's my lunch money!



And you have it all in cash.



Kid, let me hold this

for a while...



and I'll set you up

with a nice mutual fund.



What's going on here?



He's taking Max's

lu-lunch money.



Is this true, Mr. Dobbs?



No. I'm just spreading

some investment wisdom.



Speaking of which...



how did Biomorph Systems

work out for you?



Heh heh.

Best money I ever spent.



By the way, what

do you think of Handspring?




It's moving today. I'd say buy.



- Thanks.

- No prob.






Don't miss me. Ha!



Excuse me!



Anybody want my carrots?









You may be

under the impression...



that I encourage

horseplay and malarkey.



I don't encourage it.



I excourage it.






It means

the opposite of encourage.



Look it up.






And so, young man, remember...



"Study" rhymes with "Buddy. "




- Hey.

- What are you doing here?



I thought you said band

wasn't cool enough for you.



Yeah, but I thought it over...



and I've decided

that band is pretty...






Excuse me.






What are you doing

sitting in my seat?



Does it say your name on it

or something?






So, if you don't mind,

shoo-shoo. Let's go.



Can you believe her?



- Hi, Jenna.

- Hey.



Welcome, everyone.



Settle, please.



I should tell you right away...



you'll notice that

we are a bit cramped in here...



thanks to some temporary

storage foisted on us...



by someone who has

absolutely no appreciation...



of what we do in here.



Now, if you'll go to

the beginning of the piece...



Can I help you football guys?



Yes, please.






Jindraike. I'd like to-



  Standin' here lookin'

out on the world  



  For a second nobody's

lookin'back at me  



  I never even notice

where they go  



  The sun is shining

down and  



  There's no one else

around now  



  Wish you were here

to hear me say  



  This is gonna be  



  My greatest day  



  How far would I go  



  Just to hear

everybody say  



  This is gonna be  



  My greatest day  



Hey, Tad. Did you miss me?



This is Tad.



He totally rules

the animal shelter.



I helped nurse him when

he was a baby chimp...



and we've been buds

ever since.



Hey, Max!



Hi, Marley. What's up?



Could you do me a favor

and feed the goat?



Sure. What's going on?



Didn't you hear?

We're closing down.



Some creep bought up

the property...



and canceled our lease.



What's gonna happen

to the animals?



We're doing the best we can

to find homes for them...



but we only got

until the end of the week.



It's messed up, I know.



It's real messed up.



I couldn't believe it.



Something had to be done,

but what?



I thought maybe my parents

might have an idea.



They did.



We're moving?!






Foge wants me to head up

the new division.



I can't believe this. When?



- Friday.

- This Friday?



Man, this is totally unfair!



I mean, my life is here,

my friends are here.



We know that, Max.



But you'll make plenty of

new friends in Chicago.






This was gonna be my year.





we know this is hard on you.



It's hard on all of us.



Well, then I have

a great, great idea.



Let's not go.



Foge is my boss.

He's counting on me.



Can't you just say no?



No. It's not that simple.



This bites.



He'll be fine.



But, Max,

Chicago's      miles away.



Better tell your parents

to watch out for carjackers.



These guys'll just

come up to you...



at stoplights

and take your car away.



I saw it on "     ."



That's why they call it

the Motor City.



Maybe you could hire a lawyer

and legally emancipate yourself.



You can stay with me.

I'll ask my mom.



My dad'll give you

a job here at the junkyard.



You know what?

Nice try, guys.



You know what?

Face it, I've been foged.






We meet again, paperboy.




Evil Ice Cream Man, me.



You're wondering why, right?






I once found a cockroach

in my snow cone.



My mom called

the health department...



and he got nailed.



He's been trying

to nail me ever since.



Drat! The fuzz!



This isn't over, paperboy!



Hello, officer.



Snow doodle?



Hey, look,

it's dumpster boy.



It's Rinky Stinko,

the garbage kid.



Ha, Rinky Stinko.



He just made that up.

Now, that's good.



Hey, Max, check it out.



I made some flyers to help

save the animal shelter.



I thought you and I could

put them up around school.



Why bother?



A flyer's not gonna

make any difference.



He didn't mean that.



Cover me. I'm going in.






He moves, he fakes.

Rangoon, think fast.



Nice hands.

Now, pick up the ball...



and put it in the case.



It's from Knebworth's

City Championship game.



I'm going on my walkabout.



Mrs. Rangoon, what's this?



Some of the kids

are trying to save...



the animal shelter

down the street.



Kids? What kids?



The ones with the sense

of caring and civic duty.



You there. Cease!



What is the meaning of this?



Hey, I didn't do that.



So you want to save

the filthy little beasts, eh?



Perhaps you want me

to give the animals my car?



Do you want me to give my car

to the smelly goat?



Goats don't drive, sir.



I don't care

what you want me to do.



The smelly goat

will never get my car.






The animals have nowhere to go.



Some creep's

closing down the shelter.



I'm closing down

the shelter, silly boy.






All I need now is

the right bulldozer.



I'm thinking big and yellow.



Where did you think

I was going to build...



Knebworth stadium,

in your house? Ha ha.



Your house. That's rich.

There wouldn't be room.






  Better watch out

for the king of the hill  



  He's really bad

and totally chill  



  Better watch out

for the king of the hill  



Freak with robe?



All right, guys.

Hit the showers.



Come on, ladies.



Hello, freak.



Let me out!



Come on, let me out!



What's going on, huh?



McGinty's latest victim.



You gotta check this out.

Ha ha ha.



Let me out! Come on!



Let me out!

Come on, let me out.



- All right, OK.

- Come on, Max.



OK. It's OK.



He's a little claustrophobic,

so he might...






What a waste of a perfectly

good chili omelet.



Let me check the latest rates.



That's $ .  

for number one...



and $ .   for number two.



I have a bladder problem.



Sorry to hear it.



- Keeble.

- Get off me!



I worked really hard

on that display.



Excuse me. New customers.



Can I help you, gentlemen?



- No, thanks.

- Keeble, shut up.



How much for a swirlie?



Take stall number  .



No, no. Come on, Troy.



- No charge.

- Thanks, man.



Can we talk about this?



I'm gonna get my hair wet.

Come on, Troy!



Ow! Come on!






A recurring geographical

feature which allows...



a civilized society

to develop.



For example,

rivers, springs...



Mr. Keeble?



You're tardy,

and you're dripping.



I have rules against both.



Now, class, another

feature which allows...



a civilized society

to develop is a code of rules.



Without rules, society

would completely collapse.



Do you agree with

that statement, Mr. Keeble?



I guess so.



I guess you'll write me

a     -word essay...



on the subject.



That's not fair!



Which I will look forward

to seeing on my desk...



drip-dry Friday!



This Friday?



This Friday!






Friday was the day

I was moving...



and this teacher was mean.



She let Dobbs steal my money.



She wanted to punish me

when it wasn't my fault.



But if I wasn't

gonna be here...



what could she really

do to me, right?



It was time to take a stand.



How come I can't

do the essay right now?



Now, class...



Mmm. That's good.



A civilized society

does need a set of rules.



Otherwise, people could do this.






Did I say      words?

Make that     !



Or... this.



Make that      words,

and take your seat now!




That's kid stuff.



How about       words?



Do I hear       words,

ladies and gentlemen?






Sold! For       words!



Get off my desk!









You're in serious trouble,

Mr. Keeble.






See ya.



Hello, sweetheart.



No consequences.



I could do anything

I wanted.



Excuse me.



Where do you think

you're going?



If you're ever

in the windy city...



look me up.






And now, all the people

who had tried to run us down...



mess us up,

push us around...



were in for a real surprise.



Told you it was gonna

happen sooner or later.



Didn't I?

Yes, I did. Yes, I did.



  Wait, see  



  I do whatever moves me  



I'm closing down the shelter.




nature's dating service.



I keep my money in a piggy bank.

It just looks like you.



After all, I had to do

something about the bullies.



All I needed was

a little bit of help.




I'm outta here in   days.



Don't you see?



This isn't just a plan.



It's-it's a planetarium.



Look, I'm gonna be

the one they come after...



but I'm not gonna be here...



and that is the beauty of it.



I mean, you guys won't

even know what I'm up to.



All you have to do

is help me out.



And we'll have-

what do you call it?



Plausible deniability.



Did you just make that up?



So we all down for the cause?



One question.



Can't we just have

a going-away party instead?



We will, a huge blowout...



when this is over.






Marching call!



  You know a fella's

good for the moola  



Looks like somebody

froze your assets, man.



Let's see what

we can do about that.






Step off, capitalist tool.



Man, why don't you

go get a real job, fool?



I told you, their lunch money

is mine, vendor.



Ha ha ha.



Yeah, that's right.



Trading hours are over.






Hello, Vladimir.






  MacGoogles is me name  



  I like a swampy bog  



  It's time to play

a game with your-  






  MacGoogles is me name  



  I like a swampy bog  






  MacGoogles is me name  



  I like a swampy bog  



  It's time

to play a game  



  With your favorite




  MacGoogles is me name  



  I like a swampy bog  



  It's time to play a game  



  With your favorite

Highland frog  



And let me just remind...



the citizens

of Curtis Junior High...



that we are now

T- minus... several hours...



until the

Superintendent Knebworth visit.



That is all. Thank you.



I'm a walrus, hey.



The camera's still on!






I'm OK.






I know.



It's just that

we have to be...



very careful

with the lab equipment.



Our budget is very tight...



thanks to

the new football program.



   cents. Cool.



Let's check

my grosses today.



Where's my handheld?



Hey, mister,

my Fudgsicle's melting!




it's supposed to be melting.



People pay extra for that.



Now, beat it!

All of you, beat it!



The heat is on!






Evil Ice Cream Man's going down.



How great.



I sure am gonna miss you guys.



I guess you'll make

new friends in Chicago.



Right, Max?



I guess so. I don't know.



I never really thought about it.




maybe you'll meet kids...



exactly like us in every way.



You know, like clones.



Yeah. Maybe I will.



Well, there's still

your going-away party.



There's gonna be a cake

and everything.



- I baked it.

- Yeah, don't forget.




 :   House of Robe.



I'm providing the ice cream.



What's going on?!



It's melting!



Hey, Max?

What are you doing?






Getting ready for

the big move kind of stuff?






I'm sorry

we sprung this on you, Max...



but it was sort of

sprung on me the same way.






OK. Tsk.



What if I didn't take the job?



What then? A home...



the food we eat,

the clothes you wear-



that takes a lot of money.



I just can't see why

we can't stay.



Well, sometimes in life...



you gotta do things

that you don't want to do...



because other people

who have power over you...



tell you to do them.



No, Dad, I mean,

if you rise up...



and-and show

that you're not afraid...



those people will no longer

have control over your life.



What have you done with Max?



Who are you? Really?



Good night, kiddo.



See ya.









The window was open.









The computer.

I'll get the breath spray.



Nature's dating service.






- What?

- Check it out.



Jindraike's using

all the school's money...



to build his stupid

football stadium.



We can't let him

get away with that.



Now his breath'll be

pheromone fresh.



Don't worry about me.

I'm fine.



Here you go.



And now we add

a little decoration.






Come on,

let's get out of here.



Ow! Ow!




Come on, man! Let's go!



Yeah, I'm trying.



Morning, Mom.



Hi, sweetie.



Whatcha doing?



You know,

you just start out...



by trying to pack

everything really fast...



and then you get caught up

in all this old stuff.



Remember how

the kitchen looked...



when we first moved in?



Before it was perfect?



Not really. I was four.



Right. Mmm.



Sorry about

the short notice, Max.



You having to leave

your friends and everything.



Ah, it's OK.



At first,

I was really bummed out...



but not everything's

bad about moving.



That's what your father

keeps saying.



I hope you're both right.



Troy McGinty?



How about that?



OK, no,

I won't do that anymore.



I promise. I promise.



Ohh. I lied. Sorry.



  MacGoogles is me name  



  I like a swampy bog  






  With your favorite

Highland frog  






No, not you.



You're not even real!



Get away from me!



Aaah! Aaah!



Faster, janitor!



More commemorative red,

white, and blue streamers.



Crazy Legs Knebworth.

What a champion he was.



Come on, you idiot.



He's coming!



Straighten up.

Straighten up.



Better. Ready? And...






At last! At last!



The moment we've all

been waiting for.



Ah ha ha ha ha.



Crazy Legs. You look fit.



Elliot. It's been too long.



I agree completely.



Slip me that biscuit.

Ooh, that's a hot one.






The reason Jindraike

has a new football program...



is to impress this guy-

Superintendent Knebworth.



You see, Jindraike

wants his job so bad...



he'd eat his socks.



How it saddens me...



to think of your retirement,

Crazy Legs.



What an inspiration

you've been to us all.



In fact, I've collected

some mementos...



from your glory days.






Remember this?






It's your championship




We washed it. Ha ha.



Wash it again.



What's this?



Allow me to present...



Knebworth Stadium.



Knebworth Stadium.



How can you afford to do

something like this?



I didn't approve any capital

expenditures for Curtis.



The usual-

bake sales, car washes...



and cutting back on

a few non-essential items.



- Fire extinguishers, milk.

- Excuse me?



Moving along-

have you seen the toilets?



No complaints.

I need five laps to-



All right, that's weird.



Who turned out the lights?



Hey, check it out.

It's McGinty!



What the-



Hey, break it up.

Break it up.









gonna eat me.









"Look who's crying now. "



Would you guys get out of here?



So the second teacher

says, "I agree.



"That's why they call it

a lounge. " Ha.



Well, here we are...



in the Curtis

Junior High library.



Hmm. Smallish.



Yes, but

we're biggish on books.



Especially sports books.






The one we're waiting for

is "Crazy Legs"-



"The Bobby Knebworth Story. "



Ohh! Ooh! Oh!






Didn't I order new computer

workstations this year?






We're having them upgraded.



Hmm. OK.



Well... if it isn't

my favorite customer.



What can I get you,

plump daddy?



What's this?



Who are you working for?



"If you want the ice

back in your ice cream...



"meet me at

the junkyard at  :  ."



Somebody's messing with me.



Hey, can I try the soup?



Everything set?



I guess so,

but I still don't see...



how this is gonna help

save the animal shelter.



It's all part of the plan.









I don't know.



I'd just rather

spend our last day...



hanging out than

doing all this spy stuff.



- Uhh!

- Ow! What the-Big oaf.



They're coming!



Right on schedule.



- You ready?

- Check.






is... served.



Check and mate.



Who threw that?



Ha ha ha ha ha!



  Aim for me  



Food fight!



  Aim for me, hit it  



  It's a great big world  



Not on my watch!






  Don't believe

in nothing anyway  



  Still got a lot to learn  



  But we started out

with nothing  



  With my friends

we 're going on our way  



Stop that this instant!



  Your life will rearrange  



Oh! I saw that, young man!






I'm taking names!



  That's OK,

we'll never come undone  



  Aim for me  



  They'll try

to count you out  



  But you gotta

count yourself in  



If I get my shirt dirty,

my mom's gonna kill me!



  Not saying that I'm right  



  See the trouble

that we've been in  



"Jell-O Hello. "



No. "Cafeteria Hysteria. "



  When it's said and done  



  And you've got us

on the run  



  That's OK,

we'll never come undone  






  Some people change  



You're all suspended!



  You're so far from home  



  Aim for me  



Ha ha ha ha ha!



  Aim for me,

aim for me  



  Aim for me, aaah  









What the-






That's it!



Robe did it! Aah!



  Some people change,

and your life will rearrange  



  Even when you're

so far from home  



  When it's said and done  



Ohh! Aah!



Not having fun! Ow!






And now, onto

the piece de resistance.



The jewel in

the crown of Curtis.



The cafeteria.



Let me tell you something

about this school.



It blows!



It's mustard!



You can't ketchup,

because it's mustard!






  Some people change,

and your life will rearrange  



  Even when you're

so far from home  



Please believe me

when I tell you...



this is my gift to you.



  That's OK,

we'll never come undone  



  Aim for me  






Sir, I assure you,

this behavior...



is utterly without precedent.



Plus, it never happened before.






Who started this?



If the culprit

does not step forward...



this instant...



swift and horrible




awaits each

and every one of you.






This place is nuts.



Crazy Legs!












I pound on kids.



That's what I do.

That's what I do.



This can't happen to me.



You know what

they're calling me out there?



The MacGoogler.



Troy, easy. Now,

I'd like to take you through...



a childhood

regression process.



It may bring up

some unpleasant memories...



but I think you'll find it

helpful in the end.



All righty?






Now, give

Mr. MacGoogles a hug.



Aah! Aah!

He's gonna eat me!



We've got some work to do.



$    for a new handheld?



There goes my third quarter.



"Meet me   P.M. today

at the junkyard...



"if you want to put your

handheld back in your hand. "



"P.S. Bring the metal coil. "



Son, your mama

found a metal coil...



on the front porch.

Is it yours?



Metal coil.



I want my coil.



I want my handheld!



What did you say, punk?



I said, "I want my handheld. "



You want your handheld?



Yeah. You heard me.



I said, "I want my handheld. "



You want me to hold your hand?






Need somebody to hold

his hand. Little baby.






Give me the coil!



Oh, this? Huh? Huh?



























Good, Troy! Now...



can you help me

find a link...



between MacGoogles

and your fears?



Was it something

from your past...



or somebody?









Hey, Max.



Hi, Jenna.



Do you want to hang out?



I'm meeting some friends

at Buddies.



You know what?



I actually gotta

kinda be somewhere.



Oh, come on.

Stay for one milk shake.



It'll be fun.






One milk shake.



You know what?

OK. All right.



One... milk shake.



  Hit me, baby,

one more time  



Ha ha ha!



So, you actually

did set up...



that whole monkey thing

at the cafeteria?



Well, actually,

Tad is a chimpanzee.



You're so devious.



Well, it's really part of

my whole new attitude-



what I like to call

my phat-itude.



Yo! Don't crowd

the man, dude.



He has phat-itude. Git!






I wonder where Max is?



Don't worry. He'll be here.



  School is out,

let's enjoy the heat  



  It's all you now, do it like

you're playin' for keeps  



  Destroyed right here

for you to makin ' it cheap  



  Old school, new school,

come on, wiggle with me  



  Jump and slide  



  Now dip, that's right  



  Now jump and slide  



  Now dip, that's right  



  You want it,

you got it, ahh  



  You want it,

baby, you got it  



Megan, wait!



  You want it,

you got it, ahh  



Don't worry about us.

Just go back to your party.



It's not a party.

I was just-



I was just coming

to see you guys.






I guess we're just

not cool enough for you.



Don't say that.



But Megan-she likes you.



She really likes you.



Robe, wait.



You know what?

I've been waiting.



Now I'm going home.



Have a nice life in Chicago.



Well, can you tell her

that I called?



And that

I'm really, really sorry.



- I'll tell her, Max.

- Thanks.



And don't forget

the sorry part, please.



- I won't.

- Thank you. Bye.



Hey, champ.

You seen your mom?



Hey, honey,

can you come here quick?



I got big news.



What's up?



Guess what?



We're not moving.



We're not?



Uh-uh. I finally gave Foge

some of his own medicine.



You foged Foge?



Yeah. I quit.

We're gonna stay here.



I'm gonna start

my own business.



Oh, sweetie!



Now you're gonna be

the big cheese!



Not anymore!



Wait! We're not moving?






Oh, look at him.



He's so happy,

he can't speak!



Ha ha ha!



Hey, honey,

can you help me get this off?



I sure can!



I can't get it

over my head with the gloves.



What was I gonna do?

I had to get out of this.



Max, this is gonna be great.



I finally

get to be my own boss.



But, Dad, what about

your responsibilities-



the house, the food,

my clothes?



What about my clothes?

Do I wear rags?



Max, I owe it all to you.



You're the one

that helped me realize...



Foge was

nothing but a bully.



If it wasn't for you,

I wouldn't have had...



the courage

to stand up to him.



I'm just a kid!

What do I know?



You OK?

You seem a little jumpy.



Yes! Yeah.



- You sure?

- Yeah. I'm cool.



So, see you tonight.



- Uh, yeah.

- Yeah.









Who was I kidding?



I was Grade-A dead meat,

and I knew it.



What I didn't know...



is that I've left

my friends in the same boat.



It's gonna be

a long year for you, slim.



I'm gonna pound you every day.



And all thanks

to your good friend Keeble.



Catch you around, huh?






Let's just round it off

to all your money forever.



From here on in,

you work for me.



Heh heh! Yeah.



In fact, the entire

school was going to suffer...



because of me.



Oh, stop smiling.

This is not a happy place.



Find Max Keeble.

I'd like to speak to him.



You better book a flight.






Max Keeble moved to Chicago.

I just forwarded his file.



Mrs. Rangoon,

a moment of your time, please.



Someone's got

something important...



to say to the students.



Someone's got something

very important...



to say to the students,

and do you know...



who that someone is,

Mrs. Rangoon?



It's me, Mrs. Rangoon.



Hmm. Yeah.



And wait till they hear it.



Attention, students.



Because of yesterday's

crimes against the school...



instigated by your former

classmate Max Keeble...



the following

extracurricular activities...



are now suspended-



art, music, P.E...







discontinued, defunct!



Great. Your boyfriend

Max Keeble...



just got us hosed.



He's just my paperboy.



I never really liked him.






OK. Today, class,

we're going to review...



some of the elements

of grammar.



McGinty says

he's gonna pound me...



every day

for the rest of my life.



Dobbs says I have to give him

all of my money...






Some plausible deniability.



Hi. Do you mind

if I hang here for a while...



because there's

some people after me.



I did some stuff.



Yeah. You probably...



Yeah. I'm really sorry

about the cafeteria.



But Jindraike has no right

to do what he's doing...



and now my friends are gonna get

whaled on because of me...



and I can't

do anything about it.



Any kid can make a mess.



Takes a man to clean it up.



It took

a man with a plunger...



to make me realize

that I had to do something.



I thought I'd stood up

to the bullies...



but all I'd really done

was hit and run.



That's not courage.

That's ex-courage.



As you know, verbs are words

that describe actions...



so who can name a few?



Betray, deceive, lie.



How about burn...



screw over,

stab in the back?



Heh! Uh-huh.



Attention, students,

this is Max Keeble speaking.



First I'd like to say to

my friends Megan and Robe...



that I know

that I acted like a jerk...



and I'm sorry for ever

getting you involved in this.



I screwed up, but you guys

are my best friends...



and that's forever.



I don't know what else to say,

but I'm sorry.



It probably doesn't

matter to you anymore...



but I'm not moving.






And McGinty and Dobbs...



it's me you want,

so leave my friends alone.



I may have run before, but I am

all through running now.



You want me, I'll be

in the parking lot,  :  .






End of broadcast!



That is all. Thank you.






Hello, Max. Good to see you.



Glad you could make it.

Please, have a seat.



Anything I can get for you?

Sparkling water? Soda?



No? OK.



You've acted

like a criminal...



so I'm going to treat

you like a criminal.



I'm not a criminal.



People who do crimes

are criminals, like you.



You should be careful

before slandering...



your principal's

spotless reputation...



with wild

and groundless claims.



They're not groundless,

they're ground-full.



- Ground-full?

- Look it up!



I saw it on the screen.



You have been stealing

from all the school budgets...



to fund your stupid

football stuff.



Saw it on the screen, did you?



Yeah, and it's true.



You're a smart little boy...



but so am I!



So I fiddled with the budget.




It's my budget.



So we have fewer textbooks.

Big deal.



Textbooks are for nerds.



Fewer band instruments-

who cares?



Band is for losers.



- Come on!

- Oh!



So the janitor has

to work overtime for no pay.



He should pay me

for the privilege!



Now, let me describe

your next    hours.



I'm going to mete out

a punishment to you...



that is so severe,

future generations...



will refer to it

as "The Keeble. "



They will beg

on bended knee-



"Oh, please, sir.

Not the Keeble, sir.



"I swear I'll never

misbehave again...



"if you'll just

spare me... the Keeble. "



And spare them I shall, Max...



for I am a merciful man.



Your transgressions

are so immense...



that I would be delinquent-



My bulldozer!



Oh, goody.



Oh, that's right!

You don't know!



You thought you saved

the animal shelter.



It would appear-not!



Now stay there!



Don't go away.



Uhh! Hmm.






What do you think

Jindraike'll do to him?



What do you think

McGinty and Dobbs'll do to him?



  We got evil trouble  



Maybe they'll just

forget the whole thing.



  Evil trouble  



  We got evil trouble  



Or maybe

they'll rip his head off.



We've got to do something.

Come on.



  We got evil trouble  



  We got evil trouble  



Good afternoon, Mr. Dobbs.



Always a pleasure, McGinty.



This is gonna be epic.



"Keeble canceled. "



Here's Jinny.












Open this door immediately!



Caged like an animal.












So, is my watch running fast...



or is our Keeble friend

running scared?



Somebody looking for me?



Keeble, welcome to

our parking lot of pain.



Ha ha ha!



You know how doctors say,

"This won't hurt a bit"?



Well, I'm not a doctor,

and neither is McGinty here.



He's right.

I'm not a doctor.






Oh, you know,

that's too bad...



because you're gonna need one.






Hold him!



Let him go!



Megan, I'm handling this!



So am I.



Ha ha ha!



What are you

gonna do about it, huh?












Ha ha ha ha!



I'm so scared.



You should be.



We're taking back our school.



Yeah. No more

being pushed around.



No more being stepped on.



No more Mr. Not-nice Guy.



Your reign of terror

over the student body...



has come to an abrupt halt.






Yes, please.



From now on,

you have to pay us...



to use the restroom.



We're pulling your plug!



Throw them in the dumpster!



- Swirlie!

- Yeah!



Get them!



Aha! Aha! Ah!



It was all his idea!

It was his idea!



It was all McGinty!

Put me down!



Wait! Wait!



What are we doing?!



Getting revenge on the bullies.



But that makes us

the same as them.



Don't you see?



I mean, I went about

all this the wrong way.



We are no better

than the bullies...



if we do exactly

what the bullies do.



I mean,

we need to stand together...



and make our school

a better place for everyone!



For you and you and you

and even you, worried kid.



- Man's got a point.

- Yeah!



What should we do with them?



Let them go.






Ha ha ha!



Wow! How cool are you?



You know. Just-



A bunch of us are having

a party this weekend.



Ninth graders only.



Except for you, Max.



I'm sorry. I can't come.



I'm meeting somebody.



Shoo shoo!






Nice move, Max.



You know what?

I think not moving...



was the best move of all.



It's Jindraike!



He's heading for

the animal shelter!



That's it! Run!



Scatter like

the children you are!



Knock, knock. Anybody home?












All right! Who's first?!



I know!

How about the smelly goat?!






Not today, Jindraike.



That's far enough.



On second thought, why don't

we start with the boy...



who tried

to save the smelly goat?



I do not fear

your dark powers, bald one.



Your kung fu's

no good here, Max.



Oh, what is that-



Eek! Eek! Pbbbt! Pbbbt!






Uhh! Hah!






Uhh! Uhh!















He did it!



All right, Max!



Yep! I did it!



The animal shelter was safe...



the bullies were cooked...



and Jindraike got fired

for fiddling with the budget.



As for me and my friends,

we were just happy...



that the first week

of school was over.



Now we could chill

for the rest of the year.



I'll get you, paperboy!



Oh, man!



  You want it, baby  



  You got it  



  You want it  



  Baby, you got it  



  Huh, you want it  



  Baby, you got it  



  You want it  



  Baby, you got it  



  On the dance floor,

shakin ' it up  



  Everybody groovin ',

DJ mixin ' it up  



  We come to party  



  Let me see

you move your feet  



  Get it goin 'girl,

come on, do it with me  



  Move your hips like this,

now bump to the beat  



  This is it, y'all  



  Let's take it

back to the street  



  School is out,

let's enjoy the heat  



  It's all you now, do it like

you're playin ' for keeps  



  Destroyed right here

for you to makin ' it cheap  



  Old school, new school,

come on, wiggle with me  



  Important people,

somethin ' I want to teach  



  Do the new dance,

it's called the Max Keeble  



  You want it  



  Baby, you got it  



  You want it  



  Baby, you got it  



  You want it  



  Baby, you got it  



  You want it  



  Baby, you got it  



  Put your hands in the air

like you don't care  



  Workin ', jerkin ',

that's it right there  



  If you want, let me show you

how to do that there  



  The beat will sure make you

want to move that there  



  Wa ve your arms in the air

like everywhere  



  Get caught, everybody,

let me hear you say yeah  



  Come on, step to the side,

now go to the polls  



  More, little mama,

keep on your toes  



  Stop in the stop or not,

it's cold  



  Let me get my dance on,

let me take the floor  



  Take the floor,

take the floor  



  Give my number to wait,

I got to go  



  Now jump and slide  



  Now dip, that's right  



  Now jump and slide  



  Now dip, that's right  



  You want it  



  Baby, you got it  



  You want it  



  Baby, you got it  



  You want it  



  Baby, you got it  



  You want it  



  Baby, you got it  



  Do the new dance,

come on, break your hands  



  Everybody save time,

follow your friends  



  To the music,

close your eyes, just do it  



  It's easy,

there's really nothin ' to it  



  Put your hands down,

then put 'em up in the sky  



  Pop your hip bone,

think I might want to slide  



  Get a partner

and do it side by side  



  Come on, dance, there's

really try nothing to learn  



  Turn this up,

take it right outside  



  The Max Keeble, baby,

do the dance worldwide  



  Yo, gotta go,

until next time  



  I'll be seein 'you,

my dad say hi  



  You want it  



  Baby, you got it  



  You want it  



  Baby, you got it  



  You want it  



  Baby, you got it  



  You want it  



  Baby, you got it  






  All right  






  I've been knocked down  



  Jacked around  



  Bullied up and used  



  I've had enough bad luck  



  That I believe

that I might lose  



  Then I looked

into my heart  



  I found

just what I needed  



  I've come about,

don't count me out  



  I'm not gonna be defeated  



  I'm free, they'll see  



  I do whatever moves me,

all I gotta get  



  It's time that I'm  



  Gonna break away now,

nothing's gonna hold me down  



  I've been around,

I've played the clown  



  I know it can be tough  



  It's hard to find

your way sometimes  



  A smile just ain't enough  



  Some folks live

to trip you up  



  They love to see you crawl  



  But I'm on my feet,

I can't be beat  



  I'm breakin ' down

these walls  



  I'm free, they'll see  



  I do whatever moves me,

all I gotta get  



  It's time that I'm  



  Gonna break away now,

nothing's gonna hold me down  



  I'm free, they'll see  



  I do whatever moves me,

all I gotta get  



  It's time that I'm  



  Gonna break away now,

nothing's gonna hold me down  



  I'm free, they'll see  



  I do whatever moves me,

all I gotta get  



  It's time that I'm  



  Gonna break away now,

nothing's gonna hold me down  



  I'm free, they'll see  



  I do whatever moves me,

all I gotta get  



  It's time that I'm  



  Gonna break away now,

nothing's gonna hold me down  



  MacGoogles is me name  



  I like a swampy bog  



  It's time to play a game  



  With your favorite

Highland frog  



  One, touch your toes  



  Two, tweak your nose  



  Three, pinch your ear  



  Four, let out a cheer  



  Five, wiggle your hips  



  Six, smack your lips  




knows all the tricks  



  MacGoogles is me name  



  I like a swampy bog  



  Now you played a game  



  With your favorite

Highland frog  



  Listen to your parents  



  I'm your froggy friend  



  Learn all of your lessons  






  This game has come  



  To an end  



Special help by SergeiK