May Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the May script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Lucky McKee movie starring Angela Bettis and Anna Faris.  This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of May. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

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May Script



(sewing machine clicking)









What's wrong

with my eye, Mama?



Mama: The doctor

says it's lazy.






we're going to make you

look perfect.



It itches.



Do you want make friends?



Then keep it covered.



Are you a pirate?



(children muttering)



(school bell rings)




 Happy Birthday to you. 



I've always said,



"If you can't find

a friend,



make one."



Happy birthday, sweetheart.



(Mama sighs)



Now it's ruined.



Her name is Suzie.



Suzie was the first doll

I ever made.



She was my best friend.



And now she'll be yours.



No, no, no,

you can't take her out.



She's special.



What do you think

of my pirate patch?



I bet you're wondering

what I'm making.



Okay, I'll tell you.




I saw someone today.



A boy.



You know how

when you meet someone...



and you think

you like them,



but then the more

you talk to them



you see parts

you don't like.



Like that guy

on the bench.



And sometimes...



you don't end up liking

any parts at all.






the boy I saw today

is different.



I like every part of him.



Especially his hands.



They're beautiful.



Don't be mad.



You've been my friend

my whole life.



And you see me,

you always have, but...



I need a real friend.



Someone I can hold.



I'm going to give you

some cardboard shades



you can wear over

your regular glasses



until the dilation wears off.



Will my contacts be ready

by Friday?




Should be.



You look awfully excited.



I have a date.



You're sure my eye won't cross

with the contacts?






The contacts will pull

your good eye forward



just like

your regular glasses.



Your lazy eye just needs

a little help.



I need all the help

I can get.



This boy is perfect.



 If I saw you 






 Could I look in your 






 Do you think of me 



 Like I dream of you? 



 Do you wish you were here 



 Like I wish I... 



Oh, slick shades.



What the hell is a scupel?



- Scalpel?

- Oh!



Your dog's going

to be fine, ma'am.







Thanks for the heads up, doll.







Wait! Hold 'em up!



Moy, I need a big scupel

for German Shepard surgery tomorrow.



No forget it.

Prep it up for me.



Hey, May, hold up.



I want to ask you something.



What are you going

to be for Halloween?



I've just been wracking

my brains, you know,



trying to come up

with something original.



Do you got any ideas?



You have a beautiful neck.



Thank you.



You should call me

one of these nights.



You know,

we'll hang out and...



eat some melons

or something.






(elevator dings)



 Come on, come on back

to me right now 



 Come on, come on,

come on 



 Do you love me now? 



 Did you love me before? 



 Do you love me now? 



When I left for vacation,



my dog had four legs.






Then I came back...



now she only has three.



You know,

I looked everywhere.



I can't find her leg.



What do I do?






May, would you help

this gentleman?



You got to help me here, May.



I got a serious situation here, okay?



I got a dog,

it's missing a leg, okay?



I'm throwing it a stick

and nothing.



Nothing happens.







Jesus, what are you doing?






Doesn't it hurt?









You crazy bitch!



Why did you do that?!






I kind of liked it.



Do me again.






(flesh tearing)







It was in the rose bushes.



You can't just...



sew it back on...



can you?



I could.






You can use me...



I mean, mine.



Thank you.



- What's your name?

- May.



Nice to meet you.

I'm Adam.



You want to smoke



a smoke with me?



You got to puff.



So, do you make

your own clothes?






That's cool.



Thank you, Adam.



You're welcome, May.



I love your hands.



I think they're beautiful.



I used to be a hand model.



- I could see you doing that.

- I'm kidding, May.









(dryer buzzes)









Race cars.



What's that?



Oh, yeah.



My, uh...



girlfriend bought me these.






You know, I meant,

my ex-girlfriend...



bought them for me.






I'll see you around, May.



(dryer buzzes)



"Hey, see you around, right?"



I'm so sorry that...



I tripped in front of you



at the coffee shop.



Maybe we could...



we could do something.






"See you around."



"See you around, right?"



Hello, happy!



Dr. Zarkizein needs you

to do a fecosam



on the miscitta.



Does that make

any sense to you?



Fecal exam on Miss Kitty.

No problem.



Oh, excuse me.






What's up, May?



I was just about to...



about to have lunch.

Wow, you look great!



You hungry?



I will cut.



And you pick.



Good choice.



So what do you do, May?



I work at the animal hospital.



And I sew.




Animal hospital.



Some people think

it's kind of gross.



I love gross.



- Really?

- Mm-hmm.



Disgust me, please.






A couple of weeks ago,

this old man comes in



and says his dog is dying.



And he begs us to save it.



A   -pound black Lab

named Seymour.



We take him in

and run some tests



and we find that he has

a twisted bowel.



And he needs

to be operated on immediately.



So, we shave Seymour's tummy,



we cut him open



and we take out a piece

of intestine about,



about the size of a hot-dog.



Everything went smooth,






when we went to sew

Seymour back up,



we realized we were out

of the heavy sutures



that you're supposed to use

for large dogs.



So the doctor decided

if we tripled up



on cat sutures

that should do the trick.






a few days go by



and the old man calls up






The cat sutures had burst

when he was at work.



And by the time he got home,



Seymour was sprawled out

on the back porch



with his guts spread

all over the concrete.



And the fence

was soaked in blood



all the way around the yard.



It was a mess.



I had to sew that one back up.



So, I guess your job

takes lots of guts.






Why are those kids touching

everything like that?




They're blind kids.



They're from the day care center

around the block.



Dang, I got to go.



There's an Argenta playing

at the Beverly in    minutes.



I took the afternoon off.

They're showing "Trauma."



- Is that a movie?

- You've never seen "Trauma"?



Don't go.









I should probably get back

to work, anyway.



Thank you for the sandwich...



and the cigarette.



I got to see this movie,



but maybe I can

see you again sometime.



How about tonight?



I got this thing tonight, but...



- maybe after.

- Great!



All right.

I look forward to it, May.



You want to take it with you?



Thanks for the advice, doll.






what were you doing to me

that day at the coffee shop?



I'm so embarrassed.






I've never had

a boyfriend before.



Do you like me, Adam?



Sure, I do.



You don't think I'm weird?



I do think you're weird.



- I knew that.

- I like weird.



I like weird a lot.



You are perfect, aren't you?



Nobody's perfect.



You're perfect.



You want to see my room?



Does this stuff freak you out?



Nothing freaks me out.



That's right, it wouldn't,

would it?



You're on to me.



I'm a psycho.



Got you.



It's pretty cool, huh?



Whoa! Jesus Christ!



Who taught you how to kiss?






Who taught you how to kiss?!



(glass breaks)









(cat meows)



What's the haps, doll?



What happened to your hand?









You're funny.



You want to watch me file?






We got the whole place

to ourselves.



Let's dance.



(music plays)






(dogs barking)






Listen, they're serenading us.



We have to dance now.






Please, please, please.






So, are you going

to dance with me or what?



- Do you like pussy?

- What?!






Do you like pussycats?



Jeez, you're a nasty

little thing, aren't you?



Do you like Lupe?



My landlady's a real bitch.



I have to get rid of her.



Your landlady?



No, dummy, the cat.



You're her only hope.



Oh, come on.



Lupe will keep you company

when you're all alone.






she'll remind you of me.



- Okay.

- Wonderful!



Oh, look at the time.



I have to go.



It's girls' night out tonight.



You want to come?



I know.



You need your beauty rest.



Not much of it, though.



Recording: Please leave

a message after the scream.






Hello, Adam, this is May.



I was just wondering

if you would like to be together again...



(glass cracking)






Get together again sometime.



I had such a good time last night.



   -    .

That's my number.



Call me.






I look forward

to seeing you again.






 What is it, my love? 



 He said,

"It's nothing 



 Nothing really 



 Just wanted to hear 



 Your cute voice 



 To know you are near" 



 And he calls me "kitten" 






 When it's quiet and... 



Whoa! Jesus Christ!



May, you scared the hell

out of me!



What are you doing out here?






How long have you been

standing out here?



Since about  :  .



You haven't really been standing out here

for two hours, have you?



What do you think?



Look, I got your message.



I'm sorry I haven't

called you back.



I've been really busy

with this movie.



You made a movie?



In college before I dropped out.

I just finished putting it together.



Can I see it?



I'll make you macaroni and cheese.



Go to a movie, huh?



Sounds like a date.



I dig your place.



It's really...






Is this Gatorade?






You'll never believe

what I had to do at work today.



You ready?



Roll 'em.



Roll 'em.



 My baby does the Hanky Panky 



 My baby does the Hanky Panky 



 My baby does the Hanky Panky 



 My baby does the Hanky Panky 



 My baby does the Hanky Panky 



 My baby does the Hanky Panky 



 My baby does the Hanky Panky 



 Hey, my baby does the Hanky Panky 



 My baby does the Hanky Panky 



 Hey, my baby does the Hanky Panky 



 I saw her walking on

down the line 



 You know I saw her

for the very first time 



 A pretty little girl

standing all alone 



 Hey, pretty baby,

can I take you home? 



 I never saw her,

never ever saw her 



 My baby does

the Hanky Panky 



 Yeah, my baby does

the Hanky Panky 



 My baby does

the Hanky Panky 



 My baby does

the Hanky Panky 



 My baby does

the Hanky Panky 



 Let s go! 



(guitar solo)



Adam: So?



What did you think?



It was sweet.



It was sweet?



I don't think

she could have gotten



his whole finger

in one bite, though.



That part was kind

of far-fetched.






 Last flight 



 Get lost in the moss 



 Oh, oh 



 Fall in the neon mine 



 Push me down 



 Push me down 



 Push me down 



Okay, okay, breathe



 Still rolling in the stones 



 Run to the log that s rotten 



 Oh, oh 



 Your soft belly bossing lows 



 Push me down 



 Push me down 



 Push me down 



Oh, God damn it!



What the fuck is that?



- Oh, fuck, I'm bleeding.

- I know.



May, what are you doing?




I need a towel.



I think...

I think I'm gonna go.






I'll see you around.



But it's just like your movie.



May, this is weird.



You like weird.



Not that weird.



(distant whispering)



(glass cracking)



(glass crashes)



May: I told you to face

the goddamn wall!




It fall down.



Moy, you help me.



Doctor, this delivery guy

is insisting



that you sign for this.



I'm in surgery, Polly,




Yeah, yeah, that's good.

Kitty live now.



- Man: What are you doing?

- Adam: What?



Take it outside, man.



So, what's up, bro'?

What do you think?




Fuck, she's pretty.



I don't think she's playing

with a full deck.



- That's not what you wanted.

- True.



At least you know

she's not out of her mind.



You know what,

we're not talking about May anymore.



I've successfully escaped

that lunatic.




Who's May?



Man: Some weird chick

Adam just dumped.



How's your lip?



Adam: Stow it, all right?

Would you, please?




I see. May I?




So what if she likes your hands?



Just keep them away

from her face.




You're a prick, you know that?



- Yeah, do some more pushups.

- Man: Fuck you.



(phone beeps)

What's up, doll?



This is Polly.



I'm just sitting here

in my nightie.



I wanted to know

how my little puss-puss was.



Come on over

if you get this, okay?



What's giving you

the sads, doll?






No frumpy faces allowed

in this place.



 When it's quiet under 



 I say, yes, yes, yes 



 What is it, my heart? 



 He says nothing 



 Not really 



 It's just I miss you so 



 You know how. 



I wanted to kiss you

since I first saw you.



Is this what was bugging you?



I wasn't bugged.



Just angry at someone.



Not me, I hope.



No, not you.



Do you feel weird doing this?



I am weird.



I love weird.



Are you serious?






About me?






 He calls me kitten 






 In the middle of the night 



 I say yes, yes, yes 



 What is it, my life? 



 He says,

"Nothing, not really, 



 For the angels I wish 



 For the angels

that took you 



 The angels I wish. 



Can you help us

with something?



I saw some kids playing

in the park



and I was wondering

if I could volunteer



to help watch them.



What kind of kids were they?

Retarded, deaf, crippled, dumb?



They were blind.



So you want to work

at the day care center?



Would it be the same kids?



What's the difference?

You only like a certain type of blind kids?



(children singing)



May Kennedy?




Let's introduce you

to the kids.



Do you think

I could meet her first?




Who, Petey? We can try.



She usually likes being left alone.



Nobody likes to be alone.



Hey, Petey, I got someone here

who wants to meet you.



Go away, sniggel-head.



You are so mean to me, Petey.



Good luck.



What are you making, Petey?






You smoke?






Then who are you making

the ash tray for, Petey?



You smoke.



Yes, I do.



Then you can have it

when I'm done.



How you doing, May?



Great, actually.



Making new friends.



Right and left.









this is Adam.



It's cute.



How are you doing?



Aw, man, this thing is broke.



I'm gonna have to go down

to the Fluff and Fold.



Call me sometime?



Yeah, sure.

I'll see you around, May.



(machine starts)






What's up?




Who is it, Polly?



Who is that?



An opportunity

I just couldn't pass up.






You want to join us?



Well, then can we do

something tomorrow, May?



I got to hit this.



I don't understand.



You're jealous!



- What's going on out there?

- Shut up, hooker!



Oh, May, look.



I can kick her out

if you really want me to.



You know you're my main mama.



(glass cracking)









Come here, Lup.

Come here.



Come on.



Come on, girl, it's been

a really rough couple of days.






(clay shatters)



(glass cracks)



Shut up!



(cracking stops)



Thank you.



(phone beeping)



Adam: Hello?



- Is Adam there?

- Hey, what's up?



Not much.



How did you know it was me?






Who is this?



May, silly.



(glass cracking)



What are you doing tonight?









(cracking intensifies)



I was just thinking

we could get together



and do something.



I have plans.



- (glass breaks)

- Oh.






Hello? Who are you talking to?




What about tomorrow night?



Adam: Maybe.






Okay, what time?

I'll wait.



Don't do that.



No, no, no. It's okay.

I'll wait.



I got to go, May.






Okay. Well, I'll talk to you

tomorrow then.



Goodbye, May.



(glass rattles)



I hate you.




Who can tell me what this is?




We don't know, May, what is it?



Petey, come here and see

if you can figure it out.



I don't know.



Come on, Petey,

you can try harder than that.



I don't know.



All right,

I'll tell you what it is.




What, what is it?



This is my best friend.



My best friend.



And I didn't even realize it

until just last night.



It's just a box.



- Her friend must be inside.

- That's very good, Deirdre.




Take it out.



I can't.



- Why not?

- I just can't.



Come on, May, let it out.

We want to meet your friend.



No, l...



I can't. She's special.

She doesn't come out.



She always stays in.

She's very fragile.






Stop it!



- She's out!

- No!



- The floor!

- Glass!






Glass! Ow!






(phone ringing)



May's voice:

This is May Kennedy.



Please leave your numbers.



(phone beeps)




Hello. Where are you, doll?



I think Dr. Zarkizein is upset.



Either that or he has

a kidney infection.



I'm not sure.



Either way, you need to get

your cute butt in here.



You've missed two days

in a row.



Are you all right?



I miss you. Kisses.



Call me, okay?






Oh, Lupe.



I'll miss petting your pretty fur.



Are you okay?



So many pretty parts

and no pretty holes.



No shit.

What's your name?



It doesn't matter.



Hey, you want to go get

some Jujubes with me?



What's the point?



I'm just trying to be friendly.









Shit, man,

I can live off of these.



It's getting hella hot.



You mind if I take off my shirt?



- Do what you want.

- All right.



I love your tattoo.










I'm still burning up.



Do you have any ice cubes

I can rub on my nipples?



May: Freeze!



That's the idea.






What the fuck is that?



- A friend.

- Whoa.



This is some sick shit.






are we best friends now that

you've seen what's inside my freezer?



You fucking freak.



I'm not going to be your friend.









I need more parts.




Hey, May.



Hey, dude, what's up?



Not much.



What are you reading about?






- Is that for work?

- Nope.



It's just for fun.



Listen, May,



I'm sorry things didn't work out

between us.



L... you know.

It just didn't feel right.



It doesn't feel right,

you know?



I understand now...






I understand.






Okay. All right.



I really have to go.



Later hands.



Right. All right.

See you around.



How's Lupe?



- In pieces.

- Is she sad about something?



She does get depressed.



- She doesn't seem happy.

- Oh.



Can I ask what you're doing?



I want to make



a blouse for you.



Kind of an apology present

for the other night and my behavior.



Oh, May, that is so sweet.



Polly, are you back there, sweetie?




Back here.



Did you bring my lunch?






May, I would like you to meet

a new friend of mine.



Her name's Ambrosia.



Nice gams.



Aren't they?



Can I get a few more measurements?



Have you ever thought

about having this removed?



My grandma said it's imperfections

that make you special.



What do you think?












Hello, Polly, this is May.

Happy Halloween.



I was thinking about popping by later

to bring you your new blouse.



Show you my costume.



Give me a call if that's cool.

Miss you.






Call me, okay?



If you can't find a friend,



make one.



Hello, May.



Hello, Polly.



Slick duds.



Thank you.



I was going to call you tonight,




I've been so busy.



What are you doing right now?






I'm starting to understand

what the doctor's saying



  % of the time now.



It's funny because I always thought

it was the doctor's writing



that was supposed

to be incomprehensible.



Maybe it's different

with animal doctors.



Ah, that's better.






Are you expecting someone?



Did you forget my blouse?






You're not sore about me

and Ambrosia, are you?



I'm not sore.



You understand

it's not serious, right?



It's just a piece of ass.









Oh, please don't hurt me, May.






I trust you.



I know you would

never hurt me, May.




What are you doing here?



Where's Polly?



In the head.



Polly, hurry up in there!



I've been drinking vodka all night

and I have to piss like a racehorse!



(laughs sarcastically)



You have really beautiful legs.



I thought they were gams?



Gams, stems, wheels,




Give us a little spin, doll.






Turn around for me.



You are so fucking weird.



I don't know

what Polly sees in you.



Polly doesn't see anything.



Turn around, Miss Grable.



Okay, doll.



How was that?






Sweet costume.



You got any cold ones

in there?



Yes, I do.



What are you doing here?




Anyone home?



I need them, Adam.



Listen, sister,

Adam's taken for the evening.



I like your earrings.






Nice costume.



Thank you.

I made it myself.



Just like one

of your movies, Adam.






what are you doing here?



This is May?



Do you want to come in

for a drink or something?



Thank you.






You should have called.



Would you have answered?



If I was home, yes.



Doesn't matter.

I didn't come here to see you.



Vodka okay?



Sounds great.



Did something happen?



Touch me.



Touch my face.






Go on, Adam, touch my face.



- Stop that!

- These hands are mine now, honey.



No, they are mine, quagledoo.



Fuck you. What is that,

Russian or something?



Touch my face.



Yeah, fucking go on, asshole.



Fucking touch away,

I don't give a shit.









I'm pretty drunk



and I'm feeling queasy

and I just wish you would leave.



Fine, you know what,

I'm out of here.



Not you, dumbshit.






I guess that would be me.



You're not going to touch

my face?



Fine, I'll touch your face.






You're going to look perfect.






You have all of the parts.



Words can't describe.



But I don't have

to talk to you, do I?



I can just...






And you'll feel it right here, too.









You can't see me.



Can't see me.









See me!



All I want...



is see me.









 Bring us all the children 



 Because they are sweet 



 Toss them up into the air 



 They come down and swing their feet 



 Twirling all the while 



 Tumbling in a pile 



 They are good 



 What a treat 



 Bring us all the children 



 Just when they are sweet 



 Wanderlust and packed with pride 



 When they laugh and go inside 



 Echoing all the while 



 Tumbling in a pile 



 They are good 



 Good to eat 



 Bring us all the children 



 Even when they're not so sweet 



 Toss them up into the air 



 They come down and get a treat 



 Bringing tea 



 A good night's sleep 



 It goes away. 



... Love you 



 You were perfect,

and you were made to be 



 That's all, that's all

we had to do 



 That's all, that's all

we had to see 



 That's all, that's all

you faked, you weaved 



 Walls and walls and walls

and walls and walls 



 Things that I see 



 Don't know what they mean 



 But this I threw in 



 Good to be all caught up 



 With no place to go 



 You were carried away with the words 



 And I couldn't follow 



 They were made up,

yet used so cautiously 



 You were perfect in every way 



 You were made to love me 



 Well, that's all,

that's all we had to do 



 That's all, that's all

we had to see 



 I saw, I saw you

straight through these 



 Walls and walls and walls

and walls and walls 



 Things that I see 



 Don't know what they mean 



 But this I threw in 



 Good to be all caught up 



 With no place to go 



 And the only thing that I know 



 I was made to love you 



 The things that I see 



 Don't know what they mean 



 But this I threw in 



 Good to be all dolled up 



 The things that we see 



 You never come clean 



 But you know what we mean 



 Good to be broken 



 Good to be broken 



 Good to be broken 



 Good to be broken 



 Good to be broken 



 Good to be broken 



 Good to be broken 



 Good to be broken 



 Good to be. 



Special help by SergeiK