Voila! Finally, the Million Dollar Hotel
script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Wim Wenders movie
with Mel Gibson and Milla Jovovich. This script is a transcript that was painstakingly
transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Million Dollar Hotel. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally
tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to
drop me a line. You won't
hurt my feelings. Honest.
I have a lover,
A lover like no other.
She got soul, soul, soul, sweet soul,
And she teach me how to sing.
Shows me colours when there's none to see,
Gives me hope when I can't believe
That for the first time
I feel love.
I have a brother,
Well, I'm a brother in need.
I spend my whole time running,
He spends his runnin' after me.
I feel myself goin' down,
I just call and he comes around,
But for the first time
I feel love.
My father is a rich man,
He wears a rich man's cloak,
Gave me the keys to his kingdom comin',
Gave me a cup of gold.
He said, "I have many mansions
"And there are many rooms to see."
But I left by the back door
And I threw away the key.
And I threw away the key.
Yeah, I threw away the key.
Yeah, threw away the key.
For the first time,
For the first time,
For the first time.
Wow... After Ijumped, it occurred to me:
life is perfect, life is the best.
It's full of magic and beauty...
opportunity and television.
And surprises. Lots of surprises, yeah.
And then there's that stuff that everybody longs for...
but they only really feel when it's gone.
All thatjust kind of hit me. I guess you don't really see it all that clearly when you're...
I guess you could say my life only really started about two weeks ago.
That's when I lost my best friend Izzy...
and found Eloise.
Eloise...she was something to live for.
And I guess that means something to die for.
Some people said that she wasjust a dumb slut, but I knew she wasn't dumb.
Whatever Eloise was or wasn't didn't matter to me.
She was the love of my life, even though I hadn't actually met her...
OK, Dan, wait, wait, wait...and surprise!
OK, this is one of the nicest spots at the Million Dollar Hotel: "The Lobby".
People come from all over the building and sit and talk about the good old days...
..when they still had insurance.
And, of course, to enjoy the television.
- It's a.m. Switch it. - Yeah, Tom Tom, switch it.
I should tell you, at the time I was a bit slow in the head...
..and that's why I did all the dumb stuff for everybody.
Izzy called me "The Beggar's Butler"...
..and I liked the sound of that.
Dumb stuff is what I was doing the day he arrived...
..all the way from Washington.
I had never seen anybody from Washington before.
I remember seeing his shoes first...
..and then his suit...
..which was like an evening gown or something, only for a man.
You could see right away he was special, even before he told you.
My name is Special Agent Detective J.D. Skinner of the FBI.
Now, if any of you have any questions... Don't touch me.
- You'll do. Take me to his room. - Who...whom...who?
What are you, an owl? The dead man, Israel Goldkiss.
- Is he what? - Izzy...was he...?
- Geronimo. - Whatever.
Yeah, let's go to Geronimo.
- Geronimo, hi ho, let's go. - Hi ho!
What is he, an idiot?
I remember he picked up on that real fast.
Skinner, man, I don't think you're gonna solve shit around here. This place is a freak show.
Excuse me, coming through!
Watch it, man!
I smell press. Why don't you keep them at bay?
Sorry, sir, but my job was to chaperone you and to make sure you observe LAPD protocol.
So, why don't you stay here and observe protocol? You got a freight elevator here?
Tom Tom, why don't you take him up?
You know, a man's home is a man's castle.
- You know, a man's home... - I heard you!
It's certainly a man's castle.
Why did you say I was an idiot?
We went too high. It's going down.
- Skinner. - Hi, baby. Straight to the hotel?
Yeah, I'm there now... No, fine.
- You read the file? - Strange one... I'll get it narrowed.
- A few days, maybe. - We're gonna lose our reservation.
- Why don't you fly ahead, warm it up. - I miss your lips.
- I miss yours, too, baby. - Hurry up, or you'll miss all of me.
- Is someone there? - No, just an echo.
- You better be careful. - Maya, Code Blue. Bye, baby.
It's room just down the hall.
It was exciting to become a Special Agent's apprentice.
I figured I could learn a lot from him.
Certainly more than he would learn from me.
Detective Skinner, FBI.
This is my room. What is happening here?
This is Izzy's room, and you're not Izzy.
Izzy went aerial, man. Wait!
- Is this some story about Izzy? - We call this real life.
So what's with the fancy Frankenstein brace?
Who is this guy?
- Yo, Tom Tom. - Yo, Geronimo?
- Hi ho, hi ho... - And it's off to work we go.
Now stand still and pay attention.
"Fancy Frankenstein" sounds good to me.
I guess special agents don't like to be called names.
They sure know how to get 'em, though.
John Dixie, Jessica Orville, Eloise Ashe.
If they're here, I need to see them. If they're not, I need to find them.
Oh, that's tricky. See, our guests don't have regular schedules...
..and since we've had this problem with the plumbing...
Well, there's been a lot of running around.
I'm in a little bit of a rush, but I could take the time to hit you with or violations
that would ensure you'd be out in the street, laying a pipe in your hat
and using puddles for plumbing. You follow?
OK, yeah. Why don't you try Dixie?
He never really leaves his room. . He likes to be called "The Walrus". Could help.
Geronimo said that Skinner scared him and that he might be crazier than all of us together.
We'd better warn everybody he was coming to find Izzy's killer.
Someone's movin' the door. I was...
Ijust wondered if Skinner could really be crazier than Dixie.
Dixie was in a music band called The Beatles.
Only they didn't know.
Special Agent Skinner. I'm a detective.
You got some Oragel? This fucking cavity's going into my brain.
Morphine, Motrin, Tylenol, anything? Come on, you call yourself a dentist?
Detective. Teeth, gums, gingivitis are out of my line.
Where the hell have you been? I've been calling you pretty little policemen for months now.
- We're here. - It's about time. Somebody's trying to kill me.
If they succeed, I'll come and see you again.
I've heard it before...
Someone came through the door...
Oh, hello! Jump in.
Don't forget your shot again.
What is it with her?
She's a little fucked up, poor dear. But her mother was really fucked up.
What the hell, we're all fucked up. They never really got the hang of it.
Jessica, there's a cop coming.
Oh, God! I knew it! They're putting her into my custody, after three years in hospital.
- How am I gonna handle it? - No, it's not about that.
- He's trying to find out who killed Izzy. - I thought he jumped.
Well, maybe he didn't.
I keep it inside the big brown bag, inside the loo.
I've been calling your name. I called Liverpool, Interpol, even Paul.
Since I wasn't officially in the band, you know how it goes, it ain't easy.
Yeah, sure. That's not exactly why I'm here.
Israel Goldkiss was pushed from the roof. That makes you a suspect.
Jesus bleeding Christ! Are you paying attention? I'm talking The Beatles, here. The Fab Four.
John understood. That's why they had him killed, you know?
Now they're trying to kill me, because they finally realised who's behind all those songs.
- But I ain't seen no royalties. - Yeah, that's tough.
But either you cooperate, or I book you.
I've been doing nothing but cooperate my whole fucking life.
That's what it's all about to be in a band.
I'm not saying they weren't creatively involved...
but most of the time, they were off with that Maharishi.
You know, India, whatever, you know.
There I was, all alone in the studio with my brilliant ideas...
Thank God I had George Martin.
George... Oh, that album in particular, we grew together like this, me and George.
That's what worries me. You're worried about some flying junkie.
You big mystery solver. "Roll up, roll up!"
You better solve this: how the fuck could they release that album without me on the cover?
If you want to make a name for yourself, Sergeant, you go and figure that one out.
I only do one case at a time.
Tell you what, you give me a confession, I'll look into those royalties for you.
I don't know, maybe it was the excitement of everything...
..murder and mystery and special agents.
Suddenly I just knew: this was my chance to speak to Eloise.
I wanted her to know my name.
It took me a while. You can be slow but confident.
I guess that's the way I am...was.
You shouldn't be smoking.
Sometimes when people smoke, they...
..they die, and sometimes they even get cancer.
And sometimes people die when they smoke, and sometimes they even get cancer.
I can't die.
Oh, you can't?
- You can't? - I don't exist.
So, how come?
Sergeant, I don't know what medication you're on, but...
Izzy was a dreamer. We were all dreamers, you know.
Haven't you ever read the interviews? Haven't you ever seen the tapes?
"I was driving to John's in my Aston Martin, and I was stuck in that intersection, you know.
"All of a sudden it came to me, as I went into a dream.
"Somebody spoke to me. 'All right, all right,' I said."
So people think God spoke to him. You think God spoke to him?
You think God sits around writing songs?
I am The Walrus. God's just the middleman.
Is fictional good for you?
I'm sorry, because I'm just trying to make...
..an impression, and maybe even a good impression.
And I didn't know that... Maybe you didn't remember me.
I remember everything.
That's a lot.
I wouldn't recommend it.
- OK, OK, come. - Huh? Do you believe this guy?
Doesn't seem to be anyone around, does there?
Nothing that my unlimited credit card won't fix.
Come on, come on.
You're from the future, aren't you?
- Yes. - Yes!
What's that like? And how, how is it?
- The future? - Yes.
- It's better. - Oh, good. Good. Good. Good.
That's all Izzy's poems.
You know, familiarity breeds contempt.
- Oh? - That makes you a suspect.
Me, a what? That's the tar. The tar.
What, what is... That's Geronimo's. It goes there.
- What is a... - Suspect?
Well, that's somebody who kills somebody,
until, of course, he can prove that he didn't.
- Thank you! - No, a simple "thanks" is ample.
Wait. Say it one, one more time, when you...
- Suspect. - Suspect.
- One more time! - Suspect.
I don't know if my son was killed to get at me,
but I know that his death has great entertainment potential.
He came from money and power,
lived with bums and Indians, died mysteriously.
Easy headlines: "Far from the golden gates of Bel Air".
It'll be a circus
unless we find his murderer fast, which is why Senator Cole brought you in.
He called you "the heat-seeking missile".
- Mr Goldkiss, if your son was murdered... - "If"? Of course he was murdered.
- How's that? - Suicide is the lowest crime to a Jew.
We don't have suicide.
We never needed it.
Sir, you may have heard that I work suspects as if they were all guilty.
In some way they all are. That's just my style.
You want a frame-up? Get the CIA.
You wanna stick with me, you're gonna get the truth.
My people decide the truth in countries every morning. And in every one it's different.
The truth is the explanation that most people want to buy.
And what my rivals want to buy
is any piece of shit they can get to flush me down the toilet.
They won't find it before I do. Information, that's my game.
This is Hollywood, my boy. They invented the game.
They don't need much here. One ounce of shit, they make a shit soufflé.
Well, thanks for the advice. I better get cracking.
- Work fast. - I need to. I wanna see my fiancée this weekend.
You have a fiancée?
Eloise moved like a shadow.
You could almost see right through her.
It was like, in the day, she lived in her body, but...
..at night she left it...
I always wanted to protect her, but Izzy said:
"Don't worry, no one can hurt her. She's not even there."
I'll have it all figured out before I leave. Facts, evidence, whatever you need.
Prosecution, persecution, soufflés... out of my line.
OK. All right. I like your style.
Just tread carefully. I don't want more trouble.
Oh, baby, baby. Oh, baby, baby, baby. Oh, baby!
So what usually happens with a murder down here?
Use the toilet on the second floor. Usually, they remove the body.
- Joey, where's the fuckin' hot water? - It will be on in two hours.
- OK, you ready? - Ready.
- So, Geronimo. That's your name, right? - TV, Tom Tom!
I have a few questions about Israel Goldkiss.
- You must've known him for a long time. - Jean Swift.
- The world is dying to know. - Take a look. Look at this.
As far as you know, he's had no contact with his father at all?
Are you sure that his father was this big, rich...?
Izzy talked like he was educated or something, but he lived like a bum!
It magnifies everything. He shouldn't be making big gestures.
You know, it looks like he's got ants in his pants.
- Excuse me. - What's behind all this black, this dark...?
What is this stuff, anyway?
- That's tar - tar paintings. - Tar?
Did you hear what she said before? Izzy's father is a billionaire media king.
This is the way it is.
It's about all of the lives, the cultures, the moments, that are buried in the pavement.
Lost forever, without a trace...like Izzy.
Geronimo spoke of the Californian golden boy who rejected his father's privileged life
to capture the lost souls of the ghetto on canvas.
- They're mine! - Look, Geronimo, your paintings's on TV.
God is white!
- God is white! - He's gotta be white.
- Do you think he cares about the Indians? - No!
First the cavalries, then the reservations, now the paintings.
My paintings! I painted them! Come here.
Why are you mad? Because Izzy's just...
Izzy's just dead, but you are on television.
Don't you even worry that it was me who killed that little prick and that I'm gonna do you next?
I worry that Very Special Agent Detective Skinner will go ahead and take Eloise 'cause...
..Eloise was with Izzy just before he died, but...
Do you want me to get you a sandwich?
Suffering hair loss.
He won't say shit, eats dog food. Unbelievable.
This place is a nuthouse.
(Spanish punk song plays)
Skinner. Oh, yeah. Hi, baby.
(Spanish punk song continues)
Me? I'm doing fine, just fine.
I can't talk right now, Maya. Yeah, well, you go right on ahead.
Maya, Maya, Maya, I'll call you later. Bye, baby.
- All right? - Yeah.
OK. A few petty crimes here, but mostly they're mental hospital files.
People that fell through the cracks of the welfare system, got dropped.
Your psych-out routines won't work.
They're more afraid of their toilets right now than of you.
Good thinking, Best. Real good thinking.
This is not proper procedure, this... It's not.
For those of you who haven't met me, my name is Special Agent J.D. Skinner of the FBI.
They say nobody solves anything down here.
Well, I'm here to change all that. I know there's a killer. I know it's one of you.
And whoever it is, I promise you I'm gonna get you.
Catch us if you can!
Power to the people!
As you know, your bathrooms aren't working.
But before I'm finished, there'll be no bathrooms, no rooms, no hotel.
There'll be a big hole for all of you to fall into.
I'll be digging that hole every minute I'm here.
- The deeper I dig, the deeper you will fall. - He's a dick!
No amount of insane or pathetic behaviour will protect you.
No matter how despicable you act, I can do one better, because I work for the government.
- I thought you were my dentist. - See, I only want one thing, just one.
And if you can enlighten me...
..everything will be just dandy.
And I will spare what is left of your miserable lives.
Are you with me so far?
Go back to Washington, Franken-dick!
Good. We're in accord. I'm glad.
Eloise Ashe? Stop there, Miss, please. I need to talk to you, Miss.
I have a couple of questions.
It may sound strange, but...
other than the time my mother came down to visit me and...
said she thought I turned out all right...
..lying next to Eloise...
..in the same situation together...
..that was the best moment of my life.
And if you think about it, it was all thanks to Special Agent Skinner.
Miss Brooks, Miss Brooks. Hey, now, hold it right there.
But not everyone was as thankful as I was. Skinner had finally scared everybody.
So the next morning we all got together to make a plan.
And what a day.
All our lives were about to be connected by a crumpled little piece ofpaper.
It was an I.O.U. from Izzy to Geronimo.
It said Geronimo could have everything Izzy owned
to pay him back for always paying the rent.
It was worthless before Izzy died and became famous.
Now Geronimo realised...
he could sell his damn tar paintings for a fortune and split the loot with us...
if only everyone would just keep believing...
that Izzy really painted them.
And all he needed was a little help from his friends and from television.
- Television. - So let's get our story straight.
All right, first off. Over to you, Stix.
I just lent Izzy my room sometimes.
Nice room, bachelor pad.
Izzy brought a girl sometimes.
- He never brought me to your room. - No, he brought the ones from the clubs.
Are you saying that I wasn't good enough for your "bachelor pad", shit box?
Hey, no shit in my box, babe! Ain't no shit in my veins.
- I'm gonna break your black balls! - Hey! Chill! Chill!
- Anybody laughs, I'll crack their heads. - Nobody laugh.
Don't you...! Come on, Jessica.
You want some of this? Come on, bitch!
- Oh, you wish you could! - Sit down!
Izzy and me were engaged. Yeah, we were gonna have a big church wedding!
In Beverly Hills with his whole family and all his friends.
- And no one from down here. - Vivien, Izzy was Jewish, dear.
I know that. You think I don't know that? Fuck you!
- Well, fuck you! - Fuck you!
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you!
Oh, well, if it isn't the Virgin Mary.
She did it, she messed him up.
- He was gonna marry me. That slut! - No, no, no, Vivien!
He didn't rape her.
She wanted it!
Jesus Christ! You guys are all fucking nuts.
I may be a drunk, but my brain is still functioning.
I ain't no freaky-deaky yankee noodles, like you are.
No, sit down, you are drunk.
All right, all right. We're all fucking noodle soups in our heads here.
But we have to figure this one out now. Now take the ballots, pass them around.
We have to vote. Either we go for this fucking plan or not.
We gotta decide.
We're living in this beautiful country of the United States of America,
so everybody gets to vote.
You have two letters on all these pieces of paper, right?
There's a "Y" and an "N". The "Y" stands for why, and the "N" stands for why not.
But talk about exciting.
It was like those old men in the wigs that Izzy told me about
who got together, signed a letter and made America.
That was a long shot, too. And look what happened.
The world was spinning fast that night.
Ijust hoped I could hold on and be part of it.
I've got no home in this world,
Look in time...
I've got no home in this world
And you are not mine
I tell you to tread lightly, and you flood the place.
I warned you about the media. It's already a carnival.
Now it turns out these bums even own my son's paintings.
It's gonna turn into a cover story.
I got a long way to fall, Skinner.
If I fall, I'll land on you.
Well, I had the feeling you weren't going to like me forever, sir.
So the plan was put into action.
We made a decision, and now we were actually making it happen.
I've never seen that before.
My contribution was to stay out of the way.
You still not gonna ask any good old-fashioned detective questions?
Questions tell them what we're thinking.
And free answers are worthless.
But they're fucking with us. It's a scam, I can smell it.
Well, if they wanna fuck, they gotta pay, just like everybody else.
OK, how do you plan on doing that?
Are you looking for clues in the socks?
No, Best. I'm laying clues.
Our plan is in action, huh?
This is certainly dishonest, maybe...
You want us to sell the paintings, don't you?
And make money for all the poor people? Us?
Is that dishonest?
That's nice. Very, very nice.
Izzy always said, he said you're a shark.
- You're a shark in Indian's clothing. - He was an asshole!
What else did he say?
He said that he thought that you wanted to kill him.
Now, Izzy always hated even the smell of Geronimo's tar paintings,
but he loved the little ironies in life.
So I'm sure he'd he happy to know that his death was bringing us all together,
and all brought to you by Channel
his father's enemy station.
Finally, things were really starting to click.
(TV) Izzy was a painter...
God damn it, what are you doing, man?
Your trouble is that you grew up normal. That pervades your view of the world.
That's not gonna do you much good in a freak fair like we've got here.
Ask yourself how a poor junkie can afford paints, canvas, tar,
and support a smack habit?
I don't know. Maybe his father was still sending him money.
He couldn't even pay the rent. No, no, Best. There's something else.
Something they all know and that we don't know.
Something that changes everything.
- You figure it out. - I will.
Something that changes everything.
He wasn't very good, was he?
Skinner never liked to bother people with questions,
but he did like to bug them.
What he was meant to be was a movie star.
Izzy had that certain indefinable thing. You could smell it.
- You got it? - Uh-huh.
Izzy had that quality -
giving himself completely to everyone he loved.
That's why I gave him my needles, for his habit. What the hell?
Izzy really wasn't a painter.
I mean, what he did...
..they weren't really paintings.
They were love songs to me.
I was very proud of everybody.
They were all saying just the right things about Izzy.
Even I was believing it.
And I knew Izzy best.
And then came Eloise.
And you know, Vivien was right.
She was a little like the Virgin Mary.
She was the one who really nailed it.
(TV PRESENTER) Is there something you'd like to say about why you feel this way?
When something is sacred, it shouldn't be talked about.
The legacy of Izzy Goldkiss,
the man now known as The Painter Saint,
by those who have inherited not only his soul, but his life's work as well.
What a moment.
I felt really weird.
I wondered if that's what success might feel like.
What you gonna do now? It looks like they got you in check.
It gave me hopes of my own. I guess that showed.
Bingo, Best. We're gonna play a different game.
Talk about dumb, sure, my name will come up.
Like, thirsty? Think of Coke.
Izzy always said: "It's good to specialise.
"So they'll think ofyou first."
I know how you feel about her, partner.
And I'm gonna make sure that you get a chance to show her.
Special Agent's honour.
I'm gonna get her to come to your room. Would you like that?
All I ask from you is you help me solve this terrible crime.
It wouldn't be like snitching. You'd be helping your friends.
Saving them from danger.
You wanna help, don't you? I mean, you understand that.
- A bear shits in the wood, doesn't he? - Of course he does.
- OK, partner. - That's where you get out.
See ya, ace.
It was fun making a deal with the big boys,
knowing the whole time that it was pretty risky.
But I played dumb.
I suppose Skinner was playing dumb, too, but he was out of his league.
No one ever knew where Eloise went or what she was doing.
But I guess figuring things out was what Special Agents were good at.
Me, I was better at creating confusion.
Have a look around, Best, I'll see you at five.
I tried, sir, but Agent Skinner has a rather aggressive approach.
The third assailant was escaping, so I pursued.
Agent Skinner shot the other two squarely, just inches above the knee.
- I'll have a report early in the morning. - First thing, Best.
(SKINNER) ..You haven't even dreamed of in all those years at St. Timothy's.
So you seem to know a lot about my situation.
Not really, but enough to know that getting raped and killed by some punks
isn't exactly the best thing for you.
Well, at least they're not doctors or cops.
I'm gonna give...you a real chance here.
Maybe like join the FBI?
No, to use your brain.
Or at least you can use your ass to save your neck.
That's really funny. Too bad you're a cop. You'd make a great pimp.
Here's the deal. You'll be treated fairly,
because as bad as things get around here, they're only gonna get worse.
And you need somebody on your side.
I don't need anyone. I'm crazy, and I got my certificate.
Anyway, whatever you do, they're just gonna run me back to St. Timothy's.
But I'm not insured, so, you know...
No one gets their pit and poison for free.
They're just gonna dump me back here. I got no place else to go.
You know, you can only go that road so many times.
- We gotta take both of you to the hospital. - No, no hospital, thank you.
I can take care of myself. Anyway, I'm just gonna go back to the hotel.
What hotel? I'm gonna burn it down unless I get what I need.
I hate to play hardball.
I'm too scared to play hardball.
You know, just watching her.
But I didn't know that they stacked baloney that high.
What makes you think Tom Tom knows? Or do you think that he did it?
Not likely, no.
So, which of us on the list is more likely?
Do you know what just one night with you would mean to him?
I guess that's 'cause he's stupid.
So I'm supposed to believe that after this, you'll leave us alone?
Yes, everyone but the killer.
Medical Services won't be able to deliver your unit until tomorrow evening, sir.
- Fine, fine... - Or would you rather...?
Yes, I'd rather be making love to my fiancée on the Riviera right now. Just send it.
If you can't install the regulator into your back harness, please call the emergency number.
Good luck, sir.
We cured it out.
Like never trust politicians or parking meters.
Like on the first day, you know, me and Izzy, when we got along.
Seeing our plan actually working was amazing.
I was just worried my friends would be even more disappointed
if it all fell apart.
Like things usually did for them,
'cause they'd always been what you call total losers.
It's a little early in the day, thank you.
I'd like to go to your room.
Look over here, Tom Tom.
Are you ready? One, two, three.
Venice is for lovers.
So you're a pretty smooth operator?
Making deals with the cops and everything.
I was just playing dumb.
Uh-huh. So, you don't know anything about the murder?
You ever been in a hospital?
Are you really retarded?
Can you do something special? Can you...?
I don't know, can you count all the toothpicks in one box in one glance
or can you talk to animals or something?
That's too bad.
- Why don't you do something? - (TOY DOG) Bye-bye.
Come on, the look.
You know the look, no? No, no.
The look. Do the look.
No. Not funny.
- No. - Please.
- Uh-uh. - For me.
If you're not gonna play retard, I'm not gonna play whore.
Don't go for a doughnut.
So why do you like me so much, anyway?
I don't know.
Tom, you know...
You can't always just say yes or no or...
I don't know. You know?
I mean, there must be a reason.
You know, it'd be nice to know what it is.
So why don't you think about it, and I'll wait.
Love can never be portrayed the same way as a tree...
..or the sea, or any other mystery.
It's the eyes, with which we see.
It's the sinner in the saint.
It's the light inside the paint.
I always knew those lines would come in handy one day.
I had to thank Izzy for that.
You understand that celebrities depend entirely on my judgement,
because the line between art and garbage can be thin.
Sometimes even artists cannot see it.
And sometimes it is my decision that makes it what it is.
Therefore, the artist is often merely the painter,
and the dealer is actually the artist.
- Right, the bullshit artist. - Luckily the painter is dead, I can speak freely.
- Oh, don't hesitate, please. - It is, of course, garbage.
I knew it!
-Oh, important garbage. - Social...
- Erotic? - Yes.
- Dark? Very dark. - Very dark.
- Right on, Reverend. - As art...I like it.
He's so right. That's great.
- I can sell it. - Let's go!
He can sell it, oh, yeah.
They found this girl's body in the garbage.
One of those bins they have outside houses.
And it was full of concrete
so you couldn't even see her.
And they had to chip away at the block very carefully
so they wouldn't mess up any of the evidence.
And they said that they didn't know...
..if she had been molested.
Well, I bet she was.
I bet she probably was molested in every possible way.
Ways that you can't even imagine.
Ways that don't even make sense.
Not even to the people who did them.
And you know, you know, the concrete was probably like...
..a relief, it was probably the most...
wonderful thing that had ever happened to her.
Like some warm bath that you can just...
just sleep and sleep forever.
They chip, chip, chip.
They don't know any of the details or...
Somebody should cry.
I had this fantasy, suddenly, that we'd have a normal life.
She'd come one day with her suitcase and stay.
We'd watch TV, maybe even go to the diner.
She'd look at me, and I'd feel like...
..I reached her.
You can cry! You!
Do you know who killed him? Do you think I killed him?
..he's gonna try and...
..trick you, and scare you.
He's gonna hurt you.
Fuck you, Skinner!
Every chip from every cup,
Every promise given up,
Every reason that's not enough
Falling at your feet.
Every band elastic limit,
Every race when there's nothing in it,
Every winner that's lost their ticket
Falling at your feet.
I've come crawling,
Crawling at your feet.
Everyone needs a friend,
Every life has no end,
Every knee ready to bend
Falling at your feet.
I've come crawling,
Falling at your feet...
I have to go.
I could go...
..to the clinic...
..to get checked.
So you don't catch anything.
But I love...you...
(VOICE FROM OUTSIDE) jesus did not die for your sins alone, you know.
He's dying for you right now. You can hear him if you got ears to hear.
Yeah, Bravo, we left Charlie.
Uh-huh, one second...
It's just this kid. He's one of the neighbourhood...
Oh, that's real nice.
Come on... Who taught you that? Your mama?
Delegation is the name of the game, and delegation should give us the key, you know.
That's the good thing. We don't want everybody grabbing the limelight
just because things are looking good, it's starting to take off.
You know, success, money, fame.
I've been there, I've seen it all, from Jesus to Paul...
- Finally, Tom Tom! - And it's not pretty.
- Tom Tom, you're late. - There's no more Tom Tom.
No more, no more Beggar's Butler. No more nothing, only just... I'm Tom.
Bloody hell, it's already happening!
- Thanks, Tom Tom. - Tom!
Hey! Lucky I bumped into you.
You know... We nearly missed our luncheon reservation. You hungry?
- Let's go. - But Eloise...
Come on. You'll like this place. Me, I'm starving. I could eat a whore.
- Madame. - Madame.
Yeah, much better. The last one tasted like bat's piss. You can just pour it.
You can just pour it.
- How are you doing on that appetizer? - You can just...
I'm eating it.
By the time you get round to doing it, it won't be fresh anymore.
As we become more and more friendly, I'll take you to all my favourite restaurants.
I'll tell you what, you can bring Eloise. Women love that shit.
They love it out on the town.
I know she likes you.
She came to your room, didn't she?
Oh, no, there's no need to be embarrassed. Hey, I only hope you can slip her a crippler.
I don't ask questions.
But you know, you can ask me anything. Anything at all. Anything.
How's baby, baby Maya, Code Blue?
- Waiter! - Waiter!
- Take it away, yeah. - Take it away, yeah.
Charlie, Charlie, we got Code Blue, we gotta get...
We'll talk about that later. I'd love to tell you all about Maya,
get real chummy, heart to heart, have talks just like you and Izzy used to have.
I don't seem to remember.
I know it must be hard to lose your best friend. Very hard, indeed.
I know, no one can ever replace him and fill that...
Mister Very Special Agent...
I can't be your very special best friend.
Too late. You are my special friend already.
I fixed Eloise up for you, didn't I?
Come on, I scratch yours, you scratch mine.
I tell you what, just sit back, relax...
and hit me with your favourite memories.
Just say the first thing that pops into your head. I'll try to deduce who done it.
It's like a game show. Let's have a big hand for Tom Tom T. Barrows.
Don't be so fucking stupid.
I am fucking stupid.
Stupid would be letting the killer get away. You don't wanna do that. You know why?
Because he might come and kill you.
That was a nice try... Did you see that?
I don't recall, I don't recall, I don't recall.
You can just pour it! You can, you can just... Code Blue, pal.
Charlie, Charlie, you better watch this guy.
All right. All right. I can make Eloise stick. Yeah.
She'd be easy. She had a good motive and a bad record.
- She did it. - No.
I gotta wrap this up. I gotta see my fiancée, and I'm already late.
Most certainly, most 'specially not.
It was Eloise. I'll pick her up after lunch. Dig in, it looks great.
Got something to say?
I did it.
- That's amazing, you know. You did it? - I did it.
- Killed the only person that was nice to you? - I did it. Not Eloise.
Taught you all your quotes, and you killed him. Was probably gonna bump himself off, anyway.
You did it? No, I don't buy it. I'm sorry.
No, it had to be Eloise. She was the only one smart enough. She planned it, she did it...
OK, back off! FBI here. Enjoy your meals.
Somebody's lying to me.
You, and everybody. I think you know who it is. So we're gonna play a different game.
If you keep your eyes shut, I'll presume it's Eloise.
Left eye open, it's Dixie.
Right eye open, it's Geronimo. Who's it gonna be?
Hi ho... Geronimo.
You amaze me.
You're gonna arrest some two-bit Indian hustler for murder,
based on the desperate testimony of this skateboard-riding half-wit.
I knew you'd catch on eventually.
Everybody trusts him.
Everybody. Hell, even I almost trust him.
I trust him enough to shake things up, anyway.
Agent Skinner. I got your missing person stats.
Geronimo's real name is Eugenio Valdez.
He stole his own file from the State Mental. He was treated for a personality disorder.
Believes he was Chief of the Navajo Nation. Three larceny arrests. Art theft.
Sounds like a suspect.
- Maya. - You said you'd call.
- I did call. - Sure. A few days later.
- One day late. Yes, I... - I still don't...
- You are. - I thought I was important.
Maya, you are the most important person in my life.
- Look, I'm in a car. - I could do without this crap.
- I'm sorry you feel that way. - Is this the man I wanted to marry?
This is who I am.
Can you step on it?
Eugenio Geronimo Valdez, you're under arrest. Put your hands behind your back.
Izzy had so many thoughts,
he said he had to store them in my empty head, where they'd be safe.
If only I could let them out again.
How could I explain that I had betrayed all my friends
and spoiled their only chance to ever get rich, or ever get anything?
Thank God they still don't know Geronimo's the real artist.
Never underestimate the power of a juicy scandal.
We're gonna lose our art dealer. You lose your dealer, you're nothing all over again.
Damn dickhead cop! They give him a big badge, big money,
just to go around fucking people up!
Who cares? Let's just have the show. Let me call my people again.
Why don't we all quietly accept that we're fucked?
I mean, Geronimo owns the paintings. They got him in jail for killing Izzy.
- There's no way. - There's always a way.
All we have to do is give them what they want, an easy fix.
If we can prove that someone else killed Izzy,
then Geronimo is free.
It's not that easy. Once people get an idea into their heads, they're stuck.
It doesn't matter that I wrote all those beautiful songs, you know.
They still won't give me the Grammy.
Besides, they're sure it was someone close to Izzy.
So if it wasn't Geronimo, it has to be one of us, hasn't it?
If nobody is ready to volunteer, we'll have to find someone as dumb as Tom Tom to confess.
Well, it's all about believing, and if we believe in something,
then that's real, isn't it? And if enough people believe in the same thing, then...
And now we have something that they all wanna believe in.
We're back in the game, the reality game.
And bloody hell...
..I like it.
He's gonna be fine, Eloise.
Tom Tom's gonna be fine.
It'll be for a little while, you understand?
And then they'll get him off.
Retarded insanity or something.
And then, they'll send him off
to some beautiful white mansion on a green hill, you know,
surrounded by meadows on a cliff, overlooking the ocean.
He's gonna get three nice meals a day and...
people in white clothes caring for him.
Now, that's what I call a future.
Eye for an eye, tooth for the truth.
Eye for an eye, tooth for the truth.
What can I say? It seemed like the right thing to do.
Not the wisest, technically, but it felt good to help.
Now, first your name.
Of course, the television aspect, that was a nice plus.
My name is Thomas T. Barrow, and people call me Tom Tom, but please call me Tom.
And today is...
I wanna tell you today's date, please...
..the rd of March...
And Izzy Goldkiss was my very, very best friend,
and so, maybe it's a little strange to tell you...
tell you on television...
I want to tell you that...
I went ahead and pushed him off the roof...
of the Hotel...
Million Dollar, and...
I only did it just by myself and I have, I have a poem.
I have a poem that Izzy was always teaching me, and...
I wanted to read it. Please.
Well, do it fast. Fast.
I knew I might go ahead and find you at the books...the books.
You're certainly always at the books, and books and books and more books.
You certainly never read any books or anything at all.
What do you have to tell me?
What did you wanna ask me?
Can I see your beaver?
'Cause... Hector said he had heard that you had a very nice little beaver.
Do you have him?
Beavers don't actually...
I got rid of him.
What did you do with him?
I shaved it.
You give me a hard time.
Tom, you know,
if Dixie or any of the others come and ask you for any...
you know, favours or help to get Geronimo out of jail...
You're gonna say "no", right?
So let's go up to the skies...
Do you like TV?
Watched it for a little while...
I like to watch things on TV...
Satellite of love...
Satellite of love...
(TV) We take you now tojean Swift, live in downtown Los Angeles.
At the hotel now,
we'll soon see more of the paintings and reveal new evidence
that should exonerate Eugenio Geronimo Valdez,
who's still being held for the murder.
I'm Jean Swift, Channel News.
- Good evening, Million Dollar Hotel. - I'd like to speak to somebody in charge.
Sure you would, but they're very busy, and so am I.
- Well, I'm from the limo company. - Oh, limo.
Send them to the back, so the guests can get in, and drive around the block and arrive in front.
Wow, it was gonna be a big night for us and for the hotel.
She finally looked like a million bucks.
"The heart is a sleeping beauty, And love the only kiss it can't resist.
"Even as eyes lay open wide, There is a heart that sleeps inside,
"And it's to there you must be hastening,
"For all hearts dream.
"They dream only of awakening".
he knew all that, but he went ahead and forgot it.
But I didn't forget, and that's why I pushed him off the roof.
That's it. We'll be airing this in exactly minutes.
If you're ready with a response, we'll be happy to include it.
If you'll excuse me, I've got a live feed to go to.
This confession is a joke.
Whoever cooked it up is probably the killer.
The very downtown crowd...
Good luck, everybody.
That's what I've always wanted.
You know, Tom, whatever happens, I always loved you.
Chief Larson, with your permission, sir, I'd like to issue an arrest warrant
for Thomas T. Barrow, resident of the Million Dollar Hotel. Let's have him picked up ASAP.
This party's gonna be a blast, even if the art is garbage.
(WOMAN) You talking to me?
- I have something special. - Oh, Tom Tom.
- Thank you, Tom Tom. - It's Tom.
- Tom. - Tom.
Eloise, we're late for the party.
So, aren't you gonna fix yourself up?
You see, I grew up with people that you might call freaks...
..psychos. Oh, real basket cases.
And since I was the only one with an arm growing out of my back,
walking around hunched over like Palaeolithic Man, I was the star attraction.
Yeah, even among the freaks. I could play the violin and wipe my own ass at the same time.
And I saw more cruelty and more desperation
than in a hundred war movies.
But mostly, mostly what I saw - delusion.
These people wanted to believe things that weren't true.
I couldn't blame them, they were freaks.
What the hell has this got to do with my son's murder?
Well, that's just it.
You want me to find someone who killed your son... Right?
Someone other than you. You're afraid other people will see that...
I mean, if he committed suicide...
And in one way or another, I believe that he did.
He had a very fragile ego.
It was easily crushed by a much bigger ego, yours.
You don't get it. We have a taped confession.
That's not my fantasy.
This game is over.
And the results are going to be televised.
- You read me, Special Agent? - Delusion seems to run in your family.
If you impede me in any way at all, I'll be reading you your rights.
Oh, from what I hear, you don't believe much in rights.
You can't accept this because you didn't figure it out.
And it was right in front of your eyes but you couldn't see it,
because the friendly neighbourhood retard didn't fit your ego theory.
And you know why you can't handle that? Because of your ego.
Now wait! Can I just have one moment alone in the car with Izzy?
We were gonna have a car just like this at the wedding.
This is really not the right time, Vivien.
I haven't left this building since December .
- Shit, man, come on, we're gonna be late. - Awesome.
Hey, move over, sister. We're a family now.
- This is a family business. - A dysfunctional family business.
A family from nowhere!
Hey, remember I told you how people came to the lobby
to talk about the good old days and watch television?
Suddenly it was like the good old days were back
and television came to life.
It was a chance for all my friends to be themselves again,
like they were before their lives went to hell.
It was like heaven.
- Hey, hey, hey, do I know you? - Hey, do I know you?
- Wow, look at all those people. - Oh, where do they all come from?
That's gonna be wild.
Holy cow, this is gonna be a big event.
It is a big event. It's for us.
Police have dropped charges against Eugenio Geronimo Valdez
and are arresting Tommy T. Barrow, locally known as Tom Tom.
Channel will now present our exclusively obtained confession tape in its entirety.
I'm Jean Swift, Channel News.
- Hey, Tom Tom's gonna be on TV. - Tom Tom, you're on TV.
My name is Thomas T. Barrow, but they call me Tom Tom. Please call me Tom.
And today is...
I wanna tell you today's date, please.
And it's rd of March.
And Izzy Goldkiss was my very, very best...
best friend and...I loved him, and...
I certainly loved him, and so maybe it's...
a little strange to tell you, to tell you...
I went ahead and pushed him off the roof.
The dress you're gonna wear, I wore to a party years ago.
There was a famous psychic in the thirties, and he told me
that a wonderful man was gonna come into my life and I must wait for him.
He was gonna be handsome and clean, a bit of a rogue.
But he was going to bring me diamonds, because he loved me.
"And it's to there you must be hastening...
"For all hearts dream.
"They dream only of awak...awakening".
Nice poem, Tom Tom.
And Izzy knew all that...
but he went ahead and forgot it. But I didn't forget him, and that's why...
I pushed him off the roof.
We're back withjean Swift, live on the scene.
- Oh, Jean, I know you, you're on Channel . - How do you feel just now?
- It's wonderful being here. - I feel wonderful.
- It's a sad... - I love you all.
It's a sad kind of a night, 'cause Israel was so talented...
But I'm very happy that he's got his work here.
That's it. That's exactly what I told you with the purple and everything, you know.
Wow! What a night! What a sight!
You know the way they always tell you the bad stuff about murder?
I have to say, Izzy's life might've been shitty,
but his death was pretty great.
It was like it brought everybody to life.
- Good evening, sir. - Good evening, officers. Welcome to the party.
Let me ask you, you seen this kid?
Hey! I haven't had any of this stuff since Herbert Hoover.
No, he checked out.
He checked out yesterday. He went to Philadelphia, I think.
Call us if you see him.
All right. Help yourself to some champagne and some cannabis...uh, canapés.
- Tom Tom! Are you nuts? - Let me talk to her.
- No, they were here looking for you. - I need to see Eloise. Please.
- Please. - But then you have to go.
That's fish eggs. Very good. And very expensive.
- Oh, Joe, so beautiful. - It's all right. Come on, let's go.
- Isn't she beautiful? - Yes, she is.
But come on, Tom Tom, you gotta get out of here.
Eloise! No, no, no!
Please, Joe! Tell her to meet me at the books.
The books, the books, all right.
Skinner, FBI. This way, gentlemen.
Just follow your noses to your left down there.
- Mr Goldkiss. - Mr Goldkiss.
Mr Goldkiss, how does it feel to see your late son's art in the limelight finally?
It feels very good, it's wonderful.
Do you believe the murder confession just made by your son's friend?
Yes, of course I believe it. Why shouldn't I believe it? Excuse me.
No, he did not.
He was just on TV, and he was just here. And he wants to see you.
- Where is he? - The books. He said something about books.
Oh, my God! She usually looks like a drowned rat.
Hey, Vivien, I want you to meet my secretary, Rhonda, the mushroom girl.
And what do you think about the paintings?
I always wanted to read a book.
But how do you choose which one?
It's me. Me, Vivien.
Hey, I was a good friend of your son's.
At the top, to your left, sir.
I have important clients waiting. I hope this won't take long.
Do you know that terrible sinking feeling, when you've taken a big chance?
I mean, just gone on your gut, really throwing your dick out there on the chopping block.
And then someone simply hands you an envelope, and - poof! -
it all goes up in smoke.
I know a place.
Ladies and gentlemen,
the police have taken down one of the Goldkiss paintings for a closer inspection.
We have an art expert in from London, Terence Scopey,
Officer Charles Best from the Los Angeles Police Department...
Oh, there's another painting under there.
It's a stolen Schnabel. He stole the Schnabel and poured tar over it.
- jesus Christ. - What's a Schnabel?
Back tojean Swift.
Pursuing the murderer, police and tar experts...
Police and art experts have made a startling discovery.
Apparently the tar used in the Goldkiss art pieces
has been covering other paintings, stolen from downtown galleries.
Among them, a Schnabel and two by Alejandro Garmendilla.
Whether the murder and the art scam are connected
may not be discovered until Tommy T. Barrow, the retarded fugitive, is captured.
I'm jean Swift, Channel News.
You're on television.
But this, this...
This is...very much better than TV.
It's even better and better than... very, very best moment in my life.
- Tom! - And I certainly hope this is maybe even...
good and better for you, too, and this here...with me?
You can just pour it.
So Dixie and the others, they helped you get on TV?
Yes, they were very much helpful in getting me on TV.
Oh, you're leaving us, Sergeant Pilcher? The party has just begun.
Yes, well. Enjoy your moment of glory, whoop it up. Twist and shout!
'Cause when they catch up with you, you'll find the things that they do
make me feel all right.
Now, I can tell you about Leroy Neiman, a marvellous artist.
But as for this Schnabel, I don't know who that man is.
Apparently, he's very well known in the...art world.
- How old was Izzy? - Likejesus, about ... years old.
You pushed and killed your best friend, and now they're gonna try
and take you away...and hurt you.
Because, because you said you pushed him.
I pushed him.
So you're saying that you pushed him?
I'm saying...I went ahead, I went ahead and let...
..Izzy go off the roof, and now I'm the main man...
- And now I need to go. - Yes, Tom, you are the main man.
But you know what? It's very dangerous for you here.
So, why don't we just get out of here and go someplace else?
Charlie Chocolate on four, gotta go, go, go.
This is very much good and better, and safer. It's our very own room.
What are we going to do? We have to call the police?
No, we talk to Skinner, the truth.
- You confessed to a murder you didn't commit. - Listen, listen...
No, you listen! They're gonna take you to some hospital. Don't you get it?
- They're gonna take you away from me. - Izzy...
Stop saying that! I'm not gonna listen to you any more.
Everything on television is not real.
You remember everything, don't you?
You certainly remember what Izzy went ahead and did to you.
Because you should certainly have yourself...
Even if Izzy didn't think so and said you were nothing
and went ahead and did what he did to you.
And that's why I went ahead and let him go off the roof
just like he wanted.
He wrote this like nearly two hundred years ago
for this girl who was hauntin' him, you know, from another dimension.
The name, Eloise, came to him like in a dream.
Hello, hello, Eloise, hello, hello...
I am he, as you are he, As me are you and we are all together...
We are all together, man. That's the only thing, you know?
This, what is this? What is this crap?
I am he
As you are he
As you are me and we are all together
See how they run, like pigs from the gun, See how they fly.
Here we go again, you know, Ed.
Sitting on a cornflake
Waiting for the van to come.
I don't know where the fuck I got that from.
Corporation T-shirt, Stupid bloody Tuesday,
Man, you been a naughty boy, You let your face grow so long.
I am the eggman, all right?
Oh, they're the eggman
Because I am the walrus.
We gotta find a safe place to stay for a few days.
We can check it out. You know that guy, Jerry, that lives downstairs?
He lives on the fourth floor, he plays the soul music all day.
He has an apartment just like this, with the windows.
You can look down and you can watch me.
When the coast is clear, I'm gonna be downstairs. Right below there's an exit.
You watch out there, you make one of your little sounds.
One of those little sounds, and then I'll know that I can go.
We can make our way
down to South America, maybe. Wow, can you imagine?
That would be so amazing. It's supposed to be so much warmer there.
It's like a wet heat, because it's raining...
all the time.
And the air gets so damp...
and the fish, they come in the door and swim out the window.
And it gets hot, too.
And the birds...
..and they break through the screens...
..in the bedrooms.
I knew her plan could never work.
It would never work.
But it was the sweetest thing I ever heard.
The sweetest thing I ever heard.
Tom Tom, I have to tell you something.
- No, Izzy, please. Don't. - Don'tjump...or don't tell you?
- Come down. - You have to understand about Eloise.
I understand that I love her.
You can't love something puts no value on itself.
Yes, you can.
You know what I did for you? So you'll realize you're in love with nothing.
She's not nothing. I know she's not!
I'm gonna tell you what I did to her.
I wasn't trying to hurt you.
She was wearing that stupid sweater with the stripes and those red tights.
Bare and dirty feet, dirty bare feet.
I thought you should know. She just lay there like a sack of potatoes.
It was really pitiful.
She was nothing.
I fucked nothing.
No, no, no.
So now you know.
It's funny the way stuff finally hits you.
Take love, for example...
All that love that led me to Eloise...
is the same love that led me to kill my best friend.
Exact same love, different results.
Maybe in the future they'll have all this figured out.
You missed the show.
I saw it on TV.
It's not the same.
You know, I always liked Skinner.
Maybe because I knew he was really one of us.
Even if he tried so hard to forget.
I felt kind of bad that he couldn't figure out it was me.
And by the way, I think it WAS my ego that made me do it.
I didn't even know I had one until I met Eloise.
just like I always imagined it.
I wish I was still there.
Yeah, like I was saying,
after Ijumped, it occurred to me:
life is perfect, life is the best.
It's full of magic and beauty and surprises.
Youjust don't see all that clearly when you're still there.
All I ever wanted wasjust to reach Eloise.
just to reach her.
I did. And I ended up turning the world upside down along the way,
even ifjust for a moment. Wow!
All my life I worshipped her,
Her golden hair, her beauty's beat;
How she made me feel, How she made me real,
And the ground beneath her feet...
And the ground beneath her feet.
No, I can't be sure of anything,
Black is white and cold is heat.
What I worship stole my love away,
Was the ground beneath her feet,
Was the ground beneath her feet.
Go lightly down your darkened ways,
Go lightly underground.
I'll be down there in another day.
I won't rest until you're free.
Let me love you,
Let me rescue you,
Let me bring you where two roads meet.
I'll come back above,
Where there is only lo-o-o-ove...
Take a stranger by the hand,
A man who doesn't understand
His wildest dreams.
Walk across the dirty sand,
Offer him an ocean that he's never seen.
Maybe I was blind
Or I might have closed my eyes.
Maybe I was dumb
When I forgot to say,
If you didn't know...
Never let me...go...
Never let me go...
Never let me go...