Millions Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Millions script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the movie directed by Danny Boyle about two kids who find oodles of cash.  This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Millions. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

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Millions Script



The French have said

au revoir to the franc.



The Germans have said

auf wiedersehen to the Deutschmark.



And the Portuguese have said

whatever to their thing.






Now it's our turn to say

goodbye to Sterling.



This Christmas

we are going to get the euro.



Goodbye old pound.



Everyone says

we are going to miss you.



- Come on!

- Faster! Faster!



- Hey come on!

- Faster!



I can't see ya!

Where are you?



I'm over here!



This is the main drag along here.



That's Portland.



Bisecting that at right angles,

is Lundy on that side.



On this side there's Fastnet.

What's yours?






Cromarty and German Bight.



Cul de sacs. Over here.



- I've come through.

- Come on! Come on, Damian!



There's a train coming!



Keep pedalling. Come on!






- Beat ya!

- Come on!



I'm gonna call it Serendipity.



- What does that mean?

- I don't know.



- Anyway it's number twenty.

- Upstairs!



- This is my room.

- And mine.



Get your own room.



The patron saint of

house removals is Saint Anne.



- Did you know that?

- No, I didn't know that, no.



Yeah, she lived in

the desert, obviously.



And when she wanted to move house.



Angels came, picked up her house

and took it to Italy.






She was Our Lady's mother.



What you on about Damian?



Saint Anne. I've got a picture.



Look. I don't care, just get

in the car, will ya? We're going'.



Go on! Get in the car!



- Was she in it at the time?

- Who?



Saint Anne.

When the angels did the...



you know the airlift?



I don't know.



Start with the money.



That's what our Anthony says.



That's what people

want to know about.



Like if you're moving house...



you don't say 'we're moving house

and the new one has got a green door.'



You say how much you're paying.



How much you got for the old one.



Mortgage. Interest rates.

Stamp duty. Solicitor's fees.



How much you'll get

if the new one goes up in value.



That's called equity.



Personally, I think, 'so what? '



Money's just a thing.



And things change.



One minute something's there

and you can cuddle up to it.



The next minute it's gone.



Like a Malteser.



That goes in the kitchen.



Is this fantastic or what?



Surprisingly spacious,

with attractive views.



Oh, that's Anthony's.

That must go upstairs and...



And anyway, in the end,



it turns out it wasn't about

the money after all.



That's it lads.

Up to the main bedroom.



Has anyone seen

where the phone points are?



Eh, where do I plug this in?



Oh, right, yeah.

Oh that looks good, that does.






this is what

we're having' tonight, yeah?



Before Countdown,

put the oven on.



After Countdown,

get a packet of these,



put them in there

with some oven chips, yeah?



It's for mum.



The time is on here, yeah.






That's how long

they have to stay in.



By the time they're ready,

I'll be back.



She may already have

won ten thousand pounds.



Her name has been entered in a draw.



- All she has to do is...

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.



Thank you.






Other sides.



Let's go.



Come on!



That's you.



Get your bags.



And your book bag, Damian.




Now remember

it's no good being clever,



you've got to be

the cleverest, yeah?



- Alright. See ya Dad.

- Good luck lads.



See ya.

Are you nervous?



A bit.



So everybody sitting up nicely?




Now we are talking, today,

about people we admire.



- Dminic?

- Roy Keane, Sir, Manchester United.



Very good, Roy Keane.



What about you Barry?



- Van Nistelrooy, sir.

- Van Nistelrooy, right.



Anyone got any heroes

who don't play for United?



- Jack?

- Robbie Fowler, Sir, City.



Alright, that's enough.






I don't know any footballers, sir.



Well, it doesn't have

to be a footballer,



it could be... anyone.



- Don't know sir.

- No?






Saint Roch, sir.



- Who's he play for?

- No one sir, he's a Saint.



Oh that's better, go on.



He was so worried that

he might say something bad.



That he said nothing

at all for twenty years.



We could do with a couple

like him in this class.



Thank you, Damian.



I like a lot of virgin martyrs too.



Like Saint Agatha.



She ripped her own eyes out,



so she wouldn't have

to marry this man.



Or Saint Katherine of Alexandria.



They tried to kill her by crushing

her to death on a wheel.



But she made the wheel explode



and all the splinters

killed people in the crowd.



The patron Saint of fireworks.



That's where we get

the Catherine wheel from.



I did say thank you, Damian.



Right, I brought in this picture.



This is a hero of mine.

Who knows who this is?



- Nelson Mandela?

- Fantastic, Nelson Mandela.



I should be careful

what you talk about.



Try talking about football

or something.



Keep off the weird stuff.



Just don't be conspicuous

or you won't fit in.



Aero and a Yorkie please.

And five juicy lips.



Haven't seen you two here, before.



We just moved here.



Our mam's dead.



Yeah, well go on, you're alright.



- Thanks.

- God bless.



Who's next?



Works every time.



You tell them your mam's dead

and they give you stuff, every time.



I'm your... Community Policeman.



Obviously there is

no community here as yet,



not to speak of, but you know...



Anyway the first thing to say is,



these new houses

and Christmas coming up.




you're going to get burgled.



Now, not all of you, but some of you, soon.



Probably this week, next.



When you are, call me.



I'll give you a crime number



and then you can make a claim

on your insurance.



Building maintenance?



Yeah, that's right, yeah.



Yeah, I'm usually right,

it's a knack.



Do you mind me asking?

Is the kettle actually on? I'm...



Oh, sorry.






Isn't the problem here,

that our houses are built on sand?



Sand? No.



They're not are they?



If you store up your treasure

on earth it will be stolen.



But if you give it away,

then it can't be stolen.






Well, Latter Day Saints.






I know all about them...



Errr... Damian,



go and give Terry a hand

in the kitchen will you?



You too Anthony,

off you go, good lads.



Now, some of you are

going to be burgled.



There are things I can tell you,



that will lower the odds

of it being you personally.



It's a bit anti-social,



because if it isn't

you then it'll be next door,



but ha-ha there you go.



Our mam's dead.



Here. Go on, help yourself.



Take as many as you like, son.






Is it completely honest?



Completely dead isn't she?






What do you want?



Can't you see I'm busy?



Just go away.



I don't like having my own room.



Clare of Assisi,



Eleven Ninety Four till

Twelve Fifty Three?



That's right.



I used to have a hermitage,

myself, once.



I used to go and hide up there.



If anyone needed me,

I'd send them a vision, sort them out.



That's why I'm the patron

saint of television.



I was like... human television.



You're the patron saint

of television?



Keeps me busy.



You know?



Are you allowed to smoke then?



You can do what you

like up there, son.



It's down here,

you have to make the effort.



Do you ever come across

a Saint Maureen?



She hasn't been there long.



Don't ring a bell.



Then again,

it is infinite up there.



Absolutely bloody infinite.









What is it anyway?



What are you doing

with all these boxes?



- What's that?

- Wait and see.



Where did you get that?



You can see it too then?



Well... you know...



sometimes you see things.

Don't you?



And other people can't see them.






Well... you know... sometimes,

but this is real though.



This is real. This is real



Can't wait to tell dad.



You can't tell dad about this.



You can't tell anyone about this.



Why not?






If the government

find out about this,



they'll take forty percent

of it away.



Forty percent!



Do you know how much that is?



Nearly all of it.



Shall we count it before we go?



No, we can't we're really late.



How much? How much?



There's thousands.



Ten thousand.



- Fifty thousand.

- Seventy.



Two hundred thousand.



Millions even.



Patch... Jenga.



Oink. Oink. Oink. Oink.



Promise not to tell anyone.



What is it?



- How much is it?

- Thousands.






It's just hundreds.



No one else knows.



So if anyone finds out,

we'll know it's you. Ok?



Anyone finds out we know it's you.



No one else knows.



Just me and you. Here.






Yeah, just keep it shut.



Two hundred and twenty nine thousand,



five hundred and

twenty pounds, minus...



a hundred quid each,

spending money.



Leaves two hundred

and twenty nine thousand,



three hundred and twenty quid.



And we're going to give

all that to the poor.



Where you going to find poor people?



There's loads of poor people.



Not round here.

The house prices keep them out.



Go on. Go. Go.



Go on. Go. Go. Go on.

Go. Go. Go. Go on.



Go on.



Francis of Assisi?



Eleven eighty one till

twelve twenty six.



You did this didn't you?



My first act as a Saint.



What was your next one?



Washing a leper.



A leper?



You could just help

the poor Damian.



Big Issue. Help the homeless.



Big Issue anyone?



Oh hello.



And keep the change.



Oh, thanks mate,

I've had nothing to eat all day.



Oh we're going to Pizza Hut,

want to come.



No... no. She doesn't.

She just wants more money.



- We haven't got any more.

- No I fancy pizza actually.



Can I bring my friend?



Meat feast, deep and juicy,

stuffed crust mate.



Two meat feast thin and crispy.



- Ah a big New Yorker.

- A combo platter.



- Do us a farmhouse.

- I'll have some garlic bread love.



We'll all have some

garlic bread won't we?



And Dippin' Chicken.

To share.



This is great. Anthony thought

there were no poor people round here.



Because of the house prices.



Well they're not from round here.



- Come in on the bus.

- I come in on the train.



Couldn't afford to

live round here.



Who exactly is paying

for all this?



We are.



- You must be minted!

- Yeah we are.



No... no, we're not.



It's birthday money.



His birthday money,

he saved it.



- Puddings?

- Yes please.






One hundred and sixty eight quid.



Do you know how many times

we'd have to visit Pizza Hut



to get rid of all the money?



One thousand, three hundred and

three point five one seven times.



It's just not practical.



We should buy property.



See this house,

we could buy two like that.



If they knocked some off

the asking price.



And if we did buy property,

that'll go up in value.



So we'd have even more money.






Excuse me?



Are you poor?



Beg your pardon?



Are you poor?



Are you asking for money?



Me? No.



Because we don't have any.



We live in a community,

you know, it's very basic.



We don't have a dishwasher

for instance or a microwave.



And there's no cash kept

on the premises.



So you are poor?



In a sense, yes.






Invergi. Invergi



St. Nicholas of Myra?



Sanctus quartus saeculus sum...



Patronus de nautae et,

vero, natalis.



It won't all fit.



El fini errant centi cetus poplas



Saint Nicholas?



Do you ever come across

a Saint Maureen?



- Ques?

- Saint Maureen. She's new.



Quat facki abat?



Skin care. She worked on

the make-up counter at Selfridges.






To betal?



Est a quero publican rodeo.



It's less than a fortnight to E-day.



That's when

Britain completes transition



to the European Monitory Union.

The EMU.



Oh with twelve days left to E-day,

my true love said to me.



The transitional exchange rate

is fixed at sixty seven p.



Oh! Well all I can say is...

ding dong



After E-day your old money

will no longer be legal tender.



Wish pounds goodbye and euros...






We don't have to queue up.



Here we go.



How much have you actually got?






- Anthony Cunningham.

- Where's your dad?



My dad? Well he's not coming.






Yeah, he's not coming yet.

He said to start without him.



Start what without him?



The job is to show him

around the apartment.



How can I do that,

if he isn't here?



He gave me this.



Show me around and

I'll fill him in afterwards.



It's what we usually do.



We're looking at this for our

investment portfolio.



Not as a residence.



Has it kept it's value?



It's gone up twenty percent

in the last two years,



because of the schools.



He does send you to school doesn't he?



Or do you just

look at photos of them?



Flood lights. Scoreboards. Stadium.



It's the dogs bollocks this,

family heirloom. Fifty quid?



Fifty quid?



You could buy

a proper football team for that.



I could buy Crewe Alexander for that.



Yeah but...

this has got managers.



Dan Leavy and Malcolm Allinson



Never heard of him.






You said you would for five quid.



I didn't know you were going

to get five quid did I?



Ten quid then?



Look, I've got a good body.



Twenty quid, last offer.



Martyrs of Uganda,

eighteen eighty one?



That's right.



Ohhhh sorry about that.



I was beheaded. See.



Before that I was in construction.



I don't know who built this,

but they were a right cowboy.



I built it myself.



Well, you'll see what we can do.



But I can't promise anything.



Why not?

There's plenty of you.



Yes, come on welcome.






What are they singing?



They are praying for rain.



Where I come from...



people have to pay a tenth

of their daily income on water.



It's so expensive that they can't

afford to wash their hands.



So they get disease.



You don't need fancy hospitals

or medicines to make life better,



just a well.

And you...



can build a well for as

little as one hundred pounds.



That's fantastic!




I'm sorry I don't know who you are.



Mutual that then.



This yours?






Near a railway.



- What's in there?

- Nothing really.



- What's this?

- A dress. It was my mums.



What are you looking for?






Are you poor?






Damian, come in.



Anthony to Damian...



What's that?



- Damian, where are you?

- My brother I've got to go.



I'll come back. I've got loads.

Just wait there.



- Loads of what?

- Money. Just wait there.



Five... four...

three... two...



Who's that?



A poor person and

you said there weren't any.



I know. But who is it?



I don't know. Just someone.



What do you mean 'someone'?



Did he do anything to you?



- What sort of things?

- Never mind.



Look people are weird.

You've got to be more careful.



You shouldn't really talk to them.



Anyway I've told him now.



- Told him what?

- That we have tons of money.



He's poor.






Nothing. Nothing.

Leave it to me.



Where is he then?



I don't know.

He was here a minute ago.






Loads of money.

We've been saving it up for ages.



You can have it if you need it.



Come on Damian.



You'll have to change it quickly.



Do you think that was really enough?



More than enough.



That's him completely sorted out.



Right. Have you given money

to anyone else?



Not really.






It wasn't that much.



Just like a bagful.



- What's that?

- Scuba scooter.



It goes at ten mile an hour

for up to five hours.



We could have one of them.

We could have one each.



We could have a whole fleet.



She's nice.



Huh! I've seen better.

Close the door.



Look you can see it protruding.



- What is it?

- It's a nipple.



What's it for?



Well it's for feeding babies.



Did mum have one?



Two. They've all got two.



And did she feed us with them?



Yeah, course she did. I remember.



You can't remember

when you were a baby.



I don't remember her doing it to me.

I remember her doing it to you.









I thought you'd done the washing up?



I did it!



What do you call that glob?



Hello what's your name?






Alright, K, what's happened

to your finger?



That's quality.

Pure scary, pure scary.



Hey, give me your money.

Come on, empty your pockets.



Hey you! Excuse me, excuse me!



Give me all your money.

Come on, every copper.



Who feels sorry

for poor children?



Correct answer.



Everybody sitting up nicely?



Ok. So, as you know,



we're going to have

new money in the New Year.



Does anybody know how much

a euro is worth in pounds?






- Sixty seven p.

- Spot on.



Here, there's

a little prize for you.



It's your own euro converter.



Now! Who else wants one?




- Me!

- Ohh. Everybody. Ok.



So, who can tell me how much

two pence is worth in euros?



Mmm. Well I'll tell you.



It's worth not very much.

Almost nothing.



To you.



But if we all put our

two pences together.



Then we'll have a lot

of two pences won't we?






How many people are there here?



One... two... three... four...



Five... six... seven... eight...



Two hundred and fifty.






There's two hundred

and fifty in the school.



Oh clever clogs head master.



Ok two hundred and fifty.



So if you each gave me two pence,

then I'd have five pounds.



It's not that much here.



But in Ethiopia five pounds

could feed a family for a week.



And if you all gave me two two pences,

then we'd have a tenner.



And that's enough

to provide that village



with a source

of clean water forever.



It's no good to you.

So chuck it in the bin.



Excuse me.

Give me all your money!



Come on, every copper.



Get out of my way. Hey you!



Hey, give me your money!



Come on. Empty your pockets.



Hello, what's your name?






Hi Damian. I'm the Bin.



Hello Bin.



Damian, you'll give me

some money won't you?






What did you do?



You did it again didn't you?






I saw what you did.



How much?



Not much. She's nice.



I've been thinking.



Why don't we give the money to her?



So how did it go?






A thousand!



What did you bring

a thousand to school for?



Can't you see

that that's suspicious?



It's not suspicious.

It's unusual.



How can it be suspicious?

It's our money.



Right you lot outside...

come on.



Right, that's enough

messing around.



Do you know in Africa



you can build a well for

as little as a hundred pounds.



Just listen.



It was the most daring,

most brilliant,



cleverest and biggest robbery

on record, ever.



The train was here.



The train,

the one with the money,



Used notes.



Right the van comes up

onto the platform... here.



It's a railway van

so no one takes any notice.






They jump out of this van



and some of them got hold

of the driver.



Some of them start shifting the money.



By this time rapid response

has been mobilised.



Alright, let's go. Come on!



The van drives off with

a reckless disregard for life.



Rapid response goes after it.



There's... armed units.

Dog handlers. Helicopters.



Throw everything at them.



The train stays here.



An ambulance comes,

takes the driver to hospital.



Get another driver.



The CID count the bags.

There's only one missing.



Then rapid response corner the van.






The robbers dropped

the lot and they leg it!



They've got no chance, except...



Newcastle United versusArsenal

at Highbury.



One all. Disappointing result

for the gunners.



Please advise car,

I think we've lost them.



They don't catch the men.



But that's alright

because when they get back to the van...



there's the missing bag.



How do you...

how do you know all that?



His uncle works for the police.



The van has gone.



The train is in the station.



And the cops are

in the cop shop making tea.



Where are the robbers?



Where's the last place

you're going to look?



- Our house?

- Maybe.



So the train moves off

with a new driver and all the money.



On the train.



The money was on the train

and so was a robber?



Lateral thinking.



The money stays on the train,

but so does a robber.



He sits tight.



And every time the train

comes to a slow bend



he chucks a sack of money out.



They've got people waiting

all over the country.



Could be Stafford or Crewe.



Could be Preston or Wigan.



Runcorn, it could be.



Could be here.






Damian. Calm down.

It'll be alright.



No one knows it was us.



I don't care. Leave me alone.

What you have to tell me for?



Because I wanted you to know

the truth.



We have to give it back.



No... no we can't do that.



They were going to burn it.



Now come on, it isn't the money's

fault it got stolen.



- I thought it was from God.

- What?



Well you know sometimes

you tell people about mam



and they give you money

or sweets.



Well I told God and...



well who else would have

that kind of money?



Well... in a funny...



God doesn't rob banks, alright.

God does not rob banks.



Office. Now.



Your father's on his way.



Come in.



The Mormons!



You stole money from mormons?



Would you like to tell

us why you did it Anthony?



Our mam's dead.



Hey. Hey. Hey Anthony come here.

Anthony, Damian, come here.



Ok. Team talk.



Your mother,



She would not want you,



to stand around crying

or to steal things.



She wants you to get on

with your lives



and do the best you can.



Make her proud, son, eh?



And not, you know... cry.



Ok. So let's stop crying eh?



And stealing things.

Let's stop that too.



Get in the car.



Don't ever do that to me again.



Look. I'm really sorry

it was me.



I didn't mean to cause

any trouble or anything.



No you did right.

They stole it, what could you do?



They did give it to a good cause.



I wouldn't have done

that at their age.



They must be...

you did a good job.






Are you from the social?



No. I'm just a visitor.



I go round the schools

collecting for this water thing.



And try and tell them about

the change over, you know.



Making sure that

the kids understand it.



Does anyone understand it?



Sometimes they are a bit confused,

until I talk to them.



And then...



They're really confused.



I'm sorry.

They're very sorry.



I've sent them to bed.



I want you to know that

it won't happen again.



Do you mind me asking

how you came to have



so much cash in the house?



It was a donation.

It was left here anonymously.



And you weren't suspicious

about that?



No, we pray a lot and



we thought it was

the answers to our prayers.



Only it has been mentioned

that you spent close



to five thousand pounds in Comet...



A few days ago.



Digital television.

Mircowave oven.



Dishwasher. Foot spa.



Did you actually pray for

all of these things?



We were praying for comfort

and encouragement.



I think we felt comforted

and encouraged.



By the foot spa?



And the dishwasher.



Samaritans. Oxfam.



Christian Aid.



For Christ's sake,

don't tick them little boxes.



The ones about putting you in touch

with like-minded organisations.



You'll be besieged man.

I'm telling you!



Saint Peter, died AD sixty four.



Alright, don't remind us.



The money... it's robbed.



I know.



Patron Saint of keys,

locks and general security, man.



Including up there.

I'm on the door.



Is it still alright,

if it's robbed?



Can you still do good with it

or should you give it back?



I thought it was a miracle,

but it is just robbed.



Damian. Listen.



One day I was

with you know who, Jesus.



And he went up into the mountains

and thousands of people followed him.



The police said five thousand,

five thousand.



Everybody knows this story.



Loaves and fishes.



See, I knew you'd say that.

That's what everybody says.



This yours?



It's the key to the old house.



Jointed pin tumbler

Engineering perfection.



Anyway, this kid comes up to us,

about your size,



His name was...

no I have forgotten.



I still see him sometimes.



Anyway he comes up

with these loaves and fishes.






And Jesus blesses them

and passes the plate round.



Now the first person

he passes it to, passes it on.



He doesn't take anything.



He just passes it on.

Do you know why?



Because he had a piece

of lamb hidden in his pocket.



And as he is passing the fish,

he sneaks a bit of meat out



and pretends he's taken

it off the plate.



Do you see what I'm saying?



And the next person

exactly the same story.



Every single bastard one

of them has their own food.



And every one of them

is keeping it quiet.



Looking after number one.



But as that plate went round

with the sardines on



They all got their own food

out and started to share.



And then that plate went

all the way round



And back to Jesus



and it'd still got the fish

and the loaves on it.



I think Jesus was a bit taken aback.



He says, 'what happened? '



And I just said 'miracle'.



And at first

I thought I'd fooled him.



But now I see it was a miracle,

one of his best.



But this little kid

had stood up and...



Everybody there just got bigger.



Do you understand

what I'm talking about?



Not really.



I'm talking about you.



Now I'm really lost.



You're trying too hard.



That kid he wasn't planning

on doing a miracle.



He wasn't planning anything,

except lunch.



Something that looks like a miracle

turns out to be dead simple.



But what am I going to do

with all this?



I just want to be good.



Look I can't say too

much about this,



because of that whole

free will thing.









see this key?

Keep it safe. Alright?



And I'll have a word upstairs...



See if I can get somebody

on your case more permanent.



It's three days left to e-day,

my true love said to me.



Convert your change

or donate to charity.



Huummmmm, marvellous.



There are just three days

left to e-day.



Remember the money in your bank account

has already been converted.



The easiest way to change

any cash you have



is to pay it into your account.



The Sterling becomes Euros

the moment it's paid in.



And if you don't have an account,

why not open one today?



Can I help you at all?



We'd like to open a bank account.



- Is your mum and dad with you?

- No.



Well I need an adult signature.

I need proof of who you are.



Oh we thought of that.

Leisure pass.



I'm afraid you're going to have

to ask your mum to come in.



This isn't enough.

Just ask your mum to come in.



- We can't.

- Why not?



Our mam's dead.



There's two free euros in here



And you can keep the rest

of your money in it.



It's the best I can do.



I told you.

We should have bought a house.



Right if we can't hide it,

at least we can spend it.



- Hello.

- Now that is quality.



That is amazing.

I can see you. Can you see me?






Not here, on there.



Not as well.



I can see you in mine.

This is fantastic.






Why don't we give the money

to the lady with the bin?



It's not ours and

we're never going to spend it all.



She could do good with it.



We just gave her a grand and

look at the trouble it caused.



And if we gave her two hundred

we'll end up in jail.



We're on our own now Damian.

Don't let me down.




The speaker went on the bin.



Your dad said he'd fix it.

So I said I'd cook for him.



So you get a decent meal for once.



I'm a fantastic cook.

Aren't I a fantastic cook, Damian?



The size of that school bag.



You'll give yourselvesa hernia,

is that all homework?



- No.

- Yeah.



Er, costumes for the nativity play.

I suppose it is homework really.



I love a nativity play,

can I see them?



- Yeah.

- No.



It's private. Private property...

of the school.



It will spoil the surprise.



Am I going to go too?



Are you going to get

me some tickets?



Well I suppose so.



Well I didn't even know

they were in it.



I get told nothing

you know, nothing.



Are you going to come

and do some chopping?



It's lasagne, your favourite.



Where was the highwaymanan,

Dick Turpin,



hanged in seventeen thirty nine?



- York.

- How did you know that?



- It's York.

- Glasgow... Carlisle...



He knows everything your dad.



- Norwich... York...

- Why don't you go on it,



you'd be great,

wouldn't he, he'd be great.



Fifty fifty please.



It's York!



You'd be a lot less frustrated

if you went on yourself.



Damian, tell him to go on.



You'd like to have a million

pounds wouldn't you?



It's not a million pounds.

It's a million euros.



That's only about...



Six hundred and

twenty three thousand,



one hundred pounds

at today's prices.



At least somebody

has been listening.



Told you it was York.



Jim, I'm so sorry

the answer is York.



We're supposed to go to bed

when this is finished.



Yeah right, go to bed.



But you're supposed

to read us a story.



- I'll get off.

- I'll see you out.



I'll see you out too.



I know.



Come again soon.



- Sucker for women.

- Sucker for men.



Don't forget I want to seethat

nativity play. Your dad'llforget.



Go and get your pyjamas on.



They're good lads.



Nice to have someone to talk

to once in a while, though.



Yeah. Thanks.

I had a great evening.



I know what she's after.



We can't leave it here.



We're going to have tokeep

it with us...



all the time.



Fill your school bag.



And don't let it out your sight.



Guard it with your life,

whatever happens.



- Ok?

- Ok.






Have you any room?



- Have youany room?

- No, Damian,



Damian he's tired, he's walked

here all the way from Nazareth.



He's tired.

He's very, very tired.



- Well...

- Tired.



The walk fromNazareth,

people did that all the time.



And he was a carpenter.

So he was very fit.



He wasn't tired.

He was excited.



His wife was going to have a baby.



They weren't expecting

to go to sleep.



Ok. You say excited.

I say tired. Let's try nervous?



Ok? Shall we start again?



Joseph the Worker,

first century, dates uncertain?



I wouldn't have said nervous.

I would have said focused.



Well, have you any room?



What did he want to bring her for?



You invited her.




Beginners positions.



Damian, come on.



The word went out

from Julius Caesar.






Caesar Augustus that everybody



had to go to their

home town to be taxed.



So Mary and Joseph

set out for Bethlehem.



# Little Donkey,

# Little Don. Key.



# On the dusty road...



Do you know how much

a piece of gold that big



would be worth at today's prices?



A lot. An awful lot.

I wonder what happened to it?



Because he was poor after that.

I wonder what he spent it on.



Can we please loose

the anachronistic bag?



I don't think they had Addidas

in the first century.



Far away to the East,

three wise men saw a star.



Thanks girls.



Look a star!



Let's follow it.



# Come, they told me,

# par um pa pa pa pum



# A new born King to see,

# par um pa pum pum



No, Saint Maureen.



I don't think I have heard of her.

Is she a virgin martyr?



I don't think so.



Here he is.



He's always got

those bags with him.



Pom pom pom...



Do you remember me?






I'm the poor man.



Damian Cunningham,

what are you doing there?



Come on, where should you be?



Where should you be,

you should be in Bethlehem,



come on.



I can't believe you've got...

no go back... go back.



As for these.



What have I told you about these?



I've told you before. Ssshhhhh.



Back out! Back out! Back out!



Shhhhh! Back on! Back on!



They tried first at one inn.



Do you have any room

at this inn?



No sorry, we're fully booked.



Do you have any room

at this inn?



We haven't any room,

but we've got a stable.



So he took them to the stable...



Oh, this is nice and cosy,




and cosy Joseph...



I said this is nice

and cosy Joseph.



Damian? Damian?



Yes, this is where our

Lord Baby Jesus will be born.



And so our Saviour came,

bringing peace to all the earth.



# Silent night, Holy night...



Quick, come on!



You stay there.



Oh no the keys!



Oh no!






- What you doing?

- Dad!



Come here!

Oh God!



Come here! Come here!

It's alright.



Let's get you down.

What were you doing?



- Is he all right, Dad?

- There we go,



- What's he doing?

- Good lad.



Well he found it!



Ltjust fell out of the sky.

Right in front of me.



I thought it was from God.



From God?



It's not really his thing is it,

handing out cash?



Why would God hand out...



Two hundred and twenty nine thousand,

three hundred and twenty pounds.






I was going to give it to the poor,

but it was really hard.



Why didn't you tell me?



Anthony said not to,

because of the tax.



We could keep some of it though

couldn't we, like a reward?



- Get in.

- Oh!



So what are we going

to do with it then?



We're going to hand it in.

All of it.



Well what else can we do?

It's not ours is it?






I called round, the door was open.

I've called the police.



I thought you might have come home.



Everyone gets burgled at

Christmas, Dad.



This will be your crime number.



So you can get on to your

insurance company.



Of course they can't really

recompense you for this.



I mean they can't give you

your Christmas back can they?



Probably be next Christmas by

the time you get anything back.



I don't suppose you've got any

serial numbers, security codes,



anything like that? No?



Well, wouldn't make any difference.



It's very rare we get anything back.

Very rare.



Whe know the stolen currency

is around here somewhere.



That's what this is all about.



But they can't do anything about it.



All the banks have been

warned to look out



for anyone making

any large deposits.



And of course,

it's only one day or two,



before they realise

that the money is worthless.



What's that?



It's nothing, it's nothing.

It's just my stuff.



Oh dad, don't.



Oh my God!



This is what they were after.



That's a lot of money.

Where did it come from?



They took our Christmas.

We'll take their cash.



- You can't keep it.

- You're going to keep it?



It belongs to the government.



They were going to burn it.



They were going to burn

all this money,



that's a crime if you ask me.



- Definitely.

- But stealing is wrong.



If you steal something,

you have to steal it from somebody.



Who would we be stealing it from?



It's not right!



Damian, my house has

just been ransacked.



I work every second God sends

just to cover the mortgage,



to give you a decent home.



And now it's been wrecked.



I am owed this.



- But Da...

- Go to bed.






- Do you want a story?

- It's wrong.



- Who says?

- God.



Yeah, well.



Yeah, well what?



- Don't you want to go to heaven?

- Look around you, Damian.



We're on our own.



No one is smiling

down on us Damian.



No one is is looking out for us.



So we're looking out

for ourselves.



- But mam...

- Is dead.



She's dead, Damian.



You'll never see her again.

And neither will I.



And the money, is ours.



We'll take it to town tomorrow

and change it and spend it,



do you hear me?



All of it, because it's ours.



I know you've got it.

It's mine.



And you're going to change

it tomorrow.



And that's a good thing. Ok?



When you come back.



I'm going to call you

on this phone.



Open the front door.

Let me in.



And we'll take the money.



And you won't have

to worry about it any more.






You make sure your

phone's switched on.






You take one side and we'll

take the other and then swap.



- All right.

- Ok change what you can



and what you can't change spend.



Have a ball!



You do realise, you just

kissed goodbye to the money.



Come on let's get cracking.



She's going to run off with it,

you must know that?



- Come on!

- How can she, she's got Damian?



She'll kidnap him, hold him to ransom

for the rest of the money.



No, Anthony,

that's what you'd do. Come on.



Ok, you wait here all right?



It's mine.



We'll have to change more

than this.



- No!

- What?



That's the whole point,



do it in small amounts and

no one will be suspicious.



Look at the queue.

Look at the time.



We'll be lucky to get round

three banks at this rate.



You'll be lucky to stay

out the jail.



- Go on!

- What?



It's just quite

a lot in the circumstances.



It's five thousand quid.



It's the front half

of a Ford Fiesta.



Is this a bank or a sweet shop?



- What?

- I need a wee.



Tell her that.



Can I use your loo?



- Well I'm not sure...

- Well I'm not queuing up again,



the poor kid's been

in here half an hour.



You must have a loo?



What do you do

when you need to go?



Ok, just this once.



You'll have to go here.



I don't really need one.



You little belter.



I just can't see

why it's so difficult.



I need a wee.



It's the front half of a Ford Fiesta,

as far as I'm concerned, that's...



I need a wee. I need a wee.



Today's the day, that Britain enters

a new currency era.



You must spend or bank

any remaining old money today.



It's now or never.

Use it or lose it.



At midnight tonight,

it's euros only for British business.



Well if you say so for business...

business is... now what was your name.



- What?

- I've got an idea.



- What?

- Dollars.



Change it into dollars now

and change it into euros whenever.



Actually once

all the excitement's over



the euro will most

likely drop in value.



So we'll probably get

a better exchange rate this way too.



- What?

- Where did I get you?



They've got a bank in there.

It stays open late.



You know everything,

you do, don't you?






What's wrong?



How did you know about the bank?



Is this where your mum worked?

In here?



Well stay there then.



You'll be alright.

I'll come straight back for you.



I'll do this one. Ok?



Don't look.



This is where

your mum used to work.






Best get a move on, huh?



Go on.



Damian? What you doing?



Hey, what's up?



Did you think I'd run off

and left you?



Did you?



Well I didn't, did I?



No, you didn't.



- The bank's upstairs.

- It's closed.



And I've had a much better idea.

Come on.



Let's go and stuff our faces.



Oh I could have had my eye out.



Where are the glasses?



Damian, wants to give

his to the poor.



Do you?



Of course they won't be poor anymore,

once you've given it to them.



What'll do you do then,

take it back?



Speaking of which...



Right mystery activity...




...follow me.



A woman opens the door

in her nightie



and I thought funny place

to keep a door...



- This is your fault this.

- What is?



You don't even know, do you?



You brought her

and you don't even know.



What are you on about?



Can you hear them laughing?



Even he's laughing. Listen.



Very good.



Once she's got what she came for,

she'll piss off again.



Then he won't be

laughing will he?



It will all start again

like when mam died.



- He'll be angry...

- Maybe... she, you know,



she won't, she'll stay.



Oh great! Much better.

Is that what you want?



Her in there with him

instead of mam?



Why are you angry with me?



Because you did it.

You and your weird stuff.



Chucking money away.

Talking to yourself. Seeing things.



I don't.

I mean maybe I do, but...



And me! Sticking up for you.



For what?

The truth is, you're a loony!



Don't say that, Anthony.

Please don't say that!



You're just a fucking loony

and you should be locked up.



Be at the front door

with the money in ten minutes.



Damian! We were...

I was just...



Dad, don't answer it.



- Dad don't.

- What is going on.






See this little girls.

My girls.



These girls Santa Claus forgot.

You're our last hope.



We haven't got a heater home.



Because no point going back

if you don't help



...took it out.

- Just...



- Who is it?

- Excuse me please.



Wheelchair like these

need your help.



Fifty percent of families



with a chronically ill child,

break up.



You're maybe asking yourself



why these Waterloo station

need friends.



Oh, Let me explain.



This is a mid of night.

This is a privat time.



Who are you?



Get out please. Get mind.

Just leaving.



Go on, you and your...

get out.



- Come on

- Two euro's a month...



- It's absolutely...

- Would you be prepared



to consider a direct debit.



Just shut up, will you?







This is that same donkey

as he looks after



just a few months

in our sanctuary.



- I think you'll agree...

- All right love. Put him down.



Shall we?



You'd better tell me

how this started?



I've no idea.



Some one must have said

something strange.






Yeah that's right, yeah.



How do you find it?

I'm yet to be convinced.



Well you can come and have a look,

when you get rid of that lot.



Mmm. One step at a time, eh?



Any chance of a bit of toast?



You do that,

I'll have a look around.



Evening, lad.






- Where is he?

- I don't know.



- Ha? Where is he?

- Upstairs.



Peaceful isn't it?



Who are you?



Who am I?



Who are you?



We're the police.






I know you're only a dream.

But I don't care.



It's nice to see you.

Even if you're just a dream.



The money just makes

everything worse.



I've got something for you.



From Readers Digest. Here.



You may have already

won ten thousand pounds.



Please will you talk to me?



Five minutes. Ok?



Now, don't interrupt.

I'm dead.



I know what I'm talking about, ok?



You need to use conditioner

on your hair.



Your dad won't think of that,

but it makes all the difference.






You are not to worry about me.



You have been worrying about me,

haven't you?



I'm fine.






He seems to have taken

it better than you.



But he hasn't.



He's got a good heart,

he just...



he doesn't know where it is.






He's going to need you.

Be good to him.



Dad doesn't believe.



Doesn't believe what?



Any of it. Anything.

He mustn't do or he wouldn't.



Couldn't you talk to him?



- He can't see me.

- Oh.



Is it because of the money?



In a way. The money makes

it harder to see what's what.



You know that already.



Never really win

with those things anyway.



You just end up

with books about



the building of

the American Railways.



It's her isn't it?



Your dad and her?






You know how complicated

the money was?



Well... people are even more




You need to remember



that there is nearly always enough

good around to be going on with.



You've just got to have a bit

of faith, you know.



And if you've got faith in people

that makes them stronger.



And you, you've got enough

to sort all three of you out.



Hey? That's why

I'm counting on you.



I haven't really

been worried about you.



I've just been missing you.



That's allowed.



Are you really a Saint?



Well, the criteria's very strict.



It's notjust a case

of doing good and all that.



You do have to do

an actual miracle.






I'm in there. Course I am.



What was your miracle?



Don't you know?



It was you.






Aren't you going to say goodbye?






Did you see her?



What did she say?



She said to tell

you not to worry.



It's all going to be alright.



She's looking out for you



Come on!



Well it was fun

while it lasted, eh?



Look there's no easy way to say this,



but I put a bit to one side,

for me, to spend.



You can have it back.



Dorothy, six thousand,

three hundred and ten euros.



All for the best, eh?






It's just a few grand.






Ten really.



Eleven thousand,

four hundred dollars.



I was going to tell you.



I sort of kept them by mistake.






I just enjoyed having a wedge.



It wasn't really the money.

I just liked having it.



Four thousand,

seven hundred and eighty euros.



Dorothy wanted a holiday

of a lifetime.



Dad wanted to pay off

all his credit cards.



Come on Dad.



Anthony wanted

one game boy advanced xp.



One play station three.

A Shogun new BMX bike.



A Rekia five hundred super

quad bike.



Nimbus two thousand

eltro-magnetic stair rider.



A table top candy floss maker.

An iPOD, obviously.



An i B T obviously.



And a stamp on it hydraulic

rocket capable of



a attaining altitudes

of over one hundred metres.












That's how Anthony

would want this story to end.



With big piles of stuff.



But it's not his story.

It's mine.



Oh, regarde ca.

Qu'est-ce-que c'est?



This is where I want it to end.

Special help by SergeiK