Voila! Finally, the Misery
script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Stephen King movie
starring Kathy Bates and James Caan. This script is a transcript that was painstakingly
transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Misery. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally
tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to
drop me a line. You won't
hurt my feelings. Honest.
Still got it.
An old friend.
I was rummaging through a closet
and it was just sitting there.
It's nice, Paul.
It's got character.
When I wrote my first book
I carried it in this...
..while I was looking for a publisher.
- I was a writer then.
- You're still a writer.
Haven't been a writer
since I got in the Misery business.
It's not a bad business.
And it would still be growing, too.
The first printing for Misery's Child
was the most ever.
Over a million.
Misery Chastain is putting
your daughter through college,...
..bought you two houses
and seats to the Knicks.
What thanks does she get?
You go and kill her!
I never meant for it to become my life.
If I hadn't gotten rid of her now,
I'd have ended up writing her for ever.
Now I'm leaving for Colorado
to try to finish the new book.
If I can make this work...
I might just have something
I want on my tombstone.
I'm your number one fan.
There's nothing to worry about.
You're gonna bejust fine.
I'll take good care ofyou.
I'm your number one fan.
We're just outside Silver Creek.
You've been here two days.
You're gonna be OK.
- My name is Annie Wilkes.
- My number one fan.
Yes. That's right.
I'm also a nurse.
Here, take these.
- What are they?
- They're called Novril. For your pain.
How come I'm not in the hospital?
The blizzard was too strong.
I couldn't risk trying to get you there.
I tried calling,
but the phone lines are down.
You mustn't tire yourself.
You've gotta rest.
You almost died.
Your legs just sing grand opera
when you move, don't they?
It's not gonna hurt for ever, Paul,
I promise you.
- Will I be able to walk?
- Of course you will.
And your arm will be fine, too.
Your shoulder was badly dislocated.
It was a little stubborn,
but I finally popped it back in.
What l'm most proud of
is the work l did on those legs.
Considering what I had in the house,
I don't think a doctor could've done better.
It's not nearly as bad as it looks.
You have a compound fracture
of the tibia in both legs.
The fibula in the right leg
is fractured, too.
I could hear the bones moving, so it's best
for your legs to remain immobile.
And as soon as the roads open,
I'll take you to a hospital.
Meantime, you've got
a lot of recovering to do,...
..and I consider it an honour
that you'll do it in my home.
This is Marcia Sindell,
calling from New York City.
I'd like to speak to the Silver Creek
chief of police or sheriff.
- Which one do you want?
- Whichever one's not busy.
Well, I'm pretty sure they're both not
busy, Miz Sindell, since they're both me.
I also happen to be president of
the Policeman's Benefit Association,...
..chairman of the Patrolman's
..and if you need a good fishing guide
you could do a lot worse.
Call me Buster.
What can I do for ya?
I'm a literary agent and I...
I feel like a fool calling you,...
..but I think one of my clients, Paul
Sheldon, may be in some kind of trouble.
- You mean Paul Sheldon the writer?
- He's your client, huh?
- Yes, he is.
Well, everybody sure likes
those Misery books.
Paul's been coming to the Silver Creek
Lodge for years to finish his books.
I understand he's been up here
the last six weeks.
Well, not quite.
I just called there.
They said he checked out last Tuesday.
Isn't that a little strange?
I don't know.
Does he usually phone you
before he checks out of a hotel?
No. No, of course not.
It's just that his daughter hasn't heard from him...
..and when he has a new book
coming out he usually keeps in touch.
So when there wasn't
any word from him...
You think he might be missing, huh?
I hate that I made this call.
Tell me I'm being silly.
Oh, a little overprotective maybe, but...
Tell you what I'll do.
Nothing's been reported out here,
but I'll put his name through our system.
If anything turns up,
I'll call you right back.
I appreciate that.
Thanks a lot.
Goodbye, Miz Sindell.
We got a phone call?
Work, work, work.
Virginia, when was that blizzard?
I guess it was kind of a miracle
you finding me.
No, it wasn't a miracle at all.
- In a way, I was following you.
- You were following me?
Well, it was no secret to me
you were staying at the Silver Creek,...
..seeing as how
I'm your number one fan an' all.
Some nights I'd just tool on
down there and sit outside...
..and look up at the light in your cabin.
I'd try to imagine what was going on
in the room of the world's greatest writer.
- Say that again, I didn't hear you.
- Don't move now.
I wouldn't wanna hurt this neck.
Well, the other afternoon
I was on my way home...
..and there you were, leaving the lodge.
I wondered why a literary genius would
go for a drive with a big storm coming.
I didn't know there
was a big storm coming.
Well, lucky for you I did.
Lucky for me, too,...
..cos now you're alive
and you can write more books.
Oh, Paul, I've read everything of yours.
The Misery novels -
I know 'em all by heart.
All eight of 'em.
I love them so.
- Well, you're very kind.
- And you're very brilliant.
Like a baby.
When do you think the phone lines'll be up?
I have to call my daughter,...
..and I'd like to call my agent
and let her know I'm still breathing.
It shouldn't be much longer.
Once the roads are open,
the phone lines'll be up in no time.
If you give me their numbers
I'll keep trying.
Could I ask you a favour?
I noticed in your case
there's a new Paul Sheldon book.
l wondered if maybe...
- You want to read it?
- Well, if you wouldn't mind.
I do have a hard-and-fast rule as to
who reads my stuff at this early stage.
Only my editor, my agent,...
..and anybody that saves me
from freezing to death in a car wreck.
You'll never realise
what a rare treat you've given me.
Boy, it's like clockwork
the way your pain comes.
I'll get the Novril.
Forgive me for prattling
away and making you feel all oogy.
What's your new book called?
I don't have a title yet.
What's it about?
I don't know.
I know it sounds crazy, but I haven't
written anything but Misery for so long...
Why don't you read it?
You can tell me what you think it's about.
Maybe you can come up with a title.
Like I could do that!
There's nothing unusual
about Mr Sheldon's leaving, Buster.
- You can tell by the champagne.
- Maybe you can, Libby.
See, he always orders a bottle
of Dom Pérignon when he's ready to go.
Then he pays up and he's out the door.
No long-distance phone calls
or Federal Express packages?
Anything out of the ordinary?
I don't think Mr Sheldon likes
for things to be out of the ordinary.
Considering who he is, famous an' all,
he doesn't put on airs.
Drives up from New York
in the same car each time, ' Mustang.
He says it helps him to think.
He's always been a good guest.
Never makes a noise, never bothers a soul.
- I sure hope nothing's happened to him.
- So do I.
I bet that old Mustang's
pulling into New York right now.
I'm sure you're right.
I know I'm only pages
into your book, but...
- No, no... What is it?
Well, it's ridiculous.
Who am I to make a criticism to someone like you?
It's all right, I can take it.
Well, it's brilliantly written...
But then everything you write is brilliant.
Pretty rough so far.
The swearing, Paul.
There, I said it.
The, uh... the profanity bothers you?
It has no nobility.
These are slum kids.
I was a slum kid.
Everybody talks like that.
They do not!
What do you think I say
when I go to the feed store in town?
"Wally, give me a bag of that effing pig
feed and lb of that bitchly cow corn!"
And in the bank do I tell Mrs Bollinger
"Here's one big bastard of a cheque,...
..give me some Christing money!"
See what you made me do?
Oh, Paul, I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
Sometimes I get so worked up.
Can you ever forgive me?
I love you, Paul.
That's all I meant.
Well, this sure is fun.
Virginia, when you're in this car
you're not my wife, you're my deputy.
Well, this deputy'd rather be home
under the covers with the sheriff.
- Stop. Stop!
- See that broken limb?
- Could've been the weight of the snow.
Could've been a rotten branch,
the wind, could've been a lot of things.
Need some help?
No, I'm enjoying myself!
- You really think Sheldon's out there?
- I hope not.
If he is, he's dead.
Let's go to the newspaper office.
Oh, I hope I didn't wake you.
No, that's fine.
Look what I got.
They had it at the store, Paul.
There was a whole batch of 'em.
As soon as I saw it I slammed
my money down - I got the first copy.
- Then the roads are open.
- The one to town is, but that's about it.
I called the hospital and talked
to the head orthopaedic surgeon...
..and I told him who you were
and what had happened.
He said as long as there's no infection
you're not in any danger.
As soon as the road to the hospital is
open they'll send an ambulance for you.
The phones are working?
Well, mine's still out, but the ones in town
were working fine.
I called your agent.
Oh, Paul, I peeked at the very beginning.
What a wonderful first page.
- Just to read the name Misery Chastain...
- My daughter will be going nuts.
- It's like a visit from my dearest friend.
- I should be home for her birthday today.
The agent said she'd tell her you're OK,...
..but you'll have to wait till tomorrow
to talk to her yourself.
What a poet you are.
I made you my specialty,
scrambled eggs à la Wilkes.
And I'm on page .
I guess that means it's OK.
No, it isn't, it's...
Oh, pooh, I can't think of any words.
Would "great" be insulting?
I can live with great.
It's not just great, it's...
A perfect, perfect thing.
I thought it was time
you two should meet.
Paul, say hello to my favourite beast
in the whole world - my sow Misery.
I told you I was your number one fan.
Yeah, I'm, uh... starting to believe you.
This farm was kind of dreary, what with
just a few cows and chickens and me.
But when I got Misery here everything changed.
She just makes me smile so.
She's a fine, uh...
pig, is what she is.
I'm on page now, Paul,...
..and it's better than perfect.
What's the ceiling that dago painted?
- The Sistine Chapel.
That and Misery's Child,...
..those are the only two divine
things ever in this world!
When my husband left me,
I wasn't prepared.
It wasn't an easy time.
For a while I thought I might go crazy.
Yeah, I know how that can be.
I don't know about you, but what I did
to get through it was I dove into work.
Night shifts can be lonely
at a hospital.
I did a lot of reading.
That was when I first discovered Misery.
She made me so happy.
She made me forget all my problems.
Course, I suppose you had
a little something to do with that, too.
I just kept reading them over and over.
I've got two chapters to go on this one...
..and when I finish I'll turn right to the first
page and start reading it all over again.
Don't get me wrong.
I'm not against marriage per se,...
..but it'd take a pretty special guy to make
me wanna walk down that aisle again.
Yeah, it's, uh, not something
you should enter into lightly.
It boils down to respect.
People just don't respect
the institution of marriage any more.
They have no sense of real commitment.
Well, I'd love to stay here and chat,...
..but I'm right at the end
and I gotta find out what happens.
You dirty bird... How could you?
She can't be dead!
Misery Chastain cannot be dead!
women often died in childbirth.
Her spirit is the important thing.
Misery's spirit is still alive.
I don't want her spirit!
I want her!
And you murdered her!
She... she died, she just slipped away.
She didn't just slip away!
You did it!
You did it!
You did it!
You did it!
You did it!
You murdered my Misery!
I thought you were good, Paul.
But you're not good.
You're just another lying old dirty birdie.
And I don't think I better
be around you for a while.
And don't even think
about anybody coming for you.
Not the doctors, not your agent, not
your family, because I never called them.
Nobody knows you're here.
And you better hope
nothing happens to me.
Because if I die...
No, Miz Sindell, there's no point
in coming up here now.
Everything that can be done is.
Yes, we're working close with the state
police and the FBI's been informed.
As soon as we know anything,
we'll let you know.
No bother at all.
Call any time.
Bye, Miz Sindell.
Well, I sure appreciate it.
According to Sheldon's credit charges,
there's nothing after the Silver Creek.
And no calls about the article, either.
You poor, dear thing.
What are you doing on the floor?
It's all my fault.
If I'd had a proper hospital bed
this never would've happened.
Here, let me help you back in.
I know this hurts,
but it'll only take a few seconds.
- Oh, please, wait, wait...
- Oh, you're such a crybaby.
There you go.
- You're such a kidder.
I have a big surprise for you.
But first there's something you must do.
You don't suppose I could have a little
snack while I'm waiting for the surprise?
I'll get you everything you want,
but you must listen first.
Sometimes my thinking
is a little muddy, I accept that.
It's why I couldn't remember all they
asked me on the witness stand in Denver.
But this time I thought clearly.
I asked God about you,...
..and God said "I delivered him unto you
so that you may show him the way."
- Show me the way?
When I mentioned a snack, I was thinking
more on the lines of cheese and crackers.
Paul, this is no time for jokes.
You must rid the world of this filth.
You want me to burn my book?
I know this may be difficult for you,
but it's for the best.
It's really not difficult at all.
My agent made dozens of copies.
There's gonna be an auction in New York.
Every publishing house in New York
is reading it now.
So if you want me to burn my book, fine.
You're not ridding the world of anything.
Then light the match, Paul.
It's no big deal.
So you've indicated.
I know it's the only copy.
When you wrote your first book
you didn't make a copy...
..because you didn't think anybody
would take it seriously.
Now you never make copies
because you're superstitious.
It's why you always
come back to Silver Creek.
You told that story to Merv Griffin
I'll tell you what.
It doesn't ever have to be published.
No one ever has to read it.
I'll just keep it for myself.
No one will even know it exists.
As long as it does exist,
your mind won't ever be free.
I think you should light the match, Paul.
Can't you see it's what God wants?
You're so brilliant I would think
you'd certainly be able to see that.
We're put on this earth
to help people, Paul.
Like I'm trying to help you.
help me help you.
You're doing the right thing.
Oh, my goodness!
Heavens to Betsy!
Oh, my goodness!
Heavens to Betsy!
Well, isn't that an oogy mess?
That's the Steadman place down there.
And that's the Wilkes farm straight ahead.
That's no ' Mustang.
There's nothing else out this way.
Let's circle back.
I do believe the winters are getting
shorter and shorter every year.
People say it has something to do
with the ozone layer.
What do you think?
I don't know.
Yeah, well, it's a theory.
Here's your Novril.
Now, you'll have to remind us
who the audience chose.
They chose Kevin.
Congratulations, Kevin Andrews!
- Hi, Kevin.
- How you doing, Chuck?
Make yourselfat home back there,
and Sheree will tell us about the date.
OK, first ofall I picked out
a very classy restaurant.
It was so classy,
and he shows up without no tie...
See, isn't this nice?
Ialways wanted to visit
the other side of the room.
Ooh, and look what I got for you.
An electric razor,
so you can shave yourself now.
If I knew this was the surprise
I'd have burned all my books.
Now, don't poke fun!
This is a very big day for you, Paul.
You just sit tight and I'll set everything up.
- Set what up?
- That's the big surprise.
Your new studio.
After all, writers do need a place to work.
You mean write?
What in the world do you think I'd write?
Oh, but, Paul, I don't think.
Now you've gotten rid
of that manuscript,...
..you can go back
to doing what you're great at.
You're gonna write a new novel,
your greatest achievement ever.
I know you didn't mean it when you killed her,
and now you'll make it right.
It'll be a book in my honour,
for saving your life and nursing you back to health.
Oh, Paul, you're gonna make me
the envy of the whole world!
You just expect me to whip
something off, is that it?
I expect nothing less
than your masterpiece.
You do understand that this is not the
ordinary way in which books get written.
I mean, some people might actually
consider this an oddball situation.
I have total confidence in your brilliance.
Besides, the view will inspire you.
You just inhale that.
I'll be right back.
I guess you don't get bothered
by neighbours much.
Don't worry, you'll have total solitude
so you can concentrate on your work.
I got you this expensive
paper to type on,...
..and I got a great deal on this b
clunker on account of it's missing an N.
I told the saleslady N was one of the
letters in my favourite writer's name.
It's two of the letters
in my favourite nurse's name, A-nn-ie.
Did I do good?
You did great.
There is just one little thing.
I can't work on this paper.
See, it's Corrasable Bond.
So I thought maybe,
if you went back into town,...
..you could bring me
some white long-grain mimeo.
But mine cost the most,
so I don't see how it can smudge.
Come here, I'll show you.
It does smudge after all.
Isn't that fascinating.
I thought you'd be interested.
I'd like for you to be
in on everything, Annie,...
..not just the finished book,
but how it's written.
Thank you for thinking of me.
Anything else I can get while l'm in town?
Any other crucial requirements
that need satisfying?
Would you like a tiny tape recorder?
Or how about a handmade set
of writing slippers?
No, just the paper will be fine.
Are you sure?
Cos if you want I'll bring back
the whole store for you.
Annie, uh, what's the matter?
I'll tell you what's the matter!
I go out of my way for you!
I do everything to try and make you happy!
I feed you, I clean you, I dress you,
and what thanks do I get?
"Oh, you bought the wrong paper, Annie.
I can't write on this, Annie!"
Well, I'll get your stupid paper,
but you better show me...
..a little more appreciation, Mister Man!
Come on, you've written
about this, now do it.
What do you know?
It actually works.
What a surprise.
You crazy bitch.
Paul, I've got your paper.
I hope it's enough.
It's three reams of long-grain mimeo.
Just the kind you asked for.
You're dripping with perspiration.
Your colour is very hectic.
What have you been doing?
You know damn well what I've been doing.
I've been sitting here suffering.
I need my pills.
Let's get you back in bed
and I'll get them for you.
I want my pills now!
- It'll only take a second.
I want my pain to go away, Annie.
Please, make it go away.
It just breaks my heart to see you like this.
I've done a lot of thinking on the drive...
Here you go.
And I'm absolutely certain the main
reason I've never been more popular...
..is because of my temper.
You must be so mad at me.
The truth now.
Who doesn't let off
a little steam every once in a while?
My genius needs his rest before he writes.
There you go.
In case you think of any ideas.
Well, I wouldn't expect too much.
Don't be silly!
You'll be brilliant.
Think of me as your inspiration.
I have faith in you, my darling.
The presumption must now be
that Paul Sheldon is dead.
We know he somehow managed
to crawl outside his vehicle,...
..but we have been unable to find his body
in the vicinity of the accident.
We also know if anyone had found him
they'd have taken him to an area hospital.
Undoubtedly he is buried
somewhere out there in the snow.
We'll find him after the first thaw.
That is, unless the animals got to him
first, which is a distinct possibility.
That was a statement from Colorado
Police Chief Sherman Douglas.
You don't think he's dead, do you?
Well, he might well be,
but not the way they say.
He never crawled out
of that car by himself.
You can see the dents on the door there.
Someone pulled him out.
I'm sorry, Paul.
This is all wrong.
- You'll have to do it over again.
It's not worthy of you.
Throw it all out.
Except for naming the gravedigger
after me - you can leave that in.
I really value your criticism,
but maybe we're being a little hasty here.
Paul, what you've written just isn't fair.
- Not fair?
- That's right.
When I was growing up in Bakersfield
my favourite thing...
..was to go to the movies on Saturdays
for the chapter plays.
- I know that, Mister Man!
They also call them serials.
I'm not stupid, you know!
Anyway, my favourite was Rocket Man,
and once it was a no-brakes chapter.
The bad guys stuck him in a car
on a mountain road, knocked him out,...
..tore out the brakes
and started him to his death.
And he woke up and tried to get out,...
..but the car went off a cliff before he
could escape, and crashed and burned,...
..and I was so upset and excited!
And the next week I was first in line.
They start with the end of the last week,...
..and there was Rocket Man trying
to get out, and here comes the cliff,...
..and just before the car went off the cliff
he jumped free, and all the kids cheered!
But I didn't cheer.
I stood right up and started shouting...
.."This isn't what happened last week!
Have you all got amnesia?"
"They just cheated us!
This isn't fair!
He didn't get out of the cockadoodie car!"
They always cheated like that
in cl... chapter plays.
But not you.
Not with my Misery.
lan did ride for Dr Cleary at the end
of the last book, but his horse fell...
..and lan broke his shoulder and ribs
and never reached the doctor,...
..so there couldn't be any experimental
blood transfusion that saved her life.
Misery was buried in the ground at the
end, Paul, so you'll have to start there.
Is it fair?
Should I continue?
When lan realised that
the reason they'd buried Misery alive...
..was because the bee sting
had put her in that coma!
And Gravedigger Wilkes
remembered how years earlier...
..the same had happened
to Lady Evelyn-Hyde!
And then Dr Cleary deduced that Misery
must be her long-lost daughter...
..because of the rarity of deadly
bee stings, my heart just leapt!
I knew from the very first book
that Misery had to be nobility...
- ..and I was right!
Oh, Paul, can I read each chapter
when you're finished?
I can fill in the N's.
Will she be her old self now lan has
dug her out, or will she have amnesia?
Have to wait.
Will she still love him
with that special, perfect love?
- You'll have to wait.
- Not even a hint?
Misery's alive, Misery's alive!
Oh, it's so romantic!
Oh, this whole house
is gonna be filled with romance!
I'm gonna put on my Liberace records!
You do like Liberace, don't you?
Whenever he played Radio City,
who do you think was in the front row?
I'm gonna play my records all day long,
to inspire you.
He's my all-time favourite.
Would you have dinner with me tonight?
To celebrate Misery's Return.
I couldn't have done it without you.
It would be an honour.
No, he's not here.
I don't know where he is.
He never tells me anything any more.
He's probably out
having an affair somewhere.
Wait a minute.
He's coming in now.
It's Jim Taylor.
He wants to know
who you're having an affair with.
Jim, we've been through this before.
If you have benches
in front of your store,...
..people are gonna want to sit on 'em.
Well, I don't like him either, but I'm not
gonna come over and tell him to move.
Give my best to Denise.
Well, whoever she is,
she sure likes to read a lot.
Virginia, I'm flattered that
you think I've got that much energy.
I figured that if I can't find Paul Sheldon,...
..at least I can find out
what he wrote about.
What d'you expect to find?
A story about a guy
who drove off a cliff in a storm?
You see, it's just that kind of sarcasm
that's given our marriage real spice.
- I hope you like it.
- It looks wonderful.
So do you.
I've never had meatloaf this good.
What do you do to it?
My secret is I only use
fresh tomatoes, never canned.
And to give it that extra zip I mix in
some Spam with the ground beef.
Can't get this in a restaurant in New York.
- Let's have a toast.
- A toast?
To, um... to Misery.
Let me pour you some wine.
Let's do this right.
Do you have any candles?
I don't know.
I think so.
I'll go look.
Did you study decorating
or do you just have a flair?
I just picked things up over the years.
Well, it certainly says you.
- You really think so?
- Oh, absolutely.
Listen, if you can't find any, it's OK.
I just thought it'd be nice.
Are you kidding?
If anyone had ever told me that one day...
..I'd be having a candlelit dinner
with Paul Sheldon in my own house,...
..I woulda checked both legs
to see which one was being pulled!
Will this do?
To Misery... and to Annie Wilkes,
who brought her back to life.
I get goose bumps
every time I think about it!
Oh, my God, what have I done?
Oh, I'm so sorry, Paul!
I ruined your beautiful toast!
Will you ever forgive me?
Here, let me pour another one.
Can we pretend this never happened?
Paul, this is positively
the best Misery you've ever written.
Here's your pills.
Annie, what is it?
Sometimes it gives me the blues.
When you first came here...
I only loved the writer part of Paul Sheldon.
But now I know I love the rest of him, too.
I know you don't love me.
Don't say you do.
You're a beautiful, brilliant,
famous man of the world...
not a movie-star type.
You'll never know the fear
of losing someone like you...
..if you're someone like me.
Why would you lose me?
The book's almost finished.
Your legs are getting better.
Soon you'll be wanting to leave.
Why would I leave?
I like it here.
That's very kind of you,
but I'll bet it's not altogether true.
I have this gun.
Sometimes I think about using it.
I better go now.
I might put bullets in it.
"There is a justice higher than that of man.
I will be judged by him."
They're hauling Misery into court.
There is a justice...
higher than that of man.
l will be judged...
See you in the morning.
I'm supposed to lead
into the finale of my show right now,...
..but I'm having such a wonderful time...
I know you've been out.
You've been out of your room.
No, I haven't.
Paul, my little ceramic penguin
in the study always faces due south.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Is this what you're looking for?
I know you've been out twice, Paul.
At first I couldn't figure out how you did it,
but last night...
I found your key.
I know I left my scrapbook out.
I can imagine what
you might be thinking of me.
But you see, Paul, it's all OK.
Last night it came so clear.
I realise you just need more time.
Eventually you'll come to accept
the idea of being here.
Paul, do you know about the early days
at the Kimberley diamond mines?
Do you know what they did to
the native workers who stole diamonds?
They didn't kill them.
That would be like junking a Mercedes
just because it had a broken spring.
No, they had to make sure
they could go on working,...
..but they also had to make sure
they could never run away.
The operation was called "hobbling".
Whatever you're thinking about doing,
please don't do it.
- Annie, for God's...
- Shh, darling.
- It's for the best.
- Annie, please!
Just one more.
God, I love you.
- Turn on this!
- You poop!
- Just leave it, all right?
- Oh, I like that tone!
How many times must I tell you?
I have a system here!
Where the hell is that thing?
- What thing?
- The thing!
- Here it is, where it's supposed to be.
- What is it?
I'm not sure.
- Well, I'm glad you found it.
- There's that spice again.
Come on, Misie.
Such a kidder!
Come on, Misery.
Come on, Misie.
- Hey, Pete.
- Answer me a couple of things.
- If I can.
Do you have any new
Paul Sheldon books?
Well, we had a batch.
Sold 'em all out in three days.
You wouldn't happen to know
if Miz Wilkes bought one, would you?
Are you kidding?
Every time that fella writes a new book,...
..she has me set aside the first copy.
Has she been buying anything odd lately?
Same old stuff.
Lest you call paper odd.
- No. The typing kind.
Oh, that kind.
Nothing odd about that.
- Miz Wilkes done something?
- Not a thing.
I don't think I'll ever understand you.
I cook your meals,...
...I tend to you
practically hours a day,...
..and you continue to fight me.
When are we going to develop a sense of trust?
Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you,
but you didn't give me a chance to knock.
I guess you can tell I'm not all
that used to visitors.
What can I do for you?
Well, I was wondering, do you happen
to know anything about Paul Sheldon?
What do you want to know?
Well, anything you could
tell me might help.
Well, he was born in Worcester,
Massachusetts, years ago,...
..the only child of Franklin and
Helene Sheldon, mediocre student...
That isn't exactly the kinda
information I'm after.
See, he's been missing
for some time now, and...
It's so upsetting.
I'm his number one fan.
I've got all his books.
Every sentence he ever put down.
I'm so proud
of my Paul Sheldon collection.
Well, here I am prattling on
and my manners have just flown away.
I haven't invited you in.
Of course, you must know
about that horrible accident.
- Mind if I take a look around?
- Of course not.
That accident almost killed me, too.
I prayed when I heard the news.
I got down on my knees
and I begged for it not to be true.
You're gonna laugh at what I'm about
to say, but go ahead, I don't care.
When I was praying,
God told me to get ready.
- Get ready for what?
- To be his replacement.
He gave so much pleasure
to so many people...
..and there's a shortage of pleasure
on the planet these days,...
..in case you hadn't noticed.
God told me,
since I was his number one fan,...
..that I should make up new stories
as if I was Paul Sheldon.
So I went to town, and I bought
a typewriter, and paper to type on,...
..the same kind Paul Sheldon used.
And I turned the guest bedroom into
a writing studio.
Would you like to see it?
- It's right this way.
I know how he wrote.
The kinds of words he used,
the wonderful stories he told...
I've spent the last four weeks
trying to write like Paul Sheldon,...
..but I can't do it right.
I try and I try, and I know all the words,
but it's just not the same.
Well, maybe it takes a while
to get the hang of it.
I could give you a coupla hundred pages
and you could tell me what you think.
I'm not much of a critic.
Well, I just thought...
Oh, you'd think I'd never had a guest before!
Would you like a cup of cocoa?
- No, really, I don't...
- It's no trouble.
There's some already made.
Must get lonely,
living out here all by yourself.
Well, if you can't enjoy
your own company,...
..you're not fit company for anyone else.
Well, you've got a point there.
Here you are.
Well, thanks, Miz Wilkes, but I don't
wanna take up any more of your time.
I best be going.
But you didn't even taste your cocoa.
I'm sure it's wonderful,
but I really should be getting back.
If you wouldn't mind, perhaps I could
pay you another visit sometime.
I'd be delighted.
Now that you know the way.
Miz Wilkes, are you all right?
I'm down here!
I'm down here!
Don't feel bad, Paul.
It was bound to happen
sooner or later.
It's a sign.
You see, I've known for some time
why I was chosen to save you.
You and I were meant
to be together for ever.
But now our time in this world must end.
But don't worry, Paul.
I've prepared for what must be done.
I put two bullets in my gun,
one for you and one for me.
Oh, darling, it'll be so beautiful.
Now don't be afraid.
I love you.
I love you, too.
And you're right.
We are meant to be together.
And I know we must die.
But it must be...
so that Misery can live.
We have the power
to give Misery eternal life.
We must finish the book.
But the time is now.
Soon others will come.
It's almost finished.
..we'll be able to give Misery...
back to the world.
I'll fix you something to eat.
Oh, Paul, I'm dying!
Does she wind up with Ian or Windthorne?
You'll know very soon.
I've just started the last chapter.
You know... when I finish...
I'd like everything to be perfect.
I'll need three things.
You mean you don't know?
I was fooling, silly.
You need a cigarette, because
you used to smoke but quit,...
..except when you finish a book,
and you have just one.
And the match is to light it, and you need
one glass of champagne, Dom Perig-non.
Dom Perig-non it is.
I'm almost done.
Oh, Paul, this is so romantic!
Ian and Windthorne duelling
for the right to Misery's hand.
Does Ian win?
Oh, don't tell me...
It's Windthorne, right?
You'll know everything in a minute.
Get the champagne.
Did I do good?
You did perfect.
Except for one thing.
This time we'll need... two glasses.
Remember how, all those years, nobody
knew who Misery's real father was?
Or if they'd ever be reunited?
It's all right here.
Does she finally marry Ian,
or will it be Windthorne?
It's all right here.
Paul, you can't!
I learned it from you.
No, no, no!
Not my Misery!
Not my Misery!
I'm gonna kill you, you lying cocksucker!
Here, you want it?
You want it?!
Eat it till you choke,
you sick, twisted fuck!
This is it.
The very first copy.
The word I'm getting
is the Times review will be a love letter.
That'll be a first.
And my contacts at Time and Newsweek
say they're both raves.
And don't laugh, but I think
you've got a shot at some prizes.
I thought you'd be thrilled.
You're being taken seriously.
I'm delighted the critics are liking it
and I hope the people like it, too.
I wrote it for me.
Now, don't think
I'm completely nuts, but...
..in some way...
..that whole experience, uh...
Paul, since you brought her up,...
..I have to ask this or l'll be
drummed out of the agents' union.
How would you feel about
a non-fiction book about what went on?
Gee, if I didn't know better
I'd think you were suggesting...
..I dredge up the worst horror
of my life just to make a few bucks.
I thought you were over it.
I don't know if anyone could totally
get over something like that.
Even though I know she's dead,...
..I still think about her once in a while.
I don't mean to bother you,
but are you Paul Sheldon?
I just wanna tell you
I'm your number one fan.
That's very sweet of you.