Mona Lisa Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Mona Lisa script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Neil Jordan movie starring Bob Hoskins.  This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Mona Lisa. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

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Mona Lisa Script



Mum no!!!!



Just a minute is all l'm asking for



She don't know you George, and

she don't wanna know ya



She's my daughter



l don't wanna fucking know you



You can't do this to me. l only

come to see her



Mum no, no



l'm sorry love, l'm sorry



Get out, George



No, no



You cow!



l only came to say hello






Fuck off, fuck off



Oi! you ganna clean all that up



Eh, eh take it easy boys, OK?



OK hey just let him be right the

man's upset. OK



That's the right word hey George,




So where'd they all come from?



They live here?



Since when?



Since you went inside






Did you get my last book?



Yeah, Yeah, shouldn't have been the

driver though



Who should it have been then?



l could pin him in the first




Well who should it have been




The Chinese fella who fed the




You didn't write it George



No, no l didn't but if l had




You kept it



Aye, kept it for you



Keep it too



Why does she hate me Thomas?



She doesn't



Yes she does



You can never tell with women

George, they're different



They wear skirts and like to

powder their noses



and when they go to heaven they

get wings



Like angels?



Aye, like angels



Yeah but angels are men Thomas









No one told me that



lt's true, angels are men



You got a big white rabbit with

long floppy ears?



No but we have one with short




What's his name?



His name is Arthur, he's over here



Oh right he'll do yeah



What is this George?



lt's a rabbit



You're not going to start all that

business again are you?



Yeah, why not?



Look George you can't go in there



Why not?



lts different



And Mortwell is he different too?



Very different



We'll see



Come on George your not going in




l've done   years for him Thomas!



Listen, George you don't know

what they are up to now



l don't give a fuck, give us the




No listen, oi, what do you want it




l'm going to give it to him



Well its up to you



We're closed. Tell him Terry



Yeah we're closed sir



Hello Terry



He'll have a lettuce and l'll have a

bloody Mary






That's right and this is Arthur



What you doing here?



Looking for Mortwell Terry, bit of

work you know, what do you do now?



Whatever comes up



Yeah but this is a knocking shop



Leave it out George



So where is he?









He's not around



Well he must be somewhere



Better ask Dudley George



Through there?



Expecting me?



Knew l was out?



l suspected it George



So where is he?



Where's who?






He's away George, South of France



He owes me Dudley, he said he'd

look after me



He said a lot of things George



Next time you see him, give him




Oi George, George, come on



Look, we need a driver



l'm a driver



Do you know what a bleeper is?



A what?



l can't understand it, how's that

little thing



lt's supposed to go bleep wherever

l am?



Well it bounces off the post office

tower George



Miracle of modern technology



Yeah but it ain't got an aerial or




Ah but it doesn't need one, look l'll

show you right



What's that? ls that going?



No that's just a tester



Well don't fuck about with it for

Christ sake



You've been pulling that bleeding

knob ain't ya



Bet you've buggered it



What do you think?



What do you do melt it down and

eat it?



No they're ornamental George



Ornamental spaghetti



Aye, l reckon it'll go a bomb



Where did you get it?



Contacts George, can't find plastic

spaghetti just anywhere



Nah, don't suppose too many

people make it do they?



Aye well the Japanese cornered

the market



Do ya fancy a fibreglass fruit flan



or a polystyrene tooty-fruity?

Fancy a cup of tea?



What's it made of?






Where's the bar?



Take a seat sir and l'll take your




Thank you sir



Are you doing business?



Darling sorry l kept you



What's with the darlin'?



For fuck sake



What do you think this is the

honeymoon hotel?



Look do you have business in this

hotel or can l really help you?



Where's your car?



Over there



Pretend you know me would you



But l don't know you do l



Not the back, the front



So where do they get you from?



Under a cabbage leaf



l have to work these places



the bar boy turns a blind eye but

the manager doesn't



Are you going to tell me where

you wanna go?



The Lambert









Didn't they tell you that? You're

meant to be my date not my minicab driver



What does your date do?



He looks after me you dingbat he's

meant to want to see me



And what if he don't?



He pretends



How do you pretend?



Christ who sent you?



Does it matter you're the tom




Just shut up and drive would you



Oh can l have a large bloody Mary?

l'm sitting here alright



Here did you hear me?



Are you serving here or just

wearing in a new pair of shoes, Oi!



Do ya want a drink?



They don't seem to serve you here



l've done it wrong again ain't l? Ok

l got it wrong.That's all



What do you expect, l'm not used

to working in piss holes like this



That was quick



You were asleep



Was l, how was he?



l beg your pardon



How was the Arab?



None of your business



Oh, alright, where to?



Kings Cross



Like a chocolate sandwich?



Bit down market in it?



Shut up



Drive on please



And now?



You leave me here



Good night then



You'll have to get yourself some




Why will l have to get meself

some clothes?



lf you're to drive me



Here use this



l'm not having you paying me



Why not?



You don't even like me



l can claim it



Good night



ls this real?



Aye of course, got a present for




ls it good?



lts brilliant









Somebody's murdering opera

singers right



And after every murder they leave

a Percheron



What's a Percheron?



Kind of horse



You mean like a white horse that

pulls a milk cart?



Aye, that kind of thing



Oh right. And?



Well then it gets complicated,

might just spoil it for you






What do ya think?






You don't like them?



Do you?



Well l bought them didn't l



You bought them



Oh fuck, here, here's your change



Not here for Jesus sake



You're as much cover as a pair of

fishnet tights



l may as well be wearing a sign

around my neck



All you're missing is the gold




Don't like them either?



Fucking hate them






See l'm cheap, l can't help it, God

made me that way



Being cheap is one thing, looking

cheap is another. That really takes talent



Some woman are whores some

whores are black



You take what you are given don't




l didn't ask to drive you around, l

was given you, same as you was given me



The only difference is you

complain and l don't!!



Turn it off!!






You heard me turn it off



Look you ask me to buy clothes l

buy em, but you make remarks



Did anybody ever teach you




Do you wanna work for me?






Get out, get fucking out... Now tell

me l'm fired



All right you're fired



Lovely. l'm fired and you're street




Fuck off



You swine



Go screw yourself



Piss off



Look, come on



Look, come on, you can't stand in

the middle of the road



You're gonna get run over.Come on




Please l'm sorry, alright l wasted

your money, l look ridiculous, l'm sorry



You don't look that bad



Well bad enough



Get in the car. Hey. Madam



We're late



Alright, alright l'm sorry



We're gonna get run over here



Where do you want to go?



Up to Highgate



Madam thought you might like

some refreshments



Oh thank you very much, will she

be long?



No more than usual sir



Oh right, cheers



Who do l give this to?



To me



Oh thank you, thanks a lot. Ta ra.

See ya



He took his time, what did he fall

asleep half way through?



Well you never know with these

darkies do you?



l'm sorry, well l told you l was

cheap didn't l






Much obliged



Where to now?



Kings Cross



Back to the meat rack, your wish

is my command



Jesus they're so young, here tell

me something






Do they ever want you back?






Your clients






What they fall in love with you?



Well do they?



Sometimes they fall for what they

think l am



What do they think you are?



What do you think. Black whore



Did l say that



What do you think then?



Well you ain't no night nurse



No l ain't no night nurse



Lets say you are a lady



Thank you



So what about this job then?



Well its just driving, you know



Oh, driving who?



A tall thin black tart. l could

write a book about it



Too many t's



No, no. He comes out the nick and

they owe him one



And they give him a job, driving a

tall thin black tart



And she fucking hates him, treats

him like a doormat



And he hates her?



Well kind of



You mean he likes her?



He don't even know her does he



She's early



You look better in the daytime



Yeah so do you, where do ya wanna




Down here



What you wanna walk?



Yes, its good for you



Bit early though in it?



l know but the early bird catches

the worm



Clever little bastard



ln here?






You got business here?






Seen these



They're pure silk






Do you like men's clothes?



Sometimes. How about a thin




That's classy






Here look at that



lts lovely, what do you think?



What do you wanna wear men's

clothes for?



l don't, its for you



For me?



Yeah, try it



You can't dress me



Yes l can try it. Look if you wanna

work for me you dress yourself



l said no



Take the fucking thing will you?



You serious?



Yes. Please



l may as well then may'n l?



Yeah you may as well



What do ya think?



lts lovely



Yeah its lovely, thank you



There was this frog and no one

would ever kiss him...



Why not?



Well he was a frog weren' he. You

know the story don't ya?



Yeah, turned into a prince



Yeah. Then they got...









A Bloody Mary is it sir



No, l'd like a pot of tea please



Earl Grey or Lapsang Souchong?



No tea



Very good sir



Thank you



Good evening sir, may l see your




Denny. Denny. lt's all right Denny



Jesus Christ George



What am l doing here right?



l didn't say that



l'm sorry



Don't be sorry its bad to be sorry



Hello mate






Rachid this is George



Of course we have met



How did you get on the other

night, was she good?



Come on George



Look l'm sorry, but l've been trying

to contact ya



Wasn't Dudley looking after ya?



Well yeah, yeah, he is but l mean



lts nothing like the personal touch

is there? seven years



This isn't the time, this is

business George



But we've got a lot to talk about



So we have, l'll ring you






l promise



Did ya get the rabbit?






What do you mean?



Well l mean, ya know. Alright?



What is wrong with you?



l dunno, what's wrong with me?




Stop here



Here mate you as fast as your




Maybe it's for her, hey?



l've got a daughter that age



She's not out there



Jesus l hope not



Go on Grandad give it to me



Here shall we go?



Do you want some? l'm good. l do

French, twosomes, l'm very good



Look go home to your mum will




l know your type, want it but you

won't pay for it will ya.



l've see you before, your...



Go on piss off



Up yours



Has he had you Rosie? l'll fix the




lf you don't want her you fuck off

man and take your fucking motor with ya



You! What you doing here?






lf Anderson finds you he'll cut

your face off



Drive would you



You nigger tart



Stop it go on get fucking out of

here! Leave him George



So tell me, what was that all

about, well come on?



Not here, come on inside



Where did you learn to do that?



Picked it up along the way



How do you know him?



Like you along the way. l used to

work that street



Whose Anderson?









Anderson is a ponce, a pimp



Your ponce?



An animal born in a butcher's shop



But have you got a ponce now?



No, got you



Did he knock you about?



He used to adjust my face, yes



Why didn't ya leave?



He told me he would cut me up,

then he told me l was wonderful



What all in the same breath?






That's what a ponce does



He drives flash cars and lives in a

room with a paraffin heater



l had a friend then, he ran the two

of us



She was younger than me.

Beautiful. She had a habit, that's why l stayed



One day l couldn't take it any




l met a man with a gold ring, who

took me to Brighton



When l woke up he was gone



l didn't mind, saw the sea outside



Met another on the pier and that

paid the hotel bill



Stayed the whole summer, even

managed to save. l came back to London



Met the man with the gold ring

again then and a different world



Learned about the West End Hotels



l took a taxi round that street

looking for Cath but she was gone



lf you last a year and a half on

that street you're lucky. l was lucky, l got out



Cathy, her names Cathy. She's a

Londoner. She has a tattoo on her hand, there



l promised l would look after her

Things can happen out there



Out where?



On the streets, in the clubs, l

can't go down but you could



l'll pay you






Any way l can



l want to find her. You know the

way it is?






You're a good man Mr George



How can ya tell?



l can tell. Will you think about it?



Yeah, l'll think about it









Goodnight Mr George



Goodnight, thanks for the drink



Put the light out. What do you




What happened to the spaghetti?



Went like hot cakes



What ya gonna do with them?



l'm working on that



You're mad



D'ya think so?






Christ. What's happened t'ya




l'm growing up Thomas. Want to

look like other people



You'll never look like other people




Fuck is that true? Well she don't

think so



Aye, what she up to?



She's not up to anything, she's a

friend of mine



She's got to be up to something

George, what do you think this lot cost?



Well she's a woman of substance.

She's a lady



l thought you said she was a tart,

tall thin black tart?



Well maybe, but she's still a

fucking lady



Sorry about the language



Nice car, can l get in then? Oi

they're jealous



They friends of yours?



Sort of



Come on, get in



You made a right mess up that day




Yeah l know. l'm sorry



So you should be



What d'ya mum say?



She don't talk about ya






Dad why did you leave?



Didn't she tell ya?






Well l'm not going to tell you




Go on please



l was a bad lot, l'll tell you some




Are you still a bad lot?



lts not up to me to say is it?



Regular couple



Yes dear. Sit down



He's lonely



Oh, hang on



That's it, got to look our best



Got your ticket?



Yeah, Yeah






No, no thanks you've gotta have a




Look if you've got a ticket then






Over here



How much is that?



five pound



What after the three pound l just

paid to get in?



l don't make the rules



Do you want someone to join you?



Have you got any blondes?



What do you think?



Very nice



Any chance of a cup of tea?



Piss off



Don't worry it's disinfectant.

George l didn't know you were a kinky?



l'm not



What are you doing here then?



Looking for a girl



Oh yeah



No, no not that kind of girl, she's a

young girl called Cathy



Young hey?









Yeah, she's blonde and she's got a

little tattoo there



Young, blonde, Cathy



Yeah that's right



Come back in a couple of hours




What here?



No the Go-Go, see what l can do

for you



Oh right, thanks Terry. See you in

a couple of hours



l don't want a drink, l'm just

coming to see a mate



Terry you know him? Oh here he is



Hello George



You had any luck?



Yeah l found her for you



Yeah, who Cathy?



Yeah the blonde



Yeah...What her?



No, no the young one






l'm a bit surprised though George






She's very young



Here look love, do me a favour, go

away will ya leave me alone



Well you know the way it is



Yeah l know how it is George.

Tim'll take you up there all right. Tim!



Been busy?









Yeah, the Japanese



Cathy.    minutes



Hello, my names Cathy, what's







Don't you want to come down and

sit next to me George?



Where are you from love?



l'm from here



No, listen, don't, don't, don't



You've to tell me what you want



Yeah well l wanna talk



Sshhh he's listening, he'll be angry

if you don't come out happy



Well l am happy



He thinks l'm no good but l am

good, aren't l George?



Yeah..yeah, yeah you're very good,




Doesn't mean you can't talk though

does it?



Where did you get these bruises




l told you, he gets angry



Where are you from love?



From lreland



Oh shit



No, no, no, no look its no good l'm

looking for someone else



Don't say that George, please don't

say that



What do you mean he'll hit you




Look he won't hit you again Cathy



Not if you are happy he won't



l told you l am happy



Will you tell him that George,

please, tell him that?



Alright, alright l'll tell him






l promise















She's a good girl Cathy



Yes very good



Come by anytime she'll be here



Yes l will l promise



Just ask for me



And you are?



Smith, Mr Smith



Mr Smith



l went to those clubs like you said






And, met a girl, about     years of

age, bruises all over her face



Said she wanted to make me happy



What was her name?



Nah she was the wrong girl



ls that what you say? l'm gonna

make you happy






Why am l doing this?



So what happened to the dwarf

after he ran of with the ermmm?



The percheron



Yeah, yeah sorry



Well he goes back to the

psychiatrist office



What the horse does?



No, no the dwarf, he's got another

session right and just as he's leaving the office:...



Another murder!



How did you know that?



l'm good at these things. Don't tell

me it was the lawyers wife



No, no it was the horse



What the horse did the murder,

murdered the lawyers wife?



Not the fucking lawyers wife, the

horse, the horse was the victim right



lt was the horse that got




What with an ice pick?



Yeah that would be good, l like

that. Anyway listen






What about this tall thin black




Ah. Well we got it wrong, the fella

did. Actually she's a nun in disguise



What kind of nun?



A sister of mercy, you know those

that wear the big white bonnets



Aye, with the big thingies on it.

She doesn't wear this the whole time though?



Well she can't can she cos she's on

the game



Look a bit funny wouldn't it? And

spoil the point of the exercise






She wouldn't be in disguise then

would she?



Well that's nuns for you



Can you tell them George is here




There's a mister George down here



Yeah that's ok, all right



Hi George



Hello Denny



How's the misses?



Don't see her Denny



Ah, the kid then



She's fine, she's fine



lt's my birthday today, you know

that? My fucking birthday



Well happy birthday



Thank you very much George,

through here



Aren't you going to ask me what




What age are you?



Fifty two George, and you?



Well its not my birthday is it?



No its not your birthday is it? You

know what l think?



What do you think?



l think that you think that l left

you in the shit



Well you did didn't ya? Kind of



Have a drink anyway George, life

goes on happening



We can't control it, we can only

swim in it



So what happens when you can't




You get water on the brain George



But that can't be good Denny...



And you know what happens then




What happens?



You get confused and always with

the little things, you know the little things



What little things?



Do you or do you not get confused?



Yeah, l get confused



You still get confused?



Yes, l get confused



Great, great, well at least now

you know. You do know it don't you George?



Alright now l know



Well that's something, because do

you know what l'm good at George?






l'm good at the little things, the

little things that mean everything



lt seems that you forget George



l've got a family of me own now

and its all perfectly legal



And it's all through the little

things and you are part of that family George



One of my favourite parts



l'm glad Denny



l'm happy that you are glad

George, want another drink?



No, so what's it all about, what

am l doing here?



You're being happy that's what its

all about



You come out, l wasn't here, now

l'm here. l want you to know that l know that



That girl, see's the Arab



Every night



You ask her what she does



What d'ya mean what she does?



l mean what she does, what he

pays her for?



Why me?



Because you drive her George, you

should notice these things



The little things. The business is

different but the rules are still the same



l mean l can't ask her that



She tells you truthfully mind,

that's important



You tell me and l'll be happy




You didn't like me did you?






Don't, don't worry, everyone hates

me once in a while



But its important to me George

that you're happy



Well, l'm happy



Good, good



You'd better go now



You pick me up again?



Your mum wouldn't like it



Well we can keep a secret then or

something, alright






May be



Can you do tricks



What kind'da tricks?



l don't know, any sort of tricks,

dad's are meant to do tricks aren't they?



How about that?



That's a good trick, see you later




Ta ra






Do you wanna do it in the road or




You're out early



l do the rush hour



You, you told him didn't you



Told him what?



You know what, you told him l was

no fucking good that's what, bastard



Oi, oi come here



Fuck off



But l didn't tell him, why should l,




l said fuck off



Come here, listen come here, come




Get off me will you, get off me



You silly cow, you'll get us both




What do you want? please



Shut up



What did he do?



What do you think he fucking did?

he beat me up and he took all my stuff



And you told him didn't you, you

fucking told him



l told him l was happy that's all, l

promise you



Look come on girl l'll buy you a

cup of tea hey



No, get me an ice cream



Yeah, yeah all right



What do you want?



Eh, Knicker-Bocker Glory



And a tea



Coming up



Used to eat them all the time

when l was first down here



Thought l was pregnant



Was ya?



You kiddin



How old are you?






You're not are ya?



Well, what am l then?



You're fifteen ain't ya?



OK l'm fifteen



Jesus Christ



And a half



Where did you get that?



From a man like you. So what do

you want then?



l just wanna talk



You mean talk dirty?



No, l just wanna talk



Well how did you know where to

find me?



l didn't know where to find you



l wasn't looking for you l was

looking for somebody else



Well that's not very nice is it, so l

wasn't any good the other night then



You were wond... ah shit. Look l'm

looking for a young girl just like you



Whose called Cathy, just like you



Yeah but my names May



You told me your name was Cathy



Yeah well l say whatever you want

me to don't l



Look stop doing that will ya. What

were you doing there?



What do you think l was doing? l'm

a working woman aren't l



l can't live on fresh air. You going

to pay me?



Shut up. l only wanna talk



Yeah well it all adds up doesn't it



l mean its my valuable time you're

taking up, it costs



All right, all right, l'll pay ya



You sure you didn't tell him?



Cross my heart



l believe you. Here's my ice cream



lt's one thirty five please. Thank

you very much






What you doing? Where you going?

You haven't finished your ice cream



Get out of that car you silly cow,

you wanna get yourself beaten up again



What do you do with him?



With who?



Harry Mentabnab your Arab



Drink tea



Don't laugh



What is this George?



l've been asked to find out



Who asked you?



Your boss



l don't have a boss



Yes you do, he's my boss too,




Well tell him l drink tea



Master wished you to have them




For the man



Yeah take them through there, out

the back



How many you got here any idea?



No, no, l've no idea



What's that, you interested in that




How much?



Nah take it. Your family aren't ya



Yeah, suppose l am



Can l get out this way?



Yeah just round the back









What d'ya get?









Yeah nothing



What do you mean nothing?



l mean nothing Denny the opposite

of something. They drink tea



She's lying



Why would she lie?



l don't know you find out



How am l going to find out?



Well take a picture, climb a

drainpipe, find out



l've got a picture



You trying to be funny George?



l told you Denny she drinks tea



You are funny Georgie



Suppose l am yeah



Get something better



Well how do you mean, better?



l mean nasty, slimey, kinky



l don't wanna know anything about

tea, all right then George?



All right



What does Mortwell want?



He wants to win friends and

influence people



How does he do that?



Through girls like me



Can l come up, l've got something

to show ya






l'll show you upstairs right



l do deliveries when l'm not

poncing for you



You are not poncing for me



Well what is it then?



What kind of deliveries?



That kind



Turn it off, fuck you, you bastard



Who is it?



What does it matter who it is? lts

me and a piece of meat



Just tell me his name






That's Anderson, Jesus, why am l

doing this?



Cos l asked you



No, no, no



Because you like me, you fancy me



but having me is nothing George

any prick can have me



Shut up



l'm screwed by old men so fat l

have to lift myself onto them



Don't hit me George, nobody hits

me, they can have me but they can't hit me



That fucker did, every day, every




every day whenever they had a

spare minute



l'm sorry, you don't understand do




No, l don't understand, what don't l




There are people out there who

like this kind of thing



and pay him to get it for them



lf he has Cathy anyone can have

her, for what ever they want



Thought that was the idea



l mean anyone. Any sadistic

bastard who likes little girls George



Channel   is it? Couldn't finish

the book and you're watching this crap



You used to be my hero George

what's happening?



Your hero?



Aye, well



Can you get your hero a gun




What for?



Remember the horse that was







l did it and the lawyers wife was

very upset



You're not joking are you?



When did l ever joke?



You used to tell that one about the

randy gorilla



Yeah but no one ever laughed

though did they?



lt's the way you tell them



You a member?






Three twenty please



Very good for stress you know.

Very relaxing



So this woman says to her

husband, she says l'm leaving you



He says, oh please darling don't

leave me, l'll buy you a mink coat



She says l don't want one l'm

leaving you



He says, please don't leave me, he

says, l'll buy you a diamond necklace



She says, l don't want one, he says



l'll buy you a villa in the South of




She says l don't want one, he says

well what do you want. She says l wanna divorce



He says, l wasn't thinking of

spending that kind of money. Ha, ha, ha, ha



He wants the blonde kid, can you

get her again?






Take her to my place






Number   around     O'clock



Shit. Come on move



Do you wanna put that cigarette







You're in a church



You a priest?



What's your name?






ls that better? What's your name







Father George



Yes who is this?



Simone. Jesus Christ



You bloody fool you



Shut up you fucking pervert



This is a private room



What the bleedin' hells going on




Get out George. Get out. Give him

his glasses



What do you mean get out he's tied

you to the bleeding bed



You said you were respectable



l am fucking respectable



You bloody bitch you



You watch your fucking language



George! George!



What's the matter with you?



Stop it, George, George, George!



What the bleedin, hell is this? Do

this all the time do you?



What made you come here,




l've found her






Put your clothes on, make yourself




Where is she?



She's with your mate



Just a minute, just a minute, what

the hell's going on here?



Get off



Don't you touch me



l know you two



Don't keep touching me



l just want to look in your bag and

see what you've got in there



Alright Alright



Ow, Jesus



Get out of here



Call the police. Get after that




Jesus what was that?












Christ you don't need anybody do




l do, l need you. So where is she?



She's with your friend Anderson



You've seen her?



ln a church. What did he meet her

in a Church for?



lt's the one place no one ever goes



So where do you wanna go?






lt's alright l'm here



You rushing off?



Where am l going to rush to?



Come on up then



Haven't you someone to rush to?



You know l haven't



Everyone should have



But you haven't



l'm different



But how, how are you different?



l'm the girl they rush home from






Simone get back...



He cut my fucking arm off



Ahhhhh Leave me alone



Sshhh. Press the button



Are you all right?



Yeah, Jesus you know some nice




He knows where l live George, he

knows where l live



Calm down, get your keys out,

here do us a favour scratch my nose



You good at this too?



Mmmm. Good at most things



Do you think he'll be back?



Don't want to think about it



You'd better come and stay with




Where is this?



My friend Thomas's place, he likes

detective stories



Don't ya Thomas, eh. Don't worry

the dwarf did it again



What dwarf?



There's a dwarf whose been

murdering opera singers, why don't you tell her



Aye, that's right, this dwarf's

been bumping off...



Oh sorry l haven't introduced ya.

Thomas this is Simone



How do you do Simone?



Pleased to meet you Thomas



Oh excuse the hands eh



Sorry about the mess, l've been

moving around carburettors. Have a seat



Didn't you like that?



No you didn't did you?



You're the priest



That's right, Father George



Well you weren't meant to



Where's your clothes?



Why are you here?



Simone sent me, remember

Simone, now come on



What did you do to her eh, what

did you do to her?






Don't worry sir, l'll take care of it

for you



Do you know any other songs?



Want a cup of tea? Come on, come




You like ice cream?



lt's the only thing l can eat



What do you mean?



Well you know



No l don't know



Well l can't take food anymore,

real food



Well what can you take?



You don't know anything do you?



No, no l don't know anything



l don't mean to be rude, l like you



Oh, l'm glad



Do you like me?



l don't know you do l?



She likes me



She really likes me



l'll wait out here all right



Thanks George



You like her don't you?






Do you?



l don't know her do l. Lets face it

you're not a very good bet though are ya George?






So what was the story then?






More complicated than the story

about the horse?



Much more



l'd better be getting back then,

what d'ya think?



Yeah, yeah



You going to be all right then eh?



Yeah, yeah



Where is she?



 ver Here



Who's he then?



He's a friend of mine



He's the ice cream man, Mr

Whippy, left your van outside have you?



What's the matter with her?



Do me a favour would you, get this

from the chemist



Listen you'd better have this.

Here, you never know do ya?



Thanks George



Brought the ice cream?



She asleep?






Like babes in the wood



l like the seaside; l've always

liked the seaside. Do you like the seaside?



Come for a walk on the pier



Did you used to do this walk?






With your gentlemen?






Come on then, show me the sights




Did you dance with them? Eh did

you waltz? Did you tango?



Come on l'll buy you a present.

Lets have a party shall we? err mate, ha, ha, ha



Come here, eh. Come here



What do you think eh?



Here. Beautiful, cover those

fucking eyes eh Told you l was cheap didn't l?



Seven years away l could do with

a tan. Come here



Leave me



You've got a tan, where did you get

your tan? Can't l have a tan?



What's wrong with me?



What's the matter, am l too old

for you? Am l too cheap?



Hey, you know, come on, just show

me the sights



You know, give me some Brighton




That's all l want, we're on holiday

ain't we



We're meant to have fun, like men

and women do



They have fun, they walk arm in

arm you know



Cos they love each other and they

get married



so they can love each other more

and have a little baby, only a little one



And have fights with the fucking

mother in law



You know the way it is, between

men and fucking women eh?



Come on say something, anything,

say it



l'm sorry, l can't



l'm worried, so are you going to

tell me?



Tell you what?



As my friend Thomas would say,

the whole story



You like her don't ya?



Of course l like her



Yeah but you like her in a special

way, in the songs



What songs?



Well l've sold myself for a couple

of dykes



She needs me George



And you needed me to get her



You ever need someone?



All the time



George!!! George!!!



You bloody fool George, you bloody




Can't you leave it Denny?



No George, l can't leave it at all,

can l lovey?



Look at this tart. What you do it

for George?



l mean look at her. lts all right l'm

not going to hurt ya



your pimp will do that for me



See l'm giving them both back to

you, the two of them



Ahh don't touch me



She's got a gun George



She's blown my fucking toes off.




lt hurts doesn't it?






lt really fucking hurts






Come on then, come on then



l would hurt you too



Fucking Cow, You fucking cow. You

would have done it wouldn't ya?



You would have done it. l'm just

another fucking punter to you



She was trapped, from the first

time he met her, she was trapped



Like a bird in a cage



But he couldn't see it, well he

liked her too much



No he was the sort who couldn't

see in front of his face and there she was in pain



Ah well when you are soppy about

someone, well



you can't see things like that can

ya? and there he was soppy sod



Oh she had faith in him, she

believed in him and he had a lot of hope for her



And then there was love, yeah,

yeah she was in love all right



She really was. But not with him,

ha, ha and that's the story



That's the whole story?



Well almost



Hello Dad



Coming. Hello



How are ya?



You're looking well



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