Monkeybone Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Monkeybone script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Henry Selick movie.  This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Monkeybone. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

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Monkeybone Script



[ Squeaks ]



[Cartoon Music]



[ Cackling ]



Back, Stanley.






back to whenitallbegan.



Areyou backyet?



Get back!

We haven't got all day!



[Stanley]It was thirdgrade.

The teacher was Miss Hudlapp.



She waskindasquatandlumpy.




- Butshe waskind.

- Class!



How many times have I told you?

In this class...



we do not pound ten-penny nails

into Stanley's head!



[Stanley] Youknowhowsome teachers

have thosekinda flaps on theirarms--



thosebigsacks oflimp flab

that, like, dangle?



- Aahh.

- Itsounds weird,



butforsomereason, as I watched

thosebigoldflaps ofhers,



- Ibegan to feel...

- [ Sighs ]



oddly... aroused.



Andthen thehorrorbegan.



- [ Laughing ]

- [ Gasps ]



[ Grunting ]



Young man,

what's that in your lap?



Oh, it was useless--likeputting a

baseball cap on the Washington Monument.



Andthen, allatonce,

therehe was--






- Hey, baby, I loveyourway!

- Oh!



- Yo, monkey




-[Miss Hudlapp]Ooh!




Moo-coo! Moo-coo!

Moo-coo! Moo-coo!



How 'bout it, Doc--

can you help me?



All in good time, my boy.

All in good time.



[ Laughs Hysterically]

Oh, what a loser!



Oh, roll out the wackywagons!






Well, that's our pilot.

And the good news is...



the Comedy Channel has picked us up

with an order for six episodes.



AndnowI'dlikeyou tomeet

theman whogotitallstarted,



the creatorofAmerica's




the man behind the monkey,

ifyou will.



Ladies and gentlemen,

please-- Stu Miley!



- [ Cheering, Applause ]

- Come on, Stu. Don'tbeshy!



You can't goyet.

There's a potload ofmoney here.



Besides, you haven't talked to Bill

from Bazoom Toys, who's got great ideas.



Oh, Mr. Miley, do we ever!

Check it out. The Monkeybone phone.



Every kid's gonna want three and

want their friends to have three.



Check out the slippers. You're walking,

your tootsies are warm, you're laughing.



The Monkeybone backpack. Ifyou're

goin' to Europe, flip it around--



Stu. Stu. Stu, what areyou doin'?

Come on. Come on.



We gotta talk to the guys

from Burger God.



Burger God-- aren't they the ones that

found the rat gut in the french fries?



No. No.



No, they found a pig gut,

which is different.



- Mmm.

- That's-That's practically pork.



- [ Scoffs ]

- It's a lot ofreal money,



the kind ofmoney

that can buy happiness.



- Yeah?

- Yeah.



- I got the ring, Herb.

- The what?



- The ring. That ring.

- What ring? No.



- What-What doyou mean?

- Tonight's the night, Herb.



- Why?

- Tonight is the night.



That girl pulled me

out ofa nightmare.



Shemakesmehappy, Herb,




Right over here.

Doyou see this door?



The cool thing is

thatyou open it,



you go out, it closes,

and you can't get back in.



- But, Stu, you want to leave?

- Yeah.



- You're a hit! Everybody loves you!

- Come on!



Doc, I don't want to be stuck here

with a bunch ofthese media creeps.



I just want to be us,

home, alone.



Come on. Besides, Ihavesomething

thatI-I want togive toyou.




give it to me later?



Yes, I could, but iflater got here

sooner, it-- it would be a lot better.



Hi, Herb.



- Ah, yes.

- Herb--



Yeah. Oh-- Yeah, that'll be good.

You got everything? Ah, yeah.



Stu, these arejust prototypes.

They aren't the real products.



Just something foryou to take home.

Just spend some time with them,



get a feeling for them

beforeyou say ''no.''



- No.

- [ Squeaks ]



Stu, come on.

One more thing.



Actually, there's a couple oftrucks to

come with, you know, Monkeybone stuff.



- You guys mind waiting a little longer?

- [ Car Starts ]



Good night, Herb.



Ofcourse. You guys get outta here.

You're a beautiful couple.



Lookat this.

Now he won'tletus leave.



- Who?

- Themonkey!Hey, Herb,



Canyouget thisguytomove?



- Oh, yeah. Okay.

- Come on, please? Help me out here.



Stu, stop.

The monkey is good luck.



- Come on.

- I never had any good luck...



- until I metyou.

- Everybodyloveshim.



You're gonna be a huge success,

sojust relax and enjoy it.



- [ Chuckles ]




[Truck Horn Honks]



[Stu, Mockingly]

Thankyou, Herb!



- What happened?

- I don't know!



- What is it?

- Some sort ofinflatable raft.



Oh! Whoa!



[ Shrieking ]



[ Gasps ]




- Stop the car! Stop the car!

- Whoa!



Puton thebrakes!

Stop the car!



- Great idea! Wish I'd thought ofthat!

- [ Horns Honking ]



Stu, I'm righthere, baby.



It's me. It'sJulie.

I loveyou.



Everything's gonna be okay,

I promise. I promise.



I'm Dr. McElroy from the Sleep

Institute. This man is my patient.



[Man] There'snoresponse

to externalstimuli.



- [ Voices Fading ]

- He's probably slipped into a coma.



Take him to the university hospital.

They have the best head trauma center.



[ Screaming ]



[Man OverP.A.]

Nowarriving in DownTown.



Please exit

to therightofthe car.



[ Panting ]



- Hello?

- Please exit to therightofthe car.



- Am I dead?

- Nextstop, LandofDeath.



Wait, please!

I'd like to know ifI'm dead.



Hey, youngman!

Carryyourbags to the ''Y''?Ow!



Hello, handsome.

Like cigars?



- [ Shrieks ]

- We got 'em cheap. Genuine Cubans.



- [ Chuckles, Rattles ]

-Say, fella!



How's about a shoeshine?

Spit and polish! Whoo-hoo!



 We welcomeyou to DownTown

andwhileyou're inyourcoma



 This cheapandcheerful clown town




[Raccoon] Yo, coma dude!

Man, what'syourhurry?




abadfreakshowin there.



[Snake] Yeah, bigboy,

whatabout thatbackpack?



[Male Voice]Nightmares!Get

yournightmareshere!Step rightup!



Oh, wegotnightmaresabout

Daddy, nightmaresaboutMama.



Oh, yeah. Step rightuphere!




- Can you help me? [ Shrieks ]

- Oh, hey, there, young fella.



- Wannaseeanightmare?

- [ Clears Throat ]



- Hey, mister, got a smoke on ya?

- [ Gasps ] No, I'm trying to cut back.



Goo-ooo-ood eatin'!







- Bacon!

- Step right up, three for a dollar.



Win a prize

for the little lady.



- [ Shrieks ]

- Hey, bud, glad to see me?



- N-No.

- What's the matter?



Come on, dream buddy.





ofcatchin'up to do!



Gotanynewnightmares forme?







[ Murmurs ]




Hey, newin town, huh?



How 'bout a coma-tini?



There it is.



[ Screaming ]



- [ Screaming Continues ]

- [ Chuckling ]



Oh, by the way,

my name is Bull.



Oh, hi. Hiya.

How doyou do?



Stu Miley, right?



I seen all your dreams.



- You're a big celebrity down here.

- Down where?




Land ofnightmares.



- ** [ Fanfare ]

- Wake up, everybody!



It's time

for Monkeybone live!







Time for a little singing,

a little dancing...



and, ofcourse, some good-natured

bashing ofmyvery own creator,



Mr. Stu-pid Mopey!



- Hey, guy!

- [ Chuckles Nervously]



Now, I knowyou're all in comas,

but my fiirst guest is gonna...



spikeyour charts!



[ Laughs Wanly]



* I wanna be loved byyou *






* I wanna be loved byyou *



* Deedle-ee deedle-ee deedle-ee dum

Boop-boop-ee do **



- [ Trumpets ]

- Whoo-oo-oo!






- [ Gasps ]

- Mmmm--



- [ Shrieks ]

- Hiya, boss.



[ Whimpers ]






- Kimmy?

- Oh,Julie. Oh, my God, look at him.







Oh, God, I can't stand to look

at him. Oh, God. Wow.



Howyou doin', little one, hmm?

You holdin' up?



I'm fiine, Kimmy.




At least he had a chance

to giveyou the ring.



- The ring?

- Grandmother's engagement ring.



- The onehehadmesendsohe--

- Good morning, Dr. McElroy.



Hello, Doctor.

Kimmy, this is Dr. Edelstein.



- Vital signs have stabilized. Good.

- Listen, Doctor,



these machines are actuallywhat's

keeping him alive right now, right?



- At the moment, yes.

- Okay. Well, doyou think...



-you could give me a realistic--

- Comas are unpredictable.



He could wake up today

or tomorrow or--



Doctor, hey, sweetheart.



Our father took

a long time to die,







when our time came...



we wouldn'tletitdragout.






- which one's the plug?

- What plug?



The plug?

The oneyou pull?



Oh, God, Kimmy.

Don't even talk like that.



I need a realistic answer,

Doctor! Give me a date!



All right.

Three months.



There'salwayssomebrain damage,




the chances ofcomingback

shrink dramaticallyevery day.



Well, I want him to have

every chance, Doctor.



We could... certainly give it...

[ Sighs ]






[Owl Hooting]



Oh, poor Buster!

He hasn't eaten all day.



What's that?



[Dog Whimpers]



Stu did this?



Yeah, right about the time we met,

when he fiirst came to the sleep lab.



Jesus, honey.




agoodnight'ssleep inyears.



Thenightmares would wakehim up,




How doyou go from here...

to cartoons?




- What?



Stu was right-handed, so I made him

switch the pen to his left hand...



to see what would come out,

and we got the fiirst Monkeybone.



- Wow. Twoguys in thesamebrain.

- Yeah.



Which one did you

fall in love with?



[Nightclub Music]




Hey, Stu, whysoglum?



Atleast theyhaven'tpulled

theplugyet. Haveanother 'tini.



No, I'm sick ofmartinis...



and carnival rides and watching

other people's nightmares.



- Hmm?

- The one thing I'm really sick ofis--



Speakingofdames, I'dlike tosing

a tuneabout thebeautiful MissJulie.



She's conscious,

boyfriend here's an eggplant.



I'mjustkiddin; pal,




MissJulie is faithful,

loyal and true.




*All aboard *



*The lady got a loose caboose, all

aboard, the lady got a loose caboose *



* On board

Get on theJulie train *



* On board MissJulie's

juicy booty train *



- * Uh-huh, myJulie's got a booty-- **

- Whaa!



You have humiliated me

in public for the last time!



- I doubt that. [ Screams ]

- Back in the pack!







Letme out. It'snotmy fault. Ihappen

tobea figmentofyourimagination.



- Learn to act normally. I had to.

- Normal, huh?



- Hiya, Stu.

- Hello, Kitty!



[ Growls, Barks ]



- I broughtyou a refiill.

- I'dloveastiffone,



but Stu here forgot

to endow me, equip me.



- Ow!

- Nothing for him. He's being repressed.



Is something wrong, Stu?

You seem... tense.



It's my girlfriend. I'm starting

to think I'll never see her again.




- Why didn't I just propose?



Right there. At least that way

I'd know what she said.



- I'd know ifshe's waiting for me.

- She is waiting foryou, Stu.



I know she is.



- Guys likeyoudon'tcomearoundoften.

- Ahh!



[ Sighs ]

I mean it, Stu.



You're one in a million.



- [ Purring ]

- [HeartBeating]



[ Shrieking ]



- That's it! Back in the pack!

- Not by the hair ofmy butty-butt-butt!



- [ Growls, Yells ]

- [ Shrieks ]



- I'm reportin' this to my union!

- What union?



The sidekick's union-- me, Tonto,

Robin, the BoyWonder, Chewbacca--



[Imitates Chewbacca]

You topbananasbetter watch--



- That's it! Enemy fiire! I'm goin' in!

- Come here.



Ah-oo-ga! Ah-oo-ga!

Dive! Dive! Dive! Dive!



- I left my phone number in your undies.

- [ Snarls ]



[ Blubbering ]

Try not to lose it in traffiic!



Sorry, Kitty. I'll be right back,

after I choke my monkey!



- Eat my dust! Loser!

- Monkeybone!



- [Wind Whistling]

- [ Screams ]






[ Resonant Voice ]

Earl Biegler,



- I have come.

- Can't hearya, young fella. Speak up.



[ Clears Throat ]

Earl Biegler--



Stop mumbling,

you dern fool!



Jeez! Here.



- [ Gasps ]

- An Exit Pass!



- Got a reprieve.

- Good for him. He's gonna wake up.



No, no, no.

This isnotright.



- He's old! Ancient!

- That geezer?



That decrepit old fart?



[Monkeybone]Hey, HonestAbe,

the GreatEmancipator!



- Whoo!

- No! Wha--



[Crowd Gasps]



- But--

- But--



- Wha-- I--

- Wha-- I--



- Th--

- Th--



Hey! Hey, you!

I want to talk toyou.



[ Monkeybone Shrieks ]




He got an Exit Pass.



- Where's mine? When do I go home?




Stu, please. Let's not

disturb the nice Reaper.



- [ Crowd Gasps ]

- Sorry, mate.



- [ Whimpering ]

- Offduty.



- ''Off-duty''? You--

- Calm down!



Whoa, boss, you got it

all mixed up.



You're the nice guy,

I'm the irrepressible screw-up.



- Whoa!

- Mr. Reaper, I'm sorry!



Wait, wait!

Come back! Come back!



- [ Bike Bell Ringing ]

- That's right! Youflyaway!



Fly away!



[ Muttering ]

Fly, fly... away.



Oh, who am I kidding?

I am never gonna get outta here.



I'm never gonna see her again.



Goodgolly, Mr. Miley.

Mr. StuMiley, hmm?



Goodgolly, Mr. Miley.

Mr. StuMiley, hmm?



Package foryou.



Thankyou very much.



[ Stu Reads Invitation ]



Whoo! Playtime

with Mr. Big!



Hypnos, the god ofnightmares.

Doyou know what this means?



- I fiinally get a date. Ow. Whoo!

- He's fiinally gonna hear my case!



** [ Humming ]






What doyou think?




[ Sighs ] Come on, you.

I need an opinion. Wake up!



You know,

you got fan mail to read--



people wanting autographs.

[ Chuckles ]



You got     minutes offame,

and you're gonna sleep right through it.



Ofcourse, knowingyou,

maybe that's theplan, huh?



Julie, hi!



- Oh, Kimmy! Hi. Why areyou--

- Hey.






Listen, this is really hard

for me, but, um--



Well, it's been three months,



and, um, Igave the order.

[Chuckles Nervously]







 'Tain'tnobig thing



- To waitforthebelltoring

- Whoo! Now, this is living!




spare fordays




to theredlightplace



*Jump up, bubble up

What's in store *



* Love is the drug

and I need to score *



- There is a live feed tonight.

- Live feed?



- What is that?

-Just watch.



Stitchedup tight

Can'tshake free



- Hey!

- [ Yells ]



Getyour fat ass

outta my face.



- Ahh

- [ Excited Chattering ] Show time!



- Ahh

- [ Excited Chattering ] Show time!



[ Laughing ]



[ Pig ] Here it comes! The orb is on!

Look! They're sitting on a cake!



Hey, that's me.



Nice tux, dude.



[ Gasps ]



Who's dreaming this?






- What is this?

- [ Laughing ]



Julie, I'm--

I'm here!



[ Gasps ]



[Clock Ticking]



- [ Gasps ]

- [ Laughing ]



- [ Cyclops Giggling ]

- Bon voyage, little brother.



- No, Kimmy!

- Oh, my God. No, don't!Julie!



- [ Laughing ]




- [ All Laughing, Cheering ]




Julie, I loveyou!




I loveyou. Look at me.

Look at me. I'm up here.













It's Hypnos.



It's Hyp.

Hyp, Hyp, hurrah.



Good evening!

Good evening!







- [ Groans ]







Hey, I'm glad

you could make it, man.



We see a lot ofnightmares

down here, butyours are like...



- caviar. [ Chuckles ]

- I just saw a dream.



It was my girlfriend.



She dreamed that theywere gonna...

pull the plug on me.



[ Laughing ]



Give us a moment, will you, darling?




Yousee, Stu, youmade thispact




- Huh?

- No life support?



Pact? Pact? No life support?

[ Cackles ]



- Pull theplug!Pull theplug, pleas--

- No!



That's wrong.

Julie would never agree to that.



They're pulling the plug

at  :   a.m.



Anybody that dumb

deserves to die!



- Can'tyou help me?

- Stu, I'm just the god ofsleep.



- This is Death'sbailiwick.

- Death?



[ Grunts, Sighs ]



[ Panting ]



Cheating Death--



and this is extremely

offthe record--



whatyou gotta do...



is go into the Land of Death,

sneak up right under Death's nose...



and steal

one ofthose Exit Passes.



Well, Hyp, thanks for the idea,

and good luckwith the shock therapy.



- [ Laughing ]

- [ Hissing ] Will you shut up?



He gaveyou a sign?



It doesn't sound rational, okay?

It's not rational.



I don't care anymore, Alice. We've

got exactly six hours to wake him up.



Hey, look! Mr. Green Stain's got

a dead one. What do we do now?



[Stu]He's takingherto the Land

ofDeath. Wehave tohitcharide.



-Don't worry. I'll protectyou.

-Listen toyou-- Xena, Warrior Princess!



** [ Humming ]



Thegatesare closing!

Come on!



[ Grunting ]



Help, boss, I'mgoing fast!

I'm dying, boss!




Come on, come on!



Lookwhat I found.

[ Chuckles ]



- Whoo! Well, that's worth knowing.

- [ Moaning ]



[ Both Screaming ]



Chart number one is

from fiiveyears ago.



This is the worst nightmare

Stu had at the sleep lab--



abnormally intense alpha wave activity

with a peak that lasted over a minute.



And this-- Alice--

this is earlier today.



- Holy shit.

- Wow.



He's caught in a loop--

a nightmare loop.



- Does everybody know what Oneirix is?




Ifthose charts are right,

Stu's swimmin' in the stuff.



- We can decrease thelevels.

- No, I want to give him a massive dose.



- That's not gonna stop his nightmare.

- Hutch, I don't want to.



I want to crank it up, take it right off

the charts. I want to scare him awake.






In theafterlifeyoucouldbeheaded




Nowyoumake thesceneall day

but tomorrowthere'llbehelltopay



In theafterlifeyoucouldbeheaded




[Continues, Indistinct]



DownTown trolley,

right on schedule.



Yes, yes, yes.

All right.



But I'm at a critical

juncture here, please.



The last days of Pompeii.




[ Gasps, Laughs ]



-Nice eruption.

-Thankyou! I'm yours. What doyou want?



- Let's get to reapin'.

- Let'sgo!



Got a bunch ofnew recruits

fresh in from Dispatch.



- Fine, fiine. Sendthem in.

-Send 'em in!



[ All Murmuring ]



Okay, fiirstup

on the docket today,



Chakasandra Singh,

New Delhi-- snakebite.



Singh, sang, sung.




- [ Whimpers ]

- [ Chuckles ]



Okay, Scott, step up here, please.

Scott, Death. Death, Scott.



- Hi, Scott.

- Hello.










Nextup, Clark Devereaux,

Chicago, Illinois.



- Looks like complications from a coma.

- Right.



- Ah-- Oh, come on!

- What?



- It says he recovers.

- Recover?




  years. It'sareprieve.



- Let me have an Exit Pass. Yeah.

- ExitPass?



That means forms.

That means bureaucracy.






- Yeah. What'syourname?

- Say something!



- Herb.

- Come here, Herb.




- Please.




- [ Stu ] I am standing up straight.



I wantyou to picture this

with me, ifyou can.




-You'rea customer, you'reabout to die.



You're a little excited, a little

fearful, and here comes the Grim Reaper.



Tell me, Herb, [ Shouting ]

what the hell is he covered in?



- Uh, pea soup?




- As you requested, one Exit Pass,

- [ Gasps ]



Omighty wielder




- [ Stu ]Just behave!

- ExitPass?Oh, whata coincidence!



I wasjustheadingoverto DownTown--

Don'tbiteme there!



I'dbehappyto drop that

offforyou, ifyoudon'tmind!



- Herb?

-[Monkeybone] Yeah?



Could I seeyou

over there, please?



-[Monkeybone Whimpers]Overthere?

- Yeah.







- Latta!

- [ Growling ]



[ Growling, Snarling ]




- Uh-oh.



- Impostors! Get that monkey!

- Get 'em!



Get in there! Go on, you Reapers!

Go, go, go!



Stu, Stu, Stu!





[ Whooping ]



- That's it!

- Well done!



- Fire in the hole!

- Whose hole? Whose hole?



[ Yelling ]



[Alarm Blaring]




Hey, Monkeybone, there'sa train!



Arnold, now. Now!



[ Screeching ]



[ Grunting ]



Come on, Monkeybone!

Come on, buddy, youcan doit!



Okay. All righty.

Take it easy.



- [ Screeching ]

- [ Yelling ] Help, boss!



Comin' in.



Whoo! Thankyou!

Thank-you, thank-you, thank-you.




[ Whooping ]



[ Whooping, Yelling ]






What's the maximum

safe dose?



The most we've ever used

is, um, halfa C.C.



Five C.C.s.



[ Groaning ]



[ Whimpering ]



[Monkeybone]Holdit, Doctor!

Stu, I'm comin'in!



- [ Whimpering ]

-[Monkeybone]Oh, yeah!



- [ Yelling ]

- [ Yelling ]



- [ Grunting ]

- That'sit!Now, hit thosepedals!



[Sniffling, Sobbing]



- [ Stu Pants, Laughs ]

- Whoo! Yes!



Terra fiirma, we made it!



- Monkeybone, you saved my life!

- What?



Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever.

Look, we only have about fiive minutes.



Just that, now that I'm leaving, there's

so many things I wanted to say toyou.



Ah. Don't get mushy on me. I'll be fiine,

just drop me offat the bar.



You've been a hell ofa fiigment, pal.

I wish I could takeyou home with me.



Ah, right back atya, boss.

[ Clicks Tongue ] Right back atya.



Nojoke, little buddy.

I really do love--






I loveyou too... boss!

[ Cackles ]



Loveyou too!

[ Whooping ]



- [ Whooping, Chattering ]

- Wait!Monkeybone!



Don't do this!

Please! Wait!



- Nice work, little feller.

- Monkeybone, wait!



No, don't do this!




- [ Laughing ]

- Let go!




We can talkabout this!Come on, wait!



- [ Creatures Clamoring ]

- Come back here!



Wait!No, youdon'tunderstand!

He'sgotmy ExitPass!



Oh, I'msosorry, Stu.

It'sjustallpartofthe deal.



[ Laughs Sinisterly] We've got

big plans for that body ofyours!






- No! This can't be happening!

- [ Whooping ]



[ Screaming ]







[ Whooping ]



- Stu?

- [ Coughs ]



Jul-- [ Hiccups ]




[ Chuckles ]

Whoa, baby!



- Stu!

- [ Chuckling ]



Two more little ticks

ofthe clock, and--



Welcome home.



Oh, Stu!



Home sweet home, huh?



Actually, I was expecting

something a little swankier.






You have to assume that Monkeybone

would be a pretty lucrative franchise,



with, uh,



royalties, servants--



- I gave all the servants the day off.

- Oh.



-[CacklingLike Monkeybone]

- [ Laughs ]



Honey, why don'tyoujust rest

on the sofa for a minute?



Okay? All right?



- [ Gasps ]

- Hmm!




Oh, bitchin' good cake.



- Good.

- You want a hunk?



No, thankyou.

[ Chuckles Nervously]



-[Champagne Pouring]

- Oh.



Here's to a celebration that should

have happened three months ago.






- Stu?

- Hmm?



I wantyou to know I found

the little surpriseyou left that night.






Ifyou were wondering

what the answerwas,



it was ''yes,''

and it still is.



- It is?

- Mm-hmm. Yeah.



With all my heart.



- And what was the question?

- You asked me to marryyou.



- Marryyou? [ Laughs ]

- Mm-hmm.



No, you did. Here.



- See?

- Oh! He did it!






- Buster! Lookwho's here!

- [ Barking ]



Hello, Buster.

[ Groans ]







actlike thisbefore!



He's a lying son ofa bitch!

Don't believe anything he says!



- He'sgotmentalproblems!Shutup!

- Ow!



- [ Screeching Like Monkeybone ]

- [Barking Continues]






Oh, baby.



[Volume Increases]









- [ Chitters ]

- What areyou watching?






[ Grunting Gently]



- Hmm?

- You think this is medically advisable?



- We got a doctor on duty.

- Well,



as long as it's okay

with Monkeybone--



- which it seems to be.

- Huh?



Oh. Huh?



I'vebeen feelin'

trapped, baby



- [ Squeaks ]

- Tryin'toholdback this feelin'






-Andifyoufeellike Ifeel, baby




- [ Continues Barking ]

- Come on Oh, come on







Aahh, baby


















A cutelittleheartbreaker



Foxy, yeah




asweetlittle lovemaker






I wanna takeyouhome




I won'tdoyounoharm, no



 Yougot tobeallmine







Here Icome, baby

I'm comin'togetya



- [ Whooping ]

- Foxylady



Dive! Dive! Dive!



- Ow!

- Oh, God, Stu!



- Uh-huh.

- Oh, my-- Areyou-- Oh!



- [ Gasps ]

- [ Grunting ]



- [ Gasps ]

- Heads up! Feeding time!



[Screams, Moans]



[ Screaming ]



Ohh! What-What-What?



[ Gasps, Whimpers ]

What? What? Who areyou?



- Whatdoyou want?

- Dinner.



You gotta move fast oryou'll starve.

Here, have some popcorn.



They feed us the slops

from the Morpheum Theater.



You hope for MilkyWay, you settle

for Skittles. I'm Steve-- Steve King.






Stephen King?

What are you doing here?



I'mJack the Ripper.



- I'm Lizzie Borden.

- How doyou do?



- Attila the Hun.

- Attila the Hun.



** [ Fanfare On Kazoo ]



Allhail themostglorious,




Oh, enough! Enough, enough!

I'm hungover.



- Hyp, did you bring me cough medicine?

- That night-light I asked for?



- King, you pussy. [ Laughs ]

- Bite me, Poe.



- You set me up!

- Easy, pal. [ Chuckles ]



Just coming to congratulateyou. It

ain't easy snatching those Exit Passes.



Steve was the last guy to do it,

and that must have been    years ago.



Why'd you do it, huh?

Wh-What did I ever do toyou?



It's nothing personal, Stu, it'sjust

we need nightmares-- fresh nightmares.



We'ddie without 'em.

That's why we grabbedyourbody.



- I'm no nightmare-maker.

- That's the monkey'sjob.



- Monkeybone? What?

- [ Laughs Maniacally]



Let's face it, Stu. Nobodywants

to be a fiigment. It's a dead-end career.



So he gets fed up,

he comes to us with a proposition:



We help him swipeyour body, he helps us

get a heap ofbrand-new nightmares!



- News flash, buddy: I'm a cartoonist!




Butyou got a girlfriend who's fiigured

out the chemical basis ofbad dreams.



Andguess what. Shejust whippedup

abigol'batch ofnightmarejuice!



[ Laughing ]

Oh, we're predicting record box offiice.



What'spluralfororifice? ''Orifi''?

No, I wasn'tina coma!



All right, I was in a coma. It wasn't

like I was ''in a coma'' and goofiing off.



I was thinking up

hilarious new bits the whole time!



[ Laughing Wildly]



You see, it's all synergy.

The show synergizes the strip.



The strip synergizes

the merchandising.



The merchandising synergizes

the religion.



And the religion synergizes

the Barbara Walters special!



And then, baby,

we are all in...



the United Empire

of Monkeybonia!



No, really.

He's ready to merchandise, yeah.



We gotta move on this,

so get the burger guy, the toy guys...



the toy guys and

the lunchbox people in here--



Herb, get offthat phone right now.

You're exploiting him!



- Am not.

- Herb, he's not himself.



He's your friend. He trusts you,

and you're taking advantage ofhim!



- Am not. I'm on the phone!

- Are too!



- My cocina.

- Hey, hey.



My refrigerator, where I store

and chill my food.



And this-- the oven,

where I cook my food.



And ifyou'll step this way, you'll fiind

my dining room, where I eat my food.



What is all this stuffabout

merchandising? You hate merchandising.



I know, baby, I do.

But look at it from another angle:



There's a potload

ofmoney here.



I'm dirtyasamanhole






I'm looking for







She turnedme out







- [ Whimpering ]

- I'mjustso easilyled



 When thelittlehead

does the thinkin'



You two-bit simian stooge.



We didn't send you up here to shakeyour

bootywith a bunch oflingerie babes.



[ Slowed-Down Voice ]

But it's my fantasy.



I don't care!

We sentyou up here to make nightmares!



Now, you get out there, and you get that

nightmarejuice, and you get to work!




a freeman during the day,



but when you dream...



yourmonkeyass ismine!




[ BufferWhirring ]



What the--






- [ Chittering ]

- [ Gasps ]



- [ Kissing Sound ]

- Oh, baby, I'd really like to,



but it'd put me

in a lot ofhot water.



Why don'tyoujust

give thatback?




- Oh, doyou?



Well, in that case, why don't

you give me a little preview?



- [ Kissing Sound ]

- Makin'love withyou



IsallI wanna do




[ Screeches ]



Let go! Let go!

Let go ofmy pants!



- Stu?

- [ Snores ]



- Where haveyou been?

- Hmm?




I was asleep.



Honey, don't lie to me.

I knowyou went out.



Nope. Not me.

You must be dreaming.



I know what this is about. You've been

mad because I haven't proposed toyou.



Oh, go on, admit it!



You've been giving me the stinkeye ever

since that business with the banner.



- You, you and that dog.

- I have not been giving the stinkeye.



You're giving me

the stinkeye right now.



Stu, you're wearing shoes

and a poncho...



with no pants,

in bed.



[ Mutters ]

I know.






Well, did you all

have sidekicks--



fiigments, monkeys?



A raven.



Mine was a dog.

Man's best friend. [ Scoffs ]



I went throughhell

toget thatExitPass.



And who got to

use it? Cujo.



Miley, you got a visitor!






Oh God, Stu,



I'm so sorry.



I wanted to tell you

what was going on.



I really,

really liked you.



Thankyou, Kitty,

but that doesn't matter right now.



The woman I love is living with a horny

little monkey that looks like me.



- What a lucky girl.

- Kitty, listen.



Is thereany wayIcangetamessage to

warnherabout whatMonkeyboneis up to?



- Time's up! Break it up! Let's move!

- No, no. No!



- Give me a moment,just to look at him.

- Let's go!



- Stu!

- Feeding time!



As you know, Burger God

is prepared to launch...



ournewMega Monkey Meal.



- Uh, something wrong?




- How much is McDonald's offering?

- Less.



Apleasure tobe

inbusiness withyou.



[ Laughing ]



Here's another thing. The Natural

History Museum is kicking off...



a fund-raising campaign and wanna know

ifyou can appear at a benefiit.



Oh, I get it.

We give the public the impression...



that we're doing

something charitable-- brilliant!




Yes, that's it exactly.



Now, I thinkyou remember

Bill here from Bazoom Toys.



We have a little something here

we thinkyou mightjust like.




Codename::LittleJack Horner.



Go ahead,

pull out his thumb.



- [ Trumpets ]

- [ All Laughing ]



- No, it's mine!

- Oh.



Say, could you fiill these babies up

with a particulate solution...




to tenparts water?



- Uh,Jerry?

- Sure.



- Yeah, yeah, I guess we could.

- All right!



You've gotyourself

a deal!



- [ Trumpeting ]

- [ All Laughing ]



Shall we shake on it?



Shake on it? That's not the way

we do things in Monkey Land.



In Monkey Land,

we rub our bottoms together.






You heard the man.

Getyour asses on the table.



[ Cackling ]



The thing is, I'm responsible

for the way he's acting.



It's the nightmarejuice.

It's gotta be.



Julie, that stuff

probably saved his life.



He's not Stu anymore.



The Stu I love is gone.



He spends all his time in the garage.

He says that he's... autographing.



[ Laughing ]



Nightmare in a butt!



- [ Trumpets ]

- [ Laughing ]




- Huh?



I think I hear

a guinea pig.



[BusterContinues Barking]



Listen, let's bring him in

for some tests.



I guarantee

you're overreacting.



[ Buster Barking ]



Oh, actually, no, I don't think

I'm overreacting.



- [ Screaming ]

- [ Barking ]



[ Growling, Barking ]



- [ Trumpets ]

- [ Whimpers ]



Sweet dreams,

you little bastard.



[Cats Meowing]



[Hypnos]Dog dreams?

This is completelyhumiliating.



That stinkin' monkey.

I can't believe it.



We give him a body,

and he sends us dogs.






Let's not

think about dogs.



Let's think about...





[ Laughs ]



Oh, what a luscious surprise.

[ Laughs ]



[ Both Laughing ]



So, I thought, ''What the hell.

I'm a big celebrity now.



I can get all the chicks I want.

Why get married?''



On the other hand,

ifyou are married, no more stinkeye.



Plus, they can't testify




Testify about what?



[ Phone Ringing ]



- Hello.

-Julie, it's Hutch.



- Oh, Hutch. What?

- The nightmarejuice-- it's gone.



Somebody switched it for

a beaker ofgrape Kool-Aid.



Grape Kool-Aid?

But who'd wanna--



Stu, areyou sure

youjust wanna give these away?



- It seems wrong.

- Go, go, go, go!









Shh. Sh-sh-sh-sh.



Here. You'll need these

foryour trip.






And this.



Kitty, you can't do this.

You're gonna get in trouble.



You're the one

true-hearted man I ever met.



You fiind a way back to that girl

ofyours, and you make her happy.






What about the guard?



I'll take care ofthat rat.



[ Purring ]



Okay, Stu.

I'll seeyou tomorrow.



Good-bye, Kitty.



- [Guard]Hey, lady, whatareyou--

- [KittySnarling]






[GuardScreams, Gurgles]



- [ Gasps ]

- Go!Justgo!



Well, thankyou, Kitty.

I'll never forgetyou.



And I mean that.

I'll really... never forgetyou.







Last one.



** [ Vocalizing ]



What kind ofidiot sneaks

into the Land of Death twice?



One that likes a good stretchin'?

[ Laughs ]



Shut up.

I wanna hearwhat he has to say.



Now, Death, I knowyou're mad at me,

and I don't blameyou.



But we're both mad at DownTown, and

we're both mad atyour brother, Hypnos.



So nowyou're gonna tell me it's all his

fault and you were completely innocent.



No, I'm not gonna tell you that.

I wanted that Exit Pass.



I wanted it bad enough that I had to

stareyou right in the face to get it.






Because I--



I got a girl up there,

and I shoulda--



I-I never--



I wanna tell her

that I love her.



Oh, gosh, helovesher.

Thatchanges everything.



- Ow! Okay, uncle!

- Sit down. Sit down right now.



Down, down!

Anddon'tsayanother word.






I'm a simple person.

I do an honest day's work.



Why does everybody

make it so hard for me?



You're switching bodies.

You're stealing Exit Passes.



I work a long enough day

as it is.



Look, you can take my soul.

I-I don't need it.



You can turn me into a paper doll.

Just, please, give me one hour.






[ Assistant ]

Hey, I love my girlfriend.






you're gonna need

a new body.



You know...



I don't generally

do this, but...



I really like

your comic strip.



- Really?

- Yeah, it slays me.



Death, coming from you, that's,

you know, that's-- Whew!



It's nothin'. But turn around

before I change my mind.



- Huh? Oh.

- Turnaround.



All right, could you

bend over, Stu, please?



- Huh? Bend over?

- Yeah,justbendover.



All right.




[ Screaming ]



Come on. Come on.

Oh, yeah. Come on.



Fresh pancreas. That oughta pay

for that new Mercedes.



And preparing to detach

my round-the-world cruise.



[ All Screaming ]



Where am I?



What's wrong

with my neck?



You broke it.

You're an organ donor.



[ Bones Cracking ]



Those are our organs.

Get back on that slab!



I will need this body!



- So, get back!

- Hey!



- 'Cause I gotta--

- It's a bone saw!



Yeah! Aah!



Oh, look!



- Get back here with that body!

- Whoa!Oh!



- What areyou doing?

- Sorry! Sorry!



That's our body!






- There he goes!

- Get him! Get him!



[Indistinct Yelling]



[ Tires Squeal ]



Hey, Mr. Snyder, hey!



Oh, wow.

Garden's lookin' good.



- Uh, I apologize...

- [ Bones Crack]







Please, please, please,

just don't call the cops, okay?



[ Grunting ]






[ Bones Cracking ]



[ BusterWhimpering ]



Buster! Oh, how've

you been, buddy, huh?



You been good?

You been a good dog? Huh, yeah?



What doyou got here for me, huh?

What's this?



I look like an idiot.






[ Buster Barking ]



Stay. Stay.

Good dog.



[ Barking ]



Oh, I'm sorry.

Excuse me.



Hey, bus, wait!



Hey! Damn!






Hi. Sorry.



- The organs are, uh, in transit.

- There he is!



- He's on thebus!

- They're in perfect working order.



They're working even better

than we expected.



So, let's see what this...



particulate solution

is all about.



- [ Trumpets ]

- Oh! Oh!



[ All Laughing ]



Damn, what the hell

is this stuff?



[ Sighs ]






Oh, man.

Oh, this is weird.



[ Shuddering ]






Come back here, you!



Oh, my God,

we've got a flasher.



- Isn't that Herb?

- Must be some publicity stunt.



The clothes

have turned evil!



They're working together--

shirts, socks!



Whole ensembles! For God's sakes,

get rid ofyour tie!



No, no, no,

Herb, you ding-dong.



- [ Herb Screaming ]

-[Policeman]Comebackhere. Stop!



Uh, ladies and gentlemen.

[ Chuckles ]



Forget about the naked man

with the purple face.



[ All Laughing ]



Your incredible,

misguided generosity...



has made this a very special day

for the museum.



And also

a very special day for me.



All thanks

to a very special lady--



Ms.Julie McElroy.



Julie, takeabow!

Onyour feet, girl!



Giveitup forJulie!




Lookin' good.









- [ Laughing ]

- Unh!



Unh, unh, unh.



* Oh, she's a brick*



* House *



* She's mighty, mighty

Just lettin' it all hang out *



* Oh, she's a brick*






*That lady's stacked

and that's a fact *



*Ain't holdin'

nothing back*










- *That a woman needs to get a man *

- *Yeah, yeah, yeah *




with thestuffshe use



 Thirty-six, twenty-four




 Oh, whata winninghand









andthat'sa fact






Shakeitdown, shakeitdown




* Shake it down, shake it down

Shake it down now *



Shakeitdown, shakeitdown




- * She's a brick**

- [ Applause ]



You're mighty mighty,

and I'm lettin' it all hang out.



How about it,Julie?



But it looks so new.



Uh, well, that's

because it is new.



But... the heirloom ring--

your grandmother's ring.



What, you want

a used ring?



[ Tires Squealing ]



There he is!



[''Olympic Fanfare,

Bugler's Dream'']



Get him! Stop that dead man!

We're doctors!



We don't wanna hurtyou!

Wejust wantyour organs!



[ BusterWhimpering ]



-[Surgeon]Stop running!

- No!



- Then you'll be sued!

- Fine!



Damnyou, deadman!



- Hey!

- Invi-- Invitation only.



We don'tneedinvitations,




Julie?Operatorsarestanding by.




Doc, don't do it!



He isn't Stu.

He's Monkeybone!



All right, let's go.

That's it.



Say, babe, whatdid

thatcreep callyou?



He called me '' Doc.''



[People Chanting]Showme themonkey!

Showme themonkey!



- Come on, fella, let's go.

- [ Struggling ]



Please, please!

I have to talk to this man.






Who areyou? Why did you--

Why did you say those things?



Doc, it's all a mix-up.



We were in the Land of Death,

he stole my Exit Pass...



and that's how Monkeybone

got my body.



See, all they had left for me

was this stinking corpse.



- Thankyou.

- Doc.



No, don't walk away!



He's only here

to give people nightmares.



Doc, the dream--

don'tyou remember?



Theywere pulling the plug,

and I called out toyou.



And you heard me,




- [ Buster Barking ]

- Buster?



Yeah, come here, fella.



Don't lie to me.



Is it--



Is ityou?



I had to come back,Julie.



I had to giveyou this.



I meant to give it toyou before,

the night it happened.



I washappy,Julie.

Ireally was.



Just try to remember me

like that.






Not like this.



[Grunting, Snorting]



What's wrong?



I'm crying too.



I just don't have any tears.



I'm all dried up.



Ladies and gerbils,

you know the next part.



It's    bucks a swat.

Who's up fiirst?



Oh, yeah.

No, this one's on me.



[ Laughs ] Here's your bat, babe.

Step right up.



Just cock the bat like this.

That's good.



- It's all right.

- [ Gasps, Grunts ]



[ All Gasp ]



We have to stop this. Those dolls

have been tampered with. They're toxic.



Oh, that's okay, honey.

No problem.









Back in the pack.



- Stu?

- Imeanit this time.



Back in thepack!



Eek! Uh--

[ Chuckles ]



I can explain everything.

I was tired ofbeing a fiigment.



It's dirty, menial work.

It's kind oflike being a pool boy.



But even pool boys have their own

bodies. Don't I at least deserve a body?



Not my body!

You get back in the pack, you bastard!



[ Whimpering ]

Back in the pack?



With the stinky gym socks

and the moldy cheese sticks?




I've got the body,



and I am never getting back

in that goddamn pack!



[ Shrieks ]



Oh, no, please, they're dangerous!

No, you can't!



[ Shrieks, Chittering ]



Come on.



Excuse me.



What is he doing?



- He's gonnajump.

- [ Cackling ]



[ Gasps ]



I loveyou.



- No!

- Monkeybone!



Let go, let go, let go!



- Did you sleep with my girl?

- Sleep with her?



- We did the whole Kamasutra twice.

- Oh, yeah?



Where's her birthmark?



[ Both Screaming ]



Come on.



[ Screaming ]



- [ All Screaming ]

- [ Screams ]






Hey, where'd you get

that body?



It's a loner, okay?



- You sprung a leak.

- [ Screams ]






I think it can be saved.

Put it on ice.



- [ Chattering, Yelling ]

- Don't move. I'm coming atya!



- [ Screaming ] Damn it!

- [ Grunts ]



- Whoa!

- I'll take that, young man.



Here, haveanother.

I'm dead.



No, stop!

That's ours!



- Thanks.

- That's mine!



- Ha ha!

- Ha ha!



[ Screaming ]



Come on, Monkeybone,

let's do it!






Hey, Stu, I got an idea--

joint custody.



- I get the body on weekends, you get--

- Shut up!



I think

I can bring 'em down.




Please, wait!



- [ Screaming ]

- [ Screaming ]



[ All Gasping ]



- [ Screaming ]

- [ Screaming ]



[ Both Screaming ]



[ All Groaning ]



[ Both Screaming ]



Where's my body?

Where's my body?



- You mean my body.

- Crap, we're dead!



[ Both Screaming ]



- [ Cheering, Yelling ]

- A hundred bucks on the monkey.



[ Both Screaming ]



[ Rumbling ]



Closing time.



Monkey-killer! Monkey--

[ Groans ]



[ Screaming ]



[ Roars ]







Hey! Hey, whoo!



- Whoo-hoo. Hey!




Stu! You think I gilded

the lily a little?



Ido like to dress up

when Icome downtown.



So, how was she?



She, uh--



She was beautiful.



Ofcourse, I was decomposing

at the time,




howmuch Iloveher.



So, I guess I'm yours.



Uh, excuseme, Death.




I hate to break up

this little lovefest,



but my little bladder

is about to burst.



[ Screams ]

But I really gotta go!



[ Groaning ]



Hey, where--

where's Monkeybone?



Back in your head

where he belongs.



Stu, I don't wanna hurtyour feelings,

but on your own, you're a tad vanilla,



so I didn't want to

send you backwithout him.



What back? D-Did you--

You're sending me back?



- Yeah, I'm sending you back.

- Thankyou, Death.



I likeyou. I'll take

the South Park guys instead.



I hear they're dying

to meet me. [ Laughs ]



Come on, Stu, come on.

Turn around.



- So, I should assume the--

- Yeah. Mm-hmm.



-Stu?A littlehigher.

- Yeah.






- Seeya!

- [ Screaming ]



[ Razor Buzzing ]



Excuseme, that's ourcorpse.

We'vebeen chasingitallovertown.



Helpyourself, pal.



Allright, smart-ass,

youpreparedto cooperatenow?



- [ Grunts ]

- [ All ] Whoa!



[ Gasps ]






Uh, buddy,

couldIborrowyour um--



- [ Whimpering ]

- Thankyou.



[Buster Whimpering]



[ Barking ]



Hey, buddy.

How areyou, huh?







Is ityou?



Is it reallyyou

this time?



People, for the love ofGod,



take offyour clothes!



Take offyour clothes!



[Rap, Indistinct]



[Continues, Indistinct]



[Rap, Indistinct]



[Continues, Indistinct]



[Continues, Indistinct]







 Wouldn'titbe wonderful




wasmade ofgold



 We'dstay up late




 There'snowhere else togo



Hey, lookatme

I'm all dressedup



I'm hotenough toglow



I'm whereit'sat




wants to takemehome






Fallaway from this world






 Where we canbealone



 Wouldn'titbe wonderful



 The day wassilverrain



 We leave ourcoats

andcatcha cold



Dripping in







Fallaway from this world






 Where we canbealone






Fallaway from this world






 Where we canbealone



 Oh, lookatme

I'm everything



 Thesun, themoon




I'm razorsharp

I'm burning up




the fiirealarms






Fallaway from this world






 Where we canbealone






Fallaway from this world






 Where we canbealone



 We canbealone







Special help by SergeiK