Mozart And The Whale Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Mozart And The Whale script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Josh Hartnett and Radha Mitchell movie about Asperger's syndrome.  This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Mozart And The Whale. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

Swing on back to Drew's Script-O-Rama afterwards for more free movie scripts!

Mozart And The Whale Script





This is the best job I've ever had.



Itíd better be.

Itís the last color.



You see, I got fired from

the Red Cab company and the...



Checkered Boat Cab company,

and the Green Cab company.



But this was different.

I can feel it.



Even though I've been here for about

  days,   hours and    minutes.



Don't worry about him.

He's unflappable.



Birds never play into the accidents,

anyway. Itís usually the radio.



The radio is...


            got a problem?

-Itís the radio.



See?    last checked in

at  th and Wall...



which puts in a good

   minutes away...



while     and    are both

south the Interstate...



which makes them much,

much closer to Division and Trent.



And then there's Dave, who checked

in last    minutes ago and I'm sure...



that he stopped at the Starbucks

at Stevens and Trackwood...



which just makes him

right around the corner.



I see the deployment

of the entire fleet in my mind.



And the big trouble is I just,

I can't not see it.



-Did you see that?

-Is anyone hurt?



What the hell is this?

Whatís the matter with you?



Are you crazy or something?

Look at this!



Look at all...!

Who's gonna pay for all this?



I am talking to you.

This is coming out of you, pal.



We're gonna get you home

before group.



Don't walk away.

Come back here! You...!






I'll track your name down, pal.



Hey, where are you going?

Hey, where are you going?



You can't leave us right here.



You can't leave us here.



Hey, taxi!



Hi, Donald.



-You're late.

-Sorry I'm late, you guys.



You said that the last time

and the last five times.



You're late to your own group.



Hey! No!






I got a raise at the university,

you know.    cents an hour.



Nobody cares.



 f course itís not technically

a monsoon, but...



   inches of rain in    hours

is nothing to sneeze at...



even in Sri Lanka,




They said my writing

was interesting per se...



but it doesn't meet their present needs

whatever thatís supposed to mean.



The Los Angeles Dodgers had

only    home games rained out...



in    years of baseball.



Nearly half of those rain games

occurred in the month of April...



and none have occurred

during the months of June...



or July.



I called by parents on the phone.



They're picking me up

at the bulletin board.



There's no bulletin board

at the park. You're screwed!



They'll never find you. Ever.



 kay, guys, we leave in    minutes

if we're going to make it to the park...



on time to meet the others.

Itís the    bus transfer to the    .



Who needs tokens?



Come and get them.



They'll never find me. Ever.



Regular people lose autistic people

all the time. Thatís just the way it is.



Gracie, can I see you

for a minute?



They'll never find me.




Regular people lose autistic people

all the time. Thatís just the way it is.



We'll buy you a cab.



I got a raise at the university,

you know.    cents an hour.






Gracie, I'm gonna run the meeting

a little differently today.



I think that when

we get to the park...



I want you to gather

all the women...



and I'll gather all the guys

and go to the bleachers.



   is interesting, because we add

the   and the   together you get   .



If you flip   and   around, you get

   and you subtract from   ...



you get    all of which

are exact multiplies of   .



And    is interesting because

we add   and   we get  ...



and if you flip it around, you

get    and then, minus    is   ...



all of which are

exact multiplies of the  .



-And now    ...

-Why will I gather all the women?



I want...



I want everybody to practice

telling personal stories.



And I think that people will be less

shy without the opposite sex...



...around. Do you think?

-I can tell them about my raise.



Bad idea.

Your raise is incredibly boring.



As a story, it lacks dramatic

tension and narrative drive.



You won't hear it.

You're not a girl.



I am, and I'm already bored!



Hey, somebody new signed up.

Isabelle Sorensen.



Gracie, maybe itíd be nice

if you let her start.



That way,

everybody can get to know her.







I'm new.



I don't really know what to say.



 kay, help me out.

Ask me a question.



The candy bar Baby Ruth

was named after the daughter...



of President Glover Cleveland.



He once worked as a hangman

in Buffalo, New York.



No. Don't distract with a lot of weird

ball stuff 'cause I get completely lost.



He was one of the presidents

who had illegitimate children...



together with Thomas Jefferson

and Warren G. Harding.



I don't get that. How do   guys

have children together?



They didn't even live

in the same century.



I do that.



I take things sort of literally.



In fact, I remember when

I was a kid and my parents...



were watching the Olympics on TV

and this athlete broke a record.



And everybody was really excited.



And I thought: ďWell, if that's all that

took to impress them, I can do that".



So I did.



The neighborhood kids saw

what I was doing...



and they started making

the loud noises that they knew.



I hated.



Monster! Monster! Monster!



So I started barking

like a dog because...



I can do that!



Animals are different.

You can't teach them cruelty.



I don't know.

What else do you want me to say?



Itís always good, you guys, to start

a story somewhere near the beginning.



I grew up...



in a nice house.



By the time I was   years-old,

my parents basically got the drill.



I wasn't exactly what

they were looking for in a child.



I wasn't normal.



Quick. Whatís     

times      divided by   ?



        point     etc.




I told you.



You know, when McDonaldís

says    billion served...



itís not that much.  nly    visits

per person, per year...



which is once every    ... days.



It turns out

you can't control people...



or even predict them.



But numbers are different. As I use

to say, you can count on them.



People with Asperger's want contact

with other people very much.



We're just pathetically

clueless at it, thatís all.



When I was    I was on my own.



So I used to hitchhike

to get around.



One day, this guy pulled over

In a pick-up truck...



and he said

that I had a pretty smile.



So, I got in.



And he raped me before

we got to the next town.



You see, I thought that,

if I had sex with men...



they would want me

to be around them.



Why would you want that?



Because I've had sex

with women, sugar.



And itís so dumb.

There's no thing!



 h, thatís disgusting!



Does anybody else have a...







-Excuse me, guys.



Hey, why are you laughing?



I just told you I was raped.



Keep laughing, ladies.



I don't care what my shrink says.

I'm out of here!



Excuse me. Is there some kind

of confusion here?



This is no damn confusion,

this is a fight.



Hi, I'm Donald Morton.

We haven't met.



Can you tell the difference

between confusion and a fight...



or are you just as dingy

as they are?



Some of us aren't as functional

as the others...



but thatís no reason

to call anyone ďdingyĒ.



Don't... Don't condescend

to this women.



They're no crazier than I am.



Yes, we are!



I'm weird,

but I'm not strange!



You're right. This is no matter of

confusion. Itís a matter of discord.



Thatís a nice sweater.



Look, this is my first time

in your little fish tank...



and I'm just giving these women

a lesson from my heart...



which they sorely need.



So thatís all about self-esteem.



You can kiss my self-esteem butt,

Donald Duck!



Why tell your life story...



...and tell only the good parts?

-Itís Donald Morton.



You're missing my point!



No, I'm not.

I just never know what to say.



Neither do I.



We're quite the pair, huh?



Whatís the point?



Not being alone.



Considering who we are,

what the hell is so great about that?



Her name's Isabelle Sorensen.



She's   letters

on each of her names.



I have   on each of mine.

So it must be good luck.



I don't know why I got so angry.



I guess I just do that.



He yelled right back at me, which

was pretty cool. Don't you think?



   . Thatís another good sign.



Thatís the number of days

she's older than me, times  .



Which makes her     days

older than me.



He said that

he never knows what to say.



You ever knew a guy

who actually admit that?



It means we were both born

on Thursday.



 nly not the same Thursday.



Then again, he is autistic.

Did I tell you that he's tall?



Hey, Bongo.



Itís nice to obsess on something

beautiful, for a change.



Hello. Hello?



First I'd better get a machine,

don't you think?



I was the first one to join

after Donald formed the group.



He has Asperger's, you know.



Somebody told me that he's good

with numbers. Is that true?



Yes, he's very good.

But his numbers are...



-Really? What do you do?

-Yeah, yeah, I'm a writer.



-You write?




But you shouldnít read my writing

because it repels women.



...unless you count   ...   ...



with no record keeping a suspect.



 n the humidity front,

the only item on the note was in...




in the South of India.



Have you ever had real sex,




Excuse me.



Considering the season,

itís something...



of attention, really.



What was weather like at the

second McKinley inaugural?



-That wouldíve been...

-March  th,      A.D.



Big snow. High temperature's

   degrees.  .  inches...



low temperature's minus   degrees.



What did you say to her?



I said I was a writer,

but she shouldnít read my oeuvre...



as it repels women.



And then, what did she say?



Try me.



It figures.



She's coming

to the Halloween party with me.



Thatís great.

Tell me about it.



I'm gonna go as Batman.



A whimsical commentary

on today's decaying popular culture.



- h, yeah? Whatís she going as?

-Who cares?



-I do.

-Ask her.



-Ask her what she's going...

-Ask her if she'll come with me.



-I was seized by terror.

-I don't know if I can do that.



You both have Asperger's,

you both share the language...



of emotional dysfunction,

whereas I, on the other hand...



just irritate the shit out of everyone!

Even you.



She likes you though.

She laughed.



Everybody laughs at me. It doesn't

commit them to a Halloween party.






Look, I'm really sorry

about the other day.



That looks nice.



My cookie!

Can't eat my cookie!



-You can't do that!

-Itís my cookie!



Thatís not okay!



Itís mine!



Stop! Stop!



Itís okay.

Itís okay.



Itís okay.



All right, I'm sorry.

But you can't do that.



I'm gonna call my parents now.



They'll pick me up

for the bulletin board.



Save it for later. Yeah.



I'll call my parents on the phone...



to pick me up at the bulletin board.



Hi, Donald.



You remember me?









You know what Gregory

told me about you?



I'm good with numbers.



You spoiled my surprise.



-I take things literally.

-Me too.



 ne time, when I was   years old,

my dad took me to a diner...



for breakfast

and he said ďHominy gritsĒ...



and I thought that

he said ďhow manyĒ...



and I was supposed to count

how many there were.



-How many were there?

-   .



That was a joke. Itís not that

I remember anything stupid...



as how many hominy grits.



I have to go now.

I gotta feed my animals.



I have six birds myself.



Isabelle, there's something I need to

talk to you about thatís important.



Are you free for lunch tomorrow?
















Hi, Isabelle.



Hi, Isabelle. Hi.



Hi, Isabelle.

Isabelle, hello.



Izzy, I don't think he likes that.



Isn't that funny?



He's smiling.

He's smiling.



And see this?

This is a friendly gesture.



Show me yours, come on.



You know, a mandrill spends

two hours a day eating breakfast.



So, when you think about it,





a year eating breakfast...



which only leaves him...



   million...     thousand seconds

a year not to eat breakfast.



You know, I don't have to do numbers

all the time. I can control myself.



Don't stop.



Don't ever stop.

I love it.



Thatís good, because I can't.



I know that. Neither can I.



We're autistic.



Like I can't stand the sound

of clanging metal.



If I hear it,

I completely freak out.



I learned a long time ago that I...

I can't...



keep from shocking people,

so I just make it work for me.






I always say what I think.



Not because itís good.

Itís just that I can't censor it.



The women at the park the other day,

I think I really freaked them out.



I hope that

they'll forgive me sometime.




what you said about rape...



Rape is a very bad thing,

itís never funny.



Not ever.



Thatís your guts

speaking out just now.



Not really.



No, it did.



It did. It did.



Because you are attracted to me.



And you want to make

a good impression.



And guts makes

a really good impression.



This is how the birds are

in my apartment.



Mine too.



They're trying to evict me. Some

kind of phobia about animal poop.



Thatís too bad.



I think that tonight we should

sneak back in here...



and set all the animals free,

except for the polar bears.



Itís too warm.

That was a joke.



So, itís time!



You have something to tell me,




My friend Gregory wants to take you

to the Halloween party.



Is that it?



I don't go to the

Halloween party ever, so...



My friends dress up

on Halloween...



to hide who they really are.




Thatís sad, but credible.



I've a costume too.



At home.



But it reveals who I really am,

and nobody knows.



You take me to the party.

Wear your costume.



I would be so honored.



In fact, letís not go to the party.

Just meet me at the mall.



Everyone is in costume,

they won't even notice us.



Thatís what I love

about Halloween.



Hi, Isabelle. Hi.



Hoy, Hoy. Hello.



Hello, Isabelle.



Hello, Isabelle.




I'm   hours and    minutes early.



Which is a good sign,

because thatís     minutes.



Prime number.



So, whatís up, Isabelle?



I'm late.



Which is ironic, because I started

out   hours and    minutes early.



You know what?

At this point...



probably better not to go at all,

you think?



I mean, she probably left already.



And if she didn't, she'll just be

really irritated when I show up.



And I wouldnít know what to say.



You know how I get when

I don't know what to say.



Probably better not to go at all.



Thatís our doorbell.



I'll be right back.



Nice whale costume.



-Dr. Mozart, I presume.

-Mozart wasn't a doctor.



Symphony    G Minor.



Itís about anger, passion,

and transcendence.



-Like you.




I'm sorry I'm    minutes late.

I really was gonna come, I just...



Thatís okay, I just figured

you screwed up. Come on.



So, I was going to take

the     bus instead of the    .



And then I was thinking about

how     square is      ...



and the last   digits

are the same as     so...



I just forgot which one I was

gonna take. Then I thought...



Like I said!

I figured you screwed up.



Come on, we're going this way.



-So this is who you really are?




This is so hot!



Are you in there?



Mr. Jonah!



What are you laughing at, toots?

At least my boyfriend is a vegetarian!



You have a boyfriend?



No, itís a joke.



You are the vegetarian

because you're a whale.



Whales aren't vegetarians.

They eat krill.



-So why is that?

-Because they're tiny shrimp.



That you're a whale?



For lots of reasons.



Name six.



-For one, they're very big.








All my life I kind of felt

I was on the sidewise...



like watching the parade go by.



When you are a whale,

you are the parade.



I bet you know all about whales.




-Well, tell me.



Well, itís a very long story.



Well, the last bus isn't

for another two hours...



   minutes and three...



No, two, one.

 ne second.



Quick, Donald, tell me!



Well, the bus is coming.






So, Donald, this is our first kiss.



No tongue.



Why don't you take this thing off?

You don't need it anymore.



I'm not quite so sure

what I'm wearing underneath.



Well, what the hell?



Letís lift it up.



 kay, Mr. Whale, you can go.

Just there.



Thatís nice.



That was a mix up

at the laundromat.



 n second thought, maybe

we should have some tongue.



Call me!






When should I call you?



Hey, move.



 kay, move.



Sit down.



All right, just don't bite me.



Honey, scoot.



Long messages are cheerfully

ignored. Get it over with.



This is Donald Morton.

This is my eighth message.



At least.



Hey, I'm sorry I called

so many times, but...



you didnít say when to call, so I...



Well, listen,

I won't bother you anymore.



Thatís what you said the last time.



I just wanted to say again

I had a whale a time last night...



and I...



I understand.

I really do.



And I'm always gonna

remember you...



and the times we had...






Donald Duck!



You're home.



I didn't call because I didn't

really know what to say to you.



Donald, I don't know where

you and I could ever go.



We can go to the amusement park.



Donald, you can see everything

from up here!



Look at the sky.

Itís the same color as my jacket!



-I'm sure itís amazing.

-It is. Especially to the East...



where the sun's setting.



-Actually, the sun sets on the West.

-Will stop making conversation?



This is somewhat disappointing.

Just open your eyes, itís great!



Itís kind of like in the arcade.

When I want to factor a number...



I just...

I visualize it...



going across my eyes.



Pick a number.






 kay. So then I shoot

prime numbers at it, so...



  won't go into it and

  won't go in it.



It won't even have a chance

because it doesn't end in a   or a  .



And then...

You know,     .



  . When I shoot   

it breaks into two...



   and   .



Your process if very sexual.



Primes are hot.



I like you.



You're so smart!

So cool!



You wanna know the secret

to this one? Itís good.



You see, you just...



you throw them all

at the same time, just...



No, don't...



Stop it!



Stop it!



Excuse me.



Hey, itís okay.



Itís okay.



We won a panda.

We got   rings on them.



Can we go home now?



Don't freak out!



Itís okay, I'm better now.



I was talking to them.




Come on, sweet baby.



Don't worry,

I'm just talking to him.



-Thatís Cockatoo Dundee.

-Hey, Dundee.



Thatís Ricky, and thatís Lucy.



Thatís Piyachi, Chicken Boo.



And this is Don Juan de Marco.



Let's have a look

around the house, guys.



I save things because

you never know. You know?



You said your mom died.

You did bury her?




-Just checking.



Letís sit down, huh?



 kay, guys.



Come on.



Thatís it.



Come on.



All right.

You can sit here.



You want to sit here?



Come on. There you go.

You can get off too now.



See, you can go here.

There you are.



You want something to eat?



You got any old food in the fridge?



I got lots of old food.

You like old food?






This is about sex.



I'm sorry.

Was that a little abrupt?



Itís just that I haven't had any...



in a long, long time.






I had an instinct there.



But sex is gonna be terrific.



Itís the most fun you can have

with your clothes off.



I'm sure you've been

with more attractive men.



Are you kidding me?

You are so hot.



Anyway, attraction

is a whole package.



And I've never been

with anyone like you.



You mean the hygiene?



You know how many guys

would take me home...



after that show at the ring toss?






Well, they wouldnít be there

in the morning.



I'll be there in the morning.

I live here.



Is there a pathway

to your bedroom?



You want to go?









You know how

in the jungle they say that...



some elephants have longer trunks

and some of them have shorter ones?



Well, I don't care how long

the elephant 's trunk is...



as long as his thing's okay.



Sweetie, you can't disappoint me.



'Cause whatever you are...



is exactly what I want.






You know, at first, I was upset

that she didn't even leave a note!



Then I realized that was a kindness.



She's a sweet person.



Why hurt my feelings, you know?



The less said, the better,

you think?



So we just tuck it away, you know.

Just leave it.



She said a lot of beautiful things.



The fact that she didn't mean it

only makes it nicer.



I mean, what was she gonna say?

ďThanks for the lousy sex?Ē



Are you talking about me?



I just had to go home

and feed my animals.



You know what I think

we should do today?



Buy you a nice suit.






This is my best friend, Bongo.




-I'm just doing the dishes.










Here they are.



Yeah. He's coming.

He is coming.



Where have you been?



I thought our friends deserved to

know the truth of your treachery.



-I believe in the truth.

-You believe in gossip.



Are you sleeping with him?



Janice, thatís a personal question.



Sure, is that okay with you?



Don't you hate all his numbers?

Does he change his socks?



Is his penis big enough?



No, no, and yes.



Would you take me to the movies

on Sunday at  ?



Janice, Sundays

I'm with Isabelle. Sorry.



This is a classic vicious betrayal,

very common in literature!



And life.




Nice to see you again, Gregory.



Itís very nice to smell you.



As you all know...



Isabelle and I have been seeing

each other since Halloween.



And maybe we should talk

about how you feel about this.



Itís sexual harassment!



Thatís a very serious accusation!



You used your position to extort

sexual favors, you should be replaced.



My sister's a lawyer.



Gregory, Donald and I are just

getting to know each other.



-So, you can still date me?

-Right now, I just wanna see Donald.



So, when you're sick of him,

you can date me?



Skeets, letís hear from you.



Do you have any questions

about me and Isabelle?



There are     to     million sperm

cells in the average ejaculation.



Penguins mate only once a year...



and it lasts   minutes.



I think they're extremely sexy.

You wanna know why?



I'm only gonna tell you

if you wanna know.



-I wanna know.

-I don't, and thatís for sure.






When penguins are reunited after

a long separation...



they stand breast to breast

their heads are thrown back...



and their little flippers are trembling

and they sing, Skeets...



because they're so happy

to find each other.



Gracie, how do you feel?



I feel sad.



About me and Isabelle?



Bronwin's daddy has blood cancer.



Regular people get sick too,

not just autistic people...



thatís just the way it is.



Yeah, but these days lots of people

get better from chemotherapy and...



I have to go now. My parents are

meeting me at the bulletin...



The meeting just started.

Maybe your parents will be there...


            a little while.

-Would you like me to go with you?



We could call your parents

and we could wait together...



by the bulletin board.



I'd like to do that.



I'll go too.



Not today.



-Can I go to the funeral?

-I'm not going, and thatís for sure.






All right.

Just for one day, nobody shit.






That is so gross!



Izzy, I'm home!



 h, no.



What did you do?



Where's my stuff?



Did you hear, Izzy?



Everything's here.

Itís just organized.



I thought you'd like it.



Well, now I know where everything

is, so you'd better be nice to me...



or I'll take the secret

to my grave.



Where's my shower curtain, huh?



I threw it out.



What? God!



Well, I called the Center

for Disease Control in Atlanta...



but it was more

than they could handle.



It was mine!

This is all my stuff!



You had no right to do this!



I thought you'd like it.



You stole my life.




Got the    .



-Trying to get yourself killed?

-Maybe later.




Whatís that supposed to mean?



Harry Lime.  rson Welles.

ďThe Third ManĒ.



Itís a movie.



Your plateís better.



You can trade the letters for

Roman numerals, thatís    .



If you add the one, thatís    .

Thatís   cubed.



   is   cubed.



I'm doing all the numbers

in the parking lot.



It helps calming me down.



-Did you lose your job?

-No, my woman.



And my shower curtain.



Whatís your social security number?



Stop calling!



Hi. This is my   th message.



Listen, I respectfully think

you should change your greeting...



in case you get called

by your boss.



Seriously, I'm fine now.



And I'm sorry I spoiled our evening.

I am really, really sorry.



It could never ever happen again.



I mean, to hell

with the shower curtain.












this is my boyfriend.



Donald Morton.



 h, the shower curtain.



Mac Farraday.



Brenda Mackey.






my mentor.



I bought him this suit.



It was on sale. Hey.



 ne of the reasons

that I cleaned your apartment...



 h, boy, itís great.



The cleaner the better,

thatís what I say.



Itís so that we can have

our friends over, Donald!



Izzy, we don't have friends

who come over. Ever.



Yeah. Want to guess why?



Not really.









This is the most peaceful...



the most beautiful place

that I know.



And the world doesn't want it

anymore, so they left it to me.



To us.



This is a special place

thatís just for us.



You know what we need?



We need a little house

with a yard...



so that we can plant flowers

and sit in the shade...



and kiss under the stars.



The heavens are very

important to me. So...



I found this tiny place...



and the rent isn't gonna cost any

more than what we're already paying...



with our two apartments.



Izzy, I got fired, remember?



Dr. Jeffries is the woman at the

university who diagnosed me. And...



I was telling her about how

you organized this group...



of lonely people

that everybody else ignores.



I only did that because

I was lonely too.



I was telling her how much

you care for them...



and how much

they love you...



because this is the real work

of your life, Donald...



only nobody pays you.



So I asked her

if she could find you a job...



at the university that would enable

you to continue...



...this invaluable...

-You did what?



And she said yes, yes, yes!



Izzy, they don't have cabs

at the University Medical Center.



Donald Duck,

it comes down to this:



do you want to make me happy?



For one thing, I understand

you're a mathematical genius.



Who said that?



Dr. Jeffries recommended

that I called...



Isabelle Sorensen.



I hope that was all right.



Itís her fault

that I'm here in the first pace.



And after everything she told me and

checking on your excellent record...



in college I'm wondering why you

choose to drive a taxi for a living.



At my interview with IBM

after I graduated college...



they asked me what

my plans were and I said:



ďProbably go to McDonaldís

for a  -piece McNugget...



and   cheeseburgers

and then do my laundryĒ.



Did they laugh at least?



They smiled and

they said they'd call me.



They didn't.



Mr. Morton, I run Administrative

Services for the Medical Center.



Your profile is a plus because

we want to give opportunities to...



people with special needs.



You can say ďautisticĒ,

I already know.






The job would be looking at statistical

runs finding inconsistencies.



Telling me where the computer got it

wrong. You can do that, can't you?



Well, sure.



Well, I can't, and neither can

anybody else I've ever met. So...



I'm blessed to have you.



Where do you want me to put him?







Prepare to die!



 kay. Ready?




-Yes, you are.




-Itís gonna be fine



 kay. Scissors.

First, water. Ready?



 ne, two, three.




-No, no, no.



-Donald, chill!




Come on, itís gonna be fine.

Come here.







Nice day, huh?



I think they're the neighbors.



Itís too expensive, Dundee.

Itís too expensive.



All right.



Have a good day.






Isabelle, there's something

I need to talk to you about that...



sometimes you find...



kind of enraging.



- h, yeah?




Try me.



Tonight, when my boss

comes here for dinner...



I just want everything to be...



really nice.



You know?



He's a really good person,

and I really like my job.



-I just want everything...

-To be nice.




- kay.



Have a nice day at work.



You too.






Izzy, we're home!



Can you shut the door?



I told her to put everybody in his

or her cages respectively, but...



she didn't, and...



Come on, you guys. Come on.

Come on, you guys.



Stay, stay. Come on.



There she is.






All the birds were out.



Hank Wallace, Isabelle.

Nice to put a face with the voice.



Thatís right. We talked about

what a genius Mr. Morton is.



Not to mention a saint.



Well, only this morning...



he advised me to be on my very

tippy-toed best behavior tonight...



so I don't weird you out.



So feel free to advise me

if I deviate from normality...



at anytime.



Sense of humor.

We're working on it.



-Do you like vegetable lasagna?




How about a beer?

See you inside!



Itís great vegetable lasagna.



I don't pretend to be

an expert, but...



Thatís great! 'Cause I hate it

when people do that.



But your paintings are impressive.



 h, yeah.



Thank you.



Most people want me to paint

something else, you know...



with fewer eyes,

Less violent, less insane.



I used to tell Donald that

I wanted him to hear my paintings...



and see my music

'cause I wanted him...



to understand them

like other people couldnít.



She doesn't understand that I can.

And I do.



And most people do.

Itís pretty normal.



I'm basically a failure, Hank.



In the material world

I used to be a piano tuner.



-She's perfect pitch.

-I made good money.



Itís a valued trade, but half the clients

hit on me, and the other half...



would say something stupid enough

to where I'd blurt out something rude.



I say things as I think them,

you know?



 ut loud, most of the times.



Can't hold my temper and, arrogant,

impatient, and I don't suffer fools.



I have a good heart,

believe it or not...



but it doesn't pay so good, so...



I'm lucky that I have a wonderful

guy who's also very generous.



Did he tell you about

our plans for the house?



Well, they're not exactly plans

that we plan to implement...



Just maybe ideas, more...



We're going to put this big sandbox

right here in the living room...



so people and animals can play...




And then, outside we're going

to put this big aviary...



so birds and lizards and Bongo

can hang out.



-Have you met Bongo?

-No, not officially.



Have you noticed that winters are

coming later and later every year?



-I like that.

-Have you?



And it was actually

Donaldís idea that we put...



a piano in the yard so that all the

local animals can listen to me play.



It must be global warming.



Interrupting is not the way

to become the focus of attention...



itís very autistic.



Where was I?

The walls.



So I'm gonna paint them in this

one-of-a-kind savage colors...



and get fabrics to put

all over the carpet and stuff...



that scream jungle, you know?

And then...



right up there, by the doorway,

I wanna put this whale-shaped thing...



that you have to walk through,

and then eventually...



a full-size aquarium because obviously

we love birds, but we also love fish.



How are we gonna pay for all this?



My boss is going

to think that we're crazy.



Who got you that job

in the first place?



You only got it for me

so I could get you this house...



and these luxuries.



Well, itís obvious we don't share

the same dreams.



That job was for you. And I pushed,

and I sweet-talked you into it...



because I knew that you would never

go down there by yourself.



But it was all for you,

so you could be proud of yourself!



I have put up with an array of stuff

from you that no one should tolerate...



because I thought that

you would do the same for me.



But you made me feel like a freak.

Behave for your boss?



Suddenly this is coming from who,

Mr. Whale Costume? Mr. Toxic Toilet!



What about the show

that you put on in there?



Did you do one thing the entire night

that was even halfway normal?



No. Because I was mad and,

sadly, I was just being myself.



 h, thatís yourself?

Thatís yourself?



Thatís the whole point,

Donald Duck.



You're just one more guy who sees

who I really am and can't handle it.



It broke my heart to see

how scared you were.




-Bringing home your boss to prove...



that you're normal by showing off

your smart pretty little wife?



 nly he saw that she was

just as crazy as you are.









There's one difference

between us, Donald.



You want to be normal.



You crave it.



And that is what broke us up.



I'm leaving now.



I don't want you here

when I get back.



I don't want you here ever,

or you will regret it!



So I got an unlisted number,

but there was no other way.



I can picture you still calling

every three minutes...



hoping for some electronic miracle.




I'm not mad anymore, Donald.



I'm okay.



So don't obsess

on all that stuff I said.



Does she have any idea

who she's talking to?



I've never been able to stay

with any guy for very long...



so I knew I'd end up

breaking your heart.



A piece of advice:

set a limit on...



how many times you play this.

Like   .



-And then erase it, okay?

-Thatís    times that I've heard.



It doesn't cost anything.



Don't worry.

I won't go out with her.



I could never do that to you.



Who would go whale-watching?



Itís a wholesome activity,

and the weather should be ideal.



But I'm foreseeing conditions

to the contrary, such as a...



Low pressure front which

could really have the boat...



rocking and rolling.



The ocean is five hours away.



Yeah, but whales

are Donaldís favorite thing.



And it would cheer him up

from Isabelle dumping him.



I'm not going, and thatís for sure.



But you could be

the cruise lecturer.



Itís a very prestigious position.



 r perhaps contrast

the administrations of...



Chester A. Arthur and

Millard Filmore or whatever!



Seven. Just two more

for the group rate.



Letís watch a whale.

Itís on Sunday.



Sunday I see my daddy in the hospital.

Thatís just the way it is.



I could call Isabelle.

She doesn't hate me.



I have a list of friends.

Some of them are women.



I know why you like living with me.



I'm neater than Isabelle.



You're neater than me,

tied up in Bloom and thatís it.



I file my food.

Nobody does that.



Can I give you some advice?



Can I humanly stop you?



Stick with the group.

Compared to us, you're a god.



And next to Isabelle,

which you will never meet again...



you don't come off so hot.



We can't hear you!



You got a message.



-You got    of them.




they're not for me.




Donald, please be there, please.



Goddamnit, he's dead, Donald.



Donald, Bongo died.



-Thatís her rabbit.

-Where are you?



I'm so glad you came.



I don't know why I went

over the edge.



I lost pets all my life.






I missed you.



You never came for the birds

or the whale.



God, you must have missed them.



If I took them away,

this wouldnít be my home anymore.



Be my friend, Donald.



Be my best friend, please,

because I really need you.



And I always felt you wanted us

to get married or something.



-Did I ever say that?

-Not in words.



But instead of that,

do you want to just be my friend?



-Without the sex?

-Without the pressure.



My friendship is all I have to give.



Do you want it?



 f course.



That makes me so happy.



Yeah, but how do you know

that she knows what she wants?



I mean, you didn't see the way

that she was looking at me.



Thatís because I wasn't there.



Yeah, but she was talking

about marriage.



To tell you that she didn't want to.



Yeah, but I didn't bring it up.

She did.



And when I brought up sex,

she didn't exactly say no.



When women want sex,

they usually say yes!



-Why are you saying this?




Donald! Donald!



If there's one thing I know

itís chicks.



That was a good load.



Good drier, good pace.



Yeah, but...



Did you fix your tie?



Your table is ready.

Right this way.



This is so pretty, Donald.



Look, there's a little fish.

There's three. Hello!



Your chair, miss.

And may I take your coat?



-Yes, thank you.

-You're welcome.



-And here's your menu.

-Thank you.



The waiter will be with you soon.



-And have a wonderful evening.




This is completely irrational.

I'm very impressed.




- h, my gosh!



This is gonna cost you a fortune.



He told me this is

the best food in town.



I wanted the place

to be special because...



I have something special

to talk about.



-Is it a surprise?

-Good evening.



What is it?



What is it?






-Anything from the bar?

-Go away! What?



-What is it? Tell me! Tell me!

-Take your time. I'll come back to...


            about the specials.

-What is it?






I don't think you know

what you want.



You got us a house,

and you got me the job.



And we keep fighting...



but you keep bringing me back

into your life.



And today you brought up marriage,

and I think that you want that.



And I want that too, because...



you're my only chance,

and I want that chance.



Thatís very freaking flattering.



You are my only chance

because I love you.



And I'm your only chance

because you love me too.



Marry me, Isabelle.



-Thanks for taking the pressure off!

-Isabelle, don't freak out!



-No. You're just like all the others.

-No, I'm not like all the others.



I don't want you to save me!



I just want to be left alone!



   . Why did I have

to ask her to marry me?












No, I got to go home.

I got to tell her not to marry me.



Izzy, we got to talk!



Izzy, where are you?



Donald? I'm Dr. Jeffries,

Isabelle's psychiatrist.



-Are you okay?

-Is she okay?



I signed the release, and she left.



-Is that safe?

-She's going to be fine.



She'll be in therapy.



She doesn't need therapy.

She's not crazy.



Donald, she needs someone

to listen to her.



I'll go home and I'll listen.

I'm an excellent listener.



I'll improve.



No, I won't.



Well, Asperger's is a funny animal.



Can I go home now?






I don't want you to see her,

I don't want you to call her.



And neither does she.  kay?



Look at it this way.



She tried to kill herself because

he wouldnít stop calling her.



No. She tried to kill herself

because I wanted to marry her.



Itís completely different!



If I were you,

I would ask me for advice.



Don't play her little game.



Write a story about how she was

eaten by Peruvian fire ants...



and then run over by a car,

and then fax it to her.



She's expecting me to call.

If I don't, she's gonna go crazy...



and think that

I don't love her anymore!



I'm gonna find another phone.

I know the number.



Is it as good as the number,

say,  - - - ?



     is    squared

and   +   is  .



The cubed root of   is  

which is her dress size.



I bought her this beautiful dress

the other day that has flowers on it.






Itís not a richly textured number...



but it is her shoe size.

She has beautiful feet.



You guys, I know her

better than anybody!



I know that she needs me to call.



What if the doctor is right,

and you call and she kills herself?



And then you'll regret it

for the rest of your life.



How am I going to stop myself?



What do you wear

when you stop smoking?



A nicotine patch.



 - - - .



No, I can't!






Excuse me, do you know

when the next bus     runs?




-I'm chasing someone.



-By bus?

-Well, itís important.



Important enough to take the bus.



My girlfriend left me because...



I wanted to get married and

she wanted to stay just friends.



The slower this chase, the better.



Stop the bus!



All this time, and you didn't call.



I was going to call.



You were?



Well, just to tell you that I wasn't

going to call so you wouldnít...



be aggravated, sitting around

and wondering when I was...



Going to call?






But in the end I figured that...



forcing myself into your life

was probably not right.



I don't always do that.



So the only nice thing I had left

to give was just not to call.



I hated you for not calling...



'cause you were always going to

be there and when you weren't...



it was as if...



you didn't love me anymore.



So go home.

I'll call you.



I can't promise you the future,

Donald Duck.



I don't know if this is

for   days or    years.



Finally, there's something

about us thatís normal.



I missed you so much.



All right, look at what Donald made.



I'm hungry!







-Stop it!

-Blume, don't, don't. Blume...



All right, so I wanted

to thank Donald...



who made this amazing lunch and...



I just wanted to thank you all

for coming, because...



you are our family.



And I...

Well, we love you.



Hear, hear!



Wait, wait. This is to...



Donald Morton...



my husband.






I love you!



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