Mr. Magoo Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Mr. Magoo script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Leslie Nielsen movie.  This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Mr. Magoo. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

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Mr. Magoo Script





Oh, Magoo, you've done it again.



Another day in the can.



Good night, Mrs Wonderbottom.



Ugliest hairdo I've ever seen.



Hold the elevator!




Express elevator.



Elevator with a view!



Now that's what I call

an express.



Good Godfrey! Earthquake!



Don't panic, everyone.



We've got enough canned food here

to cover any emergency.



That's better.



Carry on, boys.



Parking lot. Mm-hmm.






By George, somebody fix the lights...



before anyone trips.



The escalator to the parking lot.



Such sophistication!



- Good night, Henry.

- Good night.



Right turn only.



Road hog!



Blasted potholes!



The checkered flag?



Magoo, you, you speed demon, you!



You've still got it.



El Nino's back.



Oh, Magoo, you've done it again.



And tonight, Quincy Magoo,

the canned vegetable king...



will dedicate the new museum wing

he has donated to the city.



The Magoo Rotunda will house

a travelling exhibit...



of the treasures of Kuristan...



including the rarest of all rubies,

the Star of Kuristan.



Treat her gently, young fella.



Check underneath. I think

there's something rattling there.



Yes, you dropped the keys, my boy.



It's the most precious ruby

in the world.



- Lovely.

- It's just gorgeous.



- It's exquisite.

- Exquisite.



No. Actually it's corundum.



That's an aluminum oxide.



Okay, don't take my word for it.



Exquisite is an adjective,

not an element.



All right. If you're so smart,

how come Mr Cloquet told me...



to watch you like a hawk?



Cloquet said that?



Why is it that someone always seems

to burn the rumaki?



Maybe you should see

another eye doctor.



Waldo, Hiram has been my optometrist

since I was a small boy in knee pants.



He's like      years old.

All his other patients are dead.



You can't hold that against him.



But he's still making appointments

with them.



Trust me, you need a second opinion.



Oh, my gosh!



- Would you, would you look at that!

- What?



Wait, don't look. Don't look.



- What?

- She's coming this way.



Mr Magoo?



I am Stacey Sampanahoditra

of the Kuristani foreign office.



Oh. This is my nephew Waldo.



Waldo Magoo. It is an honour.






Uh, you'll have to forgive him




He gets like that, lost in thought.

Quite a scholar, you know.



Graduated with a large class.



Isn't that right, Waldo?







Yeah. L-l, I w-went there to college.






Uh, Waldo, why don't you invite,

uh, Stacey to our opera tomorrow night?



I would be most honoured, sir.






will you join us

for the opera tomorrow night?



It's a, uh, benefit performance.



Uh, we're doing excerpts

from the Norsemen saga.



I look forward to it.

Please excuse me.



I must greet diplomats.



That's a very attractive young lady.



But I'm, I'm such a fool.

l-I tried to offer her a snack.



Oh, Waldo, don't be so hard on yourself.

Cupid makes fools of us all.



And now, as curator of this museum...



it is my pleasure

to present our benefactor...



a man of great vision,

Quincy Magoo.



- Step right this way, sir.

- Ah, well, thank you, thank you.



Ah, well, may, uh, may all

of the exhibits in this hall...



chime with the light

of human knowledge.



My dear, thank you.

Thank you.






Look out! Watch out!



Oh, yes.



Great Scott!



What is this, indoor fireworks?



What a wonderful touch.



Excuse me.



Or a blackout.



I should inform the power company here.



Get that fixed,

and get these lights back on.



Hello down here.

Public telephone.



Oh, what... Excuse me, sir.

We have an emergency...



Great Scott!



We have an injured man here.

Bandaged from head to foot.



Help. Some assistance, please.



And whoever did it

has stolen the telepho...



God! They gave me a bad mask.



Okay. Go.



I gotta watch her like a hawk.






You just, uh, you just hang on.

I'll get you some medical attention.



You stay right here.

No, you're in no condition...



Oh, well.

How many times must I tell you?



Stay back in the booth, man.



I'll take care of him.



I'll be back. I'll get some help

or maybe find a telephone.



Freeze! Drop the gun.



Turn around.



Yes, sure.

Must be a phone out there somewhere.



Well, if you can't bring Mohammed

to the mountain...



Morning, Angus.



Avast, Angus.

Are you ready to cast off?



Waldo? What are you doing here?



Oh, just cleaning your windshield.



Aha, my boy, you are a prince,

but I have a date with a flounder.



- Anchors aweigh.

- Anchors aweigh.



Oh, the windshield did need cleaning,

huh? Right, Angus?



I don't think I've seen it

this clear since     .



Well, now that you're here,

we'd better inform the police.



Orders, U.S. State Department.



This incident is to remain

completely under wraps.



Which includes the crazy  - -  call

about a bandaged man in the museum.



We substitute a replica

of the jewel and...



And we open the exhibit

as if nothing has happened.



Hold it. Who the hell are you?

And who told the State Department?



I did. They said they would send two

of their very best operatives.



Gustave Anders, CIA.



I'm in charge

of this investigation.



Chuck Stupak, FBl, and

I'm in charge of this investigation.



The CIA has no jurisdiction

on American soil.



This could very well become

an international incident.



Not if you don't get in my way,

fancy pants.









I don't get it.

There's nothing in the papers.



It's a trap.



They're trying to lull us

into a false sense of security...



and then bust us

when we make a careless move.



We'll never make it to Cloquet's.

They're onto us, Luanne.



- I can feel it in my...

- Morgan, that's yesterday's paper.






Nothing like the old sea air

to clean out the pipes.



Huh? Right, Angus?



The sun is a little hot.

Time to apply the old Ban de Soleil.



There we go.



Oh. A very refreshing,

minty fragrance.



Ah, the French.

They think of everything.



What's that? The old fog

rolling in, thick as pea soup?



Not my pea soup, mind you,

but maybe one of those other brands.



Bob, why steal the Star for your boss,

Cloquet, and get peanuts for it...



when he can turn around

and auction it off for millions?



Why not auction it off ourselves?



That way we get millions

and each other.



Me and you?



I could take you to places

you've never been before.



I've never been to Toronto.



I know a little cosy

bed-and-breakfast place in Toronto...



but we could skip the breakfast part.



Come on, Angus. We won't let

a little fog stop us, huh?



You rotten seagulls!



You con-sarned buzzards, you!



Uncivilized behaviour.

I'd never do anything like that to you.



I'm gonna have to get this

dry-cleaned now.



Blast your...



Ho-ho-ho. I've got a strike.



Well, shiver my timbers!

It's a lunker!



Just call me Ishmael.



It's Moby Dick!



Why, look at that... Look at...



Look at that, Angus.

It's huge.



He was a big one, Angus.



Just look at the size

of those, uh, uh, pants.



Well, I'd say we were in

the Bermuda Triangle...



but we're nowhere near Bermuda.



I'll just play it safe

and head for shore.



Well, Angus, here we are in safe harbour

once again.



Well, an escalator to the top.



How swank.



Must be a yacht club.






Angus, where are you, boy?



Well, hello, Angus.

Come on there, fella.



We believe Magoo created a diversion

while his accomplices stole the jewel.



But why? Mr Magoo

is a very wealthy man.



Are you sure about that? People do eat

a lot more fresh food these days.



Okay, we don't collar Magoo.

We put him under surveillance.



But this is absurdity. I'm to be

his guest at the opera tonight.



Great! You can be our inside person.



That is, if it's all right

with the FBI.



So, Magoo has the Star of Kuristan.



But it was Luanne's fault!



She double-crossed us.



I shouldn't have hired her.



But she's the only one capable

of stealing the Star.



How could someone with such beauty...



be so treacherous?



I worship all that is beautiful,




The greatest sin is to destroy

a thing of beauty.



I fear now we must destroy

the beautiful Miss Le Seur.



Kill her.



But first, get the stone, all right?



Tomorrow buyers are arriving from

all over the world to bid on the ruby.



Schmidt. Gosher. Havzinski.



I hear there's a rumour

Ortega Peru might even show.



The Piranha?

The king of the underworld?



Oh, Morgan,

don't screw this up, hmm?



I'm coming. On my way!



- Hello, sir.

- Um, oh, Stacey!



Aren't you a sight for sore eyes?



I thought that Waldo was going to pick

you up, uh, on the way to the opera.



Well, in my country, the invitee

always picks up the inviter.



I'm sure that Waldo

would not have it any other way.



Unc, I need to borrow a tie.



- Oh, hi, Stacey.

- Hello, Waldo.



Uh, why don't you, uh, show Stacey

the garden before you leave?



It's quiet and, uh, and peaceful...



and, uh, intimate.



l, l, I don't think

she'd want to see the...



I'd love to see more

of your charming home.



All right. It's, uh...

It's right back here.



The smell of rice is in the air.



Love in bloom,

if ever I've seen it before.



Angus? Come on, now.

How many times...



have I told you

to stay out of that closet?



Come on in here, boy.

Help me with my scales.



It's my uncle's work.






Never have I seen

such a plant sculpture.



Topiary's kind of a hobby of his.



And he specializes in the abstract.



Oh, no.

That's a bunny rabbit.



Hey, well. What...

What is... What is that?



Oh. So you want to play fetch again?

Is that it?



Ah, well, it's a dog's life.



Here we go.

There it goes.



Your uncle, do you think

he needs glasses?



Oh, and how!

Just don't try and tell him that.



He will not spend the money?

I notice he drives a very old car.



Is his business not healthy?



Oh, no. No.

He just loves that old car.



And if Unc loves something,

he won't let it go.



Angus! Stop terrorizing the squirrels.



- Stupak!

- Where are you?



Right behind you.

Don't turn around.



Just spotted a conspicuous white male.



Dirty clothes,

needs a haircut.



- Sticks out like a sore thumb.

- Where is he? Can't see him. Over.



Right behind you.

Turn around. Don't turn around.



- Walk backwards.

- What?



Walk backwards.



More! More.



More. Stop.



- Where?

- Look to your left.



I am Rolvaag



King of Norway



Aha. Uh, one minute, please.



Uh, uh, may I help you?



Oh, that voice.



The timbre! The tone!



It belongs to the world,

but for the moment it's mine alone.



And I tremble.






- Mr Magoo, I presume?

- Uh, yes.



And, uh, you are, um...



Prunella. Prunella Pagliacci,

reporter for "The Opera News."



Prunella. I knew a young lady once

named Prunella.



Mr Magoo, w-will you consent

to an interview?



Well, why not? Uh, back here,

uh, tonight, after the show.



Oh. No, l, I wouldn't want to share you

with all of your well-wishers.



Oh, well, uh, uh, uh,

a private, uh, rendezvous.



Uh, a walk on the beach

at, uh, Sandy Cove...



uh, shall we say, noon tomorrow?



I'll be there early.



Be wonderful tonight.



Well, uh...



Great Scott!

Uh, did you hear that, Angus?



She doesn't want to share me

with anyone.



Is it possible after all these years,

another duet at last?



"O Solo Mio" no more.



Stupak. Stupak!

Where are you?



I am Rolvaag

king of Norway



I am Rolvaag

king of Norway



- Break a leg, Mr Magoo.

- Ah, Rumford, yes.



Thank you, uh, Sam.



I am Rolvaag



King of Norway



Where am I?

Oh, backstage.



Let's go.



Stupak, where are you?



What's going on in there?



I am Rolvaag

king of Norway



Go out there a nobody,

come back a star.



Open the throat,

sing from the diaphragm.



And remember, always sit down

whenever you can.



That man's got a very big head.



Ah, stage, uh...

Stage, uh... Stage left.



Time to warm up

for the old fight scene.



Get over there and shut off that fan!






I am a crusty

lusty Viking



That was the note that brought a lump

to the judges' throats.



After that, I knew

the Van Cliburn award was mine.



Well, the years have not dimmed

its beauty.



Oh, thank you.

Any, uh, more questions?



Uh, not that I want

this interview to end.



Oh, me, too. It's just,

just been such a thrill...



to hear the story of your life in song,

Mr Magoo, I mean real...



Oh, please, please, please, dear.

Call me Quincy.



Quincy, I'm really happy

I got this chance to know you.



I'd like to get to know you better.



Ah, Prunella, could this be

a new beginning?



- Yes, of the end.

- Of the end?



Uh, the end of loneliness.



The beginning of discovery.



How nice.



- This is a very special day, Prunella.

- Oh, for me, too, Quincy.



Ah, then you know that this is

the opening of the carp fishing season?



- Of course!

- Oh, Great Scott!



And I'm so happy

we're experiencing it together.



As am I. Eh, together, yes.

I learned that the hard way.



When you have something precious,

you must keep it in sight all the time.



Something precious,

such as, say, a jewel?



Yes, indeed.

The most precious jewel of all.



What does this jewel look like?



My jewel is luminous, sparkling.

A flaming red...



- Ruby?

- Ruby, yes!



- Where do you keep this ruby?

- Close to my heart.



Oh, Quincy.



Oh, I'm sorry, Quincy,

but l, I want you to kiss me.



Oh, well, it's, uh...



No, b-but not here. Someplace.

Someplace private, like a, like a boat.



Do you happen to have a boat?



Well, in two words:

"Anchors aweigh."



Prunella. Uh...



Well, my boat is just down here.









Oh, no.

It's Luanne Le Seur.



The Black Widow.



She kills all of her male accomplices.

No one has ever been able to finger her.



Wow. Whoever brings her in

will get a big promotion.



- Maybe a book deal.

- Hey, where're you going?



Nothing like the warm sea air.



Huh? Lo... Look at that.



The, the fish are jumping and...



Look at that.

Isn't that wonderful?



- Dear me.

- Now, Quincy, there's an idea.



Why don't we do some fishing?

Where do you keep your tackle box?



Oh, my tackle box

is back at the house.



Ah, but this is wonderful.

The open sea, it's magnificent.



And so inspirational.

Isn't it wonderful?



Oh! Oh!



- What? What? What is it?

- I think I sprained my ankle.



Oh, I'll call the emergency sea rescue.



Oh, no, no, no, no. L-lt'll be okay.

I just need to rest it.



Oh, well, you, you come on up front now.

Be careful.



- Okay.

- We'll take care of you, and...



Just sit down, and I'll head

for the shore.



- Oh, could we go to your house?

- Ah!



Well, I'll put the wheel to the keel

and the gas to the mast!



I am a rusty

crusty Viking



I hope I'm to your liking






- How do I look?

- Wow!



Waldo, we mustn't.



Well, w-why not?

l-ls there someone else?



- It's Mr Magoo.

- What?



Your government thinks Mr Magoo

stole the Star of Kuristan.






A-And you?

Do you think he did it?



Waldo, I need your help.



Hey, we don't have a warrant...



so be quick about it,

or we've both had it.



One, two, three.



- Testing. One, two, three.

- Got it, loud and clear.



Mayday! Mayday!

Magoo! He's back.



I'm a lusty

crusty Viking



I hope I'm to your liking



And I'm a Viking woman



A lusty, busty charmer



Please let me pierce your armour

And together we'll find love



- All right.

- Oh, no. Don't. Put me down.



- Here we go.

- My ankle's fine.



Here we go.



Ah. Well...



with a little more practise,

l, uh, could pop the question.






Oh, your house is beautiful.

Do you mind if I look around?



Look away. Look away.



I'll just put my hat

in the closet here, and...



May I make you a cocktail?



Ah, I'm famished. Do you think

you could cook us something?



Something hot?



Can I cook?



You may call me "Cordon Bleu" Magoo.



Uh, which way

to the little girls' room?



Ah, atop the stairs.

Let me light your way.



Ah, ah, your repast awaits you

down here, my dove.



Next I want you to put some water

on to boil.



And while we're waiting for that,

let's clean about, oh...



two or three sprigs of parsley.



Water on to boil.



Next, pat the chicken dry.



Now, take some lemon

and rub it on the chicken.



Now, make sure you get the whole

chicken. Lift the leg if you have to.



Now, I hope you're not cheating

and using bottled lemon juice.



If you are,

it just won't taste as good.



Why? Well, no peel appeal.



Angus, there you are, old friend.



Well, I can't play right now.



I don't have any time.



And now, lift both legs

high into the air. Left and right.



All right, then. Just one last time,

then you take it upstairs.



All right.



Come on, don't be a slacker.

You can do it.



Lift those legs!



Left and right.

Back and forth.



One, and two, and three, and four.



Come on, you can do it.

Lift both legs high into the air.



Lift them left and right.

And left and right.



Come on, you can do it.

Lift those legs high into the air.



And dance!



Come on.

Get your rear into gear.



Now, don't stop

until you're ready to drop.



Now you're cookin'!



Go get some sandpaper,

and sand that sucker smooth.



You don't want any bumps

on the surface.



I recommend a medium grade paper




if you use a sandpaper that's too fine,

you're gonna be at it all day.



Now, whatever you do,

do not use a metal file...



because that will shred the surface

to a pulp.



Must be a Chinese recipe

to make the chicken tender.



Either that, or it's German.



Use short, light strokes,

and watch out for surface abrasions.



Don't rush it.

These things take time.






I want him.

Magoo is goin' down!



- You hear me?

- What?



Come on!






after you finish drilling,

you want to make sure that

you squirt some caulk into those holes.






There's something very important

we need to talk about.



Waldo, Waldo. How did you know?

I thought this was my little secret.



Then it's true!



Yes, and a lot of people

are in for a big surprise.



- Have you gone insane?

- Yes! Yes, l...



- You have gone insane.

- Insane. Insane with passion.



Their names are even the same:




- Prunella?

- Prunella.



Oh, oh, oh, you're talk...

You're talking... That's wonderful, Unc.



It's time that you met

this glorious thief...



who has stolen my heart.



Uh, I'll be right back.







Oh, my gosh!

He did do it.



Aha! There you are,

my Viking princess.



Come. I want you to meet someone.



Not now.



I can't wait any longer, Quincy.

I'm gonna ask you once, and only once.



Ah, you're going to propose!



Oh, my precious bonbon.



You read my mind.



You know what I came here for.

You know what I want. Give it to me.



Ah, you modern women.

You're so direct.






Now what is this? Oh, we've been

playing fetch all day with this.



All right, boy, go ahead.



Hold it!



Unc, who is this?



Uh, Waldo Magoo, this is, uh,

Prunella Pagliacci.



I'm FBI. That man just stole

the Star of Kuristan.



Stole? In this house?



- He's heading for the driveway.

- Get up.



- He stole the Studebaker.

- What?



The eggplant mobile.



What? Watch your head.

This way.



Hold it! Stop or I'll shoot.



- Stop or I'll shoot!

- Don't worry. He's not gonna get away.



Get out of the way!

Get out of the way!



- Unc, there he is.

- Ah, yeah, all right.



- No, over there, over there.

- I see him. I see him.



- He's turning left.

- Left it is.



He's turning right.

Big truck! Big truck!



Hold on!



He's a crafty fella.

Taking evasive action. That won't work!



- You're not getting away.

- That's the wrong car.



He's back there.



Don't worry, my boy.

We'll catch him on the turnaround.



Hold on, Angus!



Hey, look out!



- Stop!

- Look out!

- Stop!



Don't panic, now.

We're only in some kind of tunnel.



Brakes! Brakes, Unc!



Unc, hit the brake!



Great Scott!

Those speed bumps. I tell ya.



I'll sue this city.



Uh, Prunella, uh, about the FBI.

You were saying?



Yeah, uh, uh, FBI.

l, I'm... I'm an undercover agent...



for the government.



Does this mean no story

in "The Opera News"?



I'm sorry I had to deceive you.



They think you stole

the Star of Kuristan.



That's what I've been trying

to tell you.



What? They, they what?



That burglar in your house was really

a notorious jewel thief...



who works for a man

named Austin Cloquet.



The bureau has learned that Cloquet

plans to sell the jewel...



tomorrow at a secret auction

up at a ski lodge.



Every billionaire gangster

in the world is coming...



except the most powerful of them all:

Ortega Peru, The Piranha.



No one's ever seen him.

He never goes anywhere.



So if we could get someone

to impersonate Peru...



we could get close to the gem

and recover it.



But who?



We lost him right here,

and Magoo didn't return home all night.



Why is he always

one step ahead of me?



Kenyawa Tambe just charged some tickets

to a ski resort.



Yeah, so what?



Kenyawa Tambe is one

of Luanne's aliases.



- Why didn't you tell me this before?

- I just found out.



- Oh really?

- Yeah.



You know, we're supposed to be working

as a team here.



- You're going around behind my back.

- If the pressure's too much for you...



- You'll take over! You'll take over!

- Sirs!



I shall go with you.



No. Young lady, this is strictly a job

for professionals.



Then why are the two of you going?



Welcome to the Rockies, gentlemen.



If you'll follow me to the limo,

I'll take you to Austin Cloquet.



Who the hell are you?



Ortega Peru.

What's it to you?



Mr Peru never goes anywhere.



That's right.

I never go anywhere.



So when I go somewhere,

everyone thinks I am nowhere...



when I'm really there.



Now, let's put this show on the road.



Uh, sorry.

Mr Peru, uh, this way.



There are no signs.



So you've been staking out my uncle

all this time.



Is that right?



That's my job.



And the way you say you feel about him,

is, is that part of your job, too?



You all right, boy?



You saw this man?



Yeah. He just went up the mountain.

Said his name was Ortega Peru.



Magoo is Peru?



Magoo, The Piranha.



This is big.



We're gonna need some backup.



Don't you know how to open a door?




thank you all for coming.



We're especially honoured today

to have with us Mr Ortega Peru.



I was going to kill someone

this morning...



but I did it last night

so that I could be here.



Well, you're too kind.



Well, when you've changed

your clothes, these lovely ladies...



are waiting to serve you

with chilled champagne in the solarium.



Thank you.



Not bad. What do they mean?



Every time I kill a man...



I tattoo his portrait

on my body.



What do you do when you run out of room?

Stop killing people?



Hey, I bet Peru's got

some pretty nice tattoos.



You hombres, uh, go on ahead.



I have got to use

the, uh, powder room.



Come on!



Let's go!



- Champagne?

- Oh, yes.



- Thank you.

- You're welcome.



Thank you.



Well, now that we're all here,

may I have your attention, please.



This is where

our little adventure began.



Gentlemen, may I present...



the Star of Kuristan.



The auction will commence

when you write down your opening bids.



Uh, I do not pass my cash...



until I get a close look

at the dingus.



Give it to me in my hand.



Mr Peru?



Your frog is leaking.



Oh. Well.






We have an impostor.

Mr Peru is Mr Magoo.



Why would Peru disguise himself

as Magoo?



Shut up, you idiot, and get him!



Keep your distance!

This hepcat has a black belt in mayhem.



Hold it!



Give me the Star of Kuristan.



The Star is mine!






The auction is off. Get out.



Come on, go!



My dear! By gum,

you almost had me fooled.



Unc, watch out.

She's got a gun.



Of course she has, Waldo!

She's a federal agent.



She's not what you think!



Now, Waldo, you're talking about

the woman who saved my life.



Yeah, well, nobody's perfect.



Oh, you can't tell me that yesterday

meant nothing to you.



I am a Viking

A lusty, trusty Viking



Yesterday sucked.



And you kissed a carp.






- Give me the jewel!

- This is all you ever wanted?



You're a true gentleman,

and there aren't many of those left.



Too bad you had to go

and get in my way.



All right, I got the gun now.

Halt or I'll fire!



Don't shoot!

It's me! Waldo!



Great Scott!

Waldo, she's bamboozled me!



She, she, she, she, she's a, a sneak.

Uh, after her!



W-Wait. That'll be easier

with your clothes on.



Oh, yeah, clothes.

Oh, yes, yes, clothes.



This way.



- Police!

- Let's beat it!



Hold it!



Come on, let's go!



Look out! Freeze!



- Hold it!

- Keep your hands up!



- There!

- Come with me.



Get that man!



Hold it!



You'll just have to wait your turn.



- She's over there!

- Where?






- It's too late. It's all over.

- Balderdash, Waldo!



It ain't over

until we've cleared our good name.



Aha-ha! A snowboard.



After her, my boy!



- Wait, Unc, no!

- It's as easy as pie!



That's the wrong kind of board!



Hold it!



- Hold on, Angus!

- Stupak, go after them!



The women's boarder cross final

is about to begin.



Ready, set, go!



Get back here, you Jezebel!



I'll catch you, Prunella!



And the winner of the women's

boarder cross final is a man!



A man? On an ironing board.






- Excuse me.

- Up there.




Hold it right there!



Ah, a detour.

I'll get you, Prunella!






Watch out!









Unc! Unc!



Are you all right?



Don't take that detour, Waldo!



Stay right there.

We'll be right down.



Come on, buddy.



Look! There's

some footprints down there!



They went that way!

Come on!



This is a good idea, Waldo.

You're the real McCoy.



A true Magoo.



I want Magoo.



Who can imagine?

Luanne Le Seur and Mr Magoo.



Yes, we're talking best-seller.



- I can't believe they did it.

- That's it! That's the title!



Now, we just have to check the airports

and search all the hotels...



and make sure

they don't get away.



Senor Peru.



One moment, my darling.




The Star of Kuristan is ready

for delivery. You have    million?



Of course. It will make

a fitting gift for my fiancee.



- We are to be married this weekend.

- I'll be there tomorrow.






The Star of Kuristan.



Uh, excuse me.



Do you have a Luanne Le Seur

registered here?



I'll be with you in a moment.



If you'd just sign here.



- Now, who did you want?

- Luanne Le Seur. Is she registered here?



See, we got an airline

late-luggage delivery...



but the party's not staying

at our hotel, so we're checking.



I see.



What hotel are you with?



The St. Paul.



I see.



It says "Fantasy World Costume Rental."



Haven't they let you out

a little before Halloween?



- Madam.

- Oh, thank you, young man.



Have a good afternoon, madam.



Angus. Angus.

Now, stop that.



Unc, let's get out of here.

He's onto us.



- Let go.

- Angus, no!



- He's attacking that old lady!

- Great Scott!



Unhand that woman, Angus.



Let me see.






Hey, lady,

you forgot your stuff.



What's that?



It's an airline receipt

made out to "Prunella Pagliacci."



Prunella Pagliacci?

That woman is an impostor.



- Unc, that was Luanne Le Seur.

- Well, there, you see?



That's why Angus went after her.



Great Scott!



We had her within our grasp,

and she slipped through our fingers.



Balls of fire!

Oh, good dog, Angus. Good dog.



This receipt is for Brazil.

Why would she go to Brazil?



- She's going to Peru.

- She'd go to Brazil to go to Peru?



- Exactly.

- But why?



To get more for the ruby.



- Peru?

- Exactly.



- But then why go to Brazil?

- Peru is in Brazil.



- Peru is in Brazil?

- Ortega Peru is in Brazil.



Ortega Peru! Of course.



And that's why we're going to Brazil.



Come on, Waldo.



Unc, l, I think this is the place.



Attaboy, Waldo.

Ease up there, Angus.



I like your badge.






I'm going on ahead.

You stay here.



I'm gonna eyeball the situation.



Unc, um, m-maybe I should do

the eyeballing.






Maybe we should leave out the bit

about "till death do us part."



- She's nervous enough already.

- Jefe.



Luanne Le Seur is here, Jefe.



Javier, after Rosita and I go

to EuroDisney...



have the Le Seur woman killed,

but quietly.



If you disturb my guests,

I will be very disappointed.



Monkey bars. Must be

a children's playground.



Oh! Hello, little girl.



Did I interrupt you

in your afternoon nappy?



Now, now, we mustn't let

the grown-ups know that we're here.



Now here's something sweet,

a chocolate.



You go ahead. That's it.



Now, you go on back to sleep.



There you are, honey.



You're the ugliest child

I've ever seen.



And needs a change of diaper, too.



Oh, oh, Waldo.

Hold on.



The little angel is trying to sleep.

So, you know...



Well, where did she go?

Kids. Can't sit still for a second.



Ah, well, I think

she's run off there...



where she can have

her chocolate in private.



Now, Waldo, this is the plan.



I will gain entry to the house

through a window.



You keep an eye on the lawn party

and spot Luanne Le Seur if you can.



Waldo, you need to take some Tic-Tacs.



- Unc, it's not me.

- Please, please. L, l...



I am talking to someone here, Waldo.

Now, please.



Now, what you have to do is...



Great Scott!



Step on it, Unc!



Stop! Stop! Go back!



Come on, Angus! Come on!



Good boy.



Unc, there's Luanne.



All right.

Now, I'll nab him.



You keep your eye on Le Suer,

but don't forget:



She's smart, dangerous, ruthless,

soft, beautiful, a good kisser...



- Unc!

- Huh? Yeah, all right, all right.



Keep your eye open for pitfalls.



How are you?



Senorita Le Seur,

at last we meet.



- You have the Star?

- Do you have the    million?



It may take them time to count.



Please stay for the wedding. Afterwards,

I will have Javier take care of you.



Thank you.



Do it quietly

and don't disturb the guests...



or I'll be very disappointed.



Kid, are you lost?



I was looking for the pool.



- Wow! Oh, it's beautiful.

- Ooh, pretty, yes?



- I'll go get the bridesmaids.

- Okay.









Time for a little Red Cross here,




Let me see.



Oh, my dear child!



You should have your dentist

file down those teeth.



Rosita? Darling?



Are you with no clothes on?



Is everything all right?



I'm crazy with the love, mi amor.



I will see you soon,

my precious flower.



Before we take our sacred vows,

precious one, I have a surprise.



So do I!

Adios, amor. Nuevo nacho.



It wouldn't last.

I've never loved you.



- Get him!

- Out of the way!






Unc, help! Over here!



- This is no time for a rope exercise.

- Unc, that thing's down here.



- Good Lord!

- The rope, Unc, get the rope.



- The rope?

- Magoo!



This is the rope

that can save the boy.



All right, let's have at it.



I will exchange the ruby

for the rope.



Of course, take it. Take it.

But help me with the boy.



You know, I should have you killed,

but I admire a family man.



- You'll be safe in a minute, Waldo.

- Ready?



- Ready.

- Good luck.



Hold on there, Waldo.




Magoo has brought police!



It's that way!



- Attaboy, Angus. Good boy.

- Whoa! Whoa!



- Higher! Pull!

- Good, Angus.



Here we are. Police! Don't move

Stay there!



Ortega Peru!

He's escaping that way!



No one escapes Magoo.



There goes the bride.



Oh, man! You'd think Peru

could've done better than that.



Magoo's dog!

Let's get him!



You weren't leaving without me,

were you?



There's the getaway limo.

Hold your horses!



- Unc!

- Arrest him!



Call the chopper!

We have to stop him!



Show me the ruby.



Big nasty woman!

Get back!



Thank you. Crime never pays, my boy.

Could you pull over?



I'd like to get off.



Ortega Peru, you are under arrest!

Land your helicopter now!



Don't panic.

We're dropping down a raft.



Swim toward the raft.



Hurry up.

Swim toward the raft.



We are dropping you a line.



You'll have to hook it up

to the raft.



- Then we will pull you to safety.

- Got you now, missy.



Stay calm.



Hook it to the raft.



Quincy, please, give me the jewel.

You and me together...



Luanne Le Seur, you have

the heart of an artichoke.



Stop wasting time!

You're headed for a waterfall.



Great Scott!



We're safe now.



It's hooked to the raft.

Pull us up.



Well, look at that rainbow, Magoo.

You just might be a leprechaun.



La Cascada de Muerte,

the Falls of Death...



where many a bride

left stranded at the alter...



has jumped to her final...



Oh, my goodness!

Another one! Aye!



- Are you all right, dear?

- W-Well, I'm, I'm all right.



I'm, I'm fine.



Oh, that's the spirit, dear.

You'll find someone else.



It's inner beauty that counts.



Words of wisdom, my dear.



Words of wisdom.



Magoo, you've done it again.

Have a good day.






Who are you?

What are you doing?



I am Simone Deculaat,

the wedding caterer.



Oh, you'll love prison, Simone.

They make great "loaf de meat."



Hey, hey, hey, come here.

Get a picture.



How's my hair look?



- Well done.

- Very nice.



Thank you.



Waldo, thank you.



Oh, you're welcome.



What will you do now?



Well, Uncle Quincy just created

a new position for me in his company.



You're looking at

the head of security.



And now that you have found

your path in life...



I suppose you would not be willing

to return to Kuristan with me.



In a heartbeat.



Well, you don't have to.



I like it here much better.



- Wow!

- Oh, Waldo!



Mr Magoo. Um, sorry we, uh,

put you through all that.



Would you autograph this for us?



By Jove! A-And a very good likeness

of me, too, I must say.



You boys certainly move fast.



The TV movie airs Friday.



Quite right. Quite right.

Always keep moving.



Come on, Angus.



Have a good day.



Well, Angus, it looks like

it's just you and me now.



Don't take this wrong, but I feel

that there's someone out there...



the perfect somebody just for me...



and someday Cupid is gonna fire

into the heart of the bull's-eye.



And this is one steep staircase.



Good exercise

for an old dinosaur like me.



Indeed! Oh, by Jupiter!



Oh, Magoo, you've done it again!



Oh. Pardon me, madam.



Oh, Magoo, you dog!






Come on, now. One and two. One and two.



Higher! One and two. One and two.



Don't stop until you're ready to drop.



Come on, left leg. Keep going.

One and two. One and two.









Stick 'em up.



Gimme that!



No. You give it to me.






Angus, it's a struggle

against the beast.



- Oh, I really got him. Oh, no.

- Cut!



Remember, I hire people to kill people.



- Cut.

- Let me help you.



Get up there, Billy.

Come on, Billy. Come on, boy.



Pee. Go ahead, pee.

Come on, pee, boy.



That's it. Pee. Pee.

Good boy! Good boy!









Quiet. Action!





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