Next Friday Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Next Friday script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Ice Cube and Mike Epps movie.  This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Next Friday. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

Swing on back to Drew's Script-O-Rama afterwards for more free movie scripts!

Next Friday Script

          Put that shit out.

          The doctor prescribed me this shit now.

           New Line presents a real nigger movie.


            I'm high as a giraffe ass right now.

            Right now.

            "A Cubevision Production."

            This shit gonna be off the hook, nigger.

            Hit it again, Smokey. Cough it up your nose.

            This shit is on the one.

            This is a done one on this one. Yeah, buddy.

            You got a bong, nigger?

            This shit is killin' my sack.

            "Written by Ice Cube." I thought that nigger was in jail.

            I helped write this motherfucker too.

            They all did.

            Look at the smoke.

            "Directed by Steve Carr."

            That motherfucker Owes me some money.

            That's the nigger that owes me that money, man.

            In the movies, when you beat up the neighbourhood bully...

            you're supposed to live happily everafter.

            But in my neighbourhood, that's when all the drama starts.

            It wasa Friday I'll never forget.

            I got high for the first time. I got shot at for the first time.

            And I finally kicked Debo's ass for the first time.

            Debo ended up going to jail for about four years.

            You win some. You lose some.

            But you live. You live to fight another day.

            There's rumours goin' around the hood that Debo's breaking out next Friday.

            And when he gets out, he's supposed to come to see me.

            And today is next Friday, and I still ain't got no job.

            Come on!

            Come on!

            Soon as my pops  found out Debo was gettin 'out...

            he wanted me to move with my uncle and little cousin in Rancho Cucamonga...

            'till things calm down...

            orDebo went back to prison, whichever comes first.

            Craig! Off your ass and on your feet. Ain't no time to beat your meat.

            All right.

            Be out in about       minutes.

            You'll go blind, boy.

            Hurry up. This is Friday. We got to hit the highway.

            I felt like the biggest punk around here.

            I whipped Debo's ass.

            He should be the one moving.

            When I'm gonna ride that?

            - Punk, you're walkin'! - But I'm tired.

            Craig! Will you come on!

            I don't want to hit that traffiic.

            You had enough time to get yourself together.

            I don't believe this.

            I told that boy to put that hose away and cut that grass.

            Look at that grass. Stanley's grass look good.

            Mrs.Johnson's grass look good. But look at my grass. No!

            When that boy get out of my house...

            I'm gonna change my number.

            Craig! Craig!

            Come on out of that house!

            Oh, damn!

            Goodness gracious.

            What's goin' on?


            Use that brick to break that chain.

            You think it's the same brick Craig knocked your ass out with?

            Get out of here, you stupid mutt!

            - Here I come. - Will you bring your ass!

            Come on! You got me trying to break a chain with a brick?

            Let's go get some pussy, Debo. Fuck! Shit, man.

            Shut up! I got some unfinished business to deal with, and your butt gonna wait.

            What's the matter?

            I fell in some mud, and it's all your fault.

             - How is it my fault? - You're taking all day.

              And I told you to put that hose away and cut that grass.

              I didn't drop you on your head when you were a kid.

              Maybe your grandmother did. I remember the summer of'  --

              I didn 't want to leave my neighbourhoodat all...

              especially my homeboy Smokey.

              But he went to rehab last month.

              And the way he smoke, ain 't no tellin' when he gettin 'out.

              Gonna sure miss him.

              I hate you, man.

              Here come that dog truck. Shut your mouth.

              We're about to fade to black.


              Get your ass out the car, Craig! This is the rematch!

              Think you can beat on my big brother and get away with it?

              - Punch it! - I got your butt now!

              Debo! Help!

              Fake-ass Suge Knight!

              I'm gonna find you and put my foot up your ass!

              - Get up! - Damn.

              I ain't kickin' with you no more. I'm going to Mommy house.

              Did you see that? Them niggers are like some wild dogs.

              That's why moving with your Uncle Elroy and your cousin Day-Day is best.

              Your sister moved out. It's time for you to move out too.

              It's time for your mother and I to walk around the house naked if we want to.

              What? Y'all are trying to walk around the house naked?

              Yes, we are.

              We're going to do it tonight when I get off of work.

              I can't wait to see your mama naked.

              That big old booty bouncin' around.

              High-heeled shoes on, walking on that shag rug...

              givin' me a lap dance, boy.

              - And my Johnson swingin'-- - Daddy!

              Ball goin' one way, Johnson the other. The ball/Johnson dance.

              Daddy! I don't wanna hear that.

              What's that smell?

              It must be your upper lip. I don't smell nothin'.

              I do!

              What it smell like?

              Like you didn't fall in mud.

              Use this spray. That's what I got this for.

              Too much! What's wrong with this window?

              That window don't come down. Remind me to get it fixed.


              Nice neighbourhood, huh?

              It's all right.

              Fake-ass Brady Bunch.

              Eighteen years, son...

              I been chasin' nasty, stinkin', dirty, filthy dogs.

              I been bitten by every dog there is in the world--

              pit bull, boxers, collies, Seein'-Eye dogs.

              What about a Chihuahua?


              Then there's my brother Elroy.

              Everybody loves Elroy...

              a lazy nothin'!

              Hit the Lotto. I just can't understand it.

              - All right. You comin' in? - Hell no, I ain't goin' in there.

              I don't want to see Elroy's face or smell his stinkin' breath.

              It's going to be different livin' out here.

              Don't let your uncle or your cousin get you into any kind of shit.

              I'm grown now. Can't nobody get me in trouble.

              I'm glad you said that.

              Since you're grown, don't bring your ass back home.

              Daddy, Craig's here!

              - Uncle Willie. - How you doin', Day-Day?

              - Where's your big-head father? - There he is right there.

              Hey, Unc!

              I heard you're running from an ass-whippin'.

              It ain't even like that. Talk to your brother.

              If it had been me, I'd have shot him.

              I know he'd have popped him.

              Hey, Willie! How's it goin'?

              Still steppin' in that dog shit every day?

              You take care of my boy.

              Don't worry about nothin', big bro.

              He's in the best hands in Rancho "Choke-among-us."

              I'm the king here. You just another nigger late payin' his rent.

              Ain't that right, nephew?

              - Yeah. - Wait, Craig.

              - Remember what I told you. - I'll remember.

              Now, Lotto stud...

              close my door, don't slam it.

              Can't even count to ten, and suddenly you hit the Lotto. Ain't that a bitch?

              Send Betty my love!

              - Boy, you lookin' good. - I can't call it.

              Give me that bag. When you're finished with him, come in.

              All right. Thanks, Unc.


              It's been what, a year, since we kicked it at the family reunion?

              It was about a year, huh?

              Yeah, man.

              Ever since you moved out here, we lost touch.

              I know. This is a long way from Watts.

              But the good thing about bein' out here...

              we don't hear no gunshots, no helicopters.

              No police, no crackheads, no chicken heads, no nothin'.

              Just clean, fresh air. Just smell.

              Smell good, huh?

              Taste good. Taste the air.

              - Yeah, dude. - Aw, man.

              Aw, shit!

              Who is that?

              The Joker brothers.

              That's Joker. He just got out of the pen.

              There's Little Joker. He just got out of Y.A.

              Then there's Baby Joker right there. He just got out the juvenile centre.

              Then they got a little dog named Cheeco.

              You better watch him. He'll bite the shit out of you.

              But I got something better than that Cadillac.

              - What's that? - Peep this.


              Check this out.

              - This you? - A little something I picked up.

              - You diggin' that? - Damn.

              I wish we hit the Lotto and came up on a million dollars like y'all.

              After payin' taxes and lawyer fees and all Daddy's bad-ass credit...

              buyin' Viagra, trickin' with these sack chasers around here...

              $   $   now and then, I ain't end up with a million dollars.

              We end up with this crib and this bad motherfucker right here.

              It's off the hook.

              - You like that, huh? - I do.

              I just got them   's there.

              Them ain't   's, but it's off the hook.

              Them are   's. No, they're tens. I bought 'em from somebody.

              - But they nice, though. - Yeah, they cool.

              They tight.

              Then since I had this, my pussy rate went--

              I get more pussy from police ladies. Everybody give me some pussy.

              What up, Day-Day?

              Oh, this lady is funny, man.

              She used to own a record booth at the Slauson swap meet.

              She is funny as hell. Come on.

              What up, Mulan?

              Hey, wait! Don't be steppin' on those flowers, motherfucker.

              I just planted that shit.

              - Who's your boy? - That's my cousin Craig from L.A.

              Craig, meet Miss Ho.

              Ho-Kym, motherfucker.

              Day-Day's just trying to be a smart-ass.

              Nice to meet you, Craig.

              Yo, Day-Day, something's going down with those eses across the street.

              Yeah, I've been seein' a lot of activity.

              What kind of activity?

              Strange activity. I think they're running drugs from Tijuana.

              - Day-Day don't believe me. - I ain't got time.

              Got to go, Miss Ho. I'm just kiddin'.

              Come by after work. I got the John Blaze shit for you.

              Nice to meet you.

              - Peace out, Craig. - Peace out.

              Yeah. Bye. See ya.


              Nice hat.

              I told you she was funny.

              - Big house, ain't it? - Yeah, it is.

              Yeah. Y'all wish y'all had one like this, didn't ya?

              We do.

              Daddy! Where my shirt at?

              - Daddy, where my shirt? - Which one? The pink one?

              You have it here. Ran out of toilet paper, son. Sorry.

              - Sure was soft, though. - You wiped your ass with my shirt?

              Told you not to leave your shit in the bathroom.

              What you doin'?

              This is a nice house, man.

              I know. Thanks.

              I just wish Mama had a chance to see it.

              You know she had a heart attack and died when she found out we won the lottery.

              I know the story.

              If Mama had a chance to see this, she'd have been so happy.

              But that's how things work.

              Well, I'm about to go to work...

              something you might not never know nothin' about.

              - Know what I'm sayin'? - Where you workin' at?

              At Pinky's Record and Disc.

              You can't live in this house without a job.

              So try to think about that, 'cause I got me a job.

              Job, job, job.



              I'm comin'!

              Craig, I want you to meet my old lady Suga.

              Suga, my nephew Craig.

              You even cuter than your baby pictures.

              Thank you.

              We can keep it all in the family.

              You got a fat ass.

              All right, that's enough!

              Shit! That's enough!

              Go back upstairs, and put on some damn clothes!

              - Go now! - Help me out.

              Nice meetin' you, Craig.

              Nice to meet you.

              That woman gonna be the death of me one day.

              Viagra ain't workin'. My back keep goin' out.

              That freak can't get enough from your Uncle Elroy.

              But check this out. Got to lay some ground rules down on you.

              - You family. I love you. - I love you, too, Unc.

              You welcome to anything in my house...

              but don't let me catch you in my refrigerator...

              or with your finger in my sugar bowl.

              - You feel me knockin'? - I feel you.

              Well, let me in.

              Who is that with Day-Day's car?

              That D'wana.

              Boy's ex.

              Hey, Day-Day!

              That crazy bitch out there again!

              - What's she doin' with that key? - Damn.

              - Aw, shit! - Is she writin' on it?

              - Scratchin' the shit out of it. - Goddam!

              What y'all just standin' there lookin'? Do something!

              Huggin', just standin' there.

              You're supposed to be  .    feet away from my house!

              Nigger, you can't quit me. I'm pregnant with your baby.

              That ain't my baby.

              That's my baby right there.

              Aw, man!

              You keyed my-- Bitch, you keyed my--

              I got your bitch right here.

              Yeah, nigger.

              Daddy, she sprayed me!

              Shut up, you punk! Don't nobody quit me.

              Wait 'till I tell Baby D. She gonna fuck you up!

              - She sprayed the player! - Better watch your back!

              Be still. Boy, look like you got a fatal attraction on your hands.

              I had two or three of'em in my day.

              Craig, I hope you can handle your women better than this fool can.

              - That's too much water. - Nah, it ain't. Take    minutes.

              I've been pepper-sprayed nine times. Take    minutes.

              You got    to go. Let me show you the backyard.

              It's bigger than y'all's backyard.

              Call the police and tell them to get me another restraining order.

              Yeah, you gotta have a little money to live out here.

              Oh, yeah?

              I know what you're thinkin'.

              I was the one back in the day always talkin' about how I love the hood...

              I love the ghetto.

              I was the one sayin' I wasn't the kind of nigger to run to the suburbs.

              You're right, that's what I said.

              But soon as I got my cheque, I was gone!

              Paid $   .    cash on this place.

              - You paid cash for this? - Cash money!

              Don't try to stick me with some   -year payment plan.

              That's for suckers.

              Got my daddy like that years ago on a Cadillac.

              I got the only house on the block paid for.

              That's why I'm the king around here!

              You're the king, Unc.

              How you like that pool?

              - Big, ain't it? - Yeah, it's cool.

              But where the water at?

              Don't need no water.

              Ain't no pools in the projects.

              None of us swim.

              - So y'all never use it? - Never.

              But the Jacuzzi, that's something else.

              Me and my Suga get real nasty in there.

              Guess I left that in there.

              You welcome to use it any time you want.

              Shit, you my brother's boy!

              That's all right, Unc. I can't swim neither.

              No? Good.

              I won't have to clean up behind you then.

              Come on. Let me show you something else.

              Man, you straight?

              No, I ain't straight. My eyes still red?

              A little bit.

              - A little bit? - She fucked you up.

              Can't taste nothin'. My tongue is numb.

              Why'd y'all let her do this shit?

              It's your girl.

              What's up with her, man? She mean as hell.

              I met D'wana about three months ago.

              She had a pudge on her stomach, but I ain't pay no attention to it.

              I thought it came from drinkin'   's 'cause she had beer on her breath.

              Turns out she's six months pregnant. Told me I'm the baby's daddy.

              - What? - Yeah.

              How you gonna be the baby's daddy? You know she's lyin'.

              I broke up with D'wana two Fridays ago.

              I got a restraining order on her, and she don't care about that.

              - What? - She got me fuckin' up.

              I broke up with her two months ago, two Fridays ago...

              and she don't care about no restraining order or nothin'.

              - You all right with them pants? - Get out of my business.

              How you gonna have a restraining order on your girl?

              What's up with y'all? Where'd you meet her?

              I was on my way to the 'hood to buy them   's.

              I mean, them tens. They're tens, but I keep 'em clean.

              I was on my way, and she had a burger in her hand.

              I wanted a piece of it, and I stopped.

              We got to rappin'. It was the worst day of my life!


              Psycho, huh?

              She must be worse than Left Eye from TLC.

              But this fat bitch ain't burnin'. That ain't the cold part.

              She got a sister named Baby D.

              This fat bitch get physical.

              She sells dope, do hair and baby-sit out ofthe same house.

              The police don't know when to go in.

              I got a restraining order on her too.

              You got a restraining order on a little girl named Baby D?

              You don't know Baby D.

              That's why you're lookin' at me, 'cause you don't know Baby D.

              Her fat ass be snoring, won't even be asleep, just standing.

              Little cupcakes and shit--

              This bitch know about all the new snacks before they even hit the street.

              All the bootleg snacks.

              Year      snacks.

              Gonna tell me about a new Twinkie comin' out next month.

              It's a bad motherfucker.

              When you bite into a cream-filled, it shoot all over your mouth.

              I'm getting ready to go to work.

              'Cause I'm a player. I don't have to deal with this shit.

              You got your shirt on backwards.

              Players fuck up.

              Snatch that shit offyour head.

              Don't worry about what I'm doin'!

              Why didn't y'all do nothin' when that fat bitch jumped on me?

              Y'all a trip. I'm running away from here.

              - We gotta pull over. - Be quiet!

              - Fuckin' nuts is hurtin'. - We got some business to take care of.

              Shit! Mommy!

              Keep your mind on the business, man!

              I'm gonna kick Craig's butt.

              Where we goin' anyway, man?

              Damn, Debo.

              Fuckin' ass is hurtin'. What we doin' here anyway?

              Close your mouth, I'll tell you. This is how the plan goes.

              Call over there and say you have an urgent message for Mr. William Jones.

              What urgent message?

              The message is: "Drop everything. Craig's in trouble. Come quick."

              - I don't think that's gonna work. - Just do it!

              - I don't know the number. - It's on the building.

              Just pick the phone up.

              I feel five pounds lighter.

              What? Jealous?

              What's that?

              Come on! Where's my burrito?

              What's wrong with you? What kind of place is this?

              Come on! Give me my stuff!

              Hello? I got an urgent message for a nigger named Mr Willie--

              - Willie who? - It's William, fool!

              I got an urgent message for Mr. William Jones.

              Yeah. The urgent message is:

              "Drop everything. Craig's in trouble. Come quick."

              - Craig who? Who's this? - Man, nigger!

              Just tell him he can call on Tyrone.

              Tell him it's a friend of the family's. When you gonna stop hittin' me?

              I'm gonna bust your ass like Craig did, knock your eyes straight.

              - Hot sauce, please. -Just a second.

              Hot sauce, thank you.

              Someone just called to say Craig's in trouble.

              - What? - Craig's in trouble. I don't know.

              What? Oh, man! Hold on, Craig. I'm comin'.

              - Give me my money. Come on. -Just a second, man.

              Come on, Taco Jim. Give me my money.

              Come on, man. Give me my money.

              Get the fuck outta here.

              This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen.

              What you doin' out of the truck?

              What the hell's happening around here?

              - Kiss my ass. - Don't take my hot sauce.

              This ain't bad, right?

              Yeah, it is.

              That scratch make it real ugly, make you not even want to drive it.

              Damn! Who is that?


              That's their sister.

              Damn. You know what?

              I'm beginning to like Rancho Cucamonga.

              - Well, don't like it. - Why not?

              We need to improve on black and brown relations.

              Because there's been tension between us and them since they got out the pen.

              I am trying to keep it peaceful around here.

              I'm tryin' to have none of that gangsta-thug stuff.

              We livin' good, eatin' shrimps and steak.

              What you-- Don't do--

              I'm tellin' you, don't mess with her.

              Slow down. Damn, you walk fast.

              - I'm Craig. What's your name? - Karla.

              Craig and Karla. That sounds good together, huh?

              Yeah, kind of.

              She's a sack chaser, man!

              I tried to hit it. She wouldn't give me none.

              I bet you don't get none.

              I bet you don't get it. I hope you don't get it.

              - Where you goin'? - To the Cucamonga Shopping Centre.

              - Let it go, man! - I told you.

              Whites in hot and colours in cold.

              Gonna ruin my Dickies!

              Hold this! What the fuck?

              You got a sexy voice. Say something in Spanish.

              I think Karla's got jungle fever!

              You want a ride?

              I don't know.

              Fuck that. Hey, Cheeco! It's lunchtime!

              - We're gonna get you a ride. - Run! Run!


              Cheeco! Run!

              - Shit! - Cheeco, no!

              Get that fucker! You know you like dark meat!

              Those mayates are fast, like they're sponsored by Nike.

              Black man can jump.

              Joker, get your dog! This is bullshit!

              Joker, call your dog!

              Man, get off of my car! Get off of my shit!

              - I got something for him. - Get him!

              Get his ass. Yeah. Fuck this!

              I can't believe he did that to our dog.

              You Uncle Willie's son. You don't play that shit.

              Cruelty to animals! Cruelty to animals!

              Cheeco, get your ass over here!

              That's wrong. He did nothing to you.

              Get down. Get down.

              - Sorry. - Come on.

              Look at my roof.

              You play too much.

              If I get in trouble with them-- I got to live here! You don't!

              You gonna get me in trouble!

              Get out ofthe way! Move! Just move!


              I was just trying to--

              I was just trying to help your scary ass.

              You fuckin' hit my dog!

              You're fucked up now!

              You fucked him up for life! He's scarred!

              We'll get you back!


              Nephew, you got perfect timing.

              About to start a little puff-puff give in this motherfucker.

              Are you down?

              Why don't you sit next to your auntie.

              I know you smoke a little weed, right?

              - Why you say that? - 'Cause your lip's turning black.

              Would you like some wine, baby?

              No, thank you.

              Well, how about a little cognac?

              No. It's kind of early.

              Shit, I can roll a blunt better than them bitches in Havana.

              I know Willie don't let you smoke in his house...

              but I'm your Uncle Elroy!

              I don't give a damn how high you get in mine...

              as long as you let me hit it.

              Look at that.

              Fire that shit up, boy.

              I'm about to show y'all who the real Puff Daddy is!



              It's the Bombay!

              Think they really went to the moon?

              They say they went to the moon.

              There ain't no gravity out there.

              That mean we can get high and never come down.

              What numbers did you pick?

              Your original aunt picked...

              six numbers.

              She used her weight, I think.


              I know why you got her now.

              Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

              Put some hot sauce on my burrito, baby

              Don't you know it's good to me

              Debo! Debo!

              - What? - I can't feel my legs, man!

              Put some hot sauce on my burrito, baby

              You know you look good to me

              Oh, man, that's good.

              Just hold on, Craig. I'm comin', son.

              Negro, what the hell you doin' to my woman?

              I don't know. I must--

              - Suga? - Huh?

              What the hell you doin' to my nephew?

              I thought that was you, baby.

              Come on, baby.

              I'm faded, feelin' X-rated.

              It's Mr. Nasty time.

              Oh, Mr. Nasty time.

              It's Mr. Nasty time.

              Take it easy on my back.

              Be back in a minute.

              Make yourself at home, nephew.

              - Come on. - Thanks.

              - That's it, that's it. - Yeah, yeah.

              Call me Elroy!

              - Damn, Unc. - That's enough.

              Get that shit.

              Papi, I wish I was with you right now.

              Yeah, me too.

              Yeah? Well, you ever heard of EI Niño?


              Well, this is EI Negro. Come here and let me tap that ass.


              Got a delivery!

              - Who is it? - Got a delivery. Come on, spark plug.

              I got a delivery. It's hot out here, buddy.

              Come on, sparky.

              - What's up? - Nice house.

              I didn't expect you to answer, but this is a fine place.

              What are you, one of those entertainer guys?

              Do you play sports? What team you play for?

              I play for the Cucamonga Cracker Killers.

              Don't want any trouble.

              You don't have to send your posse out here to do a     in my ass.

              Just got a little mail for you to sign, partner.

              - What's this? - A delinquent property tax notice.

              I hope the Cracker Killers pay well.

              Otherwise, it's back to the ghetto you go.

              Take it easy. Hustlin 'and survivin '


              Oh, fuck!

              Good boy! Heel!

              "Your house will be seized and auctioned...

              tomorrow at  :   a.m."


              Uncle Elroy, you got some mail.

              Uncle Elroy, you got a notice.


              Unc is a freak.

              Unc, you got this tax notice, man.

              Come here! I'll tear that ass up again!

              I like it when you treat me rough!

              God, man, what you doin'?

              Get your hands off my ass, girl!

              Let me go! Let me go, goddam it!

              Yo, Day-Day, check it out.

              If Pinky come in and see you doin' that X-Game shit off the counter...

              we'll get fired.

              Motherfuckers! You motherfuckers! What the fuck is this?

              - You motherfuckers! - Can I help you?

              Yes. What is this, huh?

              This is rock. I can't get jiggy with this shit.

              Where's the damn manager? That Pink motherfucker.

              The manager's not here. I'm running the store.

              You look like the player-hater who sold me this shit.

              Give me my money back now! And I have no damn receipt.

              - Where's the cover? - I have no damn cover!

              - Kiss my ass! So what? - Can I see it, sir?

              You been chewin' on this before you came here?

              Bullshit! You know who you're fucking with?

              - Bishop Tutu? - Try again, motherfucker.

              - Winnie Mandela's little-- - Try again, motherfucker!

              Just an ugly black dude.

              I'll go postal on this motherfucker!

              You better get your hostile ass out of here.

              You bitch.

              Oh, shit!

              Don't hit me. This is John Blaze. I can get jiggy with it.

              - Get your ass out of here! - I'm just a bitch-ass nigger.

              - Don't hit me! - You see that?

              - How'd you get out here? - I walked.

              You can't walk around this white neighbourhood. You look suspect.

              Y'all got a notice, certified mail.

              Craig, this is Roach, my white slave.

              Roach works around the store doin' anything I tell him to.

              That's my cousin Craig who beat up Debo.

              What's up, bro?

              - What's up? - What do we got?

              - You know what this is? - What is it?

              Get the phone! You wouldn't know about this.

              - This is black problems. - Pinky's.


              We probably don't owe too much 'cause we ain't been spending money that much.

              - Oh, man! - What?

              We owe $     by tomorrow.

              Shit, man!

              How much y'all got from the lottery?

              I don't know. I bought some shoes.

              I gotta check my book.

              - Check your bank book. - Go back here with me.

              That African might have circled around the block or something.

              Yeah, he's here.

              No, he's right here. All right.

              - $   . - That's it?

              - Who was that? - This girl named D'wana.

              -She's outside and wants to talk to you. -Come here. Get over here.


              - What's the matter? - D'wana brought Baby D's fat ass here.

              Come on, D. Let's fuck this nigger up.

              That white boy said he was in here.

              Day-Day! Don't make me break this window!

              - Craig, do me a favour. - What?

              - Go tell them I ain't here. - Hell no. I ain't in it.

              - You already in it, cuz. - I'll just go do it.

              Get your ass back here! What the fuck you doin'?

              She'll sit on your little ass. Craig gotta do it.

              He beat Debo ass.

              And he cold. Craig?

              You gonna do that for me?

              Go ahead, man.

              Hurry up, nigger!

              Shut up.

              That don't look like Day-Day.

              Open the door.

              Day-Day ain't here.

              - Who are you? - I'm his cousin.

              We didn't come here for Day-Day.

              - Yes, you did. - No, we came to buy a CD.

              - Move! - Punk.

              These whores ain't got no manners.

              Where that boy tellin' me Day-Day was here?

              I don't know. I think he went out back to throw away some boxes.

              - Well, can I look for myself? - No, you cannot.

              - Hey, ladies. - Where's Day-Day?

              - I thought y'all wanted to buy a CD. - I do.

              Can you show me where thejazz section is?


              You know damn well you don't want to hear jazz.

              Come on.

              I know y'all playin' games.

              If Day-Day come back, tell him I need to see him...

              'cause the child-carin' classes start on Wednesday.

              Come on, D. I ain't got time for this. Wait.

              Ain't your restroom this way?

              You better have some toilet paper.

              - Damn! - Here he is! Baby, here he is!

              Here, Baby! Get him!

              Come on. You better go on with the bullshit.

              Do something about it!

              Why don't y'all do something about this shit?

              - Come on! - She moves well for a big girl.

              You better quit with the bullshit!

              -You better stop runnin' from that girl. -Fuck you!

              Come on, big Baby D. D'wana, I don't even like you like that.

              - Somebody call Jenny Craig. - Hello. Remember me?

              Hell, yeah, I remember you.

              I'm sorry about what my brothers did to you this morning.

              They're just assholes.

              You don't have to apologize for your brothers.

              I wanted to give you this.

              If my brothers weren't so overprotective...

              I'd have you call the house, but for now page me when you get a chance.

              - I'll do that. - Better sooner than later.

              - Yeah? - Yeah.

              Shit, it might be tonight.

              Get your ass back!

              Baby D, go on with the bullshit!

              You ain't gonna catch me, as usual.

              Let's make a deal while we can. You're not gonna catch me.

              What you want? Another Big Pun CD? Kelly Price?

              - Luther Vandross? - Hell, no.

              That ain't gonna do? How about that?

              Just like you had in thejail commissary-- without the wrapper.

              You can get to it quick.

              - I'm on a diet. - No, your fat ass ain't.

              Yeah. Taste it, Baby D.

              Damn, it's good! Eat that--

              - Your cousin Craig, hook us up. - That's it?

              Just tell him to come over here and talk to me.

              - And I can go free? - Go before I change my mind!

              What happened?

              Made a deal. All you gotta do is go over there.

              - You gotta talk to her. - What do you mean, "talk to her"?

              - She want to talk to you. - Talk to me?

              Go talk to her. Mother love. Fat--

              I'm gone.

              - Come on! - Day-Day, I'm gonna kill your ass!

              You gotta come outside sometime!

              See, I done told you. I done told you.

              Why you let her do this shit?

              - What was that? - You don't wanna know.

              - Thanks a lot, Craig. - Look.

              We cousins, but don't be tryin' to hook me up...

              with the little sister that's bigger than the big sister.

              - Fat bitches need love, too, Craig. - For sure.

              Oh, man!

              Oh, my stomach.

              Say, let me get by!

              Too much hot sauce. I gotta go to the bathroom.

              I gotta go to the bathroom.

              Let me over!

              Somebody help me, please!

              Too much traffic.

              What's this traffic doin'?

              Hey, y'all, move over! Move up! Everybody, move!

              - Worst day of my life. - Damn, you sad.

              I know how you're feelin', man.

              If I had my bong on me now, I'd let you toke 'till you choke.

              I got this, though.

              - What's that green shit hangin' out? - That's chronic, dude. Try it.

              I ain't got no bong or no bullshit brownie, but voilà.


              I'm the one with the problems!

              - Shit. - Enjoy, man.

              Better open that window before the smell get out.

              - These windows don't work in here. - I got an idea.

              It's just a theory, but it should work. Check this out.

              - Blow? - Yeah, blow.

              - That ain't gonna work. - Fuck yeah.

              - It works. - Still gonna smell it.

              Uh-uh. Watch.

              Stop bullshittin'!

              - Stop bullshittin'! - My fault, my fault.

              You better stop playin' so much! Almost sucked my motherfuckin' lip up!

              Look here, baby.

              You hittin' them corners too goddam fast.

              You need to slow this motherfucker down.

              I almost spilled my yak on this $    suit, nigger.

              Come on, baby, get it together. Damn.

              Yeah, whatever, motherfucker.


              Roach, what you doin'?

              I caught a bad one again.

              You busters is bitches

              You can't get your money from your bitches

              - Get back! - Stop that bullshit, man!

              This vacuum shit don't work, man.

              Don't grab on Pinky's shit like that.

              You company man.

              "Don't grab on Pinky's shit like that."

              - Nigger, this is how l-- - Pinky?

              Pinky used to be a player. I heard about Pinky--

              Where the bathroom at?

              Go to the right.

              Don't do that, man! You gonna burn my Pinky shirt!

              I was just gonna get a promotion!

              Light an incense in there too.

              You stanky, booty-ass, little boy. What's up, Roach?

              You bust your shit?

              Don't move!

              I'll blow your goddam head smooth off.

              Now, back up.


              Don't say a word.

              - Hey, man-- - I said, don't say a word.

              Craig went to take a doo-doo.

              You ain't seen him gettin' nothin' in the-- to try to--

              -He miss? -He don't try to make it fresh in there.

              Come on.

              Little motherfucker gonna try to rob me.

              I'm gonna show you how we do it here in Pinky's.

              - I wasn't tryin' to rob-- - Shut up!

              Before I bust a cap up in your ass.

              What you gone done with Day-Day and Roach?

              - Day-Day is my-- - Shut up!

              - Now, who sent you, nigger? - Nobody sent--

              Say another motherfuckin' word, and this shit is over!

              And I ain't playin', nigger!


              you ain't got no gun...

              but where the weed at?

              - I ain't got no-- - Shut the fuck-- Shut--

              Did I say--

              Oh, shit, say it again! Say something else!

              Say something else! Say something else, nigger!

              I'm gonna tie your monkey-ass up.

              Oh, shit!

              He been doo-dooin' a long time.

              When he was a kid, he doo-dooed in church.

              The pastor was the only one that could stay in there through the blessings.

              I got your ass!

              Oh, shit.

              Craig doo-dooed in the swimming pool.

              - We were swimming when we were little. - Did it float up like a submarine?

              I was swimming, and I thought it was a chocolate PayDay.

              I was swimmin' like a motherfucker, and something just went--

              It kind of hit my--

              I got this motherfucker!

              Gonna blow up where I make my money at.

              Is he comin'?

              Let me tell you something. Can I say something to you?

              - I love you, man. - Either be smokin' or be passin' that.

              I got to think of a way to get this money by tomorrow.

              - Huh? - I gotta think of-- "Huh?"

              I gotta get this money by tomorrow.

              - You could sell your Beemer. - I can do what?

              - Sell your car. - Sell your mama's car.

              I'm not sellin' my car, man.

              - My bad. - Don't say nothin' like that.

              - I know you love that car. - Hell, yeah.

              I gotta think of a plan.

              I hope Craig got some kind of plan while he takin' a shit.

              - He in there a long time. - Yeah, he in there a long time.

              Let's clean up before Pinky get back.

              What's up, baby? Come on, young blood. Don't kill me.

              Shut up!

              I been tryin' to tell your ass that Day-Day's my cousin.

              He in the back.

              Whatever you say, baby.

              I swear to God, man, the combination to the safe is   - -   man.

              Just take it all, baby. It's all yours. Just don't kill me.

              I got kids, a motherfuckin' girlfriend and a wife on the side.

              Shut up!

              Don't kill me! Goddam, don't kill me!

              - Craig, what you doin'? - Nothin'.

              - Huh? - Is this your cousin?

              - Yeah, that's my cousin. - Good. Then you fired.

              - Who, me? - Yeah, you.

              I'm fired?

              - Roach, you fired too. - Why you gotta fire me for?

              Shut up! Shut up!

              You better keep your goddam mouth shut!

              - Bobby Womack. - I heard that shit. Say it again.


              And you lucky.

              I was just fixin' to get up in your ass.

              Give me my pistol! Get out of my store.

              Shut up!

              Punk ass.

              Tryin' to rob me. Nigger, I'm Pinky.

              That nigger had me scared, but I held my own.

              Fat bitch is bustin' my windows all the time.

              I knew you shouldn't-- When you goin' home?

              D's sayin '.

              In a strange way, I feel responsible for Day-Day gettin 'fired.

               If I wouldn 't have fought Pinky and gave Day-Day that joint...

                he'd still have a job by now.

                Roach too.

                That's true.

                Got to think of something...

                - Fat bitch bust my windows-- - as soon as he shut the fuck up.

                You ain't even help me. You watched her do the shit.

                And you quit hanging around black people. You see how we live?

                We live wild. We live rough. I'm tellin' you.

                Damn, Daddy, I didn't know you had titties.

                We got a certifiied this in the mail today.

                And I got fired today.


                Mr White Man, tell me what happened. What's up there?

                Mister, I gotta go help my son. Let me over, please. Let me over.

                I gotta help myself too. I got a burning in my stomach.

                My stomach hurts. Oh, man.

                Officer, please. Don't just drive past me.


                How long we gotta ride in this stupid-ass van anyway?

                Fuck, I don't know. Shut up, man! Raise your hand if you want to talk to me!

                Man, what we gonna do?

                I don't know yet.

                I know what I'm gonna do.

                I'm goin' home and face the music.

                My dad finds out I got fired again, man, he's gonna kick my ass.

                - Sorry about today. - Yeah, me too. Later.

                - My board! - Get the board!

                My skateboard.

                Let's play some quarters and shit. And don't forget the chips.

                - What the fuck you lookin' at? - Nothin'. I--

                - You broke my board. - It shouldn't have been in the street.

                Take me to Judge Judy. Let's go.

                - Who the fuck are those guys, Day-Day? - Let it go, man. Trust me.

                I ain't lettin' shit go, man! They broke my skateboard!

                - Let it go! Trust me. - Wait a minute. Wait, wait! Look.

                - You see that? - I ain't see nothin'.

                Must be money or somethin' in that hydraulic pump.

                Yeah, air.

                It's somethin' better than air. I could tell how funny he act.

                Hey, how's it goin', boy? Come here. Yeah, boy, come here.

                Hey! What are you doin'? Get the fuck off me!

                How do you know for sure? It could be any damn thing in that pump.

                I don't know. It could be anything, but I say we go over there and take a look.

                I say you go by your damn self.

                I'm not fuckin' with them eses. Y'all go over there and tag team and that shit.

                All we need is a big-ass pack of bologna.

                - Bologna? - Yeah, bologna!

                Want me to get cheese and the hot plate? We can cook over there. Eat with them--

                Man, just go get the bologna. Hurry up.

                Is that a gas station over there? Here we go. That's a gas station.

                Get out the way, man! Come on! Move!

                This fool can't drive for shit!

                Guess I'm gonna have to kill that dad of his, too, when I finish with Craig.

                Hey, man, get out the way! Get out ofthe way! Hurry up!

                You look! I got some business to take care of!

                - Fuck you, asshole! - I hope the bathroom is clean.

                If it ain't, I don't give a damn.

                Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, me.

                Damn! I knew I shouldn't have eaten all that hot sauce.

                Sabu! I've seen all your movies, man. Oh, you bad.

                Ridin' that magic carpet. They ain't got to worry about no gas.

                Can I get the key to the bathroom? I don't wanna buy no hubcap.

                It is here.

                And say hello to Qaddafi for me.

                - Hey! - Hey!

                Come on out of there! I got an emergency here!

                - Hold on! - Come on, man! Come on out of there.

                - Who's bangin' on this friggin' door-- - Come on outta here.

                - Mr. Jones? - Stanley?

                - How are ya? - What are you doin' here?

                I'm looking for a new house out here. I have to move out ofthe hood.

                - The crime is really getting bad. - Yeah, I gotta go.

                I wouldn't recommend that anybody go in there for at least       minutes.

                It's smelling pretty bad. I don't know what happened.

                Get the fuck outta my face!

                Oh, Lord!

                Thank God.

                Come on. Stay down.

                - Y'all ready? - No.

                Come on.

                There's Joker! Run! Goddam it! Run!

                I don't see nobody.

                Come on.

                Hurry up.

                Nice booty.

                - Come here. You can have some. - You know I do.

                - Where you goin', baby? - Right over here.

                I'm nervous, man. I got the BG's.

                - What's the BG's? - The bubble guts.

                I'm nervous, and I'm about to shit on myself.

                Keep a tight ass. Try and hold it in or somethin'.

                Shut up.

                That sound like butterflies to me.

                Butterflies, your ass. I'm about to go home.

                Look, look. If we don't go do this, you ain't gonna have no home to go to.

                All we gotta do is find out where the little one put that pump...

                take it and see what's in it.

                You're in the Kentucky Derby. I'll take this off.

                Oh, shit.

                Go, Flea Biscuit.

                Thought you were gonna take me to see Mommy.

                I'm a little preoccupied right now.

                I'll take you later.

                When? After you're all drunk and loaded?

                I said I'll take your stupid ass later, all right?

                Get the fuck outta here. You're ruining my company.

                - What's this silver thing right here? - What silver thing?

                We got to count that shit. Get up.

                Business first.

                Hey, Baby Joker, come on.

                Forgot about the business.

                I need you to occupy that dog long enough for me and Day-Day to get a look.

                Me and dogs don't get along, bro.

                - Get along with this one. - Shit. What's his name?

                Cheeco. You've got to go ahead of us. Don't get seen.

                And for damn sure, don't let that mutt out your sight.

                Go, go, go!

                - Dog, we scored today, fool. - Yeah!

                - What's that on my leg? - What is that, dog?

                Forget it. I think it's yogurt or something.

                Here, Cheeco.

                Get off my ass, man.

                Get down! You guys are better than the Soul Train dancers.

                Look at them old bitties.


                Come on. Let's go. Get up.

                All right, go first.

                - Go first. - No, nigger, you go first!

                I'm not goin' first.

                If you don't hit that fence, I'm gonna throw you over.

                Nigger, I'm not-- We ain't little no more.

                That's the thing about it. Come on. Come on!

                What you talkin' about? We ain't little? What?

                Come on, nigger.

                - Pussy. - It ain't like that.

                Get your ass up.

                - Stop playing. - I broke a butt cheek.

                - Come on. - Shit, man.

                What, man?


                Come here, boy.

                Come on, Cheeco.

                Be a good boy.

                Shit! Oh, shit.

                - Fuck this shit. - Hey, hey. Wait.

                - Who's got the money-- - He's still over there.

                - Hundreds, fifties. - Roach still got him.

                - What do we do with these ones? - Fuck it. Give it to charity.

                Fuck it. Charity starts in "la casa".

                - We can give it to the bitches. - It is money in that pump.

                - It is? - Yeah.

                A good boy. Come on.

                Here you go. Good boy.

                Good boy. I got some good bologna for you.

                Good boy. Eat it all up.

                Okay, you ate it all up.

                Is that Cheeco? What's wrong with him?

                I don't know. That dog got issues.

                So what's wrong with my perro? What'd you do to my dog, fool?

                Nothing. Just keep counting the money.

                Hey, fuck that shit. Do it later.

                It's fuckin' Friday. We got fuckin' bitches.

                It's fuckin' time to party.

                Shut the door. What's wrong with you? Don't you got no manners?

                - What's wrong with you? - Fuckin' snapper.

                We're not gonna close the door until you come out and party with us.

                Let me think about it.

                Count my money. Party with bitches.

                Hundreds and fiifties. Big-ass titties.

                Count the green. Get in between those titties.

                Let's party!

                Come on, fool!

                Put that shit in the drawer.

                I'm in the mood to get jiggy with it. I wanna party.

                Aztec warrior. Aztec warrior.

                He put it in a drawer. I'm gonna go get it.

                You want me to wait here, so Cheeco can bite me in my ass?

                - Yeah! - I'm goin'. I'm not doin' nothin'.

                - What, man? - I'm gonna tell you once more. Sit.

                Get the finger outta my--


                Yea, yea.

                You got that Ricky Martin CD? I love him. He's a musical God.

                He's good for my people. Come on. All right. I wanna dance.


                Calm down. I got something for you.

                Got a treat.

                You're gonna like this. I got a little bud brownie.

                Here.Just eat the whole thing. Here.Just eat it all up.

                Good boy. Eat it up.

                Eat it up. Eat it up. Good dog. Good dog.

                We're gonna party now.

                What the fuck?

                Hey, who locked the fuckin' door, huh?

                I don't like locked doors around here! They make me crazy and shit!

                I was locked up! Pass the wire! Pass the wire!

                I don't want no grilled cheese. No, Leroy, I'm bilingual!

                There's a difference. No more locked doors!

                No more locked doors around here, you hear me?

                What you been eating, girl? Nothing but light beer for you.

                I like it rough.

                Oh, you do, huh? Good, 'cause that's how you're gonna get it.

                - What are you doing? - Huh?

                - What are you doing here? - I hope you don't think I'm crazy.

                I snuck in here to show you that I wasn't scared ofyour punk brothers.

                And if you had a man like me in your life...

                you wouldn't have to be scared of them neither.

                What? So you snuck in my room to tell me that?

                Yeah, I did. Excuse me.

                - Who you talking to? - Nobody!

                - I heard a vato's voice in here. - No, you didn't. Get out of my room.

                Go back to your stupid little girlfriends.

                I'm telling Mom.

                Good boy. Feel that?

                Good dog. Lay down.

                That's a good boy. Lay down. Yeah, you're a good boy.

                You are a good dog.

                Oh, I'm gonna do you good.

                I'm gonna give it to you rough.

                Here's Johnny. I call him Mini Me.

                I'm gonna do you like American Me, baby. Don't look at me.

                Don't look at me, little puppy. Can I get a whoo, whoo?

                I'm an Aztec warrior.

                Bring your ass home, Craig. Come on.

                Hey, I'm cold. I'll close the window.

                Oh, shit.

                Motherfuckers can't fuck with me. I'm a player. I'm a player!

                Like I was sayin'.

                Are you listening?

                We don't need this shit.

                A guy like me and a dog like you...

                we ought to be in Maui...

                ..rentin'Jet Skis to fat fucks with flower shirts.

                That'd be the good life.

                Take you with me wherever I go. I love you.

                - It'll work. - Come on.

                - Where's Craig? - He's in the house still.

                - Why'd he go in the house? - Don't worry about it.

                We gotta figure out a way to get him out of there. He's probably locked up.

                - Come on. - Shit.

                - You did all this for me? - Most of it.

                I just hate to see a fine girl like you in a situation like this.

                Thanks for noticing.

                It used to be peaceful around here before they got out.

                They took over the house and caused my mother's nervous breakdown.

                Dang. Why she didn't just kick 'em out?

                We tried.

                We saved up to get away from them, but they just followed us.

                Damn. I hate to hear that. Can I get out this window right here?

                - I thought you came up here to see me. - I did. It's just, you know--

                What's the hurry?

                I got my cousin out here waitin' on me.

                So what?

                Let's make him wait.

                Okay, knock.

                - You want me to knock? - Knock!

                You're actin' like a little bitch right now, man.

                They can't hear that. The music's playin'.

                Excuse me, partner. That was a fuckin' ghetto knock I just did.

                - I'll show you how to knock on a door. - What ya doin'? Stop--

                Yeah. Rub that shit.

                I hear something.


                I can't do anything around here! Shit!

                Ruining my flow.

                Right there.

                Lover boys, you hear that shit?

                You better stop.

                - They gonna think we're the police! - It gets results.

                What do you want?

                We came to borrow some sugar.

                Does this look like a fuckin'  -Eleven to you?

                Do you see that red dot on my forehead?

                Do you see an ATM in the corner that doesn't work?

                Do you? No, you don't, so fuck you, my friend.

                Get the fuck outta here.

                You too, Slim Shady.

                - No problem. We gone. - Hold on a second.

                Hey, man, you ran over my skateboard. I don't appreciate that, all right?

                That's bullshit, man. It ain't--

                Got your message. Where's Craig?

                Message? I ain't sent you no damn message!

                You didn't call the sandwich joint with an urgent message?

                Hell, no, Willie! You startin' to think like a dog.

                Believe them fleas and ticks suckin' on your old-ass brain.

                Somebody sent me a message. Where's Craig and Day-Day?

                I don't know.

                Come on in.

                You know you got shit all over the back of your ass?

                Don't sit on that couch! Put some paper down.

                Next time page me first.

                Okay, I'll do that. What's my code,   ?

                - No,   . - Yeah, right.


                You okay?

                This is some bullshit. We just came over here to borrow some sugar.

                - And some Phillies. - And some Phillies and--

                We ain't come to fuck up y'all little ménage à trois.

                These are some bad bitches y'all got over here and we would not fuck that up.

                - How y'all doin' anyway? - Fine.


                My name is Day-Day. I'm your local neighbourhood player.

                This is my little buddy Roach. Roach, say, "What's happenin'?" to them.

                - Nice to meet you ladies. - Hey, hey!

                What the fuck?

                This isn't The Love Connection.

                Trying to pick up on our hynas or what, eh? Want to go to the room right now?

                I don't know about you two. I don't know about this sugar shit.

                I know black people got a lot of sugar in their house.

                So I don't know. You makin' me susp--

                - Suspicious, eh? - It's makin' me think a lot! Smart guy.

                He's tryin' to make it with our chicks.

                - What'd he say? - I don't know.

                Karla's coming down. Give me the weapon.

                - Shut the fuck up and act natural. - No problem.

                - Hey. What's goin' on? - Nothing.

                Are you going to give me a ride to see Mommy?

                Dang! You bug! Look, just take my car, all right?

                - Take your car? - Did I stutter?

                - Did I stutter? - Hell, no. You ain't--

                Shut up, stupid. Just give me your car keys.

                - I'm not stupid. You're stupid. - You're stupid.

                - Don't call me stupid. I'm sensitive. - Where's the car keys?

                - You're stupid! - I'll be back in a bit. Bye.

                - Chickenhead. - Stupid ass.

                Don't be hittin' my switches too.

                And tell Mama we miss her cooking.

                You know what? lf everything's cool, then we'll let you bounce too.

                That's a deal. That's what I'm talkin' about.

                - Where the hell you been? - I was over--

                This is my boy. I'm the only one who can yell at him.

                - Where the hell you been? - Have y'all seen Day-Day?

                Thought he was with you.

                I knew we'd never be together forever. You're a cold little Puerto Rican dude.

                - What? - We're saying you're fucked!

                - You're staying with us. - Oh, man.

                Baby Joker, get the duct tape.

                It's on my bed. I was using it earlier.

                - Shit, man! - And, you, put your clothes back on.

                Come on. The party's over. Get your chickie heads outta here!

                Come on! Move it, hood-rat. Get your ass outta here. Bus leaves at   :  !

                Take this shit with you!

                Call me!

                - What a jerk. - He's stupid.

                - What did we do? - Why does he need tape?

                - Tell us what we did. - You're fucked. Gonna have a party.

                - What kind of party? - A prison party. Wejust got out.

                I know what to do with you.

                - Shit! - He's cute, huh?

                - I want the little one. - He's like a Frosted Mini-Wheat.

                Hold on, baby.

                - It's gonna be crazy. - Don't do that.

                You haven't seen my Aztec warrior.

                - I can't handle this! - You can't handle them?

                - You can handle them. - You got a pretty mouth.

                Don't do that!

                Don't do it.

                - You think they in there? - They in there.

                We got to do something.

                Y'all take your asses over there if you want to.

                If you ain't back in ten minutes, I'm callin' the police and insurance man.

                Wait a minute. I'm goin' to get my shit.

                How many of us have them


                Ones we can depend on


                Shut the fuck up!

                I don't even like Whodini.

                We can be friends as soon as you tell me where my money is.

                Money? We came to borrow sugar from ya and some rollin' papers.

                We wanted to get high. I was gonna show this white boy how to make Kool-Aid--


                Just have a heart, Mr.Joker. Please. It's Friday!

                - I know what fuckin' day it is. - Oh, shit! Fuck.

                I hear a lot of talking, but the words don't mean shit.

                Maybe that other chanate took it. Remember him?

                Hey, Day-Day, where is your other mayate?

                It's a nice piece of heat you got there.

                Thankyou. I ain't got but two bullets in the motherfucker.

                - But that's better than nothin'. - Yeah, it is.

                Two bullets? Boy, your ass ain't changed at all.

                Back in the day, only thing I had was a stick.

                You missed with your stick. I ain't gonna miss with these two bullets.

                Hey, y'all. Not now. Come on.

                - Come on. You know what to do. - Shit!

                That's Versace you steppin' on.

                Versace? You can't even spell Versace.

                "Fo-satchy." F-O-- satchy.


                You all right?

                - Yeah. - Will you be quiet, Tarzan?

                I don't do this shit every day.

                I'm tellin' you, man. You can do a lot for this community--

                Shut up! I'm sick of bullshitting with you two.

                Baby Joker?

                - Little Joker? - Yeah.

                Tape their mouths shut.

                I don't wanna hear a grown man scream.


                What, man?

                We must be here. We stopped.

                Good. Let's get the hell outta here. It stink in here.

                - How do we get out? - How am I supposed to know?

                You the one with all the muscle. Why don't you get us outta here?

                Raise your hand, fool.

                Now let me show you how we gonna do this.

                Come on, man! Let me outta here! Come on, man! I'm your brother!

                Come on! Don't do this to your own brother, man!

                Get out, fool.


                Hey, young man.

                You got knocked the fuck out.

                No more fun and games.

                My little carnal, he went to get my chain saw.

                I'm gonna show you what happens to putos that take my money...

                and don't tell me what I wanna hear.

                Ever see Scarface, fuckers?

                Go see what's takin' him so long.



                What the fuck, stupid?

                My back!

                - What's the matter? - I believe I slipped my disk again.


                - Let me help you. - Don't touch me!

                Ain't nothin' wrong with you. Get your big ass up.

                I'll tie this boy up myself.

                I should tie your big ass up, too, and drag you down the street.

                You players are going on the disabled list...

                as soon as my brothers get back here.

                They should be back here any minute now.

                They'll be back soon.

                Fuck! Where are these fuckers?

                I gotta do everything. It's tough being the brains of the operation.


                Hey! You putos go?

                You gonna make me crazy! You make me crazy! Come on!

                - Makin' me look like a punk! - It slipped!

                - My disk slipped again in my back. - What the fuck?

                What the hell are you doing here?

                I lost something. What it look like, fool?

                It looks like a dead mayate with a loud shirt.

                My mind! That's what I lost. Ain't this my yard?

                Get up!

                Watch his feet. Watch his feet, boy.


                School's in, bitch.


                I got your ass right here.

                I'm gonna kick your ass for gettin' me into this mess, throwin' my back out.

                Daddy, it ain't my fault! I'm not bullshittin'.

                I was hangin' with this white boy, and he got me into all kinds of shi--


                What's up?



                Get up!

                Say hello to my little friend.

                Yeah, that's it! I'm gonna blast this fool. Give me that gun.

                - Here! - Come on, fool. Remember me, punk?

                Lord, have mercy.

                What you want me to do? Bad dog!

                - Freeze! - Hands up!

                Two giant Milk Duds.

                Freeze! Sheriff's Department!

                I live across the street!

                Paid cash! They the ones you want!

                - Problem, offiicers? - Don't move!

                - Make a damn hole! - Hey, brother, man!

                Y'all can't fuck with the police.

                Y'all can't fuck with the police.

                Rude-ass cops. You done paid your parking tickets?

                You still got your illegal cable?

                We better get the hell outta here.

                - Come here, Cheeco! - Get your hands off me!

                - This is like a bad dream. - Why you cops got to be so violent?

                I love Fridays.

                It ain't over, punk! Wait 'till I get out!

                - When you get out? - I'm gonna beat your butt up too.

                - It ain't over! - Come on, man!

                - Good job. Good job. - Yeah, that's our pump!

                Shut up!

                That's right.

                Look what I got.

                Wait, man. Don't open that here.

                -Jump up and down on that back of his. - That's next.

                Don't listen to him.

                Cash make the coochie go whoo-whoo.

                It's gonna feel real good to pay my taxes. Thanks, nephew.

                No problem, Unc.

                All done!

                Thanks, Miss Kym.

                - Call me, man. - All right.

                Ancient Chinese secret.

                I'm Korean, motherfucker.

                Fat-ass little Chinese lady's gonna take the money and not give me no play?

                Will you get your broke-down ass up?

                There ain't nothin' wrong with you. Layin' down like a broke-dick dog.

                Get up. Come on. What's wrong with you?

                Damn! That George Jefferson shit works!

                Walk me to the door.

                Hey. Wait a minute.

                I'm sure gonna miss you.

                Why don't you give your Auntie Suga some sugar?

                Give me a kiss.

                - Hey! - Come here.


                Nephew, you're welcome here any time.

                Thanks again.

                She's always hittin' on somebody. Man, you sure you don't wanna stay?

                You know I got to live ghetto fabulous. I can't stay here with y'all fools.

                - It's too crazy around here. - Yeah, it's thugged out.

                But you keep that car. You make sure you get that fixed.

                - You know that. I got money now. - Yeah, I see.

                When can I come to see you and fuckyour neighbourhood up?

                - You can't. - All right.

                Fuck his shit up. Go on, girl. Hurry up.

                Get that shit.

                Hurry up!

                Oh, well. All is well that ends well, of course.

                Another Friday gone, another problem solved.

                It's a trip to know that things can get wild in the suburbs too.

                Man, I can't wait to get back home...

                to the peace and quiet streets of South Central.





Special help by SergeiK