Voila! Finally, the Nine To Five
script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Dolly Parton, Lily
Tomlin, and Jane Fonda movie. This script is a transcript that was painstakingly
transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Nine To Five. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally
tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to
drop me a line. You won't
hurt my feelings. Honest.
- She's never worked in her life.
- I thought you'd be sympathetic.
I am sympathetic,
but why do I have to train her?
Let her work in someone else's section.
She's willing, and she needs the job.
She's recently divorced.
And I'm a widow with four kids.
Jerry should never have died.
I'd be better off.
I could have divorced him.
- Is that her?
We'll need a special looker
for the hat.
- This way.
- This is quite a day for me.
- I bet it is.
- I was so exited, I left an hour early.
I'm glad I did. It took me minutes
just to find a parking place.
We park inside the building.
I'll show you how to punch in.
And I just moved to a new apartment
near the airport.
- Hey, Violet. What it is?
- Hi, Eddie.
- Hear anything about your promotion?
- Eddie Smith.
- Judy Bernly.
- Judy starts work today.
How am I gonna get out of the mailroom
if they keep hiring outside people?
Lady, you're gonna hate it here.
We're on the th floor.
Above us is the president
and the chairman of the board.
- Come on, .
- It sounds so big.
It is. I've been here years,
I've never seen the chairman.
All I've done is be a housewife.
I wanted to ask you about salary.
I don't think I own live...
That's a touchy subject.
Take it up with our boss, Mr. Hart.
I'm sorry. It's all so new.
Don't worry. You'll get the hang
of it. Then you'll really be sorry.
Well, welcome to the frontlines.
- Here oozes General Patton.
- Violet, just a moment.
- Come on.
- Just a moment!
- Yes. Roz. So sorry.
I need to talk to you about Mr. Hart's
rules on office dťcor.
- You seem lax in your section.
- Really? How?
Well, I have typed it up here.
No coffee cups on the desks, no
personal items left in view. Photos...
...plants, et cetera.
We mustn't look cluttered or sloppy.
An office that looks efficient
is efficient, as Mr. Hart says.
- Judy Bernly, Roz Keith.
Roz is Mr. Hart's administrative
assistant. Judy is starting today.
- It's nice to meet you.
- Welcome to Consolidated.
I hope you enjoy it here.
- We're all a pretty happy bunch.
- I think so.
- Put this on the bulletin board.
- I know just where to stick it.
Good. And Judy, if there is anything
I can do to help you, just drop on by.
Roz is Mr. Hart's
eyes, ears, nose and throat.
- Anything she hears, he hears.
- You mean, she's a company spy?
If you gossip in the ladies' room,
check under the stalls for her shoes.
Happy birthday, Myra.
She and Roz are like this:
This section has three zones,
each with a supervisor.
The other two supervisors report to me.
I go to Mr. Hart.
That's his office.
He was just made vice president.
I've never seen anyone
leapfrog so fast to the top.
And I have the bad back to prove it.
Margaret, anything serious?
- Nothing so far.
- Margaret, please. Roz is on my case.
I remember when he was
just a management trainee.
I'm the one who trained him.
What's he like?
I like to think, if there's a word to
describe my philosophy of business...
Everybody working together.
You girls, of course, never got a
chance to play football or baseball...
...and I've always felt that's
unfortunate, because I think...
...it's the best place to learn
what teamwork is about.
I remember Coach Frye
used to tell us:
"A chain is only as strong
as its weakest link."
Its weakest link.
I gotta get this chair fixed. I'm not
gonna bore you with a long harangue.
Suffice to say that it is a jungle out
there, but if we all work together...
...we can out the balls off the
competition and be sitting pretty.
I'm happy to work here.
You're a welcome addition,
and a damn pretty one too.
- Thank you.
- I mean that.
You should see the crones coming
through lately. Pathetic. Right, Violet?
Violet, my wife's coming later on.
I'd like to get her a present.
Could you pick her out a nice scarf?
- I don't think it's my place to shop...
- Violet, goddamn it.
I've been here talking about teamwork,
and you're not there for the handoff.
My job description doesn't say anything
about making purchases for your wife.
I like people who are flexible
and get along.
When I ask an employee, especially
one who wants to be promoted...
...I expect cooperation. Savvy?
We're talking silk, blue,
maybe a little red stripe.
- You're talking to the right person.
- Violet's the best.
Knows more about what's going
on here than anybody but Mr. Hinkle.
- A deer!
- Lucky shot.
If you ever have anything of a
serious nature on your mind at all...
...I want you to come in here
and talk to me because...
...that's why I have my office on this
floor, to be close to my girls.
Certainly. Thank you.
Is Doralee back yet?
- Get me a little coffee then, Violet.
- Just a little Skinny and Sweet.
- Yes, sir.
Well, that's Franklin Hart Jr.
But to me he'll always be "F. Hart."
- Good. She's back.
- Hi, Violet. How's everything going?
- Your boss wants coffee.
I was just gassing up his oar. If I'm
not filling one tank, I'm filling another.
This is Judy.
She'll be working in my section.
- Nice to meet you.
- How do you do?
Hope everybody's been friendly
and showing you around.
- Everybody's been very nice.
- If I can do anything, holler.
- I know what it's like to be new.
- Thank you.
Judy, over here.
This is your typewriter,
Dictaphone, adding machine.
I better get you a looker for that hat.
- They won't let her work part-time.
- Of course not. It's too convenient.
- Hi. How's it going?
- Violet's gonna show me around outside.
Hart's asked me to buy a scarf
for his wife today.
Why doesn't he ask Doralee?
She does everything else for him.
She's too tired. They've been
in conference together all morning.
- We'll see you later. Come on, Judy.
- Have fun. Salad looks good.
I like this.
What did Margaret mean about Doralee?
Well, rumor has it that she
is banging the boss.
She and Mr. Hart?
I think that's awful.
Well, live and let live.
But I credit her with more brains.
Certainly more taste.
That's how my husband left.
He had an affair with his secretary.
Hart won't leave his wife.
She's too good a meal ticket.
She's bananas. She adores him.
If you can imagine.
Doralee, would you grab your pad
and bring your pretty face in here?
- Hold it right there.
- Turn around a second.
- Is something wrong?
- I got something on my dress?
- Nothing's wrong.
As a matter of fact,
everything is very, very right.
- Shall we begin, Mr. Hart?
Take a letter to Vernon Henshaw
over at Metropolitan Mutual.
As you know, the chairman of the board
of Consolidated Companies...
...Mr. Russell Tinsworthy,
spends most of his time in Brazil...
...working on the jungle clearance
It's all right. I'll get it.
Here, let me... Let me...
Let me help you with those.
- No, that's okay. Really. I've got it.
- There you go.
About my conduct in the office
...I'm afraid I got a little carried
away. I'd like to apologize to you.
I've been chased by swifter men than
you, and I ain't been caught yet.
- Shall we get back to our letter now?
But, well, could you just come
over here for a second?
I have a little something for you.
...ever since I made that mistake about
the convention in San Francisco, l...
You didn't make a mistake.
I'll just make sure that the next time
I'm asked to a convention...
...that there is a convention going on.
Nothing happened anyway.
Let's just forget the whole thing.
You know, you mean so much more
to me than just a dumb secretary.
I bought this for you.
I picked it out myself.
Well, thank you.
You didn't have to do that.
- It's nice. It's very nice.
- It's also very nothing.
I'm a rich man. I've got a checkbook
on that desk. You just say the word...
...and you can write your own figure.
- I could now.
- I sign your name better than you do.
- I'm serious.
Understand? I'm crazy about you.
You're all I think about.
I've told you before,
I'm a married woman.
- I'm married too. That makes it perfect.
- Mr. Hart.
- Please. I want you. I need you.
- What are you doing, Mr. Hart?
Call me Frank.
What are you doing on the floor?
Nothing. I tripped.
Hit my knee on the damn coffee table.
- That's awful. Did you hurt yourself?
What are you doing here?
- You know I hate it when you come here.
- Frank, don't be mad at me.
I came from the travel agency.
They have the most wonderful cruises.
- Hello, Doralee.
- Hi, Mrs. Hart.
- How are you?
- I'm fine. You?
- What a lovely scarf.
- It's a present from your husband.
Frank, that was so thoughtful of you.
I'm just glad he appreciates you.
Put it on.
It's absolutely adorable.
And you are so attractive.
You're sweet. I appreciate that.
Doralee, that'll be all.
You can finish the letter later.
Bye. Let me show you these
brochures. It won't take a second.
- You did promise to go.
This is a lovely one.
It's an Italian line.
- Looks like the Love Boat, doesn't it?
- It does.
- Four weeks of sunshine, Frank.
- Four weeks? Are you out of your mind?
You think I'll spend four weeks of
my life drifting around on that boat?
Well, I'll be damned. Just look who
got paid off for services rendered.
That's the scarf you bought.
Who cares? I suppose she deserves it.
I'll bet you canít wait to see
the Xerox room.
Rush memos are always done on
regulation Consolidated letterhead.
So you place it in here, . x .
Close the bin firmly.
Turn on the power.
Several people have lost their hearing
in this room.
Select a number of copies, make this
a little darker and start to print.
If anything's wrong, watch this panel.
It tells you what to do.
- I think I can handle it.
- Okay. I'll leave you to it.
You're too much. Your wife's going on
vacation. There'll be no stopping you.
Wait till you hear this
new little scheme I've got going.
Come on in here a minute.
What the hell is going on here?
- I'm sorry. It was going too fast.
- Too fast?
- Why didn't you just shut it off?
- Great scheme you got here.
- Right here.
- I'm sorry. I thought I could keep up.
Weren't you checked out on this
machine? Any moron could operate it.
- I was.
- I know what to do now.
- You do?
Do it, or your first day
will be your last. Understand?
- Clean this mess up and get to work.
What are you doing here?
Well, I just dropped by
to give you these papers.
They're the last. You sign them,
and then you give them to your lawyer.
How are things with you?
- Everything's fine.
I got a job. I'm a secretary.
- Well, how's Liza?
- Fine. She's waiting in the oar.
We've gotta go.
Well, so long.
- I feel like I was just here.
- You'll get used to it.
Everybody does, eventually.
Violet Newstead, please hold.
Please hold. Hi, this is Violet.
Mel? No, no, that's
net delivered in nine days...
That's % of ... .
My pleasure, Mel.
Violet, please hold.
This is Violet.
I've got it.
I was waiting for your call.
That route is via Dixie Express.
Don't worry, I've got it
under control. Okay, bye.
Violet News... Oh, come on, kids.
No. Come on, no fighting.
There's more than one peanut butter
and banana sandwich in the world.
Okay. Love you too. No, I don't
want to talk to the dog. Bye-bye.
- Hi, Judy. How's everything going?
- Fine, thanks.
- Would you like to have lunch with me?
- I canít. Thanks.
Maybe tomorrow. I know the cutest
little Italian restaurant near here.
I should stay in the office
and get to know the routine.
- But thanks anyway.
- Yeah. Sure.
- I just don't get it, Dwayne.
- What's that?
I'm as nice as I know how to be
to every person at that office.
Everybody treats me like a bastard
at a family reunion.
- Well, come over here and sit down.
- Well, that hurts my feelings.
- Where's my smile?
- I don't have one.
- They're jealous you're so pretty.
- They're not jealous.
Where's my smile? I want you to smile,
okay? You forget all about them.
- I'm gonna give you a warm reception.
- I just bet you will.
Violet, little coffee.
Yeah. What else?
Did you look at the report I did
on the color-coding of accounts?
Last month. I gave it to you.
We could improve efficiency by %.
I looked into that, but it needs work.
I'll have to get back to you on that.
Violet, I haven't heard from you.
Did you get my memo?
I did. I tore right through it.
Good. You know, we must clamp down
hard on any signs of unionization.
Here comes Mr. Hart, with Mr. Hinkle.
Hello, girls. How's it going?
- Just fine, sir.
Roz, you'll be getting a copy of
this report Frank just gave me.
We are gonna start
color-coding the accounts.
- Frank's done a study of its efficiency.
- Thank you, sir.
Really? Congratulations, Mr. Hart.
- Thank you, Roz.
- Just brilliant.
You're a fine piece of manpower.
Any other reforms you
wanna make are fine with me.
- Thank you.
- It's your floor. Run it as you please.
- Going up, girls?
- No, we're going down.
I canít believe that man.
He has no shame.
He presented my idea to the president
of the company like it was his own.
- Why didn't you call him on it?
- Because I'm playing it safe.
In six weeks he makes the decision
about that promotion.
- Till then I'm playing the good girl.
- Nice job.
Can you imagine,
a mature woman with four kids...
...installing a garage-door opener,
he still refers to me as his "girl"?
Mom, you gotta relax.
I'm gonna roll you a joint.
Josh, you know how I feel about that.
Your grandmother will pitch a fit if
she even hears you mention marijuana.
She doesn't understand moderation.
You talk about how harm springs
from excess. Right?
- Okay. Yes, I know.
- I'm talking about one joint.
Okay. I don't like it, Josh.
How long you been waiting
for this promotion?
Slip it in my purse.
- It works!
- You did it.
- Now, don't go flying off the handle.
You gave the promotion to Bob Enright?
- I've got seniority over him.
- I know.
- For chrissake, I trained him.
- I know, but the company feels...
The company, bullshit. It's your
decision. You promoted him. Why?
In the first place,
Bob does have a college degree.
Brilliant! While he's at college
getting his degree...
...I'm working my butt off.
- And he does have a family to support.
- And I don't?
- What does that matter?
- My hands are tied.
The company needs a man.
Clients would rather deal with men
when it comes to figures.
I lose a promotion because
of some idiot prejudice.
You're intimidated by any woman
that won't sit at the back of the bus.
Spare me the women's lib crap.
I know how you feel. I understand.
- You understand ziloh.
- I understand I'm still the boss.
You might be valuable out there, but get
ahold of yourself. I won't take this.
- Goddamn it. Doralee, get in here!
I told you to fix the chair.
Okay. But I'm gonna tell you
one thing before I go:
Don't you ever refer to me
as your "girl" again.
What are you talking about?
What are we gonna do about this chair?
I'll tell you what I'm talking about.
I'm no girl, I'm a woman. Do you hear?
I'm not your wife or your mother
or even your mistress.
- I am your employee.
As such, I expect to be treated equally,
with a little dignity and respect.
- What do you mean, "mistress"?
- Never mind, she's upset.
The whole company knows
you two are having an affair.
- Who's saying we're having an affair?
- Who's been saying it? He has.
- Violet, where are you going?
- I'm gonna get drunk.
You tell everyone
I'm sleeping with you?
That explains why they treat me
like some dime-store floozy.
- They think I'm screwing the boss.
- That's not it.
You love it, don't you?
It gives you a thrill, like knocking
over pencils and picking up papers.
Get your scummy hands off of me.
I've been straight with you.
I put up with your pinching and staring
and chasing me. I need this job...
...but this is the last straw!
- Let's just sit down and...
I got a gun in my purse and, up to now,
I've been forgiving and forgetting.
If you ever say another word about me
or make another indecent proposal...
...I'm gonna get that gun and change you
from a rooster to a hen with one shot!
Don't think I canít do it!
- Where are you going?
- I need a drink.
I'm taking the rest of the day off.
What do you want?
This is important. I just heard one of
the girls commit a serious infraction.
- Maria Delgado was in the restroom...
...speaking to some girl, when I
overheard her reveal her salary...
...and make estimates
of yours and mine.
Get rid of her. Dismiss her.
It isn't as if she hasn't been warned.
In my memo...
Did you hear what I said?
Fire the bitch!
- I don't believe it! Fired for that?
- It's okay.
- I wanted to spend time with my kids.
- But it's so unfair.
- We've got to do something.
- Sure, let's all revolt.
Don't you get in trouble for me. It's
not worth it. I'll find another job.
It was hard for me to work
I promised myself I wouldn't cry.
- Does Violet know about this?
She's down at Charlie's, getting drunk.
Well, I'm gonna tell her.
This is a disgrace.
What a rat.
What a liar.
What a creep.
To think he told everybody
I was sleeping with him...
It's so unfair. Just so unfair.
Twelve years of service,
and he shoots me down.
We've got to do something.
He canít treat people like that.
Do? What's to do? Quit?
- I canít quit.
- It's the same all over.
Look, couldnít we just
all get together and complain?
- Complain to who?
- We're in a pink-collar ghetto.
Let's have another drink.
- This one's on me.
- I've got it.
- It's my turn.
- I've got it.
- I've really got it.
- What's that?
Violet, I didn't think you smoked.
This is a gift from my son.
Let's go to the ladies' room
and light up.
Is that a marijuana cigarette?
There's not enough for everybody.
- We canít. Someone might come in.
- It is dangerous.
Would you two show a little spunk? I
mean, what are you, a man or a mouse?
I mean, a woman or a "wouse"?
Let's go to my house.
My husband is at a singing gig.
We could have ourselves
an old-fashioned ladies' pot party.
To tell the truth,
that stuff don't do much for me.
I smoked a marijuana cigarette
at a party once.
I could never figure out
what the big deal was.
- Threatening Hart with a gun?
- And he knows I've got one too.
I keep it right here at all times.
All I can think,
he must have peed in his pants.
- Have you ever fired it?
- Have I ever fired it?
Really, just once.
Right after Dwayne bought it for me.
I was coming home from this rodeo
in Dallas with a girlfriend...
...and two men started to hassle us
and wouldn't let up.
I was gonna be big
because I had a gun.
So I reached to get my gun, and
I shot a hole clean through my purse.
- But they ran off.
- I bet they did.
This is... This is really good pot.
- What did you say it was called again?
- Maui Wowie.
Well, I love it.
I don't think I could ever
carry a gun.
I don't understand guys like Hart who
shoot those defenseless animals...
...like Bambi and Thumper
and that cute, little skunk.
I'd like to hunt Hart.
I'd like to chase his lily-white tail
and see how he likes it.
I think she's stoned.
- Am I stoned?
- I think you're stoned.
- It's so funny!
- What's so funny?
I have this image of Hart
running for his life...
...and the whole office is out to get
him and hunt him down.
There he is!
Kill the bastard!
Hello, Hart. Looks like you've
gotten yourself in a spot of trouble.
You've got to help me.
That mob is trying to kill me.
- Why would they do such a nasty thing?
- I don't know. I'm not such a bad guy.
You're a sexist, egotistical,
lying, hypocritical bigot.
I have a few faults.
Is that a reason to kill me?
You're foul, Hart...
...a wart on the nose of humanity,
and I'm going to blast it off.
Judy. Judy. Judy.
Goodbye, boss man.
It's quitting time.
- You canít mean this.
- One, two, three, four...
Why me? I'm just an ordinary guy
trying to do his job.
- Holy shit!
I have just wrecked my diet,
but I love good barbecue. Don't you?
Dwayne fixed these last night.
- That is so wonderful.
- These olives...
Everything tastes so wonderful.
What about you, Doralee?
What's your fantasy for doing him in?
...I'd like to ride up one day and
give him a taste of his own medicine.
Hey, hot stuff. Grab your pad and
pencil, and get your buns in here.
- Hold it. Hold it right there.
- Is something wrong?
No, nothing's wrong. I just wanted to
check your bod. Turn around a second.
You got a nice ass, Frank.
You should get your pants out tighter.
Bring them up in the crotch.
You got a nice package,
might as well show it off.
- Mrs. Rhodes.
- Come here. I want you to take a memo.
To all personnel...
- That's great cologne you're wearing.
- Thank you.
That stuff's turning me on.
What's that called?
It's very sexy. Only I don't like
that tie you're wearing.
- What happened to the ones I gave you?
- Nothing, l...
- Take it off. Take it off.
- Excuse me?
I canít work with those stripes
glaring at me.
How about unbuttoning that coat and
your shirt? You need to loosen up.
- Where were we?
- The memo.
Yeah. By the way,
I got a surprise for you here.
- I am a married man.
- Forget about your wife, Frank.
You may be hers in the evening,
but you're my boy from to .
I wanted to show you what I got
for you. Isn't it pretty?
Yes, it's very pretty, but you
shouldn't be buying gifts for me.
Okay, let me put it on you here.
- Now, that wasn't so bad, was it?
I love your hair. It's so sexy.
Let's go over on the couch.
I'll go look the door.
- Mrs. Rhodes.
- Let's be friendly, Frank.
You need to be a little more cooperative
if you want to keep this job.
I'm not that kind of boy!
One little kiss? What's that gonna
hurt? Who's gonna know?
No. I won't. I won't kiss that mouth!
Frank, you get back here!
I'm warning you. Come back here.
No. I won't.
And he's out of the chute,ladies and gentlemen.Look at him.That's a big, bold hitter.There's Doralee Rhodes.She's gonna try to rope this...She's already got him down.Let's see how long it takes to hog-tiethis sexist, egotistical, lying bigot.Just five seconds,ladies and gentlemen.
I can just see Hart hanging there with
a dumb look, wondering what happened.
What's your fantasy, Violet?
How would you bump him off?
I have to think about it.
it would have to be like a fairy tale.
You know, something gruesome
and horrible and real gory.
But kind of cute.
Violet, get me some coffee.
- Your coffee, Mr. Hart.
- Yeah. Put it down.
Just the way you like it.
- More coffee, Mr. Hart?
- I think something was in that coffee.
- I think you're right.
- I think it was poisoned.
- Right again.
I think you did it.
- But why? Why?
- Why do you think?
I'm a sexist, egotistical, lying,
- I had such a good time last night.
- We should do that more often.
- How is Hart? I haven't seen him.
- He didn't talk about yesterday.
He's too happy. His wife left
this morning on a two-month cruise.
I don't know. She still has to
come back to him, poor thing.
- Let's have lunch.
- I canít. I gotta go shop.
We're running out of everything:
Oat food, ant spray, rat poison.
Hart wants me
to take papers to his lawyer.
Damn it. When you're away,
that only means one thing...
One of these days, he's gonna
push me too far.
Then I'm gonna let him have it.
Enough is enough.
- We're out of Skinny and Sweet.
- I got some at lunch today.
Who does he think he is? He's
a miserable, petty, two-bit dictator.
Ordering me around like I'm a flunky...
I hate myself for being such a nerd.
He does it to annoy you.
Don't let him get to you.
Besides, the day is almost over.
I tell myself the same thing.
But I feel the pressure building.
I canít take much more. Something,
somewhere, sometime, is gonna snap...
...and God help Mr. Hart, because
I won't be responsible for my actions.
But right now, I'm calm.
Not for one second.
Right. All right, hold it.
Hold it a minute.
I've already told Bob Enright,
and now I'm telling you:
Anything you get from Ajax Warehouse
comes directly to me. Got that?
You're the boss.
Remember that a little more often.
- I see he caught you.
- I'm a tree. I can bend.
Hang in there, honey. It's almost .
Listen to me. Ajax is my deal, so you
get your money when I give it to you.
And don't ever call me
at this number again.
Mr. Hart. Mr. Hart! Mr. Hart!
- I'm sorry I'm late.
- Where have you been?
- You missed it.
They took Hart away in an ambulance,
- They did? Where's Doralee?
- She went with him.
- I hope it's not too serious.
- Me neither.
Maybe a little serious.
Some trifle that'll keep him out of
the office for years. Come on.
I gotta drop this off.
I'll meet you at the elevator.
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Violet, isn't it awful about Mr. Hart?
- How did it happen, Roz?
- Fell and hit his head on the credenza.
- What about the coffee?
- Where is the coffee cup?
It was by him. He must've been
drinking it when he blacked out.
- What hospital?
- St. Ambrose.
Oh, my God!
I know how you feel.
Judy. Judy. Hurry. Hurry.
- What's the matter?
- Something terrible has happened.
I don't believe it. How could you
make such a stupid mistake?
I thought it was Skinny and Sweet.
The boxes are identical, except for
the skull and crossbones.
Are you crazy? Someone will see you!
I've got to get to the hospital,
tell them what happened.
- Don't be hysterical.
- You're right. Keep calm. Keep calm.
- Better speak to Admitting, ma'am.
- Yeah. Right.
My boss was brought in. Franklin Hart.
Dr. Siedelman, line one, please.Dr. Siedelman.
There we go.
- What's going on?
- Take it easy.
You blacked out. How do you feel?
I feel fine. I just fell off a chair
and hit my head. That's all.
That's quite a bump there. I think
we'll take you upstairs for x-rays.
Wait a minute, doc.
- No x-rays. I like my head as it is.
- We ought to do tests and make sure.
You do tests on yourself.
I know what your racket is.
You're not gonna sucker me into a lot
of medical bills for a bump on the head.
Hey, doc. Cardiac arrest.
- He stopped breathing.
- Open up his shirt.
One, two, three, four, five.
He was our only witness. We had him
all ready to testify. Now this.
- There's Doralee.
- What are you two doing here?
- Something terrible has happened.
- Violet poisoned Hart's coffee.
- It was an accident.
- That's why...
- It looks just like Skinny and Sweet.
- Good grief.
- We've gotta tell the doctor.
He's in the emergency room,
first door on the right.
God, there's a policeman.
- What's he doing here?
- I don't know.
- The guy on the gurney, how is he?
- He's not so good.
- When can I speak to the doctor?
- He knows you're here.
Knows I'm here.
- They found out about it already.
- Please don't panic.
- How is he, doc?
- He's dead.
Oh, my God!
- Can you tell what caused it?
- Not without an autopsy.
Come into my office. I'm fairly certain
it was some kind of poison.
It's okay. It's okay. Easy, now.
Poison. Poison. It's all over.
Did you hear? An autopsy.
I might as well just give them
the rat poison.
- You want someone to see it?
- Who cares? I'm finished.
- I'm a murderer.
- No, you're not.
I'm a murderess. My poor kids.
- You're nothing until proven guilty.
- They'll find the poison in the autopsy.
I'm gonna get rid of the poison.
I'll get rid of the body!
Violet, it's not murder.
It was an accident.
Accident? She thought about doing it
last night. We all thought about it.
- She didn't do it on purpose.
- Maybe unconsciously I did.
- I'm going to the pen.
- We better get her a lawyer.
- I'll be looked up for life.
- Where's the phone?
- Over there.
- Have change?
- Just sit here.
- I'm gonna lose my job.
- Calm down.
- I'm no fool. I've killed the boss!
You think they're not gonna fire me?
Now, just sit here.
We'll be right back.
This the guy for the autopsy?
The doctor would like to see you.
Right this way.
Excuse me. Could you tell me
where the coffee shop is?
- The coffee shop.
The coffee shop?
I'm new here. I don't drink coffee.
I'm new too. Where do you work?
- The morgue.
- That's right.
- Yes, he is.
- How did he...?
Coffee. Too much coffee.
I'm just taking him out for some air.
I mean, some fresh air for me.
He's just along for the ride.
You're a doctor.
I didn't see your badge. Sorry.
I'm a doctor. So why the hell
am I talking to you? Piss off.
Honey, I think Violet has flipped out.
- What are you doing?
- Get in! There's no time for talking!
Violet, slow down!
- Why are you driving so fast?
- They canít do an autopsy with no body.
- She has just absolutely flipped.
- Where is the body?
The trunk. We can chain cement blocks
to his feet and pitch him off the pier.
- No one will ever know.
- You're crazy! They always find it!
Crazy, am I?
They never found Jimmy Hoffa.
- Will you just slow down?
- Let's not panic. Let's not panic.
There's a restaurant.
Let's stop for a while.
How can you think of food now?
- I'm not thinking of food!
- I'm not hungry.
Violet, we're not criminals.
It was an accident.
Well, we're criminals now. We've just
stolen a corpse. That sounds criminal.
We'll take it back.
We'll just take it back.
We'll get caught if we go back now.
Stop arguing and think about where we
can lay our hands on some cement.
Don't panic! Don't panic!
- What happened?
- She panicked.
Nobody's hurt. It's a little accident.
We'll be out of here in no time.
- The front fender is hitting the tire.
- Good lord, get out. Let's look at it.
- Not bad. We need to pull the fender out.
- Come on. Give me a hand.
We need a crowbar or something.
- There's a tire iron in the trunk.
- I'll get it.
Judy, turn the blinkers off.
Judy, would you
come back here for a second?
- Who's that?
- I don't know.
- Where's Hart?
- I don't know.
Oh, my God, you mean she...?
Oh, my God!
Violet, honey, would you come
over here for a second?
What's the matter with you two?
We have got to... Who's that?
I don't know.
You don't know?
What happened to Hart's body?
It's not here.
You think it got up and walked away?
- But I put it...
- Violet, how could you? How could you?
I guess I made a mistake.
You steal the wrong body, and all you
can say is, "I made a mistake"?
- It could happen to anyone.
- This is awful.
- It's so improper. It's disrespectful.
- He's dead. He doesn't mind.
Look, don't get excited.
We'll just take it back.
- No harm's done. Let's take it back.
We just waltz in and say,
"We're sorry, we made a mistake."
- Maybe we'll get Hart's body in return.
- No need to get sarcastic.
- You took it, you take it back!
- Now, stop it. We're in this together.
We have to be very calm.
We'll fix the fender, then we'll figure
out a plan to drop off the body.
Then we're gonna sit down and calmly
decide what we're gonna do next.
Will you two shut up?
It's not a bad plan. It might work.
If we can just find a wheelchair...
I saw a couple outside the
- I think that's a good idea.
- I wish we knew what happened to Hart.
We're gonna find out soon enough.
It's a siren.
- A policeman!
- He wants us to pull over.
- Do I make a break for it?
- I don't know, but I've got my gun.
Put that away! Are you crazy?
Oh, my God! Don't panic. Don't panic.
- What does he want?
- I don't know, but pull over.
- Be ready for anything.
- Stay calm. Listen to him. Don't panic.
- But what if he wants...?
- For chrissake, pull over! Pull over!
Evening, ladies. May I see
your license and registration?
- Why? I wasn't speeding.
- Your taillight is blinking.
- It is?
- Are your signals on?
- There must be a short in the trunk.
A short in the trunk?
We've got a short in the trunk.
Probably a defective wire.
Want to take a look?
- Do we want to take a look?
- No. We canít. We don't have time.
- We're on an emergency.
- That's right. She's a doctor.
You're a doctor?
- You think I'm a beautician?
- I didn't see the badge. What's wrong?
I'm taking this woman to the hospital,
and she's very sick.
- Which one of you is sick?
- I am. She is.
They're both sick.
What is that you're hiding there?
- It's rat poison.
- She ate it.
- She ate the rat poison.
- That's why they're sick.
- You ate rat poison?
- I thought it was Skinny and Sweet.
- It looks just like it...
...except for the skull and crossbones.
Can we go now, officer?
I'm not feeling well.
She's not well. I've got a dying woman,
and you want to look in the trunk?
- I'm sorry, doctor.
- Lf we don't make it, you're responsible.
- Don't worry, I'll give you an escort.
- An escort?
- He's going to give us an escort.
- Follow me.
- Forget it, Mao, we canít wait!
- How'd it go?
- I couldnít find out about Hart.
- They either don't know or won't tell us.
- What are we gonna do?
Nothing. We're gonna wait
until they come to us.
Go to the office in the morning
and pretend like nothing has happened.
- Well, what about the other matter?
- Don't worry about it.
It's been taken care of.
Hey, Vera. We got another
stiff in the john.
Good morning, Violet.
Doralee, no calls this morning.
I don't wanna be disturbed at all.
All that running around was useless.
Hart had a little bump on his head.
I did put the poison
in the coffee. I know it.
- Well, he absolutely did not drink it.
- I mean, how could we be so stupid?
- Did anybody look under the stalls?
- Yes. Nobody's there.
Let's forget the whole thing.
It never happened.
Cops and corpses...
I'll never mention it again.
Thank God it's Friday.
Let's start the weekend with
a drink after work at Charlie's.
You know, we are so lucky. I am so glad
this whole mess is finally over.
- They actually said this?
- As clearly as I could make out.
My notes were a little fuzzy.
This is very interesting. "Stealing
corpses, eluding the police..."
Maybe they knew you were hiding,
just pulling your leg.
I don't think so. Regardless, you should
be aware of that coffee business.
Yeah, I think I can use
that to some advantage.
Look out, Charlie's, here we come.
- Judy, wait a second. I'll be right back.
- Okay. I'll tell Violet.
- It's : . You wanted to see me?
- Yeah, I did, Doralee.
- I'd like you to come to my house.
- I'm not working tonight, remember?
Who said anything about work?
By the way, have you
ever heard of strychnine?
- Strychnine is a poison, I think.
- Yes, it is a poison.
I spoke to the hospital. They found
traces of strychnine in my stomach.
What? I thought you
just hit your head.
I had to be sure. You need evidence if
you're gonna accuse someone of murder.
You and Violet and Judy
tried to murder me yesterday.
- You put rat poison in my coffee.
- I don't believe this.
- It was all a big mistake.
- That's very good.
See, you should be soared
because I know all about it.
- All I have to do is call the police.
- But it was a mistake.
- Violet put the poison in by accident.
She might get a jury to believe that.
She might not.
The question is whether
or not you wanna take that chance.
- Just what exactly are you driving at?
- It's simple.
- Come to my house, and I'll forget it.
- You are disgusting.
Is that a no?
- Too bad.
- Think about what you're doing.
I didn't start this.
You three girls did all the plotting.
Well, I'm not gonna let you do this.
There's another phone over there. That's
something else you might think about.
I don't like it when people
give back my presents.
You are rotten, Mr. Hart.
Did anybody ever tell you that?
I never thought I'd say this about
another human being, but you are evil.
- That's right, evil to the core.
- I love it when you get mad.
If you touch that phone, I'm gonna
jerk it clean out of the wall.
I know you think this is all a joke,
but you're gonna listen to me...
...whether you like it or not.
Will you shut up and let me explain?
- Can't you just listen?
- I'm calling for help.
No, I don't want you to call for help.
You won't listen, but you'll shut up!
I gotta figure out what to do.
- Is Mr. Hart in?
Yeah, but he's tied up
at the moment.
Well, I guess it can wait until Monday.
Have a nice weekend.
Yeah, you too, Roz.
Judy, can you come here a second?
- You ready?
- No. Something has happened.
- Where's Violet?
- The storage room. What's the matter?
- Hart knows everything about last night.
He really thinks we were
trying to kill him.
- He was gonna have us arrested.
- Oh, dear God.
Get in there and keep an eye on him.
Don't let anybody in.
- I've gotta get Violet.
- Oh, dear God.
Oh, dear God.
Mr. Hart, I'm so sorry.
I canít understand
what you're saying.
- Thank God you've come to your senses.
- Doralee didn't mean any harm.
- Just get me untied.
- I canít do that until they come back.
Do you think I'll run away? I won't do
anything. I give you my word.
- There's a little pain involved here.
- I'm sorry.
- Well, I'll just loosen it a little.
- Good. Yeah, loosen it.
Mr. Hart, what happened last night
was a series of misunderstandings.
Violet just accidentally
put rat poison in your coffee.
- Get out of my way.
- But, Mr. Hart...
Mr. Hart, you gave me your word.
- Goddamn it.
- You're not leaving this office.
I was just pretending, but this is out
of hand. Nobody makes a fool out of me.
I'm calling the police.
Hold it right there.
- You're as crazy as the other two.
- Close that door, or I'll shoot.
Hold it! Don't shoot! I give up!
Don't shoot it! Judy, put it...
Judy, what are you doing?
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, Judy.
He was gonna call the police.
I just feel terrible doing this to him.
We'll get him up to his place
and reason with him.
That house is so far off the road,
if he starts yelling, nobody will hear.
So, what are we gonna do now?
You'll pay for this.
I swear, you'll pay for this.
- Lf you'd only listen...
- You listen to me.
I'll see you all in prison before
I'm through. Kidnapping...
...attempted murder, roped,
beaten, rat poison.
I won't rest until you all
get years in prison!
You understand that? years!
- We canít just keep him here forever.
- You heard him. He don't believe us.
- He'll prosecute.
- Why not?
He's got you for poisoning him,
me for roping him...
...and you for acting like he was
first prize at a turkey shoot.
How are we gonna
keep him from talking?
I say we hire a couple of wranglers
to beat the shit out of him.
If we find something on him,
we could trade off.
Blackmail. That sounds good.
What could we get on him?
A sex scandal. Take a picture
of him in bed with a prostitute.
Who would care?
Hart would just buy up the copies
and send them out as Christmas cards.
We've gone over everything.
Well, we might as well face it.
He's got us. We're licked.
Wait a minute. What's this doing here?
Maybe we do have something
to bargain with.
- What is it?
- An account book for Ajax Warehouse.
See, there's something
suspicious going on here.
- What do you see?
- It's too dark.
Why don't you climb up
to that window?
I think we got him.
I think we got him.
Yes, indeed, it looks like Frank
has been a naughty boy.
An empty warehouse?
What's wrong with that?
That's what Billie Sol Estes said.
He got years for embezzlement.
That warehouse should be filled with
inventory from Consolidated.
But you sold it,
and you pocketed the money.
You'll never prove that.
I'm gonna order the invoices
from head office on Monday.
I think you'll see
the light when they arrive.
You start tangling with me, you'd
better be prepared to play very rough.
I'm not gonna be stopped
by three dumb-witted broads.
I'm gonna get loose.
I'm gonna break loose
if I have to kill somebody to do it.
If we're gonna keep him tied up, weneed a better system of confinement.Yes, something thatlimits his movement...... but it should wear welland be comfortable.
After you sign our statement,
we'll let you go.
I got all the razors and scissors.
And all the glass. Just in case.
I brought you books and magazines.
This one is good.
This'll keep you up to date
on all the soap operas.
- You really get hooked on them.
- And I got your cigars.
Judy'll stay here at night,
Doralee'll bring lunch.
In the daytime, we have this
little security system.
- I paid for it on your Master Charge.
- You broads are out of your mind.
You canít keep me here a week!
I'm the boss. Don't you think
I might be missed at the office?
Franklin Hart's office.
No, he's not here right now.
Can I help you?
Yes, Mr. Strell.
Judy Bernly, please hold. Judy Bernly,
please hold. Hello, Judy Bernly.
- What can I do you for, Bob?
Would you look at this? I've checked
all over, and I canít make it out.
But Doralee, I want
to talk to him today.
Well, I will tell him.
- He's not here.
- He's not? Well, that's kind of funny.
I thought he was.
Well, he hasn't gone to lunch.
His coatís still here.
Look at that. I've told him a hundred
times this can be very dangerous.
He'll be back. You want to wait?
No, but please tell him it's important
I talk to him today.
I will certainly tell him, Roz.
She is going to be tough.
- The others?
- Piece of cake.
- There were a few questions from Strell.
- I saw those.
And a couple letters.
Other than that, we're fine.
Did you want a cup of coffee?
Hello, Mr. Hart. Here's your lunch.
Where's the tray stand
that was here yesterday?
It's behind that pile of stuff.
Doralee, I'll get you for this!
I'll get your ass. I promise.
I don't understand.
Did you give him my message?
Yes, I did. But he left the office
just this second.
But I bet you can
still catch him. Judy?
- Do you see Mr. Hart?
Well, stop him.
Mr. Hart. Mr. Hart.
You just missed him.
- We canít keep that up all week.
- You're right. She's gonna be a problem.
Well, I've got some bad news.
Here's the telex from
head office in New York.
the computer changeover.
They canít send us the inventory
invoices for Ajax Warehouse...
...for another four to six weeks.
Four to six weeks?
We have to keep Hart
tied up all that time?
- Do we have a choice?
- Yeah, I think we can pull it off.
I never realized how unpopular Hart is.
Nobody wants to see him face to face.
- What if we sent Roz on vacation?
- That's only two weeks.
We gotta keep her away longer.
Have you heard
of the Aspen Language Center?
It gives very concentrated lessons
in foreign languages.
Why don't we send her there?
That's not half bad. Hart could
write her that it's top-secret.
Consolidated is opening overseas
centers, and they need executives who...
- Would she go?
- Are you kidding? If Hart asked her?
It was just so easy. I just typed up
this memo and signed Hart's name.
She gets back on the th,
and Missy returns on the th.
Poor Missy. Don't you feel sorry for
her? I'll have Hart send her flowers.
- How's everything upstairs?
- Very subdued. He's plotting something.
It's gonna be a race
to see if he can get free...
...before we get the invoices
sometime around here:
In fact, I think I'll have Hart let
everybody keep flowers on their desks.
Change some things around that office.
Those rules are so depressing.
It's looking good...
...but if we're gonna do this, why don't
we make changes that really count?
Like sands through the hourglass,so are the days of our lives.
I'm happy to see you still have
a hearty appetite.
I'll see you tomorrow.
You keep being a good boy,
you'll be out by the end of the week.
- Can I come in?
Thanks. It's cold out there.
- Dick, you're supposed to be in Mexico.
- I was. I came back.
- You canít stay here.
- You're alone, aren't you?
Well, yes. I'm housesitting
for a friend.
Yeah. I've been casing
the house to make sure.
You could spare a cup of coffee for your
freezing old husband, couldnít you?
Well, all right. You sit down,
but then you're gonna have to go.
It was no good from the start.
She left after the first week.
Call me tomorrow at work. We could
have lunch and talk some more.
I've wanted to see you.
I followed you from the office.
- I thought you were living with someone.
- What was that?
- Nothing. Probably the oat. I'll check.
- I'll go with you.
- You look beautiful as ever.
Oh, my God.
You give me that.
- Let go.
- Stay away from me.
Stay away. Stay away, or I'll kill you!
Get your hands off of me.
Let me go.
- Let go.
- Help! Let me down!
Let me down from here, damn it.
If I get my hands on you...
Will you shut up?
- What's going on?
- Who's in that room?
There's somebody in that room.
Let me see.
- Who was that?
- A friend.
Obviously. So that's what
you're into now: Bondage.
- What's that?
- Bondage, S & M, sex games.
That's right. All of it.
I'm into everything. Get out.
- I canít believe it. Who is that?
- My boss.
- An affair with your boss. Typical.
- Like your affair with your secretary.
- This isn't you. You canít be serious.
- Don't tell me what I can or canít do.
Those days are over. And if I want
to have an affair or play sex games...
...or do M&M's, you canít stop me.
- As a matter of fact, I smoke pot.
- I see what that kind of living's done!
- I've changed.
And not for the better!
To think I came here tonight
to ask you to come back to me...
Fat chance. Your leaving was the
best thing that ever happened to me!
- Then there's nothing more to say.
- Yes, there is.
Hit the road, buster.
This is where you get off.
What are we gonna do about Roz?
She gets back on Friday.
If she causes any trouble, we'll send
her to that school to learn German.
Forget her. I just talked to New York.
- The invoices will be here Friday.
- Perfect. Three more days. Good.
Driver, would you bring
the bags inside, please?
- Frank, what on earth are you up to?
Good morning. Would you find
a number for me, please?
- Doralee, this is Missy Hart.
Frank told me never
to call anybody at the office, but...
...I guess it's okay to call you at home.
I just wanted to thank you.
- Thank me?
- I realized it must have been you...
...who sent me those flowers during
my trip. And you signed Frank's name.
- Well, it was his idea.
- No, it wasn't. I asked him.
- See, that's why I came back early...
- Did you say you've come back?
Yeah, three days ago. Frank sent
me to a hotel for another week.
He's trying out some new exercise
program at the house.
My goodness, you should see
what he's done to our bedroom.
- I don't believe it.
- Hart must've been free for days.
Call Judy and tell her. If Hart's been
doing what I think, we've been had.
Don't be silly.
He's tied up like always.
Or he's pretending.
You keep a hold of my gun.
You just sit tight till I get there.
He found your gun.
Wait a minute.
- What happened to the time clock?
- You retired it.
What does that mean?
While you were away,
we managed to make a few changes.
Changes? What changes?
What is going on?
Who authorized all this?
You did, Mr. Hart. It's your signature.
Why are all these people here?
It's not even : .
This is another program you authorized.
People set their own time.
Some work to some work
to some work to .
Well, I'll put a stop to that.
Let's go, girls. Let's go.
- It's working very nicely.
- Less absenteeism. People like it.
Well, I hate it, and what I say goes.
Just keep going to my office.
- Good morning, Violet. Here it is.
- Thanks, Eric.
Here are the invoices.
But you've made them worthless.
For the last three days, he's managed
to put all that missing equipment back.
It cost me a pretty penny
to set it straight.
You've won. You've trumped our ace.
What are you gonna do?
I'm sorry, Violet. Why don't you sit?
I'm getting ready to play my last card.
I'm gonna send you bitches to jail.
Jeez, I'll be right out.
And you better tell Hart.
No. No. No problem!
Okay. Right. Thanks.
- Tinsworthy's here.
Russell Tinsworthy, the chairman of
the board. He's here to meet with me.
Violet, you've got to stand by me!
Holy shit, there he is.
Here's the man himself, Mr. Tinsworthy.
Frank Hart, I would like
to shake your hand.
And here is a small token
of my esteem.
Thanks. It's an honor meeting you.
I don't get up here often, but I keep
tabs on the situation through Perkins.
When I find a division that shows a %
rise in productivity over weeks...
...I wanna meet the man who's
Thank you. We all appreciate that.
You've managed to create
a very splendid environment here.
Very livable, very personal.
Well, I find it very... I don't know.
The people seem to like it.
- Keep the crew happy, canít go wrong.
- That's the idea, sir.
Mr. Tinsworthy is interested
in some of your other new programs.
- Like the job-sharing program.
A bold concept.
How's it working out?
I think very well. Well, Violet...
I'm sorry, Mr. Tinsworthy.
I'd like you to meet Violet Newstead,
my senior supervisor.
- I'm very happy to meet you.
- I've heard wonderful things about you.
Violet is pretty much
my right arm around here.
Violet, why don't you just explain
the job-sharing situation.
It's been most effective. For instance,
Maria Delgado is a perfect example.
She shares her job with a worker
who takes over in the afternoon.
She does? I mean, she does.
Both women are happy, and we're
very pleased with their performance.
- You pulled it off, Frank.
- I like to think we did.
- Like the daycare center.
- Daycare center.
During the war, I set up daycare
centers in all the defense plants.
- Glad you brought it back.
- That's the idea.
- Violet, the daycare center...
- Would you like to see it?
Thank you. I can see why Frank
reposes such trust in you.
- Thank you.
The center has been open for two weeks.
It's very successful.
- Yes. Our working parents love it.
it's so good to see you again.
- Who are you?
- Don't you recognize me?
- Margaret Foster.
- The old lush?
Yes, that was me!
Thanks to the alcoholicís rehabilitation
program you started...
...those days are over!
I'll never forget those wonderful
letters of encouragement you sent.
- God bless you, Mr. Hart.
- Good to see you.
- Doesn't she look great?
- Hold this.
The cost was minimal. It's out down on
absenteeism, and we enjoyed doing it.
Well, Frank, I have to give you credit.
You've really pulled it off here.
That equal pay thing, though,
that's got to go.
It's okay as an incentive, but we don't
need to keep priming the pump.
- No, sir. I don't think so.
- I've been talking to Hinkle.
You're my kind of guy, Frank.
Creative, incisive, get the job done.
- Right, sir.
- I want you to come and work with me.
- Excuse me?
I need a man like you, Frank.
A Brazilian operation is
just about to take off.
- Brazil, sir?
- You're gonna love it there.
You'll be doing a big favor to me...
...and the company.
- How could I move to Brazil?
- I mean a leave of absence. Right?
- Anything you say, R.T.
We go upstairs, and we work this out.
I want you on my team.
- I canít tell you how much I appreciate...
That's what it's about. Go where you're
most needed, when you're most needed.
- The jungle...
- I'm giving you the chance of a lifetime.
Two or three years,
you won't wanna leave.
- Two or three years?
- You'll love it down there.
- Mr. Tinsworthy...
Let me tell you one thing.
I ain't the kind of boy
who takes no for an answer.
- Did you see the look on his face?
- I almost felt sorry.
We did it! We actually pulled it off,
and we didn't panic.
- Tinsworthy loved what we did.
- Except that part about the money.
- What are we gonna do?
- We've come this far, haven't we?
- This is the beginning.
- Here's to the beginning.
- I'll drink to that.
- To the beginning!