Voila! Finally, the Noi The Albino
script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Nói albínói movie. This script is a transcript that was painstakingly
transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Noi The Albino. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally
tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to
drop me a line. You won't
hurt my feelings. Honest.
Noi, I think you're going
to be late for school.
Noi, you're going to
be late for school.
Hello.
Kiddi! What are
you doing here?
I've come to raise my son.
- Isn't that a little bit late?
Oh, shut up Mum.
What are you hanging around
for? You're late for school.
I'm coming.
I got this letter from your
headmaster.
He's talking about poor
attendance. Is it true, Noi?
How come YOU got this letter?
Well, maybe because
I'm your father.
You're a bright kid, but you
lack punctuality and discipline.
Now... how is the expression...
Punctuality is the key to
The Temple of Discipline.
The Temple of Discipline
doesn't sound too cosy.
Well, you know what I mean.
Sorry I'm late.
Maybe evening school would suit
you better, Noi?
Or a correspondence
college perhaps?
Is something going on? Yes,
a maths exam is taking place.
Did we forget to send
you an invitation?
Teacher sir? Can you
lend me a pencil?
Here you go.
What's this supposed to mean?
Nothing.
Are you handing it in like
this?
Yes.
And what mark do you think
you'll get for it?
Zero?
No, no, no! You get zero point
five for writing your name!
Really? That's better
than I expected.
I don't serve customers
without a proper greeting
Good afternoon.
Good afternoon.
I'll have a bottle of malt ale.
Listen to this:
Either you get married or
you don't get married,
You will regret both.
Laugh at the stupidity of the world;
You will regret it.
Cry over it; you will also regret it.
Laugh at the stupidity
of the world,
or cry over it;
You will regret both.
Either you laugh at the
stupidity of the world,
or you cry over it;
You will regret both.
Hang yourself; You will regret
it. Don't hang yourself,
You will also regret it.
Hang yourself or don't hang yourself,
You will regret both.
Either you hang yourself or you don't
hang yourself, You will regret both.
This, my dear gentlemen,
is the core of all human wisdom.
What was that?
Some fucking piece of bullshit.
Kierkegaard... = Graveyard... That's
a suiting name for such an idiot.
What are you doing?
No garbage in my store.
I got to get organized.
Give it to me then.
I don't give things away.
Good afternoon.
- Good afternoon.
Are you new
around here?
Yes.
I'll have a bottle
of malt-soda.
Drink it here?
- What?
Do you want to
drink it here?
Would you like me to?
- No. Not specifically.
Then why do you ask?
- Because there are two ways:
Either you drink it here and
return the bottle afterwards,
or you pay extra for the
bottle and take it with you.
Was that the
only reason?
Are you retarded,
or what?
No, just a joke.
Lets get it over with.
God damn it, kid.
Its uncanny how lucky you are.
Have you seen the new girl
at the petrol station?
You leave her alone.
What do you mean?
Iris is my daughter
She needs to take a break
from the crazy city life.
And if you don't leave her alone,
I'll break your neck!
Bonjour. Today I'll teach you
how to make real mayonnaise.
To make mayonnaise you'll need
...an egg... some oil... mustard...
I start by breaking the egg
What is left?
In Icelandic the yoke is red,
in French the yoke is yellow.
Red equals yellow, OK?
Write that down!
This only applies to eggs.
I add the mustard...
Stir, and add
the oil.
I continue stirring.
Never ever switch hands...
Never turn the other way around.
And never ever stop...
- Sorry to bother you,
is Noi here?
Well that is one way
of looking at it.
Noi, can I have one word with you.
Is something wrong?
No, no.
Never ever stop.
Oh no,
unfortunately,
its ruined.
We have a Psychiatrist in the
school for a couple of days
And I think it might be a good idea
to let him take a look at you
What for?
Oh, just a little check:
See if everything is alright.
Why me?
Well, maybe because there have
been a few incidents regarding you
And then its just splendid to use
this opportunity - Here.
Can I refuse?
Don't be silly. He is not going to
hurt you. Just a little chat.
Good afternoon.
Have a seat.
Are we in a
good m_od today?
Yes. Guess so.
I have a few questions for you
Answer according to your
best conscience,
and don't take too
much time to think.
Ready?
Yes.
Do you sometimes dream yourself?
I don't know.
Do you hate animals?
Not at all.
Do you walk around in your sleep?
Not that I know of.
Are you afraid of flying.
I never tried flying.
Do you see yourself as being dirty.
No.
How often do you masturbate?
Is this a part of the test
or just personal interest?
Yes, it is... a part of the test.
How often do you masturbate?
You are answering the questions,
not me.
If you answer me,
I'll answer you.
I'm not here to joke around
if that is what you think.
I am here to help.
Lets just forget about this...
here is an ID test.
I'll be right back.
Elvis!
Get out of the sofa.
Elvis Aaron! Your damn
hair is all over the place!
Sorry about the state I'm in, my boy.
I've got this awful toothache
and I can't even leave the house.
Must be a loose filling, I've never
suffered such pain before.
That's better.
Damnit.
Is it fun at school?
Its alright.
That's good.
Any cute girls at school?
You haven't started
having sex yet?
You're not homosexual, are you?
- Shut up.
Listen,
I'll teach you a trick
that never fails:
You ask the cutest chick: Have
you put on some weight?
I promise you, she won't leave
you alone until you have...
Slept with her.
It never fails!
Just remember to use a condom.
Unwanted children don't let you know
they're coming, you know what I mean.
I think I'll go now. - Really?
Am I being boring?
Drunk.
Sorry Noi. This toothache is just...
- See ya.
I'll phone you next week and
take you out to dinner. Ok?
OK.
Hello. - Hi, Kiddi here. Listen,
I'm in such pain I was wondering
Whether you could cover my shift.
- I don't know.
Please Noi, do it for your old man.
You can get half if you want.
OK.
That's the spirit. Just
remember to b_ careful.
I'll be killed if something
goes wrong.
OK, bye.
I'll have a bottle of malt ale
...I'll drink it here.
Can I have one?
Don't you know how to smoke?
Its no big deal. Try again.
Don't suck like that,
just inhale twice slowly, first into
your mouth, then into your lungs.
Like you were saying "Amen"
while you inhale.
That's better.
Hi.
Good evening.
- Is Dabbi home?
Greetings.
- Hi.
Do you wanna go for a ride?
- I have to do my homework.
Homework? You've got your
whole life to do that.
I don't know.
I think I'll just stay home. - Close
the door! I can feel the draft.
Can I come in, then? There is
something I have to tell you.
Some other time. Dad doesn't
allow guests in the house.
Am I a guest? - Common,
you know how Dad is.
David! Close the door, I say.
See you later, then?
Aron.
- Yes.
Benedikt.
- Yes.
David?
Yes.
Marta.
- Yes.
Marteinn.
- Yes.
Noi?
Not here.
Alfred?
- What?
Noi is sort of here...
Sort of here? Either
you are here or not.
As far as I can see, Noi
is clearly not here.
Olof?
- Yes.
Alfred? He gave me this
substitute. He was very busy
and told me to record
the whole thing.
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!
And now for some exercises you
can easily practice at home...
lift and bend down, lift and...
Last but not least, lets do
the yanka-move...
left, left, right, right,
forward, backwards, forward...
I can't stand it anymore.
I've tried but now I've had enough.
Noi must be expelled.
What is it now?
He's driving me nuts.
- Oh, dear.
He thinks he can skip school by
recording the lessons with this.
Fucking neat gadget, man.
The psychiatrist thinks he
is a wonder kid.
Oh, yeah? Really!?
I can't believe you're
going to take some
smart ass from the
city seriously.
There, there.
What are you going to do?
Shouldn't we wait a while and see
if things don't settle down somehow?
I can't take it anymore. Either
Noi's expelled from this school
_
or I'll resign, immediately.
Liver. Noi,
the liver!
I need to get going.
Going where?
A date.
Fat chance. You aren't going
anywhere until we finished this.
Bring the blood.
Where do you want it?
- Over there.
How about your place?
- No way.
Don't you have a plan then?
Not really. Just to be with you,
I guess.
This cold is killing me.
I know a place where we can go
A party
- Where?
You'll see.
Watch out!
What are you doing?
I'm so cold.
I don't want to be here.
This place is spooky.
Spooky? Its the wildest
party place in town.
Scared?
- Not at all.
Is someone there?
Try to press Iceland.
Its not an option.
There is no Iceland.
Look at Iceland.
Its like a spit.
Want to run away?
Where to?
Press a button.
Always a surprise to see
a white raven
Come with me right away. There's
something we ought to discuss.
Actually, I have a class right now
- That will have to wait.
Please, have a seat.
Things have reached the
point now where
we have no idea what to
do in your case.
You are a notoriously bad student
and what is more:
Your lack of discipline and respect
for this educational institution
is atrocious, and
not the kind of example
your classmates should follow.
I've always liked you, Noi.
I think you have more in you
than your performance shows.
But the last straw
is this tape recorder
showing up in school
instead of you.
What direction do you think
the school would take
If other students behaved like you?
Everybody's trying to help you
But you proudly ignore all signs
leading onto the right path.
I can't see any solution but to expel
you from this school at once.
I am sorry.
I understand you perfectly,
Thorarinn, I may not have fitted...
Noi. Don't.
One final warning?
Too late. The teachers are
threatening to resign.
I can't afford loosing more people.
Please. My Dad will go crazy.
Can't we reach an agreement?
There is no time for
nonsense.
_
Its ridiculous.
Why are you in this school?
Because of your Dad?
THERE ARE NO SONGS IN THIS
BLODDY FUCKING PIANO!!!
What's going on?
There's no music in
that heap of trash.
Should I come back later?
No, no. Take a seat
and be happy.
I can easily come back if
you're in a bad mood.
Sit down, Noi. Talk to me.
Noi,
Don't throw it all
away like I did.
I've been expelled from school.
Don't joke with me, please.
I'm trying to honest for once
so don't joke with me.
I'm not joking. Those jerks
threw me out.
How can you do this to me?
How can you treat me...
Relax. Its not you that got expelled.
Are you mouthing at me,
you fucking creep?
Are you trying to be
a big man in my house?
Submit?
No.
Submit?
Ouch! OK, I submit.
Sorry, Noi.
I just can't stand
this kind of thing.
Lets not think about it,
anymore.
Thorarinn headmaster
has ruined our day
but he is not going to ruin
our evening as well.
Now, lets go out for dinner.
Stand up, Noi.
Why?
Come and give me a hug.
Don't be ridiculous.
Please. Stand up.
Just one little hug.
My dear little boy.
We make quite a team together.
Lets have a drink.
What do you want?
One large beer. - You heard
the gentleman, sir.
Do you have any ID?
Its my son. I'll keep
an eye on him.
I never serve I alcohol to
customers below twenty.
A pleasure seeing men taking
their profession seriously!
Give the boy some lemonade.
And how about a straw, sir?
Yellow straw, please.
Happy family?
How about a song, boys?
Bring out the list.
Number eighteen.
What in the world do you
think you're doing?
Hello?
Is somebody out there?
Noi? What on earth are you
doing on my roof?
Didn't I tell you to keep
your hands off Iris?
Iris is a good girl.
- Yes, yes.
She deserves something better
than a creep with a bloody nose.
Have you been fighting?
- No, just a str_ke of bad luck.
You're a good kid.
But still not exactly a prince
on the white horse.
I mean: What do you plan to be?
A lawyer.
Lawyer?
What's going on?
What are you two laughing at?
What are you doing here?
I should be going.
You can stay here if you want.
Actually, that's out of the question.
Its the middle of night, Dad.
- Its still out of the question.
Why not? There's plenty of room
on the sofa. Come, Noi.
I'll just go home. - No, no,
you can go home tomorrow.
Hello, Gylfi.
How do you do?
Could you please tell
Noi his future.
He has been expelled
from school.
I am afraid he's following
the wrong path.
Actually, I'm retiring from business.
- Oh, I knew I could count on you.
Obviously, he is not
the academic type,
but if you could trace
a business-talent
or craftsmanship,
please let him know.
He needs to be guided
to a straight path.
All right then.
I'll see what I can do.
That's wonderful, Gylfi.
God bless you.
Noi? Wake up!
- Don't.
Get up boy!
Why? - If found a job for you.
What kind of a job?
I've just spoken to the Reverend.
He needs help at the graveyard.
Graveyard. Doing what?
- Whatever drops by.
Drops by, my ass. Tell that
Reverend Nerd to jump up his ass.
I've just used MASSIVE connections
to get us this job, Noi!
Take off you're shoes, Kiddi!
- Oh, shut up, Mom.
Can you hear me?
I'm on the walkie-talkie.
Where?
Noi, I'm on the walkie-talkie
lying on the table.
Noi, over.
Listen, I want you to dig me a grave.
If you move a little to the East.
No, no, no. I said East.
Can you see me? - Sure.
I'm watching you right now.
Why don't you just come down
here and show me then?
I'm too far away. I'm watching
you through binoculars.
Go all the way to the East
of the cemetery, pal.
Where's East?
Don't you know the directions, kid?
Can't you just say right or
left, or hot/cold or something?
Well, you're ice-cold at the moment.
You're getting warmer.
No, no! Now you're below
freezing point!
You are getting warmer again...
No,_no! You are hopeless.
I'm coming over.
Beside that grave is where you
should dig the hole. - How big?
. long, . wide
and metres deep.
Holy cow! Three metres!!
Are you crazy?
Not at all. These are just
government standards.
Its hopeless to dig such
a deep hole in this frost.
Lets make it . then,
but don't tell anybody.
Two metres.
No, no. That would be
a total scandal.
Two twenty.
Two thirty is the absolute
minimum. I can't go beyond that.
OK.
And keep your mouth shut. This
is just between the two of us.
Yes, sir.
Petrol Station, good afternoon.
- Hi, Noi here.
What's up? - Not much.
Just dying of boredom as usual.
Are you coming over?
- I have to go see Gylfi.
Gylfi, who?
The fortune teller.
Gylfithe Fortune Teller?
What for?
My grandmother thinks he can
see some future for me.
Never, ever.
What do you mean?
Come to me instead.
I'll tell you what he sees.
Can you also see peoples fortune?
Of course not.
Its just that all fortune
tellers in the world
always say the same thing.
And what is that?
That in the future they see
a lot of money and
a journey to exotic places,
and a new person, that brings
love and happiness.
Sounds good to me.
Its just what everybody
WANTS to hear, idiot.
Sounds just like reality to me.
What do you mean?
This new person might
as well be you
we've been planning to run
away to exotic places
all we need is a little bit of money
and everything will work out for us.
In your dreams.
Could we speed up a bit?
I'm only on my lunch break.
The cup must dry a little.
Lets have look.
I see changes ahead,
as if...
Excuse me.
Something wrong?
Do you really want to know?
Yes.
There is nothing but imminent
death in this cup.
What kind of a dopehead are you?
Give me all you're money!
Noi? Is this a joke?
Give me the money or else
I'll blow your brains out.
There, there, Noi.
What's going on? - SHUT UP
AND GIVE ME THE MONEY!
You shou_dn't play with firearms,
you should be old enough to know.
Beat it before
I call the police.
I would like to withdraw
all money from account .
Fill out these forms, please.
Lets see. These are very nice
woollen suits. Try them.
Superior quality.
Excellent.
The suits are as good as it gets,
and you fit them perfectly.
Lets go.
Go where?
- Lets run away from it all.
Aren't you coming?
Hurry up.
God damn, lady! You're
starting to getting fat.
Hello.
Hello.
HELLO!
There is someone alive
down here!
Hello, Noi.
It was a great blessing that
you survived the avalanche.
Unfortunately, not everyone was
so lucky.
It is unbelievably painful for me
to inform you that...
Unfortunately, the avalanche took
the lives of your grandmother
and your father.
Now, I don't know where you're
beliefs lies...
But I recommend that we say
the Lords Prayer together.
I don't think I know
the Lords Prayer.
Do you know another prayer?
No.
But its ok.
The number of fatalities in the
avalanche has been confirmed.
Ten people lost their lives.
Their names will be read now.