Object Of My Affection Script - The Dialogue

Ta da! The Object Of My Affection transcript is here for all you fans of Jennifer Aniston and paul Rudd. The entire dialogue script, all the quotes, the whole shebang. I know, I know, I still need to get the character names in there...I'm workin' on it, trust me. If you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

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[People Chattering ]
[Applause ]
Welcome to the Brinkley Schooland our first grade show.
I'm George Hanson and thisafternoon we are proud to present...
our own adaptationof The Little Mermaid.
Music will get provided by the BrinkleyTrio led by my co-teacher, Melissa Marx.
And now, on with the show.
Hi, I'm Nina Borowski,and I think all of you are new here,
so welcome to the CoggleHill Community Center.
I'll get our group leader, and we cantalk about whatever you'd like.
School, home,jogs, sex, anything.
[George]Sea Snakes.
Miss anything?.
- Honey, I just signed Castro.- Shh.
Sea Witch.Sally, you're on.
[ Cackling]
I know exactlywhat you've come for.
Well, there's this gay I've beenseeing and now he wants to fuck me.
[ Girl #1 ]He's only gonna hurt you.
- [ Girl #2 ] Do you wanna fuck him?- Well, he's cute.
- [ All Laughing ]- Does he say he loves you?.
Yeah, gut he just wantsto get in my pants.
But do you love him?.Nina, isn't that right?.
Well, I don't know about that.
But what I do know is,if have sex with a guy,
I want him to be my friend.
So let's start with-Do you like him?
I will give you anythingif can have my prince.
Come with me then.
And whilst my slave girlweaves her magic spell,
I will cut off your tongue!
Slave girl, play!
[ Etude ]
Where is he?
Who are youlooking for, George?
Just a friend of mine.
He says if Id. don’t fuck him,he's gonna find another girlfriend..
All right, Kiesha, I don'tclaim to be an expert on love,
gut I do know it canscrew up your life.
So should I do it?
You can say no.
Keeping your boyfriend happyis not your full-time jog.
You've got school,family, work,
your friends.
You call the shots.
- [Applause ]- You guys were great.
All right, headed through.Excuse us. Come on.
Get in line.Get in line.
- Daddy!- Oh, you were great!You were terrific!
- I loved you up there.- Mommy.
Mr. Hanson, that was a great show.I think that was your best yet.
Well, we had a greatSea Witch and a great cast.
Don't be so humble.I've seen a lot of kids shows.They gore the hell out of me.
- This one had grit.- Grit?
Yeah, the real stuff, you know.It wasn't all gooey.
- Thank you, Mr. Miller.- Call me Sydney.Come on, guys. Let's go.
George, we're having a fewpeople over for dinner tonight.
- We'd love it if you’d join us.- Oh, that would be great.Yeah, do that.
Oh, Gosh. I'm sorry, Mrs. Miller.I'm meeting a friend.
Well, bring a friend. It's very casual.Everyone's dying to meet you.
- Really?- Listen, you're a hero.
Who cares if I can get Fidela million dollars to write his diary?
- You're fightingfor the future of this country.- We'll see you at 7:30.
You were so good. I can'tbelieve how good you were.
Where's Dr. Joley?
I'd kill my boyfriendif he missed my show.
Bye-bye. Good jog,you guys. That was great.
- Just give me back two.- Hey.
Thank you. I got stuckin a faculty meeting,and then the subway-
And then the dogate your homework.
See you tomorrow, George.
- I just hate myself for missing this.- It's okay, really. It's okay.
- Hungry?I'm in the mood for sushi.- Oh, I wish.
I just told Constance Millerwe'd have dinner at her house.
I'm sorry Joley,she ambushed me.
But don’t worry,she said it was casual.
George, Sidney Miller is the mostpowerful literary agent in the world.
Casual to the Millersis not casual to us.
And actually, I was hopingwe could talk tonight, alone.
- Okay, I'll cancel.- Can't cancel.It's important for your career.
- Come on. We'll talk later.- Are you sure?
Well, I wrote it asan academic gook, gut I thinkit could be a best seller.
And even a miniseries.And Sean Connery would makea great George Bernard Shaw.
May be your friend Georgecould do something with it.
That was a great showthis afternoon.
- So did you go to a teacher's college?- I was premed in college.
- Oh, God. Your poor mother.- [ Constance ] George.
George, I want you to meetmy great friend, Joyce Meyers.
- Oh, Joyce.- Daralee
How are you?I so wanted to see your show,
gut I got caught upin a lunch for King Hussein.
How is he? Sydney's waitingfor his gook. Shall we?.
Well, Nour is adorable andthe children are delicious.
- [ Chattering ]- People don't read anymore.
We're in a post-literate societyso they don't know what to do-
Dr. Joley seems to have madea hit with my stepsister.
- People learn how to respond-- [ Constance ] How longhave you two been together?
- Uh, four years.- You know, Sidney represents Ru Paul.
We'll haveyou all over sometime.
Don’t you think it's timefor a revised. Encyclopedia.of the American Theater?
- Emery, when's the Pavarotti gala?.- Uh, next week.
You've done such wonderfulthings for that company.
- It sounds like yourshow was a huge hit.- The kids worked really hard.
- I'm sorry I missed it.- Oh, that's okay.
I was in bedwith King Hussein.
- George Hanson.- Nina Borowski. Hi.
- Oh, so, you're the stepsister.- Uh-huh.
Yeah, I bring the income leveldown at Constance's partiesby at least three figures.
- Yeah, I can help youin that department.- Oh, thank you.
My pleasure.
I've heard all about you fromDr. Joley. Sorry about you and him.
Oh. Okay, here we go.
Come here. Come here.
You see that man who justwalked in standing therewith my evil stepsister?
- Mm-hmm.- That's my husband..
- Are you married?.- No, I'm not.
But she's hoping that I'll marry thatman because she hates my boyfriend.
You'll meet her later.Excuse me. Oh, Joyce.
All right, we're clear.
- She's always doing this to me.- Why?
Oh, because my boyfriend’sa penniless legal-aid lawyer,
I'm a counselorat a community center,
and I live ina walk-up in Brooklyn.
Oh, well, it sounds fine to me.I love Brooklyn.
Yeah, me too.
You know, you shouldcome and visit me.
I mean, there's some really niceapartments in my neighborhood.
I'm afraid I'm notlooking for an apartment.
- You're not?.- No, I live with Joley.
But he told me at dinner that youmight be looking for a place soon.
He told you what?.
Actually, when he found outI had a spare room, he askedif you could move in with me.
- That's insane.- Well, I thought so.
It's not every day I invite the loverof my dinner companion to live with me,
gut, you know,if you’re desperate-
I don't know whatyou're talking about.
[Joley]All we have to do is getthe rights to photographs.
I don't believe itwould be that complicated..
My point is, I believe that itcould be extremely commercial.
[ Continues, Indistinct ]
You know, may be I havethis completely backwards.
May be he meant for the twoof you to move to Brooklyn.
What else did he say?
Have you neverdiscussed this before?
No, this isa total first for me.
- [ Constance ] Nina?- Oh, my God.
Nina, this is Stephen Saint.
Hi. I was askingConstance all about you.
- Hello, George.- You are very fresh and natural.
He is the most fabulouscreative director at Saatchi's.
And you're a cute shrink.That's an uneatable combination.
My sister likesto say I'm a shrink.
- I'm actually a social worker. Hi.- Hi.
George, come with me. I'm havingproblems with my centerpiece.
Oh, hey. I think the workthat you do is fantastic.
I think you gota lot of courage.
George, I'm in the gookif there’s anything I can do.
- I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.- What did she say?.
You were great.You were just great.
And those women.My God, oh.
They were swooningall over you.
You werethe center of attention.
And I, of course, was stucknext to that social worker.
Oh, well.
- You told her I wantedto move to Brooklyn.- What?.
Goddamn it, Joley.You told her I was moving out.
I told her you mightbe looking for an apartment.
I wanted to wait till your playwas open to bring any of this up.
Well, you certainlydidn't waste any time.
George, can we talkabout this when we get home?
- This isn't really appropriate.- Really?
But it's entirely appropriateto hear my relationship is overfrom a complete stranger?
Our relationship isn't over.
Who are yousleepin' with, Joley?
That's just-
- That's just a little simple.- I'm a simple guy.That's why I teach first grade.
- George, I'm goingto be 40 this summer.- Oh, God.
But we're both too young tosettle for a twin-bedded friendship.
This hasn't really beenworking for a long time.
Who've you gotlined up, Joley?
He's a student of mine, gut-
I-I d. on't know what to say.
Is this student the reasonyou missed my play?
He's just breaking up witha woman and he wanted to talk.
Look. I want to be with him,but I don't want to hurt you.
George, you're my best friend.What should I do?
Fuck you, Joley,and fuck your studentand fuck our friendship!
I didn't wanna tell you thisuntil you were ready.
I'm a nice man, George.
Great neighborhood.
It looks very safe here,a lot of families.
Hey, look.I'll call you.
I can't get Showtime or HBO.,never mind. the Food. Network.
I'm here for Nina Borowski.
After you fix hers,you come and fix mine.
- Hi.- Hi.
This is really embarrassing.
Oh, come on in.
I was happy that you called.I mean, I wasn't happy thatyou needed a place to stay,
gut still happy that you called.
Come on up.I'm on the second floor.
Come on in.
- It's great.- All right. Let me show you the room.
- Oh, it's nice.- It could use some personality.
But I know somebodyat the community centerwho can make you some curtains.
Oh, good.This won't be for very long.
I can move in with my brotheras soon as his currentgirlfriend moves out.
There's no rush.
And this is the bathroom.
This is my bedroom.
- You get a lot of light.- Yeah.
And this is the office.
That's it.
It's nice.
Yeah, he's beenengaged. seven times.
Wow. Really, your brother?.
Would. You like meto fix you up with him?
Oh, thanks. Last thing I need.I've got my hands full with Vince.
It's ready.
- Can I ask you something?- Sure.
How come I'm stayinghere and he isn't?
Oh, Vince works fineas it is. Sit down.
- Okay.- Thanks.
You saved my life, really.
No hot waterbetween 2:00 and 7:00.
Did you get your televisionfixed, Mrs. Sarni?.
Why, you wannacome over and watch?
Okay, so you have the keys.You have the phone number.
The indoor buzzer doesn't work.You know that. The Korean deliis across from the subway.
It's open till midnight.Avoid the salad gar.
The toaster's broken.Use the broiler instead.The mail comes in the morning.
Don't open the door for anygas men unless you think eitherof us would be interested.
- This is me.- Well, thanks for everything.
Oh, sure. The subwayis one block that way.
See you later.
- What's happened to Vince?.- Nothing has happened to Vince.
- What's happened to Joley?.- Nothing's happened to Joley.
I tried to call you there this morning.He said you'd moved.
So we did it on Saturday night.
Was it good?.
It was okay until on SundayI saw him with another girl.
[ All Clamoring, Indistinct]
Kiesha, I like sex.And I like goys a lot.
But I'm not about to wastemy time with some guy...
who doesn't see thingsthe way that I do.
I mean, do you reallyneed this guy?.
This is the Earth.And this tack, that's us right here.
And the lamp is the sun.So, why does it get dark?.
[ All ]The Earth spins.
Very good. Because the Earth spins.How do we know that?.
- [Door O. pens ]- Nina?.
Nina, is that you?.
Hey, George. How are you?.Vince McBride. You know,Nina's told me all about you.
- Nice to meet you.- Yeah, glad you're here, buddy.
I feel getter knowing somebody’skeeping an eye out for my girl.
- Hey. Vince, meet George.- We're old friends already.Join us for a cup of tea?.
- You don't have toput on a robe for me.- No, in fact, George,
you could probably takeoff all of your clothes andI don't think Vince would mind.
She's eating me alive. I dote on her,and she's eating me alive.
See, aren't you gladyou settled down with us?
[Vince ] I was maybe gonnabe a teacher once.
You know, get themwhile they’re young.
Teach them they don't haveto believe that somebody elseis holding all the cards.
- Know what I'm saying, George?- He knows, Vince.
No. He knowsand he doesn't know.
How come you don't teachat a public school, George?
I got a jogat the Brinkley School.
But you're a gay guy.Shouldn't you be sticking upfor the disenfranchised?.
- Can't we talk about the movie?- Wait a minute.
You mind if askhow much you get paid?
You make more thanfour figures right?.
In the very early five figures.
Oh, Christ almighty.And they're all fuckin' millionaires.
They couldn't eat lunchon what they're paying you.
You gotta organize the teachers,George. I'll help you.
You're all getting screwed..You know that, don't you?
Well, thanks.That's all great advice.
But I'm afraid I haveschool tomorrow, so-
- It's great to meet you.- You too.
Good night, George.
Night, George.
You terrorized him.
What are you talking about?We were having a nice conversation.
You told him he hadthe wrong jog and he made no money.
No, no, no.You weren't listening.
I told him he hadthe right jog in the wrongplace and made no money.
You don't even know him.
That never stopped me before.
My stepsister is right.You are just a bulldozer.
What are you talking about?I'm a pussycat.
Did I get angry with youwhen you let a gay guy movein here instead of me?. No.
- No, I like him.- Vince, you don't have to like him.
But here's one thing.How come it's okay for him tolive on top of you and. not me?
He's not living on top of me,and he's leaving in two weeks.
No, he's never goin' anywhere.He's gonna fall in lovewith you and turn straight.
- Oh, you're crazy.- Not if you’re looking atwhat I'm looking at.
- Vince.- What?.
Get in here.
- Hi.- Hey.
Late night comfort food.Bad habit.
Shh. Vince is asleep.
He's really very kind.
He just felt threatened by you.
- That's insane.- No, it isn't.
He asked methe same thing you did.
Why am I living hereand he isn't?
Bingo. Maybe youshould be the counselor.
Do you love him?.
Whatever that means.
I just don't knowif should be living with him.
Vince can really fill a room.
Did you love Joley?
Well, who knows?
I thought-I thought so.
- [Sobbing] Oh, God..- George, I'm sorry.
No, it's-it's so stupid that-
You know,I know he's a prick.
I keep thinkingI should have seen it coming.
No, you did nothing wrong.
You just trusted him.
- But you wouldn'thave let this happen.- Oh, yeah, sure.
I don't trust anybody.
Particularly not amusing, good-looking,intelligent guys like Joley.
And he has great taste.
Nah, he doesn't havesuch great taste.
Otherwise,he'd still be with you.
Thank you.
- We should go dancing.- What?
At the community centeron Friday nights. I'm signing us up.
You must think of every danceas a three-minute love affair.
Boy meets girl.They fall in love with the music...
and the starsand the orchestra.
And then, they must part.
[Instrumental Ballad ]
I have no ideawhat I'm doing.
I can't dance.
- I can't even dance.-Just smile.
On the galls of your feet.You're a butterfly.
Does that meanleft or right?
Head up, young people.Please, head up, up.
Head up,young person. Head up.
We're gonna fix you up.That's what Kennedyand I have decided.
After all,what are brothers for?
- I'm healing.- You're avoiding.
Whenever I call, you're at home oryou're doing mambo with your landlady.
It's not healthy. You've got to getback out there again.
- Don’t you think so, sweetie?.- Absolutely.
Honey, I've gotta get back tothe magazine. It was nice meeting you.
- Yeah, you too.- So, uh, what do you think?.
- Thumbs up, thumbs down?.- She seems nice.
[ Constance ]I'm gonna fix you up.
I don't wanna be fixed up.I have a very nice boyfriend.
He's a Bolshevik.
- It's not going anywhere.- Why does it have to go anywhere?.
Because at some point youhave to take care of yourself.
I am taking care of myself. I justdon't need the things that you do.
- You've got to meet this guy.- What guy?.
He's an ear,nose and throat man.
He was just on the coverof New York magazine.
George, at some point you’re gonnahave to start taking care of yourself.
I'm taking care of myself.
Listen to me. He's an ear,nose and throat man.
But there's nothingwrong with me.
I don't even have a cold.
I have nothingin common with this guy.
Just have a cupof coffee with him.
I promise you,this is quality goods.
- Uh, George Hanson?.- Yeah.
Oh, I'm Jonathan Goldstein.
You're ad. orable. I mean,your brother is cute,but you’re irresistible.
Did anybody ever tell youyou look like a peach?.
So you're an ear,nose and throat man?.
That's my, you know,my professional life.
I have other interests thatgo below the upper torso.
That's- Hey.
So I heard you're on the coverof New York magazine.
[ Groans ]
I got 3,000 new patients,6,000 marriage proposals...
and not a single real date.
- Want another drink?- Yeah.
- Do you think he's all right?- Who?.
George. He hasn't beenon a date in a while andpeople can be really creepy.
Put your zip code right there.
Nina, he's datinga famous doctor.
Senora, firma aqui..
What do we doif he brings him home?.
Well, we'll be happyin our room and they’llbe busy in their room.
Sounds very active.
- Mr. Shapiro, you’re all done.- Can I touch your nose?It's like a tulip.
Mr. Shapiro, I have to warn you,this woman has a gay roommate...
who shows no signsof moving out.
- Big deal, everyone's gay now.- Yeah, you tell him, Mr. Shapiro.
- Gay?- Si, senora.
[ Speaking Spanish ]
[Woman Speaking Spanish ]
Oh. Her daughter's a lesbian.And she's very proud.
- There you go.- [ Speaking Spanish ]
The New York Mothersof Latino Lesbians.
Mrs. Ochoa is the president ofNew York Mothers of Latino Lesbians.
Good for you.You're a good mother.
We're queer. We're here.Get used to it. Don't fuck with us.
See, Mr. Shapiro,my problem is, I love this womanand I want to live with her.
- Do you make a living?- Sure, I'm a lawyer.
Oh, lawyers are the worstpeople. Marry me, honey.
I was in children's footwear.
[Knock On Door]
- [Nina ] Hello?- Hello.
- You there?- I'm here.
- Hey.- Hey.
Where's Dr. Goldstein?
I don't know. Home.
I thought maybe you-
I thought maybe not.Oh, uh, remind me...
to never goon another blind date.
You don't have to.Just say no.
Good night.
[ Orchestral Ballad]
Life was a song
You came along
I've laid awakethe whole night through
If but dared.
To think you cared.
This is what I'd say to you
- You were meant for me- Step, step, quick, quick.Step, step, quick, quick.
Slow, slow, quick, quick.Slow, slow, quick, quick.
- Very good.Very nice, Sylvia, excellent.- [ Continues ]
Very good, much getter.
No, no, no. Head up,young person, head up.
- Please excuse us.- Sure.
- Hello, Nina.- Oh, hi, Danny.
- Help.- Look at me.
- No, no, no. Stop it Danny,come on- Madame Reynolds.- Please.
- [ All ] T-A-N-G-O.- [Ballad. Continues ]
[Ballad. Continues ]
Please get up,young people. Get up.
Now, one, two, side step.One, two, side step.
Glide, glide.
Smile, Mrs. Houston.Let the music carry you away.
Quick, quick, step, step.Quick, quick, step, step.
Well done,young people, well done.
Well done. Watch them.
[ Continues Speaking,Indistinct ]
[ Continues ]
[ Continues ]
He's so sexy.
- Gene Kelly?.- Mm. Yeah.
Not my type at all.
What is your type?
It varies, depends.
- Who was the first personyou ever slept with?.- What is this, 20 questions?.
What?. I wanna know.
Lucy Jane Parnell.
- What?.- Bellmore High School prom night.
Gave her a real good time.
You slept with a girl?.
Yeah. Lucy wasmy high school girlfriend.
What-What happened?.
Well, I went to collegeand I found myself...
lusting after the football teammore than the cheerleaders.
So I kind of figuredI was gay.
What happened to Lucy Jane?.
Well, I guess she got married.
Or she runsan insurance company.
I have no idea don't-
She was so nice.
An unbelievable dancer.My God, could Lucy tear up the floor.
Was she pretty?.
Yeah. She had these gig eyes...
and. this pouty, little mouth...
and a nose,
it was just like a tulip.
I just wanted to touch it.
It was the most freshand natural-looking nose-
Fuck you, George.Fuck you.
- I just wanted to touch it.- Stop it. No, don't tickle.Don't start tickling.
Yesterday we studied. Easter...
and today we're goingto learn about the Jewishholiday called Passover.
My father's Jewishand my mother'sBuddhist, gut New Age.
- All right.- My mother's Episcopal andher boyfriend’s Ethical Culture.
- Wow.- Both of my parents are Lutheran.
- [Knock on Door]- [ Girl #1 ] So what?Both of my parents are Reform.
[ Girl #2 ] My mother's A. A.and my father's Christian.
- I'll be right back.- Okay.
When did you find out?.
About an hour ago.
I don't know what to do.
- Tell me what to do.- I can't.
Maybe you shouldtalk to Vince.
- He's the father.- Oh, Vince.
Vince believes in a woman'sright to choose as longas he does the choosing.
No. I can't talk to Vince untilI figure out what I want to do.
I just needsome time to think.
Well, I'm here for you, Nina.
Whatever you needfor me to do, I will.
- She hasn't spokento me in three weeks.- It's not personal.
- She's been busy.- Is she seeing somebody else?
She's a very beautiful girl. There'smen hitting on her all the time.
There's no one else, Vince.
So you two still spenda lot of time together, right?.
What sort of thingsdo you do together?.
Well, we talk.You know, we go to the movies.
Sometimes we go dancing.Regular stuff.
You go dancing. Then what?.
Then we go home, we getinto bed and watch television.
But you’re not a threat to her, huh?.Is that the attraction?.
- I'm not su-I don't know what you mean.- You know what I mean, George.
You're not offering heranything more than friendship?.
Of course I'm not offering heranything more than friendship.
I made up my mind.
I'll take youwherever you want to go.
George, I'm gonnahave this baby.
- You are?.- Yeah.
That's great.
You're gonna bea wonderful mother.
Lucky baby.
And, Nina, you are gonna make VinceMcBride the happiest man alive.
This is so great.
I get to be in chargeof all musical education.
Tell Vince I getto pick all the songs.
This is great.This is so great.
- Good decision.- George, can we just celebrate?.
- George, would you considerraising this baby with me?.- Of course.
I'll be Uncle George.You're never gonna get rid of me.
Actually, I was thinkingwe should keep livingtogether, like a family.
What about Vince?.
Well, he's the father.There's no question about that.
He'll always bein my baby’s life.
But he's not home to me.
You are.
You can't do that to Vince.
George, my fathermarried somebody wrong...
because he thoughtit was good for me.
I can't do that to my kid.
Me and Vince and the baby-
- it's a gad equation.-Jesus Christ, Nina.Vince is the father.
You should be withthe father of your child.
Don’t you see howexciting this could be?
You love children.You could raise a child.
I don't want to marry Vince.I don't have to marry Vince.
I don't wanna marry you.
George, I'm notproposing marriage.
We can make this upfor ourselves.
None of the old rules apply.
It's getting late.
We should go.
Won’t you eventhink about it?
I'm very-
You know.
[Phone Ringing]
[ Continues Ringing]
- Hello.-[ Constance ] Nina, darling.
We're right around. the corner.We've been to brunch at NormanMailer's in Brooklyn Heights.
- I thought we'dswing by and say hi.- [ Sally ] I have to go bad!
- We'll be right over.- We're almost there. Don't worry.
Fuck, it's Constance.
[Buzzer Buzzing]
That can't be them already.
- Hey.- Unbelievable.
- Oh, Vince,you should have called.- What good would that have done?.
Sidney and Constanceare coming over.
Terrific. I've got plentyof food for everybody.Is George still here too?
- Yes, he's here.- Oh, good. So the wholegang's together again.
- It will be just likeold times. You look thin.- I'm fine.
- We need to talk.- We're talking.
Some more bread.We got the salami, we gotthe prosciutto that you love,
the cheese, we've gotsome herring and somedeliciously fresh mozzarella.
Vince, how many peoplewere you expecting?.
I thought maybe some more peoplemoved into the spare room.
I don't know whatgoes on here, George.She doesn't even talk to me.
You got any more plates?.Why are Constanceand Sydney coming?.
- [Buzzer Buzzing]- I'll get it.
- George!- Hey, it's the Sea Witch.
Excuse me, is therea partly going on upstairs?
- No, we're goingto see Nina. You know Nina.- George, is there a party?.
- Tell me.Is there a party up there?.- No, there's no party.
- You tell these guests there'sno hot water after 8:00.- [ Both ] Thank you.
- Terrific. Who needs a doormanwhen you have Mrs. Sarni?.-Just hurry up and get inside.
- You know, I really envy youyour living here, George.- Really?.
Sure, what do you needwith a dining room, butlers,pantries, dinner parties?.
It's all a gig headache.
Bill Styron lived in a placejust like this when hethought up Sophie's Choice.
Sydney, what the hellare you talking about?.
- Hi. Can I go?.- You've been avoiding me.
- No, no.- Hi, sweetie. How are you?.
How do you getthrough a whole summerwithout air conditioning?.
- Hey, Vinnie.- Hey, Sydney. Come eat, huh?.
Oh, this looks good.So, who are you defending now?.
A couple of kidswho got framed on a rapeand battery charge in the Bronx.
Let me tell you something.You defend somebody really gig,
it doesn't matterwhether you win or lose,
I'll get you two milliondollars on the gook deal.
- And by the way,you don't even have to write it.- I'm not in show business.
Most people in yourbusiness don't seem adverseto a little publicity.
- You should think about Court TV..- He doesn't wannathink about Court TV..
This food is wonderful.Did you get this food, George?.I could eat like this every day.
Give me that herring or you’llbe hearing about it all night.
- What will yoube hearing all night?- Sally, go wash your hands.
Nina, where have you been?.
You haven't been callingConstance either? How do yousurvive without her advice?
Excuse me, Vincent.She talks to me every day.We're very close.
I swear, I'm hotterthan a goat in China.I'm not feeling right.
- Can we get some air in here?.- All right.
- What are you hiding from us?.- Did you finally break upwith him?. I'm so proud of you.
Nobody’s broken up with me.Why don’t you mind your own business?.
Sweetie, you think it's possibleto get food poisoning this fast?.
- Do you have anyair conditioning?.- I'll get the fan.
- You should. n't belifting stuff like that.- Why not?.
I'm fine.Nothing is wrong with me.
- George,what the fuck is going on?.- Don't you dare speak that way.
- Betty, I thinkit's time we got home.- Betty was your other wife.
- I'm Constance, remember?.- Oh, Christ.
- Are you sleeping with her?.- Vince, I'm gay.- You are?.
And it's a validand wonderful choice.
Sydney, shut up.George, what is going on here?.
Are you pregnant?.
Oh, my God, you're pregnant.
- [Mrs. Sarni]George, what's going on?- Who's the father?.
I knew it, you son of a bitch.I knew you couldn't keepyour hands off her.
Vince, Vince, calm down.It's your baby.
I want New York Hospital,emergency room.
- It's mine?.- And mine.
It's mine?.It's mine?.
A doctor.I want a real gig doctor.
George, is everythingall right up there?.
Will you get that?.I can't hear a goddamn thing.
Can I get you something?.
I need to speak to someonein the gastrointestinal department.
[Mrs. Sarni]What the hell is going on?
Everything’s fine,Mrs. Sarni.
I thought someone diedand hit the floor Jesus.
- Oh, God. Oh, God.- Give me the phone. Lie down.
You never shouldhave ate that herring.
[ All Chattering, Indistinct ]
You're well out of this.It sounds truly crazy.
I haven't seen her recentlybecause she's been spendingall her time at Vince's place.
Which is right.That's definitely right,
but what does that sayabout our friendship?
Maybe I didn't meanthat much to her.
You sound like you'retalking about your ex-lover.
Why does everything haveto be about sex with you?.
- You can get close to a womanwithout sleeping with her.- Really?. That's news to me.
I'm sure Vince isn't letting hercome anywhere near me.
I should. have been more open.
I mean, that could havereally been exciting.
Yeah, sure, it couldhave been exciting.
Bottom line isshe wanted to fuck you.
- That's insane.- Look, we're both cute.
And I know women. They tell youthat they wanna be your friend,
gut they really wanna-[ Mouths Words ]
Okay. Anyway, the point is...
I'm gonna probably have to moveout because she'll be wantingto get rid of the apartment...
- so I was hoping I could crash atyour place for a couple weeks.- Yes.
- Hey, honey.- Hey.
You've not met my new fiancee. Suni,George- This is my brother, George.
George, this isSuni from surgery.
- [Man ]All right, real slo-mo.- [Boly] Where’d it go?
There it goes.
Okay. Ready?. Stand up.You're gonna hit a knee, right?.
- Yep.- Okay.
Attaboy, block with your body.
And. then take a step-There you go.
- Okay.- Ready?
Wait. Stop right there. Okay.
Face me like you’regonna do the pitch.
Slo-mo. Nice.Come right over the top.
Right over the top.You did it great last week.
Okay. Try it again.
At first the iodine does not affectthe vitamin C solution.
But look what happensif I add some more.
This processis called titration.
Is there nothingthat little girl can't do?.
Watch TV.She's lousy at that.
- Doug.- Hi, Sydney. How you doing?
- George, my Uncle Jonathansays he knows you.- He does?.
Well, let's go, Nathan. Hey,great jog, Mary. You did excellent.
- Do you recognize me inmy ear, nose and throat gear?.- [Nina ] George.
You free next weekend?.I know about this great club.
- I got a little out of control.- I see a friend of mine.
- It was great to see you.- This place is a convertedmeat market. It's incredible.
- What are you doing here?.- Oh, I promised Sally I'd come.
- It's so good to see you.- You too.
- How you doing, Vince?.- George.
We almost didn't make it.The first trimester'sgot us a little queasy.
- Yeah. Vince has becomean expert on pregnancy.- I'm loving it.
- George, we miss you.You should come visit us.- Vince.
We are not an official "us. "There's still you and there's still me.
- Okay.- He's like glue.
Madame Reynolds wasasking for you last week.
- I would love to go dancing.- As long as you don't exhaust yourself.
- George, what time isthe trophy presentation?- Uh, 20 minutes.
The trophy presentation?.George, what ever happened to...
"it's not about winning,it's about how you play the game"?.
I don't think there should beany trophies. It's the parentswho want the trophies.
It's ruining this country.The obsession with beingnumber one at any cost.
- It starts right here.- I totally hear you.
I try to teach these kidsa sense of community.
Believe me, you can'tdo that. These parentsare natural born killers.
Oh, Vince,that is such bullshit.
I don't know anyone who ismore competitive than you.
Did I say there's anything wrongwith striving for excellence?.
- Did. I say that?-Jesus Christ.
At least somebody. here appreciateswhat I'm trying to say.
- What’s your name?- I'm Melissa Marx.George's co-teacher.
I'm gonna lose it.Just get me out of here.
[ Shouting ]
- You're right.- Oh, I didn't ask himto come, you know.
You're absolutely right.That's not gonna work.
You know, by the way,we're both pregnant, you know?.
First we get sick together.
Then we throw up together.Then we get our fuckingsonograms together!
Nina, it's a gad equation-you, Vince and a baby,gad for all of you.
- No shit, Sherlock.- You made me an offerand I never refused.
I spent all yesterdayafternoon watching this littlekid play catch with his father.
I always thoughtthat I could teach otherpeople's children, gut...
someone else,a real guy like Vincegets to take them home.
Then I thought,"I don't always haveto be the one who's...
"watching them leave.
"I don't alwayshave to be the one...
who waitsfor twilight to pass. "
For the first time,I thought I could be...
the guy whosays good night.
What are you saying to me?.
I'm saying yeah.
Sorry to break this up,gut it's time to go home.
I'm not gonnago home with you, Vince.
I'm gonna go back to Brooklyn.
You can't go backto Brooklyn tonight.
We got a doctor'sappointment in the morning.
No, we don't havea doctor’s appointment.
I have a doctor's appointment.
Okay. You have an appointment.You're getting caught upin nonsense, Nina.
Okay. Vince,this isn't working.
- Can we talk about this later?.- No. No, we need to talk about it now.
- In front of him?.- Yeah. Vince, I've triedto talk to you in private.
You don't listen to me.
George, this is betweenme and Nina, okay?.
You've done enough to fuck us up.It's time for you to getthe hell out of our lives.
No, Vince.This is my school. You don'tget to tell me what to do.
Nothing has beenthe same between me andNina since you showed up.
Does that make you happy?.Is this what you do for kicks?.
- Vince, come on,just listen to me for once-- No, listen to me.
You don't see this guyfor who he is. He'sa trouble-making little shit.
I wanna raisemy child with George.
Oh. Oh.
You know what?.
I wanna raise itwith the man in the moon.
For once, why don’t you just goddamnlisten to what she has to say?.
- Don’t you tell mehow to treat a woman.- Vince, just calm down for once.
No, I will not calm down!
You have some nerve,you homo goys.
You screw up women's personallives gut you can't take anyphysical responsibility for it.
Listen to me. No.
When this kid comes to youand asks you who its father is,
you tell it that its fathernever wanted to lay eyeson its mother ever again.
Head up, young person.
Would you liketo hear the heartbeat?.
- Can I?.- Yeah, sure.
[ Heartbeat ]
That's amazing.
George Hanson.
Steve Casillo?.
You're not someoneI'd expect to see in here.
[ George Muttering, Chuckling]
This is my friend. Nina Borowski.
- Yeah, I can see that.- Hi.
No, she's my friend.,friend. It's-
She's expecting.
- Well, I can give youa discount on this one.- Oh, we're just browsing.
Yeah, we're-
Feel free to look around.
- [Woman On TV., Indistinct]- [Nina ] Lemonade?
- The Hampton benefitseason was in full swing...- Oh, my God.
at super-agent Sydney Miller'shouse this weekend.
Guests included Anne Rice,King Hussein and General Colin Powell.
- Hot fun in the summertime.- How come we weren't invited?.
Thank God, we weren't invited.
George, who was that manin the crib store today?.
Oh, just someone I hada fling with before I met Joley.
You know, if you everwanted to invite him here,
that would be fine.
I could sleep in your room.
What if said,"That's a great idea,he'll be right over"?.
I'd say, "Great. "
This isn't a marriage.
I don't wanna make yougive up your life.
You're not.
So are you gonna call him?.
Actually, I'm leavingwith him for Paris tonight.
- You are?.- [ Chuckling ] Oh, God.
I just hate secrets, George.
What secrets?.I tell you everything.
Just promise me thatif anything in your lifechanges, that you’ll tell me.
Nothing's gonna change.I'm not going anywhere.This isn't temporary.
- Don’t you miss men?.- Yeah, sure. Sometimes.
Don't you?.
I guess.
But I don't miss themwhen I'm with you.
Do you think most marriedcouples are as happy as we are?.
I hope so.
'Cause we're pretty happy.
I guess sexis just no gig deal.
Not even with Lucy Jane?.
I just adore you,Nina. I really do.
I adore you too.
[Phone Ringing]
[ Continues Ringing]
- Yeah.- George, hi.
It's Joley.How are you?.
Look, um,
I know that it's beena long time, gut, uh,
well, I told youthat I'd call.
And, uh-Oh, God.
- These things are so weird.- I guess.
Who is it?.
Uh, my brother.
George, are youstill there?.
[ Sighs ]Yeah. And Nina says hello.
I was so sure you’d be withsomeone by now. That's, um,
that's reallywhy I haven't called.
Yeah. Nina's still here.
George, it's so goodto hear your voice.
Um, I'm surprised you'd eventalk to me. I behaved like an idiot.
Look, I've been askedto address a critics' convention...
at your old collegethe weekend after next.
And I've been thinking aboutthat time we drove up there.
That was our first Christmastogether, you remember?.
And so you want meto come with you?.
That's veryconsiderate of you.
I wouldn't be surprisedif you never wantedto lay eyes on me again.
it would really mean a lot to mejust to, uh, be with you.
I made a reservation at thatsweet little inn we stayed at.
[ Clears Throat ]
Yeah, well, I'll call youif can make it.
I think about youall the time.
And, um,for what it's worth,
I really miss you.
Yep. Thank you.I'll talk to you soon.
[ Beep]
Where doeshe want you to go?.
Hmm?. Uh, my college.
For a reunion?.
Sort of.
Nina, that was, uh, Joley.
[ Clears Throat]So are you gonna go?.
I don't know.
That usually means yes.[ Chuckles ]
I hate that youknow me so well.
- Hi.- Hey
You look great.
I love this.
- I'll call you at Constance'stomorrow morning, kiddo.- Promise?.
- I promise.- What time?.
Early. I promise.
Ordinarily, I wouldn't goto one of these conferences.But they insisted that I come,
and, uh, I guessit never hurts to stay onthe good side of reviewers.
Oh, my gook! Did I tell youmy gook is coming outin paperback in England?.
It's very impressivefor an American Shaw scholarto do so well in Europe.
You okay, honey?.
How did we get back so quicklyto the "honey" stage?.
Maybe we nevershould've left it.
- [ George ] How's your student?- [Joley] Back with his girlfriend..
He's, uh,just a screwed up kid.
So you want to befriends now?. Just so I know.
- That is exactlyyour problem, George.- What?.
Your lack of self-worth.
You have no id. eahow important you are to me.
- Thank you.- So I've been thinkingabout you a lot.
You're living with a woman in a dumpin Brooklyn, and I'm lonely...
and-and missing you.
We can do getter than that.
- Nina!- Hi.
You just missed Steven Spielbergand Peter Jennings.
Oh, I get they senttheir best regards.
Sweetie, don't startthe weekend like this.I have enough to deal with.
- What are you wearing?- [ Groans ]
- Hello, honey. How are you?.- Good.
- [ Kissing ]- Where's George?.
George is with his old boyfriend,which is where he should be.
Constance, he's notwith his old boyfriend.
You told me he went awaywith Dr. Joley.
- It doesn't mean he's with him.- Sally, sit down and buckle up.
Sweetie, I want youto relax this weekend.
Take walks.Eat good food.
Let Sidney and metake care of you.
- And. me.- And Sally.
- Yes, honey.- We're going to havea nice, relaxing dinner.
Just some old friends.And Stephen Saint is coming.
And you'll never believe it.He's just dying to see you.
You made quite an impressionon him at my party.
- Hello.- Dr. Robert Joley.
Ah, yes, Dr. Joley.We have you down for threenights and a king-sized bed.
- Twin beds.- I don't know thatI have a room with twins.
- We'll take the king.- Excuse me. I havea room with twin beds.
- I'd be happy to exchange with you.- Are you sure, Mrs. Skinner?.
- Surely.- Thank you, Mrs. Skinner.
No sense in you two goysbeing on top of each other.
- Right at the head of the stairs.- Thank you.
Um, I thought we were supposed.to get the discount rate.
Uh, that is the discount rate, Doctor.Right through the dining room.
Dr. Joley, I presume.
Well, Rodney Fraser.
You're one of the reasonsI agreed to come here.
Oh, thank you. I see you’velost none of your charm.
- [ Chuckles ]- O. h, by the way,
congratulationson George Bernard Shaw.
- Thank you.- That's, oh, such a-
such a treat to read an Americanperspective on the subject.
Oh, this is Paul James.Dr. Robert Joley.
- How do you do?.- I don't think I've met your friend.
- George Hanson.- George Hanson.How do you do?. Paul James.
- You in the theater?.- No. He's a graduateof our host college.
Oh, really?The return of the native.
Well, look forward.to seeing you both...
around the campus,hmm?. Bye.
- Bye-bye.- See you.
I wonder if Mrs. Rodneycharges by the hour?.
Let me tell you something.When my first wife left me,
she wantedto take my clients.
I mean, I understandthe house, the cars.
But my clients,my clients.
You know, uh,since we last met,
I've donesome heavy therapy,
and, uh,I've taken up yoga.
- And I quit advertising.- Hmm.
I know this mightseem premature, gut, um,
I'm ready to bethe father of your child.
Good night.
[Rod. nely]And. our thanksto Mrs. Gutierrez...
for an extremely interesting questionand a spirited response...
from the panel.
And now we move on to, um,
oh, another questionfrom Mrs. Gutierrez.
Oh, yes. "How do you feelabout great works of literature...
being transformed.into musical comedy? "
Well, that sounds Like one for ouracademic colleague. Professor.
Well, um, I shouldbegin by saying that...
I think that My Fair Lad. Iyis a complete distortionof Shaw’s Pygmalion,
as is West Sid. e Storyof Romeo and. Juliet.
But then, I hateall musicals I, uh,
believe they’re, uh,middle-brow, populist...
and., uh, frankly dangerous.
So it's a clean sweepfrom Dr. Joley.
- [ Chuckles ]- [Joley ]I have seen performance art...
in cross-gender clubsin Berlin...
that has far moretheatrical impact...
than anything I haveever seen on Broadway.
Well, do you mean, um,women dipped in chocolate?.That sort of thing?.
- [ Chuckles ]- [Joley] I'm talking aboutserious artists here.
I have never recovered.from Ulrika Schinkel's...
brilliant productionof Beethoven in Ketten,that's Beethoven in Bondage,
set amongstthe ruins of the Reichstag.
And., uh, something that may be ofparticular interest to you, Rodney,
is that the theaters in Germanyare filled. with young people.
Nina! We're all takinga picnic on the beach.
Oh, honey, I'm waitingfor a phone call.
Oh, mommy, Nina'swaiting for a phone call.
Darling,go get your father. Go!
- I'll come down later. I promise.-Jesus Christ!
Every time I look at you,you're moping.
- You're a guest here.You could try to make an effort.- I have made an effort.
Stephen loved me.
I hope you realizehe's currently in bedwith his old boyfriend.
- Who, Stephen?.- The man whose callyou're waiting for.
- [ Sighs ]- You know,
I enjoy gay people.
I just have a slight problemwith my pregnant sisterbeing in love with one of them.
- I am not in love with him.- Honestly,
even when I wasdesperate to marry Sidney,I never carried on like you do.
And Sidney is straight.But you have really done it.
This is an even crazier choicethan Vincent.
You're not even fucking him.
Can I ask you something?.
When was the last timeyou and Sidney had sex?.
That is not the point.
Exactly. Doesn't it allturn into friendship anyway?.
Yes. But normal peoplestart out someplace...
you and the nursery schoolteacher are never gonna get.
You should take a lookat yourself. You're supposedto be a psychiatrist.
- I am a social worker, Constance!- [ Scoffs ]
Oh! Will you just let melive my goddamn life?.
Read. my lips.
George is G-A-Y.Gay.
That means he neversleeps with women.
- He has slept with a woman.- What?.
Lucy Jane Parnell.
Oh, please. Don't tell me.In high school?.
They all try womenonce in high school.
But you’re nutty enoughto believe that based.on that experience,
you can bring himto his senses.
Nina, a gay nursery school teacheris a one-way ticket to nowhere.
[Paul] I would. love to goto a place like this.
Read, sleep,have great talks. Sex.
Well, uh, we didn't, uh,actually have much of that.We did talk about it a lot.
- Well, did you act at all?.- Me?. No, not really. You an actor?.
Well, trying to be.
That's how I met Rodney.I sat in on his world theater class.
What's his takeon world theater?.
Well, Rodney's very picky. He likesDamn Yankees and Shakespeare.
But just to read.He's never seen a productionup to his standards.
Don't you get flak from youractor friends being with a critic?.
Well, I've never been"with him" with him.
It's just that he came upto me one day after class,
and he's been sort of like mymentor and my family ever since.
Oh, I thought maybeyou lived together. I'm sorry.
Oh, we do live together.
He offered me a spare roomso I could save my moneyfor acting lessons.
[ George ] Well, I've alwayshad. terrible judgment.
My entire freshman year,I had. a crush on a guynamed. Trotter Bull III.
[ Paul Chuckles ]
He looked just Likeone of those rowers.
- [ Paul ] Looks likepretty good. judgment to me.- Except he had. a girlfriend..
I actually got up the courageto talk to him one night...
about Walt Whitman.
He probably became aninvestment banker, had four kids,
all named Trotter and, uh,never talked about poetry again.
I'll talk to youabout poetry.
Sure. Anytime.
- How about a swim?.- Whoo!
Wait for me!Ohh!
[Phone Rings ]
I got it. It's for me.Sorry. Hello?.
No.She's at the beach.
Uh-huh. It's MarthaStewart for Mrs. Miller.
- Yes?.- Is it the Martha Stewart?.
Yes. Oh, will youhold on, please?.
Miss Stewart, I'm havinga gig problem with my azaleas.
- [ Sighs ]- Uh-huh.
[Paul]Do I see you again?
[George ]I hope so.
When do I call you?.
Oh, fuck. My roommate.I was supposed to call herthis morning. Shit!
- Your roommate?.- Yeah. We live together.
We don't live together,we just live together. Shit!
[ Carmelita ] She's inher bedroom. I'll call her.
- She's in bed., apparently.- [Nina ] Hi, George.
Hey, kiddo. Why are you in bed?.Are you sick?.
I'm pregnant, George.Or have you been so busywith Dr. Joley that you forgot?.
Nothing's happened with Dr. Joley.I've hardly seen him.
- So then let's go home.- What do you mean?.
There's a bus at 7:00.
- Tonight?.- Sure. Why not?.
I don't want youtraveling alone so late.
How about I borrowmy brother’s car and pickyou up tomorrow afternoon?.
George, please. Please.This is- I'm so miserable.
Please. You could-You could be on a train too,
and we could both bein our beds by midnight.
- [ Sighs ] Nina-- Please. You have to rescue me.
I have got to getaway from here,
and there's nothingfor you to stay there for.
Anybody who gets fromthe Hamptons is okay with me.
I hate it here.
It's so pretentious.
If I wasn't happily married andyou weren't my wife’s stepsister,
- I'd have an affairwith you in a second.- [ Chuckles ]
I think you’re terrific.
- Want some money?.- No, I'm fine. I'm fine.
- How about some Chuckles?. Hmm?.- No.
I got the galleys for the newMichael Crichton in the car.
Oh, no, really.Thanks, Sidney. Bye.
Okay. Oh, gosh.Photographs.
[ Chuckles ]
- I like it.- It looks good.
Hi, man.
- Hi, Melissa.- Hi.
[ Vince ]Oh, my God.
- So how are you, huh?.- Shit!
- Hey, let me help you.- No. I'm fine, Vince.Got it. I'm fine.
- Okay?.- Thank you.
Vince, honey.
Melissa, hang on a minute.I'm just going to say good-bye.
- Vince, I'm really tired.I don't feel like-- No. Just one minute.
- Hey, can I put you in a taxi?.- No, Vince. I'm fine. Really.
- Nina, come on-- Vince, please. I'm fine. Really.
- Give my love to George.Can't wait till school starts.- Oh, sure. I certainly will.
Hey! Ohh!
Ohh! Uh, excuse me.Excuse me.
Oh, you're gonna beso glad you met me.
My purse was just stolenand I'm pregnantand I have no way home.
- Are you hurt?.- No, I'm fine.
- You sure?.- Yeah. It's just my purse was stolen.
- Okay. Well, let's go.- All right.
- I got it.- Oh, thank God.
- So we'll go report all this.- Thank you.
And then I'm getting off duty,so I'll give you a lift home.
- Great. Thanks.- All right?.
I mean, I'm surprisedhe didn't arrest me.
I get mugged and the goddamndesk sergeant blames me.
He's the only one like that.The rest of us are very sensitive.
"Lady, you asked for it. "I thought people like that...
were banned fromthe police force, you know?.
It's noneof his god damn business...
where the fuckmy husband is.
- You don't seem to care.- Me?. I used to give womenlots of opinions.
But now I go with the flow.
- Are you gay?.- I'm sorry?.
I have this new theorythat any man...
who doesn't hit you over the headwith his opinions must be gay.
[ Clears Throat ] Well,that makes as much sense as Freud.
Oh, well, makes a hellof a lot more sense than Freud.
Freud doesn't know dickabout women.
[ Chuckles ]I can't believe I just said that.
- Very nice of youto drive me home.- Oh, not a problem.
If were married,I'd want someoneto drive my wife home.
- Will your husband be there?.- I don't have a husband.
- Mm. The father?.- Oh, no, no.
He will definitelynot be there.
I hardly speak to him.
Well, you don't findanyone new till you'regrave enough to give up the old.
I don't reallywant to find anyone new.
Well, that's good.
Happy with the status quo.
- Yeah.- Me too.
But you’re so nice.
- You should be married.- [ Chuckles ]
You think all nice peopleare married?.
What kind of counselorare you?.
All right, you can stopright over there.Oh, thank you so much.
You're really kind.
[ Grunts ]
[ Gasps ]George!
Oh, my gosh!You're back already?. Hi!
- [George ] Did you get a ride home?- No. My purse got stolen...
- at the bus station.- What?
And Vince and Melissawere on the bus,
and Sidney told me thathe would have an affair with me.
It's just beenthe weekend from hell.
[ George ] Come on.I'll make you some tea.
[ Chattering ]
Hey, sweetie. George, terrific newsabout you and. Dr. Joley.
- Sidney and I adore him.He's so smart. Good for you.- Bye, George.
Hey, Nina, you find outwho the father is yet?.
I call the shots, Kiesha.
- Yeah!- Yeah, we know.
[Woman ]So what's for supper, Nina?
Pot roast.It's George's favorite.
- Is he back yet?.- I don't know.
- [Door Opening]- [Rodney] Paul?
Oh, jeez. He's supposedto be at the theater.
Paul?.I fled at half-time.
A lot of pumped-up mentaking their clothes off.
It's all gettingdreadfully goring.
I'm gonna go see King Leartomorrow night, God. help me.
I fully expect him to step on stage,say he's old, he's hot...
and strip downto his underwear.
Oh, would you likea glass of vino?.
And tell whoever it isyou've got in there he's lefthis knapsack on the sofa.
Ah, it's the graduate.Do, please, come sit down.
Uh, Paul and I are currentlymeandering through...
some of the getterAustralian chardonnays.
- Can I tempt you?.- Oh, no, thank you.
Oh. Paul?.
So how's our distinguishedShavian scholar, Dr. Joley?.
Well, I haven’t seen himsince the critics’ convention.
Actually,George lives with a woman.
- How Bloomsbury.- [ Chuckles ]
- Uh, Nina's my best friend.- Well, as you probably know,
Paul and I visitthe theater quite often.
Perhaps you and your best friendwould care to join us.
That's very kind of you.
But, uh, um, I'm not sureshe likes the theater.
Oh. She's absolutely right.There's nothing to see.
[ Chuckles ]
Well, perhaps we could. go and. havea meal together sometime.
We'd like to see more of youin any event. All right?.
Well, I-I hope so.You know, I'm sorry. I really, uh-
Oh? Really?
Don't forget your little gag.[ Chuckles ]
- Well, it's nice seeing you.- Yes, indeed. Good night.
I'll be right back.
I'll call you tomorrow.
[Vince] Thank youfor returning my call.
Nina, you were probably right.You and I as a couple...
were a pretty miserable match.
That I stilllove you, that's-
that's my problem.
I can-I can deal with that.
whatever way that you’replanning on doing this,
for once in my life,I'm-I'm not gonna tell you how.
I would. just like to thinkthat I could. somehowbe a part of the picture.
you're the daddy.
All right.I'll trust you.
- Oh, hi.- [Nina ] Hi.
- How are you?. Yes.- Louis.
- This is Vince.- Hi. Louis Crowley.
- Hey. Vince McBride.- Hi. This is my nephew Joeand my niece Sophie.
Vince is the fatherof my, uh-
Baby. I'm the fatherof the baby.
Ah, I see.And, uh, how's, uh-
- George. My roommate.- He's fine. He's home.
Oh! Hey, great.[ Chuckles ]
- Go with the flow.- [Nina ] That's right.
[ British Man On TV]The workings of her mindappealed to him.
- [ Giggling ]- She leaves her warm bedin the cold dawn...
to rush therefull of zeal and loyalty.
- [TV., Indistinct]- [ Laughing, Choking ]
[TV., Indistinct]
[Laughter On TV.]
[Woman On TV.] Coming up,Kurt will have sports. Stay with us.
[Man On TV.]Yes, we'd like to changethe address of our account.
- Hi.- Hey.
- Sorry.- Don't bother apologizing.
Sorry I'm late.
Yeah. God, I'm sorry.Did, uh, Nina tell you I wasvisiting some college friends...
- drank too much and-- Well, why didn’t you bring them?.
- What?.- Mm. I mean, what a shameto break up such a great party.
I mean, actually, I'd. like to meetyour friends some day.
- So how late did you stay up?.- Late.
So late there wasn'ta cab left in Manhattan, huh?.
Well, you know, we wereall too wrecked to go home.
Ooh. Yeah. My gig brother,the party animal.
- Coffee?.- Oh, yeah, please.
Do you want to hearthe specials?.
No. I'll just have the orange juiceand eggs Florentine.
So, Caroline,is the wedding still on?.
- I haven't heard otherwise.But I'm waiting.- [ Chuckles ]
- Well, we're reallylooking forward to it.- Yeah. If you can make it.
He's been really busy this fallwith, uh, faculty meetings.
Yeah. I'm tryingto get things in orderbefore the baby comes.
- Working on a new curriculum.-Jesus! I never thoughtI'd. hear my big brother...
talk about babies coming,and before me.
That's what really pisses me off.You got there before me.
I think what you guysare doing is fantastic. Really.
[Frank ] Here's my question though.What about the father?
This guy must be the most interestingguy in the world or the most tolerant.
Actually, he's datingGeorge's colleague Melissa.
So that takesa shipload of tolerance.
No, honey, they’re notd. ating anymore. They broke up.
Wait a minute.Who's this Melissa?
- Is she cute?.- Frank-
Hey, I'm just trying to keepmy options open, all right?.
Frank, you're horrible.
George, aren't we all just horrible?.Aren't men just such jerks?.
I think that Nina and. Georgehave a great relationship.
Yeah, when we see each other,we have a great relationship.
[ Sighs ]
Hey, George, uh,when they start complainingabout not seeing you enough,
you have to guy them a diamondor take them to the theater.
Maybe we could all gosee a friend of mine who'sin a play next weekend.
Well, I'm on call next weekend,and Frank certainly isn'tgoing without me.
- [Frank ] O. h, come on.- [ Caroline ] No. No.
So does that mean I get a date alonewith you this weekend?.
Or will I get anothercall Saturday afternoon?.
[Woman ] Saints d. o not move.They grant, for prayer’s sake.
Then move not,while my prayer's effect I take.
[Paul] From my lips, by thine,my sin is purged..
Then have my lips the sinthat they have took.
Sin from my lips?.O trespass sweetly urged.
Give me my sin again.
You kiss by the gook.
- [ Chattering ]- Uh, here we are.Sorry about that.
- Thank you so much.- Thanks.
- Well, cheers. Cheers.- Cheers.
It's so nice to meet you. Georgetalks about you all the time. Oh.
- Ohh!- You were fantastic.
Oh, and, uh,this is Nina.
Hi. You were...great.
Great to meet you. Georgetalks about you all the time.
Hey, George! George!Hey, how are you?
- I want you to meet somebody.- I don't know if youremember me from college.
- Yeah.- We talked all nightabout Walt Whitman.
- Trotter Bull.- Paul. Paul! Paul![ Chuckles ]
- This is Trotter Bull.- Oh, my God!
I've heardso much about you.
George talks about youall the time.
Is that right?. Well,you were wonderful in the play.
[Dr. Gold. stein ]You were wonderful in the play.And. You looked. so hot.
George, it was so niceseeing you again.Let me give you my card.
If you ever needa stockbroker sometime, okay?.
Thanks a lot.It's great seeing you, Trotter.
We got that,you know, 10:00 thing.
Nice to meet you.
I wish he'd been our Mercutioinstead of who we got.
- Rodney, please.- And he was right.You were awfully good.
But, you know, people only domodern-dress Shakespeare...
because they haveabsolutely no instinct...
for any other periodor language than their own.
Clearly, the no-talent who d. irected.this hoped. to transform...
the world's greatest love storyinto a Calvin Klein commercial.
- The man should be shot!- Mr. Fraser?.
- Yes?.- I'm the director.
[ Grunts ]
- Hey, come on. Let me help you.- Thank you.
- Good night.It was great meeting you.- Yes, good night.
George and I were wonderingwhat you and Rodneywere doing for Thanksgiving.
- Oh, no, I'm sorry. We-- No, no, no, no. We'd love to come.
- How kind of you. Thank you.- Ohh.
- Ow!- Oh, I'm sorry. Wonderful.
- Okay, so 1:00.- We'll be there.
- Bye.- Good night.
You're an extraordinary person.
They seem likea lovely couple.
Hey, you! I don't carewhat you say. I love Les Mis
And. I thinkAndrew Lloyd Webber's a genius.
- Hello. Hi.- Oh, lovely to see you again.
Happy Thanksgiving.We're just through here.
- Hey. Hi.- George. Happy Thanksgiving.
- Happy Thanksgiving.- Do you need any help?.
- No. Everythingis absolutely fine.- Oh, what a relief.
- 'Cause contrary to stereotype,I'm an awful cook.- [ Chuckles ]
No. Well, please, please,just make yourselves comfortable.
Or, uh, George, you couldtake them for a walk, you know,
while I get ready.
Well, um, why don't you twochildren go and play somewhere?
And, uh, I'll stay hereto keep Nina company.
- Eh?.- Oh.
You should tell her,George.
You don't want to hurt Rodney,I don't want to hurt Nina.
I don't want to excludeRodney. That's different.
[ Sighs ]
Are you tryingto tell me something?.Because we could stop.
No. I-Gee, this isn't easy.
I promised. I promised herI'd help her with the baby.
That's great.Help her.
- You be the uncle.You be the godfather.- Ah, you don't-
No, you don't understand.I'm more excited about this babythan anything ever in my life.
- More than me?.- Oh, jeez, Paul,don't make it that way.
I'm not making itthat way, you are.
I love you very much.
I think we’re both behavingrather well under the circumstances.
After all,it's not always easy...
being alonein the bedroom next door.
- Next door to George and Paul?.- You knew that?
Of course.
Of course I knew that.I think Paul's great.I think he's just great.
Well, we're all great.
You must thinkI'm pretty peculiar.
[ Chuckles ] I haveopinions about Shakespeare.
About other people's lifestyles, I haveabsolutely no opinions whatsoever.
And I don't think oneshould be too hard on oneself...
if the objectof one's affection...
returns the favorwith rather...
less enthusiasmthan one might've hoped.
But a small observation,if may,
from someone old enoughto be your grandfather.
Oh, you'renot that much older.
Have you noticed thatyou're the only woman...
coming to yourThanksgiving dinner?.
Yes. All my female friends, they'reeither busy or they have family-
Don't get defensive.Have you also noticed...
that you’re the onlypracticing heterosexual...
coming to yourThanksgiving dinner?.
Well, I, uh, I haven'tpracticed in a while.
I'm serious.
What happens when all the men at yourThanksgiving dinner find other men?.
Who's at your table then?
Don't fix your life...
so that you’re left alone...
right when you cometo the middle of it.
for the erring thought,
not into evil wrought.
Lord, for the wicked will,
betrayed and gaffed still.
For the heart...
from itself kept,
our Thanksgiving accept.
- [ Chuckles ]- To Nina and George,our wonderful new friends.
To Nina and George.
- To friendship.- Yes.
[ All ]To friendship.
[ Clears Throat ]
I think you and Iought to be getting going.
Well, actually, I think I'm gonnahang out here for a while.
[Rodney]Oh, well. [Chuckles]
[Paul]Is that okay, Rod.?
When would you be getting-
Yeah. Uh, right.
Well, thank you...
- for including me in your holiday.- Thank you for coming.
- Happy Thanksgiving, hmm?.- Okay.
- George.- Oh, good night.
Uh, could I walk youout to the-
- No. I'm fine.- You sure?.
Let me-
- Thanks.- Bye.
- Good night.- Good night.
Oh, well, let's-let's get cracking on these dishes.
That's all right.I've got it. I've got it, thank you.
- [ George ] You sure?- Yes, definitely. Good night.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
Absolutelythe best holiday.
[ Chuckles ]
I love you.
[Water Running]
It was a wonderfuldinner, Nina.
Thank you.
[Dishes Clanking]
Nina, it's 3:00in the morning.
Oh, I'm sorry.Did I wake you?.
Paul wantedsome ice cream.
Oh. That is so sweet.You guys have so much in common.
[ Clears Throat ]
Paul thinks, uh,
-you don't like him.- I don't know him.
Y-You seem to like Rodney.
Well, Rodney is a decentand intelligent man...
who is very hurtand insecure.
We're all very hurt and insecure.Who do you know that isn't?.
Paul.Paul seems to be...
a totally happy guy.
- You don't like him.- Oh, what the hell differencedoes it make...
if like Paulor not, George?.
You like Pauland. that's what's important.
And that's great. I mean, that isjust great. I just finished my work.
Nina, I slept for monthsin this apartmentwith you and Vince right there.
- That is different!- How is that different?.
Because you don't tella woman that you love herand two days later,
- bring Romeo hometo sleep with you!- You invited him!
Yes, and for dinner!And I invited Rodney too.
- I thought they were a couple!- Oh, come on, you didn't think that.
Well, you didn'ttell me otherwise.
Nina, look at me.
Nina- Nina, look at me!I thought we weregoing to make up new rules.
Yeah, well, they haveto work for both of us.
- So you can have a manin your bed, gut I can't.- Oh, God, no, no! You can't!
You cannot have meand Paul and this baby.
Why?. Because you deserveto have it all and I don't?.
No! It's not abouthaving it all.
It is about picking one personand making it work.
And when you are fuckinga man in the next room,
it makes it pretty clearthe person you don't wannamake it work with is me.
- Yeah, that's bullshit!- Oh, fuck off, George!
[ Scoffs ]You forgot Paul's ice cream!
["The Wedding March"]
[ Laughing, Chattering ]
- Caroline, let's face it.My little brother is cute.- [ Laughing ]
And if you can deal with the 20women waiting outside with pistols,
- I think this unionwill succeed brilliantly.-[Laughing, Oohing ]
My friend Nina,the wisest person I know,
said. to me yesterday,
"You have to pick one personand make it work. "
I think you picked.absolutely the right person.
[ Oohs and Aahs ]
I'd. like to propose a toast.
To the Drs. Frankand. Caroline Colucci Hanson.
- [ All ] Hear, hear!- [ Giggles ]
[Applause, Cheering ]
- Your husband. is ad. orable.- I can't imagine my husbandstill calling me his friend.
Life was a song
You came along
I've laid. awake
The whole night through
If but dared.
To think you cared.
This is what
I'd. say to you
You were meant for me
I was meant for you
Nature fashioned. Iyou
And. when she was done
You were allthe sweet things
Rolled up in one
You're likea plaintive melody
That never lets me free
For I'm content
The angelsmust have sent you
And. they meant you
Just for me
[ Cheering, Applause ]
[ Woman ]All right!
[ Woman ]Very nicely done. Very nicely done.
George, I gottaget out of here.
- You okay?.- [ Sogging ] Yeah, I'm okay.
Are you sure?.
Yeah. I just hadto get out of there.
I know. Weddingscan be a little much.
But it works.
What do you mean?.
[ Sighs ]
I was watchingFrank and Caroline today,
and I just kept thinking...
"This is real.
And George and I are not. "
[ Sniffles ]
We're just different.
But I don't thinkthat I am that different.
I want you to be with me.
I want you to marry me.
I want you to love methe way that I love you.
I don't really wanna seewho you are at all.
I think you see me.
Well, then,tell me the truth.
What do you want?.
I want Paul.
[ Sogs ]
And I want to be able to look at youand not feel so hurt by you.
I'm so sorry.
The last person in the worldI'd want to hurt is you.
I know that.I know.
You can't choosewho you love.
I think Paul was the best thingthat ever happened to us, you know?.
At least he got usto tell the truth.
But I-I don't wantto lose you.
I can't let thingsstay the same.
[ Gasps ]
- Take care, man.- Congratulations, buddy. Way to go.
Hey. Sorry. I got hereas fast as I could.
No, it's okay.George was with methe whole time.
- Good.- This is Molly.
- [Nina ] There she is.- Oh, hello, Molly.
I'm your dad..
- Yeah.- [ Coos ]
- Shh-sh-shh. Molly, Molly,hush, hush, hush. It's okay.- You got her?.
It's okay. It's okay.I got her.
Look for the union label
When you are guying
A coat, dress or blouse[ Chuckles ]
- Remember somewhere- Which one of you is the father?.
- The union's sewing-- Vince McBride is the father.
Can you come with me?We have some paperwork for you.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, sure.Hey, you be niceto your mother, honey.
Here we go. Ooh, yeah.There she is. Okay.
Wonder if Madame Reynoldshas ballroom dancing for babies.[ Chuckles ]
[ Chuckles ]Are you kidding?.
Come here, Molly.
Let's show mommyyour dancing legs.
You were meant
For me
And I was meant
For you
George, when were youplanning on moving out?.
I don't know.[ Chuckles ]
I think you should gobefore I get home.
Well, uh, are you-are you sure?.
I can stay untilyou and Molly get settled.
No. I don't want you there.We'll be fine.
It's time for Molly and meto get on with our lives.
I'll speak to Paul.
Thank you.
[Molly Coos]
You're a very lucky girl,Molly McBride Borowski.
You have the world'sbest mommy.
Bye, Nina.
Bye, George.
Head up, young person.
Hi. Hi, Molly.
I love you.
- [ Chattering]- Hello, I'm George Hanson,
principal of the Prospect ParkCooperative School.
We want to welcome youto our annual music celebration.
- [Applause, Cheering]- And now, on with the show!
[ Cheering, ApplauseContinues ]
Listen as your day unfolds
Challenge whatyour future holds
Try to keep your headup to the sky
People they maycause you tears
Go aheadRelease your fears
Stand up and be countedDon't be ashamed to cry
You gotta beYou gotta be gad
- You gotta be bold.You gotta be wiser- Molly!
- You gotta be hard- Hard
- You gotta be toughYou gotta be stronger- Tough, stronger
- You gotta be coolYou gotta be calm- Cool, calm
- You gotta stay togetherAll I know, all I know- Together
- Love will save the day- Save the day
Herald. whatyour mother said.
Read. in' the booksyour father read.
- Try to solve the puzzlesin your own sweet time- Go, Molly! Go, Molly!
- Some may havemore cash than you- [ Laughs ]
Others take a different view
My oh my, hey, hey
Whoo! Molly! Yay!
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
You gotta be hard.You gotta be tough
You gotta be stronger
I gotta go.I have an audition.
- What time are you gonna be home?.- Right after yoga.
Look, are you sure you don't mind?.You had me over last Saturday.
- Oh, hey, Rodney,you're family, man.- Of course not. Yeah.
[Sally] Constance,why can't I get a ring in my nose?
Sally, get straight inside.This is a very gad neighborhood.
This is a fuckinggreat neighborhood.
- My name is not Constance. It's Mother.- What's with the "fucking"?.
Nina, don't forgetdinner Thursday.
- Umberto Eco andSharon Stone are coming.- Oh, goody.
I got a bidding war goingfor Sharon's memoirs.She's great. You'd love her.
Good-bye, Louis. Good to seeyou again. Nina, two seconds.
Louis...[ Indistinct ]
- There's someone who's comingI want you to meet, so-- Why?. I am with Louis.
Sweetie, you've made your point.It's time to move on. Get your hair cut.
- Sidney?. Sidney! Let's go.- What? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Molly, you were great. Perfect.-[ Constance ] Sid. nely!
Coming. Coming.You were just ter- I love that hat.
Can I give you a ride?.
No. I'm not going to usetaxpayer dollars to fundmy personal transportation.
- I'll take the subways, thank you.- Oh, well.
Suit yourself, Vince.I will see you at home.
- Bye, Molly. Great jog.- Bye, Louis.
- Bye-bye.- Bye, Louis.
Nina, I am the only man in your lifewho ever made any sense.
- You know that, right?.- I do know that.
Mm, okay.Bye-bye, sweetheart.
- Bye, Daddy.- I love you.
Great show.Love your work.
Oh, hey, do you guys want tocome over for dinner Saturday night?.
- Rodney's coming.- Oh, that sounds great. I'll ask Paul.
- Okay.- Uncle George, I had more peoplecome see me than anyone.
- Yeah?.- I had Mommy and Daddy, Louis,Uncle Rodney, Uncle Sidney-
Honey, you are justthe luckiest little girl.
Yeah. And if you ever needany advice, ask Auntie Constance.
- She knows everything.- Oh, stop it.
[Man ]Life was a song
You came along
- I laly awakethe whole night through- Okay.
- You wanna go grab some coffee?.- Yeah.
You guys always go for coffee.All you do is talk.
Well, excuse me,gut we like talking.
Yeah. Did- You know, Nina, do youever just wanna touch her nose?.
- It's just like a little tulip.- Don’t you dare start with her.
It looks nothinglike a tulip. Come on.
- If should are- Mommy, I can do George's jog.
- To think you care- You can?.
- This is what- Really?.
- I'd. saly- Yep. "Welcome to the...
Prospect Park Cooperative School... "[ Indistinct ]
You were meant
For me
And. I
Was meant
For you
Nature fashioned you
And when she was done
You were allthose good. things
Rolled. into one
You're like a plaintive
That never lets
Me be
I'm content
The angelsmust have sent you
And. they meant you
Just for me
You're like a plaintive
That never lets
Me be
I'm content
The angelsmust have sent you
And. they meant you
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