Voila! Finally, the Palookaville
script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Vincent Gallo and
William Forsythe movie. This script is a transcript that was painstakingly
transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Palookaville. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally
tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to
drop me a line. You won't
hurt my feelings. Honest.
11:15.
I'll be right out front.
- You all right?
- Get that out of my face.
I don't believe this.
- This is next door.
- I know we're next door.
Jesus Christ.
Jesus.
I don't believe this.
Shit.
What are you doing?
Come on. Let's get out of here.
I'm coming.
Jerry, come on! Come on!
Can you believe this shit?
What kind of asshole
robs a bakery?
I don't see him.
What are we going to do?
It's been five minutes.
Let's just get out of here.
Come on, I mean...
Just get outta here!
Come on! Move it!
Jesus Christ.
We waited long enough.
Come on! Start the car!
What do you got?
Well, they cleaned out
the register.
Big time.
The place ain't bad...
the brownies.
Come on. Let's go write it up.
You research something,
you do it right, that's all.
You think maybe we should
circle back for him?
You set up a jewelry store,
then you rob a jewelry store.
You don't rob a fuckin' bakery.
Think he made it?
He gets out of things,
you know?
You take the car, OK?
You drop me off.
If I don't get a message,
I'll come over later.
A fuckin' bakery.
I mean, who the fuck can we be?
Russ.
Are you alone?
Just me and Walter,
but I'm expecting somebody.
I was on my way home anyway.
Where you been?
Get in here.
Can I use the sink?
What's up, Walt?
How's it going?
Back to work?
You breaking hearts?
I figure I'll put something
together, you know?
Make a little money,
get a few bucks together...
make a plan, and stretch out.
You'll do it.
- Think so?
- Believe me.
Drink's on me.
You sure?
- Come on.
- Come on.
All right.
How you doing?
No complaints.
Busy night out there?
Some jerks
tried to take a bakery.
Can you believe that?
Excuse me.
I forgot my ciggies.
Hey, Ed.
You know each other?
I never saw him before
in my life, right, Ed?
I'll see you guys later.
l, uh, can't stay.
Sorry. I'll take a rain check.
What's that shit
all over your clothes, asshole?
Why don't you tell me, Ed?
Why don't you give me
a ride home, Eddie?
I ran out of gas.
He's been coughing all night.
I turned on the humidifier.
Man, what time is it?
Ohh, boy.
I got something for you.
Unbutton my shirt.
Jerry, it's : in the morning.
Open your own damn shirt.
You're going to love this,
I swear to God. Please?
What? What?
Jerry, what are you doing
with a doughnut in your shirt?
Reach in. Come on. Reach in.
Where did you get them?
Bags of them all over the road.
Must have been a danish truck.
Mmm. I think it's cinnamon.
Yeah? You like that?
He's OK.
Eddie, I'm shocked.
You just be careful, all right?
I'd be smart if I were you.
Go on, wise ass.
What are you doing home?
I drove your brother back.
How gallant.
Where'd you find him?
Why does your mother keep
putting my doughnuts in here?
I can't stand cold doughnuts.
- Russell, is that you?
- Yeah.
Morning.
What are you...
Good morning.
All right. I'm coming.
I'm coming. Relax, will you?
Relax!
Great. Shit.
That's right.
Who's that?
You didn't come out
when I called you.
I got caught up.
Hey, Mike, some coffee, please.
- What?
- He hid behind a mixer.
What's so funny, Jerry?
What's so funny?
Our lives are on the line,
and you eat pastry.
You think that's funny?
By the way,
your brother-in-law showed up.
Hey, look, I'm in there, right?
I'm all crouched down.
There's cops all around me.
Everything is sticky.
I started thinking
about Betty and the kid.
I mean, what if I get caught?
What happens to them?
- It's nuts.
- Why did this happen?
Can we... can the three of us
analyze this for a moment here?
- It made a "L."
- What?
The bakery made an "L"
behind the jewelry store.
Who knew? Did you know?
I did not know. We didn't have
any way of knowing.
It's a total unknown.
Did you visit both places?
Yeah, I inquired about
earrings and necklaces.
I didn't ask them
what went on in the back.
That's no excuse.
It was your assignment.
Are you in construction
or not, Jerry?
I didn't have the plans, did I?
The jewelry store is here,
the bakery is here.
And where did you think
they kept the overage...
on the fucking roof?
Look, we should just
forget theft completely...
just rule it out.
Concentrate on ideas.
I'm not talking about
a life of crime.
I'm talking about a momentary
shift in life styles...
a little, itty-bitty alteration.
You understand? You understand?
You're in a hurry,
you go on the highway...
every fucking car on the highway
is going eighty miles an hour.
What do you do, Jerry?
What do you do, Jerry?
Do you drive fifty-five
because it's the law?
Of course not.
You go with the flow.
You drive
at the prevailing speed.
When you exit the highway,
then you revert.
What's this?
Forty-five dollars.
We got the cash register.
- Oh, we scored.
- Yeah, we scored.
There, big shot.
Go buy a doughnut.
I got to get back, OK?
No. They can wait.
Listen, l, uh...
You're not answering
my question.
The next time I need a ride
home, I'll let you know.
I am not talking about tonight.
I'm talking about
Thursday, Friday, the future.
Now, you're doing a good job
since you got here, Betty...
and I just really want
to express my gratitude...
for the corporation.
Hey, a couple of drinks.
We're both married.
He's gonna freeze out there.
He's probably gonna
take the bus.
There are no buses.
They cut the route.
He's probably waiting
for a cab.
Hey, Jerry, wait.
How long ago did you call?
They get angry when
you're not there, real nasty.
You know,
you could die out there.
Old people die all the time
out in the cold.
It's called hypothermia.
What'd I say?
Fenders and doors, trunks...
I did it in 's, 's.
I wouldn't spray paint.
I drew the line at that...
no paint.
What's wrong with painting?
I painted for four years.
Gets on the lungs.
What about you? You painted?
No. I'm a, uh, carpenter.
Yeah, he's self-unemployed.
l... I got my social security
and the pension...
but it's not enough.
God bless your wife.
You ought to feed those dogs.
See you.
- Look, you're lucky.
- Oh, yeah?
Don't make me stand up, 'cause
I'll send you to the moon.
It's OK.
I better get going.
- No, no.
- No. I got to go.
- What is that about Broadway?
- What?
Come on, you were saying
that we could eat out...
and maybe go see Cats,
something like that.
- I said that?
- Yeah.
- I said we could go out?
- Yeah.
- I hate Cats.
- No, you don't.
All right, all right, all right.
How about this... how about
we go down to the shore?
I'll say I'm going
with one of my girlfriends.
We're going to go
to the boardwalk? Come on.
No, for the weekend.
Come on, we can stay
at that place you said.
- What place?
- That casino.
- What casino?
- The one on TV.
- You want to do something?
- Yeah.
Huh? You really want
to do something?
- Yeah.
- I mean for real.
All right. How about
I take you to California?
California.
They have fresh-squeezed
orange juice every day.
Picture. If you have a backyard
there, you got fresh fruit.
Get our own little lime tree,
avocado tree.
- What do you say?
- Don't bullshit me, Russell.
Do I look like
I'm bullshitting you?
- Yes.
- Look at my face.
Does this look like
a bullshitting face?
Oh, she's home.
Laurie?
All right, all right.
Where were you?
Get your feet off my bed.
Your mother said you were here.
I was here.
I got this idea.
I think you're gonna love it.
You know
all those old people...
who wait in front
of the supermarket...
since they canceled the bus?
- Yeah.
- Now they got to take cabs.
So we start
our own car service.
We use Jerry's car.
It's an instant money-maker.
Why?
Why what?
Tell me why these people...
would want to use us
instead of taking a cab.
Why? Because those cab drivers
are subhuman scumbags.
And we're cheaper,
we're more reliable...
we're polite, we're humble.
You mean like
a private car service.
- Exactly.
- You need a license, Sid.
We know all those people
through Betty.
You don't need a license
to drop your friends off.
That would be like a chauffeur.
That's not my style. Forget it.
I'm invited for dinner.
What else is new?
- Wash your hands.
- We did, ma.
- What?
- I said we did, ma.
OK. Lower your voice.
- Wash your hands.
- I did.
Did you use soap?
To what do we owe this honor?
I was in the neighborhood.
I didn't hear any alarms
going off.
- He's always welcome.
- He's always here.
Don't start trouble.
- Who are you talkin' to?
- I'm talkin' to my sister.
- Watch how you do it.
- No, you watch me how I do it.
Maybe you'll learn something
for a change.
What are you laughin' at?
Meatballs.
He's always welcome.
You come home from work,
you pick up my prescription.
It ain't open... the drugstore.
Someday, you'll get
a decent shift...
when human beings are awake.
I'm working on it.
It'll happen.
Maybe I can give you
a recommendation.
I'll do my best.
I got a recommendation
for you... shut up.
Don't get smart with me, Ed,
'cause I'll come over there...
and I'll choke you to death.
- Come on.
- Hey, listen to what he said.
Tough guy. Come on.
You look at the ads
this morning?
Yes, I did, ma,
and there's nothing there.
Not what they're looking for.
What is that supposed to mean?
Vice president, CEO...
Correct me if I'm wrong.
I think you ought to go into
the bakery business.
- The what?
- Bakery.
He never cooked in his life.
Why would you suggest that, Ed?
Just a thought.
Just a thought?
I just got a thought.
Maybe you could tell us
who puts his hands...
in strange pies.
What do you say?
What's that supposed to mean?
Ask him. Maybe we could have
a little conversation...
about that.
How about that, Ed, huh?
Why don't you just shut up?
Maybe you should've kept your
mouth shut, don't you think?
For once. For one night, you
should've kept your mouth shut.
I'm gonna miss
the Wheel of Fortune.
You're working my last nerve.
Did you mention it to her?
She said it was a great way
to help out the old people.
- See?
- But...
Maybe we wouldn't
make much money.
- She's right.
- She's not right. You know why?
This is a niche.
We found a niche...
where people need a service
that's not provided.
That's a niche?
That's exactly what
it's called in the business.
Hey, watch what he's doing.
Son of a bitch.
What is it? What is it?
- Jesus, man. It's Mr. Kott.
- From the supermarket?
Don't touch anybody
'cause they'll sue us all.
- Don't touch him.
- Mr. Kott, don't worry.
Open the door.
I can't open the door.
Put your hand on the door.
Open the door!
Get the stuff out of the car!
Hey, open the door!
Hey, sir! Open the door!
Open the door.
Put your hand on the door.
What are you doing, Jerry?
Move over.
Watch your hands.
Yeah, watch my hands!
Watch my hands is right!
Hurry up! Don't worry about it.
It's going to be OK.
- Give me that.
- I got it! I got it!
What are you doing?
That's bulletproof.
Watch! I got it!
Hey, hey! Stop! Shit!
Hold on. There it is!
Mr. Kott, don't worry.
Don't worry. We got you.
- What do we do?
- Get him to the hospital.
Take him to the hospital.
My back is gone.
What are you complaining about?
You got the feet.
What about the truck?
It's full of money.
Drive it back
and tell 'em what happened.
Right. Here's the keys.
We'll meet you there. Come on.
What are you doin'?
All right, all right.
Get him in the back.
Come on, stop complaining.
Stop, please. Come on.
Get off of me!
The old guy had a heart attack.
I brought the truck back.
What?
Jerry, no!
Jerry, Jerry, don't!
Come on.
Yeah, well, she's fired!
Jerry, just get down the steps.
Get down the steps.
How long
has this been goin' on?
- What?
- Answer me. How long?
Nothing's been going on.
Where's the car?
He had his hands all over you.
You're tellin' me
nothing's goin' on?
That's right. He's been
after me to have a drink.
- He's never grabbed me before.
- Oh, yeah, so this is a first.
- Jerry, where's the car?
- How come you didn't tell me?
- Where's the car?
- Answer me!
I didn't want you to beat him
up and get me fired, all right?
Now, where's the goddamn car?
It's at the hospital.
Well, then, call a taxi, Jerry.
What, are you kidding?
- That's right... no money.
- Where are you going?
- I'm trying to get home.
- Betty, they'll be here!
Jerry, you want to wait for
them, wait for them, all right?
You should have seen me
on the way to the hospital.
I ran every fuckin' red light.
It was beautiful.
I'm a hero.
We're heroes now. Heroes.
Great. I'm glad we saved
Ralph all his money.
We should go back
and break his fucking legs.
How much money you think is
in those bags every day, huh?
How many millions
you think is inside?
I don't know.
Maybe we should ask Betty.
Aw, come... no, no. Forget it.
Betty gets fired,
the place gets hit...
I'm an instant suspect.
Not the place, the truck.
The truck?
Yeah. Watch this car.
Watch this car. Watch this car.
Why didn't we think about this
when it was happening?
Speak for yourselves.
Because we're not
cut out for this.
Some people are.
For instance, criminals.
The guy was dying.
We were not prepared.
We are now a little bit more
familiar with the triangle.
- It's a Mickey Mouse operation.
- That's my point.
The actual pickup
is casual and sloppy.
We've witnessed it, right?
Sid, we cannot rob
an armored truck.
Jerry, how you doing?
Hi, Barney. What's happening?
Renovation around the corner.
How about you?
Are you, uh, full?
I'll give you a call.
Listen, the beauty of
this whole fucking thing is...
there's no middleman.
It's instant cash in bags.
What's wrong with you, Russ?
It's armed robbery!
Lower your fuckin' voice,
all right, idiot?
Fuckin' idiot.
It's not necessarily
armed robbery.
What do you mean,
"not necessarily"?
They carry guns!
Yeah, but it's only
armed robbery if we carry guns.
So what are are we gonna
do it with... mirrors?
- Fake weapons. Toys.
- I don't believe this.
Wait a second.
It's done all the time.
Somebody points a gun in your
face, what are you going to do?
Are you going to ask to see
the bullets? Of course not.
You're gonna assume
that's it's a deadly weapon.
All right? The thief
gets the benefit of the doubt.
It's kind of a rule of thumb.
The majority of handguns
in this country fire caps.
Caps.
- I love it.
- What?
We rob two dozen pastries.
So now we rob an armored car
with a cap gun.
It's brilliant.
- Nobody's gonna get hurt.
- Oh, I see.
- He's right.
- I'm right?
No, Jerry's right. We don't
rush into things like this.
Come on. You love this idea.
All right. Now, look,
we can do the driving thing.
- We'll start it tonight.
- OK, that's good. Exactly.
- I'll be right back.
- Where are you going?
I'm gonna buy a notebook
to put everything on paper.
I thought you just said we're
going to do the car service!
Jerry, listen,
we're capable of doing...
two things at the same time,
all right?
I want to investigate
this truck thing.
And we'll do your little
car service, all right?
You could stay uncommitted.
Hey, Russ, get some graph paper.
Remember graph paper, Jerry?
Will you move it, pops, huh?
Come on. Where you going?
We're sharing.
Yeah, well, it's separate fares.
Will you move this thing?
Separate fares?
We can call a taxi.
This is not my neighborhood.
We're across town here.
I'm taking a little detour, OK?
A little shortcut.
A what?
You should do something
about the breath.
Brush their teeth, something.
There's nothing wrong
with their breath, OK?
Are we lost?
What's the problem here?
There's no problem.
We're waiting for a passenger
pickup, so just relax.
Maybe it's the other end.
It smells awful in here.
He's right about those dogs.
You got a pair
of stinkin' dogs here!
Let me tell you something.
These dogs,
they smell better than you do.
- Says who?
- All right!
This is not a contest,
all right? We all stink!
You can take me home!
Why don't you just
shut your mouth?
I'll miss the news!
I'll miss everything!
Just relax, OK?
Don't get me started.
Just relax. You calm down.
That's it. I'm out of here.
I'm gonna take the bus.
How you gonna get on the bus
with the two dogs?
Don't worry about it, OK?
You happy now? Huh?
You happy? Come on.
I'm happy. You happy?
Here. Right over here.
Stay over here.
Come here now.
All right. Ready?
All right, here it comes.
- Thank you, driver.
- Ohh, man.
What's with the dogs?
They're seeing eye dogs, sir.
I heard about that bullshit.
Well, the little one's
in training.
Get these animals
the fuck off my bus.
But they're seeing eye dogs.
Get the hell off the bus
with this shit!
I tried.
Come on.
There'll be another bus.
Want some?
Thanks a lot.
The buses
are running late today.
Yeah, what else is new?
Uh, thanks a lot.
I really appreciate this.
This is nice of you.
Do you want to come inside
and warm up?
Well, you know, the dogs...
No, it's all right.
My boss ain't here. Come on.
You're soaked, huh?
Were you blind on the bus?
Yeah. Sometimes it works.
It's hard to do. I've tried
being blind a couple of times.
Why is that?
For the experience.
- What's your name?
- Sid.
I'm Enid.
It's a nice place.
It's so secondhand.
Just make yourself comfortable.
Do you mind
if I tie the dogs up?
No, no. Go ahead.
If you want, you could
put your pants on the radiator.
You could sit in the room
back there.
This is my favorite.
Do people...
do they pay cash for furs?
- Cash?
- Mm-hmm.
Sometimes.
Are you a thief?
Why? Do I look like one?
Did you ever try being deaf?
Deaf is tougher than blind.
Remarkable.
No. It's all secondhand.
It's all used. Yeah.
Yeah, we have hats.
What size is your head?
All right.
We tighten up.
No more shared rides...
no more carrying groceries.
Things like that. It'll be...
- Jerry, Jerry.
- What?
Are you kidding me or what?
I'm sick of these old people.
Forget it. I'm out of this.
I see real potential here,
Russ.
Yeah, you want to see potential.
Your wife
wants to see potential.
Sid and his... his puppies,
he wants to see potential.
Well, personally, as a man...
unencumbered by
any sort of woman...
personally, I think the whole
thing is a little too serviel.
- What?
- Too serviel.
- Servile.
- Yeah, servile. It sucks.
What the fuck happened?
What's this?
Russell, is that you?
She's talking to you!
I'm talking to...
What are you doing in the dark?
People don't sit in a dark room.
Get out!
- What did you say?
- Get out!
What did you say?
Nobody ever did that to me.
What's goin' on?
What's he doing?
What the hell's
going on in here?
Guys, how you doing?
I got to get back.
I got to feed the dogs.
You want my phone number?
If someone else answers,
just hang up fast.
See you.
I enjoyed meeting you.
Yeah. Me, too.
Come on.
Take it easy, huh?
We'll get our chance.
Come on, we're out of it.
From now on,
we'll do the truck thing.
They raped my car.
Stop.
I saw him in your room
the other night.
Who?
What's his face...
your cop-in-law.
- In my room?
- Yep. By the closet.
Sometimes he borrows
my shoe polish.
You know what it costs
to take a bus to Los Angeles?
It's only eighty-nine dollars
one way.
- A bus?
- Gets you there, doesn't it?
Come on.
Then we're out of here.
Oh, we got to send them
a check or a major credit card.
Who?
The casino.
I made the reservation.
- Why?
- In three weeks.
'Cause that's the only way
they hold the reservation.
- What's the matter?
- I want to be consulted.
- We can split it.
- It's not splitting it.
I don't want you
arranging my life like that.
What the f... What is that?
Jesus Christ!
Are you embarrassed
about being seen with me?
I mean, why don't we ever get
out of bed and go somewhere?
Listen, I'm out of a job
right now, remember?
My own mother's after me
for money, all right?
- Am I too young or something?
- No, you're not too young.
Come on. Things are gonna
change for me, all right?
Things will change.
Like what? You'll get a job?
That's what I'm waiting for,
right?
Maybe that's not something
you wait for.
What does that mean? Hey,
Laurie, what does that mean?
Maybe it's something you do.
Yeah?
What's that supposed to mean?
Where you goin'?
Laurie! Laurie!
We want to isolate the truck.
Get the guy alone somewhere.
I see that as the basic premise.
Where's the couch?
They took the couch back, Jerry.
Can we concentrate here?
What is the point of
keeping this around here, Sid?
I mean, this is unhealthy.
That's why
you don't meet anybody.
- Mind your own business.
- How long's it been? Ten years?
Mind your own business, Russ.
You wash those dogs?
You don't wash dogs
in cold weather.
How do you clean them?
- They're not dirty.
- They smell.
- They don't smell.
- They do. Am I nuts?
Sid, tell the truth.
You don't think
those dogs smell? Come on.
They smell like dogs, Russ.
You know, some people happen
to enjoy the smell of dogs.
They stink.
Maybe a little right guard.
You know, those are girl dogs.
What do you see
in those little things?
Sid, do you fuck those dogs?
Come on, Sid. Tell the truth.
I swear to God.
I won't say a word.
As a matter of fact,
I don't even think...
it's that outrageous.
I think it's romantic.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I tried calling first,
but your number's disconnected.
Yeah, I know.
I'm changing carriers.
The interim
has been driving me crazy.
Could I come in? See the dogs?
Get out of my way.
Hi. How you doing?
Good. Could I come in?
Actually, I got kind of
a business meeting...
going on now.
Can I get back to you?
I thought maybe we could
get together tonight.
Tonight sounds good.
You think maybe
I could give you a call...
after I know
how my day's shaping up?
Mmm... OK. I'll be
at the shop till : .
What's this?
See you.
Girls knocking on your door,
huh, Sid?
Yeah, well, it happens, Russ.
Who was that?
A friend of the dogs?
I tell you what... I got
a plan I want to discuss.
You guys want to discuss it
or forget about it?
Do it.
All right, in order
to isolate the driver...
the truck's got to break down.
Now, we attack the gas line.
We drill a hole in the line
while the truck's parked...
in the parking lot.
There's no night watchman.
- And then we plug up the hole.
- And?
When the driver takes off
the next day...
to pick up the cash,
we pull the plug, we follow.
The truck runs out of gas.
We're right there.
What if he runs out of gas
in front of a police station?
We decide
where he'll run out of gas.
How fast he's traveling
and how fast it leaks out.
Exactly. Our best bet's
probably right about here.
Something's not right.
What?
This is completely doable.
I don't know, Sid.
Something's not right. Trust me.
Who's this girl?
Somebody that I met. Can we
stick with the issues here?
Look at this.
"L" ten, "R" seventeen,
"L" twenty.
Where does she work?
She doesn't work.
She's a student.
It's a combination.
Maybe it's the combination
to her gym locker.
You want an explanation?
I'll give you an explanation.
What are you gonna do,
borrow her sneakers?
She's a romantic.
It happens to be
the combination to her heart.
Yuck it up.
I need air, OK?
Gas is combustible.
One spark from the drill...
and ka-boom.
- That's it.
- Shit.
Oh, well. Come on.
I'm starving. I'm hungry.
I can't take this.
Good try, Sid.
Nice plan. Forget it.
Wait a minute. I got it.
We go with
the exact same plan...
only we don't drill
the gas line.
We drill the gym locker.
- The radiator.
- Exactly.
We show we're good samaritans.
We offer assistance.
What, and then...
"Oh, excuse me, sir.
"Can I get the bags of money,
please?"
We can't rule out
minor violence.
Come on. The guy's
an old fuckin' bastard!
There's three of us.
He's an old fucking bastard
with a gun.
Your wife just lost the only
paying job that we have.
I don't know how
you're gonna pay your rent...
but I just got
my eviction notice.
I can't do this.
What? What?
You got a message
from that security company...
Lion Security.
Did you apply there?
From Mr. Kott.
Probably wanted to say thanks.
What's to eat?
There's nothin' to eat.
Nothin' in here.
You said you ate.
I'm talking about like a snack.
Like a snack. A lousy cracker.
- Well, you see any crackers?
- Uh, no.
Well, then no crackers.
Have some cereal.
It's nighttime,
for Christ's sake.
Well, Jerry, don't tell
your stomach, all right?
You expect me to eat
a bowl of milk and cereal...
with a can of beer?
It doesn't go. It doesn't mix.
I want something solid,
something with bones.
You're not the only one who
wants something around here.
Oh, really?
Well, what do you want so bad?
Forget it.
No, I want to hear this.
What do you want?
I want a washer and dryer.
How's that?
Oh, a washer and dryer.
I'll get a checkbook. Hold on.
Ricky,
you see my checkbook, huh?
You got
a lot of fucking nerve...
asking me
for a washer and dryer.
Yeah, that's right!
I want a washer and dryer!
I gotta get myself
to the laundromat...
dragging him on the bus.
It's raining, it's wet...
he's screaming,
don't have no stroller.
I see. Now it's a stroller
you want. Anything else?
You know what else I want?
I want designer clothes...
and I want a VCR with remote
and I want a sauna...
and I want
central air conditioning...
and I want freaking rugs!
- Get off me!
- Calm down!
All right, all right,
don't cry, don't cry.
Jesus, I'm sorry.
Betty, I'm sorry.
All right?
- Don't worry.
- I'm scared.
OK, all right.
It's gonna be OK.
Jerry, you don't know that.
- How do you know that?
- 'Cause I do. Don't worry.
I want you to go in there, and
I want you to apologize to him.
- What?
- Go down there and apologize.
You tell him you lost control,
and it won't happen again.
Just go down there,
and you do that.
That creep?
You just go down there,
and you go get my job back!
- No.
- Just do it!
I'm not playing with you!
Just go down there and do it!
I think I'll have that cereal
after all.
There's no milk.
You're out of your mind.
I made popcorn.
I can show you
better than I can tell you.
Look at that guy's suit.
- Russ, have some.
- This is the layout.
Wrigley Field,
where we pull the strike.
Plenty neat.
What are you watching, Ma?
What's going on in here?
Police department?
I want to report a holdup.
Wrigley Field.
Units - and -
investigate a - - .
- district.
Investigate a - - .
So, uh, Ralph, I'm, uh...
you know,
I'm sorry I hit you, and, uh...
I must've got the wrong idea
about what you were doing.
I don't really understand
why you were touching my wife.
I think
you should really just not...
Boys don't always grow up.
They age, they put on weight...
they lose sap, lose hair.
They grow lumps and warts.
They have regrets.
They lose their tempers,
and they blame women...
but they do not automatically
grow up and become men.
I should have moved out, right?
Did you ever go to Los Angeles?
- Been to Las Vegas once.
- Oh, yeah?
Went there with a friend.
There was a basket of fruit.
- Fruit?
- In the room. And robes.
The hotel supplied robes.
I didn't see much of the city.
So, what's in Los Angeles?
Some chick I've been seeing...
she keeps talking about
going to Los Angeles.
Go with her.
You can always come back, baby.
It's not the Bermuda Triangle.
- She's a kid.
- She's not eleven, is she?
She's one of those girls,
you know...
she wants something,
you know what I mean?
An intangible thing.
Hey, everybody wants something.
Yeah, well,
she's trying to arrange my life.
Somebody's got to do it.
She's good-Iooking,
good in bed...
and she's crazy about you,
am I right?
What a predicament.
What's this?
- Come on. Shake it.
- What?
It stimulates
the movement of a car.
Watch where
you're shaking that.
Hey, you want to shake this?
- We're timing this.
- I'll be right back.
It's : .
I gotta walk the dogs.
Hey, Sid, we're rotating here.
If I don't walk 'em now,
they're gonna start whining.
I'm gonna start whining.
Will you forget the dogs
for one minute today?
Hey, could you take this,
please? Take it.
Put it down. Come on. Come on.
Let me in there.
Start shaking it.
I'll start shaking it
as soon as l...
Watch my pants. You're
getting it near my pants.
Watch him.
- This is asinine.
- You got a better idea?
It's not even hot yet.
Maybe we should enlarge
the hole.
I think maybe
we should have two holes.
One hole.
It's just a thought.
Hello, ladies.
Jesus Christ!
What a day.
How you doing?
- I'm gonna quit.
- How come?
She makes me feel
like Cinderella.
Did you read the envelope?
Yeah, I did.
I think you're crazy.
You'd be the first person
they'd suspect...
if the place got robbed.
I hadn't thought of that.
Do you think
I have a death wish?
No. I mean, I don't know.
You coming?
I feel like being in bed
with you.
Really?
You know, that's... that's nice.
- I find it encouraging.
- What?
What's so funny?
Do you think men
are afraid of women?
I don't know.
I mean, in general, no.
I just think that most men
find women to be unpredictable.
I guess that's what
makes him so uneasy.
I mean, you know,
men in general.
We going to your place?
No, I'm not going home.
I got a meeting right now.
Can you make a right turn
on the next corner?
Your girlfriends
are in the kitchen.
You're late.
What, only seven minutes.
So what?
What's the hurry?
Gonna rob a Carvel's?
We're going to the movies.
Why don't you use a glass?
We got to go.
Come on.
Who's that?
Who is it?
It's the neighbor's kid. Nobody.
What do you mean, who is it?
Throw it up.
What, are you stupid?
You did that on purpose.
This is it.
What?
Oh, God!
Take the drill out.
Pull it. Give me this.
Hey, Sid, put the light on.
Here. What happened?
Did it work?
Yes, it worked perfect.
- We had to kill a dog.
- A dog?
One of those attack dogs that
was gonna eat the both of us.
- How'd you kill it?
- We drilled it.
Would you shut up?
We drilled it
right in the fuckin' throat.
- He did.
- You drilled it?
We're at Sid's place at : .
We're out of there by : .
Go to the supermarket at :
truck comes there around : .
The guy's in there
about ten minutes...
then he pulls the plug.
Hey, Sid,
when we get done here...
maybe you should do something
about your arm there.
- I'm done now.
- You're not done now, Sid.
We just said we're gonna
go through this one more time.
Sid, the dogs can wait.
Why don't you lay off
with the dog thing, huh, Jerry?
Hey, Sid, pal?
The danish and the coffee.
How about
you pay for your food...
before you make
the dramatic exit?
Pay first
and then dramatic exit.
How's this?
Pay for everything
and leave a tip this time.
Come on.
That dog was comin' at us.
The dog
was coming like this at us.
All right? It was an accident.
It was an accident, all right?
Don't walk out, Sid.
We're gonna make this
a two-man thing now?
It's a little late for that.
Maybe if he found himself
a girl this time...
did you ever think of that?
A woman, Sid,
instead of a fuzzy dog, right?
You get a little perspective,
Sid?
Yeah, go ahead and leave.
We're not backing down
from this thing. Listen to me.
I got Betty up against
a goddamn cliff. I got no...
What are we supposed to do?
How are we gonna do this
without him?
Show me how it's gonna work
with two people.
Oh, man. OK.
Loving you
Is easy 'cause you're beautiful
Making love to you
Is all I want to do
Jesus Christ!
Come on! Relax!
I borrowed it from Ed.
You took his gun?
He won't miss it. He's got one
for every day of the week.
Russ, man, you said no guns.
What the hell is wrong with you?
Look who showed up.
Here.
Put it on.
All right.
Can't get this down.
It's the cops!
Don't turn around!
Just relax.
We haven't done nothing yet.
All right? Just calm yourself.
Take off your mask.
- Take off your mask.
- All right.
Shit.
- What do we do?
- Look who it is.
It's Ed the cop.
Look at him. Turn the car.
Turn the car right here!
Turn the car.
Shit!
Where you going?
We got to shake him, all right?
We'll pick up the truck
when he comes around.
He knows, man.
He fucking knows.
He doesn't know nothing. He's
here just to bust our balls.
That's what he's here for.
Just go straight.
Look at him. He's still on us.
Make this left.
He blew a tire.
What are you, a fucking idiot?
I fucking did it.
He fucking wrecked.
He crashed, and we almost died.
Aw, fuck.
Moneybags coming up.
He should be overheating now.
He checks the gauge,
sees the steam under the hood.
He's probably
scratching his balls right now.
He's slowing down
around this bend.
He stops the truck.
He's definitely overheating.
Slow down, slow down.
He's gonna try and start
the engine again, all right?
So we'll give him a moment...
while he figures out
what the fuck he's gonna do.
He's out of the truck.
He pops the hood, he leans in,
and he takes a peek.
- Shit.
- You had this timed?
Son of a bitch!
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
Damn it, Sid.
You're a... you're a jerk.
It was an educated guess.
Educated guess? Come on,
you're the mechanic, Sid.
Look, I painted cars.
I didn't design them.
All right, pass him, pass him.
- What?
- Cut him off!
Come on, it gets busy
down there. Just...
What are you doing?
- He's stopping.
- Shit!
Are you nuts? You don't push
someone's foot on the gas!
Look at this.
It's just the front panel.
What's the big deal?
- Are you gonna take care of it?
- Was I driving, Jerry?
Shut up!
You know what my deductible is?
Anyone hurt?
Why the hell
did you put on your brakes?
I was overheating,
so I put on the brakes.
Jesus,
you guys come out of nowhere...
What you wearing masks for?
Because we're going to rob you,
asshole.
He's got the keys to the back.
Shit!
Aw, son of a bitch.
Let's get out of here.
We got time.
Look, he's going for help.
We got about
three fucking minutes.
Just get the stuff, Sid.
We can't get in
without the keys.
We'll bust in! Get the stuff!
Give me the thing. Come on.
Give me that.
Move over. Move over.
Don't... don't fuck with me!
Lie down!
Stay down! Sons of bitches.
Fuck this.
Oh, God,
please get me out of this.
I'll never do anything
like this again.
Jesus Christ.
What are you doing?
Come on. Let's get out of here.
What are you doing?
Jesus, this gun feels real.
- Sid, no!
- Don't!
I'm going to drop myself off.
I don't want Betty
to see the car like this.
You know?
I couldn't believe it.
The man said they'd been
investigating Ralph's books...
for, like, three months.
When they got
all these complaints...
from the customers
about firing me...
they decided
to do something about it.
And check it out.
I'm getting back pay.
- Do you believe it?
- Back pay?
Yeah, so you see...
it's all good.
And they asked me
if I was interested in his job.
Manager?
Well, I'll have
to take some courses.
But I don't know
if I want to do that.
I know.
Maybe I'll get to be manager.
How about that, huh?
Sid Dunleavy?
This your first time?
Don't worry about it.
No big deal.
They're ready for you.
It is my pleasure
to introduce to you first...
the three
quick-thinking young men.
On the day of November th...
these young men
saved the life of Mr. Kott...
who suffered a heart attack...
while driving
an armored vehicle.
Gentlemen, stand up, please.
Up.
Not only did they rush Mr. Kott
to the emergency room...
but they had
the presence of mind...
to safely return the truck...
and the $ in cash
it was carrying.
Gentlemen, you're
a fine example for us all.
On behalf of the city
and Lion Security...
I say thank you
and God bless you...
and present you each
with a City Samaritan award.
In addition, a unique...
one-of-a-kind gift
for each of you...
a framed wooden
Lion Security seal logo.