Punch Drunk Love Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Punch Drunk Love script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Paul Thomas Anderson movie starring Adam Sandler, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Emily Watson, Luis Guzman, etc.  This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Punch Drunk Love. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

Swing on back to Drew's Script-O-Rama afterwards for more free movie scripts!

Punch Drunk Love Script


   

            

 

                   

Yes, I'm still on hold.

And, what is this?



 

                   

I'm looking at your advertisement

for the airline promotioning giveaway.



 

                   

Ah, the promotion ...



 

                   

Yeah, it's hard to understand

because it's says in addition to ...



 

                   

... but I can't exactly understand

in addition to what ...



 

                   

... because there's actually

nothing to add to.



 

                   

I think that's typo then.



  

                   

Ok, so just to clarify, I'm sorry



  

                   

 10purchases of any of your

Healthy Choice products ...



  

                   

... equals 500 miles, and with the coupon ...



  

                   

... the same purchases

would value 1,000 miles?



  

                   

That's it!



  

                   

Well, do you realize that the monetary

value of this promotion and the price ...



  

                   

... it is potentially worth

more than the purchases?



  

                   

... I don't know.



  

                   

Could I call you back?



  

                   

Could I ask your extension

and your name possibly?



  

                   

Its extension 215 and the name is Carter.

Carter.



  

                   

Thank you very much Carter.

All right. Bye-bye.



  

                   

I'm not sure what that mean.

Is it break or something? What is it? Plastic?



  

                   

It's aaa ... plastic, yeah.

But that kind of breaking shouldn't be a problem.



  

                   

All right. Let me call you first thing tomorrow

and I'm gonna run the numbers ...



  

                   

... see what is it and then I call you back.

Ok ... you have my home phone number, right?



  

                   

What's that for?

If you wanted to call me ...



  

                   

No, that's fine.

I have your work number.



  

                   

Ok. Because of the time difference ...



  

                   

... if you need to reach me or ...

No, its fine. I'll call you at the office.



  

                   

Ok. All right. Bye-bye.

Ok, bye.



  

                   

Hi!



  

                   

Hi.



  

                   

Do you work at the mechanic?



  

                   

No.



  

                   

They're not open yet.

They don't get open until  'a'clock.



  

                   

Is it ok for me if I leave my car, you think?



  

                   

I donít know ... don't know.



  

                   

I thought they open at seven.



  

                   

If I left my car, would it be Ok?



  

                   

I don't know ...



  

                   

Do you know them?

Not very well.



  

                   

Can I ask you ... can I trust

to live my key with you, give it to you ...



  

                   

... so when they get here

you could give it to them?



  

                   

...ok ... sure.



  

                   

I think it's OK where I left it, right there.



  

                   

Yeah, itíll be fine ...

I can watch it.



  

                   

Thanks a lot.

... keep an eye on it.



  

                   

There's a piano on the street.



  

                   

Yeah.



  

                   

Ok, maybe I'll see you later,

thank you for your help.



  

                   

Thank you. Maybe I'll see

you later when I pick up my car.



  

                   

OK.



  

                   

Good morning Barry.



  

                   

You're OK?

Yes!



  

                   

Why are you wearing a suit?



  

                   

I bought one ... I thought it will

be nice to get dressed for work ...



  

                   

... and I'm not exactly sure why ...



  

                   

May I please show you something?

Sure.



  

                   

What's this?



  

                   

I believe this is a small piano.



  

                   

Is not a piano.

I got a piano at home.



  

                   

Oh!

Where did you get it?



  

                   

It was dropped on the street.



  

                   

And why it is here?



  

                   

Barry?



  

                   

Barry?



  

                   

I don't know!



  

                   

We do back our fungers    % and we do

ask for a    to    days display on the floor ...



  

                   

Barry, your sister's on line one!



  

                   

Barry, your sister's on line one!



  

                   

I don't think they'll be out that long.



  

                   

I can almost guarantee you that,

but let me just get that, is my sister.



  

                   

This is Barry. Hey, it's me, it's Rhonda,

are you going to that damn party tonight?



  

                   

Oh, hi Rhonda, yes I am.



  

                   

All right, fine, bye.

Bye-bye, I see you tonight.



  

                   

Sorry about that.



  

                   

I just want to tell you fellas

that we just receive ...



  

                   

... a very large order from

the Rio hotel and casino in Las Vegas ...



  

                   

... We will be supplying each and

every one of their bathrooms ...



  

                   

with the dice and money fungers,

so these papers are really flying.



  

                   

With the arch'o'blast ...

Barry, your sister's on line  !



  

                   

Barry your sister's on line two!



  

                   

With the arch'o'blast, the little zippers,

the way'o's and the speedboats, ...



  

                   

... we ask for the display

to be at high level for the recharger ...



  

                   

Barry!

Let me just get that!



  

                   

This is Barry.

Hey, it's me, what're you doing?



  

                   

Hi, I have some customers here,

I can't really chat right now.



  

                   

Chat?

Did you just say chat?



  

                   

Yes, I can't talk ...

You just fucking said chat ...



  

                   

... that's so ... what do you know?

... chat?



  

                   

I'm just calling to make sure that you

show up at this party tonight ...



  

                   

Oh yes, I will be there.



  

                   

Ok, fine. Than you get to go back at chatty with your

precious customers, you fucking phony chatty piece of shit!



  

                   

Ok. Bye. Thank you.



  

                   

Sorry about that!



  

                   

I didn't know, you have a sister?

Yes, I do.



  

                   

Wanted to tell you guys about the new fungers ...



  

                   

We've been working on this and we

have a non-breakable handle finally!



  

                   

Let me demonstrate for you ...



   

                   

Ok, this was one of the old ones, so I'm ...

We have a new one around here?



   

                   

Sorry about that.



   

                   

It's a little embarrassing.



   

                   

Aaa ... this is ...

Barry your sister's on line  !



   

                   

So how many sisters do you have?



   

                   

I have  .

Yes.



   

                   

They call me because they're having

a party tonight, so they just calling me ...



   

                   

...   more minutes, OK?



   

                   

This is Barry.

Hey, how do you do?



   

                   

Hi Kathleen. I'm just working.

You're going to the party tonight?



   

                   

Yes, I am.

What are you doing?



   

                   

I'm ... just working.

Yeah, but what are you doing?



   

                   

I'm ... talking on the phone to you,

I'm standing ...



   

                   

What time you're going to be there?

 .



   

                   

You can't be late!

I won't!



   

                   

I'm serious.

I won't.



   

                   

Seriously!

I know.



   

                   

You can't be late!

I know.



   

                   

Seriously!

You can't just stay in your house!



   

                   

Yeah, but I'm serious!



   

                   

See you there!

See you there.



   

                   

Don't push out!

Yeah.



   

                   

Is that car gonna be OK?

It's fine. Thanks.



   

                   

Barry. It's your sister.



   

                   

Hi! How are you?

How do you do Elizabeth?



   

                   

How's going?

It's going great!



   

                   

Just stop by to say hello!

Terrific!



   

                   

So, you're going tonight, right?

Yes, I'll be there! Cool!



   

                   

You're going? Yes I am. Actually, I came by

to talk to you about something in particular.



   

                   

There's this girl, this friend of mine from work,

who I think is really cute and really cool.



   

                   

And I want you to meet her so I was thinking

about bringing her to the party tonight.



   

                   

Yeah!

I don't wanna do that!



   

                   

Why?

I just ... I don't do stuff like that!



   

                   

No, you don't really do anything!



   

                   

She'd be looking at me!



   

                   

So? What's wrong with looking at you?

It's a free country!



   

                   

It feels like I would be a little tense

and I don't think I'll act like myself.



   

                   

Well ... that's kind of your fault!



   

                   

It's a slight chance

I'm not even coming tonight!



   

                   

Oh! Really?



   

                   

Everyone said you were coming!

Didn't you tell everyone you were coming?



   

                   

Yes, I renew my gym membership.



   

                   

Oh, right! Oh, god, well ...

that's solve everything actually.



   

                   

If you're not gonna come tonight

I can just bring her.



   

                   

It's not a big deal.



   

                   

Well, you'll be fine!

Great!



   

                   

Please don't!



   

                   

Just try to be your friend Barry.

Hope you can make it!



   

                   

He's not gonna come ...

Hey Barry! Hi! Hi!



   

                   

We're just talking about you. All right. Remember

we used to call you gayboy, you get all mad.



   

                   

What's that?

We used to call you gayboy, remember ...



   

                   

... you'd be fine and then we

call you gayboy you just freak out!



   

                   

We were calling you gay and you got so mad

you threw the hammer through the door.



   

                   

You remember?

I don't remember that!



   

                   

Yes you do!

We're calling you gayboy and you got so mad.



   

                   

Are you gay now?



   

                   

I don't know.



   

                   

I don't know. We were trying to figure out

why did you have the hammer in the first place!



   

                   

Why are you wearing that suit?

I don't know.



   

                   

Are you using that dandruff

shampoo I bought you?



   

                   

Barry! Barry! Barry!

Why did you have the hammer?



   

                   

Why did I have the hammer?



   

                   

He was building a doghouse.



   

                   

Ok!

Happy Birthday!



   

                   

A cake! We have a cake!

You got a cake ...



   

                   

Hey! I was just thinking about you.

Glad you could make it.



   

                   

Chatty! Hi Mr. chatty!

You have rice in your hair!



   

                   

Did you say hello to your brother?



   

                   

Hey, Barry, how're you doing?

How're you doing, 'pal!



   

                   

Hey, Barry!



   

                   

Uh, I'm sorry!

How's a going?



   

                   

How's work?

Business is very food, thank you.



   

                   

What's very food?

What's that?



   

                   

You just said: very food.



   

                   

Oh, I'm sorry, I meant

to say very good.



   

                   

Maybe you said food

'cause you're hungry.



   

                   

That makes sense!



   

                   

Where's your friend?



   

                   

No! You're off the hook Barry!

She couldn't make it!



   

                   

Thank you!



   

                   

You're nervous? No.



   

                   

Did you get your gym membership?

Tommorrow.



   

                   

What the fuck is your problem?

You fucking retard, Barry!



   

                   

I'm sorry ... about that.

I'm sorry about what I did.



   

                   

It's all right.



   

                   

I wanted to ask you something

because you're a doctor and ...



   

                   

Yeah?



   

                   

I don't like myself sometimes.



   

                   

Can you help me?



   

                   

Barry, I'm a dentist, I ...



   

                   

What kind of help

do you think I can give you?



   

                   

I know. I ... maybe

you know other doctors.



   

                   

Like a psychiatrist?



   

                   

I just don't have anybody else

I can talk to about things and ...



   

                   

... I understand it's

confidential with the doctor ...



   

                   

And I just ...

I don't want my sisters to know, Ok?



   

                   

I can trust you about this?



   

                   

Barry, if itís about getting you a phone

number for a psychiatrist I can do that.



   

                   

It's not a problem, but ...



   

                   

... what exactly it's wrong?



   

                   

I don't know if there is anything wrong

because I don't know how other people are.



   

                   

I ... sometimes cry a lot.



   

                   

For no reason.



   

                   

 .   USD.



   

                   

What am I looking for?



   

                   

What am I looking for?



   

                   

Tell me!

Talk to me!



   

                   

Talk to me!

Talk to me!



   

                   

Pudding!



   

                   

Hi, this is Janet, the operator.

Who's this?



   

                   

Hi, how're you doing?



   

                   

Can I have your credit card number

followed by the expiration date?



   

                   

Sure.



   

                   

Aaaa ... how much is this anyway?



   

                   

It's  .   per minute

for the first half hour ...



   

                   

... and  .   per minute after that.



   

                   

Ok ... and it's confidential?



   

                   

What do you mean?



   

                   

The informations I give you

it's private, confidential?



   

                   

Of course, yeah.

Would you like to talk to a girl?



   

                   

I can connect you with a

beautiful girl if I can just have ...



   

                   

... your credit card number

followed by the expiration date.



   

                   

Sure.                 

Expiration     



   

                   

And your billing address?

And the name as it appear on the card.



   

                   

     Mallpark,

Sherman-Aux, California



   

                   

Apartment         zip code.



   

                   

And your name?

Barry Egan.



   

                   

And your social security number?

What for?



   

                   

It's just a verification thru

the credit card company.



   

                   

And this is confidential?



   

                   

It's just for us to verify your

credit card information ...



   

                   

... and it's completely confidential and it

appears on your credit card as ...



   

                   

Very good.



   

                   

  ... I'm soryy



   

                   

OK! So hang on Barry all right?

Thank you very much.



   

                   

We're all set! Can I have the telephone number,

area code first and then we'll call you back?



   

                   

Could you possibly just

connect me to one of the girls?



   

                   

Well, it's a call back service

so we'll call you back.



   

                   

OK ... I just was calling to speak with

one of the girls, I thought that's how it works ...



   

                   

... I'm           



   

                   

OK. And what kind of girl

would you like to talk to?



   

                   

I don't want anybody to know it's me

and I don't want'em to know my name OK?



   

                   

Nobody will know your name!

OK, if you could tell my name is Jack.



   

                   

You want her to call you Jack?



   

                   

Sure ... I just don't want her to know it's me.



   

                   

OK, that's fine Jack.

Thank you. I'm sorry.



   

                   

No problem!

So we'll call you right back, OK?



   

                   

Terriffic!

Ok.



   

                   

Hello, this is Back.

I'm calling for Jack.



   

                   

How are you doing?



   

                   

Hi, how are you doing?

This is Jack!



   

                   

This is Georgia.

Hi!



   

                   

Hi, what are you doing tonight?



   

                   

Nothing. What are you doing?

I am laying on my bed.



   

                   

Where are you?

I'm in my bedroom.



   

                   

No, I mean what state,

what city are you in?



   

                   

I'm in California.



   

                   

Me too, I'm in California.

I know you are baby, I'm in Los Angeles.



   

                   

I'm in Los Angeles too.



   

                   

Well, well, well maybe we hook

up sometime, what do you think?



   

                   

Are you watching a porno movie Jack?

No I'm not Georgia.



   

                   

Do you like porno movies?

Sure.



   

                   

Yeah?

So Jack are you stroking it?



   

                   

No.

What are you doing now?



   

                   

I'm talking to you.

With your pants off?



   

                   

No, my pants are on.



   

                   

I'm only wearing a t-shirt and panties.



   

                   

Really?

Yeah, really!



   

                   

And I'm looking at my

shaved pussy in the mirror.



   

                   

Do you wanna know what I look like?

It doesn't matter.



   

                   

What do you mean

it doesn't matter?



   

                   

Well, I have no way of

finding out so it doesn't matter.



   

                   

I'm not lying to you Jack.

I'm about   foot height,   -   -   ...



   

                   

My friends say I'm gorgeus.

Really? Yeah, really!



   

                   

What about you?

It doesn't matter.



   

                   

Yes, it does!



   

                   

You're married, aren't you?



   

                   

No. No?

You have a girlfriend? Yes.



   

                   

Oh! Where is she?

She ... went out uptown.



   

                   

Oh, good, I like that!



   

                   

I'm so horny Jack!

What about you?



   

                   

Sure! Do you like peaches Jack?

They're OK.



   

                   

Well, you'll like me even better

'cause I'm a Georgia peach.



   

                   

Are you jerking off, aren't you Jack?

No, I'm not.



   

                   

Well ... do you ever?



   

                   

Sometimes ... yes, when I'm lonely.



   

                   

Well, you're not to be lonely

anymore 'cause you got me now.



   

                   

It's not very nice and very ... personable.



   

                   

Personable ... thank you baby.



   

                   

So what do you do Barry?



   

                   

I work, I have my own business,

I work hard at doing my business.



   

                   

Are you good in your business?

Yes. Yeah?



   

                   

So do you do really well?

Do you make tons of money?



   

                   

I'm doing pretty good

I think as a start.



   

                   

I wish I was making more,

doing a little bit better ...



   

                   

... but I can't get over a certain point,

however I'll crack something ...



   

                   

... very soon I think

and really do better.



   

                   

I like to diversify.

But I'm doing great I think as a start.



   

                   

Are you stroking it baby?

No I'm not.



   

                   

Is your cock hard?

I don't know what it's doing right now.



   

                   

Why don't you take

your clothes off Jack.



   

                   

And I wanna picture you laid

down with me next to you.



   

                   

And I want you

to stroke your cock, OK?



   

                   

OK? I'm so horny Barry ...



   

                   

This is Barry? Hey, what do

you do and how are you?



   

                   

I'm fine, nothing and how are you?

It's me, it's Georgia.



   

                   

How's a going? Good morning!



   

                   

It's OK that I'm calling, right?

Sure.



   

                   

I just wanted to call and talk to

you and thank you for last night.



   

                   

And ... to say hello.

Well ... thank you!



   

                   

I'm so tired, I went to bed

so late last night.



   

                   

What about you?

When did you go to sleep?



   

                   

Not very late.



   

                   

Well, are you going to work now?

Yes.



   

                   

Can I ask you a question?

Sure!



   

                   

Remember last night when we were talking, I was

telling you about my apartment and my rent, remember?



   

                   

This is so weird and

really embarrassing for me.



   

                   

I was wandering if maybe you can

help me out with some money.



   

                   

Me? Yeah!



   

                   

Aaa ... yes ... no.

I'm sorry I can't afford that.



   

                   

But you don't know how much it is!

How much is it?



   

                   

Like     USD.



   

                   

Yeah ... No no ...

I can't afford that.



   

                   

I'm sorry ... sorry!

Seriously?



   

                   

You're having trouble,

financial trouble?



   

                   

It's so hard these days and

... yeah I really need it.



   

                   

Yeah ... I just don't have enough

money to be able to do that, I'm sorry.



   

                   

I thought you said you're had your own business!

You said you're gonna diversify and all that stuff.



   

                   

So you think you can?



   

                   

I'm sorry!



   

                   

Maybe I should call back

and talk to your girlfriend?



   

                   

Maybe it would be better to

ask her for the money.



   

                   

Could be really easy, you know Barry

I have all your information ...



   

                   

I have your credit card information ...

I say no, thank you.



   

                   

Good morning Barry.

Good morning.



   

                   

Hey, what's with all this

pudding, what is this?



   

                   

Oh. that's part of a pretty amazing

airline promotional giveaway.



   

                   

It's really tremendous. I'm gonna start

a collection of puddings and coupons



   

                   

that could be redeem for free flyer miles

to Healthy Choice at American Airlines.



   

                   

You're going on a trip?

No, I'm not but ...



   

                   

... they're just like a currency these days.



   

                   

You should go on a trip!

Yeah, no thank you.



   

                   

So, what you want me do with it?

Well, you just leave it there for now.



   

                   

Thank you very much,

I'm doing well, my name is Barry Egan.



   

                   

I have a little problem with my MasterCard.



   

                   

I ... lost it

and I found it again



   

                   

and I'm afraid in my

losting and finding I ...



   

                   

somebody might have used my card or ...

OK. What's the account number?



   

                   

Ok. I did punch that in

earlier, I'm sorry.



   

                   

I just ...

I'm nervous about the whole situation



   

                   

I just wanna make sure that no one spent any

money so far ... I don't have money to burn.



   

                   

OK. I'm clean for now?

Yes. Everything is fine.



   

                   

I'm sorry. That's OK.

What's your name?



   

                   

My name is Simone.

Nice to meet you.



   

                   

Ok. So I'm gonna go and cut it out.

Ok. That's fine. I'll cut up my card and



   

                   

... and get a new one going, right?

Yes you will. Thank you very much.



   

                   

You're welcome.



   

                   

He is wearing that god damn suit again

I don't know why is he wearing that suit



   

                   

He hasn't usually dress like that.

That's fine.



   

                   

Hey, what are you doing?

Why are you wearing that suit again?



   

                   

I don't know. Hi. Hi! Remember me?

I left my car yesterday. Yes I do!



   

                   

This is Lena Leonard, she's a good friend

of mine from work. We were in the



   

                   

neighborhood and she had to pick up her car

and we're getting breakfast before we go in



   

                   

so did you wanna go? We're

gonna go eat. Let's go!



   

                   

Yeah, I can't. Why? I have

to work, I have to stay here.



   

                   

Seriously? We will going to eat I said.

I'm sorry. It's OK, that's all right.



   

                   

What is that? Are you

learning to play the piano?



   

                   

That's not a piano. Lance! Yeah?

Remember we have to call that guy in Toledo!



   

                   

Which guy?

I tell you later!



   

                   

You don't wanna come eat with us?

Barry, a call for you on line  !



   

                   

What's all that pudding?



   

                   

No ... I'm gonna talk to ...

One second! Let me just get this!



   

                   

What's that pudding Barry?



   

                   

This is Barry!

Hey baby I guess we got disconnected before.



   

                   

We got disconect?

How did you get this number?



   

                   

You're calling me at work?

You cancelled your credit card ...



   

                   

I need you not to cancel

your credit card.



   

                   

OK, this is very unconfortable.

I need help.



   

                   

Should I just ask your girlfriend? Maybe I

should just call back and talk to your girlfriend.



   

                   

I don't have a girl. You said

you did. I know. But I don't.



   

                   

You lied to me? This is illegal

Ok? I'm sorry, I'll call the police.



   

                   

No, you won't.



   

                   

This is a little embarrassing. I'm sorry.

I'll go pay for my car. Are you sure?



   

                   

Yes. I have no idea why he's beeing

weird and dressed in that suit.



   

                   

That's no problem, it's ok.

He's so strange, I don't ...



   

                   

... even if you'd really go out with him? It's ok, all right.

I'll come right back, I'll just pay for my car.I'm sorry.



   

                   

Come on rich boy, I thought

we have fun! This isn't cool!



   

                   

You thought it was cool last night.

I'm gonna hang up the phone.



   

                   

You have no idea what will

happen to you mother fucker!



   

                   

Ok! I just really have to go.

What do you think, she's cool, right?



   

                   

Why did you just come by like this?

It's not cool? No, its fine, I just ...



   

                   

Do you think you'll ask her out?

I don't know, I don't do things like that.



   

                   

You don't do anything.

Why are you being scared?



   

                   

I'm not being scared! I just ...

you're gonna rag up on me if I do this!



   

                   

I'm not gonna rag you! Why

would I do this just to rag you?



   

                   

Can I ask a serious question?



   

                   

Did you ask Walter to get you a shrink?



   

                   

Barry! Did you ask Walter to get you a shrink?

What's the matter with you? Are you OK?



   

                   

He is lying!

You're being weird again.



   

                   

We should be going!

Yeah!



   

                   

What guy in Toledo are you talking about?

Talking about the guy ...



   

                   

I come over to you, I'll tell you later.

Are you talking about the Ramata Inn?



   

                   

I'll just come over to you

in a second ...



   

                   

I'm sorry I couldn't come to your sister's birthday party

last tonight. Elizabeth had invited me and I couldn't make it.



   

                   

Not a problem! Don't worry about it!

We had a terrific time thou!



   

                   

It must be a weight for you

to have so many sisters.



   

                   

No! Not at all! It's very nice.

Telephone, Barry, line  !



   

                   

This is Barry! Hang up again and

see the troubles it's gonna make!



   

                   

Thank you!

What do you mean, thank you?



   

                   

This is good, you're busy?

Yeah ... not really.



   

                   

I saw a picture of you.

Oh yes?



   

                   

Elizabeth has a picture of you guys,

your sisters and you.



   

                   

It's a lot of family, must be nice.

Do you have brothers and sisters? No.



   

                   

I'm the exact opposite.



   

                   

That must be nice ...

That must be really, really ...



   

                   

No, it's terrible.

What's the pudding for?



   

                   

That's something else!



   

                   

Oh my god!



   

                   

So, where you guys went on the breakfast?

How long have you been working with my sister?



   

                   

Aaaa ...   months, maybe  .

So you know her.



   

                   

Do you wanna check that?

Sure!



   

                   

Are you guys hurt? Are you OK?

They are ok.



   

                   

So what do you do? You do what she does?

The same job, the same work?



   

                   

I do ... I do mainly field consultations,

which is cool 'cause I got to travel.



   

                   

I'm going to Hawaii on Friday.

Hawaii? I was thinking about going there!



   

                   

Really? I was thinking about

going there on business.



   

                   

Well, if you gonna go ...

I'm probably not gonna go thou ...



   

                   

Oh, that's too bad 'cause it's so great over there and

if you were there we could say hello to each other.



   

                   

Yes, that would be great, but I'm not exactly

sure, I have so much going on here,



   

                   

... a lot depends on this thing, if it happens

I won't be able to go, but if doesn't happen



   

                   

... I might be able to ...

I can't find the key to my car.



   

                   

So? Are you gonna come eat with us?

Yeah, I can't.



   

                   

Oh my god!



   

                   

It was great to meet you again

and thanks for helping me yesterday.



   

                   

What is that piano?

What is this pudding?



   

                   

I don't know.

Why are they here?



   

                   

Call me later and we can talk

about asking Walter for the shrink ...



   

                   

... and he said you have this

crying problem or something?!



   

                   

By Barry!

Call me later!



   

                   

Barry seems very busy. I don't know

if he has enough time for a girlfriend.



   

                   

Sorry.



   

                   

See you at the restaurant?

OK.



   

                   

I'm gonna go and eat tommorrow night.

Do you want to go with me?



   

                   

Sure!

Do you want to pick me up?



   

                   

Sure! Can I write down my address

and phone number for you?



   

                   

Sure.



   

                   

This is funny.

Yeah.



   

                   

There you go.

Thanks.



   

                   

I didn't ask for a shrink,

that must have been somebody else.



   

                   

Also that pudding isn't mine.



   

                   

Also I'm wearing a suit today because

I had a very important meeting this morning



   

                   

and I don't have a crying problem.

OK.



   

                   

OK. Hi.

Hi!



   

                   

This is Barry. You just made a fucking

war for yourself that you can't afford!



   

                   

Uhh, yeah.

How do you know this guy is rich?



   

                   

He said he was gonna diversify.

Diversify what?



   

                   

His business.

And what is his name?



   

                   

Barry Egan.



   

                   

I can take the brothers on this mission?

Yes.



   

                   

Will do.

Thank you so much.



   

                   

You can't do that! It's wrong!



   

                   

They'll go.

Great.



   

                   

That's all I'm paying to you guys.

That's cool!



   

                   

When can you leave?

As soon as you want to.



   

                   

Well, I want you to go right away!

I think that's best!



   

                   

And I also really need you to check

out a car for me down there.



   

                   

All the expenses are on your own.

But Leticia said you're gonna cover'em.



   

                   

She didn't know what she said.

Whatever man, that's not cool.



   

                   

David don't just ... seriously ...

right, doesn't make any sense.



   

                   

It's business, seriously.

Look,     USD,   days work



   

                   

... it's a lot more than your families

are making sitting on their houses.



   

                   

All right? I'm serious now. OK?

Keys to the truck.



   

                   

And you got the gas set up.



   

                   

All right, save receipts on that.



   

                   

Here's the address!

There was his business address too but ...



   

                   

You know ... hit him at his house first.



   

                   

Just fix it Sir!



   

                   

You know, I wanna tell you

something, I've got to tell you ...



   

                   

Oh no!



   

                   

I saw a picture of you guys,

your sisters and you and ...



   

                   

I saw your picture and

I really wanted to meet you.



   

                   

I came to drop my car off

on purpose to try to meet you.



   

                   

Boy ... are you lying?

No.



   

                   

I thought I should tell you ... I don't want to

hide something from you before we're getting out.



   

                   

Very nice of you to say.

Terrific!



   

                   

I was listening to this morning DJ's this

morning and they always have couples ...



   

                   

... that come in and talk about their

problems ... and this DJ Justice ...



   

                   

... this morning DJ that I really like

... and they were talking about pictures ...



   

                   

... and they're talking about year-book pictures and how

nobody's happy with the way they look in their pictures ...



   

                   

and ... I just love this guy because he tells

it the way it is ... he's not a phony ...



   

                   

and this guys ... and this guy calls up and

he's talking about his senior quote ...



   

                   

and so DJ Justice says: "What was your

senior quote?, What was so great about it?"



   

                   

He says "I stole an ancient proverb"

and so he says ok and he says ...



   

                   

... "Confusion say!"

And then DJ Justice says



   

                   

"Confusion or Confucius?"

And it was just so comical.



   

                   

You know, that's my favorite part of the

show and I laugh, I laugh and laugh ...



   

                   

How's your business going?

Did you sell all that pudding?



   

                   

The pudding is not a sales item ...

Why?



   

                   

It's ... not for sale.

Really? Why is that?



   

                   

I'd rather not say, if that's OK.

Oh, I'm sorry, was it like a secret pudding?



   

                   

Let's just keep it between you and I,

if that's possible? Sure, sure.



   

                   

Healthy Choice and American Airlines

got together for this promotion ...



   

                   

If you buy any    of Healthy Choice products

they'll reward you     frequent flyer miles ...



   

                   

... with a special coupon

they'll up it to a      miles.



   

                   

So I think they're trying to push their

Teriyaki Chicken which is  .   USD ...



   

                   

But I went to the Supermarket, I looked arround

and I saw that they had pudding at  .   USD/cup.



   

                   

Comes in packages of four,

but insanely ...



   

                   

... the barcodes are on the individual cups!



   

                   

So, a quarter of a cup ...

say you bought  .   USD worth ...



   

                   

That's worth     miles, ...

with the coupon it's a      miles ...



   

                   

It's a marketing mistake but

I'm taking advantage of it.



   

                   

If you already spent      USD ... that will

get you a million frequent flyer miles ...



   

                   

... you would never have to pay

for a ticket for the rest of your life!



   

                   

So you put a lot pudding so you

can get free coupons. Yes.



   

                   

That's insane!



   

                   

I'm guessing it was a mistake ... but I'm

taking advantage of the wallets offered.



   

                   

Who knows how long it will last!

Too many peoples start doing it!



   

                   

Your sister has told me a history about you.



   

                   

When you were kids you throw

a hammer through the door, right?



   

                   

Threw a hammer!

I don't remember doing that.



   

                   

My sister's a liar!



   

                   

I have to go to the bathroom.



   

                   

Hello! Hi!

Can I talk to you sir?



   

                   

Why?

I ... just need you for a second, please.



   

                   

Sir, the bathroom has just torn apart.

Yeah. Did you do it? No.



   

                   

You didn't just smashed up the bathroom?

No. Well, who did?



   

                   

I don't know.

Sir, your hand is bleeding.



   

                   

I cut myself.

On my knife.



   

                   

What?

Sir, your hand is bleeding.



   

                   

I know.

I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.



   

                   

Yeah, but I didn't do anything. Sir, I've got

no way to prove that you smashed up the bathroom.



   

                   

I didn't do that. I didn't.

Look, I'm gonna have to ask you to go.



   

                   

Ok. I didn't do that.

I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.



   

                   

Please don't do this to me!

Sir, I'm gonna call the police!



   

                   

All right. Can I just ... Sir, I'm gonna

crack your fuckin' head open! Get out of here!



   

                   

We should go right now.

Ok.



   

                   

Thank you.



   

                   

So, you know that ... the harmonium that

you send it up in your office ...



   

                   

Harmonium ...

Piano.



   

                   

Did you steal that from the street?



   

                   

What's this?



   

                   

You did, didn't you?



   

                   

Yeah, I did, why, is it yours?

No, it's yours.



   

                   

You're going to play it?



   

                   

I wouldn't put on any concerts yet!



   

                   

So, I'm sorry, I don't mean to ... about

the pudding and the harmonium and everything



   

                   

... but ...

Not at all!



   

                   

... you must travel quite a lot!

Oh, no, no no ... I don't travel!



   

                   

No?



   

                   

You wanna take a left to stop here.



   

                   

Ok! I'm gonna go!

Yeah.



   

                   

Good to see you again! Good to see

your face again! ... go out with you!



   

                   

I'm gonna be arround,

back in town in a few days.



   

                   

But if you come to Hawaii ...

I don't know ...



   

                   

You don't think you'll go?

We'll see about that, I don't know!



   

                   

Ok, I'll call you when I get back.

Oh, great!



   

                   

Have a good trip!

... and bye-bye!



   

                   

... and bye-bye!

... and bye-bye!



   

                   

You fuckin' ...



   

                   

... and bye-bye, you stupid motherfucker.



   

                   

Are you Barry?



   

                   

Yes?

This is for you.



   

                   

Ok.



   

                   

Thank you!



   

                   

This is Barry.

It's me, it's Lena.



   

                   

Hi!



   

                   

I just wanted you to know ... wherever you're

going now or whatever you're doing right now ...



   

                   

I want you to know that I wanted

to kiss you this time. Really?



   

                   

Yeah.



   

                   

Oh, is good!

Yeah.



   

                   

I don't freak out very often.

What do you mean?



   

                   

No matter what my sisters say, Ok?

I don't know what you mean.



   

                   

I don't freak out.

Ok.



   

                   

Have a good trip.

Thank you.



   

                   

So ...     USD, that's maximum,

That's what I can take out in a day.



   

                   

Ok.

This is what you get when you're pervert.



   

                   

You said you'd help somebody out, you didn't,

so we just gonna take this money back to her.



   

                   

... and that's that.



   

                   

Ok. But before you guys go I just ...

I've wanted to bring up one thing ...



   

                   

I said no to Georgia ... she wanted the

money and I had to decline because ...



   

                   

... I don't really have that much ...

that money, right, that I just gave you ...



   

                   

... is actually a lot of money to me ...  .   USD ... so I

don't know if this is fair ... Wait, wait ... no, please! Auch!



   

                   

"UTAH"

" R  FNH"



   

                   

You wanna fuck with my brother?

You wanna fuck with my family? Fuck!



   

                   

Help me!



   

                   

Where the fuck are you going?

We know where you live!



   

                   

Hey, Barry, good morning.

Hey, Lance, can I talk to you for a sec.?



   

                   

Sure!

Come on, I'm here!



   

                   

I got in trouble last night ...

I have a little bit of trouble.



   

                   

What happened?

I made a phone call.



   

                   

I better get more pudding!



   

                   

Barry, a phone call on line  !

Barry, on line one!



   

                   

This is Barry!

Hey, it's me, it's Rhonda!



   

                   

I need to talk to you about

smashing those windows last night.



   

                   

Yeah. You know, I'm gonna go out of town.

I'm gonna go out of town for   days!



   

                   

Where you're going Barry?

I have to go to Hawaii!



   

                   

But you can tell my sisters ...

You're going to Hawaii? Yeah.



   

                   

That is so wonderful you're going to Hawaii! Don't tell my

sisters, thou. Just make sure you don't tell my sisters. Just ...



   

                   

Ok.

Ok.



   

                   

And I have to get more pudding

for this trip to Hawaii.



   

                   

As I just that ... I'll realize that this

may seem a little strange but it's not.



   

                   

So would you like to come with me?

Ok. Right now? Barry? Yes!



   

                   

First I saw the Teriyaki Chicken for  .   USD

and then the soup, which made a real deal,



   

                   

... but the stumble across

the pudding it's just tremendous.



   

                   

How most people don't look,

they don't look at the fine print Lance!



   

                   

Oh!

Ok!



   

                   

You can go to places in the world,

but pudding ... that is funny!



   

                   

Yeah!

That's funny!



   

                   

Yes!



   

                   

It's gonna work!



   

                   

I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming ...

Baby I'm coming!



   

                   

Better go on line ...



   

                   

Barry! I'll be on line!

OK! I'm coming! OK.



   

                   

No no no no ...

What do you mean?



   

                   

That it takes six to eight weeks?

Sir ... Sir ...



   

                   

Sir, it takes that much time to process

the order to make sure that it is valuable.



   

                   

I ... I had this plan in my mind, OK?

I, I was gonna get the pudding today.



   

                   

I can get the pudding over to you today,

that's it, I'm leaving today.



   

                   

Sir, as I explained to you before,

it takes this much time to process.



   

                   

But how am I supposed to know this if you don't

tell me this, it's not in your rules and regulations, ...



   

                   

.. in the fine print. That's an impossibillity. Anyone know this.

- It takes that much time to process.



   

                   

Ok, I didn't see a   or an   anywhere.

This is bull...crap to me.



   

                   

No, no no no ...

Sir, it takes that much time to process.



   

                   

Hello?

Hello?



   

                   

All right! The pudding is gonna take   to   weeks

to process, so that's not gonna work today.



   

                   

I take a bath on that today!

But here's what I'm gonna tell you.



   

                   

Now ... Pudding!



   

                   

You're ok?

We'll get to the pudding later. Yeah.



   

                   

I'm gonna go now! Ok.

I'll call you from there. Yeah.



   

                   

You're running the place until I get back.

Don't tell my sisters anything, OK?



   

                   

I've never been on a plane before.



   

                   

What was that sound?

I don't know.



   

                   

Hi!

Hi! Where you wanna go to?



   

                   

Could you take me to the beaches and the

hotels are. And I'm gonna need a phone.



   

                   

Hello? Hey, it's me!

Hi, what are you doing?



   

                   

Nothing, I'm at work. I was wondering,

you remember your friend Lena?



   

                   

Yeah, what about her? Well, I was wondering

if you know where she's staying in the Hawaii!



   

                   

'Cause she forgot something at my work and I wanted

to get it back to her, make sure she isn't nervous.



   

                   

Oh my God, I know exactly what are you saying!

You fuck, she'll think you're a pervert!



   

                   

Don't do this to me.

What do you want her number for?



   

                   

All I want is her number,

can you help me out?



   

                   

Tell me why ... There's no reason

for you to treat me this way!



   

                   

You're killing me!

You're killing me with the way you torture me.



   

                   

All I want is the fucking number! That should be goddamn

good enough for you. Now give me the fuckin' number!



   

                   

Ok. You fuckin' hear me?

I'm sick of this fuckin' shit!



   

                   

Stop fuckin' treat me this way! Give me the

fuckin' number! I'll fuckin' kill you! You are dead!



   

                   

Hi, yes, Lena.

Ok, one moment. Thank you.



   

                   

Hello? Hello?



   

                   

Is Lena there?

Wrong room.



   

                   

Hi, yes, I just called, got disconnected, wrong room, I'm

looking for Lena Leonard and it shouldn't be a man in that room!



   

                   

One moment please!

Thank you.



   

                   

Hello? Lena?

Hi, this is Barry Egan!



   

                   

Yeah! I am near you!



   

                   

I'm just calling you,

I'm standing in my hotel room!



   

                   

Yeah? Yeah!

I'm here on my business trip!



   

                   

Yeah! You don't have a boyfriend or

anything do you? No, what do you mean?



   

                   

I just wanted to now.

When was the last time you had a boyfriend?



   

                   

About   months ago, why?

I just wanted to make sure.



   

                   

When was the last time you had a girlfriend?

Well, you have been married? Yeah! Ok.



   

                   

How long you have been married?



   

                   

Do you want to meet me and talk about this?

OK. Where're you from originary?



   

                   

I'm here.



   

                   

You got me out from my hotel room.

Can we go now to my room?



   

                   

So nice.



   

                   

Really looks like Hawaii here.



   

                   

I'm sorry I forgot to shave.



   

                   

Your face is so adorable ...

your skin and your chick and ...



   

                   

... I wanna bite it. I wanna bite your chick and ...

it's so fuckin' cute.



   

                   

I'm looking at your face

and I just wanna smash it.



   

                   

I just wanna fuckin' smash it with the sledge

hammer and squeeze it, you're so pretty ...



   

                   

I wanna chew your face and I wanna

scoop out your eyes and I want to eat them.



   

                   

Chew them and suck them.



   

                   

Ok. This is fine.

Yeah. This is nice.



   

                   

At the restaurant I beat up the bathroom.

I'm sorry.



   

                   

Hi! Hi. Hey so, apparently, they need to see the

new    's to make sure it works with their O.C.



   

                   

OK. And what should I do about Eric?

Aaaa, just tell him to call me. Ok.



   

                   

So, didn't my brother call you? No.

I have no idea what he's doing then.



   

                   

I'm really sorry that it didn't work out. No, it's

fine. I mean, you wouldn't go out with him anyway ...



   

                   

... he's such a freak sometimes.

Yeah, he did seem a little strange.



   

                   

Well, he's not that strange!

Don't say that.



   

                   

You're right, I'm sorry.

I think he's weird, but that's me.



   

                   

Ok ... so, should I call you later?

That's ok, I'll just see you when you get back here.



   

                   

Ok.

Ok. Bye!



   

                   

So why do you have to go?

For work.



   

                   

For work?



   

                   

I don't have any business here,

I came here for you.



   

                   

Oh, hello there guy!

Hi, look, this is Barry ...



   

                   

You had almost reached me,

but not quite.



   

                   

I'm in the other room shaving

my roommate's pussy right now ...



   

                   

... so I'm a bit distracted. But if you leave me

your name and your home phone number ...



   

                   

... area code first please ... I'll be sure

to call you back as soon as I'm done.



   

                   

Gosh, you're so sexy!

Bye honey!



   

                   

Yes, this is Barry Egan, I am calling in

regards of what took place the other night ...



   

                   

... I just wanted to tell everybody I know

it was not fair what you did to me ...



   

                   

... and I am expecting my money back.

I realize you have my home phone number ...



   

                   

... I'm away on vacation right now,

if you guys wanna reach me ...



   

                   

... shortly I will be home and we can

discuss how you can return my money.



   

                   

Otherwise, I'm pretty sure that the Police

can be contacted and I could do that ...



   

                   

... and I feel like it's warranted,

so let's figure something out!



   

                   

Like I said, I'll be home shortly,

give me a call. Ok, thank you.



   

                   

How many airplanes have you been on?

I think ... maybe over a hundred.



   

                   

That's right. You travel a lot.

Yeah.



   

                   

How much do you travel?

You travel all the time?



   

                   

Forgot about that.



   

                   

Can I come home with you when

we get there? Of course.



   

                   

Is it ok to ask that?

I thought that you were anyways.



   

                   

Come here!



   

                   

Are you Ok?

Yes I'm fine, are you Ok?



   

                   

Yes. I'm sorry.

What is this?



   

                   

It's Ok. It's Ok!



   

                   

Follow the pen light with your eyes, Ok?



   

                   

Hi, this is Janice, the operator! Who's this?

Ok! This is Barry Egan.



   

                   

You talked to me. Do you remember?

No sweetheart, I don't remember you!



   

                   

Cut the crap lady! You said your name was Georgia, you

said our conversation was confidential and I trusted you!



   

                   

And then you called me and you're asking for money! Am

I right? Am I right? Get your supervisor on the phone!



   

                   

Whoever owns that place I want

him on the phone, do you hear me?



   

                   

Ok. Can you hang on a second please?

No more phone crash! I'm not done with you!



   

                   

Yeah? This is Dean.

Hey, it's me. This guy from L.A., Barry Egan,



   

                   

... he's calling on the other line, he's saying all

this stuff he wants to talk to a supervisor or whatever.



   

                   

What did you say? Nothing!

Ok, put him thru'. No, no, no ...



   

                   

This is bad. Something must have happened.

Shut up. Will you shut up?



   

                   

Ok sexy, I'm gonna connect you with my

supervisor now. - You're in trouble honey!



   

                   

Yeah, who's this? - Hello Sir, my name is

Barry Egan, I called your service the other day ...



   

                   

Why don't you shut the fuck up?

Oh, what's that?



   

                   

I said calm down and shut the fuck up!

What's the problem?



   

                   

The problem is if you give the chance to explain ... one of

your employees, that girl who I was just speaking with ...



   

                   

... has been threatening me, and   blond gentlemen just

attacked me, and smashed my car, and hurt my girl ...



   

                   

All right, go fuck yourself.

That shit has nothing to do with me.



   

                   

I run a legitimate business here.

Listen to me! What's your name, sir?



   

                   

Answer me! What's your name asshole?

I'm Barry Egan! How do I know?



   

                   

You could be anybody, fuck head!

You're a bad person, you have no right ...



   

                   

... taking people's confidence in your service.

You understand me Sir? You shit!



   

                   

No, no, no ... shut up! Shut the fuck up!

... you have no right to take people's confidence ...



   

                   

Shut up! Will you? Shut up!

Shut shut shut shut shut UP!



   

                   

Shut up!



   

                   

Now! Are you threatening me dick?

Why don't you ... You go Fuck yourself!



   

                   

You ... Fuck!

Did you just say go fuck myself?



   

                   

Yes, I did.

That wasn't good, you're dead!



   

                   

Uh, is it ... that's not ... the guy in the blue suit,

is he just around the corner? Can you ...?



   

                   

Yes, there's a police officer here.

He'll want to ask you some questions ...



   

                   

Oh, I know, the guy that came with me,

is he there? The guy that came with you?



   

                   

I'm not sure but we can ask the receptions to go get him

for you, he's probably in the waiting room. Ok, thanks.



   

                   

Excuse me! There was a woman in there,

a blond woman, did they move her room?



   

                   

What's her name Sir?

Lena Leonard.



   

                   

Are you relative? Yes.

Just a minute, let me check for you.



   

                   

Ok.



   

                   

She was discharged?

Ok.



   

                   

Welcome to Directory Assitance!

Tell me the state, please.



   

                   

Somewhere in Utah.

Thank you.



   

                   

Can I have the listing for

D and D Mattress Man?



   

                   

Auch!



   

                   

Auch!



   

                   

Fuck you! No.

You're a pervert.



   

                   

Think you can be a pervert

and not pay for it?



   

                   

Don't you say that to me.

You called the phone, sucker! Shut up.



   

                   

I didn't do anything. I'm a nice man,

I mind my own business.



   

                   

So you tell me "that's that"

before I beat the hell from you.



   

                   

I have so much strength in me

you have no idea.



   

                   

I have a love in my life, it makes me

stronger than anything you can imagine.



   

                   

I would say "that's that" mattress man.



   

                   

Did you come all this way

just to tell me this?



   

                   

Yes I did.



   

                   

Told the cops?

No.



   

                   

All right.



   

                   

That's that.



   

                   

... I think if you like it

you should get it.



   

                   

Now get the fuck out of here, pervert!

Didn't I warned you?



   

                   

That's that!



   

                   

Barry, you're Ok?

Yeah! What's going on Barry?



   

                   

I'm fine, I'm fine!

Where have you been?



   

                   

I was in Utah but now I'm here

and I'll be right back!



   

                   

Barry?



   

                   

Where are you going?



   

                   

Hi Lena. I'm so sorry.



   

                   

I'm so sorry I left you at the hospital.



   

                   

I called a phone sex line ...



   

                   

I called a phone sex line

before I met you.



   

                   

And four blond brothers came after me.

And they hurt you and I'm sorry.



   

                   

And then I had to live again because

I wanted to make sure you never got hurt again.



   

                   

And ... and I have a lot of pudding ...



   

                   

... and   to   weeks it can be redeemed.



   

                   

So ... if you could just give me

that much time ...



   

                   

... I think I can get enough mileage to go with you

wherever you have to go, if you have to travel ...



   

                   

... for your work because I don't ever

want to be anywhere without you.



   

                   

So ... could you just let me

redeem the mileage?



   

                   

You left me in the hospital.

I'm sorry.



   

                   

You can't do that.

Ok.



   

                   

If you just give me   to   weeks,

I can redeem the mileage, ...



   

                   

... and I can go with you

wherever you have to travel.



   

                   

So here we go!













 
Special help by SergeiK