Purple Rose Of Cairo Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Purple Rose Of Cairo script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Woody Allen movie with Mia Farrow and Jeff Daniels.  This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Purple Rose Of Cairo. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

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Purple Rose Of Cairo Script





(# "Cheek to Cheek" by Fred Astaire)



# Heaven, I'm in heaven



# And my heart beats so

that I can hardly speak



# And I seem to find the happiness I seek



# When we're out together

dancing cheek to cheek



# Heaven, I'm in heaven



# And the cares that hung

around me through the week



# Seem to vanish

like a gambler's lucky streak



# When we're out together

dancing cheek to cheek



# Oh, I love to climb a mountain



# And to reach the highest peak



# But it doesn't thrill me half as much



# As dancing cheek to cheek



# Oh, I love to go out fishing



# In a river or a creek



# But I don't enjoy it half as much



# As dancing cheek to cheek



# Dance with me



# I want my arm about you



# The charm about you



# Will carry me through



# To heaven, I'm in heaven



- And my heart... 

- (clatter)



- Oh, Cecilia, be careful. Are you all right?

- Yeah.



You're gonna like this one. It's better

than last week's. More romantic.



Miss, I wanted oatmeal

before my scrambled eggs.



I'm sorry. I'll get it right away. Sorry.



- (man) I get cereal and a doughnut.

- Cereal and a doughnut. Right.



- There's a new movie at the Jewel.

- I didn't even get to see last week's.



Oh, you missed it?

It was wonderful. I love Jane Froman.



James Melton plays...

First he's a hotel porter.



Then he becomes a radio singer

and then an opera singer.



The music was just beautiful.



You know, the one that I liked

is Okay, America. 



Oh, yeah. I saw that twice. That was great.



- When she threatens to kill Lew Ayres...

- I love him. Do you think he's married?



Is he...? Are you crazy?

Yes, he's married to Ginger Rogers.



God. They got married on a boat

off the island of Catalina.



They live in Beverly Hills

and sometimes holiday in Spain.



He used to be married to Lola Lane,

but Ginger's better for him...



- Where's my toast?

- Oh. Coming right up. One second.



- Ginger was married to Jack...

- Let's go, girls.



- Sorry.

- Let's go, Cecilia. Your sister is slow.



- But she's still learning.

- Ladies, there's a depression on.



Others would like this job

if you can't handle it.



I can handle it. It's OK.



Ginger was married to Jack Culpepper,

who took out Ruth Chatterton...



...before she married George...



- That's the second one this week.

- I'm sorry. I'll pick it all up.



Come on, Cecilia. Shape up.



Add 'em up. Down by three pennies.



Hey, Monk. Here comes your wife.



Boy, am I glad to see you.

You got any dough?



Oh, the tips weren't so good today.



Give me something. I'm busted.



I hear there's some jobs

opening up over at the ice factory.



- No, there's nothing. I was there.

- Yeah?



Harriet Rufus says all you guys do

all day is just pitch pennies...



...and make passes

at the girls who walk by.



- Harriet Rufus is a douche bag.

- Listen, I gotta save the rest for groceries.



Yeah, OK. Yeah, right. Got it?

What are you doin' here?



Wanna go to the movies?

There's an early show.



I can't. The guys are comin' over tonight.



- Again?

- What, you don't like it?



Well, all you do is drink and play dice,

and I wind up getting smacked.



I gotta get even, don't I?

I owe everybody in town.



You're never home any more

except to play dice and cards.



Meanwhile, I gotta take in extra laundry

after work to pay the rent.



What do you want?

Did I close the factory?



- You didn't used to be like this, Monk.

- Well, I got a lot on my mind.



You think I like scratchin' around for

work? Livin' like a bum for two years?



I don't know how much longer

I can go on like this.



Listen, the country'll get workin' again.

Things are bound to get better. I promise.



- You know I'm crazy about you, huh?

- You never pay attention to me any more.



So I thought, if we could go to the movies

tonight, you could forget your troubles.



Forget my troubles. Cecilia,

you like sitting through that junk, OK?



I'm gonna shoot crap, OK?



Go to the movie by yourself.



- You make passes at the girls who go by?

- Look, you're not my boss.



And don't give me that look. You'd think

I was a criminal. Come on. Give us a hug.



Just one. Come on. All right? Good.



And don't come home late. I worry.



All right? See you later?



- (claps hands)

- Let's go.



Two, please.






Just one tonight, please, Doris.

Thank you.



- Evening, Mr Ruskin.

- Hi, Cecilia.



Jason, I'm bored. 



I'm bored with cocktail parties

and opening nights. 



I'm bored with the opera

and weekends at the races. 



A few days in Paris might be the thing

to get the creative juices flowing. 



- George can cable the Ritz for the suite. 

- Not Paris. 



I'm talking about someplace completely

different. Like Morocco. Or Egypt. 



Ooh. A boat trip down the Nile. 

Sounds so romantic. 



I've got just the dress

to wear to the pyramids. 



Hey, we could leave next week. 

Spend a couple of weeks there. 



Maybe stop in Casablanca or Tangiers

as we hop around... 



... and still be back in time

for the opening of my new play. 



To Cairo, Morocco and Tangiers, to all the

exotic and romantic places in the world. 



- Hey, there's another room in here. 

- Oh, isn't it divine? 



Everything's so perfectly preserved. 



Lovely. I just don't want to feel

a bandaged hand around my throat. 



- (gasps)

- Oh, hi, there. Who are you? 



- Sightseers. We thought we were alone. 

- You gave me quite a start. 



Oh. I'm awfully sorry. 

Tom Baxter, explorer, adventurer. 



- I'm doing a little archaeological work. 

- A real-life explorer! 



I'm in search of the Purple Rose of Cairo. 



It's an old legend

that's fascinated me for years. 



A pharaoh had a rose

painted purple for his queen... 



... and now the story says

purple roses grow wild at her tomb. 



- How romantic. 

- And you? 



We go back to New York tomorrow. 

It's been a refreshing two weeks. 



We could bring him to meet the Countess. 

She loves a pith helmet. 



- Right. 

- I will say it's tempting. 



It's settled. You can explain what

we've been looking at for two weeks... 



...and we can take you nightclubbing. 

- It's so impulsive, but... 



I'll come. Why not? I mean, 

what's life without a little risk-taking? 



Who knows? A fortune-teller predicted

I'd fall in love in New York. 



- Table for six, please, Arturo. 

- Six, sir. 






Ladies and gentlemen, the Copacabana

is proud to present Miss Kitty Haynes. 



# Ours could be

a different sort of love affair



# Those busybodies

couldn't help but stare... 






I think our poetic little archaeologist

is about to make a discovery. 



Well, ain't life swell? 



Hey. Open the champagne. I feel

like getting plushed to the scuppers. 



# Let's take it one day at a time



# And who cares just how it turns out... 



Uh, check, please?

Miss, could I have the check, please?



Come on. The man wants his check.



Oh, sorry. Here you go.



Right. Sorry.



- So what were you thinking about?

- Oh...



A penthouse. The desert.

Kissing on a dance floor.



So you did go to the movies

last night after all?



The people were so beautiful. They spoke

so cleverly and do such romantic things.



- Gosh, I'm sorry I missed it.

- The one playing Tom was so cute.



Do you wanna go after work?

I'd love to see it again.



What is this? A social club?

I got a sink full of dirty dishes.



Come on, girls. Come on.



Thanks a lot.



(Tom) Well, I am impressed. 



I really am. 

You have yourself quite a place here. 



I still can't get over the fact that

   hours ago I was in an Egyptian tomb. 



I didn't know any of you wonderful

people, and here I am now. 



I'm on the verge of

a madcap Manhattan weekend. 



I hope you like your martinis very dry. 



Oh, no, no thanks. I think I'll wait for that

glass of champagne at the Copacabana. 



I'm home, Monk.



What are you doing home so early?

I said you could go to the movies.



- Yeah, I did.

- (woman laughs)



- I'd better go.

- No, stay. This is Cecilia.



Uh, this is my friend Olga.

Olga's an acrobat.



I am not. I have to go home.



Come on. I was gonna tell your fortune.



- You're drunk.

- What? I'm not drunk.



Come on. Don't worry about her. She's

my ball and chain. Or she tries to be.



Olga. Olga, where the hell are you going?



Hey, Olga. Come on,

I want to show you a card trick.



- (OIga laughs)

- Olga!



(door closes)



Is there any more of that meat loaf left?



That stuff you made

yesterday was delicious.



- What's goin' on?

- I'm movin' out.



Oh, what are you talkin' about?

What's wrong?



What? Because of before?

Because of Olga? Is that it?



Because that'd be funny.

That'd be ridiculous.



If it's because of Olga,

you'd be a bigger fool than usual.



Pardon me.



She's Joe Caruso's sister,

and I was just showin' her a card trick.



Your undershirt's on backwards.



I put it on that way this morning. Now,

listen, Cecilia, you're makin' a mistake.



All right. I'm sorry. I was drinkin'. You

know how I get when I drink, sweetheart.



- You think it means I don't love you?

- Move.



You can't leave. I need you.



And... and you know I love you.

Now, look, I made a mistake.



- You don't love me.

- Baby, come on.



You don't.

You treat me bad and you beat up on me.



Look, I hit you when you get out of line.



I never just hit you, I warn you first.

If you don't shape up, you get whacked.



- I'm leaving.

- Listen, Cecilia.



I don't know who's fillin' your head full of

these crazy notions, but I've had enough.



I want supper. Get my meat loaf.






Come on, Cecilia,

you know I can't live without you.



- I'm like a little kid when it comes to you.

- That's tough.



Look, I'm sorry.

I mean, I'm really sorry. Can't I be sorry?



I drink, I get crazy.

It's not me, it's the whiskey.



- I'm going, Monk. I'm going.

- Jesus Christ. I can't reason with you.



All right, go ahead. Let's see how far

you get. Go on, go on. You won't last.



You see how it is out in the real world.

Go on. You'll come back.



You're just bluff. You're all phoney.



You'll be back. It may take a week,

it may take an hour, but you'll be back.



Oh, jeez. Look at all those guys.



C'mon, honey.

We're gonna make a buck.






I ordered bacon and tomato.

You brought ham and Swiss.



- I'll get it right away, ma'am.

- Cecilia, I want you to meet somebody.



I said I was gonna keep my eyes open

for eligible men.



- Oh, come on.

- Come on, just keep an open mind.



This is my sister, Cecilia.

This is Mr Teddy Ashcroft.



- How do you do?

- Charmed.



- Teddy's an exterminator.

- Right. Merson Pest Control.



My speciality are mice and silverfish.



- Pleased to meet you.

- Waitress, please! My hamburger.



- Can we have a check?

- I'll be right there.



That's it. That's it, Cecilia.

You're fired. Get out.



I'll pay for it. I'll be more careful.



Out. Out. Take off your apron.

Go home. You're fired!



- If she goes, then I go too.

- That's fine with me.



She doesn't mean that.

You've got kids. She doesn't mean that.



Then tell her to mind

her own business. You're fired.



Back from Egypt. 

From the Bedouins to Broadway. 



I'm not a religious man, but I vow never to

fly over the Atlantic in bumpy weather... 



... and never to look at another camel. 

Drinks, anyone? 



(woman) I can't wait to get out of these

clothes and hit some of the nightspots. 



Children, don't waste time. The floor

show at the Copacabana starts soon. 



We're meeting

the Countess and Larry Wilde. 



Well, I am impressed. I really am. 

You have yourself quite a place here. 



I still can't get over the fact that

   hours ago I was in an Egyptian tomb. 



I didn't know any of you wonderful

people, and here I am now. 



I'm on the verge of

a madcap Manhattan weekend. 



I hope you like your martinis very dry. 



Oh, no, no thanks. I think I'll wait for that

glass of champagne at the Copacabana. 



Miss Rita, somethin' on your mind? 



You ain't been yourself since

you come back from them pyramids. 



No, it's nothing. I'll be OK. 



I don't suspect it has anything to do

with that explorer fellow, Mr Tom Baxter. 



Now, why would you say that? 



The way he speaks, all romantic-like. 



Yeah. Come on, Delilah. Draw my bath. 



Yes, ma'am. Now, will you be wantin'

the big bubbles or the asses' milk? 



Boy, I can't wait to get out of these

clothes and hit some of the nightspots. 



Children, don't waste time. The floor

show at the Copacabana starts soon. 



We're meeting

the Countess and Larry Wilde. 



Well, I am very impressed. I really am. 

You have yourself quite a place here. 



I still can't get over the fact that

   hours ago I was in an Egyptian tomb. 



I didn't know any

of you wonderful people... 



And here I am now. I'm on the verge

of a madcap... Manhattan... weekend. 



My God, you must really love this picture. 



- Me?

- You've been here all day. 



- And I've seen you here twice before. 

- You mean me?



Yes, you. This is

the fifth time you're seeing this. 



Henry, come here, quickly. 



- I gotta speak to you. 

- (audience gasps)



- Old sport, you're on the wrong side. 

- Tom, we're in the middle of a story. 



I want to have a look around.

You go on without me.



- Who are you?

- Cecilia.



I'll get the manager.



- Let's go somewhere where we can talk.

- But you're in the movie.



Wrong. I'm free. After      performances

of the same monotonous routine, I'm free.



- Call Father Donnelly. 

- Tom! 



I don't understand.

What's going on? Who are you?



Who am I?

You've seen the movie five times.



I'm Tom Baxter, poet, adventurer,

of the Chicago Baxters.



I know you're Tom Baxter.

You wind up with Kitty Haynes. But...



- Not any more.

- What do you mean?



- I'm out before the wedding. I'm free.

- Don't you have to marry her?



- Not if I'm here and she's there.

- Don't you want to? She's beautiful.



- She's not for me. She's too bony.

- Kitty Haynes, the singer, is bony?



I need a place to hide. Look, I'm never

going back, now that I've met you.



A place to hide? A place to hide?



- What's happening? What's going on?

- Tom's left. He just walked right out. 



I don't know how he did it. I can't get out. 



It's disgusting. I am an heiress. 

I don't have to put up with this. 



He left the picture?

Oh, my gosh. Well, don't panic.



Just stay up there and keep calm.



- Calm? Are you crazy? 

- Did you call for a priest? 



- Thank God you're here. 

- Wait a minute. This is the second reel. 



- I'm not on till later. 

- Can't you go on? There's an audience.



- (Rita) Tom was the linchpin of the story. 

- Although this is basically my story... 



- What do you mean, your story? 

- Tom lays out the facts. 



- It's about a man's quest for fulfilment. 

- It's about a complex, tortured soul. 



- About the effect of money on romance. 

- I don't think... 



- My wealth, my private schools... 

- I'm the one who marries royalty. 



- Nobody cares. 

- A humble kid... What? 



- They wouldn't sell a ticket. 

- A humble kid from a small town... 



...as far from royalty as you can get. 

- Stop arguing.



- (Rita) And do what? 

- You should turn the projector off.



No! Don't turn the projector off. 

No, no. It gets black and we disappear. 



Easy, easy. Easy. Easy, my son. 

We're all in this together. 



Yes, but you don't understand

what it's like to disappear. 



To be nothing. To be annihilated. 

Don't turn the projector off. 



- Miss Rita, your bath is ready. 

- Not now, dear. 



What's going on? 



- What's he doing here? 

- Have a martini. 



- He shouldn't be here till reel six. 

- We know that. 



- Somebody tryin' to hustle me? 

- They're not trying to hustle you. 



(Tom) I know what this is.

It's an amusement park.



It's usually pretty dead

around here till summer.



I know exactly what an amusement park

is, and what goes on. I do.



- That's good.

- It's written into my character.



Remember? I invite Kitty to Luna Park,

but she prefers to stay home?



- Oh, yes.

- So it's in me.



- Oh, too bad nothing's open. I'm starved.

- Oh, you are?



I left the movie before the Copacabana

scenes. That's when I usually eat.



Oh, what am I thinking? Look, here.



I've got a whole bag of popcorn.

You can have that.



Also, I have a Milky Way bar.



- No, that's... Popcorn is...

- You might want it later.



Oh, boy.

So that's what popcorn tastes like.



I've been watching people eat it

for all those performances.



When they rattle those bags,

though, that's kind of annoying.



- I still don't understand what's going on.

- I wanted to meet you.



Don't tell me

you didn't see me looking at you.



When Kitty Haynes is doing her number?



Oh, wait a minute.

I remember seeing you kind of...



You were looking to the side somehow,

but I never thought it was to me.



When we take the drive to that little

country inn? When I propose to Kitty?



- I was looking at you.

- Kitty looked so beautiful...



Oh, no. She's nothing compared to you.



What are you talking about? I'm nothing.



Like hell you are. You're fetching.



- Fetching?

- Fetching.



Dad liked to say that

about Mom, in Chicago.



"Min," he'd say "you're rather fetching."



Dad was a card. I never met him.

He died before the movie begins.



Well, I have to confess, my eye

did always go to you up on the screen.



- Really?

- Really.



Even around Detective Simms

and Henry the playboy?



Yes. Even though you're not the main

character, you're the one you look at.



- You don't think I'm the main character?

- Oh, no, I didn't mean it that way.



No, I think you're positively essential.



In fact, every time I saw the movie, I kept

thinking "Tom Baxter's so handsome."



- Shouldn't you be getting back?

- I wanna live.



I wanna be free to make my own choices.



Right now, the country's

not in such great shape.



- What do you mean?

- We're in the middle of a depression.



Everybody's very poor.



I got plenty. Look at this.



But... but they need you.

The story doesn't work without you.



Cecilia, I'm in love with you.



- I'm married.

- Happily?



I really should get back home.

I have to cook dinner.



Slip away from your husband tonight.

Meet me here. I'll wait.



I want to learn about

the real world with you.



I can't.



Look at it this way. How many times

is a man so taken with a woman...



...that he walks off the screen to get her?



OK, OK, let's not panic. We're all adults. 



I'm bored. I'm a dramatic character. 

I need forward motion. 



- It's the Countess and Larry. 

- Where is everybody? 



- Weren't we meeting at the Copacabana? 

- Tom's gone. 



- What? 

- He left the film. 



- What? 

- The bum walked out on us. 



But the Copa is where we meet. 

I'm trying to get him to marry me. 



Forget it. I'm tired of marrying you

every night. We never get to the bedroom. 



- Where did Tom go? 

- Into the real world. 



That minor character leaves

and we're stuck. 



- I wonder what it's like out there. 

- They don't look like they're having fun. 



- Hey, what the hell kind of movie is this?

- The paper said it was a romance!



Don't tell us your sad stories. 

You think we like this? 



Look at this. They sit around and talk,

and no action? Nothing happens?



I want my money back.



Stop yapping. 

We've got problems of our own. 



You can't talk to my wife like that.



I'm a countess with a lot of dough, and

if that's your wife, she's a tub of guts. 



(cheering, whistling and applause)



- (glass breaks)

- (Cecilia) Oh.



- Hey, what are you so nervous about?

- Me? Oh, I'm not.



There's too much pepper in the sauce.

I told you to go easy on the pepper.



Hey, Monk? Are you...



I guess you and the guys are probably

going out again tonight, huh?



No, I'm not. My back is actin' up again.



Give me one of your rubdowns.

I bought liniment.



- Oh, no.

- What?



Well, I... I can't.



- What do you mean, you can't?

- I... I...



I'm sorry. I didn't mean I can't.

I meant I made some plans.



- You made plans?

- Well, I... I did.



I... I said I'd baby-sit tonight.



I just... You know, I ran into Mrs Lorenzo

in the rest... I'm saying the restaurant.



In the street today.

She has some... I don't know.



I think it was a social club meeting

or something she wanted to go to.



- Yeah, it won't be too long.

- Yeah, well, I think it's a great idea.



- Yeah? Good.

- Yeah, because we can use every penny.



- Yeah.

- So what am I gonna do about my back?



Don't worry. You know, I can do some

now and I'll do some when I come in.



You shouldn't move around too much.

Just take it easy.



- If you go baby-sitting, get paid in cash.

- I will.



- Don't let her owe you.

- OK.



- It's a miracle. A complete miracle.

- We want our money back.



I don't pay to watch socialites

staring at us, making nasty remarks.



- Is that what they're doing?

- Last time I looked the priest had cards.



- They were playing pinochle.

- How did this happen?



It's probably those electrical storms.

The air is charged.



Fellas, I depend on the Jewel.



I got personal expenses, I got

no substitute picture to put in here.



I want my money back. This is a swindle.



There's no story. Mrs Lupus likes a story.



You should turn the projector off. This

could be the work of Reds or anarchists.



If he turns off the projector, you'll strand

Tom Baxter out in the world someplace.



- You want an extra guy running around?

- I saw the movie last week. This is not it.



- Where is the Tom Baxter character?

- You'll get your money back.



I want what happened

in the movie last week to happen.



Otherwise, what's life about anyway?



Can't we go in and take a look?

We don't want to stay long.



If you want a seat,

you have to pay admission.



OK. Keep moving, folks.



- Any word about Tom Baxter? 

- Nothing yet.



So what are you doing here? We can't

continue the story till Tom gets back. 



Oh, we don't mind observing you all.



Yes. My husband is a student

of the human personality.



Oh, yeah? Well, we're not human. 



No matter to Harold.

He has trouble with humans.



I have trouble? What,

do I have trouble with the real people?



I suppose you behave perfectly with

Donald? He won't speak to my son-in-law.



I won't speak? The kid is quiet.

He never makes conversation.



- He has to be drawn out.

- I don't like to draw people out.



That's what I said.

He has trouble with live humans.



- Yes. Yes, RKO.

- (man) I want my money back!



I wanna speak to Mr Raoul Hirsch.



Yes, Mr Hirsch.



He's the producer of

The Purple Rose of Cairo,  yes.



No, he's not. Just tell him

I have a theatre in New Jersey...



...and there's a crisis with his film.



Yes, this is Mr Hirsch.

What's the problem?



- What?

- They're just sitting around on the screen.



Rita, the Countess,

Larry Wilde, the playboy...



People are demanding their money back.

The theatre is nine-tenths empty.



- Come on, take a walk, will you?

- Look, he just walked out.



Baxter. The communist is screaming,

the priest in reel five is in reel two.



How can he come off the screen?

It's never happened before.



That doesn't mean

it can't happen for a first time.



That's all you need. Hundreds of Tom

Baxters on the loose, running around.



- Hundreds?

- As a lawyer, I advise you to get control.



A character from a film on the loose?



Who knows what he's capable of?

Robbery, murder... I see lawsuits.



I'd charter a plane right away

and I'd get down there fast.



Get me Gil Shepherd.



Sorry I'm not too light on my feet.



- Oh, no, you're a feather in my arms.

- Oh. Monk never took me dancing.



Not even when we first met.

Not even if I begged him.



Really? So it's been bad for you.



Oh, it's been hard for everyone.



You know, living in a world

with no jobs and wars.



You probably never even

heard of the Great War.



- Sorry. I missed it.

- Yeah.



People get old, and sick,

and never find true love.



Where I come from, people don't

disappoint. They're consistent.



- They're always reliable.

- You don't find that kind in real life.



You have.



Is it true they're talking to you

about the life of Lindbergh?



It's nearly set, but don't print it till it's firm.



You were great

in The Purple Rose of Cairo. 



Thanks. I was... Did you know I was

singled out by all the East Coast critics?



Mm-hm. The New York Times

said that I was...



I had almost too smouldering

a quality to just play comedy.



Would you play Lindbergh

the way you played Tom Baxter?



Would I...? No, of course not.

Tom was a change of pace for me.



He was... From my earlier roles.



I played Tom Baxter with a kind of

a poetic, idealistic quality that just...



Lindbergh was a loner.

He was... just self-reliant.



I'd have to work with

my dialogue coach. He's a genius.



Gil, can I see you

for a minute, alone? Excuse me.



Tom Baxter's come down

off the screen. He's in New Jersey.



I spoke to Raoul Hirsch.

Nobody knows how, but he's done it.



- It's not physically possible.

- In New Jersey, anything can happen.



- But I created the character.

- That's my point!



As your agent, I'd hate to see

anything happen to your career.



- Like what?

- Who knows? A double of you is loose.



What's he up to?

Robbing banks? Raping broads?



- Is he?

- Who knows?



- The last thing we need is for you to get...

- Sh!



- Is for you to get a reputation as difficult.

- I'm not... It's not my fault.



Hirsch said, if you can't control your own

creation, nobody'll risk a picture on you.



- I worked so hard to make him real.

- Maybe you overdid it.



- I'll sue my dialogue coach, that louse.

- Fly down there and check into it, quick.



Now it's only one movie house,

but who knows?



- I'm afraid to fly.

- Gil, this is the scandal of all time.



You know what happened

to Fatty Arbuckle's career?



- I'll fly. I'll fly.

- Good.



This is how they drink

champagne in Cairo.



I never had champagne before.

It makes me feel silly.



- It's supposed to.

- Yes.



- The check, as you requested, sir.

- Ah.



- Oh, it's so much.

- I hope you found it to your liking, sir.



- It was superb.

- Wonderful.



My compliments to the chef.

And keep    per cent for yourself.



No, make that    per cent.



Yes. Quite amusing.



- What is?

- The fake money.



- Fake money?

- Is it play money, sir, or stage money?



Keep    per cent for yourself,

and stop looking so serious.



I'll get the maître d'.



Tom, that's not real money!



What do you mean, it's not real money?



Oh, my God. It's...

Do you have any money?



- No. What are we gonna do?

- We're gonna have to make a run for it.



No, I can't run.

My ankles are bed from waitressing.



Just get up. Follow me.



Quick. Get in the car.



Tom, this is not our car.

We don't have a car. We came by foot.



- It doesn't go.

- Of course it doesn't. There's no key.



I don't understand.

This is how I go in a movie.



Tom, this is real life.

They don't start without a key.



- They don't? Let's go.

- You two. Get back here.



- They're leavin'.

- You can't run out on the check.



Deadbeats! Get back here now.



- I'm sorry about the money. I had no idea.

- Oh, that's OK.



It's not gonna be so easy

to get along without it in this world.



- I guess I have to get a job.

- That's not gonna be so easy either.



- The whole country's out of work.

- Well, then, we'll live on love.



We'll have to make concessions,

but we'll have each other.



- That's movie talk.

- You look so beautiful in this light.



But you're not real.



Was that real enough for you?



You kiss perfectly. It's what

I dreamed kissing would be like.



- Come away with me to Cairo.

- Cairo?



We'll live in the desert. Oh, the blue-gold

light of sunset falling over your hair...



I'm sorry. I'm a little tipsy...

from the cham...



- Where's the fade-out?

- What?



When the kissing gets hot and heavy, just

before the lovemaking, there's a fade-out.



Oh, then what?



Then we're making love

in some private perfect place.



That's not how it happens here.



- What? There's no fade-out?

- No.



But when you kissed me,

I felt like my heart faded out.



And I closed my eyes,

and I was in some private place.



How fascinating.

You make love without fading out?






Well, I can't wait to see this.



Well... Listen, I...



I'm not that kind of girl. I'm married.



Cecilia, it's clear how miserable

you are with your husband.



And if he hits you again, you tell me.



I'd be forced to knock his teeth out.



I don't think that would be

such a good idea. He's big.



I'm sorry. It's written

into my character to do it, so I do it.



Listen, I think I'd better go home now.



It's late. It's been a whirlwind of a day.



- Yeah.

- What are you gonna do?



I'll just sleep here at the carousel,

and walk around, drink in the night air.



Enjoy my freedom, and dream of you.



- You got in late last night.

- Oh, yeah. You were out like a light.



I took a hot bath to relax me.



- Wanna get me a cup of coffee?

- Oh, yeah, sure.



There was some big deal

going on at the movie house.



- A crowd when I went to buy cigarettes.

- Yeah?



I couldn't get the story straight. Some guy

ran out the side exit with a customer.



- Who?

- A woman, a guy... An actor.



I don't know

what the cop was talking about.



Well, they don't know

who the woman was?



Some woman dragged out in the dark.



They got real Geronimos

at movie houses.



So I don't like you staying out so late.



I know. I couldn't help it. The Lorenzos

didn't get back till late. I couldn't leave.



- I hope you got paid overtime.

- Sure.



Good, good. Let's have it.



Uh... They didn't have any cash.

I'll have to come back for it later today.



Cecilia, I told you to get paid in cash.



I know, but all they had was big bills

and I was getting late...



- They're gonna fork it over today?

- They will.



Sure. Leave something to you,

you can bet you're gonna get fouled up.



- You have no idea where he went?

- Mr Hirsch, this is awful for us. 



- Really difficult. 

- Think of me. My reputation, my career.



- We've gotta keep it contained.

- The word's out already.



- We've gotta keep the crisis local.

- I know the reporters. I can talk to them.



Fine. Some bucks spread around town

will buy us some time. Don't worry.



I mean, we're all so lost. 



I know it's rough.

I want the whole cast to know...



...how much I appreciate

your staying on the screen.



I hope you're not

gonna hold this against me, RH.



You created the part of Tom Baxter, Gil.

The facts are undeniable.



I wanna go too. 

I wanna be free. I want out. 



I'm warning you. That's communist talk.



We have to pull the film

and you have to make good my receipts.



You're pulling a film

because a minor character is missing? 



A minor character? Listen to her.



You know, he may not have the most

lines, but the plot turns on Baxter.



I played him with a cheerful bravado.



Who cares how you played him? 

He's minor. 



I want to get my hands on him.

Right when my career was taking off.



He could be raping

the woman he abducted. 



And he's got my exact fingerprints.



You know what they get

for rape in a small town? 



Especially by a man in a pith helmet? 



If this is a new trend,

our industry's as good as dead.



The real ones want fictional lives,

the fictional ones want real lives.



- Anybody know who that woman was?

- No, it was all so crazy, nobody noticed.



Just two doughnuts

and a coffee to go, please.



(Gil) Right now, it's chaos.



How can rumours be circulating

at the Brown Derby? It just happened.



Well, squash it, Herbie,

I got a career on the line.



Look, I'll call you the minute I hear.



- Oh, excuse me.

- What are you doing here?



I don't have a pencil

or I'd give you an autograph.



Where'd you get those clothes?



- Pardon me?

- Your clothes. Where'd you get them?



Uh... A little store on Sunset and Vine.



- What are you talking about?

- What are you talking about?



- Excuse me.

- I just bought you these. Two doughnuts.



For me? Well, thank you very much.

I hope you enjoy my next movie.



- You were gonna stay hidden at the park.

- What park?



Tom, what's the matter?

You're acting so peculiar.



Tom? No, no. I'm...



- Wait a minute. Come here.

- What's come over you?



I'm not Tom.

I'm Gil Shepherd. I play Tom.



- What?

- How do you know Tom?



You're... Oh, my God! I don't believe it.



- Gil... I've seen you in lots of movies.

- Look, where's Tom?



- Oh. Broadway Bachelors,  right? Right?

- Yeah, well... You know...



- Honeymoon in Haiti? 

- I've done six.



- You were a scream.

- Thank you. Thank you very much.



I try to do one a year,

you know, just to keep...



Where's Tom?



- Why?

- Well, he's my character. I created him.



Didn't the man

who wrote the movie do that?



Yes, technically.

But I made him live. I fleshed him out.



But you did a wonderful job.

He's adorable.



Thank you very much.



- What's your name?

- Cecilia.






- Where is he?

- Why?



- Has he done anything wrong?

- Wrong? Like what?



Has he stolen anything

or attacked any females? You?



No. Gosh, no, no.

He's as sweet as can be.



- I played him sweet. I was well reviewed.

- Well, it comes across.



- Good. Look, I gotta speak to him.

- You're not upset with him?



Well, a little, yes. But if I spoke to him,

we could straighten everything out.



- Oh, I don't know.

- Please. I have a right.



Well, it has to be secret. He doesn't

wanna have to go back into the movie.



- He doesn't?

- No, he loves being free.



- He's having the time of his life.

- Oh, my God.



Would you take me to him?

Trust me. Please.



Monk, somebody saw your wife last night

at the Dine and Dance joint.



She's there every night

with the Rockefellers.



She was with this crazy-looking guy

wearing an explorer's hat and breeches.



Breeches? You know, you're nuts.



- She was baby-sitting.

- Right. I guess you know it all.



All right. Who's next?









- Cecilia. I dreamed of us in Cairo...

- Tom.



- Tom, I brought Gil Shepherd.

- Gil Shepherd.



- I play you in the movie.

- You do?



- How dare you run away?

- This is disconcerting.



I'll show you the meaning of

disconcerting. I'm trying to build a career.



I don't want to be in the film any more.

I'm in love with Cecilia.



- You said you weren't angry.

- You can't do this to me. It's my best role.



- I've been critically acclaimed.

- Because of the way I do it.



No, no. Because of the way I do it.

I'm doing it, not you.



- It's me, not him. Isn't that obvious?

- Well, how do you explain that here I am?



Well, because I took you

from the printed page and made you live.



- So I'm living.

- Yes, but for the screen only. Please...



- I want my freedom.

- I don't want another me running around.



- Why? Are you afraid I'll embarrass you?

- Yes, frankly...



- But you created me.

- All right, look. Be reasonable here.



I'm starting to build a career.

Is life up on the screen so terrible?



I want to be with Cecilia.

I'm in love with her.



Tell him to go back.

Tell him you don't love him.



You can't. He's fictional. You wanna

waste time with a fictional character?



You're a sweet girl. You deserve a human.



- But Tom's perfect.

- Yeah, but he's not real.



What good is perfect

if the man's not real?



I can learn to be real. There's nothing to it.

Being real comes very naturally to me.



You can't learn to be real.

It's like learning to be a midget.



- Some of us are real, some are not.

- I say I can do it.



I'm not gonna argue with you.

I'm going back to town.



I'm gonna call my attorney,

the actors' union.



I won't take this lying down.

Nor will Raoul Hirsch.



Nor the police, nor the FBI.



Yes. Yes, we found him.

Gil Shepherd found him.



But he refuses to get back

on the screen. RH is very upset.



No, no, we can't force him.

It's not a crime.



We need a plan.

Yeah, the press is on our side.



It took a few bucks, but they're

gonna keep it quiet for now.









The Tom Baxter in a movie house in

Chicago has been forgetting his lines.



We just got a call from the manager.



If anybody wants me, I'll be

in the bathroom, on the floor, weeping.



Aren't you at all even worried?



What about Raoul Hirsch and the FBI?



- If I can be with you, I'm not going back.

- But I...



No more buts. I was gonna learn

about the real world with you. Show me.



(Tom) It's beautiful.

But I'm not sure exactly what it is.



(Cecilia) Oh, this is a church.

You do believe in God, don't you?






The reason for everything,

the world, the universe.



I think I know what you mean. The men

who wrote The Purple Rose of Cairo. 



Irving Sachs and RH Levine,

who collaborate on films.



No, I'm talking about

something much bigger than that.



No, think for a minute.

A reason for everything.



Otherwise it'd be like a movie

with no point and no happy ending.



(Monk) So there you are.



- I'm lookin' for you.

- Monk. L, um...



This is my husband. This is Tom Baxter.



Explorer, the Chicago Baxters.

I'm charmed to meet you.



- So you wear the breeches.

- What do you want to talk to me about?



I heard you were out

on the town last night.



Yeah, I admit I didn't

tell the truth about that...



...but things have been

so strange the last    hours...



I told you what I'd do to you

if you lied to me!



- Your marriage has come to an impasse.

- And you keep outta this.



- Let's talk.

- No. You're coming home.



Perhaps you don't understand.

I'm in love with your wife.



Close your yap, jackass.

You're in for a lesson...



You're failing to understand.

She's not coming with you.



- She's not, huh?

- Take your hands off.



- No man'll hit the woman I love. Nor any...

- Beat it.



- I'm gonna take you apart.

- Stop it. He's got a terrible temper.



- You, go home.

- It's written into my character. Courage.



Stop it.



- Come on.

- Stop it. What are you doing?



Time for the old one-two.



Up. I think he's had enough.



Sorry about the rough stuff. You all right?



- Yeah.

- Let me give you a hand. There's...



God, it's not fair.



Monk, what are you doing?



- You're comin' home now.

- No, I'm not.



- What did you say?

- I'm gonna stay and see that Tom's OK.



- You're a bully.

- I gave you an order.



I'm tired of your orders.

You could have killed him.



All right. I'm sorry.

I didn't mean it. I hit hard.



You can't just go through life

beating people up.



I'm tellin' you one more time. You comin'?



No, I'm not.



- I'm tellin' you one more time. Comin'?

- No.



- Come on.

- No, I'm not.



The hell with it. I need a beer anyway.



I'll see you later.



- Oh, are you OK?

- Oh. Oh, yeah, I'm fine.



You're not even marked.

Your hair's in place.



No, no. I don't get hurt or bleed.

Hair doesn't muss.



It's one of the advantages

of being imaginary.



- You were very brave.

- Well, I had him too...



...till he started fighting dirty.



That's why you'll

never survive off the screen.



You were pretty brave, too.

You stood right up to him.



You inspired me.



- (Cecilia) Mr Shepherd?

- Oh.



Cecilia, look, I gotta speak to you.



Oh, listen, I've had a crazy morning.

I'm still shaking.



I don't know what to do.

I've struggled my whole life.



Now I'm beginning to break through,

my whole career's going down the drain.



You don't have to worry about that.

You'll always be a great movie star.



Oh, well, that's very nice of you.

But, technically, I'm not really a star yet.



Cecilia, don't... You know,

I mean, I try to carry myself like one.



You know, I do the best I can

as far as that, but "star"?



That's a big word, isn't it? "Star"?



Yeah. Uh... No, no, no. Star? No. No.



And you're not just a pretty face,

you're also a peach of an actor.



Really. I've seen you.

I've seen you a lot. You've got something.



- Is that your opinion?

- Sure, and I see all the movies.



You've got... How can I describe it?



You've got a magical glow.



Oh, boy. Oh, oh.



To hear that from a real person.

That is just...



It's not one of those movie colony bimbos

filling you full of hot air.



That's... Would you get

over here and sit down, please?



Well, you can take it from me.

You're not just a flash in the pan.



You know, it would be very easy for me

to trade on my looks. Just like that.



- Sure.

- I have serious acting ambitions.



You should. You should. You know, I think

you're great in all the funny movies.



Thank you.



I was thinking you should play

some of the more heroic parts.



- I tell my agent that a hundred times.

- Yeah? You know...



You could play, like,

Daniel Boone or someone... Lindbergh.



- Oh, you'd be wonderful as Lindbergh.

- My God. You are a mind-reader.



- We had the same thought? Really?

- I am on the verge of signing for that part.



- No? Really?

- I am. I can taste it.



- Oh, you'll be wonderful.

- Thank you.



There's something inside you. You have

that same kind of lone heroic quality.



You're exactly right.

Everyone has been telling me not to...



- Don't you listen.

- I have been a loner my entire life.



Sure. Anyone can see that. You know,

you're deep, and probably complicated.



- Can I buy you lunch?

- Me?



- Please? I love talking to you.

- I was just gonna go upstairs.



- No, really. Come on.

- Really?



I open myself up around you like no...

Have you ever been to Hollywood?



- Come on, no. Of course not.

- I would love to take you to Hollywood.



I would... Can I make a confession?



- Sure.

- My real name, it's not Gil Shepherd.



It's Herman Bardebedian.



- Really?

- Yeah, I've been a cab driver for, oh...



- Boy, do you have a pretty face.

- Come on.



You do.



(woman) Hi, big boy.



- You alone?

- Oh, hello.



Uh, well, I'm alone for now,

but later I have an appointment.



Or should I say rendezvous?



Good for you.

Where'd you get the funny suit?



- What, this?

- Yeah.



- You coming from a costume party?

- (laughs)



No. No, I'm Tom Baxter of the Chicago

Baxters. Explorer, poet, adventurer.



Just back from Cairo, where I searched

in vain for the legendary purple rose.



- How about that?

- Well, who are you?



- My name's Emma.

- Oh, that's lovely.



- What do you do, Emma?

- I'm a working girl.



And what do you do,

you delicate creature?



Anything that'll make a buck.



Well, we Baxters never

really had to worry about money.



I'll bet. You wanna come along with me?



- Where to, Emma?

- Where I work.



I think you might have a good time.



Sounds enchanting.

I'm up for new experiences.



I may be able to help.



- Hi, girls. This is Tom.

- Hi there, ladies.



- Don't you all look enticing?

- I know what you want.



You wanna be the great white hunter

and you want me to be the tiger.



- I don't get it.

- You will if you can afford it.



- I met Tom out at the amusement park.

- Oh, no. That's my hat.



Uh, yes, I was thinking about something.



- I can imagine.

- Two of us at the same time?



I was thinking about deep things.



About God and his relation

with Irving Sachs and RH Levine.



I was thinking about life in general.

The origin of everything we see about us.



The finality of death and how almost

magical it seems in the real world...



...as opposed to the world

of celluloid and flickering shadows.



- Where did you find this clown?

- For example, the miracle of birth.



I suppose

some of you ladies are married?



- Not any more.

- No?



Then the absolutely

astonishing miracle of childbirth...



...with all its attendant feelings

of humanity and pathos.



- I stand in awe of existence.

- Do you wanna tie me up?



- Tie you up?

- Yeah.



Oh, that's very funny.



A nice sense of humour.

The absurd non sequitur.



- What's your name, sweetheart?

- Martha.



That's the same

as the ambassador's wife.



- Why didn't you bring the ambassador?

- Well, he's still up on the screen.



But do you share my sense of

wonderment at the very fabric of being?



The smell of a rose.

Real food. Sensuous music.



- I've got a child.

- You do?



Oh, I see. You're a widow. Oh, poor thing.



I got two kids and he's right about

giving birth. It is a beautiful experience.



I never had a baby.

I was pregnant, but I lost it.



- Sorry to hear that, Emma.

- It always makes me cry to think about it.



You'll get another chance. I'd be surprised

if all you ladies weren't married soon.



Especially by the way you dress.

It's so seductive to a man.



- Do you like these stockings, Tom?

- Oh, they're just divine.



What kind of a club is this, anyhow?



- God, Tom, you're a scream.

- He's terribly sweet.



He is. I wouldn't mind

doing him for nothing.



- Me neither. Plus, he's cute.

- OK. You can count me in.



We'll take you into the bedroom and give

you an experience you'll never forget.



- And it's on us.

- I came here for a new experience.



Well, now you're gonna get

a champion roll in the hay.



- What? There's hay in the bedroom?

- You ever been to a brothel before?



- What's a brothel?

- You must be kidding.



- A brothel, a bordello, a whorehouse.

- I'm not following.



We go to bed with you,

and make love, and you pay us.



Only, because you're so sweet,

we want to treat you to a party.






Boy, this doesn't ring a bell

with anything I know.



Oh, come on, buddy.



- You know about making love, don't you?

- I can't make love with you.



- Don't tell me you don't like women?

- Or you were wounded in the war?



No. I'm in love with someone else.



Not in love.

We're talking about making love.



- But I love Cecilia.

- Well, so what? Marry Cecilia.



- This is just for fun.

- I couldn't do that, Emma.



Ladies, my gracious!



Don't think I'm not

appreciative of your offer.



I must say the concept

is totally new to me.



But I'm just... I'm hopelessly

head over heels in love with Cecilia.



She is all I want.

My devotion is to her, my loyalties...



Every breath she takes

makes my heart dance.



This guy just kills me.



Are there any other

guys like you out there?



(Cecilia) Lawson's Music Store.



This store has been here

since I was a kid.



Mm. I wish I could play an instrument.



My other ambition in life

is to be a great classical violinist.



Thousands cheering me,

night after night...



- I can play the ukulele.

- You can?



Uh-huh. My father taught me

before he ran away.



(# "Alabamy Bound")



# I'm Alabamy bound



# There'll be no heebie-jeebies

hangin' round



# Just gave the meanest

ticket man on earth



# All I'm worth



# To put my tootsies in an upper berth



# Just hear that choo-choo sound



# Whoo-whoo! I know that

soon we're gonna cover ground



# And then I'll holler

cos the world will know



# Here I go



# I'm Alabamy bound






# I'm Alabamy bound



That was wonderful. That was wonderful.

Oh, I never... It's like a dream.



(# piano introduction "I Love My Baby")



"I Love My Baby"...

# My baby loves me



# I don't know nobody as happy as we



# She's only twenty and I'm twenty-one



# We never worry, we're just havin' fun



# Sometimes we quarrel

and maybe we fight



# But then we make up the following night



# When we're together,

we're great company



# I love my baby



# And my baby loves me



- That was wonderful.

- Oh, that was... You know.



After the Lindbergh movie,

you should do a musical, really.



- I did one bit in one once. It's...

- I know. I saw Dancing Doughboys. 



- Dancing Doughboys.  You remembered.

- That was great.



You turned to Ina Beasley and said...



..."I won't be going south

with you this winter."



That's... Right. "I won't be going

south with you this winter."



"We have a little score to settle

on the other side of the Atlantic."



"Does this mean I won't

be seeing you ever again?"



"Well, 'ever' is a long time."



"When you leave, don't look back."



You remember that perfectly.



And then I took her in my arms...



...and I kissed her,

knowing it was for the last time.



God, you're beautiful, Cecilia.



- Was it fun, kissing Ina Beasley?

- Oh, you know, it was a movie kiss.



We professionals

can put that stuff on just like that.



It looked like you loved her.



Oh, my goodness.



- Feel my heart.

- Oh, I...



I... I have to...

Thank you so much for the ukulele.



- Oh, don't be offended. I didn't mean...

- I'm not offended. I'm just confused.



I'm married. I just met a wonderful man.

Fictional, but you can't have everything.



- Look, can I see you later?

- No, no. I'm meeting Tom.



My own creation plagues me.



- Anything happening out there? 

- No. 



Life is amazing. 



One minor character takes some action

and the world is turned upside down. 



What if he never comes? 

We just drift till they shut the projector? 



- Will you shut up? 

- He'll be back. I feel it. 



I don't wanna sit around. 

That's what they want. 



- Who? 

- The bosses. 



Look at us! Sitting around, 

slaves to some stupid scenario. 



Meanwhile, fat cats in Hollywood

are getting rich on our work. 



- Please, stop it. 

- Studio heads, writers, movie stars. 



- Stop it. 

- But we're the ones who sweat. 



- We're the characters on the screen. 

- You're a Red. 



I say unite, brothers, 

unite and take action. 



- Shut up and sit down! 

- What action? 



- You're working my last nerve. 

- Wait. Shut up. 



What if all this is merely semantics? 



- How can it be semantics? 

- Well, let's just readjust our definitions. 



Let's redefine ourselves

as the real world... 



... and them as the world

of illusion and shadow. 



You see? We're reality, they're a dream. 



You'd better calm down. You've been

up on the screen flickering too long. 



- It's confirmed.

- I was afraid this might happen.



Tom Baxter tried to leave the screen

in St Louis, Chicago, Denver and Detroit.



- And he almost made it in Detroit.

- It looks bad.



The movie houses in those towns

are in pandemonium.



- There's no way to keep the lid on it.

- I see hundreds of lawsuits.



- Let's pull the picture outta release.

- In those towns?



No, everywhere. Something's

obviously gone very wrong here.



The best course of action

is to shut down, take our losses...



...and get outta this mess

before it really gets out of hand.



Can you imagine hundreds

of Baxters flying around wild?



Right. And you responsible

for every one of them?



The best thing to do is to quit

while there's only one out there.



- What do we do about him?

- We get him back in the picture.



Then we turn off the projector

and burn the prints.



- And the negative.

- Shame. It was such a good picture.



- I missed you. You're late.

- I'm sorry. I came as quickly as I could.



- I love you.

- Oh, thank you.



Tom... My feelings are so jumbled.



I know. You're married and you're

old-fashioned and I'm a whole new idea.



But the truth is you're unhappily married.



- I'm gonna take you away from all this.

- Yeah. I... I know you love me.



Cecilia, I do love you.

Don't you share my feelings?



Well, that's just it.

You're some kind of phantom.



Look, I don't wanna talk any more

about what's real and what's illusion.



Life's too short to spend time

thinking about life. Let's just live it.



- Live it how?

- Well, we'll begin with dinner.



- Listen, I've only got a few dollars.

- We're not gonna use your money.



That's all we have.

Unless you've done something?



Well, the moon'll be full, the stars'll

be out, and we're going stepping.



- But we're broke.

- Leave that to me.



- It's him! Tom, you're back. 

- I want you to meet my fiancée, Cecilia.



- Tom...

- This... Well, you know them.



- It's not possible. 

- I'm in the world of the possible.



Yeah? Well, you'd better get

back in the story, you weasel. 



Ah. You anticipate me.



- Follow me.

- Saints preserve us. 



- He just comes and goes like he pleases. 

- Come on. 



- Oh! Where am I? 

- But she can't be in here. 



- Why not? My money's good up here. 

- I feel so light. 



- Like I'm floating on air. 

- It upsets the balance. 



- So what? He's back, isn't he? 

- I told you he'd be back. 



- Can we get on with the plot now? 

- How can we with her here? 



She's here with me and I'll sock any man

who makes her feel unwanted. 



Well, it's about time you got back. 



We finally go to the Copacabana. 

None of us have eaten in ages. 



- The Copacabana! 

- I'm bringing a guest. 



Won't Kitty Haynes be surprised? 



- Table for seven, please, Arturo. 

- Yes, sir. Seven? 



- Seven. 

- That's impossible. It's always six. 



- We have an extra. 

- Seven, Arturo. 



This person? 



# So let's not speak of love sublime



# Because time brings on a break-up



# There'll be no tears

and no emotional scenes



# To spoil my make-up



# And when the end comes, 

I'll take up the slack... 



- Would you like some more champagne? 

- Oh, thank you. 



I don't know what they're charging you, 

but those bottles are filled with ginger ale. 



- That's the movies, kid. 

- I don't care. I love every minute of it. 



# I'm waiting, domesticating



# Every Sunday, Monday



# One day at a time



# Let's take it one day at a time



# Let's take it one day at a time



Bravo! Bravo! 



Thank you. Thank you. 



- Who are you? 

- Oh, I just... I came with Tom. 



You sing so beautifully. 



What the hell is this? We're supposed

to meet and marry. Who's the skirt? 



- My fiancée. 

- Oh, wait. I... 



- He met her in New Jersey. 

- What is this? 



Kitty, she's real. 



- Kitty! 

- Quick. Pour ginger ale on her. 



- Call Father Donnelly. 

- What's all the fuss? 



Uh, nothing, Arturo. We were just leaving. 



- Come on, let's go. 

- Leaving where? Hey, I'm all mixed up. 



- I'm gonna show Cecilia the town. 

- Are we just chucking out the plot, sir? 



Exactly. It's every man for himself. 



Then I don't have

to seat people any more. 



I can do what I've always wanted to do. 



- What's that? 

- Hit it, boys! 



- I had such a wonderful time. 

- Me, too. 



Where are all the others? 



- Well, probably just still dancing away. 

- Oh. 



Why, does it matter? 

I wanted to get you alone. 



It's so beautiful here. 



Oh, the white telephone. Oh... 



I've dreamed of having a white telephone. 



Your dreams are my dreams. 



My whole life, I've wondered what it would

be like to be this side of the screen. 



You see that city out there waking up? 

That's yours for the asking. 



My heart's beating so fast. 



(Gil) Cecilia!



Gil. What are you doing here? 



I came in here to think.

What are you doing here?



I took her on a date. All right? 

Now, can't you just leave us alone? 



- No, I can't leave her alone. I'm jealous.

- (Cecilia) You're jealous? 



What do you want me to say?

I can't get Cecilia out of my mind.



Gil, do you mean that? 



Oh, for God's sake, 

would you go back to Hollywood? Please. 



I'm embarrassed to admit it, Cecilia.



You know you said I had a magical glow?



It's you. You're the one that has one.



And even though we've just met,

I know that this is the real thing.



You can't be in love with Cecilia.

She's in love with me.



- Why don't you re-enter the film?

- I'm never going back.



- I can't believe it. They're at it again. 

- Tom, will you get back up here? 



See, Tom? You're ruining everything.



- You're ruining everything.

- Without me, there would be no you.



I could have been played

by Fredric March or Leslie Howard.



You're wrong. The part's too insignificant

to attract a major star. 



- Insignificant?

- Like hell! What are you talking about?



- What do you mean?

- I am not a minor character.



I haven't been able to think of anything

since we met. I have to have some time...



...to show you what real life can be like

if two people really care for each other.



Last week I was unloved.

Now two people love me...



...and it's the same two people.



- Go with the real guy. We're limited. 

- Go with Tom. He's got no flaws. 



Go with somebody, 

child, cos I's gettin' bored. 



She'll marry me.

You're wasting your time.



Will you get back on the screen? I'm

trying to tell Cecilia I'm in love with her.



I love you. I'm honest, dependable,

courageous, romantic and a great kisser.



- And I'm real.

- Let's go, Cecilia. 



Choose one of them, 

so we can settle this thing. 



The most human of attributes

is your ability to choose. 



Wait a minute. If she chooses Tom, 

how are we gonna end the story? 



- We'll be stuck here for ever. 

- Father Donnelly can marry us right here.



That won't stand up.

The priest has to be human.



The Bible never says

a priest can't be on film. 



- No, I'm already married.

- Come away with me to Hollywood.



- Just like that?

- Just like that.



Do something impulsive

for once in your life.



Just throw your stuff in a valise

and come away with me. Really.



- And don't forget that ukulele.

- What ukulele?



Look, I love you. I know

that only happens in movies, but I do.






- Cecilia, you're throwing away perfection. 

- Don't tell her that. We need Tom back. 



- It's so romantic. 

- Oh, women. 



Well, I'm... I'm crushed. I'm devastated.



Tom, try to understand, .



You'll be fine. In your world, things

have a way of always working out right.



I'm a real person. No matter how tempted

I am, I have to choose the real world.



I loved every minute with you.



And I'll never forget our night on the town.






You're better off with us, old sport. 

You really are. 



Can we get on with

"The Purple Rose of Cairo"? 



If anyone wants me, I'll be in reel six. 



- Kitty's waiting for you. 

- Lord have mercy. What a day. 



What a day. 



Your explorer friend's OK?

I saw him walking around town with you.



Yeah, he's OK. No thanks to you.



I didn't mean to be so rough on him.

I get jealous over you.



- Do you?

- Christ, you know I do.



I know I treat you rough. It's my way.

It doesn't mean I don't feel for you.



- What are you doin'?

- Leaving.



- Here we go.

- You don't feel for me.



All you feel for is yourself.

Your beer, your card games, your women.



- OK. I'm gonna turn over a new leaf.

- It's too late, Monk. Too late. I'm going.



I shoulda left a long time ago. I would've,

except I was scared of being alone.



So what now? Some chump's

fillin' your head with big ideas?



No, no. I got a chance to change my life.

I'm moving to Hollywood.



Listen. I said I was sorry about being

rough with your friend. Let's shape up.



- It's too late. Monk.

- Like hell it is. I said, like hell it is.



Don't give me that bigheaded stuff.

I'm the guy that can slap you down.



Go ahead and hit me, Monk. Go ahead

and hit me. I'm leaving anyway.



This never woulda happened

if you didn't meet that guy.



And we woulda just

gone on the same way...



...till we were too old

to even hope for better.



But I did meet him. I did meet him, and

I have feelings for him, and he has for me.



- What about me?

- I still care for you, if you can believe it.



But out of the blue, for the first time

in my life, somebody's in love with me.



No, but... but you just met each other.



Love at first sight

doesn't only happen just in the movies.



Cecilia, don't go. You hear me?

I said don't go. Now, wait a minute.



- I said don't go. You stay here!

- So long, Monk.



- You take care of yourself.

- Oh, yeah? All right, well, go. Go.



See if I care. Go, see what it is out there.

It ain't the movies.



It's real life.

It's real life, and you'll be back.



You mark my words. You'll be back.



- Cecilia, what are you doing?

- Meeting Gil Shepherd.



- They all gone.

- They... What do you mean?



- They went back to Hollywood.

- Gil, too?



Mr Shepherd, yeah. As soon as Baxter

went back up on the movie screen...



...he couldn't wait to get outta here.



He said this was

a close call for his career.



I think he's gonna play Charles Lindbergh.



Don't forget, Cecilia. Fred Astaire

and Ginger Rogers start today.



# Heaven, I'm in heaven



# And my heart beats so

that I can hardly speak



# And I seem to find the happiness I seek



# When we're out together

dancing cheek to cheek



# Heaven, I'm in heaven



# And the cares that hung

around me through the week



# Seem to vanish

like a gambler's lucky streak



# When we're out together

dancing cheek to cheek



# Oh, I love to climb a mountain



# And to reach the highest peak



# But it doesn't thrill me half as much



# As dancing cheek to cheek


Special help by SergeiK