Quick And The Dead Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Quick And The Dead script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Russell Crowe, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Sharon Stone.  This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Quick And The Dead. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

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Quick And The Dead Script



            I can't remember.

            You ain't gonna take my gold. No. Sir!


            I'm gonna kill you, bitch.

            Damn you!

            Don't you leave me here. I'm gonna kill you if I ever see you again.

            I'm gonna kill you, bitch!


             ' ". Am I right?

            I ain't ever wrong.

            That's a girl. Thanks.

            - How about a room? - Whores next door.

            - Say that again. - Whores next door.

            Now, do you have a room available?

            A room and bath. Yes, ma'am. Coming up.

            Katie, let's go get the lady a room and a bath.

            Barkeep, I want a bottle of champagne.

             And don't you dare open it. I want to know what I'm drinking.

              - You want to play poker with me? - You keep playing with yourself.

              This is a very special pack.

              I put an ace in it every time I kill a man.

              Interested in first-class whisky? Fine cigars, Indian ink, or perfume?

              Just shine my boots.

              John Herod owns that house. He gets    cents of every dollar in town.

              - What does the town get? - They get to live.

              Another gun in town.

              Hi. Scars.

              Stand back.

              That makes...   .

              - I just got out of prison. - Congratulations.

              - I got    years, but got out early. - How long did you do this time?

              Three days.

              - You're pretty. - You're not.

              - I need a woman. - You need a bath.

              I'm so clumsy, I must be blind.

              - We prayed you'd come to help us. - This is strictly business.

              - These candelabras are worth $   . - That's not good enough.

              Is that it?

              Don't mind my daddy. He's just stupid.

              You look like you've been riding a long time. Where are you from?

              Are you here for the contest? I've never seen a woman carry a gun.

              If you're a good shot, maybe you could...

              I guess I'd better go now.

              Gold teeth! I've got all sizes. Gold teeth.

              I've got uppers. I've got lowers. You're wasting my time.


              I now declare the quick-draw competition open.

              Each man who enters the contest will fight once a day.

              Anybody can challenge anybody. Fight times to be drawn from a hat.

              For the duration of the contest -

              - fighters are entitled to whatever they want, courtesy of Mr. Herod.

              But the man who wins the contest gets this...

              $   .   !

              Compliments of Mr. Herod and Wells-Fargo.

              All right, gentlemen, what do you say?

              Do we have any real gunmen in this room?

              - Do we? - Yes.


              - I am the Swedish champion. - Mr. Gutzon is the first to go up.

              Anyone else?

              - Put an ace up there for me. - Ace Hanlon.

              You'd better put me and my friend Eugene on the list.

              I ain't joining no contest.

              Did I hear a clucking? Did somebody bring a chicken in here?

              - I'II kill you with my bare hands. - No, it's a gunfight.

              We aim, we fire, you die. You'll get the idea.

              The fighting begins tomorrow.

              - Put my name up there. - Anybody else?

              - Sergeant Cantrell. - How do you spell that?


              - Anyone else? - Spotted Horse.

              Many white men will leave this town in wooden boxes.

              Spotted Horse. Any others?

              - Put my damn name up. - Scars.

              I'm worth $ .    in four states.    offences and no convictions.

              My name's Fee... but everyone calls me The Kid.


              I can wake up at dawn, rob two banks, a train, a stagecoach, -

              - shoot the feathers off a duck's ass at     feet. - 

              - and be back in bed before you wake up next to me. How are you?

              - Just fine. - Virgil Sparks, the pride of Texas.

              Horace said you drink this. You sure must want to die young.

              I do now.

              We've got a lot of spaces here. Let's fill 'em up, men.

              We've got a lot of spaces here. Let's fill 'em up, men.

              - How many brave men do we got? -   . Mr. Herod.

                 if you count Foy, but he and Ratsy aren't back yet.

              They'll be here. They're just running a little errand for me.

              - Add my name to the list. - Yes. Sir.

              - We beat the hell out of him. - He ain't nothing.

              Hello, Cort. I was beginning to worry you wouldn't make it in time.

              It's been a while. I hear you have a mission down in Hermosillo.

              Is that right? Your own little piece of heaven.

              Sunshine. Cactus flowers and you and the orphan children.

              We burned that mission down. Just like you said.

              All that work. Cort...

              All those years of hard work destroyed for no reason.

              It must make you angry. You used to be fast.

              Are you still fast?

              Don't I get an answer?

              Have you taken a vow of silence?

              I said, are you still fast?

              Faster than you.

              But I have renounced violence.

              We'll see.

              String him up. In here. On the chair.

              Adjust your collar, Reverend.

              Pull him up, Foy.

              Let me make it clear... I want you in that contest.


              Think about it.

              Last chance.

              - Yes or no? - Go to hell.

              Sign me up.

              - No women in quick-draw. - There's no rules against ladies.

              It's just that women can't shoot for shit.

              Adíos, Reverend.

              Put 'em both in the contest.

              Move it. Preacher.

              Take him out by the trough.

              - Come back here. - No!

              Come back here! You hear me?


              Good morning. You definitely had a good time last night.

              Want some breakfast? Or how about some more of what we had last night?

              You certainly won that drinking contest.

              But then again, I won you in poker.

              You puked and passed out, so let's not plan the wedding yet.

              - Why do you sleep on this thing? - That way nobody will steal it.


              - Who are you gonna challenge today? - Herod.

              Bad idea. I'm the only guy who can take him and I ain't gonna rush it.

              - Why not? - Hell, he's my father.

              Have you been challenged yet?

              You have now. I'll go get us a time.

              These are my boys. They don't get to church much.

              Daddy's gonna kill you, Preacher.

              - Sleep well? - Not as well as you.

              - I saved your life last night. - You just stretched it out a bit.

              - I might already be in heaven. - Sorry.

              - Don't you even want to fight back? - Of course I do.

              I'd like to kill them all for what they've done... but I won't.

              - Killing people is wrong. - Some people deserve to die.

              It was a little lean this week. The whisky was flat.

              Horace, your excuses are getting worse every week.

              I took everything out of the register, sir.

              - That's all there was. - Barkeep...

              I challenge you...

              - I'm not fighting you. - You ain't got no choice.

              - I told you! - What are you doing here?

              - What are you doing here? - I'm here for the money.

              The rules say you have to accept every challenge.

              If you've got a problem with that, get out of town.

              - I've got no problem. - The lady fights Mr. Kelly.

              They fight at seven o'clock tonight.

              - Pick a card, honey. - Thank you.

              He's so hot.

              Hold it up.

              Ace of spades.

              Thank you.

              I heard you blew a little girl's thumb off in Reno doing that.

              - I'm the best you'll ever see. - So I keep hearing.

              Shall we find out?

              Look, girls, there he is.

              It's lights out, Kid.

              I'm gonna be pissing on your grave tonight. You're through!


              - What's the odds on The Kid? - Three to one.

              Gentlemen. Remember. You must not draw -

              - until that clock makes the first chime of the hour.

              What if somebody gets excited and starts shooting early?

              Any cheats will be eliminated from the contest.

              Whoever is standing after the draw is the winner.

              If both men are still standing, you must continue firing.

              Gentlemen, the street is yours.

              I'll only wound you, Kid.

              You're a kind man.

              Damn. Am I fast!

              Did you even see me, I was so fast?

              Mr. Swedish Champion, are you done? Stay down if you're finished.

              Yes, I give up.

              - The Kid's the winner. - Am I fast or is Sweden very small?

              Come on, Kid, I'm gonna get you something to drink.

              How does it feel. Cort?

              Does it remind you of the good old days?

              Is your heart beating faster? Is your pulse racing?

              - Good shooting, Kid. - Good shooting?

              If the Swede had been any slower, birds would've nested in his hat.

              Come on. Kid.

              Spotted Horse cannot be killed by a bullet. See.

              Four bullets in my arm, three in my left leg and two in the back.

              Another bullet went through my lip. Another through my left foot.

              Today a bullet went into my head and it's not even come out yet!

              - It's time. - I'm not gonna fight.

              You don't want to fight? We'll see about that.

              Get up! Come on, don't keep Mr. Herod waiting.

              Come on. Preacher. Move it.

              - Turn the other cheek. Preacher. - Kick his ass!

              He's gonna forgive us all.

              And that concludes the lessons for today.

              - My nose! - I'm shocked.

              - My nose! - I'm shocked.

              - The reverend needs a gun. - There's plenty of other gun shops.

              - Nowhere as cheap. - No place is cheap enough for you.

              Your mouth gets faster every day. Pity your hands are so slow.

              - I ain't got slow hands. - Put your hand on the counter.

              Put your gun hand on the counter.

              See, Cort. Here's a gunfighter's hand. And here's a farmer's hand.

              I ain't got a farmer's hand.

              Cort and me are killers. The genuine article, but you...

              You're from different stock.

              My friend here needs a gun.

              This is the Eagle-butt Peacemaker. Solid ivory handle.

              Only    of these were ever made.

              This is the customized Remington new model.

              It's more accurate than the Colt. The handles are solid silver.

              Used with great success on    bank robberies by its late owner.

              This is the best help a man can get. A Smith & Wesson Schofield.  .

              Me and Jesse James think it's the best handgun in the world.

              Trigger guard removal saves drawing time.

              But if you're drunk, you'll kill your feet.

              - When did you last hold a gun? - You know when.

              I got offered     for this Colt. You want to try it out?

              - Have you got $    Cort? - I don't have any money.

              The Lord provides me with everything I need.

              We're wasting this boy's time then.

              I'll be a good Samaritan. What's the cheapest gun you've got?

              The cheapest piece of crap you've got in the whole miserable store.

              All right...

              - Five bucks. - Sold.

              What are you doing?

              The Preacher's got the Lord on his side. He only needs one bullet.

              Otherwise he might be tempted to shoot his way out of town.

              - That gun shoots straight. - It's okay, I won't draw.

              You will. I know you. When it comes down to it, you'll pull the trigger.

              I've got money on you, Preacher.

              - I've got    bucks on you, Foy. - That's money in the bank, Jimmy.

              Preacher boy, you're a dead man.

              Bless me. Lord. Forgive me for my sins.

              - He shot me! - You didn't lay down and die.

              You said you weren't gonna fight.

              It felt natural. Didn't it? Nice and smooth.

              I thought you weren't gonna fight.

              You're pretty fast. I hope I don't have to fight you.

              - You have a choice to be here. - He made you do it.

              I was the only one who pulled the trigger.

              This ain't much of a town for a preacher.

              - I wasn't always a preacher. - Cort was an outlaw. Like us.

              Weren't you?

              In fact. He used to ride with me.

              Of course, that's all changed now. He's a man of peace.

              He wouldn't hurt a fly.


              There was a time when you couldn't tell us apart.

              Is that true?

              - Is that true? - Yes.

              I should've let you die.

              It's yours. Go ahead, take it.

              You smell good.

              - What are you looking at? - A dirty old man and a little girl.

              This is a business discussion. I'm offering her a job.

              Just make sure you wash wherever he touches you.

              One of these days, I'm gonna have to shoot you up real good.

              Mr. Hanlon, I wanted to ask you about Indian Wells.

              - Did that fight really take place? - It sure did.

              - You gunned down four men? - I had a gun in each hand.

              The truth is I am just as good with either hand.

              You must be the fastest gun in the West... or the biggest liar.

              It's a pity you weren't there to find out.

              But I was. I was the one who really killed the Terence brothers.

              I doubt that a lying chicken-shit like you was even in the same state.

              How about that left hand. Ace?

              How about that left-handed draw?

              Mr. Ace Hanlon. Scourge of the sagebrush.

              The terror of Tucson.

              A bladder full of hot air.


              String him up! Put him on a chair.


              They're calling for you on the street.

              Are you really gonna do it? What if you get killed?

              Then I won't have to answer any more of your dumb questions.

              - Miss... - What?

              You can do it.

              There's a click before the strike. Listen to the clock.

              The last fight of the day.

              Fire at the first chime.

              You're gonna die now, girl.

              You're dead meat.

              Look at you. Are you scared? You're trembling like a leaf.

              There's a click before the strike. Listen to the clock.

              The lady is the winner.

              - Damn! - Come back here.

              Quick-firing resumes tomorrow at noon.

              - I think you're great. - Grow up.




              No need to go to all that trouble just for me.

              Last night The Kid. Tonight Herod. You're a busy woman.

              - Any man you're not interested in? - Yeah, you.

              You're looking at me and thinking: We have nothing in common.

              But we do. We're both winners.

              How do you feel after surviving your first day?

              - The same as yesterday. - No. Your eyes are shining.

              You've passed a test. You feel alive.

              I guess it doesn't excite me as much as it does you.

              You think I do this contest because it's fun?

              Look at this town. These people would kill you for your bootlaces.

              This way I get to face my enemies. They can't shoot me in the back.

              - And of course I always win. - One day your luck will run out.

              I don't win because I'm lucky.

              Aprés vous.

              - Why did you come here tonight? - You invited me.

              You could've turned me down.

              - I wanted to see what you're like. - What kind of man am I?

              The kind people hate.

              I'm not trying to be popular. The people in this town need me.

              I bring a sense of order to their lives.

              - Not law. Order. - Like hanging a preacher?

              He's no preacher. He's a fraud.

              If a man is a killer. That's what he is.

              That same man can't tell me it's not in his blood any more.

              - He's the worst kind of liar. - Why does he upset you so much?


         I find myself almost uncontrollably attracted to you.

          I'd think a man like you would have a woman.

          I was married to a beautiful woman.

          - She was unfaithful. - Where is she now?

          I told you... she was unfaithful.

           - Why are you really here? - Like I said, for the money.

            I'd give you all the money you want.

            I wouldn't feel like I'd earned it.

            Yes, you would.

            - Did you ever kill anyone? - Sure.

            I don't think so. It all comes down to how far you're prepared to go.

            All the way.

            My father was a judge.

            That surprises you.

            He used to make my mother and me watch people being hanged.

            One day he said there was too much bad in this world.

            He took a bullet, put it in his gun and spun the chamber.

            Then he took it in turns. Clicking it at each of us, -

            - until he blew the back of his head off... with the final click.

            Understand this: There is nothing on this earth that frightens me now.

            - Nothing. - I have to go.

            I shouldn't have come here.

            - Who are you? - Let me go.

            I apologize for my behaviour, but it's hard to get a drink round here.

            I was only a kid when I hitched up with Herod.

            He singled me out because...

            ...I was a little smarter and a little faster than most.

            A completely fearless man, and he wanted me to be just like him.

            We used to go revenue collecting along the border, just the two of us.

            We took the bank in Nogales... and ran out to a street full of troops.

            We got shot up so bad.

            This padre hid us in his mission. He cared for us and fed us.

            He talked to us both for hours.

            When we were strong enough to ride, Herod told me to shoot him.

            When I said no. - 

            - he put a gun to my head and started to count down from ten.

            So I killed the priest.

            It doesn't matter what I do now. I'm already damned, I know that.

            Don't go down that road. You don't have to become like me.

            - Why did you call me up here? - I wanted to ask you one question.

            Who brought you here to fight me?

            Mr. Herod...

            I'm just a gentleman adventurer after the challenge of a gunfight.

            I thought Ace Hanlon was the hired gun. I was so sure of it.

            But he was just a buffoon. You're not.

            My name's Clay Cantrell, and I'm a shootist.

            I've killed    men.

            Killing is purely business for me. It doesn't give me any pleasure.

            My employer is confidential.

            Do we have business together today?

            As soon as the rain stops, I'm going to make an example of you.

            Then he said, "Give me the gun." What could I do? I gave it to him.

            Like hell I did.

            That was it for Flat Nose Freddy. He currently resides six feet under.

            You were brave to enter the contest.

             You've made your point. Now I want you to step down.

              I'll step down when you step down.

              I'm telling you to step down. Your time will come.

              Not with you still around.

              Don't ever cross me.

              And don't try to stare me down like you're doing now.

              I'm not sick or old. And you're not half the man I am.

              Round two.

              Four fights today, featuring the eight remaining contestants.

              The winner is the contestant left standing.

              Left alive.

              Left alive! From now on, we fight to the death.

              What a surprise, John, you changing the rules...

              What a surprise, John, you changing the rules...

              Any problem with that?

              I was planning to kill you anyway.

              Gentlemen, the street is yours.

              I'm confused.

              All I hear from you weak cowards is how poor you are.

              How you can't afford my taxes, my protection.

              Yet somehow you've all managed to find the money -

              - to hire a professional gunfighter to kill me.

              Where's all this money coming from?

              What am I to think?

              If you've got so much to spare, I'm gonna have to take more off you.

              This is my town!

              If you live to see the dawn, it's because I allow it.

              I'm in charge of everything.

              I decide who lives or who dies.

              Your gunfighter's dead.

              Old news.

              Is it possible?

              Is it possible to improve on perfection?

              The man's dead. The Kid's the winner.

              I heard him. I heard him move his hand.

              People, I am on a different level. I am the new mayor of this town.

              - Wonderful. - He stinks worse dead.

              Storm coming up. No more fights till we see what it's gonna do.

              We're gonna have to bury him deep. He stinks something awful.

              Get the hell out of here!

              That little girl is gonna be a real good earner.

              Deal me in, boys.

              - I feel lucky. - Was she good?

              Wriggled like a fish.

              Get up!

              - Bitch! I'll kill you. - Outside, you bastard!

              You goddamn filthy bitch!

              Please. Don't kill me.

              Finish him off! This contest isn't over until one of you is dead.

              Please. Don't kill me.

              This contest is not over yet.

              A drink.

              Thank you.


              Gold teeth. A whole mouthful of gold teeth.

              The lady moves to round three.

              There's always forgiveness if you ask for it.

              Come on. Preacher.

              - Thank you, Ratsy. - Goodbye.

              What are you doing? You're not quitting, are you?

              I know this is probably the wrong time...

              ...but I like you and I want you to stay.

              - How can you live like this? - Live like what?

              - Are you going to see Cort's fight? - No. I'm not.

              I don't care about him... or you, or anybody else in this town.

              I'm through.

              I don't think you heard me right. I said I liked you.

              Spotted Horse cannot be killed by a bullet.

              The man's dead. Cort's the winner.

              He killed that Indian.

              Spotted Horse cannot be killed by a bullet.

              - Give me another bullet. - I explained the rules to you.

              You have to kill the man.

              Give me another bullet. John. Somebody give me a bullet!

              .   Long Colt.

              "I shall not kill." That's what you told me.

              - "I have renounced all violence." - Now!

              Congratulations, you're going to the next round. Preacher.



              Welcome back... killer.


              Give me that.

              - I knew I'd find you here. - You know who I am?

              Of course I do. I brought you into this world.

              - Your father... - I don't want to talk about it.

              You've been hours looking for his grave. He's not here.

              Herod's men... they smashed the gravestone I made.

              Then they burned his body till there was nothing left.

              There are good people here. They're just cowards... like me.

              They're waiting for someone like you to come and stop him.

              I can't! I can't kill him!

              I had my chance and I was scared.

              - I'm scared of dying. - You've been dead since that day.

              You're more scared of living.

              It will be the same if you keep riding.

              I pulled this from the fire.

              He was the best friend I ever had.

              String him up. Put him on a chair.

              - Say your prayers. - Here's the rope.

              Daddy! No!

              Put her down!

              Hey, beautíful.

              What's wrong with you?

              What the hell! That's Mr. Herod's prisoner.

              I hope you don't think I've sunk to some base level of humanity.

              The Bible speaks of drawing a sword against evil.

              I feel that it must be God's will that I'm here.

              So I...

              Oh God...

              - Why are you doing this to me? - Because we could be dead tomorrow.

              Promise me you'll leave Herod for me.

              I challenge you.

              I'm not fighting anybody else. I want you.

              I've already been challenged.

              It's time for me to see if I'm my father's equal.

              You would fight your own son.

              - I'm gonna kill you. - Do you have a problem with me?

              I'll let you know.

              - I'm not fighting you. - I'm not fighting you.

              I came here to kill Herod. And that's what I'm gonna do.

              - Stand down. - I will not.

              Stand down and let me take him in the final. He'll be just as dead.

              Let me make something clear:

              You are going to fight. Nobody walks out on this contest.

              You don't tell me what to do.

              If you try to leave town or refuse to fight, my men will kill you.

              You had your chance to quit and now it's gone.

              Clear the street!

              Round three! Only four contestants left.

              Mr. Herod fights The Kid. Then the lady fights Cort.

              Clear the street!

              You don't have to do this. Everybody knows you're the best.

              It ain't about that. I'm his son.

              If this is the only way he'll admit that...

              ...then so be it.

              What can you get out of this? What do you want?

              All I want is his respect.

              I love you.

              Drop out. You've made your point.

              The gunfight is in the head, not in the hands.

              The thing that makes him invincible is that you all think he is.

              Maybe five years ago he was the fastest...

              ...but time catches up with everyone.

              He's just a little bit slower than he used to be. As for myself...

              I just reached my peak.

              Shit. That was fast!

              - Did I get him? - Yeah, Kid, you got him.

              Did I kill him?

              - You were so fast. Kid. - I don't want to die.

              I don't want to die.

              I know.

              It was never proved that he was my son.

              It was a farmer that... He wasn't mine.

              I gave him a way out. He wouldn't take it.

              - What kind of ink do you have? - Any kind you need.


              If neither one of you fire by the time I count down from ten, -

              - my men will gun you down.

              Ten... nine...

              - Draw your gun. He'll do it. - Eight.

              - Seven. - Draw!

              - Six. - Kill me, Ellen.

              - Five. - Kill me!

              Kill me! Kill me. Or I'm gonna kill you.


              She's dead.

              She's dead! Leave her alone. You vultures. Don't touch her!

              Nice shooting, Reverend.

              You put a fox in the hen house and you'll have chicken for dinner.

              You're gonna burn for this.

              Is this what you wanted all along? Come and get some.

              Son of a bitch!

              Of course we'll fight, but the rules say tomorrow.

              - I'll even let you name the time. - Dawn.

              Break my nose twice?

              Now we'll see how fast you can draw.

              - Who did that? - I did that. Mr. Herod.

              You've got    seconds to get out of town.

              That's not fair. I've only ever done what you told me to.

              - You now have    seconds. - Goodbye, Ratsy.

              What do you think? There's a lot of people here that want entertainment.

              I could draw with my left hand. How does that sound?

              Unlike Mr. Ace Hanlon. I really can fight with both hands.

              How do you feel? I'm nervous.

              It takes a lot to scare me. I love the sensation.

              Time's up, Ratsy!

              I always wanted to fight you, Cort. Ever since the first time I saw you.

              It's just this itch that I had to scratch.

              If he's still standing at the end, gun him down.

              You're dead! You're dead!

              Sorry, John. Changed the rules.

              - From now on all fights are fair. - Who are you?

              You stole my life.

              Let her go, you son of a bitch!

              Don't make my little girl watch. Let her go, before you kill me.

              I can't do that. I've had my three shots.

              I'll give you three shots to save your daddy's life.

              Shoot the rope, and if it breaks, your daddy can live.

              You can do it, darling.

              - I can't. - You can do it.

              Hold the gun in both hands and pull the hammer back.

              - I can't. - You can. You can do it.

              - No. I can't. - Don't you worry about this.

              None of this is your fault. Don't you blame yourself.

              Just remember that your daddy loves you.

              I'll always love you... Just remember that. Now. Come on.

              That's close enough.

              - You're not fast enough for me. - Today I am.

              The law's come back to town.


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