Roman Holiday Script

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A Paramount Picture 

presenting  GREGORY PECK 

and introducing  AUDREY HEPBURN 

in WILLIAM WYLER'S Production 






Screenplay by  IAN McLELLAN HUNTER  and  JOHN DIGHTON  Story by  


This film was photographed and recorded in its entirety in Rome, 


Directors of Photography 


Art Directors 


Edited by  ROBERT SWINK A.C.E. 

Costumes. . . . . . . . . . . . .EDITH HEAD



Sound Recording by . . .JOESEPH DE BRETAGNE

 Western Electric RECORDING Filmed at CINICITTA STUDIOS-Rome, 


Associate Producer ROBERT WYLER  Music Score by  GEORGES AURIC 

Produced and Directed  by  WILLIAM WYLER 

Roman Holiday, Transcribed by Graham ( 

A newsreel begins:  -PARAMOUNT NEWS- NEWS FLASH  A commentator 

describes the newsreel showing Princess Ann at several ceremonies 

in various European locations. 

NEWSREEL. Paramount News brings you a special coverage of 

Princess Ann's visit to London, the first stop on her much 

publicised goodwill tour of European capitals. She gets a royal 

welcome from the British as thousands cheer the gracious young 

member of one of Europe's oldest ruling families. After three 

days of continuous activity and a visit to Buckingham Palace, Ann 

flew to Amsterdam where Her Royal Highness dedicated the new 

International Aid Building and christened an ocean liner. Then 

went to Paris where she attended many official functions designed 

to cement trade relations between her country and the Western 

European nations. And so to Rome, the eternal city, where the 

Princess' visit was marked by a spectacular military parade 

highlighted by the band of the crack Piersa Yeri Regiment. The 

smiling young Princess showed no sign of the strain of the week's 

continuous public appearances. And at her country's embassy that 

evening, a formal reception and ball in her honor was given by 

her country's ambassador to Italy. 

 The Embassy ballroom. People fill the floor of the room. A 

fanfare sounds. The Master of Ceremonies appears and the people 

clear a path down the middle of the hall in front of him. The 

Master of Ceremonies announces "Her Royal Highness"-first in 

Italian, then in English.  The orchestra starts playing as the 

Master of Ceremonies walks down the newly-formed aisle. Princess 

Ann, resplendent in her ballgown, diamond tiara, and necklace, 

appears at the door accompanied by the Ambassador in formal 

military dress. Behind them follow together the Countess Vereberg 

and General Provno, and others. As the company walks slowly down 

the aisle, Princess Ann smiles and nods her head to acknowledge 

the guests who line their path. They bow as the Princess walks 

past them.  As they reach the front, the Princess and the others 

step onto the dais as the orchestra finishes playing. The dais is 

furnished with chairs-a large one in the center. The Princess and 

the others stand, facing the guests. Princess Ann is about to sit 

when the Ambassador discreetly stops her with a hand on her arm.  

As they stand waiting, the guests form in a line in front. The 

Master of Ceremonies announces them as they walk forward to greet 

her, in turn. 

MASTER OF CEREMONIES. His Excellency, the Papal Nuntius, 

Monsignor Altomonto.  Ann greets him warmly in Italian, shaking 

his hand; he replies, in Italian. 

MASTER OF CEREMONIES. Sir Hugo Macy de Farmington. 

ANN [he bows to her] Good evening, Sir Hugo. 

SIR HUGO [shaking her hand] Good evening, Your Royal Highness. 

MASTER OF CEREMONIES. His Highness, The Maharajah of Kalipur; and 

The Rajkumari. 

ANN [shaking the Rajkumari's hand] I'm so glad that you could 


THE RAJKUMARI. Thank you. 

THE MAHARAJA [shaking Ann's hand] Thank you, madame. [The Master 

of Ceremonies announes the next couple, in German]. 

ANN [hidden beneath her dress, she takes her right foot out of 

its shoe and stretches it] Guten aben. 

MASTER OF CEREMONIES [as Ann puts her foot back] Prince Istvan 

Barossy Nagyavaros. 

ANN. How do you do? [he kisses her hand]  The Master of 

Ceremonies announces the long German name and title of the next 


ANN [holding the woman's hand as she curtsies] Guten aben. [She 

greets the man as he kisses her hand].  The Master of Ceremonies 

announces the next couple. As she greets them, Ann rubs her tired 

right foot against her leg.  Much later on and Ann is still 

greeting the guests. 

ANN [greeting another couple] So happy. 

MASTER OF CEREMONIES. The Count and Countess von Marstrand. 

ANN. Good evening, Countess [holding her hand the woman curtsies. 

To the Count]. Good evening. 

COUNT [kissing her hand] Good evening. [Suddenly, Princess Ann 

loses her balance as her foot slips over her shoe, knocking it 

over. The Count's eyeglass pops out in surprise and he smiles 

back as she regathers herself. The Ambassador looks down in 

disappointment at her error. The Master of Ceremonies introduces 

the next couple-a Senor and Senora]. 

ANN [she tries to manipulate her shoe back into position which 

has been knocked over and she greets the couple, disguising her 

discomfort] Good evening [the man kisses her hand].  The Master 

of Ceremonies announces the next guest as Ann pushes her shoe 

again in an effort to right it. 

ANN [as the man bends, gesturing with his hand in greeting] How 

do you do?  As the last guest moves back Ann looks around 

anxiously, trying again to right her shoe, resulting in her 

pushing it further away. The Ambassador then motions her to sit 

down. As she sits back into the chair with the Ambassador and the 

Countess on either side her dress pulls back, revealing the shoe.  

The orchestra starts playing a waltz. Ann tries as 

inconspicuously as possible to drag her shoe back with her foot. 

The General, standing behind her frowning, motions to the 

Countess to look at the shoe. She looks down at it and closes her 

eyes in horror. The Princess stirs in her seat trying to get her 

shoe back, fiddling with her gloves as cover. A man standing 

behind the Ambassador motions to him and he shrugs and gets up, 

bowing and presenting his arm to the Princess. The Princess rises 

and, pausing for time to regather her shoe, is lead onto the 

ballroom floor by the Ambassador. Taking her up to dance he looks 

at the area in front of the eat and, relieved that the shoe isn't 

to be seen, continues dancing with her as the other guests watch.  

Later on and the dance floor is filled people. Princess Ann 

dances with a short, lively gentleman who rattles off rapid 

Spanish phrases to her. She listens, nodding and smiling 

politely. Still later and she dances with a short, elderly 

gentlemen. They smile and nod to each other silently. Later again 

and Ann dances with a somewhat remote gentlemen. She almost 

speaks so as to strike up a conversation, but thinks better of 


 Later that night in Princess Ann's bedchamber. She stands on her 

bed dressed in her nightgown, her hair let down. She picks up the 

skirt of her nightgown and drops it. 

ANN [brushing her hair] I hate this nightgown. I hate all my 

nightgowns. And I hate all my underwear too. 

COUNTESS [coming over to tend to her bed, dressed in a bedrobe 

and wearing glasses] My dear, you have lovely things. 

ANN. But I'm not two hundred years old! [Dropping down on the 

bed] Why can't I sleep in pyjamas? 

COUNTESS [looking up as she folds the sheets into place] Pyjamas! 

ANN. Just the top half. [The Countess takes off her glasses, 

shocked, then walks over to the window. Ann pulls the covers over 

her, sitting up] Did you know there are people who sleep with 

absolutely nothing on at all? 

COUNTESS [opening the window] I rejoice to say that I did not. 

ANN [lying against the headboard, smiling as she hears distant 

music coming in through the window] Listen. [She jumps up out of 

bed and runs over to the window, looking out]. 

COUNTESS. Oh, and your slippers. [She goes to fetch them from 

beside the bed as Ann looks out with pleasure at the dancing 

going on far below in the distance] Please put on your slippers 

and come away at the window. [Ann walks back to the bed, 

dejected, as the Countess shuts the window. The Countess holds a 

tray] Your milk and crackers. 

ANN [taking the tray; as the Countess helps her pull the covers 

over her] Everything we do is so wholesome. 

COUNTESS. They'll help you to sleep. 

ANN [stubbornly] I'm too tired to sleep-can't sleep a wink. 

COUNTESS [putting on her glasses, taking a diary from the 

bedtable] Now my dear, if you don't mind: tomorrow's schedule-or 

schedule [(skedule)], whichever you prefer-both are correct. 

[Running through the items with a pen] Eight thirty, breakfast 

here with the Embassy staff; nine o'clock, we leave for the 

Polinory Automotive Works where you'll be presented with a small 


ANN [disinterested; absently playing with a napkin] Thank you. 

COUNTESS. Which you will not accept. 

ANN. No, thank you. 

COUNTESS. Ten thirty-five, inspection of food and agricultural 

organisation will present you with an olive tree. 

ANN. No, thank you. 

COUNTESS. Which you will accept. 

ANN. Thank you. 

COUNTESS. Ten fifty-five, the Newfoundling Home For Orphans. You 

will preside over the laying of the cornerstone; same speech as 

last Monday. 

ANN. Trade relations? 


ANN [chewing a cracker] For the orphans? 

COUNTESS. No, no, the other one. 

ANN. 'Youth and progress'. 

COUNTESS. Precisely. Eleven forty-five, back here to rest. No, 

that's wrong... eleven forty-five, conference here with the 


ANN. 'Sweetness and decency' [she rolls her eyes]. 

COUNTESS. One o'clock sharp, lunch with the Foreign Ministry. You 

will wear your white lace and carry a small bouquet of (& ANN) 

very small pink roses. [The Countess looks up, unimpressed. 

Continuing, as Ann drinks her milk from a glass] Three-o five, 

presentation of a plaque. (ANN [to an imagined guest] Thank you.) 

Four-ten, review special guard of * Police. (ANN. No, thank you.) 

Four forty-five (ANN. How do you do?) back here to change (ANN 

[becoming distressed] Charmed.) to your uniform (ANN. So happy.) 

to meet the international-. 

ANN [screaming at the Countess] STOP!!! [Looking away, her hair 

covering her face] Please stop! stop...! 

COUNTESS [retrieving the tray] It's alright, dear, it didn't 

spill [she places the tray on the table]. 

ANN. I don't care if it's spilled or not. I don't care if I 

[throws her head into the pillow] drown in it! 

COUNTESS [putting her hands on her shoulders to comfort her] My 

dear, you're ill. I'll send for Doctor Bonnachoven. 

ANN [turning over, facing the opposite way] I don't want Doctor 

Bonnachoven; please let me die in peace! 

COUNTESS. You're not dying. 

ANN [facing the Countess] Leave me. [Sitting up, shouting at her] 

Leave me! 

COUNTESS. It's nerves; control yourself Ann. 

ANN [throwing herself on the pillow, beating it with her fist] I 

don't want to! 

COUNTESS [standing up straight, speaking with authority] Your 

Highness [Ann continues blubbing]. I'll get Doctor Bonnachoven 

[she heads for the door]. 

ANN [looking up as she leaves] It's no use; I'll be dead before 

he gets here [she gives a defiant blub].  Later, the Countess 

enters the bedchamber, followed by Doctor Bonnachoven and the 

General. They walk to her bed and the doctor looks at Ann, who 

doesn't move. 

DOCTOR [to the Countess, puzzled] She is asleep. 

COUNTESS. She was in hysterics three minutes ago, Doctor. 

DOCTOR [he puts his Doctor's bag on the table and bends over to 

her; quietly] Are you asleep, ma'am? 

ANN [without moving] No! 

DOCTOR. Oh. [He feels her forehead then takes a thermometer from 

his bag] I'll only disturb Your Royal Highness a moment, ah? 

ANN. I'm very ashamed, Doctor Bonnachoven; I-[the Doctor places 

the thermometer in her mouth] suddenly I was crying. 

DOCTOR [reassuring] To cry-a perfectly normal thing to do. 

GENERAL. It most important she be calm and relaxed for the press 

conference, Doctor. 

ANN. Don't worry, Doctor: I-[takes the thermometer out] I'll be 

calm and relaxed and I-I'll bow and I'll smile and- I'll improve 

trade relations and I, and I will...[she throws herself onto the 

pillow, in hysterics again]. 

COUNTESS. There she goes again. Give her something, Doctor, 


DOCTOR [holding up a syringe from the bag] Uncover her arm, 

please, hmm?  The Countess uncovers her arm as the General looks 


ANN [calming down; without looking up] What's that? 

DOCTOR. Sleep and calm. This will relax you and make Your 

Highness feel a little happy. It's a new drug, quite harmless. 

[As he injects her the General faints behind them, unnoticed] 


ANN. I don't feel any different. 

DOCTOR. You will; it may take a little time to take hold. Just 

now, lie back, ah? 

ANN. Can I keep just one light on? 

DOCTOR. Of course. Best thing I know is to do exactly what you 

wish for a while. 

ANN [smiling] Thank you, Doctor. 

COUNTESS [the Countess looks round at the General on the floor] 

Oh, the General! Doctor, quick! 


ANN [sitting up] Hah! [she puts her hand over her mouth, covering 

her smile]. 

GENERAL [embarrassed; straightening his bedrobe] I'm perfectly 

alright. [To the Princess] Goodnight, ma'am. [He bows and 


DOCTOR [bowing, smiling at the Princess] Goodnight, ma'am. 

ANN. Goodnight, Doctor.  The Doctor leaves, followed by the 

Countess, who turns off the light and, looking back at the 

Princess, shuts the door behind her.  Alone, the Princess looks 

around the large room at the lavish, ancient ornamentation on the 

ceiling and the huge sculpted headboard. She lies back, and then, 

remembering, eagerly climbs out of bed and runs to the window. 

She looks out longingly at the dancing below, the breeze blowing 

in her face then out over the city, the buildings lit up in the 

night far in the distance. Thinking, she looks back at the door 

and then back out the window, then she runs to her wardrobe, and 

starts rummaging in the clothes hung there. 

 Later, dressed in a plain white blouse and skirt and picking up 

her gloves from the dresser, she peers out the door of the 

bedchambers. She sees a guard sat at the end of the wall stir in 

his semi-sleep. Pausing as she closes the door, she goes out of 

the side window onto the balcony outside. She walks along to the 

edge of the adjacent balcony, jumping down with a slight noise 

onto the ground. Glancing furtively around she goes inside to a 

large, empty room. She pauses for moment to look around on either 

side and then continues. Going through the door she finds herself 

on a corridor upstairs, encircling the large central area. She 

runs along to the end, turning the corner and then onto the other 

side. She continues on, reaches a staircase and goes down it 

towards the exit.  Outside, still in the grounds of the Embassy, 

she runs along a courtyard area. The shadow of a man walking 

appears where she has just come from but she reaches safety at 

the other end before he can see her.  Running through the 

buildings further she pauses, her back against a wall. Looking 

round the corner she sees a man jump out of a small supply truck. 

While he is gone she runs over and quietly hops into the back of 

the truck. The man comes back and throws a couple of bags into 

the back where she is hiding. He then gets in, starts the motor, 

and drives off. Guards at the entrace of the Embassy grounds open 

the doors and the little truck drives out. Ann peers back over 

the top of a bag to see the guards closing the doors again as the 

Embassy recede into the distance. She looks round with delight, 

moving the bag out of the way, leaning her arm on some goods to 

see out the back better. She watches the truck go past a sidewalk 

cafe, busy with people, then waves to a couple driving behind on 

a scooter; the woman waves back at her. The goods rattle in the 

back as the truck bounces around, and Ann rests on a box, closing 

her eyes.  The truck continues through the city but Ann is 

awakened when the truck stops for a couple walking across the 

street in front. As it is stopped she hops out, running to the 

footpath as the truck screeches away. She leans against a tree, 

yawning then continues on.  Crossing a street, she walks straight 

across the passenger cabin of a horse-drawn carriage parked 

alongside the pavement, to the bewilderment of the passengers and 

driver. The cab drives away as Ann continues on.  A light pours 

from the window of a room on the second floor of the building the 

carriage was parked in front of... 

Inside the room are sat Joe Bradley, Irving Radovich, and several 

other men around a poker table. 

CARD PLAYER 1. Bet five hundred. 

JOE [placing his bet down, firmly] Five hundred. How many? 

IRVING [placing his bet] One.  The others still in the game place 


CARD PLAYER 1. I'll take one. 

CARD PLAYER 2. Three. 

JOE. Fool, boy. [Checks his cards; bets more] Two for papa. 

CARD PLAYER 1 [places a note in the pool] Five hundred more. 

JOE [following] Without lookin'. 

IRVING. Five hundred; and, er [clears his throat], raise you a 

thousand.  Joe looks at him suspiciously. Irving rubs his beard 

but stays unemotional. Joe places his money in the pool. 

CARD PLAYER 1 [laying his cards down] Two pairs. 

JOE. Oh, well I got three shy little sevens. 

IRVING. Er, a nervous straight [lays his cards down; Then, with 

relish] Come home, you beauties. [Counting his money as he picks 

it up; Joe looks on grimly] Now, look at that: six thousand five 

hundred-ah, not bad, that's ten bucks. [As the dealer gathers the 

cards back and Joe does up his tie] Er, one more round and I'm 

gonna throw you gents right out in the snow...  The remaining 

players objective to his leaving: Say-; what-; wait a minute-, 


IRVING. I got to get up early: date with Her Royal Highness who 

will [dramatically] graciously pose for some pictures. 

JOE. What do you mean, early? My personal invitation says eleven 


CARD PLAYER 1. Couldn't be anything to do with the fact that 

you're ahead? 

IRVING [smiling] It could. 

JOE. It works out fine for me: this is my last five thousand and 

you hyenas are not gonna get it. [Putting his money in his 

pocket, patting Irving on the back] Thanks a lot, Irving. 

IRVING. Yeah. 

JOE [getting up] See you at Annie's little party in the morning. 

IRVING. Ciao, Joe. 

JOE [picking up his jacket off the back of the chair] Yeah, ciao. 

[The other men say goodbye: Goodnight, Joe; Ciao; Stay sober, 


IRVING [as Joe leaves] Alright! a little seven card stud. 

CARD PLAYER 1. Ok with me. 

 Joe Bradley walks along the street, hands in pockets. He slows 

down by a park bench. Princess Ann is lying on it and Joe glances 

at her curiously as he walks by. 

ANN [sounding drunk because of the drug's effect] Sooooo happy. 

[Joe stops, turning round to look at her. Interrupting, as Joe 

almost walks on] How are you this evening? [She stirs on the 

bench, luxuriously] Mmmmmmmmm.... hmmmmm.... mmmmmmmmmmm..." 

JOE [rushing over to prevent her from falling off] Hey! hey, hey, 

hey. [Turning her on her back] Hey, wake up! 

ANN. Thank you very much, delighted. 

JOE. Wake up. 

ANN. No, thank you. [Raising her gloved hand to him] Charmed. 

JOE [tentatively, shaking her hand] Charmed too. 

ANN [after a pause] You may sit down. 

JOE. I think you better sit up; much too young to get picked up 

by the police. 

ANN [as he straightens her] Police? 

JOE. Yep, po-lice. 

ANN. Two-fifteen and back here to change. Two forty-five...[she 

wavers slightly, not fully awake]. 

JOE [putting a foot up on the bench] You know: people who can't 

handle liquor shouldn't drink it. 

ANN [she looks up at him] If I were dead and buried and I heard 

your voice beneath the sod my heart of dust would still rejoice. 

Do you know that poem? 

JOE. Huh, what do you know? [Sitting down] You're well-read, 

well-dressed; you're snoozing away in a public street. Would you 

care to make a statement? 

ANN. What the world needs is a return to sweetness and decency in 

the souls of its young men and-[unable to support it, her head 

falls on his shoulder] mmmmmhhhhhhhhmmmmm..... 

JOE [he takes his money from his breast pocket and puts it into 

his trouser one] Yeah, I er, couldn't agree with you more, but 

erm-[hears a car approaches and whistles. A taxi pulls up. Joe 

gets up, pats her on the shoulder]. Get yourself some coffee; 

you'll be alright. [He goes over to the cab, looks back to see 

her lying back down. The driver notices too and looks away 

innocently when he sees Joe looking at him. Joe goes back over to 

Ann, trying to stir her] Look: you take the cab. 

ANN [without stirring] Mmmmm.  Joe looks back at the driver who 

rests his arm against the window, impatiently. 

JOE. Come on; [takes her up by the arm] climb in the cab and go 


ANN [as she drags herself to her feet, helped by Joe] 

Mmmmm...mmmmmm, so happy. 

JOE. You got any money? 

ANN. Never carry money. 

JOE. That's a bad habit. 

ANN. Mm. 

JOE. Alright, I'll drop you off; come on. [He leads her to the 


ANN [brightly; noticing it for the first time] It's a taxi! 

JOE. Well, it's not the superchief. [He follows her into the 


CAB DRIVER [says something in Italian] Where are we going? 

JOE [to Ann] Where do you live? 

ANN. Mmmmmm? [Closing her eyes] Colliseum. 

JOE. Now, come on, you're not that drunk. 

ANN [laughing] If you're so smart I'm not drunk at all. I'm just 

being [her head falls against his chest] verrrrry haaaappy...... 

JOE. Hey, now, don't fall asleep again. 

CAB DRIVER [first speaks something in Italian] Where are we- we 

going? [Joe says something in Italian, impatiently.] Ok. [Turns 

back around]. 

JOE. Look, now where do you wanna to go? Hmmm? Where shall I take 

you? [Holding her jaw, shaking her head; Ann moans in annoyance] 

Where do- where do- where do you live? Huh? huh? Come on. Come 

on, [lightly slapping her face with his hand] where do you live? 

[The driver looks back, unimpressed] Come on, where do you live?! 

ANN [mumbling, half-asleep] I....ohhhhh....Colliseum. 

JOE [hopelessy; to the cab driver] She lives in the Colliseum. 

CAB DRIVER [shakes his head] It's wrong address. Now look, senor: 

for me it is very late tonight ... [some Italian] ... wife ... 

[more Italian] ... I have three bambinos-three bambinos, you 

know, bambino? [he pretends to cry like a small child] My- my 

taxi go home, I- I go home er to- together. Senor-. 

JOE [giving up, sitting back] Villa Marguta, fifty-one. 

CAB DRIVER [pleased, finally] Villa Marguta, fifty-one. [Pleased] 

Oh, [some Italian]!  The taxi drives off. The cab arrives outside 

the address. 

CAB DRIVER. Yes, Villa Marguta fifty-one. [some Italian] I am 

very happy. [Joe looks grimly at Ann, asleep beside him] Thousand 

lira [some Italian].  Joe responds in Italian. He reaches into 

his breast pocket then, remembering, his trouser one and gives 

the driver the money]. 

CAB DRIVER. One, two, three, four mila*. [Gives him back some]. 

JOE. Ok. [Says something in Italian then gives him back the 

money. The driver thanks him in Italian]. Ok, ok. Now look: take 

a little bit of that; take her wherever she wants to go. [The 

cabbie thinks for a moment, unsure] Hmmm? Capito? Capito. [Some 

Italian. The driver nods and they say goodbye to each other. The 

driver takes one look at Ann sitting asleep and quickly calls out 

to Joe as he leaves]. 

CAB DRIVER. Oh- no, no; moment, moment, moment! No, no, no [the 

cabbie pulls him over by the arm] (JOE. Alright). No, no, no. 

JOE [leaning down to the window] Alright, alright; look: as soon 

as she wakes up, see? she tell you where she want to go. Ok. 

CAB DRIVER. Moment, moment: my taxi not for sleep; my taxi-no 

sleep. You understand? you understand? 

JOE. Look, look, pal: this is not my problem, see? I never see 

her before. Huh? Ok. 

CAB DRIVER. It's not your problem, it's not my problem. What you 

want: you don't want girl, yeah? Me don't want girl-. Police: 

maybe she want girl. 

JOE [he relents] Stay calmo, stay calmo, ok, ok, ok. [some 

Italian, reassuring him as he opens the cab door and drags Ann 


 Joe walks up the steps, followed by Ann, head down barely able 

to keep awake. He arrives at the front door. As he stops, leaning 

forward to open it, Ann rests her head on his shoulder. Before 

going through he straightens causing her to stand up, balancing 

herself, and then goes through; Ann follows. He shuts the door 

behind her, taking her by the hand up the steps. Without thinking 

she walks around the outside of the small spiral stairwell 

instead of following him up so Joe turns her around with his 

hand, leaning over the railing from above (ANN [blissfully 

unaware as he leads her around] So happy.), and leads her back 

around to the bottom of the steps (ANN. So happy.) and up the 

right way.  She staggers up steps after him, stopping by a door 

as Joe goes to unlock his one a few steps up. In her stupor, she 

raises her hand and is about to knock on the neighbour's door 

when Joe sees her, running over to catch her hand just in time. 

He leads her to the door and unlocks it. He goes in and turns on 

the light. 

JOE [muttering as Ann follows him in] Out of my head. [He shuts 

the door behind her]. 

ANN. Is this the elevator? 

JOE [offended] It's my room. [He turns on a lamp at the other end 

of the room, by the bathroom door]. 

ANN [she almost topples over, walking to the bed and putting a 

gloved hand on the endboard to steady herself] I'm terribly sorry 

to mention it, but the dizziness is getting worse. [Looking 

around] Can I sleep here? 

JOE. That's the general idea. [He walks over and opens a wardrobe 

on the landing next to the front door]. 

ANN [poetically] Can I have a silk nightgown with rosebuds on it? 

JOE [walking over to Ann, presenting her with some pyjamas] I'm 

afraid you'll have to rough it tonight-in these. 

ANN [with delight, taking them] Pyjamas! 

JOE. Sorry, honey, but I haven't worn a nightgown in years. [He 

goes over to open another cupboard by the lamp]. 

ANN. Will you help me get undressed, please? [she stands ready, 

head raised expectantly]. 

JOE [pauses, unsure, then goes to her] Er...ok. [He undoes her 

necktie, sliding it away fom her neck; presenting it to her] Er, 

there you are; you can handle the rest. [She looks at it, 

blankly, then takes it].  Joe walks over to the table by the 

front door, pouring a drink into a glass from a bottle, and 

swallowing it. 

ANN [just putting down her last glove] May I have some? 

JOE [firmly] No. [Puts his glass down, going over to her] Now 


ANN [shaking her head] This is very unusual. [Unbuttoning her 

cuffs, then the bottom button of her blouse] I've never been 

alone with a man before, even with my dress on. [Pulling up her 

blouse out of her skirt] With my dress off it's most unusual. 

[With a half-laugh] Hm, I don't seem to mind. [Smiling at him as 

she starts to open the remaining buttons] Do you? 

JOE. I think I'll go out for a cup of coffee. 

ANN [amused] Hm. 

JOE [pulling out a pillow from the bed] You'd better get to 

sleep. [She starts to sink onto the bed (ANN. Hm?); he catches 

her] Oh, no, no; [pointing to the ottoman at the side, leading 

her over] on this one. 

ANN [still working on her buttons] How terribly nice. 

JOE. Hey, hey: [bringing the pyjamas from the bed, presenting 

them to her] these are pyjamas; they're to sleep in; you're to 

climb into them, you understand? 

ANN [taking them] Thank you. 

JOE. And you do your sleeping on the couch, see?-not on the bed, 

not on the chair: on the couch; is that clear? 

ANN. Do you know my favorite poem? 

JOE. Ah, you already recited that for me. [He goes to get some 

blankets from the bed]. 

ANN [as he lays them out on the ottoman] I refuse a* rose from a 

couch of snows in the Aquasaromian* Mountains. Keats. 

JOE. Shelley. 

ANN. Keats! 

JOE. If you just keep your mind off the poetry and on the 

pyjamas, everything'll be alright; see? 

ANN. It's Keats. 

JOE. I'll be- it's Shelley. I'll be back in about ten minutes. 

ANN [to her back as he goes to the door] Keats. [She shakes her 

head, looking at the pyjamas slightly confused. Thinking better 

of it, Joe takes the bottle and places it on top of the tall 

cupboard on the other side of the door. He opens the door and 

goes through. Ann turns to face him] You have my permission to 

[her skirt slides down] withdraw. 

JOE [stopping in the doorway] Thank you very much. [He goes out; 

Ann resumes her task of getting undressed]. 

At the Embassy. The Ambassador is sat at a table, the Countess in 

a chair in front and the General standing next to her. All are in 

their bedclothes. A man marches to the desk. 


SERVANT. No trace, Your Excellency. 

AMBASSADOR. Have you searched the grounds? 

SERVANT. Every inch, Sir, from the attics to the cellar. 

AMBASSADOR. I must put you on your honor not to speak of this to 

anyone. I must remind you that the Princess is the direct heir to 

the throne. This must be classified as top-crisis secret. Have I 

your pledge? 

SERVANT. Yes, Sir. 

AMBASSADOR. Very well. [The man turns and marches out. He turns 

to the other two]. Now we must notify Their Majesties.  The 

General looks up at him, worried; the Countess looks up at the 

General, standing, and turning to the Ambassador who looks at 

them, waiting for an affirmation. Receiving none, he stands up 

himself and walks from behind the desk. 

Joe arrives back at his apartment building, closes the outside 

door, and walks up the stairwell. He unlocks the front door and 

walks in. 

JOE [about to say something] A-. [Disappointed on seeing her 

asleep in his bed] Oh...  Looking at her, he slams the door shut, 

hard, but she doesn't move a muscle. He goes over to the other 

side of the bed and moves the table out of the way, making room. 

Then brings the ottoman over and places it next to her. He takes 

off his jacket, puts it down and loosens his tie. Then he grabs 

the undersheet beneath her and then, calculating, lifts it up 

quickly, throwing her from the bed and onto the ottoman. She 

stirs slightly after the disturbance, resuming her comfortable 


ANN [muttering] So happy. 

JOE. The pleasure's mine. [He puts the pillow on the other end of 

the bed, muttering as he goes to get undressed] Ah, screwball. 

 The newspapers are turning out reports. A machine types out the 



Daytime. A clock in the city strikes 12 noon. Waken by the clock, 

Joe stirs in his bed. As the clock continues to ring he rises in 

bed, looking out the window as the sunlight streams in. He grabs 

an alarm clock, looking at the time, and shaking it. 

JOE Holy smoke, the Princess interview-[Ann stirs, half-asleep, 

with a questioning "hmmm?"] eleven forty-five. [Ann makes annoyed 

noises as she buries herself back into the pillow] Oh, shut up.  

Joe jumps up, pulling the curtain back to see outside. He rushes 

to the wardrobe but stops, going through his clothes laid over 

the chair, retrieving a piece of paper. He puts it back as goes 

back to the wardrobe to get his clothes. 

Outside the window of an American News Service office. Mr. 

Hennessy comes to the window, looking down onto the street 

several stories down to see Joe getting out of a taxi, hurriedly 

paying the driver. He then sits at his desk, looking through the 

morning papers. The headline of the Rome American article, 

accompanied by a picture of the Princess, reads: "Princess Ann 

Taken Ill: Press Interview Cancelled". Another paper, in Italian, 

has an article, also with a picture of the Princess.  Joe arrives 

in the newsroom, reaching for a phone on a desk. 

NEWSMAN. Hi, Joe. 

SECRETARY. Good morning, Joe. 

JOE. Hello, honey. [He goes over to the secretary, borrowing a 

drink of her coffee as she holds it]. 

SECRETARY. Mr. Hennessy has been looking for you. 

JOE. Uh-oh. [He takes some bread from her desk, ripping off a 

piece and giving it to her, keeping the rest] Thanks a lot, hon. 

[He knocks on the door behind the secretary]. 

HENNESSY [from inside, angrily] Come in.  Joe braces himself, 

exchanging a worried glance with the secretary, and then marches 

confidently into the office. 

JOE [taking a mouthful as he shuts the door behind him; walking 

to Hennessy's desk] You've been looking for me? 

HENNESSY. Just coming to work? 

JOE [innocently] Who, me? 

HENNESSY. We start our days at eight-thirty in this office; we 

pick up our assignments-. 

JOE. I picked up mine last night. 

HENNESSY. What assignment was that? 

JOE. The Princess, eleven forty-five. 

HENNESSY [mouth open] You've already been to the interview? 

JOE. Well, sure; I just got back. [Taking another mouthful]. 

HENNESSY. Well, well, well; all my apologies. 

JOE [turning to leave] 'S alright. 

HENNESSY [stopping him] Er, this is very interesting. 

JOE [trying to get away again] Nah, just routine. 

HENNESSY. Tell me, tell me: did she answer all the questions on 

the list? 

JOE. Well, of course she did. [Rummaging through his pockets] 

I've got 'em right here, somewhere. 

HENNESSY. Er, don't disturb yourself; I have a copy here. 

[Looking at the piece of paper] How did Her Highness react to the 

idea of a European Federation? 

JOE. She thought it was just fine. 

HENNESSY. She did? 

JOE [seeing the need to flesh it out, leaning against the desk in 

thought] Well, she thought that there'd be...two effects. 


JOE. The er, direct and the...indirect. 

HENNESSY. Oh, remarkable. 

JOE. Naturally she thought that the indirect would not be the direct. That is, not right away. Later on, 

of course, well, nobody knows. 

HENNESSY. Well, well, well; that was a shrewd observation! They 

fool you you know, these royal kids; they've got a lot more on 

the ball than we suspect. [Looking at the paper again] How did 

she feel about the future friendship of nations? 

JOE. Youth. 


JOE. She felt that, er [nervously walking around the desk, 

sitting on the corner], the youth of the world must lead the way 

to a better...[he nervously slides a piece of Hennessy's desk 

equipment a few inches] world. 

HENNESSY. Hmm-hmm, [sliding it back] original. Er, by the way, 

what was she wearing? 

JOE [he pauses blankly] Oh, you mean what did she have on? 

HENNESSY [chuckling] Well, that's usually what it means. [Joe 

nervously adjusts his collar, getting up off the desk again] Er, 

what's the matter, is it a little warm in here for you? 

JOE [walking back to the front of the desk] No, no, I just 

hurried over here. 

HENNESSY. Oh, naturally, with a story of these dimensions. Did 

you say she was wearing gray? 

JOE. No, I didn't say that. 

HENNESSY. Well, she usually wears gray. 

JOE. Oh well, er, it was a...kind of a gray. 

HENNESSY. Oh, I think I know the dress you mean; it has a gold 


JOE. That's the one, that's the one (HENNESSY [smiling, sitting 

back in agreement] That's it.) Yeah, I didn't know exactly how to 

describe it but that's it, yeah. 

HENNESSY. I think you described it very well. [His expression 

changes as he sits forward, standing up dramatically]-In view of 

the fact that Her Highness was taken violently ill at three 

o'clock this morning, put to bed with a high fever, and has had 

all her appointments for today cancelled en toto! 

JOE [helplessly] En toto? 

HENNESSY. Yes, Mr. Bradley: en toto. 

JOE [swallows audibly] Certainly pretty hard to swallow. 

HENNESSY. In view of the fact that you just left her, of course. 

But here it is, Mr. Bradley [picking up a paper]: all over the 

front page of every newspaper in Rome! [he hands him the paper]. 

JOE. Alright, alright; I overslept. It can happen to anybody! 

HENNESSY. If you ever get up early enough to read a morning paper 

you might discover little news events [pointing to the article in 

the paper]-little items of general interest [Joe looks at the 

paper and stares at the picture of the Princess-the same woman as 

in his apartment but in a regal gown, necklace and tiara] that 

might prevent you in the future from getting immersed in such a 

gold-plated, triple-decked, star-spangled lies as you have just 

told me! [As Joe continues to stare at the picture, open-mouthed] 

If I was you, I would try some other line of business-like 

mattress testing. 

JOE. Is this the Princess? 

HENNESSY. Yes, Mr. Bradley, [pointing to the picture] that is the 

Princess. It isn't Annie Oakley, Dorothy Lamour, or Madame Chiang 

Kai-Shek. Take a good look at her [Joe closes his eyes in 

disbelief]: you might be interviewing her again some day! 

JOE [looking at Mr. Hennessy] Am I fired? 

HENNESSY. No, you're not fired. When I wanna fire you you won't 

have to ask! [Joe looks back and forth and walks straight out of 

the office, carrying the paper]-you'll know you're fired! [Joe 

walks to the other end of the newsroom, stopping. Shaking his 

head, seeing that Joe has left the office] The man's mad.  Joe 

opens the other door, closing it carefully behind him and dials 

the wall-phone in the small foyer. Someone comes in from the 

front door and Joe watches him nervously until the man goes into 

the office. 

An old man, Giovanni, sits down at the desk in his caretaker's 

room, picking up the phone. He greets Joe in Italian. 

JOE. Giovanni, it's Joe Bradley. Now, listen carefully: I want 

you to hurry up to my place and see if there's somebody 


GIOVANNI [amused] A-ha! Say, Mr. Joe: I look; [some Italian] you 

wait. [Some Italian]. [He walks to the door as Joe looks back and 

forth, impatiently. A few moments later Giovanni walks back to 

his desk, smiling. He sits down] Mr. Joe? 

JOE [almost shouting] Yeah! [Repeating, quietly] Er, yeah, yeah, 

yeah, tell me, tell me! 

GIOVANNI. Bellisimo. 

JOE [he looks up, very relieved] Giovanni: I love you. Now, 


GIOVANNI. Yes, Mr. Joe. A gun? No! 

JOE. Yes, a gun, a knife-anything! But nobody goes in and nobody 

goes out! Capito? 

GIOVANNI. Ok. [He hangs up, getting up to obey Joe's 

instructions].  Joe Bradley, stealing another look at the paper, 

puts it in his pocket and walks back into the newsroom on his way 

to Mr. Hennessy's office. The secretary looks up, puzzled, and 

Joe gestures to her, reassuringly. He strides back into Mr. 

Hennessy's office. 

HENNESSY. You still here? 

JOE [walking over he leans on the side of his desk] How much 

would a real interview with this dame be worth? 

HENNESSY. Are you referring to Her Highness? 

JOE. I'm not referring to Annie (& HENNESSY [repeating his words, 

overtaking him] Oakley, Dorothy Lamour, or Madame....)-How much? 

HENNESSY. What do you care? you've got about as much chance of 


JOE. I know, but if I did, how much would it be worth? 

HENNESSY. Oh, just a plain talk about world conditions, it might 

be worth two hundred and fifty. Her views on clothes of course 

would be worth a lot more-maybe a thousand. 

JOE. Dollars? 

HENNESSY. Dollars. 

JOE. I'm talking about her views on everything: [dramatically, 

walking over to the front of Hennessy's desk] 'The Private and 

Secret Longings [pointing to the layout of an imagined heading in 

the air] of a Princess'; her innermost thoughts as revealed to 

your own correspondent in a [leaning over Mr. Hennessy's desk, 

closer and closer] private, personal, exclusive [in a loud 

whisper] interview. [Hennessy looks at him open-mouthed, in a 

kind of daze] Can't use it, huh? I didn't think you'd like it. 

[Joe walks to the door, opening it and slamming it shut, waking 

Mr. Hennessy from his daze]. 

HENNESSY [shaking his head, as if waking; firmly] Come here! 

[Joe, satisfied, walks back over] Love angle too, I suppose? 

JOE. Practically all love angle. 

HENNESSY. With pictures. 

JOE [pausing, thinking] Could be. How much? 

HENNESSY. That particular story would be worth five grand to any 

news service. But, er, tell me Mr. Bradley-if you are sober-just 

how are you going to obtain this fantastic interview? 

JOE [confidentially] I plan to enter her sick room disguised as a 

thermometer. You said five grand? I want you to [presents his 

hand] shake on that. [Hennessy shakes his hand]. 

HENNESSY [as Joe rushes off to the door impatiently, stopping 

him] Ah, you realise, of course, Her Highness is in bed today and 

leaves for Athens tomorrow. 

JOE. Yep. 

HENNESSY. Ah, now I'd like to make a little side-bet with you: 

five hundred says you don't come up with the story. [Joe takes 

out the paper, unfolding it and taking a good look at the front 

page again] What are you lookin' at that for? 

JOE. Oh, I just wanna see what time it is. 


JOE. Er, what day it is, er-[puts the paper away] It's a deal! 

HENNESSY. Now I'd [offering his hand] you to shake. [Joe pauses 

then shakes. Hennessy laughs and Joe smiles with him] Now, let's 

see, you're into me for about five hundred; when you lose this 

bet you'll owe me a thousand. [Laughing] Why, you poor sucker, 

I'll practically own you! 

JOE. You have practically owned me for a couple of years now, but 

that's all over. [As Hennessy continues laughing, leaning on the 

desk] I'm gonna win that money and with it I'm gonna buy me a one 

way ticket back to New York! 

HENNESSY. Go on, go on-I'll love to hear you whine! 

JOE. And when I'm in a real newsroom I'll enjoy thinking about 

you, sitting here with an empty leash in your hands and nobody to 

twitch for you! 

HENNESSY [stopping Joe, who stops in the doorway to face him] So 

long, [raises his right hand, his finger and thumb in an 'O'] 

Peachy. [Joe leaves.] 

 Outside Joe's apartment. Giovanni paces outside the door, a gun 

strapped to him, copying the actions of a sentry. A crowd of 

children sitting on the stairwell make fun of him. He goes after 

them, telling them off and they back away, shouting and laughing. 

As the children sit back down on the stairs Joe enters the open 

door leading outside and walks up the stairs, carefully avoiding 

the children, playfully batting one of them on the head with his 


GIOVANNI [as Joe arrives at the top] What's your problem? 

JOE. Everything ok, Giovanni? 

GIOVANNI [reassuring him, proudly] Listen here, Joe: er, nobody 

is come, nobody is go; absolutely nobody. 

JOE. Swell! thanks a lot. [He is about to go into his apartment 

but stops, turning to Giovanni] Oh er, Giovanni, er... [Putting 

his arm round him, leading him to the side] How would you like to 

make some money? 


JOE. Yeah. [Giovanni responds in agreement in Italian]. That's 

the stuff. Now look, I've got a sure thing: double your money 

back in two days. 

GIOVANNI [suspiciously] Double my money? 

JOE. Yeah well, I need a little investment capital to swing the 

deal. Now, if you'll just lend me a little cash, I-. 

GIOVANNI [says some Italian]. You owing me tomorrow's rent (JOE. 

I know, I know, I know.) and you want me to lend you money? (JOE. 

Yeah.) [Emphatically] No, [Some Italian] no! 

JOE [pointing his paper at him] Tomorrow, you'll be sorry! 

Joe goes through his front door, seeing Princess Ann still asleep 

in his bed. He shuts the door quietly, fastening the chain 

across, also. Joe stands looking at her for a moment then moves 

round to the other side of the bed-the side she is facing lying 

down. He stands above her, looking at her face then looking again 

at the newspaper picture to compare them. He sits down beside her 

and moves a lock of her out of the way to get a better view of 

her face. He holds the picture up beside her but her hand still 

partially covers her face. He tickles her hand and she moves it 

restlessly. He leans closer to her: 

JOE [quietly] Your Highness? [She stirs with a "Mmmm-mmmmm"]. 

Your Royal Highness? 

ANN [turning to her other side, sighing] Yes... what is it?  Joe 

sits up in delight, the fact of her identity passing through his 

mind. He stands up, excitedly putting the newspaper back in his 

pocket, and walks around the bed. Seeing the alarm clock on the 

cupboard missing he picks it up from the bed and replaces it. He 

replaces the pillow in its proper place, smoothing out the sheets 

then walks back around to Princess Ann. He carefully picks up her 

left arm, putting it around his neck, then slides his arms under 

her head and legs and carries her-blankets included-around to the 

other side of the bed. He is about to put her down but sees that 

she is holding her the wrong way. All of a sudden he hears police 

sirens sound outside and stops for a moment, then, still holding 

her, picks up the pillow with one hand and puts it at the other 

end of the bed, laying her down gently. She continues sleeping as 

he goes over to the window and looks down at the street at some 

police cars coming into view around a corner. Looking back 

anxiously at the Princess he goes back in. 

ANN [stirring slightly] Dear Doctor Bonnachoven. 

JOE [not sure what to do] Hmm? [Playing along, not wanting to 

disturb her] Oh, oh, sure, yes. Well,, you're fine; much 

better. Is there anything you want? 

ANN. Hmm? So many things. 

JOE. Yes? well tell the doctor (ANN. So many-). Tell the good 

doctor everything. 

ANN [without opening her eyes, stirring in the bed, spreading her 

arm] Mmmmm, I dreamt and I dreamt... 

JOE. Yes? Well, er, what did you dream? [Holding her wrist as a 

doctor might]. 

ANN. I dreamt I was asleep on the street and... young man came 

and he was tall and strong and-[screwing her face up] he was so 

mean to me. 

JOE. He was? [He lets her arm down]. 

ANN. Mmmm. [Blissfully; putting her arm over her eyes] It was 

wonderful.  She opens her arms, stretching a little. Lying face-

up, not quite awake yet, she looks at the ceiling, seeing the 

plumbing visible in the corner-quite different to the 

ornamentation of the Embassy bedchamber. Then she looks at Joe 

standing over her. She closes her eyes, smiling, then opens them 

again, her expression becoming severe as she stares at him. 

JOE [cheerfully] Good morning. 

ANN [she starts; in a low, worried tone] Where's Doctor 


JOE [unbothered] Er, I'm afraid I don't know anybody by that 


ANN [puzzled] Wasn't I talking to him just now? 

JOE. 'Fraid not. 

ANN [suddenly frightened; feeling herself beneath the sheets] 

Have- have I had an accident? 

JOE. No. 

ANN [reassured] Quite safe for me to sit up, huh? 

JOE. Yeah, [bending down to her] perfect [he lifts her pillow 

back and helps her sit up, leaning against it. She looks at him 

all the while, not fully trusting of him].  Joe leans against the 

cupboard at the foot of the bed. 

ANN. Thank you [he smiles back. She looks down at her pyjamas 

then to Joe] Are these yours?  He nods. Ann, suddenly panicked, 

feels under the sheets for her pyjama bottoms. 

JOE. Er, did- did you lose something? 

ANN [smiling, relieved] No. No. [Politely, suppressing her 

anxiety] W-would you be so kind as tell me w-where I am? 

JOE. Well, this is what is laughingly known as my apartment. 

ANN [concerned; rising suddenly] Did you bring me here by force? 

JOE. No, no, no... [smiling] quite the contrary. 

ANN. Have I been here all night...alone? 

JOE [smiling] If you don't count me, yes. 

ANN [seriously] So I've spent the night here-with you. 

JOE [hurrying to reassure her] Oh, well, now, I- I don't know if 

I'd use those words exactly, but er, from a certain angle, yes.  

Ann looks down, thinking. After a moment, reassured that 

everything is alright afterall, laughs. 

ANN [presenting her hand] How do you do? 

JOE [shaking her hand] How do you do? 

ANN. And you are? 

JOE. Bradley, Joe Bradley. 

ANN. Delighted. 

JOE. You don't know how delighted I am to meet you. 

ANN [gesturing to the chair to her left] You may sit down. 

JOE. Well, thank you very much [he sits down on the bed instead; 

she pulls back her legs, looking back at him like a frightened 

gazelle]. What's your name? 

ANN [she pauses, stalling] may call me Anya. 

JOE. Thank you, Anya. [Cheerfully; rising to go to the table] 

Would you like a cup of coffee? 

ANN. What time is it? 

JOE. Oh, about one thirty. 

ANN [panicked] One thirty! [Jumping out of bed towards the door] 

I must get dressed and go! [remembering, she grabs the blankets 

to cover herself]. 

JOE [casually; continuing to prepare the coffee] Why? what's your 

hurry?-there's lots of time. 

ANN. Oh no, there isn't and I've- I've been quite enough trouble 

to you as it is. 

JOE. Trouble? [Smiling] You're not what I'd call trouble. 

ANN [pleased] I'm not? 

JOE [going to the bathroom door] I'll run a bath for you. [As he 

goes in to turn on the taps on the bath, Ann picks up her clothes 

from the floor near the bathroom door, holding them to her chest. 

After laying a towel out on the floor next to the bath he comes 

back out, gesturing with his arm to her to go in] There you are.  

Ann walks to the bathroom, keeping him in front of herself, 

turning round to go through the door, then quickly turning around 

so as to be able to see him as she shuts the door behind her.  As 

soon as the door shuts, Joe goes over to the door and in trying 

to open it gently, forgets the chain and causes a noise. He 

undoes the chain and goes out and down the steps. 

Joe goes into a workshop full of people working on sculptures. He 

asks one of the men, in Italian, if he can use the phone. Joe 

thanks him then dials. As he waits for the phone to be answered 

Joe takes out the paper to look at the picture again.  The phone 

rings in Irving Radovich's studio. He is lying on his back 

holding a camera, next to a tub filled with water which produces 

a ripple effect on the ceiling. On his leg is attached a piece of 

string which runs up to a fishing rod, held by a model who sits 

on the upper level of the studio, her legs sticking out through 

the balcony. 

IRVING [aiming his camera] Here we go now. [He takes the picture] 

There you are; that does it. [Pulling himself off his back] Oh. 

[To the model, trying to put his leg down to untie the string as 

she playfully pulls at the rod] Gimme a little slack, will ya? 

[He answers the phone] Pronto? 

JOE [impatiently] Irving! why won't you answer the phone? 

[Calmer] Look, this is Joe. Irving: can you get over here in 

about five minutes? 

IRVING [sitting back; the model dangles the line around his head] 

Oh no, I can't come now, Joe; I'm busy. Oh no-[playfully biting 

at the end of the line] Joe: I'm up to my ears in work. [To the 

model; covering the mouthpiece of the phone] Go on, get into your 

next outfit, will you, Honey?-the canoe. What kind of a scoop, 


JOE. Look, Irving, I can't talk over the telephone; one word in 

the wrong quarter and this whole thing might blow sky-high. It's 

front page stuff, that's all I can tell you. It might be 

political ro it might be a sensational scandal-I'm not sure 

which, but it's a big story and it's got to have pictures! 

IRVING. But I can't come now, Joe; I'm busy. [Looking up where 

the model is, in a lower tone to the phone] I'm busy now and I'm 

meeting Francesca at Rocca's in a half an hour and-. 

A charwoman enters Joe's apartment, carrying a bucket and mop. 

She puts them down inside and closes the door, muttering a 

disdainful "Ah!" at the sight of the bed in a mess. She walks to 

the window and opens the curtains. Hearing the sound of water 

coming from the bathroom she rushes over and opens the door, 

revealing Ann just getting out of the bath, covered in a towel. 

She emits a scream of surprise at the intrusion, pulling the 

towel up, as the charwoman stands in the doorway, hands on hips. 

Ann tries to excuse herself in Italian, shutting the door, but 

the charwoman will have none of it and orders her outside, waving 

her finger at Ann and strongly reprimanding her in Italian. 


ANN. No capito-don't understand. 

CHARWOMAN. Don't understand? [Ann runs back to the bathroom and 

the charwoman mutters more Italian after her]. 

Joe runs up the stairwell and goes into his apartment. Looking 

around, he doesn't see Ann-only his empty apartment tidied and 

the bed made. He realises the balcony door is open and goes out 

into the sun, finding Princess Ann looking out over the city. 

JOE. There you are! [She turns to meet him]. 

ANN. I was looking at all the people out here. [Smiling, looking 

around the buildings] It must be fun to live in a place like 


JOE. Yeah, it has its moments. I can give you a running 

commentary on each apartment. 

ANN [she turns to him, seriously] I must go. 

JOE. Hmm? 

ANN. I only waited to say goodbye. 

JOE. Goodbye?-But we've only just met. How about some breakfast? 

ANN. I'm sorry, I haven't time. 

JOE. Must be a pretty important date to run off without eating. 

ANN. It is. 

JOE [walking her back to the apartment] Well, I'll go along with 

you, wherever you are going. 

ANN. That's alright, thank you; I can find the place. [They walk 

back inside] Thank you for letting me sleep in your bed. 

JOE. Oh, that's alright; think nothing of it. 

ANN. It was very considerate of you-[motioning to the ottoman] 

you must have been awfully uncomfortable on that couch. 

JOE. No, no-do it all the time. [She smiles as he turns to open 

the door]. 

ANN [as she goes out she turns to shake his hand] Goodbye, Mr. 


JOE [shaking her hand] Goodbye. [Seeing her unsure about which 

way to go he points to the way out] Oh: go right through there 

and down all the steps.  She walks down the stairs and he goes 

back inside and shuts the door, walking out to the balcony again. 

Ann goes through the outside door, watched from above by Joe as 

she walks away. He runs back inside and out his front door.  

Part-way down the outside steps, Ann stops and turns to run back 

up. Joe, running to follow her almost runs into her. 

JOE [laughing as they stop on the steps] Well, small world. 

ANN. Yes- I- I almost forgot: can you lend me some money? 

JOE [as Giovanni appears in the window of the building 

overlooking the steps, opposite them] Oh, yeah; that's right, you 

didn't have any last night did you? 

ANN. Mmm. 

JOE [as he reaches for his money he sees Giovanni watching] How 

much-[looking back up at Giovanni, uncomfortably] how much was it 

that you wanted? 

ANN. Well, I don't know how much I need. How much have you got? 

JOE. Well, er [looks quickly up at Giovanni], suppose we just 

split this fifty-fifty: here's a thousand lira. 

ANN. A thousand?! Can you really spare all that? 

JOE. It's about a dollar and a half. 

ANN. Oh... Well, I- I'll arrange for it to be sent back to you. 

What is your address? 

JOE. Er, Villa Marguta, fifty-one. 

ANN. Villa Marguta, fifty-one. [Smiling] Joe Bradley. Goodbye; 

thank you. [She walks down the steps].  Joe watches her from the 

top of the steps, exchanging glances with Giovanni. As Ann 

reaches the bottom he heads down after her, watched by Giovanni. 

GIOVANNI. Ah, double my money, eh? You tell me you want double my 

money (JOE [waving his hand up at him, reassuring him] Tomorrow, 

tomorrow, tomorrow.) that way? [Repeating to himself, after Joe 

has walked past] Eh, tomorrow. 

 Ann walks out onto the busy city street, dodging a motorbike as 

she arrives from a side-street. She looks out fascinated at all 

the activity, momentarily intimidated, but then venturing out 

confidently as she enjoys the bustle of the city around her.  Joe 

peers down the street after her, running between the people in 

order to keep within sight. He follows her into a market as Ann 

wanders along, taking her time, just enjoying herself. She walks 

past several vendors offering her their goods.  As Ann stops to 

look at a stall Joe has to back off, and is instantly targetted 

by the nearest vendor who offers him some of his huge melons. He 

shakes his head at him, more interested in keeping an eye on Ann 

who tries on a pair of shoes at the stall, then pays the woman 

vendor for them. Joe's vendor persists and Joe finally buys the 

melon off him, which at once quietens him down. So, carrying the 

melon, he follows Ann down to another street where she stops, 

looking out at the Fontana di Trevi: a magnificent facade 

ornamented with statues, fronted by a pool.  Ann continues down 

the street that runs beside the fountain, stopping outside a 

salon to look at the drawings of hairstyles in the window which 

surround a mirror. She appears disappointed at the way she looks 

in the mirror and, after smiling at the hair of someone who walks 

past, decides to go inside.  Joe walks up the the shop, smiling 

when he sees where she has gone. 

Inside the hair salon Ann sits on one of the seats in front of 

the large mirror, holding up her long hair as the hairdresser 

(Mario Delani) fastens the cover around her. 

MARIO DELANI [speaking rather hesitant English] What a wonderful 

er, hair you have. [He asks her something in Italian]. 

ANN. Just cut, thank you. 

MARIO DELANI. Just cut? [Takes the scissors from his hair] Well 

then, cut, er, so? [he holds the hair at a certain length]. 

ANN. Higher. 

MARIO DELANI. Higher? [He holds the hair further up] Here? 

ANN. More. 


ANN. Even more. 

MARIO DELANI [impatiently] Where? 

ANN [she holds her hair at the shoulders] There. 

MARIO DELANI. There. [Snapping his scissors nervously] Are you 

sure, Miss? 

ANN [emphatically] I'm quite sure, thank you. 

MARIO DELANI [he turns he round in the chair, taking her hair in 

his hand] All off? 

ANN. All off.  Joe peers in them through the beaded curtain, 

still holding his melon. (MARIO DELANI [uncomfortable as he 

starts cutting off her long hair] Off.) Joe goes outside, looking 

round, then walks away down the street.  Ann sits in the salon 

still, her hair covering her face. 

MARIO DELANI [pulling apart her hair to see her] Are you sure? 

ANN [impatiently] Yes. 

MARIO DELANI [dropping her hair back over her face] Yes. [As he 

cuts her locks off, working his way round] Off! off; off...[wipes 

his forehead with his arm].  Joe finds a public phone down the 

street opposite the fountain. Joe waits impatiently, studying his 

melon, as another person speaks on the phone, in Italian. Then, 

seeing a group of children playing on the statue, goes over to 

one of them, passing his melon to a boy.  Back in the salon, the 

hairdresser cuts of the last lock of her hair. 

MARIO DELANI. Off! [He stands to the side of her as they both 

study the end result as Ann moves her head slightly from side to 

side. She looks down at something but, engrossed in her, the 

hairdresser jerks her head back to the centre to get a better 

view].  Outside, Joe sees a group of American schoolgirls, 

playing and talking around the fountain. He approaches one who 

carries a camera. 

JOE [gently coaxing her to get a look at the camera] That's a 

nice little camera you have there. Ah, it's nice. Mmmm. Er, you 

don't mind if I just borrow it, do you? [He tries to coax it off 

her but the strap is around her neck]. 

SCHOOLGIRL 1 [calling out; putting her hand up] Miss Weber! 

JOE. I'll give it back... just for a couple of minutes. 

SCHOOLGIRL 2 [trying to resist him] No. Go, it's my camera.  

Their teacher comes over, looking over Joe darkly. He lets go of 

the camera as the teacher leads the student away, then holds his 

head in his hand, embarrassed.  In the salon someone sweeps the 

hair up off the floor. Mario Delani is combing her hair, touching 

up the ends. 

MARIO DELANI. You musician, maybe? You artist, aha? Painter...? I 

know: you model! [She smiles, flattered] Model, hah? 

ANN. Thank you. 

MARIO DELANI [says some Italian] Finito. It's perfect. 

ANN. Oh. 

MARIO DELANI [as the hairdresser turns her round from side to 

side, looking in the mirror] Y-y-you be nice without long hair. 

Now, it's cool, hmm? Cool? 

ANN [turning her head to the side, playing with the ends] Yes, 

it's, it's just what I wanted. 

MARIO DELANI. Grazzi. [As she looks in the mirror] Now, why you 

not come dancing tonight with me? You should see, it's so nice: 

it's on a boat on the Tibérine, Tiber-the river by Saint Angelo-

[dramatically] moonlight, music, romantico! It's very, 

very...[his English vocab runs out] very. Please, you come? 

ANN. I wish I could. 

MARIO DELANI [disappointed] Oh. [As Ann gets up, taking out her 

money] But, but, your friend: I think they not recognise you. 

ANN. No, I don't think they will! [She gives him the money]. 

MARIO DELANI. Oh, thank you very much. 

ANN. Thank you. 

MARIO DELANI [as she leaves he rushes out the door after her] Ah, 

er, senorina. [Standing in the doorway as she turns to him] After 

nine o'clock, I'll be there. Dancing on river-remember: Saint 

Angelo. If you come, you will me most pretty of all girl! 

ANN [she smiles, surprised and flattered] Thank you. Goodbye. 

MARIO DELANI [as she leaves] Goodbye.  Joe, watching from across 

the square, sees her leave and follows her. She passes by a shop 

window, stopping to look, and seeing her reflection checks her 

new hair. Joe follows her down the street towards the Spanish 

Steps. He keeps a safe distance as she waits for a gap in the 

traffic, dashing across. She walks up to an icecream vendor 

nearby, presenting him with some money. 

ANN. Er, [unsure of the word] Gelato? 

ICECREAM SELLER [nodding] Gelato. [He bends down to scoop up her 

icecream, all of this watched by Joe from the opposite side of 

the street]. 

ANN [taking her icecream] Thank you. [She pays him the money]. 

ICECREAM SELLER [calling after her] Senorina. [Hands her her 

change, speaking some Italian]. 

ANN. Oh! grazzi.  She walks away, licking her icecream. A flower 

seller catches her attention as she walks past. 

FLOWER MAN [speaks some Italilan, presenting her with some 

flowers] It is [some Italian] beautiful lady. [Speaks in Italian, 

eagerly trying to make the sell, handing her the flowers. She 

shakes his hand in thanks but he waves his hand, speaking more 

Italian]...five thousand lira! 

ANN [trying to hand them back] No money. 


ANN. No. [He replies further, in Italian]. I'm sorry, I've really 

no money. 

FLOWER MAN. [Some Italian], if you no, eh? [Some Italian]. 

ANN. Look [she reaches for her money, showing it to him. 

Reluctantly, he takes the flowers back] I'm sorry.  Feeling sorry 

for her, the flower man pulls a flower out and gives it to her. 

She offers him her money but he waves his hand, telling her in 

Italian that she can keep it. 

ANN [thanking him] Grazzi, grazzi. [She walks away].  As Joe 

watches her from across the street she sits down on one of the 

ornamentations which divide the width of the steps, licking her 

icecream. Joe runs up the opposite side, out of view, and then 

walks across the width of the steps, behind her. He walks down 

the steps towards her, and walking past her, looks round 

pretending that he has just noticed her. 

JOE. Weeell, it's you! 

ANN [looking up at him, smiling] Yes, Mr. Bradley! 

JOE [looking at her hair] Or is it? 

ANN. Do you like it? 

JOE [Sitting down beside her] Yeah... very much. So that was your 

mysterious appointment? 

ANN. Mr. Bradley: I have a confession to make. 

JOE. Confession? 

ANN. Yes, I... ran away last night, from school. 

JOE. Oh, what was the matter: trouble with the teacher? 

ANN. No, nothing like that. 

JOE. Well, you don't just run away from school for nothing. 

ANN. Well, it were only meant to be for an hour or two. They gave 

me something last night to make me sleep. 

JOE [he smiles, realising] Oh, I see. 

ANN [looking down at the street she finishes her icecream, 

rubbing her hands clean] Now I'd better get a taxi and go back. 

JOE. Well, look: before you do, why don't you take a little time 

for yourself? 

ANN [shaking her head, unsure] It may be another hour. 

JOE [enthusiastically] Live dangerously: take the whole day! 

ANN. I could do some of the things I've always wanted to. 

JOE. Like what? 

ANN. Oh, you can't imagine... I'd, I'd like to do just whatever 

I'd like, the whole day long! [She laughs]. 

JOE. You mean, things like having your hair cut? Eating gelato? 

ANN. Yes, and I'd, [looking down to the street] I'd like to sit 

at a sidewalk cafe; and look in shop windows; walk in the rain! 

[Joe looks at the blue sky doubtfully] Have fun, and maybe some 

excitement. It doesn't seem much to you, does it? 

JOE. It's great. Tell you what: why don't we do all those things-


ANN. But don't you have to work? 

JOE. Work? [Standing up] No! Today's gonna be a holiday. 

ANN [playfully] But you'll want to do a lot of silly things. 

JOE [taking her hand] Don't I? First wish: one sidewalk cafe, 

coming right up-I know just the place: [he gently pulls her up, 

setting off down the steps] Rocca's. 

 Joe and Ann sit at a table at Rocca's, watching the traffic go 

past. Joe sits watching as she eats a bread roll. 

JOE. What'll the people at school say when they see your new 


ANN [laughing] They'll have a fit. What would they say if they 

knew I'd spent the night in your room? 

JOE [he looks around self-consciously, leaning closer, playfully] 

Well, er, I'll tell you what: you don't tell your folks and I 

won't tell mine. 

ANN [smiling] It's a pact. 

JOE. Now, what would you like to drink? 

ANN [casually] Champagne, please. 

JOE [pausing, slightly taken aback at her extravagance; to the 

waiter walking past] Er, commerierie*, er... 

WAITER [bending down, inbetween Joe and Ann] [Italian], senor? 

JOE. Champagne. [He says something in Italian]. Well, er, 

champagne [Italian] for the senorina and er, cold coffee for me. 

[The waiter acknowledges in Italian, bows then leaves]. 

JOE. Must be quite a life you have in that school-champagne for 


ANN. Only on special occasions. 

JOE. For instance? 

ANN. The last was my father's anniversary. 

JOE. Wedding? 

ANN. No, it was...[hesitating] the fortieth anniversary of 

umm...the day he got his job. 

JOE. Forty years on the job; what do you know about that... 

[Probing her further] What does he do? 

ANN [thinking, cautiously] Well...mostly you might call 

it...public relations. 

JOE. Oh, well, that's hard work. 

ANN. Yes, I wouldn't care for it. 

JOE. Does he? 

ANN. I've...heard him complain about it. 

JOE. Why doesn't he quit? 

ANN. Well, people in that line of work almost never do quit-

unless it's actually unhealthy for them to continue. 

JOE [as the waiter delivers the drinks] Uh-huh. Well, here's to 

his health then. 

ANN [the waiter places a straw by her wine glass] You know: 

that's what everybody says. 

JOE [after they drink] It's alright? 

ANN [sitting back in her chair, relaxing, playing with the straw] 

Yes, thank you. What is your work? 

JOE [now he stammers nervously] Oh, I'm er, in the selling game. 

ANN. Really? how interesting. 

JOE. Uh-huh. 

ANN. What do you sell? 

JOE [he looks blank for a moment then, on hearing a horse in the 

street passing by, looks up at it; turning to her] Er, 

fertilizer; er, chemicals, you know? Chemicals-stuff like that. 

[Ann is somewhat unconvinced then, putting the straw in her 

mouth, blows the wrapper off. Joe looks up as it flies over the 

table. He smiles at Ann who laughs, very pleased with herself, 

holding the straw in her mouth. Joe looks up, brightly; stands 

up, shaking Irving's hand as he comes over] Irving! Well, am I 

glad to see you. 

IRVING [jokingly] Why, did you forget your wallet? 

JOE [without laughing] Er, pull up a chair, Irving; sit down with 

us here. 

IRVING. Aren't you gonna introduce me? 

JOE. Er, yes, this is a very good friend of mine, Irving 

Radovich; [Ann presents her hand to him; they shake] Anya: 


IRVING [still holding her hand] Anya...? 

ANN. Smith. 

IRVING [playfully; pulling up a chair from the next table to use] 

Oh, hiya Smithy. 

ANN [politely] Charmed [she looks at Joe a little nervously as he 

puts the chair down next to her; Irving nods to Joe, impressed at 

her manner]. 

IRVING [sitting down] Hey, er, anybody tell you you're a dead 

ringer for-[Joe kicks him in the leg, under the table. In pain] 

Oh! [Joe secretly points a finger to Ann. Confused, Irving stands 

up] Well er, I guess I'll be going. 

JOE. Oh, don't do a thing like that, Irving. Sit down; [pacifying 

him] join us, join us, join us. 

IRVING [not sure] Well er, just till Fransesca gets here. 

ANN. Tell me, Mr. er, er, Radovich: er, what is a ringer? 

JOE. (IRVING [to the waiter as he passes] Oh, er, waiter.) It's 

an (IRVING. Whiskey, please.) American term and er, (IRVING. 

Yeah.) and it means er, anybody who has a great deal of charm. 

[Irving's look turns to puzzlement, responding with a questioning 


ANN. Oh. [Politely; interjecting before Irving can speak] Thank 


IRVING [again polite] You're welcome. [Irving is about to 

question Joe when two women walk past: one puts a hand on his 

shoulder and the other runs her hand through his hair as they 

walk past. They greet him with a "Ciao".]. 

IRVING [smiling back at them] Er, ciao. 

ANN. Er, M-. 

IRVING [to Ann; shrugging] Cousins. 

ANN. Mr. Bradley's just been telling me all about his work. 

IRVING. Mmm, I'd like to have heard that. 

ANN. What do you do? 

IRVING. I'm the same rank as [Joe starts coughing, holding his 

glass closer to Irving] Joe only I'm a photo-[Joe spills his 

glass over Irving. He stands up angry as Ann tries to dry him 

with a napkin]. 

JOE. I'm awfully sorry, Irving! 

IRVING [barely keeping his manners] W-w-wha-? What are you-? 

JOE. I'm sorry, Irving. 

IRVING [to Joe] Look, I can take a hint! [Bowing and smiling, 

presenting his hand to Ann] I'll see you around. 

ANN. Oh, but your drink's just here; please sit down. 

JOE. Yes, here's your drink right now, Irving; take it easy 

[Irving looks at Joe, unsure about trusting him]. I'm sorry about 

that. Sit down, that's a good fellow [the waiter puts down 

Irving's drink and leaves] (Something*). 

IRVING [sitting down] You're t-[pausing to wipe the chair dry] 

You're twisting my arm, you know. 

JOE [trying to communicate to Irving what can't say aloud] Just- 

just be a little more careful not to spill... 

IRVING. Spill?! Who's been doin' the spilling? 

JOE. You. 


JOE [with a half-laugh] Yeah. 

IRVING [to Ann] Where did you find this looney? [Smiling at her, 

remembering his manners; holding his glass up to her] You're ok; 

here's to you, huh? Here's hopin' for the best. [Pausing, looking 

between Ann and Joe] If it, if it wasn't for that hair, I- I- I'd 

swear that-[Joe kicks his chair back and Irving falls to the 

ground. Ann screams in shock. Two men help him up, muttering 

words in Italian]. 

IRVING [as they pull him up] Thanks. 

JOE [as he and Ann rush over to help] You slipped, Irving. 

Slipped?-you almost hurt yourself that time! 

IRVING [losing control] I slipped?! (JOE. Yes.), I almost hurt 

myself?! Joe, I didn't slip! 

JOE [leading him away from Ann, pretending to examine his neck] a bad sprain there. 

IRVING [pushing his arms away] Never mind I got a bad sprain, 


JOE [motioning to the cafe building] You'd better go in here and 

get it fixed up. 

IRVING [going with him willingly] Well, yeah, I'd like to-. 

JOE [back to Ann; walking to the door, his arm around Irving's 

shoulder as if he needs help] Will you excuse us for a minute? 

ANN [standing helpless] Yes, of course; I- I'm so sorry.  Joe 

leads him to the back of the cafe, holding him around the 

shoulders, as Irving continues to argue. 

IRVING. Now wait, now wait; just a minute; let-; look, Joe, what 

are you tryin' to do? now take your hands off-! 

JOE [as they reach a private corner in the cafe] Have you got 

your letter? 

IRVING. What's that got to do with it? 

JOE. Have you got it? 

IRVING. Yeah! but what are you tryin' to do to me? 

JOE [firmly, as Irving tries to pull his arm away] Listen: what 

would you do for five grand? 

IRVING [he ceases struggling] Five grand? 

JOE. Yeah. [Pulling him down into a seat, reaching for a chair 

himself and sitting down; speaking in a low tone] Now, she 

doesn't know who I am or what I do. Look, Irving, this is my 

story; I dug it up, I gotta protect it! 

IRVING. She's really the-? 

JOE [looking around anxiously] Ssssh! [Quietly] Your tin-types 

are gonna make this little epic twice as valuable. 

IRVING [musing] 'The Princess Goes Slumming'. 

JOE. You're in for twenty-five percent of the take. 

IRVING. And it takes five 'g'? 

JOE. Minimum-Henessey shook hands on it. 

IRVING [counting in his head], five; that's- that's 

fifteen hundred dollars! 

JOE [sternly] It's twelve-fifty. 

IRVING [pausing a moment] Ok, now you shake. 

JOE [shaking his hand as they stand up] Ok, now, lend me thirty 


IRVING. Thirty th-? That's fifty bucks; you gonna buy the crown 


JOE. She's out there now drinking champagne that I can't pay for. 

We got to entertain her, don't we? 

IRVING. Joe: we can't go running around town with a... hot 


JOE. Ssh, you want in on this deal or don't you? 

IRVING [his gives him the money] This I want back Saturday. 

JOE. Ok, now where's your lighter? [Irving pulls it out] Let's go 

to work.  Irving and Joe walk out of the cafe and back to the 

table where Ann sits drinking her champagne, observing the waiter 

who clears the table. 

ANN [hearing them come back out, exchanging smiles with Joe] 

Better now? 


ANN [to Irving] Your ear. 

IRVING [as Joe sits; holding his ear] My ear? Oh, yeah, er, Joe 

fixed it. [He sits; offering her a cigarette from a packet] Er, 

would you care for a cigarette? 

ANN. Yes, please. [She takes one; smiling to Joe] You won't 

believe this but it's my very first. 

JOE [knowingly to Irving] Your very first? 

ANN. Mm-hm. 

IRVING [nodding to Joe] Oh. 

JOE. No, er, smoking in school, hmm? 

IRVING. Your first cigarette...[he flicks a switch on the 

lighter, turning a tiny wheel on the top. After a pause he 

switches the lighter on]. There; gizmo works [he lights Ann's 

cigarette and she puffs]. 

JOE. Well, what's the verdict, er... ok? 

ANN [she takes the cigarette out; smiling] Nothing to it. 

IRVING [laughing] That's right: nothing to it. 

JOE [to the waiter at the next table] Er, commerierie, [he says 

something in Italian to the waiter, taking out some money]. 

IRVING [moving his chair round slightly to be more in front of 

Ann] Stretch my legs a little, here. 

ANN [to Irving] Hm. [She takes another puff of the cigarette]. 

JOE [as Irving takes a cigarette himself] I'll pick this one up, 


IRVING [under his breath] Yeah, you can afford it [he holds the 

lighter in position again, waiting]. 

JOE [as he pays the waiter] Well, what shall we do next? Shall 

we, er, make out a little schedule? 

ANN [turning to Joe] Oh, not that word, please. 

JOE [he thanks the waiter in Italian; to Ann, quickly] Oh, I 

didn't work sche- school schedule-I meant, er, fun schedule. 

ANN [laughs] Yes, let's just go, huh? 

JOE. How about you, Irving: are you ready? 

IRVING [as Ann puts the cigarette back in her mouth Irving flicks 

something on the lighter again] Er, yeah. 

JOE [he and Irving rise] Let's go [Ann puts out the cigarette in 

the tray and rises also].  As Irving pulls Ann's chair out for 

her a woman comes up behind him and greets him in Italian. 

IRVING [he takes out his cigarette to greet her] Francesca. Oh, 

er, this is... 

ANN. Smithy. 

JOE. She's a grand girl, Irving [shakes Francesca's hand], grand-

Er, five grand, Irving. [He takes Ann by the hand, leading her 

away] Ciao. 

IRVING [calling to him as he leaves] Joe! 

FRANCESCA. But where are you going now? 

IRVING. Honey, I got to work. I'll call you at night [he kisses 

her, and runs across the road to catch up to Joe and Ann]. 

Roman Holiday, Transcribed by Graham (


Part II

The airport. A large four-engined plane with a Royal crest on its 

side taxis in. It is observed nervously by the General and the 

Ambassador who watch, sitting down, from an observation room. A 

stair opens out at the rear of the plane and some men start 

leaving the plane, one after the other, greeted at the bottom as 

they walk by by some officials. Suddenly, the Ambassador jumps to 

his feet, then the General stands up. They look out at the 

runway, frowning, at a long line of a dozen or more of the men 

filing away from the plane, dressed in black suits and hats. 

AMBASSADOR. Look at those men! They were supposed to be 


GENERAL. You asked for plain clothes. [The Ambassador glances at 

him with raised eyebrows]. 

 In the city, Joe drives along the streets on a little Vespa 

scooter; Princess Ann riding side-saddle on the back, her arms 

wrapped around his waist. She looks out smiling at the sights as 

they drive to the Colliseum, looming up before them.  They walk 

inside the Colliseum, accompanied by a guide who points to the 

structure, instructing Ann. Joe follows just behind them, being 

joined now by Irving. They walk to the edge, looking down over 

the centre of the structure. Ann listens to guide, watched on by 

Joe and Irving who lights up a cigarette. Holding the lighter, 

Irving signals secretly to Joe who acknowledges him with a 

private signal of his own.  Back on the streets of Rome and Joe 

and Ann ride along on the scooter, followed by Irving in a small 

open-topped car. Irving overtakes them and, as Joe points out the 

sights to Ann, he takes pictures out of the back of the vehicle, 

barely regaining control of the vehicle afterwards.  Joe and Ann 

drive to a large intersection, where the traffic is directed by a 

warden who blows his whistle at them. Nearby, Irving pulls up, 

his eye on Joe and Ann. Joe and Ann get off the scooter as Joe 

goes to talk to the warden. Irving gets out of his car, peering 

round a streeet corner at them, a camera in hand.  Seeing Joe 

busy, Ann gets back onto the scooter herself, curious to test out 

the feel of the handlebars. Irving snaps a picture of her as she 

gingerly tests the controls. Suddenly, Ann lets out a shriek of 

fright as the scooter takes off. Joe turns round and, quickly 

excusing himself from the warden, goes after her. Irving looks 

on, helpless.  Ann drives the scooter erratically along the side 

of the road, scaring some pedestrians crossing the road, who leap 

back onto the pavement. Joe, running after her, calls out to her 

to stop. Irving runs back to the car. Ann, in sheer delight, 

keeps driving as Joe, laughing, jumps on the back of the scooter. 

The scooter suddenly goes at speed down the street, turning a 

corner, scaring more pedestrians out of the way. 

JOE [putting his hands on the handlebars] Let me take this; let 

me take over. 

ANN [pushing his hands out of the way, putting hers on top] No, 

no, no; I- I can do it.  The scooter drives head-on into the 

traffic, delicately missing a car and bicycle. A tram, swerving 

to avoid them, honks at them as they drive across its path. With 

difficulty, Irving follows them through the traffic, his 

visibility becoming impaired as he passes through a stream of 

water coming from a hydrant.  Ann mounts the pavement, driving 

between some people at a stall and straight through the painting 

one of them is showing to the others. They drive through a 

sidewalk cafe, weaving between the tables as the diners get up, 

outraged at the disturbance. Ann continues on, knocking over a 

builder's workbench where a large man is setting up his 

equipment. Children run in to help him pick the materials up, 

blocking Irving's car in the process. Ann drives chaotically 

around a roundabout, scaring a woman who screams and jumps out of 

the way, dropping her groceries.  Police whistles ring out as the 

Polizia get into their cars, joining two motorbikes which give 

chase to Ann and Joe's scooter. Ann and Joe tear away down the 

street, followed the motorbikes, their sirens wailing.  Sometime 

later and Ann, Joe, and Irving stand in a room before a judge 

sitting at a table. In front of the judge are arranged the 

various victims of Ann and Joe's escapade, giving their 

testimonies and presenting their damaged goods as evidence. Ann 

and Joe answer the various questions of the judge then Joe 

presents him with his I.D., holding his head awkwardly back for 

the judge since that way it better matches the photo. The judge 

looks at the front of the I.D.: it says American News Service. 

Joe tells the judge something, putting his arm around Ann to 

perhaps better convince him. Irving intervenes, telling the judge 

something or other, although the judge looks unimpressed with 

what he has to say. Joe points out something to the judge on what 

he is looking at on his desk to which the judge reacts favorably. 

Irving, Ann and Joe-hand-in-hand, leave; Joe telling them 

something or other, saying goodbye to the witnesses and they 

smile back. 

 The three leave the police station laughing, stopping quickly on 

seeing the guard posted outside. 

IRVING [as they walk by the guard] Oh...[coughs] I'm going 

straight from now on.  They walk out of earshot then stop, Ann 

turning to Joe, puzzled. 

ANN. American News Service? What did he mean? 

JOE. Huh? Oh, well, you know: say you're with the Press and you 

can get away with anything. 

IRVING [laughing] Yeah...ha! go to church to get married on a 

scooter-that's a hot one. Joe's a wonderful liar! [Ann looks at 

them, puzzled].  The witnesses come out of the station together, 

congratulating them, shaking Joe's and Ann's hands as they pass. 

The large man kisses Ann on the mouth and then turns to Joe, 

kissing him on each cheek. He turns to Irving but, on seeing 

Irving's beard and thinking better of it, shakes his hand 


IRVING [slightly taken aback; as the man leaves, following the 

others] Ciao... 

ANN [to Joe] You don't have to look so worried; I won't hold you 

to it. 

JOE. Thank you very much. 

ANN. You don't have to be too grateful! 

JOE [smiling] Ok, I won't [in good humour, they walk away]. 

ANN [stopping] I'm a good liar too, aren't I, Mr. Bradley? 

JOE. The best I ever met. 

IRVING [dramatically] Uh-huh! 

ANN. Thank you very much. 

JOE [looking over at a building in the distance] Say... come with 

me.  Joe takes her arm, leading her away.  They arrive in a 

small, dark building. They walk inside and up to a large stone 

carving of a face in the wall. 

JOE. The Mouth of Truth. [He stands on one side, Ann the other. 

Irving watches from behind, taking out another cigarette] The 

legend is that if you're given to lying, you put you're hand in 

there [points to the mouth] it'll be bitten off. 

ANN. Ooh, what a horrid idea. 

JOE. Let's see you do it.  She looks up worried, but seeing Joe 

looking at her feels a resolve and, tentatively, she puts her 

hand towards the mouth. Irving, "lighting" his cigarette, looks 

on. Ann moves her hand, closer and closer but, losing her nerve 

at the last minute with a giggle, she pulls it back. 

ANN. Let's see you do it. 

JOE [he looks worried for a moment, then finds his nerve] Sure.  

Joe takes a step forward, moving his hand onto the lip of the 

mouth. Ann, unblinking, leans foward from the tension. Joe slides 

his fingers into the mouth and then his hand up to the wrist. 

Suddenly he gives out a loud cry, pulling back, as if the mouth 

has hold of his hand and won't let go. Ann screams and rushes to 

his side, pulling at him from behind. Joe takes out his hand, 

apparently severed at the wrist and Ann screams in fright, 

putting her hands over her face. Smiling, he lets his hand spring 

open, out of his sleeve. 

ANN [laughing, as Joe takes her in his arms as she throws herself 

toward him, playfully beating her fists at him] You beast! it was 

perfectly alright! You've never hurt your hand! 

JOE [letting her go] I'm sorry, it was just a joke! Alright? 

ANN [laughing still] You've never hurt your hand. 

JOE [calming her] I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Ok? 

ANN [regaining her composure] Yes. 

JOE. Alright, let's go. [They turn to leave and he cries out, 

jumping away from the Mouth] Look out!  Ann screams, running out 

of the building. Joe follows her, laughing, followed by Irving.  

Later on, Irving pulls up on a quiet street. 

IRVING [to Joe as he stands up to climb out of the car] I'll park 

at the corner.  Joe opens Ann's door and she climbs out. Joe is 

about to climb out of the open-roofed car but seeing Ann holding 

the door for him bends down under the rim of the door, barely 

squeezing through. Ann smiles at him as he struggles out. As 

Irving drives away, Joe follows Ann as she walks across the wide 

footpath, stopping before the huge wall covered top to bottom 

with small plaques. A little further up the footpath there is a 

woman kneeling down at a small prayer bench who stands up, 

crossing herself before leaving. 

ANN. What do they mean, all these inscriptions? 

JOE [walking with her alongside the wall] Well, each one 

represents a wish fulfilled. All started during the war when 

there was an air raid-right out here. A man with his four 

children was caught in the street. They ran over against the 

wall, [pointing behind them] right there, for shelter; prayed for 

safety. Bombs fell very close but no one was hurt. Later on, the 

man came back and he put up the first of these tablets. Since 

then it's become sort of a shrine: people come, and whenever 

their wishes are granted [stopping, turning round to look back] 

they put up another one of these little plaques. 

ANN [looking back along the wall] Lovely story. 

JOE [taking her arm, directing her over to the wall] Read some of 

the inscriptions. [Irving stands beside the wall, holding his 

camera, "lighting" another cigarette. She walks over and looks at 

some of the plaques for a moment]. Make a wish [looking down, she 

nods]. Tell the doctor? 

ANN [turning around] Anyway, the chances of it being granted are 

very slight. 

IRVING [walking to them] Well, what now? 

ANN [hopefully] I've heard of a wonderful place for dancing on a 


JOE. Oh, you mean the barges down by Saint Angelo. 

ANN [excitedly] Yes! couldn't we go over tonight? 

IRVING. Hey, why not? 

JOE. Anything you wish. 

ANN. And at midnight I'll turn into a pumpkin and drive away in 

my glass slipper. 

JOE. And that'll be the end of the fairytale. [To Irving] Well, I 

guess, er, Irving has to go now. 

IRVING. I do? 

JOE. Yes, you know, that big business development of yours that 

you have to attend to. 

IRVING. Ah-[he remembers] oh, the development. 

JOE. Yes, can't afford not to take care of that. 

IRVING. Yeah. Er, I'll, er, [shaking her hand] see ya later, 


ANN. Good luck for the big development. 

IRVING [waving as he leaves] Yeah, thanks.  Ann smiles after 

Irving as he leaves. They hear the sound of horses' hooves on the 

road approaching and turn round to look. Joe looks back at her, 

asking, then she nods, smiling. Joe whistles at the driver and 

they walk over to the carriage as it stops, getting on. 

 Evening, it is dark. Music greets Joe and Ann as they walk down 

the steps on the way to the barges. He pays the ticketseller as 

Ann stands, watching the dancing across the river. 

JOE [to the ticketseller] Grazzi. [He walks over to Ann, smiling 

to her and they continue].  They walk onto the dance floor and 

start dancing.  Two men in black suits and hats (Secret Service 

men) watch out over the people. One of them turns to watch the 

dance floor and notices Joe and Ann, watching them as they dance. 

The Secret Service man stands on his feet and the other looks 

over at what he is watching. As the music stops for the next 

song, the man speaks some Italian to the other who leaves, and 

continues watching as the next dance starts. The other man runs 

back towards the steps, away from the dancers.  Joe and Ann 

continue dancing-closer now as it is a slower song. She rests her 

head on his shoulder, her eyes closed and smiling. She looks up 

at him. 

ANN. Hello. 

JOE [as they look at each other] Hello.  Joe smiles as she rests 

her head against his chest and they continue.  The band finishes 

the dance and the audience claps, the dancers on the floor 

dispersing. Joe and Ann walk over to the side of the floor. 

ANN [looking up to him as she sits down] Mr. Bradley: if you 

don't mind my saying so, I think you are a ringer. 

JOE [confused] Oh- wha-? [Understanding, smiling; sitting down] 

Oh. Thanks very much. 

ANN. You spent the whole day doing things I've always wanted to. 


JOE [guiltily] I don't know. Seemed the thing to do. 

ANN. I never heard of anybody so kind. 

JOE [he looks down, hiding his guilt] Wasn't any trouble. 

ANN. Also completely unselfish. 

JOE [Joe looks over to the other side of the barge, motioning to 

Ann] Let's have a drink at the bar. [Joe takes her hand and they 

walk over]. 

MARIO DELANI [turns to Ann, smiling] Oh! Finalmentez: there you 

are! [Remembering his manners to the woman apparently 

accompanying him] Er, scusatmitanto. [Turning immediately back to 

Ann] I look for you long time-I think maybe you not come [he 

pauses, noticing Joe standing just behind her, watching. He 

motions to her hair]. Ah, off; all off! 

ANN. Oh, it's nice without, isn't it? Cool. 

MARIO DELANI. Oh, very, very good. 

ANN [introducing him] Mr. Bradley. 

MARIO DELANI. I, Mario Delani. 

JOE. Old friends? 

ANN. Oh, yes; he cut my hair this afternoon. He invited me here, 


JOE [to Mario] Wha- what did you say the name was? 

MARIO DELANI [shaking Joe's hand] Delani, Mario Delani. 

JOE. Mario Delani, I'm very glad to know you. 

MARIO DELANI [the band starts playing again] Me too. [To Ann, 

using his hands, unsure of his English] Oh, may I enjoy myself, 

er, the pleasure? [To Joe] Do you mind? 

JOE. No, no; go right ahead. 

MARIO DELANI. Thank you.  Ann takes his hand and they go out on 

the floor to dance. Joe, watches them dancing for a moment then 

takes out a notebook, quickly writing something down. Irving 

arrives at the bottom of the steps, saying something in Italian 

and holding up his camera as he walks past. He walks towards the 

barges. The Secret Service man watches Ann as she dances with 


IRVING [to Joe, at the bar] Ciao, Joe. Did I miss anything? 

JOE [quietly] You're just in time, pal. 

IRVING. Who's Smithy dancing with? 

JOE. Barber-cut her hair this afternoon, made a date for tonight. 

IRVING [musing as he watches them] 'The Princess and the Barber'. 

[Mario and Ann continue dancing, having a great time.]  Irving 

walks around the other side of the bar, his camera placed on the 

table, Joe hiding it from the view of the floor. The barman 

protests but Irving reassures him, keeping his eyes on Ann. 

Irving watches, waiting, and then, with a signal, Joe jumps away 

and the bulb flashes as Irving takes the picture. In an instant 

Joe jumps back, nonchalantly looking up at the sky while Irving 

takes his glass, doing the same.  Ann looks out across the floor 

and then, seeing Joe and Irving, waves. Irving lifts his glass in 

acknowledgement.  On the bridge, up above the dancing, several 

cars pull up. Several men climb out, rushing over to the steps. 

The first Secret Service man, smoking a cigarette, watches the 

men approach. The men walk over to the tables.  Ann continues 

dancing with Mario who suddenly stops, looking at her hair. 

ANN. What is it? 

MARIO DELANI. Moment. [He stops, thinking, and then, taking out a 

comb, brushes her fringe apart which he delicately curls around 

with his comb into two neat tufts. He puts his comb away, 

satisfied. Ann moves to touch her hair but Mario quickly motions 

her to leave it alone and they continue dancing.  One of the 

Secret Service men stands leaning against a structure, swinging 

his hand to the beat, smiling. The man watching behind rebukes 

him with a word and his expression turns serious as he pulls his 

hat down, putting his hands in his pockets, looking out again 

over the dancing.  The music stops and everyone applauds the 


MARIO DELANI. Thank you. [The first Secret Service man comes over 

to Ann then Mario, seeing him, says something to Ann in Italian, 

then "Bye", and leaves her to him].  Ann smiles slightly but 

nervously to the man and they start to dance. They turn several 

times, then the man speaks in her ear. 

SECRET SERVICE MAN. Your Highness. [She looks at up him sharply, 

and tries to pull away but he holds her] You'll dance quietly 

towards the entrance. There is a car waiting. 

ANN [desperately; trying to pull away] No. 

SECRET SERVICE MAN. Your Highness, please. 

ANN [as he forces her over to the side] You- you've made a 

mistake. [Tells him in Italian, pretending, that she doesn't 

speak English] Let me go. [Loudly] Will you let me go! [Shouting] 

Mr. Bradley! [Joe looks up and starts toward her, looking for her 

in the dancers] Let me go, will you? Mr. Bradley!  Irving looks 

around from his drink and, seeing the problem, rushes after Joe. 

Two of the Secret Service men drag Ann away from the barges but 

Joe catches them and pushes them away, pushing one of them down, 

and taking Ann by the arm. Joe punches one man who tries to pull 

Ann the other way but the other one manages to push Irving over 

the railing of the gangway and almost into the water. Joe and Ann 

run to the other side of the floor, where the dancers have 

dispersed and are watching the action.  Joe sees more Secret 

Service coming from the other side so he runs back the other way. 

Cornered, he confronts them head-on as they close, Ann standing 

to the side as he throws one over the side. Ann has the presence 

of mind to throw him a life belt to him and the crowd cheers. 

Irving meanwhile struggles with one of the men, having his beard 

pulled, but responds to this with an angry punch to the face. 

Mario runs over his hair with his comb, muttering some Italian to 

the people near him before rushing in to the fray to help Joe. 

The conductor of the band motions to the musicians to start 

playing and they respond with an energetic tune. The scene of 

chaos continues, Joe and Irving and Mario laying into the Secret 

Service men. Distracted, two of the men manage to grab Ann and 

drag her away. Joe runs after, Irving following with his camera.  

Joe pushes one of the men to the ground and the other responds 

with a punch, freeing Ann. Ann looks around her for a way to 

help, picking up a bottles and throws it weakly at Joe's man. Joe 

keeps fighting with the man as Ann picks up a guitar lying near 

the band and stands behind him, on a chair. One of the men starts 

towards her and there is drum roll as she lifts the guitar over 

her head, then swings it down, hitting him full on the head, 

stunning him for a moment. 

IRVING [excitedly, trying to get his camera ready, having missed 

the shot the first time] Hit him again, Smithy!  The drummer 

rolls again as Ann swings the guitar back, then releasing it and 

smashing it over the man's head-the camera flashing as she does 

so.  Police sirens sound and the Polizia arrive, packed into 

their cars. As they spill out, Joe, Ann, and Irving start to 

leave the scene, leaving the Secret Service men staggering or 

lying about the dance floor, dazed. 

IRVING. Joe, give me my car keys. 

JOE [to Irving; he stops, pointing at the police] Police, police. 

IRVING [seeing them arrive in numbers they change their 

direction] The other side of the bridge.  As Joe and Ann run 

across the barges, Irving tries stalling the men who try to 

follow with a life belt but they make it past him, running to 

follow Ann. Joe and Ann run through a boathouse and on reaching 

the other end walk along the outside edge, just above the water.  

Unseen, a Secret Service man covers the outside of the boathouse 

as they double back. Joe peers round the corner and the man 

surprises him with a punch to the face, knocking him into the 

water. Ann knees him in the groin and pushes him away. She holds 

her nose and dives in after Joe, just escaping the reach of the 

man as he tries to stop her. The Polizia arrest the remaining 

Secret Service men and take them away, one of them being dragged 

by a guitar around his neck, his head clean through the guitar. 

The band starts up again and people replace the fallen furniture 

as the crowd waves across the water, apparently after Joe and Ann 

as they swim away.  Joe and Ann stagger out of the water, 

completely wet through. Joe leads her to a rock where they sit 

down, Joe rubbing her around the shoulders as she shivers. 

JOE. Alright? 

ANN. Fine. How are you? 

JOE. Oh, fine! [They laugh out loud for several moments. He looks 

at her] Say, you know, you were great back there. 

ANN. You weren't so bad yourself-[she stops suddenly, looking 

into his eyes. He leans forward and kisses her. They stop several 

moments later and look into each other's eyes]. 

JOE [after a pause] Well.... I... I guess we'd better get 

Irving's car, and get out of here.  They stand up and hurry on 

their way. 

 Joe enters his apartment, takes off his jacket and closes the 

door. Inside, the radio is on, playing soft piano music. An 

announcer comes on: "This is the American Hour from Rome, 

continuing our musical selections".  In the bathroom, Ann gets 

herself ready, dressed in a bedrobe. Looking in the mirror, she 

smooths her hair over.  She goes outside, standing beside the 

closed door. Joe, preparing a drink, greets her with a smile. 

JOE [with a laugh] Everything ruined? 

ANN. No. They'll be dry in a minute. 

JOE. Suits you-you should always wear my clothes. 

ANN. Seems I do [Joe laughs]. 

JOE [giving a her a glass of wine] I thought a little wine might 

be good. 

ANN. Shall I cook something? 

JOE. No kitchen; nothing to cook; I always eat out. 

ANN. Do you like that? 

JOE. Well, life isn't always what one likes-[pauses] is it? 

ANN. No, it isn't [Ann sits down]. 

JOE. Tired? 

ANN. A little. 

JOE. You've had quite a day. 

ANN. A wonderful day [she smiles as the radio announcer comes 


RADIO ANNOUNCER. This is the American Hour, from Rome, 

broadcasting a special news bulletin in English and Italian. 

Tonight there is no further word [Ann stands up, walking to the 

radio; Joe stands still, his back to her] from the bedside of 

Princess Ann in Rome, where she was taken ill yesterday, on the 

last leg of her European goodwill tour. This has given rise to 

rumours that her condition may be serious, which is causing alarm 

and anxiety among the people in her country. [The radio starts to 

repeat the bulletin in Italian so Ann switches it off]. 

ANN. The news can wait till tomorrow. 

JOE. Yes. 

ANN [she walks to him] May I have a little more wine? [He pours 

her some more] Sorry I couldn't cook us some dinner. 

JOE [as Ann drinks from the glass] Did you learn how in school? 

ANN. Mmmm, I'm a good cook; I could earn my living at it. I can 

sew too, and clean a house, and iron-I learned to do all those 

things, I just haven't had the chance [slowing, turning away] to 

do it for anyone. 

JOE. Well, looks like I'll have to move; and get myself a place 

with a kitchen. 

ANN [she turns around to look at him, heart-broken] Yes [they 

look at each other for a moment then Ann looks down and drinks 

the rest of her wine. Ann chokes back her sorrow] I... will have 

to go now. [She stands for a moment, Joe looking at her, then 

runs into his arms, crying on his shoulder]. 

JOE [comforting her] Anya... there's... something that I want to 

tell you. 

ANN. No, please [she looks at him and kisses him] nothing. [They 

hold each other for a moment then Ann looks down] I must go and 

get dressed.  Ann walks to the bathroom. Joe stands with his back 

to her, heart-broken. He walks over to pick up his jacket and 

puts it on. 

 Solemnly, without speaking, Joe drives Ann through Rome. 

ANN [looking straight ahead] Stop at the next corner, please. 

JOE. 'K. [He slows down, stopping at a corner and leans forward 

to see the Embassy gate visible down the street] Here? 

ANN [looking out her window] Yes. [Looking down, without looking 

at him] I have to leave you now. I'm going to that corner [she 

looks out], there, and turn. You must stay in the car and drive 

away. Promise not to watch me go beyond the corner. Just drive 

away and leave me, as I leave you. 

JOE [solemnly] Alright. 

ANN [keeping back the tears] I don't know how to say goodbye. I 

can't think of any words. 

JOE. Don't try.  They look at each other and she throws her self 

into his arms, holding her tight. They kiss, passionately, then 

hold each other for a few more moments and Ann cries against his 

shoulder. They release, enough for her to turn around to look 

back down the street, then she looks at back him. They manage a 

smile at each other and then Ann looks down, unable to stay the 

inevitable. Turning away from him, she opens the door and gets 

out. Without looking back she starts off down the street, her 

walk turning into a run. Joe watches her as she disappears round 

the corner. Joe looks out at the empty street toward the gate and 

looking as if he might go after her but, after a pause he looks 

away, glumly, then switches on the engine and drives off.  In the 

Embassy. Princess Ann stands in a large room across from the 

others in their bedclothes: Ambassador; the Countess, who is 

upset, wiping her nose with a handkerchief; and the General, who 

stands grim-faced. 

AMBASSADOR. Your Royal Highness: twenty-four hours-they can't all 

be blank. 

ANN. They are not. 

AMBASSADOR. But what explanation am I to offer Their Majesties? 

ANN. I was indisposed. I am better. 

AMBASSADOR. Ma'am: you must appreciate that I have my duty to 

perform, just as Your Royal Highness has Her duty-. 

ANN. Your Excellency: I trust you will not find it necessary to 

use that word again. Were I not completely aware of my duty to my 

family and my country, I would not have come tonight. [The look 

at her, in silence; after a pause, grimly] Or indeed ever again. 

[Ann walks across the room] Now, since I understand we have a 

very full schedule today, you have my permission to withdraw. 

[They stand for a moment, then bow and walk away. At the door, 

the Countess takes a tray from a servant] No milk and crackers. 

[The Countess gives them back, about to shut the door] That will 

be all, thank you, Countess. [The Countess bows in respect and 

then goes out, closing the door].  Alone in the room the Princess 

walks slowly over to a window, looking out over the city in 


 The next day, Joe sits in his apartment, looking out of his 

window over the town. There is a knock at the door and Joe looks 

up, hopefully. The knocking persists and he walks to the door 

slowly and opens it, then turns around in disappointment. 

HENNESSY [bursting in] Joe, is it true: did you really get it? 

JOE [turning back to him, hands in pockets] Did I get what? 

HENNESSY. The Princess story, the exclusive: did you get it? 

JOE. No, no, I didn't get it [he turns away]. 

HENNESSY. What? But that's impossible! 

JOE. Have a cup of coffee or something? 

HENNESSY [waving his finger at him] Joe, you can't hold out on 


JOE. Who's holding out on you? 

HENNESSY. You are. 

JOE [absently, pretending to busy himself with something on the 

desk] What are you talking about? 

HENNESSY. I know too much: First you come into my office and ask 

about an exclusive on the Princess; next, you disappear; then I 

get the rumour from my contact at the Embassy that the Princess 

isn't sick at all and she's out on the town. 

JOE. What kind of a newspaper man are you? You believe every two-

bit rumour that comes your way? 

HENNESSY. Yeah? And a lot of other rumours: about a shindig at a 

barge down by the river [Joe looks up, his eyes brightening at 

the recollection] and the arrest of eight Secret Service men from 

a country which shall be nameless. And then comes of news of the 

lady's miraculous recovery. It all adds up! And don't think by 

playing hard-to-get that you're raised the price of that story: a 

deal's a deal! [Pushing him out of the way, rummaging through the 

papers on his desk] Now, come on, come on, come on: where is that 


JOE. I have no story [he pushes past him, walking to the table 

with the wine on] 

HENNESSY [as Joe pours a drink] Then what was the idea of-. 

IRVING [loudly, approaching from outside] Joe! [He bursts in, 

carrying a large envelope] Man, wait till you see these! 

JOE. Irving. 

IRVING [walking to Mr. Hennessy, holding out the packet] Hiya, 

Mr. Henne- oh, you got here at the right time. (JOE. Irving.) 

Wait till you get a look at-[Joe discreetly throws his drink, all 

over Irving]. What's the idea?! 

JOE. What do you mean, charging in and spilling things all over 

my place. 

IRVING. Who's spilling? 

JOE. You did-I spoke to you about that once before, don't you 


IRVING. Joe, look at my pants! 

JOE [pulling him by the arm to the bathroom] Yeah, you better 

come in here and dry 'em off, Irving. 

IRVING [protesting, pulling away from him] Aww, knackers to that. 

[Smiling] Hey, did you tell him about Smithy? 

JOE. Irving. 

HENNESSY. Smithy? 

IRVING. Oh ho! Mr. Hennessy (JOE. Irving.), wait till you-[Joe 

trips him as he walks to Mr. Hennessy]. 

JOE. There you go again, Irving. 

IRVING [getting up, steaming] Joe. Listen, th-. 

JOE. Hey, alright, save that till later; you're here early 

anyway. Why don't you go home and shave! 

IRVING [putting a hand on his beard] Shave? 

JOE. Yeah, or else keep quiet till Mr. Hennessy and I are 

finished talking. 

HENNESSY [walking over, putting his hat on] Hey, what kind of a 

routine is that? What are you guys up to? [Hands on hips] Who's 


JOE [quickly] Oh, he's a guy that we met; you wouldn't care for 


HENNESSY [grabbing the envelope from Irving] What am I supposed 

to look at? 

JOE [quickly, grabbing the envelope back] Oh, just a couple of 

Irving's dames; you, you wouldn't like 'em. [Smiling; opening the 

envelope] Er, maybe you would... 

HENNESSY [stopping him] Don't change the subject! When you came 

back into my office, yesterday-. 

JOE. Yeah, I know, yesterday at noon I thought I had a lead, but 

I was wrong! That's all there is to it; there is no story [Irving 

looks at him, perplexed]. 

HENNESSY. Ok; she's holding the press interview today, same time, 

same place-maybe that's one story you can get. [He walks to the 

door, turning back, pointing a finger at him] And you owe me five 

hundred bucks! 

JOE. Take it out of my salary, fifty bucks a week. 

HENNESSY. Don't think I won't! [He leaves]. 

IRVING. Hey, what gives? Have we had a better offer? 

JOE. Irving... I, I don't know just how to tell you this, but-. 

IRVING. Wait till I sit down [he sits]. 

JOE. Well, in regard to the story that goes with these: there is 

no story. 

IRVING [pausing] W-why not? 

JOE [walking away to pour another drink] I mean not as far as I'm 


IRVING [he looks at Joe and, understanding, pauses for a moment] 

Er, well, the er, pictures came out pretty well. You wanna have a 

look at 'em? [he goes to the bed, spreading the pictures out. He 

holds one up to Joe as he comes over] Huh? [Enthusiastically; as 

Joe takes it, smiling] How about a blow-up from a negative that 

size, huh? 

JOE [laughing] Yeah. [Joe picks some pictures up] Ha, that's her 

first cigarette, huh? 

IRVING. Oh yeah, at Rocca's. [Joe displays the next one] Hey, the 

Mouth of Truth. [looking at the next one they laugh. It's of Ann 

and Mario, dancing] Oh, you wanna know the caption I had in mind, 

there? 'Barber cuts in'-huh? 

JOE [taking another from the bed] Well, here's the one I figured 

would be the key shot for the whole layout: [the picture is of 

Ann looking at the plaques] 'The Wall Where Wishes Come True', 


IRVING. Joe, that's good. Lead off with that then follow up on 

the wishes? 

JOE. Yeah. 

IRVING [he picks up another one] I dug that up out of a file: 

'Princess Inspects Police'. 

JOE. Yeah, but-. 

IRVING [handing him the next one, of Ann in custody after the 

scooter ride] 'Police Inspects Princess'. Huh? [They laugh] How 

about that? 

JOE. Yeah. [Laughing] Pretty good, pretty good. [Irving hands him 

the next one: of Ann smashing the Secret Service man over the 

head with the guitar] Wow! 

IRVING. Is that a shot? 

JOE. What a picture! 

IRVING. Is that a shot, Joe? 'Body Guard Gets Body Blow'! 

JOE. Yeah. No, no, how 'bout this: 'Crowned Head'-huh? 

IRVING. Oh, I get it- That- Joe, you got-[Joe face loses its 

humour and Irving's enthusiasm fades]. She's fair game, Joe. It's 

always open season on princesses. [Shaking his shoulder] You must 

be out of your mind! 

JOE. Yeah, I know but, er, look I can't prevent you from selling 

the pictures if you want to. You'll get a good price for 'em. 

IRVING. Yeah! [he bends over the bed to gather the pictures up]. 

JOE. You going to the interview? 

IRVING. You goin'? 

JOE. Yeah. Well, it's an assignment, isn't it? 

IRVING. Yeah. [Irving closes the envelope, noticing his soaking 

pants. He lifts them off his wet leg, looking at Joe, annoyed. He 

goes out the door, talking back to Joe, disappointed] I'll see 

you.  Joe stands and watches him leave. 

 The huge Embassy hall. The floor teams with journalists and 

photographers, milling around. Joe and Irving enter, standing at 

the entrance. 

IRVING [looking up at the incredible ornation in the building] It 

ain't much, but it's home.  They walk into the crowd. A man 

approaches at the front of the room, on top of the landing and 

walks to right of the ornate chair sat in the centre. Several 

steps lead up to the landing from the floor and are carpeted down 

the centre. Standing motionless at the top of the steps the man 

claps twice, loudly. 

EMBASSY ANNOUNCER. Ladies and Gentlemen: please approach.  The 

crowd moves forward, pressing to the front behind the rope that 

marks the boundary. Joe and Irving move to the front, towards the 

right side of the gathering. The Master of Ceremonies approaches 

from the back also, walking to the other side of the first man, 

standing still. The Master of Ceremonies announces, in Italian, 

"Her Royal Highness", then again in English. He then stands 

sideways and waits.  In a moment, the Princess emerges 

accompanied by the Ambassador, the Countess, the General, and 

many others behind. Joe smiles slightly as she approaches. 

Princess Ann stands in front of the chair. 

AMBASSADOR. Your Royal Highness: the ladies and gentlemen of the 

Press [he motions with his hand].  Princess Ann turns to the 

gathering, raising and lowering her head in acknowledgement to 

them. As she looks over them her eyes fall on Joe and she starts 

just slightly, her expression hardening a little. She looks down 

as the Ambassador motions to the chair with his hand. She sits 

back gracefully, looking back up at Joe. They exchange looks. Ann 

turns her head, nodding to the Master of Ceremonies. 

MASTER OF CEREMONIES [he bows, then turns to the group] Ladies 

and Gentlemen: Her Royal Highness will now answer your questions. 

CHIEF OF CORRESPONDENTS [standing in the crowd of journalists; 

speaking slowly, formally] I believe at the outset, Your 

Highness, that I should express the pleasure of all of us at your 

recovery from the recent illness. 

ANN. Thank you. 

AMERICAN CORRESPONDENT [speaking from the crowd] Does Your 

Highness believe that Federation would be a possible solution to 

Europe's economic problems? 

ANN. I am in favour of any measure which would lead to closer 

cooperation in Europe. 

CORRESPONDENT. And what, in the opinion of Your Highness, is the 

outlook for Friendship Among Nations? 

ANN. I have every faith in it-[pausing; turning to look at Joe] 

as I have faith in relations between people [the people on the 

stage around her look about, slightly baffled; the press 

gathering stirs slightly]. 

JOE. May I say (speaking from my own press service) we believe 

that Your Highness's faith will not be unjustified. 

ANN [looking at Joe; smiling very slightly to him] I am so glad 

to hear you say it. 

CORRESPONDENT. Which of the cities visited did Your Highness 

enjoy the most?  Ann pauses as she looks at Joe. 

GENERAL [quietly, prompting her] Each in its own way... 

ANN. Each in its own way was...unforgettable. It would be 

difficult to-[she stops, then her face softens]. Rome; by all 

means, Rome. [The press stirs, muttering to themselves quietly. 

She turns to look at Joe] I will cherish my visit here, in 

memory, as long as I live. 

CORRESPONDENT. Despite your indisposition, Your Highness? 

ANN [turning to the correspondent] Despite that. 

MASTER OF CEREMONIES. Photographs may now be taken.  The 

photographers swarm out from both sides from under the rope, 

jostling before the steps as they photograph her. Princess Ann 

stands up for them, stepping forward.  As the photographers 

finish, Irving steps up, smiling to Ann as he holds his small 

cigaretter lighter camera. He bends forward, looking into it, as 

Ann smiles at him from above. Her expression turns to 

astonishment when she realises what is it that he is using as a 

camera. Irving smiles at her and Ann looks over at Joe who also 

smiles back. The last of the photographers retreats behind the 

rope. Irving rejoins Joe behind the rope. 

GENERAL. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you very much. 

ANN [to the Ambassador, who is slightly taken aback] I would now 

like to meet some of the ladies and gentlemen of the Press.  Ann 

walks down the steps, stopping as the Countess and the General 

walk down to accompany her. When they stop, she continues, 

walking down the steps and to the left of the gathering, smiling 

as she walks to up to the journalists. 

AMERICAN CORRESPONDENT. Hitchcock, Chicago Daily News. 

ANN [as she shakes his hand] I'm so happy to see you, Mr. 


AMERICAN CORRESPONDENT. Thank you.  Princess Ann walks walks 

along to meet the next one. 

CORRESPONDENT. European Correspondent [bowing slightly] Scanziani 

de La Suisse [she shakes his hand]. 

GERMAN CORRESPONDENT. Deutsche Presse Agend. 

ANN [shaking his hand] Freut mich sehr! 

BELGIAN CORRESPONDENT. Maurice Montaberis, le Figaro [he bends 

forward, kissing her hand]. 

DUTCH CORRESPONDENT (Woman) [curtsies] *, * Amsterdam. 

ANN [shaking her hand] * [the woman curtsies again]. 

FRENCH CORRESPONDENT. Jacques Ferris, Ici Paris. 

ANN [shaking his hand] Enchanté!  Irving looks a Joe, shifting 

nervously as she comes closer. 

CORRESPONDENT. *, Tel Aviv [he bows and shakes her hand]. 

SPANISH CORRESPONDENT. Cortes Cavanias, Madrid. 

ANN [smiling as he kisses her hand] Encantando! 

AMERICAN CORRESPONDENT. Lampel, New York Herald Tribune. 

ANN. Good afternoon [she shakes his hand] 


IRVING. Irving Radovich, C.R. Photo Service. 

ANN. How do you do? [she shakes his hand] 

IRVING [reaching into his pocket, then giving her the envelope] 

Er, may I present Your Highness with some commemorative photos of 

your visit to Rome? 

ANN [she takes the envelope, opening it, and removing one of the 

photos slightly to see. It is the one of her hitting the man with 

the guitar. She suppresses her amusement] Thank you so very much 

[she pauses slightly before she turns look at Joe]. 

JOE [as she walks across to him] Joe Bradley, American News 


ANN [she shakes his hand and he smiles back, Ann with more 

suppressed emotion] So happy, Mr. Bradley. 

CORRESPONDENT. *, * [he bows and they shakes hands. She appears 

to almost speak but doesn't, moving on to the next 


ENGLISH CORRESPONDENT. Steven Hausen, The London Exchange 


ANN [shaking his hand] Good afternoon. 

FRENCH CORRESPONDENT. *, * Agence Press [he shakes her hand].  

Reaching the last of the front-row journalists, Ann turns and 

walks slowly up the steps. The press gathering applauds her 

warmly as she reaches the top, her back to them. Slowly, she 

turns to face them, smiling broadly to the the gathering as she 

looks over them. Inevitably, her eyes fall to Joe. He smiles 

back, then her expression grows sorrowful. She manages another 

slight smile then turns away from them, and walks slowly and 

gracefully towards the exit. The officials step aside for her to 

pass and then file after her through the door.  As she leaves, 

Joe watches her solemnly, the press turning to leave also. Before 

turning to go himself, Irving looks to Joe, but seeing his gaze 

unmoved walks away with the rest of them.  The press, bustling 

and chattering behind him leave Joe alone, standing at the rope, 

looking at the empty spot where the Princess was last.  Finally, 

Joe turns slowly to leave as the crowd disappears out of the 

entrance to the building. Alone but for the guards lining the 

room he walks slowly to the exit; hands in pockets, leaving the 

stage behind him; the huge room silent except for his slow 

footsteps.  Stopping near the entrance, he pauses for a moment to 

look down the long hall back at the empty stage. Then, he turns 

and walks away.