Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion
Script - Dialogue Transcript
Voila! Finally, the Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion
script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Lisa Kudrow and Mira
Sorvino. This script is a transcript that was painstakingly
transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion.
If you have any corrections, feel free to
drop me a line.
Romy and Michele's
High School Reunion
-Transcription for internet by Tyler Knowles-
["Just a Girl" plays]
[ Woman #1 from "Pretty Woman"]
HOW MUCH IS THIS, LORI ?
[ Woman #2 ]
IT'S VERY EXPENSIVE.
[ Woman #1 ]
IT'S VERY EXPENSIVE.
WELL, I GOT MONEY TO SPEND IN HERE.
I DON'T THINK WE HAVE ANYTHING FOR YOU. YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY IN THE
WRONG PLACE.
PLEASE LEAVE.
[ Michele ]
YOU KNOW, EVEN THOUGH WE'VE WATCHED PRETTY WOMAN, LIKE, 36 TIMES,
I NEVER GET TIRED OF MAKING FUN OF IT.
[ Romy ]
OH, I KNOW.
AW, POOR THING.
LOOK, THEY WON'T LET HER SHOP.
YEAH, LIKE THOSE SALESGIRLS IN BEVERLY HILLS AREN'T BIGGER WHORES
THAN SHE IS.
[ Michele ]
[ Giggles ]
I KNOW !
[ Piano: Mournful ]
[ Romy ]
OH, MY GOD, LISTEN TO THAT SAD, SAD MUSIC AS SHE LEAVES.
[ Michele ]
IT'S, LIKE, "BOO-HOO."
UHH !
[ Laughs ]
BUT IT IS, ACTUALLY, KIND OF SAD.
[ movie continues ]
[ Salesman ]
ANYTHING YOU SEE HERE, WE CAN DO. GET READY TO HAVE SOME FUN.
OKAY?
MARY PAT, MARY KATE, MARY FRANCIS, TOVAH ? LET'S SEE IT. COME
ON.
[ Stifled Giggle ]
[ TV Continues, Faint ]
[ Michele ]
I JUST GET REALLY HAPPY WHEN THEY FINALLY LET HER SHOP.
[ Romy ]
OKAY, SO I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR.
WE DON'T EVEN HAVE TIME TO MAKE ANYTHING NEW BEFORE WE GO OUT.
[ Michele ]
WELL, WHAT ABOUT THIS ? DID YOU LOSE WEIGHT ?
[ Romy ]
ACTUALLY, I HAVE BEEN TRYING THIS NEW FAT-FREE DIET I INVENTED.
ALL I'VE HAD TO EAT FOR THE PAST SIX DAYS ARE GUMMI BEARS, JELLY
BEANS AND CANDY CORNS.
[ Michele ]
GOD, I WISH I HAD YOUR DISCIPLINE.
[ Romy ]
I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW CUTE I LOOK.
[ Michele ]
I KNOW !
[ Romy ]
YOU KNOW WHAT? THIS IS, LIKE, THE CUTEST WE'VE EVER LOOKED.
[ Michele ]
OH, IT'S DEFINITELY THE CUTEST.
[ Romy ]
DON'T YOU LOVE HOW WE CAN SAY THAT TO EACH OTHER... AND KNOW
WE'RE NOT BEING CONCEITED ?
[ Michele ]
OH, I KNOW. NO, WE'RE JUST BEING HONEST.
[ Music: "BE MY LOVER"]
[ Crowd Shouting, Chattering ]
[ Continues ]
[ Romy ]
GOD, I HOPE SOME CUTE GUYS GET HERE TONIGHT.
THEY WERE CUTE LAST NIGHT.
[ Michele ]
THEY WERE CUTE !
[ Romy ]
REALLY CUTE !
[ Michele ]
OHH !
[ Bartender ]
HEY, MICHELE, ROMY.
[ Romy ]
WE'LL TAKE TWO DIET COKES.
[ Bartender ]
RIGHT, WITH EXTRA CHERRIES. DON'T MOVE. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
[Michele]
OKAY. I HAVE THE YUCKIEST TASTE IN MY MOUTH FROM THOSE TAQUITOS.
[ Romy ]
OOH.
[ Michele ]
I HOPE I DON'T GET INDIGESTION.
'MEMBER THAT TIME I BARFED FROM BAD MEXICAN FOOD? IT WAS SO
GROSS.
[ Romy ]
OH, MY GOD, I HATE THROWING UP IN PUBLIC.
[ Michele ]
ME TOO !
[ Romy ]
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. THERE ARE ABSOLUTELY NO GUYS HERE TONIGHT.
[ Michele ]
I KNOW. NONE.
[ Romy ]
COME ON, MICHELE, LET'S JUST GO DANCE WITH OURSELVES.
[ Michele ]
OKAY.
[ Stayin' Alive" plays ]
[ Continues ]
[ Romy ]
SWEAR TO GOD, SOMETIMES I WISH I WERE A LESBIAN.
[ Michele ]
DO YOU WANNA TRY TO HAVE SEX SOME TIME, JUST TO SEE IF WE ARE ?
[ Romy ]
WHAT ? YEAH, RIGHT, MICHELE. JUST THE THOUGHT OF HAVING SEX WITH
ANOTHER WOMAN CREEPS ME OUT. BUT IF WE'RE NOT MARRIED BY THE
TIME WE'RE 30, ASK ME AGAIN.
[ Michele ]
OKAY.
[ Rap Continues ]
[ Romy, Faintly ]
TWO-FOUR-THREE ?
[ Buzzing ]
[ Buzzing Continues ]
[ Romy On P.A. ]
TWO-FOUR-THREE.
[ Romy Clears Throat ]
TWO-FOUR-THREE. SERVICE. NUMBER 2-4-3.
[ Man ]
THAT'S BEAUTIFUL. IS THAT REAL WOOD ?
[ Romy exhales on P.A. ]
DURING THIS CENTURY, BOYS.
[ Clears Throat ]
COME ON, RAMON, QUIT JERKING OFF AND BRING THE CAR AROUND.
[ Tires Screech, Engine Off ]
[ Door Closes ]
IT'S ABOUT TIME.
[ Ramon ]
MMM ! ROMY. YOU ARE LOOKIN' HOT... TODAY.
[ Romy ]
YEAH, THAT'S BECAUSE I'M SWEATING LIKE A PIG IN HERE.
[ Ramon ]
THE AIR CONDITIONING'S WORKING IN THE SERVICE OFFICE. YOU MIGHT
WANT TO COME BY AND, UH, COOL OFF LATER ?
[ Romy ]
YEAH, RAMON. THAT'LL HAPPEN.
SORRY, MA'AM. HE IS SUCH AN ASSHOLE.
[ Man Clears Throat ]
[ Heather ]
I'M IN A HURRY.
[ Romy ]
WELL, I'M GOING AS FAST AS I CAN, MISS... MOONEY.
"HEATHER." HEATHER MOONEY ? FROM SAGEBRUSH HIGH IN TUCSON ?
[ Heather ]
YEAH ?
[ Romy ]
IT'S ROMY. ROMY WHITE !
[ Heather ]
YOU'RE SHITTIN' ME.
[ Romy ]
NO !
THIS IS SO WEIRD !
I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE LIVING IN L.A.
[ Heather ]
WELL, NOW THAT YOU KNOW, WILL WE GETTING TOGETHER A LOT ?
[ Romy ]
[ Braying Laugh ]
SO, GOD, YOU'RE DRIVING A NEW JAGUAR ? WHAT DO YOU DO ?
[ Heather ]
EVER HEAR OF LADY FAIR CIGARETTES ?
[ Romy ]
THE ONES THAT BURN DOWN FAST ?
[ Heather ]
TWICE THE TASTE IN HALF THE TIME FOR THE GAL ON THE GO. I
INVENTED THE QUICK-BURNING PAPER.
[ Romy ]
WOW.
[ Chuckles ]
[ Heather ]
YOU GOIN' TO THE REUNION ?
[ Romy ]
WHAT REUNION ?
[ Heather ]
OUR TEN-YEAR HIGH SCHOOL REUNION IN TUCSON.
[ Romy ]
YOU'RE KIDDING ME. IT'S BEEN TEN YEARS SINCE HIGH SCHOOL ?
GOD. WHERE HAVE I BEEN ?
[ Heather ]
I'M STUMPED.
WHERE ?
[ Romy ]
[ Laughs ]
ANYWAY, ARE YOU GOING ?
[ Heather ]
I'D RATHER PUT THIS OUT IN MY ASS.
[ Romy ]
I WONDER WHY WE DIDN'T GET AN INVITATION. I'M SURE MICHELE WOULD
HAVE TOLD ME IF SHE GOT ONE.
[ Heather ]
MICHELE WEINBERGER ?
[ Romy ]
MM-HMM.
[ Heather ]
DO YOU LIVE WITH MICHELE WEINBERGER ?
[ Romy ]
YEAH.
[ Shudders, Chuckles ]
[ Heather ]
I JUST THOUGHT SHE'D BE MARRIED TO SANDY BY NOW.
[ Romy ]
SANDY FRINK ?
[ Chuckles ]
[ Heather ]
YES, SANDY FRINK. HE COULD BARELY CONTAIN HIS ERECTION EVERY
TIME SHE WAS AROUND. WHY DO YOU THINK HE ALWAYS CARRIED THAT
HUGE NOTEBOOK ?
[ Romy ]
THE FRINK-A-ZOID AND MICHELE ? I'M SURE. BESIDES, DIDN'T YOU
HAVE A THING FOR SANDY IN HIGH SCHOOL ?
[ Heather ]
I DID NOT HAVE A "THING." I DID NOT HAVE A "THING." I WAS VERY
MUCH IN LOVE WITH HIM. VERY MUCH IN LOVE. AND THERE'S A
DIFFERENCE. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
[ Whispers ]
I HAVE TO GO NOW.
[ Receipt Printing ]
[ Tears Receipt ]
[ Romy ]
WELL--
[ Clears Throat ]
I GUESS I WON'T BE SEEING YOU AT THE REUNION, BUT I'LL TELL
EVERYONE YOU
SAID "HI."
[ Heather ]
WHY DON'T YOU TELL EVERYONE TO GO FUCK THEMSELVES FOR MAKING MY
TEEN YEARS A LIVING HELL.
[ Romy ]
[ Laughs]
OH, YEAH, RIGHT.
[ Lady ]
FINALLY.
[Sighs ]
[ Romy ]
[Dialing ]
MICHELE, YOU WILL NEVER GUESS WHO I JUST RAN INTO.
[Giggling ]
[ Romy ]
GOD, I CANNOT BELIEVE IT'S ALREADY BEEN TEN YEARS.
[ Michele ]
I KNOW.
[ Gasps ]
[ Romy ]
THERE SHE IS. OHH ! GOD, SHE WAS SO WEIRD. SHE STILL IS.
[ Michele ]
WHY WAS SHE ALWAYS GOING BEHIND THAT BUILDING ?
["Blood and Roses" plays]
[ Heather ]
GOT A LIGHT ?
[ Heather ]
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU !
THANK YOU !
I REALLY APPRECIATE THAT, BECAUSE I'M NOT A HUMAN BEING OR
ANYTHING, YOU PATHETIC TURD !
[ School Bell Rings ]
[ Heather ]
THERE SHOULD BE A CIGARETTE YOU CAN SMOKE ALL THE WAY THROUGH
BETWEEN CLASSES. WHAT A WASTE.
[ Romy ]
OKAY, FIND US.
[ Michele ]
OH. OKAY.
[ Romy ]
OH, MY GOD,
DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT A BIG CONTROVERSY IT WAS... FOR US TO HAVE
OUR PICTURE TAKEN TOGETHER ?
[ Laughing ]
[ Michele ]
YEAH, WELL, DANNY WELLER, LIKE, LODGED THAT COMPLAINT AND, YOU
KNOW--
'CAUSE, ALPHABETICALLY, HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE BETWEEN US.
[ Romy ]
THEN WE SAID, "OKAY, DANNY, IF WANNA BE BETWEEN US, YOU CAN COME
TO MICHELE'S HOUSE ON FRIDAY NIGHT AND WE'LL BE WAITING."
[ Michele ]
THAT'S RIGHT. HE CAME OVER AND WE'RE LIKE, "DANNY, IT WAS A
JOKE."
[ Romy ]
I KNOW ! AND THEN WE TURNED THE SPRINKLERS ON HIM !
[ Michele ]
OH, MY GOD !
DIDN'T HE DIE ?
[ Romy ]
I THINK SO.
[ Michele ]
YEAH.
[ Romy ]
OH, MY GOD, MICHELE. LOOK AT THE "A" GROUP.
[ Michele ]
MM-HMM.
[ Romy ]
CHRISTIE MASTERS, KELLY POSSENGER, LISA LUDER, AND CHERYL QUICK.
[ Michele ]
SO, WHO WOULD YOU SAY... WAS IN THE "B" GROUP ?
[ Romy ]
OH. THE DRAMA CROWD. YOU KNOW, LIKE CASEY DEGAN AND MARK BLACK.
[ Michele ]
UH-HUH. GOD, I HAD THE HUGEST CRUSH ON CASEY.
'MEMBER ?
[ Romy ]
OH, YEAH.
[ Michele ]
GOD, I WONDER WHY HE NEVER LIKED ME.
[ Village people's "YMCA" plays in background]
[ Car Horn Honking ]
[ Michele ]
SO, WHAT GROUP WOULD YOU SAY WE WERE IN ?
[ Romy ]
WELL, WE DEFINITELY WEREN'T IN THE "A" GROUP.
BUT WE WEREN'T REALLY IN THE "B" GROUP EITHER.
[ Michele ]
OKAY, WE WEREN'T IN THE "C" GROUP, WERE WE ?
[ Romy ]
WHAT ? OH, NO.
MICHELE, COME ON. THAT WAS, LIKE, ALL THE HONOR STUDENTS AND
REJECTS.
YOU KNOW, LIKE SANDY FRINK AND HEATHER MOONEY.
[ Michele ]
EEEW, LOOK AT THEM.
[ Romy ]
WE WERE DEFINITELY NOT IN THAT GROUP.
[ Michele ]
ECCH !
["She Blinded Me With Science" plays ]
[ Sandy ]
MICHELE ! OH, MICHELE ! OVER HERE !
[ Heather ]
WANT ME TO GET YOUR HUGE NOTEBOOK FOR YOU ?
[ Toby ]
OH, HEATHER, I WANNA TAKE ANOTHER PICTURE OF YOU AND SANDY FOR
THE YEARBOOK !
[ Gasps ]
I WANNA INTERVIEW YOU TOO... BECAUSE I THINK IT WOULD MAKE A
REALLY INTERESTING ARTICLE FOR THE ROUNDUP.
[ Heather ]
OHH, TOBY !
FUCK OFF.
[ Toby ]
OKAY. BUT CAN I TAKE A PICTURE OF YOU FIRST ?
[ Michele ]
SO, ROMY, WHAT GROUP WERE WE IN ?
[ Romy ]
YOU KNOW, I'M NOT SURE THAT WE WERE REALLY IN ANY GROUP.
I THINK MAYBE WE WERE MORE LIKE LONERS.
OH, MY GOD ! THERE WE ARE !
[ Michele ]
YEAH, AND ALONE.
[ Romy ]
LOOK.
[ Michele ]
EVEN THOUGH I HAD TO WEAR THAT STUPID BACK BRACE AND YOU WERE
KINDA FAT, WE WERE STILL TOTALLY CUTTING EDGE.
[ Romy ]
I LOVE IT WHEN IT'S HAMBURGER DAY.
[ Michele ]
UH-HUH.
[ Toby ]
OKAY, SMILE !
[ Shutter Clicks ]
GREAT ! THANKS A LOT !
OH, PLEASE. CAN I TAKE YOUR PICTURE ?
[ Mr. Lish ]
HELLO, GIRLS. DON'T FORGET YOU HAVE DETENTION AFTER SCHOOL
TODAY.
[ Romy ]
OH, WE WON'T, MR. LISH.
[ Michele ]
WE'RE REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO IT.
[ Snickers, Laughs ]
[ Giggles ]
[ Romy ]
GOD ! CAN YOU BELIEVE HE JUST GOT MARRIED ?
LIKE, HOW DESPERATE IS SHE ?
[ Michele ]
I KNOW. IT'S LIKE: "HI. THIS IS MY HUSBAND. HE DISSECTS
CRAYFISH, BUT HE HAS A REALLY GOOD PERSONALITY."
[ Romy ]
OH, MY GOD.
MICHELE. BILLY CHRISTIANSON.
OH, HE'S SO CUTE.
[ Michele ]
HE IS CUTE.
[ Romy ]
REALLY CUTE.
HI, BILLY.
[ Billy Chortling ]
[ Christie ]
OH ! BILLY !
GOSH, YOU'RE SO SLIMY !
[ Romy ]
I CANNOT BELIEVE HE'S WITH CHRISTIE MASTERS.
[ Michele ]
I KNOW. SHE IS, LIKE, SO TRANSPARENT.
[ Romy ]
DID YOU HEAR HER REPORT IN MISS WEIGATT'S CLASS ? SHE ACTUALLY
THINKS SHE'S
GONNA BE A TV ANCHORWOMAN. WHAT A "DELUDANOID."
[ Giggling ]
[ Girl #1 ]
THOSE WEIRDOS ARE STARING AT US AGAIN.
[ Girl #2 ]
THEY'RE OBSESSED WITH US.
[ Christie ]
LOOK AT WHAT THEY'RE WEARING. WHERE DO YOU EVEN GET OUTFITS
THAT HIDEOUS ?
[ Lisa ]
THEY MADE THEM IN HOME EC FROM THEIR OWN PATTERNS.
ACTUALLY, I THINK THEY'RE SEMI-INTERESTING. IN A FREAKISH, OFF-
PUTTING SORT OF WAY. NEVER MIND.
[ Billy ]
CHRISTIE, COME ON.
I'M HUNGRY.
[ Christie ]
NO, BILLY, WAIT.
I WANNA HAVE SOME FUN.
LISA, GIMME THE BAG.
[ Giggles ]
[ Lisa ]
HERE YOU GO.
YOU ARE SO BAD.
[ Giggles ]
[ Girls ]
WHAT ?
WHAT ?
[ Lisa ]
SHE IS OUT OF CONTROL.
[ Giggling ]
[ Romy ]
MICHELE, CHRISTIE MASTERS IS COMING OVER HERE.
[ Michele ]
WOW. SHE NEVER COMES OVER.
[ Romy ]
OKAY, JUST ACT COOL.
[ Christie ]
HI.
[ Michele ]
HI.
[ Romy ]
HI, CHRISTIE.
[ Christie ]
SO, YOU GIRLS GONNA TRY OUT FOR THE SPRING MUSICAL ?
[ Romy ]
US ?
[ Christie ]
YEAH. YOU SHOULD.
IT'LL BE FUN.
[ Romy ]
OKAY.
WHY NOT ?
[ Brace Squeaks ]
[ Michele ]
YEAH ! SO, UM, WHAT MUSICAL ARE THEY DOING ?
[ Christie ]
THE MUSIC MAN.
[ Michele ]
YOU'RE KIDDING !
[ Michele, singing ]
OH, THE WELLS FARGO WAGON IS A-COMIN' DOWN THE STREET
I LOVE THE MUSIC MAN.
[ Squeak ]
[ Christie ]
OKAY...
CAN I HAVE THE REST OF THIS ?
[ Romy ]
UM, W-- MMM.
IT'S GOOD.
SEE YA !
[ Squeak ]
[ Michele ]
SHE CAN BE REALLY NICE WHEN SHE WANTS TO BE.
[ Sandy ]
MICHELE !
[ Giggles ]
[ Romy ]
UH-OH, DON'T LOOK NOW. HERE COMES THE FRINK-A-ZOID.
[ Michele ]
OH, GOD, HE IS SUCH A GEEK.
[ Sandy ]
HI, MICHELE.
[ Squeak ]
GEE, MICHELE, YOU'RE LOOKING REALLY LOVELY TODAY.
[ Michele ]
OKAY. SEE YOU IN BIOLOGY.
[ Squeak ]
[ Sandy ]
I-I-I THOUGHT I OUGHT TO TELL YOU, MICHELE, THAT... CHRISTIE
MASTERS STUCK MAGNETS ON YOUR BACK.
[ Michele ]
WHAT ?
[ Sandy ]
SHE STUCK--
[ Romy ]
MICHELE, YOU DO HAVE MAGNETS ON YOUR BACK.
[ Michele ]
OH, MY GOD.
OH, MY GOD.
[ Girls Laughing ]
OH, MY GOD. HELP ME. OH, MY GOD.
[ Laughing Continues ]
[ Romy ]
DON'T LET THEM SEE YOU GET UPSET. THAT'S WHAT THEY WANT.
[ Michele ]
OH, MY GOD.
[ More Laughing. Romy joins in ]
HEY !
[ Romy ]
I'M PRETENDING YOU JUST DID SOMETHING HILARIOUS. NOW YOU LAUGH
AT ME. DO IT !
[ Laughing Continues ]
[ Romy ]
GOD, THAT WAS SO RUDE. I MEAN, YOU COULDN'T HELP IT IF YOU HAD
SCOLIOSIS.
[ Michele ]
I KNOW. AND WHAT A BITCH, TAKING YOUR HAMBURGER. I MEAN, WHAT
WAS THAT ?
[ Gasps ]
GOD, REMEMBER THE PROM ?
YOU GOT SO THIN BY THEN.
[ Romy ]
OH, I KNOW. I WAS SO LUCKY GETTING MONO. THAT WAS, LIKE, THE
BEST DIET EVER.
[ Sighs ]
[ Michele ]
I WONDER IF I'D GOTTEN MY BRACE OFF SOONER IF SOMEBODY WOULD'VE
INVITED ME.
I MEAN, OTHER THAN SANDY FRINK.
[ Romy ]
WELL, NOBODY INVITED ME EITHER.
[ Michele ]
WELL, AT LEAST WE LOOKED FANTASTIC, AND THAT IS THE MOST
IMPORTANT THING.
[ Christie ]
OH, GEE. NICE OUTFITS.
REALLY.
[ Giggling ]
LOOK, IT'S THE MADONNA TWINS.
[ Laughing Continues ]
[ Michele ]
THIS IS SO TYPICAL.
OF COURSE WE'RE THE ONLY ONES WHO DON'T LOOK LIKE WE'RE GOING TO
A HOE-DOWN.
[ Romy ]
OH, I KNOW. THIS TOWN IS, LIKE, SO UNHIP.
ECCHH.
I CAN'T WAIT 'TIL WE MOVE TO L.A.
[ Michele ]
ME TOO !
[ Romy ]
EVERYTHING'S GONNA HAPPEN FOR US THERE, MICHELE, AND WE'LL NEVER
LOOK BACK.
[ Michele ]
OKAY.
["Dance Hall Days" plays]
[ Michele ]
OH ! OH ! OHH !
THAT HURT...BUT IT LOOKED REALLY GOOD.
[ Applause ]
[ Shouting, Laughing, Applause Continues ]
[ Announcer Girl ]
OH, EVERYBODY !
OKAY, EVERYONE. UM, IT'S THE MOMENT WE'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR.
IT'S TIME TO ANNOUNCE THE KING AND QUEEN OF THE PROM.
[ Michele ]
OHH !
[ Announcer Girl ]
AND THE WINNERS ARE...
[ Giggles ]
BILLY CHRISTIANSON AND CHRISTIE MASTERS !
[ Screaming, Applause ]
[ Christie ]
OHH ! OHH !
[ Fanfare ]
[ Michele ]
DUH.
[ Continues ]
[ Christie ]
OH, IT'S ME !
OHHH ! AAAH !
[ Applause Continues ]
[ Michele ]
BOO-HOO !
I'M SO SURPRISED !
[ Christie ]
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
[ Romy ]
GOD, BILLY LOOKS CUTE IN HIS TUX.
[ Michele ]
HE DOES LOOK CUTE.
[ Romy ]
REALLY CUTE.
[ Applause Continues and ends ]
[ Romy ]
DO YOU THINK, SINCE THIS IS THE LAST NIGHT OF SCHOOL AND I MIGHT
NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN, THAT MAYBE HE WOULD DANCE WITH ME ?
[ Michele ]
I BET HE WOULD. I MEAN, IT'S SENIOR PROM. NOBODY'S GONNA SAY
"NO" TO ANYONE TONIGHT.
[ "Addicted to Love" plays ]
[ Sandy ]
MICHELE, SINCE THIS IS THE LAST NIGHT OF SCHOOL AND ALL, WOULD
YOU CARE TO DANCE WITH ME ONCE ?
[ Michele ]
NO.
[ Scoffs ]
[ Heather ]
I'LL DANCE WITH YOU !
[ Sandy ]
NAH. IT'S NO FUN UNLESS YOU REALLY LOVE THE PERSON. THANKS
ANYWAY.
[ Toby ]
OKAY, WHO CAN NAME THE CAPITALS OF ALL THE 50 STATES ?
[ Heather ]
OKAY, TOBY.
FUCK OFF !
[ Sandy ]
HEATHER ! CAN'T YOU BE A LITTLE BIT MORE SENSITIVE ?
[ Heather ]
ME ? ME ? ME BE MORE SENSITIVE ? YOU ARE A JERK-OFF !
[ Sandy ]
ALBUQUERQUE.
[ Toby ]
ALBANY.
[ Heather ]
WHY... ARE YOU TORMENTING ME ?
WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK A SHEEP OR YOUR SISTER OR YOURSELF.
BRAIN-DEAD REDNECK ASSHOLE !
[ Romy ]
UM, BILLY ?
[ Billy ]
HI.
[ Romy ]
DO YOU WANNA DANCE ? I MEAN, UH, IT'S JUST 'CAUSE THIS SONG IS,
LIKE, SO GREAT.
MMM, NEVER MIND. UH, UNLESS, YOU KNOW, YOU WANT TO.
WHOA, YOU LIKE
[ Billy ]
YEAH. I ME--
Y-Y-- SURE. WHY NOT ?
[ Romy ]
REALLY ?
[ Billy ]
WH-- UM-
COULD YOU WAIT HERE ? I-I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
[ Romy ]
OKAY.
[ Billy ]
HEY, CHRISTIE. THAT ROMY GIRL JUST ASKED ME TO DANCE WITH HER.
[ Christie ]
OH, YOU'RE KIDDING ME. OH, THAT'S PATHETIC.
[ Billy ]
W-W-W-WHAT SHOULD I DO ?
[ Song Changes to "Whip It" ]
[ Christie ]
LET ME TAKE CARE OF THIS.
[ Romy ]
MICHELE !
[ Michele ]
[ Gasps ]
OH, GOD !
OKAY, SO WHAT DID HE SAY ?
[ Romy ]
"SURE. WHY NOT ?"
[ Michele ]
OH, MY GOD !
[ Both Squealing, Laughing ]
[ Christie ]
THANKS A LOT, ROMY.
[ Romy ]
WHAT ?
[ Christie ]
THANKS FOR STEALING MY BOYFRIEND.
[ Romy ]
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ?
[ Christie ]
BILLY JUST BROKE UP WITH ME. APPARENTLY HE'S HAD A CRUSH ON YOU
SINCE MR. ROSWELL'S CLASS. NOW THAT HE KNOWS YOU LIKE HIM, HE
DOESN'T WANT TO "PRETEND" WITH ME ANYMORE. MY LIFE WAS PERFECT
AND YOU RUINED IT.
[ Sobs, Squeals ]
[ Romy ]
I SWEAR TO GOD, CHRISTIE, I DIDN'T EVEN THINK HE'D DANCE WITH ME.
[ Michele ]
WOW.
SHE IS REALLY P.O.'D.
THIS IS SO COOL !
[ Romy ]
I KNOW !
YOU KNOW WHAT IS SO WEIRD ? I HAD THIS DREAM WHERE, LIKE, BILLY
WAS IN LOVE WITH ME. HE WAS IN A WHEELCHAIR, BUT IT'S LIKE IT'S
COMING TRUE OR SOMETHING !
[ Michele ]
UH-HUH.
[ Romy ]
HOW'S MY HAIR ?
[ Michele ]
PERFECT. ROMY, YOU LOOK SO GOOD WITH BLONDE HAIR AND BLACK
ROOTS.
IT'S, LIKE, NOT EVEN FUNNY.
[ Romy ]
I HAVE TO SAY,
[ Motorcycle Engine Revving. Billy and Christie leave ]
THIS IS TURNING OUT TO BE ONE OF THE VERY BEST NIGHTS OF MY
ENTIRE LIFE.
[ Song Changes: Slow Tempo ]
["LYIN' IN MY BED I HEAR THE CLOCK TICK AND THINK OF YOU..." ]
[ Michele ]
MAYBE HE'S, LIKE, PASSED OUT IN THE BATHROOM.
YOU WANT ME TO GO CHECK ?
[ Romy ]
HE'S NOT IN THE BATHROOM, MICHELE.
[ Michele ]
I'LL DANCE WITH YOU, ROMY.
[ Romy ]
OKAY.
[ Michele ]
OKAY.
[ Romy ]
WE JUST WAITED AND WAITED.
GOD, I WAS SUCH AN IDIOT.
[ Michele ]
WAIT 'TIL HE SEES YOU NOW. YOU ARE SO MUCH CUTER THAN YOU WERE IN
HIGH SCHOOL.
[ Romy ]
I GUESS I'M CUTER.
[ Michele ]
YEAH !
AND LOOK AT THE WAY WE LIVE-- I MEAN, OUR LIFESTYLE, YOU KNOW.
WE LIVE IN L.A. AND THEY ARE STILL STUCK IN TUCSON.
[ Romy ]
YOU KNOW WHAT, MICHELE ?
YOU'RE RIGHT. WE ARE GONNA GO BACK THERE AND BLOW THEM AWAY.
[ Michele ]
BOY, THERE'S A LOT OF QUESTIONS TO ANSWER.
WHY DO WE HAVE TO FILL THESE OUT ?
[ Romy ]
THEY WANNA KNOW WHAT WE'VE BEEN DOING FOR THE PAST TEN YEARS.
[ Michele ]
OH.
[ Romy ]
OKAY, HERE WE GO.
[ Michele ]
AHH !
[ Romy ]
"NAME."
[ Michele ]
OHH, WE'RE HAVING SO MUCH FUN ALREADY !
[ Romy ]
OH, I KNOW !
[ Michele ]
I CANNOT WAIT FOR THIS REUNION !
[ Romy ]
[ Gasps ]
ME TOO !
[ Michele ]
OH ! UHH !
[ Romy ]
"OCCUPATION."
CASHIER.
[ Michele ]
UNEMPLOYED.
[ Romy ]
NO. DON'T WRITE THAT.
UM, YOUR LAST JOB WAS AS A SALESGIRL ?
SO SAY YOU WERE A FREELANCE FASHION CONSULTANT.
[ Michele ]
OOOH ! CLEVER.
[ Romy ]
"RELATIONSHIP STATUS... MARRIED."
[ Michele ]
NOPE.
[ Romy ]
"ENGAGED."
[ Michele ]
NO.
[ Romy ]
"LIVING WITH SOMEONE."
[ Michele ]
SHOULD I SAY YOU ?
[ Romy ]
I GUESS SO.
[ Michele ]
OKAY.
[ Romy ]
YOU KNOW, MICHELE,
[ Michele ]
YEAH ?
[ Romy ]
NOW THAT I'M LOOKING AT THIS,
[ Michele ]
UH-HUH ?
[ Romy ]
OUR LIVES DON'T SEEM AS IMPRESSIVE AS I THOUGHT.
[ Michele ]
THEY DON'T ?
[ Romy ]
WELL, DO YOU THINK IT'S IMPRESSIVE... THAT WE'RE STILL SINGLE,
WE'VE BEEN LIVING TOGETHER FOR TEN YEARS, I'M A CASHIER AND
YOU'RE UNEMPLOYED ?
[ Michele ]
WELL, NOT SUPER IMPRESSIVE.
[ Romy ]
WELL, WHAT'S THE POINT OF GOING IF WE'RE NOT GOING TO IMPRESS
PEOPLE ?
[ Michele ]
WELL.... OH.
ROMY, I STILL REALLY, REALLY, REALLY WANNA GO.
[ Romy ]
I KNOW. ME TOO.
[ Michele ]
WELL, THEN, CAN'T WE JUST, LIKE, THINK OF SOMETHING ?
[ Romy ]
OKAY, WELL, THE REUNION IS STILL, LIKE, TWO WEEKS AWAY, RIGHT ?
[ Michele ]
RIGHT.
[ Romy ]
AND ALL WE REALLY NEED IS MAYBE, LIKE, BETTER JOBS AND
BOYFRIENDS. RIGHT ?
[ Michele ]
YEAH !
BUT, OKAY, IF THOSE THINGS WERE SO EASY TO GET, WOULDN'T WE
ALREADY HAVE THEM ?
[ Romy ]
WELL, WE NEVER REALLY TRIED BEFORE.
WE NEVER REALLY HAD A GOOD REASON, LIKE GOING TO A REUNION, TO
MOTIVATE US.
[ Michele ]
THAT'S TRUE.
[ Romy ]
OKAY, SO WE'RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO MAKE OURSELVES MORE IMPRESSIVE,
THAT'S ALL. SO I'M GONNA GO BAG US SOME BOYFRIENDS WHILE YOU
CAN LOOK FOR A COOL NEW JOB.
[ Michele ]
OKAY.
[ Romy ]
PLUS, I HATE TO SAY IT, BUT I REALLY THINK THAT WE SHOULD LOSE
SOME WEIGHT.
[ Michele ]
OH.
OH.
[ Whimpers ]
OKAY.
[ Michele ]
I DON'T THINK THAT ONE CHIP MAKES A DIFFERENCE. IT WASN'T EVEN A
WHOLE CHIP.
[ at Fitness Center ]
[ Hooting, Yelling ]
[ Romy ]
ALL RIGHT, ACCORDING TO THIS CHART... IF WE WANT TO LOSE A POUND
A DAY, WE HAVE TO BURN TWICE AS MANY CALORIES AS WE EAT. SO THAT
MEANS IF WE WANT TO BURN 4,000 CALORIES, WE ONLY HAVE TO RUN 20
MILES A DAY.
[ Michele ]
HEY, ROMY, 'MEMBER MRS. CHIVAS' CLASS ? THERE WAS, LIKE, ALWAYS
A WORD PROBLEM.
LIKE, IF THERE'S A GUY IN A ROWBOAT GOING "X" MILES... AND THE
CURRENT IS GOING, LIKE, YOU KNOW, SOME... OTHER MILES, HOW LONG
DOES IT TAKE HIM TO GET TO TOWN?
IT WAS LIKE, WHO CARES ? WHO WANTS TO GO TO TOWN WITH A GUY WHO
DRIVES A ROWBOAT ?
[ Fitness Instructor ]
OKAY, GUYS, LET'S JUMP.
[ Romy ]
HEY, MICHELE.
[ Michele ]
YEAH ?
[ Romy ]
WHAT DOES THIS REMIND YOU OF ?
[ Michele ]
OH, I KNOW. THIS LADY IS TOTALLY SICK.
[ Michele ]
UM, LET ME JUST SAY THAT, UM, I AM, LIKE, REALLY FAMILIAR WITH
THE ENTIRE VERSACE LINE. IF YOU WOULD JUST GIVE ME A CHANCE, I
KNOW I COULD, LIKE, SELL THE SHIT OUT OF THE STUFF. AND, UM, TO
ME... FASHION IS JUST, IT'S LIKE... EVERYTHING.
BY THE WAY, THAT BLOUSE-- HI. THAT BLOUSE LOOKS GREAT ON YOU.
[ Lady ]
UH, THANK YOU.
[ Michele ]
AND SEE, I MAKE A GREAT SALESPERSON... 'CAUSE I HAVE, LIKE, THIS
REALLY BELIEVABLE WAY OF TELLING PEOPLE THAT THEY LOOK REALLY
GOOD, EVEN THOUGH I'M JUST, LIKE-- YOU KNOW. I THINK SHE HEARD
ME.
[ Man ]
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING.
[ Michele ]
THAT'S OKAY. YOU'RE WELCOME.
[ Man ]
[ British Accent ]
I DON'T THINK WE'LL BE REQUIRING ANY NEW STAFF.
[ Michele ]
YOU AREN'T TAKING ON ANY WHAT ?
[ Man ]
STAFF. EMPLOYEES.
[ Michele ]
OHH ! OH, STAFF ! I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND WITH YOUR BIG ACCENT.
[ Laughs ]
I COULDN'T FIGURE IT OUT. OKAY.
[ Scoffs ]
FINE. YOU REALLY SHOULDN'T LET PEOPLE FILL OUT APPLICATIONS...
IF YOU DON'T WANT THEM TO ACTUALLY TRY TO GET A JOB HERE. IT'S
A COMPLI--
NO, NO. THAT'S ALL I HAVE TO SAY. GOOD-BYE.
[ Man in suit ]
HI.
[ Romy ]
HEY, UM, GREAT SUIT. IS THAT AN ARMANI ?
[ Man in suit ]
YES. YES, IT IS.
[ Romy ]
I THOUGHT SO. SO, WHAT DO YOU DO ?
[ Man in suit ]
I'M A SUIT SALESMAN.
[ Continues ]
[ Romy ]
WOULD YOU EXCUSE ME ? I CUT MY FOOT BEFORE AND MY SHOE IS FILLING
UP WITH BLOOD.
[music continues]
[ Michele ]
MY FIRST CHOICE WAS TO WORK AT A BOUTIQUE ON RODEO DRIVE, BUT
THIS WOULD BE OKAY.
[ Man ]
WELL, THANK YOU. UNFORTUNATELY WE DON'T HAVE ANY OPENINGS HERE
RIGHT NOW.
[ Michele ]
ARE YOU SERIOUS ?
[ Man ]
MMM. ALTHOUGH WE MIGHT HAVE AN OPENING AT OUR DISCOUNT OUTLET.
[ Michele ]
OKAY, WELL, WHAT STREET WOULD THAT BE ON ?
[ All Grunting ]
[ Romy ]
[ at Fitness Center ]
COME ON, MICHELE. AT THIS POINT ANY JOB IS BETTER THAN NO JOB AT
ALL.
[ Michele ]
A DISCOUNT OUTLET ? ME ?
[ Romy ]
FINE.
[ Michele ]
SO, ANY BOYFRIENDS YET ?
[ Romy ]
NO... ALL THE GUYS WITH GOOD JOBS... MUST BE GOING TO SOME OTHER
CLUB.
[ Michele ]
YOU KNOW WHERE DANA MET HER NEW BOYFRIEND ?
HE'S A WILLIAM MORRIS AGENT.
[ Romy ]
OH ! SHOW BIZ ! GOOD JOB ! WHERE ?
[ Romy ]
HI. MY NAME IS ROMY, AND I'M AN ALCOHOLIC.
[ All ]
HI, ROMY !
[ Romy ]
HEY.
[ Man ]
AND YOU ALSO GET A FIVE-PERCENT EMPLOYEE DISCOUNT... OVER AND
ABOVE OUR EVERYDAY LOW PRICES.
[ Male Customer ]
YOU COULD MAKE CURTAINS FOR THE MOTOR HOME WITH THIS.
[ man Clears Throat ]
I GOT THIS TIE FOR A DOLLAR.
[ Michele ]
YOU PAID A WHOLE DOLLAR FOR THAT ?
[ Man ]
YOU BETCHA.
[ Squeaks ]
OH.
[ Customer Coughing ]
SHE'S ONE OF OUR REGULARS.
[ Baby Screaming ]
SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK ?
[ Screaming Continues ]
[ Michele ]
I-I'D LIKE TO GO... AWAY.
[ Romy ]
I KNOW I'M SUPPOSED TO WAIT IN THAT LINE, BUT LISTEN, I WOULDN'T
EVEN BE HERE
IF THIS WEREN'T, LIKE, A DATING EMERGENCY.
[ Lady ]
OUR CUTOFF IS 25. TRY VH-1.
[ Romy ]
THE REUNION'S LESS THAN A WEEK AWAY. I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE YOU
TURNED DOWN A JOB.
[ Michele ]
I THOUGHT THE IDEA WAS TO IMPRESS PEOPLE.
HOW AM I GONNA IMPRESS ANYONE BY SELLING BAN-LON SMOCKS AT
BARGAIN MART ?
[ Beep ]
[ Romy ]
I'M SICK OF THIS.
I'M GONNA GO WEIGH MYSELF.
[ Beep ]
OH, GOD ! I'VE BEEN KILLING MYSELF FOR EIGHT DAYS AND I GAINED
A POUND !
[ Michele ]
THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE. DID YOU DEDUCT 16 POUNDS FOR YOUR SHOES ?
[ Romy ]
JUST FORGET IT. I'M NOT GOING.
[ Michele ]
WHAT ?
[ Romy ]
COME ON. GET REAL, MICHELE. WE'RE IDIOTS. WE CAN'T GET JOBS AND
BOYFRIENDS AND LOSE WEIGHT IN TWO WEEKS.
[ Michele ]
BUT I THOUGHT YOU SAID WE COULD.
[ Shower Running ]
[ Michele ]
WOW. GOD, THE TOP FEMALE EXECS ARE ALL SO PRETTY.
[ Romy ]
THOSE AREN'T THE ACTUAL EXECUTIVES, MICHELE. THOSE ARE MODELS.
[ Michele ]
OH, I THOUGHT THEY LOOKED FAMILIAR.
GOD, THEY REALLY LOOK LIKE EXECUTIVES, DON'T THEY ?
[ Romy ]
THAT'S ONLY BECAUSE THEY'RE WEARING THOSE STUPID SUITS AND PHONY
GLASSES...
AND CARRYING BRIEFCASES.
[ Michele ]
HUH.
[ Romy ]
OH, MY GOD, MICHELE. THAT'S IT !
WE CAN GO TO THE REUNION AND JUST PRETEND TO BE SUCCESSFUL. WHO'S
GONNA KNOW ? THEY'RE IN TUCSON, WE'RE HERE. WE COULD JUST SHOW
UP LOOKING LIKE BUSINESSWOMEN.
[ Michele ]
OH, MY GOD !
[ Laughs ]
WAIT-- OHH. IF THE PEOPLE AT THE REUNION SEE US DRIVE UP IN A
NOVA, WON'T THEY KNOW WE'RE NOT REALLY BUSINESSWOMEN ?
[ Romy ]
IF YOU CAN MAKE US THE CLOTHES, I CAN GET US THE CAR.
[ Chuckles ]
[ Loud Ratcheting, Mechanics Talking ]
[ All Laughing ]
[ "The Blue Danube" plays ]
[ Romy ]
CLEAR OUT, BOYS. I NEED TALK TO RAMON.
[ Ramon ]
GO !
[ Clicks TV Off ]
YES, CARA MIA ?
[ Romy ]
MICHELE AND I HAVE THIS HIGH SCHOOL REUNION TO GO TO... AND WE
NEED TO SHOW UP IN A REALLY COOL CAR.
[ Ramon ]
YES ?
[ Romy ]
TODD TOLD ME... HE GAVE YOU A GREAT DEAL ON AN XJS CONVERTIBLE
AND THAT YOU'RE FIXING IT UP.
[ Ramon ]
YEAH ?
[ Romy ]
SO... CAN I BORROW YOUR CAR ?
[ Ramon ]
IF I LOAN YOU MY CAR, WHAT DO I GET ?
[ Romy ]
UH, WHAT DO YOU WANT ?
[ Ramon ]
OHH, ROMY, YOU KNOW WHAT I WANT.
[ Romy ]
FORGET IT ! I'M NOT GONNA HAVE SEX WITH YOU JUST TO BORROW YOUR
STUPID CAR !
[ Ramon ]
I GOTTA GET SOMETHING!
[ Romy ]
OKAY. CLOSE THE BLINDS... AND WE'LL WORK SOMETHING OUT.
[ Romy ]
OHH ! OHH ! OHH, RAMON !
OHH, RAMON. OHH ! OHH !
[ Man ]
CHECK THIS OUT.
[ Romy ]
OH, YES. OHH.
OH, YEAH.
[ Man ]
OH, MAN !
[ Romy ]
[ Romy Continues Moaning ]
OHH, RAMON !
OHH, RAMON ! YES. GO.
[ Hooting ]
OHH ! OH, YES !
MI CAPITAN !
MI AMOR !
YOU ARE COLUMBUS AND I AM AMERICA. DISCOVER ME, RAMON ! JUST
DISCOVER ME !
[ Ramon ]
HEY, UH-- EXPLOSIONS. THE EARTH IS MOVING.
[ Romy ]
EXPLOSIONS ! THE EARTH IS MOVING !
[ Giggling, Whispering ]
[ Ramon ]
OH, IS THAT AN EARTHQUAKE ? NO. IT'S RAMON.
[ Romy ]
IS THAT AN EARTHQUAKE ? NO, IT'S RAMON !
AAAAAH ! IT'S RAMON !
[ Whispering ]
[ Ramon ]
MAN STALLION, FILL ME WITH YOUR GIANT LOVE-WAND
[ Romy ]
WHAT ? I'M SORRY. I DON'T THINK SO.
[ Ramon ]
WELL, SAY SOMETHING NICE ABOUT MY PENIS.
[ Romy ]
OH, RAMON, YOUR PENIS IS SO POWERFUL, I'M COMING.
OKAY, THANKS. GET OFF ME NOW.
[ Ramon ]
AW, COME ON, WH--
[ Romy ]
YOU WANTED IT TO BE BELIEVABLE.
[ Ramon ]
AWWWW.
["I'm Just a Girl" plays ]
[ Car Horn: "La Cucaracha" ]
[ Michele ]
OH, MY GOD !
YOU DID IT !
[ Romy ]
YEAH, I DID.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET GOING.
[ Michele ]
OH, THIS IS GONNA BE SO MUCH FUN.
[ Gasps ]
WHAT'D YOU HAVE TO DO TO GET IT ?
[ Romy ]
I HAD TO GIVE ALL THE GUYS IN THE SERVICE DEPARTMENT HAND JOBS.
[ Michele ]
WELL, WHILE YOU WERE DOING THAT, I TAPED ALL THE NOSTALGIC SONGS
FROM HIGH SCHOOL... TO GET US IN THE MOOD.
[ Romy ]
MICHELE.
[ Michele ]
HUH ?
[ Romy ]
I WAS KIDDING.
[ Michele ]
WHAT ?
[ Romy ]
YOU ACTUALLY THINK I WOULD DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT ? FOR A CAR ?
OKAY, JUST GET IN.
[ Michele ]
OKAY.
[ Romy ]
HEY, LOOK WHAT ELSE I GOT US, LITTLE LADY.
[ Michele ]
OH, MY GOD !
IT'S A FLIP PHONE !
[ Romy ]
UH-HUH.
[ Michele ]
HOW DID YOU GET THIS ?
[ Romy ]
I BOUGHT IT.
OKAY.
ARE YA READY ?
[ Michele ]
READY.
[ Romy ]
LET'S DO IT.
[ Engine Starting ]
[ Both Singing Along ]
FOOTLOOSE
KICK OFF MY SUNDAY SHOES
[ Continues ]
DOO WEE--
[ Romy ]
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE REST OF THE LYRICS ARE.
[ Michele ]
ME NEITHER.
[ Michele ]
WHOO !
WATCH OUT, TUCSON !
HERE WE COME !
[ Backfires ]
[ Romy ]
SHIT !
OHHH.
[ Engine Knocking, Sputtering ]
[ Engine Starts ]
[ Stereo Continues ]
[ Michele ]
WHOO ! WATCH OUT, TUCSON !
HERE WE COME !
FOOTLOOSE
FOOTLOOSE
KICK OFF YOUR SUNDAY SHOES
[ Backfires ]
[ Romy ]
SHIT !
[ Engine Knocking, Sputtering ]
[ Engine Starts ]
FOOTLOOSE
WHOO !
[ Continues ]
YOU'RE PLAYIN' SO COOL
[ Together ]
WHOO !
[ Both Singing Along ]
YOU'RE BURNIN' YEARNIN' FOR SOME
BURNIN', YEARNIN' EARNIN'
SOMEONE TO TELL YOU
SOMEBODY BETTER TELL YOU THAT LIFE AIN'T PASSIN' YOU BY
YOU HAVE ONE HELL OF AN EYE
EVERYBODY CUT, EVERYBODY CUT
[ Michele Singing Along ]
EVERYBODY CUT (5X) CUT FOOTLOOSE
[ Stereo: Song Changes to "Turning Japanese" ]
[ Romy ]
I GIVE UP.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?
[ Michele ]
PASS THIS CAR. THIS KID IS SO OBNOXIOUS.
[ Romy ]
OH, MY GOD. WHAT IS WITH THAT KID ?
[ Michele ]
I DON'T KNOW. HE IS SICK.
[ Gurgling Continues ]
[ Michele ]
OH, I'M SORRY. NO. NO, NOT YOU. I WAS TRYING TO SCARE YOUR
LITTLE BOY.
[ Giggles ]
OH, MY GOD. ARE MY LIPS THAT BIG ?
[ Jukebox: Country ]
[ Romy ]
JUST REMEMBER, FROM THIS POINT ON... WE ARE SOPHISTICATED,
EDUCATED, SUCCESSFUL CAREER WOMEN.
[ Michele ]
RIGHT.
[ Romy ]
OKAY.
[ Michele ]
GOD, THIS UNDERWEAR IS TOTALLY RIDING UP MY BUTT CRACK.
[ Romy ]
YEAH. HELLO.
UM, WE NEED SOMETHING TO GO.
[ Old Waitress ]
OKAY.
[ Romy ]
DO YOU HAVE SOME SORT OF BUSINESSWOMAN'S SPECIAL ?
[ Old Waitress ]
COME AGAIN ?
[ Romy ]
WELL, WE'RE BUSINESSWOMEN.
[ Michele ]
YEAH, FROM L.A.
[ Romy ]
AND, YOU KNOW, SOME PLACES HAVE, LIKE, A LUNCH SPECIAL.
[ Michele ]
FOR BUSINESSWOMEN.
[ Old Waitress ]
WE DON'T HAVE ANYTHING LIKE THAT.
[ Romy ]
WELL, THEN
JUST GIVE US... TWO BURGERS AND FRIES
AND DIET COKES, 'CAUSE WERE IN A HURRY.
[ Michele ]
WE'RE DUE IN TUCSON LATER...FOR A BUSINESS THING.
YOU KNOW.
[ Old Waitress ]
WHAT KIND OF BUSINESS YOU IN ?
[ Romy ]
[ "Karma Chameleon" plays ]
I CAN'T BELIEVE WE NEVER THOUGHT OF WHAT TO SAY WE DID FOR A
LIVING.
[ Michele ]
OH.
WHICH ONE OF THESE GUYS... WILL I HAVE SEX WITH AT THE REUNION ?
OOH ! CASEY DEGAN !
AAAH !
[ Romy ]
COME ON ! NOW, WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME.
[ Stereo Continues ]
I KNOW. WHY DON'T WE SAY
THAT WE OWN OUR OWN COMPANY.
[ Michele ]
OOH, GOOD.
LIKE WHAT ?
[ Romy ]
LIKE, WHAT IF WE INVENTED SOMETHING ?
[ Michele ]
LIKE WHAT ?
[ Romy ]
WELL, I THINK IT SHOULD BE SOMETHING THAT EVERYBODY HAS HEARD
ABOUT...
BUT NOBODY REALLY KNOWS WHO INVENTED IT.
[ Gasps ]
I'VE GOT IT ! POST-ITS !
EVERYBODY KNOWS WHAT POST-ITS ARE !
[ Michele ]
YEAH !
THEY'RE THE LITTLE YELLOW THINGS WITH THE STICKUM ON THE BACK,
RIGHT ?
OKAY.
[ Romy ]
OKAY, WE'RE WORKING IN THIS ADVERTISING AGENCY AFTER COLLEGE.
[ Michele ]
OOH, COLLEGE !
GOOD ONE !
[ Romy ]
YEAH. AND WE HAVE, LIKE, THIS BIG, LIKE, PRESENTATION... TO
MAKE TO, LIKE, A CLIENT.
[ Michele ]
HMM !
[ Romy ]
SO WE'RE, LIKE, BRAINSTORMING... AND ALL OF THE SUDDEN WE'RE OUT
OF PAPER CLIPS !
[ Michele ]
GOOD !
[ Romy ]
AND SO, OKAY--
SO THEN I, I, LIKE--
OKAY, I SAY--
I SAY-- OKAY--
"WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT IF THERE WAS THIS STICKUM ON THE BACK OF
THIS PAPER, SO IF I LAID IT ON TOP OF THAT OTHER PAPER IT WOULD
JUST STAY, LIKE, WITHOUT A PAPER CLIP ?"
[ Michele ]
YES !
[ Romy ]
AHH !
SO YOU'VE GOT THIS GRANDFATHER OR THIS UNCLE...
THAT HAS, LIKE, A PAPER MILL AND HE'S REALLY INTO IT.
THE REST IS HISTORY !
OH, MY GOD ! IT IS PERFECT !
WOW ! DON'T YOU THINK ?
[ Michele ]
WELL, YEAH, BUT--
[ Snorts ]
[ Romy ]
"WELL, YEAH, BUT" WHAT ?
[ Michele ]
I DON'T KNOW. IT JUST SOUNDS LIKE YOU INVENTED POST-ITS ALL BY
YOURSELF, YOU KNOW.
I MEAN, WHAT DID I DO ?
[ Romy ]
WELL, IT WAS YOUR GRANDFATHER OR UNCLE.
[ Michele ]
YEAH ?
[ Romy ]
OKAY, YOU KNOW, SO WE COULD SAY THAT... YOU WERE, LIKE, THE
DESIGNER.
LIKE, I THOUGHT OF THEM, BUT YOU THOUGHT OF MAKING THEM YELLOW.
[ Michele scoffs ]
[ Romy ]
WELL, NO, BUT IT'S LIKE MOST OF THESE PEOPLE... HAVE KNOWN US
SINCE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL.
I JUST THINK YOU'RE MORE BELIEVABLE AS A DESIGNER, RATHER THAN AS
AN INVENTOR.
YOU KNOW ?
[ Michele ]
UH-HUH.
[ Stereo ]
"YOU'RE MY LOVER"
[ Volume Increases ]
"AND I'M MY RIVAL"
[ Michele ]
WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?
[ Romy ]
LOOK, YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY PISSED AT ME.
[ Michele ]
NO. UH-UH.
WHY SHOULD I BE PISSED AT YOU ?
JUST BECAUSE NOW I KNOW HOW YOU REALLY FEEL ABOUT ME.
[ Romy ]
OH MY GOD, I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN.
[ Engine, Stereo Off ]
I MEAN, I TRY, FOR ONCE, TO BE HONEST WITH YOU... AND IT BLOWS
UP IN MY FACE.
[ Sighs ]
[ Michele ]
GOD !
YOU WANNA BE HONEST ?
OKAY, GOOD ! LET'S BE HONEST !
I LET YOU HAVE THE IDEAS !
[ Romy ]
WHAT ?
[ Michele ]
YEAH, I LET YOU
HAVE THE IDEAS... SO YOU WON'T FEEL SO BAD THAT I'M CUTER.
[ Romy ]
YOU ARE NOT CUTER, MICHELE.
[ Michele ]
I AM SO CUTER. IT'S, LIKE, COMMON KNOWLEDGE, ROMY. EVERYBODY
THINKS SO.
I'M THE MARY AND YOU'RE THE RHODA.
[ Romy ]
THAT'S RIDICULOUS. YOU'RE THE RHODA. YOU'RE THE JEWISH ONE.
[ Michele ]
OH, MY GOD. I'M TALKING CUTENESS-WISE, OKAY ? AND CUTENESS-
WISE, I'M THE MARY.
[ Romy ]
THAT'S CRAZY !
YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO PROOF THAT YOU'RE CUTER !
[ Michele ]
OH, PROOF ? YOU WANT PROOF ?
OKAY, FINE. WHO LOST THEIR VIRGINITY FIRST ?
[ Romy ]
OH, BIG WOW !
WITH YOUR COUSIN BARRY... I WOULDN'T BRAG ABOUT IT.
[ Michele ]
OKAY, SO WHO ALWAYS GETS ASKED TO DANCE FIRST WHEN WE GO TO
CLUBS, HUH ?
NO WONDER YOU COULDN'T FIND US BOYFRIENDS, ROMY.
[ Romy ]
WELL, SO WHAT ?
YOU CAN'T EVEN GET A JOB !
I CARRY YOU, MICHELE !
WITHOUT ME, YOU'D BE LOST !
[ Michele ]
THAT IS SUCH A LIE !
[ Romy ]
WELL, LET'S JUST SEE.
LET'S SPLIT UP AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS.
[ Michele ]
W-WHAT DO YOU MEAN, SPLIT UP ?
[ Romy ]
WHEN WE GET TO TUCSON, WE'RE GOING OUR OWN SEPARATE WAYS.
[ Michele ]
OKAY. GOOD.
FINE. I DON'T CARE.
[ Romy ]
FINE !
[ Michele ]
FINE.
[ Romy ]
AS OF TUCSON, WE'RE FINISHED.
[ Engine Cranking ]
[ Michele ]
WELL, DRIVE FAST !
[ Engine Starts ]
[ Grunts ]
[ Stereo: "Always Something There to Remind Me" ]
[ Continues ]
[ Romy ]
WOW. BILLY CHRISTIANSON ?
[ Nervous Chuckle ]
ROMY....
ROMY WHITE.
[ Billy ]
NO... NO WAY.
MY GOD, YOU--
YOU LOOK FANTASTIC. I MEAN, I-- I NEVER WOULD HAVE RECOGNIZED
YOU IN A MILLION YEARS
[ Romy ]
THANKS.
[ Billy ]
SO, WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOIN' SINCE HIGH SCHOOL ?
[ Romy ]
WELL, BELIEVE IT OR NOT, I INVENTED POST-ITS.
[ Christie ]
[ Scoffs ]
SO I TOLD PRESCOTT, "EITHER PAY ME THE 150 OR I AM OUT OF HERE.
BYE-BYE."
THERE ARE AT LEAST 12 OTHER MAJOR MARKETS THAT WOULD PUT ME ON
THE AIR TOMORROW.
[ Michele ]
WOW. SO YOU DID IT ? YOU'RE AN ANCHORWOMAN ?
[ Christie ]
NO...I'M A WEATHER GIRL... ON THE HIGHEST-RATED 5:00 NEWS IN
TUCSON.
[ Michele ]
OH.
[ Christie ]
SO...
MICHELE, WHAT ARE YOU UP TO ?
[ Michele ]
UH, OKAY.
UM, I INVENTED POST-ITS.
[ Clears Throat ]
[ Girl #1 ]
YOU'RE KIDDING !
[ Girl #2 ]
YOU MUST'VE MADE A FORTUNE !
[ Michele ]
WELL, YEAH.
[ Chuckles ]
[ Christie ]
NO OFFENSE, MICHELE, BUT HOW IN THE WORLD DID YOU THINK OF POST-
ITS ?
[ Michele ]
UM... WELL... UH...
[ Romy ]
AND I INVENTED THEM TOTALLY BY MYSELF.
I MEAN, ALL MICHELE DID WAS SAY, "WHAT ABOUT MAKING THEM YELLOW
?"
[ Billy ]
REALLY ?
[ Michele ]
ACTUALLY, I INVENTED A SPECIAL KIND OF GLUE.
[ Christie ]
OH, REALLY ?
WELL, THEN I'M SURE YOU WOULDN'T MIND GIVING US A DETAILED
ACCOUNT...
OF EXACTLY HOW YOU CONCOCTED THIS MIRACLE GLUE, WOULD YOU ?
[ Michele ]
NO... UM--
WELL, ORDINARILY WHEN YOU MAKE GLUE, FIRST YOU NEED TO THERMOSET
YOUR RESIN...
AND THEN AFTER IT COOLS YOU MIX IN A, UM, EPOXIDE. WHICH IS JUST
A FANCY-SCHMANCY NAME... FOR ANY SIMPLE, OXYGENATED ADHESIVE,
RIGHT ? BUT THEN I THOUGHT MAYBE--
JUST MAYBE-- YOU COULD RAISE THE VISCOSITY... BY ADDING A COMPLEX
GLUCOSE DERIVATIVE DURING THE EMULSIFICATION PROCESS.
AND IT TURNS OUT, I WAS RIGHT.
[ Chuckles ]
[ Continues ]
[ Girl #2 ]
HUH ?
I DON'T BELIEVE THIS. YOU MUST BE THE MOST SUCCESSFUL PERSON IN
OUR GRADUATING CLASS.
[ Michele ]
UH-HUH...AND YOU'RE NOT. BYE.
[ Billy ]
[ Imitating Car Sounds ]
THIS IS SO GREAT.
ROMY ? CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING ?
[ Michele ]
ROMY !
YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE WHAT JUST HAPPENED !
[ Romy ]
MICHELE, CAN'T YOU SEE THAT I AM BUSY ?
[ Michele ]
FINE.
OKAY, JUST FORGET IT.
[ Sighs ]
[ Michele ]
WHOA !
OH-- OWW. OWW. OWW. OHH !
[ Groans ]
COME ON !
[ Car Door Opens ]
[ Sandy ]
OH, GOD !
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT ?
[ Michele ]
WHAT DO YOU THINK ?
[ Romy ]
I AM SO SORRY. MY-MY-MY DRIVER DIDN'T SEE YOU.
PLEASE. COME. I HAVE BOXES OF KLEENEX IN MY LIMO.
[ Sniffles ]
LET ME MAKE IT UP TO YOU.
[ Michele ]
[ Sniffs ]
OKAY.
[ Echoing ]
OH, MY GOD.
[ Sandy ]
HERE. HELP YOURSELF, MICHELE.
[ Michele ]
THANKS. WAIT... HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME ?
[ Sandy ]
IT'S ME, MICHELE.
SANDY.
[ Michele ]
SANDY FRINK ?
[ Sandy ]
UH-HUH.
[ Michele ]
BUT YOU'RE SO DREAMY.
[ Sandy ]
[ Chuckles ]
WELL, WHEN I MADE MY FIRST MILLION, MY PRESENT TO MYSELF WAS A
NEW FACE.
[ Michele ]
OKAY, I'M NOT JUST SAYING THIS, BUT YOU REALLY PICKED A GOOD ONE.
[ Sandy ]
[ Chuckles ]
THANKS.
[ Romy ]
I HAD THIS NOTEBOOK...
WITH "MRS. ROMY CHRISTIANSON" WRITTEN ON IT, LIKE, ABOUT A
THOUSAND TIMES.
NOW YOU THINK I'M SOME SORT OF GEEK.
[ Sighs ]
[ Billy ]
NO... NO, NOT AT ALL... I'M FLATTERED.
[ Christie ]
HI, BILLY.
I'VE BEEN LOOKIN' ALL OVER FOR YOU.
YOU WANNA DANCE ONCE ?
YOU KNOW, FOR OLD TIMES' SAKE.
[ Billy ]
NO, THANKS. I OWE THIS ONE TO ROMY.
[ Toby ]
HEY, YOU GUYS, THEY'RE ABOUT TO ANNOUNCE THE WINNERS OF THE VOTE.
COME ON !
[ Michele ]
VOTE ? WHAT VOTE ?
[ Sandy ]
LET'S GO. WE GOTTA GET IN THERE.
[ Michele ]
OKAY... WAIT, I CAN'T FIND MY TOP.
WHERE ARE YOU ?
[ Billy ]
HEY, HOW YOU GUYS DOING TONIGHT ?
I BET EVERYONE IS AS ANXIOUS...
AS I AM TO HEAR THE RESULTS OF THE VOTE.
[ Michele ]
WHAT VOTE ?
[ Billy ]
THE PERSON VOTED MOST CHANGED FOR THE BETTER SINCE HIGH SCHOOL
IS--
[ Drumroll ]
IT'S A TIE. IT'S A TIE!
THE MOST CHANGED FOR THE BETTER SINCE HIGH SCHOOL ARE...
ROMY WHITE AND MICHELE WEINBERGER.
[ Sandy ]
HONEY, GO ON UP THERE AND GET YOUR MEDAL.
[ Michele ]
OKAY... HOW WEIRD... I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WE WERE VOTING.
[ Christie ]
[ Grunts ]
GET ME ANOTHER DAIQUIRI.
[ Billy ]
HERE YOU GO.
[ Michele ]
UM, I'M SORRY...I COULDN'T FIND MY TOP.
[ Sandy ]
HONEY, THAT IS BEAUTIFUL.
[ Waiter Guy ]
[ 70 Years Later]
[ Dishes Clattering ]
MAY I TAKE THAT FOR YOU, SIR ?
[ Sandy ]
NO, NO, NO. YOU LEAVE ME ALONE.
[ Glasses Shattering, Cat Meows ]
LOOKING AT YOUR MEDAL FROM THE REUNION AGAIN, DEAR ?
[ Moaning Softly ]
YOU MISS HER, DON'T YOU ?
[ Michele ]
DUH.
[ Sandy ]
MICHELE, HAVE YOU BEEN TERRIBLY UNHAPPY WITH ME ALL THESE YEARS ?
[ Michele ]
OH, NO. NO, SANDY.
[ Sandy ]
OH, GOOD.
[ Michele ]
I'VE JUST BEEN LONELY
WITH NO ONE TO TALK TO.
[ Sandy ]
WHY DON'T YOU CALL HER ?
[ Michele ]
OKAY. YEAH.
[ Beeping ]
[ Billy Jr. ]
HELLO ?
[ Michele ]
BILLY CHRISTIANSON ?
[ Billy Jr. ]
OH, NO, NO, I'M BILLY JUNIOR.
[ Michele ]
OH, BILLY, HONEY, IS YOUR MOMMY HOME ?
[ Billy Jr. ]
WELL, YEAH, BUT SHE CAN'T COME TO THE PHONE RIGHT NOW.
SHE-SHE'S ON HER DEATHBED.
[ Michele ]
ROMY.
[ Sandy ]
OH, DEAR.
[ Michele ]
BILLY, HONEY, TELL YOUR MOMMY THAT MICHELE WEINBERGER-FRINK...
IS ON THE PHONE...
AND WOULD VERY MUCH LIKE TO SPEAK WITH HER.
[ Machines Beeping, Ventilator Pumping ]
[ Romy ]
NO... NOT UNTIL YOU ADMIT THAT I'M THE MARY, AND YOU'RE THE
RHODA.
[ Michele ]
I'M THE MARY.
I'M THE MARY !
[ Beeping Continues ]
I'M-- YOU'RE A PASTY HAG ON A DEATHBED.
[ Beeping Accelerates ]
I'M THE MARY... EVERYBODY KNOWS.
[ Sandy ]
WAY TO GO, HONEY.
[ Car Horn Honking ]
[ Honking Continues ]
[ Car Horn Honking ]
[ Michele ]
OH, GOD.
OH, WE'RE REALLY HERE.
[ Peopmuring ]
[ Gasps ]
GOD.
GOOD EVENING, SIR.
THANKS FOR NOT WAKING ME UP, ROMY.
GOD, WHAT A BITCH.
[ Chattering, Laughing ]
[ Rock music plays ]
[ Old Friend ]
HEY, ROMY WHITE.
[ Romy ]
HEY.
[ O1d Friend ]
WHERE'S MICHELE ?
[ Romy ]
I DON'T KNOW.
UM, ANYBODY SEE BILLY CHRISTIANSON ?
[ Man ]
TRY THE BAR.
[ Romy ]
THANKS, MAN.
[ Toby ]
OH, EXCUSE ME, EXCUSE ME, YOU-YOU CAN'T GO IN WITHOUT A NAME TAG.
[ Michele ]
OH, OKAY.
OKAY. UH, MICHELE WEINBERGER.
[ Toby ]
OH, MY GOD, MICHELE WEINBERGER !
MY GOD, YOU LOOK GREAT.
IT'S ME, TOBY.
[ Pointing at name tag ]
OH, TOBY WALTERS.
[ Michele ]
UH-HUH.
[ Toby ]
OKAY.
UM, OH, HERE IT IS. HERE IS YOUR NAME TAG.
AND, UM, ROMY IS ALREADY INSIDE.
[ Michele ]
I COULD CARE LESS.
I AM NOT HERE WITH ROMY.
[ Toby ]
YOU'RE KIDDING ME.
[ Michele ]
NO, WE'RE NOT EVEN FRIENDS ANYMORE.
WE HAD THIS BIG FALLING OUT OVER POST-ITS.
[ Toby ]
POST-ITS ?
[ Michele ]
IT'S A LONG STORY.
SEE YA.
[ Toby ]
W-W--
[ music Continues ]
[ Romy ]
OOH, EXCUSE ME.
[ Lisa ]
HI, ROMY... HOW ARE YOU ?
[ Romy ]
LISA LUDER ?
[ Lisa ]
YES.
[ Romy ]
SO, WHERE'S THE REST OF THE "A" GROUP ?
[ Lisa ]
OH, THEY'RE AROUND HERE SOMEPLACE.
WE SORT OF LOST TOUCH OVER THE YEARS.
[ Romy ]
WOW. ISN'T IT WEIRD WHEN YOU'RE NOT FRIENDS WITH YOUR FRIENDS
ANYMORE ?
I MEAN, MICHELE AND I JUST FELL OUT OF TOUCH ABOUT TWO HOURS AGO.
[ Michele ]
BECAUSE SHE'S SELFISH, AND SHE ALWAYS, LIKE, DEVALUES ME.
AND I'M SICK OF IT, YOU KNOW ?
...GOD, YOU GUYS ARE EASY TO TALK TO.
[ Romy ]
I INVENTED POST-ITS... YOU KNOW, THE YELLOW THINGS WITH THE
STICKUM ON THE BACK ?
[ Lisa ]
YES, I KNOW WHAT THEY ARE.
[ Romy ]
SO, UH, WHAT ARE YOU UP TO ?
[ Lisa ]
I'M AN ASSOCIATE FASHION EDITOR FOR VOGUE.
[ Romy ]
WOW ! WH-- GOOD JOB.
BOY, I MUST HAVE, LIKE, EVERY SINGLE ISSUE OF VOGUE FOR THE PAST
TEN YEARS.
[ Lisa ]
OKAY, WELL, IT WAS VERY NICE TALKING WITH YOU.
[ Romy ]
NICE TALKING TO YOU TOO.
[ Whispers ]
OKAY, ROMY.
[ Christie ]
IT WAS SO CUTE.
MY MOM GAVE US A NEW CAR SEAT FOR THE BABY. AND WHEN THE BOX
ARRIVED, LITTLE JAKE LOOKS UP AT ME AND SAYS, "MOMMY, IS THAT THE
BABY ?"
[ All Giggling ]
OH, I WISH.
[ Romy ]
HEY, EVERYONE.
AND SO WE MEET AGAIN.
[ Christie ]
UH, HI.
[ Gasps ]
ROMY WHITE. YOU'RE THE CHUBBY GIRL.
[ Romy ]
OH, WELL, I WAS, BUT I HAVEN'T BEEN FOR A REALLY LONG TIME.
SO, WHAT ARE ALL OF YOU UP TO ? CHRISTIE, IN THE YEARBOOK YOU
SAID THAT YOU WANTED
JANE PAULEY'S JOB. ARE YOU A BIG TV NEWS ANCHORWOMAN NOW ?
[ Christie ]
OH, NO, I DON'T EVEN WATCH TV ANYMORE.
MY PRIORITIES HAVE CHANGED SINCE I BECAME A MOMMY.
CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS IS NUMBER THREE ?
[ Romy ]
WOW, THREE KIDS.
GOD, YOU MUST FEEL REALLY TIED DOWN.
[ Christie ]
NOT AT ALL.
I FEEL VERY FULFILLED. BESIDES, BILLY ALWAYS WANTED A BIG
FAMILY.
[ Romy ]
BILLY CHRISTIANSON ?
[ Christie ]
MM-HMM.
[ Romy ]
YOU MARRIED BILLY CHRISTIANSON ?
[ Christie ]
MM-HMM. FOR ALMOST TEN YEARS NOW.
BILLY'S IN REAL ESTATE DEVELOPMENT.
SO, HOW ABOUT YOU ? ANY KIDS ?
[ Romy ]
OH. NO.
I JUST HAVEN'T HAD TIME, YOU KNOW, WHAT WITH RUNNING MY OWN
BUSINESS AND ALL.
[ Girl #2 ]
YOUR OWN BUSINESS ?
[ Romy ]
YEAH.
I INVENTED POST-ITS.
[ Christie ]
NO, REALLY.
WHAT DO YOU DO ?
[ Romy ]
THAT'S WHAT I DO.
I INVENTED POST-ITS.
[ All Giggling, Snickering ]
[ Christie ]
YOU'RE KIDDING ME.
[ Romy ]
WELL, I'VE MADE A LOT OF MONEY.
[ Girl #1 ]
OH, YOU KNOW WHO THEY SAY HAS MADE A TON OF MONEY ? SANDY
FRINK.
[ Girl #2 ]
THE FRINK-A-ZOID ?
[ Girl #2 ]
YEAH. HE INVENTED SOME SPECIAL KIND OF RUBBER THAT'S USED IN
EVERY TENNIS SHOE IN NORTH AMERICA.
[ Romy ]
HEY, IF ANYBODY NEEDS TO MAKE A CALL, I'VE GOT A PHONE.
[ Heather ]
IS SANDY FRINK HERE ?
[ Toby ]
UH, NO.
UH, YOU CAN'T GO IN WITHOUT A NAME TAG.
[ Heather ]
FUCK OFF !
[ Toby ]
HEATHER MOONEY ?
OH, MY GOD, YOU'RE EXACTLY THE SAME.
[ Michele ]
OH, MY GOD.
HEATHER MOONEY IS HERE ?
THIS OUGHT TO BE SO GOOD.
[ Girl #1 ]
OH, GOD, DON'T LOOK NOW...IT'S HEATHER MOONEY.
[ Romy ]
WHAT ?
[ Heather ]
HELLO, ROMY.
[ Romy ]
UH-- E-- UH-- YOU-- OH, UH--
HEATHER, YOU SAID YOU WEREN'T COMING.
[ Heather ]
YEAH, WELL, SINCE SANDY AND MICHELE AREN'T MARRIED--
WHAT A WASTE OF A TANK OF GAS, HUH ?
[ Romy ]
OKAY, WELL, COME ON, I'LL HELP YOU GO FIND HIM.
[ Heather ]
UH, HE'S NOT HERE. I ALREADY ASKED TOBY DUMBFUCK.
OBVIOUSLY, I'VE INTERRUPTED.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO BACK TO IGNORING ME LIKE YOU DID IN HIGH
SCHOOL ?
[ Christie ]
NO, YOU CAN STAY.
WE'RE JUST DISCUSSING OUR CLASS SUCCESS STORIES.
SO, WHAT ARE YOU UP TO ?
[ Heather ]
EVER HEAR OF LADY FAIR CIGARETTES ?
I INVENTED THE QUICK-BURNING PAPER.
[ Girl #2 ]
WOW, WE HAVE A WHOLE CLASS FULL OF INVENTORS.
[ Heather ]
MEANING ?
[ Romy ]
OH, YOU KNOW, SANDY FRINK INVENTED SOMETHING TOO.
HEY, ISN'T THAT SANDY OVER THERE NOW ?
[ Heather ]
WHAT DID SANDY INVENT ?
[ Girl #1 ]
SOME KIND OF RUBBER.
[ Christie ]
ROMY HERE INVENTED POST-ITS.
[ Heather ]
YOU DID NOT.
[ Romy ]
YEAH, I DID.
[ Heather ]
YOU DID NOT... YOU DID NOT.
[ Romy ]
YEAH, I DID. YEAH, I-- WELL, WHO DID THEN ?
[ Heather ]
A GUY NAMED ART FRY FROM THE 3M CORP.
WE STUDIED IT IN BUSINESS SCHOOL.
[ Christie ]
YOU'RE KIDDING ME. YOU JUST MADE ALL THAT UP ?
[ All Giggling ]
[ Giggling Continues ]
[ Girl #1 ]
OH, GOD, YOU ARE SO WEIRD.
[ Michele ]
WHY DON'T YOU JUST LEAVE HER ALONE ?
[ Romy ]
MICHELE.
[ Christie ]
OH, IT'S THE BACK BRACE GIRL.
[ all girls ]
HI, BACK BRACE GIRL.
HI, BACK BRACE GIRL.
[ Michele ]
OH, SHUT UP.
AND WHAT ARE YOU PICKING ON US FOR ANYWAY ?
WE ARE NOT THE ONES WHO GOT FAT.
[ Christie ]
WE'RE PREGNANT, YOU HALF-WIT.
[ Michele ]
OH, YEAH, WELL, I HOPE YOUR BABIES LOOK LIKE MONKEYS.
COME ON, ROMY.
[ Michele ]
OH, ROMY.
[ Romy ]
OH, PLEASE, GO AWAY. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.
WHY DID I EVEN COME BACK HERE ?
[ Michele ]
WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT ? THERE ARE WORSE THINGS THAN TELLING SOME
DUMB STORY...
AND HAVING EVERYBODY LAUGH AT YOU.
[ Romy ]
LIKE WHAT ?
[ Michele ]
LIKE LOSING YOUR BEST FRIEND.
I HAD THE WORST DREAM, ROMY. I DREAMT THAT WE WEREN'T FRIENDS
AND WE WERE REALLY, REALLY OLD.
BUT I MEAN, WE WERE, LIKE, REALLY, REALLY OLD. AND-AND WE
WEREN'T FRIENDS.
I CAN'T STAND THAT WE'RE MAD AT EACH OTHER.
OKAY, I'M SORRY I SAID ALL THOSE THINGS.
YOU'RE AS CUTE AS ME. YOU ARE.
AND IN SOME CULTURES, MAYBE CUTER.
[ Romy ]
I'M SORRY TOO.
I SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID THAT YOU WEREN'T SMART ENOUGH TO INVENT
POST-ITS.
[ Michele ]
WELL, I MEAN, MAYBE I'M NOT. ALTHOUGH IN MY DREAM, I DID KNOW
THE FORMULA FOR GLUE.
SO, ARE WE FRIENDS AGAIN ?
[ Romy ]
WELL, DUH.
[ Chuckling ]
OKAY.
[ Michele ]
AND YOU KNOW WHAT, IT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER... THAT WE TOLD, LIKE,
WHAT, FOUR PEOPLE SOME DUMB LIE. WHO CARES ?
[ Christie ]
HI, EVERYBODY.
SETTLE DOWN. HI.
I'M CHRISTIE MASTERS-CHRISTIANSON.
[ Cooing ]
[ Applause ]
I HAVE BEEN ASKED TO FORMALLY WELCOME YOU ALL...
TO SAGEBRUSH HIGH'S TEN-YEAR REUNION.
[ Applause ]
WE HAVE COME A LONG WAY IN THE PAST TEN YEARS. OUR OWN LISA
LUDER IS HELPING SET THE STYLE FOR THE COUNTRY... AS A FASHION
EDITOR FOR VOGUE MAGAZINE.
[ Murmuring, Cheering ]
AND TRAVIS McKINNEY IS IN HIS FIFTH YEAR... AS A MEMBER OF THE
DALLAS COWBOYS FOOTBALL TEAM.
AND... ROMY AND MICHELE CLAIMED... THEY INVENTED POST-ITS.
[ Giggling ]
[ Giggling Continues ]
[ Crowd Murmuring ]
[ Giggling Continues ]
[ Romy ]
ALL I EVER WANTED WAS FOR PEOPLE TO THINK... THAT WE WERE BETTER
THAN WE WERE IN HIGH SCHOOL. AND NOW WE'RE JUST A STUPID JOKE,
JUST LIKE WE ALWAYS WERE.
[ Michele ]
NO, ROMY.
CAN I TELL YOU THE TRUTH ? I NEVER KNEW THAT WE WEREN'T THAT
GREAT IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I MEAN, WE ALWAYS HAD SO MUCH FUN TOGETHER. I THOUGHT HIGH
SCHOOL WAS A BLAST.
AND UNTIL YOU TOLD ME THAT OUR LIVES WEREN'T GOOD ENOUGH, I
THOUGHT EVERYTHING
SINCE HIGH SCHOOL WAS A BLAST.
I THINK WE SHOULD GO BACK OUT THERE AS OURSELVES... AND JUST HAVE
FUN LIKE WE ALWAYS DO. THE HELL WITH EVERYONE ELSE.
[ Romy ]
I DON'T THINK I CAN.
[ Michele ]
WELL, DO YOU THINK YOU CAN STOP BEING SUCH A BABY ?
[ Gasps ]
GOD, I FEEL LIKE I'VE BEEN, LIKE, CHASING YOU ALL OVER THIS
REUNION.
WE HAVE COME ALL THIS WAY.
NOW WE ARE GOING TO ENJOY OURSELVES WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT.
[ Romy ]
[ "Venus" plays ]
GOD, MICHELE, I'VE NEVER SEEN THIS SIDE OF YOUR PERSONALITY
BEFORE.
YOU'RE SO BOSSY AND DOMINEERING.
I LIKE IT.
[ Michele ]
ME TOO.
[ Girl #2 ]
[ Gasps ]
I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
[ Christie ]
WHAT ?
[ Grunts ]
[ Girl #1 ]
THEY'RE BA-ACK.
[ Christie ]
NICE OUTFITS.
POST-ITS MUST BE REALLY LUCRATIVE.
[ music Continues ]
[ Michele ]
ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO DO THIS ?
[ Romy ]
OH, YEAH, I AM SO SURE.
WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM, CHRISTIE ?
WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS SUCH A NASTY BITCH ?
[ Crowd Gasping, Murmuring ]
DO YOU GET SOME KIND OF SICK PLEASURE FROM TORTURING OTHER PEOPLE
?
I MEAN, YEAH, OKAY, SO MICHELE AND I DID MAKE UP SOME LAME STORY.
WE ONLY DID IT BECAUSE WE WANTED YOU TO TREAT US LIKE HUMAN
BEINGS.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I FINALLY REALIZED ? I DON'T CARE IF YOU LIKE
US 'CAUSE WE DON'T LIKE YOU. YOU'RE A BAD PERSON WITH AN UGLY
HEART, AND WE DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK WHAT YOU THINK.
[ Gasping, Murmuring Continue ]
COME ON, MICHELE.
[ Michele ]
OKAY... AND, YEAH.
[ Christie ]
IT'S UNBELIEVABLE.
THEY'RE AS DELUDED ABOUT THEIR LIVES... AS THEY ARE ABOUT THOSE
HIDEOUS CLOTHES.
[ Snickering ]
[ Lisa ]
ACTUALLY, CHRISTIE, THEY'VE GOT NICE LINES, A FUN, FRISKY USE OF
COLOR.
ALL IN ALL, I'D HAVE TO SAY THEY'RE REALLY NOT BAD.
[ Gasping, Murmuring Continues ]
[ Woman ]
SHE WOULD KNOW.
[ Christie ]
WELL, WE STILL THINK THEY'RE RIDICULOUS. DON'T WE, GIRLS ?
[ Lisa ]
WHY DON'T YOU JUST LET THEM THINK FOR THEMSELVES FOR ONCE ?
[ Christie ]
YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS... BECAUSE UNLIKE A CERTAIN BALL-BUSTING,
DRIED-UP CAREER WOMAN I MIGHT MENTION, WE'RE ALL HAPPILY MARRIED.
[ Lisa ]
THAT'S RIGHT, CHRISTIE... KEEP TELLING YOURSELF THAT.
[ Crowd Murmuring ]
[ Lady ]
I DO LOVE THOSE OUTFITS.
[ Other Lady ]
YEAH, SURE DO.
[ Romy ]
OH, GREAT. THANKS.
MICHELE MADE THEM.
[ Michele ]
WELL, I JUST SEWED THEM.
WE BOTH DESIGNED THEM.
[ Romy ]
FIFTY-FIFTY.
[ Lady ]
WOW.
[ Other Lady ]
YEAH, THAT'S SO COOL.
[ Romy ]
WELL, IT'S BEEN REALLY TERRIFIC SEEING ALL OF YOU.
COME ON, MICHELE.
[ Michele ]
OH, OKAY, BYE.
[ Heather ]
HI. I AM SORRY THAT I BLEW YOUR BIG LIE FOR YOU.
[ Romy ]
HEY, THAT'S OKAY. IT WAS BETTER THIS WAY ANYWAY.
[ Heather ]
IT'S IRONIC, ISN'T IT ?
I REALLY THOUGHT YOU GUYS HAD IT MADE IN HIGH SCHOOL.
[ Michele ]
US ?
[ Heather ]
YES, YOU.
WITH YOUR LONG HAIR AND YOUR LONG LEGS, WALKING ON YOUR LEGS,
FLIPPING YOUR HAIR.
I CAN'T COMPETE WITH THAT. YOU MADE SANDY CRAZY. AND THE WHOLE
TIME YOU WERE MAKIN' MY LIFE HELL, THE "A" GROUP WAS MAKING YOUR
LIFE HELL; I DIDN'T KNOW.
[ Romy ]
YOU KNOW WHAT ? I BET IN HIGH SCHOOL EVERYBODY MADE SOMEBODY'S
LIFE HELL.
[ Heather ]
MM-MMM, NOT ME.
NEVER HAD THE OPPORTUNITY TO MAKE ANYONE'S LIFE HELL.
[ Michele ]
YOU KNOW WHAT ?
I BET THAT'S NOT TRUE. YOU WERE REALLY UNPLEASANT.
[ Heather ]
YOU THINK ?
[ Romy ]
OH, YEAH.
[ Toby ]
HEATHER ?
...OH, I'M OFF DUTY.
UM, SINCE YOU NEVER GOT AROUND TO IT IN HIGH SCHOOL, I WAS
WONDERING IF YOU COULD
SIGN MY YEARBOOK. AND, UH, PLEASE DON'T TELL ME TO FUCK OFF...
BECAUSE IT REALLY HURTS MY FEELINGS.
[ Heather ]
I HURT YOUR FEELINGS ?
[ Toby ]
YEAH, ALL THE TIME.
[ Heather ]
TREMENDOUS ! THAT'S TREMENDOUS !
GO GET YOUR STUPID YEARBOOK. I WOULD BE HAPPY TO SIGN IT.
[ Toby ]
OKAY, GREAT.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK, OKAY ?
[ Romy ]
MICHELE, I THINK MAYBE WE SHOULD LEAVE.
THERE IS NO WAY THIS REUNION IS GONNA GET ANY BETTER.
[ Toby ]
HEY, EVERYBODY, SANDY FRINK JUST LANDED IN A HELICOPTER !
[ Michele ]
SANDY FRINK HAS A HELICOPTER ?
[ Romy ]
YEAH, APPARENTLY, HE'S WORTH, LIKE, MILLIONS.
HE INVENTED SOME KIND OF SPECIAL RUBBER OR SOMETHING.
[ Michele ]
LIKE FOR CONDOMS ?
[ music plays ]
[ Heather ]
THAT'S SANDY FRINK ?
WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING ?
[ Christie ]
SANDY, HI.
YOU LOOK SO RICH...
I MEAN, GREAT.
[ Sandy ]
AFTER ALL THESE YEARS, YOU STILL TAKE MY BREATH AWAY.
[ Michele ]
THANKS.
SO YOU MUST BE, LIKE, THE MOST SUCCESSFUL PERSON... IN OUR ENTIRE
GRADUATING CLASS.
[ Sandy ]
WELL, I GUESS THAT DEPENDS ON HOW YOU DEFINE "SUCCESS."
IF, TO YOU, SUCCESS MEANS HAVING A HOUSE IN ASPEN, OR IN
ACAPULCO,
A PENTHOUSE IN NEW YORK, A MANSION IN MALIBU, A 60-FOOT YACHT, AN
EIGHT-SEAT WINDSTAR,
A BELL JET RANGER, A BENTLEY, A PERSONAL TRAINER, A FULL-TIME
CHEF, A LIVE-IN MASSEUSE
AND A STAFF OF 24, THEN, YEAH,
[ Chuckles ]
I GUESS I AM SUCCESSFUL.
BUT NO MATTER HOW MUCH I ACCUMULATE, THERE'S STILL ONE THING I
JUST DON'T HAVE.
[ Michele ]
YOUR OWN COUNTRY ?
[ Sandy ]
I DON'T HAVE YOU, MICHELE.
WILL YOU DANCE WITH ME ?
[ Michele ]
ONLY IF ROMY CAN DANCE WITH US.
[ Sandy ]
SURE.
[ slow song plays; they dance ]
"LYING IN MY BED......."
[ Cheering ]
[ Romy ]
SEE, I TOLD YOU IT WOULD PAY OFF... TO GO TO THOSE CLUBS EVERY
NIGHT.
[ Heather ]
OH, COME ON. OH, JESUS, MARY AND JOSEPH.
WHAT DO YOU WANT ?
[ Clarence ]
YOU WERE RIGHT. I WAS A BRAIN-DEAD, REDNECK ASSHOLE.
ALTHOUGH I NEVER SCREWED A SHEEP OR MY SISTER.
[ Heather ]
WHY NOT ?
COULDN'T CATCH 'EM ?
[ Clarence ]
I GUESS I DESERVE THAT.
I WAS A JERK. BUT I WAS SO MISERABLE IN HIGH SCHOOL,
I DON'T THINK I SPOKE MORE THAN TWO WORDS THE ENTIRE TIME.
I JUST COULDN'T BREATHE THERE, YOU KNOW ?
PLUS, I HAD THIS REALLY BAD STUTTER.
LISTEN, YOU, UH, WANNA GO SOMEWHERE QUIET ?
SOMEWHERE WHERE WE CAN TALK ?
[ Heather ]
YOU-YOU WANNA TALK TO ME ?
[ Clarence ]
YEAH.
[ Heather ]
OKAY, COWBOY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOUR TRIP IS, BUT IF THIS IS SOME
KIND OF A SICK GAME--
[ Clarence ]
WHAT ? NO.
[ Heather ]
IF YOU FUCK WITH ME IN ANY WAY, I WILL RIP EACH AND EVERY
APPENDAGE FROM YOUR BODY,
STARTING WITH YOUR DICK... CAPEESH ?
[ Clarence ]
LOOK, I J-JUST W-WANTED TO TALK.
[ Heather ]
OKAY. WHAT THE HELL.
WHAT IS YOUR NAME ?
[ Clarence ]
C-CLARENCE.
[ Heather ]
I LIKE YOUR HAT, CLARENCE.
[ Clarence ]
THANK YOU.
[ Heather ]
PICK UP THE PACE.
[ Sandy ]
YOU WAIT HERE. I'LL PREP MY CHOPPER.
[ Michele ]
OKAY.
[ Romy ]
ALL RIGHT.
[ Vomiting ]
OH, MY GOD, SOMEBODY'S PUKING IN THE BUSHES.
[ Michele ]
EEEWWW !
[ Sandy ]
HEY, HOW YOU GUYS DOIN' ?
[ Romy ]
BILLY ?
[ Sandy ]
CHUBBO ?
[ Romy ]
THE NAME IS ROMY.
[ Sandy ]
ROMY AND MICHELE.
SO, WEREN'T YOU GUYS, LIKE, TOTALLY IN LOVE WITH ME IN HIGH
SCHOOL ?
[ Scoffs ]
[ Michele ]
SHE WAS.
[ Sandy ]
YOU WANNA GET A ROOM ?
[ Romy ]
BUT YOU'RE MARRIED.
[ Sandy ]
TO CHRISTIE.
[ Romy ]
YEAH, BUT YOU'VE GOT CHILDREN, AND YOU'RE A SUCCESSFUL REAL
ESTATE DEVELOPER.
[ Sandy ]
I DO DRYWALL FOR HER OLD MAN'S CONSTRUCTION COMPANY.
AND YOU KNOW THIS NEW KID ? DON'T EVEN KNOW IF HE'S MINE.
[ Giggling ]
SO-- HOW ABOUT THAT ROOM ?
[ Romy ]
OKAY... WHY DON'T YOU GO AND GET THAT ROOM ?
GO AND WASH YOUR FACE AND TAKE OFF ALL YOUR CLOTHES, AND I'LL BE
UP THERE
IN FIVE MINUTES.
[ Sandy ]
ALL RIGHT.
YOUR FANTASY IS GONNA COME TRUE... TONIGHT.
SEE YOU LATER.
[ Michele ]
UGH-- OKAY.
[ Both Snickering ]
[ Romy ]
GOD.
NOW HE'S GONNA SEE WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO WAIT.
THAT'S SUCH A GOOD ONE.
[ Sandy ]
LADIES.
[ Michele Gasps ]
[ Michele ]
GOD, CAN YOU BELIEVE WE'RE GOING HOME IN A HELICOPTER ?
[ Romy ]
I KNOW. IT'S SO COOL.
I JUST WISH EVERYBODY INSIDE THE REUNION WOULD COME OUT AND SEE
US LIFT OFF.
[ Michele ]
OHH !
[ Romy ]
THANK YOU.
[ Michele ]
OH.
[ Chuckles ]
OH, MY GOD ! I'M SO GLAD YOU DIDN'T BRING YOUR BIG NOTEBOOK WITH
YOU.
[ Sandy ]
MICHELE.
[ Chuckles; music ]
[ Christie ]
BILLY. BILLY !
BILLY, WHERE ARE YOU ?
BILLY. DAMN IT. DAMN IT !
[ Romy ]
[ Laughing ]
OH, MY GOD. IS THAT HEATHER ?
[ Michele ]
GO FOR IT, HEATHER !
[ Whooping ]
[ Romy ]
[6 Months Later]
THANKS FOR STOPPING BY.
[ Michele ]
YEAH, ENJOY YOUR FASHIONS.
[ Romy ]
HAVE A ROMY AND MICHELE DAY.
[ Michele ]
THAT WAS A GOOD ONE.
[ Romy ]
THANKS.
I CANNOT BELIEVE HOW BUSY WE'VE BEEN.
[ Michele ]
I KNOW. HEY, MAYBE WE CAN PAY BACK SANDY THIS WEEK.
[ Romy ]
UM, I THINK WE'RE ABOUT, LIKE, TWO YEARS AWAY FROM THAT.
[ Michele ]
OH. OKAY.
[ Romy ]
HEATHER, HAS ANYONE EVER TOLD YOU THAT SMOKING CAN KILL YOU ?
[ Heather ]
NO. NO ONE. THANK YOU.
[ Romy ]
OKAY, BUT IF YOU BURN IT, YOU BOUGHT IT.
[ Heather ]
LIKE I GIVE A SHIT.
I LOOK LIKE AN ASSHOLE.
[ Michele ]
WHAT ? NUH-UH.
YOU LOOK TOTALLY CUTE.
[ Heather ]
THIS DRESS EXACERBATES THE GENETIC BETRAYAL THAT IS MY LEGACY.
[ Michele ]
OKAY, I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT BECAUSE OF
THOSE WORDS,
BUT COME HERE.
[ Heather ]
OW !
[ Michele ]
GOD, THAT HAS BEEN BUGGING ME.
[ Heather ]
STAY AWAY FROM MY BIKINI AREA.
[ Michele ]
UM, OKAY.
[ Heather ]
I'M IN A RUSH... RING IT UP IF YOU MUST.
[ Michele ]
OKAY.
LET ME HAVE THE TAG, PLEASE.
THANK YOU. YOU REALLY DO LOOK CUTE.
[ Romy ]
YOU KNOW WHAT ?
[ Michele ]
HUH ?
[ Romy ]
DESPITE THAT SURLY DEMEANOR, I THINK WE'VE JUST GIVEN HER A BIG
GIFT.
OKAY, I MEAN, TO GIVE SOMEONE... LIKE HEATHER MOONEY THE CHANCE
TO EXPRESS
HERSELF THROUGH FASHION-- WE COULD'VE REALLY CHANGED HER LIFE.
[ Michele ]
YEAH.
FOR ME THOUGH, IT'S LIKE... I'VE GIVEN BIRTH TO MY OWN BABY GIRL,
YOU KNOW ?
ONLY SHE'S, LIKE, A BIG GIANT GIRL... WHO SMOKES AND SAYS "SHIT"
A LOT. YOU KNOW?
[ Romy ]
YEAH.
[ Michele ]
YEAH.
LET'S FOLD SCARVES !
[ Romy ]
OKAY.
YOU KNOW WHAT, MICHELE ?
[ Michele ]
HUH ?
[ Romy ]
I THINK YOU ARE, LIKE, THE FUNNEST PERSON I KNOW.
[ Michele ]
ME TOO. WITH YOU.
[ Gasps, Chuckles ]
[Fade out. "We Got the Beat" plays]