Rushmore Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Rushmore script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Wes Anderson movie.  This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Rushmore. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

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Rushmore Script



If, and only if,

both sides of the numerator...



is divisible by the inverse

of the square root...



of the two unassigned variables.



Good. Except when the value

of the "X" coordinate...



is equal to or less than

the value of one.



- Yes, Isaac?

- What about that problem?



Oh, that?

Don't worry about that.



- "M" is...

- Wait. Why?



I just put that up as a joke. That's probably

the hardest geometry equation in the world.



How much extra credit is it worth?



Well, considering I've never

seen anyone get it right,



including my mentor,

Dr. Leaky at M.I.T.,



I guess if anyone here

can solve that problem,



I'd see to it that none of you ever

have to open another math book again...



for the rest of your lives.



Max? Care to try it?



I'm sorry,

did someone say my name?



You got it.



Fischer! Fischer!

Fischer! Fischer! Fischer!



Thank you.



You guys have it real easy.



I never had it like this

where I grew up.



But I send my kids here

because, the fact is,



you go to one of the best

schools in the country:



- Rushmore.

- Shh.



Now, for some of you,



it doesn't matter.



You were born rich,

and you're going to stay rich.



But here's my advice

to the rest of you:



Take dead aim

on the rich boys.



Get them

in the crosshairs...



and take them down.



Just remember:

They can buy anything,



but they can't buy backbone.



Don't let them forget that.



Thank you.



Free for graduation, Herman?

Perhaps you could give us an encore.



- Nicholas! Copernicus!

- I don't give a shit.



I paid for the whole damn natatorium.



The least these little pricks

can do is hear me out.



- Hi, Dr. Guggenheim.

- Hello, Max.



Hello, I'm Max Fischer.



I just wanted to say that I strongly agree

with your views concerning Rushmore.



Um... your speech

was excellent.



- Thank you.

- Thank you.



- Thank you.

- Hello.



Oh, Mr. Blume, this is my

chapel partner, Dirk Calloway.



Nice to meet you, Dirk.



Well, thanks.



You know...



I really think you're

right about Rushmore.



Come on, Dirk.



- What's his name again?

- Max Fischer.



Sharp little guy.



He's one of the worst

students we've got.



  Makin' time  



  Shootin' lines  



  For people to believe in  



  Things you say  



  Gone in a day  



  Everybody leavin'  



  Everybody leavin'  



  Why do we have to carry on  



  Always singin'

the same old song  



  Same old song  



-   The same old song  

- You! You're out!



  Tellin' lies  



  Closing your eyes  



  Making more excuses  



  Pullin' the wool  



  Actin' the fool   



We're putting you on what we call

"sudden death academic probation".



And what does that entail?



It entails that if you

fail another class,



you'll be asked

to leave Rushmore.



In other words,

I'll be expelled.



That's correct.



Could I see some documentation

on that, please?



Too many extracurricular

activities, Max.



Not enough studying.



Dr. Guggenheim, I don't want

to tell you how to do your job,



but, the fact is,

no matter how hard I try,



I still might

flunk another class.



If that means I have to stay on for a

postgraduate year, then so be it, but...



We don't offer

a postgraduate year.



Well... we don't offer it yet.



Just bring up the grades.



Do you remember how

I got into this school?



- Yes. You wrote a play.

- That's right.



Second grade.

A little one act about Watergate.



And my mother read it

and felt I should go to Rushmore.



And you read it, and

you gave me a scholarship, didn't you?






- Do you regret it?

- No, I don't regret it.



But I still might

have to expel you.






Couldn't we just

let me float by?



For old time's sake?



Can't do it, Max.



- They want to kick me out.

- Oh, no, not again.



- What are you gonna do?

- The only thing I can do:



try and pull some strings

with the administration, I guess.



Did you hear they're teaching

Japanese next year?



That's the rumor.



And they're canceling Latin.






I tried to get Latin

canceled for five years.



"It's a dead language,"

I'd always say.



Well, I guess

they finally heard you.



Excuse me.



Could I please see a list

of all the people...



who've checked out this book

in the past year?






Look at that.



"I have seen wicked men and fools,

a great many of both;



"and I believe they both

get paid in the end.



"But the fools first.



Chapter   .

The Lad with the Silver Button."



- Meet me on the corner in ten minutes.

- Where are you going?



I'll tell you

in the squad car.



Oh, and, Willie,



you were wrong

about Enrique Sanchez.



He died in his sleep.



Excellent. That was excellent.



That was great.

That was great.



Um, Irving... could you get some

root beers for anybody who wants one?



- I don't want one, okay?

- Okay.



All right, next scene.



Frank, you enter stage right

with a bag of cocaine.



I was just telling Mr. Calloway

the other day how fortunate we are...



- to have someone like you

looking out for Dirk.

- Oh, don't be silly.



Dirk's a great kid,

and I'm just trying to impart...



some of the experiences

I've accrued to help him.



This has my number on it

if you need to call me...



or need help with Dirk

or anything like that.



Well, thank you very much.

Hello, Dirk.



- Hi, Mom.

- How are you, honey?



- Fine.

- Bye.



It was so nice

to see you again.



- Hey, Dirk. How'd your math test go?

- What math test?



- I thought you had a math test today.

- No.



Did you turn in your paper

on the Berlin Airlift?



Yeah, I got an extension.



- Hey, George.

- So how'd it go with Mrs. Calloway?



- We shook hands.

- Big deal.



And I gave her

my phone number.



Buchan said he'd have

already banged her by now.






Just tell that deformed Scottish gorilla

to shut his fat face.



That's my best friend's mother

he's talking about.



I always thought that's why

you picked Dirk as your chapel partner.



What are you, a lawyer?



Hey, Mr. Blume.

Hey, it's Max Fischer.



- Oh, hi.

- Hey, Max, my mom just showed up.



Is it okay if I leave early? Over.



Sure, Charlie.



What's the secret, Max?



- "The secret"?

- Yeah.



Well, you seem to have it

pretty figured out.



The secret.

I don't know. Uh...



I think you just gotta find

something you love to do,



and then do it

for the rest of your life.



For me, it's going to Rushmore.






- Hey, Ronny. Hey, Donny. How you guys...

- Get in the back. I said, "Shotgun".



Get in the back, Donny.



Let's go.



Did you invite that kid

to your party?



- Max Fischer?

- Come on, Dad.

There's gonna be girls there.



- I'd rather die.

- Pull your head out of your ass.



- Good night, Mr. Littlejeans.

- Good night, Max.



I'll see you tomorrow.



May I see the back, please?






How's that?



Thank you.



I need a signature on this

geometry test, by the way.



Let's see.



- Hmm.

- I know, I know.



A   .



Oh, I don't know

what to do anymore.



It could have been worse.



You almost got the "A".



"Almost got the 'A"'?

Dad, what are you writing?



Maybe I'm spending too much

of my time starting up clubs...



and putting on plays.



That's possible.



I should probably be trying

harder to score chicks.



That's the only thing

anybody really cares about.



It's not my forte, unfortunately.



It'll happen, Max. It's just...



You're like one

of those clipper ship captains.



You're married to the sea.



Yes, that's true.



But I've been out to sea

for a long time.



- Hello.

- Hi.



I like your hat.



Oh, thank you.



You're a teacher here,

aren't you?



And this is your first year

at Rushmore, I take it.






And how long have you been a smoker,

if you don't mind me asking?



Well, let's see now.

How old are you?






- Since I was your age.

- You're kidding.



You should quit.



You're right.



And I should mind my own business.



Where did you go

to school, by the way?



- Harvard.

- Really?



That's a coincidence.



My top schools where I want

to apply to are Oxford and the Sorbonne.



My safety's Harvard.



- That's very ambitious.

- Thank you.



What do you want to study?



Well... I haven't

decided for sure,



but probably a double major

in mathematics and premed.



What was your major?



I didn't have a major, but my thesis

was on Latin American economic policy.



Oh, that's interesting.

Did you hear they're not going

to teach Latin here anymore?



This was more like Central America.



Oh, Central America

and whatnot. Hmm.



But moving on:

They're gonna cancel Latin.



They've got

to make room for Japanese.



That's a shame because all the Romance

languages were based on Latin.



Yeah, they are,

aren't they?



Nihilo sanctum estne?



What's that?

Oh, it's Latin, isn't it?



What does that mean?



"Is nothing sacred?"



Sic transit gloria.

Glory fades.



I'm Max Fischer.



- Hi.

- Hi.



- Come on, come on. File out.

- Sign here, please.



- Sic transit gloria.

- All right, all right.



In summation,

I have only one question:



Is Latin dead?



Why don't you just piss off,

Fischer, you dotty skid mark?



Was that Latin?



Never in my wildest




did I ever dream

I would have sons like these.



What's your dad do, Max?



He's a neurosurgeon...

at, uh, St. Joseph's Hospital.



Personally, I could never see myself

cutting open somebody's brain,



but he seems to enjoy it.



Oh, no, no, no. I got this one.



- So you were in Vietnam,

if I'm not mistaken?

- Yeah.



Were you in the shit?



Yeah, I was in the shit.



See you Sunday, Mr. Blume.



- All right.

- What's on Sunday?



Oh, that's right.

The twins' birthday party.



Do you want to come?



I'd love to, except I've already got

a previous obligation to attend to.



Yeah. Thanks for

the invitation, though.



Come work for me.



- What do you mean?

- I mean, I could use someone like you.



Look, I may not be rich, Mr. Blume.



My father may only be

a doctor, but we manage.



- One-twelves!

- Excuse me, Mr. Blume. Nice talking to you.



You're on the team?



I'm an alternate.



How you doin'?

Good to see you again.



Whoa. Neat.



  Met a girl, fell in love

Glad as I can be  



  Met a girl, fell in love

Glad as I can be  



  But I think all the time

Is she true to me  



  'Cause there's nothing

in this world  



  To stop me worrying

about that girl  



  I found out I was wrong

She was just two-timing  



  I found out I was wrong

She just kept on lying  



  Now she tries

to tell the truth  



  And I just can't believe  



  'Cause there's nothing

in this world  



  To stop me worrying

about that girl   



Miss Cross?



I thought I'd just let you know

as per our conversation, the other day...



- Latin?

- Right. The Romance languages.



- Well, I gave a little speech.

- I heard about this.



Oh, you did?



I understand you made

a very convincing argument.



I just thought you'd be pleased to hear

they're gonna continue the Latin program.



I'm very impressed.



Well, thank you very much.



Hey, you need an assistant?



- Do we get to have

an assistant around here?

- No, I doubt it.



I'm on scholarship, though...

academic scholarship...



so I get to do odd jobs and...



Say, how did you decide

to teach at Rushmore?



My husband went here.



I, uh... I didn't know

you were married.



Well, he's dead now.



So I'm not, actually.



When did he die?



Last year.



My mother's dead.



I'm sorry to hear that.



She died when I was seven.



I guess we both have

dead people in our families.



What's going on in here?



These were just born.



I don't want alloys. I want steel.



I don't give a rat's ass what he says.



Steel, Harry.



- So you've changed your mind,

and you want the job?

- No.



But I've got an idea,

and I need some money.



What Rushmore

needs is an aquarium...



a first-class aquarium...

where the scientists can lecture...



and the students can observe

the marine life in its natural habitat.



- I don't know.

What do you think, Ernie?

- An aquarium?



- What kind of fish?

- Barracudas, stingrays,

electric eel, trout,



hammerheads, piranhas,

giant squid, octopi...



- Piranhas? Really?

- Yes, I'm talking

to a guy in South America.



- What'd Guggenheim say?

- Nothing. I felt I should go to you first.






Because at this moment, I feel the

best strategy is to keep it low profile.



The more preparation work I can do,

the stronger our case will be...



- when we take it to the administration.

- How much money do you want?



Thirty-five thousand dollars,

for the initial plans.



I'll give you     .









  Swaying in the summer breeze  



  Showing off their silver leaves  



  As we walked by  






  Kisses on a summer's day  



  Laughing all our cares away  



  Just you and I  






  Sleepy warmth of summer nights  



  Gazing at the distant lights  



  In the starry sky   



- Thank you.

- You're welcome.



- Max.

- Mm-hmm?



- Can I ask you something?

- Sure.



Has it ever crossed your mind

that you're far too young for me?



It crossed my mind that you might

consider that a possibility. Yeah.



Quite apart from the fact

that you're a student...



I'm not trying to pressure you

into anything, Miss Cross.



- I'm surprised you

brought it up so bluntly.

- I just want to make sure...



- We've become friends, haven't we?

- Yes.






And, um...



the... the truth is, neither

one of us has the slightest idea...



where this relationship is going.



- We can't predict the future.

- We don't have a relationship, Max.



- But we're friends.

- Yes, and that's all we're going to be.



That's all I meant by "relationship".



You want me to grab a dictionary?



No, I just want to make sure

that we understand each other.



I understand.



You're not attracted to me.



C'est la vie.



Max, you're    years old.



Attraction doesn't enter into it.



If you say so.



Look, all I'm getting at is that...



that I've never met anyone like you.



So you can take that

for whatever it's worth.



I think I can safely say

I've never met anyone like you either.



You haven't, have you?



Want to shake hands?



I'm glad we had this conversation.



So am I.



I can't wear a wire.

They're feeling me up every day.



Oh, come on, Frank.

You'll have complete protection.



Yeah, I've heard that one before.



- I gotta put a dime in the meter.

- Sit down, Frank.



Joe, go put a dime in the meter

for Officer Serpico.



- Look, Serpico, if you agree

to testify in open court...

- No!



- No, what?

- No, I'm not gonna testify.



Go, go, go.



I'll expect your gun

and your badge on my desk...



- Promise me one thing, O'Reilly.

- Name it.



That you're gonna follow this thing

all the way to the end...



of the line... where I got to be.



So help me God.



- Someone coming out of the building.

- I've got something!



- Wait. This could be it.

- There's action across the street.



- Yeah, it's him.

- It's Snowman.



- He's getting on the "L" train!

- Take him!



- What happened to the cannoli line?

- Max...



You're supposed to say,

"Forget about it, Sanchez.

The old man likes his cannolis".



Look, I made a mistake, all right?

It didn't make any difference anyway.



Hey, I'm letting it go,

but don't say it doesn't matter.



- Every line matters.

- Get off my back!



Don't fuck with my play!



- You fucking cocksucker...

- Hey, break it up. Break it up.



I'm gonna kill you.



Max. Max.



- I thought the acting

tonight was excellent.

- Thanks.



Well, it was better in rehearsals.



I'll catch up with you later, Dad.

I got a dinner to go to.



- Oh, yeah?

- Yeah. Cast and crew only.



- Oh. You need some money?

- No, Dad.



- Well, how was the slap?

- It was good.



- There he is. Max, that was great.

- I'm so glad you could come.



I want you to meet a friend of mine.

Peter Flynn, Max Fischer.



- Hi.

- Who's this guy?



- Peter.

- I really liked your play.

It was really cool.



- Yeah.

- What happened to your nose?



- I got punched in the face.

- Oh, boy.



- What's your excuse?

- Hey, author.



- How you doing?

- Nice job.



- Thank you.

- Gonna get to meet your dad tonight?



Oh, no. The old man's on call.



Mr. Blume, I'd like you

to meet Miss Cross...



and I didn't catch

this young gentleman's name.



I like your nurse's uniform, guy.



These are O.R. scrubs.



"O.R." they?



Well, they're totally

inappropriate for the occasion.



Well, I didn't know

we were going to dinner.



That's because you weren't invited.



- Take it easy, Max.

- You were the one that ordered

him a whiskey and soda.



So what's wrong with that?



I can write a hit play. Why can't I have

a little drink to unwind myself?



So, tell me, curly,

how do you know Miss Cross?



- We went to Harvard together.

- Oh, that's great.



I wrote a hit play

and directed it.



So I'm not sweating it either.



Can we get a check, please?



- What do you think you're doing?

- Getting the check.



No, you're not. Excuse me.



I just want to thank you

for accommodating us.



You see, we only thought

we were going to be three,



but, uh, someone invited

himself along, so I apologize.



- Quite all right, sir. Very well.

- Okay.



You're being rude, Max.



- No, I'm not.

- Yes, you are.



No, I'm not. I'm just trying to figure out

why you brought this gentleman to my play...



and my dinner,

which was invitation only.



- Would you like me

to pass you the creamer, Doc?

- Yes, please.



- What is wrong with you?

- What is wrong with you?



You hurt my feelings!

This night was important to me!



How did I hurt your feelings?



Oh, my God!

I wrote a hit play!



And I'm in love with you.



Put that a little bit there.



- Hi.

- Were you hiding over there?



Uh, I didn't want

to disrupt class.



What's that you're painting?



That's a... a jellyfish.



What can I do for you, Mr. Blume?



Max wants to talk to you.



- What for?

- To apologize, I think.



Should we talk over here?



He sent you?






Are you his messenger?



No, I'm his friend.



You were right.

I should not have allowed him to drink.



I don't think

I should see Max anymore.



Well, he's not gonna like

the sound of that.



No. No, I know, but...



I think I let him

get too attached.



What do you think?



Well, I think

you did your best.



Tell him I'm sorry.






What is your first name?



Rosemary. What's yours?






He wrote you a letter.



Dear Miss Cross,



I would like to take this opportunity

to formally apologize...



for the events

of the night of the   rd.



I'm not accustomed

to drinking alcohol.



Please do me the service

of coming to the unveiling of

a new venture I've undertaken.



I hope you will attend,

if possible.



I remain your friend, Max Fischer.



Cut the music and no more pictures.



- What time is it, Alan?

-  :  .



Excuse me, gentlemen.

Hey, lay off the chips, Buchan.



Did you see her?



- She's not here.

- Well, go check her classroom.



- Shall I go ahead

and take care of this tree?

- Let's wait a few minutes.



- What's going on here, Maxie?

- Oh, hey, Coach Beck. Good to see you.



This is where we're

putting in the new aquarium.



I'm in charge of the committee,

if you can believe it.



This is my baseball diamond.



Yeah, I know, and I believe

it's being relocated a few feet over.



Is it true the aquarium

will have piranhas?



- Where did you hear that?

- My source indicated

that it was a possibility.



Yes, it's true, but piranhas

are a very tricky species.



- Max?

- Excuse me, George.



- Bad news.

- What's the story?



- She had a substitute teacher today.

- Why?



- I guess she got sick.

- You know she's not sick.

Give me the phone.



Janet, Max Fischer.

Is Mr. Blume there?



Well, where is he?



Goddamn it.

He's supposed to be here.



I don't give a shit

about the barracudas,



but, fuck it, I'm building it anyway.






Where are those damn

chain saws coming from?



- He's right over there!

- Max!



- Max!

- Oh, hello, Dr. Guggenheim.



- What the hell do you think you're doing?

- We're having a fund-raiser for the...



Turn that damn thing off!



Tell me this isn't happening.



Dr. Guggenheim, I'd rather not have

this conversation in front of my crew.



...chapter seven.



One more thing.

We have a new student with us today.



His name's Max Fischer,

and he's actually asked...



to say a few words to the class.



Max, you want to take it away?



Sure. Thanks very much.



I just wanted to introduce myself.



I'm Max Fischer.



I'm a former student

of Rushmore Academy,



which I recently

got expelled from.



This is my first time

in a public school.



I know you probably think I was born

with a silver spoon in my mouth,



but I'm no elitist.



I think you've got

some great facilities,



and I'm really looking forward to making

the best of it here at Grover Cleveland.



One footnote.



I notice you don't have

a fencing team.



Well, I'm gonna try my hardest

to start one up for you guys.



- Max?

- Yes?



Hi, I'm Margaret Yang.

I'm in Mrs. Whitney's class.



- I just wanted to tell you

that I liked your speech.

- Thank you.



I don't think I've ever heard of anyone

asking to give a speech in class before.



No? How unfortunate.



The silver spoon remark

might rub some people the wrong way,



- but I think I know...

- What do you mean?



- Well...

- You know what?



I gotta go into class in here.

I'll see you later, Mrs. Chang.



En garde!



Janet, Max Fischer. Is he in?









Hey, Max, how's it going?



Terrible. Tell me something. When you

talked to Miss Cross the other day...



Do you have a telephone pass?



- Excuse me.

Do you have a telephone pass?

- One second.



I gotta tell ya, I don't know what you

see in her. I don't think she's right for you.



What's that supposed to mean?



I mean, she's not

that beautiful.



She's not that intriguing.



I mean, she has something that

you can't put your finger on, but...



Look, Mr. Blume, your comments are

valuable, but let's get to the point.



- Son?

- Will she see me again, yes or no?



- No.

- Hang on.



I'm talking on the telephone.



Oh, come on.



That's rude.



Hey, Fischer.



You better beat it, sonny.



You know, Fischer,

I've been watching you.



Showboat. Always talkin'.



Picking a kid like Dirk because his mother's

a great piece, and then getting nowhere.



Like everything you do.



Big show. No results.



What do you call getting a hand job from

Mrs. Calloway in the back of her Jaguar?



A fucking lie.



You think I got kicked out

for just the aquarium? Nah.



It was the hand job.

You want to know something else?



It was worth it.



I'm sorry I embarrassed you at dinner.



And please apologize

to what's-his-name for me.



I will. You okay?



Yeah, I'm fine,

but I miss Rushmore.



I miss the seasons.



Watching the leaves change.



By the way, what time

does the library close?



I've got an overdue book

to turn in.



That is your handwriting,

isn't it?



My husband gave me this book...



when he came to visit England

when I was    and he went to Rushmore.



So when he died,

I gave it to the library here.



You remind me of him, you know?



I do?









you were a member of

the Rushmore Beekeepers, weren't you?



Yeah. I was president of them.



He founded that club.



Do you think we can be

friends again, Miss Cross?



- In-In a strictly platonic way?

- Of course I do.



Do you think you can make a go of it

and settle down at Grover Cleveland?



Yeah, but I need a tutor.



  In the midnight moonlight




  Be walking

a long and lonely mile  



  And every time I do  



  I keep seeing

this picture of you  



  Here comes my baby  



  Here she comes now  



  And that comes

as no surprise to me  



  With another guy

here comes my baby  



  Here she comes now  



  Walkin' with a love

With a love that's all so fine  



  Never could be mine

no matter how I try  



  You never walk alone  



Fighting Owls, let's go!



  And you're forever

talking on the phone  



-   I try to call you names  

- Let's go!



- Let's go!

-   But every time it comes out the same  



  Here comes my baby  



-   Here she comes now   

- Okay, what else do we got?



- Alan's got the birds for your approval.

- I'll take the green one.



- And here's the knife.

- That's too fake.



- Hi, Max.

- Hello.



What's your name again?



- Margaret Yang.

- Margaret Yang.



What are you doing seventh period,

Margaret Yang?



- I have guitar lessons.

- Classical guitar or... In what school?



- Rock.

- Ro... That's good.

We can get you out of that.



Could I see you without

your glasses on, please?



Let's put Margaret down for  :  

in the auditorium, Woody.



Thank you.



And-And bring

a head shot, please.



Hello, Herman.



- How are you, Rosemary?

- I'm fine, thanks.



I just got home,

and I'm having a little snack.



- Having some carrots?

- Yeah.



Nice house.



Yeah. Um, it isn't mine.

I'm just sort of house-sitting.



Um... you were

in the neighborhood?



Uh... did Max have something

planned for us today?



A trip to the museum

or something?



No, I don't think so.

I think he's rehearsing tonight.



Oh, that's right.

He's doing his new play.



Yeah, he's really making a go of it

over there at Grover Cleveland.



Yeah, he's doing very well,

isn't he?



Do you want a carrot?



Yeah, I'll have one of those.



Thank you.



Well, I'll probably

be seeing you soon.



Or we could go for a walk now,

if you like.






The weather's nice, isn't it?



A little brisk.



I'll just get a sweater.

I'll be back in a minute.






I know about you

and the teacher.



- Does Max know?

- No, and I don't want him to know, ever.



I just want it

to stop right now.



You're a married man, Blume,



and you're supposed

to be his friend.



Look, Dirk, I am his friend.



Oh, yeah. And with friends

like you, who needs friends?



Unlock it!



Little Calloway.



You're standing up

for the wrong guy.



Fischer ain't your mate.



What are you talking about, Buchan?



He thinks your mom's good for a bonk.



That's the only reason he picked you

as his chapel partner.



- Who sold you that crock?

- He told me himself.



He says she gave him a hand job

in the backseat of her bloody Jaguar.



- Max would never say that.

- Yeah.



I suppose you're right.



After all, the son of a brain doctor doesn't

need to impress anybody now, does he?



The killing's gotta stop, esse.

It's getting too loco.



- No more gats.

- Nigger, you're the crazy one.



People be trying to kill you.

Are you talkin' about you're

gonna get rid of your gun?



It's time, homey.



Kiss me, Little Juan.



All right, then he kisses her

and we're out. Okay.



Is that for me?



Dear Max, I am sorry to say

that I have secretly found out...



that Mr. Blume is having

an affair with Miss Cross.



My first suspicions came when I saw them

Frenching in front of her house,



and then I knew for sure

when they went skinny-dipping

in Mr. Blume's swimming pool,



giving each other hand jobs while you

were taking a nap on the front porch.



Why am I telling you this now?



Because you're such a good friend.



Take care, pal.



Fondly, Dirk Calloway.






How was she, Herman?



Jesus Christ.



Was she good?

I bet she was.



Although, I wouldn't know

because I never screwed her.



Going skinny-dipping

while I took a nap.



"Are you comfortable, Max?

I'll just, uh, be out back, nude,



getting hand jobs

from the woman you love."



We never went skinny-dipping.



Sure, you didn't.

And next you're gonna tell me...



you didn't just walk out of her house

at  :   in the morning.



I'm in love with her.



Well, I was in love

with her first.



And all that crap about,

"I don't think she's that great.



I don't think she's right

for you, Max."



That was all bullshit,

wasn't it?



Do you think

she's in love with you?



I don't know.



Well, I guarantee you she's not,

and she never will be.






I saved Latin.



What did you ever do?



On the planet I come from...



the sun only comes out once a year.



  From a tiny piece of colored glass  



- That is why my skin...

- Excuse me.



-   My love was born  

- Oh, I'm sorry.



I just came by to thank you

for wrecking my life.



  And reds and golds and yellows  



-   Were the colors in the dawn  

- Max, what are you doing?



  Night brought on

its purple cloak  



  Of velvet to the sky  



  And the gulls

were wheeling, spinning  



-   On Jersey Thursday   

- Hello, Mrs. Blume.



This is Max Fischer. I have some

information regarding your husband.



Please return my call on my voice mail:

Grover Cleveland High School, extension   .



Thank you very much.



Thank you for meeting me.



You're welcome.



Would you like a sandwich?



All right.



I have a tuna

and peanut butter and jelly.



Sorry it's not

something more exotic.



- I'll take the tuna fish.

- Okay.



Milk or apple juice?



Get to the point.






Your husband's...



- How long will you be staying

with us, Mr. Blume?

- Indefinitely.



- I'm being sued for divorce.

- Very good, sir.



Yo, shorty.



Say, can you tell me

where the pool is located?



I might want to take a dip

after I have dinner and hit the bar.



It's on the roof, sir.



  Can't believe it  



  Do my eyes deceive me  



  Am I back in your arms  



  Away from all harm  



  It's like a dream

to be with you  






  Can't believe that I'm with you  






  You are forgiven  



-   You are forgiven  

-   You are forgiven  



  You are forgiven  



-   You are forgiven  

-   You are forgiven  



-   You are forgiven  

-   You are forgiven  



  You are forgiven

Forgiven, forgiven  



  Forgiven, forgiven Forgiven,

forgiven Forgiven, forgiven  



  Forgiven, forgiven

Forgiven, forgiven  



  Know you're forgiven  



  Come on, baby  



  Know that you are  



  Know you're forgiven  



  Know that you've been reprieved  






  You are forgiven  



He's about five foot three,




black hair, glasses, oval face.



  You know you're forgiven  



-   Forgiven  

-   You, baby, forgiven  



-   Forgiven  

-   Know you're forgiven  






  Know you're forgiven   



Thanks for bailing me out, Dad.

Can you drop me off at Rushmore?



- I gotta go get a teacher fired.

- I don't think that's wise, Max.



Whoa! What are you doing?

What are you doing?



- This is private property! You're trespassing!

- What, are you crazy?



Wait a minute!






- Let's have a truce for a second.

- Wait! Truce! Truce!



What's this all about?



Did you say my mom

gave you a hand job?



- What?

- Did you say it?



Who told you

that goddamn lie?



Never mind.

I know who said it.



I think I'm gonna stick

a knife in his heart,



then I'm gonna send him back to Ireland

in a body bag.



He's from Scotland.



Well, tell that stupid Mick he just

made my list of things to do today.



I'm gonna pop a cap in his ass.



So you received the package?






I just wanted to inform you

about what's going on.



I never took you

for an informer, Max.



What's that supposed to mean?



"What's that supposed to mean?"



She resigned this morning before

I even got your little snapshots.



So your latest attempt

at sabotage backfired.



But she's one of the best teachers

you've got. How could you let her go?



- Why are you trying to get her fired?

- You stupid old fool!



I'm trying to win her back!



Miss Cross?



Hi, Max.



- Need any help?

- No, I have it.



- Oh, here, let me see.

- No. Please. Look, I don't think

you should come in here.



Look, I'm sorry

I hurt your feelings.



I'm sorry I love your friend

instead of you, but...



- Please, Max...

- You honestly believe

you love Blume instead of me?






Well, you'll have to forgive me

if I don't take your word for that.



- Oh, stop.

- Miss Cross...



- Listen, if you don't stop,

I'm gonna lose it. I mean it! Don't...

- It's too late.



It's too late.



Wait. Please.



I got kicked out

because of you.



- No, you got kicked out...

- Rushmore was my life.



- Now you are.

- No, I'm not.



What do you really think

is gonna happen between us?



Do you think

we're gonna have sex?



That's a kind

of cheap way to put it.



Not if you've ever

fucked before, it isn't.



Oh, my God.



How would you describe it

to your friends?



Would you say

that you'd fingered me?



Or maybe I could give you a hand job.

Would that put an end to all of this?



Please get out of my classroom.



Fresh are you, sporty, me fuckup.



Hey, Magnus.



Got any good hand jobs lately?



Hey, Dirk! Look who's here.



It's your stepfather, waiting

for your mom so that he can get a piece.



Your mind's as warped

as your ear, Buchan.



Don't get nasty, brother.



We got him, Dirk.

We got him.






Oh, hey, Mr. Blume.



You said you wanted to meet?






Right now.



You said you wanted

to put an end to all this.



Oh, yeah. I, uh, was gonna try and

have that tree over there fall on you.



- That big one?

- Yup.



It would have flattened me

like a pancake.



What stopped you?



I don't know.

What's the point?



She loves you.



She's my Rushmore, Max.



Yeah, I know.

She was mine too.



  I am waiting  



  I am waiting  



  Oh, yeah, oh, yeah  



  I am waiting  



  I am waiting  



  Oh, yeah, oh, yeah  



  Waiting for someone

to come out of somewhere  



  Waiting for someone

to come out of somewhere  



  You can't hold out

You can't hold out  



  Oh, yeah, oh, yeah  



  You can't hold out  



  You can't hold out  



  Oh, yeah, oh, yeah  



  Waiting for someone

to come out of somewhere  



  Waiting for someone  



-   To come out of somewhere  

- Hello.



Hi. I was wondering

if Max was home.



-   See it come along

and don't know where it's from  

- He's not in.



  Oh, yes, you will find out  



  Well, it happens all the time  



-   It's censored from our minds  

- I'm sorry.



  You'll find out  



  Slow or fast  



  Slow or fast  



  Oh, yeah, oh, yeah  



  End at last  



  End at last  



  Oh, yeah, oh, yeah  



  Waiting for someone

to come out of somewhere  



  Waiting for someone

to come out of somewhere  



  Stand up coming years  



  And escalation fears  



  Oh, yes, we will find out  



  Well, like a withered stone  



  Fears will pierce your bones  



  You'll find out  



  Oh, we're waiting  



-   Oh, we're waiting   

- Good night, Stan. Merry Christmas.



See you next time.



It's been nice having

your company here at the shop, Max.



You put any more thought...



- into giving school another shot?

- No.



Max, I like being a barber.

I'm good at it.



But I always thought

you'd try another line of work.



You talked about being

a senator or a diplomat.



Pipe dreams, Dad.



I'm a barber's son.



See you at dinner.



Hello, Dirk.



- Hi, Max.

- What can I do for you?



- I thought I might get a haircut.

- We're closed.



Well, I just want to say

I'm sorry I threw rocks at you that day.



But I guess I'll go now.



Merry Christmas.



What in the hell's that?



So, did you hear the news?



I doubt it. I don't really

follow the news anymore.



Dr. Guggenheim had a stroke.



I'll send him a box of candy.



Maybe you ought to go visit him.



- Mrs. Guggenheim?

- Hello, Max. Come in.



It's so good to see you.



Oh, these are glorious.

I'll put them in some water.



Have a seat.



Should I say hello to Dr. Guggenheim

or can he not hear me?



No, he can hear you.



Hey, old-timer.

It's, uh, Max Fischer.



You probably can't hear me because...



- I don't know if your brain is damaged or...

- What do you want?






That's the first thing

he's said in ten days.



Do you think he recognized me?



- Oh, I don't think so.

- It's Fischer.



See ya later. Bye.

Hope you feel better.



Hey, amigo.



So, who gave you the shiner?



Either Ronny or Donny.



Can't tell the difference anymore.



Well, whichever one it was

really clocked you.






Kids don't like it when

their parents get divorced.



- I don't blame 'em.

- Neither do I.



How is she?



I really wouldn't know.



- Why not?

- I haven't seen her in six weeks.



What happened?



She left?



She's in love

with a dead guy anyway.



Edward Appleby.



You know, uh...



she's sweet, but she's fucked-up.



- Adios, muchacho.

- Hey, are you okay?



Mmm, I'm a little bit

lonely these days.






What are you doing here?



I don't know. Jesus.

They came at me out of nowhere.



- It was... It was so sudden.

- What?



I'm sorry. Can I use your phone?



- I just got hit by a car.

- Oh, my God. Are you okay?



Hmm? What did you say?



- Come inside.

- Thank you.



- I'm gonna get something for your head.

- Okay.



So, this is where it all happens.



- All what happens?

- I wouldn't know.



So, why did you dump Blume?



- That's none of your business.

- I know it's not.



But I just got hit by a car,

and I'm a little confused right now.



I mean, I thought

you dumped me for Blume.



- Then I hear...

- I never dumped you

because we were never going out.



It would just help me

if you talked to me for a minute.



Tell me what happened.






Um, A: He's married.



B: He hates himself.



And C: Well,

he smashed up your bicycle,



- didn't he?

- My previous bicycle, yes.



- Well, what sort of person

does something like that?

- I don't know.



War does funny things to men.



He thinks you dumped him

because of Edward Appleby.



What does that mean?



Well, I mean, you live in his room,

with all his stuff. It's kind of...



I was married to him.



- I know you were.

- Although, I will say...



that Edward has more

spark and character...



and imagination

in one fingernail...



than Herman Blume

has in his entire body.



One dead fingernail.






One dead fingernail.



How did he die, by the way?



He drowned.



How did your mother die?



She got cancer.



Hold still for a moment, okay?



You're very pretty.



Thank you.



Is this fake blood?



Yes, it is.



You know, you and Herman

deserve each other.



You're both little children.



Let me show you the door.



I'll just go back out the window.



- Good-bye, Miss Cross.

- Good-bye, Max.






I'm, uh... I'm sorry

about what I said...



about your mom

giving me a hand job.



I know, Max.



I'm sorry I didn't take your hand

when Buchan kicked your ass.



Hey, uh, that's okay.



What's that?



I don't know.



Nice landing.



What's, uh... What's that you got there,

a little flight plan or something?



Hmm, pretty good.



- Do you know Dirk Calloway?

- I don't think so.



Dirk, this is Margaret Yang.



I, uh, heard about your science project

on Action   .



- They said the Navy wants

to buy it from you. That's...

- No, not anymore.



- Why not?

- Because it was a fake.



- What do you mean?

- I faked all the results.



- Why?

- Because it didn't work.



I thought it would,

but it didn't.



You're a real jerk to me,

you know that?



I'm sorry, Margaret.



Well, anyway, nice to see you.



Do you want to take over for a while?



Take dictation, please.



Possible candidates

for Kite Flying Society.



- David Connors. Murray Marshall.

-   I listen to the wind  



- Greg Holloway. Duncan Wright.

-   To the wind of my soul  



Margaret Yang. Woody Jackson.

Shoeshine Pickens.



  Where I'll end up

Well, I think only God really knows  



  I've sat upon

the setting sun  



  But never, never

never, never  



  I never wanted water once  



  No, never, never, never  



  I listen to my words

but they fall far below  



- Thanks for meeting me, Mr. Blume.

- What can I do for you?



  I let my music take me

where my heart wants to go  



What's this?



  I swam upon the devil's lake  



That's the Perfect Attendance Award

and the Punctuality Award.



I got those at Rushmore.



I thought you could choose

which one you like more...



and you could wear that one,

and I could wear the other.



  No, never, never, never   



I'll take Punctuality.






Come here.



- Thank you.

- Come on inside.



Well, well, well, well,

look what the cat dragged in.



Sorry I'm late.



That's okay.



I want you to meet someone.



Mr. Blume,

this is my father, Bert Fischer.



Nice to meet you,

Mr. Fischer.



Now Mr. Fischer was my father's name.

Call me Bert, please.



- Okay, Bert.

- So, Max tells me you need a haircut.



I can see that. Why don't you sit down,

and we'll have a look.






I don't know, Bert.



Don't worry, Mr. Blume.

It's a relatively painless procedure.



Maybe we'll throw in

a shave as well.



Okay, are you fond

of that mustache?



Do you think you want to keep it

for a while? Mm-hmm.



- How much are you worth, by the way?

- I don't know.



- Over ten million?

- Yeah, I guess so.



- Good, good.

- Why?



'Cause we're gonna

need all of it.



  In the middle of the night  



  In the middle of the night

I call your name  



  Oh, Yoko  



  Oh, Yoko  



  My love will turn you on  



  Oh, Yoko  



  Oh, Yoko   



She's not coming, is she?



Hmm, doesn't look good.



But don't worry. Come on, Herman.



- Shit, what am I doing here?

- Hey!



- Scatter. Scatter.

- Damn it!



How in the hell did you ever

get so rich? You're a quitter, man!



I paid $  million for this.



And that's all

you're prepared to spend?



I'm, uh, sorry you couldn't make it to

our little groundbreaking the other day.



It's kind of a shame,

since he's building it for you.



Well, you know, I never asked anyone

to build me an aquarium.



I'm not quite sure

how that rumor got started.



Me neither.



You think Edward Appleby

would have built one for you?



Yeah, I think he would have,

if he'd had the money.



That's what I thought.



Blume's got a bit more spark and

vitality than you expected, doesn't he?



I thought the aquarium

was your idea.



Well, I gave it to my friend.



- Fifteen sticks?

- Yes, please.



And... could you make

the order out to...



Ready Demolition,

Tucson, Arizona?



Thank you very much.



Make sure these don't get wet.



I'll see you at  :  .



- Where are you going?

- Rushmore.



I've got one last piece

of unfinished business to attend to.



- Fischer, you fuck!

- Hello, Magnus.



I'd have shot you

in the other ear,



but it got blown off

a long time ago.



- Besides, now we're even.

- Not for long, Kemo Sabe.



We'll see. I got

a proposition for you.



Well, you can stick it up

your mother's ass, you little prick.



I gotta hand it to you, Magnus.



You've got a way with words.



You want to be in a play?



What's all that shite?






I just think

you're right for the part.



I always wanted to be

in one of your fucking plays.



I know you did, mate.



This is gonna be exciting.

My son Max wrote it.



Oh, boy, I gotta call the hospital.



Excuse me. Are you

Mrs. Whitney, the English teacher?



- Yes.

- Hi, I'm William Yang,

Margaret Yang's father.



- This is my wife, Lucille.

- Nice to meet you.



- Hello.

- That's kid's gonna burn this place down.



- You better believe it.

- Well, the plans were never

formally submitted to the city.



- Were they supposed to be?

- I assume so.



- Too late now.

- Officers Brooks and Donovan...



requesting additional units

at Grover Cleveland High School.



- Units responding identify.

- A program.



Let me look at that.

Turn it, turn it.



That's enough.



- Excuse me. Right here.

- Thanks.



Hi, Herman.



Looks like Max

pulled a fast one on us.



Thank you very much.



I don't usually do this,

but this play means a lot to me,



and I wanted

to make a dedication.



So, I'll just say that this play

is dedicated to the memory of my mother,



Eloise Fischer,



and to Edward Appleby,

a friend of a friend.



Also, you'll find a pair

of safety glasses and some earplugs...



underneath your seats.



Please feel free to use them.

Thank you very much.



Bravo Company, this is Tango  .

Do you copy?



We order the military forces

of the United States to take action...



This is a different kind of war.



We are making progress,

progress, progress, progress.



How long you been

in country, soldier?



I ain't even here, Sergeant.



I'm in Cheyenne, Wyoming.



Right on, brother.



Hoo. Hoo-hoo.



Let's rock, Esposito!

I repeat, let's rock!



Let's rock and roll!






I'm okay. Go, go, go, go.



- Damn it!

- Take it easy, Dirk.



- How much time do we got, Wood?

- Two minutes.



- All right, bring me some more

ketchup very quickly, please.

- Effects!



- This is gonna look stupid.

- No, it's not. It's gonna look real.



- Thank you.

- You're welcome.



Hold this one too, okay?



So, what do you think

of Max's latest opus?



It's good.



But let's hope

it's got a happy ending.



- Adios, Esposito.

- Adios, Sarge.



Say a prayer for Surf Boy,

wherever he is.



Semper fi, soldier.

Semper fi.



Sic transit gloria.



Maybe we'll meet again someday...



when the fighting stops.



Tag 'em and bag 'em, cherries!

We're movin' out!



I don't know but I've been told



I don't know but I've been told



Hello, Esposito.



Will you marry me, Le-Chahn?



You bet I will.



That's my son.

That's my Maxie.



I just didn't expect to see you here.



Did Max send you an invitation?



Yeah, and he told me to wear a tie.



- Congratulations, Max.

- Thank you very much, Mrs. Yang.



I, uh, actually wrote a different

version of the play two years ago,



but I couldn't

get it done over at Rushmore.



- Oh, really? Why?

- Too political?



No, a kid got his finger blown off

during rehearsals.



A very good evening

to you, Fischers. Hi.



Miss Cross, I'd like for you

to meet my father, Bert Fischer.



He's a barber.

This is my friend, Rosemary Cross.



- Hello, Rosemary.

- Nice to meet you at last, Bert.



Of course you know Mr. Blume.



I'd also like everyone to meet

Mr. and Mrs. Yang. This is Margaret.



- Hello, Margaret.

- It's nice to meet you, Miss Cross.



I'm surprised they let him build

a real campfire on the stage.



It's clearly a safety hazard.



- Well, last year,

he tried to raise piranhas.

- Yeah, I know he did.



- What did you think, Mr. Littlejeans?

- Best play ever, man.



I thought it was

a very realistic performance.



Yeah? Fischer stepped

over half my bloody lines.



That's funny.

I didn't notice.



Mr. Blume, how are Ronny and Donny

enjoying military school?



- They love it.

- Lucky bastards.



- I understand you're a neurosurgeon.

- No, I'm a barber.



But a lot of people make that mistake.



You were incredible tonight, Margaret.



- You were that poor girl.

- Thank you.



I loved it when you grabbed

onto the bottom of the chopper

as it was taking off.



- That was totally improvised.

- I know.



- Can I ask you a question?

- Of course.



Can you do

an Australian accent?



I'm working on something

that's set in the outback.



I really feel like celebrating,

you know?



- Would you care to dance?

- Oh, yes, I would love to.



- Great.

- Come on.



You're looking good, Bert.



Hello, Mr. Blume.



Hello, Margaret.

May I cut in?



I haven't had a chance to cut a rug

with your new girlfriend yet.



- Ah, new girlfriend.

- Yes, I am.



Find your own dance partner, Mr. Blume.

I'm spoken for.



No, it's okay.

He's my friend.



Well... you pulled it off.



Yeah, it went okay.

At least nobody got hurt.



Except you.



No, I didn't get hurt that bad.



Come on, you two. Shake a leg.



- Would you like to dance?

- Yeah, but...



Here, let's see if the deejay can play

something with a little more... Reuben!



  Poor old Granddad  



  I laughed at all his words  



  I thought he was a bitter man  



  He spoke of women's ways  



  They'll trapped you

Then they use you  



  Before you even know  



  For love is blind

and you're far too kind  



  Don't ever let it show  



  I wish that

I knew what I know now  



  When I was younger  



  I wish that

I knew what I know now  



  When I was stronger  



  The cancan's

such a pretty show  



  Will steal your heart away  



  But backstage

back on Earth again  



  The dressing rooms are gray  



  They come on strong

and it ain't too long  



  For they make you

feel a man  



  But love is blind

and you soon will find  



  You're just a boy again  



  When you want her lips

you get her cheek  



  Makes you wonder

where you are  



  If you want some more

then she's fast asleep  



  Leaves you twinkling

with the stars  



  Poor young grandson  



  There's nothing I can say  



  You'll have to learn

just like me  



  And that's the hardest way  



  Ooh la la  



  Ooh la la la la  



  Yeah, yeah  



  I wish that

I knew what I know now  



  When I was younger  



  I wish that

I knew what I know now  



  When I was stronger   




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