The Russians Are Coming...
Script - Dialogue Transcript
Voila! Finally, the The Russians Are Coming script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the
Carl Reiner and Alan Arkin movie. This script is a transcript that was painstakingly
transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of The Russians Are Coming.... I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally
tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to
drop me a line. You won't
hurt my feelings. Honest.
Why don't you go back to bed?
I'll keep the kids quiet.
You know I never can get back to sleep.
- Is there any coffee?
- It's not finished yet.
Have some orange juice. You'll feel better.
This house is damp.
Doesn't the dampness ever bother you?
Any house by the sea is bound to be damp.
No. This house is special. It'll always be special.
It'll always be that damp summer place
on Gloucester Island.
Two and a half months here, it'll take
two and a half years for my bones to dry out.
Here, listen to my back.
There. Did you hear that?
- I don't hear anything.
- Listen! There!
Tomorrow, we'll be going home.
You'll be nice and dry.
Your back won't make a sound...
...and we'll never go anywhere again.
Dad! Mom! There's some men outside!
- There are what?
- There are men outside! Lots of men!
- There are? What are they doing, Pete?
- I don't know. They're creepin'!
- They're creeping, are they? Listen...
- I think they're creeping up on this house!
Pete! Annie's asleep upstairs.
- They've got guns! I saw their guns!
- Maybe it's an ambush.
Why don't you go outside and play some tennis?
I warned you.
- Bacon and eggs all right?
- No. I'll get dressed first.
It's too damp to eat.
Honey, I have to work today, I really do.
What's the plan? Do I have to pack?
Walt, you don't have to do a thing.
We're going to spend the day packing.
I'll keep the kids away, and you can work.
You know Larry's going to scream
if I don't get that second act worked out.
I told him last Wednesday I already had it.
I don't even have an idea for it.
You will. You know you will.
You know how producers are.
He'll say it's a masterpiece.
And it probably will be.
You get dressed,
eat a good breakfast, and just do it.
They're hidin' out by the garage now.
And there's this great big one...
...like Uncle Harry.
Like Uncle Harry?
Okay, Pete. You keep an eye on 'em.
I'll never get any work done today.
People runnin' around the house.
Hello, good morning.
- How are you?
- Very good.
Annie was awake till : . I'll let her sleep.
The toast is burning.
This darn thing.
Why I ever let that agent talk me into $ ...
...for the dampest house in the...
- I counted them. There are nine of them.
- Come on.
Two of them've got Tommy guns,
and they're all talkin' some foreign language.
- They could be Russians or somethin'!
- Sit down and eat your breakfast.
- You don't even believe me!
- Just eat.
Someone at the door.
You always know everything.
- What? What do you mean?
- It's probably Alison.
- I'll get it.
- I'll get it.
Alison, this early in the morning? No, I'll get it.
Good morning, sir.
A pleasant good morning to you.
Please permit me to apologize
for this unusual disturbance...
...but we are hoping
for some conversations, please.
Lady, and a young boy.
Good morning, also, my dear lady.
Good morning, young boy.
We are two strangers in this island,
and we wish to speak with you about boats.
- About boats?
- Yes, that is most exactly correct.
I don't understand. I mean, who are you?
- I didn't hear a car. How did you...
- Please, not to be afraid. We are nobody.
We wish only to inquire where to find powerboat.
Motor-powerboat for private use
for some brief little time, you understand?
Sorry, but I still don't understand.
There are no boats around here.
- No boats?
This is an island with no boats?
There are boats, some boats,
but not around here. In town.
In the harbor in town,
but there are none around here.
- Big boats?
- All different kinds of boats.
Ask them if they're Russians.
A nice little boy there.
Which way to harbor, please?
It's five miles down.
- Ask them if they're Russians!
- Peter, be quiet.
A clever little boy, very clever,
to see that my friend and I are foreigners here.
But of course, not Russians, naturally.
What would the Russians be doing
on United States of America island...
...with so many animosities and hatreds
between these two countries?
It is too funny idea, is it not?
No, we are, of course, Norwegians.
On a small training exercise
for the NATO countries...
- NATO countries, of course, yes.
To reach place of power motorboats...
...is necessary to make borrowings
of automobile for short time only, sir.
- May I ask you something?
- Yes, of course.
Are there nine of you out there?
Are you all Russians with machine guns?
And does one of you look like Uncle...
I mean, look like a wrestler?
I'm sorry to comply with your statement,
...all of the answers to these questions are yes.
He's got a gun!
- Please, to step inside the house.
- No, just wait a minute.
- You can't come in here.
- Lady, not to worry, for no harm is coming.
No harm. Absolutely no harm.
Don't be frightened. There's an explanation.
I'm sorry I didn't believe you, son.
- All to keeping calm.
I repeat, no harm is coming.
All now, please, being seated.
It's all right, just take it easy.
Pete, don't be scared.
- There's no need to be scared.
- I'm not scared.
Good boy. Now, to answer some few questions...
so that there is no necessity howsoever...
So that there is no necessity howsoever...
...why everybody in such a nice American family
should get shot to little pieces.
You understand? Yes. Good.
- What else people are in this house?
There's only our little girl. She's asleep upstairs.
But she's only a little baby.
So. First, is necessary
to make borrowings of automobile.
Where are keys?
In my purse.
If you don't mind, please.
What is population of island, please?
- It's about people.
- Honey, there's more than that.
In September? You're thinking of the summer.
No, in West Village, all the farms...
You forgot to count the farms.
No matter! Not many people.
Please, you know of no boat
except at boat place?
No boat close to where we are here?
No, there just aren't any boats.
Very few questions more.
Don't tell them anything! We'd be traitors!
Pete, just keep quiet. Here.
There is no establishment of US Navy
or Army or Coastal Guardians on island?
No US of Air Force?
No, there are no bases on Gloucester.
Police constabulary? How many members
of police department here? ?
No, there are not that many. Maybe three or four.
Don't tell 'em anything.
He hasn't even tortured you yet!
- Listen. No one's going to be tortured.
Couldn't you at least give us some idea
what this is all about?
I know it's none of...
None of my business, but...
It is necessary for you to remain in this house...
...I hope, most vigorously, for short time only.
- We're not goin' anywhere, so that...
Please, to remain absolutely good-behaved,
so that this man here...
...a marksman of prize-winning caliber...
...will not have the necessity
of shooting you to small pieces.
- I forgot. I meant to, but I forgot.
- Listen, there isn't much gas in the car.
- No time for stupid tricks.
Just to keep absolutely good-behaved, yes?
Madam, once more, I apologize for all this.
Why'd you let him do that?
What'd you let him kiss your hand for?
- I didn't know what he was going to do.
- You could have pulled it away.
I didn't want to make him mad.
- Pete! Come back here!
I'll call the police, that's what!
It doesn't buzz.
They must've cut the telephone line.
Is true. Now, please to sit down
with Mama and Papa, all together, yes?
Listen to me. You're not to try
anything like that again, do you hear?
- It's Annie!
- It's my sister!
Good morning, Mommy.
Good morning, darling.
I'm hungry. I want my breakfast.
All right, Annie.
All right, you'll have your breakfast.
Please, Mister and Missus.
I am most sinceriously sorry
for incident with little girl.
Suddenness of noise...
What's your name?
My name's Annie Whittaker. I'm going to be .
Where did you come from?
From Soviet Navy submarine boat.
A submarine? You're off a submarine?
Last night, captain of submarine boat...
...is putting submarine boat
too close to land, against orders.
He want to look at America.
He never saw it.
All of a suddenness...
...submarine boat is
becoming fixed on this place...
You went aground!
Honey, that's it! Their sub has gone aground!
Well, if that's... Wait a minute!
You're looking for a big motorboat
to try to pull the sub off the sandbar?
Da, is it!
Why did you come in here...
Anybody could go aground like that.
It happens all the time.
Please to disagree.
All are most sinceriously terrified
of what will happen now.
Why? What will happen?
Unless Rozanov is finding power motorboat...
...will be coming many US of American...
...and the war vessels.
No more Soviet Navy submarine boat.
But they wouldn't.
- Just because you've gone aground?
It wasn't deliberate.
It was only an accident, wasn't it?
- They'd simply have to be sympathetic.
When you get captured, you'll get shot.
And I hope you do.
- You know you don't mean that.
- I do mean it.
Listen to me, son.
- I can't. You were the one who helped 'em!
What do you mean?
You told them everything they wanted
to know, just like Arnold Benedict!
That's Benedict Arnold, not...
What are you saying?
Are you saying you think your father is a traitor?
Yes, I am.
I bet I'm the only guy in the fourth grade
whose father is a famous trader.
Just stop it. You're being silly.
Might as well give her a hand.
Here, honey, let me help you with that.
I'm going to do something.
I'm going to get that gun from him.
Walt, you're crazy! Don't.
You heard what Pete said?
He's only a child.
Now you're behaving like a child.
He's bigger, younger and stronger than you are...
...and he's got the gun!
He's also just as frightened as I am.
Sailor, as long as you're here...
...how about a cup of hot, cold...
- Do not come close with that, please.
- It's just a little cold...
I do not want to hurt anybody.
Not children, not parents, also.
Walt, I don't think he wants it. Really.
Who comes there? Who?
It's probably Alison, and all those men.
Come in, Alison.
Alison. Did your brother Fred come with you?
- Hi, Fred, come on in! I've got him now!
- No! Look out!
I got him! Grab him! Stop yelling!
Pete, I got him!
Let him go!
I got the gun!
All right, stick 'em up.
No shoot! No!
He's getting away!
But, Mr. Whittaker...
I'll bet he's hiding somewhere.
Walt! Don't shoot! It's us!
What are you gonna do?
Nothing. He ran for it. It's all over.
Everybody all right?
- But who is he, Mr. Whittaker?
- A Russian sailor.
Careful, Walt. If he's gone, where did he go?
- He's probably hiding right over there!
- I tell you, he's gone.
Would he be silly enough to come back
when I've got the Tommy gun?
He'll be tryin' to get back to the submarine.
All right, everybody in the house.
Pete, I guess we showed him.
We handled that situation all right,
wouldn't you say?
You just let him get away!
You didn't even shoot him!
You just let him get away!
Did you hear that? Did you?
- What are you raising, a delinquent?
- He's only a child.
- He's getting too much, just too much.
- He's a baby. Careful!
- He's eight and a half years old.
- Nine and a half.
There, you see?
If that's those high school kids...
Operator! Hurry up!
That Alice Foss? Call Chief Mattocks.
The Russians have landed!
They're here. Do you hear?
The Russians, in West Village.
And I'm being attacked!
Stop that! How dare you?
Excuse us, we didn't mean any harm.
- It's Alice Foss, Chief.
I'm sorry to bother you, Chief Mattocks,
but I just had a call from Muriel Everett.
What'd she want?
She was shoutin' that I should call you,
because according to her...
Muriel said the Russians have landed.
Wanna gimme that again, Alice?
Muriel said the Russians have landed,
whatever that means, Chief.
And she said they were attacking her personally.
Remember when she called
about that peepin' Tom?
You know who that was, don't you?
It was Luther Grilk's horse.
I remember that one, Chief.
You handle it, will you?
Just go ahead and call her.
If all those men are in town, they all have guns...
...and they're desperate,
I mean, anything might happen.
Nobody's gonna do anything! Nobody!
- Tell the police they took our car.
- I will.
We have to find it before we go.
It doesn't belong to us.
- While you're there, call the plumber.
- All right.
- Tell him to turn off the water.
- Listen, if I'm not back in minutes...
What? If you're not back in minutes, what?
If I'm not back in minutes, nothing!
I'll be back just as soon as... I'll be right back!
Totally unbelievable. I've got work to do today!
If I don't get that second act,
Larry's gonna scream!
You look silly on a girl's bicycle.
If you wanna hit him, it's all right with me.
You're riding for a fall, buster.
- You're riding for a fall.
- Hit him!
Get back! Just get in.
You change Annie, I'll start packing.
If that's the way she wants it,
that's the way it's gonna be.
Fern, why don't you answer that telephone?
Mattocks here, who's that?
I'm awfully sorry to be bothering you again...
...but I think something really is happening.
- Did you talk to her?
- I tried, but Muriel's line is dead.
I ain't a repairman.
If you got trouble with the lines...
...you call up Ed Spooner or Art Pinkney,
the guys that work for you.
But Chief, Muriel Everett said...
I know what she said.
She said that the Russians had landed.
She said the Russians landed in West Village.
Alice, come on, for the love of...
How could they land in West Village?
- There's nothing out there but sandbars.
- Couldn't they drop in parachutes?
- How many of the lines are out?
- The whole circuit. It's just dead.
All right, I'm up.
I said, I'm up.
Whatever is goin' on, I'm up.
While I'm gettin' dressed,
you call up Norman, Charlie, Les and Oscar.
Tell them I said
to get over to the office right away.
Tell them I said
they better bring their guns, all right?
Yes, Chief! But should I call the State Police?
No. I don't want them bastards.
- Shall I call the Coast Guard?
- No, Alice, nobody. Just...
Let's find out what's goin' on first.
If there is somethin' goin' on,
before we start spreadin' around a lot of alarms.
The Russians have landed.
The Russians have landed in West Village
and are attacking the Postmistress.
They're attacking Muriel Everett.
Where the hell...
I'll get it. Will you eat?
Oscar Maxwell speaking.
Chief Mattocks wants you at the station,
and bring your gun. That's an order.
Bring my gun?
- What's happening? What's goin' on?
...reported that Russian parachutists...
A Russian parachutist on Gloucester Island?
Get my gun!
- Where's my gun?
- I saw it when I moved your shirts.
You shouldn't have moved it!
Can't you understand, this is an emergency?
- And I can't even find my...
- It won't be there, those are my things.
You're a great help! I can't get this thing on.
That isn't right. Here, I'll get it.
Just where did you put my badge?
- It's right here.
- Find that.
I can't get this thing fastened.
Will you watch what you're doing?
- What about me? What should I do?
- Just stay at home, in the house.
- But if you're gone...
- My cap!
The kids, why do they put things in my cap?
Kids, I want you to pay attention to me.
This is very serious.
There's an emergency.
Chief called me to the station.
Listen to your mother, too. Pay attention to her.
I don't want you goin' outside.
Or near the windows, okay?
Better yet, all of you stay in the cellar.
Okay. Wonderful kid.
Norm, suppose they come here.
Suppose they start burning and looting.
- Suppose they start raping?
- Do what?
I don't know, Sarah.
The way I see it, you could kick up a fuss
and get yourself killed.
Or you could clear out
the minute you see 'em coming.
- Clear out?
Clear out where? The ferry isn't even running!
This is Sunday!
Norman. Where you going?
Mornin', Norm. What's goin' on?
There's a report
that the Russians have landed out there.
Russians! Holy jumpin'!
They must be comin' in at the airport.
It's the only way.
Will you get outta the way?
I said, will you get outta the way?
The chief called me down at the station.
I've gotta get there.
Will you get back in the house with the kids,
like I told you?
That goes for you, too, Isaac!
Did he say they've captured the airport?
The Russians have captured the airport?
I don't know,
but there's some kind of general alarm out.
Hey, Porter. Do you know what's goin' on?
They've captured the airport!
There's a general alarm out!
Where are you?
What are you doin' up there?
Holy Mackerel, girl! What was it, a stickup?
What are you doing,
hanging up there on the wall?
Wilbert, I want you to get hold of yourself.
Chief's here. I'll talk to you later.
- Hey, Chief. What's going on?
- Is there any truth to it?
Take it easy. All I know is
Muriel Everett called up Alice Foss...
...and told her the Russians had landed.
She said the Russians had landed,
and they were attacking her personally.
Attacking Muriel Everett?
That's just plain crazy, Chief!
Anyway, she hollered to Alice
about getting attacked...
...and then her line went dead.
- What's goin' on?
- Who are you, boy?
- Walt Whittaker. We're staying out at the...
- Whoever you are, you better get movin'.
This whole danged island's under attack
We're gettin' out!
- You're what? Wait a minute.
- Can't wait! We're gettin' out!
Wait a minute. What happened here?
Those Russians are just ashore.
That's right, they're all over Gloucester Island.
Those Russians are not...
Hey, wait a second!
Those Russians are not...
"Suppose," my foot!
There ain't any Russians anyplace.
But, I mean, just in case there are...
...what are we supposed to do, Chief?
- I just got here. I don't know.
My wife is just about out of her mind!
I'll tell you what we do. We shoot 'em.
No. We're not gonna shoot anybody.
Will you call back, Fern?
What are you tryin' to do, start a panic here?
You talk about a panic.
There's people all over the streets,
runnin', yellin', screamin'!
That's right, Chief. Some of 'em even got guns.
If we can just keep this thing quiet.
Look! Ed Spooner! He's carryin' a. !
There's Joe Monsell, he's got a shotgun!
We gotta do somethin'.
We really gotta do somethin'.
Those people are runnin' around
down there with guns!
That's just great.
I thought all the nuts went home after Labor Day.
We've gotta have a definite plan of action, men.
That's what we need.
First off, we've gotta have ourselves a leader.
Yeah! That's right!
The democratic way, that's the way I'd be for.
Let's do it the Republican way!
Have nominations and a proper election.
But that might take time.
So I'm gonna suggest an alternate.
Anybody wants to be leader...
...ought to step up here right now,
and we'll put it to a voice vote.
You do it, Fendall! You've got the sword.
Nobody else wants to do it,
I guess it'll have to be me.
So, if there are no objections,
I'll assume command.
This may be it, men. This may be it!
All men with firearms,
form a line across the street.
Come on, men! Keep out of the way!
If an armed man falls,
an unarmed man will pick up his gun!
Don't fire until I give the order!
Men with shotguns,
don't fire until you see the whites!
Get out of the way! It's Agnes Grilk.
Get out of the way!
- That was Muriel Everett with her.
- They said Muriel was dead.
Stop it, Muriel! What are you doing?
If we can take some prisoners without a fight,
all the better.
But if they want war, men, let it begin here!
Make it lively, boys. Step lively. On the double!
All right, the armed contingent here. Attention.
Now, count off!
Holy jumpin', haven't you even heard?
- Heard what?
- The Russians!
The Russians have captured the airport!
- Anybody seen 'em, Fendall?
- You got any witnesses?
Speak up! Anybody actually see any Russians?
All right, everybody go on home!
Just get off the streets.
- Norm, break it up.
- You heard the chief. Break it up.
Listen, Mattocks! What are you tryin' to do?
Lotsa people have seen 'em.
Reports are comin' in every minute!
All right, men,
every fourth man, run and get your car!
- Hold it.
- Wait a minute.
- Just a minute there!
- Now what do you want?
I'm goin' out to the airport. You ain't.
- You're gonna stay right here.
You're gonna stay here
until I find out what the score is...
...and don't you do nothin' till I tell you to,
you got that?
Wait a minute, Mattocks!
You're gonna foul up the whole detail.
We've got a plan of operation all worked out.
That don't give you no right
to tell the police what to do, Fendall.
We are governed by the laws of this town
as authorized by the Commonwealth...
...and unless you got a federal warrant
that supersedes that...
...you can keep your big fat mouth shut,
or I'll throw you in jail for disorderly conduct!
- Let's take him in, Link.
- Right, Chief. Let's take the slob in.
Take me in? After I've been elected leader?
I'd like to see you try.
Put that thing away, Fendall.
All right, I want all the unarmed men
to stay here in town.
Norm Jonas is gonna be in charge
of the town defense.
Norm, you stay here and get things organized.
- You promised...
- Don't argue with me, do like I tell you.
Why do you have to argue with me all the time?
All right, you can come along, Fendall. Go on.
All right men, we're going!
Just keep your mouth shut,
and stay behind this jeep.
Get your cars and follow me.
Let's go. Move that car, will you?
Come on, you guys.
Get that Volkswagen out of here.
Come on, will you get it out of here?
What are you doin', Tom?
Are you tryin' to back over me? Move it!
- Holy jumpin'! Muriel, you all right?
- I think so.
Agnes, there's the Reverend Hawthorne and...
...I'm still in my night things.
Are you all right? Why, it's Miss Everett.
You better come inside.
The telephone company says the Russians...
Had you heard about it? Some kind of invasion.
- Anybody know where Arthur Carew is?
- He went to get his teeth fixed.
He took the Friday boat.
I want somebody to run up to Arthur's house...
...and get Millie to lend you keys to the store.
Everett, you go up there. Listen.
Tell her to give you all the arms she's got
in stock. We got to have more guns.
Slim, go over to Mr. Paladini's.
He's got a couple of guns over there.
Do as I tell you.
All right, on one condition, everybody pays cash.
Come on, they're openin' up the bar.
We've just got to get organized.
Hey, Marvin, it's Luther Grilk.
That's the final...
Luther, how'd you get in there?
I didn't know you were there.
- What's goin' on?
- The Russians!
I can't get anything but church services,
and there's not even any news.
Maybe they captured all the radio stations.
What about that four-minute warning?
Did anybody get a four-minute warning?
Double bourbon, coming up.
- Listen, Norm.
- Not now. Can't you see I'm busy?
Why don't you go sleep it off somewhere?
Leave that space clear there, in front of that door.
Wait a minute. I just got an idea.
What if they captured all the radio stations?
Ain't that the first place?
Luther, can't you see I'm busy?
- I'm trying to get something organized.
- But we're helpin' you.
You wanna do something to help?
You wanna do something important?
You know those people
that live in those shacks past the dump?
They got no way of knowin' about the alarm...
...and there's no way of going without a jeep,
and we ain't got one.
- Why don't you get your horse...
Why don't you get Beatrice,
and ride up there on horseback...
...and let those people know what's happening?
There are women and kids up there,
and you could warn 'em.
I guess I could.
And I will!
Not that way. This way.
Clear that door. I told you guys.
- What are you...
- I got to get to my horse.
Norm! Where are you?
My things are packed.
Get the children's things, and we'll go.
- The ferry's not running.
- I don't care.
I'm not going to stay here
with those Russians running around.
- You Miss Whittaker?
- Yes, could you...
- My name is Bell.
- Could you help me?
I live over in Corner Pocket Bay.
Is your phone out of order?
Yes, it is. They cut the lines, you see,
some Russians from a submarine.
I can explain, but you wouldn't understand.
Are you driving to town or to West Village?
My husband went to the police
and hasn't come back.
Did you say Russians?
Why don't you ride into West Village with him?
- I want to come!
- I don't think I ought to leave.
You go with him. We'll be all right.
Pete, you stay here with Alison and Annie.
- I'll be right back.
- Okay. I'll get the Tommy gun.
- You'll get the what?
- Come on, you come with me!
Wait a minute!
If you could give us a lift, we'd be so grateful.
Take care of Annie. We'll be right back.
Come on, Gustav!
My name is Walt Whittaker.
I want to report that nine Russian sailors
came to my house...
What? Norman, come over here.
- This fellow says nine Russian sailors...
Aren't you that Whittaker fellow
from out there at Duck Head Point?
My brother was at your house last month,
cleaning out a clogged drain.
I want to report that nine Russian sailors
came to my house...
Sailors? You mean, their navy's landing, too?
- Listen, fellows, come here.
- No. They're off a submarine.
It's not just parachutists.
The Russian navy's landed.
That means they've captured
the whole west half of the island.
Will you tell me,
what's all this about parachutists?
There's a shore party of nine men
off a Russian submarine, stranded.
My God. It's all over. It's finished.
We haven't got a chance, not a chance.
My God, how could such a thing happen?
Listen. All they...
We're surrounded! The navy's here!
You're in charge here, aren't you?
One of those Russians, he told us...
He said the other eight are coming here
to Gloucester Haven, to the harbor.
He said they wanted to get a boat.
Sam, we've got to do something.
You listen to me.
- Call Link and tell him what's happened.
- Link's out at the airport.
- We've just got to do something.
I'll tell you what. We gotta call the President!
The President of the United States.
He's got that there hot line.
- You've heard about that?
He'll either know what's happening,
or he'll get on the hot line and find out.
The Russians are... Just a second!
Those Russians just told me...
You can't use a hot line. That's not for us to...
It's true, Mr. Carmichael.
It seems that the Russians have landed.
One small noise, you are dead. You believe me?
Yes, I believe you.
Hello, beauty. We got a big job to do.
Come here, Beatrice.
Come here, sweetie. Take it easy now.
One small noise, and you are dead.
I don't know. He ran away.
We had a struggle, you see.
I took away his gun.
You took Kolchin's gun? You?
Kolchin would not run away.
He would stay near house.
This is what he was told.
You mean, he's still there?
He wouldn't do anything to hurt...
We have big problem here.
We cannot get boat
except kill some men by boat place.
I don't care about your problem.
Would that kid do anything to harm my family?
- lf he touches them...
- No, Kolchin is good boy.
Is doing nothing howsoever to hurt anybody.
Not to be worried, only listen.
Has Coastal Guardians or Navy of United States
been told that we are here, yes or no?
I don't know.
I don't think so.
Some men in a bar down the street...
...they were speaking about
telephoning the President.
What is communications with mainland?
- You mean, the telephone office?
It's right upstairs.
- Is there a battle going on at the airport?
- Office of telephone is upstairs?
Are there are parachutists all over...
- There are parachutists on island?
- No. I mean Russian parachutists.
Everybody on the island is saying that...
Everybody on the island is crazy!
How many people in office of telephone?
I don't know.
Can I give you some advice?
You'll never make it down to the harbor.
Why don't you give yourselves up?
Either you'll kill somebody, or you'll get killed.
...you could start a war.
- What is your name?
- Whittaker, Walt.
Pay mark to this, we must have boat.
Even now, may be too late.
This is your island, I make your responsibility.
You help us get boat quickly,
otherwise there is World War III...
...and everybody is blaming you.
Hello. He said they were trying to get a boat.
Is that right?
They were trying to get a boat?
The fellow said
the Russian said they're trying to get a boat.
Tell you what we gotta do.
We gotta post a dozen men there
with guns to keep an eye on those boats.
Will you put that drink down?
You've had enough of that stuff.
But, Norman, I've already paid for it.
Hello. Alice? Where the hell is she?
I don't know whether Chief Mattocks
has alerted anybody, Mr. Nelson. Hold on.
Just a minute, please.
All I know is...
Mr. Nelson! You've got no right
to address me in a tone like that!
You want the who? The President?
Let's see what the butcher boy wants. All right.
Hold on a minute. Look...
The airport's only half a mile away.
We can't just barge in, like going to the ball park.
We gotta have a plan.
Let's leave the cars here...
...and sneak up there and surround them.
Old Blood and Guts Hawkins.
I thought you wanted to lead the charge, General.
What's the matter,
you getting a little queasy now?
- You got no right to speak to me like that.
- Yes, I have.
- With my military experience?
- Come on, Charlie, let's get outta here.
Come on, what are we waiting for?
Let me get in here.
Fendall, will you stop poking me
with that sword?
Come on, lady, just be nice and calm.
Not nice and calm...
You don't say a word, and we don't kill you, yes?
Nice and calm.
I think he means it, ma'am,
so please don't scream or anything.
They're kind of desperate.
- But who are you?
- My name is Whittaker, they...
- Mr. Walter Whittaker?
- Didn't you rent the old Selwyn place?
I've put through some of your calls
to New York City. I'm Miss Foss.
You and Whittaker Walt, you have nice
conversation some other day, yes?
You had some idea of getting
men from boat place?
Unless you create a diversion.
What kind of diversion, please?
Send some of your men out of town,
and let them fire their guns in the air.
It's great idea. I send my men paces, and...
I congratulate you on extreme genius of this idea.
- Not if you all disguised yourself.
Like with those clothes downstairs
at the cleaners.
You could sneak through town,
and no one would notice.
Are you really trying to help them?
Are you on their side?
Of course I'm not! How could you say...
I think it would be a whole lot pleasanter
if a lot of people didn't get killed.
All they're trying to do is borrow a motorboat.
- What did they say?
- I don't know, I'm not with them.
Excuse me, please. I am here still.
Please, you should not be frightened of me.
You see? You.
I give you gun.
I'm not frightened.
Your forehead's bleeding.
- Where are they?
Who? What do you mean?
- The parachutists.
- The Russians.
What? What are you?
The Russian parachutists.
We got reports that they were...
Quiet! Let's get to the bottom of this.
Stanley, we know
that this whole island is under attack.
Where did they go?
I didn't see anybody.
Have you been sleeping, Stanley?
Come on now, admit it.
Are you trying to tell us that nothing at all
has happened here?
Will you shut up?
- There was one thing that happened.
- What happened?
My phone is out of order.
I just discovered it this morning.
His phone is out of order.
That could be significant.
All the phones on the whole west side
of the island are out.
Where are you going?
We're going over to Muriel Everett's house
and check her telephone line.
After that, we're gonna go home.
The rest of you go on home, too. Go on.
Wait a minute!
Don't shove that thing in my face, Fendall.
Go on home, like I told you to.
You're not giving orders to my detail.
We are going, too.
Stay behind this jeep. Just follow me.
To your cars. We're moving to West Village.
Emergency. Everybody to get from street.
Emergency. Everybody to get from street.
Dear, kind lady. Sincerest apologies
for what we do here.
For you, your equipment, for all of this.
if you're a man who makes prayers...
...this is time for special prayer
that all is going well.
I say goodbye for second time, yes?
Miss Foss, can you hear me?
On the count of three, let's roll over to the wall.
When I say three, follow me. Here we go.
...three. No, get off me!
Annie, go play in the sand.
You'll feel better when you eat something.
I'm sure you'll feel better.
What will become with me?
I must be arrested, surely.
But will Americans place me in prison?
I am a...
I confess to you...
...I have much fear of what will happen with me.
A Russian seaman in America.
Don't be afraid.
Nobody's gonna hurt you.
What's your name?
- What is your name, please?
Can I call you Alexei?
I never met anyone called Alexei before.
When I say three, press forward.
We're going to stand up.
But whatever you do, don't fall over.
One, two... Don't fall over!
Everybody to get from street.
Just take it easy, Beatrice.
Hop, that's it, Miss Foss.
No, not that way. That way.
Hold it! Please.
Let's try to turn around.
We can hop better if we face each other, I think.
All right now, try turning around. Here we go!
All right now, let's start hoppin'.
Here we go.
Hop. Good. Miss Foss, over here.
Don't pull that way.
We're not going over this way!
This way. Here we come.
Wonderful, Miss Foss.
You're doing fine. Just a moment.
We may have a problem here.
- A what?
- I said, we may have a problem here.
Wait, Miss Foss. Courage.
Let's try it, Miss Foss.
We're going to go down one step at a time.
When I say three, hop.
Come out you guys.
- The Russians, they're out here.
- Come on, you guys, down to the jetty!
We're fine, Miss Foss.
Over here. This way!
You're doing beautifully.
Come down to my step, only one step.
You're doing fine, but don't lean that way.
Come on, you guys,
let's head on back to our cars.
Let's head back to the East Shore Road.
- Come on, everybody. Back to your cars.
- That's East Shore Road, boys.
- Are you all right, Miss Foss?
- I think so.
I think I'm gonna faint.
- Don't faint until you roll off me.
You're squashing me! Just roll over, lightly.
What's the matter?
Sounds like it's comin' from the harbor.
It's your father! It's Daddy.
- Walt, are you all right? What happened?
- I'm all right.
- Who's she?
- Did the Russians do it, Dad?
- Take the gag out, and I'll tell you!
- He's okay, he's alive!
Take her gag out.
Alice, what did they do to you?
No boat in the harbor could catch that cruiser.
Don't you think I know that?
All of you armed men, follow me.
You unarmed men, clear off the streets.
We're gonna head out that East Shore Road.
Keep your eye on that cruiser.
Go get some more, Annie. Go find some shells.
In Union of Soviet...
...when I am only young boy...
...many are saying...
...Americans are bad people.
They will attack Russians.
...all mistrust American.
But I think...
...that I do not mistrust American.
Not really sinceriously.
I wish not to hate anybody.
This makes good reason to you, Alison Palmer?
Of course it does.
It doesn't make sense to hate people.
It's such a waste of time.
But it does not matter now.
Something has gone amiss.
Else otherwise, Rozanov, he is my officer...
...he would have come back for me.
But I think now that everything is...
...completed for me.
They tried to draw everybody away
from the harbor so they could steal the boat.
They tied us up upstairs and... Where's Annie?
She's home. She's at the house.
Don't worry, Walt. Alison's with her.
You shouldn't have left her there.
That boy's liable to do anything.
- What boy?
- That boy, Kolchin.
They'll stop at nothing.
There's no limit to what they'll do.
They'll be shooting people in the streets.
They'll be grabbing our kids
and usin' them as hostages!
Hostages? Come on, we gotta get Annie.
Get in the car!
- What are you doing?
- I've got to borrow your car. Gimme that!
- It isn't even paid for!
- I'll explain later. You'll get your car back.
He took my car!
I can't figure out where they all went to.
The people in West Village.
Who do you think I mean?
Muriel Everett. All of them. Where did they go?
- Was that Matt Ferguson?
- Yeah, looked like his car.
Where's he think he's going? Who's that?
Looked a lot like that New Yorker fellow.
Took the old Selwyn place this summer.
- Name's Whittaker.
- That nut!
There's some bullets in the back.
Do you want me to load the gun?
Just sit still. Take those bullets away from him.
- Just turn around.
- You shouldn't have left them alone.
You've no idea how desperate those men are.
- You said we'd be perfectly safe.
- Who knew they would...
- Not so fast.
- It's all right. Don't panic.
Everything's gonna be all right.
He might do anything.
- What do you mean?
Just don't panic!
Why didn't you stay in the house
where you should've?
You just never listen!
Link, they were here!
They were shooting all over the place!
They stole the senator's cabin cruiser!
They wrecked the telephone office!
Nearly killed Alice Foss!
See, what did I tell you?
- Where are they now? Where's Norman?
- Up the East Shore Road!
Norm's chasing them!
They were here! Fendall! They were here!
Some of them are in disguise!
Some of them look like us!
Get them! Up the East Shore Road!
Gustav! Come back here!
If I am to be imprisoned...
...could you perhaps come and see me there?
If I could be a little with you, on some occasion...
...I think I would say:
"...I have my friend...
Is permitted to say...
...that I have...
...feeling of affection for you already?
Does this cause offensiveness to you?
You kissed me.
This mean the same as in
Union of Soviet Socialist Republics, yes?
They must be all right.
Who'd want to harm them?
I'll get the gun.
Gimme that gun, please.
Wait in the car, both of you.
Give me those...
Just stay behind me.
How do you load this darn thing?
Just get behind me, will you?
Stay back of me.
- I don't see anybody. I don't see Annie...
- In the house.
Stay back there.
- Be careful.
- Never mind.
- What are you gonna do?
Hey, where's my gun?
Come back! Stop or I'll fire.
He's in there.
Come here. Here, take this.
They've got Annie!
Stop, or I'll fire. Where's my daughter?
I warn you to stop or I'll kill you!
Always I am saying goodbye to you,
and always I am meeting you again.
Alison, where were you?
We looked all over for you.
You better surrender, 'cause my dad has a gun,
so you just better surrender.
Are you hurt?
I am wounded in dignity only.
I know everybody in this island
is complete and total crazy.
But you, Whittaker Walt, you are crazy, too?
- I came back here only to get Kolchin.
- But I thought...
We saw this strange car here, don't you see?
We thought something happened to Annie,
I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to...
I was trying to kill you, I'll admit that,
but it wasn't...
I mean, it wasn't anything personal.
- Don't do it no more.
- I promise, I won't.
The last time I'll shoot anybody.
You're wasting ammunition.
Knock it off. Cease fire.
It's no use.
You're wasting your ammunition.
We gotta head 'em off.
I tried to tell you, let's get the boat.
You tried to tell me nothing.
I finally got you.
We chased them out here.
They're going around the island.
Get in. Come on, Charlie, put that away.
We gotta get started.
- Wait a minute. Hold it.
- Get out of the way, Fendall.
Listen, Mattocks, I'm warning you.
This whole operation has been a foul-up.
- And it's your fault.
You brought us out here,
and you let them get away.
- I'm warning you.
- You're warning me?
You big, incompetent flatfoot.
That does it. That did it.
I'll punch him in the jaw.
I'm holding you responsible.
As commander of the civilian forces...
...in this emergency,
I'm charging you with treason.
Give me that thing.
You see that?
That's the Dexter F. Meadows Memorial Sword.
You traitorous fink!
For God's sake,
why is it we can't learn to live together?
You're right, Norman.
Let's get organized here.
You can do it, Beauty. Steady there. Come on.
Now we're going. Now we're swinging.
We ought to call the Coast Guard and the Navy.
This thing's too big for us.
If it was a sub,
it'd be clear out to sea by now, Chief.
We've still gotta call 'em.
But the phones are out. They're all out.
Then we'll radio.
Ed Spooner's got a radio in his store.
Whittaker Walt, this is very bad.
This captain has bad temper.
These people should get away!
What am I supposed to do?
Tommy, let's go up to the steeple
and see what's going on.
Alison Palmer, listen.
This is dangerous situation.
- The boat never reached him.
- He wants all men on board.
- He thinks men have been captured.
- Men are missing.
In three minutes,
he's going to destroy this town.
Tell him. He can't just...
Walt Whittaker. And he's telling the truth.
You're making a mistake.
You can't go around shooting here.
- He wants to know if you're an official?
- No. I'm a writer.
What do you write?
- He writes musical comedy.
- I'm working on a musical.
Listen, you can't.
Don't you realize you could start a war?
You can't do that.
- Stop, you'll make him mad.
- So what?
Listen. You just... Have you gone crazy?
You get outta here. Tell him.
Reason with him. Talk to him.
- Honey, think of something.
- What am I gonna do?
Their submarine's in the port.
- What's happening?
- I think I can tell you what happened.
What's going on here?
One at a time, now.
The sub got free by itself.
That captain there thinks that somebody...
That captain there,
he thinks somebody's holding his men.
Unless somebody produces them, he says,
he's gonna open fire on the town.
- He does, does he? That right?
- That's what he says.
- Who's that one?
- He's all right.
- I mean, he's with me.
- What do you mean?
- He's been to my house.
To your what?
What did he say?
He says that you have one minute.
- I have one minute for what?
- Before he begins shooting.
It looks like we got a situation here.
That's what it looks like to me.
All right, you tell the captain he's under arrest.
Tell the captain he's under arrest.
Norman, get the women and kids out of here.
- He is angry, yes?
...you stupid idiot, he will blow up the town.
I'm going over to Ed Spooner's.
I'll radio the Air Command.
Let's have your name and address.
Tell him this, and get it straight.
He's under arrest.
You're all under arrest.
You come in here, scaring people half to death.
You steal cars and motorboats.
You cause damage to private property.
Then you threaten the whole community with...
...grievous bodily harm and maybe murder.
Now, we ain't gonna take no more of that. See?
We may be scared.
I am, anyway.
But maybe we ain't so scared as you think we are.
Now, you say you're gonna blow up the town?
Well, I say...
You start shootin' and see what happens.
Mommy! Daddy! Help him!
Hang on, Jerry! Get something to catch him in.
Get the fire truck.
No, it'd take too long. We need a rope.
- Get a ladder.
- We make ladder.
We make ladder of men.
Pyramid, we make pyramid.
What are we going to do?
They're coming to get you, baby, it's all right.
Okay, get up.
You get on my shoulders.
Like that. Make a pyramid. Like that.
Walt, hang on, honey.
Push it. Hold it.
Some more people, please.
Please don't move.
Too slippery. We need more men.
Help. Get me down.
Mommy, Daddy, help me.
Get up, boy. Hold on. Tight.
- You okay, Norman?
- I'm fine.
My shoulder hurts a bit, but...
...up there. Little boy.
We got the kid, didn't we?
Look out. Let me through here.
Get out of the way!
Listen to me. Quiet!
I got 'em!
I got the Air Force, and they're calling
the Coast Guard and the Navy.
The whole bunch will be here
inside of five minutes.
Now you're gonna see something.
Say, what is this?
Didn't you hear what I just said?
I got through to them on Ed Spooner's radio.
They're on their way.
You better get going.
It's not possible.
It's not enough time.
I still have seven men on the boat.
It's not possible.
It isn't fair.
Think of somethin'.
We could give them an escort.
I mean, we could use all the little boats
out in the harbor.
Could we do that, Link?
Go out with them. Take them out of the harbor.
Can we help them get away, Dad, can we?
Anybody wants to go with them,
I ain't gonna stop 'em.
Charlie, get over here, will you?
I must go.
But I promise my word to you
that I see you again.
All right, get that thing out of here. Come on.
Move it out.
You and I, Alison Palmer...
...we have somehow,
a long life of peaceful coexistence.
Hey, can you drive a big boat like this?
Turn boat around quickly.
Be careful and jump.
There they are.
- Tiny Tim control. Juliet Papa - .
- Roger, - .
It's a Russian, running on the surface.
Heading zero, niner, zero.
Must be the same one the Navy had alert on.
- Listen, the Russians are being escorted.
- Say again?
She's got an escort.
There are or small boats down there.
There are or more people on those boats.
Juliet Papa - . Recalled and return to base.
- We'll find out what it was about later.
- Somebody ought to know.
Roger. How about that, Charlie Brown?
They didn't do anything!
The Russians are coming!