Salesman Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Salesman script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the 1969 acclaimed traveling sales movie.  This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Salesman. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

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Salesman Script



The best seller in the world

is the Bible.



For one reason.



lt's the greatest piece

of literature of all time.



lt's really tremendous,

isn't it ?



Here are the Shepherds

and the Three Kings.



The flight into Egypt.



The childhood of Jesus.



Mary returns to Naz.

Mary find Jesus in the temple.



So you can see how this would be

an inspiration in the home.



- You like that, honey ?

What's your name ?

- Christine.



Well, she's as bright, she's

pretty like her mother. Huh ?



Christine, you know

what my name is ? Guess.



Paul. Paul, you know ?



- You have a cousin named

Paul, don't you, Chris ?

- Yeah.



You can see how complete it is.



The Bible runs as little as $  .  

and we have three plans on it.



Cash, C.O.D., and also they have

a little Catholic Honor Plan.



Which plan would be the best

for you, the ''A,'' ''B'' or ''C'' ?



- l'm really not interested unless

l speak it over with my husband.

- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.



Yeah. You wouldn't want

to give him a surprise ?



Does he have a birthday coming up ?

It'd be a lovely gift.



That's true.



We place a tremendous--



The Bible is still the

best seller in the world, so--



I just couldn't afford it now.



We've been swamped with medical bills.



- [ Dog Barking ]

- Oh, hi, Mrs. Robb.



l'm Mr. McDevitt from the church.

How are you today ?



- Now, what is this ?

- From the church. Sunday.



No, l guess you've got me mistaken.

What name do you want ?



- ls this    West Fifth ?

- No. Across the street.



Oh, my gosh !



[ Barking Continues ]



And this is the ceiling.

The crowd, they claim--



l don't know exactly--

but       or more attend one mass.



- They pray in St. Peter's.

- ln St. Peter's ?




Right in the Vatican.



- l didn't know that myself.

- l didn't either.



Uh, you're Italian,

aren't you, Mrs. Imperato ?

The guards are not Italian.



- They're Swiss. Did you know why ?

- Yes, that l know.



l never knew this.

They're six feet.



See, they're taller

than the ltalian folks.



Usually-- l mean, see, they're six feet.

Now, here's something nice--



A lot of people, they like,

to be frank, the print.



lt's large. lt's a ten-point register.

lsn't that somethin' ?



Good night now,

and thanks for the order.



[ Dog Barking ]



How'd you do, Charlie ?



- I did a trip.

- Yeah ? Good.



- What'd you get ?

- I only got one.

A quad. Twenty-five down.



You rabbit! You think

you got me beat, don't you ?



- l did. l know l did.

- [ Laughs ] You did.



lt's about time.



How'd it go, Paul? Yeah ?



You still on one-a-day

vitamin, huh ?



We'll get him off that brand.




l'll call back later.



- Gipper?

- Yeah.



- The Gipper.

- You sellin'them trips, huh ?



- Yeah.

- [ Paul ] Well, I'm due for a quad.



- [Jimmy ] I'm outclassin'him.

- I'm due for a ''quaddie. ''



How'd you do tonight ?



- l just got two.

- How was the dips ?



- Ten and ten.

- Good.



But we lost a little time

gettin', you know, back over there.



- [ Paul ]

Did you go to Spencer? Again ?

- No. Webster.



Oh, Webster. Excuse me. Yeah.

Well, of course, the time.



- Takes an hour to get there.

Not much time to work with--

- Well--



If you're not familiar with the terri--

No matter how good a man you are,



if you're not familiar with the

territory, it's difficult, you know ?



[ Ken ]

Permit me to offer my own alibi.



[ All Laughing ]



Any man that's not good

at sellin'should be able--



should be good at makin'excuses.



[ Charlie ]

Any man that's not good at sellin'...



- should be good at findin'territory.

- Findin' territory.



[ Laughing Continues ]



- [ Door Closes ]

- [ Ken ] Where you been ?



-Just finishin' up.

- What, you work all night ?



[Jimmy ]

And then he shows up at    .:  .



Where's your orders ?




Oh, we got a producer.



- Oooh !

- One of a kind.



- That many ?

- l got three singles.



- Yeah ?

- l didn't get an order till  :   and--



[ Muttering ]



Well, pretty good dips.

Twelve. Ten and ten.



Twenty. Yeah.

Nice lookin' sales. Very good.



[ Ken ] Money is being made

in the Bible business.



It's a fabulous business.

It's a good business.



And all I can say to people who aren't

makin'the money.: It's their fault.



Just keep that in mind. The money's

out there, and go out and get it.



I, for one, am sick and tired

of hagglin' with you people...



and pleadin' with you to get you

to do what's good for you...



and what's good for us.



Instead of--

Friday and Saturday--



lnstead of goofin' off

or playin' gin rummy or poker,



which l think

is all very important--



- [ Men Laughing ]

- l think somebody

that's out in that territory...



should go out and see if this church

is in a good neighborhood.



Or if it's in a skid-row

neighborhood, meet the priest.



And if you're

gonna have a problem,



see it in time to let us know...

so we can get another church.



You would double your earnings,



we would double our volume...



and we'd all be a lot better off.



Maybe you see some missin'faces here.

We eliminated a few men.



Not because we were mad at 'em.

Not because we didn't like 'em.



And not because we didn't need

the few sales that they made.



But it's a question of the sour apple

spoilin'the barrel.



Certain guys have a habit

of gettin' a couple of beers...



and flyin' off the handle

and badgerin' people around

and throwin' their weight around.



l want to go on record

and l want to tell you all...



the next man that gets off base

with me, l'm gonna tag him out.



The ball game's over.

You've got a job to do,



and you go out and you do it.



I thank you very much. I thank you

for coming and for listening.



Don't you worry about it,

Buster. l've had it.



l'm sick and tired

of bein' sick and tired.



And it's not good for these guys.

You know, they get undisciplined.



They get disrespectful.

They're full of alibis and excuses.



[ Chattering ]



[ Whistling ]



Thank you.



[ Humming.: ''If I Were a Rich Man'']



Wish't l was a rich man



[ Humming ]






[ Mutters ] Well--



Wish't l were a rich man



[ Child ]

What ? I'm in the backyard!



[ Children Chattering ]



Mr. McDonald, l'm Paul Brennan.



Yeah, well, what the hell

is it all about ?



Yeah, well, we have a display

at the church, Mr. McDonald.



- Yeah.

- And she gave me your name,

and that's why l'm here, see.



- She gave her your name ?

- She gave me her name.



- Yeah.

- And l'm here because

she gave me your name, see.



'Cause we're visiting

all the families in there...



that gave their names,

you know, at the church.



See, this is where l put the approval

of the monsignor, you know.



- Yeah.

- See, if you're at the church

and you see the display,



you say okay

and you give me your name.



- l come to see you, see ?

- What are you, sellin'something ?



- No, l don't know what the hell--

- Lookit, tell her l was here, will ya ?



- Yeah, all right.

l'll ask her. l don't know.

- Yeah, okay.



- Hope you get the right

McDonald, that's all.

- Yeah, all right, sir.



l wish't l was a rich man






We place a lot of nurses,

people in the phone company.



You know,

ladies like yourself.



And you've had education,

and you think that you won't

get the value from the set.



I know you will,

once it's in the home.



I want to say this, by the way, I hope

it brings you lots and lots of luck.



Why, thank you.

l just hope l get around to reading it.



- Okay, I'll give you

five towards it, okay ?

- God bless you.



Now, see, she's making your

balance there a lot easier for you.



- All right ?

- God bless you.

Bring you a lot of luck.



Why don't l keep

my big mouth shut ?



[Jimmy ] Your mother's got

an Irish personality. You have.



I'm Irish myself, and Scotch.

That's a good combination.



[ Charlie ] Well, you're more Scotch

than you're Irish, Jimmy.



[Jimmy ] Well, thank you

very much for saying that.



Jimmy, I'll tell you something.

I'll be very truthful.



- l never ran into a mooch

like this in my life before.

- [ Laughing ]



The biggest mooch

l ever seen in my life !



- You know, l admire you.

- lt's like l told Landry

down at the office,



gimme about ten mooches a day

in this business.



- What's a moocher ?

- What do you mean ?



- Easy to talk into.

- A mooch. Book mooch.



- Oh, really ?

- You know, people that read a lot

and appreciate books.



- Yeah.

- Don't tell me you don't.

l know you do.



- Well, these aren't the books l read.

- Who was readin' this ?



- Me. She don't read.

l'm the one that reads.

- l certainly wasn't reading that.



You'd really love the Bible.



You won't run into people

like me all the time.

You're gonna have to work harder.



But you men are doing fine.



I like to see men out, you know,

on their own, doing things.



- lndependent.

- Right. Get away from companies.



- Get away from people over you.

- Get away from pensions.



- Right.

-And do what you believe

in life, just like you.



- Yeah, l'm doin' swell.

- You, you've got a good job.



- No, she don't believe

in what she's doin'.

- l don't believe in it.



- She hates her supervisor.

- l don't believe in workin'.



- That's a good job.

Anyone who works for the phone company.

- No, she hates her supervisor.



l like bein' out on your own.

l don't like being, you know,

under anyone like that.



- Being independent, sure.

- Mm-hmm. Really.

lt gets jerky after a while.



Now, supposin'you're kiddin'us,

who do we get in touch with ? The FBI ?



You have your duplicate here.

As a matter of fact--



- That thing don't mean a thing.

- Let me ask you this.



You mean to say you don't think he's an

honest man, Mother, by looking at him ?



- You're not literal

like l am. l'm-l'm--

- [ Laughing ]



She is a livin'saint.

And I have a nephew a priest.



And l have a daughter

in the convent.



[ Laughs ]

And l'm a devil.



[ All Laughing ]



[ Coughing ]



[Jimmy ] Now, these people are funny.

They make you laugh sometimes.



They're, you know--



[ Whistling ]



[ Paul ]

Oh, dear me, dear me.



lf you'll excuse me, gentlemen...



[ Clears Throat ]

l gotta go.



- You goin' back out now ?

- Yeah.



- Now, Charlie, how many more

day leads do you have ?

- Ninety-two.






[ Muttering ]



l'll try this one.

Maybe Mrs. Rafferty is home.



Give it a try anyway.



Wish't l was a rich man



l wouldn't be goin'

around this shit land



Ohh, shut the window now.

Let's see where l go next.



Get another one

of these beauties.



- Mrs. Rafferty.

-  [ lnstrumental ]



l don't know if Mrs. Rafferty

will be home, but l know l'm not home.



[ Imitating Irish Brogue ]

Be you sellin'anything ?



Naw, we're not sellin'anything.



The lrish fightin'

with the English.



When it comes right down to it,

it makes no difference to me.



'Cause the English

are not payin' me bills.



The lrish are takin'

away from me.



Yup ! Ah, here's another one here.

Looks a little blitzy.



Geez, I got some beaut's today.



Gippo, the ''infarmer.''



l'm ''infarmin''' you that l'm here.



[ Boy Shouts ]



We do have

the Catholic encyclopedia.



They spent four and one-half years.



Now, we can't carry it,

but this'll give you an idea.



This is fantastic.

This is the brand-new renowned

Catholic encyclopedia.



Wait till you see this.



This answers      

answers in the faith.



Now, this is terrific.

l'll tell you why.



This has from the Reformation,

Karl Marx, all your religions.



Now, you know theJehovah Witnesses.

They're nice people.



But they know more about our religion,

'cause they have good literature

to find out.



Uh... say Communism--

you want to look it up.



lt's in your Catholic encyclopedia

with your comparison to Catholicism--



- their thinkin', the ideology involved.

- Mm-hmm.



lt's under ''C,'' sir. But frankly,

we can't carry the set, as l mentioned.



lt's too heavy.

But this is gonna amaze you.



He's got a good personality.

Honest to God, l mean that.



He thinks l'm givin' him a sales talk.

l'm not. He has.

He's got a good personality.



But this right here is vast

in scope, Mr. and Mrs. McDonald.



And they come in red or white.

Some people prefer red and--



- What do you call this ?

- This is-- l call it antique gold.



That's what l would think, yeah.



But on that-- and that you

have your choice of colors.



Now, what color would

you folks choose on that ?



Hmm. Have you got any green ?



- [ All Laughing ]

- What plan would be more convenient ?



- [ Doorbell Ringing ]

- And l know you're sincere.



Boy, it's like

a railroad station today.



But what plan would be more

convenient, then ? The cash ?



- Gee, l don't know.

- Or they have a Catholic Honor Plan.



- Good afternoon. How are you ?

- Hello.



l'm Mr. Baker from the church.

l'm from St. Brendan's.



Oh, l seen you outside of church, huh ?

You're not gonna buy another--



ls this-- Are you related,

Mrs. McDonald ?



Yeah, by friendship,

that's how. My best pal.



- ls this your best buddy ? Good.

- Sure.



- Well, l'll tell you,

you got a good friend there.

- l know l have.



I told them about those Scotchmen.

What's your last name ?



- Wadja.

- Mrs. Wadja, I said, did you hear

about the Scotchman...



that loaned the lrishman

a half a dollar ?



l'll ask you. Did you hear

about the Scotchman that loaned the--



l've heard many of them. l heard

about the one that was gonna get--



No, the Scotchman and the Jew

and the lrishman who where gonna

get a beating for something--



But, anyway,

what about the half dollar ?



- Have you ever heard about them ?

- l think l have.



l-l can't tell it to you.

But no, you say, ''l never have,''

and l'll say, ''You never will.''



- See ?

- [ Laughing ] l see.



Now, would you want to pay

it each month, then ?



Five a month ?

Or do you want to C.O.D. it ?



I could pay a little deposit

on it now to make it binding.



Hey, thanks a lot. Oh !



There you are!

Now you're a member of the family.



- [ lndistinct ]

- That's why we have lumps on our heads.



[ Clears Throat ] And this is your

receipt. l'll get you a brand-new set.



But l just have to go down to the car,

and l'll bring one up.



Hey, I'll just take this

out of my car.



l got no pitches.



- None at all, huh ?

- Not one in.



One home at all ?

Not one.



- You know the one

that asked for the Bible ?

- Yeah.



She wasn't home. The other one

wasn't home. The two of them.



- Well, l have to deliver this.

- All right.



- lt's right up the street.

- Okay.



[ Radio.: Orchestra ]



[ TV Sportscaster ]

There is a left hand right to the head.



It's a strong left hook

to the midsection.



And now they tie each other up.



How'd the battle go ?



Well, not much of a battle.



It's a left hook

to the head. It misses.



Did you scratch ?



Huh ?



Yeah. Well, kid,

New England no longer for me.



l'll call up Kenny and tell him

he can work the rest of my leads.



I hit 'em with everything

but the Chinese fence.



Half the time, I couldn't

even get in the door.



I couldn't find the houses.



I spent about two hours

on the last one.



Boy, I broke my ass on it.



[ Laughing ]



This is the middleweight

championship fight-- Emil Griffith.



Well, l'd like

to be in it myself.



It's not me any longer.

It's these people.



l actually got in no pitches...



because, you know, soon--



''l can't afford anything.

We just don't have the money.



l have a sick kid. My wife is out.

My husband's out of work.''



- And this is continual !

- [ TV.: Bell Dings ]



I'm not thinkin'negatively,

but I tried the ''gift, ''



relatives in the convent,

all the old Mickey stuff.



But these are-- this is the most

ball-breaking territory l've run in...



since Gallivan Boulevard.



Where they're ducking behind the door,

phony names and phony addresses.



- [ Imitating Irish Brogue ]

''Did the Father send ye ?''

- Oh,Jesus.



They didn't even ask that.

They didn't care about the Father.



Carol, Grady--

Boy, the names!



The Italians and, uh, the Irish.



And really dead, you know ?

No, no enthusiasm.



- You feel like eatin' again ?

- l don't know. l feel like, uh--



- Let's go down to Gigi's.

- Oh, no.



- Huh ?

- No more fuckin' ltalian food

for me after these guineas !



- Oh, my God. [ Laughing ]

- Impoverished Sicilians.



The Irish must have come

over in a banana boat.



Lush territory ?

You'd have to be a lush to work it.



They say Alaska's good territory.



- [ Ray Laughs ]

- No, that's a fact.



Remember the time we were going

to go to Alaska ? Remember ?



Paulie, I remember about eight years ago

you were telling me...



that this business

is on the fringes.



- lt's still on the fringes.

[ Laughing ]

- It's worse now.



Well, this business

reminds me of a surrey,



one of those--you know,

the little things in the olden days--



you know, the wagons

with the thing on top.



- Carousel?

- Yeah. Well, a surrey

with a fringe on the top.



And they got

these little tassels.



Now the way l take

this business-- only--



the tassels aren't even left.



- [ Laughing ]

- They're nothin'but shreds.



[ Laughing ] l'm workin' all my new

sales on the five-year plan.



Gee whiz. Oh, dear.



[ Laughs ] Oh, dear.



You look like you've had it.

So, how'd you do ?



Last call l got one.

[ Coughs ]



And l would've been

a little mad had you got it.



- What do you mean ?

- Because it was the one

that you went next door,



you know, and they weren't home,

and you went to this one by mistake.



And you pitched there

with just the wife.



- Yeah ?

- And the husband

left the name with me, see ?



- The people next door--

- Did you sell him ?



- Yeah, l had a little

problem selling him.

- lt was tough.



- l tried to pitch her, but, you know--

- Yeah, took a long time too.



- Was it cash or what ?

- Drew a cash, yeah.



- Good. A Bible, right ?

- Yeah.



She said she'd like a Bible,

but she wouldn't do nothin' without him.



- I was supposed to go there tonight.

- He was-- He was all right.



She's the one turned out

to be tough, you know ?



This was-- She was the one, yeah.

She was very bossy.



- No, but she was all right.

lt was him. He says--

- Oh, but yeah, but--



As a matter of fact,

l had to sell him a demonstrator.

l sold him the one l had.



- Yeah ?

- And, uh, he says,



''Gee, $   is an awful lot for a Bible.''



So l says, ''Well, when you

figure out you're gonna have it

for a lifetime, it's not a lot.''



- So what did he say ?

- So she-- Then she says she'd

go half with him, you know.



First he tried to get the daughter

to go half with him.



Then he says

he'd go half with her...



and she'd go half with him,

and this is what they did.



Well, l'm gonna get some sleep.

l'm tired out. lt's a long day.



Yeah. l had one phony

college guy, you know.



What did he say to you ?



He says, ''Well,

this wouldn't be the appropriate time.''



So l said, ''Well, how about next year ?

Do you think you--''



He says, ''Well, in a couple of years

it'll be all right.''



- What did he say ?

This wouldn't be what ?

- The appropriate time.



- Well, was he gettin'

married or something ?

- No, he--



- [ lndistinct ]

- Should have told him

you're not sellin' watches.






You know what--

You know, l'll tell you--



l'll tell you what l-l,

l would have not appreciated.



See, with the way-- This was

the last call l got there, see ?



Hey, look at that mosquito.



Big son of a gun. About that big.

Just flew by your face.



Yeah, he's skeptical, see ?

So then I say,



''Well, frankly, if you never

took the encyclopedia,



you have the encyclopedia in the back

of the Bible anyway, you know.''



So he says, ''Yeah, yeah.''



He says,

''But $   is a lot of money.''



So then-- then l went into

the demonstrators for him, you know.



Then he says, ''Forty dollars

is a lot of money,'' you know.



You got your green pants

on today, huh ?



Green necktie.

You know you're lrish.



The lrish will all

be lovin' to see you.



[ lmitating lrish Brogue ] Me father's

on the force. He gets a pension.



lt's a good job.

He's a fine workin' boy, Pat.



Puts in a lot of time,

but he gets his reward.



Gets his reward

on the other end.



He retired. He lives it.

He's livin' a good piece of money, then.



He lives for about two weeks

after and died.



[ Laughing ]



We're savin' for a trip

to, oh, the old fair shore.



Goin' over there.



- [ Laughing ]

- I'll never forget, when I was a kid...



we lived in a tenement,

in a cold-water flat.



You know, no bathroom

or anything--



just a bathroom,

but no bathtub or anything.



l never laughed so much in my life.



And, uh, l was going to the junior prom,



and we had one tuxedo in the family.



lt was my brother's tuxedo.



l'll never forget this to dying day.



See, l had to go to the junior prom, and

he had to go to some festivity at MlT.



lt was like the guy that--

the salesman with one suit,

he keeps it under the bed.



So l got there quicker

than he did, had the suit,



the tux, and was all set

and hit the road, you know.



[ Laughing ] Geez,

when he come looking for his tux....



to go to the festivity,

there was blue murder.



l'll never forget that.



Jesus. Jesus, he used to--

After that, boy !



He caught up with me one night.



''My tuxedo, huh ?''



Well, I still got my hat.



lt cost me a lot of money, this hat.



Jordan Marsh.



l don't want to seem negative,

but l can't see anything here

but delinquent accounts.



l'll tell you one thing, Paul.

You're puttin' me...



in a very negative frame of mind

for the sales meeting in Chicago.



You'll be all right for Chicago.



[ Bell Ringing ]



[ Ken ] If a guy's not a success,

he's got nobody to blame but himself.



What everybody's got to do

is to quit making alibis and excuses...



and accept the responsibility

of success or failure.



Well, l for one

will triple my production

for the year of'   believe me.






I'm real happy with everything.

I'vejust got one thing in mind

Kenny said a while ago.



lt's this making half the money

that a guy is capable of making.



I think he's right.



l, for one, l intend to make

this next year something.



l, uh-- My wife just talked me

into buying a big house.



And she wants to have a few more

kids and all this kind of rot,



so l'm gonna make $     

this coming year.



- That's all.

- I believe that. I hope you do.



[ Man ]

To me, this is fantastic. I haven't--



What have I been with you,

three months ?



- Three long months.

- Damn, l wish it was

three or four years.



l mean it.

l expect to make $     .



Not   . Or better.

And l think l can do it.



[ Conductor ] Your next station

is Chicago, Union Station.



[ Indistinct Announcements ]



[ Chattering ]



- Yours was real good, Father.

- lt was great, as usual.



[ Chattering Continues ]



Nice seeing you again too.



The next speaker, of course,

needs no introduction to no one.



l'd like to introduce the designer

and theological consultant...



on the books that we sell,



Dr. Melbourne I. Feltman,



Vice President,

Consolidated Book Publishers.



This is a little token

of our appreciation.



l'll try to read to you

what we've inscribed on it.



''Melbourne l. Feltman, Ph.D.,



the world's greatest salesman

of the world's best seller.



- With gratitude, Mid-American.''

- Thank you.



There are many people

who know the Bible.



There are many people

who can quote from the Bible.



But you're somewhat different.



You know the business.

And what is that business ?



Isn't is the business

that we hear when...



the young boy,Jesus, was lost

for a matter of three days or so ?



And they said to him,

''Why didn't you follow us ?

Why didn't you come with us ?



We were worried. We were scared

to death. Where were you ?''



And he said, very quietly

and very simply,



''Whist ye not that l am

about my Father's business ?''



Now, l don't intend to portray

the fact that the Father's business,



in itself, is selling Bibles

for dollars and cents...



and for the commercial aspect of it,



but l do believe the good that comes

from the selling of Bibles...



and the getting of Bibles

and the reading of Bibles...



is definitely identified

with the Father's business.



Some of you,

at one time or another,



may or may not have had

a higher income,



but you have never held

a higher position of esteem...



in the minds of the world

or in your own self-satisfaction...



than you now hold,

knowing what you're doing...



about your Father's business.



Hold your heads very high.



Be very proud of your position.



Stop thinking in terms

of Bible peddling,



because I am confident

that once you realize...



what you are doing for others,



you in your own esteem

will rise so high--



not with conceit, but in humility,



knowing that you have

the privilege and the power...



to be of service to others.



And with all my heart,



for the coming year

and for many years to come,



God grant you an abundant harvest.



Thank you.



Well, l hate to bring up

a ridiculous matter like this,



but how'd you fellows

like the sales meeting ?



- lt was good.

- All right ? How'd you

like the sales meeting ?



- Sure. Yeah. Okay. Very good.

- Thoroughly enjoyed it.



There's five, six, seven,

eight, nine.



[ Coin Drops ]



- Seventy-five.

- Call.



- Call.

- l'll raise.



Cost you a dollar to raise.



Cost me another half, huh ?



- l'll call.

- Call.



- Call.

- No wild cards ?



- No, this is a wild card.

- Oh, well, you can't--

We're in too simple a game.



- Yeah.

- lt's up to you, Paul.



Well, naturally,

I'm not gonna bet anything.



- l'm gonna check 'em. Beat the queens.

- What do you mean, you check ?



- l beat the queens.

- You scared to bet ?



l can bet. l know l got you beat.

l'll bet you half.



- [ Laughing ] I'll take your money.

- Your deal.



- Checking the truth over there

'cause he saw an ace.

- Yeah, that's what he did.



[ Ken ] I'm gonna interrupt

your game for a minute.



I'd like to, uh, find out

everybody's plans...



and thinking as far

as our trip to Florida--



uh, when we can leave...



and where you want to leave from.



- l don't care.

- lt's immaterial to me.



- Doesn't make any difference to me.

-All right, fine.



lt doesn't matter. That's minor.

The main thing is goin' down there.



Yeah. All right, fine.

l tell you, quite frankly,

l look forward to the trip.



- [Jimmy ] I know you do.

- l don't want my wife to hear it,



but l would enjoy

basking in the sun.



He always does

look forward to the trip.



If-If the trip is successful,

then you want to stay,



say, maybe ten weeks ?



You might want to go home

in the meantime, but ten weeks ?



- Go ahead, Ken.

- Tomorrow we're goin' to Florida.



Tonight we're gonna play poker.



- Right. Deal !

- Let's go.



Deal me in.



[ Paul ]







Welcome to the city

of Miami Beach.






Sure's an Irish lullaby



''Casablanca. ''



Humphrey Bogie.



Where the hell

is that Fontainebleau ? Hmm.






The Fontainebleau.

There you are.



If I'm gonna invest my money in that,

I want to see what it looks like.



[ Laughs ]






That's it, huh ? Hmm.



[ Woman Answers Phone ]

Hello ?



- Hi, honey. How are you ?

- Fine. How are you ?



- Okay.

- That's good. Where are you tonight ?



l'm at, uh-- outside of Miami.

lt's the Congress lnn.



- Oh.

- lt's really beautiful.



There's a swimming pool

right out the door.



Oh, my! Jesus, you're

livin'like a king.



Yeah, l'm livin' like a king.

Yeah. [ Laughing ]



But, uh-- Yeah, it's

really pretty nice here.



- Wonderful. Wonderful.

- That's good.



- Yeah. Mm-hmm.

- Well, that's nice.



- What's new up there ?

- Nothin'. How are the boys ?



- Oh, they're here--

Rabbit and Charlie.

-And Charlie.



And Ray, yeah. Of course,

they all pep me up, but, uh--



- Don't drive too fast !

- Oh, l'm not driving fast.

l don't-- l mean, just--



- l generally drive around    to   .

- Don't drive   .



-Are you taking care

of your tires ? Yeah.

- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.



- Well, that's good, yeah.

- Yeah, l'll take care of that.



- So, anything new at all ?

- No. Gosh, no. Nothin'.



This is costing you

a lot of money.



- Well, lookit, honey,

take care of yourself.

- And you take care too.



- All right.

- And don't drive too fast.



- Okay, l'll keep it below   .

- Yeah.



- Okay, honey ?

- Okay.



- All right, then. Bye now.

- Bye.



- How is she ?

- She's feeling pretty good.



You gotta below    from now on.

Don't tell her how fast you're going.



- No, well, l mean--

- You'll scare her.



Yeah, she doesn't want to-- l mean, she

figures you're going    miles an hour.



Well, you know, l wasn't--

lt's very seldom l go that fast.



But, uh...



actually, l mean,

it's a question of--



How was it,

cold back there ?



Oh, colder than the deuce--

snow, everything else.



[ lndistinct ]



- Get up.

- Ray wants to call.



Operator, did you try

my call to Boston yet ?



[ Operator ] All right. l'm sorry.

l couldn't connect your call.



[ Ray ] I'll call again. Thank you.

Come on, let's go swimmin'.



[ Paul ] I'll bet you ten dollars

you don't go in the pool.



- [Jimmy ] I'll go in.

- Well, l don't want

to take all your money.



- Do you want to go in ?

- Yeah, I'll go in.



[ Paul ] He's goin'in the water?

What, are you out of your mind?



Why not ? What do you think you're

down here, all business ?



[ Laughing, Whooping ]



Come on in, Charlie.






[ Whooping ]



Boy, that water is cold.



- Hi. Come on in.

- Mr. Baker ?



- Yes, sir ?

- Catholic Press. Hope

l didn't catch you too busy.



- Oh, pardon me. Wait a second.

- Thank you very much.



We're calling on

all the families from St. Rose.



Just have a seat and be right at home.

l'll try not to interrupt too much.



- Excuse me. Okay.

What's your last name again ?

- My name is Turner.



- What was this ? Oh, from the church.

- Yes, l'm from the church.



-Just have a seat, Mr. Baker.

- My wife was tellin' me about that.



l'd like to mention,

first of all, of course,



we're working on the full

authority of the church.



l'd like to mention

this has the recommendation

of His Holiness, Pope Paul.



Uh, l want to mention, first of all,

this is edited by Father John O'Connell.



You may be familiar with this.



And it's published

by the Catholic Press.



Of course, in buying anything Catholic,

you want to look for the lmprimatur.



It's your assurance that,

of course, it's approved.



Then in addition to the regular Bible,



blended right in with the sacred text,



you have all the paintings

by the old masters.



See, here's

''The lmmaculate Conception,''

then here's ''The Story.''



Now, this has your infancy,

childhood and early life,



the Annunciation, the wedding.



- Did you ever see so many

beautiful paintings ?

- That is a-- ''The Story. ''



- How would you like to have

something like this ?

- Well, personally, I--



- lt's a nice set, l'll be frank.

- Thank you.



But, Mr. Turner, believe me,

l'm not trying to-- The wife--



Now, this may sound odd to you,

but she's thinkin' of changin', see ?



lf you notice, l left my name.

l'm Catholic, and l believe in

raising the children Catholic.



lt may kind of push her, see ?

ln other words, she's

a different religion and--



May I ask you this, Mr. Baker--



and please understand that

I'm just a Bible salesman;:



l'm not a theologian

or a missionary--



lt would please you if she were to come

into the faith and join the church ?



- Am l correct ?

- Well, l mean, l'd be happy--



- It'd be wonderful.

- On her own, you understand ?

See, l don't want--



And besides, you're the man of

the house, so this is for your own use.



But, see, the point I'm tryin'

to bring up to you was,



do you think I'd be tryin'to force her

because it's my religion, see ?



Well, why would buyin' this have

anything to do with her decision ?



She's not a Catholic yet.

She may convert. See, that's the thing.



- Well, actually, that's

her decision and not mine.

- I see your point.



- Let me ask you this.: Do you like it ?

- I think it's excellent.



- Do you think

that it's worth the money ?

- lt's worth, uh--



l mean, for the price, what

you receive, it's tremendous.



Could you manage

two and a half a week for it ?



l certainly could,

to be honest with you.



Well, actually, then, there's no reason

why you shouldn't have it.



- Is there ?

- There's none, for me.



Okay, fine. One.



- You want to pay this

ten a month, then ?

- Uh--



For a couple dollars a week,

there's no reason why you shouldn't.



l don't like to say anything,

by the way, but l'm his brother-in-law.



l think you better ask Alice,

honest to God.



- I'm-- But I'm the--

- Remember the time

you bought the magazine ?



- [ Ken ] You're his who ?

- l'm his brother-in-law.



- He's my brother-in-law.

- l was thinking of this,

but l'd have to ask my wife.



- You're his brother-in-law ?

- He's my brother-in-law.



- Not his father or, or his guardian ?

- Oh, no, brother-in-law.



- You'rejust his brother-in-law ?

- Yeah. Yeah.



Do you work for him ?



Him, him and l are the best

buddies in the world.



Well, do you live here or anything ?

Where do you live ?



Oh, yeah, I live

right here too.



If she did resent this,

it would kind of, it'd hurt me,

'cause I think she'd like it.



But the only thing, l don't

think l'd be pushing her...



because l think what it would be

for the, for the children.



And he brought up

a very good point.



lt's not anything, not selfish.

l think l will try it.



Yeah, I was just thinking

of that statue.



That didn't cost anything like this,

and she was kind of peeved at that.



Just a minute... brother-in-law.



Are you trying to help me ?



lf you are, l could do

without so much help.



- I don't care if he buys it.

- Oh, wonderful. l thought you did.



- l'm glad you clarified that.

Very good. Good.

- I just happen to know his wife.



l'm glad that you don't object.

Thank you very much.



- Do you want it ?

- l do.



Well, then, quit making excuses

and sign right here.



Okay, l'll go along with it,

because l'm tryin' to figure--



Quit figurin'and start writing,

Mr. Baker. [ Laughs ]






- Is this it ?

- Yeah, that's it.



- This is the good one.

- That's the brand-new one.



After all, you've got to have

everything brand-new.



You don't want a blot on your

escutcheon. Let's go to work.



I want to get going, you know.

I'm takin'off like a bird.




Okay, sir ?



l'm bip-bip-bippin'






Eee ! Ah-ho !



[ Maid Humming ]



[ Paul ]

All cleared off, ready to go.



My hat.



Tell me where you got

that lrish brogue



And before you left Killarney



Did your mother kiss the blarney



And that little touch

of brogue you can't deny



[ Laughs ]

You know what Paulie's father told him ?



When he was young,

he says, ''Mr. Brennan--''



- Now, he came right from lreland.

- Oh, yes ?



[ lmitating lrish Brogue ]

''lf you're smart now,'' he says,



''you'll join the force

and get a pension.''



Oh, and did he ?

[ Laughing ]



[ lmitating lrish Brogue ]

He's a strong breath of a man.



God, God bless him.

He's over there.



He's-He's livin'

right in that cemetery.



He got a big headstone.



Oh, even the father said he'd never seen

anything like that headstone.



- [ Laughing ]

- Beautiful headstone.



l can see him now in his uniform

with the shiny buttons.



[ Laughing Continues ]






[ Humming ]



[ Man On Radio ]

 .:   WUAF's    -hour music time.



[ Changes Station ]



[ ''This Land Is Your Land'']



''Opa-Locka City Hall. ''



''Sharazad Boulevard. ''



Pardon me, can you tell me

where      th Street is ?



[ Man ] You just-- instead ofjoggin'

to the left, jog to the right.



Yeah. Jog to the right down there ?



- Yeah.

- Okay, sir. Thank you.



[ Sighs ]



[ Muttering ]

Another jog again.



Jog to the right.

Jog to--Jog to the left.



[ Muttering Continues ]



[ Laughs ]

Jog to the right.



''Opa-Locka Boulevard.''



Dang it all.



Damn it all.



Do you know

where      th Street is ?



[ Man ] I think you gotta go all

the way up this way, up into Opa-Locka.



Yeah, Opa-Locka.

This is Opa-Locka, isn't it ?



- Well, it is and it isn't.

- Yeah, l see. Thank you, sir.



- The numbers are all over here,

as far as streets go.

- Okay, sir.



Yeah... he sure knows.



''Sinbad Avenue.''

Sinbad the sailor.



What's this ?

Sinbad Avenue.



Ah, here it is.



Opa-Locka City Hall.



Damn it all!



Goddamn !






One-eighteen, eighteen



[ Humming ]



      Street. How does that

go into a terrace ?




That isn't what l want.



Where the hell is       Street ?

Jesus Christ !



Boy, this should be located so that

you could go to street after street.



So l'm looking for   th Street.



No   th.     st,   rd.   nd.



''Jog off down here,'' he says.



Jog off! Jesus. Jog off.



There's two different

streets on one street.



- I don't know.

I was in a Muslim district.

-A what ?



- A Muslim district !

- What do you mean by that ?

A Muslim district ?



Well, they're not--

How can you have--



- Did you meet Cassius Clay ?

- No, no. l was in a Muslim district.



Kandahar Street... and Sinbad.



And what kind of stuff is this ?

Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves.



- [ Laughing ]

- l mean, what kind of stuff--

Open Sesame.



All l could think of

was fairy tales, you know ?



What kind of stuff is this ?

Aesop's fairy tales.



It's not the bum territory.

It's the bum in the territory.



If I told anybody like that, I mean,

they'd say you were drinking again.



[ Laughing ]



This Kan-- Kandahar Road,

Sinbad Road.



This thing is stupid, 'cause

every time you go on the street...



- there's a canal.

- Canal or railroad.



- Or a railroad. Or an old bridge.

- Or an airport.



- Or an airport.

- Or a graveyard. Opa-Locka.



Or a graveyard.

Opa-Locka, Opa-Locka.



[ Laughing Continues ]



Christ, the guy that laid this city out

must have been a stiff artist.



[ All Laughing ]



[ Whistling ]



[ Sighs ]



[ Woman On TV ]

Okay, now, when Nick wants to go

courting with Bessie, his cow.



[ Laughter On TV]



It's a pleasure to meet

a nice guy like Pete...



who thinks that my cooking

is the best you can eat.



[ Man ]

Merry Christmas!



[ Chattering On TV ]



[ Child On TV ]

Silent night, ho--



[ Paul Laughing ]



Take that cream away from The Rabbit

and pass it down here.



- [ Waitress ] I have one here for you.

- Oh, do you ?



- You gonna rob her cream ?

- [ Laughing ]



[ Chattering ]



l got on my buddy Bull yesterday.

l want to kiss and make up with him.



He pouted at me for about

two or three minutes.



You do that,

then l'll really get mad.



- He's a pouter, all right.

- What'd you say ?



Well, l don't want to give

nobody a hard time,



but l just want everybody to

realize the potential is here...



and we got a job to do,

and l don't want no more excuses.



You know, geez,

we come down here to work.



And if you kid yourself and say, ''Well,

it ain't there. lt can't be done.''



Or if you sell it short,

that's the main thing.



Then, then you're in trouble.



But today...

we want to hit 'em early.



Wrap this up

as soon as possible.



Get out there and get 'em.



Okay, Bull, boy, you eat

like you're successful.



''Many are called,

but few are chosen.''



The Gipper...



The Rabbit, The Bull...



and myself.



They all bear the names

of different types of animals.



The Rabbit

is a very impulsive guy.



He sells, he has a lot of energy

and he's young.



He doesn't have the--

possibly the class of the--



that the other salesmen have.



Maybe it's because

he doesn't have the maturity.



lt's brand-new. lt's revised.

lt teaches the children.



- Yes. Yes.

- lt's in color.



They spent a long time to revise it.

See, it's not complex.



l don't understand

very well the English.



You know, l know the basic

things, the principles.



l understand you,

but l miss many things.



Right. That's why I speak,

if you'll notice,



- Yes. Yes.

- very, very slow.



Could you see where this

would help the family ?



l mean, honestly, could you see

where this would help the children...



and Frank and yourself?



Could you-- l mean-- See, what

l'm tryin' to explain, Mrs. Pages,



could you see where this would be

of value in the home, a gain to you ?



Could you see

where this would help ?



- Could you see where

a Bible as nice as this--

- Yes. No.



l understand your point, but, uh,

really l don't think we can now--



- Maybe later. l interested later.

- Right. Right.



- But right now, no.

- No, I understand your point.



- Sure, no.

- Now, you're Spanish, right ?



- Yes.

- We do take orders.

Wait till you hear this.



- You're gonna be very enthused.

Wait till you hear this.

- But---



We do take orders,

and you're gonna be enthused.



- We take orders.

- What ?



- Orders.

- What's that ?



- We take orders on the new missal.

- Orders ?



- You know, for mass.

- Yes.



We have one, finally,

with all the changes.



- Do you understand

my point, Mrs. Pages ?

- No.



- You go to mass, right ?

- Yes.



- Sunday ?

- Yes.



- What do you bring to mass ?

A missal... right ?

- Yes.



- You know, to follow the priest.

- Yes.



We take orders on 'em,

the new one.



They're released, finally.



Uh-huh. Yes.



See, in other words,

on the missal you bring to mass.



- Yes.

- They're released,

and we take orders on them.



- You know, for mass, the missal ?

- Yes. I have one.



- Yeah, we have the new one

with all the changes.

- Yes.



- You know, all the ecumenical

changes in the mass.

- Yes. Yes.



- We do have them available, finally.

- Yes.



After about two years.

So would you like one ?






The Bull, you can draw him.

He's a big, powerful man,



and he's got a lot of stamina.



Probably hasn't got the,

the technique that Charlie has,



- [ Horn Honks ]

- but he certainly makes up

for that with the stamina.



l would love to, but l really

don't have the time now,



and l couldn't possibly

take on anything at the moment.



- l'm lucky l'm eating right now.

- You know what it is ?

We show the whole library.



But a lot of people are interested

in only the Bible.



But if it was a dollar a month,

I couldn't even take it on.

I'm awfully sorry.



- l want to thank you for your time.

- Okay. Thank you, anyway.



- Bye.

- Bye-bye.



- And this is the Catholic one ?

- [ Ray ] Yes, that's the revised Douay.



How much is

something like this ?



Well, we have different

bindings, if I could explain.



What would the least expensive be ?



Well, do you have a minute ? l could

show you through the whole library ?



- Do l have to have a whole library ?

- Not necessary.



lf you want the library, fine; if you

want just the Bible, it's wonderful.



- Yeah. Do you want to come in ?

- Please, yeah.



lt comes back to the old adage:



lt's    percent perspiration

and one percent inspiration.



You gotta get out there, and

you gotta push, push, push, push, push.



And once you've lost

that push, you've had it.



The Gipper is, uh... unemotional.



Straight man. He does--



His selling

is extremely effective.



Extremely effective because...



he knows how to take

advantage of everything...



in any circumstances.



ln your honest opinion, have you ever,

ever seen a more beautiful--



- No, l haven't.

- Now, isn't that really somethin' ?



- It's so complete.

- Now, incidentally,

this comes in the white or red.



We find most of the folks

choose it in white.



Uh, what are you gonna do ?

You gonna write this up ?



Yes, uh-huh.

Now, do you want that in white ?



- You want this... white ?

- It's up to you, darling.



No, it's not up to me.



lt'll be next month

before we can even do anything.



-At least. At least.

- That's all right.



Can you make it for two months

before it would come ?




It's up to yourself.



See, they mail it out

at your convenience.



In other words, we can't be

in everyone's home when it

would be more convenient.



How much would we

have to start with ?



Just the one payment,

or wouldn't you want another payment ?



Basic. Basic idea.

That's right.



That's the nice part of it.

Because they have no collectors.

Nobody comes to your home.



And any time you want

to liquidate it sooner, you can.



Now, you don't want

anything from us today ?



Yeah, just the ''C.''

See, in other words,

they have the ''A,'' ''B'' or ''C'' plan.



That's what l was asking you,

if you wanted this today.



- Yes. See, this is suggested--

- l can't give you that today.



- Oh, well, that's all right.

No problem.

- lt's impossible.



What part of that

can you apply on it ?



- l can't give you any cash today.

- How about a check ?



No. We don't have

a checking account.



The only cash we have in the house

has to get us through till Friday.



- That's what l was trying to ask you.

- Oh, I see what you mean.



See, a lot of times we'll

come into a home, you know,

and a customer will say,



''I have the insurance money,

the milkman's money.

I can always see them. ''



No, everybody's paid already.



Can l just make

one more suggestion ?



- l've had this happen

an awful lot of times.

- Yeah.



Oh, you have-- She knows

what l'm going to say, don't you ?



- What am l gonna say ?

- Probably gonna say,

''Borrow it from somebody.''



- lf-lf you know--

l mean, not unless you know them.

- No. No.



But if you've been here

long enough, usually--



The neighbors are in worse shape than

we are. What are you talkin' about ?



Maybe you can lend 'em

a couple of bucks.



- They're ready to repossess

their house next door.

- Oh, God. Yeah ?



- Do you mind if I say

something, Charlie ?

- Go right ahead, Jim.



See, what they usually do-- See, this

is what they suggest in the home office.



But we actually meet the people.

We know the--



you know, they're

nice, sincere people.



But what l want to ask you--

What part of the ''C'' could you put ?



- Who's the bookkeeper ?

- Could he put down as little as six ?



Yeah, at the end of the week

when he gets his paycheck.



You know what I'll do ? I'll send

one of the men from the Catholic Press.



You'll like this fellow.

Mr. Brennan. Paul R. Brennan.



- Brennan ?

- Yes. You may have read

about him in the Catholic News.



I'll send Paul by

to pick up the down payment.



As a matter of fact,

you know what l've seen him do ?



ln one day, five different times,

he's laid out ten dollars

for five different people.



Fifty dollars.

And, well, the reason for this--



not that he's fanatical,

but he's very devout.



He's a very devout Catholic,

and he feels that every Catholic

family should have this.



[ Laughing ]

Gee, l get a kick out of him.



He's a character, that Char.



Char is a wonderful guy.



He keeps the ball goin', rollin'.



What's this,       st l'm on ?



Yeah,       .



l think l got it.



Do you feel like something like this in

the home would be helpful, Mrs. Gorman ?



You know, where you're at,

you seem like a pretty mature woman.



Do you feel something like this

would be actually,



you know, a more

of a family get-together ?



Well, l'm all by myself, so--

[ Chuckles ]



I placed this Bible with a woman

that had close to     Bibles.



You know what she said?

She received a lot of solace

just lookin'at the pictures.



And she was a woman

that had a Ph.D.



I had a cum laude myself.

''Come no more''from one of the colleges.



My brother was a little

different-- magna cum laude.

But mine was ''come no more. ''



When he was going to school,

he was classified as a genius,



and so l followed him in school.



And when they came to me,

everybody used to say,



''Where did you come from, Paul ?''



So, you know, l got

kind of an inferiority complex.



And 'course when l got married,

that made it worse.



[ Laughing ]

But anyway,



would you be kind enough

to write out your address ?



Well, l don't know how many

years l have to read the Bible.



Well, let me say this. l told--

This one woman said, she said,



''Believe you me, Paul,'' she said--



Well, l mean, most of the time

they call me Paul.



lt's Mr. Brennan, but to me

l don't think a title ''mister''

means anything, but--



- What is your first name, Mrs. Gorman ?

- Chrissea. C-H-R--



- What is it, dear ?

- Chrissea.



- Chrissea. That's a very unusual name.

- C-H-R-I-S-S-E-A.



-And that's five dollars a month.

- Uh-huh.



Could you make that $  .  

and make it even ?



All right, dear. Now,

I'm puttin'the five dollars--



That's the-- I'm gonna cut this down

to three on the service charge.



You've been very lovely.

And l know what it is, and l enjoyed--



Whether you took the Bible

or you didn't take it,

it's very enjoyable talking to you.



- Thank you.

- And this is not

the lrish blarney, believe me.



- This comes right from the heart.

- l had an lrishman for a husband.



- You did, dear?

- [ Laughs ]



My mother was

of Protestant denomination.



I don't know actually

what denomination you are, sir,



but she belonged

to the High Church of England.



- Yeah.

-And she was the roughest that you--



I mean, I said, ''Gee, Ma,

you're supposed to be English. ''



l said, ''You know, generally

they're a little more complacent,

a little placid.''



But l said, ''You've got

Spanish blood in you or something.''



Boy, she had a fiery temper.

But, um--



Well, l'll tell you

one thing is this. She--



l'll never forget. Of course,

my father never hit me in his life.



He never struck me in his life,

and my mother really massacred.



l guess l really needed it, and--



[ Woman ] I always felt

I never got enough beatin'.



- Huh ? Well, l imagine your

mother was pretty strict too.

- No. Well, she was real--



- How about your fa--

- My father?



- He hit you, huh ?

- Well, he-- Not his girls.



He might've hit the boys, but the girls,

hejust shook them a little bit.



He just shook them.

But the boys, he really beat up, yeah.



- [ Man ] Grandma wouldn't let him.

- Yeah. Yeah.



Would you mind writing your name

and your address right here ?



Well, you got me, because

I don't have my glasses.



That's all right, sir.

Try these. Try these, sir.



See how those are.

l know. l know.



You just use

reading glasses, I bet.



You have a lovely home here.



Well, it's simple.

lt's good enough for us.



Do you know Father Riley and

Father Sullivan over there ?



- Father Sullivan, uh-huh.

- Well, he comes from my neck

of the woods, you know ?



- Oh, really ?

- Sure. He comes from Jamaica Plains.



The little city I'm in,

they say that you bought it for

a pot of beans and a jackknife.



- Taunton.

- Oh, you come from Taunton ?



- Mm-hmm.

- Well, by golly,

let me shake you again.



They have the Raynham Racetrack

down there and all that.



- Yeah, the silver shops.

- l don't know what the zip code is.



You'll have to have the zip code.

You have it on your--






  ...     ?



Uh-huh,    .



You can tell who does

all the writin' around here.



[ Chuckles ]

Okay, then.



He's got my signature on it.

l guess l'll have to buy it.



All right, sir. You look like

a cash buyer. And God bless you.



He's gonna wear that hand out.

He should have been

a Protestant preacher.



[ Laughing ]



You know what you have ? You have a

sense of humor, which most people lack.



- ln my job--

- They call you a G-man, huh ?



Yeah. ln my job, l have to have a sense

of humor. lf you don't, you'd go nuts.



Yeah. How long you work

with the sanitation department ?



- Twelve and a half years.

- Twelve and a half years.



And as l said before, the important part

is, have it blessed...



because if it's not blessed, you will

not get the benefit out of it, you know.



- Yeah, l just came over

to pick up the down payment.

- Oh.



[ Laughing ]



Um... I don't want it.



- Because he's already

mailed the order in.

- Oh, he did ?



Yeah, you see ? Gee, l'd appreciate it.

l mean, l don't want to seem--



But he already mailed the--

See, l'm the district manager.



And so l've already

put his order in on it, see ?



And l'd appreciate it-- You know,

it's something that you'll really love.



- Yeah, l know we would.

- And six months from now,

let me face it, Mrs. Woodhall,



you won't be a cent richer or poorer,

and you've got a lovely set...



'cause it comes with the full

endorsement of the church.



- You know, it's really--

- l promised my husband

l wouldn't. l told him.



I charged Mr. McDevitt with the order

because I have to do it.



In other words, the cost of the mailing

and the handling and everything,

plus bookkeeping.



l have to give him a penalty.

l don't like to do it, but that's

the way the company is.



- How much is the penalty ?

- Huh ? Well, l charge him $  .  .



And I have no control over that.

That's the company--



- All right,

you call me tonight, and l'll--

- I won't be here, dear.



See, I've got to move out

into another-- See, I made

a special call over here today.



Well, is there anyplace

l can call you around  :   ?



No, ma'am.

I'm gonna be in Jacksonville.



You'll love the books

when they're delivered. [ Laughs ]



All right.

Thank you, dear.



These tires. l told you,

they're no fucking good.



- No, what l would do is this:

Before l even jack that up--

- Put the brake on.



But that jack

is at an awful angle.



Oh, well, l'm pretty proficient

in all departments.



Oh, boy !



[ Both Laughing ]



l tell you one thing.

Here l do find that the people

are very, you know, not bad.



No, no. They're very receptive.

I got a fantastic reception.



- You know what I mean.

- l mean, l did. l had one guy

wouldn't even come to the door.



But you can expect one of them

wherever you work.



They treat you with a lot of

courtesy and a lot of respect.



It's a lot better than that

Gallivan Boulevard in Boston.



You're not gonna knock Boston,

are you ? That's your home.



- Well, I like Boston still.

I'm homesick too, believe you me.

- [ Laughing ]



- l'll tell you truthfully,

l'm very homesick.

- Homesick ?



- Naturally ! l've been away

quite a while, Kenny. l mean--

- Four days ?



Four days ? l'm out a lot--

Let me see, is it four days ?



- lt's a lot-- Let's see.

When did we leave ?

- [ Laughing ]



- Seems like four weeks.

- [ Laughing Continues ]



But I made enough calls

to know this territory good.



- Hi, Jim. How'd you do ?

- Hi, Charles.



[ Ken ] I want to know

how The Rabbit done ?



Ah, not too bad.

l got a couple.



- Yeah ?

- Ray did good himself.

He got a couple.



- [ Ray ] Double and a single.

- [ Paul ] I called on one woman.



- She was a Mickey, you know.

- Yeah.



And so l give her the old romance,

anyway, and l came up--



Oh, l worked it up. l had to work--

l tried to develop a C.O.D. on it,

you know ?



She didn't go for it, so--



And then getting that

$  .   outta her, you know.



- That's a nice sale, though.

- Well, l-- lt was--



- Yeah.

- Well, l wish l had ten of them

a day, believe you me.



- l tell you this way. l'd be--

- Would you believe ten a week ?

I'd be happy.



l had a flat tire to begin with. You

know, l'm not giving you excuses, but--



I'm glad you clarified it.

It sounds like it. [ Laughing ]



How about tomorrow ?



Well, I'd like to get a very early start

and see if I can bang out a good day,

you know ?



Really push it out. Get about

four quads, and l'll be all set.



[ Ken ]

All right. We'll see.



[ Knocks On Door ]



Good morning.

Mr. Brennan from the church.



Mrs. Gloria Fuller ?

How are you today ?



You're either interested or not

interested, you know what l mean ?



l'm very sorry,

but my sister just called

and she's waiting for me right now.



- l'm very sorry. Okay. Thank you.

- Okay. All righty.



[ Paul ] Could you see where this would

be helpful to you, Mrs. Groza ?



[ Mrs. Groza ] Well, it's beautiful.

I mean, who can afford it ?



Oh, dear, dear, dear, dear.

You're gonna be amazed when l tell ya.



No, you see,

like anything else, uh,



to afford something like this, as l say,

it's not like buying a new car,

you know ?



l get it. l place this in homes

where there's been     and    .



You know where Gloucester is,

Mass.-- the fisherman at sea ?



l placed it with one woman

with     children.



And believe you me,

as they say, it wasn't easy.



But in this life, if you have a desire

for anything, you'll get it.



- lsn't that true ?

- Well, sometimes.



''Where there's a will, there's a way.''

That's what Charlie Gipper says,

you know.



You probably heard of him.

Notre Dame ? The Gipper ? Hmm.




Well, sometimes you can't.



Well, let me put it this way.



There are a lot of folks

in this world that spend thousands

of dollars on material things.



- But what l mean is this.

Do you love it ?

- Eh ?



- Do you love it ?

- I have one-- not as good as this.



That's all right, but do you think

you'd appreciate that, Mrs. Groza ?



- I appreciate it,

but I don't see use to buy now.

- How about you, sir ?



- You're the breadwinner, right ?

- Yeah, but I never read the Bible.



Yeah, well, then--

l mean, as l said before,

l could ask you one thing is this.



Do you think the dollar a day

would really hurt you ?



- l wouldn't wanna place it

if you couldn't afford it.

- It sure would!



- I can't buy that now.

- You can't afford that dollar.



- Wejust can't right now.

- Can't afford that dollar a week.



Yeah, yeah, yeah.



- Well, we're all up to here.

l'm over here.

- Well, I don't get any deeper.



We can wait on it, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Well, the only thing l can say--



- I'm sorry you make the trip

and everything.

- No, no, dear.



- I didn't know what it's all about.

- That's all right.



- It's like my business.

- Yeah. Huh ?



- Like my business.

I sell vacuum cleaners.

- Oh, you do ?



You sell vacuum cleaners ?

You scoop 'em up, huh ?



- Yeah.

- Yeah. Well, that's all right.

We scoop 'em up too.



Well, you're a salesman.

You know.



You know, l had a vacuum salesman

come to my wife, you know.



But he threw all the dirt

over the floor,



- and then he walked out and he

didn't scoop it up, you know ?

- Maybe he needed a new bag.



I don't know, but, uh--



Oh, l guess that's the thing

in everything.



lf you don't scoop it up,

you don't win, huh ?



- And that's--

- Yeah. He needed a new bag, probably.



Yeah. And with that,

I will say fond adieu.



Because l have

a lot more calls to make.



[ Knocking On Door ]



- Hi, Mrs. O'Connor.

Mr. Brennan from the church.

- Yes ?



How are you today ? This is

on a display we had at the church.



lt will only take a minute.



Could l ask you this question ?

And l know what you're gonna say.



What part of the set

do you like the best ?



Which part of this complete

library do you like the best ?



- Which do l like the best ?

- Yeah.






Which would you consider--

Which would you say is the basic

part of the library ?



Or what's something which

would appeal to you or which you

would derive the most out of?



- l personally think the Bible.

- That's right.

That's what most people say.



Mmm. l have one that l wouldn't

part with for years for nothin'.



- Yeah.

- l've had it for years and years...



that, uh,



belonged to my mother-in-law,

and l don't know where she got it from.



I have the old family Bible.

I bet it's over     years old.



Well, l'd say close

to a hundred, anyway.



Oh, no. By no means, ever part

with a Bible. I had one myself.



ln fact, uh,



my husband said his mother read to him

every single day out of that Bible.



- Well, as I say, sentimental

value attached to it.

- That's something.



Well, I could see where

you would choose the Bible,

and I'll tell you the reason why.



That's why the Bible

is the best seller in the world.



Hmm, well, actually, l can't see buying

another Bible when l already have one.



Even though

it's     years old?



Well, you're probably tight now.

Is that correct ?



- Oh, that's for sure. [ Sighs ]

- Yeah.



Well, as they say, it's

the only thing that I know...



that you secure in a lifetime

that doesn't depreciate.



A car, after three years,

is worth nothing.



A Bible like that

will build you something...



that will really build up

a heritage in the home.



- lt is a beautiful book.

- Isn't it beautiful?

I know you love it.



Honest to goodness, Mrs. O'Connor,

I've been in the Bible business now--



The reason I'm in it, I know

I'm placing something in the home...



that people will never

be dissatisfied.



The longer they have it,

the more they will enjoy it.



It's like a good wine--

with age it improves.



And they don't repossess the Bible, if

one month you don't mail in the payment.



You mail in the payment

the following month, that's all.



[ Girl Chattering In Background ]



All right, Maureen.

You've been on that phone long enough.



And if you didn't like it, Mrs.

O'Connor, I wouldn't spend the time.



But most of the people that l do place

it with are with the lrish people...



because they are very devout

Catholics, you know that.



- Oh, but I'm not Irish. [ Laughing ]

- lt doesn't make any difference.



- Are you not lrish descent ?

What descent are you, dear ?

- No. Polish.



- Polish ? Well,

the Polish are good people.

- Oh, yes.



l know a lot of good Polish people.

They're very devout Catholics.

lt doesn't make any difference.



But the lrish l happen

to place an awful lot with,

because l'm of lrish heritage myself.



But as l said before,

don't think--



In Worcester, I had

all the Polish section there.



Believe you me, we placed more Bibles

than you could shake a stick at.



- Everything in this life

is a sacrifice, all right ?

- Oh, that's for sure.



How about six months from now ?



Who knows

what six months is gonna bring ?



Well, nobody knows what the next day

is gonna come. You know this--



That's why l don't want to take

the chance of committing myself.



It wouldn't be too much of a chance.

It involves $  .   for the Bible.



And that's not much,

you know what I mean ?



A carton of cigarettes a week

costs you three dollars.



Does Dad have a birthday

coming up ?



[ Clock Chiming ]



Well, l'm sorry.

Not at this particular time.



Do you want to reserve it

for any later date ?



No, 'cause l don't know

what's gonna--



Well, nobody knows. The only thing

we're sure of is death and taxes.






No, l don't think

l'd better commit myself.



I honestly can't see my way

clear to it right now.



How about in three, six, nine

or twelve months ? You still

couldn't see your way clear ?



[ Girl Chattering On Phone ]



Well, I don't think

I'd better take it at this time.






Well, l don't think there's any more

l can add to it, Mrs. O'Connor.



[ Clears Throat ]



l imagine you make

a lot of decisions in this life.



- l know my wife--

- Oh, yes. You have to.



- You have to.

- That's for sure.



That's for sure.

But, like anything else,



l think this would be

a wise decision.



- But that's your opinion--

- lf circumstances were different,

l'd say yes.



- l wouldn't hesitate because

it is a beautiful piece of art.

- Mmm.



I mean, actually,

is it the dollar a week

that's holding you up, Mrs. O'Connor?



I mean, I don't understand.

Really, honest to God.



I've been selling Bibles for ten years.

I don't understand a dollar a week.



Well, it doesn't sound like much,



but there's other things that

l gotta take care of first...



before l can start putting out

another four, five dollars a week.



-A month.

- A month, rather.



No, there's too others-- too many other

ones that l've got to pay up first.



Okay, then.



I'll bid you a fond adieu,

Mrs. O'Connor. Thanks again.



All right.

Thank you for your time.



That's all right.

That's my job.



Hi, Mrs. Curran. Mr. Brennan

from the church. How are you today ?



- Yes, I'm fine.

- This is my associate.



l'm not interested, really.

l don't have the time,

and l don't have any money.



- So there's really no point--

- Yeah, l was just wondering

why you left your name--



Thank you.



Hasn't got the time and no money.

Why did she give me her name ?



After four years

of trying to find her.



- See how these cool off Wednesday ?

Know what l mean ?

- Yeah.



By Wednesday, you might as well

throw them in the river somewhere.



This is worse than New England.



Hey, Paul, good luck to ya,

if l don't see ya.



- Relax a minute.

- End of the tirade.



- Relax.

- lt's gotta be changed around.



l'm not workin'

any more afternoons... period.



l'm workin' the way l wanna work

and when, the way l wanna go out.



- Relax.

- 'Cause this thing is, uh--



l might as well

be shooting myself in the sun.



This is absolutely no good

in the afternoon.



Good luck, Paul.



- Bye-bye.

- Good luck.



[ Chattering ]



[ Plates Clattering ]



Join the force and get a pension.

What do you think this is here ?



How about a Mickey ?

Like a Mickey ? A Mickey lead ?



Mrs. Lynch ?



She'll probably tell me to join

the force and get a pension.



Oh, this guy here.

l like him.



[ Ray ] That's one Bible and a C.P.E.--

Catholic People's Encyclopedia.



Which plan would be

the best for you ?



[ Woman ] Well, I'd have

to get it for six a month.



And this is where you put

your name. Right there.



That's where l sign my...

''John Henry.''



[ Laughing ]



We got a new record here the other day.

You know, one of these Beatles songs.



[ ''Yesterday'' Orchestration

Plays On Warped Tape ]



[ Man ]

That's off a tape. This, um--



The tape gives a better,

more rounder tone.



Doesn't interfere with

what you're doin', does it ?



Oh, no, no, no.



Now you're gonna put    down

and when it arrives, pay the balance.



You don't mail in the first payment.



Make the first payment C.O.D.

to the postman.



The first is just like the    down.



Now that brings your balance

down to $  .  .



[ Continues, Indistinct ]



Now, four weeks after you receive your

books, then you mail in the payment.



In other words, it'll be

about eight weeks from now you're

going to mail in your payment.



- Oh, I see.

- You see, it's just

like putting    down.



- Will they send you a--

- They'll send you a budget

book and the envelopes.



Telling you when it's due.




Every time you mail in a coupon,

you mail in at least six.



Yeah. Okay.

Where will it go to ?



lt'll go to, uh--

We have two offices,



one in Chicago, one

in Charlotte, North Carolina.



- They'll give you the envelopes

with which one to send it to.

- Okay.



See, right there.






[ Music Stops ]



- [ Radio Announcer, Indistinct ]

- [ Woman ] Well, that's that.



[ Laughing ]



- I enjoyed the visit.

- Oh, l know you'll enjoy the Bible.



And again, l'm sorry to hold you up

on your dressmaking.



I'm going to make

my heathen husband read it.



[ Man ] Well, I've got to go to

work at    .:   so--



[ Woman ] I'll let him take it to work

at night so he can read it.



- Sure. Bye now.

- Good-bye now.



While he's doing nothin'.

Good night.



Doing nothing ? My goodness sakes.

What do you think I do at nights ?



[ Woman Laughing ]



Oh, you're riding around in that car

on a chilly night like this ?



- Thanks again, now

- You're welcome. Bye-bye.



[ ''Yesterday'' Orchestration Plays ]



Hello, Paul.



- What happened?

Did you get a haircut ?

- Huh ?



- Did you get a haircut ?

- l got a short one.



You look like a Schweinehund.



l got a thin one.

l got a thin one.



What happened to your stomach ?



The brakes went today.

l'll say that.



- Luck.

- How'd the battle go ?



God, l went through there. l had

no trouble finding any of the places.



Do you know how many pitches

l made all day ? One.



One pitch.



l got one deal in for the week.

l got a couple l might--



l got Collins up there.

l might be able to knock off

a quint with her, but no action.



l can't get any action

out there.



I can't see any deals here.



Every time I get in the house,

all I hear is--



I mean, the brush-off at the door.

And, uh, you know, real rough.



These Mickies were rough.

Really rough.



Did you find-- You know, you found

that's probably similar to yourself?



l find here,

and if you analyze it,



you don't have that many

Catholics here.



You don't have that many Catholics.

One church.



You cover a hell of a wide area,

and there's not that--



And, goddamn it, l don't know

how many times you have to go

back to get these people in.



Boy, l went through eight leads like

as if right through a tin horn tonight.



Bingada, bingada,

bingada, bingada, bing.



l've analyzed it myself,

and l think there are areas--



The rich areas are tough.

They're rough.



But believe you me,

if you get in there...



and you get the point,

you have no trouble with that money.



And you can shoot a quint and,

you know, it doesn't break...



'cause, what the hell,

they can shoot the money out there.



They got money to work with.



But l'm not thinkin' negatively,



but even if l got for the week,

say, l got ten or eleven sales,



l wouldn't be happy

with it either because--



It's croakin'you, Paul.

You're in a bad frame of mind.



- Well--

- You're having a rough couple of weeks.



There could be something




These people are croakin'me.



Paul, you're fightin'them.

They can spot it a mile off.



You get a week or two of good production

under your belt, you'll be okay.



A woman wanted a C.P.E.,

you know ?



Four kids.



Hit her with the buck a week.

Too much money.



You know, it's ridiculous.



No husband. l don't know

where the hell her husband went.



l may be wrong,

but l can't see it here.



[ Paul Humming ]



[ Humming Continues ]



[ Charlie ] We place it in the home

for as little as $  .   complete.



Isn't that amazing ?



[ Man ] Now, this will all be changed

pretty soon, won't it ?



No. Are you with

the Knights of the Holy Name ?



- No, l'm not Catholic.

- No, he's not Catholic.



But he follows me

right along and all that.



Well, l'll tell you. You know

what l appreciate, honest to gosh ?



When you go into a home

and it's a mixed marriage,



we find in many cases the husband

is much more enthused...



oftentimes than we,

even as cradle Catholics.



I wish you were selling a children's

encyclopedia instead of this.



Yeah, let me put it this way.

None of your children

would ever get a sunburn...



or they'd never get a cold

unless they were exposed to a draft.



They'd never get a sunburn

unless they were exposed to the sun.



The mere fact they're exposed to it,

they're going to receive so many

benefits from it.



They have to, you know.



'Cause if it never does them any good,

it'll never do them any harm.



- It's kind of a fancy Bible

for a little child, isn't it ?

- Yeah.



- What do you mean, Mr., uh--

- This.



For them, l mean.

They're kind of young.



- You were saying

that they'll be exposed to this.

- Right. Uh-huh.



ln what manner ?

Looking at it or--



[ Paul ]

May I interject to say one thing ?



''The hand that rocks the cradle

rules the world. ''



ls that right ? Behind every great man,

there's a good woman.



Now she spends, according to Reader's

Digest, about   % with the children.



Now, whatever she is

and what she imparts to them...



is how those children are gonna grow up,

and this is the age when they need it.



Because if your house

doesn't have a foundation,

you've got no kind of a house.



- Does that make sense ?

- [ Man ] That's just-- Well--



- There we are. There we are.

- That's exactly what--



And we have that in white and red.



And we can give it

in any color that you might like.

And that's another thing too.



The Bible is the heritage of life.



And so, when you come right down,



l know that price is something

that doesn't enter it at all.



lt's the utility of it.

And believe you me,



l think you both have to agree

that you have the utility there.



- ls that true or isn't it ?

That's all we have to say.

- Well--



[ Coughs ]



[ Charlie ] It's the way

anything is designed as to what

effect you-- we get from it.



[ Woman ] I just feel sorry

with all your work and demonstration.



[ Charlie ] No, listen,

I was running a little stale anyway.



This is why I'm taking

Mr. Brennan out tonight...



- to see if I can sort of

spark him up a little.

- [ Man ] He needs practice ?



- He's been dropping way down.

- I really appreciate the, uh--



He used to write,

if l recall, at one time--



- Paul, in your prime you were

writing     a week, right ?

- Mmm.



He dropped way down to three. He says,

''What's the matter, Mr. McDevitt ?''



And l says, ''Well, Paul,

l think you're a little negative.



You're negative and l think this

is what you need-- a little spark.



And I think somebody should take you out

and spark you up...



and show you how

the people will acquire this. ''



[ Chuckles ] I'm not doing this

to embarrass you, Paul. Believe me.



Well, sometimes it isn't a spark.

You need an explosion.



[ Laughs ] With that

l think we'll say good adieu.



- [ Man ] Thank you very much.

- [ Woman ] Thank you very much now.



[ Paul ] That's life.



Yeah, join the force

and get a pension.



No, siree, boss.



[ lmitating lrish Brogue ]

Mary, she works for the telephone.



She's got a lot of stocks.



They're hardworking.

Hardworking people.












Charlie's been working

in the police force now.



The boy, he retires,

he gets a pension.



He's all set for life.






[ Traffic Passing By ]



[ Man Laughing ]

Hey, what are you doing ? Slow down.



Come on. Get back, buddy!

Special help by SergeiK