Saved Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Saved script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the movie starring Jenna Malone, Mandy Moore, Eva Amurri, Patrick Fugit, etc..  This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Saved. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

Swing on back to Drew's Script-O-Rama afterwards for more free movie scripts!

Saved Script



I've been born-again

my whole life.



Accepting Jesus into your heart

and getting saved is a big decision...



... especially for a three-year-old.



My faith taught me that everything

was a part of God's plan.



Mom said that he even had a reason

for taking my father to heaven.



She explained

that Daddy was with the angels.



Well, I wanted

to be with the angels, too.



But God had other plans.



Jesus became

the center of my life.



I still don't think

he's supposed to be white.



- I was watching this thing on television--

- Of course, he's white.



Gosh. Sometimes I think

my brother's retarded, too.



No, your brother's not retarded.



I was a member in good standing

of the Christian Jewels.



It's sort of like

a girl gang for Jesus.



Don't kill your baby!



Lillian Cummings.



My mom was finally named

the number one



Christian interior decorator

for the entire region.



And in spite of living

in what the Bible calls "the end times,"



my future was looking bright.



I had the perfect Christian boyfriend.



And I was about to be a senior

at a really good Christian school.



Two weeks before

summer vacation ended,



everything changed.



My boyfriend and I

played this game



of telling each other

secrets underwater.



It's lame, I know.



But this wasn 't exactly

the MTV Beach House.



Okay, now my turn.



Okay, ready?






Maybe it was

because I was drowning,



or the shock

of Dean's confession...



... but at that moment,

I had a vision.



Dean needs you now.



You must do all you can

to help him.



It's just a little bump, Mom.

I'm totally fine.



Okay, all right.



Mom was away at the Christian

Community Leader's Convention



in Orlando with Pastor Skip--

the principal of my school.



- Honey?

- Mom.



You didn't tell me

Pastor Skip was so nice.



Yeah, everybody loves him.



We've been talking about setting up

our own fellowship programs



when I get back to Cherry Hill.



- I have to go.

- Come and get it.



Come and get it.



Love you.



- I love you, too.

- Bye.



What's shaking, Skip?



How could my boyfriend be gay?



He's, like,

the best Christian I know.



He's an athlete who's

constantly strengthening himself--



physically, creatively,

and spiritually for the Lord.



Thank you, Jesus.



Why had he been stricken

with such a spiritually toxic affliction?



I figured I needed to take

the most direct approach to saving him.



I mean,

it was Christ's will and all.



Jesus spoke to you?

In person?



He trusts me.



Okay? You're just gonna

have to trust me, too.



- Just kiss me, okay?

- Okay.



Dean and I worked diligently

on his problem



for the rest of the summer.



Anything yet?






Are you sure this isn't a sin?



I was pretty sure

what we were doing wasn't a sin,



but not sure enough

to give Dean what he really needed.



I needed spiritual guidance

or a sign or something, and quick.



Hilary Faye seemed to have

a spiritual solution for every problem.



Christian girls have got to know

how to protect themselves.



I mean, sure, Jesus could restore

my physical and spiritual virginity,



especially if I lost it

to some rapist, but...



who wants that?



I'm saving myself until marriage,

and I'll use force if necessary.



What's all that about

restoring your virginity?



I mean, physically,

you're a virgin once.



Yeah, and it's not about reversing

the violation of your blessed womb.



It's about Jesus

granting you a virginal heart.



That way, you're pure again.



Do it.



My next move was clear.






You're getting the hang of it.



How are you doing?

What's going on?



What's going on?



Sure, it was a radical step,



but why else had Jesus

directed me to the gun range?



Thank you, Jesus.



Having asked Jesus to restore

my emotional and spiritual virginity



in exchange for curing Dean,



I started my senior year

with all of that behind me.



This new van is amazing.






It's official.



The Christian Jewels--

I bought one for everybody.



Pin it on.

I wanna see it.



It's terrific, Hilary Faye.

Thank you.



You're welcome.



Hi, Roland.

How was your summer?



- What?

- Your summer, how was it?



Well, I went rollerblading,

water-skiing, learned to kickbox.



You know, the usual.



Why do you have to make people feel so

awkward about your differently-abledness?



I'm sorry, I really don't know

what's gotten into him.



Here's the latest from Godflight.



I love these guys.



They are totally

Jesus-centric and gorgeous.



Veronica was

adopted by her parents



when they were

missionaries in Vietnam.



Hilary Faye sees her

as an example of God's will



triumphing over

a savage, godless nation.



So what do you think

of the new ride?



You're so lucky, Hilary Faye.



Yeah, I could've had

a Lexus gold edition, you know.



Roland is blessed

with such a thoughtful sister.



In countries like China, Hilary Faye

probably would've been killed at birth.



And then where

would you be, Roland?









You're one of us now.



- What?!

- Come on, pin it on.



You guys, I'm not gonna have

any time to warm up now.



- You will.

- Where's Dean?



He knows I have to sing

at assembly this morning.



He's coming.



Can you go check?

Move him along a little bit?



- Yeah.

- Thank you.



Not a problem.



Is Dean ready?






I found this

under Dean's bed last night.



He's on his way

to Mercy House this morning.



He could be gone a long time.



We thought you should know.






I'm so sorry, Mary.



Let's go.



Is he coming out, or not?






Mercy House

is a Christian treatment facility



where they deal with

everything from drug abuse,



to alcoholism, to de-gayification,

and unwed mothers.



I need to tell you guys something.



What? It wasn't like it was

some kind of secret.



The guy was like

a one-man gay pride parade.



You know, we've never

had a gay at American Eagle.



We're not gonna

tell anyone, okay?






Hilary Faye.



- You promised me.

- Yeah, that's fine.



What if you had married him?



The gayness would be

passed on to your children.



Cassandra Edelstein was the only

Jewish to ever attend American Eagles.



She transferred in last year

amid rumors that she was a stripper.



Everyone wanted to get her saved,

especially Hilary Faye.



Hi, Cass.

Welcome back.



Smoking isn't just bad for you,

it's bad for all of us.



Secondhand smoke kills.



I'm counting on it.



Oh, my gosh!

Hilary Faye, are you okay?!



I bet she doesn't even have

a handicap permit for her car.



And I'm right!



Oh, my God.



Come on. We don't want to be late

for homeroom, okay?



Let's get to class.



- Hi, Matt.

- Hey.



- I'm a Jewel.

- Oh, it's awesome!



Hey, guys, guess what?



I think Jesus appeared to me

in my fish tank, and he--



It's okay, it didn't move.



The tank's kinda dirty

and most of the fish are dead,



but my mom said if you guys--



Okay, Tia, thanks.



- I'll see you after class.

- I'll talk to you guys after class.



I hope you all

let God use you as a vessel



for his divine plan this summer.



I'm sure by now most of you

have noticed the beautiful billboard



designed and painted

by our own Hilary Faye



and donated by her father.



Thank you.



Mary helped.



And speaking of new additions, class.

I'd like you to welcome Patrick Wheeler.



Most of the boys in school looked

like NASA employees, not Patrick.



There had to be a catch.



Patrick is Pastor Skip's son.



He's been in South America

doing missionary work with his mother,



and this summer

he just completed a world tour



with the Christian

skateboard association.






Out there hitting the board

for the Lord?



Is nothing sacred to you people?



Before this morning's assembly,



why don't we catch up

on what everyone did this summer?



Mary, let's start with you.



All right, everyone.



put your hands together

for the Christian Jewels!



Some of the words to myself

would make the clouds disappear



If you were gone,

what would I become?



You're so good to me



I mean that.



Oh, clarity



Dear God



A little piece of Heaven



A little piece of Heaven

in my world



So, I figured they would've

sent you to a special school by now.



This is a special school.






I fell out of a tree

when I was nine.



Hilary Faye found me.



She calls it

the miracle that saved my life.



The miracle

you could've used



would've been not falling out

of the tree in the first place.






Is that why

you're behind a year?






We should get back inside.






- You want a push?

- Thanks.



If you stare at my ass again.

I will push you off a cliff.



Thank you, Jesus.




All right!



Welcome to

the first assembly of the year!



Give it up.

The Lord Jesus is in the house!



Let's get our Christ on.

Let's kick it Jesus style.



Y'all wanna walk

with the ultimate rebel, right?



The ultimate CEO.

The biggest celebrity of them all.



Who's down with G.O.D?



I'm down with the G.O.D!

That's right!



Jesus Rules!

Jesus Rules!



Let's pray.



Lord, we're gonna have

an awesome school year



here at American Eagles

Christian High...



I know I'm not supposed

to ask for specifics, Lord,



like when I prayed for an expensive car

and got the handicapper van instead,



but I want this to be

the best year ever.



And between you and me...



... I think you'll agree

I totally deserve it.



Thank you for sparing me from

the eternal hellfires of damnation.



I'm sorry I let that Promise Maker guy

touch me in the rectory.



Daddy still hasn 't stopped drinking,

but I know you're working on it.



And I really want to be a Jewel.



I wonder if rollerboy's paralyzed

everywhere below the waist.



Oh, yeah, she digs me.



Please, Jesus,

don 't let Dad humiliate me.



Those Jesus freaks

are on to something.



Especially in front of her.



About Dean and I,

I thought we had a deal.



Why is he at Mercy House?



You did restore me, right?



And keep our president safe.






Now, who wants to come down here

and give their heart to the Lord?



Who wants to start the year

off right and get saved?



A lot of temptations

over the summer.



I bet some of you folks

backslid just a little.



Who wants to recommit

themselves to the Lord?



There we go!

All right.



All right.

Praise Jesus.






Praise Jesus.

Come on down.



- There you go.

- Awesome.



Welcome home.

Welcome home to Jesus.



Welcome to his home.

Jesus loves you.



Praise Jesus.

Accept him into your heart.







Bear witness.



She's speaking

God's love language, folks!



Oh, my God.

The Jew girl's speaking in tongues!



She's gonna show her boobs.

Thank you, Jesus.



She is!

She's gonna show her boobs!



Mahh possie is a hot pooosie!



Mahh hotta pooosie!



Mahh possie is a hot pooosie!



Mahh possie is a hot pooosie!



She's saying

she's got a hot--



After that, Cassandra's status

went from a cautionary tale to legend.



It seemed like there was no act

too vulgar to get her expelled.



The more she acted out...



... the more Hilary Faye

wanted to get her saved.



I am totally glad she wasn't expelled.

Her actions are such a cry for help.



She may not know this now,

but she is like--



she's like that much closer

to accepting Jesus in her heart, right?



Seriously, she could be some poor savage

in some remote jungle somewhere



who will never know the Lord

and who will never go to Heaven, ever.



I think that's why God has missionaries

like Patrick to spread his word.




What's up, guys?



- You're Mary, right?

- Here's your board.



- Thanks, bro.

- Yeah.



You played the keyboard

during assembly. That was really cool.



- Thanks.

- Isn't she great?



She knows just how to compliment my

vocal stylings without overpowering them.



We were just talking about

all your missionary work, it's so great.



So, like, what part of the world

has the worst heathens?



'Cause I'm so interested in that.



Honestly, I couldn't say.

Mostly, I just stuck to skating.



No, but how many of them

did you actually save, do you think?



Guys, I totally scored

some free stuff for you.



Thank you, Tia.



Piss off, asshole!



And another thing--

no more muffin for you.



The muffin shop is closed!



- Come on.

- Oh, my gosh.



She is in worse shape

than I ever could have imagined, right?



We need to show her

just how cool we Christians can be.



- Totally.

- Let's start the laughing.






Cass, come join us.

We're just--



Do you wanna go wait in the van again?

Do you know these are new pants!



You're handicapped,

but get it together.



Hey, Roland,

how about we get outta here.



and you can give me

a little spin in that thing?



Release his parking brake,

Hilary "Fake."



You smell like Tia's dad.

Have you been drinking?



Come on. Careful.



I'm having a vision

of the Virgin Mary.



Cassandra, are you all right?



What she needs to do

is accept Jesus into her heart.



I think what she needs

is a ride home.



- I'll take her.

- I'll help you, then.



Come on, Cassandra.



No, no, let go of the pizza.



Get off of me!



Helping Patrick

haul Cassandra out of the mall



was like the most perfect

God-centered moment.



You really learn a lot about a boy

when you're servicing the Lord.



Hilary Faye, I can see your pad.



- I can see a little bit of it right--

- Quit it!



Slowly raise up through the knees,

still bent at the waist, and roll to standing.






And twist and hold.



Come on.

Keep holding.



I know what you're looking at, Mary.



And Jesus does, too,



After a threatening letter

from the State Board of Education,



they finally broke down

and created a Sex-Ed class.



A little too late, I might add.



So, it's all about

populating the planet.



And good Christians don't

get jiggy with it until they're married.






Yes, Mary.



Is it possible Jesus might need us

to do his will by, you know, not waiting?



Of course,

he wants us to wait.



I don't think I get

what you mean, Mary.



I don't know.



Which variety of bass

is not indigenous to North America?



- B--small mouth.

- Peacock.



- Large mouth?

- I'm sorry. That's incorrect.



This religious figure

was best known



for offering to God

a sacrifice of one of his sons.



- Moses!

- Brenda.



I--I'm guessing Abraham?



- That's correct.

- Oh, really?



- Congratulations. Well done.

- I hate this show.



Coming up on Lifetime,



Valerie Bertinelli

stars in "Bitter Harvest"--



a sensitive portrayal

of one woman's struggle with cancer.



This looks good.



There was a feeling

of twilight in the air...



... all honeydew and lilac.



God wasn't just

smiling down on me...



... he was jumping up and cheering.



And then, well...



... I thought I was pregnant.



I'd been throwing up every morning



and hadn't had my period

in two months.



So I took a home pregnancy test.



What happened?



I found out I wasn't pregnant.



It was the cancer.



She found all that out

from a home pregnancy test?



Valerie's struggles made me realize

that my problems weren't so bad.



Dean was getting help,

and I still had the Jewels.



I was gonna be okay.



- You work here, too?

- Yeah, I'm saving up for a car.



When I get one I can

come pick you up and stuff.



You okay?



Yeah, it's just really hot in here.



- I'll see you later.

- Promise?



Please let it be cancer.

Please let it be cancer.



The test mentions something

about a possible false positive.



Do you have anything

later on Monday?



 :  ?

No, no, I can make that.



I have my leadership meeting

tonight after work.



- You're not wearing that, are you?

- Why not?



You just can't, Mom.



You're right,

it's too hot for a sweater.



- I'll see you later.

- Bye, hon.



Hey, Mary.

Sorry to hear about Dean's faggotry.



- What?!

- See you at P, circle?



Can I talk to you?



What's going on?



You promised me.



It's hard.



But I think this is the only way

we can actually help Dean.



Don't you think?



Come on.

You're not born a gay.



You're born-again.



I don't know

what I think anymore.



I've gotta go.



Wait. Don't you need me

to give you a ride home?



Not today, Hil.



Okay. Well, tonight

at the prayer circle meeting then, okay?



Prayer circle meeting

at my house at  :  .



I'm conducting it

for Mary's gay boyfriend Dean.






You know where a guy

can get some smokes?



What's the matter?



Scared to be seen

in public with a stripper?



No. Scared of being seen

with a cripple?



I've been seen with worse.



Hilary Faye's gonna freak out

when I'm not there waiting for her.



Who cares?



It's just that I don't

get out much on my own.



- I'm not really a stripper.

- I'm not really a Christian.



So, how did you

end up at American Eagle?



I mean, you're Jewish, right?



Well, after I got expelled

from my last school,



it was either here

or home schooling.



I figured I could handle

these freaks better than my parents.



Lucky me.



- Are you playing footsies with me?

- Wheelies.



Hey, isn't that...



What is she doing downtown?



There's only one reason Christian girls

come down to the Planned Parenthood.



- She's planting a pipe bomb?!

- Okay, two reasons.



With Dean?!



I think there's a better chance

of that pipe bomb.



I... I should get home.



Yeah, you should.












And we pray for all the perverts, Lord,

but especially for Dean,



whom at this time,

just hasn't found the right girl.



We join together and beg you

to rid him of his unnatural perversions.



May you lead him

out of the darkness, Lord,



and into your divine light.






That was good.

That felt really nice.



Thank you so much

for that good prayer.



- Hi, Mary.

- Hi.



How are you? So good to see you.

We've been waiting for you.



We were just finishing up, so if you

have anything else you wanna add.



Jesus is still listening.



Jesus isn't listening, Hilary Faye.



I did everything I could to save Dean,

and he still ended up at Mercy House.



Let's take a breath--



What can they say and do

that I haven't already done!



Don't embarrass me!



We have to pray about this.

Prayer works!



- It's been medically proven.

- Just lay off of me, Hilary!



Wait a second.



Give me that.



You could pollute the Jewels

and everything we stand for.



And I can't have that.




I hope you know

that this is all a waste of time.



I just got off the phone

with Hilary Faye.



Wow! Can she be

an uppity whootie-who.



What's the matter?






Come on.



Why do you think Dean's parents

sent him away so fast?



They probably thought

they couldn't handle it by themselves.



Having a child

is like owning a car--



I can change the oil,

fill the gas tank,



take it to a carwash,

but if the carburetor broke.



I wouldn't have a clue

as to how to fix it.



What are you saying--you'd actually

send me to a place like Mercy House?



Mary, please don't tell me

you're a lesbian.



Should I be worried about you?



I don't need to

worry about you... do I?






My mom just compared me to a car,



so me having a baby



definitely falls into the category

of things she couldn't handle.



A week after prom

and two days after I turned eighteen,



I was going to join

the unwed mothers club.



Dean, I'm really sorry

about what we did.



I mean, we should've

at least used protection.



But you're the only person

I've been with.



- No, I know that.

- I don't have anything.



It's just--

Dean, I really...



I need to tell you something.



- Hey, governor.

- Hi, Mitch.



- Mitch?

- He's my roommate.



He's here for

the same reason as me.



He even ran away from home

to San Francisco.



He's like the worst one here.



- You better be careful.

- I'm gonna beat this.



According to the brochure,

hundreds of others have.



What were you gonna say?



Nothing. Just...



I wanted to know

if you'd be out by prom.



- Wild horses couldn't stop me.

- Mercy House residents--



I gotta go. We're doing

a Christian haunted house.



Happy Halloween.



Let's go, let's go.

Let's pick it up.



Nice costume.






'Cause we have the same...



If you don't let go, I'll tell everybody

you touch me inappropriately



while helping me in the bathroom.



- Is that supposed to embarrass me?

- I'm tired of you pushing me around.



Well, maybe I'm tired

of pushing you around.



He's all yours!




Call me later, okay?



He doesn't appreciate

one thing you do for him.



Without the strength and love

that Jesus provides me,



do you really think Cassandra's

gonna be able to take care of him?



No way.



She's just gonna

end up hurting him.



By the look of the bruises

on his neck, she already has.



Tia, please.



What are you supposed to be?



A roller skate.



I've got something to show you.



You do?



You didn't just do this

for the parking permit, did you?



Pretty much.



In the meantime,

I was trying to find a new religion



or a new God or whatever,



but to tell you the truth,

they were all kind of freaking me out.



I mean, sure, they can't all be right,

but they can 't all be wrong, right?



You know, the whole

crystal thing is so felt up.



Don't you have a church

to desecrate or something?



Roland and I saw you

sneaking out of the clinic.



Kudos on the Bono shades,

by the way.



I was distributing pamphlets.



I was trying to prevent

girls like you from making a mistake.



Thank you.



After we win

the costume contest,



we'll distribute religious tracts

to the kids instead of candy.



- Good one.

- That's awesome.



Hey, ladies.



- Sorry. You got a second?

- Yeah.



Listen, I'm concerned about Mary.



Something's going on.



Yeah, me too.



Well, she's part of your posse,

and I think that you could help her.



I'm gonna need you to be a warrior

out on the front lines for Jesus.



You mean like shoot her?



No, no, I was thinking

of something a little less gangsta.



I need someone who's spiritually armed

to help guide her back to her faith,



to love and care

that only Jesus can supply.



- You down with that?

- Yeah, I'm down with that.



She's pretty vulnerable right now,

so I'm gonna need you to be extra gentle.



- Hurry! Hurry! Come on!

- I'm going! I'm going!



- Get her!

- Come on, Tia!



Stuff her in here!

Hurry up! Hurry Up!



In the name of Jesus Christ.



I command you,

leave the body of this servant of God.



You're performing

an exorcism on me?! Get off me!



Where are you going?

Get back here!



We've gotta

get rid of the evil in you.



- It's God's will!

- God's will?



- Christ died for your sins!

- Okay, wait a second.



Are you not gonna accept

our intervention?



You mean kidnapping? No!



You are backsliding

into the flames of hell.



You've become a magnet for sin.

We've all witnessed it.




Veronica acting all pure.



What about last spring break

at the Promise Maker's rally?



You are making accusations

as we're trying to save your soul?



Mary, turn away from Satan.



Jesus--he loves you.



You don't know

the first thing about love.



I am filled with Christ's love!



You are just jealous

of my success in the Lord.



This is not a weapon, you idiot.



What, did they send you to

strap me on the back of your scooter?




Mary, this is a Vespa.



And I don't know

what you're talking about. Hop on.



I'd rather walk.



Suit yourself.



She actually tried to exorcise you?






That was nice of her, I guess.



The way things have been going.

I probably should've let her.



Listen, Mary...



I want you to know that I don't think

Dean's sick or anything.



- Yeah, right.

- No, really.



Mercy House doesn't really exist

for the people who get sent there.



It exists more for the people

who do the sending.



So why were you at Hilary Faye's

when she was praying for Dean?






I thought you'd be there.



Well, thank you

for the ride, Patrick.



Any time.



Do you wanna go out sometime?



What--are you gonna

take me out on your scooter?



Come on.

I'm, like, totally adorable.




it would drive Hilary Faye crazy.



I can't.

I'm not dating right now.



What about tomorrow night?

Will you be dating then?



Good night, Patrick.



Thank you so much.



You guys are so sweet.

You know what?



We need to...



We need to take a moment



and think about those people

who aren't as fortunate



to have the body of Christ

in their life right now.



So, let's...

let's pray for Mary.



Lucky for me, at our school,



teen pregnancy was about as common

as the flesh-eating virus.



No one really

seemed to catch on.



All right, students...



Except Cassandra.



... and we're going to continue

with the Beatitudes.



- Let's--Mary?

- Could I have a bathroom pass?



- Sure.

- Thanks.



Blessed are those who are persecuted

because of righteousness,



for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven.



Blessed are you when people

insult you, persecute you,



and falsely say all kinds of evil

against you because of me.



Excuse me.



It doesn't bother you to have

people smoking around you?



It's so bad for the baby.



I'm not pregnant, okay?



So, what's your plan?

It's too late for the big A.



You look like a smuggler.

I know somewhere you could sell it.



I'm not gonna sell my...



It's Dean's, isn't it?



You can't do this on your own.



Yes, I can.



No, you can't.



I thought I was helping him.



I thought it was...



... what Jesus wanted me to do.



That's pretty stupid, right?



It's not stupid.



- Yes, it is.

- It's not stupid.



If you're interested.



I know some people

who would pay a lot of money



to take naked pictures of you

in a family way.



Oh, yeah?

How much money?



You need to get out of here.



Are we cutting?



- Should you be driving?

- What is it with you people?



You don't think

we can do anything, do you?



No, I mean, you don't have

your license, do you?






Here. Years of shoplifting

have taught me how to hide a bundle.



Did I ever tell you about the time

that I shoplifted a frozen turkey



out of a Piggly Wiggly wearing only

a tube top and some daisy dukes?



I can't pay for all of this.



Compliments of Hilary Faye.



So, Patrick asked you out,

and you turned him down?



The boy is a tomcat,

even if he is a big J.C. freak.



And, double-plus bonus.

I'm pretty sure he's not a mo.



He's Pastor Skip's son,

and I'm about to pop a baby out.



I should tell Patrick to act gay.

Maybe then he'd get a little action.



Nice, very nice.



Does it ever bother you

that he can't walk?



He can't walk?!



No, I mean

it must be tricky, that's all.



I don't care.



- He gets me, and I get him.

- Cool.



- Hello, ladies.

- Hello.



Check this out.



I got a candy bar

and a whole nickel.



Oh, Jesus.



Don't look now, but bitch face

is here with your boyfriend.



Hey, guys.



Merry Christmas.



What's wrong with her?



It's nothing.



I just get this really left-out feeling

around Christmas time, you know?






Well, if you decided

to accept Christ into your heart,



then you and your people

could join in on the fun, too.



We should go.



Bye, guys.



- Wait!

- What?



- You're right.

- I am?



I wanna join in on the fun.



I don't want

a Hanukkah bush this year.



I want a Christmas tree.



- You're kidding me again, right?

- I wanna get saved.



I want a relationship

with Jesus Christ, for real.



- Are you serious?

- Yes.



Okay. This is gonna

be pretty intense, Patrick.



I don't have all of

my equipment with me, but...



Okay, sit down.



First of all. we need to have you

confess all of your sins out loud.



Well, there's all the swears.



I mean, I have

a pretty goddamn dirty mouth.



And then there's the sex.

I mean, are we counting oral?



So, Christmas shopping

with Hilary Faye?



No, no, I just

ran into her here, honestly.



She's helping me pick out

some last-minute gifts.



- Come here. Sorry.

- What are you doing, Patrick?



I just wanna see what's in here.



- But--

- No, no, come on.



- We're not allowed...

- Just for a second.



- I don't think we should be in here.

- Yes, we should definitely be in here.



It's incredible.



I like you, Mary.



I really do.






You're beautiful.



And you speak for yourself.



God gave us all free will,



and that day

at Hilary Faye's prayer circle,



you weren't afraid to use it.



You inspired me.



You amaze me, Mary.



This is a bad idea.

I knew it.



- Wait a minute.

- You're not my type, Patrick.




Why not?



I'm sorry.



Mary, wait.






So, I duct taped a piece of rotten bacon

inside Hilary Faye's locker.



That's disgusting.



She made me listen to

the entire Elms CD on her iPOD.



I didn't ask you to get saved.



Anyway, it's not a big deal.



Last year I got saved

so I could go on a ski trip.



Oh, my God!



How do you feel?



I'm a whole new girl, Hay Faye.



I told you!

How great is Jesus?



About that, I've decided

to devote my life to Satan instead.



Thanks, though!






Who beefed?



She was found to be pregnant

through the Holy Spirit.



When he had contemplated this,

an angel of the Lord



appeared to him in a dream

and said, "Joseph, son of David,



"do not be afraid

to take Mary as your wife



"because the child conceived in her

is from the Holy Spirit.



Behold, a virgin shall conceive

and bear a son."



I know this is,

like, totally wrong,



but don't you ever wonder

if she made the whole thing up?



I mean, you have to admit

it's a good one.



It's not like anyone could use

virgin birth as an excuse again.



I don't really think she made it up,



but I could understand

why a girl would.



Quit being so stingy.



What? They're my

Valentine's Day chocolates.



Hilary Faye, you bought them

for yourself, so it doesn't count.



You still have that?



I haven't decided

if I wanna give it to him yet.



Well, you better decide fast.



Happy Valentine's Day.



- Thank you.

- I made it myself.



It's a dumb idea anyway.



Mary's been going through

a lot of changes this year, and...



a relationship is the last thing

she needs right now.



Yeah, you're

the relationship expert.



You and Mom

don't even talk any more.



That's because your mom

has her missionary position,



and I have my responsibilities

running the school, and--



Mom told me

everything this summer.



Why didn't you just get divorced

when she wanted to?



Because divorce

is not part of God's plan.



Dad, you need to think of a new plan.



I thought you were

at your meeting with Pastor Skip.



It got cancelled.




That's, like, three times this week?






Well, do you wanna

talk about it?



I think this one's

between me and Jesus.



But do you wanna talk?






I keep trying to remind myself



that when Jesus shuts a door,

he opens a window.



Yeah, so we have something

we can jump out of.



- Hello.

- Hey, it's me.



I'm trying to get the board to okay

this new youth outreach program--



you get the kids into the church

via rock music concerts.



One of the board members says,

"Hey, I can't tell the difference



between Christian rock

and secular rock anymore."



And I said, "Dude, exactly."



You get their attention, and then

you hit them with the message,



and boom,

you've saved another soul.



- Skip.

- What?



I don't care.



- You don't care?

- I've missed you.



I've missed our meetings.



I feel good when I'm with you.

I think you feel good, too.



I've missed you, too, yeah.



I wonder why God would give us

these feelings of happiness,



if what we're doing is wrong.



What are we doing, Lillian?



We haven't done anything

to be ashamed of, Skip.



Is this how people

turn away from Christ's teachings?



I mean, I...



All the...

all the bible study I've done,



all the preaching

I've done to the kids, and...



... all the prayers

for forgiveness I've prayed, and...



All I can think about is...



... kissing you.



I want--

I want to kiss you.



Then kiss me.



By Easter, it seemed Jesus

had answered my mom's prayers,



and she was as happy as she was

when she first got back from Orlando.



I'm probably gonna be late tonight

'cause I have my meeting.



I know. What, are you

meeting twice a week now?



Or petrol, you could do petrol.



Pastor Skip suggested Patrick take

more interest in school activities.



He said that by focusing

his energies on the Lord,



he would have less time

to think about dating.



Or I should say, he would have

less time to think about dating me.



Now, that's what I call

being hung on a cross.



Patrick and I and everyone--

we're gonna go grab some food.



- If you guys wanna come, that'd be cool.

- We're going to DQ.



So we can watch Hilary Faye

try and get into your Easter basket?



No, thanks.



Cassandra, it's not too late to achieve

a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.



Eternal damnation's

not fit for anyone, not even you.



- Right?

- Good one.



I should kick your fat,

Christian ass right now.



Really? Do you know

that I could get you expelled



for that type of language, Edelstein?



- And I'm not even fat, okay?!

- Your head is fat!



And your ass is fat!



- Whatever!

- It's like she's retarded!



I'm two months away from getting

outta here without anyone knowing.



Just... it's hard,

but cool it, okay?



Next time,

the bitch is going down.



I'm sorry.



I wanna show you something.



It's a sonogram I took a while ago.



I'm having a little girl.



You sure you're not having

a sea monkey?



- Yeah.

- She's beautiful.



You think it's safe

to keep this in your locker?



- Safer than at home.

- Let's go.



I don't really get how someone

so pretty can be so... ugly.



She wasn't always pretty.



My parents didn't want two handicapped

kids, and she was the easy fix.



What do you mean




Before we moved to Cherry Hill,



before the fat camps

and Tetracycline,



her outside matched her inside.



Oh, my God.



- Just make sure you put this back.

- I'll take care of it tonight.



- What are you doing with that?

- Nothing.



Well, well, well.



If it isn't the heathens.



Burn in hell,

you narrow-minded, tacky-ass bitch.



Burn in hell,

you narrow-minded--



- She doesn't mean it.

- Yes, I do!



You're gonna be expelled for sure

for threatening me!



Pastor Skip put us on work detail

for Hilary Faye's prom committee.



You better be wearing

underpants this time.



A particularly cruel punishment.



No, seriously, move it higher.



- Higher!

- You're doing a great job.



It's looking really phat.



I'm so glad.



Hey, Mary,

you need some help?



- Sure, thanks.

- I'll come to you.



So, listen, I was wondering,

what are you doing the night of prom?




Are you asking me to prom?






- Okay.

- Okay?



Yeah, okay,

I'll go with you.



As friends.



Okay, as friends.



I thought you were gonna

ask Patrick to the prom.



Tia, would you just shut up?



Do you wanna go back to being

invisible girl with bad hair?



That could easily happen.



Just don't ask stupid questions!



Did you take care of business?



Now, where are you going?



You can tacky-up prom

on your own, because I quit.



Oh, my gosh.

You can't quit.



Watch me.

Watch me walking away.



Watch me

walking away from Jesus.






Yes, this is she.

Who is this?



Are you serious?



Thank you so much.



Godflight has agreed to perform

at our prom! Can you believe that?!



Prayer works for everything!

I told you.



- Oh, my gosh.

- I'm so excited.



Now she's never gonna shut up.



Give her about ten minutes.



Turn them off!

Turn them off now, please!



Turn them...






It's not fair.



I am trying to be a good Christian

and a living example of Christ's love,



and I have done nothing

but bust my buns for those sinners.



And you know that Cassandra

and Mary are behind this.



Do you have proof?



I gave you proof before,

and you did not do one thing about it.



Those who did this will not escape

the eyes of God, Hilary Faye.



Please, Lord, don't leave me alone.



They need to know

that what they've done is wrong.



Please, Lord, please.

Just tell me what I need to do.



Listen, by the end of the week

we're out of here.



- She can't do anything.

- No, I know.



What's going on?



Oh, my God.



- Somebody call the police.

- Can you believe it?



No way.

This is screwed up.



Oh, my God.



Holy crap!



- That's sad.

- Turn away. Turn away.



All right. Everybody,

let's get to our classes, please.



- You two come in with me.

- What?




I can't even concentrate today.



Get to class, ladies. Go on.




That's not mine!



- Pastor Skip.

- Anything else?



No, nothing more.



What is that?



- Someone get the nurse!

- Just hang on.



I can't believe

we were friends with her.



You have everything,

Hilary Faye.



What are you afraid of?



So you offered up

your virginity to save Dean?



Because Jesus told you to?



- Anything else?

- No.



Can I have a word with you?



What's the matter, Skip?



You didn't know

that she was pregnant?



I thought she was stress eating,

I didn't want her to get a complex.



You are so blinded by this...

that you can't even see it.



Let me spell it out to you.



God is punishing us for our sin

by getting our attention through Mary.



That doesn't even make sense.



And the longer we lived in sin,

the worse things got for her.



And what's worse is we're not

spiritually right with the Lord,



and we are not fit to help her.



Dean has been here

for almost a year, okay?



They can help her.



I wanna think about it.



If you're not gonna send her

to get the help she needs.



I can't see you any more.



Cassandra, wait!



He expelled me!

Can you believe that?!



And the one time

I didn't do anything.



Well, I'll go with you.



I can't deal with this right now,

I have to go.






I don't have a ride.



Please help me find him.



You know where a girl

can get some smokes?



You never fold things.



Well, I'm folding now.



I'm not going to Mercy House.



We agreed

that this is for the best.




Who's we?



Pastor Skip said this child needs

to be raised by a mother and a father.



So I don't even get a say in this?



You're not prepared

to raise this child by yourself!



Something like this could

ruin the rest of your life.



So, what,

did I ruin yours, Mom?



Don't talk like that.



It looks so perfect.



Just like the picture that I brought in.



Thank you.






I'm sorry, but it's been declined.

Do you have another card?



I knew it.



Listen, I'm really sorry

I ditched you yesterday.



Look, this year has been great.



Before you, it was all about Hilary Faye

dragging my ass around all the time.



When you left yesterday,

I stuck on my own.



And it was okay.






So I realized that I might

just be relying on you



the same way

I was relying on Hilary Faye.



I don't wanna be the guy who's

with the girl because he needs her.



I wanna be the guy who's

with the girl because he wants her.



And I want you.



I want you, too.



And I thought it was all about the sex.



Oh, well, that too.



Look, I have

this crazy idea about tonight.



Mary, Roland's on the phone.



I got it.



What's going on?



- Hello. Where you headed?

- Lombard and Kale, please.



You guys look incredible.



You're not really

going to prom, are you?



Don't get angry,

but I got you a really sexy dress.



Hilary Faye's gonna call the cops

if we show up at her prom.



No, she won't.



See, I've been snagging

all her credit card bills



so she wouldn't find out about

all the charges we made, right?



Look at this.



She charged a bunch

of spray paint at Home Depot



at   A.M. on the morning of the attack.



Now we have proof.



We have every right

to be at that prom.



Oh, yeah.

We've got another surprise for you.



So cute.



I got yellow and red

'cause I didn't know which one...



But, Patrick...



It really doesn't matter to me.



Are you sure?






Red. Right.



I can't believe that you guys

did all of this for me.



So, you in?



I'm in.



I knew Mary was hiding something.



To imagine her humping that pervert

makes me sick to my stomach.



- Gross.

- And Roland still hasn't shown up.



I can't believe your own brother

calls you the "C" word.



I can't believe we have to go

to the prom in this van.



Yeah, well, get over it, okay?



When I tried to pay for my hair, my

credit card was mysteriously maxed out,



and the limo guy wouldn't take

a personal check. Get off my back!



It's bad enough we don't have dates.



Hey, let me try that tiara on.



Lay off the tiara, Tia!



Your pimple hardly shows,

Hilary Faye.



Come on, Tia!

Let's get the lead out!



Let's go.

We're gonna be late.






- Okay?

- You look beautiful.



You can hardly see that thing.



Can you stop bringing it up?

Thank you.



Let's go. Come on, Tia.

Walk fast.






Name the most recognizable

figure in the world.



Jesus Christ.



- Madonna?

- Jesus Christ.



Newborns bond with their mothers

during the first three what?



- Minutes.

- Months.



No! The correct answer is minutes.



In "The Wizard of Oz,"



Dorothy clicks her heels

three times and says what?






Are you ready?



- Sure.

- Sure.



Why are they here?



Praise Jesus, everybody!

Jesus loves you!



We're taking a short break.

We'll be back in ten.



We will inherit the earth.

Praise Jesus.



On behalf

of the prom committee.



I wanna thank

each and every one of you



for making our "Light of the World"

prom a huge success.



Give yourself a round of applause.



But on a sadder note--

I don't want to dampen the evening--



but the students

who were responsible



for the attacks on our school

have infiltrated our prom.



Pastor Skip?



Mary Cummings and Cassandra Edelstein

have crashed our prom.



- Could you please...

- Maybe we should get out of here.



We're not going anywhere.



Roland, where have you been?

I've been very worried about you.



You look like you survived.



- Excuse me.

- Finally.



All right. Chill out, everybody.



I don't think these students

are here to do us any harm.



- What? Are you kidding?

- No, I'm not kidding.



I think the Christian thing to do

would be to let them stay.



The Christian thing to do?



I've been doing

the Christian thing my entire life.



I did not have sex with a gay

and try and blame it on Jesus.



- Just cool it, Hil.

- Shut up, you fornicator.



And I did not hack into

the school's computer system



and cover our walls

with that blasphemous graffiti, either.



You planted that paint on Cassandra

and Mary to get them kicked out of school.



That's such a lie.



Oh, please.



And what does this prove,



except the fact that you stole

my credit card to charge the paint...



... and the clothes

from Maternity Girl.



Yeah, she's right, Roland.

Anybody could've made these charges.



Oh, yeah? You swear to God

you didn't frame us, Hilary Faye?



No, I will not.



You can't swear, can you?



Go ahead, swear it.



Come on, Hil. Swear before God

and everyone else.



All right, I swear.



I swear to God

I did not graffiti our school.



Are you guys happy?



Oh, yes, you did, Hilary Faye.



I found this crammed up

under her seat.






It's got your signature,

Hilary Faye.



Come on, Veronica.

Let's go.



Let me go!



You are nothing but a big fake!



I think you should go, Hilary.



Step aside, please.



- Hil--

- Get away from me!



- You really should go now.

- You go!



I designed

these decorations here!



And my father

donated the refreshments!



And I got Godflight onstage, okay?!



And I was just doing this

because Jesus told me to. He did!



Now, you, get out of my way!

All of you, get out of my way!



Get out of my way, you freaks!



I'll go get Patrick and Mary.



What are you--

What are you doing here?



I'm going to my prom.



What, did Mercy House

let you just borrow the van?



Not exactly. We sort of led a rebellion

and swiped it. You're pregnant?



Look, I really...



I wanted to tell you, but--



On the first time?






That is so awesome.






There's something

I wanna tell you, too.



He's your life-partner, right?



Prom date.



It's really nice to see you.



- Dean, this is Patrick.

- Nice to meet you.



Excuse me, Mary.



Listen, son, I suggest you

and your friends get back in the van,



and back to Mercy House as quick

as you can before you're all arrested.



We've had enough

excitement here for tonight.



We're not leaving.



What you and your friends have done

is not cool in the eyes of God.



- Jesus, Dad, stop it.

- Patrick, this is not a gray area.



- Dad, it's all a gray area.

- The Bible is black and white!



Stop it!

Would you listen to yourself?



I don't need this from you now.



We've been kicked out

of our homes and schools,



and now we're gonna

be kicked out of Mercy House?



There's nowhere left for us to go.



I'm supposed to be here.



This is my prom.

I wanna spend it with my friends.



There's no room for moral ambiguity here.

The Bible is very clear about this.



So everything that doesn't fit



into some stupid idea

of what you think God wants



you just try to hide

or fix or get rid of?



It's just all too much to live up to.



No one fits in    % of the time.



Not even you.



I know that, Mary.



I know in my heart

that Jesus still loves me.



Why would God

make us all so different...



... if he wanted us to be the same?






Save the heathens, Hilary Faye.



Be a warrior, Hilary Faye!



Sacrifice everything, Hilary Faye!



And here's your big,

fat, stupid reward!



Oh, my God.



- I think I'm feeling kind of woozy.

- What?



Somebody call an ambulance.



That was so awesome, Hilary Faye!



Jesus Christ!



- You okay?

- No, Roland.



I crashed my van into Jesus, okay?!

I have a pimple the size of Jupiter!



I am not okay!



This is...



... not how I wanted

to remember my prom.



This is not how I wanted

to remember my life.



Well, maybe we could fix it...



... with some glue or something.



I am so sorry, Roland.



I shouldn't have ratted you out

in front of everyone.



I would have probably

done the same thing.



Do you think

Jesus still loves me, Roland?



Probably not.



Yeah, sure.



Hey, she's over here!



- I'm okay.

- Come on.



- Don't worry. I won't bite.

- Thank you.



- It's gonna be okay.

- Thank you.



I only got room for one of you.



- I'm the father.

- I'm the boyfriend.



I'm his boyfriend.



That's nice, but I still

only got room for one of you.



Starting the party without me?



Are you okay?



You didn't ruin my life, Mary.



Breathe, baby.

Good girl.



Just keep breathing.



Good girl.

You're gonna be fine.



Okay, I'm pretty sure

this isn't what Jesus had in mind



when he said, "Help Dean."



Look, don't be too harsh.



I'm not the first person

to ever get the message screwed up.



She's perfect.



Looking at her,

it's like life is too amazing



to be this random and meaningless

consequence of the universe.



There had to be a God...



or something out there.



Something inside.



You just have to feel it.



Do you want to hold her?



Do you want to hold her, Dean?



I mean, really,

when you think about it--



what wouId Jesus do?



I don't know...



... but in the meantime we'll be trying

to figure it out... together.

Special help by SergeiK