Scary Movie 3 Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Scary Movie 3 script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the movie starring Anna Faris, Jenny McCarthy, Pamela Anderson, Charlie Sheen, yadda yadda.  This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Scary Movie 3. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

Swing on back to Drew's Script-O-Rama afterwards for more free movie scripts!

Scary Movie 3 Script




Day after day...



The store that one might...



I hate television.

It gives me headaches.



There's so many magnetic waves

traveling in the airspace



because of TV and television,

we're losing



   times as many brain cells

as we're supposed to.



Oh, please.



"The cow says blank."



Three letters.









I don't know.

Magnetic waves, brain cells.



I don't understand the

connection between that stuff.



You know what else I heard?



Magnetic waves shrink

silicone molecules.



- Aah!

- Aah!



Oh, my God!

Turn it off!



It's not working!



It's backwards!



- What do we do?

- I don't know!



Oh, my God!



[Television clicks off,

both sigh]



That was kind of scary.



- I know something even scarier.

- What?



Have you heard about

this videotape?



Where they do it on the boat?

And then in the car?



And then in the bathtub?



He's like, "Baby, I love you."

And she's like, "Where are we?"



- And did you see the...

- No.



- Not that tape.

- Oh.



The one with

all the scary images.



After you watch the tape,

the phone rings.



And this scary voice comes on

and says you're gonna die in...



Seven days. I saw that one

with Josh last weekend.



You were with Josh last weekend?



- Oh, my God!

- [Laughs]



Oh, yes, I was.



Oh, you ho!



You know it!






- [Fabric ripping]

- Aah!



[Telephone ringing]



[Snaps, whimpers]



This is really weird.






Big house, only one phone.










I'm coming for you, my precious.



Hi, Mom.



Hi, precious.

Having fun?



Hey, ask her which bathroom has

the vibrating showerhead.



[Thunder crashes]












- [Toaster dings]

- [Gasps, screams]















Are you okay?



Are you okay?






[Girl screams]






[Girl screams]









[Girl screams]



[Urinating stops,

screaming stops]



[Urinating resumes]



[Girl screams]



[Urinating stops,

screaming stops]



[Urinating resumes,

screaming resumes, both stop]



[Urinating resumes,

screaming resumes, both stop]



- Oh!

- [Crash]



[Wind whipping]






[Wind whipping]



- Tom, did you hear...

- [Dog barks]



The dogs are acting strange.









[Girl screams]



[Girl screams]






What are you doing out here?



We were worried sick.



What's wrong?



I wonder what they're

trying to tell us.




And now...



Washington, D.C.'s

leading morning news program,



"The Morning News."



Good morning.

I'm Ross Giggins.



For our top story,

we turn now to Cindy Campbell.



Thank you, Ross.



There's a developing story

in Middleburg at this hour.



A mysterious

crop circle appeared



in local farmer Tom Logan's




Elaborate prank

or extraterrestrial phenomenon?



We'll update you as soon as we

have any further information.



But either way,

it's clear something strange



is happening in that small town.






I'm sorry.

I wasn't listening.



Coming up, more news after this.



- Cindy, you got a second?

- Sure.



I want you to take a look at

this for that strip club exposé.



But I'd rather stick with

the crop circle story.



Oh, come on. You know

those things are just a hoax.



No, I'm telling you, I sense

something about that cornfield.



Call it women's intuition

or ESPN or both.



But I can tell

when danger's near.








My eyes!



Cindy, it's sweeps month.

Ratings mean everything.



People want

human interest stories.



Like the one you did yesterday.



The report

on breast augmentation?



It was just    minutes

of topless women.



I mean, come on.



MAN: Wow!



Why are these so interesting?



Oh, for God's sake.




People don't care about this.



They want hard-hitting stories

and in-depth coverage and...



And twins!



  I love parties

that never end  



  Dogs that love cats  



  And... And twins  



  I love burritos

at  :   a.m.  



  Parties that never end  



  Dogs that love cats  



You think it was

the Kreisel boys



who cut that stuff

into your corn?



All I know is my crops are gone.



The bank's gonna foreclose

if I can't pay the rent.



I got    days

to come up with $  .  .



I'm sorry.



The last thing you needed

was more...



[Blowing nose]



...hardship in your life.



Especially after

what happened to...



Sheriff, I don't need

your sympathy.



I didn't mean to upset you,





I'm not a minister anymore.



I lost my faith

that terrible night.



Your faith will return.



Just as sure

as the sun will rise.



Sounds like a long shot.



Look, there's always

an explanation



for all this so-called




Maybe you're right.



It was probably

just the Kreisels.



And when I get through

with them,



I doubt you'll be seeing

anything strange on this farm



for a long time.



You'll see.



You all right, Tom?

Get some rest.












I need you back here tomorrow

night after you pick up Sue.



That tractor needs fixing.



Sorry, dawg. I can't help you.

I have to get ready for my show.



Not that stupid

hip-hop stuff again.



Damn it, when are you going to

do something with your life?



I got a dream!



- What is your dream?

- To have a dream.



George, all you've done

is chase adolescent fantasies.



"I want to be an astronaut.

A cowboy.



Gynecologist to the stars."



And now this stupid

hip-hop thing.



For your information,



this hip-hop thing is gonna

get me paid.



I'm gonna win that rap battle.



Rap battle?

Oh, for God's sake.



You just hate me

'cause I'm black.



You don't have any faith in me.



You don't have any faith

in anything anymore.



So why don't you just worry

about you,



and I'll worry about...




[Car alarm activates]






You're late again, Aunt Cindy.



I'm sorry.

I was stuck in traffic.






Brenda, hi!



Oh, it's great to see you!



Oh, it's been so long.



Oh, too long.

I've been working so hard.



I've had to spend more

and more time at the station.



The news just keeps coming in.



What was the assignment?



Draw your family and friends.






Anyone new in your life, Cindy?



Well, you know, I just haven't

found the right guy.



I'm looking for something more

than just good sex.



I know.

You want commitment.



No, I want great sex.

And when I meet that guy...



That's what I'm talking 'bout!



You want a guy that's like,

bam, bam, bam!



You know what I'm saying?



Did I say stop drawing?



Look, when I meet Mr. Right,

I'll know.






Uncle George!



Hey, sweetie!

Come here!



How are you?





Go get your stuff, okay?



I know you.



You're Tom Logan's brother.



And you're that reporter,

Cindy Campbell.



You did the story

on our cop cycles.



Crop circles.






So, you're here

to pick up your...



Nephew, Cody.



You don't dress like a farmer.



My brother's the farmer.



I'm the rapper.



- Hmm.

- Oh, for real.



And here's the  - -  on that.



That's phone repair.

You mean  - - .






So, I'll be doing the rap battle

at the    Club tomorrow night.



Oh, I don't believe this shit.




You two should come down!



I'll be rappin',

I'll be cappin',



I'll be tappin',

I'll be flappin',



I'll be happen-ing.



Ding, bing, wing.



- Yo!

- Sounds good!



Would, could, should, 'hood.



- Ugh!

- Gug, mug, dug, bug.



If we say we'll come,

will you shut your ass up?



Okay, then.




I'll see you guys

tomorrow night.



Okay. Bye.



Peace out.



Now, who the fuck did that?



Honey, what is it?



Are you having

one of your visions?



There's a girl...

with black hair.



She wants to kill you.



Your period starts

in three... two... one.



What else?

Cody, what else do you see?



I see a little boy

and a grown woman.



But no father.



Oh, Cody.



I see you kneeling in dog shit.



What? Ugh!



Oh, for God's sake.



Cody, don't you understand?



As long as we have each other,

that's all we need.



I know things have been tough

for you since your mom died.



God, I have been so selfish.

Always putting my career first.



From now on, I'm gonna be

thinking about you   ...






Wait, Cindy!







Honey, I'm gonna be

leaving soon, so...



Do you know who she is?






But sometimes she talks to me.



She's coming tonight.



[Knock on door]



Oh, Father Muldoon.






I'm so grateful you could come.



I've called all over

for babysitters.



I don't mind filling in

now and then.



Where is little Cody?






- [Door slams]

- I don't know.



He must be back in his room,




Anyway, I left a number where

I can be reached on the table.



Also, he has a little rash

on his behind.



So make sure he takes a bath.



Thank you, Father.

Good night.






  You can't stop us  



  Who you looking at?  



  Don't try to drop us  



  This ain't no...  



[Crowd cheering]



MAHALIK: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's getting thick up in here.



Hey, look, before we get on

with the battles tonight,



I got a couple announcements

to make.



I know y'all want to bust a cap

in the air



for your favorite rapper.



But if you could please hold on

to your gunfire



until the end of the show.






Let's just put the safeties on.



It's on the left side of the gun

above the trigger guard.



[Bullet ricochets,

woman shrieks]



Will somebody get his ass

out of here?



All right.

Deejay, spin that shit!



[Up-tempo beat plays]



[Crowd cheers]




My bad.






Brenda, is something wrong?

You look scared.



I don't know. All that stuff

you was saying on TV...



I just got a weird feeling

something bad is heading my way.



Like when you see

an Asian person



behind the wheel of a car.



Cindy, after the show, you think

you could come back to my crib



and hang out with me?



I don't want to be alone.



Oh, of course I will, Brenda.



Oh, I love you.



Pay my way, okay?



Yo, yo, yo, George!



What's up with the man

with the tightest rap game



on the streets, baby?



- What's good with you, boy?

- Dude!



What's good, baby?



Finally, the white man is gonna

school the black man



on how to rap.



- Yeah!

- Yeah. Yeah, I guess.



How many people are here,

you think?



I don't know, man.







ready to bust a cap

in any white boy's ass



- who ain't bringing that shit.

- Yeah. At least. Yeah.







What's wrong, George?



You ever wonder when it's time

to stop living up here



and start living down here?



No, but what if we stop living

over here and move over there?



My Aunt ShaNeequa used to live

over there, man.



But that bitch got evicted.



- Word? What for?

- I'm dead serious.



- Mice.

- Mice? I thought she had rats.



No, man. Rats are outside.

Mice are inside.



What if a mouse goes outside?

Does it become a rat?



If a rat is in the house,

is it a mouse?



I ain't never seen

no mouse outside.



That's because it's a rat, fool!



Damn, you might have just made

a fact just now.



Fellas, what are you guys

talking about?



Yo, George, you need something?



'Cause I will do anything

for you.






Well, about those




whitey-hating gangsters,




- What he need is a hype man.

- Word!



  Yeah, yeah, a-come on  



You can be his Spliff Star.



That's me.

That's what I do.



That's my job, baby!

That's what I do!



You know that.







I'm cool.

That's what I do.



When you a hype man,

you take them hits.



  Heads or tail, playboy,

what's it gonna be?  



  You cannot escape

your fate in the streets  



  Okay, I count cash,

you count sheep  



  You better not sleep

on the beats, capisce  



[Crowd cheering]



All right, all right, all right!

That was hot!



That's what I'm talking about.

That was hot, right?




Yo, what do we think?



I thought you were both

absolutely dreadful.









I don't know

what I'm doing here.



This club is totally pathetic.



[Crowd yelling]



  Everybody put your hands up  



You ready, George?



- It's showtime, baby.

- Okay.



I just want to let you know

no matter what goes on



on that stage tonight...



you'll always be in my heart.



Oh, that's love.

That's love right there.



- I love you.

- That's what I'm talking about.



I love you, man.

Can you feel it?



Can you feel my love

on your hip?



Can you feel it?



C. J:

I can't get around!



Come on, dawg!

That's what I'm talkin' about!



You go out there and you

rip it tonight. All right, man?



You do your thing tonight,

all right?



- Okay. Cool.

- We shouldn't have to do that.



We love each other.



I'm gonna go bring you on.



Let's do it, baby.

We hyped!




All right, all right.



Y'all ready

for the next throwdown?



To my left, we have

the reigning champion.



Hailing from Fort Apache

in the Bronx.



B X!

What? What? What?



Some of y'all call him

"Jealous Ones Still Envy."



Some of y'all call him

the Don Cartagena!



Some of y'all call him

Joey Crack.



Stick 'em up!



But, tonight, let's give it up

for Fat Joe!



I got to go against him?



Give it up!

Give it up!



What you think,

they're here to see Fat Joe?




Joe! Joe! Joe!



No, man, they're saying,

"Go! Go! Go!"



Now my challenger.




He's a farmer rapper.



So you know he been kicking

the shit all day!



Let's give it up

for my man, George!



That's what I'm talking about!

Yeah! Yeah!



Come on, everybody!

Put your hands...



That's right.

Okay, Joey Crack.



You're the reigning champion,

so you get to spit first.



Yo, deejay, spin that shit!



[Mid-tempo beat plays]



These guys can't be serious

right here.



  Stan and Mini-Me  



  A.K.A. I hope he ain't

the one you fight with  



  Hey, yo,

this nigga's mad corny  



  And ain't got no skills,

'cause he's all right  




  But he's not real  



  Don't mean to hurt

your feelings  



  But you'll never get a deal  



  'Cause he's all right,

but he's not real  



  You're a needle

in a haystack  



  I'm the don,

the city slicker  



  Forget cows

and milk your moms  



  Her titties give ya

that elixir  



  Thought he wasn't?  



  Bet this nigga end up

having kids with his cousin  




my number-one fan be like  






  That means Fat Joe's

the man  



  You're a liar in denial  



  Kill your ass quicker

than I died in "Empire"  



  How dare you want to joust

with me?  



  Looking like you dying

of S ARS or mad cow disease  



  You fake B-Rabbit

out to battle me  



  Eight miles down the road  



  The farm's thataway  



Oh! Okay, let's go!

Wait a minute!




Whoo! All right!



All right!

That was hot!



That was tight, Fat Joe.




Now everybody give it up

for my man, George!



Deejay, spin that shit!



- Whoo!

- [Mid-tempo beat plays]



Come on! Come on!




[Note plays]






[Lower note plays]






[Notes playing]



  Now everybody in the  - -   



  Throw your hands in the air

'cause Fat Joe is through  



  Now everybody in the  - - 

throw 'em up  



- Check it out.

- [Chanting] Go! Go! Go!



  I'm a white boy,

but my neck is red  



  I put Miracle Whip

on my Wonder Bread  



  My face is pale,

Nah, I've never been in jail  



  Me and Buffy spend

every winter at Vail  



  How many bitches

have I slapped?  



  Zero, unh  



  And Martha Stewart

happens to be my hero  



  I grew up on a farm,

and I was born with no rhythm  



  Dr. Phil's my uncle,

and I like to hang with him  



  I can't dance,

I wear khaki pants  



  My middle name's Lance,

my grandma's from France  



  So maybe I'm wack

'cause my skin ain't black  



  But you can't talk smack  



  'Cause whitey

just struck back  






That's what I'm talking about!




Give it up for George!



That's my boy right there!

That's what...



Oh, shit.




[Crowd murmuring]



George! George!

The hood!



Lose the hood!



- I know. We're in the 'hood now!

- No, man!



He's a dead man.



You guys feeling me?

In the 'hood?



[Crowd booing]



Whoa! Whoa!






That's it.

I'm done.



Oh, man, you can't give up rap

just like that.



Rap shmap.



Look! You still got it!




BRENDA: Thanks for coming over

tonight, Cindy.



I guess I'm just going through

a rough time.



Brenda, you want to tell me

what's really bothering you?



Well, there's something

I need to...



I saw a tape.



I think you should know

about it.



It had these really

shocking images, Cindy.



Brenda, it was Mardi Gras.



I never drank vodka before,

and I was out of beads!



No, not that tape, Cindy.



Well, I guess it's just

an urban legend.



You watch it.



And as soon as it's over,

your phone rings



and a creepy voice says...



[Distorted voice] "You're

gonna die in seven days."



[Normal voice]

And seven days later...



When did you watch it?



A week ago.



A week ago tonight.






Oh, my God!



- Oh, Brenda!

- [Choking]




Oh, my God!



- Oh! Oh!

- [Laughs]



Oh, my God!

You bitch!






You should have seen

the look on your face!



You got me!



- Brenda? Brenda?

- [Stammering]



Oh, my God, Brenda!







I can't believe you fell

for that fake seizure!



But it seemed so real!



- It did, didn't it?

- And you peed!



Yeah! I really sold

that shit, didn't I?



I just love the look on

your face when you are scared!



Girl, you are too easy.



- Aah!

- Aah!



I got you

with the old fake hand!






Girl, you were scared!



Well, I know!



Oh, come on.

I was just kidding.



Well, you've taken it

too far, Brenda.



I'm gonna go get

the rest of the popcorn.






Oh, forget it.

I am not falling for it again.



Oh, come on.



Cindy, the news is on.



Another little white girl

done fell down a well.



   black people get their

ass beat by police today,



but the whole world got to stop



for one little whitey

down a hole.






The TV's leaking!






Cindy, something's wrong here.



Cindy, this bitch

is messing up my floor!






Cindy, help me!



I'm not listening.



Get up, you little ugly bitch,



Come on!

Let me see what you got!



What you gonna do?

That's all?







I'm whipping her ass, Cindy!




What's up?












Cindy, please help me!



- Cindy!

- [Telephone rings]




Hang on a second.






Father Muldoon here.

We're getting along famously.



Thanks again, Father.

















Oh, my God.



Yes. Yes.

Of course I'll tell her.



Thank you.



Sue's teacher, Brenda.






She's dead.




I better tell her.



No, no, no.

I can do it.









You know your teacher,

Miss Brenda?






- She's dead!

- Aah!



Gone forever!



Died a horrible, painful death!



Gone, gone, gone,

just like your dog!



My dog's dead?



I just ran him over with the car

when I drove in!



Everyone you love around you

is dying!



- Aah!

- Aah!



Hello, Father.



Don't call me Father.



I haven't been

a clergyman since...



I'm sorry about that night.



If I hadn't fallen asleep

while driving



for that exact    minutes.



If I hadn't drank that exact

whole bottle of Jägermeister.



If only I hadn't killed

that hooker.






I don't see what any of this

has to do with Annie.



I'm sorry.

Those were other nights.



But if it had been that night,

I might have missed her.



That terrible night.






["Mexican Hat Dance" plays]






It's your wife, Father.



She's hurt.






She was hit by a truck,

and she's pinned against a tree.



I don't understand.



As long as the truck has her

pinned, she'll stay alive.



I still don't get it.



This is your wife.



She broke her wiener?



Look what happens to the taco.



Look, I don't understand

all this fancy medical lingo.



I want to see Annie.



She's split in half.



You mean like down-the-middle

in half?



At the waist.



You mean this is the last time

I can talk to the top half?






The truck is the only thing

that is holding her together.



Let's say this is

her bottom half.



Can I squeeze in

a few minutes with that?



I'm not sure what you mean.



- Let me explain.

- Tom.



Go to her.



Tom, I'll need a ride home.



Hey, baby.

How's it going?



Oh, I'm dying, Tom.



Don't talk like that.



The truck barely hit you.







Kiss me one last time.



Promise me you'll never remarry.



I promise.



And no sex, either.



I'm sorry.

I didn't catch that.




No sex.



Honey, you're not

speaking clearly.



- Your injuries must be awful.

- No sex.



Oh, cruel fate to shroud my

wife's dying words in mystery.



- No sex!

- Poor Annie.



We hardly knew her.



- She'll be missed terribly.

- Oh, Jesus.



That's right, honey.

Go into the light.






Just tell George, swing away.




Swing away.



Oh, sure.

That you understand.










I'm sorry, dude.



Don't call me dude.



I'm not a stoner anymore.

Not since...



["Mexican Hat Dance" plays]



Goodbye, Tom.



[Tires screech]



[Sheep bleating, crash]



[Horn blaring]



  Amazing grace  



  How sweet...  



I'm so sorry,

Mr. and Mrs. Meeks.



Brenda was a good friend

when she was alive.




My sweet, sweet Brenda.



She looks so peaceful.






If only God had taken us

instead of our daughter.



And knowing your Brenda

like I did,



I'd say she wishes

the same thing.



These just came today.



Photos from a trip she took.



They're blank.



Turn them around, honey.






Yes, of course.



Who's this?



That's Ralph.

He's right over there.






It's a boy.

He's going to be an asshole.



Smoke all you want.

You're gonna get hit by a bus.



That's not fooling anyone.






- George.

- Hey.



Sue wanted to pay her respects

to her teacher.






Brenda was my bitch.



Of course.






Are you okay?



It's just the open coffin.



I can't believe they leave it

out here like this.



- George, it's a wake!

- Awake?!



- Brenda! It's a miracle!

- No! George, stop!



I thought you were dead!



Sue, your teacher's alive!




I got your back, George!

I got your back!



She's alive!



I'll tell you what!



- Oh!

- [Crowd gasping]



GEORGE: Mahalik!

She's alive! Brenda!



George, stop!

She's dead!




We won't lose you again!



Mahalik, help!






- Ooh!

- [Screams]



She's not breathing!






Live, damn it!




Live, damn it!




Let me open her windpipe!




No! Oh, God!




Charles, stop them!






Someone stop them!

What are they doing?!



Get up!



She's alive!

She's alive!



Wake up!




[All shouting]



- Charles! Charles!

- Clear!









I got something!

I got something!



[Gasps, screams]






- That's it!

- George!



That's the last time I try to

bring anyone back from the dead.



George, don't get down

on yourself.



I know you were only trying

to help.



You're a good, caring person.



Which is why I like you.



Oh, thanks, Cindy.



But I don't want to

screw your life up, too.



The most caring thing I could do

for everyone right now



is to just get out of here.




What about Sue?



Oh, yes.

Of course.



Once I get Sue, then...






I could really use a friend

right now.



Brenda's gone.

Cody resents me.



And I'm caught up in something

I can't even...



Oh, God, it's so hard!



Well, you're beautiful and

you're pressing up against me.



Look, Cindy.



I know you'd never consider

going out with a guy like me.



But if you're not too busy

tomorrow night...



Is that a yes?






Cindy, did Brenda

ever talk to you about a tape?



She did mention something.



Do you mind if I go upstairs

and look around?



Yes, go.

Of course. Go.



Cody, I'll be right back, okay?



You're getting lucky tonight.



He doesn't know you're a guy.



[Thunder crashes]






Oh, shit.















[Telephone ringing]






[Man speaking indistinctly]




Willie Mays?






Who's gay?










Can you hear me now?



Kind of.



- Can you hear me now?

- Yes. Perfect.



Seven days.



Seven days.



Oh, my God.

I'm gonna die next Monday?




No. Wait.



Monday. That would be

seven business days.



This is seven days starting now.



So seven days to this very hour?

My watch broke.



How am I gonna know

the exact hour?



Forget hours.

This day seven days from now.



But there's a holiday coming up.

Do you count the holiday?



Well, that depends.

What holiday?



- Martin Luther King Day.

- Then no.



Why not? Everybody at work

is taking it off.



Jesus Christ, lady. I'm giving

you seven friggin' days.



I can come over now and kill the

shit out of you if you'd rather.



[Click, dial tone]



Yo, George, I don't care

what you say, man.



I'm signing you up

for another rap battle.



Mahalik, I told you.

That part of my life is over.



I said the same thing about

getting with C.J.'s sister.



- I'm still hitting that.

- He's still hitting it, man!



And she fine as shit!

That's my sister! What?



It doesn't matter.

I'm done.



- So what are you gonna do?

- I don't know.






Yeah! Yeah!

A-come on!



Maybe my brother was right.

Maybe I should just settle down.






- What's up, then?!

- Mother...



I got another one, y'all.



Yo, George, man, you can't focus

on that shit, man.



- Let that go.

- [Laughing]



Hey, you got to try

this shit, George.






Yo, man, you got to take

the lid off!



- Oh, yes. Of course.

- Sorry!



[Cellphone rings]






CIND Y: George, something

terrible has happened!






Cindy, are you okay?

What's going on?



George, you have to help me.



I just watched the same tape

that killed Brenda.



Then the phone rang, and this

voice said I was gonna die.



Cindy, there's no such thing

as a killer videotape.



- Oh.

- Hell, yeah, there is!



I know somebody who can

help you.



- You do? Who?

- Wait up, man.



I heard Jamal from   th street

watched that tape last week.



This morning he woke up dead.



How in the hell

do you wake up dead?



'Cause you're alive

when you go to sleep.



You're telling me you can go

to bed dead and wake up alive?




You can't go to bed dead!



- That shit would be redundant.

- No, it wouldn't.



'Cause you can go to bed

and not be dead.



And you can die

but not be in a bed.



But you are in a bed, man.



That's how you wake up dead

in the first place!



Damn! That's some quantum shit

right there, man!



You should be teaching classes!



- Just tell me who can help me!

- Damn!



My Aunt ShaNeequa.



Her and her man

into this weird shit.



They saw the tape before anybody

else knew about it.



- Go see them tonight.

- Tonight? Yeah.



But who will take care of Cody?



COD Y: George,

we're gonna have so much fun.



I have some puzzles

and board games



and baseball cards in my room



and this really cool

model airplane.



- I'm gonna go get it.

- Sure.



Okay, so I made him a snack.



You can give him some warm milk

if he can't go to sleep.



- Everything's gonna be fine.

- Here it is.



I'm great with kids.

Heads up, Cody.






- Oh, I left some numbers.

- I'm okay.







You okay, kiddo?






- [Tires screech, horn honks]

- And I guess that's it.



- Okay, I'm off.

- Right.



You know, it's funny.



All a child ever really wants

is a family.






Cody really likes you.



Oh, he's a good kid.









- Bye.

- Bye.



- [Door closes]

- [Exhales deeply]






I know.



You're Cindy.

Be right with you.



Aunt ShaNeequa?






But you can call me

the Oracle.



And don't worry about that vase.



What vase? Oh!

Sorry. I didn't know.



Oh! Aah!



That vase.



Please, sit.






It was the chair.






[Farting loudly]



Yes, the chair.



I know why you've come.



A great mystery

lies ahead of you,



but you must not shy away

from the challenge.



- Only you can be the one...

- [Door opens]



[Volume on TV increases]



- Orpheus?

- What, baby?






I'm watching the game.



Do you mind?



The Lakers will win by   .



- So can you tell me about...

- The tape?



- Yes. I watched it and...

- The phone rang.



- Right. Then this voice said...

- That you would die.



- Okay, that's getting...

- Extremely annoying.






Try being married to her.



I catch shit about women

I ain't slept with yet.



You made a copy of the tape.

Let's see it.



Yes. Okay.



ShaNeequa, can you tell me if...



The tape is connected to the

crop circles and the aliens?



Yes. But it's up to you

to discover how for yourself.



Look, it's a...







I was going to say lighthouse.



ORPHEUS: Find that lighthouse.

It's your destiny.






What is that?



Oh, my God.



[Fly buzzes]



There we go.




Now, baby.



I knew that was gonna happen.




Come on.







Oh, hell, no.



Get your ass out of the TV!

What's wrong with you?



I'm gonna teach you!



Get out of that TV!



Baby, no! No!

Let her go! Let her go!



Let her go!

We gonna get another lawsuit.



She spit on me.

I'm gonna kill the bitch.






You won.

You won.



You won.

You won.



- Upstairs.

- Okay.



- Down low.

- Okay.



- All right.

- Baby, no!



- Kill her! Is you crazy?

- Baby!




What you gonna brush now?



What you gonna brush now, huh?



Come on, baby!



You picked the wrong TV

to come out of.













- Ow!

- What happened?



I don't know.



Cody and I were playing

a fun game,



and then I looked down.










Oh, my God!



How could you let him

watch the tape?



[Telephone ringing]






- MAN: It's me. How you doing?

- Fine.



Enjoying your last week?

I can't wait to see you.



- Six days now, right?

- Yeah.



It was great catching up.

Can I speak to Cody?




He didn't watch the tape.



Yes, he did. Come on, Cindy,

I do this for a living.



Leave us alone!









Hello, I'm calling

from "Reader's Digest"



with a fantastic offer

for Cody.



- [Snickering]

- Aah!



No, you're not! You're that evil

little girl from the tape!




Okay, you got me.



How about I just leave

a message for him?









Yeah. Okay, how do you

spell that?






Okay, got it.







I can't believe

you let that happen.



I know. I'm sorry.

I screwed up.



Listen, we can still save him.



The answer to the tape,

to your crop circles,



is at a lighthouse.



Oh, you think I'm crazy,

don't you?



Of course I do.



But the last thing you need now

is a screw-up like me.



I'm gonna leave for good.






Well, what should I tell Cody?



Let him down easy.



Tell him I got called away

on business.



You'll think of something.



Testicular cancer.

He won't ask questions.



I knew you'd understand.









be careful.



Something weird is going on

at your farm. I know it.



I don't know.



Sometimes a sheep needs

pushed through the fence.



- What?

- Goodbye, Cindy.



[Girl chanting]



- Sue?

- I can't sleep.



Well, it's way past

your bedtime.



Won't you rock me to sleep

in your big, strong arms?



There's plenty of room

under the covers.



It's a hot night.



You don't need to wear pajamas.



Where is my daughter?



Are you mad?

I am your daughter.



No, you're not!









Come here!

What did you do with Sue?



I didn't touch her.

I swear.



I don't believe you!



Please! For God's sake,

she's a girl!



You sick...









- Aah!

- Daddy!



How do you like it, huh?



Having fun?









Tom, are you...



What in the world?









What is that thing?



I don't know.



Maybe Cindy was right.



Please, sir.

All I need is five minutes.



And I told you, Campbell,

no more paranoid on-air rants



- about the supernatural.

- I know.



This station is about sex,

violence, and the weather.




That reminds me.



We're gonna need that "Porn Star

Shot Dead in a Hurricane" story.



One hour.



GIGGINS: Meanwhile,

a tornado in Charleston



threatens a clothing-optional

beach where just yesterday



a naked couple

was brutally murdered.



This just five miles

from where the last naked couple



was brutally murdered.



Turning now to sports.



And an evil videotape



that kills anyone

who watches it in seven days.



It's true.

We're all in danger.



- There's an alien force

- Oh, no.



that's trying prevent you

from knowing the truth.



Campbell, are you insane?



It's a horrible fate.



Carson, I have to do this.




there really is no danger.



Actually, I didn't really mean

anything I just said.



Yes, I did.

Every word of it.



Everyone watching this

could be dead in a week.



Oh, shizl gzngahr.






   . I been cleaning after

this dumb-ass cracker Giggins



for    years.



But I been hitting it

with his woman for   .



Know what I'm saying, nigga?



She likes her some chocolate.



Sharpton for president, y'all.

I'm outie.






HARRIS: An evil videotape

that kills people in   days.



Alien forces

threatening the world.



And who the hell

is this Cindy Campbell?



If what she says is true, we're

facing an unprecedented crisis.



Get me the president.



You are the president.



Good. Then I already know

about this.



Let's order lunch.



Sir, I think you need

to go on TV



and convince the people that

there is no such thing as a UFO.



Don't spell in front of me,

damn it.



Aliens, sir.



There's no such thing

as aliens.



- That's not quite true.

- Sir?



A year ago, a UFO crash-landed

in New Mexico.



- A body may have been recovered.

- "May have been"?



Well, there was

a terrible mix-up.



It was Thanksgiving.



The body was sent down

to the kitchen.



They shoved stuffing up its ass,

and we ate it at a state dinner.



That's the last I saw of it.



No, scratch that.



There were some sandwiches

made the next day.



Mr. President!



- Listen to me.

- Agent Thompson!



Back away from that window!



What? Did I forget

to put my pants on again?



No, sir. It's just a feeling

I've been having



since the news about the aliens.



- Something's not right.

- I know what you mean.



It's like that feeling

that something's not right.



What is it?



Some old Tupac, sir.



[Hip-hop music plays]



"All eyez on me."

Hey, this shit is banging.



Thank you, sir.

I appreciate it.



- [Air horn blows]

- Oh!



Hello, Cindy.



I am the Architect.



You have many questions.



["Jeopardy!" theme plays]



I've been watching you

for a very long time.



So I see.



What is the connection between

the crop circles and the tape?



The answer is simple.



You are the eventuality

of an anomaly.



You are inexorably seeking

a sedulant probability.










What about

contingent affirmation?



- That's got to mean something.

- Hey!




You put cameras in my bathroom?






What is this?



Oh, my God.

Well, it was a long winter.



This is an invasion of...




Oh, sorry.



I can't help it.

It's very Ionely in here.



Ergo, I haven't been with anyone

in a very long time,



not counting myself.



Or this chair.



I call her...






Could you just cut to the chase?

I'm kind of in a rush.



Why? You can always sleep over

if you want.



Linda's built for two,

and she vibrates.



Stop it! Just tell me

what I need to know.



Who is that little girl?



Okay, okay.



My wife and I wanted a child,

but she couldn't get pregnant.



Neither could I.



So you adopted.



We loved our daughter,

but she was evil.



Made the horses crazy,

killed our puppies,



hid the remote.



Really sick shit.



My wife took her

to the old family farm



and drowned her in the well.



I felt a simple time-out

would have been sufficient.



But Tabitha imprinted her evil

on a videotape.



I never meant for it

to get out, but...



But what?



I put it in the wrong box

and returned it to Blockbuster,



instead of my copy

of "Pootie Tang."



It's been circulating

and killing ever since.



Just like "Pootie Tang."



But what does this

have to do with aliens?



I don't know.



Perhaps Tabitha's summoning them

to kill us all.



An alien invasion?



I have to warn the world.



It's already begun.

You're too late.



Oh, my God.



But not too late

to make an old man happy.






And now reports of lights

in the sky.



Glimpses of spacecraft.



Possible alien sightings being

reported all over the world.



Are they aliens?



The first video images

are coming in.



Disturbing home video tonight



from a ranch

outside Sydney, Australia.



Watch very carefully now.



There it is.



Let's see that again.



Very, very disturbing.



And this just in

from Sao Paulo, Brazil.



Let's see that again.



Very, very disturbing.



And this just in

from South Texas.



Do they pose a threat?



Only one thing's for certain.



We are all going to be killed.



We have to board up the house.



HARRIS: Are you sure

this is necessary, Wilson?



Having an awards ceremony

at a time like this?



Yes, sir. Everything must

appear business as usual.



The nation, while not yet

panicked, is deeply disturbed.




We can steer that course,



keeping everybody

deeply disturbed.



We don't want a panic.



Very few presidents have faced

a crisis like this.



I wonder what President Ford

would've done.



Well, if the buck stops here...



the buck stops here.



Thank you all,

and welcome to the White House.



The Mother Teresa Awards



recognize those

who have overcome



the severest handicaps

and disadvantages



to help others

in their communities.



The young, the old.

Black and white.



Our Native American friends.

Hey, how are you?



[Chanting] Hey, how are you?

Hey, how are you?



Hey, how are you?




Well, it is therefore my honor



to present each and every one of

you with this symbol of merit.



The room is secure,

Mr. President.



- Or is it?

- Sir?



I've been thinking, Thompson.



What if the aliens could

take over human bodies?



They'd look just like us.



Or almost.



I never thought of that, sir.



We should be on alert

for anything suspicious.



They could be anywhere.






Right here.



My God.



We'd never see

the attack coming.



- It's frightening, sir!

- Don't panic.



We'll just move slowly

toward the exit.



[Mechanized voice]

At last we meet, Mr. President.



It's happening.

I knew it.



You'll never take me alive!







She's scrambling my brain!



I'll get her!






Oh, no, you don't!

Not on my watch!



Good work, sir!



Good God!

The small ones have metal teeth!



Jerry's kids, my ass!




Mr. President!



Mr. President, have you gone

completely insane?



Like a fox.



We got to talk to the person

who saw this coming,



Cindy Campbell.



She knows how

to defeat the aliens.



- Filthy, rotten scum!

- Aah!




You're hideous!



Get off my planet!



- No!

- Is everything all right?



The exits are all blocked.



I'll find one, sir.



Everybody, clear!



This way, sir!

God, this is exciting!



You're excited?

You should feel my nipples.







Cody, where are you?






GIGGINS: After today's incident

in the East Room,



the White House

is now advising all citizens



to board up their homes and

prepare for an alien invasion.



Oh, no.



And now a News   exclusive.



The killer videotape

you've been hearing about.



We're the only station

that has it,



and we're showing it all night.



Very exciting.

Let's roll it again.



There. Nobody's getting

through that sucker.



But we have to get down

to the cellar.



- George.

- Cindy.



There's no time.






Thank God.

I've been worried sick.



He showed up about an hour ago.

I tried to call.



No, he didn't.



Okay, but I was gonna.



No, he wasn't.



Cody, the point is you can't

just run away like that.



I wanted to be with George.



Oh, honey, I know

you want a dad, but...



Oh, trust me, Cody,

I'm not good at anything.



Why would I be good at that?




Uncle George!



It's gonna be okay, Cody.



I'm going to die, aren't I?



Cody, did I ever tell you

what your mom said



about you

the day you were born?






I was in the delivery room

with her.



She was having a hard time.



Then you began

to come out of her.



And your mom screamed

and screamed in pain.



She yelled, "Just kill me.



Bludgeon me with a bedpan.



Whatever you do,

put me out of this pain."



She was gushing

torrents of blood.



I have this all on tape

if you want to see it someday.



Well, finally you came out.



Your mom cut

your umbilical cord herself.



Well, on the second try.



The first time she snipped

your penis in half.



After all, she was drunk.



Actually, drugged.



We'd been out the night before

celebrating St. Patrick's Day.



She thought, "Hey,

I never tasted crystal meth."



So she did just a little.



My penis?






They sewed it on upside down.



So that's why I pee up?




We'll get it fixed, honey.



It's on my list of things.

Right after we get TiVo.



Anyway, there you were.



Your mom turned to me and said,



"Hey, you want him?

Take him."



Then she died.



And I took you.



Do you know why?



I had just lost my cat

in a fire,



and I needed something

to pet and feed.



And I miss that cat, Cody.



But I love you.



And nothing's

ever gonna change that,



not even the very painful death

we're about to experience.










Are they gone?



I don't hear anything.






[Screams effeminately]



Don't worry, Sue.




It was Uncle George.



Well, it's scary.



Good work, Sue.



I don't know what stupid,

idiotic thing



made these lights go off.



All right, there's spare fuses

in the crawl space.



I can get these lights back on.






Quick, George,

grab that railroad tie.



Jam it against the door.



- Oh!

- [Gasps]



My balls!




Not those!










Uncle George!



I'm scared!



Oh, sweetie, come here.

It's okay.






There's something

on the other side of the door.



I can't see anything.



Oh, my God.



Can you see them?



They're horrible.



They're grayish

with big black eyes.



Their teeth are grotesque.






- I think they're giggling.

- What?



Oh, no.



Oh, no, I think...



- I think they want...

- [Banging]








Oh, my God!




Swing away, George.



- Aah! Aunt Cindy, help!

- I'm coming, Cody.



I'll save you.



- Ugh!

- Die!






You damn aliens, let him go!



You're not getting in here!



- What else you got?

- George.




Had enough?



Yeah. Forget it, Cody.

Thank me later.



Oh, Cody.

Oh, thank God.



Come on.







- Daddy!

- Sue!







what are you doing here?



I told you the hood's

always got your back.



Thank God.

There's two of them at the door.



They're gone.




They couldn't get in.



I hear they can't open doors.



They mastered space flight,



but they can't get

through a wooden door?



Oh, look, the cellar's

the safest place.



Women and children stay here.



- Ugh!

- All right, and the men,



we go outside and fight.



Right. And what's

the cutoff age for children?



Come on!









- [Shovel cocks]

- Follow me.



[Tires screeching]



I'm sorry.



I thought

I was hitting the brake.



Now, we don't have to go

through insurance, do we?



Mr. President,

what are you doing here?



I'm looking for Cindy Campbell.



She may hold the key

to defeating the aliens.



Ah, good. The Air Force is here

with those new round planes.



We don't have round planes, sir.



Oh, my God.



Oh, my God.



- [Hip-hop music plays]

- Wait. Do you hear that?



  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah  



  Ah, ah, ah, ah  



  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah  



- Yo, what's up, George?

- C.J.!



I told you the 'hood

always got your back.



I got the boys with me.

Get out the car, man.



Who we gonna shoot?



Is y'all ready to go step?



Let's go do this,

'cause I'm hyped right now!



- Real hyped!

- You stepped on my shoe, bitch!



Call me "bitch" again,



and I'll park your truck

dead in your ass.



Damn, homey!



- In the cornfield.

- They're coming!



Me and my boys,

we gonna take care of this.



Come on, let's go.



Son, I'd bust

this shit right now.



- Your mama!

- I got your number, homey.



- We over here, y'all!

- He ain't gonna bust nothing.



I got nuts bigger than him.



Whoa, country-ass,

maple-syrup nigga.



Yeah, you want some biscuits?

You want some biscuits?



Get down!

Get down!



I can't believe what I just saw.



These men died

for their country.



Send flowers

to their bitches and hos.



I can't break free!



Think! They must have

some kind of weakness.



- Huh?

- Huh?



I found it!



Without their heads,

they're powerless!



Please, no.

We mean you no harm.



We traveled to your planet

to find an evil little girl.



We must destroy her

before seven days.



You mean you watched

the videotape?



Our satellite picked up what

we thought was "Pootie Tang."



That was a week ago.



And now our entire race will die

unless the girl is destroyed.



Oh, see?

They are peaceful.



If they're so peaceful,

why were they choking us?



Oh, that's how we say hello.



- Hello!

- Nice to see you.



- Hello.

- Hello.



Well, how do you guys

say goodbye?







I had to ask.



If you think that's strange,

you should see how we pee.






So we're not so different

after all.



There's something

about this place.



It's like I've seen it before.



Oh, my God.



This used to be their farm.



She died right here.



There's something down there.






Hey, awesome.

Yeah, you got it.



Just look at this.



Human beings and aliens

working together.



We're all just

one big galactic family.






That's just what

I've been running away from.



Well, that's because

you're an idiot.



This is it.



ARCHITECT: My wife took her

to the family farm



and drowned her in the well.



The little girl.

She's frightened of the well.









- Ugh!

- Cindy!



[Crowbar clanks]



[Chainsaw sputters, buzzes]



Time to go back

down the well, bitch.










Don't hurt him!



Cindy, come outside.



- The aliens aren't invading.

- Aah!






Don't worry, Cody.

I'll save you.



- Aah!

- CIND Y: Wait!




Don't do this.



You don't have to be evil.



I know what happened

to you, Tabitha.



I know what your mom did.

That was wrong.



You were just a little girl.



You're still that little girl,

just a lot more corpsy



and with really bad teeth.



But maybe all you need

is a mother.



And a father.



We could be...



A family.



Thank you all.



Your love has broken the curse

and freed my soul.



I'll never have to kill again.







I'm just screwing with you!







I just want to tell you both

good luck.



- We're all counting on you.

- [Splash]



Now it's over.



- [Gasps]

- Aah!



Oh, no, no, it's okay.



He's our friend.



Thank you for saving

our species.



Now we must return

to our home planet.



Goodbye, then.









Hey, congratulations, George!



You know the 'hood

always got your back.



Yeah, yeah!



Come on!









- Oh!

- Oh!



ALL: Bye!



Oh, George, I'm so happy.



Finally we're a family.




You, me, and...



- Damn!

- Damn!



[Tires screeching]



Cindy, George, wait!






  Come on  



  "Scary Movie  "  



  Welcome to the future, baby  



  You think you hot shit 'cause

you got ice on your wrist  



  Now, y'all picture this...

tough guy turned snitch  



  Knew he was lying

by the way his eyes twitch  



  He gulp when he swallow  



  When he spoke,

his voice pitch  



  My first thought's

to slap him up, but I'm grown  



  So I dropped a jewel

in his ear  



  Told him get on,

leave it alone  



  Now he's asking questions he

shoulda asked from the start  



  I'm gonna spit from the

heart, spit till it's dark  



  From the stage in the park,

I'm gonna bite if you bark  



  Just to show him

that it's fun to me  



  And take a look at what

being broke gonna mean  



  I am the truth,

plus I'm hungry  



  Heads or tail, playboy,

what's it gonna be?  



  You cannot escape your fate

in the streets  



  Okay, I'll count cash,

you count sheep  



  Better not sleep

on the beats, capisce  



  Ain't no jokes in here  



  Ain't nothing but grown folk

up in here  



  Don't come poking

your nose in here  



  Listen to me,

I ain't scared  



  Ain't no jokes in here  



  Ain't nothing but

grown folks up in here  



  Don't come poking

your nose in here  



  Listen to me,

I ain't scared  



  Now, Dame Lee  



  This is slow motion

like a Japanese warrior  



  I'm a shogun  



  If I got beef

with more than one problem  



  You can't afford 'em, son  



  Used to mess with your chick

out of boredom, son  



  Then I'd make her leave

like she was autumn, son  



  I'm not talking to him,

I'm talking to all of them  



  I don't discriminate,

I'm who they women love  



  Yo, I'm who

they kids look up to  



  Hi, my name is Dame Lee  



  I do it 'cause I can,

do you blame me?  



  Watch how you feel about me  




that I spit is true  



  And my fam got the same blood

running through them, too  



  You shook, son,

look at how you looking  



  Wearing tampon singles  



  I'm a beast over beats  



  I count cash,

you count sheep  



  Don't sleep on the beats  



  I'm a beast  



  Ain't no jokes in here  



  Ain't nothing but grown folk

up in here  



  Don't come poking

your nose in here  



  Listen to me,

I ain't scared  



  Ain't no jokes in here  



  Ain't nothing but grown folk

up in here  



  Don't come poking

your nose in here  



  Listen to me...    



  You can live or you can

die, die, die  



  You can bounce up like a "G"

or break down and cry  



  You's a beotch, unh, yeah  



  And that's word

from the ill crowd  



  Thug, look at what you got,




  Poppin' shots

on your enemies  



  It ain't no slick talkin'

your way out the battle  



  The tension's real thick,

gettin' beefier than cattle  



  So you cowboys grab

your heater and your saddle  



  Mount up, unh, yeah,

get your jollies  



  Don't be too nervous, buddy,

'cause I'ma get to dissin'  



  While your homey's

givin' up  



  Two fingers

like Richard Nixon  



  I keep it real street 'cause

I'm bred from the street  



  T-shirt upon my back,

Chuck Taylors on my feet  



  Major bubblin'

major fumblin', be troublin'  



  Broads is into major humpin',

I'm livin' for somethin'  



  I envied nothin',

I never be frontin'  



  Just check how a be coming  




homey, you heard  



  Might be boozy

but I ain't bankin' no curves  



  Off the dank and the drank,

I be chasin' them skirts  



  Thug, look at what you got,




  Poppin' shots

on your enemies  



  Thug, look at what you got,




  Poppin' shots

on your enemies  



  Listen and observe me  



  Doo doo like tore sandals  



  I never reach,

I got pull like door handles  



  Boy got flame, man,

I burn like your candles  



  Are you in key

on your life's piano?  



  Lifestyle is "Sopranos"  



  Here today

but then you're gone tomorrow  



  Proceed to bubble...  



  The need is kind of dire,

live wire  



  Like an electric bo x

during a storm  



  Forced to live like this  



  Or that's how real

it's gonna get  



  You can live or you can

die, die, die  



  You can bounce up like a "G"

or break down and cry  



  You's a beotch, unh, yeah  



  And that's word

from the ill crowd  



  Thug, look at what you got,




  Poppin' shots

on your enemies  



  Thug, look at what you got,




  Poppin' shots

on your enemies    



[Kebyar's "Smoke It Up" plays]



  Just shake and break

and roll it up  



  Just stay and blaze

and smoke it up  



  And if you're not alone,

then you better find the door  



  Now, while you hang around




  Naw, we smokin' good,

should be chillin' with me  



  You like the way

the green tickle your nose  



  Making you want to slip out

those clothes and get...  



  I hear you giggle

but you know it's the truth  



  Why don't you bounce in my

crib, we can roll on the roof  



  You can introduce Kebyar

to your crew  



  We can get down and maybe

they would like to come, too  



  Just shake and break

and roll it up  



  Just stay and blaze

and smoke it up  



  Just shake and break

and roll it up  



  Just stay and blaze

and smoke it up  



  And if you're not alone,

then you better find the door  



  Time to bring it in on,

all night I'm on the wrong...  



  My Caddy ridin' down the    

lookin' live up in the ride  



  I love it,

the way it makes me move now  



  Blow it out my nose

on the way to the door  



  I want it, I need it

to make me groove now  



  If I don't have it...  



  I love it,

the way it makes me move now    



  Yo, yo, yo  



  Who you lookin' at?

Tryin' to clock us?  



  I ain't feelin' that,

you can't stop us  



  Who you lookin' at?

Don't try to drop us  



  'Cause ain't nobody,

can't nobody ever touch us  



  Yeah, notice...  



  Bullets spark through

your parka  



  But it's really your fault  



  It was silly to talk  



  Feelin' ya grillin' me  



  Stop tryin' to get rid of me,

the streets know this  



  See, death threats

are never bogus  



  If you're dead wrong,

we stand strong  



  Collective soldiers,




  By any means

come out victorious  



  Don't be sayin' my name  



  Who you lookin' at?

Tryin' to clock us?  



  I ain't feelin' that,

you can't stop us  



  Who you lookin' at?

Don't try to drop us  



  'Cause ain't nobody,

can't nobody ever touch us  



  You don't want to

get bitten by pedigree...  



  Venomous sting sideline him

till his physique  



  Looks like a leak,

distressed, took like a thief  



  He quit thuggin'

cold turkey  



  Yo, who you lookin' at?

Tryin' to clock us?  



  I ain't feelin' that,

you can't stop us  



  Who you lookin' at?

Don't try to drop us  



  'Cause ain't nobody,

can't nobody ever touch us  



  Hey, yo,

what you feelin' like?  



  I got ya    



[Dame Lee's "Rock Rock

Bounce Bounce" plays]



  I'm one of the greatest

natural phenomenons  



  Like Ramadan  



  I wish you could see what

I've seen when the drama's on  



  And when the drama's on  



  Call flex,

the bomb is on  



  Cocked and loaded  



  Safely holstered

under my left arm  



  Cold shoulder,

that's how I hold it  



  Now I play the drama bringer,




  Dame Lee  



  Rock, rock, rock,

bounce, bounce, bounce  



  Rock, rock, rock,

bounce, bounce, bounce  



  Rock, rock, rock,

bounce, bounce, bounce  



  Dame Lee, Dame Lee  



  Rock, rock, rock,

bounce, bounce, bounce    




Deejay, spin that shit!



- [Note plays]

- GE ORGE:   Bitch  



- [Lower note plays]

-   Ho  



[Notes playing]



GE ORGE:   Now everybody

in the  - -   



  Throw your hands in the air

'cause Fat Joe is through  



  Now everybody in the  - - 

throw 'em up  



- Check it out.

- Go! Go! Go!



  I'm a white boy,

but my neck is red  



  I put Miracle Whip

on my Wonder Bread  



  My face is pale, nah,

I've never been in jail  



  Me and Buffy spend

every winter in Vail  



  How many bitches

have I slapped?  



  Zero, unh  



  And Martha Stewart

happens to be my hero  



  I grew up on a farm,

and I was born with no rhythm  



  Dr. Phil's my uncle,

and I like to hang with him  



  I can't dance,

I wear khaki pants  



  My middle name's Lance,

my grandma's from France  



  So maybe I'm wack

'cause my skin ain't black  



  But you can't talk smack  



  'Cause whitey

just struck back  

Special help by SergeiK