See No Evil, Hear No Evil
Script - Dialogue Transcript
Voila! Finally, the See No Evil, Hear No Evil
script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Richard Pryor, Gene
Wilder, and Kevin Spacey movie. This script is a transcript that was painstakingly
transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of See No Evil, Hear No Evil. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally
tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to
drop me a line. You won't
hurt my feelings. Honest.
Are you fucking deaf? Move!
Are you deaf? Look behind you!
Get out of the way! You're blocking traffic.
Get off the street!
What do you want me to do about it?
You dumb idiot!
I'm turning here, you dumb idiot!
Where you from, Oshkosh?
-Watch your step.
-You're a dumb idiot.
You talking to me?
-You talking to me, asshole?
-Wally, don't start anything!
-Let the man talk.
I heard that before, dickhead.
You got anything to get off your chest?
Who are you talking to?
Say one more word.
Just one more fucking word.
-You dumb asshole!
-You don't show me shit.
-Who are you fighting this time?
Stop it! Come on.
We're going down.
Why try to pass for someone with
/ vision when you're blind as a bat?
-I don't feel I have to pass.
-Yes, you do.
It's a sickness in your brain,
just like trying to pass for white.
I'm not white?
-This is a scandal!
What do you mean, I'm not white?
Why didn't you tell me this before?
-My own sister!
A lot of adjustments have to be made.
I have to cancel the swimming lessons.
What will the guys at the club say?
I'm not white!
It feels like it.
Goodness gracious, you're right!
-Lord, help me.
-Does Dad know?
$ across-the-board on Centipede.
Thank you very much. Just a minute.
You said that was all.
-I know, but I want my $ .
-You already owe that bookie!
-I don't want a lecture, give me my money.
-This is the last $ to your name.
-I know, but $ please.
-Three minutes to post time.
And $ to win on Centipede.
Come on Centipede. You can do it.
Come on, you bitch!
-It wasn't Centipede.
You shouldn't have quit your job.
The man treated me like I was blind.
So try someone else!
You can't go on like this. Get another job.
What's the matter with me?
The fire inspector...
...wants you to pick up papers.
You must please sweep up
before you close the shop.
...there's a vicious rumour
going around this building that I'm deaf.
I don't know how it started,
but I don't like it.
So let's try and put a stop to it.
I feel like such a fool.
Don't worry about the fire inspector.
He's always coming around here
trying to get bribes.
You don't have to read lips?
They said you had to read lips.
I feel like such an ass.
Especially on the last Thursday
of the month.
I can't turn left. I'll go around the block
and park across the street.
No, you're not parking anywhere.
Just pull over here by the curb.
What are you talking about?
I'm not a baby. I don't need a baby-sitter.
Just point me in the right direction.
Are you crazy? Take your cane
or you won't make it across the street.
No. Put the cane down.
I can hear, can't l?
All I need is Big Mo.
I want to see this.
Good luck with thejob.
Excuse me, sir. Nice day, isn't it?
So far, so good.
I'll pick you up in front of the building.
Remember, wait for the beeps.
Wait for the beeps. Wait for the beep.
I will. Thank you.
Would you help me across?
Yes, take my arm.
Here we go.
Sis, how am I doing?
Great. Just great.
Thank you very much.
You don't have to thank me.
After all, this to me, is just fun.
It's like a walk in the park.
Here you are, safe and sound.
You have any trouble, just call.
Can I help you?
I'm here about the ad in the paper:
Must have sense of humour."
Are you the owner of the shop?
Who are you talking to?
There you are! Damn. Look at that.
Contacts again. You see that?
I'm looking for a Mr. David Lyons.
I'm David Lyons.
Pleased to meet you, David.
I read your ad in the paper
about an lvy League type.
Tall, dark, handsome.
Three out of four ain't bad.
I'm kind of nervous.
I really want the job.
I am a damned good salesman.
I'm David. How can I help you?
Are we caught in a time warp here?
Any Martians here
want to speak to Mr. David Lyons?
You're a fun guy.
I really like that ad you put in the paper.
"Must have sense of humour."
Not many people would do that.
I'm your guy. If you want me, here I am.
Would you tell me what you want?
What are you talking about?
$ but that's it.
-Are you talking to me?
$ a week!
Okay, $ . I can't live on less than that!
Who are you talking to?
I'm talking to you, you prick!
Look me in the eye and say that!
I would if I could, but I can't. I'm blind.
Yes. Now can I have the job?
I had no idea. I'm sorry.
Now you know. Can I get the job?
You're really blind?
I'm really blind.
What are you, fucking deaf?
I'm fucking deaf!
-Yes, I'm deaf.
-You really deaf?
-I'm really deaf.
How do you know what I'm saying?
I'm reading your lips.
Now do you want the job or not?
Because I'm blind?
Shove it up your ass, pal!
I don't want no favours
from a deaf asshole!
Then go home! Get out of here!
Give me some peace of mind.
To hell with blind people!
Just turn around and walk out!
That's better. Now,
I believe we agreed on $ .
What are we talking about?
Just a minute. Wait. Stop the music.
-Do you like Harvey Wallbangers?
Wallbangers, a friend of mine.
I'll introduce you later.
'Cause tonight, my friend, we celebrate!
-Did I hit the board?
-No, the wall. It's a lot better.
Three Wallbangers, Wally.
-Where's your friend?
-He should be here real soon.
You'll like him.
This is to you, Sally. Sally?
And especially to you, Leslie,
for buying the drinks.
What does your friend look like?
I've never seen him,
but he smells real good.
I think he's by the door.
I want you to meet two good friends
of mine. This is Sally.
And this lovely lady to my left....
-This is Lisa.
And this is my good friend, David Lyons.
Wally says you're in business together.
-Wally says what?
We don't have to talk about that now.
Let's talk about Harvey Wallbangers.
That's who I'm going to meet tonight?
Who do you think you are?
David Lyons. You must be Harvey.
Wally's said lots of nice things about you.
A real comedian. Get off my jacket!
Listen, asswipe. You better watch yourself
or you'll be going home real early.
-I didn't know I was on your jacket.
-What are you? The local constable?
Who's your girlfriend?
I think I heard my mating call.
-I am standing.
Wait a minute. My friend is--
Is a killer! That's what I am.
A trained killer!
When I was in the Corps...
...we used to eat you Green Beret pussies
-This guy's tough.
-If I can hear him, I can hit him.
-He could put a hole in your head.
You ain't talking now?
Come on, big mouth, say something.
Let's get down.
Last night I was out with your sister.
You're all right, champ. He's coming.
I'll give you the first hit.
He's coming, Wally. He's coming.
Lower. He's a few inches shorter than you.
Aim for : .
Get ready. : !
Good. : !
Five to three. I got mixed up!
-Shut up and let him fight.
Get ready! : !
-Read my lips, asshole!
I got that.
Son of a bitch!
You had enough?
-How you doing?
-I'm doing great!
We should hang out like this more often.
It's nice to unwind after work.
Does that mean I get the job?
...on how this fight comes out.
I bought this big bottle of champagne.
Must've cost $ .
I had my sister drop me off at Jones Beach.
I sat down in the sand
and started drinking...
...and sneaking peeks to see
if people were watching me cry.
Then I realised it didn't matter if they were
'cause I couldn't see them anyway.
That's when I made a decision.
I wasn't going to piss my life away
because of anger.
That's when I decided, blind or not blind...
...l was going to be the same
loveable asshole I've always been.
You haven't made that decision yet,
How'd you become an actor if you're deaf?
I wasn't born deaf.
I got scarlet fever in high school.
I didn't lose all my hearing
until eight years ago.
So why'd you stop acting?
I started missing cues
when the other actors would...
...turn around and I couldn't see their lips.
They ever catch you?
No, I don't think anyone knew.
I just lost my nerve.
When's the last time you were laid?
You were eating. When's what?
Laid! The last time you were laid!
Next subject, please.
You don't want to know.
So where's your wife?
I think in Cleveland.
I haven't seen her for eight years.
Wonderful, warm woman.
And then, one day...
...she turned into this amazing creature
who could sit on a broomstick...
...and take off into the air.
She could actually achieve flight.
I think I was married to that lady once.
Funny thing is, this happened...
...the same time I went completely deaf.
Isn't that a coincidence?
Amazing. Who'd believe it?
What do you want out of life
before the show's over?
Just not to make a fool out of myself.
That's all you want?
I have this terrible fear...
...that I'll make a mistake...
...and everyone'll stand around...
...and stare at me.
I wish I had met you eight years ago.
I can fix your problems in ten seconds.
Ten seconds, if you trust me.
Do you trust me?
You're a good-looking guy.
Thank you. That's very kind of you.
How's that feel? Good?
You look a little silly to me.
Kind of foolish.
You see, life ain't so complicated.
-When's the next one coming?
That might be the truck coming now.
I have to go get a damn screwdriver.
The blind guy around?
Where's the blind guy?
-Who do you want?
-Kerew. Wally Kerew.
I'm his bookie. I owe him some money.
He's waiting for a delivery.
He'll be back in a minute.
Is he out front?
I'll go find him.
I almost forgot. I need some....
-We're not officially open yet.
-I know. I need some of that stuff up there.
My tummy's all kaput.
What is that stuff up there?
-What, the antacid?
What's the difference between
Alka-Seltzer and the one next to it?
Do me a favour.
Can you read it to me, please?
-You want me to read out Di-Gel?
-Yeah, my eyes ain't too good.
"Di-Gel contains calcium carbonate,
an effective antacid...."
Where you going?
Here, take it. Honestly,
I wasn't trying to pull anything.
You were told to deliver this
right from the airport.
I thought I was being tailed by the cops.
I didn't want to bring them
near Mr. Sutherland.
You gotta tell him that.
You tell him that.
I have a car waiting out front.
I'm dead if I go with you.
You're dead if you don't go with me.
"Bubbles of gas, trapped in the stomach,
can cause heartburn...
and that full, bloated feeling.
"And unlike plain antacids...
"...the simethicone breaks up
gas bubbles rapidly...
"...to relieve fullness and pressure."
I feel like a commercial.
What the hell was that?
Wait a minute.
Wait my ass! I thought I heard....
What is this? Hide-and-seek?
-This guy is dead.
-Wally, there's a gun here.
Don't touch it!
Drop it! I said drop it!
-What is he saying?
-Are you holding a weapon?
Yes, I am.
Throw it away! Get rid of it!
-Don't move or we'll blow your brains out.
Please, be gentle.
-I had nothing to do with this.
Officer, he came for Alka-Seltzer.
The man asked me to read him
a Di-Gel label, can you believe that?
We don't even know the man.
Wally, get the money from the cigar box.
Officer, excuse me. Honest to God,
isn't there a nice way we can settle this?
Can I at least get my coat?
Hang on. We'll get your coat.
Tell Mr. Huddleston to lock up for us.
Let's move out.
You can't say whether
this mystery woman fired the shot or not?
No, but if she was innocent...
...why did she leave
right after the shot was fired?
-That makes sense.
What's the story?
The Commissioner is crawling up my ass!
The whole thing sounds kind of shaky.
The deaf guy's not sure about the woman.
The blind guy heard the shot,
but can't make an identification.
You're feeling too damn sorry for them.
You're always feeling sorry for people,
that's your trouble.
I'll take care of this.
Now we're gonna quit fucking around here
and start talking serious.
Now you claim
there was a woman present.
Was there a woman present?
Was there a woman present?
I'm sorry. You talking to me?
You bet your ass I'm talking to you.
Was there or wasn't there?
Was there or wasn't there what?
A woman present.
I smelled a woman,
but I didn't see a woman.
What about you, wiseass?
Was there or wasn't there a woman?
What the hell do I have to do,
take you to a private room and ask you?
He's deaf. You have to be facing him.
No more bullshit!
Was there or wasn't there a woman?
-Are you serious?
-Yes, I'm goddamn serious.
Fuzzy Wuzzy was a woman?
What the hell is he talking about?
He reads lips. You're talking too fast.
Why is he talking like that?
Because he's deaf...
Can you tell me one goddamn thing
about that woman?
She has the most magnificent legs
I've ever seen in my life.
Yeah, and she smells good, too.
Don't tell me you didn't hear anything,
'cause he heard it!
And you, don't tell me
you didn't see anything 'cause he saw it.
Between the two of you,
you saw and heard everything.
Some poor bastard's dead,
so start answering some questions here!
-Excuse me, Captain?
Professor Kasuda from uptown.
You'll be interested in his ballistics report.
What do you got?
I think I can prove to a judge
that both of these men had the mens rea.
What the hell is a mens rea?
It's a legal term the lawyers use.
It just means
the intention to commit a crime.
-Okay, come on, let's go.
Put the cuffs on them.
How could we have gotten mens rea?
-Come on, get up, will ya?
-Did we take blood?
-Get up, for crying out loud!
Can you do it without taking blood?
Stupid, he's deaf.
You have to be facing him!
The lab says that gun you were holding
was the death weapon.
We both use condoms.
How is this possible?
-I want to see a lawyer.
-That's not all Mr. Kerew.
-I want a doctor.
-We found something...
...in the apartment
of the deceased Mr. Scotto.
We found your name
on a marker in Mr. Scotto's wallet.
"W. Kerew, $ overdue."
-Because I owe him money?
-I feel sick.
You owe the guy $
he comes to bust your head...
...and your boyfriend lets him have it.
He is not my boyfriend.
My God! No!
A pair of undershorts.
And a ticket...
...to EI Paso, Texas. It's not here!
-I wish I hadn't killed him.
-If you had to, you had to.
We know he had it at the airport,
he must've made a switchover somewhere.
The man who owns the news-stand,
his name is David Lyons.
He was talking to Scotto when I arrived.
Would he be able to identify you?
No, he never saw me. Also, he's deaf.
And the other one is blind.
Blind? Deaf? What is this, a joke?
-I spoke with the building superintendent.
-Let's pay them a visit, shall we?
They're in jail now.
Then let's bail them out.
All right, Mr. Lyons,
I need a nice full face shot first.
Then we'll get our side shots later.
We're here because you owed
that sleazeball $ ?
Face forward, please.
I thought the Knicks would beat Boston,
and they came damn close.
Tell your friend to face the front, please.
-What do you need a bookie for?
-Face front, please.
-No one else would give me credit.
-Will you tell him to hold still, please?
What's he doing?
Not looking at you, looking at me!
Face the camera.
Perfect. Tell him not to move.
I'm getting fed up with her.
Why is he doing this to me?
I just want him to face the camera!
-He's not facing the camera?
It's news to me.
-Face the camera.
That's better. Hold it.
-She should make up her mind.
-Is she saying shit or ship?
Why would she say "ship"?
-It wouldn't make any sense.
-Get him out of here. I want him out, now!
I'll get you when you're sleeping.
We'll be all right. Once they find
that woman, they'll let us out.
They're not looking for no woman.
They got their killers. Us. We're fucked!
-You all right?
-What the hell's wrong with you?
Can't you walk?
What do we have to do, carry you?
You don't have to do shit for me.
He's blind and you have him handcuffed!
Come on, for crying out loud.
All right, take the cuffs off him
before he wrecks the goddamn joint.
Don't do me no favours.
Is everybody happy now?
Are we all friends again?
Come on now, let's go.
Joe, I got Lyons, David;
Kerew, Wallace, suspected homicide.
His lawyers are here, Captain.
You want to check him for police brutality?
You got as long as it takes to print him.
Get in here.
-I know you don't know who we are.
-Your right hand, please.
Our law firm represents
the building you have your shop in.
We've been sent here
to try to arrange bail for you.
-That's a nice surprise.
They can only hold you and Mr. Kerew
up to hours before an arraignment.
we'll have you out of here by : .
We're pushing the blind and deaf angle.
We hope you don't mind.
No, we don't mind. Use it.
We'll see you both very soon.
Excuse me, miss, have we met before?
No, I don't think so.
Are you wearing Shalimar perfume?
Yes, I am.
You have a remarkable nose.
I never knew anyone so beautiful.
The lady's got style. Muy peligrosa.
I'd love to go to sleep listening
to a voice like that.
Oh, my God.
-Yes, I can imagine.
-The legs, of course.
Captain, the lady in my shop
that I was talking about. That's her!
-That woman is your lawyer?
-She's not my lawyer.
Now she's not your lawyer!
That makes a lot of sense.
She's not my lawyer!
That's the lady you want!
How come you couldn't
describe her before?
Because I only saw her from the rear.
When she went around just now
and I saw her tush, I knew it was her.
That's the lady you want! Stop her!
Stop that lady!
With a little luck,
we'll have them to ourselves by : .
-They seem nice.
-So was the chicken I ate last night.
Now, either the police get us for murder,
or we get bailed out by the killer.
At least my way we have a chance.
-Are you with me?
-All right, guys, let's go.
-Yes or no?
Come on, move these guys.
Let's move them!
Come on, let's go. We got to go. Sorry.
I bet these guys are going to
enjoy themselves on Riker's lsland.
I bet you learn to speak Spanish real quick.
Won't that be nice?
I hear that they make the greatest...
...kidney fricassee with pineapple Jell-O.
It's really special.
Tell me when.
-What's going on?
Demonstrators? Good. Go with the flow.
Excuse me, sir.
Could I have a word with you?
-Now you're released, how do you feel?
Do you really think you can stop Khomeini?
Not if it's funny. "A good comedy,"
as you call it, is worth its weight in gold.
Have you ever read Norman Cousins?
-About the immune system?
-Baby, come on. Comedy.
When is this going to be on?
I want my sister to tape it.
As you can see,
this remains a complicated issue.
How could we lose a blind guy
and a deaf guy?
This is gonna look great on my record.
Son of a bitch!
I want these guys! Now!
Calm down. We'll get them.
We better get them. We better!
Wait. Try the door. There's a hole here.
Put your fingers right in here. Pull.
There's an alley!
I'm right here. Step down once.
Careful. There's an alley right here.
Careful. Turn right.
Here's another door.
It's open. Go on in.
Kerew is blind. Repeat, blind.
Lyons, David. ' ". Caucasian.
Blonde hair. Lyons is deaf. Repeat, deaf.
Form barricades. Sixth Avenue to Hudson,
Houston to West Fourth.
Every available cruiser, scramble now.
How does someone
so beautiful go and kill somebody?
Careful. The broken wood is
in front of you.
Wait a minute.
Hold my head.
Hold my head.
Hold my head.
Are you all right?
Thank you very much.
They said to call back in ten minutes.
The judge is just getting out of court.
We can have them in half an hour.
This way, Wally.
Don't guide me.
-Don't guide me!
They're looking for a blind guy
and a deaf guy.
We have to get away from here.
You won't make it.
You'll crack your head open.
Not if you stamp your feet.
-If I what?
-Stamp your feet. I'll follow the sound.
Louder! I can hear the noise.
I'll follow you.
That's good! Now move out!
We have to find the subway.
-I feel ridiculous.
-You look fine to me!
I think we should kill them.
I think we have to.
-We don't want them around to identify us.
-It's not up to me, it's up to Sutherland.
If he wants us to kill them,
then we'll kill them.
Right now, let's just get them
out of there and get the coin.
Mr. Kerew? How did you get out of jail?
-Who is it?
-It's all right. It's us. Your lawyers.
That's right. Shalimar.
What is Mr. Lyons doing?
He's got to go to the bathroom real bad.
And if you got to go, you gotta go! Go!
Don't worry about me!
You go on without me!
I'll catch up with you later!
When you gotta go, you gotta go!
Not everybody can stand around and wait!
Just go! Don't worry about me, okay?
I'll catch up with you! Do you hear me!
Sure, I hear you fine.
You snuck up on me. Damn you.
You're close enough now to read my lips.
Yes, I can.
-Guess who I ran into today?
Where'd you learn to lip read?
The killers, Mr. Lyons.
May I have the coin, Mr. Kerew?
What coin are we talking about?
They may not know they have it.
Let's see if I can find it.
I don't know what you're looking for,
but it's a little to the right.
-Here it is.
-Here what is?
It's a rare gold coin, Mr. Kerew.
Very valuable. Your friend, Mr. Scotto,
put it in your cigar box...
...before he passed away.
I've had it all the time?
-You know how I feel.
Can we go now?
I'll call our employer and find out.
-Say, my man--
-Mr. Kerew, not so fast.
Do you make a lot of money
in this line of work?
Yes, Mr. Sutherland, we have them both.
And the coin.
What time do you land?
I'll return tomorrow morning
at approximately : .
We'll go to Great Gorge
and wait for your call.
We have to leave the country tomorrow.
Don't worry, my dear.
What's it to be?
-I'll wait in the car.
-No, meet me in the alley.
-Good-bye, Mr. Lyons.
-I hope I bump into you again sometime.
I don't think so.
See, I'll be leaving the country
and you'll be dead.
Dead? I thought you weren't gonna kill us.
-Afraid not. Good-bye.
-Wait a second.
Don't we get a last request?
What would you like?
Would you scratch my nose for me?
You're a very sick woman.
Mr. Kerew, what would you like?
I suppose a fuck is out of the question.
I'm afraid so.
Let's go, gentlemen.
For God's sake,
we don't know nothing about no gold coin!
-Why must you kill us?
-You're both witnesses.
I don't understand this.
Why shoot us in an alley?
Why not just do it right here?
Why don't you just kill us right here?
Wait. We won't talk. I promise.
Please, don't do this.
Dave, stop the begging, man.
We got to go out with dignity.
All I want to know is what time is it?
Did you say what time is it?
-Yes, I did. What time is it?
-Your time is up, Mr. Kerew.
If I have to die, I want my friend...
...to tell me what time it is.
What time it is?
It's : . Not yet.
It's : . Wait. It's : .
Wait! : .
-Make up your mind!
-It's : .
-No, it's : .
-It's : !
-It's about time!
-Quick. This way.
Hurry, Wally! Come on, Wally!
-Get behind this car. Watch your knees.
-Policemen. They've set up a barricade.
This is running. Anybody in it?
-This is a squad car.
-I know that. Is anyone in it?
-I can't do this.
-Yes, you can. Come on.
-My hands are cuffed. I can't drive.
-Who said you were driving?
-We got to get out of the neighbourhood.
-We're not gonna get ten feet.
Yes, we can. Get in.
Wally, you're gonna kill somebody.
I got the wheel, you take the pedals.
-Did you say something?
-I got the wheel, you take the pedals.
Forward! Go forward!
-How am I doing?
-Don't look at me, watch the road!
-If it'll make you feel better.
Headquarters, this is barricade four!
I hate when that happens.
-What are you, stupid? You want to die?
-Police emergency. Out of the car.
-Show me your badge.
-This is my badge.
They crashed through the barricades
in one of our cars!
-Who the hell was driving?
-I think it's the blind guy!
Get in the car. Open that up!
Get me down Seventh Avenue right away.
Turn right! Stop!
Turn right! No, straight ahead.
Straight! Left! Left!
We're going the wrong way
on a one-way street! A little right!
Little right. Little left.
Where are you going?
These streets are bumpy.
You're driving on the sidewalk!
What the fuck was that?
Go on home.
Your mother's looking for you.
-Get me close.
Left. I said left. I said left!
Turn right. Right!
We're in a warehouse
and you've just hit a cow.
I think you better back up.
And go slowly left.
Try to stay off the sidewalk.
I just ripped my good pants.
I can take the wheel now. Slide over me.
I can't see.
-I can't see.
-I can't see either.
I can't drive if you don't
push the seat back.
Find the lever and push the seat back.
I've got it!
-We had a very close call.
-Wally, I can't see.
Get your hands away, I can't see!
I'll get that son of a bitch now!
Is somebody shooting at us?
I didn't hear anything.
You're mashing my nuts!
Brakes! Put on the brakes!
Where are we?
-I think we're floating towards New Jersey.
-I got relatives in Jersey.
-How nice for you.
You could read her lips.
Yes, I could.
-What did she say?
-"I'll give it to you tomorrow.
"We'll go to Grace George in the morning
and wait for your call."
Then she said,
"We have to leave the country tomorrow."
We have to find this Grace George lady
and wait for them to show up.
Are you with me?
Am I with you? Of course.
You've earned my trust.
You're always watching out for me.
You never get me into trouble.
Sometimes life is a little boring with you...
...but that's a small price to pay
for such a wonderful friendship.
That's a sweet thing you just said.
Do you mean everything you just said?
I'll tell you exactly how I feel
in just a minute or two.
Right now I'm a little overwhelmed...
...by the stink of the tons
...that you drove me into!
Is that what it is?
I thought you let one go.
That's why I didn't say nothing.
That was kind of you. Thank you.
this is Dispatch.
What is your location?
please respond. Over.
Will you please hurry?
We have to bury the car.
Jesus, be careful!
Take it easy. I'm doing damn good
for a blind man.
-What did you say?
-I said, I'm doing damn good for a--
You know what?
I'm getting tired of this deaf shit.
You mean you can't hear anything I say
even if I scream in your ear?
I don't know. I've never tried it.
It seems crazy after all these years,
but I've never done that before.
I would like you to. Go ahead, Wally.
I want you to.
Let's give it a try.
I want you to listen to me.
I'm going to try.
Open up them pores, okay?
Be responsive to what I'm going to say.
I want you to hear me, okay?
Can you hear me!
I heard something! I heard your voice!
You heard me?
-I heard your voice!
-You can hear me, Dave!
-You can hear me!
Now do you get it!
I'm not a cry-baby.
-You are a cry-baby.
-Guess what you are?
A blind, egotistical,
asshole who denies he can't see shit.
Denies? You're the one who denies!
This is you: "I'm not deaf.
"I can read lips.
Don't call me a deaf person."
Well, fuck it, I'm blind. You hear me?
Some asshole drunk drove me
into a fire hydrant...
...and I'm blind for life.
He gets six months suspended sentence.
But I say fuck it.
I'm not going to worry about him.
You swear an awful lot.
-You're fucking-A right!
Something bothers you, fuck it.
Your wife leaves you, fuck her.
Boss fires you? Fuck him.
-Fuck it, fuck them.
-You're fucking right.
It's a blessing to be able to do that.
I can't do it. You're a lucky guy.
Well, fucking change.
Easy for you to say.
It's not easy for me to say. I'm blind.
Yes, but when you walk down the street,
people will touch you.
When you're deaf, people won't
because they might catch something.
-Like you're some kind of leper.
-We're being a little bitter, aren't we?
I just want to accept
what I can and can't do.
I don't think running around
catching vicious scum killers...
...is something you and I are the best
equipped people in the world at doing.
Bullshit! You're an actor.
If you don't say you're deaf or I'm blind,
we can do anything.
-I guarantee it.
-You guarantee it?
That's right. And if you won't help me,
I'll do it fucking alone.
I don't need you or anyone else!
Okay. Now I get the point.
Excusez-moi, Monsieur Hot Shit.
I'll just go have a nice hot bath
and a little cocktail before dinner.
Wait. We ought to cool out a little bit.
Have a nice day.
I figure me and you, we know a lot....
How the fuck do you expect me
to get out of this shit?
This shit's cold!
Come back! We have to bury the car!
There are steps coming up, Wally.
Back, Wally. Back.
And turn. One, two, three and turn.
Very good. That's lovely. And, go.
Collect call from lrvin Johnson.
Will you accept the charges?
Hi. Guess who?
Just tell me you're all right.
I'm great. Wish you were here
with your car.
You could bring lots of money
a couple beers ifpossible, probably cold.
And I need a racing form
and some binoculars.
Where are you?
A little motel on the interstate...
...about five miles west
of the George Washington.
Headquarters, this is Steely. Over.
She's going into room .
That's a hell of a place to park.
-She checked into room .
Let me have that.
This is the police.
You are surrounded.
All right, you jokers. You got ten seconds
to come out with your hands up.
She said she was .
-The county's really cracking down.
All right, let's go!
-Take it easy, captain. We'll find them.
Search the entire area.
They must be around here someplace.
For chrissakes, how far could they get?
An all cars alert!
Damn those guys.
I'm going to get them.
Dave, this is my sister, Adele.
Adele, this is my dear friend, David Lyons.
How do you do?
There she is. Careful of your knees.
First, we need to find a phone book.
Look up this lady, Grace George.
Then we get the coin,
they come looking for us...
...then we wait with the police.
There can't be many Grace Georges
in the phonebook.
-You mean the resort?
-No, the person they've giving the coin to.
Great Gorge is a big resort
in Vernon Valley.
-How do you know that?
-I almost got married there.
I think David got things mixed up.
-What did she say?
-She said she thinks you're an asshole.
-I'm sorry, sir, we're fully booked.
-You must have something.
I'm sorry. We're booked.
I'm so sorry, but everything is taken
by the medical convention.
We have people coming here
from all over the world.
-We don't have anything.
-What about cancellations?
-She said there are no rooms?
I can't take my wife to a motel.
We're supposed to hold these
I have a couple from London...
...a doctor from Sweden and one
from Germany who still haven't arrived.
I'll tell you what.
If none of these people show up by : ...
...l'll let their rooms go.
But you have to wait until : .
-Can we go to the bar?
-Yes, of course.
Hi, I'm blind.
Could you direct me to the ladies' room?
It's right over....
I'll show you. Give me your hand.
No, wait. The other one.
You're Dr. Johannson from Sweden.
Johannson from Sweden.
I'm from Sweden.
-Can I help you gentlemen?
-I'm from Sweden.
You must be Dr. Johannson.
Johannson from Sweden.
I'm a Swede and you're a sweetie.
-You must be...?
-I'm Dr. Kesselbaum.
You mean Kesselring?
I forget my own name next.
You are one of the most beautiful women
I've ever seen.
There you are.
You move so fast, like a hummingbird.
You're a little sneaker, aren't you?
I bet you've got wings like Mercury.
You're such a nice little--
There he is again!
You're gonna rub it off, aren't you?
Little lunch you had leftover.
Here you are.
Dr. Kesselring, we thought
you might not make it.
It says you had some trouble
with your visa.
Then they suddenly accepted
American Express. Go figure.
We don't go home without it.
Why don't you fill these out?
There you are, Doctor.
I got mine and you got yours.
We're out of double rooms.
I saved you a suite with two queens.
Get them fellas out of there!
We wanna get some sleep.
Here's your key.
Come, Doctor. We have to get some sleep.
Make some Z's.
I hope you don't snore,
or I'm sending you back to Germany.
That's better than Philadelphia.
I'm glad the girl remembered the sister.
Put out an APB on that convertible.
Where the hell can they be?
-They couldn't have gotten very far.
-Who knows with these guys?
These guys are beginning
to get to me, Gatlin.
Take it easy, Emile.
Don't those state cops have anything?
I have years on the force, a wife and
five kids, and a blind guy and a deaf guy...
...are making me look like an asshole.
That's the truth.
I think it's them.
They just went behind some trees.
Yes, it's them.
They're going into the building.
Tell him to hurry. This isn't easy!
Hold it steady. This isn't easy.
I know where the coin is,
but he's in the room.
I'll get him out of there.
You just get the coin.
Wait, I need some money!
I might have to buy lunch.
You all right, Dave?
Give me room please.
I told him I had enough trouble
with two-wheel drive. I hate this.
It's not the end of the world,
it's just an accident.
You're damaged, I'm damaged.
Just remove your car from my bumper--
No, he'll kill me.
My husband is an insurance man.
I have to file a claim.
That's not my problem. I'm in a hurry.
Wait a minute. I got my card here.
Don't get excited. I know I have it.
-Thank you for helping me.
-That's okay. That's why we're here.
I must have left my keys
on the dining room table.
Shall I wait?
I've got to go to bed.
I had a huge breakfast. It made me tired.
I got three postcards
and I registered for bingo.
That's a lot for one day.
-Take care of yourself.
-You, too, Marilyn. Bye-bye.
I'm right here.
-Warn me if anyone comes.
-I'll yell my damn head off.
No one will come. Just get the coin.
You sure you put him in ?
Maybe he switched rooms.
It's not possible.
There are no other rooms, Dr. Cornfeld.
There's nothing to switch to. There he is!
Where have you been, Doctor?
I came to pick you up.
I'm a little bit too heavy for that.
Did you get lost, Dr. Johannson?
It's "Yohannson." How soon we forget.
We must hurry. The seminar starts soon.
We can't start without the main performer.
I'll wait for him.
When he comes, I'll be down.
I had no idea you were this much fun.
I'd like to introduce our panel...
...four eminent specialists in their field.
Dr. Saul Jenner, Cardiology.
Dr. Harold Orlow, Pathology.
Dr. Rita Bennett, Opthamology.
And in his first visit to the U.S.,
the eminent Swedish gynaecologist...
...Dr. Conrad Johannson.
Hold it right there.
Get away from that table
or I'll blow your brains out.
Get 'em up.
Come on. Hands over your head.
Both! Both of them!
You're real good.
This is the best relationship
I've had with a woman in eight years.
So long, sweetheart.
Another time, another place,
we might've had a chance.
You will write, won't you?
Dr. Johannson, my question is for you.
In your paper on multiple orgasms
in geriatric women...
...you attribute increased sexual appetite...
...to a lactose-restricted diet.
Now I know you're modest,
but I insist on pinning you down.
Which exercise would you find
...to geriatric sexuality?
Some of my patients prefer walking...
...some prefer bicycling.
But for your best results...
...to guarantee satisfaction...
...most of them like fucking.
You know, poonta-poonta-poonta.
I like it myself.
One in the morning and late at night.
Just put everything back
in your purse and--
But if he leaves me,
what will happen to me and the twins?
I don't know anybody.
People never treat me as nicely as you do.
-I've been extremely rude.
I'm going to leave you now.
You must move your vehicle.
It's against my car.
Where the hell were you?
I'm sorry. There was an accident.
This woman rammed into our Spider.
It was all very simple
till she made it complicated.
Why can't you give me numbers?
Why are you being so evasive?
Shooting pains in my head. My eyes.
Oh, boy, it's a bummer.
I can't see. Someone take me to my room.
-Let me have a look.
-At what? Don't look!
Get your hands off me!
Stop acting like a baby. I'm a doctor.
Let me have a peek.
Don't touch that head.
Whatever you do don't you touch it.
-Who are you?
-Fine, thank you.
Just relax. Everything will be all right.
I'm right here.
-I thought you'd never come!
-Do you know what's happened to him?
Of course I know what's happened.
This is called "Blindness Hystericus."
Sometimes it comes, just like that.
How do you treat it?
The left brain and the right brain
are fighting with each other...
...and you have to distract them.
Now, Dr. Johannson...
...how many fingers am I holding up
in front of your eyes right now?
That's pretty good considering he's blind.
I want you to just relax.
Take it easy. Tell me the first thing
that pops into your brain.
Its amazing! This man is cured.
Come on, Doctor.
Let's take a little walk,
get the heart pumping.
Then you'll be brand new.
-I don't know. She's not in the room.
If he gets too excited, it comes right back.
Gently. Take it easy, Doctor.
This guy's blind as a bat.
Watch your step.
What's the matter with you?
-You got a Lyons and Kerew registered?
-I'll check, sir.
I'm sorry, no.
-One's blind, one's deaf. You sure?
-I'm sure, sir. I just checked.
I'm with the police. If I brought pictures,
could you identify them?
-Is there a security officer here?
-Right behind you.
Okay, take it easy.
-Excuse me. Where's the little red Alfa?
-They just took off.
-Three of them.
A lady with great legs, an English guy,
and a black woman.
My God! My sister.
The man asked me to give this to you.
"If you want the girl, bring the coin to the
house with windows. Route ."
-Is this a joke?
-No, that's the Sutherland estate.
I hope you have an invitation.
He's got some pretty mean dogs there.
-Dobermans. They're killers.
-Do you have our keys?
-Do me a favour?
If we're not back in minutes,
call the police.
New York Police, ask for Captain Braddock.
Tell him Lyons and Kerew
are at the Sutherland estate.
The house is all glass,
and it's on huge rocks.
There's a lot of land here.
It's a greenhouse. There she is.
-Is she all right?
-I think so.
And there are the dogs. Three of them.
Now they're leaving.
Looks like they're locking the door.
They're going back to the main house.
She'll be all alone in about two minutes.
You all clear on the plan?
Clear as a bell.
I'm going to go water the plants
if you don't mind.
-You sure there's only three dogs?
-I'll take a look.
The parking brake has been released.
Just three. I don't see
what could go wrong.
You hear that?
You better check the brake!
-Wally, I'm in trouble!
Speak to me!
Dave! Talk to me!
Talk to me!
I can hear the car, but I can't hear you!
I can't see you, Dave!
My God, what have I done this time?
My God, Dave!
Did you say something?
I can't see your lips.
What are you saying?
Can you see them now?
There you are.
What are you saying?
...l think it's over.
I just didn't fuck up my life today...
...l dragged my sister into this shit.
I damn near got her killed.
And I hurt you.
I just want to say I'm sorry.
Don't back out on me.
I've been running on fumes most of my life.
And today I realised for the first time,
I'm full of shit.
...but this morning,
I threatened to shoot a naked woman...
...with my erection.
Now that doesn't happen every day.
The man's got a point.
We'll get her out.
I think we're in over our heads.
No one thought we would get this far.
Don't back out on me now.
We can. I promise.
What if we can't?
Damn you. I created a monster.
Where's the girl?
She's in the greenhouse
where they can see her.
And when can we expect
our two distinguished guests?
They should be arriving at any moment.
Do they have the coin?
Yes, they have the coin.
-What do you think of that thing?
-Lot of trouble over a piece of gold.
I don't know what this is,
but this isn't gold.
Gold doesn't chip and peel like this.
Doesn't matter to me,
as long as they want it real bad.
Keep it, in case anything happens to me.
-Nothing's going to happen to you.
-Good. Glad to find that out. Ready?
...three, four, five...
There's a dog! There's a dog!
No! There's an alarm.
So far, so good.
Now what's all the fuss about?
I was going to mention the alarm,
but something else came up.
Who is it?
I was so hoping you'd show up.
Sorry about the flowers.
You like roses?
That's enough, Herman. It's all right.
Just keep your gun pointed on him.
I'll see if he has the coin.
Hands over your head, Mr. Lyons.
Remember what happened last time.
I grew up with brothers. Let's go.
-Back up. You have to run up that log.
-I don't have that many brothers.
-Get out of here!
-I don't want to leave you.
Wally's just on top of that hill. Go on!
Get out of here. Get out!
Jump! Get the police!
Here's the blind one.
Come in, Mr. Kerew.
I'm delighted to see you.
I'm delighted to see you, too.
So you're the fat fuck who runs this show.
Beautifully put, Mr. Kerew.
You're obviously a poet.
A man after my own heart.
-Did he have the coin?
-It's in my pocket.
May I have it, please?
What do you bother
with that phoney coin for?
You're quite right. It is a phoney.
A magnificent phoney.
May I have it, please?
Would you mind telling me what I've been
running around risking my life for?
A room temperature superconductor.
And I dare say, it may be
the most valuable material in this world.
Imagine electric cable the size of that coin
that could light up an entire city.
You told me it was a gold coin.
Making it look like a coin was just
a handy way to get it out of Washington...
...after I'd arranged
to borrow a small sample.
I'm currently pointing a gun at your head.
I think that under the circumstances,
we should renegotiate our contract.
Yes, I do. I agree with you completely.
What would you say to...
...one-third of $ million?
Would you say that's fair?
Yes, I'd say that that's extremely--
What the hell happened?
I turned out the lights, just for a moment.
Just long enough to gain the advantage.
How come I got the feeling
I'm not the only blind person in this room?
Because you have great intuition,
I also suspect you have excellent hearing,
A few sounds were all I needed
to lock in on poor Mr. Kirgo.
It's too bad. I liked him.
He was a gentleman.
I can't see your face,
but I bet you're not crying.
Nor can I see your face, Mr. Kerew...
...yet I can hear you stooping down
to find Kirgo's pistol.
Am I right, sir?
Or must I put a bullet through your head
to prove it?
No. You're a gentleman.
One murder a day is enough for you.
Did I hear something drop?
Perfect timing. Come in.
-I've brought the other one.
Are you all right?
You're very quiet, Mr. Kerew.
Suddenly gone shy, have we?
Adele got away. The police'll be here soon.
You'd better tell me
what happened to Mr. Kirgo.
Surely, my dear.
Mr. Kirgo decided at the last minute
to renegotiate his contract...
...and he put a pistol to my head.
Eve, we've been associated for five years.
I want you to know
I have no intention of killing you.
So don't be frightened, my dear.
Please, don't do anything rash.
No, I wouldn't do that.
You know I trust you, Mr. Sutherland.
But what are your intentions?
To leave the country as soon
as Raul sends my helicopter down.
I invite you to come along.
Rio can be captivating this time of year.
Just pick up the gold coin
I believe is on the floor in front of you.
I don't see it.
Look in Mr. Kirgo's left hand.
I think he may be holding it.
Did you find it, my dear?
I found it.
Would you hand it to me, please?
May I ask what my share might be?
...of $ million.
Would you say that's fair?
Yes, I think that's very fair.
What's going on?
What just happened?
Mr. Sutherland is no longer with us.
I'm right here, Wally.
I hear the sirens.
The police will be here soon.
Drop that pistol now and you'll make
license plates and play volleyball...
...every afternoon for a few years.
I'll even wait for you.
That's real sweet.
But you see,
you're the ones they're looking for.
If I get on that helicopter with the coin,
I get out of here squeaky clean.
You're too tall for me anyway.
I'm afraid I'm gonna have to lock you in.
Damn, she smells good.
I hear jail ain't so bad,
if you like it up the butt.
-I'm over here, Wally.
-Over where, Dave?
Who am I talking to if he can't hear me?
-She's running to the helicopter.
-Nice air conditioning she made.
-Did you ever want to be in the circus?
-No. I'm afraid of heights.
-Give me your jacket, please.
There we go. This should be fun. Ready?
-We're not high up, are we?
-No. We're just a few feet off the ground.
-Ready and go!
I just knocked over a tree!
You said we weren't up high!
I'll kill you, you fuck!
You're telling me we're not up in the air!
What do you mean?
Get ready. Bomb bay doors opening.
Get ready to fire one!
And fire one!
What the hell are you doing!
I don't know. I'm blind.
I learnt this at the Braille lnstitute.
They told us to feel around
and see what's happening.
Hold it right there!
I said hold it or I'll throw your brains out!
I'll throw this knife through your brain!
-Do what I say or you're a dead man.
Now put your hands over your head.
-Get your hands up!
You do speak English. Come over here.
Get your ass over here.
Not now, Wally, I'm busy.
Keep coming, you funny little turd.
Tarzan, turn around and take a look.
-When did you guys get here?
-I sure was worried about you two.
Good-bye, Captain Braddock.
Captain Braddock, you're a dickhead.
You son of a bitch.
-I got a surprise for you.
-You can't do that.
I know the law. Now I get to shoot them!
-What do you mean I can't?
Captain, we got the real killer.
-You telling me that I can't shoot them?
-No, sir, you can't.
We went to all this trouble to catch them
and now I can't shoot them?
It's time to go.
But I want to shoot them.
We'll get some hot chocolate.
Why can't I shoot them?
-We had a damn good time, didn't we?
A lot of nice memories.
Wally, there's something I've been
wanting to do since the day I met you.
-That was two days ago.
There's something I want to give you.
You don't have to give me anything.
You're a real nice guy.
But I want to give it to you.
-Listen to me. I have a lot of love for you.
Tell me, how's it feel to be handicapped?
I always wanted to ask you that.
I'm not handicapped. I have you.