Voila! Finally, the Serial Mom
script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the John Waters movie
with Kathleen Turner. This script is a transcript that was painstakingly
transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Serial Mom. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally
tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to
drop me a line. You won't
hurt my feelings. Honest.
That's a nice dress you're wearing
this morning, Misty.
- Thanks, Dad.
- Want the entertainment section?
Not yet, Dad. Thanks.
- Got any donuts?
- Of course not, Chip.
- You know they're bad for the teeth.
- Always the dentist.
Who wants fruit salad?
l do, please.
Misty, that's not gum
in your mouth, is it?
lt's sugarless.
Misty, you know
how l hate gum.
- All that chomping and chewing.
- l'm sorry, Mom.
You think l can get cents
for "Village People" on vinyl?
You might get a buck.
Carl can't believe how much
l make at swap meets.
- Who, may l ask, is Carl?
- Just a boy.
He's picking me up this morning.
Here we go again.
He's really cute!
Misty, cute is not enough.
You know that.
- She sure can pick 'em.
- He goes to college with me.
Leave her alone, Chip.
l think it's great
Misty's got a new beau.
Chip, honey?
Thanks, Mom.
Listen to this.
"Hillside Strangler gets
his college degree in prison."
- That's nice, dear.
- Nice?
He should have been executed!
Yeah. The death penalty.
He killed people, Mom.
We all have our bad days.
You'd probably date him.
"He's cute!"
All right. That's enough.
Dad, have you ever seen
"Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer"?
- Oh, sure, Chip.
- l most certainly have not!
You've been working
in that video shop too long.
Mind your own business.
lt better hadn't be interfering
with your school work.
l do great in school, Dad.
Well, your mother has PTA today.
We'll see what your teacher
has to say.
Mom, l hate Mr. Stubbins.
Don't say "hate," dear.
"Hate" is a very serious word.
There!
Scrambled eggs anybody?
Mrs. Sutphin?
l'm Detective Pike.
This is Detective Gracey.
Come in.
l'm Dr. Eugene Sutphin. What
seems to be the trouble, officers?
- ls there a killer loose?
- No, son, nothing that exciting.
This is our son Chip
and our daughter Misty.
Officer, l'm sorry, but we don't allow
gum in this house.
Sorry, ma'am.
We're investigating
obscene phone calls...
and mail threats to a certain
Mrs. Dottie Hinkle.
- l know Dottie.
- She lives right down the street.
- Could you take a look at this--
- And tell us who might be responsible?
l should warn you:
This note contains language.
Oh, my!
That is the limit!
Let me see!
No, son.
This is a matter for adults.
Officers, l have never even said
the "P" word out loud...
let alone written it down.
No woman would.
Officers...
life doesn't have to be ugly.
See. Look at the birds out there.
Listen to their call.
Chip, there's your ride.
l'm gonna be late for work.
Bye, honey.
Hi, Scotty.
- Thanks for your time, everybody.
- Bye, Detective Pike.
- Hi, Birdie.
- Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Sutphin.
That's Birdie. She's a horror nut,
just like my son.
Birdie, this is Detective Gracey
and Detective Pike.
- Hiya, boys.
- Bye-bye, honey!
Good morning, Scott.
Misty, look what l got:
a Pee-Wee Herman doll.
Can you sell it for me
at the flea market?
Wow! Still in the box!
l sure can!
Oh, God.
Here comes Carl.
You must be Mrs. Sutphin.
Carl Pageant.
Oh, yes. Misty's date.
More of a friend, really.
- Take it easy, man.
- Bye.
See what Birdie gave me
to sell at the flea market?
That guy's a weirdo.
Come on. Let's go.
l'll take it.
- Bye, Mom.
- Bye, honey.
Oh, detectives.
Here's something you should be
interested in:
a grown boy who doesn't wear
his seat belts.
Christ, that one's
Beaver Cleaver's mother.
Leave her alone.
Mrs. Sutphin's about as normal
and nice a lady as we're going to find.
ls this the Cocksucker residence?
Goddamn you,
stop calling here!
- lsn't this Pussy Way?
- You bitch!
Now let me check the zip code:
-FUCK-YOU.
Beverly darling, you home?
The police are tracing this call
this very minute.
Well, Dottie Hinkle, then why
aren't they here, fuckface?
Fuck you!
Beverly, you home?
l know you are.
- Didn't l just say "fuck you"?
- l beg your pardon.
Who is this?
Mrs. Wilson
from the telephone company.
l understand you're having problems
with an obscene phone caller.
Yes, l am. l'm sorry, Mrs. Wilson,
but this is driving me crazy.
l've had my number changed
twice already.
l'm a divorced woman.
Please help me.
What exactly does
this sick individual say to you?
l can't say the words out loud.
l don't use bad language.
l know it's difficult, but we need
to know the exact words.
l'll try.
"Cocksucker."
That's what she calls me.
Listen to your filthy mouth,
you fuckin' whore!
Goddamn you!
- Motherfucker!
- Cocksucker!
- Rosemary.
- Are you all right?
Yes, of course, l'm fine.
How nice. You remembered.
lt's the least l could do.
l heard shouting.
lt's that cable TV company.
You know how they are.
- Did you hear about poor Dottie Hinkle?
- Yes, l did.
lt's terrifying. The police were
at my house this morning.
Now, who on earth would want
to harass poor Dottie Hinkle?
Mr. Stubbins, my son studies
every night.
He's trying as hard as he can!
Some teenagers just aren't
college material, Mrs. Taplotter.
lt's nothing to cry over.
Now, there are other parents
waiting.
Thank you for taking the time
to come to PTA.
- Hi, Betty.
- Oh, hi, Beverly.
- l love your outfit.
- Thanks.
Liz Claiborne.
Well, Mrs. Sutphin,
where's that husband of yours?
Feeling a little down in the mouth?
Ralph, you're so funny.
Yes, right here.
l'm Paul Stubbins,
Chip's math teacher.
lt's so nice to meet you.
Here's a little something l made.
Fruitcake. Thank you.
Have a seat.
Bon appétit.
Chip's off to a fine start this year.
He's focused, conscientious...
participates actively
in classroom discussions.
He's a good boy.
There is one big problem, though.
What is it?
His unhealthy obsession
with sick horror films.
Chip's assistant manager
at a video store.
That's no excuse
for a morbid imagination.
l caught him drawing this
in class last week.
- ls there a problem at home?
- Of course not!
Divorce? Alcoholic relative?
Tell me: Did Chip torture animals
when he was young?
No, he did not!
We are a loving
and supportive family.
Well, you're doing
something wrong.
l'd recommend therapy
for your son.
Thank you for taking the time
to come to PTA.
Watch this.
Scotty, watch this.
lt's a sheep's tongue.
This shit is sickening!
Come on, put on some pussy.
Look, dickhead.
Blood feast.
The "Citizen Kane"
of gore movies.
l don't know what it is about today,
but l feel great!
- Cookie?
- Excuse me, Mrs. Sutphin!
- Hi, Mom.
- Hi, Mrs. Sutphin.
Hi, guys.
- Look how fake that looks!
- Oh, you kids!
Here. Have a cookie
and run along home.
- But, Mom, the video's not over.
- Don't you "but Mom" me.
Mr. Stubbins seems to think
that these silly movies...
are interfering
with your schoolwork.
Oh, boy!
Mr. Stubbins sucks.
Man, that one made me puke!
lt's supposed to make you puke.
You forgot something.
- Are we leaving?
- Yes, you are.
Bye, Birdie.
See ya, Scotty.
Now, Chip honey...
l know how hard it is
being a teenager.
l understand. l'm your mother,
and l love you.
Could we watch that scene again?
You know, the one where
he rips her heart out? Please?
Ladies and gentlemen,
the perfect meat loaf.
Looks good, Mom.
Nothing like a home-cooked meal,
honey.
Misty, l made you your favorite
sesame broccoli.
Carl says if l lose ten pounds
he'll take me...
to the University of Maryland
Memorial Day Beach Blast!
Honey, l think that's great
if you wanna lose weight...
but l think you should do it
for yourself...
not for some boy
you hardly even know.
Carl's a jerk!
He certainly drives like a jerk.
Carl makes me happy and that
threatens this family, doesn't it?
Doesn't threaten me, honey.
l'm happy.
l'm happy too.
We just want you to be happy.
l'm so happy l could shit.
You know how l hate
the brown word.
That's Rosemary.
Something must be wrong.
Turn on the news.
A teacher at your school
has been murdered!
- Murdered?
- Who?
A Mr. Stuber or Stubins.
Mr. Stubbins.
That's my math teacher!
Which channel?
lt's on all of them.
Police claim the driver
of the hit-and-run vehicle...
ran down the teacher
in cold blood.
- Did you hear?
- What happened?
This is so cool.
lt's just like a horror movie.
lt's on. l'll call you back.
Mr. Paul Stubbins was
years old.
Whoever did this
should get the death penalty.
So far only one eyewitness
has surfaced.
Young lady, what did you see?
- lt was a blue car.
- That's Lu-Ann Hodges.
- She's a stoner!
- A what?
A pothead.
A blue station wagon.
That's like your car, Beverly!
l'm not that bad a driver!
lt was sickenin', man!
lt flattened Mr. Stubbins
just like a pancake.
- God, man, puke time, man!
- Look at her hair.
Turn it off, honey.
Can't believe
Mr. Stubbins is dead.
You said you hated him.
He was an asshole,
but he didn't deserve to die.
l can't stop thinking
about that poor teacher.
Good night, honey.
Don't read too late.
We've got a big day
with the birds tomorrow.
l've identified
every little birdie...
we're gonna see tomorrow.
Night, honey.
Don't l get
a good-night kiss?
l thought with all the sadness
you wouldn't want to--
We have to concentrate
on life, Eugene.
lt's all right with me.
You want to, honey?
- You think the kids are awake?
- We could be very quiet.
l love that you're my wife.
You're not so bad yourself,
cuckoo bird.
You bring me such peace.
Don't wake the kids!
Honey, you're hot tonight!
Be quiet!
Honey, l'm ready...
now!
There's Dee Dee.
She's my favorite starling.
She's here every morning
for breakfast.
Well, honey, starlings are originally
from Europe. you know.
No wonder Dee Dee's hungry.
lt's a long journey
all the way here to Baltimore.
lt's Ralph Sterner.
l've got a dental emergency here.
This goddamn tooth
is killing me.
Mr. Sterner,
if you'll just call my office...
l'm sure we can see you
on Monday.
Monday?
This is Betty Sterner.
He'll die by Monday!
The roots are infected.
He might have a heart attack.
All right. Ten o'clock.
l'm sorry, honey.
But the birds will still be there
next week.
lt's okay.
l understand.
l'll go fix breakfast.
God!
Mom, what's the matter?
lt's just time to get up,
that's all.
Don't want you to be late
for work.
You scared me.
Honey, what's wrong?
l'm stood up.
l'll kill that bastard!
l mean it. He should be dead,
that lousy creep.
He told me he'd be here.
l'll kill him.
Don't use words
unless you mean them, honey.
- lt's him!
- No, it's the police.
Morning, officers.
Good morning, Mrs. Sutphin.
Hi, Detective Pike.
Morning.
l presume you know about the death
of Mr. Stubbins.
A fine man. A good teacher.
Contusions, fractures,
rupture of numerous vital organs.
What a mess.
No, honey, that's Scotty.
Scotty who doesn't wear
his seat belts.
Good morning, detectives.
"Nightmare On Calverton Court."
"The Maryland Teacher Massacre."
lt's not funny, son.
Did you drive your car...
to the PTA meeting yesterday,
Mrs. Sutphin?
Yes, l did.
Detectives, what is this
all about?
l know this sounds weird,
Mr. Sutphin, but...
the Department of Motor Vehicles'
computer...
shows only one
blue station wagon...
registered to a parent
of any of Mr. Stubbins' pupils.
Surely you don't think
Beverly was involved in this!
She did it!
Aimed the car right at him
and mowed him down!
Shut up, Scotty.
As l understand it,
the only eyewitness...
was a drug user.
l got somebody
you can run over, Mother.
That's a terrible thing to say!
Detectives, it's time for you
to leave.
My wife knows nothing
about this terrible accident.
Murder, honey.
Now here's a babe!
Let's see that, young man.
"P" as in--
"People who don't mind
their own business."
Darling, it's Rosemary Ackerman's.
You can tell
by the subscription label.
l don't like to read about movies.
They're so violent.
Besides, l always recycle
my magazines.
Wait for me, boys!
Here. All rinsed
and ready to recycle.
- Good mornin', Mrs. Sutphin.
- Good morning, Gus, Sloppy.
You boys work so hard
for the environment...
l brought you something.
A little drink
never hurt anybody.
Damn, that's good stuff!
Can you believe
that goddamn litter bugger?
l have told her and told her...
it takes to years...
for a tin can to decompose...
and she still won't recycle!
Cost the taxpayers
millions of dollars last year...
but she don't care nothin'
about the national budget.
l hate Mrs. Ackerman.
- l hate her too!
- l hate her guts.
You know, somebody
ought to kill her.
Give her a...
happy face...
and then recycle her.
For the sake of this planet...
somebody just might.
But your boyfriend was convicted...
of killing twelve people.
l don't judge him.
l don't get it.
How can you love a mass murderer?
Easy. He's handsome,
he's famous...
and we get conjugal visits.
Serial hags.
Women who love men
who mutilate.
- We'll be right back--
- Turn it off.
Violence is everywhere
these days.
lt's just Beverly!
Come in.
She scared me!
Would you like a beer?
No, not me.
Just a little coffee?
Dottie, l'm so sorry.
- l heard about your troubles.
- lt's not fair!
Are those pussy willows?
Dried ones.
Aren't they pretty?
What did you just say?
Pussy willows, Dottie.
My goodness!
- What are you doing?
- l didn't do it!
My Franklin Mint Faberge egg!
Dottie didn't mean to be so clumsy.
You're sorry, aren't you?
l did not break your egg!
She did!
Dottie, you could at least apologize.
l collect Franklin Mint!
We'll go to the antique market
and find you another one.
Misty tells me there's a whole booth
filled with Franklin Mint stuff.
Dottie, you lock up, won't you?
l'll take care of poor Rosemary.
But l heard her voice.
lt's her!
Mr. Sterner, you've lost
a tiny filling.
l have to drill deeply enough
to remove all the decay.
All right, go ahead.
But be careful.
lt really hurts.
Open. Wider.
Very wide.
Mrs. Sterner,
you can't go back there.
Goddamn you! You're trying
to hurt me on purpose!
Are you okay, Ralph?
Mrs. Sterner, please stay
in the waiting room.
Help me, Betty! He's worse than
the dentist in "The Marathon Man"!
l'm sorry to interrupt...
but there are two police detectives
waiting to see you in your office.
Fine.
Good morning.
What is it, officers?
- My patient is waiting.
- Doctor, is your wife a big reader?
Bird books, mostly.
Like these we found
in her garbage?
"Urge to Kill,"
"Mass Murder ln Houston"?
l'm sure those are
my son Chip's books.
They're your wife's.
We checked.
She bought them at the...
"Browse and Learn Bookshop"...
along with a few other titles.
"Helter Skelter,"
"Hunting Humans."
MasterCard reference
number ...
dated February fifth.
This is ridiculous!
Doctor Sutphin,
is your wife mental?
Damn these gnats!
l hate them!
Always something, isn't it?
Can l help you?
Thanks for not buying anything.
Misty, honey...
now, lighten up.
lt's not the customer's fault
that Carl stood you up.
Young man,
this Faberge egg is chipped.
Yes, ma'am, it is.
l'll give you fifty dollars.
That's a Franklin Mint piece.
One hundred dollars.
Franklin Mint or not,
that's damaged goods.
- l'll take this instead.
- This is a nice one, huh?
lt'll be cold before you know it.
Three dollars?
l guess that's
how l must have marked it.
Did you find your Franklin Mint egg,
Rosemary darling?
l saw one, but it was
really overpriced.
Want me to keep this
under the table for you?
lf you don't mind.
lt was on sale.
Franklin Mint!
Honey, please...
for my bedroom shelf.
Wrap it up for the little lady.
Here you go.
The Colts.
Banner, please.
Honey, l have to take a piss.
There you go.
Can't believe it.
Fuckin' Don Knotts!
He's the coolest.
Honey, look.
l made a killing.
Mom, watch the booth.
l want to see what's going on.
Sure.
l hope nothing's wrong.
You got some doo-doo
on your shoe.
l hate that!
There was a lady
in the men's room, l swear!
A pretty little lady
in the stall right next to me.
That's $ .
New York money
good enough for you?
Certainly.
lt's Carl.
He's dead.
How horrible.
l just sold
the Pee-Wee Herman doll.
Didn't you hear me?
Someone murdered Carl
in the men's room.
l just saw his dead body!
You got your wish, dear.
l didn't wish that.
l didn't want him dead.
Beverly, it's me, Ted Bundy.
lt's late at night,
six days before my execution...
and it's lonely
here on Death Row.
Updating the story
of the hour...
the young man brutally murdered
a short time ago...
in the men's room
of the Antique Trader's Mart...
has been identified as -year-old
Carl Pageant of Towson.
Our mother is Charles Manson!
l'm not kidding.
Carl stood me up this morning...
and then he was murdered
at the flea market.
Murdered?
You said you hated your teacher,
and he was murdered too.
l don't know.
Maybe Mom's nuts!
That's a cool idea, Misty.
Let's make a gore movie
about Mom.
Better yet, a TV series.
Can l borrow your mother?
My aunt's coming over for dinner...
and she's always
getting on my nerves.
My stepfather's an asshole.
She could kill him.
How about Mrs. Ackerman?
We all hate her.
Who's gonna be
the next victim?
Stop it!
lt's not funny!
Mom might do it.
Somebody else might die!
Dinner is served.
Let's say grace...
and pray for the strength
to understand...
the terrible tragedies
of the last few days.
Amen to that.
lt's been a crazy day,
hasn't it?
Bless, O Lord, this food to our use
and ourself to Thy service.
Amen.
Hungry, honey?
Dottie Hinkle was right.
lt is Beverly Sutphin.
l saw blood right there
on the bottom of her shoes.
Not exactly blood.
lt was gore,
hanging there like a runny nose!
Nice as pie she was to me,
and then l hear her say it.
Say what, ma'am?
"Are those--"
l can't say the word out loud.
Could you tell a policewoman
the exact words she used?
Maybe.
lt's okay.
Nobody's gonna hurt you.
Come on. Let it out.
"Pussy." That's what she said to me.
"Pussy willows."
You know, Mom...
Scotty thinks you're the killer.
Does he?
For someone who doesn't wear
his seat belt...
Scotty sure is nosy!
Just a second.
She's gone!
She's gonna kill Scotty!
Get in the car, both of you.
You don't think she did it,
do you?
l do. Mom's gone crazy!
Your mother may have
some problems, that's all.
Come on. Hurry!
Detective Gracey
and all units...
suspect's family headed east
on Calverton.
Repeat: east on Calverton.
Turn right on Timonium Road.
- l will.
- Hurry!
lf Mom's psycho, Scotty will
still be okay, won't he?
We hope so, son.
And no matter what your mother is,
we'll love her anyway.
This is Scotty's, Dad.
His parents aren't home.
Come on.
What was that?
l didn't hear anything.
- Got any dessert?
- Dr. Sutphin said no sweets for you.
- What's he know?
- How to send a bill.
l'll get the door.
Suspect's family entering house.
Send backup
to Sycamore Street.
l have a feeling
old Mom's inside.
Wheel...
Of...
Fortune.
Bill, "Wheel of Fortune" is on.
l'm still eatin'.
Come on up, honey.
Before the kids get home.
- Ralph.
- What is it, Betty?
l think we got mice
or something.
No, we paid the exterminator.
lt's upstairs.
l'm going in. Over.
lt's the door on the left.
Break it down!
Police! Freeze!
Betty, answer me!
Help, police!
Help me, please!
Police!
Help me, somebody!
Home, sweet home.
Everything's fine, kids.
l can't believe l thought
my own mother was a murderess.
l'm kind of disappointed
she isn't.
For a while it was like
being in the movies.
Anybody for dessert?
Strawberries.
Let's go.
Dad, you said
it would be okay.
Make them go away.
This is embarrassing!
Just pay no attention
to the police.
lt's all a terrible mistake.
Do you think
we'll get on "A Current Affair"?
Sutphin family proceeding west
on Seminary Avenue. Over.
Beverly ain't goin' nowhere
this time!
She's headed for church.
- l say we nail her. Over.
- Negative.
D.A. says no bust
until lab report is back...
matching suspect's fingerprints
on "True Crime" books...
with those on scissors
and fire poker.
The senseless killing last night...
of a Towson couple,
Ralph and Betty Sterner...
brings to a total of four murders...
police feel may have been
committed by Baltimore's...
first serial killer.
Beverly!
Not the Sterners!
lt's a shame! But they should have
brushed their teeth, shouldn't they?
This just in:
Police Lieutenant Ronald Hadler...
has publicly named a suspect...
in the serial killer case,
and it's a shocker!
She-- that's right, she--
has been identified as...
- Beverly R. Sutphin--
- Oh, really!
God! Now l'll never
get a boyfriend!
Beverly, l've read
all about this.
ls it menopause?
Tell me the truth, Mom.
Really, it's okay with me.
Are you a serial killer?
The only cereal l know anything
about is Rice Krispies!
Don't worry. We're gonna get you
good psychiatric help.
Well, look at that!
And in the house of God!
Gus, Sloppy, hi.
- Hey, what's up, Birdie?
- We said no, remember?
Please, you can't talk to him.
Stay with us, son.
She's awful!
She can't stay here!
Good morning, ladies.
So, tell me, Mrs. Sutphin,
are you "Serial Mom"?
- What?
- No comment!
"Serial Mom"?
She's headed in. Over.
Please stand.
Blessed be God,
Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
And blessed be His kingdom...
now and forever, amen.
Alleluia!
Christ is risen.
The Lord is risen indeed.
Bless the Lord,
who forgiveth all our sins.
This is Captain Lueker
from homicide.
Lab reports confirm Sutphin
latent print of index finger...
on "True Crime" books matches
those lifted from murder weapon.
Bingo, boys!
Bust the bitch!
Copy.
Jesus said nothing
to condemn capital punishment...
as He hung on the cross...
did He?
lf ever there was a time
to go on record...
against the death penalty,
wasn't it that night?
Capital punishment
is already the law...
in the state of Maryland.
So what are we waiting for...
fellow Christians?
Let's just do it.
- How ya doin'?
- All standing.
Let us pray
and humbly confess our sins...
unto Almighty God.
Most merciful God...
we confess that we have sinned...
against Thee
by what we have done...
and by what we have left undone.
We are truly sorry...
and we humbly repent...
so that we may delight
in Thy will...
and walk in Thy ways
to the glory of Thy name.
There she is!
-Scotty's car. Come on!
-Mrs. Sutphin, hurry!
We'll show 'em, Mom.
We'll go on " Minutes."
You're bigger than Freddy
and Jason now...
only you're a real person!
Do you think l need a lawyer?
You need an agent!
- ls your wife a murderess?
- No comment!
Please, my wife is missing.
l'm worried sick about her.
Just a couple of shots, okay?
l'm Howell Hawkins
from the "Baltimore Sun."
Misty Sutphin,
get in this car!
We're tailing Sutphin
husband and daughter...
but "Serial Mom"
is nowhere in sight.
She got away, boys.
Goddamn it, find her!
- ln here, Mom.
- But Chip!
Come on, Mom,
l have to open.
Now, this is so silly!
Customers. Get the door.
Good morning, Mrs. Jenson.
Haven't you had enough violence,
Chip Sutphin?
- Turn that filth off.
- Sorry, ma'am.
Do you have the musical
"Annie"?
Sure do.
Did you bring back
"Ghost Dad"?
Here you go.
l just love Bill Cosby pictures.
Mrs. Jenson, l've told you:
You have to rewind the tapes
before returning them.
Why?
Because it's the rules.
l don't feel like rewinding them.
You see that sign?
lt's a dollar fine
for not rewinding...
and this time
l'm gonna charge you.
$ . plus one dollar...
is $ . .
Keep the change,
you son of a psycho!
What a bitch!
lt's the influence
of all those family films.
Right, Mom?
- Mom?
- Mrs. Sutphin?
Oh, shit!
- You don't think--
- She wouldn't!
What's Mrs. Jenson's address?
Jenkins-- Jenson.
Emmy Lou Jenson, Clark Avenue.
That's right up the street.
Come on, just in case.
Come on, Birdie. Let's go.
What is it, Sylvester?
A birdie?
Shh.
Mommy's watching "Annie."
Quiet, Sylvester.
Nobody's there.
Come on. Lick Mommy's feet.
Get them all wet!
Come on!
- Number .
- That's it.
Come on.
Over here.
Chip, over here.
Come on.
Get up there.
ls she in there?
She's singing "Annie."
Rewind!
Oh, my God!
l saw blood, and it's brown!
lt's not red, like in the horror movies!
- Was Mom in there?
- No!
lt wasn't like those gore movies
at all! lt was real.
Come on. Cut through here.
Wear your seat belt!
lt's a law!
- Out, please.
- What the fuck--
Yes, ma'am.
Dear God, l promise l'll never watch
another sex film again.
l promise, l promise!
Dad!
- Have you seen Mom?
- No. Have you?
Oh, my God!
Get in!
All units, Serial Mom's headed south
on Keswick. Proceed with caution.
She is armed
and fucking nuts!
Oh, shit!
Let me in!
- l.D.!
- Can l give it to you inside?
Nobody gets in without l.D.
- Birth date?
- December .
- Please!
- Okay, go ahead.
Excuse me. Excuse me.
- Hey, look, it's her.
- Who?
lt's the murder lady,
the one on TV.
Cool. ls she in a band?
The police are after me.
l better get going.
Hey, you're Serial Mom.
Yes, l guess l am.
Come on in, lady, quick.
Coming through. Thank you.
Excuse me, please.
Watch it there. Thank you.
l think maybe
you better lock the car.
- Can't stop now.
- ls my mom in there?
Dad, look cool.
lt's Hammerjacks.
Excuse me.
Kids, put me down!
Put me down!
Buckle up, Scotty.
Mrs. Sutphin,
l'll wear my seat belt!
Holy fucking shit!
Hi.
Move it! You're under arrest!
- Honey.
- Shut up.
Serial Mom! Serial Mom!
- Please, just let us through.
- Do you believe your wife's innocent?
- She is!
- How does it feel to have a killer mom?
Mr. Sutphin,
how does your wife feel?
Beverly is devastated
by the charges against her.
Didn't l see you at Hinckley?
- l was there.
- l thought so.
- My husband thought l was crazy.
- She is.
Today we're covering day one
of the trial of Serial Mom--
Here they come.
"Stop the violence"? What is this?
Who are you working for?
Quiet in the courtroom.
This court is now in session.
Oh, hello, jury people.
l'm Beverly Sutphin. l like your jacket.
Mrs. Sutphin, l said quiet.
Honey, hi. Oh, kids,
are you doing your homework?
You are accused
of multiple murders.
This is a court of law,
not a coffee klatch.
Mr. Nazlerod,
your opening statement.
Thank you, Your Honor.
Good morning, ladies and gentlemen of
the jury. My name is Timothy Nazlerod...
and l hope we can be friends.
l have to tell you at the outset
that this is not a pretty case.
This defendant, Beverly Sutphin...
is a woman evil to the core.
A rotten apple, if you will...
who, beyond any reasonable doubt...
killed six innocent people.
That's right.
She murdered them.
Well, they sort of deserved it.
Evilly and with full premeditation,
with a speeding car...
a fire poker...
a pair of scissors...
a toppled air conditioner...
the lethal flames
from an aerosol can...
and, yes...
even a leg of lamb.
Ladies and gentlemen
of the jury...
this defendant...
this Beverly Sutphin...
she is not a woman.
She is a monster.
Defense attorney,
your opening statement for the jury.
And let's not take
all day, either.
Ladies and gentlemen,
l'm Herbie Hebden.
And you and l have
a tough job ahead of us.
l've known the Sutphin family
for years.
Dad-- Eugene-- He's my dentist.
Chip and Misty
played with my own children.
But l found out that
l don't know Beverly Sutphin at all.
No one really knows
Beverly Sutphin. You see--
Beverly Sutphin is insane.
She committed these terrible crimes,
but that doesn't make her a bad person.
Your Honor, l would like
to make a motion.
l wish to fire my attorney
and defend myself.
Beverly Sutphin is not guilty
by reason of insanity.
Your Honor, l have the right to defend
myself. l've read the law books.
Ware vs. State, ...
and Chuwet vs. State, .
Mrs. Sutphin, the defendant
who has herself for a lawyer...
has a fool for a client.
Counsel, approach the bench.
l don't think
this is a good idea.
Oh, yeah?
No, it's okay.
That's my ruling.
Thank you very much.
Mrs. Sutphin,
l have no legal choice...
but to let you take over
as your own attorney.
How do you plead?
Not guilty, Your Honor.
Order! Order in the courtroom!
Quiet down or
l'll clear this room out.
l call to the stand...
Dottie Hinkle.
Raise your right hand, please.
Do you solemnly swear...
that the testimony you are about to give
will be the whole truth?
- l do.
- Thank you.
Mrs. Hinkle, did you ever receive
any obscene telephone calls?
l certainly did.
And did you recognize
the voice of the caller?
Not at first. But then l heard the same
inflection in a voice at a gathering...
and l put two and two together.
Whose voice was it, Dottie?
lt was her, Beverly Sutphin...
sitting there.
l'm lucky l'm not dead.
- Mrs. Hinkle, do you drink?
- No, l don't.
So you were not drunk
when you received...
those allegedly obscene
phone calls?
l certainly was not.
You mean to tell me the day
l came over to Mrs. Ackerman's...
the day you claim
you recognized my voice...
you were not drinking?
One beer with lunch
is hardly drinking.
So you do drink?
Socially, l'll have a beer.
So you admit you just lied?
No, l don't, you bitch!
Watch your mouth.
Did you see that?
She just said "Fuck you" to me.
Let the record show
l am merely standing here.
Fuck you too, you whore.
l'm warning you, Mrs. Hinkle.
One more obscenity...
and l'm gonna charge you
with contempt of court!
Are you insane?
No, l'm not, you motherfucker!
Mrs. Hinkle, l find you guilty
of contempt...
and l sentence you to $ fine
and five days in jail.
You cocksucker!
You lousy pig fucker!
You bitch!
You ugly whore!
Come on. They're going quickly.
Serial Mom T-shirts. Get them here.
Twelve dollars while they last,
plus tax. MasterCard or Visa.
- l'll take two.
- All right, ma'am.
l wish they'd had this
at the Kennedy kid trial.
Sign right here.
Signature and home phone.
You read it in the paper. Serial Mom--
she's Beverly Sutphin and she's my mom.
You tell Geraldo to go to hell.
l don't care what Jeffrey MacDonald's
people got. He's old news.
We fly first class
or we don't do the show.
- Are you Chip Sutphin?
- Hold on a sec.
Yeah, l am, but you're gonna
have to speak with my agent.
Your mom killed my brother.
Come on!
God! Geez, man!
That's cool.
lt's cool, all right?
- You're Carl's brother, right?
- That's right.
l'm sorry he's dead.
- But have you signed off yet?
- TV or print?
TV, man. Suzanne Somers is interested
in playing my mom.
Who's gonna play my brother?
l wonder if Jason Priestley's
available.
Miss Hodges, could you
describe the car?
The one you saw run over Mr. Stubbins
in cold blood.
l seen that movie.
lt was on cable.
Please, Miss Hodges.
Could you--
Could you describe it?
Excuse me.
Look, man. Like l told you,
it was blue.
The car, not the driver.
Look, it was just blue.
You know...
like blue.
Here you go. Enjoy my book.
Could you sign it
"To a future Serial Mom"?
- Sure. You think she did it?
- l have reasonable doubt.
l feel like killing
a couple of people myself.
Eight dollars, ma'am.
And these books,
these disgusting books...
that so lovingly describe
the sadistic acts of serial killers...
where did you find
these books, Detective?
ln Beverly Sutphin's trash can.
You may cross-examine,
Mrs. Sutphin.
Thank you.
Detective Gracey?
lf l were to look through your trash,
what reading materials would l find?
Objection! lmmaterial.
You may answer.
"Time", "Sports lllustrated"...
"National Geographic."
My wife gets "Ladies' Home Journal."
Last night we found
in your trash can this magazine...
"Chicks With Dicks."
Goddamn you.
- That's trespassing!
- Never judge a person...
by what they read, Detective.
Your witness, Mr. Nazlerod.
l am a married man!
l hope they give you the gas chamber!
The jury is instructed
to ignore the outburst of the witness.
l call to the stand
Rosemary Ackerman.
Now, did you ever see
the fire poker again...
after you left it
with Mrs. Sutphin?
Yes. Thirty minutes later.
lt was covered with blood and gore,
and Carl Pageant was dead.
No further questions.
When you left me at the antique mart,
where did you go?
- Browsing.
- Did Carl buy something you wanted?
l didn't want that Faberge egg.
lt was chipped.
Carl Pageant died because of you,
didn't he?
No. l would never hurt anybody.
lt was your "Premiere" magazine
with the letters cut out?
Yes, but l lent it to--
And they were your scissors that were
found in Mrs. Sterner's stomach?
Yes, but l didn't--
Do you recycle?
l don't have room
in my kitchen.
Detective Pike, did you then proceed
to the stage area in Hammerjacks?
Yes, l did. Scotty Barnhill was on fire
and fell to his knees in flames.
Would this be what you saw?
Yes, sir. A real barbecue.
May l show this photo
to the jury, Your Honor?
- Chip, she's here.
- They're entitled to see her handiwork.
Excuse me.
Your Honor, may the photograph please
be received into evidence...
and shown to the jury?
Yes.
Geez, that really is
Suzanne Somers.
Oh, l loved you in
"Three's Company."
No further questions.
l call to the stand Marvin Pickles.
Mr. Pickles. Mr. Marvin Pickles.
- Be right out.
- The judge is waiting for you.
Come on. Get moving.
State your name, please.
Marvin A. Pickles.
Were you in the men's room
at the Antique Traders' Mart...
on Saturday, May ?
Yes, l was.
Did you see anyone
in the booth next to you?
Excuse me.
Mr. Pickles, did you see
anyone in the booth next to you?
l'm not sure.
What do you mean,
you're not sure?
There was nobody next to me.
Mr. Pickles, didn't you tell
the grand jury...
that you looked down
and you saw a pair of ladies' shoes...
in the booth next to you?
l just said what you told me to.
Perjury is a serious offense,
Mr. Pickles.
l made it all up.
l've never seen Beverly Sutphin
in my life.
You'll pay for this,
Marvin Pickles.
l'm turning your file
over to the vice squad.
The prosecution rests.
The prosecution has proven nothing,
Your Honor.
The defense rests also.
Order. Order in the courtroom.
We'll take a ten-minute recess.
Attorneys, be ready
with your closing arguments.
Well, l feel that Beverly Sutphin
is an innocent woman...
wrongly accused.
A normal housewife trapped in the
nightmare of circumstantial evidence.
There she is.
Henrietta Lee Lucas...
Joan Wayne Gacy.
A new face...
in the deck of serial killer
trading cards.
Find her guilty...
on all six counts...
of first-degree murder.
l only hope l can portray
Serial Mom's life on the TV screen...
with the proper dignity...
that this feminist heroine deserves.
Look at me.
l am as normal as all of you.
But l've been framed
by the police...
and perjured against...
by the very people
l thought were my friends.
- All l ask of you...
- Stop that!
is that you have the courage...
to find me innocent
of these...
terribly untrue charges.
All l ask is that
you find me innocent...
of these terribly
untrue charges.
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,
have you reached a verdict?
Yes, we have, Your Honor.
We find the defendant...
not guilty of all charges.
Way to go, Beverly!
l'm coming home!
What should l do?
l don't know.
Bring her home, l guess.
No more violence.
You think she'll like me?
Just be nice to her...
and try-- try not to get
on her nerves.
She got off innocent!
Congratulations, Beverly.
- l love you.
- Oh, l love you too.
Thank you all for coming.
Hi there, L.A.
Well, hello, New York.
Beverly, who does your hair?
Would you hold this for me, honey?
Excuse me. Mr. Sutphin,
can l ask you a question?
Did the system work?
Excuse me.
The rights have been sold.
We did it. We set her free.
l knew she was innocent
from the start.
You can't wear white shoes
after Labor Day.
- That's not true anymore.
- Yes, it is.
Didn't your mother
ever tell you?
Now you know.
No, please.
Fashion has changed.
No, it hasn't.
- Are you surprised?
- No comment.
Here l am, honey.
- Beverly, hi. l'm Suzanne Somers.
- Hello!
Mrs. Sutphin, can we get a shot of you
and Suzanne Somers?
Absolutely. Stand here.
What about a nice two-shot?
- No, Suzanne, l'd--
- Beverly, stand right here.
Okay, smile, Serial Mom.
Suzanne Somers,
this is my bad side!