Teacher's Pet Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Teacher's Pet script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the 2004 animated movie.  This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Teacher's Pet. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

Swing on back to Drew's Script-O-Rama afterwards for more free movie scripts!

Teacher's Pet Script



When you wish upon a star



Makes no difference

who you are




your heart desires



Will come to you



If your heart

is in your dream



No request

is too extreme



When you wish



Upon a star



As dreamers do



Boy, talk about

your lucky puppet.



I'd give anything

if only I could become...



a real live boy

like that Pinocchio.






Is that what you wish for above

all other things, dear Spot?



Oh, yes, dear Blue Fairy.



Being a real live boy

is the most important thing...



in the whole

wide world to me.



Then close your eyes

very tightly, dear Spot...



and wish for it

with all your heart.



I wish I was a boy.



I wish I was a boy.



I wish I was a-



Ow, you're hurting me,

dear Blue Fairy.



I ain't no fairy!

And it's time to get up.



Sorry, Pretty Boy.



It's just that I was having

the most wonderful dream.



Him with the dream again.



It's not enough

you dress up like a boy...



and go to that

cockamamie school every day!



No. "I want to be a boy.

I want to be a boy. "



Well, wise up, pupchik!



I want to be a rooster

in a henhouse...



but I don't see it happenin'!



Although I'd be a darn good one,

wouldn't I, Mr. Jolly?



Ohhh... la.

It's a bit early in the day...



for hypothetical speculations,

but... you? A rooster?



It is to laugh.



Who asked you, tuna breath?



You're still in bed?!



Come on, get up.

You don't want to be late...



for the last day of school,

do you?



And ruin my perfect

attendance record?



I don't think so.



Come on, let's go!



- Pants?

- Check.



- Shirt?

- Check.



- Tail.

- Tucked.



- Eyebrows?

- Plucked!



- Ears in cap?

- Ooh, a table scrap.



- Chow?

- Demolished.



- Apple?

- Polished!



World, here I come! Ha!



Born on the wrong end

of the leash



I was a dreamer



And a little schemer



A simple mutt

livin' a dog's life



But the bell for school

would make me drool



Till I came up

with this clever ploy



Which is to say,

dressing like a boy



Now he thinks he can take

other pets a peg down



Hey, I'm a dog who's learned

to keep his leg down



I gotta be a boy



He's so over

just being Rover



Gotta be a boy



This teacher's pet

thinks that he's a boy



He da bomb.



- He's a regular whiz kid

- Yeah, but-



Hey, that's how it is, kid



Now that summer's here



You'll be a dog

like any other



Leonard, haven't you

always wanted a brother?



I want to have a dog



- Hey, I'm off the leash now

- He's eating quiche now



Gotta be a boy



A boy and nothing but a boy



Nothing but a boy



Don't you think

you're stretching?



Quit your kvetching



Gotta be a boy



Spot, you can fake it,

but you'll never be a boy



But soft,

could what he said be true?



Is this really just a phase

I'm going through?



I sure hope so.



Shall I go back

to serving man?



Eat wholesome dinners

from a can?



Who needs French

and scoring goals?



Come on,

let's bark and dig some holes



What am I, nuts?



Leonard, wake up

and smell the kibble!



I gotta be a boy



- Spot, sit and stay now

- What did you say now?



He's gotta be a boy



- I've got to be

- It's not to be



- I long to be

- You're wrong to be



- It's great to be

- Great trait to be



- We'd hate to be

- Can't wait to be



- My mate-to-be

- Too late to be



It's my fate to be



A boy



A dog



- A boy, a boy

- A dog, a dog



- A boy, boy, boy

- Dog, dog, dog, dog



- Boy

- Dog










Scott Leadready ll...



on winning the fourth grade

perfect attendance medal!



Thank you, Mrs. Helperman.

It's just the thing...



to compliment my math medal,

history medal...



and science medal.



Not to mention my medal

for self-esteem. Ohh!



Well, it's been a gosh darned

jubilatious joy teaching you!



- And all of you.

- Uhh!



Oh, foo.



I promised myself

I wouldn't cry.



I'm just going to miss you...



all so much.




I told you a million times...



no hugs at school!



Oh, sorry, doodlebug.



I mean... dude, don't bug me.



Anyhoo, what yummy,

fun plans...



does everyone have

for this summer?



I'm going to my Granny Smith's

Granny Smith apple farm.



We're skatin'   / .



I'm grounded for a week for

hacking into Buckingham Palace.



But after that,

I get to visit my uncle Ivan...



who does strange

and disgusting experiments...



on animals and people.

I mean, who knows?



Maybe next time

I see you guys...



I'll be able to breath through

my neck like an amphibian!






You're so weird, Ian.



Wait'll you see me with gills!



Heh! Hottie!






Ahh! This summer.



Yeah, I know what I'm doin'-



just playin'

with my best friend.



Hey! Aah!



Yeah, best friends forever.



Calm down, angel eyes.



Now, poppy can't make

his announcement...



with your sharp little talons

in his Adam's apple!



Now, students

of the, uh, um...



Fourth grade,

Principal Strickler.



But soon to be fifth grade!



That's why I'm glad

I'm a principal.



None of this messy

student/teacher involvement.



They grow, they leave-

good riddance.



But I suppose it is

just that sort of...



bushy-gushy loving

teacher stuff...



that leads

to this announcement. Hmph!



Mrs. Mary Lou Helperman,

you have been selected...



as a finalist for

the Teacher of the Year award!






That's right,

it's the N.E.A.T.O.-



the National Excellent American

Teacher Organization award!



Way to go, Mom!



And that's not all,

Mary Lou Helperman!



As a finalist...



the Fala D. Roosevelt

Unified School District...



will be sending you

to compete...



in the final round

of competition...



in beautiful sunny

southern Florida!






And the fun doesn't end there,

Mary Lou Helperman.



Oh, no. Because

you'll be travelling...



to the Sunshine State

in the luxury...



of my very own personal

air-conditioned Wentawaygo!



Yes, it's all yours.



Mi Wentawaygo

es su Wentawaygo.



I only have one, uh, heh,

little, tiny, very simple rule-



Certainly, Principal Strickler.



Absolutely no dogs are allowed

in my Wentawaygo, ever!



I Ihate dogs!



Well, I guess this is

the time to say good-bye.



Oh, come on,

don't make it harder.



Don't give me

those big, sad dog eyes.



They're the only eyes

I got, Leonard.



The eyes of a dog-

a dog who's not going anywhere.



Just staying home...



by himself...



here... alone!



The dog.



But you're not

going to be alone.



You've got Pretty Boy

and Jolly...



and Mrs. Boogin's the nicest

pet-sitter in the whole world.



And besides,

it's only for two weeks.



Yeah, in boy-time, two weeks...



but everything in dog-time

is seven times longer...



so for me it's fourteen weeks.



It might as well be forever.



Man, this really stinks.



You should smell it

from down here.



OK, just two weeks,

then I'm back...



and it's you and me,

best friends...



together, all summer long.



Aw, jeez, you're gonna sing now,

aren't you?



I know it's been said



Oh, boy.



Everyone needs someone



This is not making it better.



A loyal companion



To share in life's fun



You're killing me here.



For a day at the park



Or a game of leapfrog



Sing it with me, Spot.



I thought you'd never ask.



A friend needs a friend



A boy needs a dog



Leonard! Come on,

Lenny-bones, hop in!



Let's skit-skat-skedoodle!



Florida's not gonna

come to us, you know?






Bye, Spotty-wots!

Be a good doggie!






Don't forget your sun block.






MAN ON TV. Mancia?



- Jolhn!

- Mancia!



Yawn! Mush-a!



- Jolhn?

- Mancia?



You stupid people

with no lives...



are watching

"The Barry Anger Show"!



- Aah!

- Aah!



Hi, I'm Barry Anger...



and today on the hot seat,

we have Dr. Ivan Krank...



a world-class wacko who-

get this-



claims he can turn animals

into human beings!



Huh? Turn animals

into human beings?



My dream come true!



Oh, now, how did this trash

get on my TV?



Where's my clicker?



Oh, for goodness sakes,

where did I put that?






Oh, silly me, I must have

left it in the kitchen.



Well, good excuse to get

us all some more yummies!



Moochie poochie!



God love her for the food,

but that woman is definitely...



a couple of caraways

short of a seed bell.



Shh! Look!



Direct from Florida,

where the cuckoo nuts grow...



the world's biggest wacko,

Dr. Ivan Krank!



I am not a wacko!



I am a man of science,

who has perfected...



the neuro-electrical,




methodology to isolate

the genome on the dna strand...



which will allow me

to transform dumb animals...



into dumb human beings-

just like you!



Wow, it's my dream come true!




Wacko! Wacko! Wacko!



Wacko! Wacko! Wacko!



No! You are the wackos...



if you don't believe

that the possibilities...



for change in this world

are infinite!



And I'll prove it!



As soon as I find

the perfect animal subject...



to turn into

a real live human being!



Me, Dr. Krank, me!



Hey, smart boy,

let me explain how TV works.



We can hear them,

but they can't hear us.



I've got to meet that man.



He's the one chance

I have to finally make...



my lifelong dream come true!



But he's all the way

in Florida...



where Leonard and his mom

are headed right now!



What a coinkidink.



Coinkidink, Mr. Jolly?




That I just happened

to lay on that clicker...



and change to that channel

and see that miracle man...



who just happens

to live in Florida...



where Leonard and his mom just

happen to be going as we speak?



Coinkidink, Mr. Jolly...

or fate?



Cover for me with

the pet-sitter, guys.



I'm goin' to Florida!



Aah! Cover with the pet-sitter?



But how? We have no experience!



And we have no time to prepare!

Oh, dear me!



Oh, this is bad.

This is very bad.



How will we ever

pull it off? Oh!



La la la la






Oh, mercy, Spot!



I almost sat on you!



Do you love mommy?



I think we can handle it.



Come on, Leonard,

let's play a game.



"   questions. "

I'll start. Here's your hint.



It's someone you love.



What? Spot?



Wow, good guess!



No, I saw him!

With my own eyes!



Oh, you want to play that game.

Ha ha ha!



All righty,

I spy with my little eye-






No, come on, honey, Spot can't

be the answer every time.



Mom, you gotta stop!



Ooh, ooh, you're right.

We do. We need gas.



OK, you fill 'er up, sweetie.

I've got to go powder my nose.



Cleanliness is next

to godliness...



but gas station bathrooms

are not.



Spot? Spot? Where are you?



Oh, no...



Lose something, bunky?



Spot! Ha!



You're OK!

I can't believe it!



What are you doing here?



I had to come, Lenny!

How could I stay away?



I just love you so much and

wanted to be with you so bad.



A friend needs a friend.



A boy needs a dog.



OK, I also need a lift

to Florida...



for my own self-serving




but why spoil

this beautiful moment with that?



I love ya!

I want to be with ya!



Mmm, give us another hug!



Oh, Spot, good ol' boy!



Hey, wait a second.

Are you crazy?



You heard what

Principal Strickler said...



about no dogs

in his Wentawaygo.



And here comes my mom

right now!



What are we gonna do, Spot?



- Spot?

- Did you just say Spot?



No, Mrs. Helperman,

he said Scott!



As in Scott Leadready ll,

your old pal from back home!



Who'da thunk it

and fancy meeting me here.



He's good.



Oh, Scott, I've missed you.



Really, Mrs. H? How much?



Enough to take me

on the rest of your trip...



to sunny southern Florida?

Heh heh!



- Could we, Mom?

- Well, of course not, honey.



Scott's obviously traveling

with his family.



What family? Oh! My family!



Sure, I'm traveling

with my family.



My whole family-

Mom, sis, Grandma...



Uncle Jojo, the ventriloquist,

his dummy Floyd-



My family!

Ooh, I love 'em!



I love 'em, but darn the luck,

wouldn't you know...



they can't go to Florida,

because-because why?



There's been an emergency?



Good. I mean,

it's a good emergency.



The kind where

they all have to go home...



but I can still

go to Florida with you.



Which is the good part,

so, come on, let's hit the road!



Well, hmm, I'd certainly

need to discuss it...



with your mother first.



Oy, you don't make this easy.



She'll meet you

right over there.



Slhe just. ulh.

Ihas to get dnessed.



Ooh, jeez!



What I have to go through

to become a real live boy!






SPO T. Wlhy. Many Lou Helpenman!



Hello and Ihalleloo!



Ha ha ha!



If you weren't just sent

from heaven above...



to take our dear

little Scott to Flor-



I'm sorry to interrupt,

Mrs. Leadready...



but do you want to hear

the funniest thing?



I brought that exact

same dress on this trip.



Oh, that is funny.

You're a stitch!



Anyway, back to poor Scott.



He so desperately wants

to go to Florida.



And I believe I packed that

same shade of lipstick, too!



Really? What a coinkidink!

Anyway, as I was saying-



And those earrings

look awfully familiar.



Are you gonna take him or not?!




Well, gee, shouldn't we check

with the rest of your family?



Oy. The rest of my-



I'll see

who's round the corner!



Yeah, yeah, I tell ya-



Thanks, gals.



Missus, please take Scott...



to sunny southern Florida...



so I can have some peace

from all his merciless teasing!



Young lady, I missed my chance

to see Florida...



when I was the boy's age...



and look what a bitter old woman

I turned out to be!



You must be Scott's-



I can't talk to you!

I'm too bitter!






An' 'tis wishin' I am

that some fine soul...



would take me Scotty boy

to Florida.



Uncle Jojo the ventriloquist?






And where's your dummy Floyd?



Great St. Patty's shillelagh!



The little leprechaun

must be around here somewhere.



OK, you be Floyd.



- Me? I don't know what to do!

- Just shut up and act dumb!



- What?

- Perfect!



Mrs. Helperman,

meet dummy Floyd.



Take our Scott, please!



Oh, ha ha ha!

Ohh, Leonard's gotta see this.



Where'd he go?

And where's Scott?



Oh, I'll find 'em, Colleen...



providin' you'll hie me

fine nephew to fair Florida.



Well, of course, I'll take him!



I've been planning

to take him all along.



And you couldn't

have just said that...



to the lady

in the flowery dress?



Saints preserve us!

Say good-bye, Floyd!



Top o' the mornin' to ya!



Hey, I do the cliched

Irish dialogue around here.



- So, whassup?

- So, whassup?



Well, Scott, it looks like you

are coming with us to Florida!



- Yes!

- Yes!



I'm on my way to Florida!



Come on, everyone!

Time's a-wastin'!



Let's hit the road

and sing a song about it!



What is it with

this family and singing?



I'm starting to feel

von trapped.



There's a whole bunch of world

in our backyard



An awful lot

of world to see



Alabama, Alaska,

Arizona, Arkansas



And now the states

that start with "C" And "D"



California, Colorado,

and Connecticut



Dear Delaware,

the very first state






Florida and Georgia,

Hawaii, Idaho



Where they grow

a lot of trout and potato



Right smack in the middle,

little lllinois



Indiana and Iowa, too



There's Kansas and Kentucky,

and way down south



Louisiana is shaped

like a shoe



And still a lot

of states to do, whew!



Eight states start with "M",

now let's name them



Maine, Maryland,

and Massachoooo-setts



Mich, Minneso,

Mississipp, Show me mo



Montana, now we're more

than halfway through



Nebraska, Nevada,

and the "News"



Hampshire, Jersey,

Mexico, and York



Now the "Norths",

Carolina and Dakota



Where Sacajawea

guided Lewis and Clark



Ohio, Oklahoma, and Oregon



Pennsylvania, where they

wrote the Constitution



Little Rhode Island

and South Carolina



Where the rebels tried

to start a revolution



South Dakota, Tennessee,

and next to Mexico



Texas, where they have

a lot of cows



Utah, green Vermont,

and old Virginny



Where George Washington

took his first bow, wow!



We're all the way

to "W" now




West Virginia and Wisconsin



I don't know how much higher

I can sing



But that's OK

'cause we've gone all the way



From Alabama to Wyoming



From Alabama

to Wyomi-i-i-ing






Gee, I was sure the map

said sunny Florida...



was around here somewhere.






Oh, here it is!



Ha ha ha ha!



- Aah!

- Ha ha ha!



- Oh!

- Aaaah!



Aaaah! Aaah! Aaah!






Ha ha ha!






I could get used to this.

Oh, no, but I can't.



I'll be late

for the first round...



of the Teacher of the Year




Have fun on the beach, boys.

Stay near the lifeguard.



Meet me at the Wentawaygo

for dinner at  :   sharp!



Reapply your sunblock

every two hours!



Don't go in the water for at

least half an hour after you-



- Mom!

- OK, just wish me luck!



- Luck!

- Luck!



All right, she's gone.



We've got the whole day

to ourselves.



Leonard, I think to make

somebody's dream come true.



Way ahead of you, pal.



- Fetch!

Excuse me?



That's my dream. You know...



a guy and his dog,

the beach, the stick...



tlhe waves. tlhe waten.



SPO T. Ulh. Leonand...



I tlhink we Ihave

sliglhtly diffenent dneams.



We do? What's your dream?



Well, heh heh heh...



I guess maybe I should've

mentioned it earlier...



but see, there was this...



...and changed to that...



...and concerned...



And that's the real reason

I had to come to Florida.



Oh. I get it.



I thought you came

to be with me...



but you really just came

for the ride.



No, I did come

to be with you...



and for the ride.



Aw, please, Lenny!



I gotta have a shot

at my dream.



I don't know.

It all sounds so wacko.



Anyway, you're not supposed

to be a boy.



You're supposed to be my dog.



Oh, don't give me the eyes.



No, not the sad walk away.



Forget it. No.



Oh, all right.



We'll find this Dr. Krank guy.



But as soon as you see

that I'm right and he's nuts...



we'll march right back here...



you'll be a dog,

I'll throw a stick...



and we'll make

my summer dream come true!



Good boy.






MAN ON TV. Mancia.









Oh, the pathos and agony...



of two beautifully

coiffed people in love!



Yeah, yeah,

been there, seen that.



What else is on?



Today. a "Banny Angen Slhow"

exclusive follow-up...



We return the spotlight

to that wacko scientist...



who claims

he can turn animals human-



Dr. Ivan Krank!



Wacko, wacko, wacko!



Jolly, that's the guy

Spot went to see!



But why is Barry Anger returning

the spotlight to that wacko?



Why, you ask, am I returning

my spotlight to that wacko?



I'll let Officer White...



of the Okeebachokee Bureau

of Animal Safety explain.



Dr. Ivan Krank

is a dangerous fraud.



His experiments did not

turn animals human at all.



They turned them into hideous,

weird mutations like this!



- Aaah!

- Ohhh!



- We have to go to Florida!

- Why?



To keep Spot

from being turned into that!






This is no time to stand around

screaming silently. Come on!



Florida?! Florida's outside!



I'm an indoor kitty.



I'm s-s-scared

of the o-o-outside.



Snap out of it, hairball!



Come on, dry those whiskers

and listen to me!



You gotta believe



You gotta be strong



You gotta

sharpen your claws



Fluff up your tail,

and sing this fighting song



Small but mighty,

small but mighty



When you're powerful

and wise



You can rise above any size



If you belittle

being little



Then your quest

is doomed to fail



But when you're small

but mighty



The mighty shall prevail



- You gotta persist

- I gotta persist?



- Never say die

- Never say die?



You gotta be fast

and fearless now



And follow this battle cry



Small but mighty



When you're powerful

and wise



You can rise above any size



If you belittle

being little



Then your quest

is doomed to fail



When you're small

but mighty



Small but mighty



When you're small

but mighty



The mighty shall prevail






Are you sure you got

Dr. Krank's address right?



Yeah,    .



Wait! Look!






Look at all

the high-techy-tech!



Ah ha ha! I can't stand it!



I'm gonna be a boy






SPO T.    ?



Oh, it must be the next one

down that-a-way.



Heh heh heh.




land of surprises.



Trust me, fellas.

It's a great gig.



  -hour a day soaps,

all the food you can eat-



Where else are you gonna

get a deal like that?



Oh, Spot!



And Pretty Boy!



And Mr. Jolly!



Come on in, boys.



There's fresh food

in the kitchen.



Her heart's

in the right place...



but, boy, could she use

a new set of bifocals.



Come on, Jolly, let's roll.



Are we there yet?






Small but mighty.



Say it with me, baby!



SPO T. Well. Ihe means business.



This can't be it.



This is it!



After this experiment




the world will never again

call me wacko!



And that includes you...









I have done it!



Success, at long last!



I have taken a frog,

and made it...






I have failed again.



See? He's nuts.

It doesn't work.



Come on, let's go.



Well, of course

it doesn't work on a frog.



Hello? It's a lower life form.






- No offense.

- None taken.



Dennis! Adele!

Get in here now...



and help me destroy

this stupid, worthless machine!



Don't call it stupid, Daddy.



You made us with it.



And where is the glory in that?



And don't call me Daddy!



You are not my children.



You're nothing but a couple

of mutant swamp creatures...



who do nothing but remind me

of my life of failure!



Just 'cause you're

having a bad day...



is it really necessary

to dump on everyone else?



Yes, we may be failures,

but we're failures who love you.



Out of my way,

you walking handbag!



SPO T. Um. Ihello?



Who is that?






Jeez, he looked

a lot shorter on TV.



Maybe it's the ax.



Allow me to introduce myself.



I am Scott Leadready ll,

your newest subject.



The one that's

finally going to work!



Dare you torment an old man?



- You cannot help me!

- Aah!



You're nothing but

a worthless boy!



You're wrong, Dr. Krank.



I am a dog who wants

to be a worthless boy.



I mean, who wants to be a boy.



Good Lord,

I was totally fooled.



Don't worry.

Happens all the time.



Now, here's your problem

as I see it, doc.



While your theories

are scientifically sound...



and your equipment

technically flawless...



you keep hitting

a failure point...



when it comes to the selection

of your subjects.



See, you've been experimenting

on swamp creatures...



insects, and, uh, reptiles.



And all-ee-gators!



All-ee-gators are reptiles.






Mm-hmm. But the fact is,

Dr. Krank...



if you want to make a man...



you've got to start

with a mammal!



Yes. Of course. It's so simple,

and yet so utterly brilliant!



Ha ha ha!



I wish I had a nickel

for every time I've heard that.



I shall give you

a nickel...



if you will be my mammal.



I'll take it!



Then I shall make you a boy.



Oh, boy!



Oh, no!



Spot, this is wrong.



Tlhis is going against natune.



Nature? Feh!



I am a man of science!



You're a wacko of science!



Who do you think you are?



I'll tell you who I am.



Or, better yet, I'll sing it!



Maestro, a tango,

if you please.



  I was born with a brain  



  That could not be contained  



  So they tortured

and teased me  



  And called me insane  



  It was bad, very bad  



  Even Mom called me mad  



  Any child would go wild

from the pain  



  Raised on rage and defiance  



  I turned my cerebrum

to science  



  I tinkered and toiled

until my beakers all boiled  



  And I built

this amazing appliance  



  Now the whole world

will see  



  The genius in me  



  While I stand

on the shoulders of giants  



  Ha ha ha!  



  I am I, Ivan Krank  



  Just a man

way ahead of his time  



  Allow me to be frank  



  I'm much hipper

than old Dr. Frankenstein  



  I am I, Ivan Krank  



  And you may call me

wacko or weird  



  But you'll have me

to thank  



  When this pup

that you've reared  



  Is no longer wet-nosed,

waggy-tailed, or dog-eared  



  He'll be human,

like you, man  



  The world will all cheer  



  For the genius that is I  



  Ivan Krank  



Let the neuro exchange animal

transformation operation-



or N.E.A.T.O.

for short-



not to be confused with that

stupid teacher award-begin!







Spot. tlhis is wnong!




You'ne supposed to be my dog.



Then I shall make you a boy.



Oh, it's alive.



It's alive!



That's a good start!



Dennis! Adele!



Remove the bandages,

and let us witness...



what I hath wrought!



Mein gott in himmel.






Daddy did it!



SPO T. I gotta see!



I'm a boy! I'm a boy!



I'm a really big boy.



You're not a boy, Scott.



You're a man.



I'm a man?



I don't understand.

How could I be a man?



Great balls of kibble!



I forgot all about dog-time!



That's right! One human year

equals seven dog years.



- That would make you...

- Don't do the math.



Uh, it's not exactly what

I had planned, but I'm human...



and that's nothing

to shake your tail at.



How can I thank you?



Oh, it will be thanks enough...



that you spend

the rest of your life...



traveling around

the world with me...



as living proof of my genius!



Ah. Well, uh, gee,

fun as that sounds for me...



I'm afraid

I'm gonna have to pass.



I can't spend the rest

of my life with you.



I- I-I live with this guy...



at his house, in his room.



I sleep on the bottom bunk.



Heh. Although,

now that I'm a big, grown man...



with knuckle hair and-

uhh-lower back pain...



that may present

a slight problem.



But we'll cross that bridge

when we come to it.



- Let's go, Leonard!

- No!






You're not going anywhere,

my precious man.



I made you, I own you.

You're mine!



Come, Dennis, Adele!

We must begin making plans...



for the Ivan Krank

World Vindication Tour!



First the United Nations,

then my high school reunion.



No, wait!






Over here!



Get down!



Hi, Uncle Ivan!



The bus from East Westland was

a little late, but here I am!






Leonard? What are you doing

in my uncle's laboratory?



And who are you, mister...



and why are you all dressed up

like Scott Leadready ll?



Uh, no time to explain,

strange little boy...



I've never met before

in my life.



Ian, can you help us

get out of here?



What'll you give me if I do?



Um, all I've got is this, uh...



slimy old dog chew toy

and a shiny new nickel.



Mm-hmm. Ohh...



holding out on me, huh?



Hey, give me that chew toy!



OK, let's see now.



Decode secret password,

override security check...



bypass concealed alarm cookie,

and... bingo!






How did you do that?



Oh, come on. This was easy.




the queen's toilets...



for a   -flush salute-

now, that was hard.



- Thanks, Ian.

- Thank you, stranger.



You're welcome, stranger.



Well, as long as I'm here...



Hee hee hee.

Ooh, they'll love this.



Ohh! What's all this, then?



- Ohh!

- Ohh!



Oh, blast that blasted

Waszelewski kid!



Quick, hop in!



- Boo-yah!

- Uhh!



Hmm. I must work out.



Come on, Scott! Scott!



Hey, wait for me!



Old habits die hard.



DR. KRANK. Tlhey've escaped!



Dennis, Adele, find them!



- You betcha!

- Right away, Daddy.



Hmm. Nothing here.






Not in here, you fools.



Out there!






Yes, sir, Daddy.






And don't call me Daddy!



How could a man

as brilliant as I...



have created something

as stupid as them?



I can't believe

they let my dog-man escape!



Oh, don't blame them,

Uncle Ivan. I let 'em go.



Ah! Ian! Ahh!

Ian, my darling nephew...



the only one who ever

truly believed in me.



Welcome to my home!



However, now that

you've ruined everything...



I must ground you

for the rest of the summer.



So go to your room.

Don't come out till Labor Day!



Yes, Uncle Ivan.



Grounded again.



Jeez, I could've saved

a bus ride.



What was I so afraid of

all these years?



The outside is very nice.



Pleasant, even.

One might go so far...



as to say invig-amarating.



- Told ya.

- But we're not going very fast.



How long will it take us

to get to Spot?



Oh, we should start making some

real progress any second now.









Man, I'm gettin' hungry.



Yeah, me, too. And if these

pants ride up any more...



I'm gonna be a soprano.



I gotta get me

some new clothes.



- We need to get us some money.

- Yeah, but how?









- That'll do.

- That'll do.



Come on, let's go find that dog

and get us some money!






The twilight bark.



The what?






Oh, we gotta start

renting you...



some more classic

animated movies.



Leonard, the twilight bark...



is tlhat fnee wonldwide

long-distance senven...



tlhnouglh wlhiclh dogs

all oven tlhe wonld...



Ihave been communicating

since tlhe dawn of time.



Now, let's just hope I still

got enough dog left in me.







Slhut tlhat dog up!



Hmm. I guess it didn't work.



Oh, no, my human-eared friend?



Yes! Thank you!



I mean... awoooo!



Come on, let's go.



Thank you! Awooo!



Thank you! Awoooo!



Jeez, this could go on all day.






Turns out she wasn't

really lost.



She was just, heh, kinda busy.



- DAD. My.

- GIRL. Olh. puppies!



How can we thank you?



Gee, I can think

of a hundred ways.



Oh, uh, I can't give you $   .



- But-

- That's OK, Leonard.



A good deed is its own reward.



You brought back five dogs!



So I'm giving you $   !



All right!



I knew you weren't

a big, fat cheapskate!



I'm sorry. Was that out loud?



- We're rich!

- We're rich!



Come on, bunky.

Let's go eat and buy pants...



and do all the stuff

you can only do...



when you're all grown up

and got $    to burn!



  Though money may be  



  The root of all evil  



  Money, it might not

buy you love  



  Money won't bring you




  Or grow new hair

or cure your stress  



  Or get you to

the pearly gates above  



  But there's a bunch of things

that money can do  



  Put a shirt on your back

and a shine on your shoe  



  When the cash shows up,

I don't say "Boo"  



  I take the money and run  



  'Cause love can't buy

a fancy car  



  Or fill your tank  



  If you want

the finer things  



  You better break the bank  



  'Cause if there's one

sure thing that money can do  



  Put the pedal to the metal

when the rent comes due  



  When the money shows up,

baby, don't say "Boo"  



  Just take the money

and run, oh, yeah  



  Take the money and run  



  Go, man, get your stash,

grab your cash  



  Take the money and run  



Mom, Dad, I am a prisoner

in this chamber of horrors!



The whole place is filled

with evil smells...



and moans

and ghastly shrieks!



There's lightning and thunder

and scary bumps in the night!



Come home? No way!

I love it here!



Ha ha ha ha ha!






How many times must I tell you

to stay off the phone?



I want to call out

for a pizza.



DENNIS. Extna anclhovies

on mine. please!



Dennis! Adele! You're back!



Where is my dog-man?



Before we answer,

could we have our pizza, Daddy?



- Go!

- Aah!



And don't return without him!



And don't call me...









I betcha that little boy...



would've given his dog

some pizza.



Thank God the other mosquitoes

in the swamp can't see me now.



They all laughed at me,

but did I listen?



No, I was going to be

the world's first...







Hmm! And look at me now.



Stuck in the middle-

neither fish nor fowl.



You're also not a goat.

Or a pig.



Or a bucket of marbles.






Ohh, please,

just squish me now.



  Hot diggity dog  



So far this has been

the greatest day of my life!



And I've only been a man

for, what, like, five hours?



Five hours?



Shoot, we promised Mom

we'd be home by  :  .



Whoa! Was that

just this morning?



Whew! Time sure flies

when you're changing species.



- What time you got?

- Uh, a minute till  :  .



Let's go!



Wait! We forgot

one really important thing!






Who are you, sir?



- That.

- Oh, yeah.



Well, I'll tell ya.

I'm, uh...



Well, you certainly

look familiar.



Wait a ding-dang-doodle-doo




You're not one of

my fellow finalists...



in the Teacher of the Year

competition, are you?



Uh, why, yes. Yes I am.



Uh, I am a teacher.



And a darn good one, too...



who appreciates a fellow

darn good teacher enough...



to come all the way

down here...



to this lovely

Wentawaygo park to say...



"May the best

darn good teacher win. "



Well, isn't that kind of you?



- Honey, where's Scott?

- Uh...



And, uh, that's

the other reason I came.



Uh, to tell you that, uh...



Scott's family called, and he

had to go home after all...



and he needed

a grownup to help...



and I obviously

am a grown-up...



human man person.



Ahh! Obviously.



Ah ha ha!

You know Scott Leadready ll?



Do I know Scott Leadready ll?



Only better

than I know myself, ma'am.



You're pushing it.



Well, any friend

of the Leadreadys...



is a friend of mine.

I'm Mary Lou.



And I'm Scott.



Just like Scott Leadready.



Oh, uh, right. Heh.

Common name.



Lots of Scotts.

Scotts R Us. Heh heh.



But I'm Scott, uh...



- Manly!

- Manning!



It's a hyphenate.

Scott Manly-Manning.



Well, Mr. Manly-Manning,

it's a pleasure to meet you.



Yeah, sorry you gotta

leave so soon.



Great gettin' to know you.

Just a little...



but not too much. Bye.



Leonard! Where did you

park your manners?



Ha ha ha. After all the trouble

Mr. Manly-Manning has gone to...



the least we can do is invite

him in for a cup of coffee.






I've always wanted

to try coffee.



Boy, it's true what they say!

What a beverage!



Who'd believe that little

brown bean from Brazil...



could pack such mellow,




good-to-the-last-drop flavor?

By the way...



were you aware that

it was our   th president-



Theodore "Teddy" Roosevelt-



who originally coined the phrase

"Good to the last drop"?



Little-known fact, but true.



Yes, I think one of my students

mentioned that once.



- I can't remember which one.

- You can't remember which one?



For cryin' out loud,

it's obviously-



Time for you to go now.

What a shame.



Thanks for stopping by.

See you later.



Hey! What's the hurry, junior?



I'm still on

my first cup of joe.



If you don't get outta here,

you're gonna blow it.



You're gonna say something

or do something...



or drink something and just

blow it! Well, see ya!




Leonand Amadeus Helpenman...



we don't just put our guests out

the door like the evening trash.



Ohh, now, now, Mary Lou.



Don't be upset with Leonard.



- He's just a boy.

- Oh, come off it!



Mister, you are out of control!

Now, you go straight to your...



curtained-off section

of the Wentawaygo...



until you're ready to rejoin

polite society for dinner!



Ha ha.



Speaking of dinner,

are you hungry?



Hey! I'm always hungry.

I'm a dog... gone hungry guy.



You are so gonna blow it.



Ahh! I couldn't eat

another bite.



Care for a chocolat?



Ohh. Chocolate

is poison for dogs.



I know. Aren't we lucky

we're human?



Yes, we are!



Oh, I'm sorry.

Did you want one?



  Someone has a sweet tooth  



Ahh, what can I say?



Tlhene's sometlhing about

eating unden tlhe stans...



at a table, sitting in a chair,

using a fork...



that just makes everything

taste so good.



Well, to me, it's not the food,

it's the company. Heh heh heh.



I don't know why,

but it's as if...



I've known you

for a very long time.



You'ne just so comfy

to be witlh. like an old slhoe.



Oh, I mean that in a good way.



Hey, nothin' I love more

than an old shoe. Woof!



Uh, to wear, I mean.



Ah ha ha ha ha!

You say the most unusual things.



But I like it.



Golly gosh, I wish there was

someone like you back home.



You do?



Hold that thought.

I'll be right back.



Well, he did drink

a lot of coffee.




You are gonna be so proud of me!



We can stop worrying

how I'm gonna live...



and where I'm gonna sleep...



and how we're gonna

stay together.



I've stumbled upon the answer,

and it doesn't even matter...



that I'm a hairy-knuckled

grownup with back pain.






In fact, it works

to our advantage!



You're kidding!



Of course, I won't be sleeping

at the bottom bunk anymore...



but I promise I'll tuck you in

and tell you a bedtime story...



before I settle in to watch

the  :   news with...



Mary Lou.






You know. Your mom.



Oh, he cleaned his plate

so well.



I can see myself!



I know who Mary Lou is...



but why would you be

watching the news with her?



And why is she dancing around

with your dinner plate?






Oh, no!



Oh, yes!



Isn't it perfect?



She likes me,

I've always loved her.



You and I still

get to be together.



Climb up on my lap, sonny boy,

and call me Daddy!



Are you crazy?



You can't be my dad!

You're my dog!



Hey, people change.



Come on, it'll be great.



I'll teaclh you Ihow to slhave.

take you fislhing...



Ihollen at youn

little league coaclh...



wlhen Ihe doesn't

play you enouglh.



Maybe I'll even get ya

a little puppy.




you are out of control.



What? You gonna send me

to my room?



I think that's my job, son.



No! No, this is not OK with me.



You have to stop

liking my mom right now!



Oh, in all fairness, son...



I believe Mary Lou should have

something to say about this.



And stop calling her Mary Lou!

And stop calling me son!



I command you, as your master!



Former master, Leonard!

I'm not your dog anymore!



Well, I sure as heck

am not your kid!



So maybe you'd just better

leave me and my mom alone!



You... want me to go?



But... what about us?



You and me?



A friend needs a friend.



That was a different us.



Yeah. I guess it was.



Wait a minute.






I paid for that collar

and dog tag...



with my own allowance.






You don't need 'em.

You said it yourself.



You're not my dog anymore.



  Mrs. Manly-Manning  



  Mrs. Mary Lou Manly-Manning  



  Mrs. Mary Lou

Moira Angela Darling  



  Helperman Manly-Manning  



I'm sorry

I have to interrupt...



this musical moment,

Mary Lou.



I guess I'll never

see you again.



  It's time for me to go  



-   Oh, me, oh, my, oh, no  

-   I've never been so low  



  Oh, where did my dog-man-  






  I gotta go,

I don't know where  



  I only know  



  My former friend

is now my foe  



  He couldn't stand

the status quo  



  I said I'd stay,

but he said no  



  And now, doggone,

this dog is gone  



  I'm movin' on  



  I gotta go!  



  Like a dream,

he was here, and now he's gone  



  He drank my coffee,

ate my candy  



  Dreaming I could stand

by my Manly-Manning man  



  I thought everything

was fine and dandy  



  Why did he go?  



-   I'm gone  

-   Don't go  



  Oh, no,

what have I done?  



-   Oh, no  

-   I kicked him out  



  He took the keys

to freedom  



  Now he's going,

now he's going  



  Now he's gone  



  My lovely dog-man  



  Oh, precious,

pretty dog-man  



  Dear itty-bitty dog

I made a man  



-   Where have you gone?  

-   He took the keys  



  You held the key

to my success  



  I'm no one's pawn  



-   He's gone  

-   Was I a yawn?  



  I'm moving on  



  Find him!  



  Where did you go,




  We gotta go where

you have gone, Spot  



  We gotta know, dog-man  



  We wanna know

where you have gone, Scott  



  We gotta go there, too  



-   I'm gone  

-   He's going, going  



-   I'm moving on  

-   Here comes the sun  



-   Come on, let's run  

-   You weigh a ton  



  Pardon the pun,

but I am going  



  Without knowing  



  There's a place

where I belong  



  Where he's gone  



  I'm movin' on  



  Where did you go,




  Where did you go, dog-man?  



  He's gone  



Well, that was strange.









- Aaaah!

- Aaaah!



- Ohh!

- Ohh!



PRETTY BO Y. We made it.

We made it!



Florida at last! I told you

we were small but mighty!



MAN. Helh Ihelh Ihelh.



Missed it by that much.



BO Y. Spot. come Ihene. boy!









Now, remember,




you're to meet me

at the awards ceremony...



- at  :   sharp, you got it?

- Whatever.



Aww, honey-bunny-boombox...



I know you miss your dog

and your best friend...



but we're going home




and Spot and Scott'll be

there waitin' for you...



and everything's gonna

be peachy-pie normal...



and just the way it was. Mwah!



Right. Just the way it was.



Florida, schmorida!



It's just Jersey

with palm trees!



Well, I suppose most people

don't arrive by garbage truck.



On a more positive note...



I don't think there's anything

in the world...



I'll ever fear after this.



It's a monster!






It's just your reflection.



Oh. Aah!



It's me! I look hideous!



No argument there.



I'm goin' up

for a bird's-eye view.






Where are you?



My, oh, me, it's

a rain-a-roony-doodle day!






Bada-bing, baby!



Come on, hairball!



Great. Now you're out there

somewhere in the stupid rain...



'cause you just couldn't leave

well enough alone, could you?



No, you had to go

mess up a great thing...



just to make

your stupid dream come true.



Bet you come crawling back

any minute now...



cold and wet

and tired and hungry...



and sick of being a man...



and wishing you could be

my dog again.



Well, forget it!

I'm not taking you back.






Ha ha!



Olh. it's you.



"Oh, it's you"?



We traveled      miles...



and all we get is,

"Oh, it's you"?!



Come on, Jolly, let's go home!






No, you guys. I'm sorry.



I'm really,

really glad you're here.



I've never needed anyone more.



Now, that's a greeting.



Something's happened to Spot.

Sit down. It's a long story.



So this is what it's like

to be human, huh?



Sittin' alone in a dump

on your tailless butt...



just twiddlin'

your opposable thumbs.



Top of the world, Ma!



Top of the world.



What's that?



Sounds like that stupid song

Leonard always used to sing.



Olh. it is tlhat stupid...



beautiful song!



Oh, Leonard.



  I know it's been said  



  Everyone needs someone  



  A loyal companion  



  To share in life's fun  



  For a day at the park  



  Or a game of leapfrog  



  A friend needs a friend  



  A boy needs a dog  



  A small hand to shake  



  Wanna run a race?  



  For a bowl full of grub  



  What a funny face  



  A face to be licked  



  When a tummy gets rubbed  



  Like a mom and a dad  



  Need their bundle of joy  



  A friend

needs a friend  



  A dog needs a boy  




A classic!



Even a bird and a cockamamie cat

can see that!



Yeah. Why couldn't Spot?



I don't know.



I guess we all have

different dreams, right?



- Yeah.

- Yeah.



And I guess if you really

love someone...



like I love Spot...



you gotta let him

have his dream, right?



Even if it's different

from your dream, right?



- Yeah.

- Yeah.



I know what I've gotta do!



There's only one way

for us to be together again.



I've gotta go to Dr. Krank and

have him change me into a dog!



- Yeah!

- Yeah!



- What?!

- What?!



See ya, guys!



I mean, woof!



- No! Wait!

- No! Wait!






  I can't go on  



  With just half of my heart  



  Nothing and no one  



  Can keep us apart  



  It's a permanent bond  



  We can never destroy  



  A friend needs a friend  



-   I've got  

-   A boy  



-   Needs a dog  

-   To get back  



-   Needs a  

-   To my  



-   Dog  

-   Boy  



Bunky, I'm back!



Pretty Boy? Jolly?

What are you doing here?



Who is that strange man,

and why is he talking to us?



I don't know. Just act dumb.

Uh, tweet.



Uhh! Meow, meow, meow.



- Guys, it's me. It's Spot.

- Aah!



Oh, my. This is what

you look like as a man?



Why? Is something

wrong with it?



No, no. It was just

a shock at first.



You could use a shave.



Really? I thought

it was kind of edgy.



But forget that.

Where's Leonard?



Oh, Spot, it's terrible.

He just ran out...



babbling some nonsense about

if you can't be his dog...



then he'll have to get

that Dr. Krank...



to turn him into your dog.



That crazy kid.

Although I guess it could work.



No! No! What am I saying?



I've got to save my boy!



This is perfect-




Why, my plan could not

have gone any better...



if I'd had a plan!



And now I do!



I'll turn the boy

into a dog...



use Ihim as bait

to lune tlhe dog-man...



and then I'll have

the man and the dog!



Ah ha! Mommy!



Nothing wacko about that!



Oh, isn't there, Dr. Wacko?



Ah. You're right on cue.






You really should've

seen that coming.






I'm sorry, Scott.



I just wanted us

to be together again.



I did it for us.



No. I'm the sorry one, Leonard.



It's all my fault.



I shouldn't have messed

with nature.



Oh, haven't you heard?



My good man, nature is dead.



Science is king!



Oh, that is just wrong

on so many levels.



Well, then riddle me this,

Dr. Krank.



Is it science on natune...



that makes you have to laugh...



when someone tickles you

under the armpits?



Pretty Boy, Jolly.



Stop it, you guys!



You keep him busy.

I'll take care of Krank.



You're too late.






Whoa! Whoa!






Oh, my goodness.



What? What is it?



Do I got spinach in my teeth?



Stop! Wait!



- Oh! Aah!

- Aah!



You are one butt-ugly man.



Well, I've been under

a little stress lately.









Hey! Whoa! What's happened?






Olh. dann.



Wait a minute.

I've still got this.



Thank you, Dr. Krank!



No, no, you fool!



Quarters only!

A nickel will jam it!



You'll blow us all up!



That's a chance

I'll have to take.



Say auf wiedersehen...



- Aah!

- Wacko.












No! No! Help!






Oh, well. To quote

the immortal Bard...



which I don't believe I've yet

done in this entire adventure...



"All's well that end's well. "



LEONARD. Scott! Look out!



Quick! We got to get out

before it blows!



You go. There's one more thing

I've got to do.



It's my only chance.



Scott, what are you doing?



Scott! Scott!



Oh, Scott.



Stupid machine!



Stupid, stupid science!



Wake up, dear blue Spot.



Wake up.



SPO T. Olh. is tlhat you.

dean Blue Fainy?



How many times

I got to tell you, dog breath?



I ain't no fairy!



Spot? Is it really you?



In the fur.



Oh, Spot, you're back!



I had to come back, bunky.



I love ya,

and I want to be with ya.



Don't you remember?



Cue the violins.



  A friend needs a friend  



Everybody sing!



  A boy needs a...  



  Back on the south end

of the leash  



  Is where my place is  



  Chasing cars

and licking faces  



  A simple mutt

livin' a dog's life  



  Now I'm in the thrall

of nature's call  



  It's my destiny to be

man's best friend  



  And to bite

your own rear end  



  And so it's buh-bye

to species second guessing  



  This Rover's

learned his lesson  



  I'm proud to be a dog  



  The breed of Fido

can't be denied-o  



  Glad to be a dog  



  And dog enough to beg  



  A dog you must be  



  I'll be spot-on  



-   Because at last I see  

- Shh!



  That a tree needs a mom  



  And a sow needs a hog  



-   Just like London needs fog  

-   Or a princess a frog  



  Well, a friend

needs a friend  



  A road needs a bend  



  A film needs an end  



  A boy needs a dog  



  Needs a boy, needs a dog  



  Needs a boy, needs a dog,

needs a boy, needs a dog  



  Boy, dog, boy, dog, boy,

dog, boy, dog, boy  












Teacher's pet



I wanna be teacher's pet



I wanna be huddled

and cuddled



As close to you

as I can get



Mm-hmm, teacher's pride



I wanna be teacher's pride



I wanna be dated,




The one most likely

at your side



I'm burning to learn



I wanna learn all

your lips can teach me



One kiss

will do at the start



I'm sure

with a little homework



I'll graduate to your heart



Teacher's pet



I wanna be teacher's pet






I wanna take home a diploma



And show Ma

that you love her, too



I hope you love me, too



So I can be teacher's pet



Long after school

is through



Ah ah ah



I wanna be, I gotta be



I wanna, I gotta



I wanna learn

all your lips can teach me



One kiss will do

at the start



I'm sure

with a little homework



I'll graduate to your heart



I'll graduate

to your heart



To your heart



I'll graduate to your heart



I wanna be



I've got to be



Teacher's pet, teacher



I wanna be



T- t-t-teacher's pet,




I've got to be, I want it



I want it, I want it,

I want it



I wanna be

t- t-t-teacher's pet



I've got to be

teacher's pet



I wanna be

teacher's pet



I wanna take home

a diploma



And show ma

that you love me, too



Yeah, so I can be

teacher's pet






I wanna be teacher's pet



I wanna be

teacher's pet



Long after school

is through



I wanna, I gotta



Teacher's pet



I wanna be, I gotta be



Teacher's pet



I wanna, I gotta



Teacher's pet



I gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta

be teacher's pet



I've got to be

teacher's pet



I wanna, wanna be

teacher's pet



Long after school



Is through









La la la, la la



La la la la la



La la la la la-la






La la la, la la






Hot diggity dog



Ooh ooh ooh



Yeah, yeah



Ooh, dig that dog



Hot diggity dog



Bow wow wow



Bow wow



Wow wow



Ooh, dig that dog



Dog, boy, dog, boy,

doggy, boy, dog



Boy, dog, boy, dog,

boy, doggy, boy



Boy, dog, boy, dog,

here, doggy, boy



Dog, boy, doggy, boy,

diggity-dog, boy



- Dog, boy

- Boy, dog



- Boy, dog

- Dog, boy



Hot, hot,

hot diggity dog



Yeah, hot diggity dog



Ooh, dig that dog



Hot diggity dog



Though money may be



The root of all evil




it might not buy you love



Money won't bring you




Or grow new hair

or cure your stress



Won't get you

to the pearly gates above



But there's a bunch of things

that money can do



Put a shirt on your back

and a shine on your shoe



When the cash shows up,

I don't say "Boo"



I take the money

and run



'Cause love

can't buy a fancy car



Or fill your tank



If you want

the finer things



You'd better

break the bank



'Cause if there's one sure

thing that money can do



Put the pedal to the metal

when the rent comes due



When the money shows up,

baby, don't say "Boo"



Just take the money

and run



Oh, yeah,

take the money and run



Go, man, grab your stash,

get your cash



We're gonna have a bash



Take the money and run

Special help by SergeiK