That Darn Cat Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the That Darn Cat script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the 1965 Hayley Mills movie.  This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of That Darn Cat. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

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That Darn Cat Script




[Slurping and chewing]















While the city sleeps



Every night he creeps



Just surveyin' his domain



He roams around

like he owns the town



He's the king

He makes that plain



He knows every trick

Doesn't miss a lick



When it comes to keepin' fat



Some city slicker

No one is quicker






That darn cat



Every nook and cranny



And garbage can he inspects



So thoroughly



When he's on his rounds



Nothin's out of bounds



To his curiosity



He can smile and purr



At a pretty her



Till she don't know

where she's at



Nose like a Geiger



Oh, what a tiger is



That darn cat



He's a sly old codger



An artful dodger



A scrounger unsurpassed



A ball of fire



A nine-live wire



Who just can't be outclassed



Yeah, this midnight rover



He lives in clover



It's an art he's got down pat



Never was a greater



Smooth operator than that






That darn cat



- That darn cat

- [meows]



That darn cat



That darn cat



That darn cat









Hey, what do you say, fella?



Hey, you're taking my food, huh?









- What kept you?

- The lousy buses.



- Where'd you leave the car?

- Outside of Fresno, Route   .



All right. Okay. They found it.



- The scan came in on the radio.

- What'd I tell you?



The fuzz'll fall for the whole deal,

hook, line and sinker.



Maybe. We've got

the federal fuzz on us this time.



So what? Who cares?



Wait till they pick up them hot   s

I've been dropping off



all the way up the valley.

They're gonna lose their minds.



Look at us,

livin' in this solid pad,



a block and a half away

from where we pulled the job.



What about them headlines?

We're big news.



Front page,

every one of them...



- Shut up, will you?

- Shut up? Sure.



"Two bank robbers

stage daring, daylight holdup."



Hey, how about that, huh?

"Daring... daring."



"Two armed men

wearing Halloween masks



robbed the North Valley bank

early today...



- I gotta look.

...seizing a teller,



Miss Margaret Miller,

to shield their getaway."



Wow. Does this turn you on, huh?



Two hundred and fifty

thousand dollars.



- Iggy.

- Wow.



Iggy, we don't get       

like the papers say.



We get     grand.



A hundred and six...



- Are you tryin' to snow me?

- Get your hands off me, meatball.



Get 'em off.



Don't you do that again.



A hundred and sixty.



How come the papers

don't say that?



- Do you believe the papers or me?

- What do I know?



I've been out risking my neck,

laying phony leads.



You've been in here,

sitting on the glue.



Well, why don't you ask

Miss America there?



She's the money lady.



Hey, it was a quarter million,

wasn't it?



Two hundred grand?



One lousy hundred sixty...



[man] Don't do it, lggy.



What I want to know is,

how come it don't bother you, huh?



Two of you wouldn't

have cooked this up?



Oh, come on, lggy.

You're more of a drag than she is.



All right,

what are we gonna do about her?



[Man] To tell you the truth,

she's been a pretty good girl.



No hysteriaville, no gas.

No struggling.



She's got consideration

for other people.



I say we ought to

turn her off right now.



Is that another one

of your big ideas?



You see this?



Everyone in town is gonna be lookin'

at our girl's picture.



They dig her now,

all those helpful little citizens.



And that one little old man,

Eyewitness Charlie, with   l   vision.



Who always happens

to be looking out a window



when you're dragging out a body.



- [Lggy] What's the action then?

- We cool it, cool it, all of us.



- Cool it.

- Mother, I'm gonna take this gag off.



You got any ideas about noise?



All right. That's good...



...because I've got sensitive ears,



and when someone yells,

I do things.



Things like make me hate myself

in the morning.



Now, Mother, here's the picture.



We hole up here a few days.

We're stuck with you.



Now, we don't want you getting sick

or scared or finking out.



That's no good.

Not for us. Not for you.



[Stammering] What are you

gonna do with me?



Well, first you've got

to believe one thing.



One killing, more or less,

won't make any difference.



We've got nothin' to lose.



Anybody we knock off from here on in,

is just a little more gravy, see?



- I understand.

- That's solid, Moms.



Come on.

Let's make with the cookin'.



Iggy brought groceries. Come on.



We got steaks, we got salmon.

What's it gonna be?



Steak. I'll have mine rare.



Make mine well.

I can't stand the sight of blood.



Some desperate character

I got for a partner, huh?



[Door rattling]






All right, fleabag,

get out of here.



- Let him stay a while, Dan.

- What for?



- I like cats.

- You like cats?



Yeah. I ever tell you about

Acey-Deucy, my old cat?



- No, and you ain't going to.

- As long as he was alive, I was lucky.



- He was a real friend.

- You're breaking my heart.



Come on, I want to talk to you.



Don't stand there flapping your ears.

Make with the cooking.



I like the cat.



Don't forget, I'm watching you.



I don't trust that dame.

I don't trust her.



I don't want you to trust her.



The thing is,

she might play along



if we con her into thinking

we might turn her loose.



- You wouldn't, would you?

- Are you out of your mind?



[Indistinct murmuring]



[Dan] Nah, you're kidding.



[Lggy] What's holding you up?

Move it, will you?



I think my watch stopped.



What do I care?

What's with the watch?



- I wanted to time the steaks.

- That's a clock, ain't it?



Move it, will you?






What do you think you're doing?



Not that way, Dan,

somebody will hear.



[Stammering] He wanted to go out.



I... I didn't make a break.



I... I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't.









Because I got friends.



Ten little lead-nosed friends in here.



And they all run faster

than you do, Moms.



[Stammering] I know.



Now, let's get one thing straight.



Don't touch that door again.



Not that door,

or any window in there.



- You got that straight?

- Got it?



- Yes.

- You just used up all your luck, lady.



Now, don't try me again.



How about Thursday night

at the drive-in?



- What's playing?

- Night of the Surter.



- What was that we saw tonight?

- Surter Beach Party.



- And the night before last?

- Son of Surt and Sinbad the Surter.



- Double feature.

- Canoe...



Do you ever get a spooky feeling



that we keep seeing

the same movie over and over?



And all they do

is change the titles a little?



Yeah, it's terrific stuff, isn't it?



Couldn't we, just once,

see a nice quiet movie,



where boy meets girl,

they have problems



which aren't weird, they fall in love,

and live happily ever after?



Why would you want

to see unhealthy stuff like that?



Oh, I don't know. Maybe once

I'd like to go to a movie



where I don't get seasick.



I'll make you a deal.

You go with me Thursday night,



next time I'll take you to one of those

happily ever after clambakes. Deal?



- I guess.

- Where's the thing playing?



Oh, who knows? Maybe they don't

make movies like that anymore.



Well, sure.

You wanna know why?



Because people don't want to

be depressed by all that slop.



Ha! That Henderson boy went

right into the house with her.



[Shouting] Right into the house.



She and the Henderson boy,

the two of them.



Why shouldn't he go

in the house?



He's been hanging around

since he was old enough to wave bye-bye.




they happen to represent



two separate and distinct

members of the opposite sex.



- Alone, in that house.

- You tell them, kid.



With their parents all over Europe,



someone's got to keep an eye

on those girls.






by authority of

the Federal Communications Commission,



and the grace of

a kindly Providence,



which gave me the power of

not having to listen to people,



I am now going off the air.



Don't you dare take that thing off!

I haven't finished talking.



Good night, old woman.

I can't hear what you're sayin',



but whatever it is,

I disagree with you     percent.



[Canoe] You're out of peanut butter.

How come there aren't any olives?



- [Girl] Put them on the shopping list.

- Okay.



- Hi, DC.

- [Meowing]



You know, Patti,

sometimes you worry me.



You don't eat enough

to keep a bird alive.



Canoe. This is just a wild idea,

but has it ever occurred to you



there's more to life

than surfing and eating?



- Like what?

- Forget it.



I just realized

I was talking to myself.



- Hey, your folks are in Venice.

- I know.



Your father got indigestion

from a clam sauce, but feels better now.






Bills, bills, bills.

Look at this, nothing but bills.



Surf news should be

comin' up about now.



You listen. I'm gonna straighten up

and go off to bed.



- Okay.

- Hi, DC.



Watch the crumbs, will you, fellas?



Pass the word. Watch the crumbs.



[TV announcer]

According to authorities,



the desperados and their victim

may have traveled north



in an effort to escape this area.



- Their car was discovered on...

- That's Miss Miller.



...outside of Fresno.

- Who?



Miss Miller, the Christmas Club window

at the bank.



- I've known her for years.

- Oh, yeah, so have I.



She goes to our Laundromat.



Kind of creepy, isn't it?



All this happening in your

own neighborhood, to people you know.



Want me to stick around

until your sister comes home?



- You know, the protecting bit.

- No, thanks.



All right.



[TV] And now, surters,

here's the word for tomorrow.



This is your Weather Gremmie with

the beach news for the a.m.



Goleta to Zuma,

sea conditions light to moderate.



Malibu, moderate in the early morning,

with some real heavies expected.



Hey, Pat, surf's up tomorrow at Malibu.

You want to go?



Yeah, sure.

Good night. [kisses]



Good night. [kisses]



That's all for tonight, surters.

The word is "go."



See you at the beach.



Mmm. Come on, here. Come on.



That's a good boy.

Good one.



Wow.   :  ?

Man, I gotta get some sleep.



[Motor rewing loudly]



[Tires screeching]



- I thought we'd almost had it there.

- Sorry, one of Patti's friends.



Oh. [chuckling]



- Is it a date, then?

- Mm-hm.



You won't regret it, I'm sure.

Mother is an extremely fine cook.



- I'm sure she is, Gregory.

- Mother cooks the best duck.



And as for the duck,

did I tell you it was a Gadwall?



No, I don't believe you did.



I, uh, stood all day

in a duck blind to get it.



In the pouring rain.

I almost got pneumonia.



- Oh, I'm so sorry.

- No. It's all right. It was worth it.



Well worth it.

It's a beautiful creature.



Perfectly beautiful. Superb eating.



Mother... Mother prepares duck



in the classic, old-fashioned way.



She hangs it out

on the screen porch



for    hours before cooking.



It makes all the difference

in the world.



- All the difference in the world.

- [Girl] I, um...



I'm looking forward

to meeting your mother.



I've heard so much about her.



I know you two are gonna be

the very best of friends.



And now, uh...



- Good night.

- Good night.



- I'll see you in the morning.

- Mm-hm.



- Same time as usual?

- Hmm.















- [Barking]

- Quiet, Blitzy.



Good night,

my little beauties. [cooing]















Okay, where's the duck?



- I beg your pardon.

- I want my duck!



Your duck?



If you please.



I'm sorry,

I really don't know...



[growling] Where is that sneaky,

miserable guttersnipe?



- He's got my duck.

- What duck?



Don't you dare pretend with me.



- I saw him come in here with it.

- You saw who come in?



Patricia Randall,

I have had all I can take.



That rotten cat of yours,

he molests my prize albino fantails,



crawls all over my car every time

I wash it with his muddy paws.



He digs up Mother's bulbs.



He's driven my dog to the brink

of a nervous breakdown.



You mean DC?



Well, I'm sorry,

but actually, he isn't my cat.



He isn't anybody's cat.



What are you talking about?

He lives here, doesn't he?



Of course, but don't you see?

You don't own someone like DC.



He's family.



[Sighing] Oh,

but what am I gonna do?



Shoot. I spent all day

in a duck blind.



Humph! Pouring rain.



And I get one duck.



One single Gadwall.



And that flea-raddled fiend

had to go and steal it.



I know you're upset,

but be honest. It was dark, wasn't it?



It could have been that nasty cat

from across the street.



The one who does everything

that DC gets blamed for.



- [Meowing]

- Now, do you think...



Oh, DC, how could you?



Hold this.



DC, give that to me this instant.






I want you to know

I'm very, very disappointed in you.






Oh, Gregory, I am sorry.



I can't think what

could have come over him.



Bad, bad cat. Ah!



"Bad, bad cat"?



You're a menace

to the whole neighborhood.



Mark you, if I had my way,



the authorities would

do away with you.



Now, wait a minute, Gregory.



DC's a cat.

He can't help his instincts.



He's a hunter, just like you are,



only he's not stupid enough

to sit out in the pouring rain all day.






Just let me make myself quite clear.

You better keep him locked up at night.



The next time I find him at our place,

I'll give him a pantsful of buckshot.



Nine times, if necessary.






I know.

I don't care for him much, either.



But he does have a point,

don't you think?



Was that Gregory

I heard down there?



- Correct.

- He sounded angry.



Yeah, I believe he was.



- What goes on around here, anyway?

- Nothing, nothing at all.



DC just happened to take a duck

off Gregory's back porch.



- "Happened" to take a duck?

- Yes.



Gregory came stamping and banging

over here to find it.



Furious. Made a perfect fool of himself.

I don't think he's a stable person.



- There goes my duck dinner.

- Your what?



He invited me to his house for dinner.

His mother was gonna fix the duck.



Fix the...



Ingrid, don't you see?

You're walking into a trap.



For goodness sakes, Gregory drives me

to work in the morning.



At night he picks me up

and he takes me home.



If he wants to go

to all that trouble,



the least I can do

is be courteous if he asks me to dinner.



How can you be so blind?



It began with

the old car pool routine, right?



Why shouldn't it? His law office

happens to be next door to where I work.



But the point is, there used to be

five people in that car,



then Gregory traded in his sedan

for a two-seater sports car.



And Mr. Burke,

Miss Patters and Miss Mosely



were ruthlessly squeezed out

to find other transportation, correct?



- Now, listen...

- Creeping matrimony, that's what it is.



The car pool, the duck dinner,

a movie here and there.



Inky, you're taking the gas

and you don't even know it.



Thank you, dear,

I'm sure you mean well,



but I think I can handle

the Gregory situation



in my own bumbling way.



I'm sorry, but I suppose at your age,



when that important person

hasn't come into your life,



- well...

- Well, what?



Well, I suppose a tinge,



just the faintest tinge, of desperation,

begins to blow your judgment.



Good night.



I can assure you, there is no tinge

of desperation in my outlook.



- And my vision is exceptionally clear.

- Good.



Which, I might add,

brings us to your friends.



- My friends?

- Yes, dear.



The one we've been tripping over

all these years.



Canoe? That's very unfair.



Canoe is...

well, he's just defenseless.



He's very sweet and young, and...



...needs help.

- I certainly agree he needs something.



Doesn't he do anything

but mope around in shorts



- and eat us out of house and home?

- Just shows how little you know him.



- Canoe has plenty of ambition.

- What?



To be the first   -year-old surfer

at Santa Monica?



If you ask me, he's...

What's the matter?



DC's wearing a wristwatch.



Well, what will that dear, sweet,

innocent cat be bringing home next?



The Hope Diamond, I imagine.



- Where do you suppose he got it?

- I don't know.



Probably some child slipped it on,

or some teenager put it on for a joke.



Good night. Check with lost and found

in the morning.



[Patti] Ingrid?



Look. Someone started to scratch

something on the casing.



See? "H-E,"

and that looks like part of an L.






I'll bet somebody was trying to write

"help" and they were interrupted.



Somebody's in trouble.



What cooks in that wild

little head of yours now?



Somebody's in trouble.

I feel it in my bones.



You bet. Now get out and let me

go to sleep. I'm a working girl.



Don't you think

we ought to do something?



Good night.



Come on, DC, give.



Someone does need help, don't they?



I know you could find a way to tell me

if you really wanted to.



A smart cat like you.



You can be such a rat sometimes.



Don't say anything,

just point me towards the coffee.



What's wrong with you?



I didn't close my eyes once last night.



Oh, I've got huge dark circles

under my eyes.



- And me so young.

- What's bothering you?



I just couldn't stop thinking

about this watch.



Especially that pitiful

cry for help on the back.



Oh, you're not going to start that,

so help me...



You know, I thought

and thought and thought,



and I think I finally know the answer.



The watch belongs to her.



- The kidnapped woman?

- Yeah.



Come off it. How far out can you get?

Does it have a name?



- [Honking]

- No, but it's exactly the sort of watch



a woman like that would wear:



Feminine, yet...

bank tellerish, if you see what I mean.



Patti, you are absolutely impossible.



Have a nice day at the office, Inky.



You've got that terrible







I know what's going on

in your little mind,



- and I forbid it.

- What do you mean?



You're not going to overdramatize this,

like you do everything else.



I absolutely forbid you to get

the police stirred up



with another of your hallucinations

about people in trouble.



You're not to go near

the police with that watch.



- Certainly.

- Bye.



- [Gregory] Good morning, Ingrid.

- Good morning.



Naturally, I wouldn't go to the police.



This is a job for the FBI.



May I help you?



- Yes, I'd like to see a, uh...

- We call them agents here.



- Yes, I'd like to see an agent.

- May I ask what about?



I have information

about one of your crimes.



- Thank you. Would you wait over there?

- Yes.



- These are for you, Mr. Hart.

- Thank you.



- I'm back at   :  .

- Yes, sir.



- Morning, Hart.

- Good morning, Mr. Kelso.



- Hi, Vicky, anything for me?

- No, sir.



[Kelso] If Mr. Paul calls about

the bank records, put him through.



See you around.



- Is he an agent?

- Yes, he is.



- Nice face, hasn't he?

- Why, yes.






Yes, Mr. Ellender?

The messenger hasn't arrived yet.



I can put a tracer on it.



We haven't heard

from Denver all morning.



I'll connect you with Agent Morrow.

He's got the reports on that case.



[Phone ringing]



[Clearing throat]



Well, we've got    Howards

in Los Angeles County.



Better start right at the top.



Mr. Kelso, I have something to report

on one of your cases.



It's a family cat.

He's called DC.



That means "Darn Cat."

Daddy named him,



he called him something worse,

Mother won't let us use that.



Excuse me.

First, what is your name?



Patricia Randall,

    Pendelton Avenue.



Uh-huh, and what is

this information you have, Miss Randall?



It's DC, our cat.



He likes to prowl around at night,

as cats do. Nothing wrong with that.



And he likes people, as a general rule,

if they're nice and give him food.



He goes back.



I think he has a regular route

to pick out food,



sort of like a milkman in reverse.



- And this relates to one of our cases?

- Yes. Yes, it does.



Last night

DC was out roaming around,



and stole a duck from Mr. Benson

down the street.



Ah, Miss, um, Randall...



I'm afraid that

that's a police matter.



You see, our jurisdiction is limited

to certain fields of investigation.



At the present time,

duck stealing is not one of them.



How about bank robbery

and kidnapping?



Maybe I'd better hear

the rest of your story.



Thank you.



Well, last night DC came home

wearing a wristwatch.



- Wearing a wristwatch?

- Yes.



- Instead of his collar.

- Oh.



And I couldn't help thinking what

I would do if I were poor Miss Miller,



held prisoner by two hoodlums,



- and a stray cat came wandering in.

- Mm-hm.



Don't you see? I'd try to put

something of mine on the cat as a clue.



Like a wristwatch, maybe even

try to scratch something on it.



Do you have this wristwatch?



Mr. Kelso, I knew you'd understand.

That's why I selected you personally.






You see, of course, on the back,



where she started to scratch

the word "help,"



- and was interrupted.

- Uh-huh.




And that squiggle could be an "L."



Well, that doesn't quite

spell "help," does it?



She was wearing a wristwatch

at the time of her abduction.



We have only a superficial description.



- This may or may not be the watch.

- But wouldn't it be enough to start on?



I wonder if you could wait here

for just a few moments?



Of course. My entire day

is at your disposal.



Thank you, Miss Randall.



- It's a goofy idea.

- That's what I thought too, sir.



- The only thing is, I like it.

- You do, sir?



I don't like this paper chase

someone's leading us on.



Those   -dollar bills from the bank

we've been picking up



- at convenient towns up the valley.

- They went in another direction?



Or stayed here in the city.

This watch lead ties in with that.



- How's your workload, Kelso?

- Me, sir?



Uh, well, I'm going over

old bank records on Johnny the Cooch.



- We're ready to trip him up.

- The Cooch can wait.



Kidnapping takes priority.



I want you to set up surveillance

and tail this cat.



- Tail the cat?

- He may take us to the criminals.



That's all.



Actually, I don't have

any experience in tailing cats.



For that matter, who does?



Sorry, sir. You wish me to set up

a surveillance on this informant,



exactly as if we thought of him

as a person?



Unless, of course, it works out better

to think of him as a cat.



Sir, I think it's only fair to tell you,

I don't get on well with cats.



There's a kind of an antagonism

between us.



- Is that so?

- Yes, and I have a slight allergy.



Allergy? I know the medical records

of every man in this office.



Have you been keeping

something from me?



It's a very small allergy, sir.



- Hardly worth mentioning.

- Don't.



Stay in touch. I'm available

on this case    hours a day.



Yes, sir.



Sir, it's just that every time

I'm around c...



C... [loud sneeze]



Gesundheit, and good luck.



Thank you, sir.






Yes, a lot of people

are gonna be sorry



for the things they said about DC.



[Laughing] Wait till they find out

he's working with the FBI.



I don't think we should expose



your cat's relationship with us

at this time.



I'd like to remain

as inconspicuous as possible.



You don't want everyone in the

neighborhood to know who you are?



Exactly. People tend

to become overstimulated



when they discover an FBI man

in the neighborhood.



It interferes with the quiet,

orderly process of investigation.



- Hmm.

- Especially kidnap cases.



See, this places the life

of the kidnap victim



into additional jeopardy.



We've gotta not

generate too much heat?



The kidnappers'll chicken out,

kill Miss Miller,



dispose of the remains

and take off?



Uh, that's one way to put it, yes.






You go first.



Remember, everything

quiet, calm, inconspicuous.



Quiet, calm, inconspicuous.






That brazen creature.

Right in broad daylight!



What are you cackling about now?



A strange man just went

into the house with Patti.



- So what?

- He was carrying a bag.



Don't get yourself up

in a sweat, old woman.



- It's probably the plumber.

- It was not the plumber!



- This man was nicely dressed.

- That's the way plumbers dress now.



The prices they charge these days,



I'm surprised he wasn't

wearing a tuxedo.



[Kelso] Do you have any friends?

People who are in and out all the time?



I'm afraid so.

Father always complained



we were running a rehabilitation center

for punch-drunk juveniles.



Uh-huh. I'd prefer a room

on the second floor, actually.



To reduce the chance of somebody

coming in and finding me at work.



- This your room?

- Ingrid's. My sister.



- Oh. Would she mind?

- No, not at all.



- She'd be only too happy to help.

- Good.



That's the side door

from the kitchen?



Yes, that's the exit DC uses when

he goes out for an evening on the town.



Uh-huh. Tonight, we'll set up

our communications unit in here.



Whatever you like.



All right. And now, I suppose

I'd better meet the c... c...



- [sneezes]

- Bless you. What did you say?



[Rapid breathing]



I said I...



...suppose I...



...better meet the...

- Oh.



Ah, DC. He's probably goofing around

under the bed or something.



That's his favorite spot.



- Ah, your sins have caught up with you.

- [Meowing]



This is your FBI.



Well. [chuckle] This is the...



...informant, as we say

down at the office.



Hear that, DC?

You're the informant now.



Nice little kitty cat.

Good, good kitty cat.



- Is he friendly?

- Mm-hm.



He almost got me that time.



He's all right.

Don't make any sudden moves



because it tends

to set off his reflexes or something.



Uh-huh. Oh, yeah.

Doesn't seem to like me, does he?



I guess that's a bad sign,

the kind of people



- that animals don't like?

- It doesn't mean a thing.



DC and Daddy loathe one another,



and Daddy's

the Lamb of the Year.



Say, I wonder if you would excuse me



for just one minute. I think we better

get this show on the road.



- What are you going to do?

- I have some work to do with DC



before we start our surveillance.

Photos and so on.



- Oh, for the papers, you mean?

- No, for our own people to study.



See, there's finger... pawprints,

plaster impressions...



...samples of his fur...



Bless you.

You're catching a terrible cold.



DC, pull yourself together.

You want me to get you something?



No, no. I'm fine. It's just

a slight allergy I have around c... c...



- Around, uh...

- Oh.



Wonder if you'd put him on the bed

and let me get a picture of him?



- There you go.

- Could you get him to stand up?



- I'll get a full-figure shot.

- Oh, yes.






There we go.

Come on, DC, cooperate.



Come on, DC, you're working

for the FBI now. There.






Uh, that's not any good.

We can't see him properly.



Wait a minute.

Here's what he likes.









Where'd he go?



- Back under the bed.

- [Hissing]



I should've taken the pawprints first.



You're right.

He's not about to come out.



Can't we just get ahold of him there

and drag him out?



Sure, if you want to lose a hand.






The Bureau has spent $     

of the taxpayers' money



training me for emergencies.

They expect something for their cash.



I have no intention of being

intimidated by this c... c...






- Well, you are a very brave man.

- Thank you.



All right, when I count three,

we'll both grab him at the same time.



- But move fast.

- Let's go.



- You ready?

- Let's go. Yeah.



- [Yowling]

- One, two, three.



[Yowling, snarling]



Oh, DC. You're bleeding.



No, it's nothing.

Probably just an artery.



Say, would you get him

down for me, please?



You're not going ahead with this?



I'm afraid you underestimate me.



We shall proceed

with the pawprinting.



All right.






Come on now, DC,

don't be difficult.



- What's that?

- It's ink.



Ink? Can't we do that

in the bathroom?



Ingrid will murder me

if we get ink on the rug.



Oh, sure. Let's go.



- [Meowing]

- Don't make such a fuss, DC.



You should be ashamed of yourself.



Sorry about the washing.

Girl's bathroom, you know.



- It's okay.

- DC!



- Come on.

- Good old kitty cat.



- Nice, nice kitty cat.

- [Hissing]



[Whispering] Spread this out over there.



Let's see. I guess I'll put the pawprint

in the space for the thumb.



Oh, hurry.

I can't hold him any longer.



Oh, all right.



Here we go, now.

Just relax there.



Take it easy, there, now.

It won't hurt a bit.



- [Growling]

- [Knocking]



Oh, Canoe.



- Can I what?

- No, he's a friend of mine.



- I promised to go to the beach.

- That's not so good.



Is he one of the kids

that hangs around?



Yes, and he has kitchen privileges,

and he's as easy to get rid of...



Try to get rid of him.

It's important.



- What do I say?

- Anything. Just keep him away.



All right.



Hurry back,

for the love of heaven.



- [Knocking]

- [Meowing]



Okay, tiger,

it's either you or me.






- Patti?

- [Weakly] Yes?



What kind of a get-up is that

to go surfing in?



Want the crowd

to think you're an eccentric?



Please go on without me.

I don't think I can make it today.



Well, Patti, are you all right?

I've never seen you like this before.



- Can I help?

- It's all right.



I just feel terribly, terribly weak.



[Straining] If you're so weak,

how come I can't get through the door?



Please go, Canoe.



I can't bear you

to see me looking like this.



- [Loud scream]

- [Meowing]



- What was that?

- [Meowing]



- What was what?

- That bloodcurdling scream.



- [Crashing]

- Canoe, will you please go?



I'm sorry. I didn't realize

I was butting in on a murder.



- Oh, don't be silly.

- [Crashing]



You know how DC hates water.

He's having a bath.



By himself?



All right. If you won't go to the beach,

I'll make myself a sandwich.



Kitchen privileges

are temporarily withdrawn.






He's gone.



Pawprints everywhere!



Yeah, except on the card.



Oh, I'm sorry.



Aha. The best pawprint I ever made.



The first point I wish to make

is that time is not on our side.



The word is move,

and move swiftly.



We're gonna follow an informant whose

information may or may not be reliable.



However, he could lead us

to the Miller kidnappers.



Okay, here's the physical.

Name of the informant: DC Randall.



Nationality: Siamese.

Sex: Male.



Eyes: Blue.

Weight:    pounds.



- Seventeen pounds?

- Exactly.



Hair, or in this case, fur:

Black streaked with tan and white.



- You did say "fur"?

- Correct.



- You want us to follow a cat?

- That's the assignment.



How do you follow a cat?



They go through fences and culverts.

They climb trees and phone poles.



Wither he goest, you will go.



- You have a question, Graham?

- I've got an old dog



who's a lot better

at tracking cats than I am.



We don't have time for comments.



I'd like to remind you,

a woman's life is involved here.



- Sorry.

- Okay.



Now, tonight you'll take up

your initial positions



in the area surrounding

the Randall house, here.



When the informant leaves,

it'll be our job to contain him loosely,



within a moving, fluid perimeter.



It's important he doesn't

become aware of us



as this might alter

his regular nocturnal behavior.



Hold it.

Who do you think you're kidding?



- What do you mean?

- You think I don't know



- what's going on upstairs?

- You do?



I didn't come in from Stupidsville

on last night's bus.



- You've got a woman in that apartment.

- Hold it. What does that mean?



Don't double-talk me.

I've got ears, haven't I?



Uh, it's Dan's mother.



She come in unexpected, sudden-like.

We didn't know. That's all.



I don't care if it's Pocahontas.



You got three people living there,

and that'll cost you another    dollars.



- I'll bring it right down.

- Don't bother.



I'll come up and get it.

I like to know my tenants.



- Can't. She's sick.

- What's wrong with her?



- Nothing catching, is it?

- It's her nervous system.



It's all fouled up.

She can't stand visitors.






- We gotta leave, gotta get out of here.

- What for?



The old battle-ax knows

we got a dame up here.



She heard her talking.

I told her it was your mother.



Why didn't you tell her

it was the TV?



I told you a million times, the TV.



- I gotta talk to you. Private.

- Why private?



- We got no secrets from Moms.

- Come on, will you? Please.



All right, all right.



Go in the kitchen

and get a glass of water.



And stand by the sink,

where I can see you.



Okay, fill me in.



Well, I found a place.






I got a big bin I spotted

in an alley two blocks away.



Back of a store,

where they dump trash.



Not so good. It's too close.



Anyway, I don't like bodies.

They always turn up at the wrong times.



We gotta unload her. The lady downstairs

is gonna start nosing around.



[Dan] I say we got it made,

just as long as we sit tight.



- [Lggy] I say we make a move.

- [Dan] We sweat it out right here.



Listen, Dan...



...anything else I play it your way,




- Just one condition.

- Who says you make conditions?



- Just one.

- Such as?



She goes.



All right. But not until later.



And not in the trash bin.



See if you can't lose the car somewhere,

get her out of the city.



[Kelso] You sure your sister

won't mind us using her room?



No, not a bit. I told you,

she'd be happy to help.






Spires, this is Control.

Do you read me?



Sweet and clear. You reading me?



Affirmative. Excuse me.

What's your exact position?



In the alley, about    feet

from the Randall back gate.



You're the only one who can see

the informant when he hits the alley.



Let me know which way he turns.

Cahill, what's your field of vision?



West of Whittier,

east of the bend in Wetherby Drive.



- Stand by. About three minutes to go.

- You're young to be doing this work.



- I mean, it's terribly responsible.

- I'm really not that...



...not that young.

Kelly, are you settled in?



Affirmative. South side of Maple,

   feet from the junction with Wetherby.



Got it.



You're very athletic looking.

Do you surf?



Uh, no, not anymore.



My legs always looked ridiculous

in those shorts.



Besides, I was scared to death

half the time.



I don't believe that.



Look at the brave, wonderful things

you FBI people do in your job.



Maybe we could

chat some other time, huh?



As you very properly pointed out today,

a woman's life may depend on what we do.



I'm sorry.

Do you want me to leave?



Maybe that would be best, yes.



Oh, all right.



I only thought if DC happened to wake up

and find a strange man in the bedroom...



I just don't know

how he's gonna take it.



Uh, you've got a point there.



- Graham, are you settled in?

- Opposite the west end of the alley.



If the informant goes west,

you've got him.



If he goes the other way, stand by.

I'll give you a new position.



- Who's the square red one?

- The informant.



- The informant?

- Yeah.



Oh, DC. Oh.



Say, are you sure he

always goes out at  :  ?



Oh, yes.



Unless, of course,

it's one of his contrary nights.









All agents now stand by.



- For goodness sake, act casual.

- What?



Don't let him suspect

anything's going on.



Oh, oh.



Nice kitty cat.



[Kelso] Good old kitty cat.



[Chuckling] You can save the hypocrisy.



- He knows you don't like him.

- Oh.






You're all tensed up.

He's getting the idea something's wrong.



Can't you act casual?



Well, certainly nice weather

we're having, isn't it?



And there's a bit of a wind

coming up from the east.



[Whispering] That's terrible.

Can't you do any better?



- Well...

- And be careful what you say.






He can't understand

what I'm saying, can he?



Not everything, of course.

He's just a cat.



But mostly everything.



I told you before,

let my stuff alone.



And come on

in the house, snoopy.



- I thought he's supposed to go out.

- Shh.



Spires, he's on his way.



I have the informant in sight.



He's turning west on the alley,

toward Whittier Drive.



Graham, he's coming your way.

Can you pick him up?



I've got him.



He's in the backyard of the

next-to-last house on Maple.



I'm going to investigate.



Spires and Cahill,

the informant is moving north.



Stand by for new positions.



He's looking up

at the side windows of the house.



- Who lives here?

- The Hendersons.



- They moved in last winter.

- Forget it. He's moving to the street.



Kelly, next-to-last house on Maple,

informant coming through.



I make him, Control.

He's on Maple Street,



bearing toward the business area.



All right, Kelly,

leave the car and follow on foot.



Spires, move to the junction

of Whittier and College.



[Agent] The informant is approaching

the junction of Whittier and State.



Okay, Graham,

move to Seventh and State.



Junction Seventh and State.



The informant has now

turned west onto State Street.



Cahill, move to Eighth Street,

about a half block south of Main.



The informant is moving down the alley

leading from State Street to Main.



The informant is stopped on Main Street

in front of a delicatessen.



That's Mr. Bartel's delicatessen.



DC always hangs around there and

it drives Mr. Bartel out of his mind.






Get out of here.



Informant's moving, crossing

to the south side of the street.



Stay put for a minute, Kelly.

Graham, move to Seventh and Main.



Cahill, had a visual

on the informant yet?



Have him, Control.

He's approaching my position.



Informant passed my position, proceeding

toward the middle of the block.



Informant has gone into the side yard

of an apartment building.



Stick with him.



- Does DC know anybody on Eighth?

- Who knows?






He's still in the yard. He's interested

in something on the second floor.



[Whistles] Let's start

pulling in our perimeter.



Kelly, move down Eighth to the building.

Cahill, stay with the informant.



Graham, cut through the backyards

and come behind the apartment.



- DC won't be hurt?

- I have to ask you to be quiet.



Spires, start your car and move towards

the location with your lights off.






Back away from that window.



Why don't you let her stick her head out

the window and yell for help, meathead!



What'd I do?



Hold everything.

Informant's on the move again.



He's proceeding north on Eighth Street

the way he came in.



Oh, no.



Cahill, stay with the informant.

Others return to positions.



I thought we had something there.



I love DC, but he can

drive you up the wall sometimes.



We didn't expect to find

what we were after on the first pop.



Good, DC makes a scene

all over town.



- He must have dozens of stops.

- Dozens?



- [Cahill] Informant's crossing Main.

- Stay with him.



Maybe I shouldn't have said that,

but I don't want to see you tense.



- It can't be good for you.

- Excuse me, but I do not get tense.



We are trying not to be emotional.

Alert, yes. Tense, no.



Oh, I am relieved.



Ingrid, when you come

to dinner at the house,



would you mind wearing

something in yellow?



Gregory, I look yuck in yellow.



Do make an effort, dear.

It's Mother's favorite color.



Control, I'm getting hot.



- The informant is suspicious.

- Try and stay with him to the alley.



- Graham's coming in down there.

- Okay.






Control, the informant

has broken off contact.



I've lost him.



All agents,

abandon present positions.



Converge on the alley running

from Wetherby to Maple...



- Say!

- Hi.



- Shh!

- What do you mean, "shh"?



- What's going on here?

- Quiet, please.



- Report to me when you reach it.

- How dare you tell me to be quiet?



- What's this man doing here?

- I want you to meet Mr. Kelso,



from the Federal Bureau

of Investigations.



Please stop chattering,

or leave the room.



Listen, mister, where do you get off

telling me to leave my room?



I really have to ask you to be quiet,

and that goes for...



Hi, there.

Cahill, what happened to you?



- What's going on here?

- Ingrid, be still.



It's a matter of life and death.

I'll explain it to you later.



You'll get Tom Swift

and his electric scoreboard out of here,



- or I'll call the police.

- Don't call the police about the FBI.



- They won't come.

- Approach the alley from the east.



- Rendezvous with Cahill.

- I don't know about that.



That makes everything official.



Control, we've reached the rendezvous.

All negative.



[Agent] Okay.






There he is.



- [Cahill] I've got him.

- Graham, Kelly, stay behind.



Cahill, Spires, circle ahead.

We can't lose him again.



There he goes.



I'm not going to have hysterics.



I am going to ask everyone nicely

to please leave my room.



- If you'll come out to the hallway...

- I'm not going in the hall.



- Graham, where are you?

- Not sure. I doubled back so much.



Never mind.

Keep the informant in sight.






There he is, moving along a tree branch

toward a light frame house.



[Agent] Control, I see him too.



There's a door on the balcony.

He's trying to work it open.



- There are people in the room.

- How many?



It's hard to tell,

I just see shadows.



They're probably armed.

Wait for Graham and the others.



I'm moving around to the front,

Kelly's behind me.



- They're closing in.

- Closing in what?



Spires and I can go in

by the balcony.



There won't be any shooting?

DC's in the middle of everything.



I hope not.

We'll try to surprise them.



Oh, man.



- Front door is unlocked.

- Good, use the stairs.



Cahill, Spires,

are you in position?






Go on in.






- What's the idea?

- The cat came in here.



Are you guys out of your mind?

There's no...



[wheezing, sneezing]



What's the matt... Oh!






Oh, you poor darling.

Frightened to death.



That... [sneezing] cat!






- Oh, good morning, Mr. Benson.

- Good morning, Mrs. MacDougall.



I hope Ingrid

is feeling better this morning.



- Better? Is something wrong?

- Well, I figured she was sick.



She had the doctor over last night.



Or leastwise,

I assume he was the doctor.



Who else would be up there,

in her room?






Mrs. MacDougall,

exactly what time was this?



Look at the old buzzard.

I can imagine what she's telling him.



"Of course it's none of my business,

but there were men in Ingrid's room."



You won't tell him they're FBI people?

No one must know.



What am I supposed to say? The Kiwanis

Club is having fall maneuvers here?



You're a love. I know you won't

give everything away.



Remember, Miss Miller's life

hangs in the balance.



So does my car pool.



My reputation won't be worth

a plug nickel unless you get them out.



We've got to think

of Miss Miller and cooperate.



Of course, but the FBI has

gotten along all these years



without using my room

as a base of operation.



I want Mr. Whoever-He-ls,

and his ham radio or whatever-that-is,



out of my room by the time I get home,

or I'll become very difficult.



- Is that clear?

- Yes, quite.



- Have a nice day.

- Good morning, Ingrid.



- How do you feel this morning?

- Be careful, Gregory.



Be extremely careful what you say.



I haven't had my coffee,

and I'm in no mood



for stupid, irresponsible remarks.






- [Knocking]

- Come in.



- Kelso.

- Yes, sir.



I was just looking at your report.



It probably sounds peculiar on paper.

If I might amplify...



Only thing missing is Chester Conklin

and the Max Sennett Bathing Girls.



That's very good.



- However, we did learn something.

- Oh?



There are too many men on the detail.



The informant, that is,

the cat, became suspicious.



I felt that we were crowding him

a little too much.



That's about

the same conclusion I reached.



- I've assigned the men to other work.

- I won't need them.



As a matter of fact, I'm about to

forget this whole cat angle.



You can go back to work

on Johnny the Cooch.



As you know, I never wanted to

be involved in this cat thing.



However, I would like to try

one more time by myself.



How, single-handed and at night,

are you gonna follow this animal?



- I'll use a small transmitter.

- A trans...



- You wanna bug the cat?

- That's right.



Okay, one more night.

One. No more.



- Thank you, sir.

- And don't try to be a hero.



- If you turn up anything, bring us in.

- Absolutely, sir.



- I sure appreciate your help.

- It's all right.



Our parents are away,

so I can use their room.



Don't worry about your reputation.

When it's over, we can explain



- what the men were doing in your room.

- Thanks.



Then we'll restore your image

as a nice, quiet, respectful girl,



- who wouldn't get involved with men.

- Oh, please, dear.



I don't mind being respectable,

but I don't want to be a cold potato.



I don't think there's danger of that,

do you, Mr. Kelso?



- No, I hardly think so.

- Thanks.



The collar's ready.



- Shall I slip it on the informant?

- Oh, yes, please.



You'd never guess, would you?

That's the bug.



- Bug?

- Microphone.



And look, here's

a miniature transmitting set.



Sweet, isn't it?



Wherever DC goes, Mr. Kelso can hear

everything around him.



Conversation, music,

footsteps, anything.



But suppose DC simply

shakes him off his trail?



He did last night, didn't he?



Lmpossible. That's where

the direction finder goes to work.



- Hey, be careful with that thing.

- Absolutely.



DC has a built-in beeper in his collar,

which sends out signals.



And the signals are picked up on this.



Just by turning it, Mr. Kelso can tell

by that needle exactly where DC is.



- Oh, come on, Patti.

- I'll prove it to you.



Look, I'll borrow the spare collar

and hide you somewhere in the house,



- and we'll get Mr. Kelso to find you.

- Don't be ridiculous.



I've got things to do,

and I'm sure...



Don't you want to see

how they spend your tax money?



You don't want him

to think you're stuffy.



I couldn't care less

whether he thinks I'm stuffy or not.



Go in there, it'll be fun.

Here's the collar.



- Hey, this lock sticks.

- No, it works like a charm.






- Okay, Ingrid's all ready.

- Good.



- Ready for what?

- [Knocking]



Oh, Canoe.



- I promised I'd go to the drive-in.

- It's almost  :  .



- Can you get rid of him?

- Yes, I'll do the Camille bit again.



- Is he liable to keep hanging around?

- Possible.



- He's sweet, but flypaper.

- Hey, keep your date with him.



Get him out of the neighborhood.



This is my last chance.

I can't risk gumming it up.



I wanted to help.



This will help me.

Now, please...



And, uh, hurry.



- All right.

- [Knocking]






- I'm ready. Let's go.

- What's your hurry?



- I was gonna make a sandwich.

- Are you out of your mind?



Do you want to miss

Night of the Surter,



starring Git Gladsby,

"King of the Roaring Surf"?



- I thought they made you seasick.

- Of course.



Don't they everybody?



Mr. Kelso,

if you don't mind...



...let's get going.

- It's not  :   yet.



Say that again.



[Lngrid] Let's get going.



Now, wait a minute.



Let's just try and pull ourselves

together here a minute.



[Lngrid] Patti, you little wretch.

Let me out of here.









- [Pounding] Patti! Let me out of here!

- I'll get you out.



- Patti's gone to the movies.

- Gone to the movies!



Something seems to be stuck here.



Well, open it.

There's no air.



- I'm suffocating!

- I'll go get a screwdriver.



[Lngrid] I'm suffocating!

Let me out of here!



I'm sorry, but the cat's going out.

I've got to follow it.



[Lngrid] Don't you dare follow that cat!

Get me out of here.






There's no air!



I'll be back just as soon as I can.

Probably just an hour or two.



Lie down on the floor.

There's usually more air there.



I'm gonna scream.



Worst thing you can do.

Uses up all the air.






I distinctly heard a woman scream.



Right, and if you don't keep away

from that door, you'll hear another.



Okay, push.



I'd have that latch fixed,

especially if you go in there a lot.



Excuse me, I've gotta run.

I just hope I haven't lost the cat.



Go ahead and follow that cat.



When you find him, do me a favor.



The both of you,

just please stay there.






[Loud rewing]












Thank you, sir.

Turn off your lights, please.



Good evening, sir.

Enjoy the show.



Hey! You can't drive in

without a car.



Come on.






Lost something, mister?

Your car, perhaps?



- What's that in your hand?

- It's a litter meter.



Measures litter

in public places.



- What business is it of yours?

- Health inspector.



Boy, this place is a mess. Look at that.

Pushes the needle off the scale.



I'll bet you got a lot of mice.



Sir, a mouse is no more permitted here

than a man without a car.



Then how do you account

for all these cats?



There goes another one.



- Inspector, where's your badge?

- [Honking]



[Canoe] All I can say is,

there's something weird going on.



[Patti] What do you mean, "weird"?



Well, like whose car is parked

outside your house all the time?



Will you please stop grilling me

and watch the screen?



[Patti] Look at that one.

Isn't he something?



That's another thing. How come

you're interested in surfing pictures?



I thought they made you seasick.



If you ask me,

you're the one who's weird lately.



You always used to be so sweet.



I don't know what's happening.

I'm all churned up inside.



Tell you what.

Why don't you go to the snack stand



and get yourself a pizza

to settle your stomach.



I don't feel like a pizza.



For Pete's sake,

stop grumbling and watch the movie!



Oh, all these

surfing pictures look alike.



- DC!

- Hmm?



Oh, DC, what are you doing here?



- You should be out prowling.

- What are you getting hysterical about?



- If he wants to stay, let him stay.

- I will not.



You know what you're supposed to do.

Now get with it.



Make the scene.



Take off.






Does my smoking bother you?



[Patti] I love the smell of tobacco,

it's the fumes from the matches.



- Can't you keep it lit?

- All right, forget it.



I'm sorry. I guess neither of us

are in a very good mood tonight.



You can say that again.



Why don't we just settle down

and watch this fascinating movie?



[Many cars honking]



It's DC.

What on earth's he doing there?



[Honking continues]



What are you... Don't do that.

You'll disturb him.



- What do you think he's doing?

- I'm sorry.



- You're not gonna upset that cat.

- Get that cat down.



Burton, you stay right here.



Burton, keep your paws off of that cat.



[Honking continues]



Excuse me.






Well, that was a fun picture.



- Take me home now, Canoe.

- Home?



Haven't you seen

enough of this thing?



I thought you liked it.

It isn't halfway through.



Oh, please, Canoe.



You know, sometimes you're not

the easiest person to get along with.



[Birds cooing]



That, uh, car's still here, I see.



Don't start that again.

Good night, and thank you for the movie.



- I suppose I'm not coming in, huh?

- Correct, and good night.



I warn you,

sometime you're gonna push me too far.



I demand to know

what's going on here.



Oh, don't be such a drag.

Go home.



Well, you don't have to go away mad.



[Door slamming]



All right, let's go back

to beddy-by.



Who, may I ask,

put that table there?



I haven't the faintest idea.



- Which way did he go?

- [Gasping]



Don't answer the door.

Someone's shooting someone outside.



I know it's DC. They've shot him

and are bringing back his lifeless body.



- [Screaming]

- DC's all right. They missed him.



- You're lying. He's hurt.

- Hold it down. I gotta call in.



I had a feeling

he'd blow this case open.



- The robbers are in this neighborhood?

- I don't want to jump to conclusions,



but we stirred up a hornet's nest.

Kelso requesting Control. Emergency.



- [Sneezing]

- [Knocking]



Oh, DC, there you are.

Did they hurt you?



However did you find them?



I was trailing DC through a yard

down the street,



and he roused up some pigeons,

and person unknown



ripped off a shotgun blast at us.



- Main Control, go ahead.

- Agent Kelso here, sir.



- I have something worth looking into.

- That wasn't robbers.



That was your nasty Gregory.



Shooting at DC.



- Who's Gregory?

- He lives down the street.



- He keeps pigeons.

- Go ahead, Kelso.



- Oh, boy.

- Kelso!



The situation I was just talking about,

it just checked out.






[Loud pounding]



Step aside, please.

Where is he?



Where do you think you're going?

To shoot DC?



I didn't shoot your rotten little beast,

but I should have.



- Is anything wrong?

- There most certainly is.



You're not going upstairs

to murder DC in cold blood.



I am not after your moronic cat.



I'm after the man

that was following him.



Yes, a prowler behaving

in a very peculiar manner.



- Why don't we all go talk about it?

- Ingrid!



I am going to go through

every inch of this house



- and make sure he didn't sneak in here.

- I've got to break communications.



- I hardly think that's necessary.

- Nevertheless,



I am going up.



[Gregory] After all, there's just

you two girls here,



and I would never forgive myself

if I woke up



and found one of you had been murdered.



You've got nerve,

bursting into my room.



[Gregory] Now, Ingrid,

I want you to believe



that my paramount thought

is for your safety.



[Patti] We're perfectly safe.

There's no prowler here.



[Gregory] I am not a man

for half-measures.



I shall not be content until I have

searched every inch of this house.



Gregory Benson, I will not have you

tramping around my room this way.



And put down that ridiculous thing

before you shoot somebody.



Let me assure you, I am familiar

with the handling of this firearm.



[Lngrid] I'm warning you,



if you don't get out this instant,

this very instant...



[Gregory] I have no intention

of leaving...






Excuse me. The wiring

seems okay, Miss Randall.



- Wiring?

- Yes, but don't hesitate to call.



- No, thank you.

- Just a minute. Now you just wait!



I hope you don't think I am goof enough

to believe that ridiculous story



about you being in that closet

to fix that wiring.



- If I may...

- Because...



...if you think I think that,

you have another think coming.



Miss Randall, I'm afraid we'll have to

take him into our confidence.



You will take me into nothing.



- I want nothing to do with you.

- I'm certain when you hear...



I have borne witness to all the

circumstances I care for one evening.



How come he knows your name?



Is he one of the men

Mrs. MacDougall was talking about?



I couldn't say.

Who do you think he is?



I shudder to think.



I really do.



I can say, it does open up

a fascinating area for conjecture.



Oh, don't be such

a complete floop, Gregory.



This is all perfectly easy to explain.



Don't say another word,

or I'll slap your face.



- We're explaining nothing to him.

- Well.



I hope you realize that Mother is

going to take this all very badly.



- Doesn't she usually?

- Ingrid.



There's no reason for you

to cast a slur upon my mother.



At least she, after all,

is an innocent party.



Yeah. Good night.



Oh, and just one more thing.



I suggest you find yourself

another car pool.



Well, goodbye, Gregory.



Oh, Inky, I'm sorry.

It was all my fault.



It's all for the best, I suppose.



Um, well, goodbye and thanks very much

for your cooperation.



- Goodbye?

- I've been assigned to a new lead.



I've got orders

to wrap up the operation here.






Well, my boss thinks we're not getting

anywhere with our cat surveillance.



I haven't come up

with a shred of evidence



to connect the cat with the criminals.



But what about Miss Miller's watch?



The office just completed their report

on all the jewelers



and watch repair people in this area.



Nothing turned up to indicate

it belonged to Miller.



But it does.

You know it does.



I don't know. It's a theory and

without evidence, we can't waste time.



Oh, I think that's horrible.

What about Miss Miller? Hmm?



You're gonna abandon her

to the mercy of those criminals?



That's enough. Patti tends

to overdramatize things.



What's worse, she has this diabolical

knack of getting everybody involved.



No, it was a good idea, in a way.



We had to be sure.

So long, Patti.




Oh, I'm sorry.



- Excuse me.

- Sorry. Goodbye, now.



I don't know what you must think of me.

Every time we met, I lost my temper.



That's all right.

We meet all kinds.



That wasn't what I meant to say.



- I, um...

- It's okay.



- So long, now.

- Bye.



That fellow has a most attractive way

of putting his foot in his mouth.



- What'd you say his name was?

- Zeke Kelso.



Hmm. Well, no matter.

Let's go to bed.



Tomorrow, if you don't mind,

let's get the house back to normal.



Whatever you say.



More evidence.



That's what they want, is it?



Hey! Get out of it.



- No! No, no, no, no!

- Why?



I wouldn't hear of it,

absolutely not.



And besides,

it's none of my business.



- That's all.

- Of course it's your business.



That's ridiculous.



We can and we must save Miss Miller.



- No, I'm no hero.

- Oh.



Look at me.

Do I look like Elliot Ness?



- No.

- That's the thing. I'm not a hero.



I wanna tell you, not only will I not

get mixed up in this thing,



I'm extremely disinterested

in the whole thing.



Don't get excited.

Just do me a favor. Leave...



Please leave me alone.



- I'm very busy.

- Just listen to me for a moment.



I know you very well,

and I know you're a sweet man,



and you would never forgive yourself

if something terrible happened,



and it could.

I can just see the headlines.



"Mr. Hofstedder.

He Could Have Saved Her."



Would it say that?



Of course, it would.



Wait a minute, don't get excited.



You don't have to do a thing,

just back me up if I get in trouble.



- Who are you calling?

- It's all right, just the FBI.



Oh, the FB... The FBI?



Well, sir, I just hated

to give up on this cat angle.



Zeke, you know as well as I do,

we haven't an iota of evidence



- to connect Miller with that watch.

- [Buzzing]



- Yes?

- Emergency call for Agent Kelso.



Put it through.



Agent Kelso speaking.



[With accent]

This is Daphne Hofstedder speaking



of Hofstedder's Jewelry Store,

     West Mapleton Avenue.



Yes, may I help you?



I heard you were

looking for information



concerning a certain watch.



- Yes, we are.

- Well, a couple of weeks ago,



a woman came into the shop

to buy a band for her watch.



Uh, what was the name? Oh.



- A Miss Margaret Miller.

- Margaret Miller?



Would you describe this band

that you sold to Miss Miller?



Uh... expandable.



Uh... it was gold-plated.



Rather inferior, not expensive.



- And the watch?

- Seventeen jewels,



rather rectangular-shaped,



with raised filigree...

things on the face.



Rectangular with raised filigree.



May I ask why you haven't

come forward earlier with this?



Well, I was away...

on my holiday...


            Mexico, on a bus.



Will you be in town?



Yes, I will be here anytime you want

to talk to me... on the phone.



Thank you very much

for your cooperation.




That's it, the tie-up.



- Can I move?

- Just a moment.



- Miss Hargrave?

- Yes, sir?



Would you get me Mr. Hofstedder

at      West Mapleton, please?



- He's a jeweler.

- Yes, sir.



- I don't buy that just yet.

- Yes, sir.



I want to cross-check.

Let me see that watch again.






- Yes?

- Mr. Hofstedder on the line, sir.



Thank you.



How do you do?



I'm speaking for Mr. Kelso

at    -    .



Did you place a call

to this number moments ago?



[Whispering] It's the FBI.



Mr. Hofstedder?






Yes. That was us.



My niece,

from Mexico, you know.



Oh, the wristband. She...



She sold it.

She's from Mexico.



No, I'm Mr. Hofstedder.



My niece sold it.



Thank you very much.

I appreciate the cooperation.



We won't forget you. Goodbye.



Okay, that's it. Let's go.



Oh, thank you, thank you.

You are a darling. Thank you.



I wonder what they meant when

they said they wouldn't forget me.



- [Knocking]

- It's me, lggy.



- Found a spot. Found a spot.

- Cool it.



Go into the kitchen.

We got business.



Don't kill me.

I won't give you away.



Now, take it easy.

This has nothin' to do with you.



Now, into the kitchen, okay?



Don't let him do it, Dan.



You're not a murderer.

You're not like he is.



Hey, wow.

Listen to the con woman.



I... I don't want to die.



Who said anything about killing?



Come on, into the kitchen.

Come on.



[Lggy and Dan talking]



How do I know

you won't botch it?



This ain't amateur night.

You happen to be talking to a pro.



Nice try. Another minute,

you'd have had the fire department.



What did I tell you?

You can't trust anybody.



Sorry, Moms,

you can see how it is.



We can't afford

to have you around no longer.



Come on.



[Coughing] Wait.



What goes on

in that pea brain of yours?



I forgot about the loot. Forgot, forgot.






- Who is it?

- It's the landlady, Mrs. Tabin.



Go away, we're busy.






Is that smoke smell

coming out of there?



No, it ain't, now beat it.



[Tabin] You open that door!

I've got my pass key.



I'm coming in.



What's the idea?



You can't keep me out of here.

City ordinance four, section   .



We weren't trying to keep you out,

just straightening up a bit.



- Don't like you to see it crumbed up.

- That smoke smell is coming from here.



Those rotten cigars lggy smokes.

Kinda turn your stomach, don't they?



- Okay, where's the woman?

- Who?



Your old lady. She's sick, ain't she?

I brought her soup.



Now, that's very kind of you.



- Mmm. Smells good.

- Vegetable.



She's in the bedroom.

Too sick to see anyone.



- She's in rough shape, really bad.

- [Under breath] Shut up.



I can't tell you how much

we appreciate you coming.



Never mind the snow job. There are

three people living in this apartment,



and that'll cost you...



Twenty bucks!



That makes us even.



Goodbye, and don't worry about Mother.

She ain't gonna be with us long.



- You can say that again.

- That don't mean you get the    back.



Of course not, Mrs. Tabin.

Good night and sleep well.



You're going to bed as usual

right after the news?



Just hold the noise down up here.



My sister come for a visit

and she don't sleep good.



- Your sister is staying here?

- Right, from Corona.



She's the prison matron out there.



Lucky I got that    back, right?



What if that hot serial number

turned up in a drug or grocery store?



Forty thousand pads in this city.



And you gotta pick one

on top of a human radar station!



She's got a sister

that can't sleep nights,



because she's a head roach

at the state birdhouse. Nice?



Now we got two of them

flapping their ears,



waiting for us

to do something stupid.



Control, Agent Graham in.

Our unit in position.



Graham, you will monitor

Agent Kelso's movements.



But initiate no action until

you get the word from me. Clear?



[Graham] Affirmative.



Be prepared for the possibility

of strong armed resistance.



All units, now stand by.



I've got a funny feeling

about DC going out tonight.



Poor thing. Alone and helpless

in the middle of all this.



Pull yourself together. That cat's

as helpless as the U.S. Marine Corps.



[Phone ringing]



- Hello?

- Hi, Patti.



- Hi, Canoe.

- You feel all right?



- Fine.

- Whatcha been doing today?



Oh, uh, nothing much.



Funny thing, I happened to be driving

by the house a little while ago,



and you know, that same blue car

is still parked out in front.






Well, um, [clears throat] is it

all right if I come over for a while?



No, not tonight. I, uh...



Oh, I've got this ghastly headache.



You just said you felt fine

a minute ago.



- Well, I meant fine,

- [chiming]



Considering the condition I'm in.



Can't you ever understand?



Would you mind cutting that short?



Who was...

Who was that talking?



Ingrid. Yes, it was Ingrid.



She always has this real deep voice when

she first comes out of the shower.



Thanks a lot, dear.



Okay. You just get yourself

a good night's sleep,



and I'll see you tomorrow.



Good night, Canoe.



Okay, dream girl,

if that's the way you want to play it.



[Whispering] How about a push

to get him started?



I'm afraid not, Mr. Newton.



See, that's the trouble.

None of you really understand cats.



Now, if someone was to go along tonight,



someone whom he trusts...



No, Miss Randall.



But supposing DC loses you again?



He's really diabolically clever.



[Kelso] Look.



- Don't you think I...

- [lngrid] No!



[Bird tweeting]



He's on the back porch

listening to a bird.






How I let myself

be talked into this...



I thought Mr. Kelso said you were

going to give up the cat theory.



We were, but a new lead

came up today to support it.



Mr. Hofstedder rang Mr. Kelso

about the watch,



or rather, his niece did. She...



How did you know about Hofstedder?



Well, um, his store is only

a few blocks away from here,



and we're very good friends.



I mean, his niece and I

are good friends.



Did Agent Kelso mention it to you?



- [Kelso] He's starting to move.

- Easy, Zeke. Easy does it.



Well, as long

as you won't be needing me...



- Where are you going?

- None of your business.



I'm happy to get you

out of the house,



- but what do you think you're doing?

- There's something fishy next door,



and I won't close my eyes to it

like you do.



I won't be an ostrich

and bury my head in the sand.



Why don't you try it?

It might improve your appearance.



I know my duty.



Good luck, old woman.



I always say, if you got a duty,



you ought to do it.



Get me the police.




I want to report a prowler.



Yeah, he's dressed

like an old woman.



Running around looking in windows.

No telling what he's up to.



Yeah, and tell your men

to be careful.



He's dangerous.



That's the     all right.



- [Screams]

- All right, relax, buddy.



- Just take it nice and easy.

- [Screaming]



Never mind the hokey scream.

We know who you are.



- Careful, this guy might be dangerous.

- Guy?



I don't know what you're talking about.




I don't want to tell you

how to run your business,



but if I was on a job,

I wouldn't wear women's clothes.



You don't have the face for it.

Now, come on.












[Motor rewing]



Control, I've lost visual contact

with the informant.



- You make him on the scope?

- I have a faint signal.



He's headed towards the pike.



[Kelso] On a line     feet north

of this position.



Okay. Report as soon

as you pick up your visual.



Yes, sir.



Oh, it's unloading time

It's unloading time



It's unloading time

Oh, it's unloading time



Unloading time

Unloading time



- [knocking]

- Iggy.



Hey. Know what I got?

You ready for this?



I got a laundry truck,

filled with old bags of laundry.



- She's in the bedroom. Make it quick.

- Will I. Will I!



- [Meowing]

- What'd you bring that thing in for?



Hey, fella,

where did you come from, huh?



You just wait here one minute.



I got a little business to do,

then I'll give you milk.



- [Meowing on radio]

- [Dan] Get rid of that cat,



and go in and finish her off.



[Lggy] Think it's best to do

the job here or in the truck?



[Dan] Here, we don't have

to fight her down the stairs.



This is it, Control.

    Eighth Street.



Okay, we got it.

All units, move in.



Kelso, hold off till we get there.



- [Meowing over radio]

- I can't wait, sir.



I've got a situation here

that's breaking wide open.



Iggy, get this thing

off of me, will you?



- Get it off!

- It's just my old buddy.



Your old buddy.

Get him out of here.



What's the matter?



- Hey, look.

- Shh.



- You stupe, the cat's bugged.

- [Knocking]



Hello, there. I thought you could help.

I seem to have lost a cat.



Oh, yes, I was wondering

who that cat belonged to.



- Come right in.

- Thank you.



You know, till you have

a pet of your own, you really...



- Ah, there it is.

- [Meowing]



- I hope he hasn't bothered you.

- No, not at all.



I guess you've been

missing your old daddy, hmm?



- He likes to play games.

- Doesn't seem to like you very much.



Actually, it's my wife's cat.



Yes, to be very honest with you,

we barely tolerate each other.



- [Dan] You live in this building?

- [Kelso] Near the front.



- Funny, I haven't seen you.

- Funny.



I work nights.

Engineer at the aircraft plant.



Interesting thing about that cat,



had a thing on its collar.



I could be wrong, but it looked

like a miniature radio transmitter.



I tell you, he is a character.



Always saying to my wife,

"What's he gonna drag home next?"



[Dan] You know something, mister?

I don't think that's your cat.



And I don't think you're an engineer

at the aircraft plant.



And I don't think you have a little wife

who lives upstairs near the front.






- Iggy.

- [Meowing]



Oh, there you are, lambie pie.



And you found him!

Oh, my sweet darling.



We've been so worried about you,

haven't we, dearest?



Yes, we certainly have.



I'd rather handle it now, dear.

You run back upstairs.



- Not at all. I want to help.

- Aren't you young to be married?



Why not? We were in love.

L'amour toujours, you understand.



Too bad lambie pie

didn't buy you a wedding ring.



She's always losing things.



- I found your cat. You run along.

- Why don't we all go?



No need to impose

on these nice gentlemen anymore.



- Come on.

- [Dan] One minute.



Now who's kidding who, huh?



Dear, would you let go

of my arm, please?



Lggy, get the money together.

We're cutting out.



- What about the old broad?

- Change of plans. Forget her.



We'll take Miss Nosy here instead.



- And I'll take care of you, copper.

- You'd be advised to leave her out.



- You're telling me what to do?

- That's right.



- Please be careful.

- Now, sweetness, I wouldn't hurt you.



I don't care about you,

but DC's getting frightened,



and he always behaves

so badly when... Get him, DC!



Hold it.






What are you doing?

No, no, that's my money.



Go away.



Let me go. Ow!



My money, my money.



- Oh, no.

- [Meowing]



[Lggy] That darn cat.



[Patti] Is that too much?



If DC wasn't bad enough before,

there'll be no living with him now.



Look at this one.

He's not a bit afraid.



He has a nice jawline,

and this picture makes it look as though



- he had a double chin.

- Who?



Zeke. Can you imagine

the girl that marries him?



Mrs. Zeke Kelso.



It sounds like something that got caught

in a clothes dryer.



Wow. Would you like to see how

your gentleman friend spends his nights?



Canoe! [laughing]



The poor darling.

How do you suppose he did that?



- I don't know. I'll get it.

- [Honking]



What in the world was he doing

caught in a garage door?



I haven't the faintest idea.



- Good morning.

- Gregory, I'm surprised to see you.



Good morning, Patricia.



Ah, how is our little celebrity

this morning?






- Bad cat.

- Quick little rascal, isn't he?



I may not be home for dinner.

I'll phone you later.



- Fine, have a nice time.

- I knew all the time, of course,



that nothing was wrong. I felt happy

to see in the morning papers



that my faith in you was justified.



Mother said I should hurry over here

as though nothing had happened.



She forgives you

for all the anxiety you've caused her.



Thank you, Gregory.



- Thanks, old man.

- I believe you two have met.



Mr. Kelso, Mr. Benson.

Mr. Kelso is in law enforcement.



- Mr. Benson is a duck hunter.

- Really?



I hope you have a license for it.

So long, now.



Goodbye, Gregory.

Regards to your mother.









- Sorry, Mr. Benson.

- Hi, Canoe.



I, uh, wondered

who that car belonged to.




Ingrid's new car pool.



- Great, isn't he?

- Yeah.



Uh, Patti, I don't know

how to say this.



- I'm kind of ashamed.

- Canoe.



Whatever happens, you must never

be afraid to look me in the eye.



Oh, that's not it.

I got a stiff neck last night.



How did you

get stuck in that door?



Well, that's just it.



It happened when...

Well, that guy there...



- Well, I was following you.

- Following me?



- Why?

- Well...


            and that guy,

and you wouldn't let me in the house.



Well, what was I

supposed to think?



Canoe, don't tell me

you were jealous.



And you didn't think

of your stomach, not once?



- How do you feel now?

- Like, miserable.



You do?

Why, that's marvelous.



You're really beginning to mature.



Tell you what,

let's go into the kitchen,



and you can make a big weird sandwich,

and you can tell me all about it.



- Okay.

- Okay.



You might as well wait for me.

It'll save time.



I'm going into the house

to murder someone.



Oh, Wilmer, don't try to hide.



Come out and take your medicine

like a man.






Now, our cat's been paid

every accolade



And he's earned all his acclaim



In a blaze of glory

He ends our story



In the feline Hall of Fame



But the way life goes



In a year, who knows



From the family he begat



You may wind up with one of

May be the son of



That darn cat



Special help by SergeiK