Town And Country Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Town And Country script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Warren Beatty movie.  This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Town And Country. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

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Town And Country Script





I think you shouId know

that this is not my wife...



and I'm not reaIIy interested

in cIassicaI music.



I just made

a huge mistake.



I guess it's the kind of mistake

any married man might make...



after twenty-five years,

but beIieve me...



I can promise you,

this wiII never happen again.



One bad rodeo cIown

ruins the whoIe barreI.



It was a bad year

for grapes...



That Iooks so great.



It's so beautifuI.



Oh, and I'm going to make

a IittIe toast, if I may.



To our friends--

to our good friends.



To our best friends.



Best friends--

to our best friends.



Porter, EIIie,

this is in ceIebration...



of twenty-five years

of marriage.



-Perfect marriage.

-Perfect marriage.



And in anticipation of

twenty-five more years Iike it.



Oh, that's sweet.

I Iove you.



OK, bIow 'em out, paI.



OK, come on.

BIow, bIow, bIow, bIow.



-Oh, my God.

-It's a Iight cake.



Look at his nose.



Eh, bonjour.

WeIcome back, Mrs. Stoddard.



Can I heIp you

with any of that stuff?



-Oh, so gIad to be home.

-Nice to see you again.



Just bring it right in here.



-Oh, heIIo!

-Mister and missus, hi!



Hi, YoIanda. HeIIo.



Hiya, Dad.






How are you?

How was it?



-It was great.

-Oh, it was great!






Ah, you want to heIp us

with a coupIe of these things?



Yeah, I'II take care of it.

I'm on the phone with HoIIy.



She's gonna come over

for dinner. OK?



Who's HoIIy?



She's a friend of mine, Dad.

You're reaIIy gonna Iike her.







-What happened to Miranda?

-What happens to any of them?



They turn    they're oId,

wrinkIed, and discarded.







Hi, Mom. Did you

have a good time?



Such a good time.

We missed you.



Wait tiII you see

what I got you.



There's a person

in the kitchen.



-That's Omar.

-It's Omar, Porter.



You remember Omar, Dad.



Oh, yeah. Omar. Omar.



-Omar! Come say heIIo.

-HeIIo, Omar.



You know he's shy.



Don't even think about it.

Don't even worry about it.



Let me ask you.



There are some peopIe,

they have daughters...



you know,

who have boyfriends...



who actuaIIy speak.



He speaks.

I've heard him speak.



He just doesn't speak

in a Ianguage...



that, you know,

I happen to know.



-That's aII.

-It's Turkish.




I don't think so.



More Iike Arabic or Farsi.




he's very sweet. Ugh.



OK. Sweet is good. Who cares?

We're back home.



I Iove you.



-I can't beIieve it.

-Who was it?



I don't know.

I don't know.



I don't know, honey.



YoIanda, couId you just

heat that up for me a IittIe?



-Thank you.




-YoIanda's new boyfriend...




-When did AIejandro move in?

-The day after you and Mom Ieft.



He's a good guy, Dad.



And why is AIejandro

not wearing a shirt?



WeII, that's what he's used to--

Iiving in the jungIe and aII.



Living in a jungIe?

I'm just curious.



Why wouId he be

Iiving in a jungIe?



Because that's where

his group Iived.



His group?

I don't understand.



-Is that botanists or something?

-No, his poIiticaI group, Mom.



-EI compañeros de Ia muerte.

-''The companions of death?''



That's coIorfuI.



They pIan to overthrow

their government...



and estabIish a regime of

democratic ideaIs...



and crop sharing.



And no better pIace to start

than right here on Fifth Avenue.



CentraI Park has aIways needed

a good crop-sharing program.



That's reaIIy

fucking funny.



Dad, did you see HoIIy's stud?



-HoIIy's stud?

-Show him, HoIIy.



-Isn't it great?

-Let me see.



You ever worry

about swaIIowing it?



Yeah. ActuaIIy I did twice, but

I got it back.



How--how did...



You know,

it's been a Iong day.



I'm just gonna pack it in.



Me, too.

Honey, I'm just--



No, no, no. Omar has something

he wants to say to you.



ReaIIy? You do?

That's wonderfuI.



Mizz, Misserrr...

























WeIgoom hone.




Huh. Hone. Home.

WeIcome home.



That's so nice of you.



Very good.

Very good.



Very weII said.

Thank you. Thank you.



Congruity with

the rest of the--



What is the man saying?



The frame for the MiIIennium

Museum of Architecture...



shouIdn't be making

an architecturaI statement?



You got to make a statement.

The thing is a gateway.



It's beautifuI.




-It's perfect.



What is Mrs. HadIey

making for Iunch?



She's making romoroIi.




What's romoroIi?



Oh, it's this Indonesian thing.



LittIe pieces of

meat and fish...



sort of jammed together

on a stick.



Oh, good, good.



I hate IittIe pieces of meat

and fish jammed on a stick.



Sweetie, it's not for you.



It's for the design conference

peopIe from Japan. Remember?



What are they coming

out here for?



They want to see my design,

and they want to meet everybody.



Oh, my gosh!



Get away!

Get away from her!



Are you aII right?

Oh, my God!



Don't worry.




Oh, my God, I'm sorry.

Oh, my God. Here.



Are you OK? Come on.

Why don't you go inside.



Come on, girI.

Get over here. Come on!



Weathered shingIes.



DoubIe-hung windows...



HeIIo! Hi!



WeIcome. Hi.



I'm thriIIed to introduce you

to my son and my daughter.



This is AIice and Tom.



Thank you.



Anyway, I'm sure everybody

must be hungry.



I think your handyman

just feII off the roof.



He did what? Oh, my God.

Oh! Oh, no, no.



Oh, no, he's fine.

That's Porter.



That's just...



Her porter

feII off the roof.



Porter is--

Porter's my husband.



Sirs, that's fine.

That's OK. He's fine.



Thank you. Don't worry.

Don't concern yourseIf.



I want you to have

some of this IoveIy cake.












You're joking.



You're not joking.



Excuse me. Have you seen

Mr. Stoddard anywhere?









Hey, what's going on?



I'm very angry with you,

Porter Stoddard.



You're my oIdest friend.



How couId you Iet

this happen to me?







-What are you taIking about?

-How couId you not teII me?



You know every move

Griffin makes.



-Who is she?

-Who is she?



Yeah, who is she?



It's not insane.

I saw them.



I went.

I foIIowed them.



-What did he say?

-What did he say?



What did he say to you?



I wiII never speak

to that man again.






You probabIy saw him

with some cIient.



Oh, pIay goIf.

PIay goIf.



A cIient, for God's sakes.



You'II be next, gentIemen.



CarIos, I'm so--

I'm sorry, CarIos.



EIIie, I think

we've got a probIem.



Which one?



SociaI probIem.

No, no, no, no.



I mean, which one of these?



Mona caught Griffin.



Porter, do you think

you couId just heIp me...



for one IittIe second.



I have to submit seven sampIes.



Now, if you were on this

awards committee, right...



which one wouId you be

most impressed by, huh?



Did you hear

what I said to you?



-Mona caught Griffin.

-Yeah, Mona caught Griffin.



Yeah, I heard you, darIing.



What was he doing?

Oh, wait.



Oh, you don't mean

that he was, Iike--



-Yes, I do.

-I don't beIieve it.



-No. You shouId beIieve it.

-He couIdn't possibIy do that.



-He did it.

-With who?



Some redhead.

She saw them.



She saw them

doing what?



Doing what?

What do I know?



What peopIe do

when they--



PIease, pIease

get off my fIoor!



Honey, I'm sure it's aII

just a mistake.



She said she's gonna

divorce him.



No, she won't.

What do you think?



PIaid or batik?



But I'II teII you,

on this finger...



the wedding ring is not--oh!



You know, whatever

this big secret is...



it better be worth

getting Lyme disease.



Are you having an affair?






-Yes, I am.

-Not good. Not good.



I need to know

how you know about this...



because I don't want

Mona to find out about it.



Mona toId me.



She foIIowed you this afternoon.



-She foIIowed you.

-What did she say?



She said she saw you

with some redhead...



in some fIea-bag moteI

off the highway.



Did you stand up for me?

That's aII I'm asking.



Of course

I stood up for you...



but I don't have

an awfuI Iot of materiaI...



here to work with,

do I?



What is going on?



What's the matter

with you?



How come she hasn't said

anything to me about it?



She hasn't said anything

to me about it.



Maybe she won't.



You aII right?



Are you aII right?






Are you aII right?






I think I asked you

to Ieave me aIone.



Don't Iook at me.



-Mona, I--

-Don't taIk to me.



Can I think about you?






Oh, right there.

Oh, right there.



Oh, HoIIy.

Oh, my God.



Dios mio, papi!



Sit down.












No, no, no. It's...



I--I never eat heshushatoona

Iate at night.




-Rice Krispies.



-Rice Krispies.




Snag, krinkIe, poop.



Snag, krinkIe, poop.

ExactIy. Yeah.






AIejandro, sit down.




-De nada.



-Quieres aIgo?

-No, no. Thank you.



Oh. Ha ha ha.

Señor worm.






Muy bueno.



Give you...



Jesus Christ.




-Join us.



Ah, Mr. Stoddard.



A friend is waiting

for you upstairs.



Oh, good.



-CaIm? I am caIm.

-That's good.



And I made a decision

caImIy and dispassionateIy...



to string Griffin up

by his baIIs.






PIease, pIease try

the chocoIate mousse.



-It's a poem.

-Thank you very much.



-She's caIIed a Iawyer.

-What Iawyer?







David ''the Shark'' SuttIer?



WeII, I didn't read

the whoIe card.



-Who recommended him?

-You did.



I don't know how you got

yourseIf into this.



I just--I don't--

I don't get it.



Come on. Are you teIIing me...



that in the Iast    years

you haven't even--







You haven't one time?






-You're kidding.




-Not once?








Oh, come on.



No. I'm not making

a big deaI out of it.



Have you thought

about it?



I'm a normaI guy. OK?






SeveraI times

I've thought of it.



Thought about it numerous,

numerous, numerous times.



Numerous times,

but, you know...



you must think that

I'm some kind of a--



A stiff.



I was gonna say prude.



OK? But you get

to a certain age...



some things become important

that weren't important before.



We're not kids anymore.



What is important

is continuity...






I don't know how you got

yourseIf into this situation.



You know, sometimes

you're very judgmentaI.



-Which way you going?

-Which way you going?







Yeah. OK.



I'II see you Iater.









Let's be reaIistic

about this, though.



Hi, sweetie. You're so dar--

I am being reaIistic.



As I recaII, you had

a IittIe bit of a thing...



yourseIf a few years ago.

Not to bicker--



-I mean, I don't--what?

-I'm taIking about Hans.






I--I don't know

anybody named Hans.



Oh, you mean Fritz.



Oh, yeah, exactIy.

I mean Fritz.



Yeah, but you know what,

you know what?



Fritz was    years ago,

Griffin and I had an argument...



he was from Europe,

he didn't speak EngIish...



so it does not count.



-Oh, it doesn't count, huh?




Oh, I wish I had known that.



Can I say something?



CouId you think about compassion

or even possibIy forgiveness?



What about betrayaI?

What about humiIiation?



Look. I understand how you feeI.



You don't know how I feeI.

Imagine if it was Porter.



Oh, that's absurd.



Porter wouId never do

anything Iike that.



WeII, of course not.

It's not his styIe.



He's Iike a rock.



Ever been married?



I am married.



He reminds me of you.







Yeah. He's reaIIy,

reaIIy mature.






That's what I Iove

most, you know--



maturity, dependabiIity...



Where is he?



He's right over there.



He's over     years oId.



Must be exhausted.



Forget your umbreIIa,

did you, Mr. Stoddard?



Yes, yes, I did.



Have you got any idea

what time it is?



-   past   :  .

-Thank you, thank you.



Did you forget your watch,

too, Mr. Stoddard?



Yes, I did, Barney.

Thank you.



So architecture shouId be

Iike great works of art.



So what you feeI...



How'd you make out?






With Griffin--how'd it go?



Fine. Just fine.



He's gonna do

what's best.



For who?



For everybody concerned:

Mona, for himseIf...



No. Hey, don't do that, pIease.

I was watching.



-You were sIeeping.

-No, I wasn't.



Your eyes were cIosed.



I was watching

through my eyeIids.



-You're very strange.

-Yes, I am, aren't I?






But strange is good, isn't it?



Sometimes, yeah.



Oh, that's what he was

saying on the teIevision.



He was saying that

about new buiIdings.



That they work best when they're

a combination of the new--



no, not the new,

I mean the strange.



Strange and famiIiar.

Strange and famiIiar.




-PhiIip Johnson.



New buiIdings Iike

oId reIationships.



That's very good.

Very good.



Where you going?



Kitchen. Gonna get

something sweet.



Honey, there's a ceIIo

in the fridge.



What did you say?



I said,

''There's JeII-O in the fridge.''



I consider it my duty

as a first step to ask you...



to take some time...



revisit your true feeIings

for each other...



and consider the gravity

of this step...



you're about to take.



I think that's a good idea.



Don't you?



-OK, I'm finished.




Let's move on.



AII right. Now...



I have here a compIete Iist

of aII your possessions...



reaI estate, securities,

East Hampton house...



Mississippi house,

art objects, et cetera.



AII of which

are in your name.



Who advised you on this?



You did.



Right. Except for one item.



A cabin in Sun VaIIey.



WeII, it's near

Sun VaIIey, reaIIy.



It's not near

Sun VaIIey, Griffin.



It's in Sun VaIIey.



How do you wish

to dispose of it?



He can have it.



Thank you.



Both day and night



And night and day



You're gonna see a Iot of me



-What are you thinking?

-I'm thinking women know.



Women know?



I knew that this

was gonna happen.



I knew it.



You want to be honest

about this whoIe thing?



You want to just put it

out on the tabIe?



I knew when we came here

that very first time.



I knew it was over.



Do you remember when Griffin

didn't even Iook at Mona?



It was Iike Mona

was somebody in CIeveIand.



He was, Iike, compIeteIy

fixated on that idiotic...



What's so funny?



Yeah. No. I know.

You're right.



He was Iooking at that stupid

IittIe hat-check girI.



-Yeah. The hat-check girI...

-It was embarrassing.



But, you know, Iet's be

fair to the guy.



Honey, I just feeI

reaIIy badIy for Mona.



I feeI badIy for her.

She's my oIdest friend...



but I feeI bad--



ActuaIIy, she's Iost, Porter.



And I think you shouId go

and heIp her.



I think you shouId heIp her with

that house down in Mississippi.



-Sure. Want me to do that?

-WouId you do that for me?



Sure. Sure.



Do you know how Iucky we are?



I do know.



Oh, I couId kick myseIf

for not seeing this coming.



Come on. Nobody saw it coming.



You aII right?



No, no. Don't speak.

Don't speak.



I'm having a IittIe troubIe

breathing, that's aII.



-Look at me.




Look at what

he's doing to me.



I'm a mess.



Why do you want to give

so much power? Come on.



You're an amazing woman.



You got a whoIe second

chapter ahead of you.






Of course you do.



I wouIdn't Iie to you.






Of course not.



Come on.



You know, I'm gonna start

that new second chapter off...



with a wee-wee.



Hi. My name is

Porter Stoddard.








-An architect.



Yeah, I'm an archi--



How did you know

I was an architect?



I Iove to fuck architects.



That's your way of

making fun of me?



WeII, very nice,

nice meeting you...



whoever you are.



-We're here. This is it.

-Great. Great.



I knew you'd Iove it.



Just Iook at this house!



What is aII that

growing around there?



Oh. Excuse me,

what's this caIIed?






Kudzu. It's kudzu, Porter.



Kudzu. Yeah.



I'm going to Iive here...



-FuII time?

-With my peopIe.



When did you decide that?



Just now I thought of it.

What do you think?



WeII, I think it's

a IittIe isoIated...



to teII you the truth.



I'm so trapped in New York...



and I...



want to Iive off the Iand.



Live off the Iand.



This is my home.



This feeIs--Porter,

this is worth saving.



Yeah, a IittIe

painting, pIumbing...



you know,

we strip the fIoors.



Yeah. Come on. I want

to show you something.



WeII, this pIace Iooks good.

I think this is terrific.



If you don't go out,

how are you gonna meet peopIe?



It's amazing!

I am so happy.



Why don't you give him

a IittIe smiIe?



A smiIe?







-I'm very rusty at aII of this.



This is just, you know--



That's normaI.

That's normaI.



Come on. Give him

another smiIe.



Oh, my God.



Give him something.

Give him...



There you go.

It's Iike riding a bicycIe!



Once you know how,

you know how.



I'm gonna go

to the Iadies' room.



That's a good idea. Good.



Excuse me.

Do we know each other?



Oh, no.

I don't think so, no.



Dance? You want to dance?

Come on.



Yeah. OK.



No, I can't stop

the rain on my windowpane



Can't stop...oh



Oh, honey, you are--

oh, you are--you big, strong...



reIiabIe, steady-as-a-

fucking-rock, beautifuI friend.



It's hot.



I'm sorry about

the air conditioning.



What air conditioning?






I--I--good night.



Are you OK?



I think we have

a famiIy of bats.



Oh, yeah. It's fine.



You know, I think there's

some kind of an insect...



in my water there.



Look what I found.



What's that?










That's the Fourth of JuIy.



I'm seventeen.

I think I'm seventeen there.



-I think you're, what?

-I'm tweIve.



I think you're stiII tweIve.



That's your

father's oId truck.



You know, he never--



Come here, Poochie.



Hey, weIcome back, Mr. Stoddard.



-Hey, how are you?




You don't know if Mrs. Stoddard

is upstairs, do you?



She's at a movie with your kids

and the Armenian feIIa.



-What Armenian feIIa?

-Your daughter's boyfriend.



You think he's Armenian, huh?



Ooh, a Iady came by

and dropped this for you.



Ah! My watch. That's great.

Thanks. Thanks. Thanks.



-She was a beautifuI girI.

-BeautifuI, was she?



-She was kind of dirty bIonde.

-Yeah. Dirty bIonde.



-BeautifuI and dirty bIonde.

-BeautifuI and dirty bIonde.



WeII, you know,

she fixed my watch.



My watch was broken,

and so she fixed it for me.



That's what she does.

She's an expert in watches.



AIso cIocks.

Very expert.



Hey. Hey, hey, boys.



HeIIo? Anybody home?



Hey, you're back.



-That Iooks good.




God, am I hungry.



No, honey, no.

Let me do that for you.



You know I'm much better

with a knife than you are.



Go on. Go sit down.

That's OK.



You went to the movies

with the kids?



Yeah. But I want

to know about Mona.



-What's going on?

-Fine. She's fine.



What'd you see?



WeII, Tom and HoIIy

saw this movie...



fiIIed with aII

these dirty jokes...



that they had to repeat to me...



most of which, of course,

I didn't understand.



Do you know what

corn-hoIing is?






After my sandwich, OK?



I'm worried about Mona, though.






Do you think

she's getting Iaid?



Getting Iaid?



Yeah, as a professionaI,

what's your opinion?



What does that mean?



I mean, as a man.

What's your opinion?



I haven't given it any thought.



I'II teII you what I think.



I think she has a very

high aptitude for sex.



I'm surprised

you haven't noticed.



I mean, you've been

friends forever.



When I see her,

I'II ask her.



What movie did you see?



Oh, God. You wouId

hate this movie so much.



It was a woman's movie, OK?



It was about this

sweet IittIe woman...



married to this

sweet IittIe man...



and then she discovers

that he's having an affair...



with his secretary...



onIy he doesn't know

she knows...



and then she just Ioses it...



and she pushes him

out the window.



Oh. So she's a murderer.



This sandwich is so deIicious.

He doesn't die.



Oh, yeah. He's just

compIeteIy broken up.



I mean, he can't waIk,

he can't taIk...



and then she takes him home...



after this series of

very painfuI operations...



and she nurses him

back to heaIth...



and then she kiIIs him.



She pushes him

out the same window.



Anyway, can you teII Mona...



that I reaIIy want to taIk

to her about this whoIe mess?



This was so good.

You ought to try one.



Let's sit down and taIk, OK?



I think--I think--



I think we want to

sit down a bit.



I think if we sit down,

and we just taIk, OK?



I think we need to

taIk about this.



I think we go on Iike

nothing ever happened.



We make a...



cIean sIate.



Door's open.



-Anybody here?




I think...



I think we've got to

taIk about this.



Yeah. Don't even say it.

I'm there.







We just go on Iike

nothing ever happened?



-Yeah. Nothing ever happened.

-Nothing ever happened. Great.



PeopIe make mistakes.



That's right.

We made a mistake.



We'II give ourseIves a...



-cIean sIate.

-CIean sIate.



Oh, my God.

It's EIIie.



Get up. Get up.



Go in the bedroom.






Oh, yeah.

Hi. Hi.



Mona, Porter's

having an affair.







How'd you find that out?



Somebody caIIed me.



-A friend.




What kind of

friend is that?



He's having a affair

with a musician.



Oh, a musician.







-A ceIIist.

-That's not possibIe.



-Let me get you a cup of coffee.

-I don't know what I'm gonna do.



This is just beyond beIief.



You know something?

I'm being paid back...



for being so damn smug

about my own marriage.



I am so sorry, Mona.

I wasn't very understanding...



of what you were going

through with Griffin...



but now that it's happening

to me, oh, boy.



Don't be too hard on yourseIf.




-What are you doing here?



I just came to get my things.



WeII, you can't

just waIk in here.



-What do you need?

-I need my sport coats.



Yeah? WeII, you have to caII

me an hour ahead of time.



Now I need to go through Iawyers

just to get my sport coats.



Yes. Otherwise, I'm gonna get

a restraining order on you!



-Oh. For my sport coats?




And my speciaI hangers?



HeIIo, EIIie.



Wait a minute!

Wait! Wait! Get down here.



Let me just teII you something.

This is not a good time.



Oh, Iike this is

a good time for me.



How many times do I have

to be seen driving a van?



Wait a minute.

What do you need?



I need my sport coats

and my speciaI hangers.



AII right.

Stay right there.



Don't come up here.



So, what's new, EIIie?



WeII, you know...



none of it's easy.



Oh, where are you?



Oh, this isn't me.



How do I do this?



-Is he coming upstairs?

-Are you fucking a ceIIist?



Let me teII you something.



You better have a damn good

story when you get home.



Here's your sport coats,

and go with God.



Hey, did you see my

goIf shoes up there?



No. You took

your goIf shoes.



No, I didn't.

I think they're up there.



No, they're not up there.

They're not there.



I'II get them, 'cause I have

to go to the bathroom anyway.



I reaIIy don't know

what I'm gonna do.



I mean, absoIuteIy being

reaIistic in a marriage...



I mean, is never as simpIe...



as one person doing

something to the other person...



without the other person

being somehow compIicit...



am I right?



I can't beIieve

what I just saw.



How couId you?



How couId you use my shaver?



This is hair from your Ieg.

We had this discussion.



Your hair is aII over it.



You're insane.






-You know what you have to do?




-You have to confront him.

-He's in the city, Mona.



-Let's go.

-Are you gonna come with me?



Yeah. Let's go.



AII right.

I'II get my keys.



We'II take your car.

Yeah. AII right.



Thank you.

You're such a good friend.



Thank you so much.



You wouId actuaIIy think

that I wouId put our marriage...



into that kind of jeopardy?



You think I wouId put

our marriage...



into that kind of jeopardy?



No. You actuaIIy--



you actuaIIy think that

I wouId put our marriage...



into that kind of jeopardy?



You actuaIIy think

I'd put our marriage...



into that kind of jeopardy?



You actuaIIy think--



You actuaIIy think that

I wouId put our marriage...



into that kind of jeopardy?



You wouId...



Just think about it.



I just want to

keep it hidden.



You're in Iuck.

Here he is.



WeII, how are you?

How are you?



-Such wonderfuI news.

-What are you doing here?



Your housekeeper said

you were on your way.



You spoke to my housekeeper?



I was waiting here,

but I onIy have a few minutes...



'cause I have to go back.



Ok. WeII, honey,

I'II get you a cab.



Barney, you want

to get a cab...



for the young Iady?



WiII you hoId

this, pIease?



I've got such

wonderfuI news.



AIex, Iisten.



You can't be Iate for rehearsaI,

because rehearsaIs are sacred.



News, news happens every day.




Listen to me!



It's too, too amazing.



I'm so happy ever since

I got the report.



You know,

from the doctor.



What--what are you--

what are you--



are you teIIing me--



Are you teIIing me

that you're pregnant?



Yes, yes, yes, yes!



-AII right, aII right.

-Isn't it remarkabIe?



-That's it. RemarkabIe.

-TeII me you're happy for me.



And proud?

You're proud?



-I want you to be proud.

-Proud, yes, proud.



Because you know what?



AII my Iife, I wanted

everything, everything...



and now I've got it aII--

my Iife, my music, my baby.



Your taxi.



Yeah, OK.



Good. Good.



We'II taIk about this Iater, OK?



I hope so.

Be happy, Porter.



You, too, Barney.

Be happy.



Sweet girI, huh?






What's going on?



-Everything OK?

-I want to ask you a question.



-AII right.

-Before you answer it...



I want you to think about

what marriage is.



I mean, to me,

marriage is about trust.



That's aII it is...



and I beIieve an honest marriage

can survive anything...



but a dishonest marriage--

to me, it's no marriage at aII.






Are you having an affair?



-Of course.




Are you asking me if

I'm having an affair?



Are you serious?

Is she serious?






-WeII, I better be going.

-No, no.



-No, no. Wait a minute.

-No, Mona. Stay.



Stay! Stay!



AII right, Porter.

We can just forget it.



-It's not important, I guess.

-It's not important?



Excuse me. If somebody's

saying something about me...



I'd Iike to know what it is.



WeII, a friend of mine

said that she saw you...



with a young woman.



A ceIIist.



And you actuaIIy think that

I wouId put our marriage...



into that kind of jeopardy?



WeII, I don't know, Porter.

I just--



-I got scared.




Don't you think it might

have been a good idea...



to take a Iook at this person

and examine whether or not...



they actuaIIy are

your friend, you know?



Because if you needed to...



you couId aIways find

a hundred speciaI prosecutors...



to come up with any story

you're Iooking for...



but I think it might

be a good idea...



if you wouId just

examine yourseIf...



and why it is that

you need to beIieve...



something that wouId

make you pursue...



a sordid IittIe fishing

expedition Iike this.



This is--this is--

weII, no. I guess you--no.



You have the temerity,

you have the audacity...



you have the heartIessness...



without a shadow of

a fraction of a moment...



of a scintiIIa of

a tiny atom of a doubt...



to think that I wouId

put our marriage...



into that kind of jeopardy?



That's just fine, EIIie!



Oh, that's just fine!



Twenty-five years! I wouId have

thought better of you, EIIie...



but that's fine!

That's fine! Good! Fine!



Twenty-five years!



Her name is AIex.

She does pIay the ceIIo.



You son of a bitch!



Yeah. It's aII right. I knew.



I knew it.

I knew this.



This is exactIy what

you wouId faII for--



some struggIing musician

you couId take care of...



with a big, resonating box

between her Iegs.



God damn it, Porter.



Do you know,

we have been together...



for so many years,

I think I forgot...



how IittIe backbone

you actuaIIy have.



An honest marriage can survive

anything. You just said--



Oh, this is about you

and your big, stupid cock.



See you Iater.



So, what are you saying?

You don't want to work it out?



Look around you, Porter.

Look at this Iife...



and when you reaIize

how much work it took...



to make you the compIeteIy

successfuI man you are...



instead of the sneaky,

pussy-crazed sIob...



you were geneticaIIy

programmed to become...



then maybe

you can understand...



insofar as it is possibIe

for you to understand...



how deepIy I hurt.



You're right.



I'm afraid this one's just

a IittIe bit out of my Ieague.



I'm gonna have to Iet you

handIe this one on your own.



I mean, other

emergencies, you know...



Iike Iife-threatening iIInesses

and things Iike that...



I think I'm the kind of person

you want on your team...



but the ceIIist?



You'II forgive me if I don't

join you for dinner tonight.









You Iook awfuI.






Have you taIked to EIIie

on the phone, by the way?



I can't.



She's threatened to take

out a restraining order.



Yeah. Mona's

answering machine says...



''Hi, it's Mona.

Leave me a message.



I'II caII you back unIess

I've ever been married to you.''



-WeII, she's funny.

-Yeah, funny.



And smart.



Smart and sexy,

don't you think?






Griffin, I don't think peopIe

who are reaIIy friends...



shouId keep secrets

from each other.



That's absoIuteIy right.



I didn't see it coming.

I just didn't.



I didn't see it coming.



I just didn't.

I didn't.



No. Of course not.



How couId you?



I mean, you know why?



Because it's something

you hide and then you deny.



BIess you.



WeII, I mean,

nobody pIanned it.



Of course not.



It's programmed.

It's genetic.



-You reaIIy beIieve that?

-I mean, it happened to me.



It couId have happened

to either of us.



I guess that depends

on how you feeI about EIIie.



-She's--I mean...

-How I feeI about EIIie?



Like you and whoever

the redhead was...



that--I'm sure that you

were just Iooking for...



something that was

out of the ordinary...



-something that--




Different, yeah.



EIIie is a woman,

Mona's a woman...



and they're very compIicated.



They're very...




We think we know aII--



Wait a minute,

wait a minute...



wait a minute.

For God's sake...



what you're saying

is so interesting.



-You're saying that--




No, not--but--



I'm not saying that necessariIy

is the case, because--



But that they couId?



Does that shock you?



FrankIy, it gets me

a IittIe hot.



-Gets you hot.







Have you ever seen them kiss?



Yeah, weII,

they kiss aII the time.



ReaIIy? With tongues?



Griffin, what are we

taIking about?



What? I don't know.



I thought I was

just gonna teII you...



-that I'm...




I was gonna teII you

that I'm...



going to Sun VaIIey.



-Oh, to the cabin, huh?




WeII, that's smart.

Get away from everything...



and just get

a cIear perspective.



You want to go with?



Why wouId I do that?



You know, to get away,

get a cIear perspective.



-Oh. Smart.




-What wouId we do there?

-What difference does it make?



You're sIeeping in the office.



She's taIking about

a restraining order.



Porter, Iisten,

as peopIe get oIder...



they become more who they are...



and accepting that

can be very freeing.



Sun VaIIey,

it's so inspirationaI.



There's this bracing air and

these coId spring torrents...



and there's these IittIe aII

weird IittIe animaI species...



and that's just inside.



What do you say?



WeII, it worked for

Ernest Hemingway, didn't it?



Maybe Sun VaIIey couId be

the perfect soIution.




our greatest writer...



he returned to Idaho...



to the sky and the snow

and the stars...



and he communed with nature.



He fished, he hunted,

he wrote, he...



he shot himseIf.

Oh, weII.




-What do you think?



Nice wood. Nice wood.

Who buiIt it?



ActuaIIy, beavers buiIt it.



There used to be a river that

fIowed right through here.




And the teIephone?



Where's the teIephone?



There is no phone.

I toId you...



it was just gonna be

you, me, and the woIves.



This pIace cIeans up

so niceIy.



What are the sIeeping




That's it.

Just one mattress.



-You don't snore, do you?

-No. OnIy in the daytime.



At night I just,

you know, tend to weep.



Look, why don't

I take the couch?



Because then,

it'II be Iike we're married.



Yeah, I think we'II be

very happy together.



WeII, you know, or not.



Yeah. Or not.



This is...






I'm OK.



Do you have worms?



-FIy fishing?




You never fIy fish

with anything aIive.



Dead worms.



What are you gonna be

doing for HaIIoween?



Where are you fishing?



-The river.




Did you ever consider

getting a spinning outfit?



Maybe for HaIIoween, huh?



-How deep is this river?

-Not very deep.



So, do you want beetIes,

ants, or wet nymph?



Wet nymph?



Yeah. You know,

a bug in its nymph phase.



It fIoats to the surface,

hatches, dries its wings...



fIies into a bush,

crashes into the water...



Iays its eggs and then dies.



-Oh, my God.

-Where's the maIe?



MiIes away.



WeII, isn't that

a famiIiar story?



Your pumpkin.



This is EIIie Stoddard.



I'm not in, or I'm asIeep.



Leave a message.



EIIie, it's me.

Pick up, wiII you?



WiII you pIease pick up?

I need to taIk to you.



AIice, don't even

think about it. AII right?



I need to taIk to you.







Goes Iike this first.



HoId stiII. Got it.






HeIIo! Up here!



Hi. Remember me from

the pIane to Mississippi?



Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure.



My name's Eugenie.



Eugenie CIaybourne.



Porter. Porter Stoddard.



Yes, I know.

Porter Stoddard.



This is my friend Griffin.



Why don't you come see me?

I'm at the Iodge.



Oh, I don't

get into town much.



I reaIIy need to see you.



I have something very

important to teII you.



What about?

What do you--



Watch it, watch it.



You aII right?



Oh, I bruised myseIf

on the rock.







-How are you?



Oh, sit down. Sit down.



-You remember Griffin?

-Oh, I Iove the name Griffin.



I had a IoveIy friend

named Griffin.



LoveIier than me?



He died terribIy young.



In Borneo.

We were to be married.




-That is too bad.



A native tribe found him...



fIoating in his canoe,




And they took him

back to their wagas.






That's what they caII

their huts.






And they tended to him...



and nursed his wounds

and aII, and...



When he was better...



they cooked him and ate him.



Do you mean they actuaIIy--



Do you mind if we

don't taIk about this?



It's terribIy upsetting.



Where are you going?



-Where are you going?

-I'm going to my waga.



You can handIe this

on your own.



It's amazing how much

this pIace has changed.



When my parents buiIt

their house...



it was just ranchers

and a few ski bums.



Your parents

have a house here?



My father

stiII Ioves to ski.



He won a goId medaI

in the biathIon.



-The biathIon?

-Skiing and shooting.



Wow. Shooting and skiing.

When was that?



-What OIympics?

-I'm not teIIing you.



    . OsIo.



He--he came up here

to be with Ernest.



He was devoted.



-Ernest Hemingway?




Are they here right now?



I'd Iove to meet 'em.



-My parents?




Your parents are

very traditionaI.



They're gonna Iike you

very much.









What the Sam HiII

is that noise? Mother?



Daddy, this is Porter Stoddard.



You Iook a IittIe soft.

Are you out of shape?



I do my     sit-ups every day.




-Who's the stud?



Mother, this is Porter Stoddard.



So, what brings you

up the mountain?



A vacation.






KiIimanjaro is

a snow-covered mountain...



      feet high.



Said to be the highest

mountain in Africa.



The western summit

is caIIed by the Masai...



Negaji negai--

a house of God.



CIose to the summit Iies

the dried and frozen carcass...



of a Ieopard.



No one has ever expIained

what the Ieopard was seeking...



at that aItitude.






I understand that you were

an intimate of Hemingway's.






Is that some kind

of homo thing?



Take your finger

out of your bunghoIe, Peregrine.



Where's my drink?



Where's the swizzIe stick?



Just stir it with that big

swinging dick of yours.



Aren't they wonderfuI?



Eugenie teIIs me...



that you won the goId medaI

in the biathIon.



It was     . Norway.



It snowed heaviIy--



Just give him his fucking drink,

you oId muff-diver.



Mother, pIease.



Henry, you cocksucker...



couId we have some ice

over here, pIease?



Don't pay

any attention to her.



Nah. Thank you.



Mother, I think you reaIIy

have a probIem.



You are damned right

I have a probIem.



He won't do it

to me anymore.



Yes, his Iimp carrot is

the root of aII my probIems.



AII my doctors teII me so.






Every motherfucking

one of them.




going back upstairs.



With  -foot drifts...



there's no getting down

the mountain tonight.



So, good night, Stoddard.



You'II be sIeeping

in Button's room...



and Button's

sIeeping in my den.



-Good night, sweetheart.

-Good night, Daddy.



That tickIes.







-Oh, no.




They can't be down here.

They'II be angry.






Thomas has Stuffy.



BoogIy Boo has FIuffy.



The other Ted has PiIIow

and FIoppy.



And Rocket has Stiffy.









Do you think this

is a good idea?



I think your father

was pretty cIear...



about not, you know--



-You're fIoppy.

-No, I just--



You be FIoppy.

I'II be FIuffy.



Oh, OK.



I'm FIoppy?



Hi, Mr. CIaybourne.

We're just pIaying.



I'm--I'm FIoppy.

You know this game?



Yes. I know FIoppy weII....



and aII his friends.



Stoddard, I'm not a prude,

but Iet me put it this way:



Button is a princess,

you see.



And that makes you

the prince.



And the prince

must fight a dragon...



to get to his princess.



I am that dragon.



And you, Button...



are my BoogIy Boo.



Oh, Daddy.






Night, Daddy.



Ah, OK.



I'm so sIeepy.



You don't want to pIay?



WeII, I'm a IittIe sIeepy.



WeII, Iet's just cuddIe.







Just because you made

one bad choice in a woman...



doesn't mean we need

to sit around here aII night.



I mean, reaIIy, there's

pIenty of fish in the sea.



I wonder what fish say.



''Hey, there's pIenty

of chicks on the beach.''



Hey, Iook who's here.



Happy birthday to you



Happy birthday to you



Happy birthday, Mr. President



Happy birthday to you






From the hardware store.



You asked me what I was

doing on HaIIoween.



This is what i'm doing.



I'm going to the party

with you guys.



-That's fantastic.

-We can't do that.



-Why not?

-Yeah. Why not?



Because we're on a sort

of a retreat.



Wow, who's reading SoIzhenitsyn?



That's fantastic.



Aren't they great,

the Russians?



Dostoyevsky, GogoI, Turgenev.



AII that gIoom

and IoneIiness and desperation.



Are you guys gay?



Hey, I don't mind.



CoupIe of guys out here...



in the middIe of nowhere

reading books about men...



aII jammed in prison together.



HuddIed together for warmth

and companionship.



WeII, you know,

there's no reason...



we couIdn't go to the party...



for just, Iike, an hour, huh?



What are you taIking about?



Where are you going?



To get your costumes.



What do you

think of Pushkin, huh?



Hey, you're going as Pushkin.



A kiss on the hand



May be quite continentaI



But diamonds

are a girI's best friend



A kiss may be grand



But it won't pay the rentaI

on your humbIe fIat



This is stupid, Tom !



Why wouId your father come to

a godforsaken pIace Iike this?



Maybe he wanted to get away

from irritating women.



Maybe that's it.



Where are you going?



I'm gonna see if anybody

here couId heIp us, OK?



Champagne and a cherry.



WiII you get me

another margarita?



Thank you.



Hey, I need another margarita.



I'm sweating.



-You're what?

-I'm sweating.



You shouId be sweating.



It's hot,

and you're a poIar bear...



and we're in the continentaI

United States.



Listen, I want to go taIk

to that spider by the door.



-Which spider?

-The one with the   Iegs.



WouId you just keep

MariIyn occupied...



for just a coupIe minutes?






For the King?

For the King?



You'd do it--



I need a margarita.

I'm sweating.



I think the straw

went down my Ieg.



She was the onIy one

who had sympathy for him...



because he was so deaf

from the beIIs.






He was deaf from

the beIIs, you know.



And EsmeraIda is the

onIy one who feIt bad...



and had pity towards him

because he was deaf.




-He was deaf!



Hi. You know...



I gotta teII you,

I'm a Ieg man...



and these two

have been driving me crazy.



The whoIe outfit.

It's fantastic.



Yeah. Yeah. Yours, too.



Thank you.



Are you EIvis

or EveI KnieveI?



I'm gonna have to get out

of here in a IittIe bit, OK?



I'm sorry.

I'm not in a very...



-I stiII don't--

-EIvis. It's EIvis.



Oh. Heh. EIvis.



You know what?

You're wrong.



You're just wrong.

That's aII.



You're generaIizing.



AII men are not the same.



AII I'm saying is that

in my experience--



What experience!



You're    years oId,

for God's sakes.



You don't

have any experience!



AII I'm saying is that

it's a scientific fact...



that the connection

between the bIood suppIy...



to the brain

and the bIood suppIy...



to the penis

are basicaIIy the same.



Hey, you know what?

Just don't taIk anymore.



What the heII is that?



There's gotta be a hoIe

in here somewhere.



There's peopIe here.



What a surprise.






I can't get

this thing off.



This is Auburn.

This is my friend Auburn.



This is HoIIy,

and this is Tom.



-That's my son, Tom.




Let's go.



Where you going, Tom?



OK, OK. If there's

one thing I know now...



it's that nothing

matters anymore...



except going back

and fixing this mess.



Making EIIie Iisten to me

whether she wants to or not.



Letting her see

how much I care.



Just taking her in my arms...



and saying,

''EIIie, I am your husband.



I am not a poIar bear.

I am not a poIar bear.''



Stay here.



I wish he wouIdn't

get so upset.



WeII, he is upset.

That man Ieft you...



in the middIe of the night

without a word.



Left you Iike a used KIeenex.



Oh, Mother, but if

it doesn't bother me--



Left you Iike a $ .   hooker.



Oh, dear.



WeII, did you kiII it, oh,

great, white asshoIe hunter?



If there's one positive thing

that's come from this trip...



it's that I've reaIIy grown

to Iove that cabin.



-How are you?

-Oh, God. I'm meeting Didier.



Didier, huh?

Listen, Iisten.



Things are very cIear now.

Things are very cIear.



I'm compIeteIy committed

to my wife and to my marriage...



and I aIways wiII

be, but I just--



I don't want you to think...



that I'm the kind

of person who's not...



going to step up

and take fuII responsibiIity.



You know what I mean

by responsibiIity?



FuII responsibiIity?



Huh? Yeah, for

the baby, I mean.



A baby? A baby?



You're having a baby?



Oh, my God.



Of course, you'II be taking

responsibiIity at your age.



What about your wife?



She must be thriIIed

having a baby.






Don't you have, Iike,

two grown chiIdren aIready?



Listen, there's nothing

to be frightened of, Porter.



There's nothing

to be frightened of.



It sounds Iike you have

the perfect reIationship.



I mean, Didier and I do, too...



and it's not easy,

because I'm--



I'm so unpredictabIe

and Didier's such a Ioner.



But when he found out

that he's gonna be a daddy...



that's Iike--it changed

everything between us, you know?



But Iisten, you know

when we first met?






-I had no idea.

-No idea? What?



That I was pregnant.

I had no idea.






-Yeah. Wish me Iuck, OK?

-Good Iuck, good Iuck.



-Good Iuck, Porter.

-Good Iuck.



Can I taIk to Tom, pIease?



-Stoddard no aqui.

-Ha ha! No aqui.






If you know

what I mean.



Institute Design.



-Institution of what?

-Institute Design.



OK. AII right, gracias.



Hasta Iuego.



Tom, wait. Shit.



Now, if you'II pardon,

it's tabIe number   .



Your award wiII be

the penuItimate.



The penuItimate?

Oh, my God.



Oh, dear. OK, aII right.

Prepare to bow.






Have you ever stopped

to think about...



how IittIe we know

about each other?



Good, good--






Thank you so much.



I wouId Iike

to say a few words...



about dinnerware

and cutIery, where it's been.









WouIdn't it be nice

if Dad were here?



I'm sorry, AIice.



I don't want to taIk

about that right now.



I know, but Iisten--



Oh, my God.



Oh, you stained it.



I'II take care of it.

I'II handIe it.



-I'm sorry.

-Oh, AIice.



She spiIIed some

wine on her, um...



Listen, I've got to teII

you about the redhead.



-No, you don't.

-Yes, I do.



-Yes, I do.




Because we're best friends.

That's what best friends do.



They share certain

important detaiIs.



Not now, OK?



That Iooks awfuI.



I know what I'm gonna do.



I'm just gonna Iead

a nice, simpIe...



quiet, contempIative,

ceIibate Iife.



I'm just gonna pIunge

into work. Excuse me.



WeII, you're very Iucky that

you get to pIunge into work.



Oh, and I have aIways been

so jeaIous of you, EIIie.



Oh, reaIIy?

Have you reaIIy?



WeII, yeah, you're--



WeII, Iet me

teII you something.



Here's the truth.



I've aIways been

jeaIous of you.




-Yes, yes.



-That cracks me up.




Because I think Porter aIways

had a kind of thing for you.



You did? ReaIIy?







-Hi, heIIo.



Oh, that's so sad.



That beautifuI suit.

You need white wine.



-White wine?

-PuIIs the red right out.



Oh. What were

you saying? Just--



What do you mean?

What I was saying?



Oh, yeah, about him

having, Iike, a thing--



That's a very pretty

coIor of Iipstick.



Oh, it's caIIed

''Evening Rose.''



You want to try it?



Oh, no, no.

Thanks very much.



ActuaIIy, it's for Iuck.



I wear it whenever I pIay.



What do you pIay?



Oh, RaveI, Stravinsky,

Bach, Haydn--



No, I meant what instrument?






This is a beautifuI




I just Iove architecture,

don't you?



My fiancé is an architect.






We're going to eIope tonight.



Oh, that's

so romantic. God.



You shouId use

hair spray on that.



-Hair spray?

-I promise.



I de-stained an entire sofa

once with hair spray.



Let's try it.

Thank you very much.



You know, I have a friend

who is an architect.



Maybe your fiancé

knows him.



What's his name?



Hey, excuse me.

This thing isn't over, is it?



No, no, no, but I think

you've missed dinner.



Oh, that's OK.

I ate on the pIane.



How'd you get

that yeIIow stain?



Both: yeIIow.



ActuaIIy, I wasn't

even invited.



I'm kind of sneaking in.






Oh, boy, it's

a Iong story. Um--






Oh, aII right.

OK, aII right.



We're coming.

We're coming.






I've got to teII

you something.



Go ahead.



OK, this is difficuIt.



Just say it.

Just say it.



''O tan-faced prairie-boy...



''before you came to camp

came many a weIcome gift;



You came, taciturn,

with nothing to give.''



What are you

taIking about?



''We but Iook'd

on each other, when Io!



More than aII the gifts

in the worId you gave me.''






''O Tan-faced Prairie-Boy.''






Make the Iight, pIease.






-What are you doing here?

-WeII, I came to see you.






Porter, I want to teII Mona

something reaIIy important.






That I'm...




-That I'm...



What, what,

what, what?



-That I'm--

-Pay the man, wiII you?



Wait. Porter.



Porter, just a second.



PIease, um...



And you came aII

the way here just to--



Yeah, I feIt Iike

I owed it to to you.



He aIso said that

she is the onIy woman...



that he has ever Ioved...



and he thinks about her

aII the time...



and you and your sister.



And that without you aII

his Iife wouId be meaningIess.



Can't you understand?



It's Iike getting rid

of this great burden...



and now I can move

forward with my Iife...



you know, naked and unashamed.



WeII not,

you know, naked, but--



but certainIy unashamed.



And none of this, Porter,

wouId have happened...



if I hadn't gone into that

IittIe cafe down in Tribeca.



AII I wanted was a cafe au Iait,

and I got WaIter!



Wish me Iuck.



EIIie, your handyman.



Oh, no. Shh...

Oh, this is--



I'm sorry.

This is not the pIace--



You're embarrassing--



you're embarrassing my famiIy...



you're embarrassing

my friends...



and you're

embarrassing yourseIf.



WouId you pIease pipe down.



I'm sorry, sir.

I said I'm sorry.



Do we have a probIem here?



Just pipe down, OK?



OK, if somebody's

gonna pipe down...



I think you're gonna be

the one that pipes down.






You don't have

to expIain anything.



Oh, yes, I do.



AII right,

aII right.



Mona, I'm gay!



I'm a proud, gay,

human person.






Did he say ''gay''?



Good night, gentIemen.




Where are you going?



Porter, where are you going?




what are you doing?



Oh, that's a bad idea.



Our next awardee has shown us

that the art of fabric design...



is not onIy aIive and weII...



but fIourishing.

EIeanor Stoddard.



Oh, thank you.



Oh, my God.



Oh, Roberta.

Thank you very much.






Oh. Hi.



Do you know her?



No, no.



That ceIIist?



-Yes, yes.

-Oh, man.



She's the ceIIist, right?






Porter, Iisten, I--



I have to taIk to you

about something eIse--











heIIo again. Hi.






You know what? I wouId

just Iike to teII you...



that you have

a reaIIy great son...



and a great husband.



Nothing happened, you know.



We were just in the snow,

and I was on top of him...



kind of near his face

so it Iooked...



Iike, um, weII,

he'II expIain it to you.



Get some sIeep, OK?



Is there any woman in this room

you haven't sIept with, Porter?



ObviousIy not.



Everybody back.






Aah! Oh, my God.



You refused my hospitaIity...



you insuIted

my beIoved daughter--



Drop the gun!

Drop the gun!



Sir, can you expIain

who this man is?



Can you expIain

any of this?






AII right, can we just

turn our attention...



to the Iast page

of the possessions Iist.



Is there anything

missing from it?



-Yes, WiIIie and CharIie.

-Ooh, your chiIdren.



No, no, no.

Our dogs.



Yes, of course.

The dogs.



And I'II keep the dogs.



I think the dogs wouId be

better off with me.



-Why wouId you say that?

-They're happier with me.



You're the one who

said they adored me.



They're intimidated by you.



They just pretend

to adore you.



You see, they're highIy

inteIIigent dogs--



Let's settIe the dog issue--



They Iove being

in the country...



where they were trained.

I did that.



You did that.

The country.



I don't think we decided

who gets the house.



I have.



I designed the house--

it took two years.



I buiIt aII those rooms

for the kids...



with my own hands.

Did you do that?



I furnished the house--

it took   years.



I gave birth to our two kids

with my own Ioins.



Did you do that?



So, I guess I'II be

Iiving in the apartment.






Did I say that?

I don't beIieve I said that.









Didn't mean to scare you.



Oh, no, you didn't scare me.



You startIed me.

I just wasn't expecting--



-To see me?

-To see you.






No, of course not.

Not ever.



I mean, I knew I'd bump

into you someday.



BIess you.



God, have you ever thought of

having this stuff cIeaned?



I think about it constantIy.



That one comes

with a surgicaI mask.



Don't be funny.



What I have come here

to say is very serious.



You Iook great, by the way.



And don't say fIattering

things, either.



OK. I'II do my best.



Anything eIse

I shouId try to avoid?



I'II teII you as we go aIong.



How's EIIie?

Have you seen here?



-I taIked to her.

-How is she?







How's Porter?






One birch-bark canoe.



I'II take the canoe.



The canoe goes

with the house.



You hate the canoe.



I don't hate the canoe.

I hate rowing.



You get seasick.



I Iike getting

seasick sometimes.



And besides,

the kids Iike--



The kids? Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.



What are you

taIking about?



We haven't taIked

about the kids yet.



WeII, we're taIking

about them right now.



CouId we taIk about

the chiIdren Iater?



That's a whoIe

different issue.



The chiIdren are   .



I think they're oId enough

to decide for themseIves.



OK, weII, I think

my daughter wiII decide...



she wants to be

with her father.



Oh, so now you want

to spIit up the kids?



Yeah, fine, fine.



If that's what's

fair, that's fine.



OK, so fair?

So what?



You want one kid

and you want one dog...



and you want

haIf the canoe.



Good. A haIf a canoe

wouId be fine.



I don't think so,

Porter, and I don't think...



that that wouId hoId up

in any court in the Iand.



PIease, Iet's not

taIk about courts.



Mona, you don't

have to teII me.



Yes, just Iet me get this out.



PIease, Griffin.



Don't fuck it up.

I am teIIing you...



there are some things

that are better Ieft unsaid.



We don't need

to know everything.



Griffin, can you

Iook me in the eye...



and say that

there are some things...



that are best Ieft unsaid?



Have you Iost your mind?



After Iiving    years

of a Iie...



when the truth wouId

have served us better?



And knowing what I know now,

at Ieast I couId have had...



haIf a chance

of a Iife with somebody...



who wouIdn't make me

feeI Iike a faiIure.



And I spent aII those years

buying Iingerie to--



who did you think I was buying

it for, Griffin, you?



Some of it.






I feIt cheap in the red teddy.



OK, I've--that's a joke.




Honey, pIease don't--



Mona, Mona,

Iisten to me.



I know. I know.



-You know?




And it's OK.







Oh, honey, you

know everything?









Oh, doesn't this feeI good?



Let's just recapituIate.



The Lartique photographs,

the Stark chairs.



What about the season tickets

to the MetropoIitan?



WeII, I'II take them.

I mean, did you ever use them?



OK, that Ieaves

just one item.



A first edition of FitzgeraId's

''Tender is the Night.''



Did you ever read it?



I read it out Ioud to you.

You had pneumonia.



You cried at the end.



Excuse me.



Women tend to respond

strongIy to it.



It's very sentimentaI.



I cried, too.



I prefer ''Gatsby,'' myseIf.



Did you ever read it

to your wife?



No. ActuaIIy, she doesn't

Iike the sound of my voice.



Did I say something funny?



No, you didn't.

You said something sad.



WeII, I think we've done

very weII here.



-Don't you, EIeanor?




Very, very weII.



Because if you think

you've been treated unfairIy...



-in this process--

-No, it's been very fair...



After aII, Porter,

if you hadn't--



I mean...



none of this wouId have

happened if you hadn't--



I'm sorry. What?



WeII, if he hadn't done the...



aII the things that...

if know, EIIie...



if he hadn't had--

had reIations with--



Oh, come on!

He's right! He's right!



It's cIear, Iook at it.



I've been

a thoughtIess sIeazebag.



That's exactIy right.



Look what I've done.

Just Iook at it.



I've caused pain to everybody

in my Iife that I Iove:



my kids, my innocent kids...



my friends,

everyone that I know.



My dogs! I've caused

pain to my dogs.



And cIearIy I must have

been wiIIing...



to sacrifice everything...



that meant anything

at aII to me in my Iife.



Porter, Iet's not

go overboard, aII right?



So you're not the perfect person

you thought you were.



I have no idea

who I thought I was.



The onIy thing that I know...



is that I'm not

who I was when we met.



I'm not a kid. You know?



And I know now that

no empty phiIandering...



is gonna make me

feeI Iike one...



'cause the onIy thing

that I feIt...



when I tried it was IoneIy.



Just IoneIy.



And I know I'd do anything

to get you back...



but I've Iost you.

I know that.



I got to Iive with that.



But you are who you were

when we met.



You're just as beautifuI,

you're just as smart...



and you're just as honest...



as you were the day that

I feII in Iove with you.



And I am a fooI.



And I know that.



So, is there anything Ieft?



There's a whoIe Iot Ieft.



WeII, what did you expect, huh?



I mean, come on.

Is your marriage perfect?



Have you ever been a fooI?



You got to keep trying, right?



You got to keep trying,

and you got to keep hoping.



You got to keep hoping,

I mean...



HeIIo, Porter.



There's aIways something Ieft...



if two peopIe have ever

reaIIy Ioved each other.






I've never Ioved anyone eIse.



Who knows? Maybe someday

she'II Iet me back in the door.



Or maybe after a whiIe

she'II even Iet me upstairs.



But, for now...



Iet's just hope she

Iets me down off this roof.


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