Turner and Hooch Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Turner and Hooch script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Tom Hanks movie.  This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Turner and Hooch. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

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Turner and Hooch Script




[ Man ] The sleeve attaches

to the Pendaflex folder...



between the second

and fourth slots from the Ieft.



We've done the same

with one of these peel-off stickers.

It goes right on the file folder.



Now, each file folder needs to go

into its own Pendaflex folder.



You have to make sure

it's the appropriate Pendaflex folder.



Wh-Why does it have to be on the inside

folder and the outside folder ?



- The case number ?

- Yes.



Because it's the key to

the entire system. [ Snickers ]



It also goes on the report.

All pages.



You punch it with

a two-hole punch.



You attach it to the file folder

on this two-prong fastener.



- That way, nothing ever gets Iost.

- [ Phone Rings ]



Now, misdemeanours go in here.



- [ Ringing Continues ]

- And felonies go in there.



Hey, plenty of room in there.



Why do you think I'm Ieavin' ?

Caseload number's also

on the daily caseload sheet.



And today, for example,

we have two-- count 'em, two-- calls.



[ Sighs ]

Both of 'em down at the pier.



If we drag our feet,

they can carry us through to Iunch.



- Happy Birthday, Katie.

- Thanks, Scott.



Hey, could you give me a call

sometime today on the radio ?



- Call you ? About what ?

- I don't know.



Make something up. I'm beginning

to think the damn thing's busted.



Police officer !

Out of my way !



- Mornin'.

- Mornin', Petey. Dave !



[ Woman ]

Scott ?



Scott ?



Scott, I made some muffins

for you to take with you.



Oh, you didn't have to do that,

Mrs Remington.



God bless you in that awful city.



We're all hoping that

you don't get shot.



[ Sighs ]

Poor boy.



- [ Sighs ]

- [ Chuckles ]



What ?



Seat belt, seat belt, seat belt.

It's the Iaw.



- [ Engine Starts ]

- Thank you.



- Ah-ah-ah-ah.

- Oh, come on, man.



I can't sit here and smell these

without havin' at Ieast one.



All right, all right,

all right, all right.



- Just make sure it's just one.

- Thank you.



[ Dustbuster Whirring ]



- How many days do you have Ieft ?

- [ Whirring Stops ]



- Three.

- Good. Real good.



- Why ? Am I getting on your nerves ?

- Oh, no.



I mean, I really appreciate your

showing me the ropes this week--



lettin' me ride around

in your nice, clean car,



and treating me Iike

a full-fledged detective.



- Investigator.

- Whatever. But, Scott, when

are you going to Iearn to relax ?



- I am relaxed.

- Mm-mm.



I'm not talkin' about the small "R."

I'm talkin' about the big "R."



You know, "Top of OId Smoky."



- You mean, when am I going to get Iaid?

- Hey.



Oh, well, I-- It's already been

four times this morning.



I'm exhausted.



[ Men Chattering ]



[ Man ] Okay, come on, boys.

Mama's gonna be mad.



- Mr Boyett.

- Hey, Scott. How are you doing ?

I hear we're Iosing you.



Ah, yeah, 'fraid so, 'fraid so. This

is David Sutton. He'll be replacing me.



- Mister Boyett.

- Come on, boys.



Uh, we came down to tell you that--



That they found your dinghy

over in Moss Landing.



You should send somebody

to go pick it up.



Yeah, well, thanks. I never thought

I'd get to see that again.



Hey, Scott, could you, uh,

show the boys your, uh, badge ?



- They never saw

a detective's badge before.

- Sure.



- He's a detective ?

- [ Scott ] Nope, an investigator.



- I don't know, Dad.

Looks kind of fake to me.

- [ Boyett ] Fake ?



Hey, kid, you wanna

spend some time in jail ?



- Cute kids.

- Yeah, well, yeah. Kids.



[ Man ]

Need four hands !



Amos !



- [ Dog Barking ]

- Amos !



- [ Man ] Who's there ?

- It's me ! Scott !



Oh. Let me get a Ieash on him.



Yeah, do that !

PIease ! Thank you.



- Amen.

- [ Barking Continues ]



Here's the muffin for Hooch !



I brought a muffin for ya !

The muffin, Hooch !



Hooch, the muffin !

The muffin, Hooch !



- [ Screaming ]

- [ Snarling ]



[ Grunting ]



- [ Scott ] Medic !

- [ Amos ] Hooch ! Come here !



Amos ? Amos.

[ Gagging ]



Let him go, Hooch.

Let go of him, Hooch.



- Hooch. Drop him. Drop him, Hooch.

- [ Choking ]



I-I'm sorry, Scott. I don't

have the hand strength I used to.



- You're okay, aren't ya ? Huh ?

- [ Croaking ] Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine.



I was Iookin' forward

to a nice, quiet cup of coffee.



- But now I'm awake !

- Don't let him see that you're angry.



H-He has a sensitive spot.

He reacts real bad to anger.



What is the matter with him ?

I brought him a muffin. He knows me !



What, "know ya" ?

He didn't even break the skin.



Why, this dog Ioves ya, boy.



Let's go on up to the house

and we'll all have a cookie.



Come on, Hooch.

Let's go, boy. Come on.



[ Amos ] Doc says I shouldn't

give him these chocolate chips.



Uh, what do you say

about that, Hooch ?



[ Chuckles ]

I thought so.



Well, I'm here, Amos.

What's the complaint this time ?




That seafood plant.



There's somethin' goin' on over there.



- [ Scott ] Oh, they're okay,

other than a stolen dinghy.

- No, it isn't.



It's worse than it was before.



There's always some strange noises

goin' on at night.



Well, you're always telling me you

don't hear Iike you used to any more.



Well, I don't hear it.

Hooch hears it.



- He tells me.

- Oh.



Hooch tells you about it.



Well, uh, you Iive in

a pretty industrial area, Amos.



If you want peace and quiet, I suggest

you move to a nice apartment somewhere.



[ Chuckles ]

Me and Hooch in an apartment ?



Yeah, that'd be the sight.

[ Chuckles ]



I-I thought you didn't

mind comin' around here.



- Oh, I don't mind comin' down here.

- [ Hooch Barks ]



It's just, uh, I'm-I'm Ieaving

on Monday, remember ?



Now, the guy who's replacing me--




he's not gonna want to come down

and talk to you Iike I do,



because he's, well, he's scared

to death of your dog.



- [ Hooch Growls ]

- I can't figure out why.



[ Mumbling ]



Whoa, all right ! Hey, all right !

That-That's good ! Huh ?



Yeah, just sit there.

Drool over yourself.



[ Amos ]

Gave 'im whisky once.



Then he howled all night.

Now he sticks to beer.



- You want some ?

- No. No.



Thank you,

I'm not on Hooch's hours.



Well, I-I-I really have to get goin'.



Oh. [ Groans ]

Movin' up to the big city, huh ?



[ Sighs ]




Well, maybe me and Hooch

could come and visit.



You ? Anytime.



Hooch, uh--

Sacramento is the state capital.



I think they have Iaws

against dogs Iike Hooch.



Oh, stop.

It's not that funny.



Sorry, man.

I can't help it.



Every time I think about it...

I nearly wet my pants !



So do I.

That's why it's not funny.



[ Katie ]

Delta One, Delta One.



Hey, Katie. Turner can't come

to the phone right now.



- He's got a dog on this throat.

- Now, now. Just say "thank you,"



and then we're, that we're clear.



Thanks for the radio check, Katie.

We're clear.



[ Katie ] No, it's business, Turner.

Some kids found money on Pinecone Beach.



So far they've counted     .



- All right, we'll be right there, sure.

- Katie, we're on the way, pronto.



[ Tyres Squealing ]



- Mrs Harper ?

- Oh. Okay.



First I thought it was play money.

They had it scattered all over the road.



- Wow.

- Then, when I realized it was real,



I had them show me where they found it

so I could show you.



If no one claims it or identifies it

in    days, it's yours.



- Oh.

- I found it. It's mine.



- She can't have any.

- Stop !



Well, I'm confiscating it,

and if you do get it,



you have to use it for college.

It's the Iaw.



- See ?

- We have some forms you're gonna

need to fill out, Mrs Harper.



Yes. Stop that !



[ Foghorn BIows ]



[ Boyett ] She wanted a formal

church wedding, and I said fine.



Suddenly, it's two grand

for a wedding dress,



reception with a full bar for    



and I'm gonna end up

pickin' up the tab for the honeymoon.



They're talkin' Bora Bora.

[ Laughs ]



There he is now.

Didn't you want to talk to him ?



Yeah. Ferraday !

Want to talk to you.



Ferraday, I'm talkin' to you !



Right there !

What's the hurry ?



[ Screams ]



[ Moaning ]



[ Barking ]



[ Amos ]

Hooch ! Be quiet.



- [ Ferraday Groaning ]

- For Christ's sake.



You know, I feel Iike an ass.



I mean, I take you in, I give you

my trust, and what do you do ?



- You take the food off my kid's plate.

- [ Whimpering ]



[ Gasping ] It was there.

I-I just Iost my head.



It won't happen again,

Mr Boyett.



[ Screaming ]



Deal with it.



[ Barking Continues ]



- Hi, there.

- [ Gasps ] You get out of here.



- You back off !

- I hope I didn't disturb you.



You know, I realize we were making

sort of a racket over there.



In fact, I-I saw your Iight come on

over here, I realized I woke you up,



and I thought I'd better come over

and make sure everything's all right.



Well, you just mind your own business.

This is private property.



Okay, but you know what ?

I'm thinking if we disturbed you,



I ought to compensate you a Iittle bit,

just to make up for any inconvenience--



I don't want any of your money.

I've been watching you.



I've been seeing

what you're doing over there.



Hey, wait a minute. I can assure you,

we're doing nothing wrong over there.



- You get the hell off my dock !

- Don't !



No, don't you shove me.

You understand ?



I'm gonna introduce you to my dog.



[ Stifled Screaming ]



[ Growls ]



- [ Growling ]

- Jesus.



[ Whimpering ]



[ Howling ]



[ Phone Ringing ]



[ Sighs ] Hello. Yeah.

Yeah, I am now.



Uh, I'll-I'll be right there.



[ Men Chattering ]



- Yo.

- Really ? Turn around.



The dog was guardin' the body.

They had to wrestle him inside.



- Ah, d-d-did you talk to anybody ?

- Nobody heard or saw anything.



Seafood workers spotted the body.



- You ever investigate a murder before ?

- Are you kiddin' ?



- I moved here

to get away from murder scenes.

- Well, everybody's watchin',



so let's Iook Iike

we've done this before.



[ Hooch Barking ]



[ Barking Continues ]



[ Coughs, Chokes ]



All right.

I got five rolls of film.



Burn it up.



- [ Man ] Great, it's those jerks

from the Sheriff's Department.

- [ Siren BIaring ]



Hi, guys.



- [ Siren Approaching ]

- Hello there, Iadies.



We'll, uh, call you

if we need any help, Turner.



Foster and McCabe. GIad to see you.

I need coffee, with cream.



- Do you take sugar ?

- Two sugars.



- Two sugars.

- That's cute.

Look, in the spirit of cooperation,



I'd Iove it if you guys would get

the hell out of here. Is that okay ?



The pier is our jurisdiction, guys.



Yeah, but the entire county's the

Sheriff's jurisdiction. You know that.



[ Foster ]

This is police work, not a Iost bicycle.



- [ Barking Continues ]

- Excuse me.



What is this, a joke ?



Come on, every Iittle speck of dirt

is not evidence.



What are you going to do, Turner ?

Put the entire pier in a Iittle baggie ?



- What is that for ?

- To preserve what's ever

underneath the fingernails.



[ Scoffs ] For what ? He was stabbed

in the back, for cryin' out Ioud.



[ Turner ] You can never anticipate

what evidence is going to be important.



- You gather it now, analyse it Iater.

- Right.



[ Foster ]

Did you read that in a book ?



Yeah. Yeah.

I did read that in a book.



It was a great big blue book,

but I think you woulda Iiked it.

It had a Iot of pictures !



- [ All Talking ]

- Hey, wait a second.

We're all upset here.



Why don't we just cooperate ?

We all get our jobs done.



Hey, we'd just Iike to examine the body.

Before it decomposes, you know.



- [ Barking Continues ]

- Aw-- [ Sighs ]



Just gimme a minute with my guys,

would ya, please ?



- Not a problem.

- Thanks.



Tell ya, Scott, we're gonna have to turn

this over to the Sheriff's Department.



Why ? Why ?

They couldn't find shoes in a shoe box.



Well, you're Ieavin' town in a few days,

David doesn't have enough experience...



- to handle a murder investigation--

- [ Turner ] Oh, yeah, but wait.



I don't have to be in Sacramento

for a whole other week.

I was going to take a vacation.



I'll just-- I'll just cancel it.

I'll just canc--



- We can handle this.

David's a very good Iearner.

- Turner's a hell of a teacher.



What's the point of having investigators

on your police force...



if all we get to investigate

is stolen mailboxes ?



Come on. Howard, I got another

pay cheque coming. Let me earn it.



We can handle this.

We won't let you down.



We deserve a shot at it !



All right, just do the best job you

can with the time you got. All right ?



- All right.

- All right.

- [ Chief ] All right.



What do we got ?



[ Chief ] Okay. Well, we're willing

to share the Iab reports with you,



and we'll let you examine any evidence

that we gather. Fair enough ?



- [ McCabe ] Oh, no. Not fair.

- [ Foster ] Not fair.



[ Chief ]

Sounds fair enough to me.



[ Chattering ]



Oh, excuse me. Are you goin' in there

with just these things ?



We do this for a Iiving.

Stay out of the way.



[ Barking ]



Take this stuff. Make sure that

these are all eight by ten glossies.



[ Shouting, CIattering ]



- [ Male Officer ] Cut it out !

- [ Female Officer ] Why ? Get goin'.



[ Female Officer ]

Get out of the way ! Wait !



- [ Snarling ]

- [ Male Officer ] I got him !



[ Snarling, Barking,

Indistinct Shouting ]



[ Female Officer ]

Turn it around. Whoa, whoa, whoa !



[ Male Officer ]

Pull, pull, pull !



- Get him around. Easy, easy, easy !

- Here he is ! Here he is !



Oh, my God !

Whoa !



Back him up.

Bad dog !



[ Screams ]



[ Female Officer ] Good boy, good boy.

Come on, this way. Over here, boy.



Whoa ! Oh ! Oh !



- Oh ! Whoa ! SIow down, boy.

- [ Sniffing ]



[ Whining, Barking ]



This-- This dog's nuts.



- We're gonna have to shoot him.

- Hey, you're not gonna shoot this dog.



He's the closest thing

we have to a witness.



Oh, yeah ? You think

you can handle him ?



You're nuts.



Where are you goin' ?



He just responds poorly to anger,

that's all.



- Uh, David !

- What ?



David, bring the car around.



Up as close as you can. Open up the back

doors and Ieave the engine running.



Hey, there, Hooch.



Hey, you s--

You saw the whole thing, didn't ya ?



- [ Snarls ]

- Yeah, well, Amos is gone now, so, uh--



You don't have a Iot of options.



Okay ? You are either gonna work

with me, or they're gonna shoot you.



Come on. What I'm gonna do is,

I'm gonna try--



I'm go-- I'm gonna try

to make you a Iittle more--



a Iittle more comfortable, huh ?



[ Grunting ]



Oh, don't you just want to

think about it ? [ Panting ]



Huh ? Huh ? Here. Here. Here.

Watch. Watch. Watch.



Uh, how do you do this ?

[ Grunting ]



Let me just... make ya a Iittle...

more-- Oh, there.



There, there. Isn't that nice ?

Think about it.



Maybe we'll get some nice big

chocolate chip cookies.



Yeah. Nice big box of

chocolate chip cookies.



The soft kind ? The kind

with the    chips ? Want a cookie ?



The ki--

[ Gasping ]



Want a cookie ?



- Come on, Hooch, get in the car !

- [ Crowd Screaming ]



- Come on, boy.

- [ Officer ]

You people over there, get back.



[ Crowd CIamouring ]



- Come on !

- [ Banging, CIattering ]



- Come on !

- [ Officer ] Move it back.



- He's got it under control.

Stay out of the way.

- Come on, Hooch. Come on, boy.



Aw, goddam it !



- [ Horn Honks ]

- Hooch !



- [ Crowds Cheers, Applauds ]

- [ Man ] Oh, yeah, yeah !



[ Panting ]



[ People Chattering ]



[ Barking ]



- What, you tired ? Huh ? Hope so.

- [ Shuts Off Engine ]



If you are, it's just too bad.

Now, Iook out. Look out.



Come on.

[ Grunting ]



[ Car Door CIoses ]



Too bad, all right.

Hold on. Hold on. Wait a minute.



Hey, you're goin' in the clinic

for a few days, pal.



It's gonna be good for ya.

Come on.



- Come on ! Come on. Come on.

- [ Growling ]



- Come on, Hooch. Come-- Come on.

- [ Growling Continues ]



- Come-- Wait a-- Whoa ! Hooch !

- [ Barking ]



Hooch, no ! Stop !

Stop ! Hooch !



- [ Barking Continues ]

- Hooch ! Stop ! No !



- [ Grunting ]

- [ Growling ]



[ Screams ]



I'll kill ya.

No, Hooch !



- [ Whining ]

- Hey, what are you doing to this dog ?



- Ow. Ohh !

Just taking him for a walk.

- Well, he's bleeding.



- My God, how Iong has he been bleeding?

- Not Iong enough.



- You ! I'll kill ya.

- Hey. Now, I have a front door,

you know.



- I'll shoot you, Hooch.

I'll shoot you, Hooch.

- Well, you stay there.



- You just stay right there.

- Fix him up so I can shoot him.



[ Groans ]



- [ Panting ]

- All right. All done. You stay.



- What's your dog's name ?

- [ Groaning ]

Uh, uh, his name is Hooch, but--



Those wounds needed stitching.



- When was the Iast time he saw a vet ?

- I don't know.



Well, that's neglect. And it's

borderline abuse. I mean, he's filthy.



His diet is terrible,

and Iook, if you cannot--



Well, no, hey, no,

this is not my dog.



He belonged to an old man

who Iived down by the pier.



- Well, then, I want to speak to him.

- You can't.



- He was murdered Iast night.

- Whoa. God.



I'm Scott Turner, I'm the, um,

police investigator here in town--



I know. I mean, we use the same bank.

Emily Carson.



- Oh, we do ? Oh. Well. Oh.

- Yes. Yes.



- I'm sorta new here,

but it's a small town, so--

- It's ni-nice to meet you.



- I'm sorry about this misunderstanding.

- That's quite all right.



I can't stand seeing animals mistreated.



- Can I ask you a question

regarding the dog ?

- Yes. Come in.



There's a good chance, I think,

that he was a witness to the, uh, crime.



He may have to identify a suspect.

Can he do that ?



- Yes. Maybe.

- Can I show him, Iike, a photograph ?



Like a, Iike a mug shot ? And--



- You don't know much

about dogs, do you ?

- Well, no, I n-never had one.



- Not even as a kid ?

- [ Laughs ] N-No. No way.



Well, dogs don't see

in two dimensions.



I mean, he could recognize a voice,

or a scent, but not a photo.



- All right. All right.

- Come on, Hooch. Come on !



Uh, doesn't he have to... recoup ?



Well, no.

He's a Iittle tired, but he's okay.



You're a good "dawg."




- Boy, you sure are good with animals.

- Yeah. I'm a vet.



[ Laughs ]

You're buttering me up for something.



Well, I-I just can't help but think that

this dog is gonna be a Iot better off...



with someone Iike you,

than with someone Iike me.



- 'Cause I-I don't know-- Thank you.

- Are you married ?



- [ Car Door SIams ]

- No.



- You Iive alone, then ?

- Yeah.



- House, or an apartment ?

- House.



Yeah ?

You have a girlfriend ?



- No.

- Well, perfect.



- Perfect ? Perfect for who ?

- Perfect for Hooch.



- For Hoo-- How ?

- When you're home,

he'll keep you company,



and when you're gone,

he'll take care of your house.



-You're Iucky to have him.

-Oh, no, no, no, no.

I don't have room for a dog Iike Hooch.



Not many people do. I gotta go work.

Goodbye, Scott Turner.



[ Barking ]



[ Other Dogs Barking ]



[ Barking Continues ]



[ Muffled Moaning ]



[ Turner ]

What ?



What ? What is it ?

What ? What ?



Are ya-- If you're hungry, finish

the hamburgers. Ya-- Eat the buns.



- [ Whining ]

- Eat the buns. If you're not thirsty--



You know, you're not touching the water,

the orange juice, cranapple.



What is it ?

What am I supposed to do ?



- Make you a margarita ?

- [ Moaning ]



Shut up ! God !



Shut up ! This has been going on

for two and a haIf hours.



- [ Door SIams ]

- Just be quiet !



[ Barks ]



- [ Helpless Chuckling ]

- [ Barks ]



[ Groaning ]



- [ Howling ]

- [ Sighing ]



A-All right. All right. All right.

You tell me what I'm supposed to do.



You tell me what I am supposed to do.

What am I supposed to do ?



You tell me.

What am I supposed to do ?



What am I supposed to do, Hooch ?



Am I supposed to stand out

on the porch all night Iong ?



- [ Groaning ]

- [ Man ] Give him a Valium, Turner.

Take one yourself.



Hey, shut up !

I'm a policeman.



Gu-- Want your car towed ?



Man, I hate you.



[ Mumbling ]



Oh, no !



Aah ! You !



Aw, ya stupid dog !






Ah, ya stupid dog !



[ Barking ]



[ Muffled ]

Oh, you wanna chew my head off ?



Go ahead. You'll be trapped inside

and you'll starve to death.



That is, if they don't find

my body first and then shoot you.



You're in my house.

Back off. I'm comin' in.



- [ Growling ]

- Back off, Hooch !



Back off.






[ Growling, Panting ]



[ Bones Cracking, Groaning ]



[ Sighs ]

All right.



If we're gonna get along, we're gonna

have to come to a certain understanding.



[ Whines ]



-[ Light Switch CIicks ]

-These are the simple rules: No barking.



No growling. You will not Iift your Ieg

to anything in this house.



This is not your room.



[ Light Switch CIicking ]



No slobbering.

No chewing.



You will wear a flea collar.



This is not your room.



- [ CIicking ]

- No begging for food.

No sniffing of crotches.



And you will not

drink from my toilet.



This is not your room.



[ CIicking ]



This is your room.



The rest of the house is mine,



and when I come back into my house,



I Iike to find everything

where I put it.



Everything in its place.

Now, you don't touch my stuff.



And I certainly

won't touch any of yours.



Well, this is the room to do that.



This is your bed.



You follow these very simple rules...



and shut up,



we'll get along fine.



[ Police Chattering ]



[ Snoring ]



[ Man ]

Hey, Scott.



[ Snorting ]



[ Tearing ]



- [ Footsteps ]

- So what does it tell you ?



Not much. I never read

an autopsy report before,



and I'd just as soon

never read one again.



Autopsy report's the cornerstone

of any homicide investigation.



This one tells us that the perpetrator

probably had special combat training.



- Where did you see that ?

- Right here. "The murder weapon

penetrated the body...



"between the third and fourth ribs,

at an upward angle...



"entering the right Iung

at a depth of two inches,



severing the pulmonary artery.,,



I read that.

The victim was stabbed from behind

on the right side of the rib cage,



which would make

the killer right-handed.



Yeah, yeah.

But you're missing something.



Now, you stab somebody in the heart,

they can still scream.



But you penetrate the Iung,

they can't even let out a whisper.



They're trained to do that

in Special Forces.



Well, that wasn't in the report.

How did you know that ?



I'm a professional investigator.

It's my business to know these things.




I called the coroner and he told me.



Hey, fellas.



How much do you think we could get

for all of the furniture

here in the office ?



Or I got a better idea, how about

we sell a couple of squad cars,



startin' with yours first, Turner ?



- Is there a problem, Howard ?

- Well, yeah. There sure is.



I mean, the county crime Iab wanted

to charge me      for this stuff.



Now, suppose I send all of this in,



who do you suggest I Iay off ?



Hmm ?



Katie. Katie wouldn't mind

making the sacrifice, would you, Katie ?



- I've sacrificed enough for you, Tur--

- Oh, hey !



- We'll thin this out, Howard.

I'll go through it.

- PIease.



Don't worry. I'll thin it out.

Howard. It's fine.



Oh, no, no, no !

You're eatin' the car !



Don't eat the car !

Not the car !



Oh, what am I yellin' at you for ?

You're a dog.



- Don't understand a word I'm sayin'.

- [ Panting ]



What does it matter anyway ?

This car is gonna be David Sutton's

in a couple of days.



Here. You hungry ? Here.

Here's an ashtray. Eat that.



[ Car Engine Starting.

Motor Revving ]



[ Sighing ] You know,

it's a terrible thing about Amos.



I'm Iockin' my door tonight,

for the first time in years.



Oh, now, don't-don't do that.

We'll-We'll catch the guy.



I-I-Is this dog food ?

It says turkey and bacon.



Oh yeah. You know, people Iove

their dogs, so they want a variety.



- What kinda dog are we talkin' about ?

- Oh, very, very, very big.



Very Iarge, very tall.

Very, very wide. Massive. Ugly.



Ah-ha. Well.

You don't need this.



What you need is...



- this !

- [ Groans ]



[ Growling, SIurping ]



I don't even Iike the dog, Kevin.

Why would I get him a toy ?



Because dogs Iike to chew, Scott.

I mean, it's either chew this,



or your furniture or your shoes.



- It's up to you.

- Okay.



[ Announcers ] Sunday, Sunday, Sunday !

At the Imperial Raceway in San Rapello.



The world-class semifinals of

the N.R.D.A. funny car competition !



- Sunday, Sunday, Sunday !

[ Continues, Indistinct ]

- [ Growling ]



I'd Iike to thank you, Kevin,

for taking all this time away--



Oh, no, no problem.

It's my pleasure.



- Dog shampoo.

- Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait.

That's regular, no.



What you need is-- Yeah, medicated.

There, that's what you need.



Let's see.

FIea, tick, uh, wormer--



Scott ! Oh, Scott ! In case of

bad breath, regular, or minty ?



Thank you, Kevin.



- Ninety-seven fifty-one.

- Ninety-seven fifty-one ?



What ? Is that--

Is that pesos ?



This is for a dog. This is dog food.

Ninety-seven fifty-one ?



I'm not gonna eat this stuff !



Uh, did I buy smoked salmon ?

Ninety-seven fifty-one !



- How much if I take this back ?

- [ Squeaking ]



I'd Iike to talk to Kevin.

Can you call him, please ? Kevin !



[ Hooch Grunting, Panting ]



[ Wheezing ]



You get off of there.

Off !



- [ Grunting ]

- [ Growling ]



All right, that's it.

I'm gettin' my gun.



My rod, my piece,

my iron, my heater,



my gat, my Iead-hurler !



[ Crashing ]



Do not come back !



[ Barking ]



[ Sighs ]

Oh, wow. Wow.



[ Chuckling ]

That dog's got a Iot of guts.



Either that, or he's stupid.

No !



You are out ! Out.



- [ Growling ]

- Out for good.

Forget it, I wish it was snowing.



- [ CIattering ]

- No, no. I wish it was hailing.



I wish it was hailing, God.



- Send me hail the size of cantaloupes,

- [ Growling ]



if you're a just and fair God.



- [ CIattering, Growling ]

- No !



[ CIattering Stops ]



- [ Banging ]

- Cut it--



No, the--

I'm runnin' out of doors.



[ Whimpering ]



[ Whining ]



Oh, no. No.

She cannot spend the night.



Get back. Get back.



You, you go ahead. Not you.

No, no, no. Come on.



Not you, just her.

Get back in the car.



Wait a minute, what am I doin' ?

What am I doin' ?



Go ahead, Hooch.

Go ahead. Go. Go !



[ Whispering ] Go.

Go. Go ahead. Go, boy, go.



Follow her. Follow her, boy.

She wants ya, man !



This is why she's doin' this,

so you'll follow her. In. In. In.



Go in, go in, go in.



[ Emily ]




- Scott Turner, right ?

- Yeah, I was Iookin' for my dog.

Have you seen him ?



[ Laughs ] Yeah, I noticed.

You know anything about fuses ?



- EIectrical fuses ?

- Uh, yeah. Can you come in ?



For two minutes ?

Just two minutes.



- A fuse box ? Sure.

- Come in.



- Bedroom Iight is on !

- Huh ? What ?



- What ?

- Bedroom Iight is on !



So tell me when

the bathroom Iight goes on.



Mm, all right !



[ Emily ]

Hey !



- Hey !

- Uh, no, not yet.



[ Rustling ]



[ Chuckles ]

Uh, Iook, thank you, but, uh--



The-The-- Your Iights are on. This is

going to take you all night, you know.



No, actually, I just quit.



- You were gonna Ieave it Iike this ?

- Yes.



- Oh.

- I'm gonna start again tomorrow, but--



Well, you, ah, don't have

to help, but there's...



a couple of rollers there,

and an extra brush.



- This really bothers you.

- This would make me nuts, yeah.



It's harder to cut it in a big town

than it is in a small town.



Aw, that's a crock.



- Oh ?

- In a big town, you're anonymous.



You make your mistakes,

no one sees it.



Who cares ? In a small town, you got

to Iook everybody right in the eye.



Oh. Well, there's a--

There's a Iot more to it than that.



Well, that's true. You'll probably

have better Iuck with women.



Women in big cities outnumber the men,

so they're more desperate.



- [ Chuckles ]

- Thank you very much.



- [ Giggling ]

- If you have opinions about anything,



I want to encourage

you to express them.



Don't be shy. Just blurt them right out.

[ Chuckles ]



Well, you're better off here.



-Oh, yeah ?

-It's a wonderful town to raise kids in.



- Well, I don't have kids.

- Well, I want five kids.



How about a dad ? Huh ? Have you got

a dad picked out for these five kids ?



- No. Not yet.

- No ?



- Well, let me fill you in

on the Cypress Beach singles scene.

- God, I hate that phrase--



- "The Singles Scene."

- There's Embers Cocktail Lounge.



Or, what else ?

I guess the, uh, well, the Dairy Queen.



But I usually arrest guys my age

who are hanging out at the Dairy Queen.



'Course, you're pretty opinionated, and

you want to have those five kids, so--



- That I am.

- And we are...



- Uh, yeah.

- finished.



- This is good.

- Yeah.



- Doesn't it feel good ?

- This feels very good.



- Huh ?

- I got to admit it.



[ Water Running ]



- Here you go.

- Oh, thank you.



Thank you.

[ CIears Throat ]



You have paint all over you.



It's even up in your hair.



Look at you.

You don't even have it on your hands.



- [ Laughs ] Yeah. Yeah.

- Spotless.



I have some, uh,



- some packing that I still have to do.

- Right.



- Well, it's a nice night.

- Yeah.



And I have to walk Camille.

Do you want to take a walk with me ?



- Uh, no. No.

- No ?



No, no, no. Well, you see,

I'm, I'm starting to Iike you.



And if we go on a walk,

I'm just going to Iike you even more.



And then, one day,

we might even end up in Iove,



and everything will go along fine,

for a while, but,



but then, one day, bang, you're gonna

call me a selfish, compulsive bastard.



And you're going to pull your hair out,

and you're gonna scream,



and you're gonna say

you never want to see me again,

because I drive you crazy.



And I'm Ieft shattered.

Now who needs that ? Good night.



Hooch !



What time do you want to tackle

that hallway tomorrow night ?



'Bout  :   ?



[ Sighs ]



[ Whimpers ]



[ SIobbers, Moans ]



[ Car Door SIams ]



[ Hammering ]



[ CIears Throat ]



Good night, Houdini.



[ Choking, Coughing ]



[ Panting ]



[ Snoring ]



[ Sniffing, Snorting ]



[ SIurps ]



Okay, boy. Guess what ?



It's time for a bath.

Come on.



- [ Growling ]

- Come on. Come on.



Time for a bath.

Let's go.



[ Grunting ]

Oh, baby. Up.



Come on. Come on. Come on.



- [ Belching ]

- [ Coughing ]



Ugh !



- [ Chattering ]

- [ Barking ]



[ Grunting ]



- Ah, ah ! [ Muttering ]

- [ Barking ]



No, no, no, no. Okay.

Get in the tub. Get in the tub.



[ Moaning ]



[ Screams ]



- [ Grunting ]

- [ Barking ]



No !

[ Yelling ]



This is why man will prevail, and

your kind will never dominate the earth.



This is what you can do

if you've got thumbs !



[ Barking ]



Huh ? Move around.

Move around. I don't care.



There you go.

[ Laughing ]



Oh, what a ferocious dog !



- Get your armpits here.

Get your undercarriage.

- [ Groaning ]



[ Groans ]



[ Sighs, Sniffs ]



If I Ieave you in the car,

you're just gonna eat the rest of it.



Come on.



- [ Barking ]

- [ Woman ] Oh !



Turner, what the hell is that ?



- Come here.

- You can't bring a dog in here.



Uh, can you,

uh, Iift up this desk ?



- [ Panting ]

- [ Groans ]



Something different about you.



I Iike to think so, yeah.



Oh, I know what it is.

No tie.



This is the first time

since I've known you that

you haven't worn a tie on the job.



- Turner ?

- Yeah ?



- The dog's in the window sill.

- Oh. Hooch, get down from there.



- [ Chattering ]

- Hooch.



[ Growls, Barks ]



Well, what can I do, Katie ?

The dog Ioves weddings.



[ Barking ]



[ Continues Barking ]



[ Barking Continues ]



- Hooch, knock it off.

- [ Hooch Growling ]



[ Growling, Barking ]



- [ Barking ]

- Hooch, shut up.



Shut up, Hooch.

Come on, shut up !



- [ Barking Continues ]

- You ought to get the hell out of here.



[ Officers CIamouring ]



[ Katie ]

Be careful !



- Ooh !

- [ Barking ]



What is it ?

What's the matter ?



[ Officers CIamouring ]



Dave ! Police officer !



How ya doin', Petey ?

Dave !



Right behind you.



[ People Chattering ]



- [ Hooch Barks ]

- Hooch !



[ People CIamouring ]



Folks, don't panic !

Don't panic !



- [ Growling ]

- [ Screams ]



- Hooch ! Stop !

- [ Barking ]



Hey, fellas,

what the hell are you doing ?



[ Barking ]



[ Snarling, Barking ]



- Hooch !

- [ Snarling ]



- [ Engine Turning Over ]

- Hooch !



- [ Tyres Squealing ]

- [ Barking ]



[ Growling, Barking ]



- Damn !

- [ Dave ] Ever see that guy before ?



No ! I can't see his plates.

I don't have my glasses.



- [ Tyres Screech ]

- Hold it ! Police officers.

We need your car.



Hi, Ernie. Come on,

Buckle your seat belt.



- Buckle my seat belt ?

- Buckle the seat belt !



I can't find my seat belt !



- [ Tyres Squealing ]

- [ Scott ] We gotta stop and get Hooch!



[ Scott ] Come on, boy! Come on, Hooch.

Get in the car. Get in the car.



In here. Good boy. Good boy.

Come on, Hooch. Watch his tail.



[ Ernie ]

My mom is gonna kill me.



She told me not to take this

thing over   . It's brand-new.



- She's gonna kill me. I'm dead.

- Calm down, Ernie.

Gotta do this to break it in.



- Your mom will thank you for it.

- Hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on.



- He's stepping on my mom's groceries !

- SIap him across the face. He'll stop.



Ugh ! Ugh !



- [ Scott ] All right. What is that ?

- [ Dave ] It's a black Cadillac.



What is the Iicence plate ?

I can see the car.



Uh, wait. P-K-I. P-K-I.



- Okay, P-K-I--

- No. "B."



- No. It's P-K-I.

- It's a "B."

- B-K-I.



- Shut up !

- Shut up, Ernie !



- P-K-I.

- P-K-I.



- R-K-I- - - .

- R-K-I- - - .



- All right, that's right. R-K-I- - - .

- Romeo, Kilo, India,  - - .



All right, hang on, hang on.

He saw us ! He saw us ! Come on !



Come on, come on, come on.



- Which way ? Which way ?

- I think he went right.



- Right, right ! I'm sure it's right.

- Well, don't guess !



It's right, okay ?



Go right ! Right !



Highway Patrol hears about that,

I'm out of a job before I even start !



Hey, Turner, don't worry about it.

It'll be our Iittle secret.



What's the matter with your mom ?

She can't get a car with some muscle ?



Well ! You boys really

Iivened up the reception.



The bride burst into tears

and swore...



she was gonna have nightmares the rest

of her Iife because of that dog.



Fortunately Boyett thought you

were trying to capture the beast.



The mayor did too. I, of course, did not

tell them it was your runaway pet...



that had now become

the station mascot.



Don't raise your voice

around him Iike that.



- You'll just set him off again.

- Aw, come on.



- He's chained to a radiator.

- That doesn't matter.



Zack Gregory is a former Marine

with three arrests on his record:



Assault with a deadly weapon,

transportation of unregistered

firearms, and extortion.



No convictions. Monterey P.D. says that

address and phone number were false.



- Well, who is he ?

- The guy Hooch was just chasing--



- The man he saw kill Amos Reed.

- [ Fart ]



- You're kidding. Think this is the guy?

- Yeah.



[ Sniffing ]



- What ?

- Gee.



- [ Sighs ]

- [ Sniffs ]



- Congratulations. You broke the case.

- Well, we don't have him yet.




There's, uh, no motive, Howard.



Amos wasn't killed in a robbery

or a pattern crime, or in a fight.



- [ Sniffs ]

- We think maybe he was killed

to cover something up.



- [ Coughs ]

- This, uh--



This Zack guy is employed

by Boyett Seafood.



Now, Amos was always complaining about

strange noises down there at night.



- Like something illegal was going on.

- Hmm. Katie, could you...



swing the door open, please ?

We're gonna need some air in here.



Amos complained

about everything, Turner.



Yeah, and now he's dead, Howard.



I think we need to assume

that he was right.



Now consider it.

It's an isolated spot down there.



There's fishing boats coming in

and going out all the time.



Now somebody's killed ?



Drugs, Howard.

I know we don't have the personnel,



and we'll never have a warrant

with the stuff that we have so far,



but it sure would be nice

if we could search that place.



Yeah, all right.

I guess I can handle that.



I mean, Boyett's a friend of mine.

What's he gonna say, no ?



Yeah. D.E.A. agents,



Customs guys, the C.H.P.,



two shifts of our own guys,

plus all sorts of Iocal cops.



This is gonna be the biggest search

in the central coast since--



What ? Since probably World War ll,

and it's all because of you.



We're gonna go through Boyett's

Iike bacon through a duck...



and bust us a smuggling operation.



This is dessert.



Chocolate chip cookies.

Chocolate chip.



Something to drink ?



It's not gonna hurt me at all

if we impress some of those C.H.P. guys.



That's gonna Iook good on the resumé.



Give me maybe a Iittle job security

in the future.



Nothin' wrong with that.



There you go.



Well, come on.

You're not eating. Go ahead.



Go ahead.

This is a celebration, Hooch.



You I.D.'d Zack Gregory.

Amos's murder is all but solved.



So go.



- Open your beer.

- [ Sniffing ]



What ?

You're thinking about Amos ?



Huh ?

You must miss him.



Yeah, well,



I forget sometimes that

this must be pretty hard on you.



Everything's so different.



You and I got off

to a pretty bad start,



and my place isn't exactly

a rusty shack filled with junk.



Not yet, anyway.

You can keep working on it.



Okay ?



Hmm ?



- You Iike that ?

- [ Grunts ]



You Iike that ?



[ Grunts ]



You do !

You Iike that.



Well, here.

Let me do this side as well.



Huh ? Huh ?



You're not so rough.



- You're not so mean.

- [ Growling ]



You're not any kind

of a monster dog, are ya ?



Ooh ! Ooh ! Ooh !



Look at that face. Look at those

big teeth. What are you doing ?



Give me back my towel.

Give it to me.



[ Both Growling ]



- All right then ! Come on !

- [ Barking ]



- [ Barking ]

- Come on ! Come get this thing !



Get it ! Ha ! Ha-ha !



I got it !



Oh, yeah ! Yeah !



I'm coming right now for you !



Well, if any of my employees

are involved in anything illegal,

I'm happy to cooperate.



- I just don't understand it.

- When was the Iast time

you saw Zack Gregory ?



Yesterday at the wedding.

He didn't show up for work Iast night.



Well, the Monterey police

checked out his address.



It was a motel,

and they'd never heard of him.



He shows up for his pay cheque,

I'll call you.



All right, let's go, guys !

Come on !



I don't want any Sheriff's Department

guys handling this stuff alone.



Let's make sure one of our guys

is with them all the way.



- Gee, I hate fish.

- [ Chattering ]




Let's check in the back.



[ Chattering Continues ]



Move these filing cabinets out,



- then go through these one by one.

- [ Chattering Continues ]



Maybe we came on the wrong day.



Howard, I apologize.

I'm sorry.



- I really let you down.

- Come on.



Forget it. Can't expect things

to pan out every time, can you ?



Besides, you got a new job

waiting for you.



Why don't you go home

and pack up and get ready.



David, the case is now yours.



Foster, the guys in Monterey told me...



you sheriffs did

the original go-see on Zack Gregory,



but the D.M.V. says they sent

his vehicle registration...



on the black Cadillac

to the Lazy Acres motel.



So I'm just trying to determine how you

discovered that it was a false address.



What did you do,

just call them up on the phone ?



You didn't even go down

for an interview ?



You didn't show them a photo ?



Well, all right, Iook,

I need surveillance done...



on the Lazy Acres motel

to Iocate Zack Gregory.



Yes. He's the prime suspect

in the Amos Reed murder, that's why.



Yes, he is.

He is Iegitimate.



I have an eyewitness, kind of.



I am not telling you

how to do your job.



I am a Iaw enforcement officer,

and you are too, kind of,



and I'm asking you

for a professional courtesy.



Don't hang up on me !



What a dumb cop.



[ Phone Rings ]



Scott Turner.



Oh, hi. Yeah.

Hey, how's the town vet ?



[ Scott ] It just keeps

clicking around inside my brain,



what Amos told me about that place,

that there's something going on.



I don't know.

I can't figure it out,



- and I can't stop thinking about it.

- Maybe you should.



- [ Sighs ] No.

- Stop thinking about it.



Well, when I have a problem

that I can't get anywhere with,



sometimes I just think of

something completely different,



and then that's when

a solution comes, bang,



just Iike that, out of nowhere.



- Well, that's fascinating.

- [ Laughs ]



I don't work that way, all right ?



- Well, try.

- Well, I-- No, I can't.



- I don't, uh-- I don't know how.

- Well, I'll help.



- I'm thinking about something else.

- [ Groans ]



- What am I thinking about ?

- Oh, don't.



- Indulge me.

- Don't, don't-- Don't even, uh--



- I don't know

what you're thinking about.

- Oh, great.



So you've never thought about it ?



Never thought about what ?



Oh, oh, oh-- Thought about--



- Oh ! Well--

- Thought about that. Well--



Yes. I'm a guy. Yes. Yeah.

I've thought about that.



- How far did you get ?

- Well, I, uh, I got to unbutton the...



top button of your blouse.



I got a Iot farther than that.



- You did ?

- Mm-hmm.



- How far ? A Iot farther ?

- Well, a Iot farther.



I didn't know

there was farther than that.



Well, you have to use

your imagination.



- Well, that's got to be illegal.

- Probably is.



- Eww ! Right from the carton ?

- Mm.



Oh, God ! A woman in my house.



How'd that happen ?



Hey, how's your back ?



Well, it's regained some

of its elasticity, I'd say.



[ Laughs ]




- Well, this thing is empty.

- Mm-hmm.



What are we gonna do about it ?



Well, most of my grocery budget's

been blown on my dog,



- but we could manage--

- Those eggs ?



- Perfect omelette.

- Oh, that's great. Go to it.



Uh, well, um--



- No. No, no, no. No, no, no.

- [ Laughs ]



No, I think "we" was

the operative word there.



- No. Oh, geez !

- Oh, well !



Oh !

You Iook very Iovely in the Iight.



- I don't do this.

- That's where it all happens.



- We have cheese.

- Oh, come on.



- I'll mess up your kitchen.

- I'm not gonna cook for you, woman...



- 'cause you wore me out.

- Did I ?



We could call for pizza.



Don't. Don't.

I'll walk you through this, Doctor.



That's an omelette pan

right above you.



Aw, geez. You have a pan

just for your omelettes ?



There's a whisk and--

[ Kiss ]



[ Sighs ]



- [ Egg Taps Bowl ]

- Oh, no.



- I'm hungry too.

- Oh, come on. I'm doing it.



I'd Iike to eat some time

in the next five hours.



- Is this happening ?

- There you go, and great.



Now, mix that up...



and then we'll throw in

the other stuff.



- [ Stirring ]

- No, that's-that's stirring.



This is how you mix.

This is how you mix.



Oh, my God.

Do that again, would you ?



- You Iike that ?

- [ Laughs ] Oh ! Yeah.



Oh, you feel so--

feel so good.



You smell so good.



[ Scott ]

Oh !



- Mmm ! Oh, Jesus, of course !

- What ?



Oh ! They're not

bringing something in !



How could I-- Oh !



- The thing that I wasn't thinking of !

- Oh, the thought.



- Yes ! Bang !

- Oh. I told you--



Hits me right--

That's never happened to me.



I gotta get another Iook

inside that place.



- They're smuggling something out !

- Why did I open my mouth ?



So does this mean

I'll be eating alone ?



I'm sorry, I'm sorry,

I'm sorry, but yeah.



I tell you what.

I'll make it up to you tomorrow night.



Have you ever been down to that

Italian place down in San Rapello ?



They make a Iasagna down there.



It's not a great Iasagna,

but it is a good Iasagna.



I make better, but do you want--

You want to go tomorrow night ?



So, you're gonna be here

another night ?



- Oh, yes.

- Well--



Oh, yeah, yeah. Yes.



Yeah, another night...

at Ieast.



Hooch ! Come on, boy.



- He's outside.

- What is he doing outside ?



- With Camille.

- Oh, would you clean this stuff up ?



When you're done ?

All right ?



Just-- Leave it. Never mind.



It's all right. It's all right.

I've got it.



- Oh, God ! What time ?

-  :  .



- I'll meet you here.

- I'll meet you here ! Hooch, come on !



- [ CIattering ]

- Hooch, put that down !



Come on !



[ Scott ]

This your first stake-out ?



It's mine.






Well, it's gonna be a Iong night,



so what do you say

we prepare for it, huh ?



Try to stay alert.



Shall we ? Want one ?

There you go. Special treat, all right ?



Mmm ! Whoa. That's good.



They're hard.






it's not bad.



Tastes Iike health food.



You can have this.



Ah, ah, ah, ah.

Back in there.



Now, back to work.



[ CIears Throat ]



[ Chuckling ]



It was called

Lancelot Link, Secret Chimp.



It was Iike, you know, Iike

The Man from U.N.C.L.E. or something.



Did Amos have a TV ? Oh. It was

two-dimensional. You couldn't see it.



It was these chimps,

and they were supposed to be spies,



and they were dressed up in suits

and stuff, and they'd wear hats,



and smoke cigarettes

and talk Iike that.



[ Laughing ]

You missed it. It was good.



The Man from U.N.C.L.E.

was good though too.



That was a good show. It was a

cool show. It was on Mondays at  :  .



But it wasn't

Lancelot Link, Secret Chimp.



[ Laughing ]



[ Speaking Gibberish, Laughing ]



What does that do for you, huh ?



That feel good ?



Wake you up a Iittle bit, hmm ?



[ CIears Throat ]

I guess you have to be a dog.




Maybe I should have.



I had-- I had the enlistment papers

all filled out.



and all that kind of stuff was sent,



but I had this thing

with distance vision...



so no flight school for me.



If you're in the Air Force

and you're not in flight school,



it means you're scraping bird shit off

of some runway in Guam for two years.



So... here I am.



I'm boring you.



It's my apple.

I got you something.






I got you a diet Coke.



Diet 'cause-- Look at that.



Gotta start working on that.



You know, we've-- we've known

each other for a while now.



Uh, I think it's safe for me to say.



Are you aware of your drooling problem ?



I mean, it Iooks Iike

you swallowed a tennis shoe...



and you've got the Iaces

hanging out.



It's, you know,

it's a bit embarrassing.



Don't you think ?

Maybe you could save that.



Is there a use for this stuff,



Iike as an industrial Iubricant

or something ?



Eww. Good God.



I won't even say

what you're doing to the car.



[ Men Shouting In Distance ]



- Hey.

- Did you bring it ?



Yeah, I brought it.



- You do know that

we have to take it back ?

- Yeah. Yeah, we'll take it back.



We'll take it back.

Come on, Hooch.



Come on. There you go.



Listen, I saw Boyett Ieave, so let's

get this over with before he comes back.



Wait a minute.

What about getting permission ?



- Oh, David, why don't you relax ?

- Relax ?



Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

There's something not right here.



You got that Iook in your eye.



-I don't know what you're talking about.

-Oh, yes you do.



- [ Laughs ] You humped the vet.

- Oh, "humped the vet."



Humped the--

You have a Iot of class.



I happened to have

a religious experience...



with the future Mrs Scott Turner

who happens to--



Yes. She holds a doctorate

in veterinary medicine.



Get that ugly mutt out of here.




We're police officers.



This is a police dog, and we

just want to have a Iook around.



- You were here yesterday.

- The dog wasn't available yesterday.



This dog is a big problem.

He's a major health code violation.



Well, I-I don't understand

what the hassle is.



I spoke with Mr Boyett.

He said he'd be happy to cooperate.



Well, if he said it's okay,

then I guess it's okay.



- Thank you.

- Liar.



- What ?

- Boyett didn't tell you that.



He sure did... yesterday.



Come here, boy.



Okay, Hooch.



Let's find some money, huh ?

Can you ?



Can you find some money ?

Huh ? Huh ?



Smell it. Smell that money.

Find me some, okay ?



Yeah, find some for me too, Hooch.



- Go find it, Hooch.

- What makes you think

these things are connected ?



You know why I took that job

in Sacramento ?



Yes. Because nothing

ever happens in Cypress Beach.



But what has that got

to do with anything ?



There's been two unusual incidents

in town all year-- Amos's murder...



and      found on the beach-- they

happened a day apart from each other.



Now, maybe there's a connection.



- Maybe there's not.

- [ Growling ]



What is it, Hooch ?



What, you got something, boy ?

What is it ?



What you got ? What'd you get ?

What is this ?



What you got, huh ?



Look at this.

This is a perfect match.



It's the same size.

It's the same brand, everything.



That's a good boy.



Oh, yeah.



- Way to go ! Good going.

- All right, you guys.



I just talked to Mr Boyett.



He never gave you permission

to bring a dog in here. He's furious.



And I hope he sues

the crap out of you.



Hey, well, we're done anyway.

Thanks very much.



Come on, boy. Come on, Hooch.

Here we go. Come on.



You know, I could get fired over this.



It's fine for you.

You have another job to go to.



- I Iike a town where nothing happens.

- Don't worry. I'll take the blame.



I'll talk to Boyett and work it out.

Then I'll call Howard and do the same.



All right, what should I do ?



Well, we need to find out

how common these plastic bags are--



if you can just pick 'em up

in a supermarket,



or if they're a special

order kind of thing--



so check out all the businesses,

stores, things Iike that.



Then park the car,

turn off the radio, take a nap.



'Cause if you're in on what

I'm doing next, you will get fired.



- You stay in the car.

- [ Door SIams ]



[ Man On TV ]

...think so, Skipper.



- Skipper ! Mary Ann and Ginger !

- [ Man #  ] What about them ?



-We gotta warn them about the Professor!

-[ Bell Dings ]



No vacancy.



- [ TV Continues ]

- Speak English, moron. No vacancy.



If you ain't got a warrant, get Iost.



- You know him ?

- Never seen him.



I don't have a Iot of experience being

one of these intimidating policemen.



- I've never had to threaten anybody.

- You're breakin' my heart.



So, in order for you

to take me seriously,



- I guess I'm just gonna have

to shoot you in the Ieg.

- Yeah, sure you are.



[ Screams ]



You almost shot me !

I can't believe you done that !



- [ Hooch Barking Outside ]

- I can't believe I missed.

Now, where is Zack Gregory ?



- [ Hooch Continues Barking ]

- Put the gun on the counter.



- Zack Gregory ?

- I believe so.



[ Gregory ]

Go over to the Cadillac.



- You drive.

- [ Hooch Continues Barking ]



Hey, a seat belt ? Oh, yeah.



Think that's gonna keep you safe ?



Start the car.

What are you doing ?



[ Hooch Continues Barking ]



All right, now start the car.



Now go out here and turn Ieft.



- [ Engine Revs High, Tyres Screech ]

- What are you doin' ? SIow down.



Careful ! Look out !



[ Groans ]



You're not gonna do it.



You don't have what it takes.



What, kill you ? You're right.

I don't. But he does. Hooch !



- [ Growling ]

- [ Groans ]



It's an interesting sensation,

isn't it ?



I'm just gonna ask you some questions,



and you blink once for yes,

and twice for no, okay ?



Once. Yes. Okay, good.

You killed Amos Reed.



I don't believe you.

Hooch says you did.



- [ Growls ]

- [ Groans ]



"Yes." Okay. Progress. Good.



Now, the seafood plant--

you're using that as a cover ?



You're smuggling money-- cash--

out of the country ? Yes.



Okay. Hmm.

This is fun, isn't it ?



Boyett's in charge ? No ?



- [ Growls ]

- [ Groans ]



I can't stop him from snapping

your neck in two. Is Boyett in charge ?



Is Boyett in on it ?



All right.



- [ Groans ]

- I'm sorry. Sorry.



Here. Back this way.



All right, I'm just gonna make you

a Iittle more comfortable, that's all.



- [ Groans ]

- All right. Good. Now, let's sit down.



Let's sit down. Hooch !



- Come on, boy.

- [ Growling ]



Keep an eye on him for me,

would ya ?



What is this in your pocket ?



Oh. Thanks.



[ Footsteps ]



Okay, now, Hooch. Is there any way

I can get you to understand this ?



I need you to cover the back.

Understand ? Cover the back.



You know, the back,

the back-- the backyard.



The back door. The gate.



The back-- The back

of the building, okay ?



PIease ?



Cover the back.



What a good dog.



- Oh ! You scared me.

- Oh, I'm sorry. Sorry.



- Are you all right ?

- Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine.



- It's-It's nothing.

- I got here as fast as I could.



I mean, I can't believe it's Boyett.



- You were right.

- Where's the backup ?



- Where is everybody ?

- Huh ? Oh, yeah.



I got four cars out on Carpenter Road.

They're ready any time I signal them.



- Okay.

- Uh, so--



- You ready ?

- Yeah. Yeah.



Looks Iike we missed 'em.






Hey, the engine of this forklift

is still warm.



So it Iooks Iike we just missed 'em.



- Hey ! Hey !

- Because you tipped 'em off,

didn't you, Howard ?



What are you doing ?

What's going on here ?



You got backup on Carpenter Road,

you better call 'em in. Use the radio.



- Turner, come on. It's-It's Howard.

- Look, Iook, Iook.



You and Boyett are Iaundering money.

You've got the perfect set-up here.



This small town where nothing ever

happens. Built-in police protection.



I even know how you're doing it.



No !



That's all the evidence I need, Howard.



It's just a matter of

who's gonna sell you out first,



Zack or Boyett.



[ Groans ]



[ Boyett ]

We got him pinned between us !



- [ Howard ] He's on your right !

- Cover me !



[ Snarling, Barking ]



- [ Yelps ]

- No !



[ Groaning ]



You hit my Ieg.



[ Boyett Groaning ]



[ Groaning Continues ]



All right, Iace your hands

behind your head.



- Don't turn around.

- Howard.



He's still got his pistol.



- Howard, what are you doing ?

- [ Shotgun BIast ]



Scott ?



I'll kill you if I have to.



But obviously this is going to be

a Iot easier to explain...



if we both have the same story.



What ?



We came here to question him

and he fired at us.



He killed your dog. We fired back.

Killed the suspect.




You solved the case.



You know, I met some people

when I was in the army in Panama,



and they needed a secure way

to get cash out of the country,



so Walt set it up,

and I got one percent.



- It's drug money, Howard.

- I don't know that.



I never asked where it came from.



It's a damn shame that people

are getting killed over this thing.



When I found out about it

it was too Iate. Do you believe me ?



- How do you explain Amos's murder ?

- [ Howard ] It's covered.



Zack killed Amos.

Boyett told him to do it.



Boyett's dead. The case is closed.

It's all true.



Now, you gonna work

with me on this ?



[ Sighs ]

Sure is a Iot of money, Howard.



Yeah, I'll work with you.



Tell the truth.



- [ Snarling ]

- [ Yells ]



[ Yells ]



- [ Heavy Breathing ]

- Hooch.



Hooch, Hooch, Hooch.



[ Siren Wailing, Tyres Squealing ]



Come here. Keep these on.

Come on.



Hold that there.



Use pressure to stop the blood.



[ CIears Throat ] You'll be all right

once we get you home.



[ Voice Breaking ] Once we get you home,

you'll be all right.



- What you need is some rest.

- Keep your hands on his face.

He can smell you.



- That's right.

- Yeah.



You'll be all right.



Change it when it gets soaked.



That's right.



Just hold on, pal.



You okay ?



[ Scott ] He's gonna be all right.

He'll be okay.



He's Iost a Iot of blood.



It's okay.



It's all right.



Good boy. That's a good boy.

Good boy.



Just gotta get you home.

Get yourseIf some rest.



Hold on, chief.



Hold on, boy.

Come on, boy. Come on, pal.



Good. Good.



You'll be okay, chief.



All I have to do is get you home,

just get you some rest.



- You're gonna be okay, chief.

- [ CIattering ]



Come on. Come on.



[ Whispering ]

Come on, chief.



That's it ?



[ Sobbing ]



I'm sorry.



Wait, wait, wait, wait a minute.

Come on, now.



They may not drive well, but we try

to keep them a Iittle bit clean here.



Hey, I'm sorry, man.



- Let's go. Come on.

- Ready ?



Seat belt. Seat belt.



Oh, ho !

Stolen bicycles from the high school.




How'd you know to Iook here ?



Hey. I'm a professional investigator.

It's my job to know these things.



You got a tip.



I got a tip.



You solved the case.

It feels good, doesn't it ?




your wife just called the station.



Quote, unquote:

"He's out, and if you're not home

in five minutes, you're hamburger."



- Hey, Turner, you need my help ?

- I can handle my own domestic crisis.



- Wait a minute. Here. Take my jacket.

- What ?



Wrap it around your throat.

[ Laughs ]



[ Siren Wailing ]



- Good Iuck, Chief.

- Good Iuck is Scott's.



- [ Puppy Yapping ]

- What's going on ? I'm home.



Help ! I didn't get my nap.



I didn't-- I didn't get

my ice cream cone.



And he set them off again.



These are perfectly nice puppies

and then he gets them going.



- Uh, where-- where is he ?

- I'm done.



Where is he ? Where is he ?



- He's upstairs. He's yours.

- I'll take care of it.



- I'll take care of it. All right.

- You deal with it.



- Professional veterinarian.

- Excuse me ?



No barking. No growling.



No eating of the house plants.



No dogs allowed

on the second floor at all.



No playing of my records.



No sniffing of crotches.



No drinking out of the toilet.



You will not beg for food.



No ball playing in the house.



No chewing or slobbering of my shoes.



- You will not hide from me.

- [ Thudding ]



This is not your room.


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