Two Mules For Sister Sara
Script - Dialogue Transcript
Voila! Finally, the Two Mules For Sister Sara
script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Clint Eastwood and
Shirley MacLaine movie. This script is a transcript that was painstakingly
transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Two Mules For Sister Sara. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally
tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to
drop me a line. You won't
hurt my feelings. Honest.
(Men shouting in distance )
(Shouting and whooping continues )
( st man ) Hee-yah! ( nd man ) I'm first!
(All shouting, indistinct)
# This is the way we go to church
# Go to church, go to church
# This is the way we go to church... #
(Woman screams )
The party's over. You men can get movin'.
Hell, I don't know who you are but, uh...
why be a hog, man?
She can handle four of us.
We also got some mighty fine whiskey.
- Waiting for you! - Besides...
Now what are you gonna do, you bastard?
You may get me...but you sure as hell ain't gonna get any part of her,
unless you like to have your fun with a corpse!
You keep standing around like that,
the sun's gonna burn the hell out of you.
They told me they were gonna kill me,
kill me so I couldn't report them.
(Sobbing) They told me...
Well, they ain't telling you much now.
So get dressed, hm?
(Woman ) You're a good man.
All my life I will pray to the Virgin to protect you from harm.
And I will also pray that for all your life you have what you desire.
What the hell's a nun doin' out here?
I'm on a mission. In Mexico a nun can travel safely
among murderers and thieves.
I could have avoided these men but I came to ask for food.
- They give you any? - No.
- There's probably some leftovers. - I couldn't eat just now.
Well, you look like you could use a shot of whiskey.
Whiskey? Thank you.
- Your mule? - Yes.
No provisions, no canteen? Just how'd you figure on existing?
I was confident the Lord would provide.
Three more like them?
He also provided you.
- Which way you headed? - North.
Well, I'm headed south.
So I'll take those ponies and be on my way.
First we must cover them with stones.
We can't leave without giving them a Christian burial of some kind.
- After the way they treated you? - Of course.
You got to be touched in the head.
Do you have a shovel??
Sister, raise your eyes to heaven.
Now, are they or are they not God's creatures?
- Of course they are. - Why rob them of this nourishment?
Do you have a shovel??
Yeah, it's on my packhorse.
Would you get it, please, for the sake of my soul if not your own?
Sister, I don't mind shootin' 'em but I'm not gonna sweat over 'em.
You're as stubborn as my mule, you know?
How are the blisters?
Other things in life have hurt more.
Thank you, Brother.
- It's Hogan. - I'm Sister Sara.
Well, Sister Sara, if you ever get tired of being a nun,
you'll be an A- gravedigger.
Have some of these beans.
Those fellas weren't much in a fight but one of 'em wasn't a bad cook.
I couldn't eat anything they cooked but I'll have some water, please.
- Help yourself. - Thank you.
- You really are touched! - Give that back, please.
Sister, you wanna bless 'em, bless 'em dry.
I've obliged you 'bout all I'm going to and now I'll say goodbye.
You stay out of that sun now, you hear?
Or you're gonna really be in trouble.
Goodbye. Thank you again.
God go with you.
Hey, you're in luck. Looks like a French cavalry.
You can probably travel along with them.
Please help me. They're looking for me.
I was raising money for the Mexican army.
I had to escape in the night.
Lady, if you weren't a nun I'd let you save your own bacon.
All right, do as I say and act fast.
Get rid of that cross, it shines like a mirror.
You bring that last horse and follow me.
Son of a bitch.
What are you doing?
I'm doing for you what...
no Holy Virgin's in any position to do.
We'll walk slowly so as not to stir up this stream bed
any more than we have to.
Why did you put that dead man on the horse?
A horse with a rider makes a deeper print than a horse without.
If we're lucky, the French will follow those ponies.
Here. Eat this.
I told you to eat something back there.
Your stomach keeps growling, we'll have the whole French army on us.
These little noises can't be heard. Why are you so angry with me?
Well...maybe a nun ought not be so good-lookin'.
The way I look is of no importance.
I'm married to our Lord Jesus Christ.
That's what I'm steamed up about, if you'll pardon my being frank.
- I'm not offended, Brother Hogan. - Don't "Brother" me.
Soldats, concentrez-vous de ce cote.
Les autres, avec moi.
They split up, damn it, and they're catchin' up.
I wouldn't just sit there, move.
We can't outrun 'em. You can get in there.
I may not shoot all of them but I'll get their attention.
Wait, then head on out the other way.
You've been a wonderful friend, Mr Hogan. Go with God.
Leave Him out of this, huh? Get movin'.
(Snake rattles, horse whinnies )
- I can't go in there. - Why not?
There's a rattlesnake in there.
Keep singin', partner.
Get that mule in here.
Here, if we get split up, this'll make good eatin'.
(Horse whinnies )
Vous regardez la-dedans.
Il n'y a rien.
Well, well. Too bad nuns don't play poker, you'd be sharp at it.
There's no way I can thank you.
I suppose you'll be starting south now.
No, it's gettin' too close to dark. We'll have a hot meal first.
- Can nuns cook? - I do.
Good. Your late gentlemen friends donated us some beans and coffee.
But first I'll scratch up some firewood.
It's hard to believe that rattlesnake could taste so delicious.
Here. Ladies first.
So you were headed north. Any particular place?
I want to try to find a Juarista band, I'll be safe with them.
- Where were you comin' from? - Chihuahua.
- Chihuahua? You live there? - Mm-hm, for several years.
- French garrison in Chihuahua. - Mm-hm, right next to the church.
You wouldn't by any chance know how many soldiers in the garrison?
- More or less. - About and some cannon.
How do you know all that?
The French officers wanted to learn Spanish
so my mother superior assigned the task to me, I also speak French.
I went into the garrison three times a week.
I hate them. Oh, how I hate them.
- Ain't it a sin for nuns to hate? - Not if it's something evil.
The French army killing and torturing Mexicans,
trying to force them to become one of their colonies.
- How big is the garrison? - Two storeys. It was a monastery.
- A building with an open patio? - A beautiful patio...
- A balcony and stairs leading down? - That's right.
You say it's next to a church. How far apart are they exactly?
In some places not more than ten or twelve feet.
From the roof of the church, is the garrison higher or lower?
- Lower. Much lower. - Oh.
- Sentries? - Day and night at the front gate.
Sister Sara, you're gonna slow me up some,
but I'll take you to one of those guerrilla bands you're lookin' for.
- Do you belong to one of them? - Till I get paid, yeah.
Paid? You mean in gold?
Well, if they pay me off in tortillas,
I'm gonna shoot 'em right in the eye.
But the Juaristas are too poor to hire anybody.
I made a deal to work out a plan to take the garrison.
If it pays off, I get half the French treasury.
Then you don't have any sympathy for their cause?
Not theirs or anybody else's.
See, I spent two years in a war in the States.
Right now, all I'm interested in is money.
If money is all you care about, then why did you fight in that war?
Everybody's got a right to be a sucker once.
- Mr Hogan. - Hmm?
The th of July is a French holiday.
By noon of that day last year the entire French garrison was drunk.
- What's the date today? - July the th.
That information puts gold right in my pocket.
This calls for a drink.
Well, I'll be leaving you for a few moments.
Be careful not to go too far, there may be another rattler.
I'll pray as I walk.
I'll keep my back turned. Don't worry.
You're a real gentleman, Mr Hogan.
I guess you haven't slept much on the ground.
Oh, I'm very tired. I'll sleep.
For somebody who's wore out, you sure got a happy look.
It was a miracle you found me when you did, Mr Hogan.
That was no miracle, just an accident and life is full of 'em.
No. It was a miracle.
Two men are ridin' along side by side,
a bullet ricochets off a rock, kills one of them but not the other -
just an accident, no miracle.
Then you believe there are no miracles?
Well, um... Now, you take that fella this morning.
He could've picked up that stick of dynamite
and thrown it back at me before I shot him.
Now, that would have been a miracle.
It's nice to hear you laugh, ma'am.
You think nuns don't laugh?
I don't know. I never spent the night with one before.
Good night, Mr Hogan.
Thank you again for everything.
Hey, wake up, Sister.
- Time to get movin'. - Couldn't I sleep a little longer?
Not if you want to travel with me, you don't.
(Groaning) I'm so stiff.
I'm not accustomed to riding like that.
Would you please help me up?
Oh, my every muscle is aching.
How can I possibly ride again today?
I ride from sunup to sundown.
You either keep up or you don't.
You'll feel better after a few hours on your mule.
You make very good coffee.
A man on his own has to take care of himself.
- So you're not married? - Nope.
- Ever been? - Nope.
- Want to be? - Nope.
- Don't you want a woman of your own? - What for?
Share your name, bear your children, be a companion?
To ask me to quit drinkin', quit gamblin', save my money
and to bitch about her aches and pains? No, thanks.
- Must be a lonely life. - It's a great life.
Women when I want 'em and none with the name of Hogan.
How about you, ma'am? Haven't you ever wanted to be a whole woman?
Have a man make love to you? Have children?
I've chosen a different way of life.
What about those feelings your god gave every woman, including you?
- I've always wondered. - Well, we're human, of course.
When we get those feelings, we pray until they pass.
In your case, just how much praying does that take?
What about before you became a nun? Did you ever have a man?
- Ever been kissed by one? - No.
Haven't you ever laid awake wondering what it would be like?
All the women I've ever met were natural-born liars
but I never knew about nuns till now.
You're right. I lied.
I'll say one thing, Sister.
I sure woulda liked to have met up with you
before you took to them clothes and them vows.
(Hogan ) That limp's getting worse.
It'll take a week for that to heal up.
Maybe the people in this village will hide you out
until this animal comes around.
- Why couldn't I ride the packhorse? - He carries my equipment.
I ain't gonna miss bein' in Chihuahua on the th.
- Please, Brother Hogan... - I told you not to "Brother" me.
All right, Mr Mule. You were right. You are as stubborn as my mule.
When we get up to that village, Sister, then I'll say adios.
This is where we part company.
- Now what are you doin'? - I must say a prayer at this shrine.
You said your prayers last night.
It's a sin to pass a shrine without praying.
- Not if you shut your eyes. - Please, Mr Hogan.
All right, it's a small shrine, let's make it a small prayer.
Buenos dias, hermana.
You see, Mr Hogan, what a little prayer can do?
The Lord provided a kind gentleman
who accepted my mule for this creature of God.
Now I can still be with you.
Your mule for that burro?
If that kind gentleman traded you even,
you won't be meeting up with him in heaven.
centavos la rebanada de papaya.
This man lives in the hills there.
Three hours ago on his way to the market he passed a French patrol.
Which way were they headed?
- ?A que direccion iba marchando? - En esa direccion.
All right. Let's get the supplies we need and move out.
- I want you up in that tree. - What tree? Why?
Please, Mr Hogan, looking down from heights frighten me.
Then look up.
I think there's a mountain lion around here and I want you up here.
Excuse me, Sister.
(Sara ) What are you doing?
(Hogan ) If you can't see him, you can't shoot him.
How are you doin', Sister?
- Looking up. - Good.
We won't talk now.
I'd like him to make his run if he's going to.
- What the hell?? - (Sobbing)
Who the hell are these people?
Oigan, soy monja.
El seņor trata de proteger nuestros animales.
Come on, get down from there. Turn around, I'll catch you.
Amigos, ?que hacen ustedes aqui de noche?
Venimos huyendo de los franceses que estan en la estacion de Satevo.
Estan esperando el tren de Santa Maria.
What about Santa Maria?
French soldiers at Satevo were waiting for a train for Santa Maria.
Santa Maria's where I'm headed. Those Juaristas are hiding out there.
Find out why the French are going there.
All right. You can be sure I will.
All right, Satevo's a long way away, so let's get some sleep.
Muchas gracias, pobrecitos.
- Hasta maņana. - Adios, hermana.
By the way, Sister, I guess I owe you an apology.
When I was trying to get you up the tree, I...
Oh, no apology is necessary, Mr Hogan.
In emergencies, the Church grants dispensation.
It's no sin that you pushed me up the tree with your hands on my ass.
Where'd you learn that kind of English?
- What kind? - Ass.
Oh, in the convent.
Sister Harriet taught us words for parts of the body.
This part she called the ass.
Where is this Sister Harriet from, anyway?
New Orleans. Why?
I'd sure as hell like to know what she did before she became a nun.
Par ici, mon capitaine!
- Bonjour, ma soeur. - Que Dieu vous benisse.
Tournez a gauche! En avant! Marche!
Demi-tour a gauche! En avant!
Demi-tour en arri?re!
(Sobbing continues )
(Girl, sobbing) Felipe!
!Viva Mejico libre!
Demi-tour a gauche!
En avant. Marche!
(Woman, sobbing) !Asesinos! !Asesinos!
Ma soeur. Ma soeur, s'il vous plait.
- Venez avec moi. - I'm sorry. I don't understand.
Please. An officer is dying. Come with me, please.
- Prenez garde de son animal. - Oui, mon capitaine.
Even though you are not a priest, you can give him some spiritual comfort.
Our colonel is very, very ill.
Il est sur le point de mourir.
Docteur, permettez que la soeur le benisse.
(Whispering) Deliver his soul into your soul,
Mary Mother of God...
C'est toi. You filthy bitch!
Kiss the cross. Kiss the cross.
Sister, he was delirious. Forgive him.
I forgive him. I forgive him with all my heart.
Now he is with God.
God damn it!
I don't see how you can drink this stuff.
You'll get cockeyed drunk! What happened?
I was recognised, that's what happened.
- By who? - I've never been so frightened.
I had visions of being shot.
- Who recognised you? What did he do? - He died.
What the hell are you talking about?
I was asked to give comfort to a colonel dying of fever.
He was one of the officers I taught Spanish at the fort in Chihuahua.
Oh, thank God no one believed what he called me.
What did he call you?
A filthy Juarista.
All right, he died and you're safe. Now, what did you find out?
They're waiting for a train due today for Santa Maria
so they can load it with supplies and ammunition.
You did all right, Sister.
Between here and Santa Maria there's got to be a gorge.
Where there's a gorge there's a trestle.
All we got to do is get there before the train does.
Will you burn it?
I'll blow it to hell with the train on it!
Come on, you'll have to ride, else I'll have to leave you.
- I am not intoxicated. - That's a hell of a lot of whiskey.
My faith in God will turn it to water.
We'd better hurry. I've never seen a train blown to hell before.
(Horse whinnies )
- Get out of my line of fire, Sister. - Can you kill them all with that?
Put it away. These are Yaquis.
They're wild and pagan but the Church has reached some of them.
Can you get on your horse?
I think so. I think so.
Then tell me when you're on it.
Be very careful not to show any pain or weakness.
- You must stop that. Are you on? - (Weakly) I'm on.
(Speaking in Yaquis language )
- (Shouts order) - (Men shouting)
(Hogan ) # Yes, I killed a man one day, so they say
# I beat him on the head and I left him there for dead
# Yes, I left him there for dead, damn his eyes #
Oh, you got the moss. That'll stop the flesh putrefying.
- What should I do with it? - I'll take you through step by step.
First, I got to get drunker than hell. (Coughing)
- How long since I got hit? - You asked me that ten minutes ago.
- What was your answer? - About an hour.
All right. I want you to cut a groove in the shaft of this arrow
just deep enough for a good pinch of gunpowder.
Gunpowder, that's right.
That'll cauterise the insides, they tell me.
I don't know if this arrow...
is near my heart but I don't think so.
Some women have said my heart ain't exactly...
in the right place.
All right, start cutting
and don't worry if I yell a little bit.
Come on, my beautiful Sister who saved my damn life
from those damn Yaquis.
You don't want me to lose my deal now, do you?
# And the parson, he did come, he did come... #
This ain't such a nice song
but it's the only one I know well enough I can sing drunk.
- I don't care what you sing. - You got a beautiful character.
Anyway, it's about a Protestant parson, not a Catholic one.
# And the parson, he did come, he did come
# And he looked so bloody glum, as he talked of kingdom come
# Well, he can kiss my ruddy bum
# Damn his eyes #
I need another bottle.
That's the last bottle you got.
Oh, that's bad news, Sister.
I'm sorry I can't share any with you but you've got to have a steady hand.
# The sheriff, he did come too, he came too
# Yes, the sheriff, he came too, he came too
# The sheriff, he came too
# With his men all dressed in blue
# Lord, they were a bloody crew
# Damn their eyes #
- There, finished. - That's not bad. Not bad.
- You're married to a carpenter. - Now what?
Cut the shaft off right there.
- Cut it? - Yep.
# Now it's up the rope I'll go
# Yes, it's up the rope I'll go, up I'll go
# And those bastards down below
# They'll say, Sam, we told you so
# Sam, we told you so
# Damn their eyes #
May I break it?
All right. How much time's gone by?
- Over an hour. - Oh, that damn train.
That train is on its way, I know it is.
Remember what I told you about accidents?
We didn't have to run across those damn Yaquis but we did.
No miracle, just a rotten, lousy accident
that's gonna cost me my whole deal.
Get me up straight. Get me up straight.
You are a beautiful woman, Sister Sara.
You feel like a beautiful woman, you smell like beautiful woman.
- Please, Mr Hogan. - I can't help thinking,
that first time I saw you and you were almost naked...
- You must forget that. - I can't, my beautiful Sister.
I don't want to forget.
Every night when we bed down next to each other I think of you that way
and I want to reach out and touch you and hold you and feel you.
I forgive you because I know that if you weren't drunk...
Maybe. Maybe so.
But you can't stop a man from wishing.
I sure wish you weren't a nun.
Please, Mr Hogan.
Get me some gunpowder out of my saddle bag.
Don't come near me till I tell you.
Pour some in your hand...
and leave the pouch there.
Fill the groove. Fill the groove.
All right, now comes the hard part.
Cos we gotta time this perfect.
As soon as I light the powder,
you drive the arrow through me and pull it out the other side.
What do I hit it with?
Take the knife, put the flat part over the end...
and hit it with the gun.
And please, Sister Sara,
please hit it a straight blow, not a glancing one, huh?
What if I don't hit it straight?
The hell with that, my beautiful Sister.
The arrow will break off inside me.
Now, I know you're an A- gravedigger but...
All right. What do I do with the moss?
Plug the holes both sides.
Push it in about a half-inch.
One last swallow and it's up to you, Doc.
- Prayin' for me? - Yes.
Well, then I must be drunk enough.
Damn my eyes, I find that kind of touchin'.
One last thing, Sister.
The powder will flare up when I light it, so watch yourself.
Now, you can load up the animals.
We'll be on our way as soon as you get this stick out of me.
(Grunts in pain )
Mr Hogan... Mr Hogan, remember the train with the French supplies.
You have to blow it up.
- How long since I been hit? - Hours.
- You fell unconscious. - Why didn't you wake me up?
- I thought you were... - You thought. The hell you thought.
You let me down, Sister. You let me down.
Then why don't you get on your horse?
You're too drunk to ride alone. I'll have to get on with you.
Hold on to the mane.
Lean back against me. Lean back.
Tell your horse to get moving.
I like being in the arms of a good-looking nun.
How do you like it, Sister?
The Church allows this for your safety
but you may not take liberties.
I apologise, ma'am. I most sincerely do.
(Hogan ) Will you look at that trestle? Couldn't be sweeter.
- It's a miracle. - A great place for an accident.
Is this small package of dynamite powerful enough?
Not if you put it at the base
but if you put it up high on those braces - pow!
How can you climb that trestle with your shoulder... ?
- Oh, no, Mr Hogan. No. - Now, wait a minute.
- Remember I saved your life. - I saved yours today, too.
I saved yours twice from the French.
I saved yours twice - the arrow?
What are you gonna do? Are you gonna desert me in my hour of need?
What about that rattlesnake when you were hiding?
That was easy, no risk at all.
Did I or did I not come to you in your hour of need?
This is my hour of need.
What kind of need is your need? All you have on your mind is money.
What's more important than that?
My life. If I climb that trestle, I'll fall.
A fine psalm-singing hypocrite you are.
The French are gonna slaughter a whole outfit of your Juaristas
and you're the only one who can help 'em
and you won't climb one lousy, stinkin' trestle.
That's right, Sister, lean on it.
A little good, old-fashioned Christian faith
will carry you up there like a bird.
I know you're scared, Sara, but those braces are easy to climb.
You just keep thinking of all those Christian lives you'll be saving.
Have faith in that shiny cross and God and all those saints
will be right up there with you.
You haven't yet told me how you'll set this off when I...
Let me worry about that. I'll do it with my rifle. Now get going.
Surely that train's on its way.
I want the dynamite up on top so I can get a clear shot at it.
That's it, Sister.
You're entitled, you certainly are entitled,
but I never did see anybody get used to hard liquor so fast.
I want to take a few practice shots without ammunition.
You turn around and face the bridge. Come on, turn around.
Just like that.
Now, when I tell you to,
I want you to take a deep breath and hold it.
Come on, grab the end of the barrel. This ain't easy.
Take your fingers off the top of it.
All right, now take a deep breath. Hold it.
- You wouldn't have hit it. - Yes, I would've.
- The gun moved when you fired. - I'd have hit it.
Put out your hand. Let's see how steady it is.
You're still drunk, you'll never hit that.
- I'll hit it. - Put a bullet in it.
Let's see if you can hit something about the same size.
That little rock over there, the one on top of the big rock,
let's see if you can hit that.
Will you cock this for me?
Pull down that lever as hard as you can, then slam it shut.
Perfect. All right. Yeah.
Now...take a breath.
Now cock it again.
We'd better try it with you sitting and me kneeling.
Go ahead. Get down.
This ain't easy, now.
All right, take a breath.
Can you shoot?
No, and I climbed that thing for nothing!
Take it easy, just wait. I'm sobering up fast.
Meanwhile, you fix me a cup of hot coffee.
(Train whistle )
I'll fix you some hot coffee!
Sober up! You sober up, you dirty bastard or I'll kill you!
Now, tell me when to hold my breath.
Dear Mary, Mother of God, help this no-good atheist to shoot straight.
Hold your breath.
(Cocks gun )
(Hogan ) Hold your breath.
What did I tell you?
Did I or did I not hear you call me a bastard?
Well, I suppose whiskey can make a man hear anything.
Dear Lord, forgive him for the impurity of his thoughts.
There's the cantina I'm looking for. I may need your help.
- Can you go into a saloon? - In times like this...
The Church grants dispensations, I know.
- Buenas tardes. ?Habla ingles? - Buenas tardes, hermana.
- Yes, I am speaking English. - Good. Tequila.
- Oh. Would you like something? - Do you have lemonade?
I'll have lemonade. You're getting drunk again, are you?
Oh, I never get drunk unless I'm shot by Yaquis.
- Then why the tequila? - Just to oil up my arm. That's all.
I don't think they've seen a nun in here for some time.
Not one like you, that's for sure.
- Gracias. - Hey!
- Any of these men speak English? - No, seņor.
- You're sure? - Sure. Me only.
Good. I'd like to order a bottle of French champagne, year .
French champagne, .
- What is it, seņor? - What's what?
Is there another El Gato Negro saloon in this town?
- Are you the owner of this one? - No.
- Well, who is? - Mi padre. My father.
- When does he get here? - Psst.
Por favor, seņor.
That's swell, that's my luck.
They give me a code and the man who has it isn't here.
He'll probably show up on the th of July.
Mr Hogan, you should be happy you're still alive.
What do you want from your life?
A ranch? Cattle? What do you want?
You mean get up at sunrise, go to bed at sunset?
Rear end in the saddle all day? No, thanks, I'd rather be dead.
There's this town called San Francisco that's booming.
And if I get this stake,
I'm gonna open up the biggest gambling saloon in the whole area
with long, red mahogany bars and green felt tables
and we'll play roulette, dice, faro and all those wonderful games.
I realise that doesn't mean much to you but to me, that's living.
Some men have strange desires.
- Where the hell's your father? - Seņor, he is sick. Enfermo.
It's important I see him. Where is he?
Since three days now, he cannot talk.
All this side, no move.
- Does he understand when you speak? - Si, seņor.
Does he understand English?
Not so good like me but... my mother, she with him.
Un momento. Madre!
He no can speak.
- May we see him? - Bien, hermana.
Please to come.
Can you understand me, seņor?
That means yes.
I need a bottle of French champagne, year .
I must see Colonel Beltran at once.
Can you take me to where his camp is?
What about your son? Can he take me there?
Does anybody in this town know where the camp is?
Don Ezekiel, el hacendado.
?Horacio, el velero?
She says the candle-maker knows.
In Mexico when somebody is killed on the road, we put crosses.
So these crosses not make anybody think anything.
Now, we go that way.
- How far, Horacio? - Not far.
(Man ) Put away your gun, gringo.
Name's Hogan. Beltran's expecting me.
(Man ) You mean Colonel Beltran.
Colonel, general, what difference does it make? Take me to him.
I have been waiting for you, Hogan. What happened to you?
I stopped a Yaquis arrow.
- So you never got to Chihuahua? - Nope.
Sister Sara here saved me a good part of the trip.
- Is the deal still on? - I keep to my word. And you?
Good. You get me a bottle of tequila
and I'll lay you out a plan as smooth as a baby's behind.
You tell me the plan, I will tell you how smooth it is.
(Beltran ) The roof of the garrison is lower than the roof of the church
and on the th of July you have promised us, Sister,
all the Frenchmen will be drunk.
Not bad, Hogan. Not bad. Thank you, Sister.
Yeah, we make quite a team.
If we pull this off, we might go in the garrison business again, right?
If we follow what you did to the train by capturing the garrison,
- all of my people will take heart. - How many men do you have?
but there'll be more by the time we reach Chihuahua.
- How many more? - to .
- I thought you were an army colonel. - I am.
Any army I ever heard about, a colonel commands a full regiment.
Not after all the fighting we've been through.
When you got me into this, you said you had no artillery.
- What about dynamite? You have any? - None.
Less than a hundred rifles, a few machetes and not much more.
Even drunk, the French'll blow your heads off.
You don't know my men. Each one tough, courageous, a Mexican patriot.
Isn't that sweet? But I happen to be a Hogan patriot
and I'd like to have some dynamite.
You show me the tree it's growing on, I'll have my men pick it.
Probably plenty for sale across the border in Texas.
Yeah, but that takes money.
Even the food you ate and that bottle were donated to us.
Bien. We leave for Chihuahua tomorrow.
You can come with us and fight under my orders, my way,
or go back to that Texas bar that I found you in.
I'm in on this deal and no son of a bitch is taking me out of it.
If any other bastard spoke to me like that, he would be dead.
But since you have helped Mexico,
I am giving you a chance to get on your horse and leave this camp alive.
- Now get out of here fast. - I ain't leavin' here.
Colonel, please. This ring, it's gold. It'll buy dynamite.
Perhaps your people have other things that could be sold.
If someone shows me back to Santa Maria, I'll go begging for help.
Dynamite would save the lives of some of my men.
I told you I was staying in this deal, Colonel,
cos you know nobody in Texas is gonna sell a load of dynamite to a Mexican.
I am asking you, buy dynamite for us.
I'd love to.
Oh, Sister. You better sew this back on.
You don't want to have those people see you going around half-dressed.
This is better than killing each other, no?
I only figured there was gonna be one funeral - Catholic.
Oh? I didn't know that you were Catholic.
(Horse approaches, whinnies )
- ?Como le fue, hermana? - Muy bien. Magnifico.
Easy, Hogan. There are no Yaquis arrows here, just a nun.
- How did you do? - I'm not sure.
You must know if you've got something worthwhile.
I just don't know how much it'll bring in Texas.
This will buy enough dynamite to give my horse a rupture.
You did real well for me, Sister.
Uh...for the cause.
Maybe this will buy you a bottle of medicine to keep your arm well-oiled.
- Can you give this? - I want to.
I like you better as a Juarista than as a nun, little Sister.
Well, I'll just see you in Chihuahua.
Right. If we take the fort, we'll owe ourselves a celebration.
I might even put a little whiskey in your lemonade.
- I'd like to talk to you... - Your horses are here.
My packhorse has some handguns and some Winchesters.
- You'll know what to do with them. - Gracias.
A gift from some old friends of Sister Sara's.
- Saquen las armas en la remonta. - Could we talk?
I can't, Sister. I need every second to get where I'm going.
Where are we gonna meet up?
Just outside of Chihuahua riding south, there is a little church.
Be there as early as you can on the morning of the th.
Don't let those French spend that money before we can get there.
- Goodbye, Sister. - Goodbye.
(Horse neighs )
- Hello, Mr Hogan. - How do, Sister?
- Glad to see you're back safe. - Waiting for the dynamite?
- And you. - What, me personal??
- Mm, I missed you. - Yeah.
It's felt kinda wrong the past few days not having you slowing me up.
- Did it? - Yeah, damn it.
What's the matter?
Well, you see, there's a problem, Sister...
I should have never met up with you in the first place.
Come, Beltran's waiting.
Where have you been? There are only a few more hours of daylight.
I had to go to three towns but I've got all the dynamite we need,
plus plenty of cigars.
Ignacio. Agarra esa dinamita y llevese a los hombres del campamento.
Salimos para la iglesia enseguida.
My men will leave for the church.
- How many men do you have? - Over . Let us go.
The garrison's on that side.
They must be drunk already, I don't hear any singing.
Agachados y en una sola fila.
(Commander) En avant.
En avant. Marche!
En avant. En avant.
Nobody's drunk. Nobody's even drinking.
You got your calendars mixed up.
No. It is their Independence Day, July the th.
It is the train you blew up. It put them on the alert.
To attack now would be suicide. Surprise is impossible.
Without surprise, I never attack superior forces.
Instead of giving up, listen a minute.
I am listening but I have my mind on my men, yours is only on money.
I know how we can get a surprise.
Three streets from here is the bishop's old house.
To protect him in the rainy season there was a tunnel.
It led to the garrison when it used to be a monastery.
After the bishop moved, it was walled up. You can break through.
- Who lives there now? - Very good friends of mine.
- Trustworthy? - Yes. Very trustworthy.
Good, I got something that'll work.
- What? - Fire.
When you were giving those Spanish lessons,
you ever get a peek at where they kept the garrison money?
They used to pay me from a strongbox in the general's office.
Second floor in that building there.
(Hogan ) Was it iron or wood? (Sara ) Iron.
Great. That means it won't burn.
Now, I figure we separate your men into four groups,
giving them coal oil and dynamite,
and let the first group hit that main gate.
The second group goes through that tunnel into the courtyard.
The third group hits that gate over there.
The fourth group, made up of your best riflemen, we'll have up here.
They can pick off the sentries and set fire to the garrison.
This all has to happen at the same time.
First we shall wait for the cover of night.
And second, some women and children
carrying a piņata filled with dynamite
might get close enough to that gate.
What's a piņata?
It's an old Mexican way of livening up a party.
( # Melancholy Spanish guitar)
Ataquense, una monja.
- Sarita, baby! - Rosanna!
(Rosanna ) You are safe. They didn't get you!
They didn't get my favourite girl!
Sister Sara, this here's a cathouse.
Oh, no, Hogan. This is no cathouse.
- It's the best whorehouse in town. - (Women laughing)
Day and night out there in that desert,
you made a sucker out of me?
I didn't want to. You forced me to.
What are you talking about, I forced you to?
What did you say when we saw the cavalry?
If I wasn't a nun, you'd let me save my own bacon.
After I told you about the garrison you said if I wasn't a nun,
you'd say adios.
I wanted to be with you, I wanted to be safe.
I tried to tell you at the camp but you were too busy.
Don't look so surprised, you no-good atheist, move!
It could be, you know, I saved your bacon - again.
Trae al resto de los hombres.
Hogan, the piņata.
- Got the coal oil?? - Yes.
Have them put this thing against the building outside the gate.
- How long is the fuse? - Approximately seconds.
That'll be enough time to get away.
There will be women and children, remember.
Any longer fuse might be seen.
Don't make the children too young or the women too old
and tell 'em not to trip.
Fill the jar with candies and nuts,
just like we do at the birthday party.
- (Man ) Colonel?? - Llevensela.
Hogan, the tunnel is open.
Liberenlos. My men will have them free.
- ?Por donde los metieron? - Por arriba. Por la escalera.
(Tapping continues )
(Grunting) I can't budge it.
If we use dynamite, the element of surprise is gone.
They'd have to open the door if they had another prisoner.
The French want me very badly.
Why don't you turn me over and ask for a reward?
Even if they don't put you in here, it will get Hogan inside the gate.
It is a chance to open this door.
I don't like it. We'll find another way.
- (Sara ) What other way? - Let me think about it.
- There's no time to think about it. - I still don't like it.
We have to get that trap door open, don't we?
What you're talking about's crazy, Sara.
Listen, Hogan, everybody's got a right to be a sucker once.
How can we be sure we hit 'em all at the same time?
I will put a man in the belfry of the church.
When he sees you and Sara entering the garrison,
he will ring the bells three times.
The women with the piņata will start up the street slowly.
From the time you enter the gate and the bells ring,
it will be four minutes till the explosion.
- Slow 'em up. Make it six. - Bien. Six.
All right. Let's go give a Spanish lesson.
(Beltran ) Quedense hasta que el americano abra la alcantarilla.
(Hogan ) Hold it.
I don't know how this is gonna come out but I owe this to myself.
- We'd better go. - Bad time for a war.
Anybody in there speak English?
(Man ) Oui, monsieur. What is it you wish here?
I...have something out here I think will interest you.
Sergent, ouvrez la porte.
Ah, mon Dieu, mais c'est Sara. Entrez! Entrez!
Come on, you little cottontail.
Sergent, fermez la porte.
The General himself will want to meet you. Un moment.
Oh, Captain, wait just a minute.
I've just about had a bellyful of this little Juarista.
She's been yapping at me for three days now.
If your general wants to socialise that's up to him
but I'd sooner have her locked up while we talk.
(Man ) Entrez.
They're gonna place that piņata right outside.
When I give you the signal, you get ready to move.
This little cottontail sure wishes she had that cross back.
(Guard) Approchez, s'il vous plait.
Passez, s'il vous plait.
Excuse me, monsieur, I'm certainly not laughing at you
but at this, this costume.
Come to think of it, we shall have to shoot you dressed like that.
I understand that raisin' money for the Mexican army is a crime...
- So is shooting a lieutenant. - Did that bastard die?
Yes, the lieutenant died and you will, too.
Monsieur, I am General le Claire.
My name's Hamilton, General.
- Tex to my friends. - How do you do, monsieur?
How come you caught this little pigeon for us?
Well, you see, I have this spread up north
and in rides this nun...
(Women and children singing in Spanish)
# Te las cantamos a ti
# Despierta, mi bien, despierta
# Mira que ya amanecio
# Ya los pajarillos cantan
# La luna ya se metio... #
And when I heard that, I said to myself,
"Tex, you just got to haul her on down here and turn her in."
I hate them damn Juaristas. Do nothing but cause me trouble.
They got my Mexes laying around just praying for independence.
You didn't know we had posted a reward?
- A reward? - gold francs.
How about that?
Certainly better than a stab in the eye with a sharp stick.
Why don't you just lock her up and send me on my way?
Lock her up? No, monsieur.
Condemned prisoners are entitled to a last night of relaxation.
- Wine or cognac, Sara? - Cognac, a full glass, please.
Anything my sweet-tempered little pigeon desires.
Colonel, please bring francs.
- Oui, mon general. - Monsieur Hamilton? Tex?
Make mine smaller than the one you poured her. I'm just a country boy.
None of us can keep pace with Sara, in cognac or any other way.
To your virtues and especially your vices, Sara.
What a pity to bury them both.
(Women and children singing in Spanish outside )
Excuse me, Monsieur Hamilton.
A people who know how to sing - the Mexicans.
- Are you familiar with that melody? - Can't say that I am.
Las Maņanitas, for birthdays and weddings and whatnot. Lovely.
# Las maņanitas que cantaba
# El rey David, hoy por ser dia de tu santo
# Te las cantamos a ti... #
My, how touching.
They know it is our independence day and they come to toast us.
- Do you know what a piņata is? - Can't say that I do.
Come and see. A charming invention.
They build an animal figure from papier-mache
with a clay jar hidden in the centre of the body.
They fill it with candies, nuts, fruits and toys
and suspend it from a tree.
# Despierta que ya amanecio
# Ya los pajarillos cantan
# La luna ya se metio
# Ahora si que yo sere... #
Now, that's real cute.
(Woman ) !Corranla!
(Bugle call, men shouting)
(Hogan ) Come on.
Get back to the house and pour yourself another...cognac.
(Bugle call continues )
(Men shouting, gunfire )
(Men shouting and whooping)
!Viva Juarez! !Viva Mejico!
- Where's Sara? - Last door. Hall left. My room.
- Sara, open up. - (Sara ) I'm taking a bath!
Well, get out of the bath.
(Sara ) Will you come back later? I want to be all dressed up for you.
Who the hell wants to see you dressed?
The least you can do is take off your hat.
I haven't got time for that.
( # Women singing Latin prayer)