Wedding Date Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Wedding Date script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Debra Messing movie.  This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Wedding Date. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

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Wedding Date Script








(Woman) 'Hi, this is Kat.

Leave a message and I'll call you back.'



(Man) 'Hi, Kat. This is Nick Mercer.



'Sorry I didn't get back to you Iast night

but I got your messages.



'All seven of them.



'I know you're nervous, Kat,

but this is what I get paid for.



'I'm running Iate so

I sent a messenger to pick up my ticket.



'Kat, stop worrying.



'Your ex-fiancé wllI wish he never Ieft you



'and your famlly wllI think we're in Iove.



'Trust me. I'll see you at the airport.

Can't wait to meet you.'






So sorry. I wasn't quite ready.



It's a pIane ticket.



For a date. My date.



For my sister's wedding, in London.



You need to Iet go.



You're gonna have to heIp me.



(# The Corrs: BreathIess)



# Oh yeah



# The dayllght's fading sIowIy



# But time with you is standing stllI



# I'm waiting for you onIy



# The sllghtest touch and I feeI weak



# I cannot lle



# From you I cannot hide



# I'm Iosing the wllI to try



# Can't hide it, can't fight it

# Can't hide, can't fight



# So go on, go on



# Come on, Ieave me breathIess



# Tempt me, tease me



# Untll I can't deny this Ioving feellng



# Feellng

# Make me Iong for your kiss



# Go on, go on

# Go on, go on



# Yeah, come on



# Yeah



# And if there's no tomorrow



# And all we have is here and now



# I'm happy just to have you



# You're all the Iove I need somehow



# It's llke a dream



# AIthough I'm not asIeep



# I never want to wake up



# Don't Iose it, don't Ieave it

# Don't Iose it, don't Ieave it



# So go on, go on



# Come on, Ieave me breathIess



# Tempt me, tease me



# Untll I can't deny this



# Loving feellng

# Loving feellng



# Make me Iong for your kiss



# Go on, go on



# Come on, Ieave me breathIess



# Tempt me, tease me



# Untll I can't deny this Ioving feellng



# Make me Iong for your kiss



# Go on, go on



# Come on, Ieave me breathIess



# Go on, go on #



(PA) '..    to London Heathrow,



'all remaining passengers

pIease make your way...'



Harry, I'm not working,

I'm going to my sister's wedding.



Customer service

wllI have to survive without me.



But Kat, we've had three deIays

and two reps call in sick.



And a      on the  :   CPT to LGW.



And there's this guy on llne two



who gut stuck with in-Iaws because

we couIdn't get him out of Heathrow.



I'd Iove to heIp you, sincereIy,

but I haven't seen my famlly in two years



and my fllght Ieaves in    minutes.



Come on, Kat. PIease, I'm begging you.



Bump the    :    to the upper on   :  .



What about llne two?



Check my bags.



I understand, you want your famlly

to see you the way you see yourseIf,



or wouId, if you didn't feeI

so victimized by them.






We regret that you were inconvenienced.

UnfortunateIy, we are not llabIe.



But just this once I'll refund your ticket

and credit you       frequent fIyer mlles.



Thank you for calling Virgin AtIantic.



Your first trip?



My sister's getting married

and the best man is my ex.



If I chicken out,

I wanna know where the exits are.



I'm not a knuckIer, I fIy all the time.



The reason I can't feeI my Iegs



is that any second

my date is gonna sit down in  B



and I need him to Iook really good today.



Hello,  B.



Thank you.









Let's sit.



I'm gIad you found it OK.



The airport... The pIane, I mean.



I'm sorry we couIdn't Ieave sooner. I know you

wanted to get settIed before the party.



Work must be crazy.



Oh, I shouId warn you.



You know those famllies

where everyone's out of their mind



but they're your famlly so you Iove them?



Mine's not llke that.



I Iove my dad.



But since he's my stepdad,

he's technically not famlly.



He's more llke a hostage.






'Ladies and gentIemen,



'we wllI shortIy be arriving

at London Heathrow.



'On arrivaI, pIease remain seated



'untll the seat beIt sign

has been switched off.



'LocaI time is  :  pm



'and the temperature is a warm    ...'



Good morning.



'That's    degrees Fahrenheit.



'We wouId llke to thank you

for fIying with us today



'and Iook forward to seeing you again soon.'






Nick, pIease tell me

you're not wearing that tonight.



I am.



It's no big deaI really, it just Iooks llke

a tallor made your tie out of my dress.



Don't get me wrong - matching's fine.

It's matchy-matchy you wanna Iook out for.



- We Iook llke we're trying too hard.

- ExactIy.



I want us to Iook llke we fit

but not llke we're trying to Iook llke we fit.



Let me teach you a trick.



If you Iook peopIe in the eye,

they'll never notice what you're wearing.



(Kat) There's no way I'm showing up

in his and her outfits



so if you're gonna wear that tie,

I have to change my dress.



Driver, wllI you pIease

pull over somewhere?



(Kat) I'm sorry. I promise this is the Iast one.



You must think...

Who knows what you think?



(Nick) I know how important this is for you.



But remember, you're a beautifuI woman

and you've got everything going for you.



(Kat) Don't patronize me.



I feeI llke crap but I wanna Iook hot doing it.



Mission accompllshed.






Don't get too attached.



I prefer the red one.



I'll Iet her know.






''Hmm, nice dress,'' or ''Hmm...



''Gorgeous. I was insane to Iet you go''?



Well, I'd shag you.



If that's all right with you?



(# GentIe piano)



I don't know if I can do this.



Well, you can never be sure of anything

but we stllI have to go inside.



- Aunt Bea!

- Dear girI.



This shouId have been you getting married.



You know, you didn't have

to return the gravy boat.



And to think Jeffrey is the best man.



Have you met Nick?



- How do you do?

- Oh.






And what do you do?



Excuse us.



What a nightmare.



OK, we need a story.



You're a therapist, we just started dating and

you're crazy about me.



Count it.      even.



- Oh, I trust you.

- No. Count it.



All right.



I'll cover expenses but if you want

to be intimate, we taIk money first.



That won't be an issue. I find the idea

of sex for money morally repugnant.



I'm sorry. No offense.



Do me a favor, quit apoIogizing.



If you Iook at this as a business transaction,



maybe you won't

feeI compelled to keep saying sorry.



I'm sorry.



It's aIso really annoying.






- Sorry.

- Pussy Kat! What happened to you?



- Pull over for a quickie?

- Mom, this is so not the time to be yourseIf.



And who might this be?



Hi. I'm the new guy.

It's great to meet you.



LoveIy. This is a marathon, not a sprint.



We've got weIcome cocktalls today



then tomorrow's Young PeopIe In The Park

and Stags And Hens.



Friday's the picnic, then the rehearsaI dinner

and since you have Ieft no margin for jetIag,



I need you to hydrate.



- Dad.

- My darllng.



- Meet Nick.

- Professor Ellis.



- How do you do?

- Kat?



- Kat! Oooh! I'm getting married! Oh, Kitty!

- Hey!



Oh, I missed you so much.



Gosh, who's the hunky, huh? Nice.



There you are! Get over here!



At times llke these,

I find a good, stiff drink heIps.



- Can I get you a refllI, sir?

- Very kind of you.



Where did you find him?



Thank you.



Yellow Pages.



(GIass cllnking)



- (Mrs. Ellis) Hello!

- (Feedback)



Sweet Jesus.

Who gave that woman an amp?



Hello. Hello?



Oh. WonderfuI. It's finally working.



Does everybody have a drink?

Because I am going to say a few words.



(Quiet, then Ioud)

WeIcome, friends and famlly...



- (AppIause)

- I'm...



Victor and I are so happy



that you're here to ceIebrate with us



as we weIcome Edward and

the FIetcher-Wootens into our famlly.



We aIways thought that

we wouId marry off Kat first.



We had good reason to hope because

she was so popuIar with the boys at schooI



and we came pretty cIose once,



but, as you all know,

that crashed and burned.



Lucklly, we were abIe

to get the deposit back,



- so here we are again...

- (# Piano chords)



To the bride and groom.



Oh. Yes. Yes. Well, back

to the bride and groom to be.






Edward, we are so gIad that

you fell in Iove with the girI next door.



Our Amy. CongratuIations, babies.



- (All) CongratuIations.

- (AppIause)






Hello. Kat-mandu.



Wow, you Iook gorgeous.






(Woman) Oh, my God! Oh, my God!



Oh, my God, oh, my God,

oh, my God, oh, my God! Top Kat! Ooooh!



Where the bIoody hell have you been?

I have gynecoIogists that call more often.



- You have more than one?

- I pIay them off against each other.



Hello, arsehoIe.

Since you dumped my cousin brutally,



you won't mind if I steaI her away, wllI you?






- You didn't have to do that.

- I wasn't saving you from him,



I was saving you from yourseIf.



You, my Iove, are too bIoody nice.



I've never seen so many

beautifuI women in one room.



Did he bring a date?



Darllng, why waste time on that horse's arse



when Mr. Tie Me Up, Tie Me Down

is waiting for you over there?



- What does he do?

- He's a therapist.



- The perlls of paranoia.

- Yes.



Oh, God. I think I've just come.



Thank you.



Can I have that?






(MuffIed) Thank you.



You know what I Iove about all this, Kat?



There's finally a reason for

the worId to revoIve around you?






- There you are.

- How's the future missus?



I'm perfect, I'm all ginny.



Thanks, SnuffIepop.



Mmm! Mm-mm-mm!






Am I not the Iuckiest bastard on earth?



Aw! Well, I'll dance to that.



- Oh!

- Oh, Jesus!



That's what he gets

for not taking dance Iessons



untll two days before the wedding.



Who's ever heard of

dance Iessons for a wedding?



Just about everyone.



You are taking the piss?



We'll go with you.



I don't even know you, hunky dunky,

and I Iove you aIready.



(Ed) Dance Iessons? Hm. Right.



- Hey.

- Oh. Hello.



Weddings are a ceIebration

of Iove and commitment...



in Utopia.



In the reaI worId they're an excuse to drink

excessiveIy and say things you shouIdn't.



- A phllosopher, huh?

- Well, shrink.



- Crikey!

- What?



- No, nothing.

- No, tell me.



Well, you Yanks and your therapy,



it's a Ioad of touchy-feeIy mumbo jumbo.



Spllllng your guts to a totaI stranger,

it's not naturaI.






Oh, God.



It's just...



There's this girI that I care for...

Well, I suppose you couId say I Iove her.



The bugger is,

she's here with some other guy.



There you are.



Hey, Kat. Hey, Kat.



Oh, hey, yourseIf. I see you met my ex.



- I was just telling him how we met.

- Mm.



- The Knicks game.

- Oh, yes.



Yeah... Oh.



You hate sport.



- I hate cricket.

- Right, yes.



Well, I shouId go and... go.



He Iooks miserabIe.



- What were you taIking about?

- He seems a llttIe drunk



but I think he's stllI crazy about you.



- Do I know you from somewhere?

- No.



What did he say? You don't...



You don't think he wants me back?



(# Texas: When We Are Together)



# Love started making sense



# I aIways make mistakes at my expense



# Love has pIaced a seed



# And you're the sun

that shines down upon me



# Yeah, when we are together



# And when we are apart #



Are you OK?



- Here we are.

- Thank God!



- Oh!

- Thanks, Mom.



- There you are, darllng.

- Thanks, Dad.






(Breathing heavlly)



- Thanks again for having me.

- Don't be sllIy. It's wonderfuI to meet you.



AIthough technically,

I never knew you existed.



- Come on, Bunny.

- I Iove surprises.



Where's Nick sIeeping?



My mother has this ruIe about sharing

when there's no ring invoIved...



- Don't be sllIy.

- What?



I am not as small-town

as my daughter seems to think.






Sorry about this.



I went through a painfully

earnest fIoraI phase.



Air SuppIy?



Oh. My parents had a German

exchange student a few years back.



He must have Ieft it here.



Everyone knows their greatest hits.



Some of their Iesser-known ballads

are surprisingIy poignant.






Is that an oId habit from ballet cIass

or from a llfetime of waIking on eggshells?



I never took ballet.



How'd you know that was me?



I have a friend at the magazine.



So much for anonymity.



Go ahead, take a Iook.

It's part of the package.






I'm sorry, I'm just a llttIe nervous.



I never thought anything llke this

couId happen to me.



This happened to you?



It happened in the sense that

I picked up the phone, tracked you down,



fIew you over her and gave you $    .



- WllI you grab my shampoo, pIease?

- Shampoo! Got it.



(Nick) # I'm all out Iove,

I'm so Iost without you



# I know you were right,

belleving for so Iong



# I'm all out of Iove,

what am I without you?



# I can't be too Iate

to say that I was so wrong #



(CIears throat)



The part where you were

a sexuaI surrogate and then started to...



branch out, is...



Is that really how it happened?



The reaI story -

my mother was a hippie, and a stripper.



She was insaneIy inappropriate with me,



she washed her llngerie

in my bath water whlle I was stllI in it.






So as an aduIt, I needed to find ways

to experience intimacy and sex



- but with ruIes that couIdn't be vioIated.

- Wow.



I'm just screwing with you.



You shit.



OK, this part.



You say, and I quote,



''Every woman has

the exact Iove llfe she wants.''



That seems a broad generallzation... Oh!






Do you honestIy belleve that

I want to be singIe and miserabIe?



Do you think that I want to be hung up

on some guy who Ied me on for years



and out of the bIue shattered my heart?



First of all, there's no such thing

as out of the bIue.



And second of all, yeah.



- What?

- When you're ready to Iet go,



to be un-singIe and un-miserabIe,



you wllI.



TllI then...



So when you were taIking to Jeffrey before,



how did he sound?



Like a harmIess, seIf-absorbed tooIbox.






He sounded tormented.



Tormented? How?



Like he's...



jeaIous that I'm here

with someone eIse, or llke...



he regrets throwing away

our llfe together?



It's just that...



this hasn't really turned out

the way that I thought it wouId.



Hey, Nick.






He seems more mature.



Run, you fat tart! Come on.



(# The Chiffons, One Fine Day)



# Shoo be do be do be do be do wop wop,

shoo be do be do be do be do wop wop #



Come on, throw it. Throw it!



# You'll Iook at me,

and even though I know... #



- Well pIayed, darllng.

- Ed!






# One fine day... #



- Are you ready, TJ?

- Bugger off.



# You're gonna want me for your girI

# Shoo be do be do be do be do wop wop



# Oh, yeah #



All right, batter, batter.



# The arms I Iong for wllI open wide

# Shoo be do be do be do be do wop wop



# And you'll be proud to have me

# Shoo be do be do be do be do wop wop



# Right by your side

# Shoo be do be do be do be do wop wop



# One fine day



# You're gonna want me for your girI

# Shoo be do be do be do be do wop wop #



- Move back.

- Yeah.



# Though I know you're the kind of boy... #



(Nick) Come on, Kat.



- # Who onIy wants to run around #

- Batter up.



- (Nick) You're up, Kat.

- # I'll be waiting... #



(Amy) Go, Kat.



# Someday, darllng, you'll come to me



# When you want to settIe down, oh! #



Be nice to me, Jeffrey.



# One fine day, we'll meet once more

# Shoo be do be do be do be do wop wop #



- Out!

- Yes!






# One fine day... #



Lose the game.



# You're gonna want me for your girI #






- Come on!

- Edward.



Come on!



Come on, you sexy llttIe monkey. Come on!






- You're supposed to be heIping.

- Oh, trust me. I am.



# One fine day, oh yeah

# One fine day



# You're gonna want me for your girI

# One fine day



# One fine day

# Oh yeah



# One fine day #



(# Humming)



(Smacks llps)



(Nick) What's with the socks?

(Kat) It's a goIf-themed bacheIorette.



Have you ever done a wedding before?



No, but I have done funeraIs.



An escort at a funeraI? Someone's dead.



Yeah, imagine facing that aIone.



Ah. Catch.



Make sure he stays on

the right side of the road.



- Which is, of course, the Ieft.

- That's right.



(Kat) So, are you ever attracted

to your cllents?



I know you're curious about my business

but I really can't discuss other cllents.



Come on! How many of them

want to sIeep with you?



You know, I swear it's not about the sex.



It's about understanding what peopIe need.



PIease! You're llke the Yoda of escorts.



Getting you on the phone

was harder than getting into college.



- No, I don't pIay games. No gimmicks.

- Mm-hm.



It's much more...






It's not about me.



It's about you.



Show me.






Come on.



Hmm... What's hoIding me back?



I think it's the words ''morally repugnant''.



Show me.



CIose your eyes.



CIose your eyes.



CIose your eyes.



You're safe, you can reIax.



I'm not gonna kiss you.



He's gonna be so sorry he Iost you.



So, stop worrying.



Forget the past.



Forget the pain.



And remember...



what an incredibIe woman you are.



If you do that,



he'll reallze what he Iost.



HoIy crap!



You're worth every penny.



- You shouId get going.

- Mm-hm.



OK, Yoda.



(Women whooping and Iaughing)



(# KC And The Sunshine Band:

Boogie Shoes)



- To Amy!

- (All cheer)



# GirI, to be with you is my favorite thing #



I thought you might need this.



SllIy me. Where was my head?



- Bye.

- Listen, why don't you stay



- and have a llttIe fiery drink with us, eh?

- Uh...



- It's fine.

- Come on.



(TJ) You know you want to!



- Oh, I can see why.

- (Woman) You're IoveIy.



Isn't he IoveIy? Have you smeIt him?



He smells IoveIy!



Can you belleve Kat gets to shag this guy?



No, really, you shouId send God

a bottIe of wine or a quiche or something.






Look at those buns. Fresh from the bakery.



It must feeI great getting paid

just for being you.



- Who says I'm being me?

- Excuse me.



Amy, thank you for granting me

a rare gllmpse into a timeIess femaIe rituaI.



Here's to the husbands who've won you,

the Iosers who've Iost you



and the Iucky bastards

who've yet to meet you.



And to the cock in the henhouse.



- (TJ whoops)

- (All Iaugh)



(All cheering)



I can't belleve you found him first.

I am so depressed.



WllI somebody buy my hoo-hah a drink?



You remember when we took

the girIs hiking in the Lake District?



- No.

- You do!



Bllstering heat in the morning,

rained all afternoon.






You backed your car

over a copper's bicycIe.



- Sorry, no.

- The Rat And Gherkin.



- SpIendid IocaI scrumpy.

- Mm.



Amy wore that llttIe bikini thing.



But somehow it was Kat

that got stung by nettIes.



Kat never said a word untll

Amy caught her scratching her arse.



Then you rubbed it with a dock Ieaf

to bring down the swelling.



Yeah, I remember it.



I didn't deserve her back then.



And you do now?



What is his probIem?



- What?

- There's something about him I don't llke.



He's Iess than    per cent body fat

and he's shagging your ex.



No, that is not it. Look at him,



he's waIking around all American,

llke he owns the pIace.



(# Raunchy music)



(Men cheering and whistllng)



Oh, no!



(Man) Come on, this is your Iast chance.









- Not yet, but it's getting there!

- (Kat) It's getting there!



Oh, my God! What are you doing here?



I thought you were in San Francisco,

or was it NepaI?



CIose. Sydney.

But it turns out that I missed the rain.



Did Kat tell you that she dumped you because

of your funky breath?



She's drunk.



But I didn't... I didn't really dump you. Right?



Hard. But it was understandabIe,

you were one of the hottest girIs in schooI.



And we know that Kat was

one of the hottest expats in schooI



because she was voted

Best Eyes and Brightest Smlle



and the Most LikeIy To Age Well.



You're my haIf-sister but I whoIe Iove you.



How about you get

my haIf-sister a Seventh HoIe?



- Tequlla. Tequlla.

- Sure.



Are you all right?



I don't know if I can do this.



The Seventh HoIe?



No! The wedding.



I shouIdn't be allowed to get married.

I shouIdn't.



What are you taIking about?



(# Pounding dance beats)






(TJ) Come on! Come on!



What's wrong with Jeffrey?

As if I wouId sIeep with a stripper!



I'm about to get married. You have to...



It's been my experience that

a man in Iove doesn't want a prostitute.



Eddie, you did the right thing.



How do you know so much...



about so much?



I'm a hooker.






I llke that.



(# James Brown: I Got The Feellng)



# Baby!



# Sometimes I'm down



# I'm IeveI, IeveI with the ground



# Whoa



# Baby, you treat me



- # Bad... #

- (Women shouting)



# No, I know



# Know you don't mean it now



# I just don't know when to say bye-bye



# Yeah



# Uh



# Uh, uh



# Uh, uh, whoa!



# Baby



# I've got that feellng, baby... #



I just don't feeI very well.

I'm gonna go. Give us a kiss.



- Ladies...

- How much do you rock, TJ?



..that was a top night.



Top night!



(# Air SuppIy: All Out Of Love)



(Women screaming and shouting)



She's getting married!



# I'm all out of Iove



# I'm so Iost without you



# I know you were right



# Belleving for so Iong



# I'm all out of Iove



# What am I without you?



# I can't be too Iate



# I know I was so wrong



# I'm all out of Iove



# What am I without you?



# I can't be too Iate



# To say that I was so wrong... #



(# Maroon  : Secret)



Are you OK?



Ooh! Ow!



- (Laughing)

- (Dog barking)



# Watch the sun rise



# Say your goodbyes



# Off we go



# Some conversation



# No contempIation



# Hit the road



# Car overheats



# Jump out of my seat



# On the side of the highway, baby



# I know I don't know you



# But I want you so bad



# Everyone has a secret



# Oh, can they keep it?



# Oh, no, they can't #



(Engine growllng outside)



(Machinery whirring)



(Metallic cIattering)



- (Man) Morning.

- Morning.



Ahoy, there!



Hi, Dad.



I don't know what works for you

but I brought you some bIack coffee



and some staIe crackers, egg and cheese

sandwich and a BIoody Mary.



That's very sweet of you.

But I need to ask you something.



What happened Iast night?









(Water spIashing)






- Is this for Iast night?

- No! How couId it be? Nothing happened.



If I was gonna charge you,

I said I'd tell you first.



I didn't want you to think that

I was expecting anything for free



or that I was expecting anything at all.



I mean, obviousIy

I was expecting something



or eIse I wouIdn't have stopped at that ATM.



Just so you know, you're     short.



Wait, you're telling me that

if something happened Iast night,



I'd have to pay you $  ,   ?



That's a down payment on a Ford Focus.



Not dollars, pounds.



Besides, it incIudes, you know...



That's the extra    .



Are you a boatsman, son?



I am now, sir.



I'm gIad someone's

making use of her at Iast.



The boat, I mean.



''To deflle.'' Four Ietters.



- Good morning, Daddy.

- Ah.



- What if I didn't want you to do that to me?

- The    's for you doing it to me.



If anything had happened, it wouId have

been one of the highllghts, for you.



- But nothing did.

- That's why you get to keep your money.



(Woman) The wedding dance is



the most important dance moment

in a person's llfe.



A room full of friends and famlly,



watching, smlling,



betting on how Iong the marriage wllI Iast.



All you'll have is each other



and whatever skllIs you acquire today.



And pair off.



(# MichaeI BubIé: Sway)



- # When marimba rhythms start to pIay... # -

Breathe. Good, that's a nice position.



Now, your Ieft foot. Her right foot.



Good. And we'll try to gllde across the fIoor.



Come a llttIe bit cIoser together. Moving.



Trying to turn.



What's the matter, Nick?



Two Ieft feet?






# Stay with me, sway with me



# Other dancers may be on the fIoor



# Dear, but my eyes wllI see onIy you



# OnIy you have that magic technique



# When we sway I go weak



# I can hear the sound of viollns



# Long before it begins



# Make me thrllI as onIy you know how



# Sway me smooth, sway me now



# Like a fIower bending in the breeze



# Bend with me, sway with ease



# When we dance you have a way with me



# Stay with me, sway with me



# Like a fIower bending in the breeze



# Bend with me, sway with ease



# When we dance you have a way with me #



When I toId you

I'd never done a wedding before,



it wasn't because I'd never been asked.



I'd just never said yes.



Why'd you say yes to me?



There was something in your voice

on the phone that day.






I think it was hope.



Get a move on, you Iovebirds.

I'm getting married in the morning.



- Ah, hello, Bambi.

- Darllng, pIease don't do that.



Oh, wow.



That's a big bed.



You know what pisses me off?



I've been spllllng my guts all weekend

and I don't know anything about you.



I'm allergic to fabric softener.



I'm majoring in comparative llterature

at Brown. I hate anchovies.



I think I'd miss you

even if we'd never met.



Come on!



(Ed) I'm a llttIe concerned...

I'm just... It makes me nervous...



(TJ) You know, I might just call you.



But if I did, I wouId Iose,

because my hand is compIete shite.






- I'm in.

- Come on.



There's gotta be something wrong with him.



I bet his thingy bends, doesn't it?

Got a llttIe kink in it.



Oh, no, don't tell me.

It's bIoody perfect.



I'm going to see you.



Looky, Iooky here.



A full house.






Has anyone seen my future wife?

She'll kllI me if I don't serve her first.



Have you guys ever had

a reaI honest-to-God fight, ever?



- Yes, of course.

- Yeah, right.



Well, apparentIy,

makeup sex is the best kind.



Not that I'm ever going to find out.



- Give me that!

- (Shouting)



- Come on!

- No, no!



- Don't!

- Come on!



(Shouting and Iaughter)



You seem to have a way with women.



Why don't you go and rustIe up the bride? Get

her to join the party.



(Amy) Why are you bringing this up now?

I Iove Ed.



- What do you want from me?

- I want you to tell me...



BIue shirt or...white shirt

for the, er, rehearsaI dinner?



Sorry to interrupt.



Your dad sent me.



What for?



To make sure you're OK.



Kat, couId I have a word?

It'll onIy take a moment.



Let me think. You stoIe seven years of

her llfe with your bullshit and your charm



and now you'd llke just a moment?



Sure. Go right ahead.



Thanks for the solldarity, Mum,

but next time a llttIe Iess information.



Do you belleve a pIace has a memory?



Even before Ed and I started dating,

we all used to come up here in the summer



and spend weekends.



God, I hope it doesn't remember everything.



No matter how certain

one is of one's position



of what one shouId or shouIdn't do,



one sometimes discovers



that one is not as one wouId have

hoped one wouId have been.



- What exactIy are you trying to say?

- I'm sorry.



Look, I feeI llke I need to tell you something.



- You're not even llstening.

- I'm sorry. I'll be back in a minute.



Hey, is everything OK?









(Victor) Anchovy, Nick?



I remember the day I met Kat.



It was in New York.



I'd been seeing Bunny for a few months



and she finally trusted me

enough to meet her kid.



So I'm over at her pIace

and in waIks this llttIe monster.



That was it. I was a goner.



That was the day I became a dad.



You know, Nick, you think it's going

to get easier as they get oIder,



that you're going to worry about them Iess.



Or that you're going to trust the worId more.



But that's just not how it happens.



This may not make much sense to you, sir,



but I'd llke to ask your permission

to date your daughter.



I thought you aIready were.



(Cheering and Iaughter)



- I bIame... I bIame Tony Peepants.

- No.



Let's have the story. Kat, come on.



- No.

- I have to initiate Nick into our famlly.



I bIame Tony for why my two girIs

just don't seem to be abIe to get aIong.



Don't deny it. You bareIy toIerate each other.



Come on. It's true. The onIy thing you've got in

common is you're both attracted to me.



It started after we moved here.



My two girIs got into a fight over Tony

Peepants and have never made up since.



ApparentIy, Kat and I were inseparabIe.



If Kat ate a banana, Amy threw it up.



If Amy threw it up, Kat ate it.



(All groaning)



So we were eating

and throwing up together in harmony



untll Tony waIked me home

from schooI one day.



He was my first boyfriend.



Tony ignored Kat

because he wanted to pIay with me.



Anyway, the point of the story is that

Tony ended up with a chair in his face.



It was pIastic and chlld-sized.



- As I recall, there were stitches invoIved.

- Come on, Bunny,    stitches.



So is that when he peed in his pants?



He cried a Iot,

but there was no peeing.



So what's with the nickname?



I have absoIuteIy no idea.



Let me get some more wine.



(TJ) WouId you marry me if I asked?



That was a yes. Did you see that?






And you know, I thought perhaps you...

Bollocks. Sorry.



I had no idea this wouId be so difficuIt.

I just feeI llke I owe you an expIanation.



ReIax, reIax. It's fine.



I promise.



And I shouId probabIy admit that...



I brought Nick with me to torture you, sIowIy,



for the entire weekend.



But then, I don't know,

something happened and now...



I hope this doesn't hurt your feellngs

but I'm just sick of you and me.



Of our whoIe story, so come on,

Iet's just go upstairs and eat some tiramisu.



I sIept with your sister.



- I'm sorry?

- Well, I shagged Amy, two years ago.



That's why I broke it off with you.



And then after you Ieft,

sod it, we kept at it llke rabbits,



untll we both reallzed it was absoIuteIy mad

and, obviousIy, morally wrong.



And then that was it.



But Iast Christmas, when Ed proposed,



I reallzed... I'm in Iove with her.



Good Lord, say something, pIease.



Oh, my God, he's toId you, hasn't he?



- You knew?

- Kat, I'm so sorry. I'm so...



Kat. Kat, pIease.



Kat, pIease don't say anything.



I can't belleve you toId her.






What's going on?






It doesn't Iook llke nothing.



Now is not the time to catch on, Ed.



OK. Good.






Leave me aIone.

You knew and you didn't tell me.



- Wait up.

- I can't belleve I trusted you.



Come on. You've got to stop running.



- How couId you not have toId me?

- What did you expect me to say?



You Iet me make a fooI of myseIf.



You lled to me, but I guess I shouIdn't be

surprised because that's what you do.



That's who you are. You're a llar.



You're judging me? That's a good one.



You're going to point a finger at me,



the guy that you hired

to pretend to be your boyfriend?



You're right. I was so desperate

to make everyone belleve that I was happy



that I paid $     for a lle.



And, at the end of the day, the onIy one

who ended up falling for it was me.



I wish I couId say it was worth it.



Go ahead, Kat, hate me.



I think you're running out of steam

on this whoIe Jeffrey thing anyhow.



Maybe now you'll be abIe to hoId on to this

Iong enough to ruin your next reIationship.



- Nick.

- I'm just checking into a hoteI.



Don't be ridicuIous. It's Iate.



Take the car.



Actually, the boathouse is empty.



Look, I don't know what's going on with

you two but I'm sure you'll work it out.



You couIdn't be more perfect

if she'd picked you out of a cataIog.



Thanks, Ed.












I just... I wanted to say thank you

for not outing me in front of Ed.



I want to tell him,

just not the night before our wedding.



You know, with these things,

timing is everything.



You're right.



You shouId time it right,



so that when he hears that

you repeatedIy screwed his best friend,



he won't feeI llke the worId is collapsing

and there's no escape



because you tricked him into marrying you.



- Kat...

- Don't worry. Your wedding wllI be perfect.



Tomorrow I'll say all the right things

and you'll deaI with Ed when you're ready.



But right now, tonight,

I'm not going to pretend it's OK.



(# MichaeI BubIé: Home)






And that's your first fllght out?



# Another summer day

has come and gone away #



- All right, thanks.

- # In Paris and Rome



# I wanna go home



# Mmm



# Another aeropIane, another sunny pIace



# I'm Iucky, I know



# But I wanna go home



# Mm, I've got to go home



# And I feeI just llke I'm llving... #



- I'm OK.

- # Someone eIse's llfe



# It's llke I just stepped outside... #



I don't belleve you.



I'm fine, really.



Nothing a bottIe of Jack

and a straight razor couIdn't fix.



Anyway, it doesn't matter.



It's Amy's day.



Get in the car, darllng.



(Chlld crying)



No, no. Smlle.



(Camera cllcks)



(Bells ringing)






I've been Iooking for you.



So, why did you Iet him go?



- It's compllcated, Dad.

- Right.



It probabIy wouIdn't have

worked out anyway, huh?



I remember reading a fascinating articIe

in the New York Times Magazine once,



where this guy said,



''Every woman has

the exact Iove llfe she wants.''



You know what? I agree with him.



But I refuse to belleve

that this is what you want, Kat.



Ever since you were llttIe,



you've aIways worried

about what other peopIe think.



Now, come on. What do you think?

Is he the guy for you?



Then go and get him.



Hello, darllng. Your mother said

you wanted to have a quick word.



No, no, no, I...



There's something

you shouId know before you marry me.



What is it?



I wanted to tell you

but I was afraid you'd never forgive me



and I just... I Iove you so much.



I'm sorry.



I knew you were seeing someone eIse

when we finally got together, but not Jeffrey.



Does Kat know?



Jeffrey toId her Iast night.



Excuse me.



(Jeffrey) Ed?



Ed... CaIm down, Ed.






(Ed) TJ!






Ed, caIm down!

It's all sorted! She wants you!



I've given up! What's the probIem?



You back-stabbing weaseI!



That's not fair.

It was before you guys were even dating.



But you were engaged to her sister.



Ed, caIm down!



We can taIk about this

llke civllized human beings.



I Iook llke a totaI wanker, don't I?



Yeah, kind of.



Get in the car, Ed.

He's haIfway to France by now.






(Ed) I trust you've enjoyed

your trip to EngIand.



Yeah, it was fantastic.

Thanks, Eddie.



You know, I feIt sorry

for you Iast night.



I was just sitting there llke some smug arse,

thinking, ''Aren't I a Iucky sod?''



I forgave her when I thought

it was just some random bIoke.



But not Jeffrey.



I've had her up on a pedestaI ever since...



ever since I put her up there.



What a mess I've made, huh?



I'm so sorry.



The hardest thing's Ioving someone



and then having the courage

to Iet them Iove you back.



But if you know her shit

and she knows yours



and at the end of the day,

you stllI wouId rather give up than try...



nothing's ever gonna be worth it.



Maybe think about it this way.



You go back,



you get to spend the rest of your llfe

having really great makeup sex.



- Ed?

- (Ed) Must run!









Last night, when we were fighting,

I thought this was over.



And I was going to Ieave you aIone

and just take off but...



Then I reallzed I'd rather fight with you

than make Iove with anyone eIse.



- I shouId get going.

- What? No, you can't.



I have to.



I'm the best man.



(# MichaeI BubIé:

Save The Last Dance For Me)



# You can dance every dance

with the guy who gives you the eye



# Let him hoId you tight



# And you can smlle every smlle

for the man who heId your hand



# Beneath the paIe moonllght



# But don't forget who's taking you home



# And in whose arms you're gonna be



# So darllng, save the Iast dance for me



# Oh, I know that the music's fine

llke sparkllng wine



# Go and have your fun



# Laugh and sing... #



- Let's do it.

- # But whlle we're apart



# Don't give your heart to anyone



# And don't forget who's taking you home



# And in whose arms you're gonna be



# So darllng, save the Iast dance for me #



Ed, there's no one in the worId who knows



how to Iove my baby sister better than you.



Be good to one another.



To Amy and Ed.



(All) Amy and Ed.






# You can dance



# Go and carry on tllI the night is gone



# And it's time to go



# If he asks



# If you're all aIone, can he waIk you home



# You must tell him no



# Cos don't forget who's taking you home



# And in whose arms you're gonna be



# Save the Iast dance for me



# Oh, I know



# That the music's fine llke sparkllng wine



# Go and have your fun



# Laugh and sing



# But whlle we're apart

don't give your heart to anyone



# And don't forget who's taking you home



# And in whose arms you're gonna be



# So darllng, save the Iast dance for me



# Save the Iast dance



# The very Iast dance



# For me #



(# MichaeI BubIé: Home)



# Another summer day



# Has come and gone away



# In Paris and Rome



# But I wanna go home



# Oh



# Maybe surrounded by

a mllllon peopIe, I...



# StllI feeI aIone, just wanna go home



# Oh, I miss you, you know



# And I've been keeping

all the Ietters that I wrote to you



# Each one a llne or two



# ''I'm fine, baby, how are you?''



# Well, I wouId send them

but I know that it's just not enough



# My words were coId and fIat



# And you deserve more than that



# Another aeropIane



# Another sunny pIace



# I'm Iucky, I know



# But I wanna go home



# Mm, I've got to go home



# Let me go home



# I'm just too far from where you are



# I wanna come home



# And I feeI just llke

I'm llving someone eIse's llfe



# It's llke I just stepped outside



# When everything was going right



# And I know just why you couId not

come aIong with me



# But this was not your dream



# But you aIways belleved in me



# Another winter day

has come and gone away



# And even Paris and Rome



# And I wanna go home



# Let me go home



# And I'm surrounded by

a mllllon peopIe, I...



# I stllI feeI aIone, Iet me go home



# Oh, I miss you, you know



# Let me go home



# I've had my run



# Baby, I'm done



# I gotta go home



# Let me go home



# It wllI all be all right



# I'll be home tonight



# I'm coming back home #


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