Weird Science Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Weird Science script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the movie starring Anthony Michael Hall, Kelly LeBrock, and Robert Downey Jr. This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Weird Science. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

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Weird Science Script



This is so beautiful.



You know it, Gary.



Look at her.



Do you know

what I'd like to do?



Shower with them.



Then we hit

the city, baby,



dead on,



for a little drinks,



a little nightlife,







We throw a huge party,

I mean huge party...



Everybody's invited,

women everywhere.



All these girls,

they're all there.



Naked bodies everywhere.






They'll know my name.






Nobody likes us.




Why are you messing

with the fantasy?



We know about

the reality.



Don't ruin

the fantasy, okay?



And then,



we're a hit, man.



We're popular.

We're revered.



Man, we're studs.



When the smoke clears,




those two dames



fall amazingly,




and totally in love

with us, Wyatt.



Check it out.






Check us out!



Look, we're

sorry about...



She's alive



She's alive



Weird science









Weird science



Plastic tubes

and pots and pans



Bits and pieces



And magic from our hands



We're makin'

weird science



Ooh, things

I've never seen before



Behind bolted doors



And imagine,

it's my creation



Is it real?



It's my creation



I do not know



No hesitations



Your heart of gold



Is flesh and blood



I do not know



Why do I know?



From my heart

and from my hand



Why don't people




My intentions



Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

weird science






Ooh, ooh



Weird science



Things I've never

seen before



Behind bolted doors



Weird science



Bits and pieces

and bits and pieces



And bits and pieces









Where did your

parents go, anyway?






They're meeting the guy

my sister wants to marry.



Chloe? Who the hell

would marry Chloe?



He's studying

to be a vet.



Don't make a mess.



The maid doesn't come

till Monday.



How come your parents

suddenly trust you?



Chet's coming home from

college for the weekend.



He's in charge.



Chet? Shit!



You should have

told me this



before I agreed

to sleep over.



How do you

put up with him?



If I don't, he beats the shit out of me.



It's a habit he picked

up in military school.



He's very

protective of me.



Nice relationship.






There's nothing

to fear.






No blood, no decay.



Go on.

Fix the electrodes.



You'll have plenty

to be afraid of




the night's over.



The storm

will be magnificent...



All the electrical

secrets of heaven.



This time we're ready,




Let's have

one final test.



Throw the switches.



Here in this machine,



I have discovered

the great ray



that first brought life

into the world.




the final touch...



the brain

you stole, Fritz...



The brain of a dead man



waiting to live again

in a body I made.



It's not a bad idea.






In    minutes,

the storm...



Making a girl.



Actually making a girl...



just like Frankenstein,



except cuter.



Nobody must come here.!



Don't touch it.!



Sorry, Doctor.



You're serious.






Look me in the eyes.



Do I look serious?



You're crazy.!



Crazy am I?



We'll see



whether I'm crazy or not.



Gary Wallace,

that's absolutely gross.



I'm not digging up

dead girls.



I'm not talking about

digging up a dead girl.



I'm talking about

your computer, idiot.



You can simulate stuff

on your computer.



Why can't we

simulate a girl?



I guess I could,

but why?



It's two-dimensional

on the screen.



It's not

flesh and blood.



But we can

ask it questions.



We'll put it in

real-life sexual situations



and see how it reacts.



Well, what about

your girl in Canada?



She lives in Canada.



She has no morals.



I don't like that

in a girl.



Anyway, get to work.



Very nice.



Hold it, Wyatt.

I know female stats.



Anything bigger

than a handful,



you're risking

a sprained tongue.










Okay. Now what?



Should we give her

a brain?



Yeah. We'll play chess

with her.



Chess? Just give her

a brain.



That's all we can do

with my stuff.



Did you get a free

toaster with this, too?



The problem is,

this is a lame idea.



Your computer

is a wimp.



We need

a lot more power.



What do you suggest?



We're in.



We're in trouble, Gary.



This is highly illegal.



We got to fill this thing with data.



We'll make her

as real as possible.



I want her

to live, breathe.



I want her

to aerobicize.




All Dave, all night.!



We know what you need



only right here

on Dave TV!



It's moving,

it's working.



It's working

by itself.



I lo mee li I lo la la mala kroo



kara kara chal

do le mo le lo...



But, Gary...



by the way,



why are we wearing

bras on our heads?






You ready?






Let's go.



Turn it off!



It is off!



Hang up the phone!




what's going on?



I don't know!



Unplug it!



Oh, shit!



Arf! Arf!




It's a birthday present!



Oh, shit!



Oh, shit!



Let's get this thing

out of your house!



You get it out!



This is

all your fault!



I'll get it out!




What the hell is it?



Oh, shit!



One, two, three.



She's alive. Alive.!






So what would you little

maniacs like to do first?



You guys created me.



I didn't come

from anywhere.



Before you messed around

with your computer,



I didn't even exist.



By the way,

you did an excellent job.



Thank you.






Isn't showering real fun?



If we're going to have

fun together,



you guys

had better loosen up.



What're we gonna

do with her?



We'll just go

with the situation.



By Sunday, you'll

think of something.




a very bright guy.



I'm just

being practical.



I know.

I appreciate it.



Let's go.



What about

this mess?



Clean it up




Okay, but don't get

B.O. on Chet's suit,



or he'd kill me.



Where are we going?



We're going

downtown and...



Oh, my God!

Whose stuff is this?



Is that yours?



Gary, I don't know...



What is

going on here?



I don't know!

You look good, though, okay?



Did you steal

this car?






How did you get it?



I can get

anything I want.



Right now,

I want to party.






Yeah. Think up

a name for me.



What name

do you want?



You think of one.






Why Lisa?



Why not?



He used to like

a girl named Lisa.



Oh, yeah?

Old girlfriend?



She kicked him

in the nuts.



Will you shut up?



It wasn't

your fault.



All you said was

hello to her.



Shut up!



Guys, I like Lisa.



That'll do just fine.



You guys

ready to rock?













I don't think

we belong here.



Don't be silly.



It's a public place.



We'd both

love to stay,



but we're not   .



You're   .



Maybe you'd feel better

if you mingled.



We don't mingle, okay?



Then we'll invite these people

to your house



and we could all

mingle there.



We'll mingle.

We'll mingle.



Hi, dudes.



Well, goddamn!



Listening to

this blues music



reminds me of my own

trials and tribulations



as a young guy.



My folks

really dump on me.



You guys get along

with your parents?



I guess you guys

moved out by now.



Uh, what's this, sir?



Drink it.



That's a very

sweet thought,



but I really don't...



Until now.



See you guys

in the emergency room.



Pretty lady,



what's a beautiful broad

like you...



doing with a malaca

like this?



It's purely sexual.



No shit.



She's into

malacas, Dino.



Ha ha ha ha ha!



She's into malacas!



Do you believe that?



Ha ha ha ha ha!



You can

say that again!



Fats, man, let me tell you

my story, man.



Last year,



I was insane for this

crazy little  th-grade bitch.



Crazy insane?







I was nuts

for the woman, man.



I'm tellin'

the truth here.



I was nuts for the girl.



She had big titties.



She wouldn't have had

to worry about no titties



for the rest of her life.



That's the truth.



I called her every night

for like a month.



Every damn night?



Every night, Mitch.



On the telephone?



What's this boy talkin'

about, on the telephone?



Explain it

to him.



We know

there's a telephone.



But he hung up

on her.



The chick with

those big titties?



You know what

the bitch did to me?



Lay it on me.






She kneed you

in the nuts.



She did what?



Bitch kneed your nuts?



Bitch kneed my nuts!



In the family




In the family jewels, man.



Broke my heart in two.



She broke more

than your heart.




that other one.



You got this fine jewel sitting by you.



Ain't that the truth,




That's the plain truth!



Party's over.



Party's over,

says the girl.



Here's money for you...



$   for you,

$   for you.



I'll bet $  that boy won't

make it through the club.



Woo, baby



You know I love you



I really shouldn't

be driving.




I appreciate it.



I don't feel

like driving.



Okay, forget it.



I'll drive.



Give me the keys!



Will he

be all right?



I warned him about

that blind dog bourbon.



He don't have

a license.



I don't even have

a learner's permit.



Hey, let's scout

another party, man.



What will you

tell Chet about me?









That's not very

realistic, Wyatt.



I'm just trying to

concentrate on the road.



Concentrate harder.



You're running

a red light.



Oh, shit!



I hate that stuff!

I never listen to it!



I hate this car!



Are you okay?



My nuts

are halfway up my ass.



Other than that,

I'm perfect.



Think of what

you'll do about Chet.



He's one serious idiot.



You're stewed, butt-wad!



Who, me?



Know what time it is?



Uh,  :  ?



Time to pay the fiddler.



I was kind of

counting on you



to be human about this.



Here's the

bottom line, Wyatt.



I'm telling Mom and Dad




And I'm even considering

making up some shit.



All right, Chet.

Name your price.



$    and zero cents,




New bills,

crisp and clean,



in my wallet by   A.M.



Thank you.



Hey, what are

big brothers for?



See you upstairs.



How to be jilted.









The boozehounds return.



What a joke!



Hi, girls.



Feeling kind of queasy?



How about a nice

greasy pork sandwich



served in

a dirty ashtray?



He pukes, you die.



He's not laughing

at you, Chet.



Yes, I am.



Did you tell Chet about

the woman we made tonight?



He's drunk.



No shit.



No shit, Chet.



You donkey dicks couldn't

get laid in a morgue.



You're absolutely right.



You're absolutely

right, Chet.



Hey, Gary.






Ha ha ha ha!



He's an asshole.



Look at his haircut.



Anybody with

a haircut like that



is an asshole.



Psst. Lisa.



Where are you?



I'm right behind you.






I won't hurt you.



Your lips feel like

rigor mortis has set in.



Relax a little bit.



I wasn't expecting you

to kiss me.



I mean, I was just...



I was... uh...






That was better.



Want to try it again?



If you don't mind.



I mean,

yes, please, ma'am.



Oh oh oh oh









You sure

you're only   ?



I'll be    in June.



You made me.



You control me.



What are you

thinking about, huh?






women's gymnastics.



Well, I don't know.



I'll do my best.









Wyatt, Wyatt,



Wyatt, where are you?



I'm right here, Gary.



What happened?



I don't know.



I think

it was a dream.







Last night, Lisa.



It had to be a dream.



We were both in it.



Two people can't have

the same dream.



It had to be a dream.



In your dream,



did I get up in the middle of the night



and yak

in your sink?



Didn't throw up. No.



Maybe it was a dream,

you know...



A very weird, bizarre,



vivid, erotic, wet,

detailed dream.



Maybe we have malaria.






Gary! Wyatt!






I don't

have the bucks



to pay Chet off

about this.



You can't fear Chet

the rest of your life.



Why not?




I don't know, Wyatt.



I mean, it's seriously

affecting your sex life.



   seconds into

my gymnastics routine,



you passed out.



You slept.



I did my toes.



By the way,

you're very cute.



We'll try it again




Good morning,

turd brain.



Hi, Chet.



You spit in this?



Not that

I'm aware of, no.



Hey, that looks

pretty good.



Now make yourself one,

dick weed.



I like your panties.



It's a joke, Chet.



That's not a joke!



That is a severe

behavioral disorder.



Those are women's




Next you'll be wearing

a bra on your head.



The old man's

going to have a stroke.



All right, Chet.

How much?



How much?



This goes way beyond

payment, pal.



Come on, Chet.







your VCR

should cover it...



for openers.



Thank you.



For Christ's sakes,

will you cover yourself?



You guys looking for

something for your mom?



I really don't

think so... Sue.



Do you guys have,

uh... girlfriends?



One does not refer to

a   -year-old woman



as a girlfriend.



Uh, mistress, Gar.



Um, lover.






She's a sexpot.



You guys are the ones that got beat up



at the homecoming

game, right?



Do you think

you could wrap up



a bottle of

this scent for me?



Um, two.



Set yourself up

with one, too.



Three scents, please.



If you were

a   -year-old boy,



would these

turn you on?



I think so, too.

I'll take them.



Do you have a bra

to match that...



something leather,

rubber, or barbed wire?



Give me a break.



Check it out.






Five bucks?






Max, what

will you do?



For the first time

in my life,



I don't feel like

a total dick.



Yeah, me either.



Ha ha ha ha ha!



Ha ha ha ha.!



Sorry, boys.



Momentary loss

of motor control.



You guys getting

tired of this?



There's a big

white sale going on...



at Towel World!



We're not impressed.



Can I have some

of that, please?



Their shit bores me.



Should we dump them?



We've been with them

three months.



We've been

to all the parties.



We won't go

to any more parties.



We'll go into

a social coma.







Let's give them

another chance.






Will you

forgive us?



Oh, you guys.



What will

we do with you?



Excuse me!



We got her,

we got her.












That's Ian.



This is Max.



We call him Mad Max.



I saw you

on the escalator.



You were looking

at us, right?






So what

are you doing?






I'm waiting

for my ride.






come on, hon.

We're late.



Honey, move.




to you later.



She likes the rough stuff.



What can I do?



There's a party tonight

at Wyatt's house.



You can find his name

in the students' directory



under Donnely.



Pass the word around.






Don't ask.



You'll have a heart attack

by the time you're   .



Learn to relax.



Have you tried

inversion boots?



Lisa, you don't

understand my parents.



What's there

to understand?



They're oppressive,




difficult, demanding,

and totally bizarre.



They're normal parents.



Go get dressed.



Lisa, I created you.



Why do you do things

I don't want?



You and Gary want friends,



you want popularity,



you want

all that stuff, right?



I thought about it.

Sure, but...



So I'm

giving it to you.



Thank you,



but I don't want it

in my house.



If you want to be

a party animal,



learn to live

in the jungle.



Now go get dressed.



I'll pick up Gary.



I can't wait

to meet his parents.



Do you go

to Gary's school?



Do I look like

I'm in high school?






She's a foreign

exchange student.



They have a different

educational system




around the world.



You look very...






Doesn't she?



I was thinking

the same thing.



What do you do

for a living, Al?



I'm an independent




My dad's a plumber.

He's into plumbing.



I guess you plumb,

right, Dad?






I think

it's time to go.



You ready?



Where are you going?



To a party.

To a movie.



Movie party,

is what it is.



No. I've whipped up

this nasty soiree



at his friend

Wyatt's house.



Soir what?



Soiree, honey.



I think

that means party.






There's going to be

sex, drugs, rock n' roll,



chips, dips, chains, whips...



Your basic high school orgy.



I'm not talking

candle wax on the nipples...



Just hundreds of kids



running around in their underwear

acting like animals.



I've heard enough!



Gary, get to your room!



Yes, sir!



It's okay.

I'll handle this.



Girlie, get out

before I throw you out.



Don't threaten me, Al!



You're out of shape.



I'll kick your ass.



I'm going to make this

real easy for you.



I'm taking Gary

to a party.



Over my dead body.



He's a good kid.



He studies hard.



If anybody

should be bitching,



it should be Gary.



You ever compliment him

on his grades?



Or on anything?



Hey! Hey!




embarrass me.



Shut up!

Shut up!



It's so sad that your son's

only sexual outlet



is tossing off to magazines

in the bathroom.



Oh, Gary!



I never tossed off!



You said you were

combing your hair.!



I was!



Gary, shut up!



Water's running

all day.



Shut up!



I never tossed off!



And you wouldn't tell

your own mother!



Shut up!



This guy

deserves a party.



Look, I don't know

who you are,



what you are,

or where you came from,



but I'm not taking

any more of this.



Dial the police, Lucy,

and give me the phone.



I'm going to get the...



Give me the phone.



Well, here it is.



Jesus, God.



Oh, Christ.



Oh, Lord God.









Go ahead...



make your day?



I'm sorry it has to

come to this.



Come to what?



Cheer up, or I'll

blow your face off.



Don't be

such an old lady.



Everything's cool.



Everything's cool!



My dad's going to

castrate me.



My mother almost had

a cardiac arrest.



I'll be grounded

till I'm   .



Other than that,

everything's great.



Couldn't be better.



Trust me for once,

will you?



They don't know

what happened.



Did you think



Gary was acting a little

strangely this evening?






Who's Gary?



Lisa, promise me things

won't get out of control.



Don't worry.



You're just having

a few friends over.



I don't have

any friends.



He doesn't.



Boy ain't lying.



You do now.






Hi! Hi! Hi!






Party.! Party.! Party.!



Standin' here

by the window



Starin' out

at the night



Gotta save me

from troubles...



Oh, baby



It's gonna work out fine



You heard the sound

of footsteps



Swinging across the floor...






How you doing?



Where's the bar?






Do you think they'll

embarrass us tonight?









If Max and Ian

see her,



it's over for us.



How's your stomach?






If you're gonna float an

air biscuit, let me know.



Float a what?



If you fart,

I'll hit the fan.



Sorry. I suffer

pain and discomfort



due to occasional

stomach upset.



We always talk about

how great it would be



if we went to parties.



Now it's our party, hundreds

of people are having fun,



and we're in the John.



You're as uptight

as I am.



Nobody can be

as uptight as you.



Your middle name

is tense...



Wyatt "Tense Up"




It's not that bad.



We can hear the music.



Maybe if we put

our noses to the door,



we can smell the food.



Hey, brother!



What's happening,

my main man?



Right on!






Straight up?



Give me

the whole bottle.



Bend over.



I'll shove it

straight up your ass.



On the rocks is fine.



Ha ha ha ha!



Yeah, that's what

I thought you'd say.



There she is.



You deal

with the drinks.



I'll kill the girls.



I wonder

if Lisa's having fun.



Lisa could have fun at

an insurance seminar, Wyatt.



The thing

that really galls me



is that she's ours



and we can't

get close to her.



Hit the fan.



This is the best party

I've ever been to.



It's great!



Whose house is this?



It's probably that girl

with the English accent.



She doesn't have a zit

on her whole body.



She has zero fat.



And she's so relaxed.



She burped

and it was charming.



Uh, yeah.



The bathroom.













I can't believe you.!



You're dropping




and chicks are outside.!



Light a match!

Light a fire!










We thought there were

just girls in there.



It's just us dudes.



Why are you here?



Gary was just

taking a shit.



I meant...



What are you doing

at the party?



Oh, it's my house.



This is your party?



We like to do this

once a week,



throw little




Haven't you guys

been by?



How did we

miss these two?



So many people,

so many parties.



So many parties.



You lose track.



Can I come in

and check my face?



What's wrong with it?



Can we come in?



Come on in.



Sure. Be our guests.



Thanks, guys.



We've seen you

at school,



but we've never met.



You're Hilly.



You're Deb.



Hi. I'm Gary.



Hi, Gary.



What have you guys

been doing...



I didn't know you guys

had so many friends.



Neither did we.



Who's the girl

with the accent?



I thought

this was her party.



You mean the sensuous

sex symbol type?







She's with us.



She's with... you guys?



Come on, Lisa.

Why not?



Because I belong

to Gary and Wyatt.



Did they make you in the

garage with power tools?



Do they own you?



Control you?









They're toads.



Do I look like

I'd go out with two toads?



You do.



Gary and Wyatt



will force everyone

to redefine their terms.



And you're completely

loyal to them?



I do whatever they say.






Could you excuse us

for a minute, please?



No problem.

We'll be in here.



Okay, fine.



They're stoked

for us.



Should we go for it?



What about Lisa?



She said we should party.



Let's score points

with these two.



We'll deal with

the mechanics later.



Sounds good.



Let's not hurt

Lisa's feelings.



She wants

a bone job from me.



Ready to party?

Let's break!



Those guys are weird,

but they're kinda cute.






Where did you two

disappear to?



We were in the bathroom.

We were in the kitchen.




Doing our hair.



Have you met

Gary and Wyatt?







Sort of.



If you get the chance,

shower with them.



I did.



It's a mind scrambler!



Oh, hurts so good.



She took a shower

with them.



I have a wonderful

idea, Henry.



After dinner, let's

stop by and visit Wyatt.



He's alone

at home tonight.



Doesn't he have

anything to read?



I don't know, dear,



but nothing's more

important to a teenage boy



than his grandparents.



We'll drop by.



Ha ha ha!

Yeah! Woo!



I'd like to apologize

for the Ice today at the mall.



It was very immature.

I'm sorry.



It was just,

like, tomfoolery.



We are sorry.



It happened.



What's the deal

with Lisa?



Can we borrow her?



We can't do that, guys.



Common decency

prohibits us.



We can't.

It's not cool.



Well, she said

it was cool.



We can't take advantage

of her loyalties.



That's really




Just forget it, guys.



We can't do it,

you know?



Come on.

Quit being pricks.



Hey, come on.



Regardless of what

she may have told you,



our feelings for Lisa

run very deep.



So do ours

for Deb and Hilly.



It's respect, the time

you spent together.



You guys deserve them.



We want to make

a deal with you.



Let us have

a crack at Lisa



and Deb and Hilly

are yours.



Can you guys

keep a secret?






A secret?



Look again.

It's Gary.



No, no.



It's our boy, Gary.



He's our

  -year-old boy.



I don't know



what the hell you're

talking about, Lucy.



I feel

like an asshole.



This had better work.



This is just

the blueprint.



You like it?



Bigger tits.

Bigger tits.



Go, go, go, go!



Give him

the knee shooters.



What the hell's

going on here?



Excuse me, Arthur.



It's Art.



Excuse me, Art.



Oh, shit.









Weird science



Eddie and Grandpa



are working on

a new project.



They're working on

a robot.






Oh! Oh! Oh!



What's going on?



Turn this thing off!



You'll love it!



I'm shitting

in my pants!



Weird science












Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

weird science















Aah! Aah!



Aah! Aah! Aah!












It worked.



You had to be big shots,

didn't you?



You had to show off.



People will like you

for what you are,



not for what

you can give them.



In your race

for power and glory,



you forgot

one small detail.



We forgot to

hook up the doll.



You forgot to

hook up the doll.



Something's going on here, Carmen.



I have a feeling

we won't approve, Henry.



A missile!



A missile

in my house, Gary!



This puppy's

for real, all right.



It was an accident.



It happens...



Accident my ass, Gary!



My parents and Chet

will freak out!



They'll shit egg rolls.



Get out!



Get out! Scat!



Out! Disgusting tramps!



You, you, you...




Out! Out!



Stop that!



You shouldn't walk

into somebody's house



and hit people

with your hat.



This is

my daughter's home.



Who are you?



I'm a close personal

friend of your grandson's.




call the police.



I'll have you




Here's the deal...



Gary and Wyatt... they

created me on their computer.



I'm not going to listen

to this baloney.



He doesn't stand

for baloney.



Do you mind waiting?



I won't be a moment.



Have you ever?






Wyatt, your grandparents are downstairs.



Okay. Thanks, Lis.









Where are

my grandparents?



Your kitchen

is blue.



Want to try one?



Where are

my grandparents?



They're all

taken care of.



You're going to

love this one.



Are they all right?



They're fine.




better than fine.



They're not aging




See? They're smiling.



If any more of his relatives drop by,



we'll be upstairs

in the bathroom.



Those guys really need

some self-confidence,



a challenge...



Something that'll bring out



their inner strength

and courage.



I'm so bloody clever.
















Ha ha ha ha!



This Bud's for you.






This party's lame, Max.



What about the girls?



Girls, shmirls.












What's going on?





















Gary, listen to me.



There are motorcycles

in my house!



There are killer mutants

in your house, okay?



Screw the house.

Screw the house.






Ha ha ha ha!



Guys, you have

uninvited guests.



Ask them to leave.



They're getting

pretty rowdy.



Ha ha ha ha!



This is

an excellent chance



for you to prove your

bravery and courage.



Those are outdated concepts.



Don't let John Wayne

hear you say that.



The man is dead!



So are you if you don't

deal with this situation.



No, thanks.

No, thanks.



Gary, do you feel

like a chicken?



If I could shoot an

egg out my ass, I would.



Will all these people

think we're cowards?



I don't know.



We can deal with shame.



Death is

a much deeper issue.












We'll get you guys

some drinks.



You look like

a scotch man.






Is this your party?



Uh... well, kind of.



I don't know if

you can call it a party.



It's, um,

just a few friends.



How come two unpopular dicks like you



is having a party?



I don't know.



Dicks sometimes do

the weirdest things.



I don't know.



How would you like

all your friends here



to know that you wear

a bra on your heads?



Ha ha ha ha!



Ha ha!



Tossed off into any good

books lately, have we?



Ha ha ha ha!



You two can't even

take a shower



with a beautiful woman



without wearing

your jeans!



Ha ha ha ha!






Come here!












Ha ha ha ha!












Prepare to die,




I can't wait to die.



We're gonna kick...






Okay. This is war.



Hands off the girls.



Leave the girls

out of this.



Ha ha ha ha!



I said hands off!






Ah... ahh!



Hee hee hee hee!



Why don't you

shut up, bitch?



And as for

your ugly ass,



you don't come into

my friend's house



with your faggot friends,



driving your motorbikes

all over his floors,



stinking up the place...

and you do stink.



You're going to

let go of the girls



and apologize

to all these people.



Get on your bikes.



Pedal your ugly asses

out of here.



Ha ha ha ha!



We're gentlemen,

so we'll give you a choice.



You can

leave in peace...



or you can stay and die.






The choice is yours.






Get out of here.



Beg your pardon.

Your home is lovely.



Terribly sorry.



Call me.

We'll have lunch.



Can we keep this

between us?



I'd hate to lose

my teaching job.



God bless you.



I can't believe it.



Is everyone all right?



We're heroes.



We showed

these guys down.



You and me saved

all these people.



This could mean a guest

shot on Phil Donahue.



This is exciting, man!



Where did you

get that thing?



It's a squirt gun.






That's my boys.



Crimson morning skyline



Whoa oh



What a weird night, huh?



You really weren't

afraid of those guys?



I was scared.



But what could I do?



I probably shouldn't

ask too many questions



about tonight.






Since this is

a night of weird shit,



can I ask you

something strange?



Would you kiss me?



What about Ian?



We all make mistakes.






Where do you want it?



Can I ask you

a question?






How do you feel

about Lisa?



I love her.



That's what I figured.



But, uh...



it's definitely a

different kind of love.



You know,

it's more sisterly,



like big sisters,

like, kind of.



But she's

so beautiful.



Yeah, she's

really beautiful.



And her body is...

it's gorgeous.



It's a nice figure.






I mean, what would I be compared to her?



Deb, Lisa is everything

I ever wanted in a girl...



before I knew

what I wanted.



I know that if

I could do it again,



I'd make her

just like you.






Dead honest.



I'm like... I'm really honest

when I say that.



I'm so very honest.



I mean that.



What the hell?






That little bastard.



If my room's okay,

I won't kill him.



I'll just hurt him

real bad.









Where's my brother?









I don't know.



You're dead meat,







Chet, Chet,

that's her nose.



She has nothing

to do with it.



Okay. You die.



She walks out of here

with a severe limp.



I'll be back.



That's Wyatt's

older brother, Chet.



He's an asshole.



Oh, hi, Chet.



What the hell's

going on around here?



Chet, it was

an accident.



An accident?



Do you realize

it's snowing in my room,



goddamn it?



Some weird shit

happened, Chet.



It doesn't take a genius

to figure that out,



monkey dick.



Start talking.



Gary and I made a

woman with the computer.



She went crazy and

messed up the house.



Don't smart-mouth me,

you shit!



Leave him alone.



This is a family

matter, bimbo.



Chet, just let me

find Lisa.



She'll clear

everything up.



You can have

my college money



and my social security,




So you guys think

you can fool me, huh?






You've synched everybody

to the same bullshit story.



This is

a Pershing missile, Chip.



My name is Chet.



And I didn't think

it was a whale's dick, honey.



Hi, Nanny.

Hi, Grampy.



I'm not a moron.






Was that

my grandparents?



Are they dead?



No. They're

just resting.



What are they

doing in here?



I put them in there.



They weren't having a very

good time at the party.



Do you think

they're having a good time



catatonic in a closet?



Do you have any idea

how disrespectful that is?



I wouldn't give

a squirt of piss



for your ass right now.



You guys

get the girls home.




take the Porsche.



Gary, take the Ferrari.



The Ferrari?



I want to be alone

with Chet.



Good to see you.



Get out of here!



Take your little

hussies home!



I want to get to

the bottom of this,






Oh, so do I.



First, I'd like to

butter your muffin.



Why must you be

such a wanker?




I get off on it.



I want you to

keep your big mouth shut



about everything

that's happened here.



Treat Wyatt and Gary

with dignity and respect.



Oh, really?



Yeah. Really.



I can be

a real serious bitch...



if I don't get

what I want.



Ooh. Hit me

with your best shot.



How fast

are you going?



About   .




This can't be right.



Are you looking

at the RPMs?



No. I'm looking at

about    tickets.






This happens

every time!



Oh, my. Whew!



That was great!



You son of a bitch!



Al, Al!

Al, that was Gary!



Who is this

Gary character?



I had a great time

last night.



I'll probably be grounded

for a month or so, but...



I'll wait for you.















Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah






I love you!



All right!



I want to thank you

for a great night.



Same here.



I have kind of

a confession to make.



I'm really

not this cool.



That's not my car.



This is not my suit.



Those people

weren't my friends.



Why are you telling me

all of this?



Because I want you

to like me



for what I am.



Whatever you are,

I like it.






Well, I'd better

get going.



Wyatt and I still

have to deal with Chet.



Quit screwing around!



This isn't funny,

you stupid bitch!



Careful, Chet.

Don't make me angry.






That's better.



Turn me back

to normal.



I haven't done

anything to you.



You've done plenty

to your brother.



Like what?



You've nagged him,

harassed him...



Huh, me?



Supressed him,

extorted money from him.



It was done

out of love.



I should give you

a set of elephant balls.






Promise me you'll leave

Wyatt and Gary alone,



and I'll change you back.



Oh, all right.



Shake on it, huh?



No, thanks.

I'd rather not.




Where are you going?



I have to

go and get changed.



What about me?



The effect

will wear off, okay?






I'm in love.



Isn't it great?



The best.



I'll tell you what.



Things are

turning around for us.



I mean it.



Okay, what about Lisa?



We'll have

a talk with her.



Think she'll understand?



I think so.



I sure as hell wouldn't

want to date you.



You're not my type.









Hi, dudes!



I'm sorry, Wyatt,



for being a shit to you

all these years.



And gee,

I want you to know that...



I love you.






Ha ha ha ha!



That's nasty, Wyatt.



That's Chet, Gary.



Hey, hey.









Oh, my God!






In here.









You saw Chet?



Yes, I did.







Yes, I am.



Lisa, we can't

have him like that.



It'd ruin Christmas.



He'll be fine

in half an hour.



He won't

spoil Christmas.



And he won't bug you

anymore, either.



Um, Lisa, we have to

have a talk with you.



What's on your mind?



I really don't know

how to say this.



You guys found

girlfriends, right?



Fell in love

with two girls.



They fell in love

with you.



That's all I ever

wanted for you.



You're not hurt?



Yeah, sure I'm hurt.



But I wouldn't

change it.



I'm really

just getting off



seeing you guys

straightened out.



I have to go.






I've had

a wonderful time.












We're home!



Hi, Mr. Donnely.

How are you?



Hi, honey.



Dad, hi.



No, no, no.



What did you guys

do this weekend?



Not much.



Hung around the house.



Daddy thought

you might throw a party



or do something nutty.



Not us.

Not here.



No way.

No way.



Shh, shh, shh.






Drop and give me   .



She's alive



Weird science



Weird science



Plastic tubes

and pots and pans



Bits and pieces



And magic from our hands

will make it



Weird science






Plastic tubes

and pots and pans



Bits and pieces

and bits and pieces



And bits and pieces



It's my creation



Is it real?



It's my creation



Ooh, my creation



It's my creation









Weird science






Magic and technology



Voodoo dolls and chants,




We're makin'

weird science



Fantasy and microchips



Bits and pieces

and bits and pieces



And bits and pieces



It's my creation



Is it real?



It's my creation



I do not know



No hesitation



No heart of gold



Just flesh and blood



I do not know,

I do not know



From my heart

and from my hand



Why don't people




My intentions?



Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

weird science






Weird science



Magic and technology



Voodoo dolls and chants



Weird science



Things I've never

seen before



Behind bolted doors



Whoa whoa whoa



Weird science









Weird science



Weird science






Oh whoa whoa whoa



Bits and pieces



Bits and pieces

and bits and pieces



Weird science



It's my creation



Is it real?



It's my creation



I do not know



Ooh, my creation



Is it real?



It's flesh and blood



Just flesh and blood



Weird science



Weird science



Weird science

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