What A Girl Wants Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the What A Girl Wants script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the movie starring Amanda Bynes, Colin Firth, Kelly Preston, etc.  This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of What A Girl Wants. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

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What A Girl Wants Script



My name is Daphne Reynolds,

and I was born in New York City.



Iíve lived my whole life with my mom

in a fifth-floor walkup in Chinatown.



It's always been just the two of us,

me and Libby.



But every year on my birthday,

Iíd make a wish...



Make a wish, baby!



...that someone else could be there, too.



And every year when he didn't come,

Iíd ask my mom to tell me the same story.



You never get tired of this one,

do you? Okay.



Once upon a time...



there was a young, very cool singer

named Libby...



who one day decided

to go out and see the world.



Little did she know

that in the deserts of Morocco...



fate was waiting for her...



and his name was Henry.



They fell madly, passionately,

hopelessly in love...



and were married

by the chief of a Bedouin tribe.



Henry brought her to England to meet

his family and to get married for real.



But fate was not so kind this time.



She was definitely not

what they were expecting.



But when Henry's father suddenly died...



Libby knew there'd be more pressure

on him to lead a certain kind of life...



because he was now Lord Dashwood...



and Libby was no one's idea of a lady.



Henry knows all about it.

If you love Henry, you will go now.



I think you should see this.



Apparently there's someone else.



So even though it broke her heart...



she knew she had to leave him.



But a few months later,

fate gave her the greatest gift of all...



a beautiful baby girl named Daphne.



Sweet dreams, kiddo.



Love you.



Love you.



I can't believe you're    years old today.



Sweet dreams, Henry.



On my    th birthday,

Mom and I had to work.



But it turned out to be

where my story really began.



You delivering something?



About three hours

of watered-down rock and roll...



and one very late waitress.






Watch your head.



Are you related?



-Can I park it?

-Yeah, over there.



How could he do this to me?



Itís our wedding day! Where is he?



What? I should know?

   minutes and she's lost him already.



How you doing?



Iím sorry, can I borrow this? Thanks.






Sorry about this.

Come on, big guy, wakey-wakey.






Itís cold and I can't get it out!






-Are you done with this, sir?










-What are you doing here?

-Iím clearing the chicken cacciatore.



My God, that is so funny!



Guess what!

Iím interning at Jenkins and Taylor...



before I go to Duke, prelaw.



What's next for you?



The dessert, a selection of sorbets.



No, where are you going to college?



That would be

the University of the Undecided.



Is that in Ohio?



Undecided, Ohio.



I guess I better be going.

But say hey to Jenkins and Taylor.



Now everyone

will please clear the dance floor.



The bride and her father

would like to share a special dance.



-I know. I saw the look.

-I don't want to talk about it.



Every time we do these weddings,

I see the father-daughter dances.



l can't help but think

that Iím never going to get to do that.



l know you think you're doing

the right thing by keeping me from him--



l was trying to protect you

from getting hurt the same way I was.



You left him, remember?



Itís not like he jumped on a plane

and came after me.



Maybe he would have if he knew I existed.



-Itís not that simple.

-Why can't you understand, Mom?



l feel like half of me is missing.



Without the other half, how am l

supposed to know who I really am?



Getting to know someone because

they share the same DNA isn't the answer.



Itís about getting to know yourself.



Come on, let's go steal some leftovers.

Lasagna looks great.



I love you a million Swedish fish.



I love you a million red M&M's.






-Where to, miss?

-JFK, Virgin Atlantic.



You got it.



l thought maybe the answer was taking

a year or two off before college...



to find out what Iím supposed to do

with my life.



But deep down,

I think Iíve always known...



what I really need more than anything else

in the world is to find him...



to find my dad.



Mom, you always said it was up to me

to write the rest of my story...



but you've been writing it for me, Mom.



Now it has to be my turn.



Can I borrow that for a sec?



Great Britain Grand Hotel?






-That's not it.

-That sounded really good.




-Is that a Gibson J-   ?






Are you a musician?



No, but I live with one back home.



My mom.



So, you checking in?



-Day job?

-One of many.



You know, life of a struggling musician.



Ian, catch!



Come on, Iíll show you around.



So the kitchen's through there.



Common room's down the hall.



I should warn you the dog and bone's

on the blink and we've no lift here.



Phone is broken.



Elevator none.



Lou's free.



Who's Lou?



We better take this slowly.



...into life    hours ago when

Lord Henry Dashwood announced today...



that he was giving up

his hereditary seat in the House of Lords...



to run for election as a commoner.



Why should an accident of birth...



give me the right to make decisions

for the people? The only power...



My dad!



...the voters choose to give me.

That's why Iím standing in this election.



Thank you very much.



Lord Dashwood, who will marry

his fiancťe, Glynnis Payne...



in the presence

of the Queen this summer...



will also inherit a stepdaughter,

the lovely Clarissa Payne.



Itís this surprising announcement

of Lord Dashwood's...



that has sent shock waves

through Westminster.



He now appears to be

an unstoppable political force.



l admit, when you first suggested

giving up your seat in the House of Lords...



l began to question your sanity.



But, no, this is political dynamite.



l had an eccentric idea we might

actually be doing the right thing.



Itís possible to do the right thing

and still be a winner.



The latest poll puts the party six points

ahead. That's all due to you.



You're transforming the image

of the party your father loved.



He would have been so proud of you.



Look at you.

You're young, thrusting, idealistic...



an impeccable reputation--



And a fabulous fiancťe

with all the right connections.



Sorry, Daddy, but if I don't steal him,

he'll miss his speech at the Oxfam ball.



-Blast it, my speech.

-Right-hand pocket, darling.



She thinks of everything.



Well, gentlemen, that seems to be all.

Thank you.



You two enjoy yourselves.



How's our boy doing?



lf he doesn't ruffle too many feathers...



we're looking at the next Prime Minister.






I don't know if I can do this anymore.



Daphne, he's your father.



You've flown halfway around the world

to see him. You can't turn back now.



He's got a family now.



You saw them, they're so elegant

and sophisticated. Itís like...



what would he want with me?



-You got a point there.

-Shut up.



Itís just not as simple as I thought.



Maybe I should just go home

and let him get on with his life.



Can I help you, miss?



Actually, no.






Perfect, absolutely wonderful.

Thank you so much. Ciao.



You haven't forgotten Lady Wrightwood's

this afternoon, have you?



She is sponsoring us...



for the Royal Enclosure at Ascot,

we have to be there.



l thought getting married to Henry

meant we didn't have to try so hard.



Iím not getting married for five weeks.



Until then we have

to keep up appearances.



Look what happened to Olivia Dixon

when she went to China.



Who's Olivia Dixon?






-Did you see that?




An impossibly large bird

falling off that wall.



Are you hallucinating?



These eggs are positively glacial.



When I run this house, senile servants

will be the first thing to go.



You'd have to get around the old bat.

She'd never allow it.



Anyone seen my pruning shears?



The old bat seems to have forgotten

where she put them.



Morning, Mother.



Everyone sleep well?



Apparently not.



There's someone at the window,

and Iím not hallucinating.



Itís those bloody paparazzi again.



Percy, call the police!

l will not tolerate this media circus!



-Where do you think you're going?

-Itís you!



How long do you people have to spy

before realizing there's no story here?



-You've got the wrong idea.

-Tell it to the authorities.



The real scandal is how young

they're starting you guttersnipes now.



You sit down and tell me who sent you.



The Sun? The Daily Star?



Good heavens, you can't be more than    .



Go on, take your picture and go away.



I already have a picture of you.



What's going on?



Where the devil did you get this?



From Libby.



That singer you met on a camel?



Why would Libby give this to you?



She thought Iíd want to know

what my father looked like.



My name is Daphne Reynolds

and Iím Libby's daughter.



According to this...



Iím your daughter, too.



For Heaven's sake!



Seems you had an even better time

in Morocco than you let on.



Oh, dear God.



No, this is impossible.



-Must be a mistake.

-Exactly, a mistake.



This doesn't prove anything.

This woman Libby...



must have written down

the first man she could think of.



As far as I know, you're the only man

she's ever thought of.



Can I have a word with you in private

for a moment, please?






You're not going to believe her, are you?



Maybe I shouldn't have come.



l can tell this is a big shock for you.



Iím freaking out,

and Iíve known since I was two.



Don't get me wrong,

freaking out in a good way.



Iíve dreamt about this my whole life.



Not that exact entrance, of course.

l imagined something more graceful.



l can see now

that it was probably a mistake.



l shouldn't have come.



Sorry, did you just say you've known

about this your whole life?







Now we've got that settled, how about

some tea and a piece of fruitcake?



Your mother didn't feel

l deserved the same consideration?



No to the fruitcake, then.



How could she keep it from me?



What happened to the mistake theory

we were operating on a moment ago?



No, wait a minute, ducky.



Henry, I know this has come as a shock,

but we can't just let the girl go.



Not until we've got to the bottom of this.



Shall I call a hotel, madam?



And tell them what, exactly?



That the best-known electoral candidate

in a generation...



is requesting a room for a teenage girl?



The press will have a field day.



Can we leave the press out of this?



Glynnis is absolutely right, dear.



Thank God someone else

is thinking straight.



The girl must stay here, with us.



Before we let this hypothetical daughter...



blow your political career

out of the water...



we might consider checking up on her.



For what?



Criminal record? Blood type?

Triple sixes on her scalp--



Glynnis, she has a birth certificate,

she has my photograph, she has my eyes.



Iím trying to think of what's best for you.



l know you don't like thinking about it,

but the press can be brutal.




Henry Dashwood in Love-child Shocker! ''



Actually, she's not strictly a love child.

Her mother and I were married.



l mean, not technically.

it was a Bedouin ceremony in Morocco.



We planned to make it official

as soon as we got back...



but for some reason Libby decided to....



Anyway, she left.



-Taking something of yours with her.

-Put a cork in it.



Maybe someone should have put

a cork in it     years ago!



Well, here we are.



Will it do?



Are you kidding? Itís incredible!

Itís bigger than our entire apartment...



the Chinese restaurant downstairs

and the dry cleaner down the street.



Makes the White House

look like a McDonald's.



I get the point. Why don't I send Percy

to fetch your things.



Thank you so much, Lady Dashwood.



No hugs, dear. Iím British.



We only show affection

to dogs and horses.






You rock!










Is she there? Is she all right?



Yeah, she's here, she's fine.



Mother is force-feeding her

ancient fruitcake as we speak.



How could you not tell me

Iíd fathered a child?



You let her show up on my doorstep

    years later, unannounced--



And what?



Put a dent in your political career?



No, that's not--



You're afraid of a scandal,

just send her back.



Itís not about scandal, it's about finding

out I had a daughter for half my life!






-l didn't want her to get hurt.

-What is that supposed to mean?



Ask your advisors.



They've gotten you this far, haven't they?



My point is Henry's greatest strength

has always been...



he's completely scandal-free

unlike his opponent.



This could ruin everything.



Have you finished stating the obvious?



Good. Then let me explain

what we're going to do.



We give the press the story,

but we spin it our way.



Let's see what we have.

The Royal Dress Show.



Introduce her as the daughter

you've known...



but rarely had the chance to be with.



The press gets a story,

but one that's cut off at the knees.



May I remind you we are dealing

with a living, breathing   -year-old girl.



-That's the problem.

-The only thing we know...



is that she's an American teenager.



Hardly a promising start.



Still, what do you think, Henry?

Liability or asset?



Well, Iíve only spent a few moments

with her myself...



but my sense from first impression

is that she's mature for her age.



She seems well-mannered enough.



-Thanks, Percy!

-Your lunch, Miss Daphne.



Iíd say rather self-contained, soft-spoken.



Perfect. Let's run with it.



Me. Please be Armistead.



Dashwood residence, Clarissa speaking.



This is Ian Wallace.

Is Daphne Reynolds there?



She's not here.



There's no one here

by that name, actually. Sorry.



lf you do happen to see her,

could you tell her...



-Ian Wallace is trying to find her?

-Absolutely! I will.









Mr. Dashwood. Lord Dashwood?



-Call me Henry.

-Henry. Okay.



This is a cool room.



Listen, l....



l was just wondering if....



Well, I don't know if this

would interest you, actually...



but I was hoping you might accompany me

to the Royal Dress Show on Friday.



-Dress Show?

-Yes, it's ass-numbingly dull.



Some of the people I have to impress

take it frightfully seriously.



Is it like a fashion show?



Gwyneth and Madonna

go to those things, right?



Do you think they'd be there?



I have no idea what you're talking about,

but for me...



it's a stop on the campaign trail.



For Glynnis, it's a chance

to launch Clarissa on society.



Launch? You make her sound like a ship.



No, in Clarissa's case it's more like

an intercontinental ballistic missile.



She's what in the old days might

have been called a debutante.



So, I don't know. I just thought....



Could you bear it?



Could I bear it? I mean that'd be....



-That'd be cool.




Well, good. That's settled, then.

That's good.






l forgot. I brought this for you.



Its some pictures of me growing up.




-l thought you might want to have it.



Thank you very much.



That's splendid, thank you.



-Could I get your advice on something?




l just can't decide which one to wear

to the show tomorrow...



and I was wondering what you thought.



Is that a Gucci tartan mini? That's so cute!



You can go that funky

to the Royal Dress Show?



Daphne, that's the whole point.



Turn up in a sensible dress and pearls...



and you might as well wear

a big sign saying, 'Spot the Plonker.'



Iím glad you told me.

I don't want to be a plonker.



What are stepsisters for?



-This is really cute.

-Good, Iíll wear that, then.



-See you later!




-Iím here to see Daphne Reynolds.

-Do you have an appointment?



No, but she's a good friend of mine.



-You don't get in without an appointment.

-She'll want to see me.



Could you move away now, please, sir?




-Could you move away now, please?



All right, chill out, mate!

You don't own the place!



No, stop!



No. Not good.



Iím so sorry. One second.

Iíll be right there. Almost ready.



One second!



We have to go!



Prince Charles, Harry, and Wills

will already be there.



Why doesn't Daphne come along later?



-l suppose Percy could drive--

-Brilliant, it's settled then!



Come on!



Well, isn't this perfect!



-Go low on that one, Armi.

-Low? Low it is.



You'd think they'd choose debs

who actually had ankles.



Those look like baked hams.



-Should I park the car?

-No, see you later!



Sorry. No admittance.

Show's already started.



Come on!






Where is this Daphne, anyway?



I don't know.

She'll swing through on a vine any minute.



The girl is positively barbaric.



l hope she doesn't embarrass me

in front of Armistead.



We still have the arrival

of Henry's illegitimate daughter.



You needn't worry on that account.



Henry assured me

she will be the soul of discretion.



-Is this the way to the show?

-Go! You're on!



Oh, my giddy aunt!



Holy pooh on toast!



Do something.



That's her.



Who is that adorable creature?



She can dump tea in my harbor anytime!



Thank you, London!



Are you all right? Are you sure?



What a disgrace!



Must be American.



Make way, everyone.

Tacky American coming through.



My evil stepsister.



You've seen Cinderella, right?



Let me clue you in.



I win.



-What a cute dog!

-I beg your pardon?



Iím Henry Dashwood's daughter

from New York.



l didn't know Henry had a daughter.



Can I play with him?



She's very temperamental! A biter!



Seems sweet.



Hey, guy! I like the ribbon.



Oh, dear. Excuse me, won't you?



Cute little guy, let's play.



Princess Charlotte, I do apologize.



Itís all right, Henry. Iíve just been having...



a delicious moment with your daughter.



Wonderful girl.



A little rough around the edges...



but you'll soon smooth those out.



-Is she staying for the summer?







My daughter will be joining us this season.



-What season?

-Oh, my dear, you'll love it!



Beautiful gowns, lovely tiaras,

long, silky gloves...



and the feverish kissing in the cloakroom!



l must have my little baby back!



Come here, my darling!



There now, sweetheart.

You found a new friend.



Come on, Daphne.

Let's get you out of here.






Relax, darling.



She'll be gone in no time,

just like her mother.






-You scared the bejesus out of me.




So, you're the milk thief.



What are you doing up so late?



Jet lag.



What's your excuse?



Couldn't sleep. Just...thinking.



How I nearly wiped out

the entire royal family?



Actually, I think they enjoyed it.



Itís the first time Iíve seen

Princess Charlotte like anyone.



No one will go near that dog

since it ate one of Lord Barret's testicles.






Actually, no, the real tragedy is

that he's still reproducing.



Cocoa Puffs.



Interesting choice.



l had you down as an All-Bran man.



These are strictly contraband.



Glynnis makes me eat

that other gravel every morning.



Do you like Cocoa Puffs?



Dude, it's chocolate. Need I say more?



Did you mean what you said

about me staying for the summer?



Yes, I did.



So does that mean

Iíll be launched on society?



Actually, I suppose we ought

to arrange a coming-out party for you.



Coming-out party? Coming out as what?



-As a young woman.

-What are you trying to say, Henry?



l just mean as a young woman...



of a certain...social standing

and eligibility.



Eligibility? For what?



Well, for....



For men, I mean, for male suitors to....



Iím not explaining this very well, am l?



Not at all.

But Iím having fun watching you try.



Perhaps we ought to leave

the party arrangements to you.



Itís not my kind of thing,

but Iíll think about it.



Thanks, Henry.



l was just wondering whether...



your mother ever....



No, she never got married.



No, but obviously there'd be somebody,

you know....



Well, off to bed, I suppose.



l hope your sleeping arrangements

are conducive to a good night's--






''Sweet dreams'' is all it takes.






Well, sweet dreams.



Sweet dreams, Henry!



Morning, Henry!



-Off to work?

-l was just, well, yes.



That reminds me...



we must get you a dress for this Saturday.



-What's happening on Saturday?

-The ball at the Orwoods'.



Lots of hands to shake, Iím afraid.



l can help Daphne find a dress!



We all know that wouldn't be a good idea.



No, I found a gown for Daphne

at my designer's, darling.



Iíve put it in your room, dear.

Itís utterly ravishing.






Thank you. Iím counting on you girls

to give her some pointers.



Bye, now.



Very you.







So, Henry asked us to give you

some pointers, didn't he?



Well, pointer number one: Go home.



Mother and I belong here,

and it's quite clear you just don't fit in.



And pointer number two:

While you're packing...



keep your grimy little Yankee paws

off Armistead Stuart.



-He's mine.

-lf you'd take your nose out of the air...



you'd see that you're designer,

Iím vintage.



You have a mansion,

I have a five-floor walkup.



You're snotty Little Miss Cranky Pants

and I go with the flow.



Why would you ever think

that Iíd ever have the same taste in guys?



So, here's a little pointer for you:



Get over yourself, and stop trying to be

my daddy's little girl...



because Iím not going anywhere.









Don't listen to that twit Clarissa

she's just threatened by you, that's all.






Why would she be threatened?



Her mother is about to marry my son

and gain a title and all that goes with it.



For years, Alistair tried

to elevate his position...



through my husband's political career

and now he's got his claws into Henry.



For people like Alistair and Glynnis,

social standing is everything.






Itís silly, but they live by it.



And I lived by it, too, once.



Till I saw what a toll it took

on the people who I love most.



Believe me, dear, there'll be plenty

of people rooting for you to fail.



That's what makes it such fun!



Bring it on.



Oh, dear. Is that how the West was won?



Lord Henry Dashwood.

Miss Glynnis Payne.



Miss Clarissa Payne.



Mr. and Mrs. Edward Ashley.



Who's next?



Lord and Lady Harrison Gordon.



Lord and Lady Jeffrey Charles.



Now, come along, Daphne.



-Deep breath, remember the family motto.

-What's the family motto?



-Qui Patitur Vincit.

-What does that mean?



It means, ducky,

hang in there and you'll rock!



Lady Jocelyn Dashwood,

Countess of Wycombe.



Lady Jocelyn Dashwood,

Countess of Wycombe.



Miss Daphne Reynolds,

    Mulberry Street...



Chinatown, New York.



-What has she done to that dress?







-Nice dress.

-Could you hold it on that step, please?



-Let's get out of here.

-Wretched girl.






Look this way, Miss Reynolds!

That's right.



Excuse me, thank you. That will be all.



Sorry about that, you're still

something of a novelty, Iím afraid.



Are those the girls that are coming out?



That's Peach and Pear Orwood,

the precious daughters of Lord Orwood.



-Have you noticed the chandelier?

-Chairman of my constituency party.



The real love of his life

is that chandelier up there.



Don't let him catch you looking at it.



He'll start

on his supernaturally boring story...



on how Napoleon gave it to Josťphine

at the Battle of Borodino.



-The story is longer than the battle.

-Excuse me, sir.



Could I request a dance

from your gorgeous daughter?



Iím sure she'd be delighted.

Thank you, Armistead.



l can't believe that little imposter

is going to ruin my summer.



She may be a lot of things,

but I can't believe imposter is one of them.



Technically speaking,

she's   th in line to the throne.



Really, Fiona,    people

would have to die for her to be Queen.



Well, it's far less than the    you'd need.



Women are drawn to me.



Itís something

l happen to be blessed with.



An indefinable quality

that just relaxes them...



fascinates them.



You're feeling it, Dabney?



Itís Daphne!



And let me guess,

you're feeling it in my backside?






Ladies and gentlemen,

we'll take a short break.



See you in   .



Warning, colonial strumpet alert.



Hi, Iím Daphne Reynolds!

Peach and Pear, isn't it?



-Are those your real names?




Pumpkin and Gourd would have been

much more appropriate.



Our mother was obsessed with fruit.



And vegetables.

We have a sister called Parsnip.



She doesn't get out much.



Let's bail. This party is a total bore.



Don't listen to her, the party is hopping!



Excuse me for a second.



She is so nice.



Old chap!



-What a wonderful evening.

-Iím glad you're enjoying yourself.



l don't know if you've noticed

the chandelier.



Actually, it's a rather fascinating story.



Looking for me?



No, I was just looking for the loo.






On the terrace?



All right, so you caught me.



So let me guess.



You'll disappear again

without so much as a glass slipper?



This Cinderella's got a dad now,

she's not going anywhere.



Your song was really beautiful.



Thanks. It's not going

to liven up this party, though.



Poor girls. Feel sorry for them.



A dud like this will send them

right back to social Siberia.



What do you say we liven things up

a little bit? Get the party started!



Well, first of all, I could get fired.



And second of all, I could get fired.



-Come on.







For me?



Okay, let's do it.



Insufferable deprivation of this house--



-Okay, guys! One, two three, four!

-Iím cranking up the bass!



What is going on? Is that girl yours?



Yes, she is.



What do you suggest I tell my daughters

when they lie awake...



crying over their ruined ball?



My precious!






We're going.



Lord Dashwood!



This is ridiculous.



Have you seen the papers?

It's everywhere.



We have to do something.



l don't know anyone that isn't relieved

to see that wretched chandelier go.



What on earth are you giving Henry?



They're called Cocoa Puffs, madam.






Hardhat, anyone?



You never know when something sharp

might fall from the sky.



-Iím most dreadfully sorry.

-You idiot!



These are my best suede Pradas.



Do you have any idea

how expensive they are?



Iím really sorry about last night.

l was just trying to help them out.



Where did you find that revolting song?



James Brown,     

charted out at number   .



l have no idea where that came from.






Gillian, darling, yes, Iím sorry,

it's just been awful here.



What music did you listen to

when you were younger?



-Before the Earth's crust cooled?




Like, favorite band of the '  s.



Please, don't say the Bee Gees.



No, they were called Little Feat.



l saw them half a dozen times.

They were once--



Henry, it's  :   and you have

an appointment in Westminster at  :  .






Yes, you're right. I have to go.



See you later.



Miss Daphne,

Mr. Wallace is here to see you.



Don't let him in, Iím not even cute yet!



What am I going to wear?



Hello, sir. Ian Wallace.



Iím here to pick up Daphne.



How are you doing?



-How do you do?




Who are you?



Iím a musician. I was at the ball last night.



You're in the band.



-But now you and Daphne are....

-Eloping together? Yeah.



l realize it's a bit sudden...



but after last night,

there really was no turning back.



-You're joking.

-Yes, sir.



-Don't wait up.

-See you.



What we need is a little cheering up,




Hold the ''little.''



Leave it all to me.



Ready? Let's go!



We got to try these.



These are great kabobs.



Can we have two, please?






l love these.



This place has nice stuff.



Suits you.



Iíll get it. No, it's fine. Honestly.




-What is it?



This is so pretty!



-You like?

-Itís cool.



-Thanks for my bracelets.

-Itís okay.



Today was really fun. I needed it.



Good. Glad you're enjoying yourself.



From now on, Iím going to behave.



Behave like what, exactly?



l don't know.



An impeccably brought-up young lady.



No more repeats of last night.



Well, I just chose you to help!



Okay, that's it.

Now gently slide your foot back.



So much for gently.



Hold this.



You got to think grace.

You got to think poise.



You got to think balance.









So tell me, Obi-Wan, where did you learn

your impressive skills?



Well, if you really want to know,

believe it or not...



my mother was a deb.







Then she chose to marry beneath her.



Her parents probably disowned her...



but for some reason they took pity on me,

their half-breed grandson.



Paid for me to go the right schools,

got me into all the right clubs...



until one day I realized

the hypocrisy of it all.



And your parents?



They're poor as church mice

and they're the happiest people I know.



Enough stalling. Get up there

and let me see you perform.



All right.



Find your center.



Good. That's it.






You know what I still don't get?



Why are you trying so hard to fit in

when you're born to stand out?




-Five hours ago...



your daughter rode off on the back...



of a motorcycle and hasn't been heard

from since.



Are we talking about a date?



l don't know, but I dread to think!



The boy's in some sort of band!



Really? Cool.

Let me guess, he's a drummer.



This is serious, Libby.



As I recall, I spent a great deal of time

on the back of your motorbike, Henry.



Well, I think that's rather different.



Strange how easy it comes, isn't it?









Does it ever go away?



No, Henry, it doesn't.



Libby, Iím sorry, Iím going to have to run.



Darling, this really is important.



Iíve just had a long conversation

with a Bedouin translator.



Apparently there are certain drums

which indicate an actual marriage...



whereas others, they're just used merely

for mating rituals.



Have I just entered a parallel universe?



Don't you see what this means?



Itís possible that you and Libby

never had a real wedding after all.



So there's nothing to interfere

with our plans. ls there, darling?



lsn't that good news, Henry?



Here we go.



Hang on a second.



Hello, sir.



l had no idea you were so versatile.



Henry, come along, lots to do.



What are you doing here?



Another one of my glamorous jobs.



You look beautiful.



Thanks. I have to be on my best behavior.



You better be. There's even more

reporters here than usual.



l know. They're waiting to see

what crazy thing Iíll do next.



You mean like

kissing a guy who parks cars?



Daphne, the press want a photo

of you and your father.



Thanks, Iíll find him.



See you.



Stay away from her, peasant.

She's out of your league.



What's the matter?



Thought our competition ended

in lower school.



Are you afraid she might prefer musicians

to Cambridge boys?



No. Breeding always wins out in the end.



ls Miss Reynolds

enjoying her time in London?



Very much.



How's the campaign going?



Tell us about the chandelier incident.



Thank you, gentlemen. No more now.



Do you think he's terribly rich?



-l imagine so.

-l hope so.






Pear? You look...






Itís Daphne.



She gave us some styling tips.



Why on earth would you want

styling tips from her?







-Isn't it just?






The race is that way.



Aren't you supposed to be escorting

Clarissa this summer?



What, and leave you to fend for yourself?.



Or are you suffering

from romantic delusion...



that some non-talent commoner

will do it for you?



You know, I really wish you'd pull your lip

over your head and swallow it.



Despite myself...



l find your Yankee vulgarity

intensely attractive...



so forget about the car-parking,

mixed-race mongrel...



and give me that kiss you've been

longing to give me since we first met.



You're right.



l have been longing to do this.



Henry, do something.



Don't you ever pucker your lips

at me again, you arrogant jerk!



And how dare you insult lan?



He's twice the man you'll ever be!



-Give me the keys to your bike! Quick!




What's going on?



Lord Dashwood!



That is without doubt the most

indecorous thing I have done in years.



l have no idea what you're

talking about, but Iím glad.



You should do it more often.



l don't remember

the last time I went barefoot.



Don't you just love

squiggling your toes in the sand?



Did you know it's a natural exfoliant?



Mom says if you can walk on a beach and

you have a steady hand with nail polish...



there's no reason

to ever pay for a pedicure.



You talk just like her, you know.



As in too much?



Is she happy?



Yeah, I think so.



l can tell she gets lonely sometimes, but...



l think she's pretty content

with who she is.



l like that about her.



l wish I were more like that.



So what next?







No, absolutely not.



Itís this or that.



l think Iíll do this one.



How're you doing?



That doesn't sound pleasant.



-What do you think?

-Itís just henna.



Remember I told you how groovy I was?

And I used to like people like this guy.



Look. This stuff is good.



God, Iíve been looking for Cuckoo Owl.

Strange, funky sounds.



l remember that. Doris?



Come on.



You just bang your head.






Okay. Let's go.



l was just.... I wanted to see if they still fit.



They seem fine.



Who are you?

What have you done with my fiancť?



l want my Henry back.



You've dropped    points in the polls.

Are you worried?



l can't comment.



lf you can't handle your own child,

how can you handle the government?



Frank, good to see you.



Please, Lord Dashwood.



How much time do we have?



Plenty. Your first two clients

were no-shows...



and you got out of your speech

at the Children's Education Center.



Why would we have canceled that speech?



We didn't. They did.



Daphne, can I have a word?



This is Brigadier Sir Roderick Dashwood.



He lost an eye at the battle of the Boyne.



And over here

we have Field Marshal Bingley Dashwood.



He lost his arm at the Battle of the Nile.



Uncle Alfred never spoke

about what he lost...



but you'd rarely find him sitting.



l lost my tonsils. Does that mean I qualify?



Listen, Daphne...



part of the burden

of being a member of this family...



is that there are

certain codes of behavior...



that one is expected to observe.



lf one is not seen to conform, then....



Then it becomes....



Listen, Iíve very much enjoyed

our time together.



Really and truly....



Itís just that these are

very difficult circumstances...



and you, as my daughter, have to....



l have to change.



Itís okay, I get it.



-Iím a Dashwood, too, right?




Yes, you are.



What are you looking at?



l can do it.



You're not wearing that

to the Strokes concert, are you?



Oh, my God, I totally forgot.



Things have been so hectic.



That's okay.

Iíll wait for you to get changed.



l can't go.

We're going to the Queen's garden party.



Yeah, but....



Iím sorry.






Just call me

when Daphne re-inhabits your body.



And this is Miss Daphne Reynolds.



Hello, Daphne.



Nice girl.



l gather Her Majesty has

accepted an invitation to Daphne's ball.



She's come a long way, I must say.

You must be very proud of her.






This is the tiara that I wore

at my own coming-out party.



Clarissa's had her beady eye on it

for months.



But I want you to have it.



So royal.



l hope it makes you feel like a princess.



But, you know, my dear...



it's not the crown that makes the queen.



Itís what's in here.









you look....






Can we talk for a sec?



Itís your party.

You can do whatever you want.



-l really didn't--

-l don't want to hear about it, Daph.



What happened to the old you?



The real you?



Okay, lads, let's pick up the tempo.






Daphne, Iíve missed you so much.



What are you doing here?



Jocelyn thought you might need a pal

while you're being fed to the sharks.



Honey, you look so beautiful.



Look at you, Mom.



Are you actually wearing a bra?



Come on.



Hello, Henry.






Hello, Lucy. Iím Glynnis, Henry's fiancťe.



Itís Libby, actually. And congratulations.



Well, what a lovely surprise.



l see you've come with no escort.



Henry, you must find somebody divine

for Lubby here to dance with.



Libby. Remember?



And why doesn't he just ask her himself?.



This is fantastic. Everyone important

has accepted their invitation.



This goes to show

we've got the election in the bag.



How can you be so calm?



Her Majesty is due any moment and your

candidate is dancing with that woman.



Henry knows what's at stake.



Besides, look what he did with Daphne.



Quite an achievement.



l thought I would have to get rid of her

like I had to with her mother, but....



What did you just say?






-Did you say you got rid of my mother?

-Figure of speech, sweetheart.



-So are you the one that made her leave?

-Now is not the time.



How dare he!



-Come on!

-Glynnis, let go!



Get in here right now.



Remember the ritual dances?



You were so bad,

they're still blaming you for the locusts.



Your frock nearly got us all arrested.



l had to have you translate my apology.



Which was something of a risk.



Don't I know it. You could've been

trading me in for a goat.



Camel, actually.

Which never came through, by the way.



l had faith in you, Henry.



Itís not enough.



You didn't say goodbye.

You just disappeared.



-That's what you wanted.

-What I wanted?



What I wanted was to be given a chance.



You have had     years of chances...



and Iíve had     years

of waiting for you to take them.



And now, ladies and gentlemen...



the traditional father-daughter dance.

Lord Dashwood?









-Where is Daphne?

-Iíll find her.



Has Daphne gone missing again?



Maybe Clarissa can step in.

Iím sure you wouldn't mind, would you?



No. Iím almost your daughter now, too.



Well, l....



Help! Someone!



l can't miss

my own father-daughter dance!







-How dare you, Glynnis?

-We don't want a scene now, do we?



Take your hand off my daughter...



or you won't get a scene,

you'll get a Broadway musical.



What are you doing?



Finally giving you what you deserve.



Go ahead.



l don't want it.



Any of it.






Iím done waiting, Henry.



When I was little, every birthday

Iíd get all dressed up, and Iíd wish...



that if I was good enough...



that you'd come and find me.



And now here I am, in the most beautiful

dress I could ever imagine...



and you're here.



You know what I miss now?



l miss being me.



l finally realize that that is enough.



You know, Daphne, l....



Maybe we're just trying to make

something work here...



which isn't....



Pray be upstanding

for Her Majesty the Queen!



Go ahead.



Duty calls.



Come on, honey.



Thank you very much. I have no comment.



Couldn't you sleep, either?



Made a bit of a mess of things, haven't l?



A bit.



For six centuries, this family has been

sacrificing bits of itself for England.



Arms, legs, eyes....



The battlefields of Europe

are littered with them.



Don't follow in that glorious tradition.



You know what you're going to sacrifice?



Your heart, Henry.



Thank you.



Thank you!



Over the last few weeks...



Iíve certainly received more support

and encouragement...



from the voters of this constituency

than Iíd ever dared hope for.



Iíd like take this opportunity

to thank you all for that.



Now you may have noticed that...



recently there have been remarks

in the press regarding my behavior.



Itís been suggested that Iíve...



not been conducting myself

in a manner befitting an MP.



Well, Iíve been giving my priorities

a great deal of thought...



and Iíve decided

it's time to get them straight...



which is why I must now

respectfully withdraw my candidacy.



Representing you would undoubtedly be

the greatest honor of my political life.



But it would be

simply impossible to do so...



if Iím not serving my own conscience.






Iíve changed.



And as important

as my political aspirations are to me...



there is one thing that matters more.



Thank you.



Are you out of your mind?



Iíve done everything in my power

to get you to this position...



and I will not let you throw it all away!



You've lied to me,

l know you lied to Libby...



so forgive me if I don't give

a flying fart what you think.



Libby? I stopped you

from ruining your life.



l saved your family's reputation.



When I found out that girl was pregnant,

l knew I was doing the right thing.



-You knew about Daphne?

-Of course I knew. Itís my job to know.



Are you okay?



Shut up!



Henry, darling.



l know Daddy's been naughty,

but what about me?



You'll survive.



Table six is screaming for coffee.

What're you doing, anyway?



Sorry, it's my college applications,

due on Monday.



Okay, Iíll cover for you.



-Thank you.

-Good luck.



Ladies and gentlemen...



the bride would like to share a dance

with her father.



Love you, Dad.



What are you doing here?



l just came because...



l have something

very important to say to you...



and I hope I can....



l wrote it all down on the plane...



about     times, as you can....



l thought I had it.



What it comes down to...



is that I love you, Daphne.



l love you, and that Iím so sorry.



l wouldn't change anything about you.

l wouldn't change one hair on your head.



-Not for anything--

-l love you, Dad.



l love you.



Might I have the honor of this dance?



Listen, Daphne, l....



l think when you're groveling, it's

important to bring a very large present.



l don't understand.



May I cut in?



l tried to call you.



You never did want me to go, did you?



There never was anyone else, was there?



Iíd say I owe you a rather large apology.



You think Iíve waited     years

for an apology?



So I finally got my father-daughter dance.



Of course, it got interrupted

when my boyfriend showed up.



And then my parents started making out.



But sometimes, things aren't

exactly how you always imagined.



They're even better.



Just in case you were wondering

what happened to Clarissa and Glynnis...



don't worry.

They ended up exactly as they should.



So did Alistair.



l can see the smiles on your faces.



For those who speak English,

it is not the name of a large hamburger.



This is the closest

he ever got to Parliament.



My parents got married again.



This time, it was legal.



l think.



As for me, I didn't end up at NYU.



But before you get too disappointed,

l did get in to Oxford.



What can I say?



Like father like daughter.



It was my own happily ever after.

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