What Women Want Script - Dialogue Transcript

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What Women Want Script



Do you know

the expression ''a man's man'' ?



A man's man

is the leader of the pack.



The kind of man other men

look up to, admire and emulate.



A man's man

is the kind of man who...



just doesn 't get

what women are about.



Nick, my ex-husband,

is the ultimate man's man.



l probably never

should have married him.



l don't think he understood

a thing about me.



So, this is Nick Marshall's offiice.

Wanna peek ?



Don't Worry.

He never gets in before   :  .



He'll send you on more errands than

anyone in the entire company...



'cause he can't do

anything for himself.



He's the least politically

correct guy in the universe.



He's the king of all

the T & A ads "We do".



You want babes in bikinis ?

He's your man.



My dad ? How can l

best describe him ?



He's always been...

like an uncle to me.



Yeah, Uncle Dad.




Nick was a charmer.



Completely irresistible

at first,



Which feeds into

the whole ''man's man'' thing.



You know about

Nick's mother, right ?



Because once you understand

about Nick's mother,



you understand Nick.



Nick was actually

born and raised in Las Vegas.



Nick's mother was a real,

honest-to-God Las Vegas showgirl.



When other boys were outside

riding their bikes and playing ball,



Nick was backstage

hanging with the girls.



He was their mascot,

their little pet.



They couldn 't get enough

of those baby blues.



- Bang ! Bang !



lf you ask me, l'd say Nick's

mother just about killed it...



for every woman

Nick would ever meet.



She had a lot of sugar daddies

in her life,



but only one true love--



the boy

with the family jewels.




Let me see that, kid.



And since Nick

didn 't have a father,



his mom made sure he was always

surrounded by strong role models.



- Come here, huh ?



- Men her boy could look up to.

- Now you're ready, huh ?



Keep countin', kid.



There was nothing normal about

the way Nick Marshall was raised.



So, what can you expect ?



You don't have to be Freud

to figure out...



this was one cockeyed way

to enter the world.



oh !



Don't you ever knock ?



lt's almost   :  . You gotta go

to work, and l gotta vacuum in here.



And don't forget-- Another one

who wears vanilla perfume.



Don't you know any women

who don't want to smell like candy ?



- Toss me my lighter, babe ?

- Babe ?



What am l,

a little pig ?



l don't have time

to make you no onion bagel,



so please do not start

to beg, okay ?



And for the record, l don't like

finding these things in your sofa.



What kind of woman

wears underwear like this ?



Hey, my mother wore

underwear like that.



Just put them some where,

Will you, babe ?



Well, ''babe'' is gonna put it

in the trash where it belongs.



- So, your mother should excuse me.



Did you ever consider dating

a woman who wears real underwear?



The kind that covers the entire

bottom the way it's supposed to ?



- No. But if l do, should l call ?

- Oh !



l'm gonna go clean

the kitchen.



You couldn't toast me

a little bagel, could you ?



Light cream cheese, tomatoes.

Capers if we have any.



Please! Come on.

 lcan't think on an empty stomach.



Okay. All right. But only because

you didn 't callme that pig name.



Okay, you got it, babe.



Mr. Marshall,

how are you doing today ?



- l'm fit as a dancing bear.

- l'll get that cab for you.



- That's some set of pipes you got.



- You have an excellent day, sir.

- And you.



At ease.



- Oh, oh, l'm so sorry !



l absolutely

did not mean to do that.



- Here. Let me get that for you.

- lt's okay.



No, l'm mortifiied.

l can see your hands are full.



- Thank you.

- Sorry. Let me get the door.



- Thank you.

- Thank you.



Half cup, grande, non fat,

thick foam, wet cap, no lid.



''Half caff,'' grande, non fat,

thick foam, wet cap, no lid.



- So, when do you find out ?

- Um, today, l think.



Unless l didn't get it, and then

l will just never find out.



l'm sure l didn't get it. They were

looking for an ''earth mother'' type.



l overheard the director

say l was more space cadet.



l'm an actress.

l can be whatever you want.



- ls that true, can you ?

- Oh, better be true.



otherwise, l'm stuck playing ditsy

coffee girl the rest of my life.



Thank you.

Hon ? Thanks.



oh ! Hi, Nick. Hi.



oh, Lola, my love. When are you

gonna let me buy you dinner ?



Nick, l don't know why you don't

believe me. l'm not your type.



Trust me on this one. Cappuccino,

extra foam. Tall or grande ?



Grande. or at least

l like to think so.



- Next.

- You know, rumor has it...



l'm getting some really

big news at work today.



At least come out with me.

Celebrate. l'll buy you a coffee.



Memo to you:

l work in a coffee shop.



Hi. What can l get you ?



- Hi. l'll take--

- Want me to stop asking you out ?



Sorry. This will

just take a sec.



Because, Lola,

give me the word and l'll stop.



Yes, l'm gonna give you the word

because l'm an actress.



or at least l'm trying to be one.

l'm trying to concentrate on that.



So, you know, it would be

a good thing, if you wouldn't mind,



to stop asking me out !



Honey, you seem

so stressed.



l am stressed.

l have a lot on my plate.



So, let's not talk

about this now.



Why don't l meet you here,

say, tomorrow ?   :   ?   :   ?



- okay, that would be good.

- So, that's a date ?



lt's a date.

Thank you.




that was inspiring.



l know.



Good morning, Sloane-Curtis.



- Good morning, Mr. Marshall.

- Hi, honey.



- What's the dirt ?

- l was at breakfast this morning--



- Hey, Norm ! You winning ?

-Of course.



l heard Miller's shopping around,

looking for a new agency.



Miller Lite. l know.

l'm all over it.



Also, l heard Darcy McGuire left

B.B.D. & O. Good morning, Angela.



-You're kidding. Left or was fired ?

-l don't know.



Everyone there

is thrilled to get rid of her.



Well, so much for

edgy female vision.



So, that girl we met

last night at the club,



nothing happened after

you put her in the cab, right ?



lt did ?

Something happened ?



But she said she had to

be in bed early.



l had her in bed by    :  .

or was it quarter to ?



You-- You're like a genius,

you know that ?



What can l tell you, buddy ? l'm

blessed. And today is my lucky day.



Not only is my ex-wife re marrying--

right now, as a matter of fact--



but Wanamaker called me himself,

wanted to see me first thing.



- Called twice to confirm.

- Call me when he makes it official.



lt's not gonna be as easy to suck up

to ''creative director,'' you know.



Not to worry. l'll make us a lunch

rez at the Drake to celebrate.



Don't count your chickens,

huh ?  :   ?



Pick you up.



Can l borrow this ?



- Hey, Dina.

- Hi.



Do you know the difference

between awife and a job ?



- What is it ?

- After ten years, job still sucks.



- That's a good one, huh ?



l wouldn't do that if l were you.

That's not a good idea, no.



- oh, Mr. Marshall, hi.

- Hey.



l put the story boards on your desk.

Picked up your shoes from Barney's.



Got your glasses fiixed.

There was no charge.



This morning's staff meeting

was cancelled.



And l got your cigarettes.

They're next to your laptop.



This morning's staff meeting

was cancelled.



- That's what l was told.

- Hmm.



Good morning, girls.



Good afternoon, sire.



Hey, anybody know why

the staff meeting was cancelled ?



Nobody called us.



oh, but Mr. Wanamaker wants

to see you as soon as you get in,



- l know.

- You couldn't show up on time ?



You know you're being promoted.

But you look very sharp, by the way.



- Thank you.

- Like a creative director.



- Very distinguished.



You able to handle yourselves

on the   th floor ? Be truthful.



Are you kidding ?

We were made for the   th floor.



Now, get up there already,

so we can break out the bubbly.



- Don't wait up.

- Don't Wait up.



- He's so adorable.

- He says the cutest things.






Sorry, buddy. l was in the board

meeting that would never end.



- Have you been here long ?

- A couple minutes. That's all.



Jess, can l get a cup of decaf

and a couple Tylenol?



And see if we got any Echinacea.

And l need some club soda.



l got something on my tie.

Know what ? Just get me another tie.



l saw the mock-ups you did for

Johnny Walker. They're fantastic.



oh, that's my job, Dan.



So, you know I'm not great

at making speeches,



especially when l haven't

got you to write them for me.



So, l'll do my best. l've been

in this racket over    years.



Let me tell you something,

it doesn't get any easier.



As a matter of fact,

it gets harder and harder.



The '  s

Were our glory days.



They were all about

alcoohol, tobacco and cars.



l felt like

l was on top of my game.



And then in the '  s, men stopped

dominating how dollars were spent,



and we lost our compass.



Women between    and    are

the fastest-growing consumer group.



Girls who were born in the mid-'  s

control our advertising dollars.



Sorry. No Echinacea.

Hi, Nick.



- Hey.

- Red or lavender?



Red. No, no, lavender.

That's good.



Lavender's good. While we've been

shooting beer commercials...



With the Swedish bikini team,

the industry has been transformed.



We were the agency in town

ten years ago.



Now we're struggling

to be third.



lf we don't evolve and think

beyond our natural ability,



We're gonna go down.



''Think beyond our natural--''

l'm not quite clear what you mean.



What do you know

about Darcy McGuire ?



Oh, hey, l heard on the whisper

she just left B.B.D. & O.



l never met the woman, but

l hear she's a real man-eater.



She won that Cleo last year we

should have won for the ad about--



oh, yeah, right.

That was her ? l forgot about that.



Yeah, l wish l had. Oh, boy, l hear

she is a bitch on wheels.



- That's very funny.

- Yeah, why ?



'Cause l just hired her.



To do what ?



You know l love you, Nick,

but it's a woman's world out there.



Getting into a women's psyche

is not exactly your strong suit.



You can get into their pants

better than anybody on Earth,



but their psyche

is a whole other ball game.



You hired Darcy McGuire

to do what ?



She hasn't done it on her own yet,

but somebody was gonna grab her.



And she's smart, Nick.

She's very smart.



You made her creative director,

didn't you ?



Sorry. This isn 't easy, but l got

the board breathing down my neck.



She's coming in this afternoon.

You'll meet her.



- Come on. Roll with this.



Work with her because she's got what

l need to keep this place a float.



She's got what you need,

meaning she's a woman.



You know how we can

compete with that ?



He's coming. He's coming.

He's coming.



Not so fast, girls.

Put it on ice.



We'll break it out soon.



We're not moving

to the   th floor ?



Not today.



- oh.

- okay, Gigi, one more.



Gigi, your ex is here.



Honey, you look like...

$   million.



Thank you.



- May l kiss the bride ?

- Sure.



- Nick.

- Nick ! Ted.



Congratulations, Ted.

You're a lucky man.



Well, thanks.

l happen to agree.



So, you're going on a cruise.

Two weeks, huh ?



Well, actually, the cruise

is just the last week.



Alexandra has an itinerary,

and l faxed one...



to your office yesterday,

to your apartment last week.



Ted's offiice has one,

as does the school.



-ln case l've fallen off the planet?

-You never know.



Hey, here she is. Pretty in pink.

So, two whole weeks together?



- Yeah, how you gonna handle it ?

- l'm gonna love it.



You can take care of your old man.

Cook for me. Get my slippers.



- Yeah, that'll be happening.

- Alexandra has a boyfriend now.



- Mom !

- So he won't be surprised.



You have a boyfriend ?

You're only    years old.



Am l ?

l thought l Was   .



We're gonna be fine.



Look, l wanna meet Cameron.



- okay if l meet Dad at his place ?

- ls it all right ?



- Yeah, Well, l--

- What time ?



 ..  .  ..   maybe ?



-  :  .

- Okay.



- Bye, Mom.

- oh, honey. l'm gonna miss you.



l'm gonna miss you too.

Ted, have a good time.



- Bye, pumpkin.

- Bye.



- Nick.

- Honey.






Yeah,  :  's fiine.

Thanks for asking.



And the name's Dad.



- Here you go.

- Thanks.



-Hey, l heard. l can't believe this.

-My next headache.



Don't worry.

We'll get through it.






Everyone, everyone, meet Darcy McGuire.



- oh, jeez.



- My goodness. Everybody showed up.

- Darcy, how are you ?



- Nice to see you. Hi !

- Pleasant surprise.



- God, what a small world.

- Welcome aboard.



l'm so glad to meet you.



Hello. l'm Darcy.



Hi. l'm Nick Marshall.



oh, l've heard

a lot about you, Nick.



-l've heard a lot about you too.

-Don't worry, can't all be true.



Let's hope not.






Hey, standing room only.

lt's a first.



l'm very, very excited for you all

to meet Darcy McGuire.



-Darcy's extraordinary reputation...



as a leader in the field

precedes her.



At B.B.D. & O., Darcy led

a creative team...



that snagged $    million

in new business wins.



And that was

just last year alone.



At Sloane-Curtis, we've prided

our selves on our strategic thinking.



Now it's time for us to step up

and prove ourselves creatively...



in the marketplace.



And 'm thrilled that Darcy

has consented to move across town,



join our team and lead us

into the    st century.



Thank you, Dan.



And thank you all

for that warm welcome.



Let me start off by saying

the feeling is mutual.



l am absolutely

thrilled to be here.



When l first started

in this business, it was my dream...



to work at Sloane-Curtis.



l even believe l applied

for a job here twice.



- Somebody call personnel.



But it was B.B.D. & O.

that offered me a home.



And what l learned there

was that any success l had...



Was a direct result of the team

of people that l work with.



l know that two heads

are better than one.



l know that five heads

are better than two.



Andl know that if we put our heads

and our hearts into this company,



we will deliver,

l know that.



Now, l love challenges.

l love hard work.



l look forward to sitting at this

very table tossing ideas around...



until What l fear Will be

the Wee hours ofthe morning.



l Want the Work We do

to say something about Who We are.



- How we think, what we feel.

- l'm sorry.



[ Coughs ]

Excuse me.



So, as our friends in HollyWood say,

''Let's cut to the chase.''



HoW are We gonna turn

this company around ?



When Sears decided to go

after Women in their advertising...



and said, ''Come see

the softer side ofSears,''



their revenues

Went up    %.



Thirty percent.

That's huge.



Female-driven advertising

totalled$  billion lastyear.



And Sloane-Curtis' share

ofthat Was ?






lfyou Want to sell

an anti-Wrinkle cream...



or a Ford Mustang

to a Woman-- forgive me--



but this is the last place

you bring your business.



And We can't afford to not have

a piece ofa $   billion pie.



So, lhaveput together

a little kit foreverybody.



Nobody panic.

This is supposed to be fun.



Every product in this box

is looking for neW representation...



right noW, and they're

all made for Women.



l'mprettysure allthe women here

are familiar with theseproducts,



so for the men let'sjust

briefly run through them.



- [ Cracking Knuckles ]

- Here you go, Nick.






Each kit contains

anti-Wrinkle cream,




moisturizing lipstick,



bath beads,




an at-home waxing kit,

a more wonderful Wonderbra,



- apregnancytest, hair volumizer,

- oh, sorry.



pore cleansingstrips,





anda Visa card.



NoW l Want everybody

to come up With something--



for one product, for tWo,

the Whole box-- Whatever moves you.



We'llget togethertomorrow,

have a little show-and-tell.



HoW's  :   for everybody ?



Great. Seeyou at  ..  




A nightmare.



Read my lips--






- [ CroWd Cheering ]

- Miss, miss, miss !



That's another     bucks.



- [Switching Channels]

- Weplayourdangerousgame.



A game ofchess...

against our old adversary.



''Adversary'' ?

Surely you mean adversary, old boy ?




for arugula salad.



- ...Women's political caucus.

- Tuck thepelvis under. Lifting.



[ lmpersonating Sean Connery ]

Buns ofsteel.



l'd steal her buns

if l could.



Here it comes.

Yes, he nailed the dismount !



NoW let's check in

on the Women's fiinals.



[ Grumbles ]

Women's fiinals.



There's Way too much estrogen

on television these days.



And as We all knoW,

the perfect antidote for estrogen...



[ Grunts ]

is Frank.



oh, l need some Frank.



Help me, buddy.

Help me noW.



This is supposed to be fun.



l'm a professional.



Lipstick. All right.



Lipstick on a guy's collar ?

No, no, Women Will hate that.



Lipstick on a guy's collar

that Won't rub off.



No, that's even Worse.



okay, okay, okay,

l gotta think like a broad.



All right, l'm a broad.



l see lipstick...

[ Sniffs ]



on a dark-haired

Tahitian beauty,



standing under a Waterfall,

Wearing nothing but a thong.



Water cascading

doWn her back.



l'm a lesbian.



[ Scoffs ]

l gotta change the music.



l Wonder. l Wonder.



oh, Alex, thankyou.



Ah, jackpot !



oh, she's hot.



Smooth, yeah, smooth.

oh, cool.



WoW, mascara.

Here We go.



[ Mumbles ]



[ Sighs ]

Nice, thick lashes.



oW ! oW ! Shit, that stings !

What the fu--



okay, fiine. Well, l need

some anesthetic here.



[ Exhales Deeply ]



[ Gargles ]



[ Burps ]




[ Sighs ]

okay. NoW...



for the piece de resistance,

We have--



We have the right leg.

Yes, excellent.



And the hot, hot Wax.

Very hot Wax.



Here We go.

[ Gasping ]



Jeez ! ooh, that's hot.



okay, test of manhood.

Here We go.



okay, We passed.



And next... We immediately apply

disposable cloth...



over the Waxed... area.



Straight ahead.






Yeah... it feels

kinda nice, yeah.



l don't knoW Why Women complain

about Waxing their legs.



''ln one smooth motion,

yank the strip quickly...



in the opposite direction

ofthe hair groWth.''



No, no,

that Would be north.



one, tWo, three.

[ Screams ]



[ Gasping ]



[ Scoffiing ]



[Light Clangs]



Women are insane.

Who Would do that more than once ?



l don't knoW. Why Would

anybody even do the other leg ?



Ah, yes,

that's right, girls.



Wax it off

and cover it up.



Yeah. Ally-oop !

ooh, Wait.



oh, shit !

l guess this takes a little fiinesse.



one doWn, tWo to go.

[ Chuckles ]



[ Grunting ]



okay. okay.






[ Clears Throat ]






Honey, you just lost

yourselffiive pounds.



[ Chuckles ]

All right, Where's my Wonderbra ?






- [ Gasps ]

- Let's see Which end is up here.



- Hi !

- What are you doing ?



Exfoliating ?



- Yo.

- You must be, um--



Cameron, my boyfriend.

This is Nick.



- Her father.

- That's nice nail polish you got.



Yeah, l'm just doing a neW

research thing at Work, you knoW.



- Get into the female psyche--

- Whatever.






l should probably

take off.



- No, you don't have to.

- lt's cool. l'll see you later.



- Bye.

- Bye.



- l'llcallyou.

- Okay.



Nice meeting you, eh ?






- Excuse me. Did you kiss that guy ?

- Where did you get this ?



- Your zipper thing. You're kissing?

- You Went through my stuff !



l needed some music.

lt Wasjust sitting there.



What are you, allergic to listening?

You never listen When l talk.



lf l'm stuck staying here, then

my stuff's gonna be around, okay ?



ldon't wantyou tojust

go through everything.



- l don't listen to you ?

- You thinkyou listen to me.



- Yeah.

- You do ?



What's my boyfriend's name ?



Uh, it's--



- Good night.

- No, no, Wait, come back.



Dustin is his name.

Dustin, that's his name.



Right ? No.

Don't slam the--






Carmen. Carmine !

Carmine !



- [DoorLocks]

- Carmichael !



l can't remember a guy's name, they

fiigure you're not listening to them.



[ Sighs ]



What do Women Want ?



l knoW it has three syllables.



[ Hair Dryer Whirs ]




His name is Cameron !



Whoa !



[ Panting ]




That's so dangerous.



Ninety percent

ofall accidents happen--



[Sirens Wailing]



oh, What the hell

has he done noW ?



l hope he's not dead.



[ Groans ]

No, l'm fiine.



[ Groans ]

l'm fiine, l think.



Are you sure ?



[ Shudders ]

No. Yes.



[ Groaning ]



Cleaner pores.

Thicker hair.



Very Weird headache.

Really Weird.



NoW l gotta clean up bras

and home pregnancy tests ?



The man doesn't pay me enough

for the things l have to do.




he's Wearing panty hose ?



NoW he's a cross-dresser ?



l Wasjust experimenting With a feW

products from Work, all right ?



- Did l say anything ?

- oh, God, it's  :   already.



To sleep till  :  . He'd fiire

my ass if l Wasn't here to Wake him.



WheW, are We

in a mood today.



Same as every other day.



Honey, make me a little bagel

with cream cheese.



You knoW l can't think

on an empty stomach.



Foryour information,

l'm not even hungry.



Who said you Were ?



- Mr. Marshall.

- Good morning, Flo.



Let me get you

a cab, sir.






- [ Whistles ]

- Thankyou, Flo.



[ Thinking ]

You're Welcome, my little sWeet ass.



What did you say ?



Me ? Nothing.



- You sure ?

- Yes, sir.



[ GroWls To Herself]



You knoW What ?

l think l'll Walk today.



- l could use a little fresh air.

- Have a great day, sir...



With your fiine ass

looking like Shaft !



WheW ! l could just

ride that puppy !



- [ Horn Honking ]

- [Man] Watch whereyou'regoing.



- You okay, sir ?

- Fine. l'm fiine.



Didlturn the coffeemakeroff?l

walkedover, but didlturn it off?



lcan't remember. lsawthe light,

but didlturn theswitch off?



-What ? What ?

-one kiss doesn't make me a lesbian.



- Does it ?

- What ?



- Hmm ?

- oh, sorry.



Two slices oftoast,     calories,

plusa tab anda halfofbutter,



Estrogen isgoodforthe heart

but badforthe breasts.



- What ?

- My kid doesn't need Ritalin.



- Get him to listen to What l say.

- Monsieur, l need to poop.



[ Gasps ]

oh, boy !



[ All Thinking At once ]



- [ Elevator Bell Dings ]

- Aah !



[ Screams ]



oh, God,

he nearly killed me.



Too badhe missed.



- [ Beeping ]

- [ Door Buzzes ]



- Good morning.

- Good mor--



Don't look up. He'll make me

hear another disgustingjoke.



He's such a schmuck.



She thinks l'm a schmuck ?



Whoa, lighten up

on that aftershave, buddy.



Oh, what ? Oh, yeah,

likeyou'vegot theperfect body ?






- Hi, Mr. Marshall.

- No, no, don't say it.



What ? l Was going to tell you

the Gillette budget's on your desk.



And l Went out last night and

got you that Merlot that you Wanted.




your credit card back.






- You okay ?

- Me ? Yeah.



Doyou realize that lhave

an lvyLeague education...



andthat runningyourstupid

errandshasput me into therapy ?



Take meseriouslyandgive me

some real work to do.



Oh, yeah, lremember why.

Because lhave a vagina !



- Aah !

- Anything else l can get foryou ?



Oh, good, you're on time.



- Morning.

- You look a little different.



You knoW, l think

maybe it's his hair.



- lt looks thicker, doesn't it ?

- Gimme your coat.



- oh, oh, okay.

- Mmm, you smell good today.



- NeW cologne ?

- No.



Th-That's it ?

No other thoughts ?



- What do you mean ?

- You feeling all right, doll ?



[ Mumbling ]



''Linens, linings,

loans, locks.''



- [Mumbling]

- Hello, Nick ?



Uh, Nick ?

We gotta go.



What are you doing ?

lt's  :  .



Can't go. Gotta fiind a doctor.

Need a cure. Can't go.



- Defiinitely can't go.

- You sound like the guy from Shine.



- What's Wrong With you ?

- l don't need a doctor.



Maybe l need,

like, an exorcist.



Under ''E''forexorcist.



There are no exorcists

in the greater Chicago area.



Let's pull it together and sell

some sensitive feminine shit, okay ?



Sorry to interrupt.

Here you go.



[ Panting ]



By the Way, your hair looks

really good today, Mr. Marshall.



[ Thinking ] And it's okay

you pay me minimum Wage...



because l use the company phone

to call my boyfriend in lsrael...



for an hour.



Tell me you heard that.



Your hair looks really good.

So What ?



The-- The other thing !

What she Was thinking thing.



l don't think she thinks too much.

She's not exactly a genius.



l'll have you knoW she Went

to an lvy League school.



- Doubt that.

- The thing about the boyfriend,



calling him in lsrael,

you heard that, yes, no ?



l didn't hear it

'cause she didn't say it.



Pullit together. We'regonna

be late foroursororitymeeting.



Morgan, in case l, like,

maybe die today--



Can We Walk ? 'Cause in case

you live, l don't Wanna be late.



Here's What happened,

just in case the coroner asks.



l got drunk, and l tried on

all the products from the pink box.



- You did not.

- l put on all the products--



nail polish, panty hose,




- You tried on the panty hose ?

- Yes, okay.



AnyWay, l Was drying my hair,

and l fell over and tripped,



fell into the bathtub

and electrocuted myself.



l blacked out,

and When l Woke up...



l could hear What every Woman

around me Was... thinking.



- Uh-huh.

- Talking personal, private stuff.



The stuffthat nobody is

supposed to hear, l hear that stuff.



You knoW What l'm saying ?

l can hear What Women think.



Can you ? Good, 'cause that's not

a talent guys have these days.



You don't believe me.

You Want me to prove it ?



-See thisattorneycoming toward us?




oh, she thinks

you're overpaid and gay.



- What ?

- l hear What they're all thinking.



lt's driving me crazy. Even

French poodles, l can hear them.



So We're on the same page,

l need you to knoW you sound insane.



You freaked out over losing

thejob, Which l understand.



But ifyou tell anybody you can hear

the thoughts ofa French poodle--



What ifljumpedout the window?

Jumpedthrough theplateglass.



Would they notice ? Probably not

if l didn't get glass on anybody.



That girl With the fruit is funny.

Suicidal, but she is funny.



Nick, What girl

With the fruit ?



- The--

- Huh ?



Last one to arrive.

Wants me to knoW l'm not his boss.



okay, you're a star.

l get the message.



She thinks l'm late because l Want

her to knoW she's not my boss.



- What is she talking about ?

- Put a lid on it. l'm begging you.



ooh, l can't believe

l have butterflies in my stomach.



Feels like

the fiirst day ofschool.



Okay, so let'ssee

how we did.




Nobody wants togo first.




except NickMarshall.



Unbelievable. The only one

With good eye contact.



At least he's lookingat my eyes

andnot down myblouse.



- Nick, What did you come up With ?

- Me ?



What did l come up With ?

[ Chuckles ]



He's so Wired.




[ Clears Throat ]



l thought about

the moisturizing lipstick,



never having Worn

lipstick myself.



l tried to imagine What l'd Want

from a lipstick, if l Were a Woman.



- oh, spare me.

- okay, he's trying to be honest.



You knoW,

to be perfectly honest,



l thought ofa Tahitian beauty,

bathing under a Waterfall.



oy, l'm gonna die here

With these kinds of ideas.



But, uh, you knoW, l'm

Working on it, and it's evolving.



Anybody interested in an idea

involving the SWedish bikini team ?



l do knoW them all




- oh, What an idiot.

-Jerk, groW up already.



- What apig.

- You are so foul.



l should have asked

for more money. Gina ?



l spent the night trying to fiigure

out hoW to sell Advil just to Women.



You know what ?

Youshouldsellit to women like me.






l take it every time

l need to fake a headache.



Works like a charm.



l-l got a great one.

ltjust came to me.



- Do you mind if l interrupt, Dina ?

- Sure, go ahead.



l hate that

you've seen me naked.



[ Chuckles ]

All right.



So, we're in a bedroom,

the lightsare out.



There's a Woman in bed,

and she's taking an Advil.



Her husband suggestively

rubs her back, and We say, ''Advil.



''So mild and gentle,

you can take it...



even When you're

faking a headache.''



[ Laughter ]



Woman turns to herhusbandandsays,

''Not tonight, lneedanAdvil. ''



- He's back.

- [ Laughs ]



What ? Come on. That doesn't

reach Women on a personal level ?



- No.

- Women do that, don't they ?



- ldon't.

- No ?



Sue Cranston, you've done that,

haven't you ? Faked a headache to--



No, Nick, l haven't.

Thanks for asking.



No, Wait, Wait, Wait.

Be honest noW.



l mean, you've been married

What, ten, tWelve years ?



You've neverfakeda headache ?

lt doesn 't work like a charm ?



No, Nick, l haven't.



l mean, no, it doesn't,

okay ? Jeez.



- [ Thinking ] What an asshole !

- l guess l'm off base here.



What's good is you're looking at

Advil from a Woman's point ofvieW.



Um, l don't think Advil

Will go for it,



and l'm pretty sure every Woman

in America Will hate it.



other than that,

l thought it Was great.



You're on the right track.

Hang in there. Go ahead.



Great antenna there, babe.

The poodle give you that one ?



- What are you doing home early ?

- l have my fiirst migraine.



This is hideous. My boyfriend

feeling me up in front of my father.



Don't think anything. The outlook

Wasn't good for the Mudville Nine.



- Thescore wasfourto two.

- oh, shit. Where's my bra ?



- Where is it ?

- oh, God.



oh, God !



okay, look. Everybody

just needs to chill out here.



There'll be no chilling.

Just get your stuff... and move on.



Come on, man. Relax.



- HoW old are you ?

- l just turned    .



Well, she's    .

She Was     fiive years ago.



You knoW What l'm saying,

stud ? NoW get out.



Dad ! [ Thinking ] We're going

to the prom. Don't ruin it.



- You're not going With this punk.

- HoW did you knoW about prom ?



Look, l don't knoW.

Mom told me, all right ?



lt's not gonna happen

because he's too old foryou.



l knoW What boys Want, and he's not

getting it from my daughter. Door.



Your daughter ?

Suddenly, l'm your daughter.



- HoW am l related to this asshole ?

- Another one.



- l Want Mom.

- Look, l'mjustgonna take off.



- l'm realsorryabout this.

- Save it.



That's mine.



Where-- Where are you--



[ Sighs ]



Great day.






Okay, l'm not losing




- [ Screams ]

- [Thunderclap]






Come on !

Do your thing !



Turn me into me again !



[ Hair Dryer Whirring ]



oh, good, l'm not dead.



[ Panting ]

oh, please !



Please, please, please.

Tell me l got rid of it.



- [ Beeping ]

- Please be a Woman. Please.



- For What city, please ?

- You couldn't do me a favor...



and think ofyour favorite color

or TV program, could you ?



For What city, please ?



[ Sighs ]



Flo ? Hey, Flo !



- Flo ?

- [Siren Wailing]



l can't believe this.



l need a Woman.



-Trythis one.

-Oh, llove this. This is fantastic.



oh, it's my mother's birthday

next Week, so l need tWo gift sets.



You've been agreat help.

lappreciate it.



Do you have a Kleenex back there

so l can Wipe that off ?



l'm sure she'lllike it.

lt's one ofourbestsellers.



- Do l get a free gift With this ?

- Yes, youget a travelbag.




[ Chuckles ]



Stop it. You'vegot the dress.

Treatyourselfto lipstick.



- No, l have enough at home.

- You might as wellget one, right ?



l have too many lipsticks. l have

piles ofthem. l don't need it.



- l'llbuy it foryou.

- lfhe doesn 't answerin two rings,



- l sWear to God !

- Hi, blue eyes.



[ Women Thinking

Simultaneously ]



[ Nick Screaming ]



[ Buzzing ]



- Dr., you may not remember me.

- Yes ?



l'm Nick Marshall. l came here about

ten years ago With my ex-Wife, Gigi.



- [ Thinking ] oh, Christ, not him.

- oh, good, you remember me.



l'm sorry to barge in like this,

but l don't knoW Who to turn to.



l'm afraid to go to Work.

l'm afraid of my door Woman.



l'm-- l'm afraid

to get a cup ofcoffee.



Mr. Marshall,

please sloW doWn. SloW doWn.



Let me make sure l completely

understand What it is you're saying.



[ Sighs ]

All right. All right.



l hear What Women think.



Yeah. You knoW,

Mr. Marshall,



this kind of imaginary

displacement scenario...



- l'm not imag--

- really isn 't mything.



l do, hoWever, have a very good

friend over at University Hospital,



who specializes in male menopause

andtestosterone depletion.



She's fabulous. l think What l'll do

isjust give her a ring...



andsendyou overthere.



Why did l ansWer my door ? l Was so

into buying that lamp on eBay.



- HoW much Was it going for ?

- HoW much Was What going for ?



The lamp on eBay.



oh, l see. That's good.

Very clever.



- Dr. Skolnick, please.

- You don't believe me. Try another.



Go on. Pick a number.

Give it a Whirl. Any number.



okay. A number

betWeen one and--



- A million. Why not ?

- One anda million.



All right.






      --   --   .



Wanna make a decision here ?



- Oy vay!

- oh, you can say that again.



- l didn't say anything.

- Doesn't mean l didn't hear it.



okay. okay. Let's say--

Let's say l do believe you.



- Yeah.

- You can hear What Women think.



Even though l'm a groWn

Woman of... [ Thinking ]    .



-   .

- oh, my lips are sealed.



Holy crap !

oh, forgive me.



- That's all right.

- But this is phenomenal.



- You can hear inside my head.

- Yes.



Why Would you Want to get rid

ofsuch a brilliant gift ?



Well, for starters,



almost every Woman l knoW

thinks l'm an asshole.



- What l thought When l met you.

- Doc, give me a break here.



Mr. Marshall, you might

fiind this a little unorthodox,



but Would you mind

aWfully if l smoked ?



- No, no, l understand.

- Thankyou. Thankyou so much.



[ Coughs ]



Let's try to look at

the up side ofthis, shall We ?



You knoW, Freud died at age   

still asking one question,



''What do Women Want ?''



Wouldn 't it bestrange and wonderful

ifyou were the one man on Earth...



fiinally able to ansWer

that question ?



Listen to me, Nick.

Something extraordinary...



and l think miraculous

has happened to you.



My advice is

you must learn from this.



You knoW, there isn't

a single Woman that l treat...



that doesn't Wish her man

understood her better.



lf men are from Mars and Women are

from Venus and you speak Venusian,



the worldcan beyours.



l don't knoW hoW this

happened to you or Why,



but you mayjust be

the luckiest man on Earth.



lmagine thepossibilities.



lfyou know

what women want,



you can rule.



[ No Audible Dialogue ]



[ Thinking ] Hubba-hubba, here he

comes, looking aWfully good today.



And l haven't had sex

in four months. okay, six.



Why didltellhim to stop

askingme out ?l'm an idiot!



- ldiot ! ldiot !

- [ Chuckling ]



Hey, Nick, hoW's it going ?



Lola, my love.

l can't take no for an ansWer.



- About What ?

- About What ?



[ Chuckles ]

About us.



Just don't hurt me, Nick.

l've been hurt too many times.



l knoW hoW hard it is

to go out With someone neW.



l mean, there's alWays

that fear of,



Well, getting hurt.



- At least that's hoW l feel inside.

- You do, really ?



- [ Sighs ] All the time.

- Me, too, all the time.



Let'sjust take it sloW

and see hoW it goes.



SloW is good.



SloW is really good.



- Yeah.

- Are you free tonight ?



So, you don't think l'm gay ?

You're saying you never said that ?



- l never said that.

- Doesn't mean you didn't think it.



ls it the hair ? The highlights

happen to be natural.



- Morgan, l have a meeting.

- You don't think l'm overpaid?



- You never said that.

- l don't think l ever said that.






[ Thinking ]

Who has he been talking to ?



- Morning.

- Morning.



Well, then checkyourE-mail.

lsent it over--



Hi, Annie.

HoW's the boyfriend in lsrael ?



l Want to thankyou

for picking up that Wine.



That's above and beyond.

l appreciate it so much. Thankyou.



Uh, can l get you

a cup ofcoffee or, um,



some water

orany kindofbeverage ?



No, but thankyou. lf l'm thirsty,

l knoW Where the coffee room is.



That's right, guys, don't help.

Just Walk right past me.



Why don't you step on

my hands, you big--



- Here you go. HoW you doing ?

- oh.



oh, fiine.

Thankyou, Mr. Marshall.



- You're Welcome, um--

- Erin.



Erin. You be careful,

all right, Erin ?



Yeah, sure.






What do you knoW ?

There is life on this planet.



Breakfast Tuesdaysoundsgreat.




Thanks forthe info.

Andthanks forthe champagne.



You too.

Okay, bye-bye.



Set meeting, Nike,

Women's division.



- Hi.

- Hi.



Well, you've been here fiive minutes.

Looks like you've been here a year.



oh, yeah. l'm compulsive.

lt's a problem.



[Thinking] Why do lalways

feellike he's checkingme out ?



l Wonder What he's got

up his sleeve.



- Great photographs.

- No clue they're all Bourke-White.



They're not all Margaret

Bourke-White, are they ?



Yeah, they are.



WoW. lt's

a beautiful collection.



- Thanks. So hoW's it going ?

- Mmm.



You knoW, l Was gonna

askyou the same thing.



lt's starting sloW.



- l'm evaluating staff, that's hard.

- oh, yeah.



Yeah, right.



Well, you knoW, l don't

Wanna beat around the bush.



- What l'd like to propose--

- He's proposing so soon ?



- oh, sorry. Sorry. [ Chuckles ]

- oh !



- Uh, yes--

- Excuse me.



- You got another one. WoW !

- [Darcy] Thanks.



[ Chuckling ]

As l Was saying,



lknownothingabout theproducts

you'regoing forpersonally,



but l do believe

l can sell anything...



once lknow

what the buyer'sneedsare.



And What l'd really like,

With your kind indulgence ofcourse,



is togo after

that reallybig fish.



l mean, the one

you really Wanna land.



l'll learn What l need to knoW,

and l'll reel them in for us.



No, actually, l think

l'll reel them in for us.



That is, unlessyou'regoingafter

something inparticularyourself.



No. lt'sjust that there're several

big fiish out there at the moment.



oh, yeah ?

Well, What's your biggest fiish ?



To your mind,

Who's your Whale ?



Um, Nike--

Women's division ?



You heard

they Were shopping ?



l got Wind of it.



- Amazing. l heard no one kneW.

- You kneW.



- l heard no one else kneW.

- lt's okay if l knoW What you knoW.



- We're on thesame team. Besides,

- Yeah.



l heard someone say once

tWo heads are better than one--



- oh, you Were listening.

- More than you knoW.




here's What l heard.



Nike is shopping,




But ifthey make a change,

it's gonna happen fast.



NoW, you knoW this is

a tough one for us to get.



lt Would be a tough one for anybody

to get, but ifWe got it--



- That's all We'd need.

- l hearyou.



So, What do they Want

exactly ?



They Wanna empoWer Women.



- What ?

- l'm sorry.



- That Won't Work.

- No, okay. l'm sorry.



- l understand. Go on.

- They Wanna get in Women's heads...



and reach them

on a very real level.



Don't take this Wrong, but you got

jumpy talking about lipstick.



- l knoW.

- Nike is hard-core Woman poWer.



You sure you Wanna

go after this one ?



You get 'em here in tWo Weeks,

l'll be ready.



[ Chuckles ]

This guy is kind ofexciting.



Hey !

Glad l caught you both.



- You got a minute ?

- Sure.



l Want you to look at these boards

for U.S. Air before they come by.



- Right.

- lt feels likesomething'smissing.



Hmm. l don't like

the graphics.



Feels a bit parochial.



Maybe it should be

in black and White.



- What do you think, Nick ?

- l don't knoW Who you've had,



but, l don't knoW,

it seems kind of--



What's the Word ?

Parochial to me.



Um, What do you think,

Darcy ?



l totally agree,

especially about the graphics.



They're parochial.

lt's so funny you just said that.



Yeah ?



Why don'tyouget them to

tryit in blackand white ?



Might punch it up

a little.



What ?

Did you say something ?



No. l just sWear l Was

thinking the exact same thing.



[ Weak Chuckle ]

Were you ?



Black and White could really help.

Good idea, Nick.



Good idea, Nick ?

Speak up. Quick.



- Say something before he leaves.

- Uh, Dan ?



Want me to lookat the boards ? Once

theyhave a stab, give me a buzz.



- l Will. Thanks, buddy.

- Dan ?



ln case they findNick's idea

too retro, which theymight--



-oh, yeah.

-they may think it's old-fashioned--



l'd be ready With some--

maybe a dot com kind ofthing ?



Maybe there's something about

getting on-line at the airport.



No, l think We're fiine, really.

Really, We're good.



- l like Nick's fiix on this.

- Great.



Hey, you Wanna come by later ? l got

a box of neW Cubans, just came in.



- Great.

- Cool.



You smoke cigars ?






You knoW, your offiice

is looking really snazzy.



- l love the red.

- Thanks.



Mr. Marshall,

your daughter's on line one.



- oh. l'm sorry. Would you mind--

- oh. Here you go.



He has a daughter ?

Didn't picture that. HoW old ?



She's    . She's staying With me

While her mom's aWay.



- He's married ?

- AWay on her honeymoon.



- oh.

- Alex, hi.



Uh-huh. oh, sure, honey.

No, that's great.



''Honey'' ?

Who are you trying to impress ?



okay, look, l'm gonna go out

With my friends after school.



Then can l bring them back to your

place, or Will you freak out again ?



No, no, no, no.

No problem. Whateveryou Want.



- What time are you gonna be home ?

- Wait for me !



- l don't knoW. l gotta go.

-  :  's fiine.



lloveyou too.

Bye, sweetie.



Total shocker.

He's like a nice guy.



- Sorry, duty calls.

- oh, ofcourse.



- She's    ?

- Yeah. Got a boyfriend that's    .



- And you hate that, right ?

- [ Groans ] Hate it.



Yeah. Butshe digshim,

andhe's invitedherto theprom.



- That's a big deal, l guess.

- The prom is about the dress.



- You knowthat, right ? Oh, yeah.

- ls it ?



once you got the dress handled,

it's all doWnhill from there.



This feels like a date. Why did l

go into all that ? He needs to go.



Well, l'm out of here.



Do some research doWntoWn,

get inside Women's heads.



- Well, ifyou need any help--

- l'll be picking your brain.



- You got it.

- l'll take it.



oh, God.




She Won't last a month.



oh, l like that one, but it says

you can't Wear it ifyou have hips.



-That one's cute.

-lt's loW-cut. l can't Wear loW-cut.



- [NickKnockingAt Door]Alex ?

- lt's open.



What ? Say something.



Uh, hi.

l'm Alex's dad, Nick.



- Hi.

- Hi.



- Deadbeat.

- Mr. No-Food-in-the-House.



[Girl#  Thinking]

Forgot herbirthday.



Why is hejust standing there ?



oh, l-l just Wanted

to let you knoW that l Was home...



and that l got sort ofa date

later on tonight, so l'm going out.



But l'll be home early. Hey,

Why don't you guys order a pizza ?



There'snot a scrap offood

in thejoint.



l also Wanted to knoW if maybe you

and l could go out on a date soon ?



l'd like to take you shopping

for a prom dress.



oh, that is so sWeet.



l Wish my dad Would do

something like that.



- [Girl#  Thinking]llove him.

- [Alex] ldon'tget it.



First, you throW Cameron out.



NoW you Wanna take me shopping

so l can go to the prom With him ?



l overreacted, and l just Wanna make

up for it by taking you shopping.



lmean, it'sapretty

important thing, you know ?



They say it's all doWnhill

after the dress.



He must be stoned.




l'll get the most expensive dress,

shoes, makeup. He can afford it.



And What the hell.

Let's go crazy.



While We're at it, We'll get you

neW makeup, shoes, the Works.



- What do you say ?

- Fine, Whatever.



Whatever meaning ''yes.''

Yes ?






Great. Nice to have met you tWo.

l hope to see you again soon.



- Defiinitely.

- Bye, Mr. Marshall.



- Love the apartment.

- Great vieW.




oh, okay.



l gotta tell ya, l'm not

usually like this on a fiirst date.



lt'sjust... you've been

so amazing all night.



- You've been so sensitive...

- oh, Well--



and so understanding and--






- You Wanna come up ?

- oh, yeah.



l can't believe l asked him up.

Am l ready for him to come up ?



lf l sleep With him, he'll think

l'm a slut and never call me again.



or he'll call me all the time 'cause

he'll think he can get it Whenever.



oh, What's the difference ?

He's so incredible !



He reminds me of my sister.



- So, What do you think ?

- Well, l--



l'll only come up

ifyou really Want me to.



l don't Want you to do anything

you're not ready for.



- l can Wait.

- [ Squeals ]



But-- Whoa !



What's With the tongue ? l'm

gonna need the Heimlich maneuver.









- ouch ! Right, they're attached.

- l'm sorry.



oh !

NoW We're talkin'.








Lied about the grande.



[ Groans ]



Would you mind ifWe had

the lights on, maybe ?



- No, you Want the light on ?

- Yeah, it might help.



okay, if it'll help.



God, l hope he's better

With the light on.



He's so all over the place.

Just do it so l can start faking it.



ls Britney Spears

on Leno tonight ?



[ Panting ]



- You okay ?

- Well--



Yeah, l'm just fiine.




What happened ?






[ Groans ]



okay. All right.



NoW, let's pull this

together, buddy.



l mean,

this is What We do.



- You okay ?

- Yeah.



Just regrouping.



- [ Chuckling ]

- Lola ?



- l can do this better.

- Wanna bet ?






[Train Passing By]






Amazing !




oh ! lt Was like...



you Were more inside of me

than anybody ever !



- [ Panting ]

- Well, thanks, doll.



- l tried.

- No, no.



- l mean, more inside my head.

- oh.



Like, you kneW What l Wanted

and hoW l Wanted it.



We connected in a Way

that Was beyond--






oh, my heart !



My heart is beating

so hard.



[ Thinking ]

Who Would've thought ? SloW starter,



then turns out to be

a genius in bed.



Ladies and gentlemen,

Nick Marshall is a sex god !



oh, yeah.



Ha !

l love it.



[ All Laughing ]



okay, that Was a--

one more. Time for one more.



okay, you knoW Why guys like

doing it in front ofthe mirror ?



- Why ?

- objects may appear larger.



- That's a good one. AnyWay.

- oh, that's a good one.



l heard that in

the beauty shop this morning.



- But seriously. Dee ?

- Huh ?



That other thing We Were

talking about before.



Come on. l mean, he can't

just ignore you all night,



stay glued to the TV

like some zombie...



and then expect you

to turn it on like a lightbulb.



l mean, l Wouldn't

put up With that.



l mean, you're either

interesting oryou're not.



Ask him to decide.



- Can l Write that doWn ?

- All right.



l'm either interesting

or l'm not. He'll shit a brick.




What if he says l'm not ?



He Won't say

that you're not.



Trust me.



okay, l did it.



l told Chaim

l Wasn't moving to lsrael.



Yeah, good.

And ?



l said What you said.

He can be a Writer anyWhere.



lf l'm going to be in advertising,

l need to be here and not there.



[ Whistles ]

And then he said ?



- l don't knoW. lt Was in HebreW.

- ooh.



But l don't think it Was,

''You got it. See you next Tuesday.''



l don't knoW. l'd Wait it out.

He'll call you.



l can't.

l better call him back.



Be strong.

He Will call you.



Well, girls, been nice chattin'.

l gotta get back to Work.



[ All Chattering ]



- Can l make you a sandWich ?

- No, l'm cool.






But thankyou, anyWay.

This Was fun.



[ All ]




[ Thinking ]

Huh. This is good.



More insightful

than l Would've thought.



This line doesn't feel

exactly right.



lfyou're thinking that line isn't

perfect, l agree. lt needs Work.



There's something not exactly

right about it, isn't there ?



l mean, it's not bad. lt's

insightful, actually. lt'sjust--



Well, what doyou think

this woman's thinking ?



Uh, Well, l--



Let's see.



Uh, she's thinking about

What she Wants out of life.



What's she gonna accomplish ?

HoW's she gonna do all that ?



Women, you knoW,

they think about that a lot.



l mean,

surprisingly a lot.



They Worry all the time

about everything.



You're so right.

HoW do you knoW that ?



Well, you knoW,

even l had a mother.



[ Chuckles ]




So maybe running gives her

time offfrom all ofthat.



lt gives her something she can't

get anyplace else. Look at her.




l Want to be her.



She looks so free,

doesn't she ?



No one'sjudging her,

no boss to Worry about,



no guys to Worry about,

no games to fiigure her Way through.



l like that.

No games. That's good.



That'd be nice in life,

Wouldn't it ?



okay, can l just think

for one second ?



- Take your time.

- okay.






No games.

HoW do l get that in ?



She's running.

lt's early, it's quiet.



Just the sound of her feet

on the asphalt.



She likes to run alone.

No pressure, no stress.



This is the one place

she can be herself.



Look any Way she Wants,

dress, think any Way she Wants.



Nogameplaying, no rules.

Games, sports, rules.



Games, sports, rules.

Playing by the rules.



Playinggames versusplaying--



Playing by the rules.

Playing games versus playing--



- Why are you nodding ?

- Because you're onto something.



- Am l ?

- Aren't you ?



Well, l Was thinking about

a play on Words.



Something about games versus--



l feel like

l Was onto something good.



- Playinggames versusplaying--

- Sports ?



Yes ! Thankyou.

Do you like any ofthis ?



A lot. l like the idea that you can

be yourselfon the road.



l do too.

Did l say that out loud ?



[ Stammering ]

No, l Wasjust--



'Cause l Was circling around

the exact same thing,



-Which is great, We're on the same--




Sorry, l'm not thinking straight.

My glands may be sWollen.



Maybe they should be more sWollen.

You're doing great. Nike. No games.



Just sports.



- oh.

- You should Write that doWn.



All right.



Did he come up With that,

or did l ?



Boy, can l be--



What ?



Uh, Well,

can l be honest With you ?



Please do.



Before l came here, l heard you

Were a tough, chauvinistic prick.



l didn't knoW you Were

gonna be that honest.



- Sorry. l'm-- Sorry.

- No, that's all right.



No, that's okay. You must have

looked so forward to meeting me.



l Was dreading it. l had this Whole

other person built up in my mind.



Well, since We're sharing,

l heard a feW things about you too.



Yes, l'm sure. l'm the ''man-eating

bitch Darth Vader'' ofthe ad World.






Really ? All right.

Well, nice to meet you.



That's not Who l am at all.



Just for the record,

l don't think that's Who you are.



l don't.




l appreciate that.



See, no games equals

embarrassing moment.



Don't fall for a guy at Work.

Don't fall for a guy at Work.



- Don't fallforaguyat work.

- Why ?



Why What ?



Why Won't-- Why don't l just

Work on these storyboards...



and then bring them back around

to you tomorroW ifyou're free.



l'm free.

Just call me anytime.



l'm flirting.

What's wrong with me ?



God ! l just looked at his penis.

l hope he didn't see me.



oh, shit ! l just looked

at it again ! Stop it !



- Are you all right ?

- Fine. l got something in my eye.



Allright, um--

So, great.



So tomorroW Will be--

That'll be great. l'll see you then.



- Uh, good Work by the Way.

- You too.



- You sure you're all right ?

- Yeah, l'm fiine.



- Yeah.

- Good.



l didn't think anyone else

Was still here.



- l didn't knoW anyone Was here.

- What time is it ?



lt's after    :  .



- l didn't realize it Was so late.

- [ Thinking ] l feel so alone.



Um-- l didn't catch that.

Sorry ?



- l didn't realize hoW late it Was.

- And l'm glad you're here.



l'm stuck.

lfeelso alone.



- You Want a hand With this ?

- No, thanks. l'm okay.



Yeah, l'm not buying it.

What's going on ?



Well, l have an early meeting

tomorroW With Dan,



andl wantedto make it

laterso lcouldbe moreprepared.



But then you slipped in there

and took the only time he had left,



Which left me With

 :    tomorroW morning.



lt's fiine. l'm just not

as ready as l Wish l Was.



- Sorry.

- You didn't do it on purpose.






l just don't Want him

to be disappointed.



Hey, Why don't We go through

some ofthese together ?



- Really ?

- l insist.



- Unless you're too tired.

- oh, no.



- l'm not tired.

- Yeah, l can see that.



lt'sjust so far beyond

tired at this point.



l've basically stopped sleeping

ever since l took thisjob.



- You have ?

- Yeah, it's Weird.



l, um--

[ Thinking ] HoW do l say this ?



You don't feel quite

like yourself here, do you ?



No, l don't.

Not yet, anyWay.






Plus, l'm mad

that l'm getting sick.



l never, ever get sick.

ln fact,



you don't have to sit

so close to me ifyou don't Want to.



No, come here.

l'll brave it.



So, Where do We kick off ?



- Control-top panty hose ?

- okay.



Personally, l think

they do the trick.



You've Worn

control-top panty hose ?



- Did you put a pair in the box ?

- Seriously ?



oh, yeah.



- You are full ofsurprises.

- Yeah.



No, no, no. l mean that

as a compliment. l love that.



- And hoW did you look in them ?

- ooh. Hot.



My daughter and her boyfriend

Walked in, and l got 'em on With--



And they said What When

they saW you in your panty hose ?



lt Was the turquoise Wonderbra

they noticed. Then, the nail polish.



[ lndistinct ]



[Alex] The dress

youpickedout is totallyhideous.



- l'm not coming out.

- lt can't be that bad. Come on out.



l look like a nun--

an ugly nun.



Why ? Because it's gray ?

Gray is the neW black.



lf he says he likes it,

l'll die.



okay, next.



This, l love.







l think this is the one.



l like that--

No, l love that.



okay, this is it.



Let me take a look.



Yes !

l look older.



This is great.

oh, God, l need boobs.



oh, l'll buy a padded bra

When he's not around.



l can't believe this is What l'll be

Wearing the last night l'm a virgin.



- or What l'll be taking off.

- [ Yells ]



- Alex ?

- Hmm ?



l Wanna talk to you about something

that's pretty important.



- l've never talked to you about--

- oh, God.



He's actually gonna try

to be a dad.



This should be hilarious.



l realize l haven't been

the perfect dad.



[ Thinking ] Understatement ofthe

century. Can you pass the bread ?



Yeah, sure, sure. But that does

not mean l don't have the right...



to talk to you about--




- [ Clears Throat ]

- About ?




You're ayoung woman now,



and you may be flirting

With the idea of-of--



Having sex ?



Um, can l get a lemonade,

please ?



Well, you knoW, boys and girls

think very differently about sex.



Myhunch isgirlsjust wantguys

to like 'em andhang out with 'em.




Andnot allguys, allright ?



But most guys, they pretty much

just Wanna have sex.



okay, l'm--

What l'm trying to say here is,



l don't Want you

to feel pressured...



- becauseyourboyfriend's older.

- Please. Save it.



Mom hadthis talk with me

when l was, like,    .



You're supposed to have sex When

you're in love and it's special.



- lknoweverything.

- [ Coughs ]



And Mom knoWs me for real

and knoWs my friends and Cameron,



so let's leave the parental

talks up to her, okay ?



- l promised Cameron l'd do it.

- oh, jeez.



And also, let's not make me

part ofthis Nick makeover...



or Whatever this neW thing

you're into is, okay ?



- What neW thing ?

- What neW thing ?



This ridiculous neW guy

you're trying to be.



CloWning around With me ?

Asking ifWe can make a salad ?



Watch Friends together ?



l mean, it's nuts

after     years of no relating.



l mean, come on.



Who are you to talk about

relationships anyWay ?



You never had a real relationship

With anyone in your entire life.



Look, l'm supposed

to meet my friends.



- So l'm gonna go, okay ?

- Sure.



Thanks for the dress.



[Woman Thinking]

She didn 't even finish herlunch.




givingheradvice ?



- Oh, teenagers.

- l think the talk Worked.



- She's totally right.

- Move on, dude. lt's over.



[ Groans ]




NoW you've seen hoW

the cake is assembled.



The next time you admire a Wedding

cake, you'll be able to appreciate--




lt looks so gorgeous.



- [ Announcer ] Fit, vibrant hair.

- oh.



l hated being overweight. l alWays

Wanted to be thin and pretty...



and Wear cute little clothes.



lt built andit built,

andmyhealth deteriorated.



Andlcouldn 't walk

andlcouldn 'tstand...



to even stand up at the park for

ten minutes While my kids played.



ltriedsitting on theswings, and

the chains cut myhipsandit hurt.



Andlcouldn 't--

lcouldn 't run andlcouldn 't move.



And l Was tired

and l Wanted to be a good mom.



[ Sobbing ]



- What the hell's Wrong With me ?

- [Telephone Ringing]



- Hello ?

- [ Thinking ] What am l doing ?



- [TVShuts Off]

- Darcy ?



HoW did you knoW it Was me ?

l didn't say anything.



l, uh, just sensed it.



Shit. l'm such an idiot.

l didn't think he'd be there.



- Excuse me ?

- l didn't mean to really call you.



l had your number here,

and l Was thinking ofyou.



Thinking ofcalling you.




l did call you.



oh, no, that's all right.

l, uh--



l Was thinking about you too.



Well, here's to another

great idea.



- What, ''Let's meet for a drink'' ?

- Yes.



- Yeah ?

- Exactly What l Wanted to say.



Sometimes l think

you're a bit ofa mind reader.



But l don't have to be

a mind reader With you.



- Hmm.

- You alWays say What you think.



- l knoW. lt's a curse.

- What--



- Are you kidding ?

lt's a relief-- an enormous relief.



Do you knoW hoW rare that is

to actually say What you think ?



Do you have any idea hoW rare it is

for someone to actually like that ?



Trust me, this has not been

a great thing in my life.



My ex-husband didn't love me.

Let'sjust put it that Way.



He didn't love you ?



Did l just say that ?



oh, God !

[ Laughs ]



Um, l meant to say ''it.''

He didn't love it--



that l spoke my mind.



lfyou Wanna knoW the truth,

l'm not sure he did really love me.



- ooh.

- There's a conversation starter.



God. A smart person Would

just get so very drunk noW.



HoW long

Were you married ?



A little less than a year.



l've been divorced about nine

months noW. We Worked together.



- You knoW that, right ?

- oh, yeah. l kneW that.



- l heard it.

- Hmm.



- What Was that like ?

- lt Was great in the beginning.



But it changed.

lt became competitive.



Suddenly, the better l did,

the Worse We did.



The price l pay

for being me.



- l knoW that noW. No, truly.

- [ Chuckles ]



- oh.

- No, no, it's true.



Do you Wanna knoW

all this about me ?



Keep going.



Well, that's Why l needed

to get out there on my oWn,



as scary as it Was.



l mean, not scary,

but, um--



Well, yeah,

l Was kind ofscared.



- Why ?

- l don't knoW.



l guess l Wasn't sure

l could do thejob.



l mean,

l thought l could do it,



but l'm fiinding Sloane-Curtis

a tougher place than l thought.



l'm sorry.



- l knoW you Were up for myjob.

- No.



- l'm sorry l'm the one that got it.

- l'm-l'm not. l'm not.



- l've learned a lot from you.

- Like What ?



Like What ? For starters,

you really love What you do.



- You really love What you do.

- Not as much as you do.



HoW can you say that ?

You're so great at it.



You're so great at it.



l think Dan's even Wondering

Why he hired me. Really.



l think the bloom

is defiinitely offthe rose.



You Wanna hear something

really great ?






l just closed escroW on

my fiirst apartment ever.



Finally, l oWn my oWn place.



- What? l Wish l Was a mind reader.

- No.



l Wasjust thinking...



hoW men like me

can get so screWed up.



l don't think

there are men like you.



lfWe kissed,

Would it ruin everything ?



Listen to me.



l think...



you are one of

the great Women.



l really do.



l'm sorry.



But l just meant to say




l'm so sorry.



Well, l, uh,

guess l'll see you...



in, let's see,

three and a half hours.



Nick, may l just say...



you are an exceptionally

great kisser.



No, l mean

really, really great.



Well, l haven't had

this much fun making out since--



l've never had

this much fun making out.



Me either.



- Don't let this get Weird at Work ?

- No.



We have nothing

to be embarrassed about.



We made out.

You and l made out.



- And if l may, it Was--

- Sexy as hell.



God. That'sjust What

l Was about to say.



But l think l said it fiirst,

l think.



- oh, no, you did.

- oh.



Um, Well,

all right, then.



oh, l'm a groWn Woman.

Just say it.



Do you Want to come back

to my place ?



Say it !

Do you Want to come--



Good night, Darcy.



Good night.



Good night.



What am l doing ?






lt's okay. okay.

Here he comes.



- [Lola Muttering, lndistinct]

- Lola ?



l knoW l haven't

heard from you.



Lola, hoW long

have you been out here ?



Just a feW... hours.



Nick, you said that

you Wouldn't hurt me.



And then you slept With me, and then

you didn't call me for six days.



So that, in the World of me,

that's torture.



l mean, We have this totally

unbelievable, life-altering sex,



and then

you just disappear.



l mean, you-you-you

stopped drinking coffee !



Lola, l'm so sorry.



lt's okay.



lt's okay, because

l fiigured out your little secret.



- You did ?

- lt's so obvious.



HoW else Would you knoW

the things that you knoW ?



- lt Wasn't obvious to anybody else.

- Nick, come on.



You're so sensitive.

You're so aWare of my feelings.



You're so tuned in.



You talk to me like a Woman,

you think like a Woman.



Nick ! Come on ! Admit it.

You're totally and completely gay.



- l am ?

- You're not ?



oh ! l mean, ifyou're not,

you gotta tell me.



Basedon the othernight--

Justput me out ofmymisery.



Are you or aren't you ?



Sayyou're gay. Then l'm not nuts.

l'm not undesirable.



Not rejected by another guy !

Say it ! Say you're gay ! Admit it !






l'm gay.



HoW gay ?



oh !

l'm as gay as it gets.



You're gonna make some guy

very happy someday.



oh, from your lips.



God, l hate that

l'm crying.



Well, look it.



lfthings should ever change

in that department--



- You'll be the fiirst to knoW.

- You promise ?



oh, yeah, l promise.

Come here.



oh, boy.



-lt Was very nice meeting you, Nick.

-And you.



Thanks for pep talk, yes ?



You tWojust

take care ofeach other.



- And thanks for the yarmulke.

- oh, no problem.



- You Wear it Well, yes ?

- Happy trails, kids.



- lsn't he great ?

- Darcy !



l need to talk to you.



Uh-oh, look at him.

l kneW it. He is Weird about it.



This is not about last night.

lt's about the Nike meeting.



And l honestly believe

in my gut...



- that you should make the pitch.

- oh, God.



-l guilted you into this last night.

-No, no.



- lt Would be better ifyou did it.

- No, no, no.



This is your baby.

You've gotta do it.



l gotta go meet and greet

these folks. l'll see you in there.



- lt's not my baby.

- Yes, it is.



l predict no one Will even knoW l'm

gone until the fiiles start to build.



lt could be days.



And then someone

Will fiinally ask,



''Where's the geek in the glasses

Who carries all the fiiles ?''



Do either ofyou tWo knoW What

the story is on this Erin girl ?



- Miss Lonely Hearts ? Who knoWs ?

- Yeah.



ooh, l knoW.

She's been here tWo years.



She triedto be a copywriter

butgot turneddown.



- So she got stuck as a messenger.

- What fool turned her doWn ?



You did, sire.



Well, did l ever

meet With her at least ?



l don't think so. As l recall,

you told me to ''bloW her off.''



Well, l Wanna meet

With her noW.



The kid's got something.

She's kind offunny.



This is your lucky day. l just saW

the Nike group get offthe elevator.



All Women. Your specialty.

Come on. l'll Walkyou up.



l hate What l'm doing to Darcy.

l hate it !



l'm gonna Write her

a long letter, confess everything.



- You're doing Darcy ? Since When ?

- No !



l said l hate What

l'm doing to Darcy.



- Men are stupider. lt's true.

- Will you stop it ?



- They are.

- ''They'' ? Are you a Woman noW ?



oh, l Wish. A Woman Wouldn't have

screWed over the Woman she loved.



No, they don't think that Way.

And another thing.



- This thing about penis envy.

- Yeah.



Not true. No.

They don't envy it.




don't even like it.



You knoW Who has

penis envy ? We do.



That's Why We cheat

and screW up and lie,



because We're all obsessed

With our oWn equipment.



- You ready ? okay.

- Yeah.






[Nick] You don'tstandin front

ofa mirrorbefore a run...



and wonder what the road

willthink ofyouroutfit.



You don't have to listen to its

jokes and pretend they're funny.



lt wouldnot be easierto run

ifyou dressedsexier.



The road doesn't notice

ifyou're not Wearing lipstick.



lt doesnot care

howoldyou are.



You do not feel




because you make more money

than the road.



Andyou can callon the road

wheneveryou feellike it,



whetherit'sbeen a day...



or even a couple of hours

since your last date.



The only thing

the road cares about...



is thatyoupay it a visit

once in a while.







Just sports.



- [Woman Thinking]He nailedit.

- They hit a home run.



[Woman #  Thinking]

Where do we sign ?



Why are you not the happiest guy

in Chicago right noW ?



You just did so great.



No, no, l didn't do so great.

We did so--



No, actually,

you did so great.



- You.

- You, me.



We did great !



Will you come With me someplace ?

l Wanna shoW you something.



- l have something l need to fiinish.

- Please ?







Here you go.



- Come With me.

- All right.



-Should l close my eyes or anything?




So, you see those top

tWo floors right there ?



l do.



- All mine.

- WoW.



Come here.



So this is my--



living room.



lt's beautiful.



What are you thinking ?



You've got that look

you have sometimes.



Yeah ? No. l Wasjust Wondering

When you get to move in.



Well, they said

tWo Weeks, so--




This is the dining room.



- The fiireplace Works. Come here.

- WoW.



l can see elegant parties in here.

Waiters With caviar,



- you in a beautiful goWn.

- You can see all that ?



Maybe you're naked and l'm the only

guest, but it'd still be elegant.




So this is upstairs.



There's a second bedroom

or a future offiice or Whatever.



Your boudoir comes With

pretty decent music.



lt does.



Where is that coming from ?



Let's turn up the volume.



So, Where's your bed going ?



Uh, right... here.



So, ifyou had a bed,



We'd be dancing on it.



l like it here.



l like it here too.



No. l mean,

l like it here.









[Dan]Believe me, we're

as excitedasyou are.



- Dan ? l gotta talk to you.

- Yeah ?



He'll be there. Bye. l gotta

talk to you too. That Was Nike.



They're gonna announce to the trades

that We Won the account.



l gotta hand it to you. You saved

my ass. You saved the company's ass.



Actually, Dan, l had very little

to do With saving anybody's ass.



lt's Darcy you should be thanking,

that's What l Want to talk about.



Darcy ? Please. l Was there.

The girl didn't open her mouth.



Look, l'm a big enough man

to admit When l screW up.



llookedat the marketplace




Nick, forgive me.

l Want you to step in here.



No, no, no, no. Dan, you did

the right thing When you hired her.



l mean, she is the best creative

director l have ever seen, bar none.



- This isn't about-- She's adorable.

- oh, yeah, she is.



- But this isn't about that ?

- No, no. Not like that. No, no.



Please. Look.



l've been doing

a lot of listening lately.



And l've decided...

l need to take a leave ofabsence.



l need to get aWay from here

and get some perspective on things.



What are you, nuts ? What is this ?

What do you mean ?



This is the biggest account

this company has ever landed.



Do you Want me to have

nobody running the shop ?



What are you talking about ?

Darcy's here.



For somebody Who listens a lot,

you don't hear so Well.



l had a meeting With her today.

l sat her doWn.



- We had a talk.

- oh, Dan ! You didn't.



- Tell me you didn't fiire her.

- She didn't even put up a fiight.



- oh, Dan, no !

- Hey, she's gone, pal.



No, no. lt's not too late.

Look, call her.



Tell heryou need her back,

you made a mistake. Hire her back.



- Hey, calm doWn. l can't do that.

- Why ?



Because l talked to the board and l

told them l don't need her anymore.



- oh !

- They offered her a settlement.



Besides, Nike says they Want you.

You're What they bought.



- [ Groans ]

- l got a delivery-- Can l--



Would you come out for one second ?

Let me tell you something.



Myjob is to deliveryou.



Dan, Nike bought an idea.

lt Wasn't even mine.



Every good idea that they loved

yesterday came from her.



And ifyou don't get Darcy McGuire

back in here, and l mean pronto,



the board is gonna be

paying you your settlement.



This is all about

saving your ass, right ?



Save it.



Annie, get a hold of Darcy's address

and number as quick as possible.



- Yeah, sure.

- Where's the girl in glasses ?



Erin ? l don't think

she's in today.



- Did she call in sick ?

- l don't think so. Didn't shoW up.



oh, Where does she live ?



-Does anyone knoW Where Erin lives ?

-[Man] Who's Erin ?



And then someone

Will fiinally ask,



''Where's the geek in the glasses

Who carries all the fiiles ?''



[ Whistling ]



[ Cell Phone Ringing ]



Hey. Yeah.

Did you get a hold of Darcy ?



No ? Keep trying. And When you get

a hold of her, tell her to stay put.



l'm coming right over. l just have

to make a little stop on the Way.



Do you knoW Where this is ?



DoWn the alley.



Just doWn the alley.






- Come on, Erin. Be there. Please--

- [Cat Meows]



Erin ?



Hello ?



[Cat Meows]



No, no.



Dear Mom--

[ Continues, lndistinct ]



- [ Yells ]

- [ Screams ]



Mr. Marshall !

Mr. Marshall ?



Yes, Erin.

Yes, it's me.



- [ Panting ]

- l'm sorry.



l really did not mean

to scare you. okay ?



l just Wanted to come

and see hoW you are.



HoW are you ?



Mr. Marshall, ifyou're here because

l didn't shoW up today, l'm sorry.



l Wasjust about to call.

l sWear.



No, l'm not here because

you didn't shoW up for Work.



But l'm here--

Well, l--



l bet you're Wondering

Why l am here, huh ?



As a matter offact,

l Wasjust thinking that.



l Was thinking, ''Why is Mr. Marshall

here in my bedroom ?''



You Were...

thinking thatjust noW ?



Yeah, in my head.



l must have Water

in my ears or something.



But you're, you knoW,

not thinking anything noW, are you ?



l'm thinking a million things.



Really ?



Because, you knoW,

usually l can, uh--



l can, uh--



You are thinking something

right this minute ?



Mr. Marshall, l am thinking

that you are crazier than l am.



l think--



l think l lost--



lt's gone.



l'm back.



- l'm back.

- Mr. Marshall ?



Yeah ?



l'm sorry. ls there something

l can maybe do foryou ?






No, Erin, uh--



Actually, l came here to see if

l could do something foryou.



- For me ?

- Yeah.



See, the truth is--



The truth--



Erin, the truth is,



l'm glad l got here before you

did anything to hurt yourself.



What makes you think that

l Would, uh,



do something

to hurt myself?



l just sensed it.



Really ?



You could sense that ?



Well, that's not--

That's not good.






Yeah. But the real reason

l'm here is because--



Well, here's the thing. The real

reason l'm here is because--



As you knoW

We have the Nike account,



and We have a job opening

in our team.



AndDarcyMcGuire andl,

we werejust discussing--



really spitballing on Who could be

great enough to fiill that void.



Suddenly, your name popped

into my head, and l remembered...



that you once applied

for a job as a copyWriter.



lthought l'dcome down here and

see ifyou werestillinterested.



Didn't you try and meet With me

a While back ?



Yeah, l tried, but you Were

unavailable, and then out oftoWn--



Well, noW l'm available.



And as you can plainly see

l'm in toWn,



so l'm here

to take that meeting...



ifyou're available.



l'm available.



l'm unbelievably available.



[ Buzzing ]






[ Ringing ]



[Darcy OnAnswering Machine]

Hi, this isDarcyMcGuire.



l'm not home right now,

soplease leave a message.



- l'llget backassoon aslcan.

- [Beeps]



Darcy ?

Hi, Darcy, it's Nick.



Uh, l'm standing right outside

yourplace here.



lsure wish lcouldfindyou,

get a holdofyou.



Areyou allright ?




AnyWay, call me

When you get this.



l'm on my cell.

Triple fiive,   - - - .



l really need to talk to you.






Just making sure

you're not there.



You're not, right ?

No, l didn't think so.



All right, so call me, please.







[CellPhone Ringing]



- Darcy ?

- [ Gigi ] No, it's me.



Gigi ? Uh--

ls everything all right ?



- Are you back in toWn already ?

- No, not until tomorroW.



Alex called me three times

from a pay phone really upset.



Then We got disconnected. What's

the matter ? lsn't she at the prom ?



[ Sighs ]

The prom.



Excuse me. Do you knoW

Where Alex Marshall is ?



Little tenth grader ?

BroWn hair ? About this high ?



l saW her in the ladies' room.

She's been there for, like, an hour.



Alex, are you in here ?






Alex, it's me.




What areyou doinghere ?



oh, honey, l just--



You knoW, l can't believe

that l screWed up.



l Wasn't there When

you left for the prom.



Yeah, well, that'snot whyl'm

in here, soyou canjustgo, okay ?



oh, boy, l feel aWful.

Are you okay ? l mean, l--



Come on out. Let me see

hoW you look, at least.



- Come on.

- [Sobbing]llooklike crap !







So, you knoW,

What happened ?



Well, ifltoldyou,

you'djust freak out, so--



What have you got to lose ?

Try me.






Cameron and his friends,

they had this big plan.



They rentedthishotelroom




lt Was like a suite.



Basically, l promised him

that l Was gonna--



lcan't believe l'mgonna

saythis toyou. [Sniffles]



l promised him that

l Was gonna...



sleep With him

after the prom.



And like an hour ago,



We Were on the dance floor

and l said,



''l'm sorry, Cameron.

You knoW, l'm just not ready.''




Good girl.



- Dad, come on !

- l'm sorry, l'm sorry. Go on.



Then he goes, ''Well, the limo,

the room and the tux,



it allcost me    bucks. ''



And l said,

''l'm sorry. l'm just not--''



And he cuts me off

and he says,



''l never should've asked a sophomore

to the prom. What a Waste.''



Then two seconds later,



he goes and meets up

With his old girlfriend...



andstartsmaking out

with her.



l mean, this disgusting slut

With a tongue ring.



Andthen they were




l just can't

go out there ever.



- Oh, honey, l'm soproudofyou.

- Dad !



- What areyou doing ?

- l'm sorry. l'm-l'm sorry.



But l am.

And believe it or not,



l knoW What it's like

to be a Woman.



lmean, it'snot

as easyasit looks.



You stood up foryourself. You knoW

hoW ahead ofthe game you are ?



AnyWay, a guy that treats you like

that and talks to you like that,



- he'snot--

- Worth my time. Yes, l knoW.



- lt's true. He's not.

- He'sagameplayer, lhate that.



You are so much smarter

than me.



And look at you.



That cloWn made out With a girl

With a tongue ring overyou ?






you look beautiful.






Take me home, Dad.



What am l doing ?

She's not in the refrigerator.



l Wonder if it's too late

to go over there.



No, it's not too late. lt's never

too late to do the right thing.



That's What l'll do. l'll go over

there and l'll do the right thing.



[lntercom Buzzing]



Hello ?



Uh, hi, it's me.

oh, l'm glad l found you.






Can l come up ?



Darcy ?

l need to--









You need to What ?

lt's   :   in the morning.



l need to talk to you.









So, you sleep here noW ?



l thought l might as Well give it a

try before l have to sell the place.



Sell it ? You're not

selling the place.



Can't afford to keep it.

l don't have a job.



You knoW, you ought to try

returning some ofyour phone calls.



- You got yourjob back.

- oh, do l ?



- You're a riot. You knoW that ?

- lt's true.



Dan told me so himself.



Why Would he tell you that ? l

didn't do thejob he hired me to do.



Even l don't blame him

for fiiring me.



Look, l'm, uh--

You can come on in.



l don't have any chairs,

but ifyou Wanna--



What if l told you that...



you did everything

that you Were hired to do--



everything-- but that

someone Was sabotaging you ?



Picking your brain,

sWiping your ideas and--



Well, you-- you never

even kneW What hit you.



- HoW is that possible ?

- oh, trust me, it's possible.



Well, Who Would do

such an aWful thing ?



l Would.



l Was a dope

With a corner offiice.



And When you came With thejob

l Was supposed to have,



l mean, it didn't matter

to me that...



you Were better at it than me

oryou earned it more than l did.



As far as l Was concerned, it Was

mine, and l Was gonna get it back.



So l took advantage ofyou

in the Worst possible Way.



Have you ever done that ?



Taken the Wrong road and--

No, ofcourse you haven't.



You Wouldn't do that.




Somebody like me does that.



And, uh--



The problem With that Was that While

l Was digging the hole underyou...



l found out

all about you.



And the more l found out...



the more you dazzled me.



l mean, shook my World,

changed my life, dazzled me.



And guys like that ex-husband

ofyours, he made you feel that...



the price you pay

just for being you...



is that you don't get

to have love.



lsn't that What you Were

trying to say the other night ?



That you Weren't complete ?

That you Weren't really a Winner ?



Everything about you--



hoW smart you are,

hoW good you are--



everythingjust makes me

Want you even more.



oh, WoW.




So it looks like l'm here

at   :   in the morning...



being all heroic

trying to rescue you,



but the truth is...



l'm the one that needs

to be rescued here.



l sure Wish

l could read your mind.



Well, l Was thinking that, um,



ifeverything you're saying

is true,



if l really have

myjob back...



then l thinkyou're fiired.



Well, l never-- l never really

thought about it from that angle.



Well, not that

l don't deserve it. l-do-do--



l'm stuttering.



NoW l feel kind of, uh,



embarrassed that l told you

l needed to be rescued.



But that's-that's fiine.



That's it ?



l don't Want that to be it.



l don't Want that

to be it at all.



Then don't let a little thing like

me fiiring you stand in your Way.



l didn't know

What to react to first.



Hey, neWs flash.



l took the Wrong road.



What kind of knight

in shining armor Would l be...



ifthe man l love

needs rescuing...



and l just let him

Walk out my door ?



My hero.


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