White Men Can't Jump Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the White Men Can't Jump script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Woody Harrelson, Wesley Snipes, and Rosie Perez movie.  This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of White Men Can't Jump. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

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White Men Can't Jump Script





You keep asking me

what I am.



Don't you know

I'm Presbyterian?






That's the worst thing

a jazz singer can be.



Presbyterians are called

God's frozen people.



Wouldn't swing

if you hung them.



Just a closer

walk with Thee



De de de

boom boom



Grant it.Jesus.

if you please



Boom de boom

boom boom



Daily walkin'

close with Thee



Let it be. dear Lord



Let it be



I am weak.

but Thou art strong



Jesus. keep us

from all wrong



I'll be satisfied

as long



As I walk



Let me walk

close to Thee



Just a closer

walk with Thee



Say. grant it.

Jesus. if you please



Daily walkin'

close with Thee



Let it be.

dear Lord



Let it be



Say. I am weak.

but Thou art strong



Jesus. keep us

from all wrong



I'll be satisfied

as long



As I walk. dear Lord.

close to Thee



Boo boo doo

boo doo doo



...A closer walk

with Thee



Buh do doobie



Buh do doobie



Grant it.Jesus.

if you please






Buh doobie do



Daily walkin'

close with Thee



Let it be



Dear Lord



Doobie doobie

doobie doobie



Let it be



Ba doo la

do da da



Boo doo doo

doo dee aaah



Ha ha!






Oh. yeah!



Hey. guys. is this

the Venice Beach courts?



You haven't put anything

in the offering plate.



Oh! Sorry. man.



   be all right?



I'm just kidding.



Here you go.



I told you

he's generous.



Is this where

Eddie ''The King'' Faroo



and DuckJohnson played?



King and Duck

were the best.



That's 'cause

you never saw me.



Keep singing. guys.



My old man

was a preacher.



I love this shit.



He put a dollar in.



We give him

a dollar's worth.



Oooh. ooh. ooh



Oooh. ooh. ooh



Oooh. ooh. ooh



Oooh. ooh. ooh. ooh. ooh



Ooh. ooh. ooh.

ooh. ooh



Ooh. ooh



Ooh. ooh. ooh



Ooh. ooh. ooh



Ooh. ooh. ooh



[ Rap Music Playing ]



All right!



Don't worry

about it.



Pass it to

the little man.



Let the little man

get the ball.



Take it

to the hole. man!



Let's go!



Get--get--get up!



Look at that.

It's all right.



Walter. throw that

big fat butt at me.



I'm getting tired

of making you look bad.



It's hard work.



I'm fittin'

to dog you. punk.



I'm fitting

to dog you.



Let me shut him up.

Give me the ball!



If you shoot it.



I'll knock it out

the fucking sky.



Can't take it

to the hole



because you ain't

good enough.



You think so?



Get some of this.






You can't

even dribble!



Bring it! Bring it!



Get that shit

out of here!



Ooh! Ooh!



Oh! Unh!



That shit went out

like a Scud missile!



Oh. it hurts!

It hurts so bad!



Hey. babies. I don't

mean to brag.



but I'm

the greatest!



I am the greatest!



You all right. man?







get your butt up.



Take your Colt-  

drinkin' ass off someplace.









Yes. Walter!

Yes! Yes! Yes!



Hard goddamn work.

making you look so bad.



Man. you fouled me!






Just take the ball out

and shut up.



What's the count?



 - . us.



Get the fuck

out of here!




if you could count.



you'd be

a fucking astronaut.



George. your mother's

an astronaut.



He talked about

your mama. man.



He playing you

for a punk.



I wouldn't

take it. man.



My mother

ain't no astronaut.



Say it! Say it!



Your mother

ain't no astronaut.



your father

ain't no astronaut.



Well. my mama

ain't no astronaut.



Jump his ass. man.



Me saying that

your mother's an astronaut



is just another

way of saying



that you're

all fucked-up.



Well. let's just

get off mamas.



'cause I just

got off yours.






Keep my mama out

of this. brother.



She's out.



She's out.






She's out.






She's out.



What time you want me

to bring the bitch back?



Yo! What's the score?



 - . us.



We can't lose to you!



If we lose to you.

I'm gonna kill myself.



Fuck you.

skinny boy!



Fuck this.

you potato-sandwich-eatin'




Fuck this!



Shut up!



You're giving me

Excedrin number fuckin'

trillion headache!



Hey. man.

what's the score?




I'm talking to you.



What. you deaf?



I'm talking to

the fucking air.



My name ain't chump.

It's Billy Hoyle.



Billy Hoyle?



Billy Hoyle.



Billy Hoyle.



OK. Billy.



can you count

to    . Billy?









What's the

score. Billy?



I don't know.



Then you're a chump.



I may be a chump.

but it's not my name.



He put your ass in!



Fuck you.



Let's go!



 - . your ball.



 - . your ball.



I don't want

no excuses.



I called it even.



You better

call a doctor!



It's your ball!






Your woman

calling you. man.






Your woman

calling you. man.



At least

I got one.



I seen your mother

kicking a can

down the street.



I said. ''What you doin'?''

she said. '' Movin'.''



Your mama's so old.



she drove chariots

to school.



Your mama's so fat.



she broke her leg

and gravy poured out.



Hey. baby.



Hi. honey.



The check for the groceries

didn't clear.



and I didn't

have any cash.




   will do?



Mm-hmm. but   

would be better.



You hustling me?



You're the only one

that gets away with that.



I got things

working over here.



Yo. man.

I got to go.



Daddy's got to go

back to work. man.






I told your mama

to act her age.



and the bitch

dropped dead.



Your mother got a leather wig

with gray sideburns.



Save your breath. man.



You need all the energy

you can get.



Let's go.



I can't run. man.






My bunions hurt.



Get somebody

to step in for me.



That's all right.

You're still my hero.



That's it. baby.



Can anybody stand in

for Mr. Handicap here.



for Mr. Motherfucking

March of Dimes?



Hey. look.

Take Billy Ho here.



No. man.

I don't want him.



He might be good.



I don't want

to go with it. No.



Why not?



'Cause I'm white.



No difference.



You could bring

Bernard King in.



We hittin' two.

and we out.



Swish! Swish!

Let's go. Billy Ho!



Ha ha ha!



Let's go!



Ain't no need

for none of that



Jane Fonda

geriatric bullshit.



Just act like you

can play.



Two quick ones.



bam. bam...

it's over.



See ya!

Wouldn't want to be ya!



You got

a new teammate.



Kiss your game




Maybe I should do

that shit. too.



You loose?



Come on

out here. baby.



I got it!



Get out of here!



Billy. I'm gonna

tell you what--



Where you at. Billy?



I'm gonna tell you

which way I'm going.






Where are you

going with that?



I got you.

I'm right here.



This is my court!






Yo! Look out!

Look out!



- Whoo!

- Yay. Billy!



Yes. baby!






Pure luck.



I believe the score

is  - . ours.



Take it out.



Ball in.



OK. chump.



The sun even shines

on a dog's ass some days.



Anybody can win the lottery.

Know what I'm saying?



Give it up.

Give it up.



You want it back now?






Yeah. get out

of the way. sucker!



Right on. man!



It's over now. baby.



Fuck you.

Your mother's an astronaut.



My mother's too drunk

to be an astronaut.



You remind me of one of them dudes

from The Brady Bunch.



He looks like

the girl--Cindy.




That's the one!



The youngest one

in curls



Why you

laughing. man?



Callin' me Brady Bunch

and shit!



This motherfucker's

too stupid



to even realize

he's being insulted.



Sidney. get off the court.

You lost. brother.



You might pull a couple of

passes out your ass.



but that don't mean

you know how to play this game.



Oh. hey.

you're right. Sidney.



I mean. you ain't

seen me shoot.



What's it worth

to you to find out?



What do we got?



  .    .






I do detect

the smell of cash.



I'm gonna find out

how good you are. chump.






I just have to

figure out how



I'm going to pull the ball

out your ass



when I take

your money.



That is his money.

That's his money.



  .   .    --



You're short.



Big Junior.



Come here. man.

Loan me a   .



Do I look like

Bank of America?



You think I'm

gonna lose this money



to this white boy here?



You better not

lose my money.



Give me my

motherfucking   .



We're gonna

eat at Sizzler?



Damn right!

Surf and turf.



And that is his money.



Let's go. baby. Best out of five--

top of the key.



Since you're the foreigner.



you can go first.



Oh. no. thank you.

You go ahead. man.



No. no.

See. this is my house.



This is

Sidney Deane's house.



I extend

my hospitality to you.



That is very gracious.

Sidney Deane.



but I won't take advantage of you

in your house.



OK. but you might not

get another shot.



All right.

if you insist.




what I thought.



This is outdoor ball.



It's different than

your country club shit.



When you shoot.

you adjust for the wind.



Out at the beach.



the wind can push the ball

  to   inches.



You wouldn't know

about that.



Ha ha ha!




you want me to move?



I'm sorry.



It's your shot.

Go ahead.



I got to tell you.

this isn't my spot.



I'll be lucky to hit

  out of  .



I'm going

to shoot it anyway.



Use 'em

and abuse 'em.



- Whoo!

- Whoo!



Oh. man!

Right off the bat.



I am feeling lucky.



Yes. indeed.

he wants to get paid.



Show him how to

put it in there.



- Whoo!

- Ooh! Ooh!



Ooh. it's pretty.

it's so pretty.



Ha ha ha!



We goin' Sizzler.

we goin' Sizzler...






We goin' Sizzler



I never hit

two in a row.






I'm very lucky.




feelin' very lucky.



Ugly shot. ugly shot--



Look like

a goddamn brick.



No aesthetic beauty




Now. mine.

on the contrary...



- Whoo!

- Yeah!



Bbb bbb bbb!



It hurts being this good!



''A thing of beauty

is a joy forever--''



My man John Keats

said that.



I never hit

three in a row.




tell you that.



I can look at you.



- Oh!

- Oh!






Color me lucky.



Sometimes you wake up.

the birds are singing. and...



That's a decent shot.




You are the greatest.




Thank you.



But I'm feeling lucky.






Four in a row--



This is like

the luck of the Irish.



only I'm not Irish.



Yeah. yeah. yeah.



Come on. now.



I got this

under control.




you know something?




came here one time.



Took him

to the hole. baby.



Air MichaelJordan!



I saw

the whole thing.



Michael said.

''You should play summer pro league.''



I said. '' No...''



Hell. no!



''Shit might

mess up my game.''



We can't have it.

Billy Ho.



Shoot it.

We'll go to Sizzler.



- Whoo!

- Whoo!



I'll just

leave it up there.



Give me some.

give me some.



Oh! Oh. shit.



Ho ho ho ho ho!



It's hard goddamn work

being this good.



Shut the fuck up.



Rabbit ears. am I starting

to get to you?



You're just making

my eardrums hurt.



The thing is.

you guys look at me.



you see

the backwards hat.



and you say.

''This guy's a chump.''



A fucking geek.



What you don't realize is

that it ain't easy.



It is

''hard goddamn work''



making something

this pretty



look like a chump.



I must be doing it

for a reason.



You got me convinced.



I miss this shot.



I walk away.

still a chump.



Go ahead and walk away.




You miss.

and you've been beat...



well. not once

but twice.



by a slow. white.

geeky chump.



Ha ha ha ha ha.



Ain't no thing.

Ain't no thing.



No thing but a chicken wing

on a string.



From Burger King.



I noticed that wind

was kicking up a bit.



You might want to

adjust about...



 .   inches

to the left.



This is the big one.



Don't worry. Sidney.

I've hustled



a hell of a lot better

players than you before.



Don't put up

no brick.



Stop yapping.

and let brother shoot.



Yeah. I got it.



It's in the wrist.



Ha ha.



Oh. sweet.









Hey. man.

give me my money!



It's a money thing.




There's a man

with integrity.



Don't push your luck.



Nothing to do with luck.



You said we was going

to Sizzler!



Shut your anorexic.




overdosed Dick Gregory

Bahamian-diet-drinking ass up!



Leave me alone.



Oww! I feel good



I knew that I would. now



Oww. I feel good



I knew that I would. now



So good. so good



I got you



Oww! I feel nice



Like sugar and spice



I feel nice



Like sugar and spice



So nice. so nice



'Cause I got you






I'm home.



How much money

did you make today?



I missed you. too.



Oh. I'm sorry.




  . minus  .   

for hummus. tabouli.



garden burger.

all that stuff you love--



pita bread.



I told you. I don't eat that

health food shit.



You'll eat it

and love it.



OK. since you

got me money.



Let's see.

that makes...



  .  . which gives us

    towards the  .   .



We still owe the Stucci brothers

 .    .



We don't

give them a dime.



They're holding you up.



How often do we have

to go through this?



There are certain things



that just are

the way they are.



Nothing will get rid

of the Stucci brothers except  .   .



What's the deal

with this?



Come on. lookit.



I've been studying

disasters all day.



and assassinations.



Come on. come on.

try me.



All right.



Ahh. Leon Czolgosz--



Who killed

President McKinley?



You're unbelievable.



I know it. I know it.




will call today.



Don't count on it.

and you won't be disappointed.



The last words

of Lee Harvey Oswald--



''It wasn't me.

it was the C.I.--uuh!''



Get it? The--



Yeah. yeah.

yeah. yeah. yeah.



I got it. I got it.



Honey. honey.



How much

do you love me?



I love you infinity.



That's not enough.



Infinity's the biggest

number there is.



It's not.



What's bigger?



Infinity plus two.



I love you

infinity plus two.




you're so stupid!



You should have said

infinity plus infinity.



I love you



Infinity plus infinity.



There's a bigger number

than that.



I give up.



You haven't

kissed me yet.



No! Take a shower.

You stink.



Go ahead! You stink!



All right.



Wait right there.

Don't move.



Hold that thought.



I'll come back and put my mouth

where this money is.



Ha ha ha!



[ Singing In Spanish ]



[ Knock On Door]






Somebody's at the door.







somebody's at the door.



Someone's at the door!

Come on!



Stay calm. Stay calm.



Hurry up! Hurry up!



Honey. I love you. but I ain't

gettin' shot over your debt.



Our debt.



Whoever's fucking debt.

I ain't gettin' shot!



Count to   .

and jump out the window.



Meet me on Pico.



Honey. I love you.



I love you. too.



[ Knock On Door]



Who is it?



It's the manager.



What do you want?



I got a message.



Brady Bunch!



  .    ...  .     ...



  .    ...  .    ...



Did somebody

invite you in?



Yo. I just want to talk.



  .   ...  .



How'd you find me?



No one has ever worked me

like you did.



I beat your ass

fair and square.



Don't cry about it.



I'm not here

to cry about it.



I'm here on business.




I almost took off.






Who's this?



Sidney Deane.






Your boyfriend

took some money--



I happened

to notice this bottle--



Take that.

I'll shoot your ass.



What's up?

Baby. you need to chill.



Excuse me?



Holy cow.



You comfortable?



A futon is actually

better for your back.



So. Billy.

where'd you play?



Some college

in Louisiana.



Things didn't

work out.



You been hustling

ever since. huh?



Nobody knows me here.

I'll work the courts.



I have a business proposal.



It could mean more cash



than this chump change.



What is it?



There's a two-on-two

tournament next week.




by businesses.



You want me

to run with you?



Yep. In the meantime.

we could make some change.



if you don't mind hustling.



What kind of hustle?



Heh heh.



Ball up.



You ain't got shit.



You ain't funny.

I'll kill you.



You got me by what.



 .    pounds. man?



Watch the pick.



Look up. look up!






Way to go!



Mmm. mmm. mmm.



I tell you.



it's hard work

making you look bad.



Who the fuck told you to talk.




You score on me.




Shut me down.

you can talk.



Eat shit. shut up.



You took me. Why?



I let you take me

to the hole.



I take you anywhere.

have you for breakfast.



Put up some jack.



Who rattled your cage.




You talkin' a whole lot

of yang.



I'll pick

any player here.



even the worst

player here.



for    .



Excuse me?



Scu--scu--scuse me?



I'll let you

pick my teammate.




ain't serious. man.



I don't believe

this shit. man.




Anybody you want.



   . baby. and you can pick

anybody out here.



Anybody. Anybody.



I don't believe this.



Yo. Raymond.

look at the chump. man.



Give him the chump.



No. no. no.



Hell. no. No. no.



You give me

a brother.



You got him.



the goofy-looking guy.






Yeah. you.



I'm fucked.



Hey. chump.



you want to run?



You mean

play basketball?



No. We mean ice hockey.



Get your tired butt

up here. Gretzky.



Where's your money?



I'll get it.



I got my    .

Where's yours?



I said I'll get it.



I'm going to the glove




Go. and bring your Sasquatch butt

on back here.



I got a hot hand.



I got your back.




What's this?



What the hell

is this world coming to?



Look at this. I ain't got nothing

to worry about.



except Cathy Rigby

over here.



Yo. man.

where is his car. man?



Is he ever going to

come on back?



Hey. give me your money!



Raymond. that you?



[ Falsetto ]

No. This ain't Raymond.



Take off that mask

and put down that gun.






What you trying to do?



I got me some chumps

on the line.



Loan me some money.



Get the fuck out.



All right.



Look. man.

you need a gun.



There are some crazy




walking around

this neighborhood.



a lot crazier

than me.



Give me     for it.






Come on. man.     .






All right.



Now you robbing me.



Jump for it...



You got busted

right there. man.



You think you can win

with him?



Here we go.

Here we go.



I got    . man.

Come on.



I said    .

no-count motherfucker.



   . take it

or leave it.



He just got out of jail.



He ain't goin'

nowhere with the money.



Let's do this.



I'll dog you.



I can make you

look bad.



Your mouth

got you in trouble.



If I was you. I'd stab myself

in the heart.



Come on.

Yeah. get up.



Move right.



Come on. come on.



That man

is a chump...






- Yeah!

- Yeah! Whoo!



Oh. lovely. lovely.



What did you say

your name is?



Billy Ho.



Nice to meet you.



Do it.



Let's go.



Don't take no mess.

now. baby



You got to jump for it



If you really want

to be over



Jump to understand

this thing called living



Oh. yeah



Life's about

jumping up. baby



Not taking the ball...



You're slow

on your feet. man.



Weight slows me down.



Oh. yeah. well...



Come on.



Uh-huh. uh-huh.



Tim Hardaway.

my ass.



Get over there!



Shoot! Shoot!



Stay on him!



Everybody really wants

to get a taste



The moment don't stop.

so pick up the pace



What you see

is what you get



You know I never step



And if you think

it's over now



You ain't seen

nothin' yet



In this

dog-eat-dog world



You know

I'm out to get mine...



Man. he traveled!






Point game.



Point game--



That means one more point.

we win this.



I understand.



You going to teach class

or play?



I'm taking you right

to the clinic.



Class is in session







Check this.



Too stupid

to catch it.






Look out.

look out!



I'll make you

eat that.



Here we go.




You better stay off.




Where you at?



Where you at.










Give me my money!



What you doin'?



Hard goddamn work!



Aw. come here.




You played

a good game.



These motherfuckers

set us up.



Hey. man!



Hard goddamn work!



Raymond! Raymond!









You ain't gonna

cut me.



You set me up!



Look. look. look!




I seen you hustle!



I never used no goofy white




Who you calling

goofy white motherfucker?






That's cool.

That's cool.



Wait a minute!

This is ridiculous. man!



Look. Raymond.

we are brothers. man.



I've never seen this

white boy before in my life.



Sidney. you're negotiating

with a guy with a blade?



You got a wife and kid!



You know my name?



He's talking about

your family.






Wait a minute!



You talking about

my wife and kid



and don't know me?



Raymond. cut this




Yo. say what?



Cut that motherfucker

right there.



No. no. Fuck this.



Both you motherfuckers

are crazy.



I'm going to my car...



get my other gun.



shoot everybody's ass.



I'm outta here.



[ Woman ]

Raymond! Raymond!






Aw. shit. man!



Y'all better

haul ass!






Shit. Come on!



Come on!

Come on!



Come on!

Come on!



Come on!

Come on!



Come on! Come on!



Go! Go! Go!



Whoo hoo! Hoo!



Ooh! Took Raymond

to the hole. baby!



Boo yaa!






You know. nobody's done that

around here since...



the King

and DuckJohnson.



King and Duck!



King and the Duck!



[ Purple Haze Playing ]






what is this?



Jimi Hendrix.



I know.

Why are you playing Jimi?



Because I like

to listen to him.



That's the problem.

Y'all listen.



What am I supposed to do.

eat it?



No. You're supposed

to hear it.



I said I like to

listen to him.



There's a difference between

hearing and listening.



White people can't

hearJimi. You listen.



What are you talking about?

His drummer was white.



Ah ho ho ho!



Get out!Jimi Hendrix'

drummer was not white.



Yes. he did.

Check it out.






This is a picture!



Whole band is white

except forJimi!



This is a picture!



Airbrushed!Jimi didn't have

a white rhythm section.



You cannot hearJimi!



All right. Fine.



All right.

Thank you.



Check this out.



He said I'll love you



Till I die...



Who is this?



The greatest troubadour

of all time



is who it is.




Sounds like a dog.



That's a labrador. man.



Don't insult

this music.



Take this out.



You're listening.

not hearing it.



I don't want to listen

or hear this.



This is pollution

to my ears.



Explain to this Gladys Knight

and the Pimps--



It's Gladys Knight

and the Pips!



PutJimi back in.

I don't like this.



You're supposed to

defend me.



Who you yelling at?



Get rid of that gum!



I'm tired of

hearing it pop!



He still loved her

through it all



Tell this bubblehead

to go right here.



Guy could get shot



playing this shit

south of the Coliseum.



Let me off

at the Trump Towers.



Penthouse is

in the back.



Kept some letters

by his bed...



Vista View.



The flyest view

in the jungle.



Home sweet home.



You know it. baby.



That was

a good run today.



Good run.



Some of that money

you made.



you could take this car

to the car wash.



This is one

classic automobile.



You got

a fine woman.



Keep your hands off her.



I said she was fine.



I didn't say I was

going to touch her.



Touch her.

I'll kick your ass.



You hear me?



Ho ho.

Ho ho ho!



Looky. looky. looky.



It's all starting

to come clear. isn't it?






You're a cool customer

on the court.



real chill

out on the street.



can't be rattled

in your game.



You don't even fall

for that nigger shit.



But when it comes to

your woman.



that's a different

matter altogether.



Look at you.



I ain't talked trash or pushed up

on the sister.



and you already

thinking about it.



Shut the fuck up.



But this is good.



This is really

good shit to know.



I know

your weakness.



You like all the white boys

I ever met.



You're like every brother

I ever saw.



You'd rather look good

and lose than look bad and win.



You don't know shit

about me.



I know plenty

about you. Sidney.



How many dinners this chain

set your family back?



Just go home.

get some rest.



OK. Brady Bunch?



I ain't tired.



Bye. Gloria.



Oh. goodbye.



It was nice

seeing you again.



Oh. same here.



I like these rings.

They kind of fly.



Thank you!



Take care.



Yo. Billy. tomorrow we goin'

to     rd street.



We goin' to hustle out there.

That's Watts.



Tough games out there.

Big bucks.






Don't take it

personally. baby.



We teammates.



Ebony and ivory.



Ha ha ha!



Hey. I got

your partner.



Oh. right. Fuck me.



Better get your ass across La Brea

before sundown.



No problem.



The guy's full of shit.






[ Ray Charles Singing ]

Well, I say love



Whoa, love



Would somebody

explain to me



why this Negro is singing

cowboy music?



You know this is

my favorite song.



It makes me think about

making love to you.



It makes me want to

lock you in a room



and make love to you

over and over



and over and over.



I didn't say

I didn't like it.






This can't be safe.



You know. I believe

in safe sex. honey.



For you to hurt me...



I want to

take a shower.



Honey. no! No!



No. honey! Stop!



I want you to know



That I was blind.

but now I see



I say. I once was blind.

but now I see



Well. you know.

I once



Was blind



But now I see



That that old love

has made a fool of me






My mouth is dry.



Honey. I'm thirsty.






[ Water Runs ]



There you go. honey.



When I said

I was thirsty.



it doesn't mean

I want a glass of water.



It doesn't?



You're missing

the whole point



of me saying

I'm thirsty.



If I have a problem.

you're not supposed to solve it.



Men always make the mistake

of thinking



they can solve

a woman's problem.



It makes them feel







Did you have

a bad dream?



It's a way

of controlling a woman.



Bringing them

a glass of water?






I read it

in a magazine.



See. if I'm thirsty.



I don't want

a glass of water.



I want you

to sympathize.



I want you to say.



''Gloria. I. too.

know what it feels like to be thirsty.



I. too.

have had a dry mouth.''



I want you to

connect with me



through sharing

and understanding



the concept

of dry mouthedness.



This is all

in the same magazine?



You're into control.



Shut up.






You make me sick.



Don't give me

the rollover.



When I say I'm thirsty.



it means if anybody

has a glass of water.



I'd love a sip.



When I say I want to

make love.



it means. let's screw.



Exactly the kind of thing

I thought you'd say!



I don't like

the word ''screw.'' OK?



I prefer ''make love''

or ''fuck.''



Screwing is

for carpenters.



Oh. you're

going to get it.



Oh. honey.






Where you going?






to get the hell

away from you.




chiquita nut case.



Oh. come back!

I want to make love!



Honey. come back!

I want to screw!



Ah. Forget you. then.



Piece of shit.









Come on...



Look! There he is.






The Stuccis!



The Stuccis?






Honey. hurry!



How did they find us?



The money!



All right!

All right!



I got the money!

I got the money!






If you wanna try

the front door



That's a door

I've never seen



[ Gloria ]

Go. honey! Come on!



I'm coming. honey!



Go! Come on!

Go! Go! Go!



Slow up!

Slow up!



Wait for me!

Wait for me!



How come you're

moving so slow?



I'm carrying everything.



You want me to

carry you. too?



Oh. shit!



Come on!



Come on. honey!



We'd shoot you. Billy.



But first

we want the money!



We've got your number

now. Billy.



Get in my limo. baby



Gonna take you

for a ride



And I tell you

I'm a rich man



Then you tell me

that I lie



Hurry up!



Go! Go! Go!



[ Kids Singing ]




Tonga Sherry



Evie Ivy over



Mama's in the kitchen

cookin' rock



Daddy's outside

shooting duck



Baby in the cradle

fast asleep



And here comes sister

with the hlt...



This is

a great house.



great house.



But the number's a little steep

right now.




we got to talk.



Excuse me.



Jack be quick



Jack jump over

the candlestick




I want this house.



Baby. I know.

I want the house. too.



but it's expensive.



They want first.

last. damages.



I'll get a job.



No. no. baby.

I got lots of jobs--



the cable thing. the roof thing.

the paint thing.



Construction is

a little slow.



but basketball is

putting food on the table.



Basketball isn't

a real job.



I got to go.



I'm working on

this new shot.



I'm sure it's

a gorgeous shot.



but I still

want this house.















Gotta give 'em

what they need



Area code






Oh. yeah



Area code



Pass the ball!



Foul! Foul!



No! All ball!

No foul!



No. Your hand is

part of the ball.



The wrist is a part

of the hand.



Knee bone's connected

to the dick bone.



You fouled Robert.



You didn't see

the play!



You couldn't carry my jockstrap

in a suitcase.



I thought this

was Watts.



Thought you had

some ballplayers here.



This ain't

jack shit!



I'm tired of

looking at you.



Your mother threw you out

at an early age.



Talking about

your mama.



Nobody talks about

my mother.



Don't ever talk

about my mama.



Me and any guy here

will take you.



How much you

want to roll?



Oh. my God!



Oh! What is this?



Oh! Look at this!

It's   .   !



There could be more.

Hold on.



Hold on a second.



Did you rob

a  -Eleven?



    .    .    .



Is there some more?



   .    . honey.



Your rent money?









It's coming

from everywhere.



   !   .    . baby.



We get to pick

your partner.



Pick any

of these stiffs here.



Anybody.   .    .



Don't talk

about my mother.



How about right here?



No. no. no. no.



I want that guy.



The white boy

getting off the train?



That scraggly-looking




Ha ha ha ha!



No. no. no. no.

Fuck that.



Wait a minute.



I got    .

Just cashed my rent check.



I got    bucks.



Come up with   .    .

or take a walk.



Play us

for what we got.



Play a tune

on your bald head.



Hold on.




how you doing?



What's up?



You look so good.



What's up. baby?



I need the diamond.



I told you

he was no good.



You gave me this

for christmas.



I'll give you two.



We'll go to Zales

after this.



Do you listen to me?




He's a dog! D-O-G!



This ain't no diamond!

This is a zircon!



I'll tell you what.



This shit here is

worth     bills. right?



I'll put my   .    

against your   .    .



That's a bet!



I'll hold the money.



Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Wait! Wait! Wait!



I'll hold it.

I ain't going nowhere.



He ain't going nowhere.

The bakery ain't open yet.



We play to     by   s.

You make it. you take it.



Hey! Hey! Hey!

Martha Graham!



Martha Graham.

can you play?



Can you come out

and play?



Do you think

you can play?



Can you come out

and play?



Do you think

you can play?



I got it!



Call out the screen!



Nice pick. man.



Damn! Switch. man!



Switch. my ass!




Right here.



Do it here!



I got it!



Can you come out

and play?



Do you think

you can play?



Whoo! Yes!






Go back to Sea World.




You let him back door you

like that?



I thought he was going to pass

the ball.



'' D'' up. man.



You don't know

what '' D'' is.



[ Sidney ]

No. shit. Curly.



You fucking Globetrotter.

Come on.



Come on! Come on!



Come on. man!



Can you come out

and play?



Hey. hey



Do you think

you can play?



Can you come out

and play?



Were you

going to shoot?



He was on my ass.



You were wide-open.



  .     is

on the line.



I'm not forcing

the shot.



Do you think

you can play?



Can you come out

and play?



Yes. baby!



Why are you

kicking out to me?



Take the shot.



I'm sorry. man.



You OK?






 - . us. point game!

Check the ball.



One more bucket.

me and Zeke split   .    .






You tried to hustle.

Still wasn't good enough.



Are we going to

chitchat or play?



Get the fuck out!



Take me to

the hole. then.



Let's go!



I practice on people

like you.




playing this game.



Ball! Ball!

Ball! Ball!



I'm going to take your money.

then your girl.



Take your old girl.



You're holding me!



I ain't holding you!



That's all you're doing.




Get this jump!









Both of y'all go

back to Sea World!



  .    !

  .    !









Give me my money.



It was so nice

just to hold it.



I am dead.

I am dead.



Oh. man.

I'm sorry. man.



I thought

I had it.



I'm dog meat.

She'll dump me now.



I feel terrible.

I had a lousy game.



Shit! We're better

than those guys!



I've beat guys

    times better than that!



I know.

It's my fault.



It's nobody's fault.



Sometimes the ball

doesn't go down.



Look. man.

You want a ride?



I'm taking the rail.



I got to figure out how I'm going

to tell Gloria



I lost everything

we had again.



then figure out where

I'm going to sleep tonight.



Hey. Billy.

I'm sorry. man.



I mean that!

I'm sorry!



   is the answer.



What is

the question?



How many books are in

the Old Testament?



I am so fuckin' good.



Did Jeopardy!

call yet?



Not yet. but I'll

need a nice dress.



When they call.

you got to be ready.



You want to hear

the books



of the Old Testament




It's Malachi,

Zechariah, Haggai--



Honey. please.



I did famous women



and foods that

start with ''Q.''



You couldn't imagine

how many foods there are



that actually start

with ''Q.''



Honey. will you

please shut up?



What's wrong with you?



I lost the money.



Oh.Jesus. Billy!



Not again!



How much?



A lot of it.



Most of it.



Roughly...all of it.



Billy. you lost all

our fuckin' money?



Shit. Billy!



Jesus. man!



  .    !






We were on our way

to  .   !



Were your opponents

that good?



I beat better guys

in Jersey.



You weren't hitting

your jump shots?



I was hitting mine.



What about Sidney?



He had an off day.



He wasn't

shooting much.



This guy scored

on him.



He wasn't D-ing up.



He usually plays

good '' D.''



You got hustled.



I did not

get hustled.



You got set up.

You got hustled by Sidney!



No. He's a good guy.



You said

he's full of shit!



And he's a good guy!



You're full of shit.



And fuck that shit!



I'm going back to

that house



and getting

my money back.



No. no. no. honey.



A man cannot ask

for his money back.



He lives in

the jungle. right?



No. honey. we can't.



They don't let white people



in the Crenshaw District.



I don't know

about Puerto Ricans.



but it's a reverse

discrimination thing.



We dropped off Sidney on the corner

of Crenshaw and Washington.




you don't understand.



Men understand

how these things work.



Wasn't there

an apartment house there?



Let me explain.



Men's rules

are very simple.



If you win. you win.

If you lose. you lose.



You don't ask

for the money back.



Why not?



It's not part

of the rules.



Yeah? I got a different

set of rules.



Want to hear them?



Sometimes when you win.

you really lose.



Sometimes when you lose.

you really win.



Sometimes when you win

or lose. you actually tie.



Sometimes when you tie.

you actually win or lose.



I hate it when you

talk like that.



It makes me crazy

when you talk like that.



Winning and losing is

one big organic globule



from which one extracts

what one needs.



I'm fucked.



Forget it.

I ain't--no. no.



I'm not getting

off this bus.



No. stop!



Can we discuss it?



Can we have

a discussion here?



[ Doorbell Rings ]






Does Sidney Deane

live here?



He does.



He's my husband.



Yeah. well.

your husband stole   .    



from my boyfriend.






Just a minute.






Yeah. baby?



Some people out here

say you stole their money.



Oh. shit.



No. baby.

I didn't steal his money.



I hustled his money.



Yo! Cindy Brady!



That girl is fine!



Cindy Brady.

what happened?



[ Sidney ]

What do you want?



Who invited you

in my house?



I did.

I want to talk to...






[ Sidney ]

That man hustled me



long before

I ever hustled him.



I saw

the whole thing.



What goes around

comes around.



Then you won't mind

if Gloria and I talk.



You want something

to drink?






This boy got

a lot of guts.



Billy Ho!

Good to see you. Billy!



You look swell!



You fucked me. man.



Get out in front

of the TV.



You fucked me!



We had a partnership!



We were never partners.




it goes like this.



You either smoke.

or you get smoked.



And you got smoked!

Ha ha!



Clean as my gun.



Yes. it was.






A thing of beauty

is a joy forever.



Sidney. get this guy

to shut the fuck up!



I'll go the way

you like--



I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.



I want my money.



You not getting

the money back.



You giving me

my money back.



I'm not giving

you nothin'.



Billy and Sidney

were teammates.



Teammates can't

hustle each other.



Oh. really?

Why not?



It's not artistic!



I don't care

about art. OK?



All I care about

is getting out



of the Vista View

apartment building!



There ain't

no vista. no views.



or no vista

of views.



You want cream.

sugar. or what?






I trusted you.

There are rules to hustling.



There's an ethics




That you wouldn't know

anything about.



I never shook anyone's hand

and stabbed him in the back.



The Indians shook hands

with the Pilgrims.



and look who got fucked.



Who you calling Pilgrim?



You. motherfucking

Christopher Columbus.



Gobble this. turkey.



I got a gun

in my hand!



What the fuck's

wrong with you?



Shoot this motherfucker!



Hold it!



It's up!






Aw. man!

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!



[ Billy ]

Pop it.James! Yeah!



Good play.



That's a black man.

That's a black man.



Throughout our

glorious life together.



I bought a car from the Stuccis

for   grand.



It was shit.

I didn't want to pay.



They told Billy unless he got

their money back.



they would cut me up.



He had to

get the money back.



The Stuccis decided

to fix a basketball game.



Billy agreed.

but halfway through.



he got pissed off

and didn't throw it.



The Stuccis

lost a bundle.



Wake up. girlfriend.

It's your boyfriend.



He's got some problems.



He's just bad with money.



The Stuccis are

still after us.



It's a sad story.

I'm sorry.



But I'm not giving

you the money.



I might. however.



be willing to discuss

other arrangements.



Hey. there's Cadee.



That ain't Cadee.



Oh. that's Eddie.



All right. listen up.



We have a solution.



Tell them to move.



They're black women.

You think I'm crazy?



Here's the scenario.



Rhonda's going to give me

some of the money back.



We figured out a way

to get the rest.



You guys need to

kiss. make up.



and play

in that tournament.



Hell. no.



I ain't playing with

that son of a bitch.



I don't hustle with people

who are dishonest.



That's something

I cannot do.



That's not fair.



Farrakhan disciple

son of a bitch.



No. I ain't doing it.



The stars belong

to everyone






They gleam there

for you and me



The flowers in spring



The robins that sing



The sunbeams that shine



They're yours.

they're mine...



Welcome to the first annual



Two-On-Two For Brotherhood

Basketball Tournament.



also known as the TTBBT.



sponsored by a coalition

of american corporations



in the spirit of promoting

brotherhood among us all.



That's bullshit.



And now.



let the games begin!



[ Blows Whistle ]



Hey. wait!



Oh. look at that.



Why can't you check somebody.

mushroom head?



You fat mustard

and butter sandwich.



What you

talking about?



We ain't got

to worry about them.



They spend too much time

arguing with each other

about their mothers.



and both their mothers

are ugly.



All right.

all right.



Yeah. sack it.



Yeah. that's two--



One for you.

One for you.



Work-release program

or something.




was just on parole. man.



These two we definitely

have to worry about.



This is Flight. That's Willie.

They can play.



They'll be

in the finals against us.






Shit. that's

just too easy!



No. that shit

is too easy!



It's too easy!



No. that shit is...

too easy!



Fuck it.



I don't want

to play no more.



We won't

play no more.



Hey. chump.



Yeah. you.

tater head.



You know

who I'm talking about.



If that's

your best game.



grab that free T-shirt

and head home.



What the hell

are you doing?



Did you bring

Mighty Mouse?



You're too pretty

to play basketball.



You got that big ''Z''

in your fro. man.



Are you

the black Zorro?



That's enough.



You get your haircut

at the braille institute?



What's Opie Taylor

talking about?



Opie Taylor?



I got your Opie.



you big. bad. Gomer Pyle.

droopy-eyed son of a bitch.



Take your ass

back to Mayberry.



Tell Aunt Bee

to have my bean pies.



or I'll kick her ass.



Hey. Lurch and Morticia.



What the fuck

are you doing?



I'm doing two things.



I'm making them mad.

They won't play good.



You're embarrassing me.



That's the other thing

I'm doing.



You're not

embarrassing me.



You're pissing me off.



Good. I assume you play better

when you're mad.



Am I right?



I'm not listening.



But you are hearing me.



You're hearing me.



You still

throwing up bricks?



What did I say?



You still

throwing up bricks?



What is this.

a mason's convention?



I need a welding torch

to play in this league.



Let's stop and gather

all these bricks.



Let's build

a homeless shelter



so maybe your mother

has a place to live.



Fuck you!



Fuck that fucker!



And your sister. too.



I want your mother and your sister

out of my house.



[ Blows Whistle ]

Black ball.



What the fuck you talking about.

black ball?



What are you. racist?



I'm talking about

your jersey.



Here you go. sir.



How you feeling today?



Didn't I school you

once before?



You going to

give us a game?



Give us something. man.



Don't let him pull that move on you.




Don't let him

pull that move.



That's the move!



Oh! That's the move!



I tried to warn you.



You call that defense?



You gonna

give us a game?



Will we get

a little competition?



I got better things to do

with my Saturday.



There's this chicky babe

from the fabulous four



watching his

big old ugly ass.



Bring it on. bad boy!






But he ain't got shit!



He ain't got shit!

He ain't got shit!



Ah! You suckers!



Bunch of suckers.



What a great

no-look pass.



The mustard

is off the hot dog.



My man ain't getting nothing




Lurch. I looked up

basketball player



in the dictionary.

and it said ''not you.''



Be quiet!



Bring it on.

bad boy!



Excuse me.

I'm talking here.



Shut up.



Pretty boy.

I'll be D-ing up on you



if you make it

to the finals.



Hey. I got some

bean pie for you.



You ain't gonna see  .   .

You may see  .    beans.



Do you ever shut up?



What the fuck

are you worried about?



I'm in the fucking zone.



It's one thing

to embarrass me.



It's another

motherfucking thing



to piss these guys off

that we have to play.



That's plain

fucking stupid.



Listen to your teammate.

bucket head.



You've gone past stupid

into a new category.



It's called suicide. chump.



Call me chump.

OK. bad boy.



What the fuck

is up with you?



What are you

worried about?



I'm in the zone.



They're pissed off.

I'm in the zone.



This isn't about

black and white.



This is about money.

you got that?



Look. man. I need

this   grand.



I won't let you

blow this for me.



You pissed off?



No. I ain't pissed off.



You pissed off at me?



You want to get me

in this fucking zone.



You ain't good enough.



Is that another

brother thing.



you fucking racist?



There's certain

things you can't do.



I can hearJimi!



You can't hearJimi.



Fuck you!



Good. fuck me.



Say it with feeling.



Fuck you!



Fuck me! Fuck me!



Check. asshole.



Go. Lurch.



Check it. Casper.



You got shit for brains.




Fuck you. faggot.



Let's go!



I got it



Watch magic



I got it. hey



I got something

that makes me OK



[ Blows Whistle ]



Stop them before

we lose our sponsors.



[ Whistle Blows ]



You start fighting.

neither of us will make money.



That bullshit

passing you doing.



Come on. man.



I hope this

doesn't get worse.



Now I got a move

that tells me what to do



Some kind of deal



Now I got a move

that tells me what to do



Sometimes I feel so nice



Why didn't you dunk it?



Give me

the fucking ball. man.



Take the goddamn

ball out.



I'm in love



I love to do my thing



And I don't need

no one else






You got the lane.

Take a shot.



Give me a better pass.

I have a better break.



It was a fucking

great pass.



Tired of

piggybacking you.



You piggybacking me?






Wham! Come on!

Stuff it down



You ever been

to flight school?



I'm going to

the seventh floor



and dropping you off

at the fifth.



Stay on him!



Go flight!

Go flight!



Thank you. thank you.



Big fucking deal.



Can you do it?




[ Whistle Blows ]



Yeah! Yeah!



What it's all about



He's setting

illegal picks!



Check them up.






Cut. man.



In his ass.

I got him.



I got the something




Come on. man.



I got that thing



We need this.

Check him up.



I got soul



Goddamn. man.

 .    on the line.



You let this motherfucker

take the ball.



Opie pissing on you!



Oh. he's pissing

on me now?



Why don't you

guard somebody?



Game point.  .   .

Stop showing off.



I've been saving your ass

the whole game.



Shut the fuck up. man.



Point game.



Mr. Deane

and Mr. Hoyle.



And all around



Right on. people



Let it all hang out



Cut! Cut!



Will you cut?



Call the cops.

I got him!



Don't you boys know

what it's all about?



Oh. shit!



Gimme. gimme






Let's pay them

and get out.



Oh. yes!






Yes. baby!






You're supposed

to help out!



Why you dish

that shit off?



I thought you

were going to dunk.



You're lucky we didn't

cough up  .   



on your hot dog shit.



Why didn't

you dunk it?



Right in his face!



Shut the fuck up.



Yes. yes.



it's wonderful when the spirit

of competition



brings out the best

in all of us.



And now I'd like

to award the checks



to the second-place

prize winners.



the fine team

of Dwight ''The Flight'' McGee



and Willie Lewis.



receiving checks

for   .   .



Yo. man. you said   .   !



That's  .   .



Oh. brotherhood. my ass!



You said   .   !



Thank you. gentlemen.



I'll find you.




Buy yourself

a dress!



And now.

ladies and gentlemen.



the grand prize

for the first-place winners.



the wonderful team

of Sidney Deane



and Billy Hoyle.



Hey. put it there.



I've never been able

to get that exactly right.



You ain't. either.




And here is your check.



and here is your check.



''Sidney Deane''--

that look like me?



Now give them

their trophies.



You're welcome.



What about

the big trophy?



We keep the big trophy.



We won!



Give us the real trophy.



We keep that trophy.

and we put your name on it.



Thank you.



from the Coalition

of American Corporations



and the TTBBT.



[ Rap Music Plays On Radio ]






She's going to

love my ass.






You know something?



I can jam. man.






You keep telling everybody

I can't stuff it.



I say that to get

underneath your skin.



Just 'cause I don't

do it in a game



don't mean I can't.



OK. fine.



But you don't think

I can stuff it.



Billy. I don't care



if you can

or if you can't.



Stop the fucking car.






Stop the car.

Pull it over.



Turn that shit down.



What is that shit?



It's good music.

Don't call it shit.



I'll bet my half of the   grand

against your half



that I can stuff it.



Let me give you

some advice.



Buy your girl

a pretty dress



in case she gets on

that damn game show.



You're either stupid

or dangerous.



You can't be stupid



because stupid people know

they can't piss me off.



So you must

be dangerous.



To who?



To yourself.

I'm taking you home.



I don't jam in a game



because it's showboating

for the sake of showboating.



which you know about--



I look good playing.



Like a behind-the-back pass

that's unnecessary.



Passing? You have a hard-enough time

passing gas.



It goes back

to what I said.



A white man wants to win first.

look good second.



A black man wants to look good first.

win second.



That's the most ridiculous



philosophical bullshit

I've ever heard.



Look. right over here.



There's a goal.



Get your money.

let's go.



That's absolute garbage.



I'm tired

of your shit.



Just put your money

where your mouth is.



I just need three tries.



That's all you need?

All right.



One of us is definitely

not going home tonight.






Man. you were

almost there.



I was with you.



Damn. Come on. baby.



You can do this.



Youse a sucker. man.



Is this shit regulation?



This shit ain't regulation.



Get the fuck out of here.




Move out the way.



I'll check it

for you.






Yeah. yeah.



Just about right.



Let's go. baby.



I believe in you.



I know what the problem is.

Come on.



Get out of

the fucking way.



Yo. I'm trying to help.



It's a bet.



All right.

It's your money.






Ah! Fuck me!



Mmm mmm mmm.



Mmm mmm mmm.



When I was looking

at it before.



I thought it was

a little high myself.



but after re-evaluating.



I think it was

an optical illusion. right?



I know the problem.



I can't let you

go out like that.



Get the fuck

off me. man.



I'll pump you up.



It's a bet. man.

Stop fucking around.






Shut up. man.






Shut up.



Billy. listen.






White men can't jump.






Good luck with Gloria.



If I lose.

if I win



That sucker

is stupid.



I walk away with

both of the checks.



White boys can be

stupid sometimes.



This game is getting

very. very. very long



Way to go. Billy.



Some you miss.

and some you make



Some you give.

and some you take



I guess I get it wrong



If I lose.

if I tie



I am the truth.

and I'm a lie



And I can't hear

all the lyrics



To my song



Some you fix.

and some you break



Some you stand.

some you shake



I guess

I'll get it wrong



In a world of loving



Love exists



Please tell me

how or where



I would gladly

pay the price



If I knew

which way to go



Or if I ever despair



If I do leave.

I'll drown



And I'm crying.

and I'm alone



And my heart is waiting



Waiting for another goal



Some you beg.

and some you steal



Some you fake.

some you feel



Oh. yes.

I'm getting it wrong



You called hours ago.



Sidney's already home.



Fucking pizza's

all cold.



and the wine is warm.



Present for you.



Oh. honey.



Oh. God.



What a shrew I am.



I'm sorry. honey.



Tell me about

the tournament.



There was some

decent players there.



Me and Sidney

played OK.



OK? You guys

must have been great.






oh. my.

this is beautiful.












Um...this is beautiful.



Thank you.






I...lost the money.






I...lost the money.



You want to run that

by me one more time?



It. uh...






it happened again.












No! No. Billy!



What the fuck

is it it it?



There is no it!



It is you!



You happened again!



Damn it. Billy!



The money was mine



to keep us going

tillJeopardy! calls.




ain't going to call.



When are you going

to fucking wake up?



Jeopardy! is

gonna call. Billy.



It's my destiny to triumph

magnificently on that show.



I'll never do that



wearing this stupid.

hootchy-mama-looking dress.



which was a poor excuse



to cover up the fact

that you fucked up again!



I'm gonna win.

all right.



I'm gonna get on

that motherfucking show.



and I'm gonna win



because I'm overwhelmed

with more useless goddamn information



than any human being

on this fucking planet!



Who's James K. Polk?



How many moons

are on Pluto?



What's a quince?



It's a food. Billy.



that starts with

the letter ''Q.''



And I got seven more!



I can't believe

you lost the goddamn money!



Honey. where you going?






Honey. Honey.




where you going?



You can't leave me.



What is a solar eclipse?



Who's Marcel Cerdan?



Where was

the hamburger invented?



What are you doing?




you can't hitchhike.



This is L.A.



Go ahead!






Go ahead.

She's just crazy.



Go ahead!






Ow! These people

are perverts.









The carpet's on fire.



Oh. shit.



Don't move. honey.



Put your arm down.



Come on in here. honey.



Oh. shit!






Don't you get

in that truck!



Billy. you can run.

but you can't hide.



The greatJoe Louis

said that.



You believe that?



Time to take

a little ride.



I'm telling you.

I lost the money.



I swear to God.

there's no money.



Goddamn it. Billy.



The shave was working.

It was beautiful.



Nobody would have known.



Why didn't you

go through with the fix?



Guy said

I couldn't score.



He called me

a honky motherfucker.



You are

a honky motherfucker.



But I can score.



We were the team.

and you betrayed us.



Life is a bunch

of bad trades.



One week.



Where's your

hot-tamale girlfriend?



Where is she?

I liked her.



She left me.



Oh. Billy!



Show him the fucking




Get up. I'm going

to show you something.



This is what happens

to people who don't come through.



See these?



Look at the Polaroids!

Look at this guy.



I swear to God.

one week.



One week.

That's all you get.



Maravich. my ass.



I got your Pistol

right here. Billy.



You got one week.




Oh. man.






You're fakin'the funk




that gangster hoopla



And probably a punk



And I'm-a let you know



That this week

your ass can't cope



With your

offensive flow force



Mean kick, sidekick,

pack some nasty



Got to get smoked

like a joint



They need

to be rocked...



 .   an hour!



 .   an hour!



Hey. hey.

Got to open the door. baby.



Cinco la hora.



Hey. Sidney.



Que pasa, Ruben?



Quiere trabajo?






Por cinco a la hora.



No. no. no.



Para otra semana.



All right.



Sidney! You're late!



Sorry. I'll be right there.



Como esta?



Sidney. I've been

waiting for you.



I'm very sorry.



My wife and I want

the Spanish tile



with the mansard roof.



Mmm. how unusual.



Thank you.



But I don't

want to get



a city

building permit.



OK. I can go through the city

or around it.



I can eliminate

the middleman



or be the middleman.



I'm offering the full service--

roof. paint. plaster.



My wife and I have decided

on number   .



Thank you.



If you write a check

to Sidney Deane...



That's D-E-A-N-E.










get me started.



Sidney! Sidney.



Hey. man.

how you doing?



I got to talk to you.



No. I'm doing business.






It's really

important. Sidney.



Thank you.

My regards to your wife.



Tell her hi.



God bless you.



Goddamn it! What?



I'm desperate. man.



A man should never

act desperate.



It's impractical.



And frankly.



I find it

rather ugly.



I'd rather look ugly

and win than--



Shut the fuck up.






Gloria left me.



I'm sorry. man.



I don't know how.



but I got to

get her back.



Oh. brother.



You know. I got this

grave human weakness--



a tiny little spot

in my soul.



that actually likes you.



It's horrible to admit.



but everybody has got

a cross to bear.



and you're

my damn cross.



What's that

supposed to mean?



It means

I'll help you.






Don't kiss me. man.

I got no guarantees.



What are you

going to do?



I got an idea.



but you're

going to owe me.



That's what

I'm talking about!



You in my house.

What's up with you?



Oh. what you want now?



Pete. I don't need no pick.



You ready?

You ready?



You call that '' D''?

Where'd you go?



You call that '' D''?



Where are you?









That's what

I'm talking about.



This is my house!



So where you going?



Got a job. baby.



Robert. you're smooth.



Looking almost

as good as me.









Yo. Billy.



why don't you get that money

you won.



buy some

new clothes?



Robert. are they still making

them TV game shows



at the studio

you work for?



All the game shows

are done on my lot.



She's been trying

to get on that lot.



Robert. can you

get her on?



Nobody gets on my lot

without a pass.



I'm a security

guard. man.



Can you do it for me.

as a favor?



Ball breaker

break your balls?



She broke my heart.



Heart. balls... details.



Give me

one reason



why I should do anything

for this guy.



[ Imitating Brando In The Godfather ]

I'll owe you.



He'll owe you.






Tell you what--



I'll give you

one shot from there.



You make it.



I'll let

your girlfriend in.



You miss.

I get your car.



No problem.






No. no. no. no.



Billy boy.

this is Ghana.



You. my friend.



are shooting

for the Sudan.






Ha ha ha!






And a hook shot.



And a hook shot!



Don't look at me.



It's their court.

It's their rules.



You want me to punt it?



Can I use my right arm?



He can't make it.



This is the hook



This is the hook



Everybody. everybody.

jump up and look



This is the hook



This is the hook



Everybody. everybody.

jump up and look






This is Jeopardy!



Now entering the studio



are today's contestants.



An English teacher

from Spokane, Washington,



Dr. Leonard Allen.



A former disco queen



originally from Brooklyn,

New York,



Gloria Clemente.



And our returning champion,

a rocket scientist



from Pasadena, California,

Richard Andrews.



And now here is the host




Alex Trebek!



Thank you.Johnny Gilbert.



Hi. everyone.

Welcome to our program.



I hope you've seen

our last three shows.



Our champion

performed brilliantly.



averaging over    .   

for each win.



If our newcomers

Leonard and Gloria



hope to replace him

as champion.



they have their work

cut out for themselves.



Good luck to you all.

Let's play.



In this round.

there will be one daily double



in one

of these categories...







natural disasters.

books of the Bible. sports.



and finally. foods that

start with the letter ''Q.''



She knows seven foods

that start with ''Q.''



The champion always starts.



Sports. please. for     .



The first clue is...



- Wilt the Stilt.

- Chamberlain.



Who is Babe Ruth?



No. That is wrong.



Babe Ruth?



She's not good

at sports.



Correct. Pick again.



I'll change subjects

to superstitions for     .



Make a wish.

and break this.



a fowl's V-shaped clavicles.



What is a wishbone?






She's good.



Natural disasters

for     . please.



This volcano's eruption



buried the city

of Pompeii in     A.D.



What is

Mount Soovius?



I need a ruling on that.









That's close enough.



Yeah. Yes!



Foods that start

with the letter ''Q.''



A game bird related

to a partridge.



What is a quail?




She's into her shit now.



Foods that start with ''Q''

for    .



A custard pie often made

with cheese and bacon.



What is a quiche?






Foods with ''Q''

for    . please.



A large edible clam

of the Atlantic coast.



What is a quahog?






Foods with ''Q''

for    .



The answer there is...



the Daily Double.



Well. Gloria.

you lead with  .    .



You're performing




How much will you risk



on your knowledge of foods

that start with ''Q''?



All of it.



Oh. my God.



The forbidden fruit

in the Garden of Eden.



What is a quince?






Who knows

what a quince is?



As we begin

the DoubleJeopardy! round.



Leonard. you get to make

the first selection.



Popes for    .




He was pope



when America's first

Catholic president was inaugurated.



Who was John XXIII?






Popes for    .



His reign was the shortest

on record in--Gloria.



Who was John Paul I?



Ruling class

for    .



   th-century czar who--



Who is Peter the Great?



Who is the Emperor




Who is King George?



She's in the zone.



Who was Victoriano Huerta?



You are right.



What is a toadstool?



What is chlorophyll?






What are spores?



What is Australia?



What is

the Outer Hebrides?












[ Pounding ]






Billy. listen to me.



Even if Gloria

takes you back.



which would be

a fucking miracle.



don't blow it.



Listen to the woman




Women know shit.



Even if you don't know

what she's talking about.



just listen.



All right.



I'm sorry.

She doesn't want to see you.






Hey! I said she doesn't

want to see you.






It's locked.






It's OK.

It's all right.



There's another door. man.

You're on your own.



And remember.

you owe me--big.



All right. man.



All right?






All right...



don't say anything.

all right?



Just listen for a second.









I will never

bring you water



When you're thirsting

in our bed



You know I



Understand dry-mouthedness



And I sympathize instead



And if you take me

back again



I won't be

such a slob--



Let's screw.



I'd even trade

my sneakers in



For the part-time job.

my Gloria



My Gloria






My. my Gloria






I know that

you're angry



And you probably

want me dead



And I know screwing

is for carpenters



So let's make love




And I know

I'll get it wrong



So forgive me

in advance












My Gloria






Tell me the truth.



You didn't think that

Jeopardy! would call.



did you?



I must confess.

I didn't.



That's why you got to

trust me more.



You're right.

as usual.



I know.



I've been thinking

about the future.



- I really--

- Me. too.



The future is like

a whole new concept.



I mean. it's like...



I got to confess



that the summer pro league



isn't knocking down

my door.



There comes a time

in every man's life



when he has to get on

with his life.



I want you to take

 .    of my winnings.






I think

that's a bad idea.



No. it's a good idea.



Go buy yourself

some new clothes.



Not for me-- I like you

the way you are.



but you got to look good

on job interviews.



Job interviews?






I want you to aim high.



Well. I--I...



I want to aim high.



but I'm just nervous



about taking

your money again.



I'm afraid I might

do something stupid.



Take it.



I trust you.



[ Police Radio Transmission ]



They took everything.



I feel raped.



They took everything!



They wiped us out.

They took everything!



They took my TV.

the stereo.



my baby's crib.



What kind of human being

would steal a crib?



I've been trying

to reach you.



They took everything.







Who do you think?



Your TV. your stereo.




And they trashed

the place!



Oh. look

at this here!



I'll be goddamned!



Baby. we'll get

our stuff back.



You promised

to get me out of here.



They took our  .   .



Wiped us out.



I know somebody knows

what happened.



You can't take that stuff

and not see something.



You didn't have to

trash the place!



Fuck me!



I'm sorry.






I'm sorry.



I'm sorry

I lost it.



Baby. you don't have to

apologize to me.



I want a job.






All right.

You get a job.



Right now.

I'll figure out



how to get us out of

this goddamn building.



All right?



If I can win    .   

each week. right?



Times  .




for the annual title.



that'll give us...






We're rolling now.



I could take

some acting classes.



get on a soap.

do a little television.



I'll be ready for the big screen

in two years.



You're made

for the big screen.






It's Sidney.






Hey. Billy!









I've been

looking for you.



We got to talk--




What's this.

a macho dick thing?



Come on. now.



Can I watch?



Don't worry

about me. babe.



Billy. you got

some money?



A little. Why?



Eddie ''The King'' Faroo

and DuckJohnson are back.



They're working courts




They're cleaning up.



The King and Duck?

We can take them!



It costs  .   

to get in.



I got   grand. man!



Good. good.

Let's do this.



Hold it.

Hold it. Hold it.



Hold on. man.



I just got back together

with Gloria.



I don't know

how she'll react.



This money could

save my marriage.



With this score.

I could move in a week.



I don't think

she'll go for it.



Make her!

Fuck that.



You owe me.



I know. man. but I--



All right.

Enough man talk.



What's up?






you are so beautiful.



Sometimes I don't realize

how lucky I am.



You know something.




There is a big game




For money?



No! No. no.



Well. yeah.

I mean. a little bit.




Are you serious?



You're thinking about playing

with my money?



Your money?

You gave it to me!



To get a job!



I promised Sidney.




You promised me!



I promised you and him.



I owe you and him.



I'll give you

the winnings.



I don't care

about the money.



I don't want

the money!



What do you want?



I want you. stupid!



We can take these guys.

They're over the hill.



Look. Billy.

you gamble my money.



and we're through.



I promise

this is the last time.



Do you think that

I'm a fucking moron or something?



You take me

for an idiot?



All right.



All right.

I have a solution. OK?



I will guarantee victory.



I've never

offered that before.



I will guarantee victory.






We can guarantee

victory. Huh?






I love you. Billy.









All right. honey.



All right. Listen.

if you don't want to watch.



we'll just meet up

at the hotel later.



and we'll party.



We'll celebrate.



We're on a roll. honey.



We're on a roll!



We're on a roll!



Show him that

fly shit. Sidney.



Come on. Billy.

You got him. Sidney.



He can dunk.




You got him.

I got Billy.



All right.




shut him out!



Come on. Duck!



You got some money?



Hell. yeah.

I got   .



You got me.

I got Billy.



Pop! Pop! Pop!






Oh. yes!






Yes! Yes!




Sweet! Sweet!



'' D'' up!

'' D'' up!



Stay up.

Stay up on him.



Watch the pick!



Watch the back door!

Back door!



Yes! Come on.



Take it in.



Take it in. Sid!




All right. man!



Play some defense. Billy!



Dig this



I love the pearl



Ow! Where's my girl?






All the way.





Way to go.



Way to go. baby.












Get your hands up.



Come on. man!



Push it. Sidney.

In. baby. in!



My man!



Ah! Ya-haa!



Yeah. yeah!



Yeah. Sidney!



All of it

on the line.



   -   .



Point game.

Point game.



Got to put

the ball up. man.



You're gonna rock.

aren't you?



Come on with it.



Hit him hard. man.



Hit him hard.



Stay with him.

Stay with him.



You want to dance

or play basketball.




You going to dance

or play ball. man?



Watch him down low.



I got him.

I got him.



To the right!



Bringing it up.

Watch him! Watch him!



Give it up. man.



Watch the pick.






Hoo hoo!





















She's gone.



Oh. man!



Oh. man. Now.

that's not right.



That's not right.



I didn't lose

the money.



I doubled the money.



and I still

got it wrong.



How can that be?



She said

some crazy shit.



She said sometimes

when you win.



you actually lose

or tie.



but when you tie.

you actually win.



or some shit.



You got to

extract something



from an organic




Brother. I only have

four words for you--



listen to the woman.



What the hell

does that mean?



I tried to listen.



You talked me

out of it!



I presented an option.

and you took it.



You should have listened

to her. not me.



I should listen

to you now?



Yeah. I'm giving

you advice.



Who should I listen to?



You're a grown man.

Figure that out yourself.



Oh. shit.



[ Cocks Gun ]






The game is over. William.



Still hit the old jumper.

huh. Billy boy?



Where's the cash?



[ Camera Shutter Clicking ]



OK. Frankie.

That's enough.



That's good

for you guys?




We're all set.



We can finally show our face again

at Tipitina's.



The Stucci brothers

are back.



No hard feelings.

huh. Billy boy?









it's all

about respect.



You understand?






I respect you guys.



See you later.



Yo. man.

you all right?



Gloria is not

coming back.



Yeah. I know.



You know.

she's left me before.



lots of times.



She'll get to the door.



I'll talk fast.

she'll come back.



Or she'll get

out the door.



be gone

a couple of days.



and I'll play her a song.



and. you know.

she'll come back.



This is it.



She's gone.






Maybe you two

are better off



without each other.






Tell me something.




If I listen

to the woman.



do I have to agree

with her. too?



You listen.

That's a start.



I don't want to

stress you out.



Hmm hmm

Doo doo doo doo



Mmm hmmm



Hmm doo doo doo doo



I got to get a job.



Mmm hmm



Can you get me a job?



Mmm hmm hmm



Have you got

any references?






You're going to

be all right.



You're starting

to hear the music.



I can hearJimi now?



I didn't say that.

You can't hearJimi.



Jimi ain't music?



It is. but you can't




Don't be dissin'Jimi.



You just

learned that word.



How did you know

you put that pass



up high enough.

I could slam it?



Even the sun shines

on a dog's ass some days.



On a dog's ass?

Want to play me?



Don't start.



Hitting one dunk

don't mean you can play.



Putting a cat in an oven

don't make it a biscuit.



Your mama is so stupid.

it takes her   --



It takes her   hours

to watch    minutes.



Stop hurting yourself.



Mm hmm hmm...



Hey. man.



Smooth. baby.



You dropped

a    on them?



Yeah. If I don't take care

of my brothers. who will?



Yeah. If I don't take care

of my brothers. who will?



I'll bet you   

on our game.



I'm not playing you.



No. no. You misunderstand.



How could you look ugly

and still lose?



You calling me ugly?



Your mother did.

I got a right to.



Can you come out

and play?



Do you think you can hang

with a real man?



Can you come out

and play?



Do you think you can hang

with the real thing?



You were dressed up

that night



Uh. uh



You were

turnin' men away



Oh. baby



Girl. you were so fine



Ooh. I. I couldn't let you

get away
























To the beat. y'all



To the beat. y'all



To the beat. y'all






Sometimes you have to do



What you gotta do



To even out the score



That's right



Don't ever fake the game



It's not a sure thing



Hold on

and jam it through



Bet your bottom dollar



That you can

make them holler



Don't you know that

white men can't jump?



Yeah. yeah



And if you say it louder



Then you might

make me prouder



Don't you know that

white men can't jump?



White men can't jump



To the beat. y'all



To the beat. y'all



Don't you know that

white men can't jump?



Yeah. yeah






Area code



Berdoo hick. a new dip

of a showroom stick



Going hell-for-leather

on metal clip



Pullin' it.

I got to deal with it



Throw the body in the trunk

and get rid of it



That's how I'm livin'.

givin'. AK-  



Got to be out by    



Gangster sniper.

grow hyper



Disguised himself

as a window wiper



Stood there

through the glass



Get the gat. it's dead



I gotta think fast



Movin'. always thinkin'.

droppin' three skin



The body bag's stinkin'



Everyone's thinkin'.

goin' big. till I slip in



Tie you up

and start whippin'



Help move the bit

to a new level




of the brown devil






Area code



Come on.

we goin' down like this



Come on



I'm going up



And I won't come down



There's no regrets



In this world

I've found



I can hear music



Of a joyful sound



I'm going up



And I won't come down



I'm going up



And I won't come down



I ain't coming down.



Look for the hook



Look for the hook



Everybody. everybody.

here comes the hook



Went to the studio

to make another hit



The tempo being funky.

this is funky as it get



If you trip.

watch your lip



With a quick pass.

then tip fast



Like I did when I cut class--

still passed



Mommy was a teacher.

and Daddy was a cop



So I was born a brain

with a very good shot



Jersey born and bred

in an old one-horse 'stead



That's where

I got my practice



Building bloods

with the hardheads



Yeah. I'm a roughneck

with a rough threat



Wanna step? Bet



No. this ain't a prank.

it's a death threat



From Latifah. the big chief.

for all of y'all to look



Here comes the hook



This is the hook



This is the hook



Everybody. everybody.

jump up and look



This is the hook



This is the hook



Everybody. everybody.

jump up and look



Left hook. uhh



Right hook. uhh



Left hook. uhh



Right hook. uhh



Left hook. uhh



Right hook. uhh



Left hook. uhh



Right hook. uhh


Special help by SergeiK