Who Is Cletus Tout? Script - Dialogue Transcript

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Who Is Cletus Tout? Script



          Oh... what's the name

          of that Burt Reynolds picture with the banjo?

          Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah

          that one with that retarded kid.

          He was good, that guy.

          Yeah, he was good.


          Coupla nights ago, me and Denise

          we popped that into the DVD.

          We're about an hour into this thing

          and I start thinking to myself

            "this story ain't very realistic."

            You're a lonely mountain man.

            They're destroying your home.

            They've taken your job.

            There is no place to set your still.

            You are angry- they've destroyed

            everything that validates your manhood.

            You're confused; your sexuality is in question.

            You decide you're going to hit for the other side.

            You want yourself some man meat-

            I understand that- but wouldn't you wait

            for Burt Reynolds to come downriver?

            Two... drifters

            off to see the world

            there's such a lot of world

            to see...

            we're after the same...

            rainbow's end...

            waitin' 'round the bend

            my Huckleberry friend



            and me.

            This is critical Jim, the hit man.

            He loves two things: his job and old movies.

            This is me- Finch.

            I'm his mark.

            He thinks I'm Cletis Tout.

            I have Tout.

            Gladstone hotel, # .

            Transfer funds to Telmark Konickson.

            "M" as in McQueen.

             - - - - - - - 

            "F," as in Fonda.

            "T" as in Tracy

            "K" as in Kubrick.

            You've got    minutes or I let him go.

            Terrific film.

            It's almost hypnotic.

            You know why?

            The third act.

            It has a third act.



            No, thanks.

            You don't see that in movies these days.

            These days... it's all about the gimmick.

            Great set up...

            Great first act...

            ...then, "let's blow something up."

            When you concentrate on the gimmick

            and you shortchange the ending

            the audience leaves unfulfilled.

            Man, there's nothing like...

            ...a great movie.

            I love the movies.

            I mean, the old movies

            you know, where it was all about the story.

            I've got a story.

            I'll bet you do.

            Yeah, yeah, this one's got it all-

            prison break, jewel heist...


            Pitch me.

            Pinch you?

            Pitch me.

            It's a Hollywood thing.

            It's where the asshole with all the power

            you know, makes you dance like a monkey.

            What's in it for me?

            Maybe you get to live a little longer.

             Maybe if your story's so good

              when that pager rings, I might forget where I am...

              I'm at the movies.

              Nobody remembers their job at the movies.

              Uh, well, let's see, uh...

              I think it was      New York City...

              no, no. No, no, no.

              No one will shoot in New York.

              It's way too expensive.

              Let's call it "city non-specific."

              And the whole thing's in the '  s?

              No, no, just the... just the beginning.

              Like a flashback.



              I love the flashback-

              much maligned, oft-misunderstood flashback.

              Pitch me.

              It was     ...

              the uh, the city's diamond exchange.

              There was a magician...

              well done.

              What time was it?

              I need to get a feel

              for the setting.

              Uh,  :   p.m.- Closing time.

              My apologies, sister.

              Mr. Tobias

              the school day ends at  :   p.m. Promptly.

              We're not a baby-sitting service.

              No time to talk, sister.

              Watch this.

              What's this?


              That's not it, is it?

              Is that how it ends?

              He just buries the diamonds in a field?

              No, no, that's not it.

              It's just the beginning.

              It was, uh, september, almost three weeks to the day.

              I was serving seven years in the federal pen

              in north carolina-

              fraud, forgery, passports, documents.

              I gave people new identities.

              If you wanted to disappear, I was the guy you called.

              Micah Tobias- aka the magician.

                 years grand theft.

              The take: diamonds.

              Market value: $ .  million, never recovered.

              I got your birds.

              My job: two homing pigeons, camera, Kodachrome film

              and an escape plan.

              My take: a cool million.

              This day, we became partners.

              I got your birds.

              Are they marked?

              The address you gave me.

              Camera and film?

              Already in your cell.

              Alvie, I was under the impression

              this being a communal garden

              we'd all take a vote before we move the scarecrow.

              I woke up this morning

              and found out that for the past two months

              you've had your fist up my ass.

              I don't like your fist in my ass, Finch.

              Any free hand in this yard steals for me.

              You want anything, you come to me.

              That's the deal.

              That's how it works!

              Any questions?

              I don't know where you did your MBA work

              but I believe you're confusing "deal"

              which is an arrangement for mutual benefit...

              with extortion.

              Iisten, you mother-fuckin' cocksucker

              you don't know me.

              I could cut your head right off!

              Stand down now!

              You got a problem with that, henry?

              Iights out, men. Lights out.

              Micah, how's it look?

              Pretty good.

              Iast chance.

              I'll be out of here soon enough.

              We should stick to the original plan.

              You know he's going to try and kill you.

              I'll be okay.

              Come on!

              Got to move it!

              Move through the dirt.

              Single file for mess.

              Drop down!

              Finch, get in!


              With me?

              I'm here.

              You all right?


              All right, we go on three.

              One... two... three.

              Come on.

              Let's go, come on.


              One word, three syllables.

              The clue is: a need to disappear.



              Finch! I thought you were in jail!

              No, I'm in a lot of trouble.

              I need your help.

              I need... I need a kit, and I need a body.

              Where are you?

              I'm in the city.

              There's a safe house on the east side.

              A bar called fillmore's.

              Can you get there?


              Ask for Delores.

              Tell her Savian sent you.

              She'll know what to do.

              I got a friend.


                -year-old caucasian male

              approximately five-nine,     pounds.

              I'll see what I can do.

              Where the hell you been?

              Well, I couldn't hide them in my jacket forever, could I?

              Quite a deal, this cage.

              Look at this- got a faux bottom.


              You can hide things in it and everything.

              God, the magician in me just loves this stuff.

              You're not Cletis Tout.


              I've got a strong feeling that before the day is out

              someone's going to make use of that

              rather expressive, though somewhat old-fashioned, term:

              foul play.

              "Rebecca," United Artists,     .

              If you're not Tout, who are you?

              I'm Finch.


              Cletis Tout was a bottom-feeder.

              Called himself a video journalist

              but he was really just a thug

              with a camera.

              Worked alone.

              His client list included all those tabloid shows.

              His mark was anybody who made their living in the public eye.

              There was a bachelor party for some mobster's son-

              kid named Rowdy Virago.

              His dad, "Paulie the fist," ran

              a little group called the vissari crime family.

              Rowdy was high-profile.

              He liked that movie star status

              but every time he put his face in front of a flashbulb

              there was trouble.

              Now Rowdy was tapped to take over the family.

              He was an untouchable.

              You can only imagine what price the tabloids would pay

              for one shining moment in this little Alice's wonderland...

              but Tout could imagine it.

              He made it his mission to bring Virago down.

              They picked up a hooker about   :  ...

              took her to a loft downtown.

              Tout was there.

              Tout thinks he's hit the jackpot.

              Virago's got a bit of a problem:

              he likes it rough.

              Tonight he's got a bigger problem:

              she likes it rough, too.

              That's when things went wrong.

              He's got the poor girl by the throat.

              Tout made three copies of the tape.

              One he kept for himself

              the second he mailed to a neighbor

              and a third he mailed to paulie the fist.

              Now here's the heir to the most powerful crime family

              in the city, and now he's on the chopping block.

              They got rid of the body, and nobody'd come calling.

              They thought they were home free

              until Tout stuck his nose in.

              So they decided to kill him.

              This is impossible. Fuck it.

              I ain't pushin' no more.

              Maybe he's got his foot on the brake.

              Man, for a dead guy, he drives good.

              I got his hands wired to the fuckin' wheel.

              Oh. What's the name of that, uh, fancy place?

              The one that, uh, makes all the donuts

              with the sprinkles.

              Oh, yeah, that place.

              Ronnie Savalla's sister works over there.

              You know, I think she's a man.

              Yeah. She looks good.

              You know, she's keeping the, uh, sideburns short.

              You smell smoke?


              All right, then, here's what we got-

              we got a man approximately six feet tall.

              Uh, looks like he pissed somebody off

              'cause they shaked and baked him before they shot him.

              Any weapon?

              Yeah, small-caliber machine gun.

              What's different about you?


              You know something? you do look different.

              I, uh...

              work out a little more lately, you know.

              Eating a lot of fruit.

              I went on a colon cleanse.

              You need roughage

              why don't you eat the hairpiece?

              Oh, that's it!

              You got a piece!

              Hell, yo, that... it's nice.

              It's nice.

              It was a hot afternoon.

              I can still remember the smell of honeysuckle

              all along that street.

              How could I have known

              that murder can sometimes smell like honeysuckle?

              "Double Indemnity," Paramount,     .

              The film's strength is deftly crafted use

              of the flashback.

              Now here's my question:

              can we have a flashback within a flashback?

              God, I hate this place.

              What have we got?

              Some hotshot named Savian.

              Forensic pathologist, works for the FBI.

              He was in with the bodies

              for about ten minutes this morning.

              What'd our guy come up with?

              Nothing on the male.

              The female?

              Eh, they're pretty sure

              that she was strangled.

              - Pretty sure? - Yeah.


              No coffee in here.

              This isn't "Quincy."

              It'll be our little secret, huh?

              So, what do we have for lunch?

              Jane Doe number  - - -Charlie.

              Caucasian, female

                 years old.

              Five foot, six inches tall.


              You guys have done a print search

              blood work, stomach analysis.

              As far as you can tell, she liked hot dogs

              and may have been strangled.

              Do you know the first thing

              I look at when I see a body like this?

              The tits. Straight for the tits.

              I mean, look at this.

              She's like a carnival ride.

              Saline implant.

              The only company who makes this model, Johnson Levy.

              Behind every bag is a serial number.

              Behind every serial number

              there's a name.


              meet Merrill Candide.

              I found four different types

              of spermicidal jelly- the type used in condoms.

              Now either Merrill and her sweetheart

              have been sampling rubbers or sweet little Candide is...?

              She's a hooker.

              Would somebody get kojak a sucker?

              What killed her?

              Compression scars on the neck...


              The lady's been strangled.

              It's all in the file.

              I'm going to need another day for the hot-rodder-

              you know, barbecue boy next door.

              All I got is small-caliber machine gun

              five gallons of gas and a match.

              And you say the only thing that links these two

              is the area where they were found?

              That's right.

              Dr. Savian, phone call, line one.

              Thank you.


              One word, three syllables.

              The clue is: a need to disappear.



              Finch, I thought you were in jail.

              Hiya, Finch.


              I know we don't have a lot of time

              and I don't want to know anything.

              I'm going to keep it clean and I'm going to keep it simp...

              Micah Tobias.

              Not for long.

              This is a freebie.

              You kept me out of jail by keeping your mouth closed.

              I thank you.

              My wife thanks you.

              My children thank you.

              This is the last time you'll hear from me.

              And I know this is the last time I'll hear from you.

              Here's your package.

              You have a computer, laser printer, camera

              plenty of film

              paper for photographs.

              You have your trim kit.

              There's enough here to make you both

              driver's licenses

              supporting id, the whole nine yards.

              Passports, I have a problem.

              I can't access one of the numbers

              without fingers pointing.

              Finch, this is going to be your job.

              You are now marcel zavoya.

                -year-old unemployed office worker.

              We found him with his head in the oven.

              His passport number I have.

              This is you.

              Be careful with this one, man.

              Somebody set fire to the poor bastard.

              I have his address and his vitals.

              I even have his keys.

              I found them three inches deep, in his thigh.

              You're going to have to go to his house

              and find his passport.

              How much time you going to need?

              Couple of weeks.

              We, uh, we got a few things we got to take care of.

              You got $      in cash.

              It'll take you most places you want to go.

              This is a gift... from my wife.

              Spend the night here tonight.

              Leave everything you don't absolutely need.

              There's a rack with clothes.

              Tomorrow, you are dead

              and I never want to hear from you again.

              My brother, it is so good to see you again.

              Good to be seen.

              Marcel, au revoir.


              Take a look at this.

              You've been completely reinvented.

              You are now officially marcel zavoya.

              There's your passport, birth certificate...

              driver's license.

              You got to wear your corrective lenses to drive.

              You're an official

              card-carrying member of the aarp-

              no senior should be without it.

              And the coup de grace, your sag card.

              It's a dream you always wanted to pursue.

              Now that the kids are grown, you finally found that "me" time.

              Now for me

              I got to get Tout's passport number.

              That's first on the list.

              You can't dope the number?

              I don't want to chance it.

              Pick the wrong number, it's over.

              It shouldn't be a problem, though.

              It says here the guy is a journalist.

              My guess is, he has one.

              Now the real question is

              when do you want to go after those diamonds?

              What are you doing?

              Hi, daddy.


              You know, it's funny-

              in all the time I spent with the old man

              he never once mentioned he had a daughter.

              He found her.

              I couldn't fault him for it.

              Yeah, I was only along out of circumstance.

              I left them alone for the time being.

              I was sure they had some catching up to do

              more than    years worth.

              Besides, I had other things on my mind.

              I needed that passport number.

              Hello, mr. Tout.

              It is Tout

              isn't it?

              So, you're my new neighbor.

              I can tell you one thing-

              I cannot wait for that neighborhood watch meeting.

              This came for me today.

              Naughty, naughty.

              The note said for me to hold onto it

              Till I heard from you.

              It also said not to open it.


              First floor:


              Next stop, mr. Tout, the basement.

              The dirty, dirty basement.


              It's just Mrs. Stanton.

              Her hobby is anything I do!

              It's gotten to be

              where I can't even bring anyone home anymore.

              But you... you're already home.

              Stop in for a drink sometime.

              I'm up late.

              Very, very late.

              Detective Delaney, please.

              Oh, Detective, I didn't expect to get you so late.

              Well, this is doris stanton.

              You remember that you asked me

              to let you know if mr. Tout came by?

              Well, he's at home right now.

              We'll send somebody over right away.

              You got a big problem.

              You got the wrong guy.

              He's at home right now

              and if you hurry, you can catch him

              but don't kill him in the building

              and if you do... whack the old lady in number nine.

              Hello, dip and shit.

              How's your supper?

              What's wrong?

              You killed the wrong guy, that's what's wrong, putzo.

              That's impossible.

              I give you a simple job

              and all you two can do is blow so much smoke up my ass

              it's a miracle I ain't died of rectal cancer!

              We got a bead on him?

              He's at home right now.

              Now, you take the car and you do it right this time.

              You hit him outside.

              You get him a couple miles away from the place.

              I don't want anybody seeing you do this.

              And dump him body on the west side this time!

              You got a paper trail helen keller could follow!

              We should eat first.

              Who the fuck's Helen Keller?

              Mr. Tout?

              Mr. Tout?

              Passport's nowhere to be found.

              I think this Tout was in serious trouble.

              You should see the gig they pulled on his apartment.

              Iooks like a dump site.

              On top of that, I'm officially paranoid.

              I could swear I was being followed.

              Finch, we got a plan.

              Yeah, what's that?

              Tomorrow, we go for the diamonds.


              What, she knows?

              What the hell are you doing?

              You know better than to tell some dame.

              - Dame? - Let me ask you something.

              Do you have any idea what you're getting

              involved with?

              You're aiding and abetting a fugitive. That's a felony.

              Did you actually just call me a dame?

              What, you've been in prison since the '  s?

              You think you're in the rat pack?

              Listen, Ma Barker...

              that's it.

              I'm not listening to another word from this guy.

              You're not in charge, all right?

              I-I'm a career criminal. I should be in charge.

              I'm the superhero of crime.

              I should have a big "C" on my chest.


              I like this girl.

              She's like the classic film ingenue-

              bright, complicated, but with a softer side...

              Iike katharine hepburn.

              And you know what else?

              I think the old man knew this was coming.

              That's why he brought her along.

              This supposed to impress me?

              She's okay because she breaks into a- a pottery shop?

              This isn't a crime; this is... this is embarrassing.

              Breaking into a bank, that's a crime.

              When's the last time

              you broke into someplace with a key?

              About two hours ago.

              Well, at least it'll make

              for some story in the prison mess.

              "What are you in for?" "Broke into a kiln."

              Better yet, when the judge asks me

              how do I plead

              I'll just give him that glazed look.

              Daddy, I put together some things.

              Uh, sweetheart, that's all well and good

              if you're stealing the hope diamond.

              Fortunately, we're just trying to break into a field

              and, uh... you know how I feel about that.

              What is that, a gun?

              You keep a gun in a pottery shop?

              Oh, I just...

              I love this one.

              What is it?

              It's an urn.

              Ah. An urn.

              That explains the gun.

              You okay?

              Oh, god. Oh, it's incredible.

              How many people die

              or get killed in this city every day?

              And the one guy I choose to be

              is the only dead guy in the city

              Everybody wants to kill.

              Micah, see anything out there?






              Oh, god!

              Wait, wait.

              Wait, wait, wait. What happened? Did they get him?

              I mean, he just found her.

              He's got to give her

              The diamonds to make things right.

              Did-did he have time to say good- bye?

              He didn't die right there?

              Well, that's really all kind of a blur, you know?

              I, uh...

              just remember bits and pieces.

              He said he wanted to go to the park.

              We were all alone.

              He said he wanted me to take care of her.

              Made me promise him.

              There was a feather.

              He said...

              "there's magic in something as simple as a feather."

              Whatever the heck that means.

              And then he died.


              Guess what, fuckos? you missed again.

              Yeah,     rounds

              and the only damage is a ceramic bath set

              and a   -year-old man.

              Iet me ask you something.

              Is this some sort of master plan?

              You kill all Tout's associates so we got nobody to play with?

              What, we trying to bore him to death here?

              Huh? Make him so despondent

              at the thought of no buddies that he puts a gun in his mouth?

              What the fuck's wrong with you?!

              Call Critical Jim.

              So, um, how many people have you killed?

              "I don't believe I've ever killed a man

              that didn't deserve it."

              "The Shootist," Warner Brothers,     .

              Hey, look, killing's a business.

              The truth is, they all deserved it.

              Hey, I have a reputation.

              I clean up people's dirty little secrets.

              When that pager rings

              that mean you're going to kill me?

              "Haven't you learned the rules

              "of probability and outcomes?

              "Aren't you aware that every question

              "of life or death

              remains a probability until the outcome?"

              "Heaven can wait." Paramount.


              Have you ever been to a movie?

              Tell me more about the girl.

              Well, we hadn't spoken in about a week.

              I tried to contact her after Micah died

              but she'd have nothing of it.

              So, I checked in here at the gladstone.

              Couldn't get the old man's voice out of my head.

              Four years I spent with him

              and all I could think about was the last thing he said to me.

              "Take care of her."

              I can't even take care of myself.

              And then it hit me.



              I think I know how to find the diamonds.

              What? I thought we could partner up on this thing.

              You know, I mean, split it   /  .

              Honor among thieves and all.

              Don't let me into your group.

              You're the superhero of crime.

              You're the one with the big "C" on his chest, remember?

              Obviously, you do.

              Iook, I'm not splitting anything with you   /  .

              Do you know why?

              Because there should be some sort of a clause

              a jiggins clause.

              Do you know what a jiggins is?

              It's a congenital idiot, a mongoloid.

              So, every time you do something stupid

              every time you give me the jiggins

              I take five percent.

              Now, it's been one week with the map.

              That was stupid. That's a jiggins-   /  .

              Hey, this has nothing to do with your dad.

              This is about you.

              You're-you're greedy.

              You just want it all for yourself.

              It's not the diamonds. I want the box.

              I just want the box.

              You've obviously touched a nerve.

              The box- it must mean something to her.

              Tess, come on.

              What do you want from me?

              I'll tell you what I want.

              I want you to shut your pie hole!

              Okay, look, I'm coming up, all right?

              Jiggins!   /  .

              Look, how many times

              do I have to say I'm sorry?



                /  .

              It's not a jiggins.

              It's a mistake.

              I mean, it's dark up here.

              I can't see anything.

              Failure to comprehend the concept.

              Jiggins.   /  .

              Let me ask you a question.

              Are you possessed by the devil?

              Hmm. That's funny. Very funny.

              And I don't mean "ha-ha" funny.

              I mean, "I've been in prison for    years

              and feel comfortable in pumps" kind of funny.

              Ha. Suppression of sexual tendencies.

              Not very evolved.

              Jiggins.   /  .

              Okay, that's it. I got my own clause.

              Tell me if you know what this word means, all right?

              What the hell is all this crap?

              You're a freak.

              Oh, is that your clause?

              'cause that was, uh, nine words.

              Well, eight with a contraction.

              I mean, you asked me

              if knew what a word meant.

              That's singular. "Word" is singular.

              "What's all this crap? You're a freak" is plural

              in terms of words, anyway.

              Oh, no, it's singular.

              Why? because I'm running them all together

              because this is my word, my clause

              the-the "what's all this crap? You're a freak" clause

              known henceforth as "the clause."

              Now, every time you break the clause

              I take back ten percent.

              Let's see how many times you've broken the clause.

              How about ever since I met you?

              Do you know what that means?

              You not only owe me    %

              of that map, but for the next    years

              you have to kiss my red, rosy, puckered crack.

              Ooh. That was nice.

              Real descriptive.

              "Kiss my rosy, red, puckered crack."

              I should shoot you right now.

              Wow. I'm just telling you what happened.

              I, uh... I didn't realize I was going to be critiqued here.

              What's my name?

              Excuse me?

              Critical Jim.

              Say it.

              Critical Jim.

              What do you suppose that means?

              Where are we going now?

              Uh, after the diamonds.

              Under the old man's tree?

              That's right.

                /  .

              Tess found the old man's tree or what was left of it...

              and the diamonds, they were safe...

              safe behind the walls of a minimum- security prison.

              Now, we're moving.

              Classic plot twist.

              They'll never see it coming.

              Now, if you'd just get this love story off the ground

              We'd have ourselves a picture.

              It's late in the second act, and we need a back story.

              All right.

              Who is this girl?

              The girl.

              What's the deal with the birds?

              They're homing pigeons.

              When my father went to prison

              they were the only way we could communicate.

              It actually works?

              I thought it was just some story from the war.

              Yeah, he had them tagged

              to the house my foster family lived in.

              Where was your mom?

              She died when I was six.

              Oh. Sorry.

              When I was eight, I was moved to another foster family

              and the birds never came back.

              I thought for sure he'd forgotten me.

              He found me.

              What's so important about the box?

              It's just this dumb little picture.


              Here you go.


              Are you crying?



              This thing's worse than "terms of endearment."

              But at least we have our tag line.

              I mean...

              "you thought it was hard breaking out of prison-

              try breaking in."

              You are going to break in again.

              You got to get the box

              and then it means so much to her.

              When I get like this, I hate it.

              Hey, hey, what are you doing?

              It's for the story. Make it much more interesting.

              Use your hands now.

              Gesture, all right.

              All right, what we need now is some action

              some bang-bang shoot- 'em- up action

              just like when I first met you.

              The diamonds were a moot point...

              or were they?

              I was on my way back to the gladstone.

              My worst fear wasn't getting caught.

              My worst fear was getting killed.

              I was a man with a death sentence.

              Somebody wanted me dead, but why?

              Then it hit me.

              The tape.

              The Maltese falcon.

              My god, they wanted the Maltese falcon.

              So I waited until it got dark

              and I went back to Tout's.

              "This is my life.

              "It always will be.

              "There's nothing else- just us and the camera

              and those wonderful people out there in the dark."

              "All right, Mr. Demille.

              I'm ready for my close-up."

              "Sunset Boulevard."

              Paramount,     .

              Well, hello, captain naughty.

              Somebody's in all kinds of trouble.


              Oh, my puckish little rogue.

              So tired of running from the law?

              The law?

              The law.

              The big, strapping law.

              We know your little secret.

              You're part dillinger and part adonis.

              Could you guys just excuse me for a couple of minutes?

              I'll be right with you.

              Oh, yo, man, look.

              Hey, you know what?

              That shit ain't right.

              Hey, we gotta finish...

              I'm for real, man!

              You make me...

              Look. Look at me, brother!

              Come here, man!

              Come here!

              What's your problem, bitch?

              Whoa, whoa, whoa.

              First thing is

              I'm not your bitch.

              I'm a concerned citizen

              and I don't like what you're doing to my country.

              Well, that's great

              Captain America.

              What are you going to do about it, huh?

              Hey! I like that Captain America nickname.

              How about Captain American?

              The last four letters intrigue me.

              "I can"!

              That should be

              a fucking motto around here.

              What can you do when people

              start doing bullshit like this?

              You know what?

              I can kill them.

              That's what I can do.

              You know what I want you to do right now?

              Come over here and draw

              on your buddy's head right here

              "I will not deface these United States of America"

              and the rest of you, all of you

              pull out your paint and your crayons

              and start defacing each other.

              Right now!

              I thought you little fuckers liked tattoos.

              Come on! let's start painting!

              That, my friend, is how you button a scene-

              classic john wayne don't mess with america.

              You're a true patriot.

              You know who you sound like?

              Jack Nicholson.

              Anybody ever tell you that?


              Now we're ready for the third act.

              I know how to get the diamonds.

              Do you know how to fire a gun?


              My name is Cletis Tout.

              I have reason to believe that my life is in danger.

              You'll never guess who just walked into the   th precinct.


              Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

              Have they seen the tape?

              Evidently, he didn't mention the tape.

              He claims to have seen it all

              with his own two eyes.

              I'll kill that shit and fuck his whole family!

              Cops are going to want to question you.

              What do I do?

              You do nothing.

              We need to get to Tout.

              So what do you think?

              Got an awful lot of the right information.

              Rowdy Virago?

              Pretty amazing charge.

              Would you like to take a little ride?

              No, you can leave the birds.

              Mr. Tout, there are four corpses here.

              Please point out the woman you saw Rowdy Virago kill.

              This is the girl.

              Iet the record state that Mr. Tout identified

              Merrill Candide.

              Dr. Savian.


              This is Cletis Tout.

              He just named a suspect in our triple homicide.

              Nice to see a man like you these days.

              Nice to be seen.

              Mr. Tout, you recognize this man?

              Uh... no.

              What makes you think

              someone's trying to kill you, Mr. Tout?

              I got a little greedy with the wrong bunch.

              Instead of coming to you guys first

              I went to the source.

              Now what exactly is it

              you do for a living, Mr. Tout?

              I'm a photojournalist.

              I take pictures.

              Compromising pictures.

              Huh, sounds more like extortion to me.

              Hey, guys, I'm going to get a coffee.

              Anybody need any?

              - No. - I'm fine.

              Meet you outside.


              Oh, get down!

              Go, go, go!

              All right, here's where we're at.

              I just talked to the da.

              We're going to put you up in a safe house.

              That place off crown.

              Rosedale Mansion?

              No, no, no safe house.

              It's too dangerous.

              They can get to me there.

              You got a better suggestion?

              I want to go to jail.

              I don't get it. Who goes to jail unless they have to?

              This guy's on the make.

              I can smell it. It's too smart.

              What jail did he say he wanted to go to?

              Cleary brand.

              That minimum security?


              Well, maybe he's on the story.

              Check in with cleary brand, all right?

              See if they got anybody important inside.

              Delaney, I want you to find out everything

              about our mr. Tout, all right?

              Go to his house, talk to his neighbors.

              Horst, go to the tv show he works for.

              Raff and I will work the streets

              see if we can pin this on Virago.

              About the only good thing I can think of

              is if he's in jail, he ain't going nowhere.

              It was agreed upon

              that I should be given no special privileges

              the thought being I would draw no undue attention to myself.

              I made only two requests:

              that I be able to keep my birds with me at all times

              and that I be allowed to keep up with my gardening.

              I told them it leveled my head.

              Now why do you suppose he's digging there?

              I don't know...

              but I'm so goddamned intrigued by this guy

              I'd just about let him drop a shovel anywhere.

              The plan was perfect.

              I had an answer for everything.

              Shh, shh, shh, shh.

              - Any luck? - No.

              Oh, me neither, man.

              I just can't put a finger on Tout.

              Nobody can.

              You know, the guy thinks he's a secret agent.

              That journal show he works for-

              you know what they call him?

              Bells and whistles.

              Costumes, face paint, mustaches, anything to get the story.

              Nobody knows who he is.

              I don't think they want to.

              Evidently our mr. Tout's a real piece of work.

              Something's not right.

              It's like we're getting all the right answers

              but from the wrong stool pigeons.

              Do me a favor, all right?

              Call cleary brand, pull Tout's prints.

              We're going to cross-check him against the FBI computer.

              Come on.


              You got a visitor.

              You'll only have a few minutes.

              Visiting hours are only until  :   p.m.

              Any gross conduct

              and the visit will be terminated.

              There are families present.

              You may hold hands, you may kiss.

              Once again, we ask discretion with regards to this act.

              If you wish to terminate the visit

              just wave and I'll be over presently.

              So what do you got for me?

              Union Station.

              The locker south of the clock.

              The key is with the blind man

              at the paper stand under the clock.

              He's a friend of mine.

               He's there from  :   in the morning

                Till   :   at night.

                And the, uh... the diamonds?

                Uh, the gladstone hotel.

                Your room's been taken care of for the month.

                They're in a small box

                behind the tv.

                You'll find them just next to the cable port.

                You have a plan?

                A plan?

                I just want to get the heck out of here.

                You know, you should probably do the same thing.

                I mean, get out of the city.

                Already taken care of.

                Thought I'd try the train.

                I guess it's, uh, the romantic in me.

                First class to canada.

                  :   p.m.

                The three of us leave tonight.

                "The three of us"?

                The birds.

                Oh. Right.

                That's too bad.

                I mean, uh, I was growing kind of fond of the little one.

                Well... if you break out in time

                I'm... sure she'd love to say good-bye.

                Your eyes are, uh... they're green.

                I could've sworn they were brown.

                Um, your picture...

                sorry, folks.

                Kiss her and say good-bye.

                Time to go.

                Tell tripp I need to see him.

                The plan had gone off without a hitch.

                In retrospect, I guess

                I really only made one mistake:


                I was in love with her, and I let her go.

                What, does my desk look like a lounge to you?

                You got nothing to do?

                The FBI called. Your print search is in.

                They're moving him to Rosedale Mansion.

                They got him at Rosedale Mansion.

                Call Critical Jim.

                There's a diner across the street

                from the hotel.

                You go there just in case.

                You don't do anything unless you hear from me.

                You understand?


                And don't improvise.

                - What if the guy...? - Don't!

                You'll fuck it up!

                You two cheese dicks couldn't improvise a fart

                after eating a three-bean salad.

                Now get the fuck out of here!


                I hope you're sitting down because you won't believe this.

                What is it?

                Well, our print search came in

                and your mr. Tout hasn't been behind a video camera

                for the past four years.

                He's been in front of one.

                Under surveillance at a little

                maximum security prison in North Carolina.

                You don't say?

                Iieutenant tripp

                may I introduce you to trevor Finch-

                escaped con.

                Hey, Finch.


                We'll bring him in.

                Iook, you don't want me.

                You've got three murders to deal with.

                One of them's a friend of mine.

                I've got enough evidence to help you bust these guys.

                You just got to hear me out.

                Iook at this.

                It's limp toast.

                Iook at this.

                Stuff's fuckin' filthy.

                What are you doing?

                It's filthy fuck.

                It's a fork.

                It ain't jewelry.

                How'd you like to take a ride

                down to union station?

                I got to tell you, Finch.

                That's one interesting line of bullshit.

                Break out of jail and fall right into a hit.

                I just can't wait to see where it goes from here.

                Oh, what's the name of that

                Burt Reynold's picture with the banjo?

                Oh, yeah, yeah.

                The one with that retarded kid.

                He was good, that guy.

                Yeah, he was good. He was good.


                Cletis Sherman Tout.

                Born october        .

                Christ, it's almost perfect.

                One question:

                why jail?

                I'm comfortable there.

                When somebody's trying to kill you

                you go where you feel safe.

                You keep your mouth shut

                there isn't a safer place than jail.

                And the birds?

                The old man's homing pigeons.

                Can't really track a bird, you know?

                I had a friend on the outside

                trying to get me out of the country.

                Your sexuality is in question.

                You decide you're going to hit for the other side.

                You want yourself

                some man meat.

                I understand that.

                But wouldn't you wait for Burt Reynolds

                to come downriver?

                Ah. Yeah, you're right.

                I mean, who says to themselves

                "hey, I want to bang that fat guy"?


                I think you have to approach this

                from the mountain man's point of view.

                It's a self-esteem issue really.

                If you lose your job-

                you're not feeling good about yourself-

                you generally settle for less.

                You look for the weaker members of the herd.

                Yeah. Yeah, you hump the one with the limp.

                That's good.

                Yeah, I guess you could say that.

                I'm sorry.

                That ain't right.

                You know what kills me?

                Virago's going to walk.


                He murdered that poor girl, and you can't make it stick-

                tape or no tape.

                What are you talking about?

                We both know the system.

                You know why justice wears a blindfold-

                so she doesn't have to watch.

                I mean, justice isn't blind, it's embarrassed.

                I've been in trouble with the law

                ever since I can remember.

                Made some mistakes, but I paid my dues.

                Never did anything to hurt anybody.

                You got three bodies in that morgue.

                You're going to get your tape- your hard evidence

                to put Virago away, but once his attorneys discover

                that Tout was a fabrication, they'll bury it.

                I mean, you created Tout-

                what other evidence did you doctor?

                I can create any image I want on a computer.

                That's what I went to jail for in the first place.

                And you know they're going to figure that out.

                Wouldn't you rather not have to deal

                with any of that at all?

                I'm not the bad guy here.

                Let me disappear.

                Two months, I would have made parole anyway.

                You take the tape, you can make it stick.

                I only need you to do one thing-

                I need you for once in your life to look the other way.


                Russ, you're not going to believe

                what's on this tape.

                Call Horst.

                Have him send a couple of units down

                to the empire social club.

                Send a cruiser to pick me up.


                I'll be in front of the diner

                across the street.

                Hey, listen, Tout...

                I'm going to run down to the diner for some coffee.

                Can I get you something while I'm out?

                Not a thing.

                Number eight.

                They were all there, the diamonds, all of them.

                Tess had left me her half.

                She got what she wanted.

                She got her picture.

                You've all volunteered for a mission

                which gives you just three ways to go.

                You can foul up in training and be shipped back here

                for immediate execution of sentence

                Or you can foul up in combat

                in which case I will personally blow your brains out.

                Or you can do as you're told

                in which case, you just might get by.

                "The Dirty Dozen."

                MGM,     .

                "M" as in McQueen, zero- one-two-two


                "F" as in Fonda.

                "T" as in Tracy, "K" as in... Kubrick.

                You've got    minutes, or I let him go.

                Got it.

                What's the word?

                He's got him there at the Gladstone.

                So now what?

                I wire the money, he waits for it to clear.

                It's standard.

                Rowdy Virago, you're under arrest

                for the murder of Merrill Candide.

                Cuff him, read him his rights.

                You have the right to remain silent.

                What's the problem?

                It's been    minutes.

                Why hasn't he killed him yet?

                I don't know.

                Got to go.

                We have a major problem. We have no ending.

                I mean, it's a major flaw.

                I love the moral message.

                But the two things that the moviegoer

                is going to cry out for are missing.

                - The moviegoer? - The moviegoer-

                John and Jane Q. Public.

                First, they're going to want you

                to get back with the girl.

                But you screwed that up.

                And second, they're going to want some gunplay.

                And I can't shoot you, you're the good guy.

                We got to get you out of here

                you got to find that girl, and you got to kill somebody.

                What was the room number again?

                Eight. Fuck. Number eight.

                Eight, I got it.

                Number eight!

                I got it!

                You can kill me.

                That's not going to work.

                You have got to disappear.

                We need to figure out...

                this is perfect, perfect.

                What? What?!

                What are you doing?

                Two guys are coming through that door.

                I want you to kill them.

                - Who? - Just a couple of guys.

                The guy with the hair, he's got the gun.

                I'm not killing anybody.

                You're going to kill them

                otherwise I'm going to kill you.

                Is that what you want?

                Great, it's a festival piece!


                Shoot 'em!



                What kind of a hero are you?


                Cut me loose, cut me loose.

                What time is it?

                It's  :  .

                You got about    minutes, buddy.

                Come on.

                Fix yourself up.

                Look, you're the leading man.

                Straighten up a little bit.

                Listen to me, trains to canada

                Leave out of Union Station

                On tracks one and three.

                What about the diamonds?

                Well, I really only need one.

                Ah, well, maybe

                a few more so we can get started.

                Buy a big house.

                You got    minutes.

                "I love you.

                "You belong to me.

                I know people don't belong to people."

                "Of course they do."

                "Breakfast at Tiffany's," Paramount,1961.


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