Wise Guys Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Wise Guys script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Brian De Palma movie with Joe Piscopo, Danny De Vito, and Harvey Keitel.  This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Wise Guys. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

Swing on back to Drew's Script-O-Rama afterwards for more free movie scripts!

Wise Guys Script


  

  

 

                   

Are you talking to me?



 

                   

Are you talking to me?



 

                   

Are you talking to me?



 

                   

- Are you talking to me?

- Are you talking to me?



 

                   

- Are you talk...?

- Are you talking to me?



 

                   

Are you talking to me?



 

                   

Are you talking to me?



 

                   

Well, you must be,

because I'm the only one here.



 

                   

- What are you doing?

- I wanna be just like you, Dad.



  

                   

Bite your tongue. You're gonna be a lawyer,

maybe even a judge.



  

                   

You should be putting guys like me in jail.



  

                   

- Are you talking to me?

- Get out of here. Go on.



  

                   

Happy birthday to me

Happy birthday to me



  

                   

Happy birthday, dear Moe

Happy birthday to me



  

                   

Happy birthday to me

Happy birthday to me



  

                   

- What are you so happy about?

- Oh, I don't know.



  

                   

I just feel like today's a special day,

don't you?



  

                   

No, not really.



  

                   

So you don't have anything special planned,

or anything like that?



  

                   

No. SOS. Same old stuff.



  

                   

- Stand up.

- What?



  

                   

- Take off that shirt.

- What's wrong?



  

                   

Take off that shirt. It's filthy.

Take off that filthy shirt!



  

                   

No son of mine is going out of this house

in a shirt like that!



  

                   

Even though, given your chosen line

of work, it might be riddled with bullets.



  

                   

You've been watching

too many movies, Ma.



  

                   

Honey...



  

                   

...I made your favorite.



  

                   

- What's the matter?

- Wanda, I feel terrible about this weekend.



  

                   

Oh, don't, doll.



  

                   

I still had fun.



  

                   

What, sitting on a runway

at Newark Airport for    hours?



  

                   

Oh, yeah.



  

                   

Harry, we should've known there was

something wacko with that travel agent.



  

                   

A weekend in Jamaica,

  .   per person?



  

                   

Airfare, hotel and coco locos included?



  

                   

That would've been phenomenal

if those jerks...



  

                   

...got the plane past the safety inspector.



  

                   

I'm the only woman

in the Newark Hadassah...



  

                   

...who lists her sors profession

as "hoodlum. "



  

                   

I am not a hoodlum. I work for Mr. Anthony

Castelo, who's in the olive-oil business.



  

                   

Oh, please, Morris. Our people did not come

through the Inquisition, the pogroms...



  

                   

...and the Holocaust so that you could

end up working for a guinea gangster.



  

                   

That's real nice, Ma. Did you ever think

that maybe I'm a trailblazer...



  

                   

...opening up avenues here in Newark

for Jews? Maybe Moe Dickstein...



  

                   

...is the Jackie Robinson of organized crime

in New Jersey.



  

                   

- Dad, can I get a   -speed bike?

- We'll see.



  

                   

Jimmy Acavano's father got him one.



  

                   

His father can afford it.

Frank "The Fixer" hurts people for a living.



  

                   

You mean he kills them, don't you?



  

                   

Three in the back of the head.



  

                   

That's it, we're moving to Sweden.



  

                   

- Is she on your case again?

- What else is new?



  

                   

When I got up this morning,

I was feeling kind of special.



  

                   

Like, I don't know, today was my day.



  

                   

- What's so special about today?

- Nothing. Forget it.



  

                   

What are you putting on your face?



  

                   

It's called Total Tan. It's supposed

to simulate a tropical glow.



  

                   

- How's it look?

- Like something's wrong with your liver.



  

                   

- Very funny. Put some on.

- Oh, no.



  

                   

- Everybody expects us to have tans.

- They wouldn't have...



  

                   

...if you hadrt said we were going

to Jamaica for the weekend, big shot.



  

                   

- Well, we were.

- Not on a condemned plane.



  

                   

- Where did you get that travel agent?

- My cousin Artie uses him.



  

                   

Harry, your cousin Artie's been in jail

for five years.



  

                   

That doesn't mean he didn't like to travel

when he was out.



  

                   

Do me a favor, don't talk me into any

of your deals anymore.



  

                   

If I didn't, you'd never go anywhere.



  

                   

Even when you do talk me into things,

I still don't go anywhere.



  

                   

I suppose this incredible package deal

to Barbados is out.



  

                   

Hey, guys, here comes

the Crystal Street bookends.



  

                   

Galapagos Islands.



  

                   

- It's locked.

- Harry, what happened to your face?



  

                   

What, this here? This happens

to be a tropical tan.



  

                   

I thought it was hepatitis.



  

                   

- You guys really went to Puerto Rico, huh?

- Jamaica.



  

                   

We don't go to Puerto Rico no more.

It's passť.



  

                   

Hey, Moe, you went too?

You look a little pale.



  

                   

Yeah, well, I'm not the sun-worshiper

that Harry is.



  

                   

I saw a lot of indoor activity,

if you know what I mean.



  

                   

Oh, yeah? Doing what? Watching TV?



  

                   

Marco, here's your lasagna pan.

It's been at the house since Christmas.



  

                   

- Thanks. What can I get you guys?

- Give me an egg cream, Marco, will you?



  

                   

Yeah? How about you, coz?

What will it be? A coco loco?



  

                   

Don't start. What, Wanda called Aunt Mary?

Give me a cioccolata calda.



  

                   

Sure. And wipe that shit off your face

before Mr. Castelo comes down.



  

                   

What, it looks that bad? Shoot.

Cost me   bucks.



  

                   

- Do you know today's my birthday?

- No kidding. Happy birthday.



  

                   

Marco, let me have a cannoli

while you're there.



  

                   

You didn't get me anything, did you?



  

                   

All right. Moe...



  

                   

...the egg cream's on me.

Happy birthday, all right?



  

                   

That's nice and hot. Very good.



  

                   

Here comes another birthday present

for you: Frankie the Fixer.



  

                   

- Oh, man, not him.

- Look at him. He's oozing this way.



  

                   

Fat and miserable.



  

                   

- Frank, how's it hanging?

- Give me a Balboa. Give me a beer.



  

                   

Frankie, you're looking good.



  

                   

We were just saying,

we don't see enough of you.



   

                   

- You're what I'm looking for, dickface.

- Frankie, the name's Dickstein.



   

                   

Make yourself available

this afternoon, dickhead!



   

                   

Frankie, for you, it's his pleasure.



   

                   

Just tell us what you want...



   

                   

...and we'll jam it right up your fat,

pork-chop ass, you miserable bastard.



   

                   

What you telling him it's my pleasure for?

I'll tell him.



   

                   

You always do that. It upsets me

to be around him.



   

                   

You think I'm in love with the miserable...

Frankie!



   

                   

God, I love you. You're looking terrific,

Frankie. I mean it.



   

                   

Hey, I heard you got your kid

a new   -speed bike.



   

                   

What a great dad you are.

That's very important.



   

                   

Later, dickface. Don't forget.



   

                   

It's Dickstein.



   

                   

Moby.



   

                   

Let's make this quick.

I wanna go home and change.



   

                   

Santo, I'm increasing Judge Overton

and Chief Barkley's monthly allowance.



   

                   

Make sure there's an extra thousand

in each envelope you deliver today.



   

                   

- No problem.

- New Shoes...



   

                   

...that cigarette shipment

from North Carolina?



   

                   

They're in the warehouse, Mr. Castelo.

Four truckloads.



   

                   

Excellent. Excellent.



   

                   

Georgie, Louie,

any trouble with the collections?



   

                   

Excellent. Excellent.



   

                   

Mr. Castelo,

you forgot about me and Moe.



   

                   

I never forget about you and Moe, Harry.



   

                   

I always have plenty for you to do.



   

                   

Here.



   

                   

This is your grocery list

and your dry cleaning.



   

                   

Yeah. You don't think that I'm gonna

trust these other gavonzo with that?



   

                   

Happy to do it for you, Mr. Castelo.



   

                   

- Moe, you're about a    regular, right?

- Well, yes, sir.



   

                   

Yeah? Try this on.



   

                   

- A jacket? For me, Mr. Castelo?

- Go over there.



   

                   

- Let me see how it looks in the light.

- Oh, sure.



   

                   

Hey, Mr. Castelo, a jacket. Thanks!



   

                   

The jacket actually is bulletproof.



   

                   

Order me a dozen. Different colors.



   

                   

Thanks, Moe. Harry?



   

                   

Start the car.



   

                   

- Oh, my God! He's gonna start the car!

- Oh, no.



   

                   

Let's get out of here.



   

                   

Move back. Move back!



   

                   

Even money, it's the ignition,

 -  it's the door.



   

                   

Put me down for $     on both.



   

                   

Five thousand to your   on the door.



   

                   

Shit! I don't believe it.



   

                   

Get out the black suit, pal.



   

                   

Shit! I don't believe it.



   

                   

Five hundred on the ignition.

In    seconds.



   

                   

One, two...



   

                   

- Seven, eight...

- Catch up. Catch up.



   

                   

Ten, eleven...



   

                   

Fourteen, fifteen!



   

                   

All right, Harry. You did it, man.



   

                   

You did it.



   

                   

I hate this fucking job.



   

                   

There's a lot of worse things we could

be doing. At least we got lifetime jobs.



   

                   

Unless we try to quit.



   

                   

Hey, we're in a growth industry.



   

                   

Did you know organized crime is

the fourth largest employer in New Jersey?



   

                   

- Interesting stats, Moe.

- We make decent money.



   

                   

We don't have to hurt anybody.



   

                   

If something happens, our families

are taken care of. What more do you need?



   

                   

How about respectability?



   

                   

You think I like strolling around Newark

in a charred coat?



   

                   

Having to buy groceries for some guy

whose car just blew up on me?



   

                   

When I'm    years old, maybe I want

somebody buying my groceries...



   

                   

...having my car blow up on him,

all right?



   

                   

You think you feel bad?



   

                   

Today's my birthday,

and nobody remembered.



   

                   

Not you, not even my own mother.

You feel bad, right?



   

                   

- See you after lunch.

- Yeah.



   

                   

- Where you going?

- I'm in the mood for Jew food today.



   

                   

Kreplach down the hallway.



   

                   

- Surprise!

- Surprise!



   

                   

- Did you know about this?

- I've been planning it for weeks.



   

                   

Happy birthday to you



   

                   

Happy birthday, dear Moe



   

                   

Happy birthday to you



   

                   

Good to see you. Hi, good to see you.

How are you?



   

                   

Thanks for coming out.

Good to see you guys.



   

                   

Hi. Johnny, good to see you.



   

                   

- I can't believe this.

- Moe, happy birthday.



   

                   

- Brucey boy.

- Look who's here.



   

                   

Good to see you. Go ahead,

make yourselves at home. Go ahead.



   

                   

A party. How nice.



   

                   

Move it, dickface.



   

                   

- That's Dickstein. Morris, what's going on?

- Nothing, Ma.



   

                   

Hey, Frankie, have some cake.



   

                   

Oh, my God! What is he doing?



   

                   

What a way to cut a cake, Frank.



   

                   

- It's buttercream icing.

- Come on, Dad, give it to this chump.



   

                   

You know:

Do it in the back of the head!



   

                   

- Go before you get us all killed.

- How come I wasrt invited to this party?



   

                   

It's just a get-together.

Just the immediate family.



   

                   

- Happy birthday. Hi, baby. How you doing?

- Thank you.



   

                   

- What's happening, Moe?

- Out!



   

                   

- Where you going?

- Can I come along for the ride?



   

                   

Why not. Two bodies, one brain.

Get in the back, keep your mouth shut.



   

                   

- I promise...

- You said too much already.



   

                   

Don't touch the chrome!



   

                   

Don't touch the windows. Don't touch

the upholstery. Don't touch nothing.



   

                   

Nice lane change, Frank.



   

                   

I was thinking of buying one of these

Caddies. They handle very nice, Frank.



   

                   

- We going to the track, Frankie?

- Yeah, that's right.



   

                   

Look at all this money in here.



   

                   

Close the fucking bag.



   

                   

Am I gonna have to place another bet

for Mr. Castelo?



   

                   

Hey, what is this,

   fucking questions?



   

                   

It's just that every time I place a bet for

the guy, he loses. Why don't you place it?



   

                   

I'm a little too well-known down there.



   

                   

- You could disguise yourself.

- As what?



   

                   

- The Time-Life Building.

- What the fuck's the matter with you?



   

                   

There's    grand here.

There's a horse called Longest Day.



   

                   

The number two horse,

running in the second race.



   

                   

Put the    grand on the number two horse

to win in the second race.



   

                   

That act shouldn't be too complicated,

even for you two 'sto cazzo!



   

                   

The second horse in the second race?

What does that mean?



   

                   

That means Mr. Castelo wants me to bet

his    grand on that horse.



   

                   

That's what that means. Nothing else.



   

                   

No, that means Castelo

doesn't know shit about horses.



   

                   

Today it's the two horse

in the second race.



   

                   

Last week he had you bet on a gray horse

because it was a gray day.



   

                   

Christmas time, he bet on Jingle Bells.

He don't know what he's betting on.



   

                   

The last four times you bet for Castelo,

he lost, and lost big.



   

                   

- You're making me nervous.

- Wait a minute, here's a horse.



   

                   

My Baby. I won money on this horse.



   

                   

In fact, you and me made a killing on this

horse a year ago at Belmont with Marco.



   

                   

- I was never at Belmont with you and Marco.

- This is a voice from God.



   

                   

A voice from the grave.

I can't believe what you're thinking here.



   

                   

We got    grand in our hands.

Destiny is calling.



   

                   

This is part of the grand design.



   

                   

Now he's a designer. Right.

Hey, Harry, design this:



   

                   

I'm betting on number two.



   

                   

- Thank you.

- Look at that, Moe.



   

                   

Castelo's horse ain't never gonna win.

Not now, not never.



   

                   

It's a fucking glue pot.



   

                   

It's going off at   - .



   

                   

It ain't got a chance in hell.

It's off the board.



   

                   

Don't you ever learn?

There's no getting through to you.



   

                   

I love you, but face it,

you're a compulsive gambler.



   

                   

- Wanna bet?

- That's not funny.



   

                   

You know whose money this is?



   

                   

This isn't just anybody's money, Harry.

This is Tony Castelo's money.



   

                   

The meanest, lowest mobster in Newark,

who has guys like us for breakfast.



   

                   

I can't even believe

you're serious about that.



   

                   

- Forget the whole thing. Forget it.

- All right.



   

                   

Forget I said it.



   

                   

I'll flush it. I swear to God, I'll flush it.



   

                   

- All right. What do you want?

- Just come in and hear me out.



   

                   

Moe, a chance like this

doesn't come along very often.



   

                   

You're right. A chance to get killed

does not come that often.



   

                   

We both know that Castelo's been losing

his ass down here.



   

                   

- So what?

- So why should today be any different, huh?



   

                   

We'll put this $       on My Baby to win,

going off at  - .



   

                   

We'll walk out of here with $     .



   

                   

When it's over, we'll go into a song

and a dance at how sad we are...



   

                   

...Castelo lost again. We'll tell the blimp

we tore up the tickets in disgust.



   

                   

- I can't lie to the Fixer. He's a killer!

- You're doing it.



   

                   

- What?

- You're doing it again, Moe.



   

                   

- What?

- Why do you always hold us back?



   

                   

Like in '   we had a chance to go to Vegas

with Bobby DiLea, you talked me out of it.



   

                   

- He runs that town now, goddamn it.

- So why don't you go see him now?



   

                   

- You could take one of those package deals.

- This is my point.



   

                   

No more package deals for us.



   

                   

With this $     

we're flying first class all the way.



   

                   

Moe, do you know they don't charge you

for headsets in first class?



   

                   

On the house.



   

                   

It's true, Moe.



   

                   

Moe, what about our dream?



   

                   

What about it, huh?



   

                   

The first Italo-Judeo combination

restaurant-deli.



   

                   

Step up to the window, Moe.

Take a look in there.



   

                   

Look. Oh, those big chunks of corned beef

on the steam table.



   

                   

Cannolis, stuffed with cream.



   

                   

Rows of raviolis. Meat. Cheese. Spinach.



   

                   

Big, giant, golden-brown knishes.



   

                   

Toasty.



   

                   

Smell them, Moe.



   

                   

Take a deep breath, huh. You smell it?



   

                   

It's the guy in the next stall.



   

                   

- I'm getting out of here.

- No.



   

                   

Don't talk me into this. You always

talk me into things that are no good.



   

                   

Don't talk me into this one.

I know it's no good for me.



   

                   

Moe, you're wrong.

This one is good for you.



   

                   

- For once in your life, open up. Go for it.

- I can't.



   

                   

Come on, there's    horses running

in this race.



   

                   

Castelo's horse is going off at   - .



   

                   

It ain't got a chance.



   

                   

Let's put this $       on My Baby to win.



   

                   

Or do you wanna die in Newark?



   

                   

I'd like to place a bet on My Baby.

A thousand dollars,    times to win, please.



   

                   

At number nine is My Baby.

That is the field for the second race.



   

                   

Where the hell did you go?



   

                   

- I went to buy a pack of cigarettes.

- When did you start smoking again?



   

                   

- What are you doing? What's that for?

- Luck.



   

                   

- You said we didn't need luck.

- You always need luck. I'll buy you a beer.



   

                   

Let me have a beer. Two beers, please.



   

                   

Don't worry about it.

Relax, will you? You're all tense.



   

                   

- How you doing?

- I'm fine. Fine.



   

                   

This is to my buddy...



   

                   

...and My Baby.



   

                   

The flag is up.



   

                   

- We're gonna be okay.

- And they're off.



   

                   

On the outside, My Baby easily gains

the early lead.



   

                   

Moe. Moe, look at that beautiful

son of a bitch.



   

                   

Look, it broke out in front, Moe.

Look at the stride on that baby.



   

                   

- Look at that beautiful thing. Go, go, go.

- I don't believe this. I don't believe it.



   

                   

Hey, I got $       on this race!



   

                   

Hey, I got $       on My Baby.



   

                   

We're gonna take this money and open up

the first Italian-Jewish delicatessen.



   

                   

You're all invited to the opening.



   

                   

- Homemade pasta.

- Homemade matzo-ball soup.



   

                   

Boar's Head cold cuts.



   

                   

- Lean corned beef. Crunchy sour pickles.

- Moe! Moe, look at this!



   

                   

Moe, Moe, Moe. We did it.



   

                   

Longest Day, the long shot, has moved

into fifth as they round the far turn.



   

                   

My Baby still leads, going clear by eight.

Paranormal is second.



   

                   

We're okay. We're gonna be all right.



   

                   

We're gonna be all right.



   

                   

Come on, get that lead.

Come on. Come on.



   

                   

Ride him. Ride.



   

                   

Ride him. Come on, come on, come on.



   

                   

My Baby leads. Paranormal in second.

Longest Day is third but gaining...



   

                   

...on Paranormal fast as they approach

the top of the stretch.



   

                   

They're at the top of the stretch.



   

                   

- My Baby leading by about six or seven.

- What?



   

                   

Longest Day moves into second.



   

                   

- What's the matter?

- Longest Day continues to make a rally.



   

                   

Why didn't I see it? Why didn't I see it?



   

                   

- See what?

- Why didn't I see it?



   

                   

- See what? What are you talking about?

- Why...? That fat pig!



   

                   

That fat pig! He did it. That bastard!



   

                   

- Come on, My Baby.

- You bastard. He did it!



   

                   

- My life depends on it. My Baby.

- No, Moe, we gotta get out of here.



   

                   

Moe! Moe!



   

                   

No!



   

                   

Longest Day on the outside...



   

                   

Longest Day has won!



   

                   

- Oh, my God, we're dead. We're dead.

- No!



   

                   

- We're dead. We're dead.

- Moe, where you going?



   

                   

To Mr. Castelo, so he can kill me,

which is what I deserve.



   

                   

- Pull yourself together.

- We are no longer alive, understand?



   

                   

We are no longer here, Harry.



   

                   

You and that Italian-Judeo deli bullshit!

You did it to me again!



   

                   

- Me? I did it to you?

- You!



   

                   

Why do you always listen to me?



   

                   

That's what your problem is.



   

                   

You know I don't know what I'm doing,

yet you always listen to me.



   

                   

- Why don't you protect me?

- I was just minding my own business.



   

                   

- It's your fault! You always talk me into it!

- All right.



   

                   

Who gives a shit whose fault it is?

We gotta get out of here.



   

                   

We gotta get past the Fixer.



   

                   

No, no. We'll take a bus.



   

                   

Frankie! Where were you?



   

                   

- We were looking all over for you.

- Where's the tickets?



   

                   

- Where's the tickets?

- The tickets?



   

                   

The tickets?

Moe, the tickets. You got the tickets.



   

                   

- Come on, the tickets.

- Moe, give him the tickets.



   

                   

- Where's the tickets?

- Come on, give them to me.



   

                   

- Come on.

- Give him the tickets.



   

                   

Come on.



   

                   

Frankie, I don't know how

you made this call.



   

                   

- I'd have never made that call.

- Exciting race, huh, Frankie?



   

                   

Not really. Let's go!



   

                   

- We're dead.

- Frank, we're gonna stay to play the ponies.



   

                   

- We're feeling lucky. Know what I mean?

- We'll grab a cab home.



   

                   

Don't you wanna see Mr. Castelo's face

when he sees these tickets? Let's go.



   

                   

I truly believe that there would be

another way out of this...



   

                   

...than the usual violent approach...



   

                   

- What are you gonna do with those dogs?

- What do you think, dickmeat?



   

                   

It's Dickstein, Frankie. Please.



   

                   

Sit. Sit.



   

                   

Harry...



   

                   

...I hope that you aren't protecting

that Jew...



   

                   

...because he's already talked to us,

and he's turned you in.



   

                   

He wouldn't do that.

He's my best friend.



   

                   

Friendship, Harry, goes out the window

at these moments.



   

                   

I've seen it happen time and time again.



   

                   

What I want now...



   

                   

...is clarity.



   

                   

Whose idea was it...



   

                   

...to rip me off...



   

                   

...to steal food from the mouths

of my wife and children?



   

                   

Mine! It was my idea.



   

                   

Those were my exact words. I said:



   

                   

"Moe, let's steal food from the mouths

of Mr. Castelo's wife and children. "



   

                   

I'm telling you, it was all my idea.



   

                   

Please don't drown me. Please!



   

                   

- Frankie, please! Please, Frankie!

- Look, schmuck...



   

                   

...Harry spoke to us a little while ago

and he sold your ass down the river.



   

                   

He would never do that!

He's my best friend!



   

                   

Are you sure about that, dickface?

Come on. Whose idea was it?



   

                   

It was my idea!

I swear to God, it was all my idea!



   

                   

This, I didn't expect.



   

                   

I figured Valentini would sell

the Jew down the river.



   

                   

But this is interesting.



   

                   

- They're protecting each other.

- Let me waste them, Mr. Castelo.



   

                   

- Do we really hurt them by killing them?

- It's a good start.



   

                   

But have we taught them anything?



   

                   

No.



   

                   

The real issue here...



   

                   

...is loyalty.



   

                   

I wanna know...



   

                   

...why these wise guys

are loyal to each other...



   

                   

...and not to me.



   

                   

So...



   

                   

...let's put them to the test.



   

                   

Like how?



   

                   

Like having them kill each other.



   

                   

Out of respect for your Uncle Mike...



   

                   

...the man who made me

what I am today...



   

                   

...I decided I'm not gonna kill you.



   

                   

You see, before Mike Valentini retired...



   

                   

...and became the recluse

that he is today...



   

                   

...he taught me something, Harry.



   

                   

He taught me...



   

                   

...that what really matters...



   

                   

...is loyalty.



   

                   

Trust!



   

                   

And the code!



   

                   

And that matzo betrayed you, Harry!



   

                   

Forgive me, Harry.



   

                   

You were a stand-up guy.

You were ready to take the heat.



   

                   

I respect that.



   

                   

So I wanna give you

one last chance, Harry...



   

                   

...to save your wife and beautiful son.



   

                   

How would I do that, Mr. Castelo?



   

                   

By cleaning the slate, Harry.



   

                   

By showing me that you understand...



   

                   

...what real loyalty means.



   

                   

Give him a piece.



   

                   

A piece?



   

                   

A piece of what?



   

                   

That kind of piece.



   

                   

Take it...



   

                   

...and kill Dickstein.



   

                   

Take it!



   

                   

Kill Harry?



   

                   

- I could never do that.

- You got no choice.



   

                   

Hey...



   

                   

...you okay?



   

                   

Yeah, I'm all right.



   

                   

How about you?



   

                   

I'm okay.



   

                   

I don't think I've been

more scared in my life, though.



   

                   

We'd have been dead

if it wasrt for my Uncle Mike.



   

                   

Yeah, Uncle Mike.



   

                   

They backed off because

of Uncle Mike.



   

                   

That's what they told me.



   

                   

That's what they told you?



   

                   

- Good old Uncle Mike.

- Good old Uncle Mike.



   

                   

Moe, I want you to know, I went

the whole nine yards for you tonight.



   

                   

I took full responsibility.



   

                   

- You took full responsibility?

- Absolutely.



   

                   

I'd never do anything to hurt you, Moe.



   

                   

I'd never do anything to hurt you, Harry.

After all, you're my best friend on earth.



   

                   

- And you're mine.

- So I guess our troubles are over, right?



   

                   

Water under the bridge.



   

                   

I'm glad we got that behind us.



   

                   

- See you tomorrow.

- Good night.



   

                   

Who do you think will get it first,

Valentini or Dickstein?



   

                   

- Dickstein is dead meat.

- Yeah? I bet Valentini gets it first.



   

                   

Louie, who you got?



   

                   

- What's the line?

- Even money.



   

                   

Dickstein,    .

And take it off the five I owe you.



   

                   

Yeah, it's up to six already.

Frankie, who you got?



   

                   

- Put me down for five grand.

- Five? On who?



   

                   

On me. Because no matter who is executed

first, I win, because the other one's mine.



   

                   

Got it.



   

                   

Hey, Marco. What are you

waiting for, a bus or what?



   

                   

Nothing. I didn't do nothing. Nothing.



   

                   

We better watch him to make sure

he doesn't tip Harry or Moe off.



   

                   

Mr. Castelo must've gained respect

for us last night.



   

                   

He's letting us buy

his tropical fish for him today.



   

                   

We got two angelfish,

four guppies and a baby moray eel.



   

                   

- He treats his fish better than he treats us.

- Yeah.



   

                   

Let's go.



   

                   

Moe, I was thinking about last night.



   

                   

I was thinking how wonderful it is

when friends can open up...



   

                   

...and level with each other.

- I was thinking the same.



   

                   

Do you have life insurance?

If anything happened to you, God forbid...



   

                   

...I would rest easier knowing

that Lil was being taken care of.



   

                   

What's the matter, Harry?



   

                   

- I got something in my shoe.

- I have a wonderful policy, Harry.



   

                   

- How about you? You got life insurance?

- Yeah, I got it.



   

                   

That's good to know.



   

                   

What are you doing?



   

                   

- Tying my shoe.

- It's tied. Come on, let's go.



   

                   

- Where you going, Harry?

- Down here. This alley's the scenic route.



   

                   

Moe, there are some things

I gotta get off my chest.



   

                   

- Here?

- You know I love you, Moe.



   

                   

- I know.

- More than my own brother.



   

                   

- You don't have a brother.

- We really fucked up yesterday.



   

                   

- We really did.

- I just want you to know how bad I feel.



   

                   

I want you to know I forgive you

for all the trouble you ever got me into.



   

                   

- I love you, Moe.

- I love you too, Harry.



   

                   

Life is so short.



   

                   

Prophetic, Moe. Very prophetic.



   

                   

- This is all my fault.

- That's what I keep thinking.



   

                   

- What the fuck does that mean?

- It is your fault, if you think about it.



   

                   

- You were in on it every step of the way.

- You talked me into the whole thing.



   

                   

- You were there when we made the bet!

- Moe!



   

                   

Shut up! Come on. Come on over here.

We gotta talk. Now.



   

                   

What are you standing there for?

I said, I gotta talk to you.



   

                   

Not here. We'll go around the corner

to St. Lucy's. Come on.



   

                   

Come on. We got no time to waste.

Hurry up.



   

                   

Go ahead, Moe.



   

                   

Will you guys stop fooling around

and get over here? Come on!



   

                   

Shit. Santo was right.

Marco's gonna tip them off.



   

                   

Here. Do like I do.



   

                   

We'll light candles.



   

                   

What the hell did you guys do yesterday?



   

                   

- What time yesterday?

- Don't give me that shit.



   

                   

Keep lighting the candles.



   

                   

I heard everything that happened.



   

                   

You guys went and screwed Castelo

at the track, didn't you?



   

                   

I heard you're dead.



   

                   

- What do you mean, dead?

- What do you think I mean? Dead.



   

                   

Dead means dead. You're both dead.



   

                   

- Hey, a little respect. This is a church.

- I didn't do anything. I just...



   

                   

Will you shut up! Just do like I told you.



   

                   

There's a contract out on both your lives.



   

                   

You better get out of town fast.



   

                   

Why am I telling you this?



   

                   

What am I doing?

I could get killed for telling you this.



   

                   

What am I, crazy?

Come here. Come here. Come on.



   

                   

Will you cut it out!



   

                   

- Nice shot, Frank. You got the Virgin Mary.

- Shut up.



   

                   

Yeah, shut up.



   

                   

Stop making noise.

Just do like I do, for chrissakes!



   

                   

I'm sorry. Excuse me, God.

I'm sorry.



   

                   

You couldn't fuck with a normal person.



   

                   

You had to go and fuck

with a looney tune like Castelo!



   

                   

His favorite pastime is going

to ball games...



   

                   

...and chopping people up

into little pieces.



   

                   

- Oh, my God.

- Marco, I don't know what...



   

                   

Will you shut up and just do like I do!



   

                   

He doesn't want us to do that,

does he, Harry?



   

                   

- He's dead, Moe.

- What?



   

                   

- He's dead. Dead.

- Are you sure?



   

                   

He's got a bullet hole in his back.

He ain't going dancing.



   

                   

Oh, my God. Where did it come from?



   

                   

The balcony!



   

                   

Christ almighty. Let's get out of here.



   

                   

Hey, you guys, stop right there!



   

                   

This way.



   

                   

The Fixer loves that car.

If we take it, he'll kill us.



   

                   

And if we don't?



   

                   

My car. My car.



   

                   

Get out of here!



   

                   

- That's my car you're shooting at, asshole.

- They just took it, okay?



   

                   

I'll kill those motherfuckers.



   

                   

Marco's dead. I can't believe it.



   

                   

I gotta think. I gotta think!



   

                   

Who do you think they hired to kill me?



   

                   

I don't know.

Who did they hire to kill me?



   

                   

I don't know.

Can't be anybody we know.



   

                   

Whoever it is, we're dead men.

We gotta get out of Newark.



   

                   

Yeah, but where?



   

                   

Atlantic City!



   

                   

We'll see my Uncle Mike.

He'll square everything.



   

                   

- He can talk to Castelo, I know it.

- Your Uncle Mike can't stand you.



   

                   

Are you kidding? He loves me. I'm like the

son he never had or his favorite nephew.



   

                   

Him and Aunt Sadie been begging me and

Wanda to move closer to them... Wanda!



   

                   

- Ma!

- Harry Jr.!



   

                   

Phone booth. Phone booth!

Pull over, pull over.



   

                   

Brilliant. Brilliant!



   

                   

You killed my best waiter,

and you let them get away!



   

                   

All bets are off.



   

                   

Find them and kill them.

Now get out of here!



   

                   

- Remember that money we were saving...

- Ma? Moe. Fine. You? Great.



   

                   

...for a rainy day? Well, it's pouring buckets.

Listen, get Harry Jr., grab a coat...



   

                   

...get the hell to the airport,

buy two tickets for Jamaica.



   

                   

All right, I'm in a little trouble.

But Uncle Mike is gonna get me out of it.



   

                   

What do you mean? Uncle Mike loves me.

Wanda, just listen to me.



   

                   

I'm in big trouble, Ma. Please don't ask...



   

                   

- Get the hell out of Newark!

- Get to the airport as fast as you can.



   

                   

I love you too. Goodbye.



   

                   

- I love you.

- Yes, I love you too. Okay.



   

                   

All right, Wanda, goodbye.

She just goes on and on and on.



   

                   

- Harry. Harry, Uncle Mike.

- Uncle Mike. Right now.



   

                   

All right.



   

                   

- Is it ringing?

- Yeah.



   

                   

Aunt Sadie, it's Harry Valentini,

your nephew from Newark.



   

                   

Guess what. We're coming

to Atlantic City.



   

                   

What's up? What's up?



   

                   

She's some nut.



   

                   

Is Uncle Mike there?

I'd like to speak with him, please.



   

                   

She's getting Uncle Mike. What a card.



   

                   

Uncle Mike. Hi.

Listen, Uncle Mike...



   

                   

...I'm coming down to Atlantic City,

me and Moe Dickstein.



   

                   

What? He said to say hello.



   

                   

- Let me say hi.

- No, no, no!



   

                   

Uncle Mike. Oh, no. All right. Yeah.

No, I understand, Uncle Mike.



   

                   

All right. Sure. No, everybody's fine.

I'll be down in a little while to talk to you.



   

                   

Okay, bye-bye. Uncle Mike sounds great.

He sounds wonderful! Never better.



   

                   

- He can't wait to see us.

- Wait, he remembered me?



   

                   

Fondly. He referred to you as "the cute little

Jewish kid with sandy hair and hazel eyes. "



   

                   

- He said that?

- His exact words.



   

                   

- I thought the guy couldn't stand me.

- Our troubles are over. South.



   

                   

Let's get out of here.



   

                   

- He remembered me?

- Yeah.



   

                   

Moe, take me to Atlantic City, my man.



   

                   

Harry, don't you think we look

a little conspicuous in this thing?



   

                   

What do you got in mind?



   

                   

Yeah.



   

                   

Yeah. Yeah!



   

                   

I hope the Fixer likes pink.



   

                   

He'll love it. Besides, this paint job's

guaranteed up to    miles an hour.



   

                   

Boy, the Fixer really loves this car, Moe.



   

                   

Well, why shouldn't he, Harry?

I mean, after all, it's a classic.



   

                   

Soon to be a tragedy.



   

                   

Don't touch the chrome.

Don't touch the windows.



   

                   

- Don't touch the upholstery.

- Don't touch nothing!



   

                   

Don't touch nothing! Nothing!



   

                   

- Watch out for the sign!

- What sign?



   

                   

- I hardly feel a thing.

- Me either.



   

                   

What are we doing here?



   

                   

We can't go see Uncle Mike

looking like this.



   

                   

We gotta clean up a little bit,

show some respectability.



   

                   

Don't touch the chrome.



   

                   

Don't touch nothing!



   

                   

Be careful with the car, pal.

It's a classic, huh.



   

                   

Karl, this gentleman and I would like

the biggest and best suite you have.



   

                   

- That would be the Superstar Suite.

- The Superstar Suite.



   

                   

Splendid. Fit for two kings.



   

                   

Or two queens.



   

                   

- How would you like to pay for this?

- Quickly.



   

                   

Take it out of there. That's a gold card.



   

                   

Yes, I believe I've seen them before.

Thank you, Mr. Acavano.



   

                   

- Where did you get that?

- In the glove compartment.



   

                   

Thank you, Mr. Acavano.



   

                   

That will be      the night.



   

                   

-      the night.

-      the night.



   

                   

Front.



   

                   

- Luggage, sir?

- Yes, we'll be buying some. Thank you.



   

                   

And while we're at it,

some clothes and jewelry.



   

                   

It's a mere bag of shells.



   

                   

- Take us to your haberdashery.

- Thank you, Mr. Acavano.



   

                   

My pleasure, Mr. Dickstein.



   

                   

- No, no, I insist. Thank you, Mr. Acavano.

- Oh, no, no, no. Thank you.



   

                   

Hello, Mr. Castelo.

They're in Atlantic City.



   

                   

Find Frankie. They're in Atlantic City.



   

                   

Acavano.



   

                   

Thank you, Mr. Acavano.



   

                   

- Thank you, Mr. Acavano.

- Thank you, Mr. Acavano.



   

                   

- My good man.

- Thank you, Mr. Acavano.



   

                   

No, no, my friend.



   

                   

- Thank you, Mr. Acavano.

- Thank you, Mr. Acavano.



   

                   

- Thank you.

- Thank you, Mr. Acavano.



   

                   

- Yes, thank you, Mr. Acavano.

- My pleasure.



   

                   

Thank you, Mr. Acavano.



   

                   

Is this your card, sir?



   

                   

The credit bureau has instructed me

to destroy this card. It's overextended.



   

                   

Now I'm going to destroy you!

Junior, the nutcrackers.



   

                   

Frank, take it easy. They're in Atlantic City.

Let's go. Come on. Come on.



   

                   

Could I have a little champagne over there?

Yes, yes, yes.



   

                   

Is that the door?

Is that the door?



   

                   

I'll get it. It's the champagne I ordered.

Thank you, honey.



   

                   

- More champagne?

- Yes, sir.



   

                   

Thank you, Mr. Acavano.



   

                   

And some fish eggs.



   

                   

Keep them hot, honey.

I'll be right back.



   

                   

At last, the champagne.

My tongue was hanging out.



   

                   

Bobby D.! Hey, Moe,

look who's here! Bobby DiLea.



   

                   

- Harry.

- Hey, Bobby, how are you, man?



   

                   

- I can't believe it.

- Yes.



   

                   

You're still the same.

Wherever there's Harry, there's Moe.



   

                   

And vice versa.



   

                   

You look... You really look terrific.



   

                   

- What, we're going to stand here all day?

- Come on in.



   

                   

You guys are doing great.



   

                   

- Bye, guys.

- Bye-bye, Moe.



   

                   

- Bye, Harry.

- Bye, guys.



   

                   

Bye, girls.



   

                   

Harry.



   

                   

- What are you doing here?

- This is my place.



   

                   

Wait, wait, wait. You own this hotel?



   

                   

A piece. A very nice piece.



   

                   

- I thought you were in Vegas.

- I am. And now I'm here too.



   

                   

This is where the action is. I'll be spending

most of my time here from now on.



   

                   

So...



   

                   

Where's Frank the Fixer?



   

                   

- He didn't come with us.

- We did him a big favor.



   

                   

He gave us his credit card.

He told us to go wild.



   

                   

He's a new man, Bobby.

He dropped some weight. He looks great.



   

                   

Harry, are we talking about

the same Frank Acavano I know?



   

                   

I wanna know what

the hell's going on here, Harry.



   

                   

All right.



   

                   

First, we got some very important

family business to take care of.



   

                   

Can I see you as soon as we

get back to the hotel?



   

                   

The minute you get back.



   

                   

He really said, "Just show up

at the front door, and I'll give you money"?



   

                   

Well, in a manner of speaking.



   

                   

I don't wanna just show up

at the front door...



   

                   

...take the money and run.

That wouldn't be polite.



   

                   

Like death.



   

                   

We knew it was only a matter

of time until you arrived.



   

                   

- That's a curious hello.

- Aunt Sadie, you're looking wonderful.



   

                   

This is for you. You remember Moe Dickstein

from the neighborhood, don't you?



   

                   

Harry and Moe, the Crystal Street bookends.

Who could forget?



   

                   

Do you mind if we come in?



   

                   

Yeah.



   

                   

But you are family.



   

                   

- She doesn't seem thrilled to see us.

- Don't worry. She's a great kidder.



   

                   

She loves to bust chops. Come on.



   

                   

Aunt Sadie, Moe and I shopped

everywhere for the perfect gift for you.



   

                   

Oh, yeah?

"Courtesy of Resort International, Inc. "



   

                   

We're batting a thousand.



   

                   

Grandma!



   

                   

Wait, wait, wait. Excuse me...



   

                   

...but do I know you?



   

                   

Of course you know me. I'm Harry Valentini,

your grandson from Newark.



   

                   

My grandson from Newark.

But you never call me up, Harry. Never.



   

                   

Does my nose deceive me...



   

                   

...or is that your famous

meat sauce I smell?



   

                   

- You smell it.

- Yeah, I smell... It's the greatest.



   

                   

- You want to stay for dinner?

- Are you kidding?



   

                   

Hey.



   

                   

Him too?



   

                   

- Sure. He could stay too.

- I'll help set the table.



   

                   

- You see, that's a gentleman.

- You're right. Moe is a gentleman.



   

                   

Come along. I'll show you the dishes.

Yes, help. Help me.



   

                   

Boy, I'm really hungry.

I'm starving. I could eat a horse.



   

                   

Uncle Mikey?



   

                   

Uncle Mike?



   

                   

Uncle Mike?



   

                   

- Hey, Harry. Where's Harry?

- Harry?



   

                   

- What a beautiful sunset.

- Harry and I had the most wonderful trip.



   

                   

Uncle Mike? Uncle Mike?



   

                   

- It looked like Oz on the horizon.

- Isn't that poetic?



   

                   

Grandma, can I speak to you

for a second out here?



   

                   

- Is Uncle Mike here?

- Sure.



   

                   

Oh, thank God. Where is he?



   

                   

He's upstairs.



   

                   

Do you think he'd mind if I

went up to see him before dinner?



   

                   

- No, he'd like that.

- You sure?



   

                   

- Sure. Go ahead.

- I'll take this.



   

                   

All right.



   

                   

I'm going up to see Uncle Mike.



   

                   

Good old Uncle Mike.



   

                   

Uncle Mike? Uncle Mikey,

the raviolis are getting cold.



   

                   

Uncle Mike?



   

                   

Uncle Mike?



   

                   

So you came down all the way from

Newark just to see Uncle Mike?



   

                   

That's so sweet.



   

                   

- Would Uncle Mike mind if I went up there?

- No.



   

                   

Maybe the two of them want to be alone.

It is a sensitive moment.



   

                   

- They wouldn't mind. You go, you go.

- Great. Thanks. Excuse me.



   

                   

Sure. It's upstairs.



   

                   

- Trouble, Moe.

- What, Uncle Mike?



   

                   

- You got it.

- Well, is he gonna help us?



   

                   

I don't believe he's in a position to.



   

                   

- Harry, you told me. You promised.

- That I did.



   

                   

Can I see him for myself?



   

                   

Yeah.



   

                   

He's on the mantle in the bedroom.



   

                   

- Moe! Moe!

- This, I can't believe.



   

                   

I know it's hard, Moe. But I swear,

there's a valid explanation for my behavior.



   

                   

- You lied to me! You just lied to me!

- I had to, Moe. I had to!



   

                   

I was buying time until we got here.



   

                   

I figured once we got here, there was

no way Uncle Mike could refuse me.



   

                   

He found a way, Harry. He dropped dead!



   

                   

- He never could stand you anyhow.

- You just butt out of this.



   

                   

Of all the low-down, low-life, rotten things

you've done to me, and the list goes on...



   

                   

...this is by far the all-time worst!

- Moe, it may appear that way, but listen...



   

                   

- I'm through listening! You lied to me!

- No, Moe, I wasrt lying.



   

                   

Bullshit! It's just bullshit!

I could just kill you.



   

                   

- Best idea you ever had.

- Shut up, Sadie. Go in the house.



   

                   

- I was desperate, Moe!

- Not as desperate as you're gonna be.



   

                   

Moe!



   

                   

Harry. Harry, wait.



   

                   

Wait. Wait. Come inside, Harry.



   

                   

Harry, come inside.



   

                   

Moe! Moe!



   

                   

They really took him

to the cleaners, didn't they?



   

                   

Whose fucking car is that?



   

                   

Frank, it's your car.



   

                   

My car?



   

                   

I'll kill them.

I'll fucking kill them!



   

                   

- Are you a guest of the hotel, sir?

- I'm a guest of your ass!



   

                   

I'm looking for two good friends of mine,

Harry Valentini and Moe Dickstein.



   

                   

I'm sorry, sir. There's no one here

with those names.



   

                   

I know they're here.



   

                   

Give me a fucking room!

Give me a suite, the best of the house.



   

                   

That would be the Superstar Suite.



   

                   

That's right, the Superstar Suite.



   

                   

Oh, Mr. Acavano. You're already

in the Superstar Suite.



   

                   

- Hey, Frank! You're in a hotel!

- Frankie. Frankie. Frank, take it easy.



   

                   

Still got a temper, huh, Fixer?



   

                   

- Santo, Joey.

- Bobby.



   

                   

DiLea, long time no see.



   

                   

Not long enough. If you don't mind,

I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.



   

                   

I'm looking for Valentini and Dickstein.



   

                   

Really? Why?



   

                   

Why? Because they got Mr. Castelo

for     big ones. That's why.



   

                   

I don't mean to laugh, but the thought

of little Harry and Moe...



   

                   

...doing that to Tony Castelo?



   

                   

By the way, how is Mr. Castelo?



   

                   

- Angry. Fucking angry.

- Frank, take it easy.



   

                   

- Fixer, this isn't Newark. Watch your mouth.

- Come on, take it easy.



   

                   

Look, why don't we all settle down.

Let's have a drink.



   

                   

I'd like to hear what happened

with Harry and Moe and Mr. Castelo.



   

                   

Karl, would you please put Mr. Acavano,

Mr. Ravallo and Mr. Siclione...



   

                   

...in the motel across the street.

And charge it to me.



   

                   

But how? How could you be so stupid?



   

                   

$      .



   

                   

Your father, just before they

blew up his car, he come to me.



   

                   

He says, "Mama.



   

                   

Mama, keep your eye on Harry.

Sometimes his feet is too big for his shoes. "



   

                   

Grandma, Uncle Mike was my last hope.



   

                   

Why didn't anybody tell me

that he was dead?



   

                   

Because Mikey, he wants it like that.



   

                   

What is that? What do you mean?

I'm family.



   

                   

- Private.

- So you could call me, for crying out loud.



   

                   

Maybe he could still help you.



   

                   

I wasrt going to give you this

because you never call me up, Harry.



   

                   

Here. Uncle Mikey,

he left this for you. Come on.



   

                   

A cake? Uncle Mike left me a cake?



   

                   

It's money, Harry. Open it up. Come on.



   

                   

It's money? Uncle Mike left me money.

How much is here, Grandma?



   

                   

Uncle Mike left you $      .



   

                   

- Twelve thousand dollars?

- You ungrateful bastard!



   

                   

- I can't go to Castelo with $      .

- Why?



   

                   

Because I owe him     all right?



   

                   

Come on. Come on, come on!

Get up, get up. Come on.



   

                   

Come here. Come here. Kneel down. Kneel

down. Come on, kneel down a moment!



   

                   

Help me. Pick it up. Pick it up.



   

                   

Come on, pick it up. Come on, come on.



   

                   

- Grandma.

- Take it. Take it.



   

                   

Harry. Harry, come on.



   

                   

There must be a million dollars here!



   

                   

Harry.



   

                   

Listen. You take what you need.

You go pay off Tony Castelo.



   

                   

And then you say to him,

"Angelina Valentini say, 'vaffanculo. "'



   

                   

You saved my life, Grandma.



   

                   

I can explain everything, Bobby.



   

                   

Why didn't you when I first

asked you? Sit down.



   

                   

- Harry, we go back many years.

- I didn't wanna involve you.



   

                   

Well, I'm involved. Frank the Fixer's here.



   

                   

The Fixer's here? Is Moe okay?



   

                   

Settle down. Everything's taken care of...



   

                   

...for the time being.



   

                   

Harry, where do you come off

messing around with a snake like Castelo?



   

                   

Big mistake. I know it.

Big fucking mistake. I admit it.



   

                   

But I got his $       right here

in this box.



   

                   

You really believe that's

gonna get you out of this?



   

                   

Yeah. With your help.

Castelo will listen to you.



   

                   

Maybe I can help.



   

                   

Hey, watch out, will you?



   

                   

- Why the hell do I always have to do this?

- You know damn well I can't do it myself!



   

                   

Does Mrs. Fixer do it for you at home?



   

                   

None of your business!

Why don't we go waste them?



   

                   

We're not supposed to do nothing

until Mr. Castelo says so.



   

                   

- This is the strangest pillowcase I ever seen.

- It's my underwear, asshole!



   

                   

All right, go upstairs and get Moe ready.



   

                   

You've been a bad boy, Harry.

But don't worry, I'll square everything.



   

                   

You're saving my life, Bob.



   

                   

Forget about it.

Now, get going and get Moe.



   

                   

- Right.

- Tell him there will be a limousine...



   

                   

...take you both home. All right?

- Right. Okay.



   

                   

- Why'd you kiss me?

- I like you.



   

                   

I just gotta kill him.



   

                   

I just...



   

                   

I gotta kill him.



   

                   

Hello, Mr. Castelo.

This is Bobby DiLea in Atlantic City.



   

                   

Remember me from the neighborhood?



   

                   

No, I just dropped the phone.



   

                   

Look, we have a bad situation here.



   

                   

I don't want any trouble in my hotel.



   

                   

This is what I think we should do.



   

                   

- Who is it?

- It's Harry, Moe. Can I come in?



   

                   

Come on, open the door, Moe.



   

                   

I love you, Moe. You know that?

We're out of the woods.



   

                   

I'm telling you, we're out of the woods.



   

                   

I can't believe how things

keep going our way.



   

                   

I'm sorry, Harry.



   

                   

- I really am.

- I understand.



   

                   

No, you don't understand.



   

                   

I'm the guy they hired to kill you.



   

                   

I'm the guy you've been running from.



   

                   

I had no choice. They threatened Lil.



   

                   

I had to say yes.



   

                   

I gotta pull the trigger now, Harry.



   

                   

There's no other way out.



   

                   

You're the guy they hired to kill me?



   

                   

I'm the guy they hired to kill you.



   

                   

You ever see me with one of these?



   

                   

You believe that son of a bitch Castelo,

pitting the two of us against each other?



   

                   

That bastard.



   

                   

I could've never done it, Moe.

I swear to God on my father's grave.



   

                   

- I swear to God on my mother's eyes.

- Not again.



   

                   

- God is my judge.

- You're not gonna do it to me again.



   

                   

I would've never done it.



   

                   

- Not again.

- Moe, put the gun down.



   

                   

- I have to. It's my only way out.

- No, we're out of this mess.



   

                   

Once again, Harry Valentini, with his back

against the wall, has come through.



   

                   

I got $       in this cake box.



   

                   

And Bobby D.'s calling Castelo

to square everything.



   

                   

- Put the gun down.

- I swear, I can't take any more lies.



   

                   

Feast your eyes on that.



   

                   

Look at that.



   

                   

You wanna get that, Moe? That's Castelo

calling to say everything's okay.



   

                   

Go ahead, pick it up. Go on.



   

                   

Hello?



   

                   

Mr. Castelo?



   

                   

Yes, it's Moe Dickstein, sir.

Harry's right here.



   

                   

You spoke with Bobby DiLea?



   

                   

We do, we have the money.

I'm looking at it right now, Mr. Castelo.



   

                   

Yes. You just tell us

what you want us to do. Absolutely.



   

                   

You're a wonderful, forgiving human being,

Mr. Castelo.



   

                   

- God bless you and your entire family.

- We'll see you later tonight.



   

                   

- God bless you and your entire family.

- Oh, Mr. Castelo, thank you very much.



   

                   

You were right.

It was Castelo on the phone!



   

                   

We're almost out of this.

I don't want no accidents.



   

                   

Let us prepare for our limousine ride

back to Newark.



   

                   

Harry and Moe think they're going

to Newark to pay your boss.



   

                   

But they're not going anywhere.



   

                   

They'll just get into a limousine out front,

but they'll never get to Newark.



   

                   

Why's that?



   

                   

Because you'll be driving.



   

                   

Take them wherever the fuck you want.

Do it. The end.



   

                   

This way, nobody gets shot in the head

in my place, and everybody's happy.



   

                   

There'll be     grand on Valentini's body.

I trust you'll bring my money back.



   

                   

Don't worry, DiLea,

you'll get your money.



   

                   

It kind of feels like this whole thing

was meant to be.



   

                   

Yeah.



   

                   

I guess after all is said and done,

we're a couple of lucky guys.



   

                   

I guess so.



   

                   

Sizzling.



   

                   

Goddamn, I feel lucky.



   

                   

Black.



   

                   

- Twenty-eight, black.

- I still got it.



   

                   

Yeah, you got it. That's great.



   

                   

Wait a minute. Did that happen?



   

                   

I mean, did that happen?

I mean,    black?



   

                   

I mean, that's, like,   -  odds.

Moe, I'm Mr. Lucky. I'm sizzling.



   

                   

I can't fucking wait. I can't wait.



   

                   

- I'm sizzling.

- There's the limo.



   

                   

- I'm Mr. Lucky.

- Come on, we're gonna miss the limo.



   

                   

You don't miss a limo. It's not like a bus.



   

                   

It's our limo. It's waiting for us.



   

                   

Hold it. Moe, we gotta have a drink

before we blow this joint.



   

                   

- Harry, come on.

- One drink. A drink to celebrate. Come on.



   

                   

Driver, we'll be back in a minute.



   

                   

Bitch.



   

                   

One drink, Moe, to celebrate.



   

                   

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Music. I hear music.



   

                   

Broads. There's broads in here. Moe.



   

                   

Two champagne cocktails, please.



   

                   

Moe.



   

                   

Look, they glisten. Look at them.

Oh, my God. They're wet.



   

                   

Oh, my God. Right here.

Come on, please.



   

                   

Moe, will you look at that?



   

                   

Alabaster. Moe, it would've been wrong

not to have a drink...



   

                   

...after all we've been through.



   

                   

When you're right, you're right.

I'm not arguing.



   

                   

To you, Moe,

my absolute best friend in all the world.



   

                   

And to my best friend, Harry Valentini.



   

                   

To fate.



   

                   

To destiny.



   

                   

But most of all, to luck.



   

                   

- Okay, done. Harry, let's hit the road.

- Oh, no.



   

                   

Oh, don't do that. Oh, my God.



   

                   

- Mr. Castelo's waiting. We don't wanna...

- Destiny.



   

                   

He was nice enough

to call me personally.



   

                   

So maybe we should get going.

The limo is waiting.



   

                   

Limo's waiting.

Mr. Castelo called me personally.



   

                   

We should get moseying along.

Last thing we wanna do...



   

                   

...is get Mr. Castelo mad.

We got the whole thing in the bag.



   

                   

- Destiny.

- We don't wanna keep Mr. Castelo waiting.



   

                   

Don't worry.

Want another peek at the money?



   

                   

Harry, we really should get going.

All right?



   

                   

Moe, you know what?



   

                   

I think we wanna mosey

through the casino.



   

                   

That's very funny.

You're kidding, right?



   

                   

No, Moe. Can't you see it?



   

                   

This whole thing was meant to be.



   

                   

You think it's an accident

that we wound up in the same hotel...



   

                   

...that Bobby DiLea owns, for chrissake?

I'm telling you, Moe. Our luck has turned.



   

                   

It's part of the grand design.



   

                   

No, not again!



   

                   

Harry. Harry!



   

                   

Harry. Wait! Wait.



   

                   

I don't believe you.

We're home free, and you pull this?



   

                   

We could give this     grand to Castelo,

he could still cut our balls off.



   

                   

I'll work this money into a million.



   

                   

We'll get Wanda, Lil, Harry Jr.

We'll clear out of here, move to Europe.



   

                   

Moe, these cocksuckers killed Marco.

They shot him in cold blood.



   

                   

You wanna give my ineritance

to those bastards?



   

                   

You think I don't see you?



   

                   

You think I don't see you

over there, Santo?



   

                   

Why don't you shoot me, huh?

Joey, you big fucking nobodies...



   

                   

...from nowhere.

- Don't listen to him, guys.



   

                   

We got the money to pay Castelo back.

I swear.



   

                   

Go on. You ain't shit.



   

                   

I'm better than you. Do it!



   

                   

Why don't you pull the trigger.

There's only      people watching.



   

                   

Go ahead, shoot me in the back,

you coward bastards.



    

                   

- He's doesn't know what he's saying.

- You ain't shit!



    

                   

Speaking of shit, where's that fat

hippopotamus bastard...



    

                   

...you hang around with?



    

                   

Is he out eating the boardwalk?

Come on, hit the target.



    

                   

- Look, shoot me. Come on, shoot me.

- Just stop.



    

                   

- I'd love to, Valentini, you midget prick.

- These guys will really shoot.



    

                   

You got out. Will you just...



    

                   

Get the fuck out!

I'm working this money.



    

                   

Harry!



    

                   

- Let's go. Let's go.

- Wait...



    

                   

Let's go. Let's go.



    

                   

- No more bets.

- Here comes Mr. Lucky.



    

                   

- All right.

- The winner is    black.



    

                   

I'd like $     in chips, please.



    

                   

This is my table. You heard it here.



    

                   

- I am sizzling.

- Harry!



    

                   

Harry, stop!



    

                   

Stop!



    

                   

That's it, sweetheart.



    

                   

Count those babies.

What, are you betting dollars?



    

                   

Go to the slots, for crying out loud.



    

                   

Let's go. Let's go.



    

                   

All right, thank you very much.

We're gonna make some bets now.



    

                   

Let's make some manly bets.



    

                   

A little more over there.

Let's go, sweetheart. Roll that baby.



    

                   

I'm gonna kill them.



    

                   

Come on, little white ball. Come on.



    

                   

- No more bets.

- Come on.



    

                   

- Oh, my God. Harry, what are you doing?

- Shit!



    

                   

Get out of here. You jinxed me.

I bet half the board, and I lost.



    

                   

- You don't know what you're doing.

- I want chips.



    

                   

No, he doesn't wanna do that.

Listen! You're crazy when you're like this!



    

                   

I know you like it. You do this all the time.

Look at the look in your eye!



    

                   

You're not fucking holding me back

no more, Moe.



    

                   

Moe, I'll blow your brains out.

Get the fuck away from me.



    

                   

There they are.



    

                   

Let's go back to the game about    .



    

                   

Just back off.

You're always holding me back.



    

                   

I can't let you do this.

I can't let you do it.



    

                   

- Back off, Moe.

- No, I'm not gonna let you do it!



    

                   

- What, you crazy? DiLea's right there.

- Shut the fuck up.



    

                   

- Moe.

- Don't.



    

                   

Moe.



    

                   

He did it, right there!



    

                   

Oh, my God.



    

                   

Hey, stop that guy! Hey, get him!



    

                   

Get him before he gets away! You!



    

                   

Hey, come on, get the guy!



    

                   

- Oh, Jesus.

- The gun.



    

                   

Harry.



    

                   

- Oh, my God. Get a doctor!

- Get a hearse.



    

                   

He's dead. Fuck him.



    

                   

- What the hell did you do?

- I didn't do nothing. Dickstein shot him.



    

                   

- There he is.

- There he goes.



    

                   

- Oh, my God.

- They should get him.



    

                   

Get out of here.



    

                   

Oh, my God, Harry.



    

                   

Harry, why?



    

                   

Why, Harry?



    

                   

Oh, God, Harry.



    

                   

Harry.



    

                   

- Dad!

- No! Harry!



    

                   

Harry! Come back, Harry!



    

                   

I love you.



    

                   

I love you all my life, Harry.



    

                   

Harry.



    

                   

There he is, Mr. Castelo. There's Moe.



    

                   

Harry.



    

                   

One down, one to go.



    

                   

Harry.



    

                   

Let him get home...



    

                   

...get comfortable.



    

                   

And then...



    

                   

I can't wait. I can't wait.



    

                   

If there's anything I can do...



    

                   

Havert you done enough already?



    

                   

You did what you had to do.



    

                   

Morris.



    

                   

Oh, Morris.



    

                   

I think you've suffered just about enough.



    

                   

- Harry?

- Don't you, killer?



    

                   

Harry, you're alive!



    

                   

- Yeah!

- Oh, my God, Harry!



    

                   

- Moe!

- Harry!



    

                   

Jesus Christ, Moe! Hang on, Moe.

I'll get you.



    

                   

I'll get you, Moe. I'll get you.



    

                   

Jesus Christ.



    

                   

Moe, most slacks are just

not gonna hold, you know.



    

                   

Harry, you're alive!



    

                   

You're alive! I can't believe it!

Harry, you're alive.



    

                   

Moe.



    

                   

I could kill you! What are you doing to me?

I almost killed myself!



    

                   

I beat them, Moe.



    

                   

- Me.

- You beat them?



    

                   

My God, you beat them. You said

you were gonna beat them, and you did.



    

                   

For once in your life, you pulled it off!



    

                   

- You fooled me! I didn't know.

- I had to, Moe.



    

                   

Everybody had to think I was dead,

especially you. Come on, get up.



    

                   

I knew Castelo would never go

for the money.



    

                   

He wanted our asses too.



    

                   

- Bobby D. Set him up good.

- Bobby D. Was in on the whole thing?



    

                   

I couldn't have done it without him.



    

                   

The blood bags, the blanks,

that phony doctor.



    

                   

The whole setup at the casino.



    

                   

- My God, who did they just bury?

- An empty coffin.



    

                   

- I can't believe it.

- Yeah.



    

                   

- It was a wonderful funeral.

- Was it? Yeah?



    

                   

- How did Harry Jr. Do?

- What a performance. Very touching.



    

                   

- Threw himself on the coffin.

- I told him not to do that.



    

                   

- Hey, you would've done it.

- Probably.



    

                   

Now for phase two.



    

                   

We gotta arrange your death

before Castelo does.



    

                   

- What do you got in mind?

- A nice, noisy suicide.



    

                   

Moe, you're gonna turn

the gas up real high...



    

                   

...let the house fill up with fumes...



    

                   

...light a match.



    

                   

All they're gonna find is your bones,

the ones I got in the bag over here.



    

                   

- He was a    regular, just like you.

- Harry, this is absolutely brilliant!



    

                   

For once, you didn't screw up. This time,

you got it all figured. You're the best!



    

                   

Listen to this, Harry.



    

                   

"Dear Mr. Castelo,

I am taking my own life...



    

                   

...after taking the life of my friend

Harry Valentini. "



    

                   

- Great.

- "My last moments on Earth...



    

                   

...are not filled with sadness,

but with joy.



    

                   

They are joyful because I took a miserable,

no-good putz like you for $      .



    

                   

My only regret is that I cannot send

Joey Siclione, Frank the Fixer...



    

                   

...Louie Fontucci and Santo Ravallo

to hell where they belong.



    

                   

Fuck you now and in the hereafter.



    

                   

Fondly, Morris L. Dickstein. "



    

                   

Now, that is poetry.



    

                   

Let's go.



    

                   

- You sure this is gonna work?

- Nothing can go wrong this time.



    

                   

Find him.



    

                   

Through the gate.

Watch out for the shit.



    

                   

What's this?



    

                   

There's a skeleton in the kitchen.



    

                   

- Skeleton?

- Yeah.



    

                   

- He's not here.

- Upstairs is clean.



    

                   

Who farted?



    

                   

How's it feel to be dead, Moe?



    

                   

I can't believe I've been afraid of this

my whole life. It's a piece of cake.



    

                   

- How about you, Harry?

- Moe, the thrill has worn off.



    

                   

I've been dead for three days already.

Let's get out of here.



    

                   

- You know, there's only one thing missing.

- What's that, buddy?



    

                   

I wish we hadrt left that     grand

in Atlantic City.



    

                   

- We didn't.

- You got it?



    

                   

Well, I don't exactly got it, Moe.

I made a little investment.



    

                   

- Harry.

- Trust me, Moe.



    

                   

It's part of the grand design.



    

                   

Well, Moe, did we do it, or did we do it?



    

                   

We did it, buddy.



    

                   

- How about a knish?

- I'm in the mood for a cannoli.











  

 
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